{"id":307403,"date":"2022-02-12T08:02:08","date_gmt":"2022-02-12T13:02:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/true-love-2\/"},"modified":"2022-02-12T08:02:08","modified_gmt":"2022-02-12T13:02:08","slug":"true-love-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/true-love-2\/","title":{"rendered":"True Love"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sam Allberry reminds us to not make an idol of romantic love. Francis and Lisa Chan encourage us to look at married love in light of eternity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-02-12.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26882562","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822,2810],"tags":[4213,2877,5995],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[8813,8814,3448],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307403","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","category-growing-spiritually","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-spirituality","cwp_profile-francis-chan","cwp_profile-lisa-chan","cwp_profile-sam-allberry","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307403\/true-love-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307403\/true-love-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"AlWOnbCb5N\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/true-love-2\/\">True Love<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/true-love-2\/embed\/#?secret=AlWOnbCb5N\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;True Love&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"AlWOnbCb5N\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2022-02-12.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-02-12.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s the season of romance. But maybe you\u2019re feeling a little left out; maybe you\u2019re in a single season of life, kind of like me. It can be tempting to think that you are <em>less than<\/em> or that you don\u2019t measure up. You might be surprised to find out that you\u2019re in some good company\u2014like Jesus Christ, our Savior, who came to this earth to live a completely human life, romance free\u2014now, does that thought surprise you? Here\u2019s Sam Allberry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> Actually, if we think we have got to be romantically fulfilled in order to be a complete human being, we are denying that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh; we are denying the full humanity of Jesus. We are saying our Savior was not a real, complete human being. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about satisfied singleness, the deeper meaning of marriage, and <em>true<\/em> love on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I\u2019m Michelle Hill. We are possibly two days out from either you <em>basking<\/em> in the most romantic dinner you\u2019ve ever had. Or maybe, it was an evening with your two best friends\u2014you know, Ben &amp; Jerry<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; like Moose Tracks<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014or, I don\u2019t know, double chocolate <em>fudge<\/em>. Valentine\u2019s Day and Valentine\u2019s season can be a wonderful time of the year. And it\u2019s a way for Hallmark<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> to make tons of money! [Cash register sound effects]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt can also be a <em>lonely<\/em> time; you know, singles without a significant other feel this. So do some couples who are walking through struggles. We talked about that last week with Ron Deal, about just the struggle of loneliness during this time. We have a link for that show on our website if you didn\u2019t get a chance to listen to that episode; that\u2019s at FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, I want to take a look at what <em>real<\/em> love is\u2014and not what Valentine\u2019s Day or Hallmark has made it into\u2014let\u2019s look at the kind of love that gives and asks nothing in return, because we\u2019re here on this earth for such a short time. Besides getting to know our Savior, we should be on a quest to help everyone around us get to heaven. We should be loving as we do that; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSince marriage doesn\u2019t last forever\u2014I mean, you remember your vows: \u201c\u2026\u2019til death do us part,\u201d\u2014we\u2019re starting with that premise, anyway, that marriage won\u2019t last into heaven. According to Francis Chan and his wife Lisa, the way to having a great marriage is <em>not to focus on the marriage<\/em>. What?! I mean, that sounds like some anti-biblical rhetoric that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> would <em>not<\/em> endorse; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrancis and Lisa Chan say that there is a way to satisfy the <em>deepest<\/em> parts and longings of our soul. The Chans live in northern California with their seven children. Francis is probably best known for his book, <em>Crazy Love.<\/em> The Chans say that we need to be loving our spouse in light of heaven. Here\u2019s Francis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis:<\/strong> It\u2019s the same thing the Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15; he said, \u201cIf there is no resurrection from the dead, then I am above all men most to be pitied,\u201d\u2014like: \u201cI would live\u00a0<em>completely<\/em>\u00a0differently if there is no forever\/if there is no eternity. Then let\u2019s just enjoy, just eat, drink, be merry. Let\u2019s just have a <em>great<\/em> little family, have a great time here on earth, and just think about\u00a0<em>us,<\/em>\u201d\u2014but no; because there is a forever, \u201c<em>Now<\/em>, how do I love her in the greatest way?\u201d\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\u2014and because you are accountable to\u00a0<em>the<\/em>\u00a0God who made\u00a0<em>us<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yes, and made\u00a0<em>her<\/em>\u00a0for a reason!\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>And He made this\u00a0<em>marriage<\/em>\u00a0for a reason; it was\u00a0<em>for<\/em>\u00a0<em>Him<\/em>. Everything was created by Him and\u00a0<em>for<\/em>\u00a0Him. So we\u2014I mean, this is what differentiates\/is supposed to differentiate us from the rest of the world\u2014is that we\u2019re not living for this life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s\u00a0<em>not<\/em>\u00a0about your best life right now. It\u2019s about: \u201cNo, I\u2019m thinking about the future. I\u2019m storing up treasure in heaven.\u201d\u00a0 Don\u2019t waste your time just building up and storing up treasures on earth, where someone is going to steal it, or it\u2019s going to fall apart, and you\u2019ve got to insure it and everything else. Store up this treasure in heaven. Really believe that you are going to be rewarded a hundred times anything you sacrifice. So, if I am thinking about Lisa\u2019s forever and her future, then I\u2019m going to live a lot differently right here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Lisa, I had the opportunity, a number of years ago, to go to a group of friends. I said, \u201cIf you were going to share a passage from the Bible about marriage with a couple just getting started\u2014and it couldn\u2019t be Ephesians 5, couldn\u2019t be 1 Peter 3, couldn\u2019t be Colossians 3\u2014kind of the big ones that we all go to; couldn\u2019t go there\u2014what passage would you share with them?\u201d\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd two guys that I asked the question to\u2014independently, gave me the same verse\u2014it was one that really surprised me. It was out of Psalm 34; it was the verse that says, \u201cO, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together,\u201d\u2014\u201cThat\u2019s the\u00a0<em>mission<\/em>; that\u2019s the purpose statement for our marriage.\u201d\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yes; you know, it\u2019s interesting because I just spoke, last week, for a group with young moms. I was reminding them: \u201cYou are more than a mother; you are more than a wife. You are a child of God; you are here for Him.\u201d\u00a0 I know we are talking about marriage right now; but I was trying to get them to think <em>outside<\/em> of even just in their everyday life: \u201cYou belong to God. You are here,\u201d<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\u2014like it says in Ephesians 2:10, I think it is\u2014\u201cYou are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works that He prepared in advance\u2026\u201d; right?\u00a0Well, afterward, one of the moms comes up and she just says: \u201cYou know, my husband and I\u2014we both work fulltime\u2014we are kind of stuck. We have these jobs, and this house, and these cars. We want to serve the Lord, but\u2026\u201d\u2014<em>but<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWow.\u201d\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were just talking about how we need to back things up and get people like that\u2014who think, beforehand, who\/young people, who will say: \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 Our marriage is going to be about a mission. Our marriage is going to be about the fact that we are here\u00a0<em>for<\/em>\u00a0God. So we are going to make different choices. We are going to set our life up in a way that gives us total\u00a0<em>freedom<\/em>\u00a0to do whatever God asks of us,\u201d\u2014and that is a message I\u00a0<em>long<\/em>\u00a0to get out to people, who haven\u2019t done it yet\/who aren\u2019t\u00a0<em>stuck<\/em>\u00a0right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>There are a lot of couples who are\u00a0<em>trapped<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>They are\u00a0<em>ensnared<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yes; and there is nothing worse than\u00a0<em>not<\/em>\u00a0being able to do the Lord\u2014\u201cI will do anything or go anywhere for You,\u201d\u2014that should be true of each of us, scary as it is. I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s\u00a0<em>not<\/em>; I\u2019m fearful, sometimes, of what the Lord will ask me to do; but I\u2019m\u00a0<em>more<\/em>\u00a0afraid of not being <em>able<\/em> to do what He asks me to do. Who are we here for?\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis: <\/strong>Because we\u2019ve both been on this <em>mission<\/em> together, that\u2019s taken us all around the world now. It hasn\u2019t just been about: \u201cHey, you and me\u2014you\u2019re not making me feel good; I\u2019m not making you feel good,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s about: \u201cWe\u2019re here for a <em>purpose<\/em>.\u201d As we\u2019ve <em>pursued<\/em> that, it\u2019s caused us to be so in love with each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Francis, you believe that there is a transcendent purpose for marriage that is God created\/God embedded; that if we miss this, we miss life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis:<\/strong> Absolutely; we tend to focus on certain passages in Scripture and not others. When you look at what the Bible says about marriage\u2014yes, Paul wrote Ephesians 5; but even that was really about Christ and the church. Paul, who wrote that, also wrote \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 7, who says: \u201cThis is what I mean, brothers. The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they have none. And those who mourn as though they were not mourning; those who rejoice as those who were not rejoicing. Those who buy as though they had no goods.\u201d He goes on: \u201cFor the present form of this world is passing away.\u201d He\u2019s saying, \u201cThose who have wives, just live like you\u2019re not; because there\u2019s something bigger here. There\u2019s this mission; we\u2019ve got this brief time here on earth, and this is what we\u2019ve got to be about.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we just sat and wrote down everything Jesus said\u2014every time He [spoke about] \u201chusband,\u201d or \u201cwife,\u201d or \u201cfamily,\u201d just write down all those verses\u2014we\u2019d be shocked! The way He speaks about family is: \u201cI am so far beyond that. Yes, I created marriage; yes, I created man and woman\u2014I want you to live this way\u2014but the point of that is so the world has a picture of this <em>beautiful<\/em> marriage that\u2019s going to happen one day and this picture of this beautiful Father that we have in heaven.\u201d We\u2019re just that shadow; we\u2019re just that glimpse. But, too often, in the church we make it <em>all<\/em> about us; and it\u2019s killing our marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In fact, you say in the book that couples, who say they have marriage problems, they need to recognize it\u2019s not a marriage problem; it\u2019s a God problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis:<\/strong> Amen. Lisa and I have both made a commitment, individually, to God. She knows I\u2019m not going to leave her\u2014I <em>can\u2019t<\/em>\u2014before the Lord, we\u2019re going to work everything out. In the same way, she has that same mindset. We have this understanding before the Lord, where He fills my every need, like Psalm 23 says, \u201cThe Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want.\u201d I\u2019m not desperately needing Lisa to fill all of these holes in my life because I\u2019m such a needy person. The Lord is wonderful! I know the Creator of the universe! I\u2019m going to be with Him forever! I\u2019ve got everything in my possession. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s given me so much life\u2014life to the full\u2014that I have life to give, and give, and give. So I don\u2019t wake up in the morning, going, \u201cI need so much from Lisa.\u201d I\u2019m filled in the Lord, and I have life to give to her. The same is true for <em>her<\/em>. When people understand that, then they\u2019re not sucking the life out of one another and needing so much from one another. They\u2019re getting their water from this fountain of life, which is God Himself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important, too\u2014for those in a marriage, where only one is spiritually-minded, and they do not have a believing husband or wife\u2014to say: \u201cYou know what? It is still very possible for <em>you<\/em> to display the gospel <em>alone.\u201d<\/em> There is some loneliness involved in that, and that\u2019s not something we make light of. But it is still very, very possible for you to receive what you need from Christ; and to love this other person; and to display to the world, to your children, to the people around you what it means to follow Christ and display the gospel, even on your own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Lisa Chan reminding us how important it is to display the gospel in our marriages and in our life! Francis and Lisa are a really neat couple; they live in northern California, as I said. They wrote a book, <em>You and Me Forever<\/em>. They <em>also<\/em> came up with a song to go with the book; it\u2019s called <em>Riding It Out Together<\/em>. You\u2019ll want to check out that fun video\u2014we have it linked on our website\u2014go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, we need to take a quick break; but I\u2019ll be back, talking with Sam Allberry, right after this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. I am joined in the studio today with Sam Allberry. He\u2019s one of the editors for The Gospel Coalition, global speaker for Ravi Zacharias International Ministries. He\u2019s the author of numerous books, including <em>Is God Anti-Gay?<\/em> He\u2019s a pastor in the UK. So you\u2019re not from around here; are you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> [Using a Southern accent] Not from around these parts. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Very good, very good with the Southern accent. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> I\u2019m from the South\u2014but the south of England\u2014so the <em>other<\/em> south. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I wanted to talk with you a little bit about the sufficiency of Christ for singles in the church today. Help us understand just where their identity should be lying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> It\u2019s difficult. I think we live in a Christian context, where it\u2019s often presumed that, if you\u2019re not married, you\u2019re just this loose end that needs to be tied up somehow. I don\u2019t think we do very good at honoring singleness in the evangelical world. We\u2019re not very good at that in the UK; I think it\u2019s even harder here, in many parts of the US, to be a single person in sort of an evangelical world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the things we need to realize is that it means something quite significant when we say that Jesus was single, and we often lose sight of this. We forget that Jesus didn\u2019t have a wife, and 2.5 children, and a dog, and a suburban house too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014and a white picket fence! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> Exactly. So Jesus never married; he never had sex; he was never in a romantic relationship. The <em>most<\/em> complete human being who ever lived was celibate\u2014Jesus Christ\u2014and yet, was the most fully-human person who ever lived. So we <em>cannot<\/em> say that marriage, or sex, or romance are intrinsic for being a full and complete human being. Otherwise, we end up saying Jesus wasn\u2019t a complete human being. We need to get our understanding of what makes a fulfilled human being in such a way that doesn\u2019t imply that Jesus was subhuman; we\u2019ve got to rethink what it means to be a complete human being. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the problems we\u2019ve got is that, in our culture, intimacy and sex have been collapsed into each other. People assume today that sex and intimacy always go together; that there\u2019s no kind of intimacy that is <em>not<\/em> essentially sexual. In the Bible, those two things are often distinct. I can live without sex; the Bible shows me how to live without sex. But I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> designed to live without intimacy. All of us are designed, as a human being made in the image of a triune God, to be in close relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the ways we experience that is in marriage, obviously. But marriage is not the only form of intimacy we experience. If you look at what Proverbs teaches about friendship, it\u2019s <em>deep<\/em>; it\u2019s soul-to-soul relationship. It\u2019s not superficial; it\u2019s not this silly, Facebook-y: \u201cYou\u2019re a friend if I share my contact details with you.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFriendship in the Bible is someone who knows your soul. That is intimate; that is intimacy. We need to recover the biblical vision for friendship and to be fostering that and promoting that in our churches\u2014not just for the sake of the singles\u2014but actually, married people too. I\u2019ve seen marriages flounder because the couple did not have friends outside of the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So how do we do that? How do we remap our minds to look at that deep friendship that we <em>all<\/em> need and long for?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> We can certainly point to parts of the Bible that describe it. Proverbs is a <em>great<\/em> place for seeing what the Bible says about friendship. We can also notice the occurrences of it in the Bible. At the end of Romans\u2014when Paul lists all his \u201cSay hello to So-and-so,\u201d moments\u2014we tend to think that\u2019s the end credits of the letter and skip over it. Actually, what you\u2019re seeing there is how many people Paul was close to. He talks about someone who was \u201cmy mother in the Lord,\u201d\u2014I think he uses that phrase\u2014he uses intimate and familiar language to describe a lot of his friendships. We see that intimacy. Paul was not this kind of rugged individualist\u2014solo, pioneering apostle\u2014he was someone who did his ministry within the matrix of close friendship. He had a big team around him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe easily skip over those things and don\u2019t notice them; but actually, the Bible shows us so many occurrences of good friendship. You think of Jesus having a close friendship with John; John referring to himself as \u201cthe disciple Jesus loved,\u201d\u2014not saying He didn\u2019t love all the other disciples\u2014but John was just so blown away by the fact that Jesus loved <em>him<\/em> that they had a very close relationship. We see that in John\u2019s Gospel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s all there in the Bible. Because we\u2019ve approached the Bible with our own cultural grid of\u2014\u201cIntimacy equals marriage,\u201d\u2014we miss all the other ways we are able to experience healthy intimacy in ways that are outside of marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So help us understand how this plays out if we\u2019re to start thinking this way. How is that going to play out in the church? What is that going to start looking like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam: <\/strong>It will look like a number of things. I think it\u2019s got to <em>start<\/em> with what is said in the\u00a0 pulpit. I think pastors have to take a lead in <em>preaching up<\/em> friendship. The church needs to think of ways of facilitating friendship: giving people a chance to know each other, encouraging that, delighting and reveling in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it means we don\u2019t want it to feel like the basic unit in church life is the couple or the biological family. Sometimes, churches are very much built around that is the basic unit of church. If you don\u2019t have a spouse, or a biological family, you don\u2019t quite know where to fit in; and you do feel like bit of a loose end. I\u2019ve heard of a church that had a ministry to people in their 20s and 30s that was called \u201cPairs and Spares,\u201d which is just <em>so appalling<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard of those. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> We need to show that, actually, all of us within the church family need friendship\u2014married or single, old or young\u2014and the church should be the place where you find that; we\u2019re family. We need to recover the biblical vision of the church as family. Our biological families are not designed to be self-sufficient. I think, too often in the Christian life, we think, \u201cWell, I\u2019ve got my spouse; I\u2019ve got my 2.4 children. I pull up the drawbridge, and that\u2019s the unit in which I do life; we are now self-contained.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, I think our doctrine of church shows us that our biological family, if we have one, is meant to interact with a wider spiritual family. The biological family needs the input of the wider church family. No two parents can be everything their child needs them to be; because they\u2019re limited, and they\u2019re sinful. So it is good\u2014if you\u2019re a parent\u2014it\u2019s good if you\u2019re a child, actually, to have the input of other older people in the church family as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWould people know what I meant if I said I\u2019m a godfather to someone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; if you said you were a godfather, everybody would know. They\u2019d be like, \u201cOh! He\u2019s the favored uncle,\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s the trusted one to take care of the child.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> Okay; the first time I was asked to be a godfather\u2014it was a good friend of mine\u2014a couple I knew well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s a special thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> It\u2019s wonderful. They just had a daughter; and they said, \u201cWe\u2019d like you to be the godfather.\u201d I was kind of feeling, \u201cAw, shucks,\u201d about the whole thing. They said, \u201cWe\u2019re not interested in you remembering her birthday; we\u2019re not interested in you buying her presents. We want <em>you<\/em> to be the kind of person she can talk to when she feels she can\u2019t talk to us.\u201d That showed enormous self-awareness for them, as a couple, to think, actually, there\u2019s going to be times when they\u2019re going to need to work something through with someone who isn\u2019t <em>us<\/em>. Does that make sense?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, it makes total sense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I\u2019m a single in a church, and getting really frustrated and almost ready to walk out the doors\u2014because I\u2019m either forgotten, or I\u2019m set up every Sunday, or I <em>can\u2019t<\/em> find a friend\u2014how can I make who I am <em>known<\/em> to those around me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> I think there are a few things. One is, obviously, to pray against bitterness. That\u2019s a huge temptation when you feel the church is letting you down\u2014is just to pray for a very, very soft heart towards your own church\u2014and to not just seeing the problem as being \u201cthem\u201d and not \u201cme.\u201d If you walk out, that church won\u2019t learn anything different; there may be other single people there, who are also struggling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou could do a number of things. One is to have a conversation with the leadership of the church and to try to give voice to some of the ways in which you feel single people are being overlooked. At a personal level\u2014it\u2019s hard to do, but not impossible\u2014is try to build friendships with the other people around you. It may well be most of them are married. It may well be you feel like you\u2019re the one who\u2019s making 90 percent of the effort here. It takes <em>time<\/em> for friendships to develop; it takes <em>time<\/em> for people to know how to be a friend to <em>you<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt looks different, being a friend to a married person than it does being a friend to a single person. Pray for patience, and be patient with people. Give them time to know and to learn the ways in which they can love and support you, which may not be immediately apparent to them; because they\u2019re in a different situation than you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, looking at the kind of friend Proverbs commends to us: the way to have a friend is to be a friend. Be that kind of friend to other people. Be to the others what you would hope they would be to you. By being that to them, you may well be giving <em>them<\/em> a vision of friendship they haven\u2019t seen before. You may be setting the bar high enough for them to think, \u201cActually, I want to reciprocate and be the kind of friend to you that you are being to me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut pray for patient hearts. You would hope, in time, that the teaching ministry of your church would get to places like 1 Corinthians 7, where singleness is really spoken about in depth. And train the church to think biblically and positively about singleness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Thank you, Sam, for joining us today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> Oh, it\u2019s great to be with you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I think we need to remember that we need to have joy\u2014joy in our single lives; joy in our married lives\u2014because it\u2019s about the mission we\u2019re on, looking towards heaven. If you happen to be single, or if you happen to be married, Sam made reference to 1 Corinthians 7. Maybe that is a passage that you would want to read this weekend and meditate on, and find joy for where God has you\/contentment for where God has you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSam recently joined Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You\u2019ll want to check out that entire interview by going to our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. We also have a link there on our website to a video with Sam talking about singleness in the church. Go to our website; again, that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, coming up next week on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>, I\u2019m going to have a special <em>secret<\/em> guest. I\u2019m so excited about this; this is going to be a <em>great<\/em> show. In fact, I just finalized details on this show yesterday with this secret guest. I am looking forward to this, so please tune in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, I want to thank the president of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our co-founder, Dennis Rainey; and our station partners around the country. Our engineer is Keith Lynch. Producers are Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Mastering engineer is Justin Adams, and production coordinator is Megan Martin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:00"],"show_notes":[""],"filesize":["25.64M"],"filesize_raw":["26882562"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307403.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307403.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Allberry reminds us to not make an idol of romantic love. Francis and Lisa Chan encourage us to look at married love in light of eternity.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2022-02-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s the season of romance. But maybe you\u2019re feeling a little left out; maybe you\u2019re in a single season of life, kind of like me. It can be tempting to think that you are <em>less than<\/em> or that you don\u2019t measure up. You might be surprised to find out that you\u2019re in some good company\u2014like Jesus Christ, our Savior, who came to this earth to live a completely human life, romance free\u2014now, does that thought surprise you? Here\u2019s Sam Allberry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> Actually, if we think we have got to be romantically fulfilled in order to be a complete human being, we are denying that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh; we are denying the full humanity of Jesus. We are saying our Savior was not a real, complete human being. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about satisfied singleness, the deeper meaning of marriage, and <em>true<\/em> love on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I\u2019m Michelle Hill. We are possibly two days out from either you <em>basking<\/em> in the most romantic dinner you\u2019ve ever had. Or maybe, it was an evening with your two best friends\u2014you know, Ben &amp; Jerry<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; like Moose Tracks<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014or, I don\u2019t know, double chocolate <em>fudge<\/em>. Valentine\u2019s Day and Valentine\u2019s season can be a wonderful time of the year. And it\u2019s a way for Hallmark<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> to make tons of money! [Cash register sound effects]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt can also be a <em>lonely<\/em> time; you know, singles without a significant other feel this. So do some couples who are walking through struggles. We talked about that last week with Ron Deal, about just the struggle of loneliness during this time. We have a link for that show on our website if you didn\u2019t get a chance to listen to that episode; that\u2019s at FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, I want to take a look at what <em>real<\/em> love is\u2014and not what Valentine\u2019s Day or Hallmark has made it into\u2014let\u2019s look at the kind of love that gives and asks nothing in return, because we\u2019re here on this earth for such a short time. Besides getting to know our Savior, we should be on a quest to help everyone around us get to heaven. We should be loving as we do that; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSince marriage doesn\u2019t last forever\u2014I mean, you remember your vows: \u201c\u2026\u2019til death do us part,\u201d\u2014we\u2019re starting with that premise, anyway, that marriage won\u2019t last into heaven. According to Francis Chan and his wife Lisa, the way to having a great marriage is <em>not to focus on the marriage<\/em>. What?! I mean, that sounds like some anti-biblical rhetoric that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> would <em>not<\/em> endorse; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrancis and Lisa Chan say that there is a way to satisfy the <em>deepest<\/em> parts and longings of our soul. The Chans live in northern California with their seven children. Francis is probably best known for his book, <em>Crazy Love.<\/em> The Chans say that we need to be loving our spouse in light of heaven. Here\u2019s Francis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis:<\/strong> It\u2019s the same thing the Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15; he said, \u201cIf there is no resurrection from the dead, then I am above all men most to be pitied,\u201d\u2014like: \u201cI would live\u00a0<em>completely<\/em>\u00a0differently if there is no forever\/if there is no eternity. Then let\u2019s just enjoy, just eat, drink, be merry. Let\u2019s just have a <em>great<\/em> little family, have a great time here on earth, and just think about\u00a0<em>us,<\/em>\u201d\u2014but no; because there is a forever, \u201c<em>Now<\/em>, how do I love her in the greatest way?\u201d\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\u2014and because you are accountable to\u00a0<em>the<\/em>\u00a0God who made\u00a0<em>us<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yes, and made\u00a0<em>her<\/em>\u00a0for a reason!\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>And He made this\u00a0<em>marriage<\/em>\u00a0for a reason; it was\u00a0<em>for<\/em>\u00a0<em>Him<\/em>. Everything was created by Him and\u00a0<em>for<\/em>\u00a0Him. So we\u2014I mean, this is what differentiates\/is supposed to differentiate us from the rest of the world\u2014is that we\u2019re not living for this life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s\u00a0<em>not<\/em>\u00a0about your best life right now. It\u2019s about: \u201cNo, I\u2019m thinking about the future. I\u2019m storing up treasure in heaven.\u201d\u00a0 Don\u2019t waste your time just building up and storing up treasures on earth, where someone is going to steal it, or it\u2019s going to fall apart, and you\u2019ve got to insure it and everything else. Store up this treasure in heaven. Really believe that you are going to be rewarded a hundred times anything you sacrifice. So, if I am thinking about Lisa\u2019s forever and her future, then I\u2019m going to live a lot differently right here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Lisa, I had the opportunity, a number of years ago, to go to a group of friends. I said, \u201cIf you were going to share a passage from the Bible about marriage with a couple just getting started\u2014and it couldn\u2019t be Ephesians 5, couldn\u2019t be 1 Peter 3, couldn\u2019t be Colossians 3\u2014kind of the big ones that we all go to; couldn\u2019t go there\u2014what passage would you share with them?\u201d\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd two guys that I asked the question to\u2014independently, gave me the same verse\u2014it was one that really surprised me. It was out of Psalm 34; it was the verse that says, \u201cO, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together,\u201d\u2014\u201cThat\u2019s the\u00a0<em>mission<\/em>; that\u2019s the purpose statement for our marriage.\u201d\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yes; you know, it\u2019s interesting because I just spoke, last week, for a group with young moms. I was reminding them: \u201cYou are more than a mother; you are more than a wife. You are a child of God; you are here for Him.\u201d\u00a0 I know we are talking about marriage right now; but I was trying to get them to think <em>outside<\/em> of even just in their everyday life: \u201cYou belong to God. You are here,\u201d<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\u2014like it says in Ephesians 2:10, I think it is\u2014\u201cYou are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works that He prepared in advance\u2026\u201d; right?\u00a0Well, afterward, one of the moms comes up and she just says: \u201cYou know, my husband and I\u2014we both work fulltime\u2014we are kind of stuck. We have these jobs, and this house, and these cars. We want to serve the Lord, but\u2026\u201d\u2014<em>but<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWow.\u201d\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were just talking about how we need to back things up and get people like that\u2014who think, beforehand, who\/young people, who will say: \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 Our marriage is going to be about a mission. Our marriage is going to be about the fact that we are here\u00a0<em>for<\/em>\u00a0God. So we are going to make different choices. We are going to set our life up in a way that gives us total\u00a0<em>freedom<\/em>\u00a0to do whatever God asks of us,\u201d\u2014and that is a message I\u00a0<em>long<\/em>\u00a0to get out to people, who haven\u2019t done it yet\/who aren\u2019t\u00a0<em>stuck<\/em>\u00a0right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>There are a lot of couples who are\u00a0<em>trapped<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>They are\u00a0<em>ensnared<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yes; and there is nothing worse than\u00a0<em>not<\/em>\u00a0being able to do the Lord\u2014\u201cI will do anything or go anywhere for You,\u201d\u2014that should be true of each of us, scary as it is. I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s\u00a0<em>not<\/em>; I\u2019m fearful, sometimes, of what the Lord will ask me to do; but I\u2019m\u00a0<em>more<\/em>\u00a0afraid of not being <em>able<\/em> to do what He asks me to do. Who are we here for?\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis: <\/strong>Because we\u2019ve both been on this <em>mission<\/em> together, that\u2019s taken us all around the world now. It hasn\u2019t just been about: \u201cHey, you and me\u2014you\u2019re not making me feel good; I\u2019m not making you feel good,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s about: \u201cWe\u2019re here for a <em>purpose<\/em>.\u201d As we\u2019ve <em>pursued<\/em> that, it\u2019s caused us to be so in love with each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Francis, you believe that there is a transcendent purpose for marriage that is God created\/God embedded; that if we miss this, we miss life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis:<\/strong> Absolutely; we tend to focus on certain passages in Scripture and not others. When you look at what the Bible says about marriage\u2014yes, Paul wrote Ephesians 5; but even that was really about Christ and the church. Paul, who wrote that, also wrote \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 7, who says: \u201cThis is what I mean, brothers. The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they have none. And those who mourn as though they were not mourning; those who rejoice as those who were not rejoicing. Those who buy as though they had no goods.\u201d He goes on: \u201cFor the present form of this world is passing away.\u201d He\u2019s saying, \u201cThose who have wives, just live like you\u2019re not; because there\u2019s something bigger here. There\u2019s this mission; we\u2019ve got this brief time here on earth, and this is what we\u2019ve got to be about.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we just sat and wrote down everything Jesus said\u2014every time He [spoke about] \u201chusband,\u201d or \u201cwife,\u201d or \u201cfamily,\u201d just write down all those verses\u2014we\u2019d be shocked! The way He speaks about family is: \u201cI am so far beyond that. Yes, I created marriage; yes, I created man and woman\u2014I want you to live this way\u2014but the point of that is so the world has a picture of this <em>beautiful<\/em> marriage that\u2019s going to happen one day and this picture of this beautiful Father that we have in heaven.\u201d We\u2019re just that shadow; we\u2019re just that glimpse. But, too often, in the church we make it <em>all<\/em> about us; and it\u2019s killing our marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In fact, you say in the book that couples, who say they have marriage problems, they need to recognize it\u2019s not a marriage problem; it\u2019s a God problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Francis:<\/strong> Amen. Lisa and I have both made a commitment, individually, to God. She knows I\u2019m not going to leave her\u2014I <em>can\u2019t<\/em>\u2014before the Lord, we\u2019re going to work everything out. In the same way, she has that same mindset. We have this understanding before the Lord, where He fills my every need, like Psalm 23 says, \u201cThe Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want.\u201d I\u2019m not desperately needing Lisa to fill all of these holes in my life because I\u2019m such a needy person. The Lord is wonderful! I know the Creator of the universe! I\u2019m going to be with Him forever! I\u2019ve got everything in my possession. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s given me so much life\u2014life to the full\u2014that I have life to give, and give, and give. So I don\u2019t wake up in the morning, going, \u201cI need so much from Lisa.\u201d I\u2019m filled in the Lord, and I have life to give to her. The same is true for <em>her<\/em>. When people understand that, then they\u2019re not sucking the life out of one another and needing so much from one another. They\u2019re getting their water from this fountain of life, which is God Himself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important, too\u2014for those in a marriage, where only one is spiritually-minded, and they do not have a believing husband or wife\u2014to say: \u201cYou know what? It is still very possible for <em>you<\/em> to display the gospel <em>alone.\u201d<\/em> There is some loneliness involved in that, and that\u2019s not something we make light of. But it is still very, very possible for you to receive what you need from Christ; and to love this other person; and to display to the world, to your children, to the people around you what it means to follow Christ and display the gospel, even on your own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Lisa Chan reminding us how important it is to display the gospel in our marriages and in our life! Francis and Lisa are a really neat couple; they live in northern California, as I said. They wrote a book, <em>You and Me Forever<\/em>. They <em>also<\/em> came up with a song to go with the book; it\u2019s called <em>Riding It Out Together<\/em>. You\u2019ll want to check out that fun video\u2014we have it linked on our website\u2014go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, we need to take a quick break; but I\u2019ll be back, talking with Sam Allberry, right after this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. I am joined in the studio today with Sam Allberry. He\u2019s one of the editors for The Gospel Coalition, global speaker for Ravi Zacharias International Ministries. He\u2019s the author of numerous books, including <em>Is God Anti-Gay?<\/em> He\u2019s a pastor in the UK. So you\u2019re not from around here; are you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> [Using a Southern accent] Not from around these parts. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Very good, very good with the Southern accent. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> I\u2019m from the South\u2014but the south of England\u2014so the <em>other<\/em> south. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I wanted to talk with you a little bit about the sufficiency of Christ for singles in the church today. Help us understand just where their identity should be lying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> It\u2019s difficult. I think we live in a Christian context, where it\u2019s often presumed that, if you\u2019re not married, you\u2019re just this loose end that needs to be tied up somehow. I don\u2019t think we do very good at honoring singleness in the evangelical world. We\u2019re not very good at that in the UK; I think it\u2019s even harder here, in many parts of the US, to be a single person in sort of an evangelical world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the things we need to realize is that it means something quite significant when we say that Jesus was single, and we often lose sight of this. We forget that Jesus didn\u2019t have a wife, and 2.5 children, and a dog, and a suburban house too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014and a white picket fence! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> Exactly. So Jesus never married; he never had sex; he was never in a romantic relationship. The <em>most<\/em> complete human being who ever lived was celibate\u2014Jesus Christ\u2014and yet, was the most fully-human person who ever lived. So we <em>cannot<\/em> say that marriage, or sex, or romance are intrinsic for being a full and complete human being. Otherwise, we end up saying Jesus wasn\u2019t a complete human being. We need to get our understanding of what makes a fulfilled human being in such a way that doesn\u2019t imply that Jesus was subhuman; we\u2019ve got to rethink what it means to be a complete human being. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the problems we\u2019ve got is that, in our culture, intimacy and sex have been collapsed into each other. People assume today that sex and intimacy always go together; that there\u2019s no kind of intimacy that is <em>not<\/em> essentially sexual. In the Bible, those two things are often distinct. I can live without sex; the Bible shows me how to live without sex. But I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> designed to live without intimacy. All of us are designed, as a human being made in the image of a triune God, to be in close relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the ways we experience that is in marriage, obviously. But marriage is not the only form of intimacy we experience. If you look at what Proverbs teaches about friendship, it\u2019s <em>deep<\/em>; it\u2019s soul-to-soul relationship. It\u2019s not superficial; it\u2019s not this silly, Facebook-y: \u201cYou\u2019re a friend if I share my contact details with you.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFriendship in the Bible is someone who knows your soul. That is intimate; that is intimacy. We need to recover the biblical vision for friendship and to be fostering that and promoting that in our churches\u2014not just for the sake of the singles\u2014but actually, married people too. I\u2019ve seen marriages flounder because the couple did not have friends outside of the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So how do we do that? How do we remap our minds to look at that deep friendship that we <em>all<\/em> need and long for?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> We can certainly point to parts of the Bible that describe it. Proverbs is a <em>great<\/em> place for seeing what the Bible says about friendship. We can also notice the occurrences of it in the Bible. At the end of Romans\u2014when Paul lists all his \u201cSay hello to So-and-so,\u201d moments\u2014we tend to think that\u2019s the end credits of the letter and skip over it. Actually, what you\u2019re seeing there is how many people Paul was close to. He talks about someone who was \u201cmy mother in the Lord,\u201d\u2014I think he uses that phrase\u2014he uses intimate and familiar language to describe a lot of his friendships. We see that intimacy. Paul was not this kind of rugged individualist\u2014solo, pioneering apostle\u2014he was someone who did his ministry within the matrix of close friendship. He had a big team around him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe easily skip over those things and don\u2019t notice them; but actually, the Bible shows us so many occurrences of good friendship. You think of Jesus having a close friendship with John; John referring to himself as \u201cthe disciple Jesus loved,\u201d\u2014not saying He didn\u2019t love all the other disciples\u2014but John was just so blown away by the fact that Jesus loved <em>him<\/em> that they had a very close relationship. We see that in John\u2019s Gospel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s all there in the Bible. Because we\u2019ve approached the Bible with our own cultural grid of\u2014\u201cIntimacy equals marriage,\u201d\u2014we miss all the other ways we are able to experience healthy intimacy in ways that are outside of marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So help us understand how this plays out if we\u2019re to start thinking this way. How is that going to play out in the church? What is that going to start looking like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam: <\/strong>It will look like a number of things. I think it\u2019s got to <em>start<\/em> with what is said in the\u00a0 pulpit. I think pastors have to take a lead in <em>preaching up<\/em> friendship. The church needs to think of ways of facilitating friendship: giving people a chance to know each other, encouraging that, delighting and reveling in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it means we don\u2019t want it to feel like the basic unit in church life is the couple or the biological family. Sometimes, churches are very much built around that is the basic unit of church. If you don\u2019t have a spouse, or a biological family, you don\u2019t quite know where to fit in; and you do feel like bit of a loose end. I\u2019ve heard of a church that had a ministry to people in their 20s and 30s that was called \u201cPairs and Spares,\u201d which is just <em>so appalling<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard of those. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> We need to show that, actually, all of us within the church family need friendship\u2014married or single, old or young\u2014and the church should be the place where you find that; we\u2019re family. We need to recover the biblical vision of the church as family. Our biological families are not designed to be self-sufficient. I think, too often in the Christian life, we think, \u201cWell, I\u2019ve got my spouse; I\u2019ve got my 2.4 children. I pull up the drawbridge, and that\u2019s the unit in which I do life; we are now self-contained.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, I think our doctrine of church shows us that our biological family, if we have one, is meant to interact with a wider spiritual family. The biological family needs the input of the wider church family. No two parents can be everything their child needs them to be; because they\u2019re limited, and they\u2019re sinful. So it is good\u2014if you\u2019re a parent\u2014it\u2019s good if you\u2019re a child, actually, to have the input of other older people in the church family as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWould people know what I meant if I said I\u2019m a godfather to someone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; if you said you were a godfather, everybody would know. They\u2019d be like, \u201cOh! He\u2019s the favored uncle,\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s the trusted one to take care of the child.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> Okay; the first time I was asked to be a godfather\u2014it was a good friend of mine\u2014a couple I knew well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s a special thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> It\u2019s wonderful. They just had a daughter; and they said, \u201cWe\u2019d like you to be the godfather.\u201d I was kind of feeling, \u201cAw, shucks,\u201d about the whole thing. They said, \u201cWe\u2019re not interested in you remembering her birthday; we\u2019re not interested in you buying her presents. We want <em>you<\/em> to be the kind of person she can talk to when she feels she can\u2019t talk to us.\u201d That showed enormous self-awareness for them, as a couple, to think, actually, there\u2019s going to be times when they\u2019re going to need to work something through with someone who isn\u2019t <em>us<\/em>. Does that make sense?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, it makes total sense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I\u2019m a single in a church, and getting really frustrated and almost ready to walk out the doors\u2014because I\u2019m either forgotten, or I\u2019m set up every Sunday, or I <em>can\u2019t<\/em> find a friend\u2014how can I make who I am <em>known<\/em> to those around me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> I think there are a few things. One is, obviously, to pray against bitterness. That\u2019s a huge temptation when you feel the church is letting you down\u2014is just to pray for a very, very soft heart towards your own church\u2014and to not just seeing the problem as being \u201cthem\u201d and not \u201cme.\u201d If you walk out, that church won\u2019t learn anything different; there may be other single people there, who are also struggling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou could do a number of things. One is to have a conversation with the leadership of the church and to try to give voice to some of the ways in which you feel single people are being overlooked. At a personal level\u2014it\u2019s hard to do, but not impossible\u2014is try to build friendships with the other people around you. It may well be most of them are married. It may well be you feel like you\u2019re the one who\u2019s making 90 percent of the effort here. It takes <em>time<\/em> for friendships to develop; it takes <em>time<\/em> for people to know how to be a friend to <em>you<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt looks different, being a friend to a married person than it does being a friend to a single person. Pray for patience, and be patient with people. Give them time to know and to learn the ways in which they can love and support you, which may not be immediately apparent to them; because they\u2019re in a different situation than you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, looking at the kind of friend Proverbs commends to us: the way to have a friend is to be a friend. Be that kind of friend to other people. Be to the others what you would hope they would be to you. By being that to them, you may well be giving <em>them<\/em> a vision of friendship they haven\u2019t seen before. You may be setting the bar high enough for them to think, \u201cActually, I want to reciprocate and be the kind of friend to you that you are being to me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut pray for patient hearts. You would hope, in time, that the teaching ministry of your church would get to places like 1 Corinthians 7, where singleness is really spoken about in depth. And train the church to think biblically and positively about singleness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Thank you, Sam, for joining us today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sam:<\/strong> Oh, it\u2019s great to be with you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I think we need to remember that we need to have joy\u2014joy in our single lives; joy in our married lives\u2014because it\u2019s about the mission we\u2019re on, looking towards heaven. If you happen to be single, or if you happen to be married, Sam made reference to 1 Corinthians 7. Maybe that is a passage that you would want to read this weekend and meditate on, and find joy for where God has you\/contentment for where God has you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSam recently joined Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You\u2019ll want to check out that entire interview by going to our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. We also have a link there on our website to a video with Sam talking about singleness in the church. Go to our website; again, that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, coming up next week on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>, I\u2019m going to have a special <em>secret<\/em> guest. I\u2019m so excited about this; this is going to be a <em>great<\/em> show. In fact, I just finalized details on this show yesterday with this secret guest. I am looking forward to this, so please tune in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, I want to thank the president of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our co-founder, Dennis Rainey; and our station partners around the country. Our engineer is Keith Lynch. Producers are Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Mastering engineer is Justin Adams, and production coordinator is Megan Martin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307403","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307403"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307403"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307403"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307403"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307403"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307403"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307403"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}