{"id":307394,"date":"2022-02-05T08:02:08","date_gmt":"2022-02-05T13:02:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/lonely-on-valentines-day\/"},"modified":"2022-02-05T08:02:08","modified_gmt":"2022-02-05T13:02:08","slug":"lonely-on-valentines-day","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/lonely-on-valentines-day\/","title":{"rendered":"Lonely on Valentine&#8217;s Day"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Everyone doesn\u2019t love Valentine&#8217;s Day. Singles and marrieds alike feel isolated and alone. Ron Deal, LPC, helps you cope with profound loneliness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-02-05.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26882722","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2905],"tags":[5036,4689,2635],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307394","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-valentines-day","tag-loneliness","tag-single","tag-valentines-day","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307394\/lonely-on-valentines-day","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307394\/lonely-on-valentines-day","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"U2IaCfryvx\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/lonely-on-valentines-day\/\">Lonely on Valentine&#8217;s Day<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/lonely-on-valentines-day\/embed\/#?secret=U2IaCfryvx\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Lonely on Valentine&#8217;s Day&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"U2IaCfryvx\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2022-02-05.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-02-05.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle<\/strong>: If you\u2019re struggling to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and begin to retreat inside yourself, Ron Deal says it may have something to do with loneliness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Some people retreat into depression; right?\u00a0 Some people retreat into shame: \u201cIt must be all about me. Nobody loves me; I\u2019m unlovable.\u201d\u00a0 That kind of thinking begins to pervade. Or the opposite of that\u2014blame\u2014\u201cBoy, it\u2019s everybody else who\u2019s no good, horrible, evil\/all those Christians at church that are phony.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we do a lot of interesting things when we\u2019re retreating like that. So it\u2019s always good to examine: \u201cWhat are my vulnerabilities?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat has my life taught me I typically do when I am lonely?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>So, what about <em>you<\/em>?\u00a0 Are you feeling lonely this Valentine\u2019s Day?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about what to <em>do<\/em> with those feelings of loneliness on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>, I\u2019m Michelle Hill. You know, it\u2019s the season of red hearts, and Hallmark<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> sappy movies, and red roses. But for many\u2014and maybe you\u2019re one of those many\u2014it\u2019s a hard season. And February 14\u2014which is just a few days away\u2014you may be tempted to buy a pint of ice cream or maybe a pizza\u2014or maybe both\u2014and sit at home with your lights off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, God created us for relationships. And there are just some seasons in life when that lack of someone can almost be\u2014well, suffocating\u2014and you might just get what I\u2019m saying. Some of those seasons are: singleness; maybe death of a spouse; that space after divorce before remarriage; and maybe\/maybe you\u2019re just alone in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, today, I want to talk about loneliness with you. And while I\u2019ve been there, and can probably talk about <em>my<\/em> experience, you don\u2019t want to hear from me; so I\u2019ve asked Ron Deal to join me today. And of course, Ron is the director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, so he gets stepfamilies; but he\u2019s also a counsellor and has been for more than a quarter of a century. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Directed to Ron] So you understand feelings, you understand emotions, and you get all that. Ron, thank you so much for joining me today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you, Michelle. It\u2019s always good to be with you. And yes, I kind of understand those things; but you know,\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You\u2019ve studied it, though; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014yes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You had to study\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014even my own emotions elude me oftentimes. Yes, it\u2019s challenging. You\u2019re\/I mean, you\u2019re open to this\u2014is right on\u2014like we wrestle with loneliness. I think everybody\u2014<em>everybody<\/em> listening right now\u2014you may not feel it in a very powerful way <em>today<\/em>, but you know what loneliness is. We\u2019ve <em>all<\/em> been there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes, we\u2019ve all been there. From what I\u2019ve been reading, and researching, and stuff like that is that loneliness is becoming the new epidemic. It\u2019s taking over\u2014because of technology, because of our lifestyle, whatever\u2014but it\u2019s there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; some people say we\u2019re more connected, because of our smartphones, than ever before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>But we\u2019re more <em>disconnected<\/em>, because we\u2019re not actually <em>with<\/em> people. We\u2019re kind of texting somebody out there somewhere\u2014whoever that, you know\u2014and so there\u2019s this sense of connection. It\u2019s kind of a pseudo-connection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And yet, it\/it doesn\u2019t necessarily satisfy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I think there\u2019s a lot of layers to loneliness. As you mentioned, there\u2019s different life circumstances that people find themselves in\u2014you mentioned divorce; you mentioned somebody who\u2019s single for whatever reason\u2014and we find lots of circumstances where that\u2019s us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, I know lots of married couples\u2014like my wife and I have had seasons where\u2014well, we have each other\u2014but we weren\u2019t sure we\u2019ve had many friends. And we certainly didn\u2019t necessarily have deep friends\u2014like who are the safe people that we can really spend time with, and we just be ourselves; and we just\/you know, nothing\u2019s expected\u2014you know, all that kind of thing\u2014and so we were lonely for friends of a certain <em>depth<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We had acquaintances\u2014and you know, people we could be around every once in a while at church or whatever\u2014but it didn\u2019t feel very fulfilling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So there\u2019s lots of layers to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014loneliness. It\u2019s a <em>longing<\/em> in us for something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd by the way, Michelle, I think\u2014what do you think of this?\u2014I think there\u2019s a distinction between \u201calone\u201d and \u201clonely.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cAlone\u201d is by myself\u2014kind of in the absence of people\u2014but \u201clonely\u201d is\/there\u2019s a pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So it\u2019s: \u201cI\u2019m lacking people\/friends;\u201d\u2014people-around-me, what have you, connection\u2014\u201cand I\u2019m aching over that.\u201d\u00a0 I think that\u2019s the difference between \u201clonely\u201d and \u201calone.\u201d\u00a0 There\u2019s a hole in my heart; something\u2019s <em>lacking<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m <em>longing<\/em> for something that\u2019s not here\u2014whatever that is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And is that necessarily <em>bad<\/em>?\u00a0 I mean, what do we do with those <em>feelings<\/em> when\u2014because in some ways it feels like, \u201cNo, this is <em>not<\/em> right; I need to fill it.\u201d And you could fill it with time and good things\u2014and service-oriented projects\u2014and stuff like that, but it\u2019s still <em>there<\/em> at the end of the day; so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; right. It\u2019s not necessarily <em>bad<\/em>. I\u2019m so glad you said that, because I think we\u2019re often very hard on ourselves and hard on others. You know this is a two-way street. So we we\u2019re quick to judge other people\u2014you know, we look at their circumstances; and sometimes, we do the comparison thing, like, \u201cThey don\u2019t have it as bad as I\u2019ve got it,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cI\u2019m more lonely than you are.\u201d\u00a0 And sometimes we judge people in terms of how they\u2019re handling that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan I just remind our listener that Jesus, I think, had a little bit of loneliness in the garden?\u00a0 Three times He tried to get His disciples\u2014\u201cHey would you stay and pray and support Me?\u201d\u2014now, no; I\u2019m not saying Jesus was <em>alone<\/em> because, obviously, He\u2019s talking to the Father. He is well aware of the Father\u2019s presence. He and the Father were one, and there was a lot of connection there. And yet, he had a <em>longing<\/em> for something from His friends that wasn\u2019t coming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There was an annoyance, a pain, an ache\u2014I\u2019m not sure how to say that\u2014so hey, you know, we can be in good company with this thing called loneliness. And so we shouldn\u2019t beat ourselves up, necessarily, for feeling it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what we do with it\u2014how we cope with it\u2014yes, that can go in the wrong direction; and we might need to be aware of that. But to just do the Christian shame-thing\u2014I\/really, this is a little soapbox for me\u2014the Christian shame-thing: \u201cWell, you know, I should just trust God more,\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI should just be more faithful,\u201d\u00a0 \u201cIf I had more faith\u2026\u201d\u2014in other words, \u201cIf I were a better Christian, I wouldn\u2019t feel lonely,\u201d\u2014I\u2019m not sure that\u2019s accurate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have lots of stories in the Bible\/characters in the Bible\u2014strong faithful people, who in difficult times, in certain circumstances in their life, definitely felt like: \u201cI\u2019m hanging out to dry here,\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWho do I have around me?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat do I have?\u201d\u2014that pain\/that ache was clearly there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014which I appreciate you saying that. Because I think that, not only is it an internal struggle, but there are many times where there are people, who say to those who express feelings of loneliness: \u201cJesus should be enough,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re not in the Word enough,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re not actively participating in the Christian discipline; so therefore, this is why you are the way you are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And this is where we go right back to Genesis 2 and 3 and go: \u201cHey, if Jesus was enough\/if God was enough, Adam had everything he needed; but God noticed\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014he was alone. There was a\/there was a <em>lacking<\/em> in him. And he was now aware of that lacking, and so Eve comes on the scene. So if God is enough, well, that\u2019s never been the story from Day 1. Let\u2019s get passed that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking of David\u2014Psalm 25\u2014he says this, beginning in verse 16: \u201cTurn to me and be gracious to me\u201d\u2014he\u2019s talking to God;\u00a0 he\u2019s laid out, in the first 15 verses, quite a scenario. Something\u2019s going on; he is really hurting over this\u2014\u201cTurn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.\u201d\u00a0 Okay, this is King David; alright?\u2014Hello!\u00a0 [Laughter] You know, God\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>He had all these mighty men around him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>He got a family when he was young. He\u2019s got\u2014you know, and as king, you can pretty much have anything you want\u2014you know?\u00a0 \u201cHere I am; I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged,\u201d\u2014do you hear the pain?\u00a0 \u201cBring me out of my distress. Consider my affliction and my trouble and forgive all my sins.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, I think there are some insightful things in there. He is going to mention his sins\u2014we can come back to that\/talk about that in a minute\u2014sometimes, sin is a part of our loneliness. And it\u2019s something we need to look at, but not always.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut clearly, he is calling out to God. And you know, I think this is step one for somebody, who\u2019s feeling the loneliness today: \u201cCall out to God with this.\u201d\u00a0 Don\u2019t be embarrassed or ashamed or hide it; bring it to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPsalms 102 is another great Psalm, where the writer\u2019s talking about their sense of loneliness. But they just pour it out, verse after verse after verse, like, \u201cGod why do I have to deal with this and this, and here\u2019s the way it\u2019s making me feel...\u201d\u00a0 And you know, David says here, \u201cI\u2019m\/I am in the dark here. I am afflicted; I am in trouble. I am in distress, and I need You.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you know, that should always be our first action, I think, when we have hard things in life\u2014is bring it to God\u2014but don\u2019t be afraid to cry it out.\u00a0 You know, I think sometimes, again, we: \u201cWell, good Christians don\u2019t really bring anger to God. We don\u2019t show how we really feel. We have to \u2018pretty this up\u2019 in order to pray it to Him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, I don\u2019t think so;\u00a0 I don\u2019t think so at all. I think He hears our emotion and our distress, and He wants\/He wants us to bring that to Him. Just like anybody that you really, really trusted\u2014or somebody you love and care for\u2014you want them to bring the hard to you, because you care for them. You want to have the opportunity to hear it, and hug them in the midst of it; and I\u2019m quite certain God does too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right; well, and we\u2019re promised that He\u2019s near the broken-hearted; and He\u2019s there with us. But just like, as in David\u2019s case, and him crying out to God, I\u2019m sitting there, going, \u201cBut what about the feelings?\u201d\u2014because if that\u2019s step one, then I know that there\u2019s more steps to it. But sometimes, those feelings in a human being are not right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; if you\u2019re feeling like God\u2019s not with you either\u2014you know, then I\u2019m alone on all sides\u2014I\u2019m alone, vertically: \u201cI can\u2019t find God,\u201d\u2014I\u2019m alone horizontally, with all the people that are lacking in my life, or whatever the ache is that I\u2019m longing for\u2014and so that\u2019s hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s <em>another<\/em> reason to cry out to God. It\u2019s counterintuitive, Michelle\u2014it really is\u2014to say, \u201cLook, when you\u2019re feeling disconnected from God\u201d\u2014you\u2019re feeling hurt and angry over\/frustrated over what\u2019s going on in your life\u2014\u201c<em>bring<\/em> it to God.\u201d I think, a lot of times, we just say, \u201cNo, we can\u2019t do that. We\u2019ve gotta solve it here before we\u2026\u201d\u2014you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And so what are we doing?\u00a0 We\u2019re taking all the power back, and we\u2019re trying to rely on ourselves. And like: \u201cHow well has that served you in life so far?\u201d\u2014you know?\u00a0 For <em>me<\/em>, it\u2019s not very good. \u201c<em>Cry it out<\/em> to God,\u201d\u2014like He wants to hear it\u2014it\u2019s the place we take all that angst. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the irony is: I think the more you cry\/the longer you cry\u2014and in particular, sometimes, reading Scripture\u2014you gain a sense of: \u201cYou know, I\u2019m not the only one. David did that, and I\u2019m in the same boat; and look what happened to him.\u201d\u00a0 And oh, by the way, a little bit later in the chapter, he says, \u201cYes, LORD, I\/I remember all the things You\u2019ve done for me.\u201d David begins to, in dialogue with God, remember, and be affirmed, and feel encouraged. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd is everything fixed?\u2014no, but he\u2019s beginning to gain a sense of the presence of the LORD again; and so it\u2019s kind of lifting him up a little bit. The crying out is part of the receiving of the reassurance that ultimately, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not alone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes. I like this first step: \u201cCrying out to God.\u201d\u00a0 And I really\/I need to hear more. I know that there are many of our listeners, who are saying, \u201cI want to hear more\u201d; but we need to take a break. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>So when we get back in two minutes, we\u2019ll continue on with some other steps.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. And we are diving into some deep waters today as we\u2019ve been talking about loneliness\u2014loneliness for different stages of life\u2014whether it\u2019s a death of a spouse, or it is that space right after divorce before remarriage, or singleness; or even in marriage, sometimes, that\u2019s lonely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle<\/strong>: And Ron, we were talking about some steps. And that first one was: \u201cCry out to God.\u201d\u00a0 Even when we don\u2019t feel like He is there, it\u2019s still one of those things that we need to do: is just to lay down our burdens, and our desires, and our wants before Him; and say, \u201cHelp me!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; bring the pain\u2014bring it to Him\u2014let Him hear it from you. Ask Him for help and guidance\u2014that\u2019s an ever-present little continual sort of prayer\u2014you know: \u201cLORD, help me in this,\u201d and \u201cHelp me find contentment. Help me to be okay in the midst of this,\u201d \u201cHelp me to trust You deeper,\u201d\u2014you know, all of those things, I think, are very appropriate ways of naming what\u2019s going on\u2014crying out to God with it\u2014and I\u2019m quite certain that He meets us in our point of need. And how He fills that\u2014I\u2019m not always certain about, you know?\u2014but I trust that He does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeyond that, you know, there\u2019s some other steps\/things that we could talk about that people can do. But I just want to say, at the front of this, <em>not<\/em> all steps apply to all kinds of loneliness. You know, as we were saying at the beginning of the conversation, there\u2019s lots of different kinds of situations people find themselves in and for different reasons. And so not everything we\u2019re about to talk about is going to apply to every situation. People can just kind of pick the ones that are helpful for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So the first one we said was: \u201cGo vertical,\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s: \u201cCry out to God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think you have to try to address the horizontal: \u201cWhat\u2019s going on in this earth?\u201d in terms of your sense of loneliness. One idea is take initiative to close the gap between you and other people. Now, pause for a second: \u201cBoy, Ron, that just sounds brilliant.\u201d\u00a0 So that what I\u2019m saying is: \u201cIt\u2019s\/this may seem obvious to a lot of people; but there\u2019s some people, listening right now, that: \u2018Ron, you\u2019re asking me to go find friends. You\u2019re asking <em>me<\/em> to take the initiative to reach out and invite somebody to do something,\u2019 and \u2018Like I have to close the gap there?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Yes<\/em>, we are!\u00a0 And for some people, that\u2019s <em>incredibly<\/em> difficult for them to do; because of their personality\u2014or just they haven\u2019t done much of that in their life\u2014you know, whatever the reason. Maybe they tried, and they got hurt; you know, there\u2019s lots of reasons why we don\u2019t do this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor some people\u2014the extraverts listening to us right now\u2014they\u2019re like \u201cAh, I\u2019m all about that\u201d;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u201cThat\u2019s <em>so<\/em> simple.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014but for others, this is a real challenge. And you do have to push yourself. If the phone\u2019s not ringing, you got to make the call.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The conversation my wife and I had, not too long ago, was, \u201cYou know, this friend-thing, it looks like we\u2019re going to have to be more hospitable with intentionality. <em>We\u2019re<\/em> going to have to get outside of some of <em>our<\/em> comfort zones and invite people into our home. We\u2019re going to have to <em>make<\/em> it happen.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Well, intentionality is a <em>hard<\/em> thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It\u2019s something that takes forethought. It\u2019s something that is\/it\u2019s almost persistent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Let\u2019s move beyond that. What are some of the other steps that we can be taking as we\u2019re trying to move <em>beyond<\/em> loneliness, and trying to work <em>through<\/em> that, because it\u2019s a struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And they also\u2014some of the reports are coming out that it\u2019s [loneliness] linked to Alzheimer\u2019s; it\u2019s linked to high blood pressure; so we\u2019re watching our health slowly decline\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014in this loneliness state.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; you do have to get out of it, because you\u2019ll get depressed, eventually, if you\u2019re there long enough. And that depresses your immune system; and then you\u2019re more susceptible to getting illnesses and infections\u2014and on, and on, and on it goes\u2014so yes, I\u2019m sure this is all tied together with our physical health as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cServing others\u201d: you know, it\u2019s almost one of those solutions that applies to everything. When you get outside of yourself\u2014you start doing for others\u2014you might discover a friend in the process; but you end up feeling better, and you\u2019ve expanded the kingdom of God in the process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat does that look like?\u00a0 Yes, there\u2019s a million service opportunities: from helping out a neighbor to going down to the soup kitchen\u2014you know, all kinds of things that we can put our time and energy into\u2014rather than sitting at home, wishing the phone would ring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Another suggestion is develop routines in your life that occupy your life and your time. And I\u2019m not just talking about: \u201cHey, just do crazy stuff; because then you have something to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m talking about things that are <em>intentional<\/em>; so you know, maybe it\u2019s you\u2019re taking up a new hobby; or maybe you\u2019re applying yourself towards physical exercise, something that\u2019s going be good for you in other ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPut activities on your calendar. Sitting at home, again, lonely in front of the TV\u2014wishing, longing, wanting\u2014you know, that\u2019s where your loneliness really comes to the surface. It becomes very clear to you that you\u2019re in a state of being alone. But if you\u2019re out, doing things\u2014like, literally out of the house, engaging in activities\u2014you end up being around people, at least, in <em>some<\/em> way; and it could be something that <em>lifts<\/em> your mood in some ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, bars are one of those places that people often go\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014just to be around somebody. The idea is right\u2014I don\u2019t know necessarily that going to bars, and just sitting and drinking, is the right idea\u2014you get my point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the idea of going where people are, and filling your calendar\u2014being out of your home, not being all alone\u2014kind of closes the gap, at least, at some level. Does it necessarily give you a <em>deep<\/em> relationship?\u00a0 No, but it might be the start of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Okay; I\u2019m going to throw something in here, because there are some introverts, who are listening and going,\u2014[G<em>asping sound<\/em>] [Laughter]\u2014\u201cYou don\u2019t understand;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cI just worked all day, and I need some \u2018me\u2019 space,\u201d or \u201cI, at least, need some space,\u201d\u2014maybe it\u2019s not about me space, but\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t have the <em>brain<\/em> space to go and meet new people or serve someone else right now.\u201d\u00a0 What do we do with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>No; excellent point, because that\u2019s very real for a lot of people. So pace yourself. You know, so not every day; but you\u2019re going to put something on your calendar. Saturday morning, you\u2019re going to get up; and you\u2019re going to get out of the house. Like it or not, you\u2019re going to <em>make<\/em> yourself do that. Or one evening a week, you know, you\u2019re going\u2014you\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> been a part of your small group at a church\u2014but man, they talk about it all the time. Maybe you actually engage in one\u2014like you just go\/like you <em>force<\/em> yourself into that\u2014so that just is a routine that you\u2019re trying to move towards, not every day, just once a week; but it gets you up and going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Good points. You got another one for us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; and you know, it\u2019s related to what we just said about activity. In your loneliness, I think we should all examine our vulnerability in our loneliness. We all have this natural coping mechanism. When we\u2019re feeling down, depressed, disconnected\/whatever it is\u2014in this case, lonely\u2014most people have a \u201cgo to\u201d coping mechanism. For some people, it\u2019s retreating into drugs and alcohol; you know, the quick pick up\u2014whatever that is\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u201cWhat makes me feel good?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Exactly. And there\u2019s a <em>thousand<\/em>\u2014we could list all of those\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tPornography. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tWe list on, and on, and on of those things that are the quick \u201cpick up\u201d for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tSome people retreat into depression: \u201cI\u2019m just going to sit here and sulk\/feel sorry for myself.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tSome people retreat into shame: \u201cIt must be all about me. Nobody loves me; I\u2019m unlovable.\u201d That kind of thinking begins to pervade. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tOr the opposite of that\u2014blame\u2014\u201cBoy, it\u2019s everybody else who\u2019s no good, horrible, evil; all those Christians at church that are phony.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tWe do a lot of interesting things when we\u2019re retreating like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Well, that coping mechanism, obviously, isn\u2019t helpful. Alright, if you\u2019re retreating into something that\u2019s a bad habit, that just complicates your life even more; and low and behold, you find more complications as a result of the bad habit. Things get worse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo it\u2019s always good to examine: \u201cWhat are my vulnerabilities?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat has my life taught me I typically do when I am lonely?\u201d\u00a0 And you know what?\u00a0 The discipline of discipleship is: \u201cWow! I just got to know that that\u2019s me. And I\u2019ve gotta put up guardrails; and I got to say, \u2018Nope, can\u2019t do that anymore.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of planning my calendar is helping me not drift into my poor coping mechanisms\/the poor behavior\u2014some of which is sinful; some of which is just a bad idea\u2014and so I\u2019m protecting myself <em>from me<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Gotcha.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, I think that\u2019s an important <em>awareness<\/em> that every person needs. We all have this; that\u2019s part of our flesh\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014and so moving away from those things\u2014moving towards godly activities, better people, safe people, people who are going to be good influences in our lives\u2014those are the kinds of things you want to calendar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>So we\u2019re about four or five days before Valentine's Day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Valentine\u2019s Day can be a \u201cbest night\u201d of someone\u2019s year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It could also be the <em>worst<\/em> night of someone\u2019s year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>What kind of advice do you have for those\u2014who are just walking through January, February, and early March\u2014and feeling completely <em>alone<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; so let\u2019s apply some of the things that we\u2019ve said. If you\u2019re listening to this, and you\u2019re going, \u201cMan, I am dreading this week,\u201d\u2014you already know. You already know you\u2019re already feeling alone; you\u2019re already\u2014the past has told you what you typically do\u2014so you need to put up some guardrails around some things that maybe are unhealthy for you\/poor decisions\u2014and then move yourself intentionally towards things that will just be better for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetter coping would be: \u201cI am going to my grandmother\u2019s house,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m just going to hang out all day of Valentine\u2019s and the day after, because if I don\u2019t\u2026\u201d\u00a0 You know, whatever that is, schedule something\u2014call a friend; take the initiative; close the gap; <em>go<\/em> where people are\u2014engage yourself in serving other people <em>on purpose<\/em> this week. And still, you will feel that ache; but it might help you get <em>through<\/em> it; right?\u00a0 And you\u2019re calling out to God, throughout the entire process, and asking for His wisdom about how you move forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s the combination of those things that\u2014honestly, Michelle\u2014sometimes, we just <em>survive<\/em> a bad day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We don\u2019t feel great; we don\u2019t feel marvelous. We don\u2019t come out of it victorious, necessarily. But we survive in a decent way\/in a healthy way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Much, much better than to let that loneliness capture you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014in the bottom of an ice cream carton\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There you go;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014per se\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014there you go; and now, you\u2019re kind of a victim of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And it takes you even lower.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And I\u2019d also add to that: \u201cStay off of social media that day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; the things that are going make you acutely aware of what\u2019s going on; yes!\u00a0 That\u2019s a part of the decision-making: \u201cI\/what I know about me is: \u2018These things, in the past, really get me all up in knots;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014\u201c\u2019because I see what everybody else has that I don\u2019t have; and it just makes my loneliness inflamed.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 So right\u2014avoid; stay away from those\u2014again, move <em>toward<\/em> the things that are going to help you get through the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Ron, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us\u2014and talking this out with me all about loneliness\u2014and just some of those seasons that people find themselves in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, you\u2019re welcome. Thanks for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And thanks for coaching us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, next week, we\u2019re going to have some fun; but it\u2019s also going to be a tough conversation. You know there are <em>many<\/em> things in the Bible that we are told to do. Take for instance, the Ten Commandments: some of them are easy to follow\u2014and some of them\u2014well, not so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we\u2019re going to laugh at ourselves\u2014and we\u2019re going to, hopefully, encourage each other\u2014and we\u2019re going to hear from Elisabeth Elliot and some other folks just about some of those things that\u2014well, we\u2019re told to do and we don\u2019t want to do; but yet, we have to do\u2014just how do we do that?\u00a0 So some encouraging next week, you know, follow those rules and everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for listening! I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins; our founder, Dennis Rainey; along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch, who <em>never<\/em> follows the rules. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff, who follow the rules because they have to. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer; and well, he <em>loves<\/em> to follow the rules. And Megan Martin is our production coordinator; and well, she just likes teaching <em>others<\/em> how to follow the rules, especially her two little girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:00"],"show_notes":[""],"filesize":["25.64M"],"filesize_raw":["26882722"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307394.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307394.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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doesn\u2019t love Valentine's Day. Singles and marrieds alike feel isolated and alone. Ron Deal, LPC, helps you cope with profound loneliness.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2022-02-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle<\/strong>: If you\u2019re struggling to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and begin to retreat inside yourself, Ron Deal says it may have something to do with loneliness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Some people retreat into depression; right?\u00a0 Some people retreat into shame: \u201cIt must be all about me. Nobody loves me; I\u2019m unlovable.\u201d\u00a0 That kind of thinking begins to pervade. Or the opposite of that\u2014blame\u2014\u201cBoy, it\u2019s everybody else who\u2019s no good, horrible, evil\/all those Christians at church that are phony.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we do a lot of interesting things when we\u2019re retreating like that. So it\u2019s always good to examine: \u201cWhat are my vulnerabilities?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat has my life taught me I typically do when I am lonely?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>So, what about <em>you<\/em>?\u00a0 Are you feeling lonely this Valentine\u2019s Day?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about what to <em>do<\/em> with those feelings of loneliness on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>, I\u2019m Michelle Hill. You know, it\u2019s the season of red hearts, and Hallmark<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> sappy movies, and red roses. But for many\u2014and maybe you\u2019re one of those many\u2014it\u2019s a hard season. And February 14\u2014which is just a few days away\u2014you may be tempted to buy a pint of ice cream or maybe a pizza\u2014or maybe both\u2014and sit at home with your lights off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, God created us for relationships. And there are just some seasons in life when that lack of someone can almost be\u2014well, suffocating\u2014and you might just get what I\u2019m saying. Some of those seasons are: singleness; maybe death of a spouse; that space after divorce before remarriage; and maybe\/maybe you\u2019re just alone in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, today, I want to talk about loneliness with you. And while I\u2019ve been there, and can probably talk about <em>my<\/em> experience, you don\u2019t want to hear from me; so I\u2019ve asked Ron Deal to join me today. And of course, Ron is the director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, so he gets stepfamilies; but he\u2019s also a counsellor and has been for more than a quarter of a century. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Directed to Ron] So you understand feelings, you understand emotions, and you get all that. Ron, thank you so much for joining me today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you, Michelle. It\u2019s always good to be with you. And yes, I kind of understand those things; but you know,\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You\u2019ve studied it, though; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014yes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You had to study\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014even my own emotions elude me oftentimes. Yes, it\u2019s challenging. You\u2019re\/I mean, you\u2019re open to this\u2014is right on\u2014like we wrestle with loneliness. I think everybody\u2014<em>everybody<\/em> listening right now\u2014you may not feel it in a very powerful way <em>today<\/em>, but you know what loneliness is. We\u2019ve <em>all<\/em> been there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes, we\u2019ve all been there. From what I\u2019ve been reading, and researching, and stuff like that is that loneliness is becoming the new epidemic. It\u2019s taking over\u2014because of technology, because of our lifestyle, whatever\u2014but it\u2019s there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; some people say we\u2019re more connected, because of our smartphones, than ever before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>But we\u2019re more <em>disconnected<\/em>, because we\u2019re not actually <em>with<\/em> people. We\u2019re kind of texting somebody out there somewhere\u2014whoever that, you know\u2014and so there\u2019s this sense of connection. It\u2019s kind of a pseudo-connection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And yet, it\/it doesn\u2019t necessarily satisfy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I think there\u2019s a lot of layers to loneliness. As you mentioned, there\u2019s different life circumstances that people find themselves in\u2014you mentioned divorce; you mentioned somebody who\u2019s single for whatever reason\u2014and we find lots of circumstances where that\u2019s us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, I know lots of married couples\u2014like my wife and I have had seasons where\u2014well, we have each other\u2014but we weren\u2019t sure we\u2019ve had many friends. And we certainly didn\u2019t necessarily have deep friends\u2014like who are the safe people that we can really spend time with, and we just be ourselves; and we just\/you know, nothing\u2019s expected\u2014you know, all that kind of thing\u2014and so we were lonely for friends of a certain <em>depth<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We had acquaintances\u2014and you know, people we could be around every once in a while at church or whatever\u2014but it didn\u2019t feel very fulfilling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So there\u2019s lots of layers to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014loneliness. It\u2019s a <em>longing<\/em> in us for something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd by the way, Michelle, I think\u2014what do you think of this?\u2014I think there\u2019s a distinction between \u201calone\u201d and \u201clonely.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cAlone\u201d is by myself\u2014kind of in the absence of people\u2014but \u201clonely\u201d is\/there\u2019s a pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So it\u2019s: \u201cI\u2019m lacking people\/friends;\u201d\u2014people-around-me, what have you, connection\u2014\u201cand I\u2019m aching over that.\u201d\u00a0 I think that\u2019s the difference between \u201clonely\u201d and \u201calone.\u201d\u00a0 There\u2019s a hole in my heart; something\u2019s <em>lacking<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m <em>longing<\/em> for something that\u2019s not here\u2014whatever that is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And is that necessarily <em>bad<\/em>?\u00a0 I mean, what do we do with those <em>feelings<\/em> when\u2014because in some ways it feels like, \u201cNo, this is <em>not<\/em> right; I need to fill it.\u201d And you could fill it with time and good things\u2014and service-oriented projects\u2014and stuff like that, but it\u2019s still <em>there<\/em> at the end of the day; so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; right. It\u2019s not necessarily <em>bad<\/em>. I\u2019m so glad you said that, because I think we\u2019re often very hard on ourselves and hard on others. You know this is a two-way street. So we we\u2019re quick to judge other people\u2014you know, we look at their circumstances; and sometimes, we do the comparison thing, like, \u201cThey don\u2019t have it as bad as I\u2019ve got it,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cI\u2019m more lonely than you are.\u201d\u00a0 And sometimes we judge people in terms of how they\u2019re handling that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan I just remind our listener that Jesus, I think, had a little bit of loneliness in the garden?\u00a0 Three times He tried to get His disciples\u2014\u201cHey would you stay and pray and support Me?\u201d\u2014now, no; I\u2019m not saying Jesus was <em>alone<\/em> because, obviously, He\u2019s talking to the Father. He is well aware of the Father\u2019s presence. He and the Father were one, and there was a lot of connection there. And yet, he had a <em>longing<\/em> for something from His friends that wasn\u2019t coming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There was an annoyance, a pain, an ache\u2014I\u2019m not sure how to say that\u2014so hey, you know, we can be in good company with this thing called loneliness. And so we shouldn\u2019t beat ourselves up, necessarily, for feeling it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what we do with it\u2014how we cope with it\u2014yes, that can go in the wrong direction; and we might need to be aware of that. But to just do the Christian shame-thing\u2014I\/really, this is a little soapbox for me\u2014the Christian shame-thing: \u201cWell, you know, I should just trust God more,\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI should just be more faithful,\u201d\u00a0 \u201cIf I had more faith\u2026\u201d\u2014in other words, \u201cIf I were a better Christian, I wouldn\u2019t feel lonely,\u201d\u2014I\u2019m not sure that\u2019s accurate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have lots of stories in the Bible\/characters in the Bible\u2014strong faithful people, who in difficult times, in certain circumstances in their life, definitely felt like: \u201cI\u2019m hanging out to dry here,\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWho do I have around me?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat do I have?\u201d\u2014that pain\/that ache was clearly there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014which I appreciate you saying that. Because I think that, not only is it an internal struggle, but there are many times where there are people, who say to those who express feelings of loneliness: \u201cJesus should be enough,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re not in the Word enough,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re not actively participating in the Christian discipline; so therefore, this is why you are the way you are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And this is where we go right back to Genesis 2 and 3 and go: \u201cHey, if Jesus was enough\/if God was enough, Adam had everything he needed; but God noticed\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014he was alone. There was a\/there was a <em>lacking<\/em> in him. And he was now aware of that lacking, and so Eve comes on the scene. So if God is enough, well, that\u2019s never been the story from Day 1. Let\u2019s get passed that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking of David\u2014Psalm 25\u2014he says this, beginning in verse 16: \u201cTurn to me and be gracious to me\u201d\u2014he\u2019s talking to God;\u00a0 he\u2019s laid out, in the first 15 verses, quite a scenario. Something\u2019s going on; he is really hurting over this\u2014\u201cTurn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.\u201d\u00a0 Okay, this is King David; alright?\u2014Hello!\u00a0 [Laughter] You know, God\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>He had all these mighty men around him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>He got a family when he was young. He\u2019s got\u2014you know, and as king, you can pretty much have anything you want\u2014you know?\u00a0 \u201cHere I am; I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged,\u201d\u2014do you hear the pain?\u00a0 \u201cBring me out of my distress. Consider my affliction and my trouble and forgive all my sins.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, I think there are some insightful things in there. He is going to mention his sins\u2014we can come back to that\/talk about that in a minute\u2014sometimes, sin is a part of our loneliness. And it\u2019s something we need to look at, but not always.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut clearly, he is calling out to God. And you know, I think this is step one for somebody, who\u2019s feeling the loneliness today: \u201cCall out to God with this.\u201d\u00a0 Don\u2019t be embarrassed or ashamed or hide it; bring it to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPsalms 102 is another great Psalm, where the writer\u2019s talking about their sense of loneliness. But they just pour it out, verse after verse after verse, like, \u201cGod why do I have to deal with this and this, and here\u2019s the way it\u2019s making me feel...\u201d\u00a0 And you know, David says here, \u201cI\u2019m\/I am in the dark here. I am afflicted; I am in trouble. I am in distress, and I need You.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you know, that should always be our first action, I think, when we have hard things in life\u2014is bring it to God\u2014but don\u2019t be afraid to cry it out.\u00a0 You know, I think sometimes, again, we: \u201cWell, good Christians don\u2019t really bring anger to God. We don\u2019t show how we really feel. We have to \u2018pretty this up\u2019 in order to pray it to Him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, I don\u2019t think so;\u00a0 I don\u2019t think so at all. I think He hears our emotion and our distress, and He wants\/He wants us to bring that to Him. Just like anybody that you really, really trusted\u2014or somebody you love and care for\u2014you want them to bring the hard to you, because you care for them. You want to have the opportunity to hear it, and hug them in the midst of it; and I\u2019m quite certain God does too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right; well, and we\u2019re promised that He\u2019s near the broken-hearted; and He\u2019s there with us. But just like, as in David\u2019s case, and him crying out to God, I\u2019m sitting there, going, \u201cBut what about the feelings?\u201d\u2014because if that\u2019s step one, then I know that there\u2019s more steps to it. But sometimes, those feelings in a human being are not right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; if you\u2019re feeling like God\u2019s not with you either\u2014you know, then I\u2019m alone on all sides\u2014I\u2019m alone, vertically: \u201cI can\u2019t find God,\u201d\u2014I\u2019m alone horizontally, with all the people that are lacking in my life, or whatever the ache is that I\u2019m longing for\u2014and so that\u2019s hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s <em>another<\/em> reason to cry out to God. It\u2019s counterintuitive, Michelle\u2014it really is\u2014to say, \u201cLook, when you\u2019re feeling disconnected from God\u201d\u2014you\u2019re feeling hurt and angry over\/frustrated over what\u2019s going on in your life\u2014\u201c<em>bring<\/em> it to God.\u201d I think, a lot of times, we just say, \u201cNo, we can\u2019t do that. We\u2019ve gotta solve it here before we\u2026\u201d\u2014you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And so what are we doing?\u00a0 We\u2019re taking all the power back, and we\u2019re trying to rely on ourselves. And like: \u201cHow well has that served you in life so far?\u201d\u2014you know?\u00a0 For <em>me<\/em>, it\u2019s not very good. \u201c<em>Cry it out<\/em> to God,\u201d\u2014like He wants to hear it\u2014it\u2019s the place we take all that angst. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the irony is: I think the more you cry\/the longer you cry\u2014and in particular, sometimes, reading Scripture\u2014you gain a sense of: \u201cYou know, I\u2019m not the only one. David did that, and I\u2019m in the same boat; and look what happened to him.\u201d\u00a0 And oh, by the way, a little bit later in the chapter, he says, \u201cYes, LORD, I\/I remember all the things You\u2019ve done for me.\u201d David begins to, in dialogue with God, remember, and be affirmed, and feel encouraged. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd is everything fixed?\u2014no, but he\u2019s beginning to gain a sense of the presence of the LORD again; and so it\u2019s kind of lifting him up a little bit. The crying out is part of the receiving of the reassurance that ultimately, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not alone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes. I like this first step: \u201cCrying out to God.\u201d\u00a0 And I really\/I need to hear more. I know that there are many of our listeners, who are saying, \u201cI want to hear more\u201d; but we need to take a break. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>So when we get back in two minutes, we\u2019ll continue on with some other steps.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. And we are diving into some deep waters today as we\u2019ve been talking about loneliness\u2014loneliness for different stages of life\u2014whether it\u2019s a death of a spouse, or it is that space right after divorce before remarriage, or singleness; or even in marriage, sometimes, that\u2019s lonely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle<\/strong>: And Ron, we were talking about some steps. And that first one was: \u201cCry out to God.\u201d\u00a0 Even when we don\u2019t feel like He is there, it\u2019s still one of those things that we need to do: is just to lay down our burdens, and our desires, and our wants before Him; and say, \u201cHelp me!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; bring the pain\u2014bring it to Him\u2014let Him hear it from you. Ask Him for help and guidance\u2014that\u2019s an ever-present little continual sort of prayer\u2014you know: \u201cLORD, help me in this,\u201d and \u201cHelp me find contentment. Help me to be okay in the midst of this,\u201d \u201cHelp me to trust You deeper,\u201d\u2014you know, all of those things, I think, are very appropriate ways of naming what\u2019s going on\u2014crying out to God with it\u2014and I\u2019m quite certain that He meets us in our point of need. And how He fills that\u2014I\u2019m not always certain about, you know?\u2014but I trust that He does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeyond that, you know, there\u2019s some other steps\/things that we could talk about that people can do. But I just want to say, at the front of this, <em>not<\/em> all steps apply to all kinds of loneliness. You know, as we were saying at the beginning of the conversation, there\u2019s lots of different kinds of situations people find themselves in and for different reasons. And so not everything we\u2019re about to talk about is going to apply to every situation. People can just kind of pick the ones that are helpful for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So the first one we said was: \u201cGo vertical,\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s: \u201cCry out to God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think you have to try to address the horizontal: \u201cWhat\u2019s going on in this earth?\u201d in terms of your sense of loneliness. One idea is take initiative to close the gap between you and other people. Now, pause for a second: \u201cBoy, Ron, that just sounds brilliant.\u201d\u00a0 So that what I\u2019m saying is: \u201cIt\u2019s\/this may seem obvious to a lot of people; but there\u2019s some people, listening right now, that: \u2018Ron, you\u2019re asking me to go find friends. You\u2019re asking <em>me<\/em> to take the initiative to reach out and invite somebody to do something,\u2019 and \u2018Like I have to close the gap there?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Yes<\/em>, we are!\u00a0 And for some people, that\u2019s <em>incredibly<\/em> difficult for them to do; because of their personality\u2014or just they haven\u2019t done much of that in their life\u2014you know, whatever the reason. Maybe they tried, and they got hurt; you know, there\u2019s lots of reasons why we don\u2019t do this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor some people\u2014the extraverts listening to us right now\u2014they\u2019re like \u201cAh, I\u2019m all about that\u201d;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u201cThat\u2019s <em>so<\/em> simple.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014but for others, this is a real challenge. And you do have to push yourself. If the phone\u2019s not ringing, you got to make the call.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The conversation my wife and I had, not too long ago, was, \u201cYou know, this friend-thing, it looks like we\u2019re going to have to be more hospitable with intentionality. <em>We\u2019re<\/em> going to have to get outside of some of <em>our<\/em> comfort zones and invite people into our home. We\u2019re going to have to <em>make<\/em> it happen.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Well, intentionality is a <em>hard<\/em> thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It\u2019s something that takes forethought. It\u2019s something that is\/it\u2019s almost persistent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Let\u2019s move beyond that. What are some of the other steps that we can be taking as we\u2019re trying to move <em>beyond<\/em> loneliness, and trying to work <em>through<\/em> that, because it\u2019s a struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And they also\u2014some of the reports are coming out that it\u2019s [loneliness] linked to Alzheimer\u2019s; it\u2019s linked to high blood pressure; so we\u2019re watching our health slowly decline\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014in this loneliness state.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; you do have to get out of it, because you\u2019ll get depressed, eventually, if you\u2019re there long enough. And that depresses your immune system; and then you\u2019re more susceptible to getting illnesses and infections\u2014and on, and on, and on it goes\u2014so yes, I\u2019m sure this is all tied together with our physical health as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cServing others\u201d: you know, it\u2019s almost one of those solutions that applies to everything. When you get outside of yourself\u2014you start doing for others\u2014you might discover a friend in the process; but you end up feeling better, and you\u2019ve expanded the kingdom of God in the process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat does that look like?\u00a0 Yes, there\u2019s a million service opportunities: from helping out a neighbor to going down to the soup kitchen\u2014you know, all kinds of things that we can put our time and energy into\u2014rather than sitting at home, wishing the phone would ring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Another suggestion is develop routines in your life that occupy your life and your time. And I\u2019m not just talking about: \u201cHey, just do crazy stuff; because then you have something to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m talking about things that are <em>intentional<\/em>; so you know, maybe it\u2019s you\u2019re taking up a new hobby; or maybe you\u2019re applying yourself towards physical exercise, something that\u2019s going be good for you in other ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPut activities on your calendar. Sitting at home, again, lonely in front of the TV\u2014wishing, longing, wanting\u2014you know, that\u2019s where your loneliness really comes to the surface. It becomes very clear to you that you\u2019re in a state of being alone. But if you\u2019re out, doing things\u2014like, literally out of the house, engaging in activities\u2014you end up being around people, at least, in <em>some<\/em> way; and it could be something that <em>lifts<\/em> your mood in some ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, bars are one of those places that people often go\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014just to be around somebody. The idea is right\u2014I don\u2019t know necessarily that going to bars, and just sitting and drinking, is the right idea\u2014you get my point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the idea of going where people are, and filling your calendar\u2014being out of your home, not being all alone\u2014kind of closes the gap, at least, at some level. Does it necessarily give you a <em>deep<\/em> relationship?\u00a0 No, but it might be the start of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Okay; I\u2019m going to throw something in here, because there are some introverts, who are listening and going,\u2014[G<em>asping sound<\/em>] [Laughter]\u2014\u201cYou don\u2019t understand;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cI just worked all day, and I need some \u2018me\u2019 space,\u201d or \u201cI, at least, need some space,\u201d\u2014maybe it\u2019s not about me space, but\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t have the <em>brain<\/em> space to go and meet new people or serve someone else right now.\u201d\u00a0 What do we do with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>No; excellent point, because that\u2019s very real for a lot of people. So pace yourself. You know, so not every day; but you\u2019re going to put something on your calendar. Saturday morning, you\u2019re going to get up; and you\u2019re going to get out of the house. Like it or not, you\u2019re going to <em>make<\/em> yourself do that. Or one evening a week, you know, you\u2019re going\u2014you\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> been a part of your small group at a church\u2014but man, they talk about it all the time. Maybe you actually engage in one\u2014like you just go\/like you <em>force<\/em> yourself into that\u2014so that just is a routine that you\u2019re trying to move towards, not every day, just once a week; but it gets you up and going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Good points. You got another one for us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; and you know, it\u2019s related to what we just said about activity. In your loneliness, I think we should all examine our vulnerability in our loneliness. We all have this natural coping mechanism. When we\u2019re feeling down, depressed, disconnected\/whatever it is\u2014in this case, lonely\u2014most people have a \u201cgo to\u201d coping mechanism. For some people, it\u2019s retreating into drugs and alcohol; you know, the quick pick up\u2014whatever that is\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u201cWhat makes me feel good?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Exactly. And there\u2019s a <em>thousand<\/em>\u2014we could list all of those\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tPornography. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tWe list on, and on, and on of those things that are the quick \u201cpick up\u201d for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tSome people retreat into depression: \u201cI\u2019m just going to sit here and sulk\/feel sorry for myself.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tSome people retreat into shame: \u201cIt must be all about me. Nobody loves me; I\u2019m unlovable.\u201d That kind of thinking begins to pervade. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tOr the opposite of that\u2014blame\u2014\u201cBoy, it\u2019s everybody else who\u2019s no good, horrible, evil; all those Christians at church that are phony.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tWe do a lot of interesting things when we\u2019re retreating like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Well, that coping mechanism, obviously, isn\u2019t helpful. Alright, if you\u2019re retreating into something that\u2019s a bad habit, that just complicates your life even more; and low and behold, you find more complications as a result of the bad habit. Things get worse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo it\u2019s always good to examine: \u201cWhat are my vulnerabilities?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat has my life taught me I typically do when I am lonely?\u201d\u00a0 And you know what?\u00a0 The discipline of discipleship is: \u201cWow! I just got to know that that\u2019s me. And I\u2019ve gotta put up guardrails; and I got to say, \u2018Nope, can\u2019t do that anymore.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of planning my calendar is helping me not drift into my poor coping mechanisms\/the poor behavior\u2014some of which is sinful; some of which is just a bad idea\u2014and so I\u2019m protecting myself <em>from me<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Gotcha.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, I think that\u2019s an important <em>awareness<\/em> that every person needs. We all have this; that\u2019s part of our flesh\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014and so moving away from those things\u2014moving towards godly activities, better people, safe people, people who are going to be good influences in our lives\u2014those are the kinds of things you want to calendar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>So we\u2019re about four or five days before Valentine's Day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Valentine\u2019s Day can be a \u201cbest night\u201d of someone\u2019s year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It could also be the <em>worst<\/em> night of someone\u2019s year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>What kind of advice do you have for those\u2014who are just walking through January, February, and early March\u2014and feeling completely <em>alone<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; so let\u2019s apply some of the things that we\u2019ve said. If you\u2019re listening to this, and you\u2019re going, \u201cMan, I am dreading this week,\u201d\u2014you already know. You already know you\u2019re already feeling alone; you\u2019re already\u2014the past has told you what you typically do\u2014so you need to put up some guardrails around some things that maybe are unhealthy for you\/poor decisions\u2014and then move yourself intentionally towards things that will just be better for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetter coping would be: \u201cI am going to my grandmother\u2019s house,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m just going to hang out all day of Valentine\u2019s and the day after, because if I don\u2019t\u2026\u201d\u00a0 You know, whatever that is, schedule something\u2014call a friend; take the initiative; close the gap; <em>go<\/em> where people are\u2014engage yourself in serving other people <em>on purpose<\/em> this week. And still, you will feel that ache; but it might help you get <em>through<\/em> it; right?\u00a0 And you\u2019re calling out to God, throughout the entire process, and asking for His wisdom about how you move forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s the combination of those things that\u2014honestly, Michelle\u2014sometimes, we just <em>survive<\/em> a bad day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We don\u2019t feel great; we don\u2019t feel marvelous. We don\u2019t come out of it victorious, necessarily. But we survive in a decent way\/in a healthy way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Much, much better than to let that loneliness capture you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014in the bottom of an ice cream carton\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There you go;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014per se\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014there you go; and now, you\u2019re kind of a victim of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And it takes you even lower.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And I\u2019d also add to that: \u201cStay off of social media that day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; the things that are going make you acutely aware of what\u2019s going on; yes!\u00a0 That\u2019s a part of the decision-making: \u201cI\/what I know about me is: \u2018These things, in the past, really get me all up in knots;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014\u201c\u2019because I see what everybody else has that I don\u2019t have; and it just makes my loneliness inflamed.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 So right\u2014avoid; stay away from those\u2014again, move <em>toward<\/em> the things that are going to help you get through the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Ron, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us\u2014and talking this out with me all about loneliness\u2014and just some of those seasons that people find themselves in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, you\u2019re welcome. Thanks for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And thanks for coaching us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, next week, we\u2019re going to have some fun; but it\u2019s also going to be a tough conversation. You know there are <em>many<\/em> things in the Bible that we are told to do. Take for instance, the Ten Commandments: some of them are easy to follow\u2014and some of them\u2014well, not so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we\u2019re going to laugh at ourselves\u2014and we\u2019re going to, hopefully, encourage each other\u2014and we\u2019re going to hear from Elisabeth Elliot and some other folks just about some of those things that\u2014well, we\u2019re told to do and we don\u2019t want to do; but yet, we have to do\u2014just how do we do that?\u00a0 So some encouraging next week, you know, follow those rules and everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for listening! I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins; our founder, Dennis Rainey; along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch, who <em>never<\/em> follows the rules. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff, who follow the rules because they have to. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer; and well, he <em>loves<\/em> to follow the rules. And Megan Martin is our production coordinator; and well, she just likes teaching <em>others<\/em> how to follow the rules, especially her two little girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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