{"id":307388,"date":"2022-02-02T08:02:59","date_gmt":"2022-02-02T13:02:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms\/"},"modified":"2022-02-02T08:02:59","modified_gmt":"2022-02-02T13:02:59","slug":"soul-care-for-stressed-moms","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms\/","title":{"rendered":"Soul Care for Stressed Moms"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Do you feel like you could use some soul care, mom? On FamilyLife Today, author Maggie Combs offers encouragement to identify and address your real needs.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.<br \/>\n \tFind more content and resources on the FamilyLife&#8217;s app!<br \/>\n \tHelp others find Familylife.\u00a0 Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all the Familylife&#8217;s on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Wishing for an exit strategy&#8211;or just some soul care&#8211;in the wear and worry of motherhood? Author Maggie Combs offers strategies when you&#8217;re feeling starved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-02-02.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:07","filesize":"23M","filesize_raw":"24112487","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838],"tags":[7028,7029],"podcast_series":[8500],"cwp_profile":[9757],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307388","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","tag-soul-care","tag-stressed-moms","podcast_series-motherhood-without-all-the-rules","cwp_profile-maggie-combs","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307388\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307388\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"oCNlUt1tEV\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms\/\">Soul Care for Stressed Moms<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms\/embed\/#?secret=oCNlUt1tEV\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Soul Care for Stressed Moms&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"oCNlUt1tEV\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-02-02.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-02-02.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As a mom, what would you say, if you can remember, was your biggest source of <em>stress<\/em> when we were raising our boys? Think, actually, any stage you want.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say each stage had its own degree of stress. When they were little: \u201cWill they stay alive? Can I keep them alive?\u201d As they get older, with teenagers, \u201cWhat trouble could they get into?\u201d or \u201cWhat are they doing?\u201d As they get older, \u201cWho are they going to marry?\u201d Do you see what I mean? Every single stage has a different degree of stress and things you worry about.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\n<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nDo dads not? Do you <em>never<\/em> worry about our kids now?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Again, I\u2019m just one dad; I can\u2019t speak for other dads. But I talk to a lot of guys, and they seem to be somewhat\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay, I\u2019m going to look into our studio sound booth\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got two dads in there.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014dads\/two dads. Do you guys worry about your kids?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014like 24\/7.\n\n<strong>Sound Engineer:<\/strong> No.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Jim\u2019s laughing over there.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, Jim <em>does<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I actually do. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Jim does.\n\n<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I actually do. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay, so maybe it\u2019s kind of: \u201cEverybody\u2019s different.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, some of it\u2019s personality\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014some of us carry\u2014but I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever met a mom that doesn\u2019t carry it almost non-stop.\n\nI thought it might be interesting, since not every day do we have two moms in the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> studio, and one dad, to ask you two some questions\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014related to\u2014we have Maggie Combs back with us again. Thank you for being back on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Thanks for having me.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; this is a great discussion about motherhood from your book, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>, which is fascinating. It\u2019s also interesting\u2014I have two moms of just boys\u2014three sons that are\u2014your oldest is ten?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and our oldest is 36.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201435.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Our oldest is 35.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> She knows because she\u2019s thinking about them <em>all the time<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you catch that?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I <em>always<\/em> get it wrong, and she <em>never<\/em> gets it wrong. [Laughter] But we have grandkids almost as old as your\u2014well, we have six-year-old granddaughter\u2014you have a son that\u2019s six; right?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes, but he\u2019ll be seven next week.\n\n<strong>Dave<\/strong>: Look at that; [Laughter] you have to think.\n\nIt\u2019s interesting\u2014you\u2019re in two different stages\u2014and I think there\u2019s a lot of wisdom in the room. We\u2019ve got a seasoned mom and a younger mom. I think, not only can parents learn a lot, but moms can learn from you guys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thanks; and Maggie has not only written this book\u2014which the subtitle is<em> Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths<\/em>\u2014Maggie, you wrote a book when you were right at the <em>beginning<\/em> of mothering called\u2014\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014<em>Unsuper Mommy<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you come up with that title?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I did.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s good!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> What happened is: I put a book picture of me and my three boys\u2014and I probably I have like a two-month-old or something, and a fifteen-month-old, and a three-year-old. Someone wrote on it, \u201c<em>Supermom<\/em>\u201d; and I was like, \u201cOhhh!\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cOhhh!\u201d Not what you were going for.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u201cI cannot bear the burden of that title. If they could only see my house right now, and my children right now, they would know <em>I am not<\/em> a supermom.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re just trying to survive.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes; the goal of that book was to help women throw off some of that expectation that, really, we\u2019ve got nine months to set up expectations for ourselves; right? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Nine months to build up those expectations in our head, and it only takes a couple of months to knock them all to the floor.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But you\u2019re also a writer.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it\u2019s a little unknown fact: is you live on a <em>hobby farm<\/em>? What is a hobby farm?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I feel like the fancy term nowadays is homestead, but I don\u2019t do any of the homesteading stuff really.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Are you Ann Voskamp II?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Not at all; I\u2019m probably the antithesis of that. [Laughter] It\u2019s like, \u201cHow can we do this with as minimal work for me as possible?\u201d\n\nThat\u2019s how I grew up. My parents have some acreage outside of the suburbs, and I grew up there. We had cows and horses. Then we found out we were pregnant with our third boy; and we were like, \u201cGet us to the farm,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014close to your parents.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cclose to the parents.\u201d We built a house right next to my parents, and we share the land with them. Then we added to the livestock fainting goats.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What? Wait; I love these things!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Have you ever\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014next time you are having a really bad day, go onto YouTube and type in \u201cfainting goats.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I have totally done this!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> You\u2019re welcome.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They\u2019re so funny!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You have goats that faint\u2014\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014like all the time? How does this work?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> When they are scared or excited, they faint; they just fall over. [Laughter] I\u2019ve made up my own term\u2014sometimes, it\u2019s like they don\u2019t fully fall over\u2014they just get leg-locked. Their legs are all straight like this, and they have to walk. I can\u2019t even show\u2014obviously, this is <em>not<\/em> visual medium\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is a boy\u2019s paradise: \u201cWhen they get scared\u2026\u201d How old were your boys when you got your <em>fainting<\/em> goats?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I think four, five and seven. [Laughter] They\u2019re very gentle with them.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, good.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> My middle son <em>loves<\/em> animals, and he makes a pet of every time we have goat babies; they are literally the cutest animals of all time. They jump up in the air and do fancy twists; they\u2019re just so joyful. But my son always takes one to make it his. He takes it down the slide with him, and then carries it all over; and then one day we sell it.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh!\n\n<strong>Maggie: <\/strong>Talk about hard life.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Traumatized.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s so funny.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, let me ask some questions to you moms. Several of these you cover in probably both books, but I know definitely in this latest one, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>. Even when you talk about a farm, it sounds like, \u201cOh, that\u2019s a great escape for some people.\u201d You <em>live<\/em> there.\n\nThere\u2019s a myth and you say it\u2019s a\u2014what do you call it?\u2014standard\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Stressful\u2014\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Stressful standard.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There\u2019s a stressful standard of: \u201cMom\u2019s deserve an escape: \u2018You <em>deserve<\/em> this\/you\u2019ve earned this.\u2019\u201d Is that true?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> We actually\/we tell ourselves we <em>need<\/em> it, like we can\u2019t go on until we have had this escape; and we set it up as the most important thing. Sometimes, it is like a piece of chocolate in the pantry.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That sounds good. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Right? I actually started a whole thing in the pandemic that was like, \u201cPandemic Pantry Chats,\u201d where I\u2019d shut myself in the pantry; because that was the only place I could be <em>alone<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\nSometimes it\u2019s as little as that, or it\u2019s the next trip that we\u2019re planning, or it\u2019s like a bubble bath. And all of these things are <em>good things<\/em>; the problem is when we elevate them to a <em>need<\/em>. God actually tells us that He supplies all that we need and that He is the One who feeds us and cares for us like He feeds the sparrows and the birds of the air [Matthew 6:26].\n\nWe tell ourselves, \u201cWe <em>need<\/em> these things\u201d; and then, when we need something, we are willing to <em>fight<\/em> to get it. A lot of times, I hear moms say all the time\/I say all the time, \u201cI never thought I\u2019d be an angry mom. Why am I an angry mom? Well, it\u2019s these kids keep getting in the way of what I\u2019ve told myself that I <em>need to survive<\/em>.\u201d Then they start taking that little piece of comfort away from me; and suddenly, I\u2019m just a flashpoint of anger, and I yell at them. Then I feel the shame and \u201cOh, why did I do that?\u201d It\u2019s because I had elevated this need up to the point where it was more important than my need for God, and I\u2019d put it on the throne of my life; and that little need was <em>ruling everything<\/em> for me.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You know what else we do with that need?\u2014is we look at our husbands, if we\u2019re married, and we think, \u201cThey get all their needs met,\u201d and we begin comparing <em>our<\/em> lives compared to them.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never heard that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Then we think, \u201cOh, if I don\u2019t get what I <em>deserve<\/em>\/my escape, then I\u2019m mad, not only at my life, but at my husband, at the circumstances, and at my children.\u201d\n\nIt seems like, \u201cWait, what?\u201d It doesn\u2019t seem like it\u2019s a bad thing; because to say you need an escape\u2014that\u2019s not a bad thing\u2014because that can be true, and we all need that at times. But you\u2019re saying, \u201cWe kind of elevate it to the point, where it\u2019s our <em>savior<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes, then we create these things that aren\u2019t actually meeting the need that we <em>really do have<\/em>\u2014and that might be actually some fellowship with women that will point us to Christ\u2014but it\u2019s soul care kinds of things. We\u2019re so focused on self-care\/our external needs that\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a big word right now, too, \u201cself-care.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014that we totally neglect soul care. I\u2019ve heard self-care people describe it as \u201cYou\u2019ve got to put your oxygen mask on yourself <em>first<\/em> if the plane is going down.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard that too.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> But a lot of times, the mask we\u2019re putting on has no oxygen coming from it.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Because the things that we\u2019re using aren\u2019t oxygen providers. God is the breath of life; He give us oxygen.\n\nNo, that doesn\u2019t mean that always then\u2014every time it\u2019s running, got to have my nose deep in my Bible, which is great\u2014but it can be just changing our motive. Instead of a self-focused thing that\u2019s like, \u201cI need this so I\u2019m going to take it; I\u2019m going to get it,\u201d you can say, \u201cI am weak! I have physical limitations, as a woman; so I\u2019m going to look at my day and see God has made me physically limited, and I need to take a nap now to be able to <em>do<\/em> what He\u2019s asked me to do today.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s just a <em>change<\/em> in our attitudes; and it\u2019s a focus from our self to looking up to God, and saying, \u201cMan, I am not God; I can\u2019t do everything.\u201d Moms can\u2019t do everything; we can\u2019t be supermoms. But that\u2019s embracing the weakness and connecting to God to empower us. Part of that is meeting our physical needs with an attitude of: \u201cWow, thank You for giving me the opportunity to meet that physical need.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It reminds me of the woman at the well in John 4. She <em>thought<\/em> her need\/she could have said, \u201cMy need is for a man [who] would love me. I\u2019ve had five, and no one has loved me.\u201d\n\nAnd God is saying, \u201cNo, that\u2019s not what you need; that\u2019s not your escape,\u201d because we\u2019re all looking for ways to escape. He was saying, \u201cI am the living water. If you drink of Me, you\u2019ll have streams of living water [John 4:14].\u201d And that\u2019s what you mean, Maggie. He is the oxygen; He\u2019s the one that fills us up and meets those needs.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Alright, that brings up another topic that I think I\u2019ll give you a shot at. Talking to the men\u2014talking to the husbands\/talking to the dads\u2014what do you need from <em>us<\/em>?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ooh, that\u2019s a good question.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Tell the men or just tell your own man; I mean, what do you moms long for your husbands to do to help them?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I think what most moms\u2014I know I, but I feel like listening to my friends talk, too\u2014we just want our husbands to <em>see<\/em> us, to recognize that it <em>is really hard <\/em>work; that maybe motherhood sometimes asks more from us than fatherhood asks from them, emotionally, because we <em>are always thinking about our children<\/em> like we talked about. Just that recognition of: \u201cHey, I see that you\u2019ve been working really hard lately,\u201d goes such a long way.\n\nThen the recognition also of like: \u201cI see that this has been really hard, but I see that God is working in your life.\u201d And changing our encouragement to being based upon God\u2019s work in their life instead of everything that you\u2019re accomplishing. Because sometimes we can get it all flipped around in our head and be like, \u201cWell, then if I don\u2019t accomplish it, then he won\u2019t think good of me,\u201d or something.\n\nSo seeing her\u2014recognizing and then pointing her to Jesus, too\u2014just like we were talking about good friends do.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I would add to that, too\u2014I agree with all of that, Maggie\u2014and the part of like seeing us. I think, Dave, you would do this sometimes, but I had to ask you to do it; of just asking you to <em>ask<\/em> me how I\u2019m doing.\n\nThat\u2019s really big\u2014that\u2019s part of feeling like, \u201cOh, you hear me and you\u2019re interested in my life, which now feels super boring and monotonous; like, \u2018Who wants to hear about this? I\u2019m bored with myself,\u2019\u201d\u2014so when you would ask me, \u201cHow are you doing, really?\u201d I think you were <em>afraid<\/em> to do that; because if you asked that, I would say, \u201cWell, I would be doing a lot better if you would\u2026\u201d But I think for us, as women, just to have been asked that question feels like you are entering into our world.\n\nThe other thing I feel like you were good at this\u2014you would tell me specifically what you were inspired by in my life\u2014one time, you said, \u201cI love that you are always bringing Scripture,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re praying in the car; I love how you\u2019re bringing God into the boys\u2019 daily life and into your life.\u201d\n\nI remember thinking, \u201cWhat? Wait! Am I doing something that someone <em>noticed<\/em> and you saw it?\u201d Because the kids don\u2019t know; they don\u2019t see it. They\u2019re not saying, \u201cOh, thanks, Mom, for feeding me again.\u201d They may once in a while, but for a spouse to recognize and point specifically to something we\u2019ve done well of sharing Jesus, that is like a breath of fresh air to our souls.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember, also, thinking\u2014at least, you told me this\u2014and I think you\u2019d probably both agree, that you also want us to help. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I was just thinking; I was like, \u201cThose were great answers; but also, if you just want something really real, being like: \u201cHey, why don\u2019t you take Saturday morning to go do what you want?\u201d and \u201cI\u2019ll watch the kids.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s helping out.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> There was something about Dave taking the boys out, and I was in the house by <em>myself<\/em>, was like the most amazing gift. If you vacuumed, I\u2019m like, \u201cAre you kidding?! This is like Christmas today.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember one time\u2014and again, it could be taking them out; and we did the boys\u2019 day out, which I would take all three boys for half the day once a month\u2014and that was like a big deal, and they <em>loved<\/em> it; and it gave her a break.\n\nBut you talk about selfish. I remember one time\u2014do you remember this?\u2014you have Saturday afternoon, getting them lunch\/getting them sitting in the high chair; the whole thing. It was just they were little boys; it was chaos. You\u2019ve got the whole table set up. I go over; get myself some ice; get an iced tea; pour it; come down; sit down. I\u2019ll never forget this\u2014Ann\u2019s here; all three boys are there; it\u2019s <em>chaos<\/em>\u2014and I say to her, \u201cHey, I\u2019m preaching on selfishness tomorrow; I need a good illustration.\u201d\n\nShe goes, \u201cSeriously? Do you see what you just did?\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat?!\u201d She goes, \u201cYou\u2019re serious right now?\u201d I go, \u201cWhat, what? What did I do?\u201d\n\nShe goes, \u201cYou went over and got <em>yourself<\/em> a drink. You never got anybody else a drink. I got all three boys drinks; I got myself a drink. You want an illustration?\u2014<em>you\u2019re<\/em> the illustration.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Did you use it?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh yes, he would always use those.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Because I was like, \u201cHow am I <em>that<\/em> blind?\u201d And I <em>was<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> You know what gets me about when my husband takes my boys out? He\u2019ll take them to a fast food restaurant; every single time\u2014does not fail\u2014somebody comes up to him and says\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Maggie: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cWow! [Laughter] Your boys are <em>so good<\/em>. Wow, you must be a really good dad.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is like, \u201cIsn\u2019t this <em>amazing<\/em>? You have <em>all of them<\/em> out.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u201cPeople of the world: you can say this to <em>moms<\/em>. Even if the kids are a mess for <em>her<\/em> and they\u2019re really <em>great<\/em> for dad, we can say it to <em>moms<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s so true. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay; I\u2019ve got a whole different topic, which it will be interesting to hear a mom of a ten-year-old and a mom with grandkids: prodigals. As a mom, if your son or daughter walks away from the faith\u2014teenaged years or beyond\u2014what do you do? How do you struggle with that? How is that navigated as a mom?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I had to\u2014when I talked about this in my book\u2014I had to go to a mentor mom of mine to talk to her a little bit; because I can see it only from my perspective right now, early in life. But I\u2019ll tell you, I think there\u2019s an identity thing in there. Obviously, there\u2019s a really, true beautiful thing. We <em>want our kids to know Jesus<\/em>, of course.\n\nThere\u2019s also an identity thing; because we feel like, \u201cWe\u2019ve worked so hard to be a mom,\u201d and what is like the A+ on the report card of godly motherhood if not your kids grow up to follow Jesus? It can be like, if that doesn\u2019t happen, then \u201cProbably, I wasted <em>my whole life.<\/em>\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand I\u2019m a <em>bad mom<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> We get really dramatic in our heads; right?! So all moms\u2014this is just a <em>constant<\/em> fear across every season\u2014is like, \u201cWhat happens if this happens?\u201d\n\nI talked to a friend of mine, who experienced that. She said, \u201cYou know, the only thing I could do was just say, \u2018Is Jesus even better than this?\u2019 Even if my daughter <em>never<\/em> comes back to the Lord, after wandering away, am I going to believe that Jesus is still good, and that He is still better\/that He is my treasure even beyond the treasure of my children?\u201d\n\nI pray that I don\u2019t have to face that head-on, but I also know that I can work <em>now<\/em> to make a daily practice of, when that fear comes, asking myself that question now; so that if, one day, down the road, I have to face a prodigal child, then I will have made a practice.\n\nI did Taekwondo with my boys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, you did.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Way to go!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> That is not something I ever planned to do in my life.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did we get from prodigal to Taekwondo? This is going to be interesting.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I did Taekwondo with my boys. I wasn\u2019t going to do it. I signed them up for it. It was like a family Taekwondo though; my youngest would <em>not<\/em> do it without me. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Praise the things moms do!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I\u2019m not an athletic person! I was like, \u201cOkay!\u201d I started doing Taekwondo and the Taekwondo instructor would yell these things at us. One of the things he would yell is: \u201cPractice makes\u201d\u2014and everybody would yell\u2014\u201cperfect!\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cperfect.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie: <\/strong>And he would stop us and say, \u201c<em>No<\/em>, practice makes <em>habits<\/em>.\u201d\n\nSo if you\u2019re a mom, where your kids are still young, and you\u2019re facing that fear, we can make a habit right now of believing the truth of God\u2019s Word; that God is still good in every circumstance, that He is sovereign, that\u2019s it\u2019s not something that <em>we did<\/em> that created this problem with our child. He is sovereign over our lives, and He is sovereign over theirs and that we can entrust them to Him; and if not, He is still better.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would agree with all of that. That\u2019s beautifully said, and I think there comes a practice and a habit of surrendering your kids every day at the cross. That\u2019s not an easy thing to do.\n\nI think, too, that fear grips moms more than anything else if we allow it to. Because we could be overwhelmed with fear every day of the circumstances of life, the culture that our kids are being raised in, the things that are going on; like we can project so much fear into the future.\n\nI think every single day of that surrender\u2014and we picture giving Jesus our kids\u2014sometimes, I\u2019ll wake up in the middle of the night\u2014I\u2019ve told you [Dave] this not too long ago\u2014I can wake up in the middle of the night, and I have all adult children, and I think: \u201cAre their marriages okay?\u201d \u201cAre their\u2026\u201d You know, I\u2019m going through all this stuff: \u201cAre they struggling with anything?\u201d\n\nIn order to go back to sleep, I have to picture myself standing with Jesus; and I push our kids\/our sons back to Jesus; and I have to say, \u201cBut, Lord, You love them more than I do. You see them more than I do. You can take care of them more than I ever could and my worry isn\u2019t going to amount to anything that will be helpful. So I hand them to You, a good and loving Father; and they\u2019re Yours. I\u2019m going to trust You.\u201d\n\nSometimes, bad things still happen; but God\/the gospel of the truth of Jesus is bigger than that. That\u2019s hard to live out. It has to become\u2014I like what you said, Maggie\u2014a <em>habit<\/em> of that total surrender every day.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s been fun to ask two moms. But I think that\u2019s a great word\u2014the habit thing\u2014because <em>surrender<\/em> is a habit. It\u2019s not a one time; it\u2019s a daily\/almost minute by minute\u2014especially with your children that you can\u2019t control\u2014you have to: \u201cI\u2019m opening my hands right now.\u201d\n\nBecause we hold on tightly to our children. As they grow up, it\u2019s the hardest thing for a parent to go, \u201cOkay, they\u2019re not mine; they\u2019re His. They may make bad decisions; they may make good ones. My identity is <em>not<\/em> how they do; my identity is in Christ. I\u2019m going to surrender again,\u201d\u2014two a.m., three a.m., six a.m. \u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to surrender,\u201d and <em>God<\/em> <em>will walk with your children<\/em>.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is true for us, as moms and dads, if our power source to try to accomplish the assignment God\u2019s given us to raise our kids, if our power source for that is anything other than the power of the gospel\u2014Jesus alive in us, animating us to do what He\u2019s called us to do\u2014we\u2019re going to find ourselves flailing and failing. But if we are connected to Christ daily, that\u2019s where the power to function as effective parents is going to come from.\n\nThat is one of the central themes of Maggie Combs\u2019 book, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>. The subtitle is <em>Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths<\/em>. I think about how many moms I know who are trying to live out the stressful standards instead of finding their peace and their hope in the gospel truths.\n\nWe would <em>love<\/em> to send you a copy of Maggie\u2019s book as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your ongoing support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d I think most of you know <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. It\u2019s listeners like you who have made today\u2019s program possible. You help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this program every time you make a donation. When you do that today\u2014when you make a donation\u2014we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Maggie\u2019s book, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>.\n\nIf you can help us extend the outreach of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014help us reach more people, more often, by making a donation today\u2014ask for your copy of Maggie Combs\u2019 book, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>, when you do that. You can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear about how our walk with Jesus impacts intimacy in our marriage. There is a connection between what\u2019s going on in our soul and what goes on in the most intimate parts of our marriage. Dave and Ann Wilson talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\nOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";s:10:\"1776600200\";s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Wishing for an exit strategy--or just some soul care--in the wear and worry of motherhood? Author Maggie Combs offers strategies when you're feeling starved.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-02-02.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As a mom, what would you say, if you can remember, was your biggest source of <em>stress<\/em> when we were raising our boys? Think, actually, any stage you want.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say each stage had its own degree of stress. When they were little: \u201cWill they stay alive? Can I keep them alive?\u201d As they get older, with teenagers, \u201cWhat trouble could they get into?\u201d or \u201cWhat are they doing?\u201d As they get older, \u201cWho are they going to marry?\u201d Do you see what I mean? Every single stage has a different degree of stress and things you worry about.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\n<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nDo dads not? Do you <em>never<\/em> worry about our kids now?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Again, I\u2019m just one dad; I can\u2019t speak for other dads. But I talk to a lot of guys, and they seem to be somewhat\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay, I\u2019m going to look into our studio sound booth\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got two dads in there.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014dads\/two dads. Do you guys worry about your kids?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014like 24\/7.\n\n<strong>Sound Engineer:<\/strong> No.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Jim\u2019s laughing over there.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, Jim <em>does<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I actually do. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Jim does.\n\n<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I actually do. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay, so maybe it\u2019s kind of: \u201cEverybody\u2019s different.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, some of it\u2019s personality\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014some of us carry\u2014but I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever met a mom that doesn\u2019t carry it almost non-stop.\n\nI thought it might be interesting, since not every day do we have two moms in the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> studio, and one dad, to ask you two some questions\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014related to\u2014we have Maggie Combs back with us again. Thank you for being back on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Thanks for having me.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; this is a great discussion about motherhood from your book, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>, which is fascinating. It\u2019s also interesting\u2014I have two moms of just boys\u2014three sons that are\u2014your oldest is ten?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and our oldest is 36.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201435.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Our oldest is 35.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> She knows because she\u2019s thinking about them <em>all the time<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you catch that?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I <em>always<\/em> get it wrong, and she <em>never<\/em> gets it wrong. [Laughter] But we have grandkids almost as old as your\u2014well, we have six-year-old granddaughter\u2014you have a son that\u2019s six; right?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes, but he\u2019ll be seven next week.\n\n<strong>Dave<\/strong>: Look at that; [Laughter] you have to think.\n\nIt\u2019s interesting\u2014you\u2019re in two different stages\u2014and I think there\u2019s a lot of wisdom in the room. We\u2019ve got a seasoned mom and a younger mom. I think, not only can parents learn a lot, but moms can learn from you guys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thanks; and Maggie has not only written this book\u2014which the subtitle is<em> Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths<\/em>\u2014Maggie, you wrote a book when you were right at the <em>beginning<\/em> of mothering called\u2014\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014<em>Unsuper Mommy<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you come up with that title?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I did.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s good!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> What happened is: I put a book picture of me and my three boys\u2014and I probably I have like a two-month-old or something, and a fifteen-month-old, and a three-year-old. Someone wrote on it, \u201c<em>Supermom<\/em>\u201d; and I was like, \u201cOhhh!\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cOhhh!\u201d Not what you were going for.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u201cI cannot bear the burden of that title. If they could only see my house right now, and my children right now, they would know <em>I am not<\/em> a supermom.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re just trying to survive.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes; the goal of that book was to help women throw off some of that expectation that, really, we\u2019ve got nine months to set up expectations for ourselves; right? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Nine months to build up those expectations in our head, and it only takes a couple of months to knock them all to the floor.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But you\u2019re also a writer.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it\u2019s a little unknown fact: is you live on a <em>hobby farm<\/em>? What is a hobby farm?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I feel like the fancy term nowadays is homestead, but I don\u2019t do any of the homesteading stuff really.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Are you Ann Voskamp II?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Not at all; I\u2019m probably the antithesis of that. [Laughter] It\u2019s like, \u201cHow can we do this with as minimal work for me as possible?\u201d\n\nThat\u2019s how I grew up. My parents have some acreage outside of the suburbs, and I grew up there. We had cows and horses. Then we found out we were pregnant with our third boy; and we were like, \u201cGet us to the farm,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014close to your parents.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cclose to the parents.\u201d We built a house right next to my parents, and we share the land with them. Then we added to the livestock fainting goats.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What? Wait; I love these things!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Have you ever\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014next time you are having a really bad day, go onto YouTube and type in \u201cfainting goats.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I have totally done this!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> You\u2019re welcome.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They\u2019re so funny!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You have goats that faint\u2014\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014like all the time? How does this work?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> When they are scared or excited, they faint; they just fall over. [Laughter] I\u2019ve made up my own term\u2014sometimes, it\u2019s like they don\u2019t fully fall over\u2014they just get leg-locked. Their legs are all straight like this, and they have to walk. I can\u2019t even show\u2014obviously, this is <em>not<\/em> visual medium\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is a boy\u2019s paradise: \u201cWhen they get scared\u2026\u201d How old were your boys when you got your <em>fainting<\/em> goats?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I think four, five and seven. [Laughter] They\u2019re very gentle with them.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, good.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> My middle son <em>loves<\/em> animals, and he makes a pet of every time we have goat babies; they are literally the cutest animals of all time. They jump up in the air and do fancy twists; they\u2019re just so joyful. But my son always takes one to make it his. He takes it down the slide with him, and then carries it all over; and then one day we sell it.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh!\n\n<strong>Maggie: <\/strong>Talk about hard life.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Traumatized.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s so funny.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, let me ask some questions to you moms. Several of these you cover in probably both books, but I know definitely in this latest one, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>. Even when you talk about a farm, it sounds like, \u201cOh, that\u2019s a great escape for some people.\u201d You <em>live<\/em> there.\n\nThere\u2019s a myth and you say it\u2019s a\u2014what do you call it?\u2014standard\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Stressful\u2014\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Stressful standard.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There\u2019s a stressful standard of: \u201cMom\u2019s deserve an escape: \u2018You <em>deserve<\/em> this\/you\u2019ve earned this.\u2019\u201d Is that true?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> We actually\/we tell ourselves we <em>need<\/em> it, like we can\u2019t go on until we have had this escape; and we set it up as the most important thing. Sometimes, it is like a piece of chocolate in the pantry.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That sounds good. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Right? I actually started a whole thing in the pandemic that was like, \u201cPandemic Pantry Chats,\u201d where I\u2019d shut myself in the pantry; because that was the only place I could be <em>alone<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\nSometimes it\u2019s as little as that, or it\u2019s the next trip that we\u2019re planning, or it\u2019s like a bubble bath. And all of these things are <em>good things<\/em>; the problem is when we elevate them to a <em>need<\/em>. God actually tells us that He supplies all that we need and that He is the One who feeds us and cares for us like He feeds the sparrows and the birds of the air [Matthew 6:26].\n\nWe tell ourselves, \u201cWe <em>need<\/em> these things\u201d; and then, when we need something, we are willing to <em>fight<\/em> to get it. A lot of times, I hear moms say all the time\/I say all the time, \u201cI never thought I\u2019d be an angry mom. Why am I an angry mom? Well, it\u2019s these kids keep getting in the way of what I\u2019ve told myself that I <em>need to survive<\/em>.\u201d Then they start taking that little piece of comfort away from me; and suddenly, I\u2019m just a flashpoint of anger, and I yell at them. Then I feel the shame and \u201cOh, why did I do that?\u201d It\u2019s because I had elevated this need up to the point where it was more important than my need for God, and I\u2019d put it on the throne of my life; and that little need was <em>ruling everything<\/em> for me.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You know what else we do with that need?\u2014is we look at our husbands, if we\u2019re married, and we think, \u201cThey get all their needs met,\u201d and we begin comparing <em>our<\/em> lives compared to them.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never heard that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Then we think, \u201cOh, if I don\u2019t get what I <em>deserve<\/em>\/my escape, then I\u2019m mad, not only at my life, but at my husband, at the circumstances, and at my children.\u201d\n\nIt seems like, \u201cWait, what?\u201d It doesn\u2019t seem like it\u2019s a bad thing; because to say you need an escape\u2014that\u2019s not a bad thing\u2014because that can be true, and we all need that at times. But you\u2019re saying, \u201cWe kind of elevate it to the point, where it\u2019s our <em>savior<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes, then we create these things that aren\u2019t actually meeting the need that we <em>really do have<\/em>\u2014and that might be actually some fellowship with women that will point us to Christ\u2014but it\u2019s soul care kinds of things. We\u2019re so focused on self-care\/our external needs that\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a big word right now, too, \u201cself-care.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014that we totally neglect soul care. I\u2019ve heard self-care people describe it as \u201cYou\u2019ve got to put your oxygen mask on yourself <em>first<\/em> if the plane is going down.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard that too.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> But a lot of times, the mask we\u2019re putting on has no oxygen coming from it.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Because the things that we\u2019re using aren\u2019t oxygen providers. God is the breath of life; He give us oxygen.\n\nNo, that doesn\u2019t mean that always then\u2014every time it\u2019s running, got to have my nose deep in my Bible, which is great\u2014but it can be just changing our motive. Instead of a self-focused thing that\u2019s like, \u201cI need this so I\u2019m going to take it; I\u2019m going to get it,\u201d you can say, \u201cI am weak! I have physical limitations, as a woman; so I\u2019m going to look at my day and see God has made me physically limited, and I need to take a nap now to be able to <em>do<\/em> what He\u2019s asked me to do today.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s just a <em>change<\/em> in our attitudes; and it\u2019s a focus from our self to looking up to God, and saying, \u201cMan, I am not God; I can\u2019t do everything.\u201d Moms can\u2019t do everything; we can\u2019t be supermoms. But that\u2019s embracing the weakness and connecting to God to empower us. Part of that is meeting our physical needs with an attitude of: \u201cWow, thank You for giving me the opportunity to meet that physical need.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It reminds me of the woman at the well in John 4. She <em>thought<\/em> her need\/she could have said, \u201cMy need is for a man [who] would love me. I\u2019ve had five, and no one has loved me.\u201d\n\nAnd God is saying, \u201cNo, that\u2019s not what you need; that\u2019s not your escape,\u201d because we\u2019re all looking for ways to escape. He was saying, \u201cI am the living water. If you drink of Me, you\u2019ll have streams of living water [John 4:14].\u201d And that\u2019s what you mean, Maggie. He is the oxygen; He\u2019s the one that fills us up and meets those needs.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Alright, that brings up another topic that I think I\u2019ll give you a shot at. Talking to the men\u2014talking to the husbands\/talking to the dads\u2014what do you need from <em>us<\/em>?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ooh, that\u2019s a good question.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Tell the men or just tell your own man; I mean, what do you moms long for your husbands to do to help them?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I think what most moms\u2014I know I, but I feel like listening to my friends talk, too\u2014we just want our husbands to <em>see<\/em> us, to recognize that it <em>is really hard <\/em>work; that maybe motherhood sometimes asks more from us than fatherhood asks from them, emotionally, because we <em>are always thinking about our children<\/em> like we talked about. Just that recognition of: \u201cHey, I see that you\u2019ve been working really hard lately,\u201d goes such a long way.\n\nThen the recognition also of like: \u201cI see that this has been really hard, but I see that God is working in your life.\u201d And changing our encouragement to being based upon God\u2019s work in their life instead of everything that you\u2019re accomplishing. Because sometimes we can get it all flipped around in our head and be like, \u201cWell, then if I don\u2019t accomplish it, then he won\u2019t think good of me,\u201d or something.\n\nSo seeing her\u2014recognizing and then pointing her to Jesus, too\u2014just like we were talking about good friends do.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I would add to that, too\u2014I agree with all of that, Maggie\u2014and the part of like seeing us. I think, Dave, you would do this sometimes, but I had to ask you to do it; of just asking you to <em>ask<\/em> me how I\u2019m doing.\n\nThat\u2019s really big\u2014that\u2019s part of feeling like, \u201cOh, you hear me and you\u2019re interested in my life, which now feels super boring and monotonous; like, \u2018Who wants to hear about this? I\u2019m bored with myself,\u2019\u201d\u2014so when you would ask me, \u201cHow are you doing, really?\u201d I think you were <em>afraid<\/em> to do that; because if you asked that, I would say, \u201cWell, I would be doing a lot better if you would\u2026\u201d But I think for us, as women, just to have been asked that question feels like you are entering into our world.\n\nThe other thing I feel like you were good at this\u2014you would tell me specifically what you were inspired by in my life\u2014one time, you said, \u201cI love that you are always bringing Scripture,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re praying in the car; I love how you\u2019re bringing God into the boys\u2019 daily life and into your life.\u201d\n\nI remember thinking, \u201cWhat? Wait! Am I doing something that someone <em>noticed<\/em> and you saw it?\u201d Because the kids don\u2019t know; they don\u2019t see it. They\u2019re not saying, \u201cOh, thanks, Mom, for feeding me again.\u201d They may once in a while, but for a spouse to recognize and point specifically to something we\u2019ve done well of sharing Jesus, that is like a breath of fresh air to our souls.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember, also, thinking\u2014at least, you told me this\u2014and I think you\u2019d probably both agree, that you also want us to help. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I was just thinking; I was like, \u201cThose were great answers; but also, if you just want something really real, being like: \u201cHey, why don\u2019t you take Saturday morning to go do what you want?\u201d and \u201cI\u2019ll watch the kids.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s helping out.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> There was something about Dave taking the boys out, and I was in the house by <em>myself<\/em>, was like the most amazing gift. If you vacuumed, I\u2019m like, \u201cAre you kidding?! This is like Christmas today.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember one time\u2014and again, it could be taking them out; and we did the boys\u2019 day out, which I would take all three boys for half the day once a month\u2014and that was like a big deal, and they <em>loved<\/em> it; and it gave her a break.\n\nBut you talk about selfish. I remember one time\u2014do you remember this?\u2014you have Saturday afternoon, getting them lunch\/getting them sitting in the high chair; the whole thing. It was just they were little boys; it was chaos. You\u2019ve got the whole table set up. I go over; get myself some ice; get an iced tea; pour it; come down; sit down. I\u2019ll never forget this\u2014Ann\u2019s here; all three boys are there; it\u2019s <em>chaos<\/em>\u2014and I say to her, \u201cHey, I\u2019m preaching on selfishness tomorrow; I need a good illustration.\u201d\n\nShe goes, \u201cSeriously? Do you see what you just did?\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat?!\u201d She goes, \u201cYou\u2019re serious right now?\u201d I go, \u201cWhat, what? What did I do?\u201d\n\nShe goes, \u201cYou went over and got <em>yourself<\/em> a drink. You never got anybody else a drink. I got all three boys drinks; I got myself a drink. You want an illustration?\u2014<em>you\u2019re<\/em> the illustration.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Did you use it?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh yes, he would always use those.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Because I was like, \u201cHow am I <em>that<\/em> blind?\u201d And I <em>was<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> You know what gets me about when my husband takes my boys out? He\u2019ll take them to a fast food restaurant; every single time\u2014does not fail\u2014somebody comes up to him and says\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Maggie: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cWow! [Laughter] Your boys are <em>so good<\/em>. Wow, you must be a really good dad.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is like, \u201cIsn\u2019t this <em>amazing<\/em>? You have <em>all of them<\/em> out.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u201cPeople of the world: you can say this to <em>moms<\/em>. Even if the kids are a mess for <em>her<\/em> and they\u2019re really <em>great<\/em> for dad, we can say it to <em>moms<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s so true. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay; I\u2019ve got a whole different topic, which it will be interesting to hear a mom of a ten-year-old and a mom with grandkids: prodigals. As a mom, if your son or daughter walks away from the faith\u2014teenaged years or beyond\u2014what do you do? How do you struggle with that? How is that navigated as a mom?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I had to\u2014when I talked about this in my book\u2014I had to go to a mentor mom of mine to talk to her a little bit; because I can see it only from my perspective right now, early in life. But I\u2019ll tell you, I think there\u2019s an identity thing in there. Obviously, there\u2019s a really, true beautiful thing. We <em>want our kids to know Jesus<\/em>, of course.\n\nThere\u2019s also an identity thing; because we feel like, \u201cWe\u2019ve worked so hard to be a mom,\u201d and what is like the A+ on the report card of godly motherhood if not your kids grow up to follow Jesus? It can be like, if that doesn\u2019t happen, then \u201cProbably, I wasted <em>my whole life.<\/em>\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand I\u2019m a <em>bad mom<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> We get really dramatic in our heads; right?! So all moms\u2014this is just a <em>constant<\/em> fear across every season\u2014is like, \u201cWhat happens if this happens?\u201d\n\nI talked to a friend of mine, who experienced that. She said, \u201cYou know, the only thing I could do was just say, \u2018Is Jesus even better than this?\u2019 Even if my daughter <em>never<\/em> comes back to the Lord, after wandering away, am I going to believe that Jesus is still good, and that He is still better\/that He is my treasure even beyond the treasure of my children?\u201d\n\nI pray that I don\u2019t have to face that head-on, but I also know that I can work <em>now<\/em> to make a daily practice of, when that fear comes, asking myself that question now; so that if, one day, down the road, I have to face a prodigal child, then I will have made a practice.\n\nI did Taekwondo with my boys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, you did.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Way to go!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> That is not something I ever planned to do in my life.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did we get from prodigal to Taekwondo? This is going to be interesting.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I did Taekwondo with my boys. I wasn\u2019t going to do it. I signed them up for it. It was like a family Taekwondo though; my youngest would <em>not<\/em> do it without me. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Praise the things moms do!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I\u2019m not an athletic person! I was like, \u201cOkay!\u201d I started doing Taekwondo and the Taekwondo instructor would yell these things at us. One of the things he would yell is: \u201cPractice makes\u201d\u2014and everybody would yell\u2014\u201cperfect!\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cperfect.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie: <\/strong>And he would stop us and say, \u201c<em>No<\/em>, practice makes <em>habits<\/em>.\u201d\n\nSo if you\u2019re a mom, where your kids are still young, and you\u2019re facing that fear, we can make a habit right now of believing the truth of God\u2019s Word; that God is still good in every circumstance, that He is sovereign, that\u2019s it\u2019s not something that <em>we did<\/em> that created this problem with our child. He is sovereign over our lives, and He is sovereign over theirs and that we can entrust them to Him; and if not, He is still better.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would agree with all of that. That\u2019s beautifully said, and I think there comes a practice and a habit of surrendering your kids every day at the cross. That\u2019s not an easy thing to do.\n\nI think, too, that fear grips moms more than anything else if we allow it to. Because we could be overwhelmed with fear every day of the circumstances of life, the culture that our kids are being raised in, the things that are going on; like we can project so much fear into the future.\n\nI think every single day of that surrender\u2014and we picture giving Jesus our kids\u2014sometimes, I\u2019ll wake up in the middle of the night\u2014I\u2019ve told you [Dave] this not too long ago\u2014I can wake up in the middle of the night, and I have all adult children, and I think: \u201cAre their marriages okay?\u201d \u201cAre their\u2026\u201d You know, I\u2019m going through all this stuff: \u201cAre they struggling with anything?\u201d\n\nIn order to go back to sleep, I have to picture myself standing with Jesus; and I push our kids\/our sons back to Jesus; and I have to say, \u201cBut, Lord, You love them more than I do. You see them more than I do. You can take care of them more than I ever could and my worry isn\u2019t going to amount to anything that will be helpful. So I hand them to You, a good and loving Father; and they\u2019re Yours. I\u2019m going to trust You.\u201d\n\nSometimes, bad things still happen; but God\/the gospel of the truth of Jesus is bigger than that. That\u2019s hard to live out. It has to become\u2014I like what you said, Maggie\u2014a <em>habit<\/em> of that total surrender every day.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s been fun to ask two moms. But I think that\u2019s a great word\u2014the habit thing\u2014because <em>surrender<\/em> is a habit. It\u2019s not a one time; it\u2019s a daily\/almost minute by minute\u2014especially with your children that you can\u2019t control\u2014you have to: \u201cI\u2019m opening my hands right now.\u201d\n\nBecause we hold on tightly to our children. As they grow up, it\u2019s the hardest thing for a parent to go, \u201cOkay, they\u2019re not mine; they\u2019re His. They may make bad decisions; they may make good ones. My identity is <em>not<\/em> how they do; my identity is in Christ. I\u2019m going to surrender again,\u201d\u2014two a.m., three a.m., six a.m. \u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to surrender,\u201d and <em>God<\/em> <em>will walk with your children<\/em>.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is true for us, as moms and dads, if our power source to try to accomplish the assignment God\u2019s given us to raise our kids, if our power source for that is anything other than the power of the gospel\u2014Jesus alive in us, animating us to do what He\u2019s called us to do\u2014we\u2019re going to find ourselves flailing and failing. But if we are connected to Christ daily, that\u2019s where the power to function as effective parents is going to come from.\n\nThat is one of the central themes of Maggie Combs\u2019 book, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>. The subtitle is <em>Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths<\/em>. I think about how many moms I know who are trying to live out the stressful standards instead of finding their peace and their hope in the gospel truths.\n\nWe would <em>love<\/em> to send you a copy of Maggie\u2019s book as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your ongoing support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d I think most of you know <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. It\u2019s listeners like you who have made today\u2019s program possible. You help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this program every time you make a donation. When you do that today\u2014when you make a donation\u2014we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Maggie\u2019s book, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>.\n\nIf you can help us extend the outreach of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014help us reach more people, more often, by making a donation today\u2014ask for your copy of Maggie Combs\u2019 book, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>, when you do that. You can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear about how our walk with Jesus impacts intimacy in our marriage. There is a connection between what\u2019s going on in our soul and what goes on in the most intimate parts of our marriage. Dave and Ann Wilson talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\nOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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