{"id":307384,"date":"2022-01-31T08:05:01","date_gmt":"2022-01-31T13:05:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/true-confession-mommy-guilt\/"},"modified":"2022-01-31T08:05:01","modified_gmt":"2022-01-31T13:05:01","slug":"true-confession-mommy-guilt","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/true-confession-mommy-guilt\/","title":{"rendered":"True Confession: Mommy Guilt"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Suffocating under the weight of mom guilt? Author Maggie Combs gives her true confessions of motherhood and the &#8220;rules&#8221; moms struggle beneath &#8212; and how to seize their freedom.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.<br \/>\n \tFind more content and resources on the FamilyLife&#8217;s app!<br \/>\n \tHelp others find Familylife.\u00a0 Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all the Familylife&#8217;s on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Suffocating under the weight of mom guilt? Author Maggie Combs gives her true confessions of motherhood and the &#8220;rules&#8221; moms struggle beneath &#8212; and how to seize their freedom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"%%cf_sermon_description%%","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-01-31.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:36","filesize":"23.43M","filesize_raw":"24571427","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2846,2838],"tags":[4500,4921,2209],"podcast_series":[8500],"cwp_profile":[9757],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307384","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-depression","category-mothers","tag-moms","tag-mother","tag-parenting","podcast_series-motherhood-without-all-the-rules","cwp_profile-maggie-combs","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307384\/true-confession-mommy-guilt","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307384\/true-confession-mommy-guilt","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"yPSM7osJa3\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/true-confession-mommy-guilt\/\">True Confession: Mommy Guilt<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/true-confession-mommy-guilt\/embed\/#?secret=yPSM7osJa3\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;True Confession: Mommy Guilt&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"yPSM7osJa3\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-01-31.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-01-31.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m wondering if any of you moms can relate to this: \u201cI have a confession; I wish that I was a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better Christian. I wish I was better at reading my Bible, disciplining my kids with grace, and keeping my house clean. I don\u2019t have to be perfect, but I always wish I was a little bit better.\u201d I think every single mom relates to that.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I hate to tell you; dads do too.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do they?!\n\nWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\n<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\n\u201cI don\u2019t have to be perfect, but I always wish I was a little bit <em>better<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, hearing you say that, I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ve felt all of those things, probably in a different way, but a similar way.\u201d\n\nI know I\u2019m sitting in the studio with two moms, and I\u2019m guessing that you feel that all the time.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and these words were written by Maggie Combs.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014who\u2019s sitting in the studio.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yay, Maggie!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever gotten a <em>better<\/em> introduction.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Ohhh! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You say that to <em>all<\/em> your hosts. [Laughter] I\u2019ve heard that one before.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Maggie\u2019s written a book called <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules: Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths<\/em>. Oh, isn\u2019t that what we all need too?\n\nMaggie is the mom of three sons. Maggie, how old are your boys?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> They are 10, 8, and 7.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Married to your husband how many years?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Thirteen.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; so you\u2019ve <em>lived<\/em> this life, and you <em>wrote<\/em> these words.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, those are the opening words of your book. I read them as well; and I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve heard my wife say almost identical [words].\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think all moms feel like they\u2019re <em>failing<\/em> at times or they\u2019re <em>messing<\/em> <em>up<\/em>. We live under this suffocating blanket of mom guilt. So let me ask you, Maggie; like, \u201cHelp us with that. Did you ever experience that?\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Every day. [Laughter] Actually, I have a statistic in the book; and I think it\u2019s something like\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201c90 percent of moms feel judged, and 46 percent feel like they\u2019re being judged <em>all <\/em>the time.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014<em>all<\/em> the time. I think I\u2019m part of the 46 percent. [Laughter] I had three boys in three years, and it was just <em>chaos<\/em>. I mean, full-time survival mode; it was just: \u201cIf I can keep them alive, we have made it through the day good.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you think it would be like that?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Oh, no. [Laughter] I think I was never one of those people that was like: \u201cI\u2019ve always wanted to be a mom.\u201d When I pictured motherhood, it was more like: \u201cWell, maybe when my kids went to school, I\u2019ll go and get coffee with friends\u201d; [Laughter] or like, \u201cWell, at playdates, you get to sit and talk to your friends\u201d; right?\u2014not when you have three boys in a row\u2014[Laughter]\u2014you just have to keep them <em>alive<\/em>.\n\nI just was so overwhelmed by motherhood; it just kind of swept me away, because I was a person, who was just like generally good at doing things; but also, I avoided anything I wasn\u2019t good at doing. [Laughter] You know, how they\u2019re like: \u201cMothering is just really natural, and you\u2019re just like instinctual\u201d; that was not how it was for me. It was the first thing I had to do in my life that I couldn\u2019t <em>quit<\/em>, but I wasn\u2019t good at. [Laughter] I was forced to face my own weakness in motherhood, and I wanted <em>so badly<\/em> to be a good mom. I just had to survive this season by God\u2019s power alone.\n\nThen I got to the other side of this season, and it did start to get like a little bit easier. I took a deep breath; and I felt like, \u201cNow, I can be the good mom.\u201d I had written this book that was all about embracing your weakness; and I\u2019d sort of be like, \u201cWell, no; I\u2019m going to do this by my own strength,\u201d and just strapping those rules back on that would help me be a <em>good<\/em> mom; and just paying attention: \u201cWhat makes other women good moms?\u201d and \u201cHow could I be more like <em>that<\/em>?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And don\u2019t you think so many moms are doing that? Because you\u2019re plagued\/we are all plagued with social media today, so we\u2019re comparing ourselves to <em>millions<\/em> of moms. We strap that guilt on and wear it.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s just social media; and even, because it\u2019s permeated so much of our thinking, even our friends\u2014we\u2019re so quick to give each other these little hopes\/these little ideas\u2014we think like, \u201cYou\u2019re struggling with motherhood right now; that\u2019s okay. You\u2019re a good mom.\u201d Then moms put their hope in that, and they wear that. Suddenly, that becomes a <em>burden<\/em>; because we can\u2019t all be good moms all the time.\n\nWhat happens is we pick up these things from society that are supposed to give us freedom as moms: \u201cJust go be your best self and pursue your dreams.\u201d Really, they become burdens that we have to bear; because they are not the gospel. And what moms need, in this really hard day-to-day life, isn\u2019t those nice platitudes online; it is the gospel itself. And the gospel is always countercultural; you can almost depend upon it. If it\u2019s popular\/if someone will put it on a wooden plaque and sell it at TJ Maxx<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, it\u2019s probably not the gospel. [Laughter]\n\nWe have to start paying attention to: \u201cWhat are these stressors that we have taken on?\u201d; because when we don\u2019t live up to those things, that leads to <em>shame<\/em>. Not living up to all the standards of the world is not sin, but we wear it like it is. We wear it like it\u2019s shame upon ourselves that we couldn\u2019t live up to that.\n\nWhen our standard is God\u2019s truth and His way\u2014and the best news is that we don\u2019t have to be perfect at it\u2014because He made a way where there was no way. God <em>knows<\/em> that we aren\u2019t going to be perfect moms; that\u2019s why He sent a <em>perfect Savior<\/em>. And living in the truth of that, we can grow to be\u2014not perfect moms\u2014but better moms, transformed by the power of the gospel.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s funny that you say that; because I remember this one day, getting in our car\/our minivan with all three boys, because Dave\u2019s the pastor of the church\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Minivans were <em>awesome<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; so they\u2019re all\u2014I think two of them were in car seats\u2014they were all probably five and under. I mean, I was yelling, because they\u2019re dropping their stuff; they forgot things. Honestly, I was just frustrated with myself\u2014I looked terrible\u2014I felt terrible about myself.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She was actually probably frustrated with her husband; that\u2019s where it all stems from.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I remember I\u2019m <em>yelling<\/em>, looking at myself in the rear-view mirror as I\u2019m looking at them behind me; and I\u2019m thinking \u201cI am the <em>worst<\/em> mom.\u201d If someone said, \u201cYou\u2019re such a good mom,\u201d I would think, \u201c<em>No<\/em>, I\u2019m really not that great.\u201d And if you saw me in these conditions, you would think like, \u201cShe\u2019s crazy!\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> It means like you can never be honest with your friends,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014because you want them to think you\u2019re a good mom. [Laughter] So you don\u2019t want to tell them: \u201cIf I share this with them, then they will know the secret.\u201d\n\nGuess what, everyone?\u2014the secret is out. You\u2019re probably not a good mom, day to day, by your own power; but by God\u2019s power, you can be a holy mom; and you can be a gospel-fueled mom, who is saying to her kids, \u201cI messed up today, <em>but<\/em> that\u2019s why God is good. Come along with me; let\u2019s see the God who saves us when we mess up.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you <em>live<\/em> in that condemnation and guilt? Did you carry that?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I think I carry it anytime where I\u2019m <em>not fighting<\/em> not to carry it. It\u2019s just <em>so easy<\/em> to pick it up again. I think Paul Tripp says, \u201cNo one speaks to yourself more than you do.\u201d I\u2019m watching the world go by; and I am just thinking, thinking, thinking. When I\u2019m not renewing my mind with the truth, I\u2019m always headed back to those other things and to what the world has told me. It\u2019s like when Paul is like: \u201cI don\u2019t do the things I do want to do; and then, I do the things I don\u2019t want to do.\u201d I just feel like, \u201cOh yes, that\u2019s motherhood right there.\u201d That\u2019s Romans 7, but the good news is we get to move to Romans 8.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cThere is no condemnation\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u201cThere is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s a battle; it\u2019s a daily battle, and you can\u2019t expect to just win it and be done. There are some things that we can have that\u2014God really frees us from\u2014but I think that battle to choose grace instead of shame that you are heaping on yourselves. We talk a lot about mom shame in our culture\u2014we talk about it coming from other places; right?\u2014\u201cOh, they\u2019re mom shaming on the internet,\u201d \u201cThey\u2019re mom shaming that celebrity over there.\u201d I got mom shamed at a mom\u2019s group that I met with. But the biggest amount of shame comes from inside of us\u2014it\u2019s the voice inside of us\u2014talking about what we see about ourselves. The scariest thing about that is that so often we can start to think, \u201cMaybe that\u2019s God\u2019s voice,\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <em>Exactly<\/em>; and that God\u2019s condemning us.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014that God is condemning us.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What is it about\u2014and maybe I\u2019m wrong, because men do this as well\u2014but I often hear my wife, and now you Maggie, and other women\u2014they carry so much. When you\u2019re on stage, and you\u2019re speaking to women\u2014and you put on bags; and you start walking around, \u201cThis is what I carry,\u201d\u2014they\u2019re cheering; they\u2019re like, \u201cThat\u2019s my life.\u201d Again, I\u2019m not saying men don\u2019t do that; but often, I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, the kids are fine; they\u2019re good.\u201d And you\u2019re [Ann] like, \u201cNo, they\u2019re not! I feel this; I carry this.\u201d Talk about that, because I think that\u2019s universal for moms.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Maggie, it was interesting; I gave a talk to moms, where at one time, I was saying, like, \u201cYou can see me; and I look like you, and I look like any other person on the street.\u201d Then I turned around, and I had taken these\u2014I don\u2019t\/I can\u2019t remember how I got them to attach; but I think I had taped these dolls\/these little miniature dolls\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Actually, I taped them.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you do it?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She had me tape them. It was\u2014\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> He remembers. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014on the back of my jacket; I had all of these little dolls on the back. I said, \u201cEvery single mom has her children attached to her at all times of the day. So at night, when we put our kids to bed, they\u2019re in bed; and Dave\u2019s laying in the bed free, and he\u2019s asleep. I have my children attached to me.\u201d\n\nI\u2019m going to add this, too\u2014this happens with adult children, as well\u2014because we think like, \u201cOh, they\u2019re little; of course, they\u2019re attached.\u201d But when they\u2019re grown, I\u2019m still worrying about them, thinking about them, mulling over the things they\u2019re going through, praying for them. I think that\u2019s a difference between some men and women, not all.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about my children right now. [Laughter] My husband texted me about something going on at home; and I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat\u2019s happening there?\u201d\n\nI think, actually, one of the first rules that the world gives us\/these stressful standards is: \u201cEverything depends upon <em>you<\/em>.\u201d I know my first night in the hospital with my first baby\u2014they gave me that baby\u2014and I thought to myself, \u201cI\u2019m responsible for this?\u201d I never had this with any of my other children, but he spit up amniotic fluid the entire night. I called the nurse; and she\u2019s like, \u201cThat\u2019s fine. Take one of these blue\u201d\u2014you know those blue\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014syringes.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014yes, like squeezer things\u2014\u201cand just like suction it out every time he does it.\u201d I was like, \u201cOkay.\u201d He did that for the entire night long, so I did not sleep. I sat there with my baby, and I\u2019m working the suction; because I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI have to keep him alive!\u201d\n\nThen from that day forward, I\u2019ve worn that; and sometimes I\u2019ve worn it like a badge; like, \u201cSee these children; I keep them alive. Give me the praise; I am awesome.\u201d Sometimes it\u2019s such a burden; because when you have been told that everything depends upon you, you have to be in control at all times. Any circumstances, where you feel you are out of control of the future of your child, makes you an utter failure. I think a lot of the feelings of failure come from that.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Explain the stressful standard, because you have those throughout your book. At first glance, I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, what do you mean by that?\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> So a stressful standard is anything that the world tells us we <em>should<\/em> do as moms. Moms are given a whole list of shoulds that range from like how to choose their preschool, what kind of food they should be eating, how much screen time they should be doing,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014what kind of sunscreen to put on them.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes; and it\u2019s like you get to fall kind of on this continuum of how good of a mom you\u2019re going to be by how many shoulds you can live up to.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s another one I just want to make sure you hear: \u201cAnd you make sure your husband is your priority in front of your kids\u201d; okay, keep going. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Absolutely; there are plenty of marriage shoulds as well. [Laughter]\n\nThe world tells us, like: \u201cWell, you should also take care of yourself <em>first<\/em>. [Laughter] You should probably do something outside of motherhood.\u201d It\u2019s like I\u2019m just drowning in the ones about motherhood; and now, I also have to do ones that are taking care of me?\n\nEvery single one of those stressful standards\u2014the problem with it is that it puts <em>us<\/em> at the center of the universe\u2014and <em>God<\/em> needs to be the center of the universe. When we are at the center of the universe, guess what? We\u2019re <em>not<\/em> very good at being in control of the universe, but we have Someone who is.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So Maggie, talk about that; because I\u2019m thinking about you with these three little boys under four. That\u2019s the stage of parenting and life, where you can barely catch a breath, let alone study your Bible. You\u2019re talking about bringing the gospel\u2014and Jesus and the gospel is enough\/more than enough for us\u2014what does that look like? How did you learn how to do that in the midst of <em>drowning<\/em> in diapers?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I think that, first of all, I\u2019m still not perfect at it by any means.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and none of us are.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Right; but I think that I learned to do it, because I needed the gospel so badly myself. What I found was that godly motherhood that I longed for so much only came as a result of spending time with God. I couldn\u2019t exhibit the fruit of the Spirit to my children by my own willpower. I can only do that by being <em>in the Spirit,<\/em> by connecting with God every day\u2014and no, it doesn\u2019t have to look like 40 minutes of inductive study at the beginning of your day; okay?\u2014there are <em>lots<\/em> of ways we can meet with God.\n\nIt does look like getting in your Bible and in God\u2019s Word, but that looks different in every season. Spiritual disciplines look different in every season, but the point is never to check those things off the list. The point is an intimate relationship with our Savior; because when we are experiencing His grace and forgiveness every day, it is so much easier to give grace and forgiveness to our children. When we are preaching the gospel to ourselves, it\u2019s so much easier\/it\u2019s on the tip of our tongue when we\u2019re preaching to our children; right? Then we\u2019re not preaching moralism to our children; we are preaching the way of the gospel, which is: \u201cI am weak; I am a sinner, but God is strong. God is holy and He has made a way.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Is that what you mean by motherhood without all the rules?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. God actually gave us good rules in the Bible, but those rules\/the purpose of them is that we can grow to be more like our holy Savior. The purpose isn\u2019t, again, to just check them off the list or earn our salvation for ourselves. The purpose of those rules is that we can live a godly life to honor and glorify Him and, also, to be in unbroken relationship with Him.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So you talk about saturating\u2014or marinating is the word that came to mind\u2014with the gospel every day. You\u2019ve got three little boys; <em>how<\/em> do you do it? Because your life is <em>crazy<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Like walk us through it; what does it look like?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Well,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And it will look different for every person.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014it depends upon the season, of course. So right now, for me, it\u2019s like first thing I do is I read a Psalm every morning; because I know I can get that in.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So you\u2019re up before the boys?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Right now, I have been; but I\u2019m not one of those people that\u2019s like, \u201cI get up at five am every day.\u201d That is like\/I love sleep; okay? [Laughter] During the summer, I\u2019m able to get up before them more often; but during the school year, I usually can\u2019t. So it is like reading a Psalm in the morning\u2014that just takes a minute\u2014because I wake up every day with a really hard heart; like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do this! [Laughter] I don\u2019t want to do this following God thing; I want to do my thing, and I\u2019ve got my list of stuff that I want to get done today. I don\u2019t want to hear that God is changing my circumstances; because I was going to go meet with a friend, and now one of my kids is sick\u201d; you know?\n\nI have to connect with Him right away in the morning or the <em>whole<\/em> family feels it. I do that right now through getting in the Psalms right away. Then, when I have time, Lord willing, later in the day, I\u2019ll go back and do some more deeper study somewhere else. But it\u2019s also through memorizing Scripture by putting it at the kitchen sink. I mean, how many times a day do I go to the kitchen sink? It can be listening\u2014if I don\u2019t have time to get to the Psalm in the morning\u2014just <em>listening<\/em> to the Bible. And guess what?\u2014then your kids are hearing the Bible, too; and that\u2019s <em>so good<\/em> for them.\n\nAnd just building in routines in your day\u2014like when I take a shower\u2014I\u2019m just going to pray for my kids. Like you\u2019re having trouble praying for your kids?\u2014just connect it to something you already do during the day\u2014or while you\u2019re brushing your teeth. What can you do to build those spiritual disciplines into your daily routine?\n\nI just think moms are really smart people. We can figure out how to run this whole family and keep everything afloat\u2014and then we get to our quiet time\u2014we feel like, \u201cOh, I can\u2019t make that happen.\u201d I think we\u2019re discounting moms. Moms can\u2014if they take the time, if they want to\u2014they can make the space to be in relationship with God. Now, if they\u2019re struggling to want to, they still <em>need<\/em> to do it; because it\u2019s only by spending time in God\u2019s Word that you develop that <em>desire<\/em> to be in God\u2019s Word.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think the longer we\u2019re away from God\u2019s Word, the less we desire Him.\n\nI put into practice a lot of those same things. I think it\u2019s one of the sweetest parts of\u2014I call it, sometimes, \u201cthe desert years for moms\u201d; because it can feel so dry; it can feel alone; you can feel like you\u2019re in this parched land\u2014I\u2019ve often said I saw it as like: \u201cOh, this is awful!\u201d I also learned how to relate, and talk to, and be with God in the midst of the desert, like: \u201cOh, He\u2019s with me in this,\u201d \u201cHe <em>sees<\/em> me in this,\u201d \u201cHe <em>loves<\/em> me in this.\u201d\n\nI feel like women, when they can figure out how to bring God into it, it\u2019s almost like Daniel being in Babylon. Like he would go to God to pray three times a day, because he\u2019s in this place that they\u2019re worshiping false idols. We\u2019re there, too, in a land today where we\u2019re not worshiping God. I would wake up in the morning and the first thing\u2014because as you said, your heart can be hard right away\u2014is: \u201cGod, I give You my life today. I give You the kids today. Help me to <em>see<\/em> the way You do, <em>say<\/em> what You would say, and <em>hear<\/em> the way You do.\u201d\n\nJust that offering of ourselves, as in Romans 12: 1-2, I offer myself as a living sacrifice, praying all day long, like at the dishes\u2014and I\u2019m praying out loud, because our kids are learning how to pray\u2014and not just perfect prayers\u2014like: \u201cLord, I\u2019m so frustrated right now. Help me to have patience\u201d; so that our kids are seeing a living gospel.\n\nThen, also, I did the same thing\u2014we\u2019re listening\u2014like in the car, we\u2019re listening to Scripture\u2014the boys are fighting in the back, or doing whatever\u2014but I\u2019m like I don\u2019t mind. Every time we got in the car to go somewhere, I would just pray; and it became this beautiful lifestyle of worship. I did miss my 45 minutes to an hour of just sitting in God\u2019s presence and God\u2019s Word\u2014but there was a beauty in it\u2014like this phase, that can be so difficult, that God meets us right where we are.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> And what you\u2019re doing there is you are taking the focus off yourself,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014no longer building your own kingdom, and focusing back on God\u2019s kingdom.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And Maggie, I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve ever done this, but I had to replace all the negativity with the <em>positives<\/em> of God\u2019s truth.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Amen.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because when I wasn\u2019t doing God\u2019s truth, I was like: \u201cMy life is horrible,\u201d \u201cI have no life!\u201d \u201cLook at their life compared\u2026\u201d\u2014you know, you get into the comparison mode\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I\u2019ve heard that.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014the negativity. You just feel overwhelmed with your life and, then, I would feel guilty about it, like, \u201cI have this gift of these three kids.\u201d I think that\u2019s how the gospel plays out\u2014is exactly as you said\u2014we just meet with Him where we are, in our brokenness; and God fills us and allows us to live out the beauty of the gospel.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know I can have a tendency to want to compartmentalize aspects of my life and to think that there are certain parts of my life where I need to really focus on walking by the Spirit; and other parts of my life, I can just do that on my own\u2014you know, like being a mom or being a dad\u2014that\u2019s what I do every day; I don\u2019t need to think about walking by the Spirit in those common activities. But the Bible\u2019s pretty clear we are to walk by the Spirit in <em>all<\/em> that we do. We have to keep that as a functional mindset for how we live out our faith as dads and as moms.\n\nMaggie Combs has been talking today with Dave and Ann Wilson about what\u2019s at the heart of being a mom without trying to live up to a whole bunch of rules. In fact, her book is called <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules: Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths<\/em>. It\u2019s a book we want to make available to you this week as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your ongoing faithful support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\n\nWe are so grateful for those of you, who don\u2019t just listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, but you help expand the mission of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to effectively develop godly marriages and families. You help us reach out to more people, more often, with practical biblical help and hope for their marriage\/for their family. When you do that by making a donation today, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d and send you a copy of the book, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>, by Maggie Combs. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make your donation online; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The number to call is 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nHave you ever, as a mom, found yourself being hyper-vigilant when it comes to the safety and security of your kids?\u2014like you\u2019re almost obsessive about that? That can become a pitfall for moms as we\u2019ll hear, tomorrow, from Maggie Combs. She joins Dave and Ann Wilson again; we hope you can be here as well.\n\nOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\n\n1"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":["%%cf_sermon_description%%"],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:36"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.43M"],"filesize_raw":["24571427"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307384.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307384.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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under the weight of mom guilt? Author Maggie Combs gives her true confessions of motherhood and the \"rules\" moms struggle beneath -- and how to seize their freedom.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-01-31.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m wondering if any of you moms can relate to this: \u201cI have a confession; I wish that I was a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better Christian. I wish I was better at reading my Bible, disciplining my kids with grace, and keeping my house clean. I don\u2019t have to be perfect, but I always wish I was a little bit better.\u201d I think every single mom relates to that.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I hate to tell you; dads do too.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do they?!\n\nWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\n<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\n\u201cI don\u2019t have to be perfect, but I always wish I was a little bit <em>better<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, hearing you say that, I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ve felt all of those things, probably in a different way, but a similar way.\u201d\n\nI know I\u2019m sitting in the studio with two moms, and I\u2019m guessing that you feel that all the time.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and these words were written by Maggie Combs.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014who\u2019s sitting in the studio.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yay, Maggie!\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever gotten a <em>better<\/em> introduction.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Ohhh! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You say that to <em>all<\/em> your hosts. [Laughter] I\u2019ve heard that one before.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Maggie\u2019s written a book called <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules: Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths<\/em>. Oh, isn\u2019t that what we all need too?\n\nMaggie is the mom of three sons. Maggie, how old are your boys?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> They are 10, 8, and 7.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Married to your husband how many years?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Thirteen.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; so you\u2019ve <em>lived<\/em> this life, and you <em>wrote<\/em> these words.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, those are the opening words of your book. I read them as well; and I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve heard my wife say almost identical [words].\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think all moms feel like they\u2019re <em>failing<\/em> at times or they\u2019re <em>messing<\/em> <em>up<\/em>. We live under this suffocating blanket of mom guilt. So let me ask you, Maggie; like, \u201cHelp us with that. Did you ever experience that?\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Every day. [Laughter] Actually, I have a statistic in the book; and I think it\u2019s something like\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201c90 percent of moms feel judged, and 46 percent feel like they\u2019re being judged <em>all <\/em>the time.\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014<em>all<\/em> the time. I think I\u2019m part of the 46 percent. [Laughter] I had three boys in three years, and it was just <em>chaos<\/em>. I mean, full-time survival mode; it was just: \u201cIf I can keep them alive, we have made it through the day good.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you think it would be like that?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Oh, no. [Laughter] I think I was never one of those people that was like: \u201cI\u2019ve always wanted to be a mom.\u201d When I pictured motherhood, it was more like: \u201cWell, maybe when my kids went to school, I\u2019ll go and get coffee with friends\u201d; [Laughter] or like, \u201cWell, at playdates, you get to sit and talk to your friends\u201d; right?\u2014not when you have three boys in a row\u2014[Laughter]\u2014you just have to keep them <em>alive<\/em>.\n\nI just was so overwhelmed by motherhood; it just kind of swept me away, because I was a person, who was just like generally good at doing things; but also, I avoided anything I wasn\u2019t good at doing. [Laughter] You know, how they\u2019re like: \u201cMothering is just really natural, and you\u2019re just like instinctual\u201d; that was not how it was for me. It was the first thing I had to do in my life that I couldn\u2019t <em>quit<\/em>, but I wasn\u2019t good at. [Laughter] I was forced to face my own weakness in motherhood, and I wanted <em>so badly<\/em> to be a good mom. I just had to survive this season by God\u2019s power alone.\n\nThen I got to the other side of this season, and it did start to get like a little bit easier. I took a deep breath; and I felt like, \u201cNow, I can be the good mom.\u201d I had written this book that was all about embracing your weakness; and I\u2019d sort of be like, \u201cWell, no; I\u2019m going to do this by my own strength,\u201d and just strapping those rules back on that would help me be a <em>good<\/em> mom; and just paying attention: \u201cWhat makes other women good moms?\u201d and \u201cHow could I be more like <em>that<\/em>?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And don\u2019t you think so many moms are doing that? Because you\u2019re plagued\/we are all plagued with social media today, so we\u2019re comparing ourselves to <em>millions<\/em> of moms. We strap that guilt on and wear it.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s just social media; and even, because it\u2019s permeated so much of our thinking, even our friends\u2014we\u2019re so quick to give each other these little hopes\/these little ideas\u2014we think like, \u201cYou\u2019re struggling with motherhood right now; that\u2019s okay. You\u2019re a good mom.\u201d Then moms put their hope in that, and they wear that. Suddenly, that becomes a <em>burden<\/em>; because we can\u2019t all be good moms all the time.\n\nWhat happens is we pick up these things from society that are supposed to give us freedom as moms: \u201cJust go be your best self and pursue your dreams.\u201d Really, they become burdens that we have to bear; because they are not the gospel. And what moms need, in this really hard day-to-day life, isn\u2019t those nice platitudes online; it is the gospel itself. And the gospel is always countercultural; you can almost depend upon it. If it\u2019s popular\/if someone will put it on a wooden plaque and sell it at TJ Maxx<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, it\u2019s probably not the gospel. [Laughter]\n\nWe have to start paying attention to: \u201cWhat are these stressors that we have taken on?\u201d; because when we don\u2019t live up to those things, that leads to <em>shame<\/em>. Not living up to all the standards of the world is not sin, but we wear it like it is. We wear it like it\u2019s shame upon ourselves that we couldn\u2019t live up to that.\n\nWhen our standard is God\u2019s truth and His way\u2014and the best news is that we don\u2019t have to be perfect at it\u2014because He made a way where there was no way. God <em>knows<\/em> that we aren\u2019t going to be perfect moms; that\u2019s why He sent a <em>perfect Savior<\/em>. And living in the truth of that, we can grow to be\u2014not perfect moms\u2014but better moms, transformed by the power of the gospel.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s funny that you say that; because I remember this one day, getting in our car\/our minivan with all three boys, because Dave\u2019s the pastor of the church\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Minivans were <em>awesome<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; so they\u2019re all\u2014I think two of them were in car seats\u2014they were all probably five and under. I mean, I was yelling, because they\u2019re dropping their stuff; they forgot things. Honestly, I was just frustrated with myself\u2014I looked terrible\u2014I felt terrible about myself.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She was actually probably frustrated with her husband; that\u2019s where it all stems from.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I remember I\u2019m <em>yelling<\/em>, looking at myself in the rear-view mirror as I\u2019m looking at them behind me; and I\u2019m thinking \u201cI am the <em>worst<\/em> mom.\u201d If someone said, \u201cYou\u2019re such a good mom,\u201d I would think, \u201c<em>No<\/em>, I\u2019m really not that great.\u201d And if you saw me in these conditions, you would think like, \u201cShe\u2019s crazy!\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> It means like you can never be honest with your friends,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014because you want them to think you\u2019re a good mom. [Laughter] So you don\u2019t want to tell them: \u201cIf I share this with them, then they will know the secret.\u201d\n\nGuess what, everyone?\u2014the secret is out. You\u2019re probably not a good mom, day to day, by your own power; but by God\u2019s power, you can be a holy mom; and you can be a gospel-fueled mom, who is saying to her kids, \u201cI messed up today, <em>but<\/em> that\u2019s why God is good. Come along with me; let\u2019s see the God who saves us when we mess up.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you <em>live<\/em> in that condemnation and guilt? Did you carry that?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I think I carry it anytime where I\u2019m <em>not fighting<\/em> not to carry it. It\u2019s just <em>so easy<\/em> to pick it up again. I think Paul Tripp says, \u201cNo one speaks to yourself more than you do.\u201d I\u2019m watching the world go by; and I am just thinking, thinking, thinking. When I\u2019m not renewing my mind with the truth, I\u2019m always headed back to those other things and to what the world has told me. It\u2019s like when Paul is like: \u201cI don\u2019t do the things I do want to do; and then, I do the things I don\u2019t want to do.\u201d I just feel like, \u201cOh yes, that\u2019s motherhood right there.\u201d That\u2019s Romans 7, but the good news is we get to move to Romans 8.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cThere is no condemnation\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u201cThere is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s a battle; it\u2019s a daily battle, and you can\u2019t expect to just win it and be done. There are some things that we can have that\u2014God really frees us from\u2014but I think that battle to choose grace instead of shame that you are heaping on yourselves. We talk a lot about mom shame in our culture\u2014we talk about it coming from other places; right?\u2014\u201cOh, they\u2019re mom shaming on the internet,\u201d \u201cThey\u2019re mom shaming that celebrity over there.\u201d I got mom shamed at a mom\u2019s group that I met with. But the biggest amount of shame comes from inside of us\u2014it\u2019s the voice inside of us\u2014talking about what we see about ourselves. The scariest thing about that is that so often we can start to think, \u201cMaybe that\u2019s God\u2019s voice,\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <em>Exactly<\/em>; and that God\u2019s condemning us.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014that God is condemning us.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What is it about\u2014and maybe I\u2019m wrong, because men do this as well\u2014but I often hear my wife, and now you Maggie, and other women\u2014they carry so much. When you\u2019re on stage, and you\u2019re speaking to women\u2014and you put on bags; and you start walking around, \u201cThis is what I carry,\u201d\u2014they\u2019re cheering; they\u2019re like, \u201cThat\u2019s my life.\u201d Again, I\u2019m not saying men don\u2019t do that; but often, I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, the kids are fine; they\u2019re good.\u201d And you\u2019re [Ann] like, \u201cNo, they\u2019re not! I feel this; I carry this.\u201d Talk about that, because I think that\u2019s universal for moms.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Maggie, it was interesting; I gave a talk to moms, where at one time, I was saying, like, \u201cYou can see me; and I look like you, and I look like any other person on the street.\u201d Then I turned around, and I had taken these\u2014I don\u2019t\/I can\u2019t remember how I got them to attach; but I think I had taped these dolls\/these little miniature dolls\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Actually, I taped them.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you do it?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She had me tape them. It was\u2014\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> He remembers. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014on the back of my jacket; I had all of these little dolls on the back. I said, \u201cEvery single mom has her children attached to her at all times of the day. So at night, when we put our kids to bed, they\u2019re in bed; and Dave\u2019s laying in the bed free, and he\u2019s asleep. I have my children attached to me.\u201d\n\nI\u2019m going to add this, too\u2014this happens with adult children, as well\u2014because we think like, \u201cOh, they\u2019re little; of course, they\u2019re attached.\u201d But when they\u2019re grown, I\u2019m still worrying about them, thinking about them, mulling over the things they\u2019re going through, praying for them. I think that\u2019s a difference between some men and women, not all.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about my children right now. [Laughter] My husband texted me about something going on at home; and I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat\u2019s happening there?\u201d\n\nI think, actually, one of the first rules that the world gives us\/these stressful standards is: \u201cEverything depends upon <em>you<\/em>.\u201d I know my first night in the hospital with my first baby\u2014they gave me that baby\u2014and I thought to myself, \u201cI\u2019m responsible for this?\u201d I never had this with any of my other children, but he spit up amniotic fluid the entire night. I called the nurse; and she\u2019s like, \u201cThat\u2019s fine. Take one of these blue\u201d\u2014you know those blue\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014syringes.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014yes, like squeezer things\u2014\u201cand just like suction it out every time he does it.\u201d I was like, \u201cOkay.\u201d He did that for the entire night long, so I did not sleep. I sat there with my baby, and I\u2019m working the suction; because I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI have to keep him alive!\u201d\n\nThen from that day forward, I\u2019ve worn that; and sometimes I\u2019ve worn it like a badge; like, \u201cSee these children; I keep them alive. Give me the praise; I am awesome.\u201d Sometimes it\u2019s such a burden; because when you have been told that everything depends upon you, you have to be in control at all times. Any circumstances, where you feel you are out of control of the future of your child, makes you an utter failure. I think a lot of the feelings of failure come from that.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Explain the stressful standard, because you have those throughout your book. At first glance, I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, what do you mean by that?\u201d\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> So a stressful standard is anything that the world tells us we <em>should<\/em> do as moms. Moms are given a whole list of shoulds that range from like how to choose their preschool, what kind of food they should be eating, how much screen time they should be doing,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014what kind of sunscreen to put on them.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes; and it\u2019s like you get to fall kind of on this continuum of how good of a mom you\u2019re going to be by how many shoulds you can live up to.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s another one I just want to make sure you hear: \u201cAnd you make sure your husband is your priority in front of your kids\u201d; okay, keep going. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Absolutely; there are plenty of marriage shoulds as well. [Laughter]\n\nThe world tells us, like: \u201cWell, you should also take care of yourself <em>first<\/em>. [Laughter] You should probably do something outside of motherhood.\u201d It\u2019s like I\u2019m just drowning in the ones about motherhood; and now, I also have to do ones that are taking care of me?\n\nEvery single one of those stressful standards\u2014the problem with it is that it puts <em>us<\/em> at the center of the universe\u2014and <em>God<\/em> needs to be the center of the universe. When we are at the center of the universe, guess what? We\u2019re <em>not<\/em> very good at being in control of the universe, but we have Someone who is.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So Maggie, talk about that; because I\u2019m thinking about you with these three little boys under four. That\u2019s the stage of parenting and life, where you can barely catch a breath, let alone study your Bible. You\u2019re talking about bringing the gospel\u2014and Jesus and the gospel is enough\/more than enough for us\u2014what does that look like? How did you learn how to do that in the midst of <em>drowning<\/em> in diapers?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> I think that, first of all, I\u2019m still not perfect at it by any means.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and none of us are.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Right; but I think that I learned to do it, because I needed the gospel so badly myself. What I found was that godly motherhood that I longed for so much only came as a result of spending time with God. I couldn\u2019t exhibit the fruit of the Spirit to my children by my own willpower. I can only do that by being <em>in the Spirit,<\/em> by connecting with God every day\u2014and no, it doesn\u2019t have to look like 40 minutes of inductive study at the beginning of your day; okay?\u2014there are <em>lots<\/em> of ways we can meet with God.\n\nIt does look like getting in your Bible and in God\u2019s Word, but that looks different in every season. Spiritual disciplines look different in every season, but the point is never to check those things off the list. The point is an intimate relationship with our Savior; because when we are experiencing His grace and forgiveness every day, it is so much easier to give grace and forgiveness to our children. When we are preaching the gospel to ourselves, it\u2019s so much easier\/it\u2019s on the tip of our tongue when we\u2019re preaching to our children; right? Then we\u2019re not preaching moralism to our children; we are preaching the way of the gospel, which is: \u201cI am weak; I am a sinner, but God is strong. God is holy and He has made a way.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Is that what you mean by motherhood without all the rules?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. God actually gave us good rules in the Bible, but those rules\/the purpose of them is that we can grow to be more like our holy Savior. The purpose isn\u2019t, again, to just check them off the list or earn our salvation for ourselves. The purpose of those rules is that we can live a godly life to honor and glorify Him and, also, to be in unbroken relationship with Him.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So you talk about saturating\u2014or marinating is the word that came to mind\u2014with the gospel every day. You\u2019ve got three little boys; <em>how<\/em> do you do it? Because your life is <em>crazy<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Like walk us through it; what does it look like?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Well,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And it will look different for every person.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014it depends upon the season, of course. So right now, for me, it\u2019s like first thing I do is I read a Psalm every morning; because I know I can get that in.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So you\u2019re up before the boys?\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Right now, I have been; but I\u2019m not one of those people that\u2019s like, \u201cI get up at five am every day.\u201d That is like\/I love sleep; okay? [Laughter] During the summer, I\u2019m able to get up before them more often; but during the school year, I usually can\u2019t. So it is like reading a Psalm in the morning\u2014that just takes a minute\u2014because I wake up every day with a really hard heart; like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do this! [Laughter] I don\u2019t want to do this following God thing; I want to do my thing, and I\u2019ve got my list of stuff that I want to get done today. I don\u2019t want to hear that God is changing my circumstances; because I was going to go meet with a friend, and now one of my kids is sick\u201d; you know?\n\nI have to connect with Him right away in the morning or the <em>whole<\/em> family feels it. I do that right now through getting in the Psalms right away. Then, when I have time, Lord willing, later in the day, I\u2019ll go back and do some more deeper study somewhere else. But it\u2019s also through memorizing Scripture by putting it at the kitchen sink. I mean, how many times a day do I go to the kitchen sink? It can be listening\u2014if I don\u2019t have time to get to the Psalm in the morning\u2014just <em>listening<\/em> to the Bible. And guess what?\u2014then your kids are hearing the Bible, too; and that\u2019s <em>so good<\/em> for them.\n\nAnd just building in routines in your day\u2014like when I take a shower\u2014I\u2019m just going to pray for my kids. Like you\u2019re having trouble praying for your kids?\u2014just connect it to something you already do during the day\u2014or while you\u2019re brushing your teeth. What can you do to build those spiritual disciplines into your daily routine?\n\nI just think moms are really smart people. We can figure out how to run this whole family and keep everything afloat\u2014and then we get to our quiet time\u2014we feel like, \u201cOh, I can\u2019t make that happen.\u201d I think we\u2019re discounting moms. Moms can\u2014if they take the time, if they want to\u2014they can make the space to be in relationship with God. Now, if they\u2019re struggling to want to, they still <em>need<\/em> to do it; because it\u2019s only by spending time in God\u2019s Word that you develop that <em>desire<\/em> to be in God\u2019s Word.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think the longer we\u2019re away from God\u2019s Word, the less we desire Him.\n\nI put into practice a lot of those same things. I think it\u2019s one of the sweetest parts of\u2014I call it, sometimes, \u201cthe desert years for moms\u201d; because it can feel so dry; it can feel alone; you can feel like you\u2019re in this parched land\u2014I\u2019ve often said I saw it as like: \u201cOh, this is awful!\u201d I also learned how to relate, and talk to, and be with God in the midst of the desert, like: \u201cOh, He\u2019s with me in this,\u201d \u201cHe <em>sees<\/em> me in this,\u201d \u201cHe <em>loves<\/em> me in this.\u201d\n\nI feel like women, when they can figure out how to bring God into it, it\u2019s almost like Daniel being in Babylon. Like he would go to God to pray three times a day, because he\u2019s in this place that they\u2019re worshiping false idols. We\u2019re there, too, in a land today where we\u2019re not worshiping God. I would wake up in the morning and the first thing\u2014because as you said, your heart can be hard right away\u2014is: \u201cGod, I give You my life today. I give You the kids today. Help me to <em>see<\/em> the way You do, <em>say<\/em> what You would say, and <em>hear<\/em> the way You do.\u201d\n\nJust that offering of ourselves, as in Romans 12: 1-2, I offer myself as a living sacrifice, praying all day long, like at the dishes\u2014and I\u2019m praying out loud, because our kids are learning how to pray\u2014and not just perfect prayers\u2014like: \u201cLord, I\u2019m so frustrated right now. Help me to have patience\u201d; so that our kids are seeing a living gospel.\n\nThen, also, I did the same thing\u2014we\u2019re listening\u2014like in the car, we\u2019re listening to Scripture\u2014the boys are fighting in the back, or doing whatever\u2014but I\u2019m like I don\u2019t mind. Every time we got in the car to go somewhere, I would just pray; and it became this beautiful lifestyle of worship. I did miss my 45 minutes to an hour of just sitting in God\u2019s presence and God\u2019s Word\u2014but there was a beauty in it\u2014like this phase, that can be so difficult, that God meets us right where we are.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> And what you\u2019re doing there is you are taking the focus off yourself,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> \u2014no longer building your own kingdom, and focusing back on God\u2019s kingdom.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And Maggie, I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve ever done this, but I had to replace all the negativity with the <em>positives<\/em> of God\u2019s truth.\n\n<strong>Maggie:<\/strong> Amen.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because when I wasn\u2019t doing God\u2019s truth, I was like: \u201cMy life is horrible,\u201d \u201cI have no life!\u201d \u201cLook at their life compared\u2026\u201d\u2014you know, you get into the comparison mode\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I\u2019ve heard that.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014the negativity. You just feel overwhelmed with your life and, then, I would feel guilty about it, like, \u201cI have this gift of these three kids.\u201d I think that\u2019s how the gospel plays out\u2014is exactly as you said\u2014we just meet with Him where we are, in our brokenness; and God fills us and allows us to live out the beauty of the gospel.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know I can have a tendency to want to compartmentalize aspects of my life and to think that there are certain parts of my life where I need to really focus on walking by the Spirit; and other parts of my life, I can just do that on my own\u2014you know, like being a mom or being a dad\u2014that\u2019s what I do every day; I don\u2019t need to think about walking by the Spirit in those common activities. But the Bible\u2019s pretty clear we are to walk by the Spirit in <em>all<\/em> that we do. We have to keep that as a functional mindset for how we live out our faith as dads and as moms.\n\nMaggie Combs has been talking today with Dave and Ann Wilson about what\u2019s at the heart of being a mom without trying to live up to a whole bunch of rules. In fact, her book is called <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules: Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths<\/em>. It\u2019s a book we want to make available to you this week as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your ongoing faithful support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\n\nWe are so grateful for those of you, who don\u2019t just listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, but you help expand the mission of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to effectively develop godly marriages and families. You help us reach out to more people, more often, with practical biblical help and hope for their marriage\/for their family. When you do that by making a donation today, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d and send you a copy of the book, <em>Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/em>, by Maggie Combs. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make your donation online; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The number to call is 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nHave you ever, as a mom, found yourself being hyper-vigilant when it comes to the safety and security of your kids?\u2014like you\u2019re almost obsessive about that? That can become a pitfall for moms as we\u2019ll hear, tomorrow, from Maggie Combs. She joins Dave and Ann Wilson again; we hope you can be here as well.\n\nOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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