{"id":307378,"date":"2022-01-24T08:02:10","date_gmt":"2022-01-24T13:02:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/connection-with-kids-about-their-phones\/"},"modified":"2022-01-24T08:02:10","modified_gmt":"2022-01-24T13:02:10","slug":"connection-with-kids-about-their-phones","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/connection-with-kids-about-their-phones\/","title":{"rendered":"Connection With Kids About Their Phones"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Kids with phones are a big deal!  On FamilyLife Today, Jonathan McKee, author of over 25 books, helps parents understand the value of connection with their kids, concerns about their phones and some tips on how to talk about it all.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p>Learn more about the Weekend to Remember<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.<br \/>\n \tFind more content and resources on the FamilyLife&#8217;s app!<br \/>\n \tHelp others find Familylife.\u00a0 Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all the Familylife&#8217;s on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kids with phones are a big deal!  On FamilyLife Today, Jonathan McKee, author of over 25 books, helps parents understand the value of connection with their kids, concerns about their phones and some tips on how to talk about it all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-01-24.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:47","filesize":"22.69M","filesize_raw":"23793249","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,10350],"tags":[4798,4237],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3244],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307378","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-digital-and-media-choices","tag-kids","tag-technology","cwp_profile-jonathan-mckee","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307378\/connection-with-kids-about-their-phones","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307378\/connection-with-kids-about-their-phones","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"H52Uj3lTWd\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/connection-with-kids-about-their-phones\/\">Connection With Kids About Their Phones<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/connection-with-kids-about-their-phones\/embed\/#?secret=H52Uj3lTWd\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Connection With Kids About Their Phones&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"H52Uj3lTWd\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Kids with phones are a big deal! On FamilyLife Today, Jonathan McKee, author of over 25 books, helps parents understand the value of connection with their kids, concerns about their phones and some tips on how to talk about it all.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-01-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So we raised three boys in a digital world. Talk about that time, when you\u2019re standing there, trying to get them off the couch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They\u2019d been playing video games <em>all day<\/em>; it felt like to me. As a mom, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhat a waste of time!\u201d I come in the room; and I\u2019m like, \u201cHey guys, it\u2019s time to shut down the gaming.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; it wasn\u2019t \u201cHey guys.\u201d It was like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No; it <em>started<\/em> like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cLet me tell you something!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No, no. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I remember; I could hear it from the <em>basement<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was probably more like, \u201c<em>What a waste of time!<\/em>\u201d That\u2019s probably what it was, and I had some things I wanted them to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I\u2019m going off on them, I notice that they all have their phones out. They\u2019re all looking at them, and they\u2019re not looking at me at all. I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, are you guys listening to me?\u201d Then they all start to <em>laugh<\/em>. I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat is so funny?\u201d One of them says, \u201cOh, Mom, we\u2019re just texting back and forth of how <em>crazy<\/em> you are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a time when we had a college student come home, and then two boys were in high school. One of them says \u201cOh, Mom, we\u2019re just texting back and forth of how <em>crazy<\/em> you are.\u201d [Laughter] But that is what a lot of parents are <em>facing<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, that\u2019s the world we live in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been living in it for quite a while. I mean, for parents, we need to understand: \u201cHow do we parent a generation that literally lives with their screens right in front of them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I like that you [Jonathan] said, \u201cHow do we tame the beast?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well it\u2019s almost like the phone or the screens, in some ways, can become this beast that we need to understand, as parents, \u201cHow do we help navigate this world?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got in the studio, <em>in Orlando<\/em>, Jonathan McKee, who spent your life devoted, really, to helping parents and kids understand how to navigate the screen\/the beast; right? Many of you know Jonathan McKee\u2019s written over 25 books.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> There we go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I heard 28 books\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Something like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and counting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Amazon\u2019s got 28 of them; let\u2019s put it that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow! That\u2019s impressive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And we\u2019ve got a couple of them with us today. We\u2019re going to talk about <em>Parenting Generation Screen,<\/em> which is a book really that you\u2019ve written for parents\u2014right?\u2014to understand how to navigate this. And then just last year you wrote <a id=\"_Hlk93174098\"><em>The Teen\u2019s Guide to Face-to-Face Connections in a Screen-to-Screen World<\/em><\/a>. This one\u2019s written more to the children; right?\u2014teenagers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014more to the young person, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The <em>Face-to-Face Connections<\/em> book was actually written by you with your daughter, which is pretty unique.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes; fun project with Alyssa and I. She was right in the middle of that world, so we tackled that one together. It was fun. It\u2019s the first book\u2014might even be the last\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I ever wrote with one of my kids. It was a <em>great<\/em> experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019ve got three kids; so you know exactly what we\u2019re talking about when we opened this thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019d never heard the term \u201cGeneration Screen.\u201d I\u2019ve heard Generation \u201cX\u201d and \u201cZ\u201d; what\u2019s Generation Screen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s a good summary because\u2014really, when you look at the lines now\u2014you know, people will talk about Millennials and this and that; but you\u2019ve got \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGen \u201cY\u201d; you\u2019ve got Gen \u201cZ\u201d. It\u2019s interesting\u2014this is one of the fun things about bringing my daughter, Alyssa, into this project with me\u2014is she was born in 1995; now, it doesn\u2019t sound very unique. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anybody, who had a kid born around that time, what they do realize is that put her in high school smack dab in the middle of when <em>everything<\/em> changed. Because 2012 was right in the middle of her high school experience\u20142012 is a very unique year in technology\/a very important year; because 2012 is, not only the year that Snapchat<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> came out; it\u2019s not only the year that Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> became a thing\u2014it was the year that America crossed the 50 percent mark for smartphone ownership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat she noticed was, for her junior year, she said there was kind of this shift, where: \u201cSure, we texted; but also now, social media, which used to be this thing that was at home plugged into the wall, was now in our pockets. All of a sudden, now, people are snapping everything; they\u2019re checking DMs [direct messages] instead of texts and everything. Screen time started to bump a little bit; people became a little more absorbed.\u201d She says conversation, as she knew it, changed; so fascinating for her to see that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s funny because I have another daughter, two years younger than her; and for her, her whole high school experience was social media. For my son, who is older than Alyssa, it was all texting; but Alyssa, right in the middle, and she saw the switch happen. So fascinating to see, as social media got into our back pocket, how that kind of changed communication as we know it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let me ask you: \u201cWhy did she decide? Did you ask her to write this, or did she have an <em>experience<\/em> with this that she thought, \u2018This is important; I want to have a voice in the world\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Actually, the 23 other people I asked to write it <em>couldn\u2019t<\/em>; and so I was like \u201cAlyssa, can you help me?\u201d \u201c<em>Fine<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo, no, no. I was so excited because she\u2019s always been very conscious of face time versus screen time; she knows the difference. We definitely had some fun experiences\u2014I\u2019m just going to call them \u201cfun\u201d; that\u2019s a good label for it right now\u2014[Laughter]\u2014over the years, where maybe, we as family members were too absorbed. I\u2019m going to say \u201cwe\u201d\u2014because me being too absorbed from the screen; she being too absorbed from the screen\u2014and so we thought, \u201cThis will be really fun to dialogue\u201d; because we both kind of had the same opinion that screens aren\u2019t bad\/they\u2019re not evil; but sometimes, screens just start to <em>interfere<\/em> with connection: \u201cHere\u2019s this invention: it\u2019s supposed to help us connect better and, instead, it\u2019s interfering with connection.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we thought: \u201cLet\u2019s talk about this. Let\u2019s talk about the importance of these face-to-face connections; and this thing, where it\u2019s okay to be looking at your screen, but when somebody else comes in the room, wouldn\u2019t it be cool if we maybe just put that thing in our pocket?\u201d We both felt that way, and we had something to say about it; so this is the book, where we said it together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting; Ann showed me last week a little cartoon of a guy who dies and goes to heaven. There\u2019s an angel there meeting him. The angel says, \u201cMan, you had an amazing life; but you missed it, because you were always looking at your phone.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> There it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I mean, it is just what you\u2019re saying. I\u2019ve been there; I have missed things right in front of me in my family room, or in a meeting; you name it, where I am\u2014I don\u2019t want to say, \u201caddicted\u201d\u2014but I\u2019m like I\u2019m checking my phone; I\u2019m responding to a text; I\u2019m looking at a YouTube video\u2014and life and people are right there in front of me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re old enough to know life before that, and life with that; and our kids\/they\u2019ve never known anything different. So talk about this: \u201cHow many kids really do have a phone or a screen in their hand? If this is Generation Screen, it seems like everybody; but what is it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes; when it gets to teenagers, the last numbers were actually over a year-old right now. I mean, through COVID, it\u2019s funny how things have changed; so it\u2019s going to be interesting to see how these numbers switch. But as of just pre-COVID, it was \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t89 percent of teenagers had a smartphone in their pocket; 97 percent of them were on social media in one way or another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, screen time went up during COVID; so I mean, screen time? Man, you start looking at the numbers of entertainment media time young people are soaking in; the average is almost ten hours a day of entertainment media that young people soak in <em>per day<\/em>. That\u2019s <em>a lot<\/em> of time to be just listening to music, watching funny videos on YouTube, scrolling through social media to see how you measure up with everybody else. I mean there\u2019s <em>a lot of<\/em> this going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This stirs me up now; I get like heated about this, because what I think\u2014and I know there\u2019s some great things about social media; we can use it for good things\u2014but there\u2019s a part of me that thinks we\u2019re giving our kids ten hours a day, where they\u2019re being <em>discipled<\/em> by the culture. That\u2019s how I could look at it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love that you\u2019re here, Jonathan; because you can help us, as parents, not to freak out. I like what you talk about: you talk about this in comparison to you don\u2019t just give your kids a cell phone; you talk about that in comparison to like you just wouldn\u2019t hand your teenager the car keys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> And that\u2019s exactly how I start the book, <em>Parenting Generation Screen<\/em>. I give that analogy of: \u201cIf your ten-year-old came up to you and said, \u2018Hey, Dad, I\u2019m going to go take the SUV. I\u2019m going to go ride around town. I\u2019m going to meet some people I\u2019ve never met before, let them in the car with me, and go around; can I have the keys?\u2019 Well, of course, you\u2019d be like, \u2018No way!\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cAre you insane?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u201cWhat? Are you <em>crazy<\/em>?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say, \u201cWell that\u2019s exactly what we do with the phone; we hand them this device\/this very <em>powerful<\/em> device with <em>no training<\/em> for this at all. We just say, \u2018Here you go; so you can go out and you could play whatever you want; you can talk with whoever you want; you can <em>be<\/em> whoever you want.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just one of those things where, when it comes to training our kids to operate a vehicle, we sit with them, in a seat next to them, <em>by law<\/em>. I know, in California, I had to sit next to my kids for 50 hours. [Laughter] I had to sign a piece of paper that I sat. We\u2019d be like, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re going to school today\u201d; we started to clock those hours. We\u2019re like: \u201cOkay, be careful as you merge,\u201d \u201cOkay, watch out for that lady. This is California; she has a gun.\u201d [Laughter] We\u2019re using: \u201cHere\u2019s how to ride on the freeway.\u201d There\u2019s so much coaching going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith the phone, we\u2019re just like, \u201cHere you go; don\u2019t break it. Don\u2019t be stupid.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And even, \u201cWhy do we give it to them?\u201d I\u2019ve heard so many parents say, \u201cI couldn\u2019t take the pressure any more. They are <em>badgering<\/em> me night and day, and I finally gave in.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes; parents <em>constantly<\/em> will hear\u2014they can relate\u2014they hear, \u201c<em>All<\/em> my friends have a phone.\u201d Now the thing that\u2019s crazy is we need to be compassionate to this. I was on a middle school campus just before COVID. I was hanging out with these 11- through 14-year-olds\u2014this is sixth through eighth graders\u2014I was in this classroom. There was only like\u2014oh, maybe 13 or 14 of them\u2014and I thought, \u201cI\u2019m going to try something.\u201d I went up, and I wrote my phone number up on a whiteboard. I said, \u201cOkay, everybody whip out your phones.\u201d Immediately\u2014if there was 14 kids in the room\u201414 kids whipped out a smartphone\u201414. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, statistically, for that age, it\u2019s about like 60\/high 60s, almost 70 percent that should own phones. The average age that someone gets a smartphone in America right now is about 10 years old. By the time they get to high school, you\u2019re looking towards \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t90 percent; but middle school, 60 to 70 percent have smartphones. I don\u2019t care what the numbers say; 100 percent of these kids whipped out a phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started <em>using<\/em> the phone to get to know these kids. I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re going to play a game called speed text. Here we go. My number is on the board; get it in your phone.\u201d They\u2019re like, \u201cDone; we already have it.\u201d I mean, they had it by the time I wrote the last number; it was done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to name something; and I want you to send it to me. First one to send it to me gets a point. The first one to ten points gets this Starbucks card.\u201d Boom! Immediately, I\u2019m like, \u201cA selfie and your first and last name\u201d; and immediately, kids are holding up their phones, like, [Sound effect]\u00a0 \u201cBoom!\u201d My phone\u2019s blowing up with pictures of kids, who just took these selfies, and their first and last name. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, anybody that works with young people is going, \u201cJonathan, this is <em>great<\/em>. You\u2019re getting information on these kids.\u201d So I started thinking, \u201cOkay, what can I learn?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat\u2019s your favorite fast food?\u201d\u2014boom!\u2014immediately. I go, \u201cTake a screen shot of the most recent song you played,\u201d\u2014boom!\u2014they\u2019re sending it to me. \u201cTake a screen shot of the most recent app you\u2019ve been on,\u201d\u2014boom!\u2014I\u2019m getting, you know, name it: Fortnite<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Instagram, TikTok<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when it was done, here\u2019s these kids I was going to be hanging out with for the year. All of a sudden, I now have these texts of these kids. I\u2019ve got their first and last name, face; and I\u2019m looking at: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cOh, they were on TikTok, and they\u2019re 11 years old; that means they lied about their age just to get on TikTok, because you have to be 13 to be on TikTok.\u201d \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cOh, and look, their song they were listening to was this song by Post Malone.\u201d \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m learning all this stuff about\u2014it\u2019s funny; in the youth ministry world, we used to say, \u201cIf you want to get to know a kid, go into their room,\u201d \u2014now, if you want to get to know a kid, just look in their phone; because that is their world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about this: if it\u2019s going to be 50 hours of drivers ed: classes, training, and 50 hours with your parents before you can get a license, what should parents do before giving their kids a cell phone? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s funny; that\u2019s why I\u2019ve written so many of these teens\u2019 guide books and guys\u2019 guide books. I wanted to give parents a tool they could use. This book that my daughter and I wrote, <em>The Teen\u2019s Guide to Face-to-Face Connections in a Screen-to-Screen World,<\/em> this is just an example. This is a book that talks about the amount of time you spend on your phone; and some of the important things like: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cHey, this is a great device to connect with people <em>outside<\/em> of the room when it doesn\u2019t interfere with our relationships with the people <em>inside<\/em> the room.\u201d \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tIt talks about predators. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tIt talks about screen time. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tIt talks about social media time. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tHow good for us, just as parents, to engage our kids in conversations about this stuff and get them to start <em>thinking<\/em> about some of this stuff before they start navigating that world. We need to start having conversations with our kids about this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Walk us through: \u201cHow old should our kids be before we give in to the cell phone?\u201d Or maybe what you said, Dave, is: \u201cWhat are the steps that we should have already taken before they\u2019re mature enough and we\u2019ve equipped them enough to know how to handle a cell phone?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Well it\u2019s interesting; because in my <em>Parenting Generation Screen<\/em> book, I\u2019d say the question I\u2019m asked more than <em>anything<\/em> else is: \u201cWhat age?\u201d I thought \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve got to devote a chapter to this; because that is constantly\u2014they\u2019ll say, \u2018Okay, my 12-year-old, every day, she comes home and says, \u201c<em>All<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201c<em>All\u2026\u201d<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014\"my friends have smartphones.\u201d It doesn\u2019t work when you go, \u2018Well, actually, only 72 percent of 12-year-olds\u2026\u2019\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014it doesn\u2019t work; it doesn\u2019t work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> So you\u2019ve got to kind of sit there and just, \u201cOh, really?\u201d I talk to them about listening to that and being able to dialogue, but it\u2019s interesting when you start to see what the experts are saying; for example, I mean, like Jim Steyer, who\u2019s the CEO of Common Sense Media. This is a guy who his whole world is studying the amount of time that young people spend on screens. He\u2019s asked all the time: \u201cWhat age?\u201d It is the question: \u201cWhat age should I get my kids a smartphone?\u201d He always says his answer like, \u201cWell, it depends on the kid and how responsible they are,\u201d and all this different stuff. They\u2019re kind of like: \u201cOkay, Jim,\u201d \u201cJim,\u201d \u201cJim,\u201d \u201cJim\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWhat age?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u201cJim,\u201d \u201cJim,\u201d\u2014they\u2019re lighting torches\u2014[menacingly] \"What <em>age<\/em>? We need to know. My kid is killing me here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, they\u2019re like, \u201cJim, when did you let <em>your<\/em> kids?\u201d Because he was a parent of teenagers; and he\u2019s like, \u201cFourteen when they were in high school.\u201d He waited until they were 14. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s funny; Bill Gates\u2014same question; guy who knows tech\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014just a little bit\u2014knows tech, likes tech; thinks it\u2019s a good thing\u201414 when his kids were in high school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf people ask me\u2014I\u2019m a guy who studies this, writes about this all the time\u2014I always say the summer before their freshman year of high school. And if they\u2019re ready, and if they\u2019re showing responsibility, then that should be a summer just <em>bathed<\/em> in conversation. That should be the summer that you\u2019re taking your kid out to breakfast every\u2014name it\u2014Tuesday morning, whatever; and going through <em>The Teen\u2019s Guide to Social Media<\/em> or whatever; and taking them through, and <em>talking<\/em> about this stuff\/sitting in the passenger\u2019s seat next to them and saying, \u201cHey, let\u2019s prepare for these decisions you\u2019re going to make about screen time; and some of the big questions: \u2018Are you going to have it in your bedroom at night?\u2019 \u2018How much time are you going to spend on social media?\u2019 \u2018This whole influencer thing if you want to be an influencer,\u201d\u2014all these things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Some people just heard that and are like, \u201cWait; you\u2019re going to ask them if they can have the phone?\u201d What are those conversations? Because I like that you talk about that; because you might already know the answer of: \u201cYou will not have your phone in your bedroom\u201d; but you still dialogued about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Well, and that\u2019s funny; because I\u2019ll give you a kind of behind-the-scenes peek here. In my <em>Parenting Generation Screen,<\/em> whenever I write a book now, one of the things I do is I make a practice to get it out to as many of my readers before it\u2019s published. I say, \u201cMark it up; feedback; I want to hear it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo about 70 people got the book before it was printed. I said, \u201cFeedback: I want to hear it.\u201d The one thing that they kept saying is: \u201cOkay, you were sneaky here, because here\u2019s a book that we\u2019re obviously picking up\/that most parents are picking up to say, \u2018Okay, what <em>rules<\/em> should I have for my kids?\u2019 \u2018What <em>blocks<\/em> can I put on this device?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI definitely go into: \u201cHey, should or should not your kid have the phone in the bedroom?\u201d \u201cHow much time is too much time?\u201d \u201cIs social media harmful for my kids? Should I allow it? If so, when?\u2014what age?\u201d All those questions: they\u2019re answered in the book, and I\u2019m not going to tell you any of them; no, I\u2019m just kidding. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the thing they said was so surprising is: \u201cJonathan, you don\u2019t just say, \u2018Here\u2019s how to set the phone.\u2019 The theme of this book was so overwhelmingly: \u2018Here\u2019s how to engage your kids in conversations about this.\u2019\u201d The reason why is simply this: our kids are going to turn 18 some day, and they\u2019re going to be in a college dorm; they\u2019re going to be in army barracks; they\u2019re going to be somewhere <em>away<\/em> from the house. They\u2019re not going to call you up and be like, \u201cDad, can I download the new HBO show?\u201d No, they\u2019re not going to ask you that question; they\u2019re going to make that decision for themselves. The only question we should ask ourselves is: \u201cDid we equip them for that day\/for that moment, making that decision?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s usually not through a rule; it\u2019s usually through the conversations we\u2019ve had. That\u2019s why the relationship is <em>so important<\/em>. If we have rules without a relationship, that\u2019s a guaranteed lead to rebellion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So when you talk, you talk about in your book: \u201cConnection before correction.\u201d How does a parent do that? Can I communicate with my son through texting? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> No; see I am not a phone hater. Remember; I actually like my phone: my phone got me to this studio today. It told me which direction to turn and all that. This nice female voice said, \u201cTurn left; turn right.\u201d Most of us men are used to a female voice telling us where to turn, [Laughter] so it was a <em>good thing<\/em>! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe whole point of the \u201cConnection before correction,\u201d is our tendency, when it comes to a subject like this, is when our kids are all on the couch, texting each other, we want to show up in the room\u2014[Laughter]\u2014just random example here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; just random.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014and we want to start barking like, \u201cThis is ridiculous! What are you thinking?!\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s what we want to do. I\u2019ve done that <em>so many<\/em> times, where I\u2019ve just\/I kind of overreact, and I correct it there in a moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe whole principle of \u201cConnection before correction,\u201d is saying: \u201cThis is one of these important subjects we need to talk about.\u201d So what I did was\u2014early in that book, <em>Parenting Generation Screen<\/em>\u2014I talked about this principle of \u201cConnection before correction.\u201d And then in every single one of the points throughout the book\u2014whether we\u2019re talking about: \u201cShould I have my phone in the bedroom?\u201d \u201cWhat age should I get my kid a phone?\u201d \u201cShould they be on social media; and if so, how long per day?\u201d\u2014every one of those issues I talked about: \u201cHow do we connect with our kids on this? How do we <em>talk<\/em> with them about it? How do we <em>listen<\/em> to their opinion on it and <em>hear<\/em> their point of view?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then \u201cHow do we, most importantly, delay our response?\u201d\u2014not make a decision right there\u2014but hit that pause button and go, \u201cHmm, let\u2019s pray about this. Let\u2019s think about this, and then let\u2019s go back; and we\u2019ll make a decision about what rule we\u2019re going to have.\u201d We\u2019re not going to just immediately go: \u201cHere\u2019s the rules! <em>Sign<\/em> here.\u201d But we\u2019re going to <em>talk<\/em> about it, <em>listen<\/em> to them; and that\u2019s that principle. I wish I\u2019d done that more with my own kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s really good; me too. I\u2019m thinking of Deuteronomy 6:6-7: \u201cAnd these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.\u201d That\u2019s exactly what you\u2019re talking about; it\u2019s an ongoing conversation with our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> And isn\u2019t it funny that that passage doesn\u2019t talk about simply: \u201cHere\u2019s the rules that your supposed to leave with your kids,\u201d and \u201cThose rules will raise your kids.\u201d No, they really paint this picture of this getting up in the morning, walking along the road, going to bed at night\u2014these ongoing conversations\u2014this is discipleship. It\u2019s this <em>talking<\/em> through; that\u2019s what we need to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, I\u2019m not anti-rule. We live in a world right now where 79 percent of young people bring their phone in their bedroom at night. This is a pet peeve of mine. The American Academy of Pediatrics has been, for literally decades, been saying: \u201cNo screens in the bedroom,\u201d for <em>decades<\/em>. Now that phones are in kid\u2019s pockets, there\u2019s no exception; they\u2019re saying \u201cHey, no smartphones in our kids\u2019 back pockets.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the thing that we have to consider here is that eight out of ten parents aren\u2019t monitoring that. There\u2019s not parents outside kids\u2019 doors with a bucket, saying, \u201cPlease deposit the phone in a bucket.\u201d This is not happening, so kids are bringing these devices in their bedroom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you something. So many of my back table discussions with parents, after a parent workshop, come up to me; and they\u2019re asking me questions. It\u2019s: \u201cOkay, so here\u2019s what my kid was doing all night on social media\u2026\u201d \u201cHere\u2019s what my kid was doing all night\u2014gaming.\u201d \u201cHere\u2019s what my kid was doing all night\u2026\u201d That word, \u201call night\u201d is always coming out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like: \u201cYou know what? Here\u2019s one of those simple rules\/those simple guidelines that would help <em>so much<\/em>; and instead of just throwing this on your kid\u2014\u201cNo phone in the bedroom because I said so,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s connecting with them and getting to the \u201cWhy?\u201d Because, you know, the first thing they\u2019re going to do is: \u201cWhy?!\u201d; right? Get to the why\/get to that conversation; talk to them about it. We need to have that \u201cConnection before the correction.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think there are maybe two extremes that we can run to, as parents, as we face something like the digital revolution and how we parent our kids in the midst of this. One extreme is to say, \u201cWell, my kids aren\u2019t going to have a device until they\u2019re 35 years old\u201d; and that doesn\u2019t work. The other extreme is to say, \u201cWell, I guess there\u2019s nothing I can do, so here you go\u201d; and then just pray\u2014that doesn\u2019t work either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Jonathan McKee has been sharing with us is a practical way for us to maintain engagement and involvement around a real-life tool that can be a great asset to our children but can, also, be a portal for evil. Jonathan\u2019s written about this in a book about this called <em>Parenting Generation Screen: Guiding Your Kids to be Wise in a Digital World<\/em>. It\u2019s a book we\u2019re recommending to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we want to make this book available to any of you who would like a copy. If you can help with a donation for the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019re happy to send you the book as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of our mission.\u201d Our goal here, at FamilyLife, is to effectively develop godly marriages and families to deal with these kinds of real-life practical issues that all of us are facing and say: \u201cWhat does the Bible have to say about this?\u201d \u201cHow would God want us to function as parents in this area?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou help make this mission possible every time you donate. In fact, you help us reach more people, more often, with your donations; and we are grateful for your partnership with us. So when you make a donation today, online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or when you call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number; 1-800-358-6329\u2014ask for your copy of Jonathan McKee\u2019s book, <em>Parenting Generation Screen<\/em>. Again, we\u2019re happy to send it to you as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your partnership with us here in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to talk more with Jonathan McKee about some of the very real dangers that exist in the online world. What is it that your kids are being exposed to that could be actually harmful, not just emotionally harmful or spiritually harmful, but physically harmful? We\u2019ll hear more about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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