{"id":307377,"date":"2022-01-22T08:02:06","date_gmt":"2022-01-22T13:02:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/being-single-and-dating-2\/"},"modified":"2022-01-22T08:02:06","modified_gmt":"2022-01-22T13:02:06","slug":"being-single-and-dating-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/being-single-and-dating-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Being Single and Dating"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hanna Seymour and Jaqueline Anderson Meza tell their stories of courtship and dating their husbands. Deepak Reju has some advice for singles who are lonely and dateless on a Friday night. Shaunti Feldhahn gives her perspective on the singles&#8217; landscape based on her research.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-01-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:56","filesize":"25.58M","filesize_raw":"26820992","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2826,2093],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[8801,8844,3204],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307377","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-men","category-women","cwp_profile-deepak-reju","cwp_profile-hanna-seymour","cwp_profile-shaunti-feldhahn","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307377\/being-single-and-dating-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307377\/being-single-and-dating-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"8TGFRBL3ek\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/being-single-and-dating-2\/\">Being Single and Dating<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/being-single-and-dating-2\/embed\/#?secret=8TGFRBL3ek\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Being Single and Dating&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"8TGFRBL3ek\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2022-01-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-01-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ladies, have you ever wondered what makes you <em>most<\/em> attractive to the man in your life? Here\u2019s author and researcher, Shaunti Feldhahn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Other than how she looks, the biggest sort of emotional factor is feeling that this woman sincerely admires him; because it\u2019s hitting on all those insecurities and vulnerabilities in him of: \u201cAm I any good at what I do? I don\u2019t know if I am.\u201d This feeling that\u2014\u201cThis person knows me really well; is in my corner, cheering me on. She thinks I can do it,\u201d\u2014that is powerful. He is <em>longing<\/em> for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That seems simple enough; doesn\u2019t it? Today, we\u2019re going to take a look at some dating advice for singles, and those who love them, on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. When you ask for dating advice, or when you <em>give<\/em> dating advice, you\u2019re opening a <em>big<\/em> can of worms. In my experience, everyone <em>loves<\/em> to give <em>dating<\/em> advice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sound Engineer:<\/strong> Hey, Michelle,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sound Engineer: <\/strong>\u2014can I give you some advice on dating?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> No; absolutely not. [Laughter] See? Everyone <em>loves<\/em> to give dating advice. Quite frankly, it\u2019s not always\u2014how should I say?\u2014<em>good<\/em> advice. Sometimes it\u2019s not thought-through advice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, we\u2019re going to explore dating and singleness. In a way, as we go through this material, you\u2019re probably going to think that this is quite random. That\u2019s really <em>not<\/em> my intention. My intention is to help you understand that life, well, it isn\u2019t a one size fits all, especially dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to hear from two young ladies; they\u2019re going to discuss dating and how they snagged their husbands. Actually, what\u2019s quite interesting is that they\u2019re from the opposite sides of the country; but there\u2019s a <em>theme<\/em> running through their stories. I want you to listen for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter the break, we\u2019re going to hear from Deepak Reju and Shaunti Feldhahn. They\u2019ve spent many years listening to singles, and they have a few words of wisdom. So if you\u2019re single, stay tuned. If you\u2019re <em>not<\/em> single, I ask you to keep listening; because a single friend of yours\/they may need this advice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHanna Seymour is chock full of advice for college-age women. She\u2019s mentored thousands of women over the years; authored a book called <em>The College Girl\u2019s Survival Guide<\/em>. While Hanna subscribes to the idea that men need to be the pursuer and leader in a relationship, she kind of nuances it in a way that I wasn\u2019t expecting. Here\u2019s Hanna.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> My husband and I dated. He sent flowers to my office, [Laughter] seeing if I wanted to go to dinner; I mean like one of these movie-type plotlines. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been waiting for that! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> I know; so many women have. I was like, \u201cBlah\u201d; I couldn\u2019t believe it. I went out on a few dates with my, now, husband; [Laughter] but I ended it. Two years later, we reconnected. I gave a nudge\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I did\u2014I said, \u201cHey, let\u2019s catch up.\u201d We ended up talking for about three-and-a-half hours. At the end of it, I said, \u201cLook; I think that, if a guy\u2019s interested, he will pursue. <em>You<\/em> did that; <em>I<\/em> ended it. I don\u2019t know where you are, but I would <em>love<\/em> to spend more time with you and get to know you better if you\u2019re at all open to that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>That<\/em> is a nudge; that is a <em>strong<\/em> nudge, but I didn\u2019t ask him out to dinner. I did ask him to hang out, and grab a cup of coffee, and catch up; so I initiated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> But I wasn\u2019t saying, \u201cHey, let\u2019s go out to dinner on Friday night at 8:00 pm; I\u2019ll pick you up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. You didn\u2019t label it; it <em>wasn\u2019t<\/em> a date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t a date.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna: <\/strong>It was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014coffee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> \u2014a nudge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It was your sister-in-law who made the match?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> She was the first connection; [Laughter] but lots of other matches and\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Do you believe in matchmaking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> I do. I have <em>a lot<\/em> of friends who are married today because a good friend in their life thought of both of them and said, \u201cI think you all need to meet,\u201d or \u201cGive this a go.\u201d I think, if you have a wise and discerning friend, they can be a really helpful person in that <em>treacherous<\/em> dating process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also a lot of people out there that want to match-make, and they have no business in matchmaking, because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna: <\/strong>\u2014whether or not they are not being thoughtful about it or whatever. I think there\u2019s a specific kind of friend we all know\u2014you can probably identify: \u201cThat\u2019s a friend I would trust,\u201d\u2014and then there\u2019s a whole slew of people I would not give the power of putting me at a dinner table across from the opposite sex. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s Hanna Seymour with some great advice. Did you catch that? She\u2019s talking about the set up\u2014you know, connecting Katie with John\u2014it\u2019s really okay! Some people think that matchmaking, as some might call it instead of a setup, is one of those old-fashioned things. Actually, <em>I<\/em> believe that the setup, or matchmaking, is something that the church needs to be involved in these days. If you talk to some other singles, I think they would agree with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHanna Seymour lives with her husband and little boy in Nashville, Tennessee. Now, we are going to take a trip to Portland, Oregon, where Jacquelyn Anderson [Meza] is a high school teacher. She has spent a lot of time listening to girls about their dating woes. You would think that would be <em>totally<\/em> different from one end of the country to the other end of the country. In some ways, it is; and in other ways, it\u2019s <em>not<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Jacquelyn wrote a book with her dad called <em>The 10 Myths of Teen Dating.<\/em> Here\u2019s Jacquelyn talking about how she met her husband and, also, the dating woes in Portland. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn: <\/strong>The difference was, between my husband and every other man I\u2019ve ever met, he asked me out <em>immediately.<\/em> He said, \u201cI don\u2019t want to text; I would like to take you out, face to face, buy you dinner and have an in-depth conversation with you.\u201d Our dinner was at 7:00 pm, and we stayed out until midnight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn: <\/strong>We just kept talking, and talking, and talking, and talking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s hard; because technology can be kind of a social buffer, but then that prevents that real intimate growth\/relational growth from happening. I think, for women, if he\u2019s not trying to hang out with you in person, cut him loose. Call me old-fashioned; but I like a nice, straightforward, direct man. I don\u2019t like games, and we\u2019ve all met guys that play those games; like, \u201cOh, well, I might be free on Thursday.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo, no, no! [Laughter] That\u2019s unacceptable to me. I think women kind of settle for that in the absence of something else. They say all the time, \u201cWhat if you\u2019re kissing a frog, and the prince walks by?\u201d [Laughter] Do you want to get caught kissing the frog?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn: <\/strong>\u2014hoping he\u2019ll turn into a prince? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think part of getting past it is finding the right person, and finding someone that\u2019s really compatible with you, and shares your same values set: obviously, being a Christian and living a life based on biblical principles. But the nitty gritty, too, of: \u201cHow many children you want to have,\u201d \u201cDo you want to adopt vs. having your own?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s your timeline for getting married?\u201d \u201cDo you want to have a big wedding\/a small wedding?\u201d \u201cHow important is living close to family?\u201d\u2014things like that. I think if you can get those things compatible, you\u2019re in a better spot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So what is your advice to your friends? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> My advice to them is: \u201cTrust that God has a plan for your life, and be available. I think that sometimes God has a plan for your life, but there are things you have to do to get that plan going or to move to the next step.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tAre you hanging out with the right kinds of people, who are going to introduce you to the kind of person you want to be with? That\u2019s a big one. If you\u2019re going around with a crew that you maybe wouldn\u2019t marry someone in that crew, how can you change who you\u2019re with to find someone? Because like attracts like. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> That\u2019s how I met my husband\/is the friend of a friend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh! Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes; obviously, that\u2019s the ideal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think just trust that God has a plan for your life, and then be ready, and be there, and be social. Hang out with the right kinds of people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I like what Jacquelyn has to say about \u201clike attracts like\u201d; so the people you hang out with are probably going to be the people who you date, and the people who\u2014well, maybe you marry\u2014so just be mindful of that. Above all, as Jacquelyn said, \u201cTrust God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIsn\u2019t it quite interesting how both of these ladies were setup by friends and family members? Just something for you married people to think about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s time for me to stretch my legs a little, grab a cup of coffee. When we come back, we\u2019re going to continue with advice from Deepak Reju and, also, Shaunti Feldhahn. Stay tuned. I\u2019ll be back in two minutes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. Today, we\u2019re talking about singleness and dating. I think it\u2019s really important to clarify here that what you\u2019re hearing today isn\u2019t a one size fits all. Life doesn\u2019t fit into a human-invented formula, like we think it does. That\u2019s why we always need to go back to the Bible as our sole authority. However, it is hard to find advice on dating in the Bible; but the Bible is our sole authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDeepak Reju spends a lot of his time counseling single men and women at the church where he pastors in Washington, DC. In fact, the majority of people in his church are single. Deepak has some advice for men and women, who find themselves lonely and dateless on a Friday night. Here\u2019s Deepak Reju. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> I don\u2019t want you to bear your burdens alone, because the weariness of years of singleness is generally hard. That\u2019s where we just want to be real about it\u2014a Friday night, where you\u2019re by yourself yet again, is a lonely existence; or going to another wedding, where you\u2019re by yourself, and you\u2019re not paired up with anyone; or going grocery shopping to just shop for yourself when all your friends are shopping for their husband and children\u2014you feel that weariness; you feel that loneliness; you feel the pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where you\u2019re going to fight, first and foremost, to trust that God\u2019s promises are actually real and true. You\u2019re not going to hold onto just the fears and the desires and concerns that actually can dominate your life, and actually stand in the forefront of your life. It is <em>horribly<\/em> painful; and you <em>shouldn\u2019t<\/em> bear that alone, which is why you want to be in a church that helps you walk through that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, you need a church that helps you to hold onto those promises; because some days, those promises feel like water dribbling through your hands. They feel like you can\u2019t hold onto them. You need somebody to say: \u201cIt\u2019s <em>hard<\/em>; but I\u2019m here for you, and God still loves you,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s <em>hard<\/em>, but we\u2019re going to keep fighting through this together,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s <em>hard<\/em>, and it\u2019s painful\u2014what you\u2019re sorting through today\u2014I\u2019m going to wrap my arm around you and cry with you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s a <em>hard<\/em> thing\u2014because depending on the age of your young friend, who\u2019s sharing these things with you and saying, \u201cI <em>don\u2019t<\/em> want to compromise,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a hard thing to just give that all to God, because He might <em>never<\/em> bring those wants and desires around. It\u2019s hard to face that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> It is hard to face that, because there\u2019s no guarantee that you\u2019ll get married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> But that shows the futility of making <em>marriage<\/em> your idol. If you put all your hopes in marriage, you\u2019ll live a disappointed life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, marriage is a good desire!\u2014we\u2019re not denying that at all\u2014it\u2019s a <em>good<\/em> thing to aspire to. Singles are told all the time to desire marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. So how do you <em>live<\/em> the rich single life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> It starts with, first, centering your life on Christ. Jesus is the One who promises to us to be the living water that gives us the full life. Jesus is the One who can help us in our times of sorrow and grief, and Jesus is the One who can bring us un-abounding joy that we never expected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, what often we find is that we get caught up in all the things of this world\/the treasures of this world\u2014though we profess to be Christians, though we go to church, and though we even read our Bibles\u2014Jesus really is secondary to all those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tSo we always make first things first and second things second. We make Christ first; we make Him our greatest treasure and desire. I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> saying that as a Sunday school answer. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Many times that <em>is<\/em> the Sunday school answer!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s the perfect Sunday school answer that everybody <em>hears<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> Yes; and people will say to me, \u201cYou\u2019re a pastor; you\u2019re <em>paid<\/em> to say that.\u201d [Laughter] Well, no; I say that because I really <em>believe<\/em> that. I really believe that\u2019s true, because <em>I\u2019ve<\/em> experienced that. I\u2019ve seen <em>hundreds<\/em> of people whose lives have been transformed when they\u2019ve centered their life on the gospel, which is why I want daily reminders of what it means to center my life on Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that our pastoral staff has tried to do in our teaching is to not just generically talk about good biblical truth, but to <em>constantly<\/em> bring up the gospel\/to regularly bring it to the forefront of our conversations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good thought. And it\u2019s pulling our eyes off ourselves and onto the cross. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> Yes; <em>then,<\/em> when Christ is center of my life, then everything else has its proper place; because Christ puts everything else in its proper proportion in relation to Him: so then, marriage becomes a valuable thing; and children become a valuable thing; church becomes a valuable thing. But first and foremost, they\u2019re valuable because they\u2019re in relation to Christ, who has His proper seat on the throne of my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTherefore, my good desire for marriage I will keep longing for, because Scripture tells me <em>that<\/em> it\u2019s good to desire a godly husband or wife. But I\u2019m not going to actually make that ultimate, because only Christ deserves that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Deepak Reju with dating advice; although, it feels a little more like spiritual advice; doesn\u2019t it? He\u2019s reminding us to balance everything with the gospel; in other words, balance everything with Jesus, who should be our living hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s hard to do! Believe me; I get that. At times, it\u2019s <em>really<\/em> hard to do. We live in a world that doesn\u2019t believe that truth, a world that wants to feed us lies. Yet, we need to go back to the truth that Jesus is our living hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShaunti Feldhahn is a <em>great<\/em> researcher; she is a great researcher of people. She loves to ask questions, and she has this gift of looking at the entire picture. When I talked to Shaunti about some of her advice for dating and for singleness, she says that we should <em>not<\/em> settle for anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> I will say this to the singles, who are longing to be married\u2014it is something that is hard to explain\u2014however, there is so much of a temptation, at least when I was single; there was so much of a temptation to try to get into a marriage, even if it was kind of any marriage, just to feel loved. At least, for women, that\u2019s more of the insecurity that\u2019s being hit on; it\u2019s like: \u201cAm I lovable?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m married, so therefore; it makes me feel more loved,\u201d\u2014and that is the <em>biggest<\/em> lie. There is nothing <em>worse<\/em> than being in a marriage that isn\u2019t the right marriage, and not feeling loved, and feeling this <em>excruciating<\/em> sense of disconnection in the place that you\u2019re supposed to be the most connected. It is <em>far<\/em> easier, I think, to stay single and to be single\u2014not that that\u2019s <em>any<\/em> excuse to leave a marriage\u2014but just sort of, on the front end, to know: \u201cIt is far better to wait for the right thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s some good, sobering advice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShaunti, we\u2019ve been talking about single women. What about the <em>men<\/em> out there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting; as I\u2019ve been doing this social research over the years with <em>both<\/em> men and women\u2014we\u2019re at more than 20,000 men and women that we\u2019ve interviewed and surveyed over the years\u2014one of the biggest misunderstandings I guess\/one of the biggest things that isn\u2019t actually accurate\u2014is that a lot of single women think single men just don\u2019t care as much about marriage. That just isn\u2019t true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTruly, there is just as much of a <em>longing<\/em> for connection and a <em>longing<\/em> to find that person who can know everything about you, and care about you anyway, in the men as there was for the women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s interesting, because that\u2019s obviously a lie that\u2019s being told. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Oh, totally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s a lie that\u2019s being told that they\u2019re apathetic, and they just want to sit and play their video games. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Completely; totally. The video games are often\u2014yes, they <em>do<\/em> want to sit and play their video games\u2014but it\u2019s <em>because<\/em> they\u2019re lonely; right? It\u2019s <em>because<\/em> they feel like a failure; it\u2019s <em>because<\/em> they feel like they\u2019re not good enough for anybody; so it\u2019s better to not risk it. It\u2019s really important for women, especially, to understand just how much that better-to-not-risk-it feeling is in a man\u2019s heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen look big and strong and confident in themselves. We think, \u201cHe\u2019s a little <em>too<\/em> confident; you know? [Laughter] He needs to be taken out a bit.\u201d Yes, that\u2019s the case for a <em>small<\/em> percentage of men.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the <em>vast<\/em> majority\u2014it\u2019s just a mask\u2014there\u2019s <em>so much<\/em> self-doubt; there\u2019s <em>so much<\/em> vulnerability. The single men that I spoke with and I surveyed said that that\u2019s actually one of the main reasons why <em>the most<\/em> attractive characteristic in a single woman\u2014other than how she looks\u2014because there\u2019s no way around the fact that being physically attracted to somebody is a <em>big<\/em> deal for guys, from the beginning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut other than how she looks, <em>the biggest<\/em> emotional factor is feeling that this woman sincerely admires him. That is <em>the most<\/em> attractive quality, because it\u2019s hitting on all those insecurities and vulnerabilities in him of: \u201cAm I any good at what I do? I really want to be up to these challenges, but I don\u2019t know if I am.\u201d This feeling that: \u201cThis person, who knows me really well, is in my corner, cheering me on,\u201d \u2014that \u201cShe thinks I can do it,\u201d\u2014that is powerful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe is <em>longing<\/em> for that: <em>longing<\/em> to have that relationship, where he can feel that way, and have somebody who knows all of his faults, and <em>knows<\/em> that he makes mistakes, and yet <em>believes<\/em> in him anyway\u2014that is just as <em>powerful<\/em> of a feeling to a single man as the feeling is to a single woman, of someone who sees all of her stuff, and loves her anyway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So what\u2019s the disconnect? Because I am seeing the fact that we\u2019ve got single women who <em>want<\/em> to be married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We have single men who <em>want<\/em> to be married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What\u2019s happening? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Well,\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s just like\u2014okay; so they <em>want<\/em>\/they both <em>want<\/em>\u2014and something\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em>; something\u2019s broken. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> \u2014first of all\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Or it <em>seems<\/em> like something\u2019s broken.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Well, no; there are some common disconnects. One of them is about faith. If you have somebody, who hasn\u2019t met\u2014who\u2019s a single woman for whom her faith is really important\u2014if she hasn\u2019t met the guy, for whom his faith is really important: she\u2019s right to wait. The guy\u2014if it\u2019s his situation\u2014he\u2019s right to wait. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are <em>many<\/em> different reasons why they\u2019re not getting together. One of them\u2014I\u2019m just going to say something that\u2019s going to sound really\u2014what\u2019s the right word?\u2014this might be slightly controversial; but I\u2019ll just be candid, because we saw it in the research <em>constantly<\/em>. That is that so many men today have this feeling, already, of being beaten down. This is a hard culture for men; we don\u2019t realize it, but it really is\u2014like every TV show shows the guy being the buffoon; right?\u2014it\u2019s just the way it works.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And the women\u2014they\u2019re not admiring them\u2014especially on TV.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> And that\u2019s the problem. Unfortunately, we don\u2019t realize that we\u2019re coming on in a way that is: \u201cWell, if you\u2019re not going to get your act together, <em>I\u2019m<\/em> going to get <em>my<\/em> act together; and I\u2019m going to run over you. You\u2019d better do what I say.\u201d Men instinctively have two responses to that: they get angry, or they withdraw. Neither of those is healthy for a relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a sinful tendency of us, as women; it\u2019s like, \u201cIf he\u2019s not going to do something, I\u2019m going to do something. I\u2019m going to take control; I\u2019m going to make things happen.\u201d That\u2019s our sinful tendency as women; right? His sinful tendency, in the face of that, is to back off. Neither of those are the godly responses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhere we might have those tendencies\u2014these are God-given sort of\/there\u2019s a flip side to these\u2014where there\u2019s a good side to that, and there\u2019s a bad side to that. We need to have the <em>redeemed<\/em> version of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Some really good words from Shaunti Feldhahn. Again, she gets both sides\u2014because she is such a researcher\u2014she gets the men\u2019s side and also the women\u2019s side. We live in a broken, broken world. As she said: \u201cWomen, maybe we need to be a little softer and more approachable; also, <em>affirming<\/em> to the guys.\u201d \u201cMen, you\u2019ve probably already tried really hard with women. We can be difficult; I\u2019m sorry. Let\u2019s just lay it out there; I\u2019m <em>very<\/em> sorry. But don\u2019t give up! Be courageous and keep asking us out.\u201d I think both sides need to give grace, lots of grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s hard to be single, and it\u2019s hard to live in a dating world. There can be some real deep pain that goes along with singleness and, also, loneliness. Coming up in a couple weeks, I\u2019m going to talk with Ron Deal about how to cope with loneliness in a season of romance. I want you to stay tuned for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, Valentine\u2019s Day is just around the corner. If you\u2019re in a relationship, your girl expects this day to be <em>special<\/em>. Next week, we\u2019re going to talk about how to appreciate the people in your life and not just take them for granted. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, and our co-founder, Dennis Rainey; along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Bruce Goff and Marques Holt. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:56"],"show_notes":[""],"filesize":["25.58M"],"filesize_raw":["26820992"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307377.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307377.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Seymour and Jaqueline Anderson Meza tell their stories of courtship and dating their husbands. Deepak Reju has some advice for singles who are lonely and dateless on a Friday night. Shaunti Feldhahn gives her perspective on the singles' landscape based on her research.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2022-01-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ladies, have you ever wondered what makes you <em>most<\/em> attractive to the man in your life? Here\u2019s author and researcher, Shaunti Feldhahn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Other than how she looks, the biggest sort of emotional factor is feeling that this woman sincerely admires him; because it\u2019s hitting on all those insecurities and vulnerabilities in him of: \u201cAm I any good at what I do? I don\u2019t know if I am.\u201d This feeling that\u2014\u201cThis person knows me really well; is in my corner, cheering me on. She thinks I can do it,\u201d\u2014that is powerful. He is <em>longing<\/em> for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That seems simple enough; doesn\u2019t it? Today, we\u2019re going to take a look at some dating advice for singles, and those who love them, on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. When you ask for dating advice, or when you <em>give<\/em> dating advice, you\u2019re opening a <em>big<\/em> can of worms. In my experience, everyone <em>loves<\/em> to give <em>dating<\/em> advice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sound Engineer:<\/strong> Hey, Michelle,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sound Engineer: <\/strong>\u2014can I give you some advice on dating?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> No; absolutely not. [Laughter] See? Everyone <em>loves<\/em> to give dating advice. Quite frankly, it\u2019s not always\u2014how should I say?\u2014<em>good<\/em> advice. Sometimes it\u2019s not thought-through advice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, we\u2019re going to explore dating and singleness. In a way, as we go through this material, you\u2019re probably going to think that this is quite random. That\u2019s really <em>not<\/em> my intention. My intention is to help you understand that life, well, it isn\u2019t a one size fits all, especially dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to hear from two young ladies; they\u2019re going to discuss dating and how they snagged their husbands. Actually, what\u2019s quite interesting is that they\u2019re from the opposite sides of the country; but there\u2019s a <em>theme<\/em> running through their stories. I want you to listen for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter the break, we\u2019re going to hear from Deepak Reju and Shaunti Feldhahn. They\u2019ve spent many years listening to singles, and they have a few words of wisdom. So if you\u2019re single, stay tuned. If you\u2019re <em>not<\/em> single, I ask you to keep listening; because a single friend of yours\/they may need this advice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHanna Seymour is chock full of advice for college-age women. She\u2019s mentored thousands of women over the years; authored a book called <em>The College Girl\u2019s Survival Guide<\/em>. While Hanna subscribes to the idea that men need to be the pursuer and leader in a relationship, she kind of nuances it in a way that I wasn\u2019t expecting. Here\u2019s Hanna.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> My husband and I dated. He sent flowers to my office, [Laughter] seeing if I wanted to go to dinner; I mean like one of these movie-type plotlines. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been waiting for that! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> I know; so many women have. I was like, \u201cBlah\u201d; I couldn\u2019t believe it. I went out on a few dates with my, now, husband; [Laughter] but I ended it. Two years later, we reconnected. I gave a nudge\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I did\u2014I said, \u201cHey, let\u2019s catch up.\u201d We ended up talking for about three-and-a-half hours. At the end of it, I said, \u201cLook; I think that, if a guy\u2019s interested, he will pursue. <em>You<\/em> did that; <em>I<\/em> ended it. I don\u2019t know where you are, but I would <em>love<\/em> to spend more time with you and get to know you better if you\u2019re at all open to that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>That<\/em> is a nudge; that is a <em>strong<\/em> nudge, but I didn\u2019t ask him out to dinner. I did ask him to hang out, and grab a cup of coffee, and catch up; so I initiated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> But I wasn\u2019t saying, \u201cHey, let\u2019s go out to dinner on Friday night at 8:00 pm; I\u2019ll pick you up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. You didn\u2019t label it; it <em>wasn\u2019t<\/em> a date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t a date.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna: <\/strong>It was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014coffee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> \u2014a nudge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It was your sister-in-law who made the match?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> She was the first connection; [Laughter] but lots of other matches and\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Do you believe in matchmaking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna:<\/strong> I do. I have <em>a lot<\/em> of friends who are married today because a good friend in their life thought of both of them and said, \u201cI think you all need to meet,\u201d or \u201cGive this a go.\u201d I think, if you have a wise and discerning friend, they can be a really helpful person in that <em>treacherous<\/em> dating process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also a lot of people out there that want to match-make, and they have no business in matchmaking, because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hanna: <\/strong>\u2014whether or not they are not being thoughtful about it or whatever. I think there\u2019s a specific kind of friend we all know\u2014you can probably identify: \u201cThat\u2019s a friend I would trust,\u201d\u2014and then there\u2019s a whole slew of people I would not give the power of putting me at a dinner table across from the opposite sex. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s Hanna Seymour with some great advice. Did you catch that? She\u2019s talking about the set up\u2014you know, connecting Katie with John\u2014it\u2019s really okay! Some people think that matchmaking, as some might call it instead of a setup, is one of those old-fashioned things. Actually, <em>I<\/em> believe that the setup, or matchmaking, is something that the church needs to be involved in these days. If you talk to some other singles, I think they would agree with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHanna Seymour lives with her husband and little boy in Nashville, Tennessee. Now, we are going to take a trip to Portland, Oregon, where Jacquelyn Anderson [Meza] is a high school teacher. She has spent a lot of time listening to girls about their dating woes. You would think that would be <em>totally<\/em> different from one end of the country to the other end of the country. In some ways, it is; and in other ways, it\u2019s <em>not<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Jacquelyn wrote a book with her dad called <em>The 10 Myths of Teen Dating.<\/em> Here\u2019s Jacquelyn talking about how she met her husband and, also, the dating woes in Portland. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn: <\/strong>The difference was, between my husband and every other man I\u2019ve ever met, he asked me out <em>immediately.<\/em> He said, \u201cI don\u2019t want to text; I would like to take you out, face to face, buy you dinner and have an in-depth conversation with you.\u201d Our dinner was at 7:00 pm, and we stayed out until midnight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn: <\/strong>We just kept talking, and talking, and talking, and talking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s hard; because technology can be kind of a social buffer, but then that prevents that real intimate growth\/relational growth from happening. I think, for women, if he\u2019s not trying to hang out with you in person, cut him loose. Call me old-fashioned; but I like a nice, straightforward, direct man. I don\u2019t like games, and we\u2019ve all met guys that play those games; like, \u201cOh, well, I might be free on Thursday.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo, no, no! [Laughter] That\u2019s unacceptable to me. I think women kind of settle for that in the absence of something else. They say all the time, \u201cWhat if you\u2019re kissing a frog, and the prince walks by?\u201d [Laughter] Do you want to get caught kissing the frog?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn: <\/strong>\u2014hoping he\u2019ll turn into a prince? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think part of getting past it is finding the right person, and finding someone that\u2019s really compatible with you, and shares your same values set: obviously, being a Christian and living a life based on biblical principles. But the nitty gritty, too, of: \u201cHow many children you want to have,\u201d \u201cDo you want to adopt vs. having your own?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s your timeline for getting married?\u201d \u201cDo you want to have a big wedding\/a small wedding?\u201d \u201cHow important is living close to family?\u201d\u2014things like that. I think if you can get those things compatible, you\u2019re in a better spot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So what is your advice to your friends? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> My advice to them is: \u201cTrust that God has a plan for your life, and be available. I think that sometimes God has a plan for your life, but there are things you have to do to get that plan going or to move to the next step.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tAre you hanging out with the right kinds of people, who are going to introduce you to the kind of person you want to be with? That\u2019s a big one. If you\u2019re going around with a crew that you maybe wouldn\u2019t marry someone in that crew, how can you change who you\u2019re with to find someone? Because like attracts like. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> That\u2019s how I met my husband\/is the friend of a friend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh! Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes; obviously, that\u2019s the ideal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think just trust that God has a plan for your life, and then be ready, and be there, and be social. Hang out with the right kinds of people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I like what Jacquelyn has to say about \u201clike attracts like\u201d; so the people you hang out with are probably going to be the people who you date, and the people who\u2014well, maybe you marry\u2014so just be mindful of that. Above all, as Jacquelyn said, \u201cTrust God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIsn\u2019t it quite interesting how both of these ladies were setup by friends and family members? Just something for you married people to think about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s time for me to stretch my legs a little, grab a cup of coffee. When we come back, we\u2019re going to continue with advice from Deepak Reju and, also, Shaunti Feldhahn. Stay tuned. I\u2019ll be back in two minutes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. Today, we\u2019re talking about singleness and dating. I think it\u2019s really important to clarify here that what you\u2019re hearing today isn\u2019t a one size fits all. Life doesn\u2019t fit into a human-invented formula, like we think it does. That\u2019s why we always need to go back to the Bible as our sole authority. However, it is hard to find advice on dating in the Bible; but the Bible is our sole authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDeepak Reju spends a lot of his time counseling single men and women at the church where he pastors in Washington, DC. In fact, the majority of people in his church are single. Deepak has some advice for men and women, who find themselves lonely and dateless on a Friday night. Here\u2019s Deepak Reju. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> I don\u2019t want you to bear your burdens alone, because the weariness of years of singleness is generally hard. That\u2019s where we just want to be real about it\u2014a Friday night, where you\u2019re by yourself yet again, is a lonely existence; or going to another wedding, where you\u2019re by yourself, and you\u2019re not paired up with anyone; or going grocery shopping to just shop for yourself when all your friends are shopping for their husband and children\u2014you feel that weariness; you feel that loneliness; you feel the pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where you\u2019re going to fight, first and foremost, to trust that God\u2019s promises are actually real and true. You\u2019re not going to hold onto just the fears and the desires and concerns that actually can dominate your life, and actually stand in the forefront of your life. It is <em>horribly<\/em> painful; and you <em>shouldn\u2019t<\/em> bear that alone, which is why you want to be in a church that helps you walk through that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, you need a church that helps you to hold onto those promises; because some days, those promises feel like water dribbling through your hands. They feel like you can\u2019t hold onto them. You need somebody to say: \u201cIt\u2019s <em>hard<\/em>; but I\u2019m here for you, and God still loves you,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s <em>hard<\/em>, but we\u2019re going to keep fighting through this together,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s <em>hard<\/em>, and it\u2019s painful\u2014what you\u2019re sorting through today\u2014I\u2019m going to wrap my arm around you and cry with you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s a <em>hard<\/em> thing\u2014because depending on the age of your young friend, who\u2019s sharing these things with you and saying, \u201cI <em>don\u2019t<\/em> want to compromise,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a hard thing to just give that all to God, because He might <em>never<\/em> bring those wants and desires around. It\u2019s hard to face that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> It is hard to face that, because there\u2019s no guarantee that you\u2019ll get married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> But that shows the futility of making <em>marriage<\/em> your idol. If you put all your hopes in marriage, you\u2019ll live a disappointed life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, marriage is a good desire!\u2014we\u2019re not denying that at all\u2014it\u2019s a <em>good<\/em> thing to aspire to. Singles are told all the time to desire marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. So how do you <em>live<\/em> the rich single life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> It starts with, first, centering your life on Christ. Jesus is the One who promises to us to be the living water that gives us the full life. Jesus is the One who can help us in our times of sorrow and grief, and Jesus is the One who can bring us un-abounding joy that we never expected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, what often we find is that we get caught up in all the things of this world\/the treasures of this world\u2014though we profess to be Christians, though we go to church, and though we even read our Bibles\u2014Jesus really is secondary to all those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tSo we always make first things first and second things second. We make Christ first; we make Him our greatest treasure and desire. I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> saying that as a Sunday school answer. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Many times that <em>is<\/em> the Sunday school answer!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s the perfect Sunday school answer that everybody <em>hears<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> Yes; and people will say to me, \u201cYou\u2019re a pastor; you\u2019re <em>paid<\/em> to say that.\u201d [Laughter] Well, no; I say that because I really <em>believe<\/em> that. I really believe that\u2019s true, because <em>I\u2019ve<\/em> experienced that. I\u2019ve seen <em>hundreds<\/em> of people whose lives have been transformed when they\u2019ve centered their life on the gospel, which is why I want daily reminders of what it means to center my life on Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that our pastoral staff has tried to do in our teaching is to not just generically talk about good biblical truth, but to <em>constantly<\/em> bring up the gospel\/to regularly bring it to the forefront of our conversations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good thought. And it\u2019s pulling our eyes off ourselves and onto the cross. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> Yes; <em>then,<\/em> when Christ is center of my life, then everything else has its proper place; because Christ puts everything else in its proper proportion in relation to Him: so then, marriage becomes a valuable thing; and children become a valuable thing; church becomes a valuable thing. But first and foremost, they\u2019re valuable because they\u2019re in relation to Christ, who has His proper seat on the throne of my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTherefore, my good desire for marriage I will keep longing for, because Scripture tells me <em>that<\/em> it\u2019s good to desire a godly husband or wife. But I\u2019m not going to actually make that ultimate, because only Christ deserves that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Deepak Reju with dating advice; although, it feels a little more like spiritual advice; doesn\u2019t it? He\u2019s reminding us to balance everything with the gospel; in other words, balance everything with Jesus, who should be our living hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s hard to do! Believe me; I get that. At times, it\u2019s <em>really<\/em> hard to do. We live in a world that doesn\u2019t believe that truth, a world that wants to feed us lies. Yet, we need to go back to the truth that Jesus is our living hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShaunti Feldhahn is a <em>great<\/em> researcher; she is a great researcher of people. She loves to ask questions, and she has this gift of looking at the entire picture. When I talked to Shaunti about some of her advice for dating and for singleness, she says that we should <em>not<\/em> settle for anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> I will say this to the singles, who are longing to be married\u2014it is something that is hard to explain\u2014however, there is so much of a temptation, at least when I was single; there was so much of a temptation to try to get into a marriage, even if it was kind of any marriage, just to feel loved. At least, for women, that\u2019s more of the insecurity that\u2019s being hit on; it\u2019s like: \u201cAm I lovable?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m married, so therefore; it makes me feel more loved,\u201d\u2014and that is the <em>biggest<\/em> lie. There is nothing <em>worse<\/em> than being in a marriage that isn\u2019t the right marriage, and not feeling loved, and feeling this <em>excruciating<\/em> sense of disconnection in the place that you\u2019re supposed to be the most connected. It is <em>far<\/em> easier, I think, to stay single and to be single\u2014not that that\u2019s <em>any<\/em> excuse to leave a marriage\u2014but just sort of, on the front end, to know: \u201cIt is far better to wait for the right thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s some good, sobering advice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShaunti, we\u2019ve been talking about single women. What about the <em>men<\/em> out there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting; as I\u2019ve been doing this social research over the years with <em>both<\/em> men and women\u2014we\u2019re at more than 20,000 men and women that we\u2019ve interviewed and surveyed over the years\u2014one of the biggest misunderstandings I guess\/one of the biggest things that isn\u2019t actually accurate\u2014is that a lot of single women think single men just don\u2019t care as much about marriage. That just isn\u2019t true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTruly, there is just as much of a <em>longing<\/em> for connection and a <em>longing<\/em> to find that person who can know everything about you, and care about you anyway, in the men as there was for the women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s interesting, because that\u2019s obviously a lie that\u2019s being told. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Oh, totally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s a lie that\u2019s being told that they\u2019re apathetic, and they just want to sit and play their video games. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Completely; totally. The video games are often\u2014yes, they <em>do<\/em> want to sit and play their video games\u2014but it\u2019s <em>because<\/em> they\u2019re lonely; right? It\u2019s <em>because<\/em> they feel like a failure; it\u2019s <em>because<\/em> they feel like they\u2019re not good enough for anybody; so it\u2019s better to not risk it. It\u2019s really important for women, especially, to understand just how much that better-to-not-risk-it feeling is in a man\u2019s heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen look big and strong and confident in themselves. We think, \u201cHe\u2019s a little <em>too<\/em> confident; you know? [Laughter] He needs to be taken out a bit.\u201d Yes, that\u2019s the case for a <em>small<\/em> percentage of men.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the <em>vast<\/em> majority\u2014it\u2019s just a mask\u2014there\u2019s <em>so much<\/em> self-doubt; there\u2019s <em>so much<\/em> vulnerability. The single men that I spoke with and I surveyed said that that\u2019s actually one of the main reasons why <em>the most<\/em> attractive characteristic in a single woman\u2014other than how she looks\u2014because there\u2019s no way around the fact that being physically attracted to somebody is a <em>big<\/em> deal for guys, from the beginning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut other than how she looks, <em>the biggest<\/em> emotional factor is feeling that this woman sincerely admires him. That is <em>the most<\/em> attractive quality, because it\u2019s hitting on all those insecurities and vulnerabilities in him of: \u201cAm I any good at what I do? I really want to be up to these challenges, but I don\u2019t know if I am.\u201d This feeling that: \u201cThis person, who knows me really well, is in my corner, cheering me on,\u201d \u2014that \u201cShe thinks I can do it,\u201d\u2014that is powerful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe is <em>longing<\/em> for that: <em>longing<\/em> to have that relationship, where he can feel that way, and have somebody who knows all of his faults, and <em>knows<\/em> that he makes mistakes, and yet <em>believes<\/em> in him anyway\u2014that is just as <em>powerful<\/em> of a feeling to a single man as the feeling is to a single woman, of someone who sees all of her stuff, and loves her anyway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So what\u2019s the disconnect? Because I am seeing the fact that we\u2019ve got single women who <em>want<\/em> to be married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We have single men who <em>want<\/em> to be married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What\u2019s happening? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Well,\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s just like\u2014okay; so they <em>want<\/em>\/they both <em>want<\/em>\u2014and something\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em>; something\u2019s broken. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> \u2014first of all\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Or it <em>seems<\/em> like something\u2019s broken.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> Well, no; there are some common disconnects. One of them is about faith. If you have somebody, who hasn\u2019t met\u2014who\u2019s a single woman for whom her faith is really important\u2014if she hasn\u2019t met the guy, for whom his faith is really important: she\u2019s right to wait. The guy\u2014if it\u2019s his situation\u2014he\u2019s right to wait. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are <em>many<\/em> different reasons why they\u2019re not getting together. One of them\u2014I\u2019m just going to say something that\u2019s going to sound really\u2014what\u2019s the right word?\u2014this might be slightly controversial; but I\u2019ll just be candid, because we saw it in the research <em>constantly<\/em>. That is that so many men today have this feeling, already, of being beaten down. This is a hard culture for men; we don\u2019t realize it, but it really is\u2014like every TV show shows the guy being the buffoon; right?\u2014it\u2019s just the way it works.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And the women\u2014they\u2019re not admiring them\u2014especially on TV.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shaunti:<\/strong> And that\u2019s the problem. Unfortunately, we don\u2019t realize that we\u2019re coming on in a way that is: \u201cWell, if you\u2019re not going to get your act together, <em>I\u2019m<\/em> going to get <em>my<\/em> act together; and I\u2019m going to run over you. You\u2019d better do what I say.\u201d Men instinctively have two responses to that: they get angry, or they withdraw. Neither of those is healthy for a relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a sinful tendency of us, as women; it\u2019s like, \u201cIf he\u2019s not going to do something, I\u2019m going to do something. I\u2019m going to take control; I\u2019m going to make things happen.\u201d That\u2019s our sinful tendency as women; right? His sinful tendency, in the face of that, is to back off. Neither of those are the godly responses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhere we might have those tendencies\u2014these are God-given sort of\/there\u2019s a flip side to these\u2014where there\u2019s a good side to that, and there\u2019s a bad side to that. We need to have the <em>redeemed<\/em> version of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Some really good words from Shaunti Feldhahn. Again, she gets both sides\u2014because she is such a researcher\u2014she gets the men\u2019s side and also the women\u2019s side. We live in a broken, broken world. As she said: \u201cWomen, maybe we need to be a little softer and more approachable; also, <em>affirming<\/em> to the guys.\u201d \u201cMen, you\u2019ve probably already tried really hard with women. We can be difficult; I\u2019m sorry. Let\u2019s just lay it out there; I\u2019m <em>very<\/em> sorry. But don\u2019t give up! Be courageous and keep asking us out.\u201d I think both sides need to give grace, lots of grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s hard to be single, and it\u2019s hard to live in a dating world. There can be some real deep pain that goes along with singleness and, also, loneliness. Coming up in a couple weeks, I\u2019m going to talk with Ron Deal about how to cope with loneliness in a season of romance. I want you to stay tuned for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, Valentine\u2019s Day is just around the corner. If you\u2019re in a relationship, your girl expects this day to be <em>special<\/em>. Next week, we\u2019re going to talk about how to appreciate the people in your life and not just take them for granted. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, and our co-founder, Dennis Rainey; along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Bruce Goff and Marques Holt. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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