{"id":307361,"date":"2022-01-07T08:02:07","date_gmt":"2022-01-07T13:02:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/growing-apart-fighting-the-marital-drift\/"},"modified":"2022-01-07T08:02:07","modified_gmt":"2022-01-07T13:02:07","slug":"growing-apart-fighting-the-marital-drift","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/growing-apart-fighting-the-marital-drift\/","title":{"rendered":"Growing Apart: Fighting the Marital Drift"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Growing apart in your marriage can feel alienating, frightening. FamilyLife President David Robbins &amp; his wife Meg offer proactive ideas to stay close.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-01-07.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:11","filesize":"23.97M","filesize_raw":"25134543","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809,2082,2860],"tags":[7001,4066,2877],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3576],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307361","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","category-communication","category-hardship-and-suffering","tag-growth","tag-intimacy","tag-marriage","cwp_profile-david-and-meg-robbins","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307361\/growing-apart-fighting-the-marital-drift","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307361\/growing-apart-fighting-the-marital-drift","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Ginwng9CUa\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/growing-apart-fighting-the-marital-drift\/\">Growing Apart: Fighting the Marital Drift<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/growing-apart-fighting-the-marital-drift\/embed\/#?secret=Ginwng9CUa\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Growing Apart: Fighting the Marital Drift&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Ginwng9CUa\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-01-07.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-01-07.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s not every day that you get to be in the presence of somebody like the president. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I know; this is an exciting day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> This is an exciting day; we\u2019ve got the president in the studio. [Laughter] No, it is not Joe Biden. It is David Robbins, the president of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and Meg Robbins. Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It is good to be here, guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Should we call you \u201cMr. President\u201d? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> <em>Yes<\/em>, Mr. President. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Let\u2019s <em>don\u2019t<\/em>\u2014and neither First Lady either\u2014it\u2019s not what we go by. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014<em>Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is an <em>exciting<\/em> day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> This is an exciting day; we\u2019ve got the president. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I wish you guys could all sit down with David and Meg, because they\u2019re amazing people. You would like them, right off the bat, and you would relate to them. They\u2019ve got four kids; they\u2019re in the midst of raising these kids. They\u2019ve got a high schooler all the way down to a kindergartener.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> This is true; we just started kindergarten.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> They are all in school; here we <em>go<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; they are all in school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe recently heard you guys give a talk that I thought was pretty riveting. One of the reasons you caught my attention at the very beginning was because you were talking about the drift toward isolation that can so easily happen to <em>every single marriage<\/em>. Would you agree that is true?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Most definitely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> No marriage is static\/no family is static, because the circumstances around us and the currents of life are not static.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Especially, when you are in the stage of life where you have kids, life is demanding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou are the president of a large organization; we\u2019ve been in the midst of this pandemic, which creates a lot of stress. Kind of take us to what you\u2019ve learned and how that isolation is something that we <em>all<\/em> need to figure out how to deal with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great question\u2014because if we\u2019re honest, it doesn\u2019t have to be in the middle of a pandemic; life on a regular day\u2014you know, life is going to push us away from each other. The drift is not going to just naturally create intimacy between the two of us in our marriage. The reality of life is that it is hard, and hard things happen; it\u2019s busy. If you have kids, or you\u2019re an empty nester, or whatever stage, I think the <em>natural<\/em> tendency is for us to drift apart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> And that goes with our relationship with the Lord\u2014drifting apart\u2014our relationship in a marriage, with your kids, with those that you want to have a heart for mission and invest in and trust the Lord to work in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is there\u2019s selfishness that we have in our own life that will drift me apart from Meg, because of my own selfishness I have going on. There\u2019s the world and the forces and cultural currents that happen in our lives, and then there\u2019s also the enemy. Meg is <em>not<\/em> my enemy. We have an enemy at work <em>seeking<\/em> to draw us apart from the relationships that matter most, and we <em>have<\/em> to pursue one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>We were actually at the beach this summer with my family. One of the last days, it was one of those days where the water was kind of rough\u2014although, I feel that there\u2019s <em>always<\/em> a current in the ocean\u2014but it was extra rough this day. Our kids <em>love<\/em> to boogie board. They\u2019ll get out there\u2014and they\u2019re riding wave after wave after wave\u2014and before they know it, they\u2019re <em>way down<\/em> the beach. The water has taken them down; and we\u2019re running down there, yelling out in the ocean, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to get back over here, where umbrellas are!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they can\u2019t just walk back over in the water; they really can\u2019t get back over. So we\u2019re motioning and yelling at them, \u201cCome on in and get on the sand. Walk back over here, where we are; and then you can go back in again.\u201d But on your own, you\u2019re drifting way too far; you\u2019ve got to get out, and you\u2019ve got to get on dry sand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we\u2019ve all done that\u2014we\u2019ve all been in the water\u2014and you don\u2019t realize, like, \u201cWell, how did I get over here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Exactly; they\u2019re like, \u201cOh my goodness!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Guys, I\u2019ve never been able to do a boogie board.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Wait; why is that, Dave? Now, this is riveting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Okay; now, you have to come to the beach with us sometime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, I\u2019ve gotten on them; I just can\u2019t control it. I just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You may be one of the most coordinated people I <em>know<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014not on boogie board. Ask my wife; I\u2019m <em>bad<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Just a little problem with balance; everything else is on point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m not a gymnast; I can\u2019t stay on a balance beam.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Keeping you humble over there; that\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Good to know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> There\u2019s one thing of <em>all<\/em> the things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014whatever. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll I know is I have drifted\u2014whether you are on a boogie board or not\u2014you <em>drift<\/em>. As you said\u2014life, if you don\u2019t stop the drift\u2014and we talk about this at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> on Friday night that: \u201cEvery marriage is headed toward oneness or isolation. You don\u2019t head toward oneness unless you <em>work toward<\/em> oneness.\u201d That\u2019s what you\u2019re saying; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Right! We have experienced that. We literally, in our marriage, we have had to get out of the water and walk on sand back toward each other; because\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You mentioned <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. I just want to say it bluntly\u2014that\u2019s what we <em>love<\/em> about them\u2014and that\u2019s what we see, time and time again, is that you get out on the sand for three days; it\u2019s a rhythm break. There\u2019s something that happens that second night. There\u2019s\u2019 something about being in a room with other couples, at all different places in their marriage, but you\u2019re being guided with timeless truth to move toward one another and work as a <em>team<\/em>. It\u2019s why we love <em>Weekend<\/em>s<em> to Remember<\/em> so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do just want to say that right now is our half-price sale; it happens two times a year. Now is the time\u2014if you want to take advantage of getting on the sand, marking it out and planning for it\u2014now is a great time to take advantage of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014somebody\u2019s saying, \u201cHow do I sign up?\u201d\u2014or you can call us: 1-800-FL-TODAY, and sign up for a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> near you. Go to the beach, basically. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cGo stand on the sand.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Some are on the literal beach, but you\u2019ll be on the sand no matter what.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about\/you know, you shared at the staff conference this <em>drift<\/em> that took place, even in your life and family and marriage in this last year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I think, ultimately, it\u2019s not a matter of \u201cif\u201d; but \u201cWhat are we going to do <em>when<\/em> the drift happens?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, for us, we realized that some significant things were happening that were <em>hard<\/em> in our life\/in our marriage and just the total current of life. What was happening is it kind of created this little wedge between us, and every <em>new<\/em> thing that happened seemed like a <em>hammer<\/em>. It really felt like the enemy was just <em>hammering<\/em> that wedge in, and everything that happened seemed to push us just a little bit further apart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes, and the first one: you know, the pandemic starts. We have a kid with a lung disease; so an at-risk kid, especially in those initial months and unknowns. Those first scares of the pandemic, with an at-risk kid, was really consuming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you feel that, Meg?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I really did. I mean, I\u2014Ford has been really healthy\u2014he just turned 15, and he has been really healthy most of his life. God has provided some <em>amazing<\/em> medicine, along the way that has been even new, that has been significant for him. But we knew: \u201cThis is so unknown,\u201d and \u201cThis is uncharted territory for us, personally, to feel so at risk with his lungs being compromised.\u201d I think we felt that in the beginning. We were extra cautious and wanted to keep him safe, but knowing that we can\u2019t control all things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think another one was just unexpectedly homeschooling in the very beginning of the lock down; and suddenly, our kids were home all the time\u2014and trying to manage the teacher\u2019s expectation\u2014and trying to be a good homeschool mom, which I <em>wasn\u2019t<\/em> doing very well at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> And then unexpectedly working from home, and leading a ministry through an unprecedented time, and doing so from a bonus room on a couch that we bought on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Market Place; you know? [Laughter] Like: \u201cOkay, this is it; this is my life from nine to five.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I thought it was significant when you were doing this talk; because each time you talked about this wedge,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You should do this right here in the studio.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> In the studio, I\u2019ll pick up my microphone here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014yes, you took a step apart\u2014so another thing happened, and you took a step apart. It\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> visual to think that, as we go through hardships or just the daily grind of life, that drift takes us a step apart from one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat else happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Well, in the middle of the pandemic\u2014before it started, actually\u2014we were moving the FamilyLife headquarters from Little Rock to Orlando to join the rest of Cru; so in the middle of the pandemic, we moved our family. Just navigating moving our kids to a new school, and helping them make new friends\u2014and all the things that came with that\u2014that was another step apart, driving in the wedge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Then finding a home, and having the values\u2014and being on the same page in this market, where\u2014\u201cWait, we can\u2019t afford as much as we <em>thought<\/em> we could afford,\u201d and trusting God for that magic home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> And then my parents came to visit for ten days, which actually turned into two <em>months<\/em> because my dad got COVID while they were here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; and my in-laws came to visit, and ten days turned into <em>two months<\/em>. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> You love my parents!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I <em>do<\/em> love your parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did you do with Ford in that circumstance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> You know, what the crazy thing is\u2014he was <em>away<\/em> on a school trip\u2014the Lord really put a bubble around him several times this year, and this was one of them. He was away on a school trip. He came home, and for two more weeks, he bounced around to all of his friends\u2019 houses, spending the night. Sweet friends came alongside and just said, \u201cHe\u2019s welcome to stay here as long as he needs to.\u201d He did not get it, but our other three kids <em>all<\/em> got it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe bad thing is it was just one thing after another, without us realizing it, pushing that gap a little bigger. My dad\/he\u2019s 85, and he had COVID; and that was super scary. We\u2019re so thankful that he is okay\u2014he made it\u2014and I know that\u2019s not everybody\u2019s story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let me ask you, in the midst of this, you\u2019re\u2014as we said, you can drift apart\u2014were you <em>resentful<\/em> or had any expectations of one another during that time? Because I know that can happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She\u2019s asking because we would have. [Laughter] <em>We\u2019ve<\/em> been there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I think, for sure; there were times when leading FamilyLife was demanding a lot of time and energy from David. I was\/I mean, you were <em>amazing<\/em> when my parents were there\u2014and my dad was really sick\u2014and very available. But you know, that was a lot\u2014and my mom and I were trying to care for my dad\u2014and yet, keep the other kids quarantined from <em>us<\/em>; because we didn\u2019t have it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> The currents got so strong. I remember the day I watched my bride check in her dad into the hospital, here in Orlando, not <em>his<\/em> hometown. And her coming home, wondering, \u201cIs them coming to visit us, and watch some kids\u2019 sports, the thing that\/am I going to live with this?\u201d and \u201cIt might take his life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe weight of <em>that<\/em>\u2014certainly, you just start functioning\u2014and you go into a little bit of survival mode. But then, when you have those moments, where you go, \u201cOkay, now how are we <em>really<\/em> doing? We\u2019re <em>surviving<\/em>; how are we really doing in this?\u201d We really did have to come to terms with: \u201cThis is strongly affecting the way we\u2019re disclosing or <em>not<\/em> disclosing things to one another.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were starting to make some choices of: \u201cWe\u2019ve just go to keep it going. We don\u2019t have time to go to the places that usually cultivate intimacy,\u201d which is a scary decision to make\/that risk in time of: \u201cHow long do you let that go?\u201d I feel like the Lord, in His kindness to <em>all<\/em> of us; it\u2019s like: \u201cYou don\u2019t let that go long. The longer you let it go, the <em>harder<\/em> it gets.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had to kind of get up on the sand and take several days away to go, \u201cOkay, we let it go <em>too<\/em> long.\u201d That\u2019s what happened to us\u2014is that we really did\/that resentment or just kind of: \u201cWe don\u2019t have <em>time<\/em> for that,\u201d\u2014so the distance <em>grows<\/em>. We had to get away for multiple nights to go, \u201cLet\u2019s really talk about this; let\u2019s dig into what\u2019s keeping us from moving toward one another.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did you know that you needed to get away? What was it that said, \u201cOkay, it\u2019s time. We can\u2019t keep going; we\u2019ve got to get away\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> One would be: \u201cWe\u2019re just functioning.\u201d I felt like \u201cOkay, we\u2019re spending time with the Lord, and we\u2019re kind of spending time with each other, but it\u2019s just a functioning, keep the plates spinning.\u201d Sometimes, you\u2019ve got to get away and let the plates fall for three days\u2014God\u2019s got them\u2014and get reconnected to one another. We needed that. I just <em>saw<\/em>, \u201cWe\u2019re just keeping plates spinning, and we\u2019re not getting life outside of ourselves.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s that intentional conversation of looking at one another, and saying, \u201cTell me how you\u2019re <em>really<\/em> doing.\u201d I think that we can just go through the <em>grind<\/em> of life without really touching base of saying: \u201cTell me how you are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would add <em>some people<\/em> are probably wired like me; which is, \u201cI don\u2019t want to have that conversation.\u201d I know she wants to have it, and I just sort of want to <em>avoid<\/em> it; because I know we\u2019re not doing well. Again, I don\u2019t know if anybody\u2019s like that; I\u2019m better now; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, you\u2019re a lot better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But for <em>decades<\/em> of my marriage, it\u2019s like, \u201cNo, I don\u2019t want to.\u201d She\u2019d start that conversation: \u201cHey, let\u2019s talk about us\u201d; and I\u2019d be like, \u201cNo, because I know we\u2019re not doing good; and I know you think we\u2019re doing worse than I think we\u2019re doing.\u201d<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And you thought you\u2019d be in trouble. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s pretend.\u201d Yes, I just thought, \u201cIf we just pretend we\u2019re great [then] we\u2019re great.\u201d What a <em>stupid<\/em>, na\u00efve perspective. [Laughter] We <em>need <\/em>to talk about this, and you can\u2019t do it in the middle of the chaos. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think a lot of couples are in the water; and they\u2019re thinking, \u201cYes, we\u2019ve drifted; but maybe we\u2019ll just <em>float<\/em> back\u201d; right? [Laughter] You guys, it <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> happen; does it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Nothing in life is going to naturally float you back together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Right.\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The drifts are too strong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I think what\u2019s interesting is that I\u2019m typically like Ann, and want to talk things out, and I found myself feeling\u2014I think that was a <em>huge<\/em> red flag for me\u2014is that I was <em>not<\/em> wanting to open up like I normally would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Why\u2019s that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know; I mean, I didn\u2019t know at the time. I think what I realized, as we got away, and we spent some time going there and talking\u2014and really focusing on: \u201cWhat is this wedge?\u201d\u2014I think I had become <em>careful<\/em>\/<em>too<\/em> careful. I knew that David was caring a lot, and we both had a lot on us\u2014things with the family, things with FamilyLife, work\u2014and I didn\u2019t want to put one more thing on him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had kind of <em>started<\/em> that trend, and then it\u2014you know, when you go for a while, and you\u2019re not letting someone in\u2014it\u2019s hard to take that step over that gap. I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014trying to bust open through the door and just see what happens a little bit; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I remember, in the same way, the times you <em>would<\/em> share\u2014I needed to hear this strongly from you\u2014I remember one night you go, \u201cI feel like I\u2019m giving you a flower of my heart, and you listen to it, and then you put it on the bedside table and don\u2019t ever revisit it.\u201d It was an <em>important<\/em> thing for you to share with me of: \u201cOkay, when I even try to bring it to you, we talk about it. You\u2019re tending to this flower when we\u2019re having this eye-to-eye moment; but then, you put it on the bedside table for it to wither over there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI <em>needed<\/em> to hear it. That is one of those things that made us plan four months out\u2014like we were looking at the calendar: \u201cWhen could we ever get away?\u201d\u2014and \u201cIn the meantime, how do we chip away, addressing what\u2019s here?\u201d We didn\u2019t do it perfectly. We needed some outside help; we <em>sought<\/em> it out from some mentors. We invited people in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thing that\u2019s the thing I would encourage is: \u201cInvite others in.\u201d When you\u2019re going off by yourself\/when there is kind of this strong wedge\u2014sometimes, it actually won\u2019t help at all; and the wedge could grow stronger\u2014invite some mentors in, or counselors, or go to a getaway. Get some outside input in that space.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Talk to the couple\u2014that the one spouse is saying, \u201c<em>Yes, yes<\/em>; we\u2019ve drifted. I <em>want<\/em> this, but my spouse doesn\u2019t see it. They think that we\u2019re fine,\u201d\u2014how would you encourage them? What would you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> The first thing that comes to my mind is: \u201cPray a lot. Pray that God would soften your spouse\u2019s heart.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the other thing is just to be willing to be honest and try to have that conversation, just like, \u201cWould you be willing to do this? Because this is something I feel like <em>I need<\/em>,\u201d rather than saying, \u201cHey, I feel like you\u2019re distant from me; <em>you<\/em> need this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause I think that\u2019s probably how a lot of our conversations started is just being honest and saying, \u201cOkay, we can\u2019t <em>wait<\/em> until we can get away. What does this look like between now and then? Let\u2019s have some conversations.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that there are a lot of people that probably feel that way, Ann. I think that\u2019s a great question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> And you just\/I think the key would be: \u201cOwn what you can own.\u201d I think, so often, we look at the other person and go, \u201cWe need to do this; because <em>you<\/em> blank, blank, blank.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Meg said it\u2014it\u2019s worth reiterating of: \u201cWhat do <em>you<\/em> need?\u201d\u2014if you can express this is what you need and not saying, \u201cI\u2019m bringing you so <em>you<\/em> can hear it.\u201d At <em>Weekend<\/em>s <em>to Remember<\/em>, that\u2019s what we say every Friday night, like, \u201cWhen something\u2019s shared from onstage or in the workbook, that you think is great for someone else, don\u2019t nudge the elbow. It\u2019s for <em>you<\/em>, and you focus on you. And see what God wants you do to draw you together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s where you start also; it\u2019s a hard place: \u201cSo pray\/intercede; but then, also go, \u201c<em>I<\/em> need this; would you join me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When you got away, what happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I would say God met us significantly, and we needed Him to. He\u2019s so faithful. I think, whether it\u2019s\u2014Meg\u2019s already referred to: \u201cLet\u2019s be less careful,\u201d\u2014I think that was a <em>big<\/em> takeaway for us: \u201cLet\u2019s be a little less careful.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Because if we\u2019re honest, I was being <em>too<\/em> careful; I was trying to make the decision whether David could handle where I was emotionally or what I was needing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: \u201c<\/strong>He\u2019s got enough on his mind\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Right; thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You were holding it all in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cHe\u2019s got too much on him,\u201d so I was trying to deal with it myself and with the Lord. Certainly, God was meeting me in those places; but I realized: \u201cWe\u2019re<em> missing a lot<\/em>; because he doesn\u2019t know necessarily how I am, or what I\u2019m dealing with, or how sad or scared I really was when my dad was in the hospital.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I also feel like God met us. Each one of us kind of have these moments of: \u201cHere\u2019s who we are when we are depending upon Jesus, and living out how He\u2019s wired us, day to day. Wow, we\u2019re not there: individually, we\u2019re not there; and together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe kind of just lifted our eyes to go: \u201cAlmost draw a picture of what you currently are, day to day.\u201d And I drew this picture of this guy, carrying the world on [his] back. I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019m not thinking that every day; I\u2019m not <em>feeling<\/em> like that\u2019s what I\u2019m living out; but instead, I\u2019m a joyful person. I <em>love<\/em> bringing life.\u201d That\u2019s not what the visual of what my, day to day, was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo be able to call out in one another: \u201cThis is who you are. This is who God\u2019s made you to be. This is who you are in Jesus and when you\u2019re depending upon Him\u201d; and \u201cWhoa; that\u2019s not what we\u2019re living out day to day.\u201d You can\u2019t manufacture it back; but you can lift your eyes to what attracted you initially\/what God is shaping in each one of our lives. It gave us that moment of: \u201cLet\u2019s trust the Lord, together, to call each other up and back to who we really are when we\u2019re experiencing life in Jesus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As I listen to you, I think it\u2019s really important to make this point: I think a lot of couples do what you did during that isolation and they <em>never<\/em> come back. They end up: that becomes their life\u2014she pours herself into the kids, or her friends, or whatever; he does\u2026\u2014because you don\u2019t check in three months, six months, <em>ever<\/em>\u2014you get to a place, where, \u201cThis is just our life\u201d; you survive. You feel like, \u201cThis is our marriage; it\u2019s okay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You feel like you\u2019re on different beaches\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014after a while.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And when the kids leave, you often see that couple [say], \u201cWe don\u2019t have anything.\u201d They <em>never<\/em>\u2014I mean, what you\u2019re modeling\u2014I\u2019m saying to a couple, listening, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to mark it on your calendar.\u201d Even when you said, \u201cFour months from now,\u201d I\u2019m thinking, \u201cYou put it four months out? That\u2019s <em>ridiculous<\/em>.\u201d But you <em>had to<\/em>, because that\u2019s the world you were living in; and you did it, even four months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA couple could be listening, saying, \u201cWe can\u2019t do this for six months.\u201d Okay, then get it on the calendar and do it: if it\u2019s <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> or going to a hotel and just getting away and having this conversation. You\u2019re going to drift to a place you never wanted to get to unless you intentionally say, \u201cThis stops now.\u201d Maybe you can get together next weekend\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014but you can do it. It\u2019s changed <em>our<\/em> marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m thinking, even a weekly check-in, of just saying, \u201cHow are you this week?\u201d I think that\u2019s really important. We have survived some really tough times because, first, we\u2019re checking in with Jesus\u2014like, \u201cLord, I\u2019m speaking the truth: here\u2019s where I am, Lord\u201d; but He\u2019s <em>always<\/em> there. But then checking in with one another. Those are the things that bring oneness and intimacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s one of those conversations I don\u2019t want to have; it\u2019s the most important conversation I have to have. And here we are today, because of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> For so many of us, marriage maintenance is one of those things that gets moved to the back burner regularly. It\u2019s one of those important but not urgent things. As a result, we just kind of keep putting if off, whether it\u2019s the weekly check-in that Dave and Ann were just talking about or whether it\u2019s something big, like a weekend getaway\/going to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve talked to so many couples through the years, who have said, \u201cOh, yes; we\u2019ve talked about going to those; we\u2019ve just <em>never<\/em> done it.\u201d That\u2019s because, as I said, it\u2019s easy to put that on the back burner and go, \u201cWell, it\u2019s not critical.\u201d The problem is, by the time it becomes critical, there are bigger issues at work. Taking care of your marriage is one of those things that needs to be a priority. One of the ways you make it a priority is by deciding <em>now<\/em> that you\u2019re going to take a weekend this spring and go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got about three or four dozen of these events happening in cities across the country this spring. If you sign up today, or anytime over the next two weeks, you and your spouse can save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. This is our early bird special that we make to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You be intentional about planning a weekend away, and you can save 50 percent off the registration fee. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> comes with a complete money-back guarantee. If you do not feel like the weekend met your expectations, you can call when it\u2019s over and ask for your money back; and we\u2019ll give it back to you with no questions asked. You really can\u2019t lose. The only way you can lose is by not taking good care of your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>; go to our website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014there\u2019s a link there that will give you all of the information about when and where getaways are being held in cities all across the country. You can register online, or you can register by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; look for the information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway, or call 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Just be intentional: plan; get away together as a couple; and invest in your most important human relationship, your relationship with one another in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend; hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. I hope you can join us on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about what you do when it feels like all of the love, the passion, the joy of a relationship has faded; and you\u2019re just kind of roommates; and it\u2019s blah, and you\u2019re not really happy. What do you do to bring new life and new joy to a relationship that has gone flat? Kevin and Marcia Myers join us to talk about that Monday. I hope you can be with us for that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:11"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.97M"],"filesize_raw":["25134543"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307361.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307361.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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apart in your marriage can feel alienating, frightening. FamilyLife President David Robbins &amp; his wife Meg offer proactive ideas to stay close.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-01-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s not every day that you get to be in the presence of somebody like the president. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I know; this is an exciting day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> This is an exciting day; we\u2019ve got the president in the studio. [Laughter] No, it is not Joe Biden. It is David Robbins, the president of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and Meg Robbins. Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It is good to be here, guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Should we call you \u201cMr. President\u201d? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> <em>Yes<\/em>, Mr. President. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Let\u2019s <em>don\u2019t<\/em>\u2014and neither First Lady either\u2014it\u2019s not what we go by. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014<em>Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is an <em>exciting<\/em> day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> This is an exciting day; we\u2019ve got the president. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I wish you guys could all sit down with David and Meg, because they\u2019re amazing people. You would like them, right off the bat, and you would relate to them. They\u2019ve got four kids; they\u2019re in the midst of raising these kids. They\u2019ve got a high schooler all the way down to a kindergartener.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> This is true; we just started kindergarten.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> They are all in school; here we <em>go<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; they are all in school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe recently heard you guys give a talk that I thought was pretty riveting. One of the reasons you caught my attention at the very beginning was because you were talking about the drift toward isolation that can so easily happen to <em>every single marriage<\/em>. Would you agree that is true?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Most definitely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> No marriage is static\/no family is static, because the circumstances around us and the currents of life are not static.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Especially, when you are in the stage of life where you have kids, life is demanding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou are the president of a large organization; we\u2019ve been in the midst of this pandemic, which creates a lot of stress. Kind of take us to what you\u2019ve learned and how that isolation is something that we <em>all<\/em> need to figure out how to deal with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great question\u2014because if we\u2019re honest, it doesn\u2019t have to be in the middle of a pandemic; life on a regular day\u2014you know, life is going to push us away from each other. The drift is not going to just naturally create intimacy between the two of us in our marriage. The reality of life is that it is hard, and hard things happen; it\u2019s busy. If you have kids, or you\u2019re an empty nester, or whatever stage, I think the <em>natural<\/em> tendency is for us to drift apart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> And that goes with our relationship with the Lord\u2014drifting apart\u2014our relationship in a marriage, with your kids, with those that you want to have a heart for mission and invest in and trust the Lord to work in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is there\u2019s selfishness that we have in our own life that will drift me apart from Meg, because of my own selfishness I have going on. There\u2019s the world and the forces and cultural currents that happen in our lives, and then there\u2019s also the enemy. Meg is <em>not<\/em> my enemy. We have an enemy at work <em>seeking<\/em> to draw us apart from the relationships that matter most, and we <em>have<\/em> to pursue one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>We were actually at the beach this summer with my family. One of the last days, it was one of those days where the water was kind of rough\u2014although, I feel that there\u2019s <em>always<\/em> a current in the ocean\u2014but it was extra rough this day. Our kids <em>love<\/em> to boogie board. They\u2019ll get out there\u2014and they\u2019re riding wave after wave after wave\u2014and before they know it, they\u2019re <em>way down<\/em> the beach. The water has taken them down; and we\u2019re running down there, yelling out in the ocean, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to get back over here, where umbrellas are!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they can\u2019t just walk back over in the water; they really can\u2019t get back over. So we\u2019re motioning and yelling at them, \u201cCome on in and get on the sand. Walk back over here, where we are; and then you can go back in again.\u201d But on your own, you\u2019re drifting way too far; you\u2019ve got to get out, and you\u2019ve got to get on dry sand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we\u2019ve all done that\u2014we\u2019ve all been in the water\u2014and you don\u2019t realize, like, \u201cWell, how did I get over here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Exactly; they\u2019re like, \u201cOh my goodness!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Guys, I\u2019ve never been able to do a boogie board.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Wait; why is that, Dave? Now, this is riveting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Okay; now, you have to come to the beach with us sometime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, I\u2019ve gotten on them; I just can\u2019t control it. I just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You may be one of the most coordinated people I <em>know<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014not on boogie board. Ask my wife; I\u2019m <em>bad<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Just a little problem with balance; everything else is on point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m not a gymnast; I can\u2019t stay on a balance beam.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Keeping you humble over there; that\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Good to know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> There\u2019s one thing of <em>all<\/em> the things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014whatever. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll I know is I have drifted\u2014whether you are on a boogie board or not\u2014you <em>drift<\/em>. As you said\u2014life, if you don\u2019t stop the drift\u2014and we talk about this at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> on Friday night that: \u201cEvery marriage is headed toward oneness or isolation. You don\u2019t head toward oneness unless you <em>work toward<\/em> oneness.\u201d That\u2019s what you\u2019re saying; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Right! We have experienced that. We literally, in our marriage, we have had to get out of the water and walk on sand back toward each other; because\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You mentioned <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. I just want to say it bluntly\u2014that\u2019s what we <em>love<\/em> about them\u2014and that\u2019s what we see, time and time again, is that you get out on the sand for three days; it\u2019s a rhythm break. There\u2019s something that happens that second night. There\u2019s\u2019 something about being in a room with other couples, at all different places in their marriage, but you\u2019re being guided with timeless truth to move toward one another and work as a <em>team<\/em>. It\u2019s why we love <em>Weekend<\/em>s<em> to Remember<\/em> so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do just want to say that right now is our half-price sale; it happens two times a year. Now is the time\u2014if you want to take advantage of getting on the sand, marking it out and planning for it\u2014now is a great time to take advantage of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014somebody\u2019s saying, \u201cHow do I sign up?\u201d\u2014or you can call us: 1-800-FL-TODAY, and sign up for a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> near you. Go to the beach, basically. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cGo stand on the sand.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Some are on the literal beach, but you\u2019ll be on the sand no matter what.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about\/you know, you shared at the staff conference this <em>drift<\/em> that took place, even in your life and family and marriage in this last year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I think, ultimately, it\u2019s not a matter of \u201cif\u201d; but \u201cWhat are we going to do <em>when<\/em> the drift happens?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, for us, we realized that some significant things were happening that were <em>hard<\/em> in our life\/in our marriage and just the total current of life. What was happening is it kind of created this little wedge between us, and every <em>new<\/em> thing that happened seemed like a <em>hammer<\/em>. It really felt like the enemy was just <em>hammering<\/em> that wedge in, and everything that happened seemed to push us just a little bit further apart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes, and the first one: you know, the pandemic starts. We have a kid with a lung disease; so an at-risk kid, especially in those initial months and unknowns. Those first scares of the pandemic, with an at-risk kid, was really consuming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you feel that, Meg?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I really did. I mean, I\u2014Ford has been really healthy\u2014he just turned 15, and he has been really healthy most of his life. God has provided some <em>amazing<\/em> medicine, along the way that has been even new, that has been significant for him. But we knew: \u201cThis is so unknown,\u201d and \u201cThis is uncharted territory for us, personally, to feel so at risk with his lungs being compromised.\u201d I think we felt that in the beginning. We were extra cautious and wanted to keep him safe, but knowing that we can\u2019t control all things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think another one was just unexpectedly homeschooling in the very beginning of the lock down; and suddenly, our kids were home all the time\u2014and trying to manage the teacher\u2019s expectation\u2014and trying to be a good homeschool mom, which I <em>wasn\u2019t<\/em> doing very well at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> And then unexpectedly working from home, and leading a ministry through an unprecedented time, and doing so from a bonus room on a couch that we bought on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Market Place; you know? [Laughter] Like: \u201cOkay, this is it; this is my life from nine to five.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I thought it was significant when you were doing this talk; because each time you talked about this wedge,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You should do this right here in the studio.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> In the studio, I\u2019ll pick up my microphone here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014yes, you took a step apart\u2014so another thing happened, and you took a step apart. It\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> visual to think that, as we go through hardships or just the daily grind of life, that drift takes us a step apart from one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat else happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Well, in the middle of the pandemic\u2014before it started, actually\u2014we were moving the FamilyLife headquarters from Little Rock to Orlando to join the rest of Cru; so in the middle of the pandemic, we moved our family. Just navigating moving our kids to a new school, and helping them make new friends\u2014and all the things that came with that\u2014that was another step apart, driving in the wedge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Then finding a home, and having the values\u2014and being on the same page in this market, where\u2014\u201cWait, we can\u2019t afford as much as we <em>thought<\/em> we could afford,\u201d and trusting God for that magic home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> And then my parents came to visit for ten days, which actually turned into two <em>months<\/em> because my dad got COVID while they were here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; and my in-laws came to visit, and ten days turned into <em>two months<\/em>. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> You love my parents!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I <em>do<\/em> love your parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did you do with Ford in that circumstance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> You know, what the crazy thing is\u2014he was <em>away<\/em> on a school trip\u2014the Lord really put a bubble around him several times this year, and this was one of them. He was away on a school trip. He came home, and for two more weeks, he bounced around to all of his friends\u2019 houses, spending the night. Sweet friends came alongside and just said, \u201cHe\u2019s welcome to stay here as long as he needs to.\u201d He did not get it, but our other three kids <em>all<\/em> got it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe bad thing is it was just one thing after another, without us realizing it, pushing that gap a little bigger. My dad\/he\u2019s 85, and he had COVID; and that was super scary. We\u2019re so thankful that he is okay\u2014he made it\u2014and I know that\u2019s not everybody\u2019s story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let me ask you, in the midst of this, you\u2019re\u2014as we said, you can drift apart\u2014were you <em>resentful<\/em> or had any expectations of one another during that time? Because I know that can happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She\u2019s asking because we would have. [Laughter] <em>We\u2019ve<\/em> been there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I think, for sure; there were times when leading FamilyLife was demanding a lot of time and energy from David. I was\/I mean, you were <em>amazing<\/em> when my parents were there\u2014and my dad was really sick\u2014and very available. But you know, that was a lot\u2014and my mom and I were trying to care for my dad\u2014and yet, keep the other kids quarantined from <em>us<\/em>; because we didn\u2019t have it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> The currents got so strong. I remember the day I watched my bride check in her dad into the hospital, here in Orlando, not <em>his<\/em> hometown. And her coming home, wondering, \u201cIs them coming to visit us, and watch some kids\u2019 sports, the thing that\/am I going to live with this?\u201d and \u201cIt might take his life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe weight of <em>that<\/em>\u2014certainly, you just start functioning\u2014and you go into a little bit of survival mode. But then, when you have those moments, where you go, \u201cOkay, now how are we <em>really<\/em> doing? We\u2019re <em>surviving<\/em>; how are we really doing in this?\u201d We really did have to come to terms with: \u201cThis is strongly affecting the way we\u2019re disclosing or <em>not<\/em> disclosing things to one another.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were starting to make some choices of: \u201cWe\u2019ve just go to keep it going. We don\u2019t have time to go to the places that usually cultivate intimacy,\u201d which is a scary decision to make\/that risk in time of: \u201cHow long do you let that go?\u201d I feel like the Lord, in His kindness to <em>all<\/em> of us; it\u2019s like: \u201cYou don\u2019t let that go long. The longer you let it go, the <em>harder<\/em> it gets.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had to kind of get up on the sand and take several days away to go, \u201cOkay, we let it go <em>too<\/em> long.\u201d That\u2019s what happened to us\u2014is that we really did\/that resentment or just kind of: \u201cWe don\u2019t have <em>time<\/em> for that,\u201d\u2014so the distance <em>grows<\/em>. We had to get away for multiple nights to go, \u201cLet\u2019s really talk about this; let\u2019s dig into what\u2019s keeping us from moving toward one another.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did you know that you needed to get away? What was it that said, \u201cOkay, it\u2019s time. We can\u2019t keep going; we\u2019ve got to get away\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> One would be: \u201cWe\u2019re just functioning.\u201d I felt like \u201cOkay, we\u2019re spending time with the Lord, and we\u2019re kind of spending time with each other, but it\u2019s just a functioning, keep the plates spinning.\u201d Sometimes, you\u2019ve got to get away and let the plates fall for three days\u2014God\u2019s got them\u2014and get reconnected to one another. We needed that. I just <em>saw<\/em>, \u201cWe\u2019re just keeping plates spinning, and we\u2019re not getting life outside of ourselves.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s that intentional conversation of looking at one another, and saying, \u201cTell me how you\u2019re <em>really<\/em> doing.\u201d I think that we can just go through the <em>grind<\/em> of life without really touching base of saying: \u201cTell me how you are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would add <em>some people<\/em> are probably wired like me; which is, \u201cI don\u2019t want to have that conversation.\u201d I know she wants to have it, and I just sort of want to <em>avoid<\/em> it; because I know we\u2019re not doing well. Again, I don\u2019t know if anybody\u2019s like that; I\u2019m better now; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, you\u2019re a lot better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But for <em>decades<\/em> of my marriage, it\u2019s like, \u201cNo, I don\u2019t want to.\u201d She\u2019d start that conversation: \u201cHey, let\u2019s talk about us\u201d; and I\u2019d be like, \u201cNo, because I know we\u2019re not doing good; and I know you think we\u2019re doing worse than I think we\u2019re doing.\u201d<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And you thought you\u2019d be in trouble. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s pretend.\u201d Yes, I just thought, \u201cIf we just pretend we\u2019re great [then] we\u2019re great.\u201d What a <em>stupid<\/em>, na\u00efve perspective. [Laughter] We <em>need <\/em>to talk about this, and you can\u2019t do it in the middle of the chaos. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think a lot of couples are in the water; and they\u2019re thinking, \u201cYes, we\u2019ve drifted; but maybe we\u2019ll just <em>float<\/em> back\u201d; right? [Laughter] You guys, it <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> happen; does it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Nothing in life is going to naturally float you back together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Right.\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The drifts are too strong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I think what\u2019s interesting is that I\u2019m typically like Ann, and want to talk things out, and I found myself feeling\u2014I think that was a <em>huge<\/em> red flag for me\u2014is that I was <em>not<\/em> wanting to open up like I normally would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Why\u2019s that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know; I mean, I didn\u2019t know at the time. I think what I realized, as we got away, and we spent some time going there and talking\u2014and really focusing on: \u201cWhat is this wedge?\u201d\u2014I think I had become <em>careful<\/em>\/<em>too<\/em> careful. I knew that David was caring a lot, and we both had a lot on us\u2014things with the family, things with FamilyLife, work\u2014and I didn\u2019t want to put one more thing on him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had kind of <em>started<\/em> that trend, and then it\u2014you know, when you go for a while, and you\u2019re not letting someone in\u2014it\u2019s hard to take that step over that gap. I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014trying to bust open through the door and just see what happens a little bit; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I remember, in the same way, the times you <em>would<\/em> share\u2014I needed to hear this strongly from you\u2014I remember one night you go, \u201cI feel like I\u2019m giving you a flower of my heart, and you listen to it, and then you put it on the bedside table and don\u2019t ever revisit it.\u201d It was an <em>important<\/em> thing for you to share with me of: \u201cOkay, when I even try to bring it to you, we talk about it. You\u2019re tending to this flower when we\u2019re having this eye-to-eye moment; but then, you put it on the bedside table for it to wither over there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI <em>needed<\/em> to hear it. That is one of those things that made us plan four months out\u2014like we were looking at the calendar: \u201cWhen could we ever get away?\u201d\u2014and \u201cIn the meantime, how do we chip away, addressing what\u2019s here?\u201d We didn\u2019t do it perfectly. We needed some outside help; we <em>sought<\/em> it out from some mentors. We invited people in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thing that\u2019s the thing I would encourage is: \u201cInvite others in.\u201d When you\u2019re going off by yourself\/when there is kind of this strong wedge\u2014sometimes, it actually won\u2019t help at all; and the wedge could grow stronger\u2014invite some mentors in, or counselors, or go to a getaway. Get some outside input in that space.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Talk to the couple\u2014that the one spouse is saying, \u201c<em>Yes, yes<\/em>; we\u2019ve drifted. I <em>want<\/em> this, but my spouse doesn\u2019t see it. They think that we\u2019re fine,\u201d\u2014how would you encourage them? What would you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> The first thing that comes to my mind is: \u201cPray a lot. Pray that God would soften your spouse\u2019s heart.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the other thing is just to be willing to be honest and try to have that conversation, just like, \u201cWould you be willing to do this? Because this is something I feel like <em>I need<\/em>,\u201d rather than saying, \u201cHey, I feel like you\u2019re distant from me; <em>you<\/em> need this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause I think that\u2019s probably how a lot of our conversations started is just being honest and saying, \u201cOkay, we can\u2019t <em>wait<\/em> until we can get away. What does this look like between now and then? Let\u2019s have some conversations.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that there are a lot of people that probably feel that way, Ann. I think that\u2019s a great question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> And you just\/I think the key would be: \u201cOwn what you can own.\u201d I think, so often, we look at the other person and go, \u201cWe need to do this; because <em>you<\/em> blank, blank, blank.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Meg said it\u2014it\u2019s worth reiterating of: \u201cWhat do <em>you<\/em> need?\u201d\u2014if you can express this is what you need and not saying, \u201cI\u2019m bringing you so <em>you<\/em> can hear it.\u201d At <em>Weekend<\/em>s <em>to Remember<\/em>, that\u2019s what we say every Friday night, like, \u201cWhen something\u2019s shared from onstage or in the workbook, that you think is great for someone else, don\u2019t nudge the elbow. It\u2019s for <em>you<\/em>, and you focus on you. And see what God wants you do to draw you together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s where you start also; it\u2019s a hard place: \u201cSo pray\/intercede; but then, also go, \u201c<em>I<\/em> need this; would you join me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When you got away, what happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I would say God met us significantly, and we needed Him to. He\u2019s so faithful. I think, whether it\u2019s\u2014Meg\u2019s already referred to: \u201cLet\u2019s be less careful,\u201d\u2014I think that was a <em>big<\/em> takeaway for us: \u201cLet\u2019s be a little less careful.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Because if we\u2019re honest, I was being <em>too<\/em> careful; I was trying to make the decision whether David could handle where I was emotionally or what I was needing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: \u201c<\/strong>He\u2019s got enough on his mind\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Right; thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You were holding it all in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cHe\u2019s got too much on him,\u201d so I was trying to deal with it myself and with the Lord. Certainly, God was meeting me in those places; but I realized: \u201cWe\u2019re<em> missing a lot<\/em>; because he doesn\u2019t know necessarily how I am, or what I\u2019m dealing with, or how sad or scared I really was when my dad was in the hospital.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I also feel like God met us. Each one of us kind of have these moments of: \u201cHere\u2019s who we are when we are depending upon Jesus, and living out how He\u2019s wired us, day to day. Wow, we\u2019re not there: individually, we\u2019re not there; and together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe kind of just lifted our eyes to go: \u201cAlmost draw a picture of what you currently are, day to day.\u201d And I drew this picture of this guy, carrying the world on [his] back. I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019m not thinking that every day; I\u2019m not <em>feeling<\/em> like that\u2019s what I\u2019m living out; but instead, I\u2019m a joyful person. I <em>love<\/em> bringing life.\u201d That\u2019s not what the visual of what my, day to day, was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo be able to call out in one another: \u201cThis is who you are. This is who God\u2019s made you to be. This is who you are in Jesus and when you\u2019re depending upon Him\u201d; and \u201cWhoa; that\u2019s not what we\u2019re living out day to day.\u201d You can\u2019t manufacture it back; but you can lift your eyes to what attracted you initially\/what God is shaping in each one of our lives. It gave us that moment of: \u201cLet\u2019s trust the Lord, together, to call each other up and back to who we really are when we\u2019re experiencing life in Jesus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As I listen to you, I think it\u2019s really important to make this point: I think a lot of couples do what you did during that isolation and they <em>never<\/em> come back. They end up: that becomes their life\u2014she pours herself into the kids, or her friends, or whatever; he does\u2026\u2014because you don\u2019t check in three months, six months, <em>ever<\/em>\u2014you get to a place, where, \u201cThis is just our life\u201d; you survive. You feel like, \u201cThis is our marriage; it\u2019s okay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You feel like you\u2019re on different beaches\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014after a while.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And when the kids leave, you often see that couple [say], \u201cWe don\u2019t have anything.\u201d They <em>never<\/em>\u2014I mean, what you\u2019re modeling\u2014I\u2019m saying to a couple, listening, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to mark it on your calendar.\u201d Even when you said, \u201cFour months from now,\u201d I\u2019m thinking, \u201cYou put it four months out? That\u2019s <em>ridiculous<\/em>.\u201d But you <em>had to<\/em>, because that\u2019s the world you were living in; and you did it, even four months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA couple could be listening, saying, \u201cWe can\u2019t do this for six months.\u201d Okay, then get it on the calendar and do it: if it\u2019s <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> or going to a hotel and just getting away and having this conversation. You\u2019re going to drift to a place you never wanted to get to unless you intentionally say, \u201cThis stops now.\u201d Maybe you can get together next weekend\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014but you can do it. It\u2019s changed <em>our<\/em> marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m thinking, even a weekly check-in, of just saying, \u201cHow are you this week?\u201d I think that\u2019s really important. We have survived some really tough times because, first, we\u2019re checking in with Jesus\u2014like, \u201cLord, I\u2019m speaking the truth: here\u2019s where I am, Lord\u201d; but He\u2019s <em>always<\/em> there. But then checking in with one another. Those are the things that bring oneness and intimacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s one of those conversations I don\u2019t want to have; it\u2019s the most important conversation I have to have. And here we are today, because of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> For so many of us, marriage maintenance is one of those things that gets moved to the back burner regularly. It\u2019s one of those important but not urgent things. As a result, we just kind of keep putting if off, whether it\u2019s the weekly check-in that Dave and Ann were just talking about or whether it\u2019s something big, like a weekend getaway\/going to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve talked to so many couples through the years, who have said, \u201cOh, yes; we\u2019ve talked about going to those; we\u2019ve just <em>never<\/em> done it.\u201d That\u2019s because, as I said, it\u2019s easy to put that on the back burner and go, \u201cWell, it\u2019s not critical.\u201d The problem is, by the time it becomes critical, there are bigger issues at work. Taking care of your marriage is one of those things that needs to be a priority. One of the ways you make it a priority is by deciding <em>now<\/em> that you\u2019re going to take a weekend this spring and go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got about three or four dozen of these events happening in cities across the country this spring. If you sign up today, or anytime over the next two weeks, you and your spouse can save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. This is our early bird special that we make to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You be intentional about planning a weekend away, and you can save 50 percent off the registration fee. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> comes with a complete money-back guarantee. If you do not feel like the weekend met your expectations, you can call when it\u2019s over and ask for your money back; and we\u2019ll give it back to you with no questions asked. You really can\u2019t lose. The only way you can lose is by not taking good care of your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>; go to our website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014there\u2019s a link there that will give you all of the information about when and where getaways are being held in cities all across the country. You can register online, or you can register by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; look for the information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway, or call 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Just be intentional: plan; get away together as a couple; and invest in your most important human relationship, your relationship with one another in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend; hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. I hope you can join us on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about what you do when it feels like all of the love, the passion, the joy of a relationship has faded; and you\u2019re just kind of roommates; and it\u2019s blah, and you\u2019re not really happy. What do you do to bring new life and new joy to a relationship that has gone flat? Kevin and Marcia Myers join us to talk about that Monday. I hope you can be with us for that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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