{"id":307335,"date":"2021-12-21T08:02:08","date_gmt":"2021-12-21T13:02:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/abortion-adoption-wanted\/"},"modified":"2021-12-21T08:02:08","modified_gmt":"2021-12-21T13:02:08","slug":"abortion-adoption-wanted","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/abortion-adoption-wanted\/","title":{"rendered":"Abortion\/ Adoption: Wanted"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Everyone wants to be wanted.  Melissa Ohden shares about the struggle she faced after finding out she had survived an abortion, and how being wanted by her adoptive parents and our Lord made all the difference.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-12-21.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:08","filesize":"24.84M","filesize_raw":"26044332","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818,2848],"tags":[4491,2712,7012],"podcast_series":[8497],"cwp_profile":[9750],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307335","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","category-cultural-issues","tag-abortion","tag-adoption","tag-birth","podcast_series-you-carried-me","cwp_profile-melissa-ohden","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307335\/abortion-adoption-wanted","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307335\/abortion-adoption-wanted","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"8juGKNKCPh\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/abortion-adoption-wanted\/\">Abortion\/ Adoption: Wanted<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/abortion-adoption-wanted\/embed\/#?secret=8juGKNKCPh\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Abortion\/ Adoption: Wanted&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"8juGKNKCPh\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-12-21.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-12-21.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Before we get started today, I want to talk about: it\u2019s yearend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It <em>is<\/em> yearend!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, as we\u2019re wrapping up 2021, it\u2019s an important moment in the life of our ministry. This is the moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s exciting, because we get to make yearend gifts. I <em>love <\/em>making a yearend gift to a ministry that\u2019s made a difference in my life. Hopefully, you\u2019re thinking that\u2019s FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Here\u2019s the exciting news: we\u2019ve had partners with us, who have donated up to $2 million to match whatever we give this year at yearend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which is incredible!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, it\u2019s absolutely incredible. So whatever you decide to give in the last few weeks of this year is going to be <em>doubled<\/em>. It\u2019s going to make what we do continue; and so we\u2019re asking you to really prayerfully consider FamilyLife as a place where you give your yearend giving. Here\u2019s how you can do that: you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. And again, I hope you and your spouse just sit down and say, \u201cYou know, this ministry has made a difference in our lives. We want to make sure it continues to do that in other people's lives. We\u2019re going to write a check today,\u201d or \u201c\u2026make a donation.\u201d Please join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is really <em>such<\/em> a great opportunity, so go to FamilyLife.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> It was a cold October night, and the truth came out. The words that my mom ended up speaking\/she said, \u201cMissy, your biological mother had an abortion during her pregnancy with you; and you survived it.\u201d The world stopped in that moment of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did you feel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Everything: anger, resentment, incredible sadness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife App.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, we have a miracle story. We\u2019ve already been interviewing Melissa Ohden, and we\u2019ve been hearing her story, that she survived an abortion. It\u2019s not a story that you hear every day; so if you haven\u2019t heard, go back [and listen]; but we\u2019ll fill you in a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, she\u2019s written a book about it called <em>You Carried Me<\/em>; it\u2019s her memoir.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Melissa\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014great to have you back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, we\u2019re excited to have you back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Thank you! Yes, that\u2019s always an awkward question, when people say, \u201cYou\u2019re a published author; what do you write about?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u201cMy story.\u201d They kind of go, \u201cOhh.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like, \u201cAre you a narcissist?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Right! [Laughter] I just kind of go, \u201cWell, you kind of have to read the book to really understand.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; well, I mean, we\u2019ve already talked about this incredible story how your mom was told by your grandmother to abort you. You <em>survived<\/em> the abortion! And by the way, how many people survive abortions?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Statistically, there [are] no clear numbers because, as you can imagine, this is not a super-popular statistic to report out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> But I think people also need to know we don\u2019t even have an accurate number of abortions performed on an annual basis. Even back in the early 1980s, Dr. Willard Cates, who was the head of abortion surveillance for the Centers for Disease Control, came out and said, in a watershed article called \u201cThe Dreaded Complication,\u201dthat they estimated, through the CDC, 400-500 live births a year after failed abortions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I\u2019ve done the math for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And for 48 years, you get close to 18,000 people, like me, who survived failed abortions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That is <em>staggering <\/em>to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> It is; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Those numbers are <em>staggering<\/em>. I\u2019ve never even <em>heard<\/em> that before. You\u2019re brave enough to tell your story, but I\u2019m thinking that most people have not had the courage to share their stories.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And many people don\u2019t even know their story, to be perfectly honest. A lot of families keep it a secret, wanting to protect that survivor. I have an organization called The Abortion Survivors\u2019 Network. We heal, and empower, and equip survivors and families, who\u2019ve experienced failed abortions, knowing that, whether somebody ever shares their story publicly or not, they deserve to be supported.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> They deserve to know they\u2019re not alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our work, we\u2019ve now connected with over 400 abortion survivors. Our survivors range in age from infants\u2014so we have babies, where we\u2019re in communication with their families to support them\u2014because families wrestle with these questions of: \u201cWhat do we tell them?\u201d \u201c<em>When<\/em> do we tell them?\u201d \u201c<em>How<\/em> do we tell them?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was talking to a mom earlier this week at another event; and I knew <em>of<\/em> her, but I got to hug her for the first time. Her son is four after her abortion failed to end his life. I got to say to her, \u201cYour life matters; his life matters. And we\u2019re here for you when you have the hard days, where he\u2019s struggling with something:\u201d\u2014maybe he gets sick\/he has a cold; those moms automatically start to go the place, where they say, \u201cDid that decision I made, all those years ago, to have that abortion; is that <em>that<\/em> [result]?\u201d\u2014\u201cDid this have an impact?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got to hug her and say: \u201cYou know, on the days that are hard, we\u2019re here for you. And as he grows up, and he grapples with his identity\u2014and who God created him to be, and how this world and an abortion impacted that identity\u2014we\u2019re going to be here for him too.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s amazing what you\u2019re doing now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTake us back\u2014because where we left off yesterday was\u2014you were not even named \u201cMelissa\u201d yet; you were still in the hospital, still unnamed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The nurses are caring for you\/loving you, but you haven\u2019t been adopted at this point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So tell us what happened next.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; because I feel like we want to hear this, as we\u2019re talking about identity and these people who are suffering; because they\u2019re asking the question: \u201cWho am I?\u201d You struggled with that, so take us back to: \u201cHow did you become adopted?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cWho am I?\u201d I am Ron and Linda\u2019s daughter, my adoptive parents. My mom and dad first met me when I was still in the NICU, full of tubes and wires. I was still fighting for my life in many ways. My parents often say the moment they laid eyes on me, they fell radically in love with me. My mom thought I was the most beautiful baby she had ever seen. In their eyes, I was; I mean, they saw who God made me to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Didn\u2019t your mom see you\u2014and she looked you in the eyes\u2014and she said, \u201cYou are mine\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; [emotion in voice] gosh, I\u2019m 44; and that makes me emotional. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We all want to be wanted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> We do!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; why does that make you feel emotional? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Because that is\/that is that just deep yearning we all have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u2014to be that deeply loved. Honestly, my parents did such a <em>phenomenal<\/em> job of raising me with unconditional love\u2014man, even when I was being the most difficult teenager I ever could have been\u2014you know, when my mom looks back on it, she goes, \u201cOh, Miss, you weren\u2019t bad.\u201d \u201cOh, but Mom! I was! [Laughter] I mean, I <em>know<\/em> I was!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know what? She loved me so well in the midst of that, that it almost blunted her being able to see that! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ohh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> You know, that\u2019s how much they loved me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which is amazing that they adopted you, because they still didn\u2019t probably know if there would be any side-effects; you had all these tubes in you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It took a while for you to be able to come home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Right; the doctors thought I would face any number of disabilities. Honestly, my parents didn\u2019t really have a penny to their name; they were farmers. They ended up losing their farm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Not able to have their own children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Right; my parents were foster parents initially. [They] struggled with infertility for over 15 years, so they adopted my older sister from the Department of Human Services. [They] adopted me; I was essentially a special-needs adoption, because of the prognosis about my life. My parents didn\u2019t hesitate; they knew that they were called to be my parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI grew up in a pretty normal home. We went without a lot of things\u2014you know?\u2014I knew, compared to other people. My parents fought really hard to provide for us and give us what they did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What was their faith like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> My parents were people of <em>strong<\/em> faith. But you know, it\u2019s really interesting for me\u2014my parents are very quiet\u2014but I can remember all the things we used to do at our church: the going swimming together, the picnics. That was the fabric of our lives! That was our community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s really good for parents to hear, because I think so many are wondering right now: \u201cDoes church matter? Can\u2019t I just watch online?\u201d You know, \u201cIsn\u2019t that enough?\u201d And you\u2019re saying, \u201cNo, that was the foundation of my life and really necessary.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; it gives me chills just to even talk about it, because that\u2019s how important it was to our family and to my identity. I was raised in, you know, that very faith-filled home. You know, my parents very implicitly taught my sister and I\u2014and then, ultimately, my little brother\u2014my brother came along after 15 years of infertility.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> He\u2019s their biological child; he was the odd man out. [Laughter] If he\u2019s listening: \u201cYou\u2019re still a little bit the odd man out today, buddy.\u201d [Laughter] He\u2019d tell you that, having two sisters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know, our parents raised us with the values, not only about faith and love, but also about forgiveness. I never really understood that until I found out the story of my survival, and then it all really made sense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, how old were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I was 14. I grew up, knowing I was adopted; I look very different than my family! It\u2019s okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> When did you first start thinking, \u201cWho are my bio-parents?\u201d Do you remember wondering?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I think it was really my teenage years; it really lend themselves to that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u2014the: \u201cWho am I?\u201d \u201cWhere did I come from?\u201d \u201cWhere am I going?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u201cHow does all this fit together?\u201d Some of that yearning really just existed, I think, in that space. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, when I was 14, my older sister faced an unplanned pregnancy; she hadn\u2019t graduated from high school yet. You know, our culture, out in the world today, would tell people that you have a choice to make: \u201cYou have a right that you can exercise\u201d; so she grappled with what decision she was going to make about her pregnancy. When our parents found out that she was considering every option, which we know is code word for other things, they told her the story of my survival. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> It had been spoken about amongst adults in the family, but it had never worked its way down to us as children. They told her my story, hoping that she would choose life for her son; and she did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you know the story before her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I <em>didn\u2019t<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And before they could get to me with it, she started\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She told you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; she didn\u2019t tell me everything. We were arguing one night\u2014I mean, you\u2019re parents, just like I am\u2014I know\/worst-case scenario\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u2014she said to me, \u201cYou know, at least, my biological parents wanted me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I was thinking, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re raised on equal footing here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re equally loved; we were equally placed for adoption.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I turned to say something back to her that night about what an <em>absurd<\/em> statement that was, the look on her face really was pain. I thought, \u201cOh, this is not your ordinary argument.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cThere is something deeper.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; so the mood switched very quickly. She asked me to sit our parents down and for them to tell me the rest of my story. It was a cold October night. I can\u2019t even tell you where my dad was that night; I just think this is the way it was supposed to be. My mom got home from work late, and we sat down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was explaining the argument, really expecting to get in <em>trouble<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And then the truth came out. You know, the words that my mom ended up speaking\/she said, \u201cMissy, your biological mother had an abortion during her pregnancy with you; and you survived it.\u201d The world stopped in that moment of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did you feel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Everything: anger, resentment, incredible sadness, shame. The weight of the shame is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u2014because we live in a world that says that, what happened to me, is just a simple right for someone to exercise; that it\u2019s a choice that people make. And you know, for the last 30 years that I\u2019ve known my story, it\u2019s just continued to snowball, to the point that it\u2019s something that you <em>fight<\/em> for [emotion in voice]: that it\u2019s healthcare\u2014you fill in the blank\u2014\u201cMy life didn\u2019t matter.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I felt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And of course, my parents didn\u2019t know all of the background to Ruth\u2019s story and what led to that abortion. Part of it is, you have to go through that process; and you have to wrestle with who God made you to be. I think we all have to wrestle with that hard stuff of love and forgiveness, even in the midst of the most <em>painful<\/em> circumstances that happen in our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> My wrestling started that night: with the world, and with myself, and with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did that look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> It looked like putting on a good face to the world. I\u2019m historically a people-pleaser; I\u2019ll just own it. I certainly have been transformed from that, but I didn\u2019t want to cause my parents any undue burden. I wanted to be the good girl\u2014I was very responsible; I got straight A\u2019s; I participated in all my extracurricular activities; I was high-achieving\u2014that\u2019s who I am, but that was also my cover.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I am just sitting here imagining this 14-year-old girl in her bed, finding out that she was aborted and lived. You said your world stopped; and you said, \u201cMy life doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like to be alone in your bed, wrestling with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, I think there are a lot of people, who wrestle with that: \u201cMy life doesn\u2019t matter.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You feel like you\u2019re <em>alone<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And even in your adoption, your sister was adopted\u2014but still, your story was so unique\u2014and you were probably filled with incredible\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u2014guilt for surviving; I mean, you name it: guilt for being \u201cperfectly healthy.\u201d You know, I don\u2019t suffer from disabilities as a result of that failed abortion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which is <em>miraculous<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> <em>Yes!<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And so this 14-year-old decides to: cover it up, become the pleaser, become the good girl.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And yet, what was going on <em>inside<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t want to be who God created me to be. I wanted to run away from the truth about my life. I wanted to distance myself from all of the emotions that I felt; so developed an eating disorder, trying to control <em>something<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And I think we all can relate to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> You know, when something has been outside of our control, we attempt to regain control. It\u2019s always such a <em>false<\/em> sense of control, but we do it. I developed an eating disorder; struggled with alcohol abuse. I engaged in so many unhealthy relationships\u2014all of those little pieces\u2014to see how they would make me feel better or make me blend in; right? I stuck out like a sore thumb!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you were running away from your pain through alcohol, through an eating disorder, through probably promiscuity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes, absolutely! Never thinking about the fact that, you know, all of those things were putting me at more risk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And where was God in that situation\/in that stage of your life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> There; but I wanted to run away from Him, because I felt so ashamed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that you weren\u2019t worthy of God?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes, and the choices that I was making. I think we go through that; don\u2019t we?\u2014where, even if we get through the first hurdle in life, then we engage in some of those poor coping mechanisms; right? We sin; and we go, \u201cOh, man! Now, He <em>really <\/em>isn\u2019t going to love me.\u201d And He was still there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I can\u2019t even tell you the first day that I looked up and went, \u201cAlright, Lord; I\u2019m so over <em>this<\/em>!\u201d Because it\u2019s like knocking your head against a brick wall and thinking: \u201cMaybe this time it\u2019s going to be different,\u201d \u201cMaybe this time it\u2019s not going to hurt as much.\u201d [Emotion in voice] But I can remember thinking, \u201cHe wants more for me than I want for myself.\u201d And that\u2019s an okay spot to begin in, I think, to say, \u201cYou know what? The Lord wants something for me that I can\u2019t even grasp for myself right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd at the age of 14\u2014right?\u2014you\u2019re kind of thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t even know what this looks like at this point, but I want to feel better.\u201d And I always knew that God made me feel better. So it was kind of one step at a time\/one day at a time; right? \u201cFor today, I\u2019m going to try to do one thing better; I\u2019m going to turn to Him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, really, the biggest key that unlocked that door was forgiving my biological parents. I can still remember\u2014I walked with my Walkman, back when that was a thing\u2014you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I\u2019d go for these walks; I would be praying and going, \u201cLord, help me to forgive them, because I can\u2019t stay like this! [Emotion in voice] I can\u2019t be angry; I don\u2019t want to be resentful.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay, we have to go there <em>next time<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know how old you are at this point. How old are you at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Still young; I mean, 16-ish.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow! You\u2019re still a teenager.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I wanted Melissa to talk to those people\/our listeners, who maybe are feeling that: \u201cMy life doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d \u201cI feel so lost and unseen,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m alone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Or maybe there are parents\/their kids are expressing that. Speak to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; you are <em>not<\/em> alone, whatever it is you\u2019re going through. Trust me; I know how lonely every experience can feel. But there is always, first of all, somebody in the world who can understand you. They may not be exactly in your shoes, but you are definitely not alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd certainly, God <em>never<\/em> intends for any of us to feel alone\u2014that is the weight of the world that wants to separate us; the enemy that whispers in our ear\u2014so just know: \u201cGod is always near, no matter what it is that you\u2019ve gone through.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s so beautiful. When you were sharing that story about feeling unwanted, I thought, \u201cYou survived an abortion and felt that, obviously. I think we <em>all<\/em> feel it,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; me too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201ceven those who had loving parents, who from the second we were born just enveloped us with love and said we are special\u2014we still wrestle with: \u2018Am I wanted?\u2019 \u2018Am I seen?\u2019 \u2018Am I really special?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, as you were saying that, I went to what we all have read\u2014Psalm 139\u2014just to remind myself: \u201cFor You formed my inmost parts; You knit me together in my mother\u2019s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance. In Your book were written every one of them.\u201d I just\u2014that came to me, again, to remind: \u201cThat\u2019s you; that\u2019s me; that\u2019s every soul, ever created by God, is wanted, even though we don\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> like it.\u201d If there\u2019s a person listening right now, who says, \u201cYou don\u2019t know my story; I\u2019m not wanted.\u201d Oh, yes you are! You are <em>precious<\/em>! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s so beautiful to hear you go through that journey, because you were <em>left<\/em> as unwanted; and yet, you\u2019re the spokesman for: \u201cGod\u2019s the One who doesn\u2019t abandon us. He wants us\u201d; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s beautiful!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The thing that I\u2019ll just finish with is this: the thing that I thought of, as you were sharing, was your mom seeing you the first time, saying, \u201cYou are mine.\u201d And God says that over us every single day: \u201cYou are Mine. I love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was reminded today, listening to Melissa Ohden share her story, about the power that shame, and guilt, and anger, and bitterness can have over our lives. Unless we deal with those issues\/unless we process that with God and with God\u2019s help, those emotions can control us and ultimately destroy us. But when we confront them in the power of the Holy Spirit, there\u2019s a breakthrough that happens. It\u2019s so important to get the help that you need and be able to press into many of the dark corners of your past\/deal with those things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMelissa talks about her own journey in that direction in her book called <em>You Carried Me: A Daughter\u2019s Memoir. <\/em>We have her book available in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Melissa\u2019s book, again, is called <em>You Carried Me.<\/em> Order your copy from us at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, with Christmas coming this week\/New Year\u2019s next week, this is a busy time of year for so many of us. Here at FamilyLife, one of the things we\u2019ve been paying careful attention to is the number of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners we\u2019re hearing from during the month of December. As many of you know, we\u2019ve been talking this month about a matching gift that was made available to us. We\u2019ve been tracking every day, saying, \u201cDo you think we\u2019re going to be able to meet the matching gift? Do you think we\u2019ll be able to take full advantage of that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve been encouraged by the progress. And then, something happened recently that kind of moved everything up to a whole new level. We had some friends of the ministry come along and say, \u201cWe want to really challenge <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners to get behind this ministry.\u201d What they said to us is: \u201cWe feel what you\u2019re doing is so important; you need more available to you in the year ahead so you can do more ministry.\u201d Our matching-gift fund has now moved from $1.5 million to $2.3 million, which means the next several days are going to be crucial for us, here at FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to hear from every <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listener who can possibly join us and make a yearend donation to support this ministry. When you do, whatever amount you give is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.3 million. And when you do, we\u2019re going to send you, as a thank-you gift, a devotional that you can use in the new year from Dane Ortlund:150 devotions from the book of Psalms. The devotional is called <em>In the Lord I Take Refuge. <\/em>That\u2019s our gift to you when you donate today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s easy to donate; you can do it online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We do hope to hear from you, and we hope you\u2019ll pray that we\u2019ll be able to take full advantage of this increased matching-gift amount. So join us in praying for that if you will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd be sure to be back with us, again, tomorrow when Dave and Ann Wilson will continue the conversation with Melissa Ohden, talking about how vital it is that we don\u2019t allow our circumstances\/our past to define us\/to determine our identity. It\u2019s up to God to determine our identity. What He says about us is what we have to believe. We\u2019ll hear more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:08"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.84M"],"filesize_raw":["26044332"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307335.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307335.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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wants to be wanted. Melissa Ohden shares about the struggle she faced after finding out she had survived an abortion, and how being wanted by her adoptive parents and our Lord made all the difference.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-12-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Before we get started today, I want to talk about: it\u2019s yearend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It <em>is<\/em> yearend!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, as we\u2019re wrapping up 2021, it\u2019s an important moment in the life of our ministry. This is the moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s exciting, because we get to make yearend gifts. I <em>love <\/em>making a yearend gift to a ministry that\u2019s made a difference in my life. Hopefully, you\u2019re thinking that\u2019s FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Here\u2019s the exciting news: we\u2019ve had partners with us, who have donated up to $2 million to match whatever we give this year at yearend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which is incredible!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, it\u2019s absolutely incredible. So whatever you decide to give in the last few weeks of this year is going to be <em>doubled<\/em>. It\u2019s going to make what we do continue; and so we\u2019re asking you to really prayerfully consider FamilyLife as a place where you give your yearend giving. Here\u2019s how you can do that: you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. And again, I hope you and your spouse just sit down and say, \u201cYou know, this ministry has made a difference in our lives. We want to make sure it continues to do that in other people's lives. We\u2019re going to write a check today,\u201d or \u201c\u2026make a donation.\u201d Please join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is really <em>such<\/em> a great opportunity, so go to FamilyLife.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> It was a cold October night, and the truth came out. The words that my mom ended up speaking\/she said, \u201cMissy, your biological mother had an abortion during her pregnancy with you; and you survived it.\u201d The world stopped in that moment of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did you feel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Everything: anger, resentment, incredible sadness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife App.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, we have a miracle story. We\u2019ve already been interviewing Melissa Ohden, and we\u2019ve been hearing her story, that she survived an abortion. It\u2019s not a story that you hear every day; so if you haven\u2019t heard, go back [and listen]; but we\u2019ll fill you in a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, she\u2019s written a book about it called <em>You Carried Me<\/em>; it\u2019s her memoir.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Melissa\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014great to have you back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, we\u2019re excited to have you back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Thank you! Yes, that\u2019s always an awkward question, when people say, \u201cYou\u2019re a published author; what do you write about?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u201cMy story.\u201d They kind of go, \u201cOhh.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like, \u201cAre you a narcissist?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Right! [Laughter] I just kind of go, \u201cWell, you kind of have to read the book to really understand.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; well, I mean, we\u2019ve already talked about this incredible story how your mom was told by your grandmother to abort you. You <em>survived<\/em> the abortion! And by the way, how many people survive abortions?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Statistically, there [are] no clear numbers because, as you can imagine, this is not a super-popular statistic to report out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> But I think people also need to know we don\u2019t even have an accurate number of abortions performed on an annual basis. Even back in the early 1980s, Dr. Willard Cates, who was the head of abortion surveillance for the Centers for Disease Control, came out and said, in a watershed article called \u201cThe Dreaded Complication,\u201dthat they estimated, through the CDC, 400-500 live births a year after failed abortions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I\u2019ve done the math for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And for 48 years, you get close to 18,000 people, like me, who survived failed abortions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That is <em>staggering <\/em>to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> It is; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Those numbers are <em>staggering<\/em>. I\u2019ve never even <em>heard<\/em> that before. You\u2019re brave enough to tell your story, but I\u2019m thinking that most people have not had the courage to share their stories.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And many people don\u2019t even know their story, to be perfectly honest. A lot of families keep it a secret, wanting to protect that survivor. I have an organization called The Abortion Survivors\u2019 Network. We heal, and empower, and equip survivors and families, who\u2019ve experienced failed abortions, knowing that, whether somebody ever shares their story publicly or not, they deserve to be supported.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> They deserve to know they\u2019re not alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our work, we\u2019ve now connected with over 400 abortion survivors. Our survivors range in age from infants\u2014so we have babies, where we\u2019re in communication with their families to support them\u2014because families wrestle with these questions of: \u201cWhat do we tell them?\u201d \u201c<em>When<\/em> do we tell them?\u201d \u201c<em>How<\/em> do we tell them?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was talking to a mom earlier this week at another event; and I knew <em>of<\/em> her, but I got to hug her for the first time. Her son is four after her abortion failed to end his life. I got to say to her, \u201cYour life matters; his life matters. And we\u2019re here for you when you have the hard days, where he\u2019s struggling with something:\u201d\u2014maybe he gets sick\/he has a cold; those moms automatically start to go the place, where they say, \u201cDid that decision I made, all those years ago, to have that abortion; is that <em>that<\/em> [result]?\u201d\u2014\u201cDid this have an impact?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got to hug her and say: \u201cYou know, on the days that are hard, we\u2019re here for you. And as he grows up, and he grapples with his identity\u2014and who God created him to be, and how this world and an abortion impacted that identity\u2014we\u2019re going to be here for him too.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s amazing what you\u2019re doing now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTake us back\u2014because where we left off yesterday was\u2014you were not even named \u201cMelissa\u201d yet; you were still in the hospital, still unnamed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The nurses are caring for you\/loving you, but you haven\u2019t been adopted at this point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So tell us what happened next.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; because I feel like we want to hear this, as we\u2019re talking about identity and these people who are suffering; because they\u2019re asking the question: \u201cWho am I?\u201d You struggled with that, so take us back to: \u201cHow did you become adopted?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cWho am I?\u201d I am Ron and Linda\u2019s daughter, my adoptive parents. My mom and dad first met me when I was still in the NICU, full of tubes and wires. I was still fighting for my life in many ways. My parents often say the moment they laid eyes on me, they fell radically in love with me. My mom thought I was the most beautiful baby she had ever seen. In their eyes, I was; I mean, they saw who God made me to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Didn\u2019t your mom see you\u2014and she looked you in the eyes\u2014and she said, \u201cYou are mine\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; [emotion in voice] gosh, I\u2019m 44; and that makes me emotional. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We all want to be wanted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> We do!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; why does that make you feel emotional? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Because that is\/that is that just deep yearning we all have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u2014to be that deeply loved. Honestly, my parents did such a <em>phenomenal<\/em> job of raising me with unconditional love\u2014man, even when I was being the most difficult teenager I ever could have been\u2014you know, when my mom looks back on it, she goes, \u201cOh, Miss, you weren\u2019t bad.\u201d \u201cOh, but Mom! I was! [Laughter] I mean, I <em>know<\/em> I was!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know what? She loved me so well in the midst of that, that it almost blunted her being able to see that! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ohh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> You know, that\u2019s how much they loved me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which is amazing that they adopted you, because they still didn\u2019t probably know if there would be any side-effects; you had all these tubes in you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It took a while for you to be able to come home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Right; the doctors thought I would face any number of disabilities. Honestly, my parents didn\u2019t really have a penny to their name; they were farmers. They ended up losing their farm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Not able to have their own children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Right; my parents were foster parents initially. [They] struggled with infertility for over 15 years, so they adopted my older sister from the Department of Human Services. [They] adopted me; I was essentially a special-needs adoption, because of the prognosis about my life. My parents didn\u2019t hesitate; they knew that they were called to be my parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI grew up in a pretty normal home. We went without a lot of things\u2014you know?\u2014I knew, compared to other people. My parents fought really hard to provide for us and give us what they did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What was their faith like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> My parents were people of <em>strong<\/em> faith. But you know, it\u2019s really interesting for me\u2014my parents are very quiet\u2014but I can remember all the things we used to do at our church: the going swimming together, the picnics. That was the fabric of our lives! That was our community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s really good for parents to hear, because I think so many are wondering right now: \u201cDoes church matter? Can\u2019t I just watch online?\u201d You know, \u201cIsn\u2019t that enough?\u201d And you\u2019re saying, \u201cNo, that was the foundation of my life and really necessary.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; it gives me chills just to even talk about it, because that\u2019s how important it was to our family and to my identity. I was raised in, you know, that very faith-filled home. You know, my parents very implicitly taught my sister and I\u2014and then, ultimately, my little brother\u2014my brother came along after 15 years of infertility.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> He\u2019s their biological child; he was the odd man out. [Laughter] If he\u2019s listening: \u201cYou\u2019re still a little bit the odd man out today, buddy.\u201d [Laughter] He\u2019d tell you that, having two sisters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know, our parents raised us with the values, not only about faith and love, but also about forgiveness. I never really understood that until I found out the story of my survival, and then it all really made sense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, how old were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I was 14. I grew up, knowing I was adopted; I look very different than my family! It\u2019s okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> When did you first start thinking, \u201cWho are my bio-parents?\u201d Do you remember wondering?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I think it was really my teenage years; it really lend themselves to that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u2014the: \u201cWho am I?\u201d \u201cWhere did I come from?\u201d \u201cWhere am I going?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u201cHow does all this fit together?\u201d Some of that yearning really just existed, I think, in that space. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, when I was 14, my older sister faced an unplanned pregnancy; she hadn\u2019t graduated from high school yet. You know, our culture, out in the world today, would tell people that you have a choice to make: \u201cYou have a right that you can exercise\u201d; so she grappled with what decision she was going to make about her pregnancy. When our parents found out that she was considering every option, which we know is code word for other things, they told her the story of my survival. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> It had been spoken about amongst adults in the family, but it had never worked its way down to us as children. They told her my story, hoping that she would choose life for her son; and she did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you know the story before her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I <em>didn\u2019t<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And before they could get to me with it, she started\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She told you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; she didn\u2019t tell me everything. We were arguing one night\u2014I mean, you\u2019re parents, just like I am\u2014I know\/worst-case scenario\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u2014she said to me, \u201cYou know, at least, my biological parents wanted me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I was thinking, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re raised on equal footing here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re equally loved; we were equally placed for adoption.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I turned to say something back to her that night about what an <em>absurd<\/em> statement that was, the look on her face really was pain. I thought, \u201cOh, this is not your ordinary argument.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cThere is something deeper.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; so the mood switched very quickly. She asked me to sit our parents down and for them to tell me the rest of my story. It was a cold October night. I can\u2019t even tell you where my dad was that night; I just think this is the way it was supposed to be. My mom got home from work late, and we sat down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was explaining the argument, really expecting to get in <em>trouble<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And then the truth came out. You know, the words that my mom ended up speaking\/she said, \u201cMissy, your biological mother had an abortion during her pregnancy with you; and you survived it.\u201d The world stopped in that moment of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did you feel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Everything: anger, resentment, incredible sadness, shame. The weight of the shame is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u2014because we live in a world that says that, what happened to me, is just a simple right for someone to exercise; that it\u2019s a choice that people make. And you know, for the last 30 years that I\u2019ve known my story, it\u2019s just continued to snowball, to the point that it\u2019s something that you <em>fight<\/em> for [emotion in voice]: that it\u2019s healthcare\u2014you fill in the blank\u2014\u201cMy life didn\u2019t matter.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I felt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And of course, my parents didn\u2019t know all of the background to Ruth\u2019s story and what led to that abortion. Part of it is, you have to go through that process; and you have to wrestle with who God made you to be. I think we all have to wrestle with that hard stuff of love and forgiveness, even in the midst of the most <em>painful<\/em> circumstances that happen in our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> My wrestling started that night: with the world, and with myself, and with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did that look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> It looked like putting on a good face to the world. I\u2019m historically a people-pleaser; I\u2019ll just own it. I certainly have been transformed from that, but I didn\u2019t want to cause my parents any undue burden. I wanted to be the good girl\u2014I was very responsible; I got straight A\u2019s; I participated in all my extracurricular activities; I was high-achieving\u2014that\u2019s who I am, but that was also my cover.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I am just sitting here imagining this 14-year-old girl in her bed, finding out that she was aborted and lived. You said your world stopped; and you said, \u201cMy life doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like to be alone in your bed, wrestling with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, I think there are a lot of people, who wrestle with that: \u201cMy life doesn\u2019t matter.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You feel like you\u2019re <em>alone<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And even in your adoption, your sister was adopted\u2014but still, your story was so unique\u2014and you were probably filled with incredible\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> \u2014guilt for surviving; I mean, you name it: guilt for being \u201cperfectly healthy.\u201d You know, I don\u2019t suffer from disabilities as a result of that failed abortion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which is <em>miraculous<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> <em>Yes!<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And so this 14-year-old decides to: cover it up, become the pleaser, become the good girl.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And yet, what was going on <em>inside<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t want to be who God created me to be. I wanted to run away from the truth about my life. I wanted to distance myself from all of the emotions that I felt; so developed an eating disorder, trying to control <em>something<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> And I think we all can relate to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> You know, when something has been outside of our control, we attempt to regain control. It\u2019s always such a <em>false<\/em> sense of control, but we do it. I developed an eating disorder; struggled with alcohol abuse. I engaged in so many unhealthy relationships\u2014all of those little pieces\u2014to see how they would make me feel better or make me blend in; right? I stuck out like a sore thumb!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you were running away from your pain through alcohol, through an eating disorder, through probably promiscuity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes, absolutely! Never thinking about the fact that, you know, all of those things were putting me at more risk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And where was God in that situation\/in that stage of your life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> There; but I wanted to run away from Him, because I felt so ashamed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that you weren\u2019t worthy of God?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes, and the choices that I was making. I think we go through that; don\u2019t we?\u2014where, even if we get through the first hurdle in life, then we engage in some of those poor coping mechanisms; right? We sin; and we go, \u201cOh, man! Now, He <em>really <\/em>isn\u2019t going to love me.\u201d And He was still there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I can\u2019t even tell you the first day that I looked up and went, \u201cAlright, Lord; I\u2019m so over <em>this<\/em>!\u201d Because it\u2019s like knocking your head against a brick wall and thinking: \u201cMaybe this time it\u2019s going to be different,\u201d \u201cMaybe this time it\u2019s not going to hurt as much.\u201d [Emotion in voice] But I can remember thinking, \u201cHe wants more for me than I want for myself.\u201d And that\u2019s an okay spot to begin in, I think, to say, \u201cYou know what? The Lord wants something for me that I can\u2019t even grasp for myself right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd at the age of 14\u2014right?\u2014you\u2019re kind of thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t even know what this looks like at this point, but I want to feel better.\u201d And I always knew that God made me feel better. So it was kind of one step at a time\/one day at a time; right? \u201cFor today, I\u2019m going to try to do one thing better; I\u2019m going to turn to Him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, really, the biggest key that unlocked that door was forgiving my biological parents. I can still remember\u2014I walked with my Walkman, back when that was a thing\u2014you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> I\u2019d go for these walks; I would be praying and going, \u201cLord, help me to forgive them, because I can\u2019t stay like this! [Emotion in voice] I can\u2019t be angry; I don\u2019t want to be resentful.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay, we have to go there <em>next time<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know how old you are at this point. How old are you at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Still young; I mean, 16-ish.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow! You\u2019re still a teenager.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I wanted Melissa to talk to those people\/our listeners, who maybe are feeling that: \u201cMy life doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d \u201cI feel so lost and unseen,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m alone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Or maybe there are parents\/their kids are expressing that. Speak to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes; you are <em>not<\/em> alone, whatever it is you\u2019re going through. Trust me; I know how lonely every experience can feel. But there is always, first of all, somebody in the world who can understand you. They may not be exactly in your shoes, but you are definitely not alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd certainly, God <em>never<\/em> intends for any of us to feel alone\u2014that is the weight of the world that wants to separate us; the enemy that whispers in our ear\u2014so just know: \u201cGod is always near, no matter what it is that you\u2019ve gone through.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s so beautiful. When you were sharing that story about feeling unwanted, I thought, \u201cYou survived an abortion and felt that, obviously. I think we <em>all<\/em> feel it,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; me too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201ceven those who had loving parents, who from the second we were born just enveloped us with love and said we are special\u2014we still wrestle with: \u2018Am I wanted?\u2019 \u2018Am I seen?\u2019 \u2018Am I really special?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, as you were saying that, I went to what we all have read\u2014Psalm 139\u2014just to remind myself: \u201cFor You formed my inmost parts; You knit me together in my mother\u2019s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance. In Your book were written every one of them.\u201d I just\u2014that came to me, again, to remind: \u201cThat\u2019s you; that\u2019s me; that\u2019s every soul, ever created by God, is wanted, even though we don\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> like it.\u201d If there\u2019s a person listening right now, who says, \u201cYou don\u2019t know my story; I\u2019m not wanted.\u201d Oh, yes you are! You are <em>precious<\/em>! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s so beautiful to hear you go through that journey, because you were <em>left<\/em> as unwanted; and yet, you\u2019re the spokesman for: \u201cGod\u2019s the One who doesn\u2019t abandon us. He wants us\u201d; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melissa:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s beautiful!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The thing that I\u2019ll just finish with is this: the thing that I thought of, as you were sharing, was your mom seeing you the first time, saying, \u201cYou are mine.\u201d And God says that over us every single day: \u201cYou are Mine. I love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was reminded today, listening to Melissa Ohden share her story, about the power that shame, and guilt, and anger, and bitterness can have over our lives. Unless we deal with those issues\/unless we process that with God and with God\u2019s help, those emotions can control us and ultimately destroy us. But when we confront them in the power of the Holy Spirit, there\u2019s a breakthrough that happens. It\u2019s so important to get the help that you need and be able to press into many of the dark corners of your past\/deal with those things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMelissa talks about her own journey in that direction in her book called <em>You Carried Me: A Daughter\u2019s Memoir. <\/em>We have her book available in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Melissa\u2019s book, again, is called <em>You Carried Me.<\/em> Order your copy from us at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, with Christmas coming this week\/New Year\u2019s next week, this is a busy time of year for so many of us. Here at FamilyLife, one of the things we\u2019ve been paying careful attention to is the number of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners we\u2019re hearing from during the month of December. As many of you know, we\u2019ve been talking this month about a matching gift that was made available to us. We\u2019ve been tracking every day, saying, \u201cDo you think we\u2019re going to be able to meet the matching gift? Do you think we\u2019ll be able to take full advantage of that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve been encouraged by the progress. And then, something happened recently that kind of moved everything up to a whole new level. We had some friends of the ministry come along and say, \u201cWe want to really challenge <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners to get behind this ministry.\u201d What they said to us is: \u201cWe feel what you\u2019re doing is so important; you need more available to you in the year ahead so you can do more ministry.\u201d Our matching-gift fund has now moved from $1.5 million to $2.3 million, which means the next several days are going to be crucial for us, here at FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to hear from every <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listener who can possibly join us and make a yearend donation to support this ministry. When you do, whatever amount you give is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.3 million. And when you do, we\u2019re going to send you, as a thank-you gift, a devotional that you can use in the new year from Dane Ortlund:150 devotions from the book of Psalms. The devotional is called <em>In the Lord I Take Refuge. <\/em>That\u2019s our gift to you when you donate today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s easy to donate; you can do it online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We do hope to hear from you, and we hope you\u2019ll pray that we\u2019ll be able to take full advantage of this increased matching-gift amount. So join us in praying for that if you will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd be sure to be back with us, again, tomorrow when Dave and Ann Wilson will continue the conversation with Melissa Ohden, talking about how vital it is that we don\u2019t allow our circumstances\/our past to define us\/to determine our identity. It\u2019s up to God to determine our identity. What He says about us is what we have to believe. We\u2019ll hear more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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