{"id":307327,"date":"2021-12-14T08:03:53","date_gmt":"2021-12-14T13:03:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/familyteam-us\/"},"modified":"2021-12-14T08:03:53","modified_gmt":"2021-12-14T13:03:53","slug":"familyteam-us","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/familyteam-us\/","title":{"rendered":"Family:Team Us"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you get your family to operate as a team? Jefferson Bethke gives his insight to start creating a family legacy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-12-14.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:04","filesize":"26.61M","filesize_raw":"27905828","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809,2806],"tags":[4294,7015,7016],"podcast_series":[8495],"cwp_profile":[9599],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307327","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","category-spiritual-development","tag-family","tag-teams","tag-working-together","podcast_series-take-back-your-family","cwp_profile-jefferson-bethke","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307327\/familyteam-us","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307327\/familyteam-us","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"WX3oXk0gG0\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/familyteam-us\/\">Family:Team Us<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/familyteam-us\/embed\/#?secret=WX3oXk0gG0\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Family:Team Us&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"WX3oXk0gG0\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"How do you get your family to operate as a team? Jefferson Bethke gives his insight to start creating a family legacy.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-12-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So Dave, you were the chaplain for the Detroit Lions for over 30 years. How many head coaches did you go through? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, when you lose football games, and you don\u2019t win seasons, you get new football coaches. [Laughter] I went through, I think, 12.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; so based on <em>that<\/em>, how important is it to have a head coach that can really <em>lead<\/em> the team well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, it\u2019s critical! In fact, I saw it happen so many times; I could tell you when the coach lost the locker room. Sure enough, when the season ended, he was fired; they got a new guy; and it lasted two or three years. Again, I saw that 12 different times. You\u2019re bringing this up, why? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes! \u201cSo what\u2019s that have to do with family?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife App.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we think of ourselves as parents\/moms and dads, do you think that we\u2019re the coaches of our teams?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we\u2019re the head coaches.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We really are. And we can lose a family, too, if we don\u2019t do it well. I know we\u2019re not the only ones who think that. We have Jefferson Bethke in the studio today. Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s fun to be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, your new book, <em>Take Back Your Family\u2014<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you talk quite a bit about this. I know many people know you, because you wrote, originally, the book, <em>Jesus \u02c3 Religion, <\/em>which became a <em>New York Times <\/em>bestseller. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, this one, <em>Take Back Your Family, <\/em>obviously, now you\u2019re writing as a husband\/as a dad\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you\u2019re speaking; you\u2019re an author; but you\u2019re super-passionate about families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes; what we talked about last episode, some of the bigger-vision stuff, but I think what you guys are\/I <em>loved<\/em> where you land on this next one with coaches and teams. That\u2019s one of the core things we care about. We believe that God designed families to be strong teams; right?\u2014teams that can actually go on mission for Him in His world to do the Garden mandate of reigning, and ruling, and subduing\u2014all of these things is in the model that Jesus teaches us, by the way, which isn\u2019t with overt power, but actually, sacrifice, love, etc., just in the same way that Jesus reigns and rules.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay, back up one second;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014because we did hit it a little bit in a previous session about reigning and ruling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Give us a picture of God\u2019s design for the family. What do you mean by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes; so when you go back to Genesis\u2014right?\u2014where we get all of these original concepts of creation, of sin, of sexuality, of family, of marriage\u2014all these different types of things\u2014you see that God\u2019s original design for family was to be\/He created something to bring His reflection, divine goodness\u2014that\u2019s what it means to be an image-bearer essentially, too, by the way\u2014and His blessing out into the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe didn\u2019t create robots; He didn\u2019t create a board of directors; He created a male and a female; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, He didn\u2019t create businesses to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> No, exactly!\u2014which they can,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> \u2014but that wasn\u2019t His kind of, you know,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014intent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> \u2014Step One or Intent One. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat He did is He created a family; that was His first idea. God was like, \u201cHow do I want to bring My goodness and blessing into the world? I\u2019m going to create\u201d\u2014you know, it\u2019s the long phrase that we use\u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to create a multi-generational family team on mission.\u201d And all of those phrases:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cmultigenerational\u201d comes from that \u201cbe fruitful and multiply.\u201d Like you can\u2019t do this project unless you have a bunch of kids; and those kids have to have a bunch of kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then \u201cteam\u201d; right?\u2014\u201cmultigenerational family team\u201d\u2014a team, you actually <em>wish <\/em>to have people who are not like you; right? \u201cI need someone who can fill in the gaps that I can\u2019t,\u201d and so that\u2019s the team part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, \u201con mission\u201d would be, you know, how God says to: \u201cbe fruitful and multiply\u201d; make beauty out of chaos; reign and rule; you know, \u201csubdue\u201d; all different types of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s off the original blueprint for family. Now, obviously, it\u2019s also not a coincidence that the first place that Satan wanted to enter was in a family\/in a marriage. The very first place he attacked, and the very first place that the curse fell, was through a marriage and a family. That drama\u2019s been playing out ever since. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do believe God has a vision for strong family teams. I think a lot of us, we hear that, and we think, \u201cOh, it must be the two parents, and the two kids, and a nice dog,\u201d or whatever. It\u2019s like, to me, the thing that is strong and powerful about the family team concept is it\u2019s actually <em>not <\/em>the Western nuclear family concept. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo be a team just means to be a team: so some teams are going to have one coach; some teams are going to have two coaches; some teams are going to have a <em>huge<\/em> team; some teams are going to have a very small team; some teams are going to go through difficulty; some teams are going to have trades\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014you know what I mean? All those different types of things. I actually like that analogy, because it lets everyone <em>fit<\/em>; do you know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> When I think the nuclear ideal\u2014this picture we have of getting the two parents, two kids, and a dog\u2014a lot of parents of the families feel weighed down by shame with that; because they\u2019re like: \u201cI can\u2019t be that,\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t look like that,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ve lost my chance,\u201d or whatever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen [it\u2019s] this concept of, again, a team\/a family team\u2014and even on top of that, single people fit\u2014the scriptural model is like links in a chain. It\u2019s a web; and you are connected to a web, whether you\u2019re single, whether you\u2019re married, etc.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and when you started talking about that, one of the first thoughts I had was: \u201cThat helps me\u201d\u2014or any husband, any mom,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014dad realize: \u201cOur role is <em>significant<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s God\u2019s plan!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re <em>necessary<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes, 100 percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s like, \u201cOh, I just thought we were this little\u2026\u201d No, no, no! God <em>designed<\/em> the family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to have a major impact. You say a multigenerational mission\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to be outward-focused and impact the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes; the analogy I use in the book, which I think is helpful for some people\u2014and of course, like analogies and metaphors, it breaks down at some point; so don\u2019t poke it too hard\u2014the way I say it is: \u201cGod created parents to be coaches. A lot of times, in the West, we default to babysitters\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> A babysitter is <em>very successful, <\/em>and you will pay them lots of money if they can do pretty much one thing: keep your kids safe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, and alive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> \u2014and alive!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Keep your kids safe and alive; okay? And fed and entertained are maybe two and three; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, no one would put any of those values under a coach\u2019s job description. Now, it\u2019s almost the opposite; right? I would even say sometimes coaches are trying to <em>stretch<\/em> players to a borderline of\u2014not unsafe\u2014but do you know what I mean?\u2014just like a nudging. The way I put it in the book is: \u201cI had coaches, growing up\u2014because I played baseball my whole life\u2014they believed in me more than I did. They had a <em>vision<\/em> of me that was farther than I could ever even picture; so they would <em>push <\/em>me there, because they knew\u2014not because they didn\u2019t like me or didn\u2019t want me to be safe\u2014but actually, they had a better, bigger vision for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what it means, again, to be a coach. Coaches are primarily about future when babysitters are more about safety. Coaches are primarily about the mission; coaches are saying: \u201cHere\u2019s\/we have a practice schedule,\u201d \u201cHere\u2019s what games look like...\u201d \u201cHere\u2019s where the championship is\u2026\u201d Those, by the way, are all very great metaphors for a family: \u201cWhat is <em>your<\/em> championship?\u201d \u201cWhat is <em>your<\/em> mission?\u201d \u201cWhat do practices look like?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s the point of you guys [your team] existing?\u201d Again, a babysitter has none of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother analogy, too, I don\u2019t like in the West, is when we call families \u201cthe nest,\u201d\u2014you know what I mean?\u2014like kids are flying the nest, or empty nest, or whatever. That\u2019s a <em>horrible <\/em>analogy for family; right? Little birds start to grow up: they feed them a little; they keep them entertained; and then what do they do? They essentially kind of kick them off the ledge and say, \u201cWell, figure it out\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and they never come back there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes, they never come back; exactly. They never come back; and some of them die, because they fall off; and they can\u2019t fly. That\u2019s just like a <em>horrible<\/em> analogy for the family; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it should be more like: \u201cYes, you should go out,\u201d\u2014but again, it\u2019s this reigning, and ruling, and stewarding, to then also kind of create a web\u2014this multigenerational web of impact\/of mission\u2014of all these different types of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI use a bunch of examples in the book of families, who are doing this well. It\u2019s difficult, and it takes <em>decades<\/em>! That\u2019s the thing, too, I\u2019ve got to tell people: \u201cThis is not like, \u2018Do this wisdom, and your life will be better in five minutes!\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You have something called your Scouting Report\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014the Bethke Scouting Report.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Well, yes! This was just a fun little tool. Again, you can lean into the team stuff so far, because it\u2019s such a perfect metaphor; right? There are only really two genres of our marketplace that do teams very well, and the family doesn\u2019t\u2014like we talked about last episode\u2014because we\u2019ve turned to consumer-oriented since the Industrial Revolution.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> But there are still two places that do it really well: and it\u2019s business, and it\u2019s sports. Yes, I use a lot of sports analogies. One that I did there was: I realized, when I was playing college baseball, we always filled out these things called Scouting Reports on the other team: you know, \u201cThis person throws this many miles\/hour\u201d; \u201cHe has a good slider\u201d; \u201cHe tends to do this in these pressure situations\u201d; etc. It\u2019s just like really <em>knowing<\/em> the other person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought that was a fun thing to do for our <em>own <\/em>team. It\u2019s a fun little way to encourage families, where I just say, \u201cHey! Can you fill out a Scouting Report on your kids?\u201d We have it on our site, FamilyTeams.com. But it\u2019s like: \u201cWhat do they love?\u201d \u201cWhat do they <em>not<\/em> love?\u201d \u201cWhat are maybe some proclivities of sin?\u201d or \u201cWhat do you feel like the lie is they\u2019re most tempted by?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a <em>big <\/em>one I think parents need to know! \u201cThat kid: what is the false narrative and lie, at a macro- level, they are most susceptible to?\u201d I think every kid has like one or two.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> You know, it\u2019s just like this lie creeps in their head, gets in their brain, and Satan uses it: \u201cSo what\u2019s the truth to that lie?\u201d Your whole family comes alive when you start writing that stuff down and communicating it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You know who else needs that?\u2014is parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Exactly, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because I\u2019m thinking of a husband, who feels like: \u201cI\u2019m not a good member of the team.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t have what it takes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cMy background is so messed up; I\u2019m so flawed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m so wounded; I have <em>nothing<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He needs a wife, [who] will tell him how great he is. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes! For a spouse to say, \u201cHere\u2019s what you\u2019re adding to the team\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Totally!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s talk about this. You\u2019ve got, you know, championship teams\/great teams, have great coaches,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014who understand the roles of their players.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019ve been talking about understanding your family members: a Scouting Report.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What about a family that is <em>blended<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, so we\u2019ve got Ron Deal joining us. He\u2019s the president of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. That is <em>all <\/em>Ron thinks about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And he\u2019s a gift to the world. Ron, welcome to <em>FamilyLife <\/em>[<em>Today.<\/em>]Let\u2019s talk about what this means for a blended family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Hey! It\u2019s good to be back with you guys again. Yes, I appreciate you invited me in. It\u2019s a really important and interesting conversation for us to have; because there are lots of people, who have family structures that are wide and varied: single-parent families, blended families, adoptive families, multi-generational families living under one household. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think one of the important things that I\u2019m hearing, embedded in what Jefferson is saying\u2014and I hope I don\u2019t get this wrong, so feel free to correct me if I am\u2014it\u2019s something I\u2019ve been talking about for <em>years<\/em>. You know, sometimes we get so focused on structure that the message we inadvertently give to people, who don\u2019t look like that nuclear family of the \u201850s and \u201860s, is that: \u201cSomehow, you\u2019re messed up, and wrong, and bad; because you don\u2019t have this structure: two parents, 2.2 kids living in the home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I hear, embedded in what you\u2019re saying, is: \u201cThe qualities and attributes that are functional\/that make up health are things that are true of every family structure.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I mean, I think that\u2019s, biblically, very important for us to stop and think about. All of the things that Jesus talks about that we need to do, and who we need to be as people, has nothing to do with the structure of your home. It has to do with who you are, how you live, and how you invite other people into that process beside you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you\u2019re talking about family team, think about a team that is highly functional: people play their part; they\u2019re getting better at their role and their place in the home. It doesn\u2019t really matter whether you have 40 players on the team or 30 players on the football team, with a bunch of people sitting on the sideline. What matters is that people are doing their part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, what happens, though, when you\u2019re blending a family, and you now have these new stepkids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and you\u2019re excited about your team; but your stepkids are thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be a part of this team, because I was on a team before. I\u2019m still wanting to be on that old team.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, there are definitely difficulties trying to get to definitions of relationships. Thinking back to the Detroit Lions, every time you got a new head coach, somebody was bound to say, \u201cYou know, I still like the old coach.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> But then there\u2019s somebody else on the team saying, \u201cNo, no, no! We need some fresh perspective. This person is going to be <em>great<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, okay; so we have some people that are loyal to the head coach and some people who are not. The head coach is trying to find his way; he\u2019s trying to navigate in. You know, as you guys were talking, I was thinking, \u201cYou know, stepparents, adoptive parents, foster parents\u2014they\u2019re sort of like assistant coaches\u2014there\u2019s still a dad out there; there\u2019s still a mom out there somewhere.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s such a great metaphor for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cBut now, somebody else is stepping in and coming alongside\u2014not replacing, not firing, not moving that other person out of the child\u2019s heart\u2014but now, \u2018I\u2019m an additional person.\u2019\u201d I think, if a stepparent came in with that mentality, that would be an advantage, because they would be thinking, \u201cI\u2019m here to assist.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes, you\u2019d welcome it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Exactly; \u201cI\u2019m here to come alongside. I\u2019m here to just help teach you something that you don\u2019t already know. But I\u2019m not trying to be <em>the <\/em>head coach.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s that diplomatic, wise approach that allows for the relationship to develop and for adult and child to begin to figure one another out. Over time, those relationships are going to grow and evolve. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and I think\u2014you know, as you\u2019re talking, Ron\u2014in a blended family, and even in a not-blended family, you have assistant head coaches arguing and disagreeing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll never forget, one year\u2014you won\u2019t believe this\u2014we started out in Detroit 6-0. Nobody in the room will believe this! [Laughter] We were 6-0.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Oh, that was the lie we wouldn\u2019t believe; that\u2019s what we wouldn\u2019t believe right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> You won some games! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You can look it up, but I think it was 2007. [Laughter] We were 6-0.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> \u201cNobody would believe this: we won a game.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think we were on the cover of <em>Sports Illustrated<\/em>, like, \u201cLook at the Detroit Lions.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Nobody knows this on the outside;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> \u2014because it just imploded?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014there was an implosion with the <em>coaches<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes, and that kills everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t the players. We had an offensive line coach say, \u201cWe\u2019re not running the ball enough.\u201d The offensive coordinator said, \u201cWe\u2019re winning ball games,\u201d\u2014blah, blah, blah. And guess what we ended up?\u20147-9.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> 6-0\u2014we won one more game\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> You guys lost; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and lost all these games. That can happen in a family!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> \u2014100 percent!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about that a little bit; because, I mean, if you\u2019re saying a family\u2019s like a team,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s got to be a winning team. How do we keep from imploding?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good question. [Laughter] I don\u2019t know if I can answer that; that would be for all of you guys, [Laughter] with more age and more wisdom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe only thing that shot to my head, when Ron was talking and you guys were talking, is: \u201cI love the team metaphor here, because it\u2019s endless. It\u2019s endless on how valuable\u2014you can extract\/like it\u2019s one-to-one; it really is one-to-one\u2014what\u2019s valuable for a team here: with communication; with learning roles; and even when you talk about, on the bad side, with coaches disagreeing, then that breeds conflict and toxicity.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne little tip that I would say, too, that I think is helpful is\u2014you know, there\u2019s actually a lot of research to back this with sports teams\u2014it\u2019s actually real, not just metaphor\u2014where, basically, the better the head coach and a captain\u2019s relationship is, the better the entire team is and the more successful they are. That\u2019s another little side nugget, too, that I talk about, too. But basically, as the oldest goes, everyone goes, generally; or at least, you have a very uphill battle if the oldest goes\u2014you know what I mean?\u2014you want to bring everyone back in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think sometimes, we think, \u201ccoach\u201d; and we think like, \u201ccommand,\u201d or whatever; when really, it\u2019s about capturing the heart; it\u2019s about capturing the relationship. You know those relationships\u2014you\u2019ve seen it on sports teams; right?\u2014where the coach and the captain almost have like a best friend feel, even a mentor\/mentee; there\u2019s a connection there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just really tell parents\/like encourage: \u201cLean into that as much as possible in capturing the oldest\u2019s heart.\u201d It\u2019s crazy how it\u2019s a little bit of almost an incredible strategy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk practicality;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like: \u201c<em>How <\/em>do we do this if our family has just been <em>going<\/em> with the culture? We\u2019re just flying; we\u2019re going fast; we feel like everybody\u2019s going a different direction. What are the practical steps we can take to bring our family back in?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> I played sports my whole life. For me, I remember one toxic team I was on, where there was division; no one was feeling it\/whatever. And the coach just pushed a hard \u201ceject\u201d button. I can\u2019t remember exactly what he did; but it was basically just like: \u201cEverything stops, and we\u2019re going to <em>solve<\/em> this! We\u2019re not going to try to keep going. We\u2019re not going to try to just let this kind of bleed out.\u201d I think we even went on some retreat or something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKind of like: I think families\/I wish they <em>earlier\/earlier <\/em>in the journey, would be like: \u201cAll hands on deck.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like: \u201cPut the brakes on!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> \u201cAll hands on deck! This\u2014the relational part\u2014needs to be solved.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cHit the pause button\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes; so I just think that\u2019s huge. But I don\u2019t know; Ron, what would you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, I like that. What I would just add is\u2014going back to Ann\u2019s question\u2014you know, when things are hard, you go to <em>the <\/em>Head Coach. That\u2019s sort of the ultimate: \u201cAlright, let\u2019s all get on our knees. Let\u2019s all get humble about who we are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cThe change is going to start with <em>me<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, sometimes, it\u2019s easy to say, \u201cWell, we\u2019ve got these people over here, and these groups over here, and these players are not doing their part.\u201d It <em>always <\/em>starts with me; I always do my gut-check. I look in the mirror; I go to the Lord; I say, \u201cWho am I supposed to be?\u201d And I go to work on <em>that!<\/em> That\u2019s where it starts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I think if you get a bunch of coaches and players, who do that, all of a sudden, it\u2019s a softer environment to look at each other and go, \u201cNow, we got to deal with what\u2019s hard between us,\u201d and forgiveness gets more easy. Mercy just sort of shows up over the situation. There\u2019s always that humbling-down process that starts the change in the right direction. It doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s easy at that point; but at least, we\u2019re <em>moving<\/em> in the right direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s a good word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking this\u2014and again, you can take the analogy way too far\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but let\u2019s do it, because we\u2019re doing the sports analogy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve often watched, even when I played\u2014but especially in the NFL, watching the Detroit Lions\u2014there would be times, where the players would call a players-only meeting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it\u2019s when everything\u2019s falling apart; we\u2019re losing, losing, losing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cWe need to get the coaches out of the room; we need to talk!\u201d I remember one year, my son was a Detroit Lion. He\u2019s playing on the team, and they had a players-only meeting. And all of us, [who] aren\u2019t allowed in there are thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019d they talk about?\u201d I had a son in there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I said, \u201cCody, what did you guys talk about?\u201d He goes, \u201cDad, it was the worst meeting ever. Nobody led; nobody stood up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cIt was sort of like, \u2018What do you guys want to say?\u2019\u201d Nobody really said anything; it was a waste of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But here\u2019s the thing\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right or wrong\u2014when the coaches called a meeting\u2014like you were saying, Jefferson\u2014if things need to happen, there\u2019s a pause button; we say, \u201cWe need to get on our knees; we need to do this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Something great happened when the coach was a part of it and said, \u201cOkay, maybe I\u2019m missing something; but there\u2019s something wrong on this team. Let\u2019s talk.\u201d And the coach\u2014of course, we\u2019re talking the parents\u2014are a part of the meeting; and they\u2019re willing to be, like Ron said, humble enough to say, \u201cAre we doing something wrong?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cAre we leading in the wrong direction? Let\u2019s talk.\u201d <em>That\u2019s <\/em>when something great can happen in a family; am I right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When the parents are a part of that players-only meeting\/the kids-only meeting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I love what you said, Ron. The parents have gone before the Father first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And they\u2019ve asked for His wisdom, His direction, and for the Holy Spirit to lead us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and they lead the family better.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes; I was going to say the same thing. I was going to say, when parents lead in repentance,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> \u2014I think it\u2019s so powerful. It\u2019s compelling; that\u2019s the best word for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; my final thought would be there might need to be a meeting tonight in some homes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes! Totally, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; in a sense, there\u2019s got to be a listener, saying, \u201cWe\u2019re at a crisis point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cNobody\u2019s doing anything. If I\u2019m the head coach,\u201d or \u201cIf we\u2019re the head coaches, it\u2019s a time for a \u2018Come to Jesus\u2019 time for <em>me<\/em> and for us.\u201d It could change the trajectory and the legacy of the family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes; and in our family community that we have, we\u2019ve seen that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing that we tell people is: \u201cIf there is a lot of tension, or anxiety, or whatever around this, call a team meeting\u201d,\u2014right?\u2014like that? \u201cBut also set a ground rule of: \u2018<em>Nothing<\/em> is off limits.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Set that tone of like: \u201cYou get one; if you say this tomorrow, you\u2019re grounded!\u201d [Laughter] But I think sometimes, when it\u2019s at that place\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> \u2014if you\u2019re not letting the full honesty bare\/if you\u2019re not letting the full\u2014and if you\u2019re a parent, I think just preparing your heart, ahead of time, to just take it. Just listen; just take it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> And I feel like most of us parents know, if you\u2019re prepared for that mental state, you can take it. It\u2019s just not\u2014when you\u2019re reactionary, you don\u2019t [take it well]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Let it breathe; let them say what they want to say. I think it can be really compelling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We used to call that \u201cthe last two percent.\u201d In other words, we\u2019d have a meeting\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughing]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014everybody would say everything\u2014and then, right before you close the door, you go, \u201cWait, wait, wait. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> \u201cThe real stuff!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cIs there a last two percent you held back?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And usually there is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> That\u2019s good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Like, \u201cI was totally honest, but not completely.\u201d And that last two percent often got you to a place you were never going to get.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jefferson:<\/strong> More honesty and more love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Listening to Dave and Ann Wilson talk with Jefferson Bethke about healthy family communication. I\u2019m thinking about how our families really are the home team. When we get together, we need to have huddles; and we need to have locker room meetings; and sometimes, we need to just get heart to heart with one another. We need to keep the lines of communication open; but we need to recognize, in the midst of all of this, that we\u2019re on the same team. We\u2019re supporting one another; we love one another; we\u2019re for one another; we\u2019ve got each other\u2019s back. In that environment, where everybody feels secure and safe, there can be real strength, and real health, and real hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJefferson Bethke has written a book that addresses that very issue and helps families build a strong home team. It\u2019s called <em>Take Back Your Family. <\/em>It\u2019s a book we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can go online to order your copy of the book, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the title of the book is <em>Take Back Your Family<\/em> by Jefferson Bethke. Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask for your copy of the book, <em>Take Back Your Family<\/em>, by Jefferson Bethke.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe recognize, here at FamilyLife, that it\u2019s hard for families to keep the home team strong. There are a lot of factors working against us in this culture that are trying to push us apart rather than bring us together. Your family has probably experienced some significant challenges in the last year. At FamilyLife, we\u2019re here to help. We\u2019re here to provide practical biblical help and hope for whatever the challenges you\u2019re facing in your family are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are, not just listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>but those of you who are the shareholders\/the supporters of this ministry. You\u2019re the investors who make this ministry possible for yourself and for others in your community and all around the world. Thank you for your investment in the ministry of FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe month of December is a significant month for us here. What happens over the next few weeks will determine what ministry we\u2019re able to do in 2022 and beyond. We\u2019ve got some good news. We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry, who have come to us and said, \u201cWe believe in what you\u2019re doing, and we want to encourage others to join with us in supporting <em>FamilyLife Today.\u201d <\/em>They\u2019ve put together a matching gift of $1.5 million, and they\u2019ve agreed, from that matching-gift fund, we can match any donation we receive, dollar for dollar, up until that total fund is exhausted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re coming to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners and saying, \u201cWould you be as generous as possible today, knowing that whatever amount you give, it\u2019s going to be matched, dollar for dollar? Your gift will be doubled, essentially.\u201d You can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a yearend donation. When you do, we want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Dane Ortlund\u2019s new devotional from the book of Psalms called <em>In the Lord I Take Refuge<\/em>, 150 devotions from Psalms<em>. <\/em>The book is our gift to you as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your ongoing support of this ministry.\u201d We are grateful for you; and look forward to hearing from you, here at yearend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how important it is for families to have a family mission, and how important it is for families to recognize they have a common enemy\u2014everybody in the family\u2014there\u2019s an enemy who wants to take you out. Jefferson Bethke is here, again, tomorrow; we hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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