{"id":307324,"date":"2021-12-11T08:03:02","date_gmt":"2021-12-11T13:03:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/stepfamilies-and-christmas-2\/"},"modified":"2021-12-11T08:03:02","modified_gmt":"2021-12-11T13:03:02","slug":"stepfamilies-and-christmas-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/stepfamilies-and-christmas-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Stepfamilies and Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s the most wonderful time of the year!&#8221; But if you&#8217;re in a stepfamily, the holidays can get complicated pretty fast. Ron Deal offers some perspective, and gives counsel for how to navigate Christmas in a stepfamily.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-12-11.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26882157","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2894],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307324","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-stepfamily-living","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307324\/stepfamilies-and-christmas-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307324\/stepfamilies-and-christmas-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"XkboV42Mk6\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/stepfamilies-and-christmas-2\/\">Stepfamilies and Christmas<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/stepfamilies-and-christmas-2\/embed\/#?secret=XkboV42Mk6\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Stepfamilies and Christmas&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"XkboV42Mk6\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-12-11.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-12-11.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s Christmas time, and we\u2019re decking the halls!\u00a0 But that could pose a problem for some families\u2014like maybe, blended families?\u2014because there could be multiple halls, multiple trees, and multiple sets of traditions. Here\u2019s Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Traditions [sigh] are about belonging, like, \u201cMy family does this\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That says something about who we are\/who I am. What if your tradition is not my tradition?\u00a0 And you\u2019re so excited about how we\u2019re gonna do Christmas gifts; and I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s wrong.\u201d And so, not only is that wrong, it\u2019s: \u201cI don\u2019t fit; I don\u2019t belong here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>We\u2019re gonna talk about Christmas, blended style, on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, so the wreath is hanging on the door. The Christmas tree is up\u2014and it is decorated; the lights are twinkling\u2014and we\u2019re talking about Christmas time. And, oh wait!\u00a0 In less than three weeks, we are going to celebrate Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Can\u2019t wait.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Isn\u2019t that going to be so exciting?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, it\u2019s just the magic of Christmas; I mean, it <em>never<\/em> gets old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes; okay, that voice that you\u2019re hearing is Ron Deal. And Ron is joining me today because we\u2019re gonna talk about stepfamilies and Christmas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut first, Ron, I want to find out from you: \u201cWhat\u2019s magical about this time of year for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Well, of course, it all means the Savior has come; right? So when you get passed kind of all the bling, and you get down to what it means, there\u2019s just no better message for my life, or the world, than that. That means everything: it means there\u2019s hope; it means there\u2019s salvation; it means there\u2019s a future\u2014and that\u2014I hold onto very tightly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then my flesh says, \u201cAnd I get presents.\u201d [Laughter] And that\u2019s fun, and you know, I\u2019m kind of an old kid. But you know, it\u2019s just fun getting gifts for one another, and opening, and spending time. I\u2019m old enough now, my kids are kinda out of the house; and so they\u2019re coming back, and we\u2019re going to get to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014so there\u2019s that fun excitement once again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Oh, yes; absolutely. And energy in the home once again. And then we look forward to them going away, and it getting quiet again, but\u2014[Laughter]\u2014you know, it\u2019s\/it\u2019s all good. You know, it\u2019s that ebb and flow of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014time with family. Yes, it\u2019s\/it\u2019s the beauty of Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019re going to take some time and talk about the ebb and flow and the beauty of family. But you, as the director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, know, intimately, that the complexities of stepfamilies at Christmas time is difficult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And I\u2019m just curious if your inbox email is just <em>exploding<\/em>; because people are like: \u201cHelp us through this situation; what can I expect?\u201d \u201c What\/what\u2019s going on?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes\u2014Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014people write in all the time about that in particular. We do have a number of articles, I should mention at FamilyLife.com, that are specifically about blended families and the holidays. We would recommend that people just go and search, and read those. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d is: \u201cWow!\u2014where do we start?\u201d There\u2019s five or six big pieces to this pie when it comes to blended families. [It] depends on where they are in their journey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, let\u2019s just acknowledge that Christmas can be <em>amazing <\/em>for blended families and is, often, a time of celebration for the: the joy\/the work that they have done to become a family and merge relationships; and work through some of the oddities and some of the stressors of becoming a family. And you know, after a few years, it\u2019s a wonderful time that blended families look forward to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, some families have deep complexity in the sense that they have four houses and eight grandparents that they gotta try to work with. And you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right; that\u2019s a lot of parties; that\u2019s\/that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Augh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014and for maybe an introvert, that would be a real difficult thing!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That would kill an introvert, right there; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd of course, grandma is just so\/loves that she gets to see those grandkids for two hours before they have to go to the other home\u2014because of the schedule that\u2019s got to be made to give everybody their equal time\u2014so she\u2019s disappointed the time comes and goes so fast. You know, it\u2019s generational in terms of who it touches; because so many people are invested. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s about grief; it\u2019s about tradition; it\u2019s about meaning; it\u2019s about belonging\u2014like, \u201cYou know, let\u2019s just camp out there for a second,\u201d\u2014you know, traditions [sigh] are about belonging; like: \u201cMy family does this\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; \u201c\u2026right, from the beginning.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cfrom the beginning; that\u2019s the way it\u2019s <em>always<\/em> been,\u201d \u201cThis is the kind of foods that we eat,\u201d \u201cThis is the kind of games that we play,\u201d \u201cThis is how we open gifts on Christmas Day,\u201d \u201cThe fact that it\u2019s Christmas Day; at my household, growing up, we open one on Christmas Eve and all the rest on Christmas morning. That\u2019s our tradition.\u201d That\u2019s says something about who we are\/who I am. It\u2019s about belonging; this is an <em>identity<\/em> matter for each individual and for the family as a unit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, what if your tradition is not my tradition; right?\u00a0 Let\u2019s say we\u2019re stepsiblings. And you\u2019re so excited about how we\u2019re going to do Christmas gifts; and I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s wrong!\u201d\u2014you know? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u201cYou don\u2019t do it that way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right\u2014and so, not only is that wrong\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cI don\u2019t fit; I don\u2019t belong here,\u201d\u2014like: \u201cYour people are not my people\u201d; that\u2019s an identity question. And so, sometimes, the holidays remind people in blended families that they have different origins and that they have a different measure of belonging, if that makes any sense,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014like: \u201cI\u2019m part of this family, but I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> part of this family.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s a little bit like it being a son-in-law or a daughter-in-law or a brother- or sister-in-law\u2014like you\u2019re now family, but not really;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014but not really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s this both sides of that that is confusing for kids. Part of the stress that comes up at the holidays for blended families is mom and dad want so badly for everybody to <em>feel<\/em> like they belong\/want so badly for their family to be completely merged\u2014so it\u2019s not \u201cYour tradition vs. my tradition,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cHey, we\u2019re one family.\u201d And so you have this agenda from the parents, trying to get everybody to be happy and comfortable in the same way. That\u2019s a good agenda; but sometimes, it becomes stressful when they put pressure on people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Well, and it sounds like expectations: \u201c Wait; how come it didn\u2019t play out the way I saw it play out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; and then you begin to wonder: \u201cIs it me?\u201d or \u201cIs it you?\u201d or \u201cIs it us?\u201d\u00a0 Again, those questions of belonging and identity come to the surface. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor the people that are listening right now, the reason this is important is because:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tif you\u2019re grandma, and the kids are coming, and that family is going to be at your home; or you\u2019re going to be at their home; \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tif you\u2019re living in a blended family; \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tor maybe you\u2019re the brother or the sister, and somebody else in your family has a blended family, \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\trecognize that there can be some awkwardness to the holidays for whoever is involved. Have a sensitivity to that; you know?\u00a0 Pull them aside and say: \u201cHey, what can we do to be helpful?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cCan we flex on our tradition?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI know we\u2019ve always done it this way, but would it be helpful to you and your kids if we did it a little bit differently?\u201d If we loosened up the rigidity of how we do things to accommodate somebody\u2019s need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is an amazing question that, all of a sudden, people: \u201cOh boy! It would be so helpful,\u201d \u201cCould we do this two days before Christmas instead of Christmas Eve?\u00a0 Because our kids are going to have to leave, and they\u2019re going to miss out if they\u2019re not a part of that,\u201d \u201cBoy, that would be <em>so great<\/em>, if you could just meet us in the middle, in that way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And it\u2019s addressing the elephant in the room\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014before we hit it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right; you know, I have this rule of thumb: \u201cRigidity in stepfamilies, often, really creates chaos and just heartache for people;\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNo!\u00a0 This is the way it\u2019s gotta be.\u201d\u00a0 Now, it\u2019s yours against mine; and it\u2019s you against me. That just divides people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cbut flexibility is a gift from God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It is an act of grace to say: \u201cYes, you know, I really like it this way; but I\u2019m willing to adjust a little bit to accommodate your family, your need, your schedule,\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019ll figure it out, and we\u2019ll find a new path.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, really at the heart of this, Michelle, for a lot of blended families, is finding a new path\u2014that becoming a family\/merging together\u2014it\u2019s year two; it\u2019s year six; it\u2019s \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tyear ten\u2014we do have to continue to find new paths into how we do things as a family unit. And when others get on board, and when grandma is okay with that, all of a sudden, it\u2019s a little bit easier for everyone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes; well, and that new path\u2014I wanted to talk a little bit about that new path\u2014because I have a friend, who recently went through a divorce, has three young children. I had asked her\/I said, \u201cWell, what\/what is it going to look like at Christmas time?\u201d \u201cWell, he\u2019ll get the kids on Christmas Eve and then, because we live closer together, we\u2019ll hand the kids off on Christmas Day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you don\u2019t have that same\u2014of the kids sitting\/laying underneath the tree, or sleeping underneath the tree for Christmas Eve\u2014you don\u2019t have that same thing happening. And my friend\/she\u2019s going to be alone on Christmas Eve; her kids aren\u2019t going to be with her!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Ahh, boy, Christmas Eve\/that can be a really lonely time. You know, I would encourage her to make a plan: try to find somebody she can be with or something she can do. You know, oftentimes, go and serve in some ministry that\u2019s alive and well on Christmas Eve\u2014and helping the underprivileged, for example\u2014at least, you\u2019re not sitting at home, feeling sorry for yourself; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle<\/strong>: Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And it helps you <em>through<\/em> that season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, here\u2019s why that\u2019s important. If mom finds her way through, that helps her attitude\/that helps her to not be depressed and miserable; because when her kids see [her] depressed and miserable, now they feel what?\u2014guilty, worried, anxious. And now, how do they feel when they\u2019re at dad\u2019s house, knowing mom\u2019s depressed and miserable?\u00a0 It makes it harder for them to enjoy dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>What if there\u2019s a stepmom there?\u2014\u201cBoy, I really <em>don\u2019t<\/em> want to enjoy her; because I feel guilty that my mom is depressed and miserable.\u201d\u00a0 See, it all ripples into everybody else\u2019s lives and attitudes too. So when mom does a little selfcare, that\u2019s actually good for her children as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>You recently wrote a book\u2014it was published [2018]\u2014the<em> Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily. <\/em>In there, I found this quote: \u201c\u2026to give the kids permission to like, love, and enjoy the other household at Christmas time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>How do you\/that\u2019s hard to do, Ron. I mean, that\u2019s <em>really<\/em> hard to do; because if I were to step into that kind of thing, I\u2019d be like, \u201cNo, I want them to enjoy my household more.\u201d I mean we\u2019re all selfish people. So how\/help us to understand how that can play out, because I don\u2019t want to go there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; well, it\u2019s a great question. And I appreciate your honesty, because you\u2019re right on. I\u2019m that way, too; I mean, we all want what we want. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me give you two perspectives about this. If you\u2019re the biological dad, and married to a woman, and you\u2019re giving permission to the kids to enjoy mom\/biological mom\u2019s house\u2014first and foremost\u2014this is a gift to your kids. You want to talk about Christmas and gifts?\u2014this is a<em> great gift<\/em>\u2014permission for them to like and love the other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you\u2019re saying to them is: \u201cYou do not have to be loyal to me and take care of me; that\u2019s backwards.\u201d Anytime children are taking care of adults, that\u2019s backwards; right?\u00a0 But that is what you are saying to your child if you say [in a grumbling voice], \u201cHuh, I don\u2019t know why you\u2019re going to your mom\u2019s house\u201d; the message is: \u201cDon\u2019t get along with her,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t have any fun,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t enjoy your time over there, because that makes me sad; so you need to take care of me\/help me out of my sadness by being a <em>pain<\/em> to them.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s backwards, and upside down, and wrong on every level. And it hurts your child, emotionally, psychologically; I could go on and on about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a <em>gift<\/em> to say: \u201cEnjoy them,\u201d \u201cHave a good time.\u201d\u00a0 Now, the child is free of any obligation or guilt about <em>you<\/em>. You are taking care of you; they don\u2019t have to take care of you. They are now <em>free<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s what children ought to be\u2014free to like and love the people in their other home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo first and foremost, this is a gift to your child; but I would also suggest this is a gift to yourself, because when your child is free to like and love the other people, they have a good time. The people in the\u2014the adults in the other house\/ the co-parents in the \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tother house\u2014have a better attitude about you, which means they\u2019re nicer, and kinder, and more flexible, more cooperative on an ongoing basis <em>toward you<\/em>. That\u2019s got to ripple back some goodness into your own home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And when your children have a better attitude over at the other home, they have a better attitude when they come back into your home; everybody wins!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It\u2019s almost like it starts with you;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014that ripple effect starts with <em>you<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And all of a sudden, everybody is enjoying Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Ron, we need to take a break, but I want to continue on this conversation. So will you stick around for a couple of minutes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I\u2019d be glad to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Okay; thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll be back in just a couple of minutes with <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em> and Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. I have Ron Deal in the studio today, and we are talking Christmas\/Christmas bells. What\/what\u2019s your favorite hymn at Christmas time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Oh, my goodness; all of them?\u00a0 [Laughter] <em>Silent Night<\/em>, of course, is a classic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It is; it is good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, before the break, we were talking about the <em>complexity<\/em> of families at Christmas time, especially when we\u2019re dealing with a blended family and all that comes with that. And it\u2019s\/it\u2019s difficult. And we talked about some identity issues and just the belonging; because at Christmas time, we <em>all<\/em> want to belong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; let me ask you something. You asked me a question; I\u2019m going to stump you\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, great! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014maybe not. So in your family\u2014growing up, or now, or whenever\u2014what do you put on the top of the Christmas tree?\u00a0 Is there a thing that goes up there?\u2014a star?\u2014an angel?\u2014a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>I think, one year, we had a star; and then mom got my grandmother\u2019s angel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Ahhh\u2014okay, grandmother\u2019s angel\u2014that carries weight; doesn\u2019t it? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cWe got to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, it does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cWe got to keep using <em>grandmother\u2019s<\/em> angel.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, we put an angel\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014on top of ours. And every year\u2014I\u2019m the tallest guy\u2014[Laughter]\u2014so I have to be the one, who falls into the tree and gets it up there. [Laughter] You know, those things matter because\u2014again, like we talked earlier\u2014it represents a tradition that has meaning. It\u2019s rich\u2014like yours is tied into grandma, so she stays alive and with us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014all the good things that we remember about her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about a woman, Diane Fromme, who has spoken for me at the <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>. She wrote a book called <em>Stepparenting the Grieving Child<\/em>. She married a man with two children, whose mother had died; right? He was a widower, and then he married Diane. Christmas\u2014ongoing battle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Oh, I bet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014the first few years. And it revolved around: \u201cWhat we put on top of the Christmas tree?\u201d\u00a0 Her stepdaughter kept putting a particular\u2014and just fought, and fought, and fought for\u2014\u201cThis is what goes on top of the tree.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Diane had her <em>own<\/em> tradition\u2014she has her own children, by the way\u2014and so <em>they<\/em> had a tradition that they were rooted in. And so, boy; there was just this ongoing battle about what goes on top of the tree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And that would be hard; because: \u201cDo you give in?\u201d \u201cDo you <em>not<\/em>?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u201cDo you stand your ground?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u201cWhat\/how do you do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Exactly; so a few years into this battle, Diane has an epiphany: \u201cOh, my goodness; this is not about hers versus mine. Hers is about her <em>mother<\/em>, because that item that she wants to put on top of the tree was her mom\u2019s. And so I\u2019m asking <em>her<\/em> to replace her mom with me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd all of a sudden,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014the whole debate in <em>her<\/em> heart changed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And that\u2019s huge symbolism\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014thinking about all it was, was this figure on top of the tree;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014but it\u2019s what it represents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014but it was in the child\u2019s heart. It was like, \u201cYou can\u2019t\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014\u201ctake over mom\u2019s spot.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Now, Diane will tell you that one of the best things a stepparent can do, in a situation like that, is to keep the deceased parent alive in the traditions of\/for the children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, and this is true, whether they happen to be, you know, six, or sixteen, or thirty-six, which happens more and more with families, where mom and dad had a 30-year marriage and then somebody passes away. And then, a few years later, the living parent marries, again, later in life. We have a bunch of adult children, who are now coming home for Christmas; and they desperately want mom\u2019s ornament\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014on top of the tree, because it\u2014we remember, we appreciate, and we value her\u2014it is a grief issue; it is a memory matter. It\/it\u2019s all of that wrapped up into that one ornament. That\u2019s a sacrifice worth making in order to help that child but, also, help your family move into the future.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Now, some people would say: \u201cYes, but there\u2019s a flip side to that. It\u2019s <em>my<\/em> tree; it\u2019s <em>my<\/em> house. It\u2019s\/you know, it\u2019s\u2014wait a minute; this is <em>our<\/em> family\u2014why are we making space for a deceased mother?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you can try to fight that battle and win on your terms. I think you will implode your family. You know, I think you will undercut\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014your own home. It\u2019s a small gesture\/an act of grace; but it goes a long way towards actually making you more respectable and approachable, from the child\u2019s point of view.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes. I want to move into adult children, who have lost their parent; and the other parent remarries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Going home for Christmas is <em>not<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014quite the same. Or even [the adult children] taking their children to their home, that they were raised in, for Christmas. And all of a sudden, their children don\u2019t know grandpa\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014quite as well as they used to,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014because he\u2019s busy with this other new family. I\u2019m just thinking of the complexity issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Oh, my goodness; it\u2019s an identity issue. It doesn\u2019t feel like going home: \u201cWhen I go back to the house I grew up in, but dad\u2019s new wife is there. And dad\u2019s new wife\u2019s three adult children, with their five grandchildren, are also there, and I\u2019m sitting at a table with ten people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014people you don\u2019t know. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cpeople I don\u2019t know\u2014like I\/you know, three times a year, we have interaction with\u2014and other than that, I really don\u2019t know who they are;\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what they\u2019re about;\u00a0 I\u2019m just getting to know them.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when you\u2019re moving into that space, the thing I would encourage people with, you know, this Christmas: \u201cJust have an openness; try to be friendly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cSometimes, people don\u2019t want to be friends with you; and you can still be friendly\u201d; right?\u00a0 I mean, we all have people in our world\u2014our neighbors, our people, coworkers, or what have you\u2014that we\u2019re never really going to have a friendship with, but we can be friendly when around them. That\u2019s the place to start. It may be where you end up; but at least, it\u2019s a beginning. In some cases, it\u2019s going to lead to, over time\u2014and it may be <em>years<\/em> of time\u2014that you deepen that relationship: you do get to know them; gain a respect, them for you, and so on. You have to start somewhere; open yourself up to the possibilities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really hard when people kind of hold back\u2014sometimes, it\u2019s resentment; sometimes it\u2019s guilt; sometimes, it\u2019s just sadness over whoever\u2019s not there and why they\u2019re not there\/what the backstory is. You know, if that\u2019s holding you up, pray about it. You know, nobody\u2019s judging you for that; but at the same time, you need to recognize that you\u2019re blocking any ability for you to move forward. You\u2019re making it hard\/awkward for other members of your family to enjoy you and enjoy one another. Find some grace for that moment,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014because it makes a difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>I just want to throw out a scenario: you live 12 hours away from your parents. Your mother has just passed away; your father remarried. I go home to this\u2014what used to be my home;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014but yet, I\u2019ve got this <em>new<\/em> mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Is it okay to be open and honest with\u2014with, you know, the new stepmom\u2014as an adult, to say, \u201cYou know, I really appreciate the angel on top of the tree; that was Mom\u2019s.\u201d Or is it something that you back away from, and you ask if you can have the angel on top of the tree for your own tree?\u00a0 How do you handle that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, one of the first things you\u2019re going to do, is define the relationship; right?\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of: \u201cCome to some understanding about: \u2018How are we going to do business together?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s just say <em>you<\/em> are that person; right?\u2014you married my dad, later in life\u2014and so here we are. I\u2019m having this\u2014you know, first, we\u2019re getting to know each other kind of opportunity. I\u2019m going to say, \u201cLook, Michelle, I\"\u2014by the way, I used your first name; I didn\u2019t call you Mom; I didn\u2019t call you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cMichelle, I appreciate all that\u2019s going on with you and Dad and that relationship. One of the things I want us to kind of figure out is how we do life together. So for example, we\u2019re here this weekend; we\u2019ve invaded your home. I know that\u2019s kind of hard and difficult, but I just want you to know I do want to get to know you. I do want us to figure out our relationship on our own terms.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSee, what we\u2019re doing here is, you know, we are talking about how we\u2019re going to talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We are figuring out how we\u2019re going to move forward in this relationship. I think that is one of the most important things that anybody can do, <em>because<\/em> it helps get through the awkwardness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you and I both come out of that little five-minute conversation, going, \u201cOkay, I kind of feel like we know how to move forward.\u201d\u00a0 And then we\u2019ll probably have another define-the-relationship conversation at some point in the future. And we\u2019ll probably have to do it, you know, a number of times as we move forward. But at least, now, you know where I\u2019m coming from; I know where you\u2019re coming from; and we can take a few steps together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Well, and it\u2019s taking those healthy steps; because if we don\u2019t take those healthy steps, you\u2019ve got disappointment, and then you have resentment that grows,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014and then\/and then everybody\u2019s like, \u201cWell, I think this is what\u2019s going on\u2026\u201d\u00a0 When, if we can just take those healthy steps at the beginning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; and so be proactive. That\/here\u2019s the take-away: \u201cBe proactive;\u201d\u2014whatever your circumstances are this Christmas\u2014\u201cget it out there. Define the relationship; talk with them, one on one. Figure out how you can move forward together. And just have an openness\/a basic respect; be friendly.\u201d\u00a0 See if that doesn\u2019t take root and move you forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Excellent; thank you so much. Our time is up; I\u2019m sad to say. But Ron, thank you for joining me today, and just helping unpack what Christmas expectations are and how we can just help have a cohesive and enjoyable Christmas this year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; thanks for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And Ron\u2019s book, <em>Daily Encouragement for the Stepfamily<\/em> would be a <em>great<\/em> stocking stuffer for a stepfamily in <em>your<\/em> life. We have a link to his book and some other resources, like important articles about Christmas time and loss, and just dealing with blended families at Christmas. Go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, Christmas is in just a few weeks; and I\u2019ve started receiving Christmas cards. So much fun!\u00a0 I love checking the mailbox and ripping open the envelopes. If you haven\u2019t sent your Christmas card in yet, would you please send me the card by, I don\u2019t know, December 20?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to have an unveiling before the Christmas holidays, and I want to have more cards in here than <em>Bob<\/em> [Lepine] does. So please send your card to [100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, FL; zip code is 32832.] And make it to attention: Michelle Hill [Audio Group], not Bob Lepine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, coming up next week, I\u2019m going to talk with [Randall Goodgame about a Slugs &amp; Bugs Christmas.] It\u2019s going to be a <em>great<\/em> discussion. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, and our co-founder, Dennis Rainey, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:00"],"show_notes":[""],"filesize":["25.64M"],"filesize_raw":["26882157"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307324.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307324.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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the most wonderful time of the year!\" But if you're in a stepfamily, the holidays can get complicated pretty fast. Ron Deal offers some perspective, and gives counsel for how to navigate Christmas in a stepfamily.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-12-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s Christmas time, and we\u2019re decking the halls!\u00a0 But that could pose a problem for some families\u2014like maybe, blended families?\u2014because there could be multiple halls, multiple trees, and multiple sets of traditions. Here\u2019s Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Traditions [sigh] are about belonging, like, \u201cMy family does this\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That says something about who we are\/who I am. What if your tradition is not my tradition?\u00a0 And you\u2019re so excited about how we\u2019re gonna do Christmas gifts; and I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s wrong.\u201d And so, not only is that wrong, it\u2019s: \u201cI don\u2019t fit; I don\u2019t belong here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>We\u2019re gonna talk about Christmas, blended style, on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, so the wreath is hanging on the door. The Christmas tree is up\u2014and it is decorated; the lights are twinkling\u2014and we\u2019re talking about Christmas time. And, oh wait!\u00a0 In less than three weeks, we are going to celebrate Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Can\u2019t wait.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Isn\u2019t that going to be so exciting?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, it\u2019s just the magic of Christmas; I mean, it <em>never<\/em> gets old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes; okay, that voice that you\u2019re hearing is Ron Deal. And Ron is joining me today because we\u2019re gonna talk about stepfamilies and Christmas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut first, Ron, I want to find out from you: \u201cWhat\u2019s magical about this time of year for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Well, of course, it all means the Savior has come; right? So when you get passed kind of all the bling, and you get down to what it means, there\u2019s just no better message for my life, or the world, than that. That means everything: it means there\u2019s hope; it means there\u2019s salvation; it means there\u2019s a future\u2014and that\u2014I hold onto very tightly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then my flesh says, \u201cAnd I get presents.\u201d [Laughter] And that\u2019s fun, and you know, I\u2019m kind of an old kid. But you know, it\u2019s just fun getting gifts for one another, and opening, and spending time. I\u2019m old enough now, my kids are kinda out of the house; and so they\u2019re coming back, and we\u2019re going to get to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014so there\u2019s that fun excitement once again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Oh, yes; absolutely. And energy in the home once again. And then we look forward to them going away, and it getting quiet again, but\u2014[Laughter]\u2014you know, it\u2019s\/it\u2019s all good. You know, it\u2019s that ebb and flow of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014time with family. Yes, it\u2019s\/it\u2019s the beauty of Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019re going to take some time and talk about the ebb and flow and the beauty of family. But you, as the director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, know, intimately, that the complexities of stepfamilies at Christmas time is difficult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And I\u2019m just curious if your inbox email is just <em>exploding<\/em>; because people are like: \u201cHelp us through this situation; what can I expect?\u201d \u201c What\/what\u2019s going on?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes\u2014Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014people write in all the time about that in particular. We do have a number of articles, I should mention at FamilyLife.com, that are specifically about blended families and the holidays. We would recommend that people just go and search, and read those. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d is: \u201cWow!\u2014where do we start?\u201d There\u2019s five or six big pieces to this pie when it comes to blended families. [It] depends on where they are in their journey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, let\u2019s just acknowledge that Christmas can be <em>amazing <\/em>for blended families and is, often, a time of celebration for the: the joy\/the work that they have done to become a family and merge relationships; and work through some of the oddities and some of the stressors of becoming a family. And you know, after a few years, it\u2019s a wonderful time that blended families look forward to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, some families have deep complexity in the sense that they have four houses and eight grandparents that they gotta try to work with. And you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right; that\u2019s a lot of parties; that\u2019s\/that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Augh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014and for maybe an introvert, that would be a real difficult thing!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That would kill an introvert, right there; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd of course, grandma is just so\/loves that she gets to see those grandkids for two hours before they have to go to the other home\u2014because of the schedule that\u2019s got to be made to give everybody their equal time\u2014so she\u2019s disappointed the time comes and goes so fast. You know, it\u2019s generational in terms of who it touches; because so many people are invested. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s about grief; it\u2019s about tradition; it\u2019s about meaning; it\u2019s about belonging\u2014like, \u201cYou know, let\u2019s just camp out there for a second,\u201d\u2014you know, traditions [sigh] are about belonging; like: \u201cMy family does this\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; \u201c\u2026right, from the beginning.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cfrom the beginning; that\u2019s the way it\u2019s <em>always<\/em> been,\u201d \u201cThis is the kind of foods that we eat,\u201d \u201cThis is the kind of games that we play,\u201d \u201cThis is how we open gifts on Christmas Day,\u201d \u201cThe fact that it\u2019s Christmas Day; at my household, growing up, we open one on Christmas Eve and all the rest on Christmas morning. That\u2019s our tradition.\u201d That\u2019s says something about who we are\/who I am. It\u2019s about belonging; this is an <em>identity<\/em> matter for each individual and for the family as a unit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, what if your tradition is not my tradition; right?\u00a0 Let\u2019s say we\u2019re stepsiblings. And you\u2019re so excited about how we\u2019re going to do Christmas gifts; and I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s wrong!\u201d\u2014you know? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u201cYou don\u2019t do it that way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right\u2014and so, not only is that wrong\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cI don\u2019t fit; I don\u2019t belong here,\u201d\u2014like: \u201cYour people are not my people\u201d; that\u2019s an identity question. And so, sometimes, the holidays remind people in blended families that they have different origins and that they have a different measure of belonging, if that makes any sense,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014like: \u201cI\u2019m part of this family, but I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> part of this family.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s a little bit like it being a son-in-law or a daughter-in-law or a brother- or sister-in-law\u2014like you\u2019re now family, but not really;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014but not really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s this both sides of that that is confusing for kids. Part of the stress that comes up at the holidays for blended families is mom and dad want so badly for everybody to <em>feel<\/em> like they belong\/want so badly for their family to be completely merged\u2014so it\u2019s not \u201cYour tradition vs. my tradition,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cHey, we\u2019re one family.\u201d And so you have this agenda from the parents, trying to get everybody to be happy and comfortable in the same way. That\u2019s a good agenda; but sometimes, it becomes stressful when they put pressure on people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Well, and it sounds like expectations: \u201c Wait; how come it didn\u2019t play out the way I saw it play out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; and then you begin to wonder: \u201cIs it me?\u201d or \u201cIs it you?\u201d or \u201cIs it us?\u201d\u00a0 Again, those questions of belonging and identity come to the surface. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor the people that are listening right now, the reason this is important is because:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tif you\u2019re grandma, and the kids are coming, and that family is going to be at your home; or you\u2019re going to be at their home; \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tif you\u2019re living in a blended family; \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tor maybe you\u2019re the brother or the sister, and somebody else in your family has a blended family, \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\trecognize that there can be some awkwardness to the holidays for whoever is involved. Have a sensitivity to that; you know?\u00a0 Pull them aside and say: \u201cHey, what can we do to be helpful?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cCan we flex on our tradition?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI know we\u2019ve always done it this way, but would it be helpful to you and your kids if we did it a little bit differently?\u201d If we loosened up the rigidity of how we do things to accommodate somebody\u2019s need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is an amazing question that, all of a sudden, people: \u201cOh boy! It would be so helpful,\u201d \u201cCould we do this two days before Christmas instead of Christmas Eve?\u00a0 Because our kids are going to have to leave, and they\u2019re going to miss out if they\u2019re not a part of that,\u201d \u201cBoy, that would be <em>so great<\/em>, if you could just meet us in the middle, in that way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And it\u2019s addressing the elephant in the room\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014before we hit it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right; you know, I have this rule of thumb: \u201cRigidity in stepfamilies, often, really creates chaos and just heartache for people;\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNo!\u00a0 This is the way it\u2019s gotta be.\u201d\u00a0 Now, it\u2019s yours against mine; and it\u2019s you against me. That just divides people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cbut flexibility is a gift from God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It is an act of grace to say: \u201cYes, you know, I really like it this way; but I\u2019m willing to adjust a little bit to accommodate your family, your need, your schedule,\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019ll figure it out, and we\u2019ll find a new path.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, really at the heart of this, Michelle, for a lot of blended families, is finding a new path\u2014that becoming a family\/merging together\u2014it\u2019s year two; it\u2019s year six; it\u2019s \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tyear ten\u2014we do have to continue to find new paths into how we do things as a family unit. And when others get on board, and when grandma is okay with that, all of a sudden, it\u2019s a little bit easier for everyone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes; well, and that new path\u2014I wanted to talk a little bit about that new path\u2014because I have a friend, who recently went through a divorce, has three young children. I had asked her\/I said, \u201cWell, what\/what is it going to look like at Christmas time?\u201d \u201cWell, he\u2019ll get the kids on Christmas Eve and then, because we live closer together, we\u2019ll hand the kids off on Christmas Day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you don\u2019t have that same\u2014of the kids sitting\/laying underneath the tree, or sleeping underneath the tree for Christmas Eve\u2014you don\u2019t have that same thing happening. And my friend\/she\u2019s going to be alone on Christmas Eve; her kids aren\u2019t going to be with her!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Ahh, boy, Christmas Eve\/that can be a really lonely time. You know, I would encourage her to make a plan: try to find somebody she can be with or something she can do. You know, oftentimes, go and serve in some ministry that\u2019s alive and well on Christmas Eve\u2014and helping the underprivileged, for example\u2014at least, you\u2019re not sitting at home, feeling sorry for yourself; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle<\/strong>: Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And it helps you <em>through<\/em> that season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, here\u2019s why that\u2019s important. If mom finds her way through, that helps her attitude\/that helps her to not be depressed and miserable; because when her kids see [her] depressed and miserable, now they feel what?\u2014guilty, worried, anxious. And now, how do they feel when they\u2019re at dad\u2019s house, knowing mom\u2019s depressed and miserable?\u00a0 It makes it harder for them to enjoy dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>What if there\u2019s a stepmom there?\u2014\u201cBoy, I really <em>don\u2019t<\/em> want to enjoy her; because I feel guilty that my mom is depressed and miserable.\u201d\u00a0 See, it all ripples into everybody else\u2019s lives and attitudes too. So when mom does a little selfcare, that\u2019s actually good for her children as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>You recently wrote a book\u2014it was published [2018]\u2014the<em> Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily. <\/em>In there, I found this quote: \u201c\u2026to give the kids permission to like, love, and enjoy the other household at Christmas time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>How do you\/that\u2019s hard to do, Ron. I mean, that\u2019s <em>really<\/em> hard to do; because if I were to step into that kind of thing, I\u2019d be like, \u201cNo, I want them to enjoy my household more.\u201d I mean we\u2019re all selfish people. So how\/help us to understand how that can play out, because I don\u2019t want to go there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; well, it\u2019s a great question. And I appreciate your honesty, because you\u2019re right on. I\u2019m that way, too; I mean, we all want what we want. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me give you two perspectives about this. If you\u2019re the biological dad, and married to a woman, and you\u2019re giving permission to the kids to enjoy mom\/biological mom\u2019s house\u2014first and foremost\u2014this is a gift to your kids. You want to talk about Christmas and gifts?\u2014this is a<em> great gift<\/em>\u2014permission for them to like and love the other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you\u2019re saying to them is: \u201cYou do not have to be loyal to me and take care of me; that\u2019s backwards.\u201d Anytime children are taking care of adults, that\u2019s backwards; right?\u00a0 But that is what you are saying to your child if you say [in a grumbling voice], \u201cHuh, I don\u2019t know why you\u2019re going to your mom\u2019s house\u201d; the message is: \u201cDon\u2019t get along with her,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t have any fun,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t enjoy your time over there, because that makes me sad; so you need to take care of me\/help me out of my sadness by being a <em>pain<\/em> to them.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s backwards, and upside down, and wrong on every level. And it hurts your child, emotionally, psychologically; I could go on and on about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a <em>gift<\/em> to say: \u201cEnjoy them,\u201d \u201cHave a good time.\u201d\u00a0 Now, the child is free of any obligation or guilt about <em>you<\/em>. You are taking care of you; they don\u2019t have to take care of you. They are now <em>free<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s what children ought to be\u2014free to like and love the people in their other home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo first and foremost, this is a gift to your child; but I would also suggest this is a gift to yourself, because when your child is free to like and love the other people, they have a good time. The people in the\u2014the adults in the other house\/ the co-parents in the \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tother house\u2014have a better attitude about you, which means they\u2019re nicer, and kinder, and more flexible, more cooperative on an ongoing basis <em>toward you<\/em>. That\u2019s got to ripple back some goodness into your own home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And when your children have a better attitude over at the other home, they have a better attitude when they come back into your home; everybody wins!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It\u2019s almost like it starts with you;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014that ripple effect starts with <em>you<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And all of a sudden, everybody is enjoying Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Ron, we need to take a break, but I want to continue on this conversation. So will you stick around for a couple of minutes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I\u2019d be glad to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Okay; thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll be back in just a couple of minutes with <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em> and Ron Deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. I have Ron Deal in the studio today, and we are talking Christmas\/Christmas bells. What\/what\u2019s your favorite hymn at Christmas time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Oh, my goodness; all of them?\u00a0 [Laughter] <em>Silent Night<\/em>, of course, is a classic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It is; it is good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, before the break, we were talking about the <em>complexity<\/em> of families at Christmas time, especially when we\u2019re dealing with a blended family and all that comes with that. And it\u2019s\/it\u2019s difficult. And we talked about some identity issues and just the belonging; because at Christmas time, we <em>all<\/em> want to belong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; let me ask you something. You asked me a question; I\u2019m going to stump you\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, great! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014maybe not. So in your family\u2014growing up, or now, or whenever\u2014what do you put on the top of the Christmas tree?\u00a0 Is there a thing that goes up there?\u2014a star?\u2014an angel?\u2014a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>I think, one year, we had a star; and then mom got my grandmother\u2019s angel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Ahhh\u2014okay, grandmother\u2019s angel\u2014that carries weight; doesn\u2019t it? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cWe got to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, it does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cWe got to keep using <em>grandmother\u2019s<\/em> angel.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, we put an angel\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014on top of ours. And every year\u2014I\u2019m the tallest guy\u2014[Laughter]\u2014so I have to be the one, who falls into the tree and gets it up there. [Laughter] You know, those things matter because\u2014again, like we talked earlier\u2014it represents a tradition that has meaning. It\u2019s rich\u2014like yours is tied into grandma, so she stays alive and with us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014all the good things that we remember about her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about a woman, Diane Fromme, who has spoken for me at the <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>. She wrote a book called <em>Stepparenting the Grieving Child<\/em>. She married a man with two children, whose mother had died; right? He was a widower, and then he married Diane. Christmas\u2014ongoing battle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Oh, I bet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014the first few years. And it revolved around: \u201cWhat we put on top of the Christmas tree?\u201d\u00a0 Her stepdaughter kept putting a particular\u2014and just fought, and fought, and fought for\u2014\u201cThis is what goes on top of the tree.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Diane had her <em>own<\/em> tradition\u2014she has her own children, by the way\u2014and so <em>they<\/em> had a tradition that they were rooted in. And so, boy; there was just this ongoing battle about what goes on top of the tree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And that would be hard; because: \u201cDo you give in?\u201d \u201cDo you <em>not<\/em>?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u201cDo you stand your ground?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u201cWhat\/how do you do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Exactly; so a few years into this battle, Diane has an epiphany: \u201cOh, my goodness; this is not about hers versus mine. Hers is about her <em>mother<\/em>, because that item that she wants to put on top of the tree was her mom\u2019s. And so I\u2019m asking <em>her<\/em> to replace her mom with me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd all of a sudden,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014the whole debate in <em>her<\/em> heart changed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And that\u2019s huge symbolism\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014thinking about all it was, was this figure on top of the tree;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014but it\u2019s what it represents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014but it was in the child\u2019s heart. It was like, \u201cYou can\u2019t\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014\u201ctake over mom\u2019s spot.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Now, Diane will tell you that one of the best things a stepparent can do, in a situation like that, is to keep the deceased parent alive in the traditions of\/for the children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, and this is true, whether they happen to be, you know, six, or sixteen, or thirty-six, which happens more and more with families, where mom and dad had a 30-year marriage and then somebody passes away. And then, a few years later, the living parent marries, again, later in life. We have a bunch of adult children, who are now coming home for Christmas; and they desperately want mom\u2019s ornament\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014on top of the tree, because it\u2014we remember, we appreciate, and we value her\u2014it is a grief issue; it is a memory matter. It\/it\u2019s all of that wrapped up into that one ornament. That\u2019s a sacrifice worth making in order to help that child but, also, help your family move into the future.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Now, some people would say: \u201cYes, but there\u2019s a flip side to that. It\u2019s <em>my<\/em> tree; it\u2019s <em>my<\/em> house. It\u2019s\/you know, it\u2019s\u2014wait a minute; this is <em>our<\/em> family\u2014why are we making space for a deceased mother?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you can try to fight that battle and win on your terms. I think you will implode your family. You know, I think you will undercut\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014your own home. It\u2019s a small gesture\/an act of grace; but it goes a long way towards actually making you more respectable and approachable, from the child\u2019s point of view.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes. I want to move into adult children, who have lost their parent; and the other parent remarries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Going home for Christmas is <em>not<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014quite the same. Or even [the adult children] taking their children to their home, that they were raised in, for Christmas. And all of a sudden, their children don\u2019t know grandpa\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014quite as well as they used to,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014because he\u2019s busy with this other new family. I\u2019m just thinking of the complexity issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Oh, my goodness; it\u2019s an identity issue. It doesn\u2019t feel like going home: \u201cWhen I go back to the house I grew up in, but dad\u2019s new wife is there. And dad\u2019s new wife\u2019s three adult children, with their five grandchildren, are also there, and I\u2019m sitting at a table with ten people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014people you don\u2019t know. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cpeople I don\u2019t know\u2014like I\/you know, three times a year, we have interaction with\u2014and other than that, I really don\u2019t know who they are;\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what they\u2019re about;\u00a0 I\u2019m just getting to know them.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when you\u2019re moving into that space, the thing I would encourage people with, you know, this Christmas: \u201cJust have an openness; try to be friendly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cSometimes, people don\u2019t want to be friends with you; and you can still be friendly\u201d; right?\u00a0 I mean, we all have people in our world\u2014our neighbors, our people, coworkers, or what have you\u2014that we\u2019re never really going to have a friendship with, but we can be friendly when around them. That\u2019s the place to start. It may be where you end up; but at least, it\u2019s a beginning. In some cases, it\u2019s going to lead to, over time\u2014and it may be <em>years<\/em> of time\u2014that you deepen that relationship: you do get to know them; gain a respect, them for you, and so on. You have to start somewhere; open yourself up to the possibilities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really hard when people kind of hold back\u2014sometimes, it\u2019s resentment; sometimes it\u2019s guilt; sometimes, it\u2019s just sadness over whoever\u2019s not there and why they\u2019re not there\/what the backstory is. You know, if that\u2019s holding you up, pray about it. You know, nobody\u2019s judging you for that; but at the same time, you need to recognize that you\u2019re blocking any ability for you to move forward. You\u2019re making it hard\/awkward for other members of your family to enjoy you and enjoy one another. Find some grace for that moment,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014because it makes a difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>I just want to throw out a scenario: you live 12 hours away from your parents. Your mother has just passed away; your father remarried. I go home to this\u2014what used to be my home;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014but yet, I\u2019ve got this <em>new<\/em> mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Is it okay to be open and honest with\u2014with, you know, the new stepmom\u2014as an adult, to say, \u201cYou know, I really appreciate the angel on top of the tree; that was Mom\u2019s.\u201d Or is it something that you back away from, and you ask if you can have the angel on top of the tree for your own tree?\u00a0 How do you handle that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, one of the first things you\u2019re going to do, is define the relationship; right?\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of: \u201cCome to some understanding about: \u2018How are we going to do business together?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s just say <em>you<\/em> are that person; right?\u2014you married my dad, later in life\u2014and so here we are. I\u2019m having this\u2014you know, first, we\u2019re getting to know each other kind of opportunity. I\u2019m going to say, \u201cLook, Michelle, I\"\u2014by the way, I used your first name; I didn\u2019t call you Mom; I didn\u2019t call you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cMichelle, I appreciate all that\u2019s going on with you and Dad and that relationship. One of the things I want us to kind of figure out is how we do life together. So for example, we\u2019re here this weekend; we\u2019ve invaded your home. I know that\u2019s kind of hard and difficult, but I just want you to know I do want to get to know you. I do want us to figure out our relationship on our own terms.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSee, what we\u2019re doing here is, you know, we are talking about how we\u2019re going to talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We are figuring out how we\u2019re going to move forward in this relationship. I think that is one of the most important things that anybody can do, <em>because<\/em> it helps get through the awkwardness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you and I both come out of that little five-minute conversation, going, \u201cOkay, I kind of feel like we know how to move forward.\u201d\u00a0 And then we\u2019ll probably have another define-the-relationship conversation at some point in the future. And we\u2019ll probably have to do it, you know, a number of times as we move forward. But at least, now, you know where I\u2019m coming from; I know where you\u2019re coming from; and we can take a few steps together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Well, and it\u2019s taking those healthy steps; because if we don\u2019t take those healthy steps, you\u2019ve got disappointment, and then you have resentment that grows,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014and then\/and then everybody\u2019s like, \u201cWell, I think this is what\u2019s going on\u2026\u201d\u00a0 When, if we can just take those healthy steps at the beginning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; and so be proactive. That\/here\u2019s the take-away: \u201cBe proactive;\u201d\u2014whatever your circumstances are this Christmas\u2014\u201cget it out there. Define the relationship; talk with them, one on one. Figure out how you can move forward together. And just have an openness\/a basic respect; be friendly.\u201d\u00a0 See if that doesn\u2019t take root and move you forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Excellent; thank you so much. Our time is up; I\u2019m sad to say. But Ron, thank you for joining me today, and just helping unpack what Christmas expectations are and how we can just help have a cohesive and enjoyable Christmas this year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; thanks for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>And Ron\u2019s book, <em>Daily Encouragement for the Stepfamily<\/em> would be a <em>great<\/em> stocking stuffer for a stepfamily in <em>your<\/em> life. We have a link to his book and some other resources, like important articles about Christmas time and loss, and just dealing with blended families at Christmas. Go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, Christmas is in just a few weeks; and I\u2019ve started receiving Christmas cards. So much fun!\u00a0 I love checking the mailbox and ripping open the envelopes. If you haven\u2019t sent your Christmas card in yet, would you please send me the card by, I don\u2019t know, December 20?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to have an unveiling before the Christmas holidays, and I want to have more cards in here than <em>Bob<\/em> [Lepine] does. So please send your card to [100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, FL; zip code is 32832.] And make it to attention: Michelle Hill [Audio Group], not Bob Lepine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, coming up next week, I\u2019m going to talk with [Randall Goodgame about a Slugs &amp; Bugs Christmas.] It\u2019s going to be a <em>great<\/em> discussion. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, and our co-founder, Dennis Rainey, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307324","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307324"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307324"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307324"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307324"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307324"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307324"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307324"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}