{"id":307304,"date":"2021-11-20T08:02:08","date_gmt":"2021-11-20T13:02:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/thanksgiving-and-entitlement\/"},"modified":"2021-11-20T08:02:08","modified_gmt":"2021-11-20T13:02:08","slug":"thanksgiving-and-entitlement","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/thanksgiving-and-entitlement\/","title":{"rendered":"Thanksgiving and Entitlement"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kristen Welch talks about how entitlement showed up in their family, and how she and her husband worked to foster gratitude in their children&#8217;s hearts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-11-20.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26882096","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806,2823],"tags":[4798,2209],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3053],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307304","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-spiritual-development","category-thanksgiving","tag-kids","tag-parenting","cwp_profile-kristen-welch","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307304\/thanksgiving-and-entitlement","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307304\/thanksgiving-and-entitlement","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Hsfk3WkMJO\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/thanksgiving-and-entitlement\/\">Thanksgiving and Entitlement<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/thanksgiving-and-entitlement\/embed\/#?secret=Hsfk3WkMJO\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Thanksgiving and Entitlement&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Hsfk3WkMJO\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-11-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-11-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> That is <em>exactly<\/em> what my husband said. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Did he?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> He did! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> He said, \u201cThis is going to stop right now, and you\u2019ve lost your boots.\u201d And my child from the back seat, \u201cBut what about grace?\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> I said, \u201cGrace was getting you the boots in the first place!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There you go! That\u2019s right; \u201cThis is mercy that you\u2019re not getting a <em>spanking<\/em> in addition!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Exactly! Mercy is taking them away. [Laughter] My husband\u2014I looked at him\u2014I could tell by the tilt of his chin that I better just be quiet and let him have this moment. His tone\u2014he\u2019s more of a quiet guy\u2014so I knew he was very serious. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> He just said, \u201cThat\u2019s it. If you want these boots, you\u2019re going to have to work for them; because what we gave in grace and love has now become something that we\u2019re taking away because of your ungrateful heart. If <em>you<\/em> want them back\u2014if you don\u2019t want them back, that\u2019s fine\u2014but if you do, it\u2019s going to cost you something.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting\u2014as you tell that story\u2014I\u2019m thinking of the nation of Israel grumbling in the wilderness. God still gave them manna and quail\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and that was what they needed to survive\u2014but there was blessing withheld from the nation because of their grumbling and their disobedience. It\u2019s not inappropriate for us, as parents, to say, \u201cWhen you have an ungrateful heart\u2014when you do grumble, and whine, and complain\u2014life will not go as well for you as it otherwise would.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Right. That\u2019s exactly\u2014it was really a growing issue\u2014that we just weren\u2019t sure how to deal with other than just the sending them to their room, or writing sentences, or trying\/pulling every resource we had from our tool belt. We knew that the siblings had their boots, and they were keeping them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was special; this was something that wasn\u2019t going to come along again: \u201cIf you want to work for them, then you can have them.\u201d My husband pointed out\u2014we were home at that time\u2014and he put the boots up on the laundry shelf\/high in the laundry room, and pointed to the backyard and the front yard. We live in humid, wet Houston. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen: <\/strong>He said, \u201cIf you want the boots, you have three days to pull all the weeds in both the front and back yard.\u201d It was spring\u2014we hadn\u2019t really started our yardwork after winter\u2014it was a big job! My heart sank; because I knew that we\u2019re dealing with a strong-willed child here, who would really have to want those boots. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You thought you might bow her back at this point\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> I did! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and not ever get them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> That\u2019s sort of the battle ground that you wager with kids, especially strong-willed kids; you know? Giving a <em>choice<\/em> was also the one, I think, secret weapon we had; because knowing that she could walk away, gave her power. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How many years did it take before she earned them? [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Well, to make matters worse, it was <em>raining<\/em> that day. She waited a few hours and, as a mom, I was\/I was <em>heartbroken<\/em> for my daughter; you know? I was sad, because it was <em>such<\/em> a good day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> You hate ending a special day that way; but as a parent, I was very proud. It was the day that we called out entitlement in our home. It was the day that we waged war against it. Everything changed from that moment on. When I heard the front door open, and I saw her walk out into the rain, in work clothes, and kneel down and start pulling weeds, I\u2019d felt like we\u2019d\/we\u2019d won! It wasn\u2019t a\u2014you know when you win\u2014you also have a loser. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> But I didn\u2019t feel like my daughter had lost; I feel like <em>she<\/em> won too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She had learned a valuable lesson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> She had learned a valuable lesson, and it took about three days for her to pull all those weeds. It was extreme; it was harsh; but if we paid her by the hour, that\u2019s probably what she would have earned to get those\/those boots back. When my husband handed them to her, he said, \u201cWe will <em>never<\/em> take these away from you again, because you earned them.\u201d It was a good lesson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> As you look at moms and dads, and young people growing up today, do you think entitlement is a bigger issue today than when Bob and I raised our families? It was affluent back then\u2014they had a lot of options\/a lot of choices\u2014we may have not had the electronics that you have today. What are you seeing and hearing from other moms and their families? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> I do think it\u2019s a bigger problem; it seems to be a bigger problem than even when I was a child. I think technology has a lot to do with it\u2014we can have everything instantaneously\u2014we can download everything we want. We can have the internet in our back pocket; we don\u2019t have to wait and get home, and dial up, and wait to connect. We can watch Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> in the car. We can have what we want when we want it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we\u2019ve pacified our kids with technology to the point of making it easy\/it is easier for us. There\u2019s no doubt that, as parents, it\u2019s easier to give in than to stand firm. I think, with advances in technology, it has made it more convenient for us to make that choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said the cowboy boot incident was the day you addressed entitlement in your home. Do you look back on that as a turning point, where you first said, \u201cWe\u2019ve got an issue here that we\u2019ve got to dig out at the roots\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Yes; definitely. It was a turning point for our family. I think, up until that point, we thought it was a phase, or a stage, or \u201cThis is what all kids experience\u201d; but really, it was something that had a grasp\/a grip on our family. We were in a season, where we were travelling a lot overseas, and exposing our kids to other cultures and countries, and the way that other people live. Through that, it just <em>magnified<\/em> the entitlement. It was like putting a magnifying glass on this\/this attitude. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Some scary stuff; huh?\u2014Kristen Welch talking about entitlement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to take a quick break; but when we come back, we\u2019re going to find out how deep that entitlement mindset went in their hearts. Stay tuned. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. You\u2019ve heard of the name, \u201cRockefeller\u201d; right? There was a time in history where John D. Rockefeller was one of the richest men in the world. He was asked this question: \u201cHow much money do you need?\u201d His answer was: \u201cJust one more dollar.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe <em>all<\/em> tend to live that way; don\u2019t we? Well, I don\u2019t want to say <em>all<\/em>\u2014but a <em>lot<\/em> of us tend to live that way\u2014\u201cIf we just had one more dollar,\u201d \u201c\u2026one more dress,\u201d \u201c\u2026one more pair of shoes,\u201d \u201c\u2026one more set of tools,\u201d \u201c\u2026one more guitar amplifier,\u201d\u2014you get\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sound Engineer:<\/strong> \u2014not a guitar amplifier. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014you get the idea; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve been listening to Kristen Welch share her story about her family\u2019s <em>entitlement<\/em>. That entitlement went deeper than she ever imagined. Here\u2019s Kristen, continuing her story with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your travelling in third-world countries that you did\u2014and then, that you\u2019ve done as a family\u2014that does have a way of forcing the reality of all of our entitlement mentalities to the surface. You can\u2019t travel to a place like Kenya, where you\u2019ve done a lot of work, without coming home and going, \u201cWe take a ton for granted!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Right; and I think what\u2014when I look back on that day\u2014it wasn\u2019t just my kid\u2019s entitlement that I saw; it was my own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; in fact, I want you to comment on something there. It was when you and your husband <em>named<\/em> it and started calling it what it was\u2014not only with your kids, but between you two\u2014that it really was transformational in your marriage and family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Yes, it was something that I was struggling with; and it had started early in my marriage that I saw that I was struggling with entitlement. Probably one of the first times that I noticed it was an issue for me was our\/one of our first Christmases together. We didn\u2019t have a lot of money for gifts for each other, but we allotted a small amount of money and decided to buy each other gifts with that amount of money. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI took that $100 bill and I bought as <em>many<\/em> gifts as I could for my husband. I bought him an old Risk<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> game off of e-bay\u2014he loved to play Risk, but it was like an antique Risk game\u2014just little things that he loved. I got as <em>many<\/em> gifts\u2014again, this is how I\u2019m processing like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you had a collection; you had seven, eight, nine gifts; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Yes; on Christmas morning, we were with his family. Everyone\u2019s taking turns opening gifts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I see where this is going. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> No one is bringing me any gifts. As everyone\u2019s taking turns\u2014and I\u2019m a\/that\u2019s my love language\u2014I <em>love<\/em> gifts. He\u2019s opening nine or ten gifts, and we have gifts for his family. The adults weren\u2019t exchanging gifts; so literally, I had <em>nothing<\/em> in my pile. He walks over\u2014after everything is done\u2014he walks over to the Christmas tree and pulls an ornament off the tree. Inside the ornament it\u2019s a pearl necklace. I said, \u201cThank you\u201d; and then I went to the bathroom, and I cried; because it wasn\u2019t enough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Come on!\u2014a pearl necklace?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> I know; I know. He probably shopped a great sale and used coupons; but I think I equated love and gifts with stuff\u2014and a lot of stuff\u2014not necessarily one meaningful gift. It was very immature, and I was very young. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was really\u2014up until around the time of the boot story\u2014my next-door neighbor called me over to her house. This is maybe 15 years later that this has been <em>growing<\/em> in me; 15 years later, my next-door neighbor called me over to come show me her new wood floors. This is someone who was probably 20 years older than me at the time. They had paid for their house; they had lived in the same house all of these years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe open the front door to her house, and her kitchen remodel was gorgeous: new appliances, new backsplash, the countertops and her floors were glorious! I just walked around, my mouth open, and loved every bit of it. I walked\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and then you went back to your house. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> \u2014open my front door. This is what I said to my husband: \u201cWe need to redo our floors. While we\u2019re at it, our kitchen needs some work too.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cnew appliances\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cnew appliances\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can I tell you: \u201cThis never stops\u201d? We had this conversation, this week, at our house, where Mary Ann had\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you had some <em>early<\/em> ones in your marriage, too, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been through this! I mean, this is a cycle that you get in; you do have to keep reminding yourself of what\u2019s true. Mary Ann had just come back from a friend\u2019s house, where a remodel had been done. She calls me over and says, \u201cLook at here\/at our baseboards, where this doesn\u2019t\u2026.\u201d and \u201c\u2026this\u2026\u201d and \u201c...this is always...\u201d I go, \u201cWe\u2019re here again; aren\u2019t we?\u201d Then she said to herself, \u201cAnd there are people, who would love to live in a house like our house.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou juxtapose an entitlement mentality with a gratitude mentality. Just explain how gratitude works to defeat entitlement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen: <\/strong>I think gratitude <em>is<\/em> the opposite of entitlement. I think being thankful for what we have\u2014saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d and meaning it\u2014finding ways to count our blessings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen my kids are going through a hard time, or they\u2019re having a bad day, or they\u2019re feeling discouraged, one of the first things I tell them to do is: \u201cOkay; yes, I hear the situation that you\u2019ve just said. You\u2019re right; it\u2019s hard!\u201d Try to validate what they\u2019re saying; but at the same time: \u201cWhat can you look at in this situation that is good? What can you be thankful for in this situation?\u201d \u201cOkay; so this teacher is really hard, but what can you be thankful for?\u2014there\u2019s tutoring after school, or your dad\u2019s really great at math.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cThere\u2019s only two months left in the semester.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cSummer is coming.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we look at our lives that way, and we try to find something to be thankful for\u2014we count our blessings\u2014it makes us realize what we <em>have<\/em>. We do little things\/practical things in our house: we do high\u2019s and low\u2019s of our day. While we\u2019re sitting around, eating dinner together, everyone goes around, and we all share one high and one low of the day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can get that way\u2014we always share the low first so that we can end on the high\u2014because there\u2019s\u00a0always\u00a0something in every day we can be thankful for, even if it\u2019s a <em>really<\/em> bad day. You can keep a gratitude journal that we then\u2014we write in it\u2014and then at Thanksgiving or at Christmas, we\u2019ll pull that out. We\u2019ll laugh at the things we wrote down six months ago that we were grateful for. There\u2019s always something to be thankful for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I keep thinking of Philippians 4. Paul, who had been in prison as well as having lived in nice places, said [paraphrase]: \u201cI\u2019ve learned that contentment doesn\u2019t come from what bed you\u2019re sleeping on at night or what you had to eat for dinner last night. Contentment comes from knowing who God is and from having your value, your worth, your strength\u2014all of that\u2014found in Him.\u201d That\u2019s a great section of Scripture\u2014not just to help your kids memorize\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the <em>secret<\/em> of being content is something we <em>all<\/em> have to learn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; I just want to ask you about the secret of being content. If you had one piece of advice\u2014for a mom, dad, grandparent listening right now to our broadcast; maybe it\u2019s a single person or a young married couple, who\u2019s listening, who are struggling with this in their apartment\/where they\u2019re living\u2014what is the best piece of advice you could give? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got it\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cTurn the car around and take the boots back\u2014[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [with emphasis]\u2014\u201c<em>until you get your attitude right, young man<\/em>!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Yes; that does work! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That does work! Or \u201cGo pull out all the weeds.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That works! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> I think\u2014I don\u2019t know if you can narrow it down to one key\u2014but for us\/for my family, it\u2019s been the word, \u201cperspective.\u201d We don\u2019t have to teach our kids how to compare themselves to other people\u2014we don\u2019t have to teach <em>ourselves<\/em> how to compare ourselves\u2014we do that naturally. We are <em>very<\/em> good at seeing what other people have and wanting what they have. It\u2019s the tenth commandment: not to covet what our neighbor has. We are excellent at that [coveting], but what we\u2019re not so great at is comparing ourselves to people with <em>less<\/em>. When we do that, we put ourselves in the middle\u2014and we can see: \u201cOkay, this person has more; but this person has less,\u201d\u2014and we find ourselves in the middle. Perspective is really the birthplace of gratitude, because it makes us thankful for what we have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy kids were serving with their church youth group. They were helping to rebuild a house in Texas from all the flooding that we just encountered. They were ripping out sheet rock, and they were pulling up rotten floors. I got a text from my 16-year-old daughter. I picked up my phone, just making sure that they were okay; because it\u2019s always sort of scary, sending your kids off to do these things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer text stopped me in my tracks\u2014it said: \u201cMom, did you know there are people in our town, who don\u2019t have floors?\u201d\u2014this is a kid who, it\u2019s easy for her to compare herself to people with more. It\u2019s easy for our culture of kids to compare\u2014you know: \u201cSo-and-so has the latest iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>,\u201d or \u201c\u2026the most advanced Xbox<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>,\u201d or whatever it is\u2014and they feel like they have less. But when she saw that someone didn\u2019t have floors, when she came home that day, she lay down on the floor; and she was like, \u201cI\u2019m so glad we have floors!\u201d It was just perspective: it was reminding her that there was always going to be someone with more, but there\u2019s <em>always<\/em> someone with less. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s the <em>key<\/em>; we have to break out of our bubbles. I love my family; I love my kids; I try my best to be an intentional parent. I spent the first ten years doing everything I could to raise a godly family, but I didn\u2019t do it very often outside of my four walls\u2014I didn\u2019t focus on others; I didn\u2019t give my kids opportunities to see how other people live\u2014I think I did them a disservice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, the key has been throwing open those doors, raising the windows, getting to know our neighbors and finding places to serve and to give to others. That has brought perspective like nothing else has. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Kristen Welch with an incredible life-changing story about entitlement and how they went from the entitlement mentality to: \u201cHow do we look around and see the world outside of our home?\u201d and \u201cHow do we reach out to our neighbors?\u201d \u201cHow do we give?\u201d \u201cHow do we be charitable?\u201d \u201cHow do we be kind?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s Thanksgiving week, or we\u2019re looking towards Thanksgiving. I challenge you to be thanking about that, too: be looking for where <em>you<\/em> can be giving\u2014not just of your time, not just of your finances\u2014but maybe of your stuff. Maybe look around, and until Christmas day, give away one item a day or one item a week. Also, have that conversation with your spouse about what Christmas will look like\u2014what <em>really<\/em> needs to be on the Christmas list\u2014and what might be <em>too<\/em> much that continues to entitle our children. Just something to think about on this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins; our founder, Dennis Rainey; along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator, all of which do not have problems with stuff or entitlement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sound Engineer:<\/strong> Haahh! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:00"],"show_notes":[""],"filesize":["25.64M"],"filesize_raw":["26882096"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307304.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307304.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Welch talks about how entitlement showed up in their family, and how she and her husband worked to foster gratitude in their children's hearts.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-11-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> That is <em>exactly<\/em> what my husband said. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Did he?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> He did! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> He said, \u201cThis is going to stop right now, and you\u2019ve lost your boots.\u201d And my child from the back seat, \u201cBut what about grace?\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> I said, \u201cGrace was getting you the boots in the first place!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There you go! That\u2019s right; \u201cThis is mercy that you\u2019re not getting a <em>spanking<\/em> in addition!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Exactly! Mercy is taking them away. [Laughter] My husband\u2014I looked at him\u2014I could tell by the tilt of his chin that I better just be quiet and let him have this moment. His tone\u2014he\u2019s more of a quiet guy\u2014so I knew he was very serious. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> He just said, \u201cThat\u2019s it. If you want these boots, you\u2019re going to have to work for them; because what we gave in grace and love has now become something that we\u2019re taking away because of your ungrateful heart. If <em>you<\/em> want them back\u2014if you don\u2019t want them back, that\u2019s fine\u2014but if you do, it\u2019s going to cost you something.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting\u2014as you tell that story\u2014I\u2019m thinking of the nation of Israel grumbling in the wilderness. God still gave them manna and quail\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and that was what they needed to survive\u2014but there was blessing withheld from the nation because of their grumbling and their disobedience. It\u2019s not inappropriate for us, as parents, to say, \u201cWhen you have an ungrateful heart\u2014when you do grumble, and whine, and complain\u2014life will not go as well for you as it otherwise would.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Right. That\u2019s exactly\u2014it was really a growing issue\u2014that we just weren\u2019t sure how to deal with other than just the sending them to their room, or writing sentences, or trying\/pulling every resource we had from our tool belt. We knew that the siblings had their boots, and they were keeping them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was special; this was something that wasn\u2019t going to come along again: \u201cIf you want to work for them, then you can have them.\u201d My husband pointed out\u2014we were home at that time\u2014and he put the boots up on the laundry shelf\/high in the laundry room, and pointed to the backyard and the front yard. We live in humid, wet Houston. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen: <\/strong>He said, \u201cIf you want the boots, you have three days to pull all the weeds in both the front and back yard.\u201d It was spring\u2014we hadn\u2019t really started our yardwork after winter\u2014it was a big job! My heart sank; because I knew that we\u2019re dealing with a strong-willed child here, who would really have to want those boots. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You thought you might bow her back at this point\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> I did! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and not ever get them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> That\u2019s sort of the battle ground that you wager with kids, especially strong-willed kids; you know? Giving a <em>choice<\/em> was also the one, I think, secret weapon we had; because knowing that she could walk away, gave her power. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How many years did it take before she earned them? [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Well, to make matters worse, it was <em>raining<\/em> that day. She waited a few hours and, as a mom, I was\/I was <em>heartbroken<\/em> for my daughter; you know? I was sad, because it was <em>such<\/em> a good day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> You hate ending a special day that way; but as a parent, I was very proud. It was the day that we called out entitlement in our home. It was the day that we waged war against it. Everything changed from that moment on. When I heard the front door open, and I saw her walk out into the rain, in work clothes, and kneel down and start pulling weeds, I\u2019d felt like we\u2019d\/we\u2019d won! It wasn\u2019t a\u2014you know when you win\u2014you also have a loser. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> But I didn\u2019t feel like my daughter had lost; I feel like <em>she<\/em> won too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She had learned a valuable lesson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> She had learned a valuable lesson, and it took about three days for her to pull all those weeds. It was extreme; it was harsh; but if we paid her by the hour, that\u2019s probably what she would have earned to get those\/those boots back. When my husband handed them to her, he said, \u201cWe will <em>never<\/em> take these away from you again, because you earned them.\u201d It was a good lesson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> As you look at moms and dads, and young people growing up today, do you think entitlement is a bigger issue today than when Bob and I raised our families? It was affluent back then\u2014they had a lot of options\/a lot of choices\u2014we may have not had the electronics that you have today. What are you seeing and hearing from other moms and their families? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> I do think it\u2019s a bigger problem; it seems to be a bigger problem than even when I was a child. I think technology has a lot to do with it\u2014we can have everything instantaneously\u2014we can download everything we want. We can have the internet in our back pocket; we don\u2019t have to wait and get home, and dial up, and wait to connect. We can watch Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> in the car. We can have what we want when we want it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we\u2019ve pacified our kids with technology to the point of making it easy\/it is easier for us. There\u2019s no doubt that, as parents, it\u2019s easier to give in than to stand firm. I think, with advances in technology, it has made it more convenient for us to make that choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said the cowboy boot incident was the day you addressed entitlement in your home. Do you look back on that as a turning point, where you first said, \u201cWe\u2019ve got an issue here that we\u2019ve got to dig out at the roots\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Yes; definitely. It was a turning point for our family. I think, up until that point, we thought it was a phase, or a stage, or \u201cThis is what all kids experience\u201d; but really, it was something that had a grasp\/a grip on our family. We were in a season, where we were travelling a lot overseas, and exposing our kids to other cultures and countries, and the way that other people live. Through that, it just <em>magnified<\/em> the entitlement. It was like putting a magnifying glass on this\/this attitude. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Some scary stuff; huh?\u2014Kristen Welch talking about entitlement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to take a quick break; but when we come back, we\u2019re going to find out how deep that entitlement mindset went in their hearts. Stay tuned. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. You\u2019ve heard of the name, \u201cRockefeller\u201d; right? There was a time in history where John D. Rockefeller was one of the richest men in the world. He was asked this question: \u201cHow much money do you need?\u201d His answer was: \u201cJust one more dollar.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe <em>all<\/em> tend to live that way; don\u2019t we? Well, I don\u2019t want to say <em>all<\/em>\u2014but a <em>lot<\/em> of us tend to live that way\u2014\u201cIf we just had one more dollar,\u201d \u201c\u2026one more dress,\u201d \u201c\u2026one more pair of shoes,\u201d \u201c\u2026one more set of tools,\u201d \u201c\u2026one more guitar amplifier,\u201d\u2014you get\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sound Engineer:<\/strong> \u2014not a guitar amplifier. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014you get the idea; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve been listening to Kristen Welch share her story about her family\u2019s <em>entitlement<\/em>. That entitlement went deeper than she ever imagined. Here\u2019s Kristen, continuing her story with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your travelling in third-world countries that you did\u2014and then, that you\u2019ve done as a family\u2014that does have a way of forcing the reality of all of our entitlement mentalities to the surface. You can\u2019t travel to a place like Kenya, where you\u2019ve done a lot of work, without coming home and going, \u201cWe take a ton for granted!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Right; and I think what\u2014when I look back on that day\u2014it wasn\u2019t just my kid\u2019s entitlement that I saw; it was my own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; in fact, I want you to comment on something there. It was when you and your husband <em>named<\/em> it and started calling it what it was\u2014not only with your kids, but between you two\u2014that it really was transformational in your marriage and family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Yes, it was something that I was struggling with; and it had started early in my marriage that I saw that I was struggling with entitlement. Probably one of the first times that I noticed it was an issue for me was our\/one of our first Christmases together. We didn\u2019t have a lot of money for gifts for each other, but we allotted a small amount of money and decided to buy each other gifts with that amount of money. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI took that $100 bill and I bought as <em>many<\/em> gifts as I could for my husband. I bought him an old Risk<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> game off of e-bay\u2014he loved to play Risk, but it was like an antique Risk game\u2014just little things that he loved. I got as <em>many<\/em> gifts\u2014again, this is how I\u2019m processing like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you had a collection; you had seven, eight, nine gifts; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Yes; on Christmas morning, we were with his family. Everyone\u2019s taking turns opening gifts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I see where this is going. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> No one is bringing me any gifts. As everyone\u2019s taking turns\u2014and I\u2019m a\/that\u2019s my love language\u2014I <em>love<\/em> gifts. He\u2019s opening nine or ten gifts, and we have gifts for his family. The adults weren\u2019t exchanging gifts; so literally, I had <em>nothing<\/em> in my pile. He walks over\u2014after everything is done\u2014he walks over to the Christmas tree and pulls an ornament off the tree. Inside the ornament it\u2019s a pearl necklace. I said, \u201cThank you\u201d; and then I went to the bathroom, and I cried; because it wasn\u2019t enough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Come on!\u2014a pearl necklace?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> I know; I know. He probably shopped a great sale and used coupons; but I think I equated love and gifts with stuff\u2014and a lot of stuff\u2014not necessarily one meaningful gift. It was very immature, and I was very young. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was really\u2014up until around the time of the boot story\u2014my next-door neighbor called me over to her house. This is maybe 15 years later that this has been <em>growing<\/em> in me; 15 years later, my next-door neighbor called me over to come show me her new wood floors. This is someone who was probably 20 years older than me at the time. They had paid for their house; they had lived in the same house all of these years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe open the front door to her house, and her kitchen remodel was gorgeous: new appliances, new backsplash, the countertops and her floors were glorious! I just walked around, my mouth open, and loved every bit of it. I walked\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and then you went back to your house. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> \u2014open my front door. This is what I said to my husband: \u201cWe need to redo our floors. While we\u2019re at it, our kitchen needs some work too.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cnew appliances\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cnew appliances\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can I tell you: \u201cThis never stops\u201d? We had this conversation, this week, at our house, where Mary Ann had\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you had some <em>early<\/em> ones in your marriage, too, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been through this! I mean, this is a cycle that you get in; you do have to keep reminding yourself of what\u2019s true. Mary Ann had just come back from a friend\u2019s house, where a remodel had been done. She calls me over and says, \u201cLook at here\/at our baseboards, where this doesn\u2019t\u2026.\u201d and \u201c\u2026this\u2026\u201d and \u201c...this is always...\u201d I go, \u201cWe\u2019re here again; aren\u2019t we?\u201d Then she said to herself, \u201cAnd there are people, who would love to live in a house like our house.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou juxtapose an entitlement mentality with a gratitude mentality. Just explain how gratitude works to defeat entitlement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen: <\/strong>I think gratitude <em>is<\/em> the opposite of entitlement. I think being thankful for what we have\u2014saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d and meaning it\u2014finding ways to count our blessings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen my kids are going through a hard time, or they\u2019re having a bad day, or they\u2019re feeling discouraged, one of the first things I tell them to do is: \u201cOkay; yes, I hear the situation that you\u2019ve just said. You\u2019re right; it\u2019s hard!\u201d Try to validate what they\u2019re saying; but at the same time: \u201cWhat can you look at in this situation that is good? What can you be thankful for in this situation?\u201d \u201cOkay; so this teacher is really hard, but what can you be thankful for?\u2014there\u2019s tutoring after school, or your dad\u2019s really great at math.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cThere\u2019s only two months left in the semester.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cSummer is coming.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we look at our lives that way, and we try to find something to be thankful for\u2014we count our blessings\u2014it makes us realize what we <em>have<\/em>. We do little things\/practical things in our house: we do high\u2019s and low\u2019s of our day. While we\u2019re sitting around, eating dinner together, everyone goes around, and we all share one high and one low of the day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can get that way\u2014we always share the low first so that we can end on the high\u2014because there\u2019s\u00a0always\u00a0something in every day we can be thankful for, even if it\u2019s a <em>really<\/em> bad day. You can keep a gratitude journal that we then\u2014we write in it\u2014and then at Thanksgiving or at Christmas, we\u2019ll pull that out. We\u2019ll laugh at the things we wrote down six months ago that we were grateful for. There\u2019s always something to be thankful for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I keep thinking of Philippians 4. Paul, who had been in prison as well as having lived in nice places, said [paraphrase]: \u201cI\u2019ve learned that contentment doesn\u2019t come from what bed you\u2019re sleeping on at night or what you had to eat for dinner last night. Contentment comes from knowing who God is and from having your value, your worth, your strength\u2014all of that\u2014found in Him.\u201d That\u2019s a great section of Scripture\u2014not just to help your kids memorize\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the <em>secret<\/em> of being content is something we <em>all<\/em> have to learn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; I just want to ask you about the secret of being content. If you had one piece of advice\u2014for a mom, dad, grandparent listening right now to our broadcast; maybe it\u2019s a single person or a young married couple, who\u2019s listening, who are struggling with this in their apartment\/where they\u2019re living\u2014what is the best piece of advice you could give? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got it\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cTurn the car around and take the boots back\u2014[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [with emphasis]\u2014\u201c<em>until you get your attitude right, young man<\/em>!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> Yes; that does work! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That does work! Or \u201cGo pull out all the weeds.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That works! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong> I think\u2014I don\u2019t know if you can narrow it down to one key\u2014but for us\/for my family, it\u2019s been the word, \u201cperspective.\u201d We don\u2019t have to teach our kids how to compare themselves to other people\u2014we don\u2019t have to teach <em>ourselves<\/em> how to compare ourselves\u2014we do that naturally. We are <em>very<\/em> good at seeing what other people have and wanting what they have. It\u2019s the tenth commandment: not to covet what our neighbor has. We are excellent at that [coveting], but what we\u2019re not so great at is comparing ourselves to people with <em>less<\/em>. When we do that, we put ourselves in the middle\u2014and we can see: \u201cOkay, this person has more; but this person has less,\u201d\u2014and we find ourselves in the middle. Perspective is really the birthplace of gratitude, because it makes us thankful for what we have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy kids were serving with their church youth group. They were helping to rebuild a house in Texas from all the flooding that we just encountered. They were ripping out sheet rock, and they were pulling up rotten floors. I got a text from my 16-year-old daughter. I picked up my phone, just making sure that they were okay; because it\u2019s always sort of scary, sending your kids off to do these things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer text stopped me in my tracks\u2014it said: \u201cMom, did you know there are people in our town, who don\u2019t have floors?\u201d\u2014this is a kid who, it\u2019s easy for her to compare herself to people with more. It\u2019s easy for our culture of kids to compare\u2014you know: \u201cSo-and-so has the latest iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>,\u201d or \u201c\u2026the most advanced Xbox<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>,\u201d or whatever it is\u2014and they feel like they have less. But when she saw that someone didn\u2019t have floors, when she came home that day, she lay down on the floor; and she was like, \u201cI\u2019m so glad we have floors!\u201d It was just perspective: it was reminding her that there was always going to be someone with more, but there\u2019s <em>always<\/em> someone with less. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s the <em>key<\/em>; we have to break out of our bubbles. I love my family; I love my kids; I try my best to be an intentional parent. I spent the first ten years doing everything I could to raise a godly family, but I didn\u2019t do it very often outside of my four walls\u2014I didn\u2019t focus on others; I didn\u2019t give my kids opportunities to see how other people live\u2014I think I did them a disservice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, the key has been throwing open those doors, raising the windows, getting to know our neighbors and finding places to serve and to give to others. That has brought perspective like nothing else has. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Kristen Welch with an incredible life-changing story about entitlement and how they went from the entitlement mentality to: \u201cHow do we look around and see the world outside of our home?\u201d and \u201cHow do we reach out to our neighbors?\u201d \u201cHow do we give?\u201d \u201cHow do we be charitable?\u201d \u201cHow do we be kind?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s Thanksgiving week, or we\u2019re looking towards Thanksgiving. I challenge you to be thanking about that, too: be looking for where <em>you<\/em> can be giving\u2014not just of your time, not just of your finances\u2014but maybe of your stuff. Maybe look around, and until Christmas day, give away one item a day or one item a week. Also, have that conversation with your spouse about what Christmas will look like\u2014what <em>really<\/em> needs to be on the Christmas list\u2014and what might be <em>too<\/em> much that continues to entitle our children. Just something to think about on this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins; our founder, Dennis Rainey; along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator, all of which do not have problems with stuff or entitlement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sound Engineer:<\/strong> Haahh! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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