{"id":307293,"date":"2021-11-11T08:04:49","date_gmt":"2021-11-11T13:04:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/feeling-the-father-void\/"},"modified":"2021-11-11T08:04:49","modified_gmt":"2021-11-11T13:04:49","slug":"feeling-the-father-void","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/feeling-the-father-void\/","title":{"rendered":"Feeling the Father Void"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ray McKelvy tells his story about not knowing his real father and being the man of the house. Another father figure stepped into his life, only to then separate from his mom, and the devastation that left him searching for his identity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-11-11.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:35:24","filesize":"32.41M","filesize_raw":"33989383","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2830,2894],"tags":[4033,4798,2209],"podcast_series":[8488],"cwp_profile":[],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307293","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-children-of-divorce","category-stepfamily-living","tag-divorce","tag-kids","tag-parenting","podcast_series-whos-my-daddy","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307293\/feeling-the-father-void","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307293\/feeling-the-father-void","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"1fWZO4Qxsa\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/feeling-the-father-void\/\">Feeling the Father Void<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/feeling-the-father-void\/embed\/#?secret=1fWZO4Qxsa\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Feeling the Father Void&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"1fWZO4Qxsa\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-11-11.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-11-11.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So we did something a little bit different this year; you went to a counselor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Why did you go? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Why are you bringing this up on air? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think this is good, because we both ended up going; but I think the reason is good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou went to a counselor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; as I sat down with Greg, my counselor, I told him, \u201cI should have done this in my 30s.\u201d He said: \u201cDoesn\u2019t matter; you\u2019re doing it now,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s a really, really good thing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things he did that I so valued was he connected my present to my past. He walked me through my upbringing\u2014and having no dad, and a single mom, and the death of my brother\u2014and all of these kinds of things\u2014blended family with my stepmom. It really connected a lot of dots for me. I felt like, again, \u201cI wish I had done it years ago\u201d; but you know what? I did it now, and it was awesome. In fact, we <em>both<\/em> did it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, we did. Because things happened in my past that are affecting my present. There is something about going to the past, and really talking about your story, that bring things up that you realize, \u201cWow! That\u2019s still affecting me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The <em>good<\/em> thing is: \u201cToday, we\u2019ve got the expert! Mr. Ron Deal is in the house.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron is always one of my <em>favorites<\/em>, because he puts you on the couch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014puts me on the couch?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\u2014like, \u201cOh, Ron,\u201d\u2014and me too, honestly\u2014he\u2019s just so good at drawing things out and helping us realize: \u201cThis is where God is working in the midst.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> The good thing is I\u2019m not on the couch today. [Laughter] I\u2019m just passing the baton over to Ron, because Ron is the head of blended family ministry of FamilyLife. What a <em>privilege<\/em> to have you as part of FamilyLife, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Your ministry is one of the best <em>in the world<\/em>. You have a podcast, and you sat down with somebody that really goes back into their life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, wait, Ron. Tell us about your podcast, because I have been telling everyone about this that is in a blended situation; and they are raving about it and are talking about how helpful it has been. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is the name of the podcast; it comes out every other week. We take deep dives on a number of different subjects. Every once in a while, we like to share one of those podcasts with the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> audience, which is what we are doing today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so tell us: \u201cWhat are we going to listen to today?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The narrative we are going to hear is from Ray and Robyn McKelvy. Now, they are friends of FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We <em>love<\/em> Ray and Robyn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They\u2019ve been on our FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> speaker team. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> They\u2019ve spoken on our cruise\u2014that\u2019s right\u2014they do lots of great things. Ray is a pastor at a church in Nashville. He is the lead pastor of Christ for the Nations Church, a multiethnic church. They\u2019ve got ten kids; so they are busy, and they do lots of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to tell you what was kind of behind the scenes. Ray told me, after we did this conversation about his childhood, growing up in a blended family, that he connected dots to his present and his past in ways that he really hadn\u2019t in a long time. Some new insights came as we talked. When we started the conversation, I asked him to tell his life story from the vantage point of being a child. I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014that changes some things\u2014right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, it really does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> What it does is it forces us to go: \u201cYou know what? This is the way I remember it, and this is how I made meaning out of that. This is the\/here is the identity I drew out of these moments in my life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you as an adult, get to say, \u201cBut is that really the way it is? What\u2019s God\u2019s truth on this?\u201d As children, we kind of have a skewed perspective. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Sometimes, we need to revisit that in order to say, \u201cNow, let me put God\u2019s truth\u2026let me grow up.\u201d First Corinthians 13, verse 11, kind of gives us that little thing; Paul says, \u201cWhen I was a child, I spoke like a child; I thought like a child; I reasoned like a child.\u201d Yes, we pretty much all do that\u2014right?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014we do what children do. \u201cWhen I became a man, I gave up childish ways\u201d; there is a lot embedded, I think, in that statement. One of the things we have to learn to do, as adults, is put away some of the conclusions that we drew about ourselves as children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRay is going to talk about his journey with his family\u2014the man he thought was his dad, only to discover there is somebody else\u2014right?\u2014there are family secrets embedded. It\u2019s a very interesting story; and in it, he is questioning: \u201cWho am I? Where do I fit? What does this mean?\u201d At the end of it, you are going to discover the adult, mature, Christian man\u2019s point of view of what he remembered as a child. It\u2019s really a marvelous journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, let\u2019s listen to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Blended <\/em>Podcast] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I grew up in a home; my mom was 15 years old when she got pregnant. At the age of 16, she had me prematurely; so right off the bat, being born into a single parent home. My mother and father got married a year or two after I was born; I grew up in a home with teenagers, basically, as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m the oldest; so I\u2019ve always been in charge\/always been the one who was responsible. I would pick up my three-year-old sister from preschool, walk home,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> \u2014go to the apartment, lock the door back, make sure everyone got their chores done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> How old were you at this time? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Seven, eight, and nine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; even from a child\u2019s vantage point, how did you experience all that emotional instability? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I mean, trying to put on my kid\u2019s eyes or heart, it was normal; it was all I knew. It wasn\u2019t like I would go around, thinking, \u201cOh, wait a minute; this isn\u2019t the way normal families work\u201d; this is all I knew. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I can tell you <em>fear<\/em> was a <em>huge<\/em> part; fear drove everything, because I didn\u2019t know what the emotional climate would be when they would come home; I didn\u2019t know. So I lived my life avoiding anger: \u201cWhat can I do to bring stability?\u201d \u201cI am going to keep peace.\u201d If I have to control my brother and sister in order to do that, I would. I was pretty much a straight-A student; did what I was supposed to at school, and I just didn\u2019t want to rock the boat at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Robyn, so as he is talking, what are you thinking? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robyn:<\/strong> One of the things that I hear Ray talking about is how he kept the peace, but there was a <em>reason<\/em> why he needed to keep the peace. He didn\u2019t say that his dad was an alcoholic. There was so much turmoil, because he would come home drunk and be ready to start a fight. All of those things were: \u201cHow can I keep it where nobody is injured?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of the things we are finding out, even to this day, are because of some of those past injuries that happened\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robyn:<\/strong> \u2014at a time when the family was in the middle of a fight. I want him to share his feelings about that\u2014because you have some\u2014and when you are eight years old and you\u2019re trying to box your daddy so you can protect your mom\u2014those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Well, specifically, there was really a turning point when my parents divorced. It really centered around physical violence began to escalate between my mother and father. From a kid\u2019s standpoint, it appeared to me that it was around whenever he would drink. It wasn\u2019t like this <em>all<\/em> the time, but it became more frequent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember one particular incident\u2014and that\u2019s when it just wells up so much emotion every time I recall it\u2014but I remember him coming home, and there was just <em>chaos<\/em>. I walked into our apartment living room, and he was physically fighting my mother. I remember as\u2014I was eight or nine or somewhere in there\u2014and I jumped in to protect her. In an instant, without him even thinking about it, he turned and started to fight me as if I were another man. I mean, there is blood, and tears, and screaming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we hear sirens. Our neighbors heard what was going on; somebody called the police. As the sirens got closer to our home, my dad started running toward the front door. I yelled out to him, \u201cI don\u2019t <em>ever<\/em> want you to be my daddy.\u201d Then I remember saying it again, \u201cI don\u2019t <em>ever<\/em> want you to be my daddy.\u201d That was <em>monumental<\/em>; and it was the last time that our family, in that way, was ever together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You are listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with Ray and Robyn McKelvy. Boy, I feel like I\u2019m watching a movie;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you know? But it\u2019s Ray\u2019s <em>life<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou talk about connecting the dots. You know what is really interesting for me\u2014I\u2019ve known Ray for a couple of decades\u2014I had <em>no<\/em> idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would have <em>never<\/em> thought that was in his past, which is going to be interesting to hear the rest of this story; because something <em>great<\/em> has transpired from <em>then<\/em> to now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Don\u2019t you think it\u2019s a good journey sometimes to unload the past that we hide from everybody in our adult world? That doesn\u2019t mean we should be indiscriminate and share everything that has gone on in our life with everyone; we need to choose carefully who we unload things to. But it is interesting how we can know somebody for a long time and really not know them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting too, as I hear that last sentence\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t <em>ever<\/em> want you to be my daddy,\u201d\u2014how does that not affect your future? He has carried that; I\u2019m sure he carried that for years, without acknowledging the affect it had on him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; as we continue to listen, we are going to hear more of the story and how that rolls into the next season of his life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The suspense is killing me. [Laughter] Let\u2019s go; let\u2019s hear the rest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Blended <\/em>Podcast] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know whose quote this is: \u201cWhen a father leaves a home, he takes a piece of his son with him.\u201d So there is just like this <em>hole<\/em> that is there that you kind of spend your life trying to patch up or to fill\u2014and so, even though I didn\u2019t <em>want<\/em> him there\u2014I, for the first time, began to <em>feel<\/em> this void and this hole. I never will forget\u2014my mom <em>had<\/em> to go to work\u2014and she said, \u201cI don\u2019t care who comes to the door. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember my dad came back to the apartment. He had knocked; and he said, \u201cThis is your daddy.\u201d Well, what did I do? I opened the door; because I still felt that way\u2014even though I had yelled out: \u201cI don\u2019t <em>ever<\/em> want you to be my daddy,\u201d\u2014but at the same time, there was an instability that was brought with him being absent. I ended up having to go to court to testify against him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That is so difficult\/so traumatic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> It is! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is such a lose-lose for a kid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ray:<\/strong> It really is. I don\u2019t, again, remember all the details; but they were divorced. Shortly after that, my mom started dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was <em>ten<\/em>, my mom met another man that I totally adored. They ended up getting married, and I <em>loved<\/em> him. For the first time, I was like: \u201cWe have\u201d\u2014I\u2019ll show my age now\u2014\u201cWe have the <em>Leave It to Beaver<\/em> family now.\u201d [Laughter] My mom was able to not work outside the home, and dinner was ready when we got home. It just felt like, \u201cWow! We have a family; this is the way it should be.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I had a sense, just because of my hypersensitivity to my atmosphere, I began to sense that my mom and stepdad\u2014it didn\u2019t feel right to me\u2014so I wrote them a three-page letter. I entitled it: \u201cHow to Keep Your Marriage Together\u201d; because I was very adept at picking up tones. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I would be the one\u2014if their voices raised <em>at all<\/em>\u2014I would be the one who would sit up in the bed and go, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on? What\u2019s happening?\u201d I began to hear more of <em>that<\/em>, even though they were together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wrote them this letter, slipped it under their bedroom door. The next day, I remember them sitting down, talking to me, going, \u201cThings are fine; this isn\u2019t your responsibility. We\u2019re okay.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSure enough\u2014I don\u2019t know: a couple of months\/two or three months later\u2014my stepdad\u2014if I have the story correct\u2014I was about to leave the house. He says, \u201cHey, I need you to go with me.\u201d I said, \u201cWhere?\u201d He said, \u201cJust get in the car.\u201d We got in the car\/our little Volkswagen. We drove, and we ended up\/we are at the grocery store. We got out of the car, and he just started putting groceries in the cart without saying a word. We filled the cart; he paid for it. We went back; unloaded everything into our Volkswagen; sat down. He shut the door, and I\u2019m waiting for us to take off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI look over, and he has tears running down his face. He said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d; he said [as if crying] \u201cWe\u2019re not going to make it.\u201d He said, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry; your mom and I are <em>not<\/em> going to make it.\u201d [Emotion in voice] I guess I haven\u2019t recalled it in that way in a long time; but I remember, as <em>he<\/em> was crying\u2014because he felt it deeply\u2014I felt it deeply as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember going back to the house. My mom obviously knew what was going on; she never came out of the bedroom. He started unloading the groceries, and I could hear her crying in the bedroom. He immediately started taking his clothes, took out all of his stuff, drove off; and that was that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Literally, it was the death of a marriage; but the death of a family. It fractured everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, yes; did it fracture something in you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Well, I almost felt like, \u201cOkay; strike two on dad\u201d; but I had a strike three. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; so bit of a spoiler here for our listener\u2014because one of the things I know is that this first eight or nine years of your life\u2014you were nine when your parents divorced? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Sometime after that, you are going to discover that the man you called dad is not who you thought he was. Do you want to tell us that story? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I was at school in eighth grade. During this time, I was with a friend; and we were running track at school. That friend said to me, \u201cIs your dad\u2019s name Charles Bush?\u201d I said, \u201cNo! I\u2019ve never even heard of a Charles Bush. He said, \u201cMy mom said your dad\u2019s name is Charles Bush.\u201d Now, his mom and my mom were high school friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ray:<\/strong> So I thought, \u201cThat was really weird; she should know better.\u201d So the next day, my friend came back; and he said, \u201cI went home and told my mom what you said; and she said, \u2018No, your dad\u2019s name is Charles Bush.\u2019\u201d I was like, \u201cI don\u2019t care what your mother said!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo <em>then<\/em>, I was curious enough that I went home\u2014my mom was cooking, and I looked over at her\u2014and I said, \u201cMom, do you know a Charles Bush?\u201d She said, \u201cYes.\u201d I said, \u201cDerek keeps saying that\u2019s my daddy.\u201d Without hesitation\/without looking at me, she said, \u201cHe is.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Wow; now, how old were you at this point? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Thirteen or fourteen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Had your parents split up?\u2014your mom and stepdad? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> It was in the middle of all that; they were still <em>together<\/em> when I found that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; so let\u2019s go back to that moment. Your mom says, \u201cHe is.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> And you feel\/think what? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Honestly, I didn\u2019t feel anything about it; because I had my stepdad. I was like, \u201cOh, that\u2019s weird.\u201d I had never heard that before. It just\/I just didn\u2019t process it as a 13-year-old; I was just like, \u201cOh, okay,\u201d and just kind of moved on. We didn\u2019t talk about it anymore; no one brought it up. I didn\u2019t have any pictures of him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So in your mind, you weren\u2019t going, \u201cWho was Raymond? Who was the guy that was here the first nine years of my life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I had those questions; but because I\u2019m the peace keeper, you don\u2019t ask those questions; because it might upset the apple cart. There is a <em>reason<\/em> why they don\u2019t talk about that, so <em>I<\/em> didn\u2019t talk about it. So again, when I found out, it didn\u2019t mean a lot to me\u2014until their marriage started falling apart\u2014then \u201cWho am I?\u201d, all of a sudden, begins to surface. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where Ron Deal was hearing Ray McKelvy\u2019s story; and boy, oh boy, what a story!\u2014where I think what he gets into, at that last part, is what every man and every woman, really\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014has to wrestle through, regardless of your upbringing: \u201cWho am I?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s my identity?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that identity question\u2014we <em>all<\/em> carry that\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and we\u2019re <em>all<\/em> asking that question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think they can be answered horizontally; I really don\u2019t. We do find identity from our father\u2014I mean, I can relate a lot to what I\u2019m hearing from Ray\u2014I didn\u2019t know who I was; I tried to find it from my dad; I never really got it there. Thank God I found it from my heavenly Father. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It literally changed my life, and I think we are going to find a similar case with Ray in Part Two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think we will; we\u2019re going to hear that next time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to add just a quick thought. You know, Martin Luther, the great reformer, said, \u201cMy dad was hard, unyielding, and relentless; I cannot help but think of God that way.\u201d We, as parents, need to remember\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014that God made us in His image; and then we make God in our image. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf there is consistency and love provided to our children, it gives them a running start on their identity so that then they can\u2014as you said\u2014vertically catch that in their God relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would add Ron that I have two great parents who loved me, who were always there for me; but I was still asking that question. I believe God is the One who answers that question, because He created us; He knows us; and He can also <em>heal<\/em> us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it is always important for us to remember, as we hear stories like the one we\u2019ve heard today from Ray and Robyn McKelvy, it\u2019s helpful to know that God is the One who brings beauty from ashes\u2014that He can bring great healing, and great redemption, and restoration out of those messy family situations\u2014that\u2019s the greatness of our God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is something that Ron Deal points to regularly in the resources that he provides for us. His podcast, which is called <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>, so many of you tune into that podcast regularly. There is a link if you\u2019d like to find out more about the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast\u2014go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014the information is available there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is also information about Ron\u2019s books, including his newest book which is called <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>, which is a guidebook for those who are entering into a blended marriage\/kind of premarital preparation for couples who are beginning a blended marriage and need to grapple with the kinds of questions that have been talked about here today. That book is available online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order it from us, or you can call1-800-FL-TODAY to request your copy. Again, the book is called <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order your copy, or call us at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, one of our goals is to help point you toward Christ to help you deal with the reality of the messiness that is a part of all of our story. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2019s mission is to effectively develop godly marriages and families\u2014that doesn\u2019t mean perfect marriages and families\u2014because there aren\u2019t any. It means marriages and families that keep going to Christ, in the midst of the mess, to find hope and to find help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just want to take a minute to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who make this daily program\/this podcast available for listeners all around the world. Your investment in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is paying rich dividends in the lives, and marriages, and families of hundreds of thousands of people, who are tuning in every day to this program. We are grateful for this partnership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Rebecca McLaughlin\u2019s book, <em>10 Questions Every Ten Should Ask<\/em>. It\u2019s a book we\u2019ve talked about this week, and it\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> resource for parents who are helping to raise children in a confused culture when it comes to spiritual issues. The book is our thank-you gift to you when you donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation. Thanks, in advance, for your support of this ministry; and we look forward to hearing from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to pick up Ray McKelvy\u2019s story where we left it today. We\u2019ll go to when he was 13\u2014and his mom and stepdad are divorced\u2014and the kids are scattered. Ray continues the story tomorrow, along with Ron Deal. I hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:35:24"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["32.41M"],"filesize_raw":["33989383"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307293.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307293.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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McKelvy tells his story about not knowing his real father and being the man of the house. Another father figure stepped into his life, only to then separate from his mom, and the devastation that left him searching for his identity.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-11-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So we did something a little bit different this year; you went to a counselor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Why did you go? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Why are you bringing this up on air? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think this is good, because we both ended up going; but I think the reason is good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou went to a counselor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; as I sat down with Greg, my counselor, I told him, \u201cI should have done this in my 30s.\u201d He said: \u201cDoesn\u2019t matter; you\u2019re doing it now,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s a really, really good thing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things he did that I so valued was he connected my present to my past. He walked me through my upbringing\u2014and having no dad, and a single mom, and the death of my brother\u2014and all of these kinds of things\u2014blended family with my stepmom. It really connected a lot of dots for me. I felt like, again, \u201cI wish I had done it years ago\u201d; but you know what? I did it now, and it was awesome. In fact, we <em>both<\/em> did it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, we did. Because things happened in my past that are affecting my present. There is something about going to the past, and really talking about your story, that bring things up that you realize, \u201cWow! That\u2019s still affecting me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The <em>good<\/em> thing is: \u201cToday, we\u2019ve got the expert! Mr. Ron Deal is in the house.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron is always one of my <em>favorites<\/em>, because he puts you on the couch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014puts me on the couch?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\u2014like, \u201cOh, Ron,\u201d\u2014and me too, honestly\u2014he\u2019s just so good at drawing things out and helping us realize: \u201cThis is where God is working in the midst.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> The good thing is I\u2019m not on the couch today. [Laughter] I\u2019m just passing the baton over to Ron, because Ron is the head of blended family ministry of FamilyLife. What a <em>privilege<\/em> to have you as part of FamilyLife, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Your ministry is one of the best <em>in the world<\/em>. You have a podcast, and you sat down with somebody that really goes back into their life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, wait, Ron. Tell us about your podcast, because I have been telling everyone about this that is in a blended situation; and they are raving about it and are talking about how helpful it has been. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is the name of the podcast; it comes out every other week. We take deep dives on a number of different subjects. Every once in a while, we like to share one of those podcasts with the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> audience, which is what we are doing today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so tell us: \u201cWhat are we going to listen to today?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The narrative we are going to hear is from Ray and Robyn McKelvy. Now, they are friends of FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We <em>love<\/em> Ray and Robyn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They\u2019ve been on our FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> speaker team. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> They\u2019ve spoken on our cruise\u2014that\u2019s right\u2014they do lots of great things. Ray is a pastor at a church in Nashville. He is the lead pastor of Christ for the Nations Church, a multiethnic church. They\u2019ve got ten kids; so they are busy, and they do lots of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to tell you what was kind of behind the scenes. Ray told me, after we did this conversation about his childhood, growing up in a blended family, that he connected dots to his present and his past in ways that he really hadn\u2019t in a long time. Some new insights came as we talked. When we started the conversation, I asked him to tell his life story from the vantage point of being a child. I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014that changes some things\u2014right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, it really does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> What it does is it forces us to go: \u201cYou know what? This is the way I remember it, and this is how I made meaning out of that. This is the\/here is the identity I drew out of these moments in my life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you as an adult, get to say, \u201cBut is that really the way it is? What\u2019s God\u2019s truth on this?\u201d As children, we kind of have a skewed perspective. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Sometimes, we need to revisit that in order to say, \u201cNow, let me put God\u2019s truth\u2026let me grow up.\u201d First Corinthians 13, verse 11, kind of gives us that little thing; Paul says, \u201cWhen I was a child, I spoke like a child; I thought like a child; I reasoned like a child.\u201d Yes, we pretty much all do that\u2014right?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014we do what children do. \u201cWhen I became a man, I gave up childish ways\u201d; there is a lot embedded, I think, in that statement. One of the things we have to learn to do, as adults, is put away some of the conclusions that we drew about ourselves as children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRay is going to talk about his journey with his family\u2014the man he thought was his dad, only to discover there is somebody else\u2014right?\u2014there are family secrets embedded. It\u2019s a very interesting story; and in it, he is questioning: \u201cWho am I? Where do I fit? What does this mean?\u201d At the end of it, you are going to discover the adult, mature, Christian man\u2019s point of view of what he remembered as a child. It\u2019s really a marvelous journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, let\u2019s listen to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Blended <\/em>Podcast] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I grew up in a home; my mom was 15 years old when she got pregnant. At the age of 16, she had me prematurely; so right off the bat, being born into a single parent home. My mother and father got married a year or two after I was born; I grew up in a home with teenagers, basically, as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m the oldest; so I\u2019ve always been in charge\/always been the one who was responsible. I would pick up my three-year-old sister from preschool, walk home,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> \u2014go to the apartment, lock the door back, make sure everyone got their chores done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> How old were you at this time? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Seven, eight, and nine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; even from a child\u2019s vantage point, how did you experience all that emotional instability? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I mean, trying to put on my kid\u2019s eyes or heart, it was normal; it was all I knew. It wasn\u2019t like I would go around, thinking, \u201cOh, wait a minute; this isn\u2019t the way normal families work\u201d; this is all I knew. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I can tell you <em>fear<\/em> was a <em>huge<\/em> part; fear drove everything, because I didn\u2019t know what the emotional climate would be when they would come home; I didn\u2019t know. So I lived my life avoiding anger: \u201cWhat can I do to bring stability?\u201d \u201cI am going to keep peace.\u201d If I have to control my brother and sister in order to do that, I would. I was pretty much a straight-A student; did what I was supposed to at school, and I just didn\u2019t want to rock the boat at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Robyn, so as he is talking, what are you thinking? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robyn:<\/strong> One of the things that I hear Ray talking about is how he kept the peace, but there was a <em>reason<\/em> why he needed to keep the peace. He didn\u2019t say that his dad was an alcoholic. There was so much turmoil, because he would come home drunk and be ready to start a fight. All of those things were: \u201cHow can I keep it where nobody is injured?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of the things we are finding out, even to this day, are because of some of those past injuries that happened\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robyn:<\/strong> \u2014at a time when the family was in the middle of a fight. I want him to share his feelings about that\u2014because you have some\u2014and when you are eight years old and you\u2019re trying to box your daddy so you can protect your mom\u2014those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Well, specifically, there was really a turning point when my parents divorced. It really centered around physical violence began to escalate between my mother and father. From a kid\u2019s standpoint, it appeared to me that it was around whenever he would drink. It wasn\u2019t like this <em>all<\/em> the time, but it became more frequent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember one particular incident\u2014and that\u2019s when it just wells up so much emotion every time I recall it\u2014but I remember him coming home, and there was just <em>chaos<\/em>. I walked into our apartment living room, and he was physically fighting my mother. I remember as\u2014I was eight or nine or somewhere in there\u2014and I jumped in to protect her. In an instant, without him even thinking about it, he turned and started to fight me as if I were another man. I mean, there is blood, and tears, and screaming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we hear sirens. Our neighbors heard what was going on; somebody called the police. As the sirens got closer to our home, my dad started running toward the front door. I yelled out to him, \u201cI don\u2019t <em>ever<\/em> want you to be my daddy.\u201d Then I remember saying it again, \u201cI don\u2019t <em>ever<\/em> want you to be my daddy.\u201d That was <em>monumental<\/em>; and it was the last time that our family, in that way, was ever together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You are listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with Ray and Robyn McKelvy. Boy, I feel like I\u2019m watching a movie;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you know? But it\u2019s Ray\u2019s <em>life<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou talk about connecting the dots. You know what is really interesting for me\u2014I\u2019ve known Ray for a couple of decades\u2014I had <em>no<\/em> idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would have <em>never<\/em> thought that was in his past, which is going to be interesting to hear the rest of this story; because something <em>great<\/em> has transpired from <em>then<\/em> to now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Don\u2019t you think it\u2019s a good journey sometimes to unload the past that we hide from everybody in our adult world? That doesn\u2019t mean we should be indiscriminate and share everything that has gone on in our life with everyone; we need to choose carefully who we unload things to. But it is interesting how we can know somebody for a long time and really not know them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting too, as I hear that last sentence\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t <em>ever<\/em> want you to be my daddy,\u201d\u2014how does that not affect your future? He has carried that; I\u2019m sure he carried that for years, without acknowledging the affect it had on him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; as we continue to listen, we are going to hear more of the story and how that rolls into the next season of his life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The suspense is killing me. [Laughter] Let\u2019s go; let\u2019s hear the rest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Blended <\/em>Podcast] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know whose quote this is: \u201cWhen a father leaves a home, he takes a piece of his son with him.\u201d So there is just like this <em>hole<\/em> that is there that you kind of spend your life trying to patch up or to fill\u2014and so, even though I didn\u2019t <em>want<\/em> him there\u2014I, for the first time, began to <em>feel<\/em> this void and this hole. I never will forget\u2014my mom <em>had<\/em> to go to work\u2014and she said, \u201cI don\u2019t care who comes to the door. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember my dad came back to the apartment. He had knocked; and he said, \u201cThis is your daddy.\u201d Well, what did I do? I opened the door; because I still felt that way\u2014even though I had yelled out: \u201cI don\u2019t <em>ever<\/em> want you to be my daddy,\u201d\u2014but at the same time, there was an instability that was brought with him being absent. I ended up having to go to court to testify against him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That is so difficult\/so traumatic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> It is! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is such a lose-lose for a kid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ray:<\/strong> It really is. I don\u2019t, again, remember all the details; but they were divorced. Shortly after that, my mom started dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was <em>ten<\/em>, my mom met another man that I totally adored. They ended up getting married, and I <em>loved<\/em> him. For the first time, I was like: \u201cWe have\u201d\u2014I\u2019ll show my age now\u2014\u201cWe have the <em>Leave It to Beaver<\/em> family now.\u201d [Laughter] My mom was able to not work outside the home, and dinner was ready when we got home. It just felt like, \u201cWow! We have a family; this is the way it should be.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I had a sense, just because of my hypersensitivity to my atmosphere, I began to sense that my mom and stepdad\u2014it didn\u2019t feel right to me\u2014so I wrote them a three-page letter. I entitled it: \u201cHow to Keep Your Marriage Together\u201d; because I was very adept at picking up tones. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I would be the one\u2014if their voices raised <em>at all<\/em>\u2014I would be the one who would sit up in the bed and go, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on? What\u2019s happening?\u201d I began to hear more of <em>that<\/em>, even though they were together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wrote them this letter, slipped it under their bedroom door. The next day, I remember them sitting down, talking to me, going, \u201cThings are fine; this isn\u2019t your responsibility. We\u2019re okay.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSure enough\u2014I don\u2019t know: a couple of months\/two or three months later\u2014my stepdad\u2014if I have the story correct\u2014I was about to leave the house. He says, \u201cHey, I need you to go with me.\u201d I said, \u201cWhere?\u201d He said, \u201cJust get in the car.\u201d We got in the car\/our little Volkswagen. We drove, and we ended up\/we are at the grocery store. We got out of the car, and he just started putting groceries in the cart without saying a word. We filled the cart; he paid for it. We went back; unloaded everything into our Volkswagen; sat down. He shut the door, and I\u2019m waiting for us to take off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI look over, and he has tears running down his face. He said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d; he said [as if crying] \u201cWe\u2019re not going to make it.\u201d He said, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry; your mom and I are <em>not<\/em> going to make it.\u201d [Emotion in voice] I guess I haven\u2019t recalled it in that way in a long time; but I remember, as <em>he<\/em> was crying\u2014because he felt it deeply\u2014I felt it deeply as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember going back to the house. My mom obviously knew what was going on; she never came out of the bedroom. He started unloading the groceries, and I could hear her crying in the bedroom. He immediately started taking his clothes, took out all of his stuff, drove off; and that was that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Literally, it was the death of a marriage; but the death of a family. It fractured everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, yes; did it fracture something in you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Well, I almost felt like, \u201cOkay; strike two on dad\u201d; but I had a strike three. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; so bit of a spoiler here for our listener\u2014because one of the things I know is that this first eight or nine years of your life\u2014you were nine when your parents divorced? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Sometime after that, you are going to discover that the man you called dad is not who you thought he was. Do you want to tell us that story? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I was at school in eighth grade. During this time, I was with a friend; and we were running track at school. That friend said to me, \u201cIs your dad\u2019s name Charles Bush?\u201d I said, \u201cNo! I\u2019ve never even heard of a Charles Bush. He said, \u201cMy mom said your dad\u2019s name is Charles Bush.\u201d Now, his mom and my mom were high school friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ray:<\/strong> So I thought, \u201cThat was really weird; she should know better.\u201d So the next day, my friend came back; and he said, \u201cI went home and told my mom what you said; and she said, \u2018No, your dad\u2019s name is Charles Bush.\u2019\u201d I was like, \u201cI don\u2019t care what your mother said!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo <em>then<\/em>, I was curious enough that I went home\u2014my mom was cooking, and I looked over at her\u2014and I said, \u201cMom, do you know a Charles Bush?\u201d She said, \u201cYes.\u201d I said, \u201cDerek keeps saying that\u2019s my daddy.\u201d Without hesitation\/without looking at me, she said, \u201cHe is.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Wow; now, how old were you at this point? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Thirteen or fourteen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Had your parents split up?\u2014your mom and stepdad? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> It was in the middle of all that; they were still <em>together<\/em> when I found that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; so let\u2019s go back to that moment. Your mom says, \u201cHe is.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> And you feel\/think what? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Honestly, I didn\u2019t feel anything about it; because I had my stepdad. I was like, \u201cOh, that\u2019s weird.\u201d I had never heard that before. It just\/I just didn\u2019t process it as a 13-year-old; I was just like, \u201cOh, okay,\u201d and just kind of moved on. We didn\u2019t talk about it anymore; no one brought it up. I didn\u2019t have any pictures of him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So in your mind, you weren\u2019t going, \u201cWho was Raymond? Who was the guy that was here the first nine years of my life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I had those questions; but because I\u2019m the peace keeper, you don\u2019t ask those questions; because it might upset the apple cart. There is a <em>reason<\/em> why they don\u2019t talk about that, so <em>I<\/em> didn\u2019t talk about it. So again, when I found out, it didn\u2019t mean a lot to me\u2014until their marriage started falling apart\u2014then \u201cWho am I?\u201d, all of a sudden, begins to surface. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where Ron Deal was hearing Ray McKelvy\u2019s story; and boy, oh boy, what a story!\u2014where I think what he gets into, at that last part, is what every man and every woman, really\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014has to wrestle through, regardless of your upbringing: \u201cWho am I?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s my identity?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that identity question\u2014we <em>all<\/em> carry that\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and we\u2019re <em>all<\/em> asking that question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think they can be answered horizontally; I really don\u2019t. We do find identity from our father\u2014I mean, I can relate a lot to what I\u2019m hearing from Ray\u2014I didn\u2019t know who I was; I tried to find it from my dad; I never really got it there. Thank God I found it from my heavenly Father. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It literally changed my life, and I think we are going to find a similar case with Ray in Part Two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think we will; we\u2019re going to hear that next time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to add just a quick thought. You know, Martin Luther, the great reformer, said, \u201cMy dad was hard, unyielding, and relentless; I cannot help but think of God that way.\u201d We, as parents, need to remember\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014that God made us in His image; and then we make God in our image. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf there is consistency and love provided to our children, it gives them a running start on their identity so that then they can\u2014as you said\u2014vertically catch that in their God relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would add Ron that I have two great parents who loved me, who were always there for me; but I was still asking that question. I believe God is the One who answers that question, because He created us; He knows us; and He can also <em>heal<\/em> us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it is always important for us to remember, as we hear stories like the one we\u2019ve heard today from Ray and Robyn McKelvy, it\u2019s helpful to know that God is the One who brings beauty from ashes\u2014that He can bring great healing, and great redemption, and restoration out of those messy family situations\u2014that\u2019s the greatness of our God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is something that Ron Deal points to regularly in the resources that he provides for us. His podcast, which is called <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>, so many of you tune into that podcast regularly. There is a link if you\u2019d like to find out more about the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast\u2014go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014the information is available there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is also information about Ron\u2019s books, including his newest book which is called <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>, which is a guidebook for those who are entering into a blended marriage\/kind of premarital preparation for couples who are beginning a blended marriage and need to grapple with the kinds of questions that have been talked about here today. That book is available online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order it from us, or you can call1-800-FL-TODAY to request your copy. Again, the book is called <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order your copy, or call us at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, one of our goals is to help point you toward Christ to help you deal with the reality of the messiness that is a part of all of our story. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2019s mission is to effectively develop godly marriages and families\u2014that doesn\u2019t mean perfect marriages and families\u2014because there aren\u2019t any. It means marriages and families that keep going to Christ, in the midst of the mess, to find hope and to find help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just want to take a minute to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who make this daily program\/this podcast available for listeners all around the world. Your investment in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is paying rich dividends in the lives, and marriages, and families of hundreds of thousands of people, who are tuning in every day to this program. We are grateful for this partnership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Rebecca McLaughlin\u2019s book, <em>10 Questions Every Ten Should Ask<\/em>. It\u2019s a book we\u2019ve talked about this week, and it\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> resource for parents who are helping to raise children in a confused culture when it comes to spiritual issues. The book is our thank-you gift to you when you donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation. Thanks, in advance, for your support of this ministry; and we look forward to hearing from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to pick up Ray McKelvy\u2019s story where we left it today. We\u2019ll go to when he was 13\u2014and his mom and stepdad are divorced\u2014and the kids are scattered. Ray continues the story tomorrow, along with Ron Deal. I hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307293","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307293"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307293"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307293"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307293"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}