{"id":307269,"date":"2021-10-22T07:04:27","date_gmt":"2021-10-22T11:04:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/navigating-bullying-with-your-children\/"},"modified":"2021-10-22T07:04:27","modified_gmt":"2021-10-22T11:04:27","slug":"navigating-bullying-with-your-children","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/navigating-bullying-with-your-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Navigating Bullying With Your Children"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What would you do if your child was being bullied? Jonathan McKee talks about his own bullied past and coaches parents on what to do if they suspect their child is being harassed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-22.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:15","filesize":"27.69M","filesize_raw":"29036362","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2835,2836],"tags":[4137,4927,4798,2209],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3244],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307269","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-raising-boys","category-raising-girls","tag-bullying","tag-challenges","tag-kids","tag-parenting","cwp_profile-jonathan-mckee","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307269\/navigating-bullying-with-your-children","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307269\/navigating-bullying-with-your-children","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"nSI9HmnDB1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/navigating-bullying-with-your-children\/\">Navigating Bullying With Your Children<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/navigating-bullying-with-your-children\/embed\/#?secret=nSI9HmnDB1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Navigating Bullying With Your Children&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"nSI9HmnDB1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What would you do if your child was being bullied? Jonathan McKee talks about his own bullied past and coaches parents on what to do if they suspect their child is being harassed.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Most of the studies out there show that the difference between a kid, who spirals out of control and that bullying just pushes them over that tipping point, and the kid who actually survives it, is just <em>one<\/em> friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t even know this about you\u201441 years of marriage\u2014I don\u2019t even know if you were ever bullied at school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think I was bullied, but I did <em>see<\/em> bullying. It outraged me if I would see that. I think I\u2019ve shared this story here before. I think I was 12 years old, and there was a girl that was known as a bully, who was 15 years old; she would beat up all the younger kids. I was with one of my friends, who tended to get bullied a little bit, and the girl saw my friend, started calling her names and pushed her down on the ground. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking, \u201cI\u2019m strong. I\u2019m a gymnast. I\u2019m doing all these things to make you <em>stronger<\/em> as a gymnast\u201d; so I said, \u201cYes, you want to go?! I\u2019ll <em>go<\/em> with you.\u201d This girl punched me in the face, and I went down so hard. I felt so much <em>fear<\/em>; I was\/I didn\u2019t even know what to say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, as a mature adult\u2014I hope I am\u2014I\u2019m realizing, \u201cThis girl must have been so hurting,\u201d\u2014the girl that was bullying\u2014\u201cWhat had happened to her?\u201d I\u2019m thinking, \u201cMan, I wish I had dealt with it different, and I wish I would have had some tools.\u201d I think we, as parents, want tools to help our kids\u2014to know if they\u2019re being bullied or maybe our kid is a bully\u2014like: \u201cWhat do we do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We live in a world where there\u2019s more attention drawn to bullying. There was <em>never<\/em> any talk, when we were kids and even in high school, about it; but now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014but there were bullies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014there were bullies\u2014and there are cyber bullies. It\u2019s a <em>real<\/em> deal that a lot of our own kids are dealing with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got Jonathan McKee in the studio today, who\u2019s written a couple of books\/two books\u2014I didn\u2019t even know one, a fictional book called <em>Bystanders<\/em>\u2014and the other one, <em>The Bullying Breakthrough<\/em>. These have been <em>so<\/em> helpful, for parents especially, to help us understand how to navigate this world with our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Jonathan, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember when we talked about this before, Jonathan, you talked about your experience being bullied as a kid. Talk about that a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> That\u2019s the book that, if you flip over the back cover, the picture explains it all. I have a picture of my fourth grade\/my fourth grade school picture. You can\u2019t really even see me. All you see is these two shiny teeth; and they immediately go, \u201cMan, it must have been a rough fourth grade; huh?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cMan, it was a rough five years; because when the baby teeth went out, the big teeth came in.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They gave you a name; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> There was tons of them. I mean, name it; from \u201cBugs Bunny\u201d to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014just because of your teeth! Aww.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cCan opener.\u201d Yes; I would\u2014true story\u2014I would be at the grocery store with my mom; and little kids would be like [child\u2019s voice], \u201cMommy, what\u2019s wrong with his teeth?\u201d \u201cShhh; don\u2019t <em>stare<\/em>, honey. He probably sucked on his pacifier too long,\u201d or whatever. I mean, so\/I just\u2014there was not <em>a day<\/em> that went by that I didn\u2019t hear comments about my teeth\u2014it\u2019s just one of those things that started. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I was also just very\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s <em>so sad<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014a peculiar kid. I\u2019m very ADD\u2014put all kinds of initials there, from ADD to all, probably ADHD\u2014they were constantly telling my parents that I should be on this medication and this medication. It was a rough, especially middle school, for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut yes, it was very real for me; and it was very real for my son. I thought it was an issue to talk about because it\u2019s becoming a <em>pressing<\/em> issue, for especially young people today, because one of the things I had going for me is\u2014at least, when that bell rang at 2:30, I could go home somewhere safe\u2014now, when the bell rings at 2:30, young people enter a whole new world, where the bullies are sitting there waiting for them; and it continues all night long. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What do you remember, going home as a middle school boy? How did you get through? Did it continue in high school, and how did you navigate it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> It was\/I mean, it was very tough times. One thing it was\u2014honestly, God is so good\u2014I had two loving parents, who really cared about me. I actually was plugged in at my church; and at my church, I actually had some really good friends. That really helped; because most of the studies out there show that the difference between a kid, that spirals out of control and that bullying just pushes them over that tipping point, and the kid who actually survives it, is just <em>one<\/em> friend\/<em>one<\/em> close confidant that they can talk to. That makes a <em>world<\/em> of difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of the things, when I talk with young people in school assemblies, I always tell them that stat: \u201c<em>You<\/em> can make the difference in another kid\u2019s life. <em>You<\/em> can make a <em>world<\/em> of difference, because one friend makes a difference.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think every parent is hoping that they can have an impact on their kids with bullying. But did you tell your parents? Did they know what was going on internally?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> No; because when I even wrote the book, my mom read it, and she\u2019s like, \u201cI just didn\u2019t\/I\u2026.\u201d And she heard me kind of, because I would do school assemblies and talk about this a little bit; but she was like, \u201cI just had no idea.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t her fault. I didn\u2019t come home and be like: \u201cYes, like today, here\u2019s the food they threw at me,\u201d and \u201cHere\u2019s the whatever\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know with my son\u2014we would talk with him a lot\u2014but we found a lot of those stories, years later, because we had <em>no<\/em> idea that, in high school, he was still literally getting food thrown at him during lunch and stuff like that. We had <em>no<\/em> idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He just never said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you think there\u2019s any way we can pull that out of our kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> The question I\u2019m always asked by parents is: \u201cWhat can we do?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u201cWhat can we do?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I think the mistake we make, as parents, is we want to solve it. The best thing that we can do, as a parent, is <em>not solve the situation<\/em>. In fact, most of us don\u2019t know what to do, so the best thing to do is to <em>admit<\/em> we don\u2019t know what to do. If our kid, by chance, tells us about it, say, \u201cMan, I don\u2019t know what to do. I don\u2019t know the answer, but I just want you to know that I\u2019m here for you through this. Tell me more about this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs they talk, listen\/empathize: \u201cMan, it sounds like it must have been tough when those kids were doing that. I <em>can\u2019t<\/em> even <em>imagine<\/em> what you\u2019re going through. I\u2019m <em>so<\/em> glad you told me. Talk to me more about this.\u201d Those are the things we want to say. That\u2019s why I spent time writing in the book\/was: \u201cHere\u2019s some of these things we can say like that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur kids, more than anything else, want someone who understands. Whenever I talk to young people about this, here\u2019s what they always tell me: \u201cMy parents have <em>no<\/em> idea. They don\u2019t have a clue; they wouldn\u2019t understand; they would <em>freak out<\/em>.\u201d That\u2019s what I always hear. The best thing that they could have is someone, who didn\u2019t freak out, but someone who listened and empathized, and said: \u201cHey, no matter what, I\u2019m here through this,\u201d and \u201cYou know that nothing you do ever can stop me from loving you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I\u2019m guessing that\u2019s why having one true friend makes such a big difference; because they feel like: \u201cSomebody hears,\u201d \u201cSomebody understands,\u201d \u201cSomebody empathizes.\u201d When it\u2019s the parent\u2014that\u2019s why it\u2019s so valuable\u2014because the child is feeling like, \u201cMy mom and dad get it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes, and another piece of advice I would give to a parent is: \u201cI think it would be good to try to see if they could get involved in some community somewhere.\u201d It\u2019s a tricky subject; I spend a lot of time talking about in the book. Because we took our kid to youth group\u2019 because we thought, \u201cI personally had had a really <em>good<\/em> experience at youth group. That was a place where I <em>was<\/em> accepted.\u201d But we took my son to youth group, and he literally was bullied at youth group. He just felt like he had <em>nobody<\/em> he could talk to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wish that I would have just been there more to just listen; because I think, \u201cNo, I know for a fact, if he would have told me, I would have freaked out. I would have freaked out.\u201d It\u2019s the worst thing we can do as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Freak out looking like what? What do you mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Well, there\u2019s two ways we could freak out. One is: our kids are going to do things that violate our rules and whatever. One way is we freak out, like [yelling], \u201cNot in my house!\u201d\u2014you know, that kind of freak out [not related to bullying]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there\u2019s also the freak out in this bullying situation of: \u201cWhat?! They\u2014I\u2019m going to\/I\u2019m going to call the principal right now!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what\u2019s does a kid say right now? \u201cDad, don\u2019t!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019ll never tell you again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got suspended and in trouble with teachers <em>all the time<\/em>; so if I ever went to a teacher and said this, the teacher\u2014I\u2014the very kids that were teasing me, the teacher <em>loved<\/em>. <em>Me<\/em>\u2014I was a <em>thorn<\/em> in that teacher\u2019s hiney\u2014I mean, it was like\/the teacher was almost like, \u201cWell, you deserved it! Sit down, you trouble maker!\u201d because I <em>was<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of us, who were bullied, very often become antisocial. Why? We don\u2019t have social circles, because nobody likes us. It becomes this downward spiral, where all of a sudden, we don\u2019t have as many friends; we don\u2019t know how to talk with friends; and then when people do talk, we think they\u2019re talking about me, so we lash out and we say stupid things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt happens all the time; I see this all the time with bullied kids. I did it; my son did it. Sadly, what happens is it makes us difficult to be around. Sometimes our parents\/they don\u2019t know what to do with us. When they freak out, they go, \u201cI\u2019m going to solve this,\u201d and it\u2019s the <em>last<\/em> thing we want them to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some <em>positive<\/em> things you could do. The best thing you can do is empathize and be there for you kid. It doesn\u2019t mean you shouldn\u2019t call the principal\u2014you can\u2014but you should not be freaking out as you do this. You should talk and say, \u201cHey, is there something we can do? What can we do to resolve this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Talk about signs of a kid being bullied, because a lot of parents don\u2019t know their kids are being bullied at school or even cyber bullying online. Are there any signs that we can look for to even know or even questions that we could ask?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes, very often, you\u2019ll notice changes in attitudes and behavior. Sometimes there\u2019ll be loss of appetite, not wanting to eat and that kind of stuff. You\u2019ve also got to keep your eye open for\u2014like with young guys, for instance\u2014sometimes they come back, and you\u2019ll honestly see a ripped shirt, or dirt on their back pack, or torn books. \u201cOh, how\u2019d you get the torn books?\u201d \u201cOh, I dropped it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes you start to notice\u2014it\u2019s not like if you see one of these things\u2014but when you start to notice, \u201cI saw a change in attitude.\u201d We saw, as my son started getting bullied, we literally saw his whole demeanor change. We saw where he used to be a very confident young man, and all of a sudden, he\u2019s just kind of like, \u201cNo, I\u2019m stupid; I\u2019ll probably mess it up,\u201d\u2014just under-confident in himself and everything. We\u2019ve got to watch\/keep our eyes on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the days of social media, one thing we can do is\u2014if you\u2019re giving your young kids social media accounts\u2014I think it\u2019s good to have the passwords on those accounts, and look at those accounts, and see what people are saying, and see the comments people are making. We can spot some of those comments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, not freak out if we see those; but come as someone who\u2019s compassionate and empathetic, and be able to talk about: \u201cHow did that make you feel? I saw this,\u201d\u2014not freaking out like, \u201cWhat?!\u201d\u2014but to be able to talk to them about that. Those are some of the things you can look for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m sitting here\u2014you know, as a parent, you\u2019re always trying to <em>solve<\/em>\u2014I do that; I\u2019m always trying to protect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I sit there and think, \u201cOh, should we switch schools? Should we homeschool?\u201d Is there ever a time that we should make that big of a switch?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes, absolutely. I\u2019m actually a firm believer in that. I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> a firm believer in coming down and swooping our kid up, and trying to solve all their problems, and pulling them out of it; because often it will usually follow them from place to place. But there are some arenas that are more difficult to navigate than others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy son was in a <em>very<\/em> rough school. He was a very creative mind, and he was a gifted student, and all of this. We actually found this school that you had to be on a list to get in. It was a lot of other nerdy kids like him; he <em>loved<\/em> it when he switched his school. He ended up having some problems at that school; he had some kids that picked on him and that kind of stuff. But he loved it, and he actually <em>thrived<\/em> at this new school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, as parents, we really should look at those situations and pay attention to those kinds of things; because there are some simple things like that we can do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let me ask you this: \u201cDo you feel like, when you were being bullied or watching your son, what\u2019s the person, being bullied, feel about God?\u2014like, \u2018God where are You? Why aren\u2019t You taking this out of my life?\u2019 Is there any of that kind of struggle that you experienced or you watched your son experience?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> I know for me\/for myself, I wasn\u2019t crying out to God at the time. I wish I would have; because as an adult, I think of the times where I hit the ground on my face and was like, \u201cGod!\u201d and cried out to Him; and He was so there and took me through those tough times. I wish I would have done that as a kid. I wish someone would have helped me understand that a little better; because I think, if I would have known who God was and how much He wanted to walk through that with me, it would have really helped me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we\u2019ve got to realize, kids today\/they just really aren\u2019t plugged into Scripture. They aren\u2019t really\u2014their relationship with God usually isn\u2019t the first thing on their mind\u2014it\u2019s more the fact that they\u2019re being absolutely mocked on social media. For them, that\u2019s the issue right there; it has nothing to do with God: \u201cNo matter what God does, I\u2019ve still got people calling me names on social media,\u201d\u00a0 or \u201c\u2026not liking my stuff, and they\u2019re liking somebody else.\u201d Those are the very <em>real<\/em> issues in their life. It is tough; it\u2019s one of those tough things as a parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess the advice I would probably give a parent there would be: \u201cSometimes, we try to block out all of the bad stuff. This is one of those opportunities where, instead of focusing on blocking out the bad, here\u2019s where we should really focus on absolutely saturating them with good: really helping them feel loved in the home, really helping them see some of the areas where they have worth.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we see that they\u2019re really gifted in something that might be obscure and different\u2014and all their friends are football players\u2014but they really like horses or drawing, get them in a drawing class\/get them involved somehow where they can go and volunteer with horses, bare minimum, or something like that. Sometimes, if they find that outlet, where they can use their gifts\u2014and see, \u201cLook, I\u2019m being used to do something,\u201d\u2014finding opportunities to serve and make a difference. Something as simple as serving in a homeless shelter, and seeing people respond, because you\u2019re making a difference in their life that makes you feel good about something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d say, as parents, we can do that. It\u2019s through, sometimes, pouring truth and good experiences in their life that they\u2019ll have those good experiences\u2014and they\u2019ll relate to the issue\u2014you don\u2019t even have to address the issues that they\u2019re going through. But you\u2019re giving them <em>positive<\/em> experiences, and you\u2019re giving them <em>truth<\/em> so that they recognize those lies as false. That\u2019s one of the best things <em>we<\/em> can do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause, no, I think\u2014to circle back to your question\u2014I don\u2019t think it\u2019s their go-to reaction for a lot of kids today to be like, \u201cWhat does God think about this? What does He think of <em>me<\/em>?\u201d But when we\u2019re <em>teaching<\/em> them\u2014what God thinks of them; \u201cWho is God?\u201d and \u201cWho am I?\u201d\u2014most of the issues that kids are dealing with in life fall right between those two questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Here\u2019s one other angle. You mentioned the bystander\u2014the person that\u2019s watching\u2014either a friend or maybe another parent. What do we do? If I\u2019m watching one of my friend\u2019s sons or daughters get bullied\u2014maybe I\u2019m their friend; maybe I\u2019m just a dad\/a fellow dad\u2014do I step in? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes, absolutely. That\u2019s the big question I asked in my fictional book, <em>Bystanders<\/em>. The majority of kids out there\u2014there\u2019s usually a couple of bullied kids\/a couple of bullies\u2014but the majority of kids are bystanders. That question is: \u201cWhat do we do?\u201d I like to equip kids to know that: \u201c<em>You<\/em> can make a difference; <em>you<\/em> can literally save someone\u2019s life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe sad fact is, if we\u2019re a bystander, and we allow the bullying to go on, very often, we ourselves become the bully. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve shared this here before, so I won\u2019t go into the details. Our oldest son was friends with a kid, who got bullied at school. I was there one lunch period, playing outside the school. A kid was bullying this friend of my son\u2019s. I stood up to the kid and basically threw him off the playground, and took him to the teacher, and said, \u201cHey, this kid shouldn\u2019t be out here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Awesome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t do it in bad [way]\u2014but at first, I gave him a warning like three times\u2014but he kept bullying the kid; so I finally took him up to the teacher and said, \u201cHe needs to go in; he can\u2019t play with us anymore.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe teacher looked at me and literally went, \u201cWhy are you doing this?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe kid says [sassy voice], \u201cYes, Mr. Wilson, why are you doing this?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the teacher looked at him, like, \u201cOh, I see why; he\u2019s a <em>bully<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA week later, I\u2019m at a parent\/teacher conference. I\u2019m standing there, talking to this teacher; and this mom comes up and taps me on the shoulder, and goes, \u201cAre you Dave Wilson?\u201d I go, \u201cYes.\u201d She starts tearing up; she goes, \u201cMy son\u2019s Timmy; thank you for standing up for him on the playground last week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So Tim went home, obviously, and told: \u201cMr. Wilson stood up.\u201d Just standing there, watching her face, I could <em>feel<\/em> her whole life. Little Tim\u2014actually, he is a really big kid\u2014had just been bullied his whole life. One guy, some stranger dad, stood up. It just hit me: \u201cMan, that\u2019s what we can do in so many different areas of our life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s funny, Dave\u2014because I remember that\u2014but you also spoke life to this young boy, who was being bullied. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You said great things to him, as a man and as a pastor. I think that that is what probably really hit him, too; like, \u201cThis man, who is really influential, said these incredible things about me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Mentors are <em>huge<\/em>. Sometimes you can find that in that community\/in that church\u2014even if they\u2019re having a rough time with their peers, sometimes that youth pastor or that youth volunteer really\u2014and we, as parents\/sometimes, we think, \u201cShouldn\u2019t I be the one they come to?\u201d It\u2019s <em>great<\/em> to have another mentor\/a coach.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It is interesting\u2014I\u2019m standing there on the playground; I\u2019m listening and watching bullying happen right in front of me\u2014I can sort of, as a bystander, step in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut as we know today, bullying happens in the dark\u2014cyber bullying\u2014it\u2019s happening on our child\u2019s phone and devices, and we don\u2019t even know about it. It\u2019s a real deal. You\u2019ve obviously looked into this\/studied this. Talk to us about cyber bullying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How do we prevent it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> No, that\u2019s a great question. You know, my answer is going to be the <em>same<\/em> answer I gave when we talked in earlier shows just about: \u201cWhat do we do in this world of social media, right now, as parents?\u201d There\u2019s actually some realistic guard rails and boundaries we can have that will really help our kids avoid some of this cyber bullying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll spin it like this\u2014parents come to me all the time and, when they ask me about how to deal with this situation their daughter\u2019s in or their son\u2019s in, here\u2019s how it usually comes out\u2014\u201cMy 11-year-old son is being bullied on social media all night long.\u201d Then she\u2019ll ask, \u201cWhat do I do?\u201d Right there, I say, \u201cDo you really want to know? There\u2019s actually some <em>very<\/em> practical things you can do.\u201d She\u2019ll be like, \u201cYes, anything.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll say, \u201cWell, you just mentioned three things. You said, \u2018My 11-year-old son is being bullied on social media all night long.\u2019 How\u2019s your son on social media all night long?\u201d \u201cWell, it\u2019s his phone. He has it in his bedroom; he insists. He has his smartphone right there by his bedside; he uses it as his alarm clock.\u201d I go, \u201cWell, do your son a favor. Go to Walmart<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, spend ten bucks, buy an alarm clock.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cThey go: \u2018dingy, dingy, dingy.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes, it does. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say: \u201cThis brings up <em>three<\/em> issues when it comes to: \u2018Should I give my kid a smartphone?\u2019 First of all, \u2018What age?\u2019 Most experts say, \u2018Wait until high school.\u2019 You\u2019re 11-year-old shouldn\u2019t have a smartphone; that\u2019s the first thing you can do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cSecond thing is your 11-year-old is on social media. Your 11-year-old had to lie about their age to even get on social media, because they\u2019re not supposed to be on social media until age 13. For sure, wait on social media and do the research\u2014you\u2019ll see it; it\u2019s in my books, like, \u2018Parenting Generation Screen\u2019\u2014the research is out there: \u2018Watch the amount of social media time that your kids\u2019 spending on.\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThirdly, you said, \u2018\u2026all night long in their bedroom.\u2019 If there\u2019s one thing that experts agree on, it\u2019s no phone in the bedroom. If anybody asks me, \u2018Jonathan, if you could only give your kid one rule?\u2019 it would be \u2018No devices in the bedroom at night,\u2019 because your kids <em>don\u2019t<\/em> need to be losing sleep and being insulted; or worse yet, \u2018How come I don\u2019t have as many likes and followers as everybody else?\u2019 All night long they don\u2019t need that. Those three things would help keep bullying to a <em>minimum<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, yes, there\u2019s all kinds of other stuff; but right there\u2014boom, boom, boom\u2014those are some <em>practical<\/em> things we can do, as parents, is not just give them these devices and <em>throw<\/em> them in this. It\u2019s like we\u2019re dressing them in the wrong color, and dropping them off in a neighborhood of a gang of the opposite color, and going, \u201cGood luck! I\u2019m here.\u201d Just you\u2019re <em>throwing<\/em> them out there to the wolves, and you can\u2019t do that. We can help; there\u2019s practical things we could do to help our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s not like bullying is a new phenomenon. We probably all experienced some kind of bullying when we were in middle school or in the early days of high school. I think what\u2019s happened in our day is that it\u2019s all being amplified. Our kids are experiencing at a level today that is different than the level we experienced when we were their age. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important for moms and dads to know how to respond, to have a strategy in place, and to know how we can help our kids as they go through their teen years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Dave and Ann have talked with Jonathan about today\u2014what he\u2019s included in his book, <em>The Bullying Breakthrough<\/em>\u2014is real practical help for parents of teenagers. We\u2019ve got Jonathan\u2019s book available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can find it online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order a copy. Again, the title of the book is <em>The Bullying Breakthrough: Real Help for Parents and Teachers of the Bullied, Bystanders, and Bullies<\/em>. Again, you can order the book from us online today at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get your copy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, this weekend, we\u2019ve got hundreds of couples joining us in Hartford, Connecticut; in Louisville, Kentucky; in San Diego, actually in Del Mar; and in Parsippany, New Jersey: <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway is happening this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext weekend, we\u2019re in Little Rock; and Cleveland; and Del Ray Beach, Florida; and Pittsburg. These getaways are continuing throughout the fall. If you\u2019ve never been to a getaway, why don\u2019t you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and get more information about when a getaway is coming to a city near where you live and plan to join us? And then pray with us that the couples, who are attending this weekend, will have a truly transformative, marriage-changing experience as they come to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. Again, there\u2019s more information about the getaway on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together, one way or another, with your local church this weekend. I hope you can join us on Monday. We\u2019re going to talk about all of the data\/all of the research that shows young people\u2014people in their 20s and 30s\u2014walking away from Christianity\/from religion. David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock say there is a silver lining to that cloud. We\u2019ll explore that silver lining when we join them on Monday. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307269","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307269"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307269"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307269"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307269"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307269"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307269"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307269"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}