{"id":307255,"date":"2021-10-08T07:00:06","date_gmt":"2021-10-08T11:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/god-cares-about-who-i-sleep-with\/"},"modified":"2024-12-18T13:06:09","modified_gmt":"2024-12-18T18:06:09","slug":"god-cares-about-who-i-sleep-with","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/god-cares-about-who-i-sleep-with\/","title":{"rendered":"God Cares About Who I Sleep With"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why is it a big deal who I sleep with? Sam Allberry addresses the value of sex for our whole selves and explains how we find our ultimate fulfillment in Christ.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why is it a big deal who I sleep with? Sam Allberry addresses the value of sex for our whole selves and explains how we find our ultimate fulfillment in Christ.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-08.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:42","filesize":"26.27M","filesize_raw":"27548847","date_recorded":"2021-10-08 07:00:06","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2848,2088],"tags":[7004,2926],"podcast_series":[8480],"cwp_profile":[3448],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307255","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-cultural-issues","category-romance-and-sex","tag-single-issues","tag-singles","podcast_series-why-does-god-care-who-i-sleep-with","cwp_profile-sam-allberry","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307255\/god-cares-about-who-i-sleep-with","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307255\/god-cares-about-who-i-sleep-with","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"sdVQKaS0Cb\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/god-cares-about-who-i-sleep-with\/\">God Cares About Who I Sleep With<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/god-cares-about-who-i-sleep-with\/embed\/#?secret=sdVQKaS0Cb\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;God Cares About Who I Sleep With&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"sdVQKaS0Cb\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-08.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-08.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> We think it\u2019s bad news that God cares about who we sleep with because we think: \u201cHe\u2019s just going to come into our lives and restrict us, and get in the way of our pleasure, and make us miserable,\u201d\u2014is what we tend to think. But God cares who we sleep with, because He cares about us; He made us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014<em>Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The first time that I can remember\u2014and I\u2019m almost sure, because I\u2019m always right\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that we heard or that I heard a message on sexual intimacy from the Bible\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014from God\u2019s perspective was, literally, two weeks before we got married at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember this because of my past\u2014and there was sexual abuse\u2014there was no\/I had never seen affection in a healthy way in our family. I sit down, as a 19-year-old, and for the first time, I\u2019m hearing a biblical perspective of married sexual intimacy. It blew me away; I have never heard this in my entire life. I was thinking, \u201cHow have I never heard this?! This is <em>amazing<\/em>; this is a <em>good<\/em> plan.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yet, the only thing I had heard was the worldly plan, and how it would satisfy me; and it had left me so lost and broken.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s one of the things\u2014obviously, as we were sitting there, you realized\u2014\u201cMan, if you do it the way the Creator intended, it can be glorious and beautiful in a covenant of marriage, between a man and a woman.\u201d If you miss it and sort of follow the culture, you don\u2019t hear about the damage and about the brokenness that is going to result.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, we were sitting there, and we both could feel\u2014both at the same time\u2014it was presented in such a way that we were like: \u201cWe want that; we want God\u2019s way,\u201d \u201cCan God repair what we\u2019ve messed up?\u201d and \u201cCan He lead us to a new future?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So\/so many people didn\u2019t get to sit in that ballroom; they haven\u2019t been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> to hear this message.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I hope they will go to one.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> You can go to one now; they are back on. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign up for one right now. By the way, that isn\u2019t the only thing we talk about all weekend. It isn\u2019t all about sex; but there is one message in the weekend, because it\u2019s so critical that people understand God\u2019s perspective on this.<\/p>\n<p>We have an author with us today, Sam Allberry, who wrote a book <em>about<\/em> God\u2019s perspective on sex. Sam, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Good to be with you. Thanks for having me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> By the way, as we talk about your book\u2014which has\/what a <em>great<\/em> title\u2014<em>Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?<\/em> because I think that\u2019s a question a lot of us have. You\u2019ve written other books. You are a pastor, an author, a speaker; you speak around the world. I could go on and on about your bio.<\/p>\n<p>As you write this book, <em>Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?<\/em>, help us understand\u2014you, obviously, are tapping into\u2014this is an important question to help people understand: \u201cGod does care.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve already talked a little bit about <em>why<\/em> He cares; but tell us again, \u201cWhy does God care so much about this thing that we seem to be flippant about?\u201d We don\u2019t think it\u2019s that big of a deal\u2014the culture says, \u201cIt\u2019s not really that big of a deal,\u201d\u2014but God says, \u201cNo; it\u2019s a really big deal.\u201d Help us understand, again: \u201c<em>Why<\/em> is it a big deal?\u201d and \u201cHow did a loving God create this and give it to us really as a good, beautiful gift?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes; we think it\u2019s bad news that God cares about who we sleep with because we think: \u201cHe is just going to come into our lives and restrict us, and get in the way of our pleasure, and make us miserable,\u201d\u2014that is what we tend to think. But God cares who we sleep with because He cares about us; He made us.<\/p>\n<p>I love what Jesus says in Matthew 5, in the Sermon on the Mount, about not looking at someone with lustful intent. You realize, \u201cGod even cares about the people we are thinking about sleeping with.\u201d He cares about them so much that it matters to them how they are thought about, even in the privacy of someone else\u2019s mind. All of us have that kind of sexual dignity in God\u2019s sight that He is protective of how others, even in their own hearts, are thinking about us.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s good that He cares about these things, because He would not be a good God if He didn\u2019t. It is such a profound, personal, sensitive, vulnerable part of our human experience; He would be negligent not to care about this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> In a sense, as you write in your book, God\u2019s perspective on human sexuality and married sexuality really highlights the value\u2014tell me if I am right or wrong\u2014of a person. One of the analogies or illustrations you use is Rachael Denhollander, who was one of the first to sort of bring up the whole Larry Nassar thing at Michigan State. We are from Michigan, so it\u2019s just an hour from us. It was pretty close to home; but one of her questions, as victim after victim came forward, was: \u201cHow much is a girl worth?\u201d; right? \u201cI mean, what are we going to do about this?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As you\u2019ve mentioned also in the book, the whole Me Too Movement sort of came out of this whole area of sexual abuse, and women saying, \u201cI have experienced this as well.\u201d Again, if sex isn\u2019t that big of a deal, why are all of these people saying, \u201cMe too\u201d; but they are speaking out to get at something <em>very deep<\/em> that was taken from them.<\/p>\n<p>Talk about that a little bit. Obviously, it gets at the value of a person; but what was going on with that whole thing?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes; there are lots of things that have been happening culturally that are very revealing and very significant. We\u2019ve been telling ourselves\u2014kind of a secular context\u2014for so many years: \u201cIt\u2019s just a physical act; it\u2019s just the exchange of bodily fluids. Why are you so hung up about it as Christians?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But if nothing else, the Me Too Movement has shown us that the abuse of sex is far more than physical. There is an emotional, psychological component to it that can be lifelong in its harm. Actually, we\u2019re realizing, \u201cIt\u2019s not just physical.\u201d Being sexually abused is not the same as breaking your leg. It\u2019s not just a physical wrong that\u2019s gone on there, but something much more profound.<\/p>\n<p>Again, it\u2019s because, in the right context, sex is meant to involve your entire psychology and your emotional life and everything else. It\u2019s meant to involve the whole of your personality. Therefore, the abuse of it is similarly widespread in its affects. I\u2019m glad the Me Too Movement is making us more aware of, not just the existence of sexual abuse, but of the extent of the harm that it causes. We\u2019re becoming a little more sensitive to these things, culturally, than we have been in the past.<\/p>\n<p>At the same time, it gives us, as Christians, an opportunity to say: \u201cThis just shows us we are not dealing with just bodily fluids here. It\u2019s not just physical; something far more profound is at play when it comes to human sexuality,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s that something profound that actually guides what the Bible says about these things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting\u2014as you were talking, I was thinking about\u2014yes, when there is sexual abuse, there is no choice; and you feel like something was <em>stolen<\/em> from you. But I would also say\u2014and this isn\u2019t talked about very much\u2014that for myself, I was reciprocal in the sexual relationships I had before I got married that were sin. Because I had a <em>say<\/em> in it, I felt like, \u201cWell, that\u2019s on me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There was a new kind of shame; it\u2019s a different kind of shame\u2014that, yes, with abuse, it was stolen\u2014with my promiscuity, I <em>gave<\/em> it away. Yet, I still felt deep shame about it. I couldn\u2019t really explain it when I was in it, because I was making those choices for myself. I still felt a sense of emptiness\u2014and a shattering, a little bit, of my soul\u2014when I felt like it wasn\u2019t reciprocated in love by the other person. I\u2019m imagining how many shattered souls there are in our world; but we don\u2019t really speak about it very often, because we feel like we\u2019ve done that to ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, <em>Jesus<\/em> walks into this\u2014the Great Restorer, and the Redeemer, the Forgiver\u2014and I am so glad that He does restore. When we watched those\/the whole court case of these girls telling Larry Nassar: \u201cThis is what you\u2019ve done to me,\u201d \u201cThis is what you\u2019ve stolen,\u201d I sat\u2014and I think many of us sat\u2014and just wept at the pain that these girls felt. I was angry, too; there was a righteous anger in that moment.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Thank you for being so honest about your experience, Ann. I hope some of these things are becoming easier for us to talk about, and we need to make our churches places where it\u2019s safe to talk about that\u2014it\u2019s safe to articulate that without feeling kind of undue levels of embarrassment\u2014because we need the gospel at this very point. We need someone, who can come into our lives, as Jesus does, to fill our lives afresh again; to restore to us what has been lost; and to redeem what has been broken, which He does so wonderfully.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s talk about that a little bit because I know, as couples would even ask us, \u201cWhat regrets do you have about your past?\u201d It\u2019s interesting\u2014as I think about my life, as a non-believer before my junior year in college\u2014I was copying the sins of my dad; and I didn\u2019t even know him. He was not a part of my life after I was six years old. Yet, here I am on a college campus, drinking like my dad did, womanizing like my dad did. I was living out this life. Obviously, there were consequences.<\/p>\n<p>So we get married\u2014and again, when people ask me, \u201cWhat do you regret?\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t regret\/I mean, obviously, I wish I wouldn\u2019t have done any of that\u2014but the one thing that comes to my mind is the sexual involvement [with other women], before marriage, because of the effects it had on our marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> The first year\/the first couple of years of our marriage, we had to struggle through\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014it was all our baggage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014all this baggage that; <em>nobody<\/em> ever told us\u2014\u201cThere will be consequences. Yes, you can live it up; but yes, there will be consequences that you bring in, not just to your bedroom, but to your whole marriage.\u201d Yet, God met us. I could talk about how God met us; but I\u2019d love to hear you, Sam.<\/p>\n<p>Talk about: \u201cOkay; how does God meet a person, who has messed up in this area\/who hasn\u2019t followed God\u2019s plan? And now they are listening\/they are saying, \u2018Can God restore <em>my<\/em> soul?\u2019 How does He do that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s be clear. God doesn\u2019t meet people, who aren\u2019t broken in this area of life, because those people don\u2019t exist.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> One of the kind of big moments of clarity for me, looking at the Sermon on the Mount when Jesus talks about lust, is what He is doing there is He is showing us that the Ten Commandments were never given so that we could prove how good we are. The Ten Commandments were given to show what is in our hearts. Jesus is saying: \u201cAll of us have adulterous hearts. Some of us may have expressed that physically more than others, but we are all made of the same stuff on this; therefore, we all need the grace of God; and that\u2019s exactly who He is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Psalm 51 is David coming to terms with his own sexual sin. His sin was far more than sexual, but it was certainly driven by kind of improper sexual desires. David knows that there is mercy, even for his pretty horrific sexual sin. God is able to restore the things that we mess up; He is able to give back to us the very things we\u2019ve had taken from us\/the things that we have damaged ourselves. God is able to give those things back to us better than they were before. It\u2019s just the kind of God He is.<\/p>\n<p>He is not limited by our sins, as if, \u201cWell, now, I\u2019ve sinned myself into such a place that God can\u2019t do much with me now; the raw materials are so messed up.\u201d This is the God of resurrection\u2014the God of Creation\/out of nothing\u2014so He is able to bring back into our lives far, far more than we would have ever been able to accomplish and far more than certainly we deserve. So no one is ever too far gone for God to be able to intervene in a beautiful way in their lives. However crazy and destructive our sexual history might have been, God can still bring sexual health to us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I love what you say; you say, \u201cThis is why God cares who I sleep with: our sexuality is meant to tell a story.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> What do you mean by that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> It\u2019s one of the great things we see in the Bible. The Bible begins with Adam and Eve getting together. The reason it begins with that, rather than something else, is because Adam and Eve getting together is going to become a picture of how heaven and earth are going to come together through Jesus Christ through the whole rest of the Bible. The end of the Bible is the New Jerusalem coming down from heaven to earth\u2014you know heaven and earth meeting\u2014in this new community of God\u2019s people.<\/p>\n<p>Human sexuality is designed to point to that great reality. Human marriage is meant to point beyond itself to the ultimate marriage. Jesus comes announcing Himself to be the Bridegroom because He is saying, \u201cI am the divine husband the Old Testament always spoke of.\u201d Jesus coming into this world is God wanting to put rings on fingers and to say, \u201cLet\u2019s make you Mine now; come to Me.\u201d I\u2019ve heard evangelists like Michael Green, over the years, talk about when Jesus is hanging on the cross. It\u2019s as if the Father is saying, \u201cSavior, will You take this sinner\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cto be Yours?\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cto love them, to honor them, to cherish them now and forever more?\u201d By hanging on a cross, and stretching out His arms, Jesus is saying, \u201cI will; I will.\u201d The question to us is: \u201cWell, sinner, will you take this Savior to be your husband?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Our human sexuality is meant to be about that. We don\u2019t have to be married for our sexuality to be about that. I\u2019m single; so what that means is, when I feel sexual yearnings and sexual desires that have to go, for now, unfulfilled, I can let those yearnings and those desires remind me that there is a deeper yearning and deeper desire in the human soul that is fully met by Jesus. These unmet sexual desires are but a temporal picture of that eternal satisfaction that all of us can find in Jesus. He is the One for whom we have been made.<\/p>\n<p>Eve was made out of Adam\u2019s side, and Jesus was wounded in His side at His death. Out of that wounding comes His bride the church, that we can know Him and know that full union with Him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, Sam, what a <em>beautiful<\/em> picture, that I\u2019ve never really considered it the way you said it\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me too.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014of thinking, the next time any person has sexual urges, instead of the culture saying, \u201cGo with it,\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cFulfill them.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthose are from your body, and there\u2019s nothing\u2026\u201d\u2014you are saying\u2014\u201cThose urges can point you to the gospel; they can point you to\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201ca Savior who chose you.\u201d So you don\u2019t have to fulfill those fleshly desires, which in our mind, we know this is going to have negative consequences.<\/p>\n<p>Most of the time, we say, \u201cThat\u2019s okay; I\u2019m going to deal with it.\u201d No, no; this can push us the other way\u2014it pushes us to the cross; it pushes us to forgiveness\u2014it pushes us to a Savior, rather than <em>away<\/em>, to be embraced. That\u2019s a <em>beautiful<\/em> picture of what God wants.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> What does that look like, Sam, practically speaking?\u2014because I\u2019m thinking, unless you are really connected to the Father\/that you are in an ongoing dynamic relationship\u2014it would be really easy to get sucked back into the cultural view of: \u201cYou should satisfy your own fleshly yearnings.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What does that look like? How have you done that? When you\u2019ve had that urge, how do you go to Christ?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Truth internalized makes a big difference\u2014and realizing that Jesus was never married; He was never sexually-active; He never dated\u2014and yet, He was the most fully human and complete person who ever lived. That tells me, when culture says, \u201cHey, if you miss out on this, you are really missing out on authentic, full life,\u201d I know that is not true; because otherwise, Jesus wasn\u2019t fully human. That can\u2019t be the case.<\/p>\n<p>It helps to think, \u201cWell, okay; no, this is not\u2014however deep these feelings go and however painful some of those yearnings may be at times\u2014I\u2019m not missing out on something ultimate. The thing that is ultimate, I actually have in Jesus. I could have no sex in this world and have far more of that ultimate fulfillment than someone who has tons and tons of sex in this life but doesn\u2019t know Jesus, because the real consummation is going to be experienced and enjoyed at the marriage supper of the Lamb as Revelation shows us.<\/p>\n<p>Just trying to keep myself oriented to that perspective really helps and makes a big difference. Therefore, to see behind those sexual yearnings\u2014disordered though they inevitably are\u2014to see them as breadcrumbs pointing back up to that ultimate union of heaven and earth in Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, it\u2019s interesting\u2014you say in your book\u2014 \u201cSex is God\u2019s appointed way for two people in marriage to reciprocally say to one another, \u2018I belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes, I think I\u2019m quoting Timothy Keller\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Are you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> \u2014with that particular line. That sounds too good to be me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, that quote is such a beautiful picture of the sexual union in marriage\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014but it\u2019s also a beautiful picture of what Jesus says to us: \u201cI am completely, permanently, exclusively <em>yours<\/em>.\u201d That\u2019s why the sexual union in marriage is a picture of the gospel in a really beautiful way.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve helped us with your book, and with this interview, to just say, \u201cMan, that is the image we need to center our minds on around sex.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> You said it earlier, Sam: these conversations with our kids have to begin when they are younger, that they have an idea of: \u201cThis is the God who loves us,\u201d \u201cThere is the God who wants the best for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And then we have those conversations about sexuality. The world and the culture is having those conversations; but what would it look like to have these conversations around our dinner tables, and at bedtime with our teens\/ our little kids?\u2014so they grow up, having a biblical mindset. Dave, so that one day, they don\u2019t sit in a conference, thinking, \u201cOh, is that God\u2019s plan for married sexuality?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We should be <em>telling<\/em> our kids this plan from the time that they are little, in appropriate ways, until the time they are adults. Then they can look forward, not only to what God has for them\u2014whether they get married or not\u2014but this journey that God the Father has for them in relationship with Him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Absolutely; amen to that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Thanks, Sam. It\u2019s been great.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Thank you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have good news and a good message to share with people when it comes to human sexuality. I know people see the Christian view of sex as outdated, or restrictive, or judgmental. They see cohabitation as normal. For many people, this is a barrier to considering the Christian faith.<\/p>\n<p>Sam Allberry has written a wonderful book called <em>Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?<\/em> It\u2019s what we\u2019ve been talking about this week, and we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Sam\u2019s book. You can request your copy online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the title of Sam Allberry\u2019s book is <em>Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?<\/em> Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d to request your copy of Sam\u2019s book.<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Ann Wilson mentioned the FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway as a place where we teach God\u2019s design for marriage and for our sexuality. We are excited; we\u2019ve had four of these getaways already this fall in Chattanooga, and Augusta, Cedar Rapids, and Tampa. Next weekend, we are in Raleigh and in San Diego\/actually, La Jolla. We\u2019ve got conferences continuing through the fall.<\/p>\n<p>David Robbins, the president of FamilyLife, is here with me. David, it\u2019s exciting for us to have these <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways happening again.<\/p>\n<p><strong>David:<\/strong> Man, we are so glad to be back, in person, to see, firsthand, God meeting people where they are at. We have all gone through so much over this past year or so. Meg and I were just recently at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. We had some people email us and tell us how it impacted them. One of them said, \u201cWe came here in pieces, and we are leaving as one.\u201d Another one said, \u201cWe don\u2019t need to panic in our pain. Our issues are common and expected in marriage. There is <em>always<\/em> hope.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what we see, time and time again, at these <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>s. People come, bringing in wherever they are at in their marriage: some are doing great and are strong, and it\u2019s a great weekend away; others are really needing God to meet them in some deep places of where they are at. We see God show up, time and time again; I just want to invite you and ask you to make this a priority in your marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you need more information about where and when a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is coming to a city near you, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; there is a link there. It will give you all the information you need so you can join us at an upcoming getaway. We hope to see you at one of these.<\/p>\n<p>David, thank you.<\/p>\n<p>We hope you have a great weekend this weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church, and we hope you can join us back on Monday when Dave and Ann Wilson are going to talk about how powerful and how important our words are in marriage\u2014the way we communicate to one another, what we say, the tone we use\u2014all of this makes a <em>huge<\/em> difference in our relationship. We will hear more about that on Monday. I hope you can tune in for that.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Have a great weekend. We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n"],"duration":["00:28:42"],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.27M"],"filesize_raw":["27548847"],"_edit_lock":["1734548622:47000"],"_edit_last":["47000"],"theme_header_position":["Sticky"],"post_header_is_sticky":["default"],"is_header_overlay":["0"],"episode_type":["audio"],"date_recorded":["2021-10-08 07:00:06"],"enclosure":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-08.mp3"],"_seopress_redirections_type":["301"],"_seopress_redirections_logged_status":["both"],"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":[""],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307255.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307255.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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is it a big deal who I sleep with? Sam Allberry addresses the value of sex for our whole selves and explains how we find our ultimate fulfillment in Christ.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> We think it\u2019s bad news that God cares about who we sleep with because we think: \u201cHe\u2019s just going to come into our lives and restrict us, and get in the way of our pleasure, and make us miserable,\u201d\u2014is what we tend to think. But God cares who we sleep with, because He cares about us; He made us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014<em>Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The first time that I can remember\u2014and I\u2019m almost sure, because I\u2019m always right\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that we heard or that I heard a message on sexual intimacy from the Bible\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014from God\u2019s perspective was, literally, two weeks before we got married at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember this because of my past\u2014and there was sexual abuse\u2014there was no\/I had never seen affection in a healthy way in our family. I sit down, as a 19-year-old, and for the first time, I\u2019m hearing a biblical perspective of married sexual intimacy. It blew me away; I have never heard this in my entire life. I was thinking, \u201cHow have I never heard this?! This is <em>amazing<\/em>; this is a <em>good<\/em> plan.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yet, the only thing I had heard was the worldly plan, and how it would satisfy me; and it had left me so lost and broken.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s one of the things\u2014obviously, as we were sitting there, you realized\u2014\u201cMan, if you do it the way the Creator intended, it can be glorious and beautiful in a covenant of marriage, between a man and a woman.\u201d If you miss it and sort of follow the culture, you don\u2019t hear about the damage and about the brokenness that is going to result.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, we were sitting there, and we both could feel\u2014both at the same time\u2014it was presented in such a way that we were like: \u201cWe want that; we want God\u2019s way,\u201d \u201cCan God repair what we\u2019ve messed up?\u201d and \u201cCan He lead us to a new future?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So\/so many people didn\u2019t get to sit in that ballroom; they haven\u2019t been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> to hear this message.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I hope they will go to one.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> You can go to one now; they are back on. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign up for one right now. By the way, that isn\u2019t the only thing we talk about all weekend. It isn\u2019t all about sex; but there is one message in the weekend, because it\u2019s so critical that people understand God\u2019s perspective on this.<\/p>\n<p>We have an author with us today, Sam Allberry, who wrote a book <em>about<\/em> God\u2019s perspective on sex. Sam, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Good to be with you. Thanks for having me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> By the way, as we talk about your book\u2014which has\/what a <em>great<\/em> title\u2014<em>Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?<\/em> because I think that\u2019s a question a lot of us have. You\u2019ve written other books. You are a pastor, an author, a speaker; you speak around the world. I could go on and on about your bio.<\/p>\n<p>As you write this book, <em>Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?<\/em>, help us understand\u2014you, obviously, are tapping into\u2014this is an important question to help people understand: \u201cGod does care.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve already talked a little bit about <em>why<\/em> He cares; but tell us again, \u201cWhy does God care so much about this thing that we seem to be flippant about?\u201d We don\u2019t think it\u2019s that big of a deal\u2014the culture says, \u201cIt\u2019s not really that big of a deal,\u201d\u2014but God says, \u201cNo; it\u2019s a really big deal.\u201d Help us understand, again: \u201c<em>Why<\/em> is it a big deal?\u201d and \u201cHow did a loving God create this and give it to us really as a good, beautiful gift?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes; we think it\u2019s bad news that God cares about who we sleep with because we think: \u201cHe is just going to come into our lives and restrict us, and get in the way of our pleasure, and make us miserable,\u201d\u2014that is what we tend to think. But God cares who we sleep with because He cares about us; He made us.<\/p>\n<p>I love what Jesus says in Matthew 5, in the Sermon on the Mount, about not looking at someone with lustful intent. You realize, \u201cGod even cares about the people we are thinking about sleeping with.\u201d He cares about them so much that it matters to them how they are thought about, even in the privacy of someone else\u2019s mind. All of us have that kind of sexual dignity in God\u2019s sight that He is protective of how others, even in their own hearts, are thinking about us.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s good that He cares about these things, because He would not be a good God if He didn\u2019t. It is such a profound, personal, sensitive, vulnerable part of our human experience; He would be negligent not to care about this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> In a sense, as you write in your book, God\u2019s perspective on human sexuality and married sexuality really highlights the value\u2014tell me if I am right or wrong\u2014of a person. One of the analogies or illustrations you use is Rachael Denhollander, who was one of the first to sort of bring up the whole Larry Nassar thing at Michigan State. We are from Michigan, so it\u2019s just an hour from us. It was pretty close to home; but one of her questions, as victim after victim came forward, was: \u201cHow much is a girl worth?\u201d; right? \u201cI mean, what are we going to do about this?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As you\u2019ve mentioned also in the book, the whole Me Too Movement sort of came out of this whole area of sexual abuse, and women saying, \u201cI have experienced this as well.\u201d Again, if sex isn\u2019t that big of a deal, why are all of these people saying, \u201cMe too\u201d; but they are speaking out to get at something <em>very deep<\/em> that was taken from them.<\/p>\n<p>Talk about that a little bit. Obviously, it gets at the value of a person; but what was going on with that whole thing?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes; there are lots of things that have been happening culturally that are very revealing and very significant. We\u2019ve been telling ourselves\u2014kind of a secular context\u2014for so many years: \u201cIt\u2019s just a physical act; it\u2019s just the exchange of bodily fluids. Why are you so hung up about it as Christians?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But if nothing else, the Me Too Movement has shown us that the abuse of sex is far more than physical. There is an emotional, psychological component to it that can be lifelong in its harm. Actually, we\u2019re realizing, \u201cIt\u2019s not just physical.\u201d Being sexually abused is not the same as breaking your leg. It\u2019s not just a physical wrong that\u2019s gone on there, but something much more profound.<\/p>\n<p>Again, it\u2019s because, in the right context, sex is meant to involve your entire psychology and your emotional life and everything else. It\u2019s meant to involve the whole of your personality. Therefore, the abuse of it is similarly widespread in its affects. I\u2019m glad the Me Too Movement is making us more aware of, not just the existence of sexual abuse, but of the extent of the harm that it causes. We\u2019re becoming a little more sensitive to these things, culturally, than we have been in the past.<\/p>\n<p>At the same time, it gives us, as Christians, an opportunity to say: \u201cThis just shows us we are not dealing with just bodily fluids here. It\u2019s not just physical; something far more profound is at play when it comes to human sexuality,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s that something profound that actually guides what the Bible says about these things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting\u2014as you were talking, I was thinking about\u2014yes, when there is sexual abuse, there is no choice; and you feel like something was <em>stolen<\/em> from you. But I would also say\u2014and this isn\u2019t talked about very much\u2014that for myself, I was reciprocal in the sexual relationships I had before I got married that were sin. Because I had a <em>say<\/em> in it, I felt like, \u201cWell, that\u2019s on me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There was a new kind of shame; it\u2019s a different kind of shame\u2014that, yes, with abuse, it was stolen\u2014with my promiscuity, I <em>gave<\/em> it away. Yet, I still felt deep shame about it. I couldn\u2019t really explain it when I was in it, because I was making those choices for myself. I still felt a sense of emptiness\u2014and a shattering, a little bit, of my soul\u2014when I felt like it wasn\u2019t reciprocated in love by the other person. I\u2019m imagining how many shattered souls there are in our world; but we don\u2019t really speak about it very often, because we feel like we\u2019ve done that to ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, <em>Jesus<\/em> walks into this\u2014the Great Restorer, and the Redeemer, the Forgiver\u2014and I am so glad that He does restore. When we watched those\/the whole court case of these girls telling Larry Nassar: \u201cThis is what you\u2019ve done to me,\u201d \u201cThis is what you\u2019ve stolen,\u201d I sat\u2014and I think many of us sat\u2014and just wept at the pain that these girls felt. I was angry, too; there was a righteous anger in that moment.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Thank you for being so honest about your experience, Ann. I hope some of these things are becoming easier for us to talk about, and we need to make our churches places where it\u2019s safe to talk about that\u2014it\u2019s safe to articulate that without feeling kind of undue levels of embarrassment\u2014because we need the gospel at this very point. We need someone, who can come into our lives, as Jesus does, to fill our lives afresh again; to restore to us what has been lost; and to redeem what has been broken, which He does so wonderfully.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s talk about that a little bit because I know, as couples would even ask us, \u201cWhat regrets do you have about your past?\u201d It\u2019s interesting\u2014as I think about my life, as a non-believer before my junior year in college\u2014I was copying the sins of my dad; and I didn\u2019t even know him. He was not a part of my life after I was six years old. Yet, here I am on a college campus, drinking like my dad did, womanizing like my dad did. I was living out this life. Obviously, there were consequences.<\/p>\n<p>So we get married\u2014and again, when people ask me, \u201cWhat do you regret?\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t regret\/I mean, obviously, I wish I wouldn\u2019t have done any of that\u2014but the one thing that comes to my mind is the sexual involvement [with other women], before marriage, because of the effects it had on our marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> The first year\/the first couple of years of our marriage, we had to struggle through\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014it was all our baggage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014all this baggage that; <em>nobody<\/em> ever told us\u2014\u201cThere will be consequences. Yes, you can live it up; but yes, there will be consequences that you bring in, not just to your bedroom, but to your whole marriage.\u201d Yet, God met us. I could talk about how God met us; but I\u2019d love to hear you, Sam.<\/p>\n<p>Talk about: \u201cOkay; how does God meet a person, who has messed up in this area\/who hasn\u2019t followed God\u2019s plan? And now they are listening\/they are saying, \u2018Can God restore <em>my<\/em> soul?\u2019 How does He do that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s be clear. God doesn\u2019t meet people, who aren\u2019t broken in this area of life, because those people don\u2019t exist.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> One of the kind of big moments of clarity for me, looking at the Sermon on the Mount when Jesus talks about lust, is what He is doing there is He is showing us that the Ten Commandments were never given so that we could prove how good we are. The Ten Commandments were given to show what is in our hearts. Jesus is saying: \u201cAll of us have adulterous hearts. Some of us may have expressed that physically more than others, but we are all made of the same stuff on this; therefore, we all need the grace of God; and that\u2019s exactly who He is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Psalm 51 is David coming to terms with his own sexual sin. His sin was far more than sexual, but it was certainly driven by kind of improper sexual desires. David knows that there is mercy, even for his pretty horrific sexual sin. God is able to restore the things that we mess up; He is able to give back to us the very things we\u2019ve had taken from us\/the things that we have damaged ourselves. God is able to give those things back to us better than they were before. It\u2019s just the kind of God He is.<\/p>\n<p>He is not limited by our sins, as if, \u201cWell, now, I\u2019ve sinned myself into such a place that God can\u2019t do much with me now; the raw materials are so messed up.\u201d This is the God of resurrection\u2014the God of Creation\/out of nothing\u2014so He is able to bring back into our lives far, far more than we would have ever been able to accomplish and far more than certainly we deserve. So no one is ever too far gone for God to be able to intervene in a beautiful way in their lives. However crazy and destructive our sexual history might have been, God can still bring sexual health to us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I love what you say; you say, \u201cThis is why God cares who I sleep with: our sexuality is meant to tell a story.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> What do you mean by that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> It\u2019s one of the great things we see in the Bible. The Bible begins with Adam and Eve getting together. The reason it begins with that, rather than something else, is because Adam and Eve getting together is going to become a picture of how heaven and earth are going to come together through Jesus Christ through the whole rest of the Bible. The end of the Bible is the New Jerusalem coming down from heaven to earth\u2014you know heaven and earth meeting\u2014in this new community of God\u2019s people.<\/p>\n<p>Human sexuality is designed to point to that great reality. Human marriage is meant to point beyond itself to the ultimate marriage. Jesus comes announcing Himself to be the Bridegroom because He is saying, \u201cI am the divine husband the Old Testament always spoke of.\u201d Jesus coming into this world is God wanting to put rings on fingers and to say, \u201cLet\u2019s make you Mine now; come to Me.\u201d I\u2019ve heard evangelists like Michael Green, over the years, talk about when Jesus is hanging on the cross. It\u2019s as if the Father is saying, \u201cSavior, will You take this sinner\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cto be Yours?\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cto love them, to honor them, to cherish them now and forever more?\u201d By hanging on a cross, and stretching out His arms, Jesus is saying, \u201cI will; I will.\u201d The question to us is: \u201cWell, sinner, will you take this Savior to be your husband?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Our human sexuality is meant to be about that. We don\u2019t have to be married for our sexuality to be about that. I\u2019m single; so what that means is, when I feel sexual yearnings and sexual desires that have to go, for now, unfulfilled, I can let those yearnings and those desires remind me that there is a deeper yearning and deeper desire in the human soul that is fully met by Jesus. These unmet sexual desires are but a temporal picture of that eternal satisfaction that all of us can find in Jesus. He is the One for whom we have been made.<\/p>\n<p>Eve was made out of Adam\u2019s side, and Jesus was wounded in His side at His death. Out of that wounding comes His bride the church, that we can know Him and know that full union with Him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, Sam, what a <em>beautiful<\/em> picture, that I\u2019ve never really considered it the way you said it\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me too.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014of thinking, the next time any person has sexual urges, instead of the culture saying, \u201cGo with it,\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cFulfill them.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthose are from your body, and there\u2019s nothing\u2026\u201d\u2014you are saying\u2014\u201cThose urges can point you to the gospel; they can point you to\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201ca Savior who chose you.\u201d So you don\u2019t have to fulfill those fleshly desires, which in our mind, we know this is going to have negative consequences.<\/p>\n<p>Most of the time, we say, \u201cThat\u2019s okay; I\u2019m going to deal with it.\u201d No, no; this can push us the other way\u2014it pushes us to the cross; it pushes us to forgiveness\u2014it pushes us to a Savior, rather than <em>away<\/em>, to be embraced. That\u2019s a <em>beautiful<\/em> picture of what God wants.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> What does that look like, Sam, practically speaking?\u2014because I\u2019m thinking, unless you are really connected to the Father\/that you are in an ongoing dynamic relationship\u2014it would be really easy to get sucked back into the cultural view of: \u201cYou should satisfy your own fleshly yearnings.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What does that look like? How have you done that? When you\u2019ve had that urge, how do you go to Christ?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Truth internalized makes a big difference\u2014and realizing that Jesus was never married; He was never sexually-active; He never dated\u2014and yet, He was the most fully human and complete person who ever lived. That tells me, when culture says, \u201cHey, if you miss out on this, you are really missing out on authentic, full life,\u201d I know that is not true; because otherwise, Jesus wasn\u2019t fully human. That can\u2019t be the case.<\/p>\n<p>It helps to think, \u201cWell, okay; no, this is not\u2014however deep these feelings go and however painful some of those yearnings may be at times\u2014I\u2019m not missing out on something ultimate. The thing that is ultimate, I actually have in Jesus. I could have no sex in this world and have far more of that ultimate fulfillment than someone who has tons and tons of sex in this life but doesn\u2019t know Jesus, because the real consummation is going to be experienced and enjoyed at the marriage supper of the Lamb as Revelation shows us.<\/p>\n<p>Just trying to keep myself oriented to that perspective really helps and makes a big difference. Therefore, to see behind those sexual yearnings\u2014disordered though they inevitably are\u2014to see them as breadcrumbs pointing back up to that ultimate union of heaven and earth in Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, it\u2019s interesting\u2014you say in your book\u2014 \u201cSex is God\u2019s appointed way for two people in marriage to reciprocally say to one another, \u2018I belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes, I think I\u2019m quoting Timothy Keller\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Are you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> \u2014with that particular line. That sounds too good to be me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, that quote is such a beautiful picture of the sexual union in marriage\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014but it\u2019s also a beautiful picture of what Jesus says to us: \u201cI am completely, permanently, exclusively <em>yours<\/em>.\u201d That\u2019s why the sexual union in marriage is a picture of the gospel in a really beautiful way.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve helped us with your book, and with this interview, to just say, \u201cMan, that is the image we need to center our minds on around sex.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> You said it earlier, Sam: these conversations with our kids have to begin when they are younger, that they have an idea of: \u201cThis is the God who loves us,\u201d \u201cThere is the God who wants the best for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And then we have those conversations about sexuality. The world and the culture is having those conversations; but what would it look like to have these conversations around our dinner tables, and at bedtime with our teens\/ our little kids?\u2014so they grow up, having a biblical mindset. Dave, so that one day, they don\u2019t sit in a conference, thinking, \u201cOh, is that God\u2019s plan for married sexuality?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We should be <em>telling<\/em> our kids this plan from the time that they are little, in appropriate ways, until the time they are adults. Then they can look forward, not only to what God has for them\u2014whether they get married or not\u2014but this journey that God the Father has for them in relationship with Him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Absolutely; amen to that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Thanks, Sam. It\u2019s been great.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam:<\/strong> Thank you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have good news and a good message to share with people when it comes to human sexuality. I know people see the Christian view of sex as outdated, or restrictive, or judgmental. They see cohabitation as normal. For many people, this is a barrier to considering the Christian faith.<\/p>\n<p>Sam Allberry has written a wonderful book called <em>Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?<\/em> It\u2019s what we\u2019ve been talking about this week, and we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Sam\u2019s book. You can request your copy online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the title of Sam Allberry\u2019s book is <em>Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?<\/em> Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d to request your copy of Sam\u2019s book.<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Ann Wilson mentioned the FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway as a place where we teach God\u2019s design for marriage and for our sexuality. We are excited; we\u2019ve had four of these getaways already this fall in Chattanooga, and Augusta, Cedar Rapids, and Tampa. Next weekend, we are in Raleigh and in San Diego\/actually, La Jolla. We\u2019ve got conferences continuing through the fall.<\/p>\n<p>David Robbins, the president of FamilyLife, is here with me. David, it\u2019s exciting for us to have these <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways happening again.<\/p>\n<p><strong>David:<\/strong> Man, we are so glad to be back, in person, to see, firsthand, God meeting people where they are at. We have all gone through so much over this past year or so. Meg and I were just recently at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. We had some people email us and tell us how it impacted them. One of them said, \u201cWe came here in pieces, and we are leaving as one.\u201d Another one said, \u201cWe don\u2019t need to panic in our pain. Our issues are common and expected in marriage. There is <em>always<\/em> hope.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what we see, time and time again, at these <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>s. People come, bringing in wherever they are at in their marriage: some are doing great and are strong, and it\u2019s a great weekend away; others are really needing God to meet them in some deep places of where they are at. We see God show up, time and time again; I just want to invite you and ask you to make this a priority in your marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you need more information about where and when a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is coming to a city near you, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; there is a link there. It will give you all the information you need so you can join us at an upcoming getaway. We hope to see you at one of these.<\/p>\n<p>David, thank you.<\/p>\n<p>We hope you have a great weekend this weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church, and we hope you can join us back on Monday when Dave and Ann Wilson are going to talk about how powerful and how important our words are in marriage\u2014the way we communicate to one another, what we say, the tone we use\u2014all of this makes a <em>huge<\/em> difference in our relationship. We will hear more about that on Monday. I hope you can tune in for that.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Have a great weekend. We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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