{"id":307246,"date":"2021-10-01T07:00:09","date_gmt":"2021-10-01T11:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/help-for-pre-blended-families\/"},"modified":"2021-10-01T07:00:09","modified_gmt":"2021-10-01T11:00:09","slug":"help-for-pre-blended-families","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/help-for-pre-blended-families\/","title":{"rendered":"Help For Pre-Blended Families"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Preparing for marriage to begin a blended family comes with unique dynamics. Ron Deal, Director of FamilyLife Blended, talks about addressing not just the joining of two hearts, but those of the whole family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-01.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:03","filesize":"26.6M","filesize_raw":"27896258","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2859,2882,10445],"tags":[2560,4822],"podcast_series":[8478],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307246","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-and-preparing-for-marriage","category-developing-a-relationship-with-stepchildren","category-stepmarriage-advice","tag-blended-families","tag-engagement","podcast_series-preparing-to-blend","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307246\/help-for-pre-blended-families","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307246\/help-for-pre-blended-families","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"WkFipJZ0oJ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/help-for-pre-blended-families\/\">Help For Pre-Blended Families<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/help-for-pre-blended-families\/embed\/#?secret=WkFipJZ0oJ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Help For Pre-Blended Families&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"WkFipJZ0oJ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-01.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-01.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember, Dave, meeting your stepmom for the first time a few months before we got married; and she and your dad had been married only ten years. She wasn\u2019t a follower of Christ, but she was giving me some advice before our wedding day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That should have been interesting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, it was super interesting. She said, \u201cMake sure you know Dave.\u201d I said, \u201cWell, I think I do,\u201d even though we had been dating like seven months; and she said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, you knew me <em>so<\/em> well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I thought I did! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cYou may think you know who he is; but when I got married to Dave\u2019s dad, it was my second marriage. I had a son from my first marriage.\u201d It was his second marriage, and he had four kids\u2014five kids, actually\u2014one had passed away\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014my brother, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014from that [first] marriage. She said, \u201cI had no idea who this man was.\u201d She said, \u201cI was a mom, who was desperate. I had just moved to a new country. I had just married this very successful man, and I was desperate to not get divorced again.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know what I\u2019m going to say?\u2014what she found out? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, it was something she had no idea\u2014she did <em>not<\/em> know until\u2014I don\u2019t know how long it was after their wedding\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Not too long. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014but she found out, probably within a week or two, that my dad was an alcoholic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like an alcoholic, who was passing out every night, and losing his car. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhat did you do?\u201d She said, \u201cOh, I thought, \u2018I need to do something.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> This woman had spunk; let me tell you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She said, \u201cI ended up\u201d\u2014she said, \u201cI thought, \u2018What\u2019s important to this man?\u2019\u201d She said, \u201cI knew instantly\u2014money\u2014money is what drives him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014money and things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; so she said, \u201cHe would pass out\u2014and I don\u2019t even know where he was at times when he passed out; he was gone from the house\u2014\u201cI would take the bat, and I would destroy the furniture. I would break mirrors. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201clamps.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI would break everything. He\u2019d wake up; he\u2019d come home the next day. He said, \u2018What happened?\u2019\u201d She said, \u201cThis is what you did when you were drunk last night.\u201d She said, \u201cI did this about five times. After the fifth time, he said \u2018I can\u2019t afford to drink any longer.\u2019\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it\u2019s funny; but it\u2019s tragic\u2014but it worked; that\u2019s all I know\u2014I remember a different dad the last ten years of his life, because he stopped drinking. It was because my stepmom sort of helped him. But I never knew she had that conversation with you, like, \u201cYou better know your husband\u201d; because she didn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got Ron Deal with us today to talk about that very thing\/about: \u201cHow do you prepare to get married when you\u2019re walking into a blended situation?\u201d Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. Baseball bat therapy; I had <em>no<\/em> idea. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, maybe, this is something new you could\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; I\u2019ll keep it in mind. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, Ron is the director of our FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry, here, at FamilyLife. All of you know him; he has written many books. I didn\u2019t know\u2014until our last time we talked\u2014eight books and now a ninth book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis one is <em>very<\/em> interesting. We endorsed it; because, number one, because of you, Ron. I mean, everywhere we go, whenever we run into a blended family\u2014we had one a year ago or so walk up to us in an airport\u2014they said, \u201cAre you Dave and Ann Wilson?\u201d We\u2019re like, \u201cOh, do you go to our church?\u201d They\u2019re like, \u201cNo, we heard your <em>voice<\/em>; we recognize your <em>voice<\/em>. We have never seen you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s cool. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat?\u201d They were in a blended thing. We said, \u201cDo you know Ron\u2019s material?\u201d \u201cOh, yes; it\u2019s life-saving.\u201d It\u2019s really\u2014you are\u2014I mean, I don\u2019t know how to say it\u2014a gift from God to the blended world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I appreciate that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; Ron, I think I have probably promoted you, your podcast, and your books more than any other material that I have ever; because there is such a great need, and people are longing for help that are blended. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I appreciate that so much; those are very kind words. You are right about that. People, for years, complained to me, \u201cRon, where is the Christian voice on the blended family?\u201d They were right to do so; because when I started doing this, almost 30 years ago now, there really wasn\u2019t anything. There were a few things, but you couldn\u2019t find them; people couldn\u2019t put their hands on them. Now, that\u2019s just not true anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife Blended, the department that I lead, here at FamilyLife\u2014we have books; we have live events; we have virtual events; we have online courses that people can take online on demand; we have a <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast, which I am so proud of\/I think it\u2019s a regular dose of really good stuff for people, and it\u2019s free\u2014like there are all kinds of resources that are available now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have <em>never<\/em> had something specifically for <em>engaged<\/em> couples to help them prepare for the wedding, and to empower pastors, and mentors, and coaches to be able to ready those couples for the wedding; and now we do with <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so talk about <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>; we\u2019ve already talked about it a little bit. It\u2019s a different reality for a blended family\u2014and I say, \u201cfamily,\u201d because it\u2019s not just a couple now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014getting married; it\u2019s a family becoming a family. There are different issues, that I don\u2019t even understand; and you do. As you prepared this <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em> book, what were you thinking? What was your hope? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> My hope is equipping, not just the couple, but their children and them as a unit to move forward toward the family they are creating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I will tell you this\u2014anything we do in marriage education and premarital counseling, for example\u2014there is a little bit of, let\u2019s call it \u201cassessment\u201d in it, like, getting you to start talking with your children about your expectations for how life will go and their expectations for how life will go. All of a sudden, sometimes, results in a collision of: \u201cOh, you have different expectations than <em>we<\/em> do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCouples know this\u2014right?\u2014when you get married\u2014you realize, \u201cOh, I just thought it would go this way, and you were thinking that way. Now, what do we do?\u201d Well, what if that\u2019s five people or seven people, who have those expectations, rather than just two of you as adults? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You\u2019re trying to deal with the collision of all those expectations. Well, if you can get out in front of that conversation, and proactively enter it in a collaborative way with children, giving them a voice, especially kids. One of the journeys of children, we know, into a typical blended family is a lot of unwanted circumstances that they didn\u2019t really ask for; but yet, they are being asked to adjust to it. That\u2019s taking control out of their hands. If you can give them a little bit of control into how life is going to go, it makes it easier for them to embrace how life is going to go and be a part\/a contributor rather than somebody who is fighting against it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What would say are some of the things that couples need to have their eyes open to about this? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about the wedding for a minute\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014okay? I\u2019ve really been struck by the feedback we\u2019ve gotten from this manuscript so far. Couple, after couple, after couple said, \u201cYou know what? That chapter on planning the wedding just really opened our eyes and made us realize how much we need to involve our children in the planning of the wedding and, then, letting them say how much they want to be a part of the wedding.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want us to pause for a minute. Research is really clear: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen children are involved in the idea of their parent getting married\/when they are somehow included in even the decision-making process\/invited into the discussion about it\u2014in other words, they are not blindsided by the announcement that their parent is engaged\u2014number one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two, when they are actively involved in the planning of the wedding, and they get to participate in the wedding in a way that they are comfortable with, that honors the couple\u2019s relationship, but also gives some acknowledgment to the child\u2019s previous relationships\/their previous family, if you will\u2014the fact that they have another dad or mom\u2014in other words, the wedding happens with some sensitivity to that as a consideration.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen kids are far more apt: (a) be excited about the wedding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, I\u2019m guessing there are some kids that aren\u2019t excited about the wedding; and really don\u2019t even want to participate, because they don\u2019t want it to happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It happens all the time\u2014people hear stories all the time\u2014I get emails all the time: \u201cWe planned this wedding. We talked to the kids; they knew it was coming. Six months go by, and then three of my adult kids don\u2019t show up,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cMy teenage daughter just cried the entire way through and just brought a dark cloud over the entire\u2026\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I\u2019m here to tell you: there are a lot of emotions brewing under the surface for kids\u2014weddings, and funerals, and birthdays, and Christmas, and major holidays\u2014all bring those emotions to the surface. They are excited for you; and at the <em>very same time<\/em>, they are sad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They are mourning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> They are mourning what: \u201cI wish Mom and Dad could get back together; not Mom marry somebody else. This just makes it impossible for that to happen.\u201d Or in the case of a child\u2019s parent, who has passed away: \u201cI can\u2019t see Mom happy, and kissing, and committing to another man, and not think about my dad, and how much I miss him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not about: \u201cI don\u2019t want this stepdad in my world,\u201d necessarily\u2014I mean, maybe, there is something about him they don\u2019t necessarily like\u2014most of the time, they do like. They love the idea of their mom being with a partner, and somebody who is going to help take care of her; but what is also going on inside is: \u201cI miss my dad. He was everything to me. This just reminds me\/it resurrects that grief and that pain.\u201d All of a sudden, it pours out at the wedding. Well, gosh, that\u2019s just difficult, and awkward, and hard for everybody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we want to try to do in this chapter, for example, and in the activity that parents and children do together, is we want them to start <em>talking<\/em> about the wedding, and your role, and your thoughts and your feelings, so that that stuff comes out sooner rather than at the event. The child is able to say, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m not comfortable with this\u2026but I would be comfortable with that...Would it be okay if we did it <em>that<\/em> way?\u201d Again, we\u2019re giving them a little control in this lack-of-control world that they live in; and the adults are learning something about their child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about the movement. A parent is going, \u201cOh, I hear you; I see you.\u201d Now, think about that for just a second\u2014because when people are falling in love\u2014I mean, you guys have talked about this an awful lot; this happens with first married couples as well. We fall in love; we get blind\u2014we get stupid\u2014right? We just stop seeing anything but what we want to see. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Pre-blended couples kind of do the same thing. One of the things they stop seeing, sometimes, inadvertently\u2014totally inadvertently\u2014is their own children. Yes, they are aware and sensitive; but on another level, all their emotional energy is going into this person they have fallen in love with; they can\u2019t help it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when the child speaks, and the parent says, \u201cOh, that\u2019s what you need,\u201d now, I\u2019m seeing my child. A child needs that; they <em>need<\/em> to feel their parent\u2019s presence, if I could say it. They need to feel that their parent is not completely abandoning them in this wedding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>It\u2019s sort of like this delicate dance of all these relationships that the parent is connected to. When the child gets seen\u2014when they feel like they have a little bit of a voice\/being considered\u2014they\u2019ve had time to ponder, \u201cWhat will it be like to walk down the aisle during the wedding and do what I am supposed to do?\u201d\u2014light the unity candle or whatever it is. They get a head start on all the emotions and on the grief, so that it is less intense and less overwhelming the day of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That is so wise and just another reason why premarital counseling is for the family, not just for the couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I would think\u2014you\u2019ve said a little bit\u2014the kids can be there. It sounds like they really <em>should<\/em> be there\u2014maybe not every session but part of them\u2014just because you want communication to be happening throughout, not later. It\u2019s going to happen later, one way or another\u2014maybe, not in a healthy way\u2014but this could help prepare them for that; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never asked you, Dave: \u201cWere you there when your dad got remarried?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No, I wasn\u2019t there; didn\u2019t even really know it happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But you went on their honeymoon? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t know it was their honeymoon. I thought I went on a trip with my dad and his new wife. I found out later it was their honeymoon to Europe, and I was not probably the best thing they wanted on that trip. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Do you remember how you felt when you realized: (a) \u201cThis is their honeymoon\u201d; and (b) \u201cI didn\u2019t even know he was getting married,\u201d and \u201cWhere does that leave me?\u201d I\u2019m just wondering how you processed that, and how old were you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was 12\/maybe, 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I felt like nobody saw me and cared\u2014like, \u201cThat would have been nice to know,\u201d type deal\u2014I felt left out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember your stepmom said that they were in Europe at a strange hotel; and you were in a room all by yourself across the hall, and you were petrified. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so I went into their room. How about that on your honeymoon night? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; but of course\u2014isn\u2019t that a little metaphoric; right?\u2014here, you want to be seen; you want to be included; you want to be cared for. You feel like you\u2019ve been pushed to the side, literally, in a different room across the hall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is the exact opposite of what we want parents to do; because you process that through the child\u2019s heart and mind: \u201cI\u2019m small. I\u2019m insignificant. Nobody sees me. I\u2019m over here. I\u2019m left out; I\u2019m left behind. Now, you want me to fall in love with my step-parent and fall in love with your new <em>us<\/em>.\u201d That\u2019s just one chapter, talking about thinking about your wedding and involving the kids in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are so many other things that are discussed. Just imagine, Dave, if you had had a conversation with your future stepbrother: \u201cSo what do I call you?\u201d\u2014just\/and somebody would have given a little guidance to that discussion, where you work through that awkward thing. You don\u2019t have to <em>guess<\/em> at it because, you actually had a structured conversation that allowed you to figure out a way to come to something you <em>and<\/em> he were comfortable with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s when you guess in life\u2014that you just say, \u201cWell, I think this is what I am comfortable with,\u201d and you start calling somebody that\u2014and they are like, \u201cHey, I don\u2019t like that; don\u2019t\u2026\u201d\u2014now, we\u2019ve got a disconnect. All of that stuff can be avoided, to be honest. It just takes time on the front end in order to get there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How many sessions? How would you do it if I want to help somebody?\u2014or if I am a couple that is going to go through it, what\u2019s it going to look like? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Well, there are ten working chapters to the book. When I say, \u201cworking chapters,\u201d there are ten content chapters that have a growing activity attached to them. The activity is: \u201cAlright; we\u2019re not just going to talk about this conversation needs to take place between stepbrothers. We\u2019re going to actually do it.\u201d There is a guided process in each chapter. It\u2019s very much a working pre-blended family counseling program for couples. Again, they can do it in conjunction with a pastor, a mentor, or somebody who is giving some additional guidance to the process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Ideally, it\u2019s ten sessions\u2014however you want to spread those out\u2014I do talk about in the Leader\u2019s Guide: \u201cSometimes, you don\u2019t get that. Somebody comes to see you; and you\u2019ve got three weeks, and they are getting married. What do you do? Here is some guidance on how to choose what you\u2019re going to do with your time.\u201d I think you can just jump in and do what you can do in the amount of time you have. I actually think couples can just keep doing the activities after the wedding as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was going to say, \u201cDo it after\u201d; yes?\u2014why not? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It\u2019s still\/it\u2019s still intentionality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Can you give us an example of these growth activities for a family? Like what would be one of those? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; so the one we sort of just were talking about was: \u201cLet\u2019s have a conversation around what names or terms we\u2019re going to use for one another.\u201d The growth activity is: first of all, kind of asking the couple to have a conversation with just the two of them around the parameters of this: \u201cWhat are you comfortable with?\u201d \u201cWhat am I comfortable with?\u201d \u201cNow, let\u2019s go to the kids and see what they are thinking.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt gives the couple a little lead-in\/a little script to say something like: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHey, look, you know, we\u2019re all getting to know each other really well; and the wedding is coming up in a few months. At that point, we\u2019re going to be a family. Someday, I may, as your stepparent, take you to school; and you may introduce me to your teacher. You\u2019re going to sit there and kind of go, \u2018Wow; who is this guy to me? Is it Mom\u2019s new husband? Is that my stepdad? Is that my bonus dad? Is that Dave? What do I call this person?\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m going to have to introduce <em>you<\/em>, at some point, as my stepson or daughter. You know what? I just think it would be good for us to figure out what we are comfortable with and what we call each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>\u201cNow, here is the deal: whatever you are comfortable with, I\u2019m going to be good with as long as it has some basic respect to it; but I want you to know I don\u2019t need you to use any particular term.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, notice what we are doing there. We are giving the child permission to have their own feelings and their own opinion about this relationship; and they get to decide the term they are comfortable with, which by the way, tells you a lot about how they are feeling about this parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they are like, \u201cWell, you\u2019re my dad,\u201d that just told you something; right? By the way, a <em>very<\/em> small percentage of children <em>ever<\/em> use the term, \u201cDad\u201d or \u201cMom\u201d for their stepparent. But if they say, \u201cI\u2019m comfortable with that,\u201d you go:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, okay; if you\u2019re good with that, I\u2019m good with that. I\u2019d love to introduce you as my son. Would that be okay with you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOh, by the way, is there ever a time that would <em>not<\/em> be okay?\u2014like a little awkward? If your dad were standing next to me\u2014we\u2019re at your soccer game\u2014and another friend comes up. I say, \u2018This is my son\u2019; and you know, your dad is listening to me say this about you. That might be a little awkward. How would you feel about that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe child says, \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t want you saying that when my dad is around.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGot it; I\u2019m good with that. What would you like me to say in that moment?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat a conversation! The child is empowered. The child\u2014listen to what is happening\u2014they are seeing you as somebody approachable\/loving: \u201cI can trust you with this stuff; you <em>care<\/em> about my feelings. You are not this ogre, who is just telling me, \u2018What\u2019s what,\u2019 and \u2018We\u2019re going to do this,\u2019 \u2018You\u2019re going to call me that...\u2019 You\u2019re not dictating anything. You\u2019re actually connecting with me; you actually <em>care<\/em> about me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you do <em>that<\/em>, you\u2019re gaining trust and emotional safety, and you just took a <em>huge<\/em> leap forward to be a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, it brings tears to my eyes; because I have so many friends, whose parents were divorced, and felt like they were never seen or heard. What you are doing is you are giving the kids a voice; and they feel like, \u201cWhat I say and what I feel matters.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is so smart for couples to think, in advance, about the issues that may be ahead\u2014not to be caught up in the emotional swirl of an engagement, and the infatuation and the love that is there, that is beginning to grow and blossom\u2014but to think practically about how to build healthy, strong relationships. One of the things I love about Ron Deal\u2019s new book, <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>, is the number of exercises he has included in the book\/projects that you do together, as a couple and as a family with your children, to help you get ready for the blending that is coming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, there are going to be challenges ahead. We\u2019ve got to know that, going in; but you can help reduce some of the severity of the speed bumps you are facing by going through Ron\u2019s book, <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>. We\u2019ve got the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can request your copy online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to get a copy; the number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the title of the book is <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em> by Ron Deal. Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t forget there is an event happening two weeks from now on Thursday, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOctober 14; Friday, October 15, in suburban Atlanta, Georgia. It\u2019s a national conference, <em>The<\/em> <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>. The focus this year is helping couples prepare; in fact, that\u2019s the title: \u201cPrepare.\u201d If you are involved in organizing the premarital counseling in your local church; if you are involved in doing premarital counseling; and if you have started doing a lot more premarital counseling with couples, who are blending a family, or couples who are bringing kids into a first marriage, to come to this two-day event in Atlanta will do a great job of equipping you to help others prepare to blend. You can find out more about <em>The<\/em> <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em> when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; there is more information available there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, David Robbins, the president of FamilyLife, is here with me. David, we\u2019ve been hosting these summit events for many years now, and it\u2019s <em>always<\/em> exciting to us to see how God is working in and through the couples who attend to help strengthen blended families and marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; the thing I love most about <em>The<\/em> <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em> is that\u2014I\u2019ve been to several now\u2014and the people you meet there are like-minded. They care about others in a deep, passionate way\u2014that\u2019s why they are there\u2014to learn. I\u2019ve met some people at the summit that have become dear friends over the last few years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason we are committed to this is that our vision says: \u201cEvery home a godly home.\u201d Every home means <em>every<\/em> home\u2014whether that is a blended family, whether that\u2019s a family in a US suburb or the inner city, whether you live in a mega city in China, or a village in Africa\u2014we are committed to bringing the gospel, and the principles of marriage and family, and what God offers up in His Word to as many homes as possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a rising group of families that are blended families, and we want to speak to the felt needs and the pain points that meet them where they are at and help their marriages last. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know this vision of every home being a godly home resonates with many of our listeners. We know that because many of you make this vision possible through your financial support of the ministry\u2014either as occasional financial supporters or as monthly Legacy Partners\u2014thank you for providing the fuel necessary for this kind of ministry to occur. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are a regular listener, and you\u2019ve never made a donation to support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, this is a good day to do that. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, donate online; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. Thanks, in advance, for partnering with us to help every home become a godly home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when our friend, Janel Breitenstein, is going to be here to talk about how we can mark, and mold, and shape our children, pointing them in a positive direction, and marking their lives permanently. We\u2019ll have that conversation with Janel on Monday. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:29:03"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.6M"],"filesize_raw":["27896258"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307246.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307246.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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for marriage to begin a blended family comes with unique dynamics. Ron Deal, Director of FamilyLife Blended, talks about addressing not just the joining of two hearts, but those of the whole family.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-10-01.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember, Dave, meeting your stepmom for the first time a few months before we got married; and she and your dad had been married only ten years. She wasn\u2019t a follower of Christ, but she was giving me some advice before our wedding day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That should have been interesting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, it was super interesting. She said, \u201cMake sure you know Dave.\u201d I said, \u201cWell, I think I do,\u201d even though we had been dating like seven months; and she said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, you knew me <em>so<\/em> well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I thought I did! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cYou may think you know who he is; but when I got married to Dave\u2019s dad, it was my second marriage. I had a son from my first marriage.\u201d It was his second marriage, and he had four kids\u2014five kids, actually\u2014one had passed away\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014my brother, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014from that [first] marriage. She said, \u201cI had no idea who this man was.\u201d She said, \u201cI was a mom, who was desperate. I had just moved to a new country. I had just married this very successful man, and I was desperate to not get divorced again.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know what I\u2019m going to say?\u2014what she found out? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, it was something she had no idea\u2014she did <em>not<\/em> know until\u2014I don\u2019t know how long it was after their wedding\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Not too long. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014but she found out, probably within a week or two, that my dad was an alcoholic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like an alcoholic, who was passing out every night, and losing his car. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhat did you do?\u201d She said, \u201cOh, I thought, \u2018I need to do something.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> This woman had spunk; let me tell you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She said, \u201cI ended up\u201d\u2014she said, \u201cI thought, \u2018What\u2019s important to this man?\u2019\u201d She said, \u201cI knew instantly\u2014money\u2014money is what drives him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014money and things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; so she said, \u201cHe would pass out\u2014and I don\u2019t even know where he was at times when he passed out; he was gone from the house\u2014\u201cI would take the bat, and I would destroy the furniture. I would break mirrors. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201clamps.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI would break everything. He\u2019d wake up; he\u2019d come home the next day. He said, \u2018What happened?\u2019\u201d She said, \u201cThis is what you did when you were drunk last night.\u201d She said, \u201cI did this about five times. After the fifth time, he said \u2018I can\u2019t afford to drink any longer.\u2019\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it\u2019s funny; but it\u2019s tragic\u2014but it worked; that\u2019s all I know\u2014I remember a different dad the last ten years of his life, because he stopped drinking. It was because my stepmom sort of helped him. But I never knew she had that conversation with you, like, \u201cYou better know your husband\u201d; because she didn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got Ron Deal with us today to talk about that very thing\/about: \u201cHow do you prepare to get married when you\u2019re walking into a blended situation?\u201d Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. Baseball bat therapy; I had <em>no<\/em> idea. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, maybe, this is something new you could\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; I\u2019ll keep it in mind. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, Ron is the director of our FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry, here, at FamilyLife. All of you know him; he has written many books. I didn\u2019t know\u2014until our last time we talked\u2014eight books and now a ninth book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis one is <em>very<\/em> interesting. We endorsed it; because, number one, because of you, Ron. I mean, everywhere we go, whenever we run into a blended family\u2014we had one a year ago or so walk up to us in an airport\u2014they said, \u201cAre you Dave and Ann Wilson?\u201d We\u2019re like, \u201cOh, do you go to our church?\u201d They\u2019re like, \u201cNo, we heard your <em>voice<\/em>; we recognize your <em>voice<\/em>. We have never seen you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s cool. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat?\u201d They were in a blended thing. We said, \u201cDo you know Ron\u2019s material?\u201d \u201cOh, yes; it\u2019s life-saving.\u201d It\u2019s really\u2014you are\u2014I mean, I don\u2019t know how to say it\u2014a gift from God to the blended world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I appreciate that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; Ron, I think I have probably promoted you, your podcast, and your books more than any other material that I have ever; because there is such a great need, and people are longing for help that are blended. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I appreciate that so much; those are very kind words. You are right about that. People, for years, complained to me, \u201cRon, where is the Christian voice on the blended family?\u201d They were right to do so; because when I started doing this, almost 30 years ago now, there really wasn\u2019t anything. There were a few things, but you couldn\u2019t find them; people couldn\u2019t put their hands on them. Now, that\u2019s just not true anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife Blended, the department that I lead, here at FamilyLife\u2014we have books; we have live events; we have virtual events; we have online courses that people can take online on demand; we have a <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast, which I am so proud of\/I think it\u2019s a regular dose of really good stuff for people, and it\u2019s free\u2014like there are all kinds of resources that are available now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have <em>never<\/em> had something specifically for <em>engaged<\/em> couples to help them prepare for the wedding, and to empower pastors, and mentors, and coaches to be able to ready those couples for the wedding; and now we do with <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so talk about <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>; we\u2019ve already talked about it a little bit. It\u2019s a different reality for a blended family\u2014and I say, \u201cfamily,\u201d because it\u2019s not just a couple now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014getting married; it\u2019s a family becoming a family. There are different issues, that I don\u2019t even understand; and you do. As you prepared this <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em> book, what were you thinking? What was your hope? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> My hope is equipping, not just the couple, but their children and them as a unit to move forward toward the family they are creating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I will tell you this\u2014anything we do in marriage education and premarital counseling, for example\u2014there is a little bit of, let\u2019s call it \u201cassessment\u201d in it, like, getting you to start talking with your children about your expectations for how life will go and their expectations for how life will go. All of a sudden, sometimes, results in a collision of: \u201cOh, you have different expectations than <em>we<\/em> do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCouples know this\u2014right?\u2014when you get married\u2014you realize, \u201cOh, I just thought it would go this way, and you were thinking that way. Now, what do we do?\u201d Well, what if that\u2019s five people or seven people, who have those expectations, rather than just two of you as adults? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You\u2019re trying to deal with the collision of all those expectations. Well, if you can get out in front of that conversation, and proactively enter it in a collaborative way with children, giving them a voice, especially kids. One of the journeys of children, we know, into a typical blended family is a lot of unwanted circumstances that they didn\u2019t really ask for; but yet, they are being asked to adjust to it. That\u2019s taking control out of their hands. If you can give them a little bit of control into how life is going to go, it makes it easier for them to embrace how life is going to go and be a part\/a contributor rather than somebody who is fighting against it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What would say are some of the things that couples need to have their eyes open to about this? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about the wedding for a minute\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014okay? I\u2019ve really been struck by the feedback we\u2019ve gotten from this manuscript so far. Couple, after couple, after couple said, \u201cYou know what? That chapter on planning the wedding just really opened our eyes and made us realize how much we need to involve our children in the planning of the wedding and, then, letting them say how much they want to be a part of the wedding.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want us to pause for a minute. Research is really clear: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen children are involved in the idea of their parent getting married\/when they are somehow included in even the decision-making process\/invited into the discussion about it\u2014in other words, they are not blindsided by the announcement that their parent is engaged\u2014number one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two, when they are actively involved in the planning of the wedding, and they get to participate in the wedding in a way that they are comfortable with, that honors the couple\u2019s relationship, but also gives some acknowledgment to the child\u2019s previous relationships\/their previous family, if you will\u2014the fact that they have another dad or mom\u2014in other words, the wedding happens with some sensitivity to that as a consideration.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen kids are far more apt: (a) be excited about the wedding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, I\u2019m guessing there are some kids that aren\u2019t excited about the wedding; and really don\u2019t even want to participate, because they don\u2019t want it to happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It happens all the time\u2014people hear stories all the time\u2014I get emails all the time: \u201cWe planned this wedding. We talked to the kids; they knew it was coming. Six months go by, and then three of my adult kids don\u2019t show up,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cMy teenage daughter just cried the entire way through and just brought a dark cloud over the entire\u2026\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I\u2019m here to tell you: there are a lot of emotions brewing under the surface for kids\u2014weddings, and funerals, and birthdays, and Christmas, and major holidays\u2014all bring those emotions to the surface. They are excited for you; and at the <em>very same time<\/em>, they are sad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They are mourning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> They are mourning what: \u201cI wish Mom and Dad could get back together; not Mom marry somebody else. This just makes it impossible for that to happen.\u201d Or in the case of a child\u2019s parent, who has passed away: \u201cI can\u2019t see Mom happy, and kissing, and committing to another man, and not think about my dad, and how much I miss him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not about: \u201cI don\u2019t want this stepdad in my world,\u201d necessarily\u2014I mean, maybe, there is something about him they don\u2019t necessarily like\u2014most of the time, they do like. They love the idea of their mom being with a partner, and somebody who is going to help take care of her; but what is also going on inside is: \u201cI miss my dad. He was everything to me. This just reminds me\/it resurrects that grief and that pain.\u201d All of a sudden, it pours out at the wedding. Well, gosh, that\u2019s just difficult, and awkward, and hard for everybody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we want to try to do in this chapter, for example, and in the activity that parents and children do together, is we want them to start <em>talking<\/em> about the wedding, and your role, and your thoughts and your feelings, so that that stuff comes out sooner rather than at the event. The child is able to say, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m not comfortable with this\u2026but I would be comfortable with that...Would it be okay if we did it <em>that<\/em> way?\u201d Again, we\u2019re giving them a little control in this lack-of-control world that they live in; and the adults are learning something about their child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about the movement. A parent is going, \u201cOh, I hear you; I see you.\u201d Now, think about that for just a second\u2014because when people are falling in love\u2014I mean, you guys have talked about this an awful lot; this happens with first married couples as well. We fall in love; we get blind\u2014we get stupid\u2014right? We just stop seeing anything but what we want to see. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Pre-blended couples kind of do the same thing. One of the things they stop seeing, sometimes, inadvertently\u2014totally inadvertently\u2014is their own children. Yes, they are aware and sensitive; but on another level, all their emotional energy is going into this person they have fallen in love with; they can\u2019t help it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when the child speaks, and the parent says, \u201cOh, that\u2019s what you need,\u201d now, I\u2019m seeing my child. A child needs that; they <em>need<\/em> to feel their parent\u2019s presence, if I could say it. They need to feel that their parent is not completely abandoning them in this wedding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>It\u2019s sort of like this delicate dance of all these relationships that the parent is connected to. When the child gets seen\u2014when they feel like they have a little bit of a voice\/being considered\u2014they\u2019ve had time to ponder, \u201cWhat will it be like to walk down the aisle during the wedding and do what I am supposed to do?\u201d\u2014light the unity candle or whatever it is. They get a head start on all the emotions and on the grief, so that it is less intense and less overwhelming the day of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That is so wise and just another reason why premarital counseling is for the family, not just for the couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I would think\u2014you\u2019ve said a little bit\u2014the kids can be there. It sounds like they really <em>should<\/em> be there\u2014maybe not every session but part of them\u2014just because you want communication to be happening throughout, not later. It\u2019s going to happen later, one way or another\u2014maybe, not in a healthy way\u2014but this could help prepare them for that; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never asked you, Dave: \u201cWere you there when your dad got remarried?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No, I wasn\u2019t there; didn\u2019t even really know it happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But you went on their honeymoon? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t know it was their honeymoon. I thought I went on a trip with my dad and his new wife. I found out later it was their honeymoon to Europe, and I was not probably the best thing they wanted on that trip. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Do you remember how you felt when you realized: (a) \u201cThis is their honeymoon\u201d; and (b) \u201cI didn\u2019t even know he was getting married,\u201d and \u201cWhere does that leave me?\u201d I\u2019m just wondering how you processed that, and how old were you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was 12\/maybe, 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I felt like nobody saw me and cared\u2014like, \u201cThat would have been nice to know,\u201d type deal\u2014I felt left out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember your stepmom said that they were in Europe at a strange hotel; and you were in a room all by yourself across the hall, and you were petrified. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so I went into their room. How about that on your honeymoon night? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; but of course\u2014isn\u2019t that a little metaphoric; right?\u2014here, you want to be seen; you want to be included; you want to be cared for. You feel like you\u2019ve been pushed to the side, literally, in a different room across the hall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is the exact opposite of what we want parents to do; because you process that through the child\u2019s heart and mind: \u201cI\u2019m small. I\u2019m insignificant. Nobody sees me. I\u2019m over here. I\u2019m left out; I\u2019m left behind. Now, you want me to fall in love with my step-parent and fall in love with your new <em>us<\/em>.\u201d That\u2019s just one chapter, talking about thinking about your wedding and involving the kids in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are so many other things that are discussed. Just imagine, Dave, if you had had a conversation with your future stepbrother: \u201cSo what do I call you?\u201d\u2014just\/and somebody would have given a little guidance to that discussion, where you work through that awkward thing. You don\u2019t have to <em>guess<\/em> at it because, you actually had a structured conversation that allowed you to figure out a way to come to something you <em>and<\/em> he were comfortable with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s when you guess in life\u2014that you just say, \u201cWell, I think this is what I am comfortable with,\u201d and you start calling somebody that\u2014and they are like, \u201cHey, I don\u2019t like that; don\u2019t\u2026\u201d\u2014now, we\u2019ve got a disconnect. All of that stuff can be avoided, to be honest. It just takes time on the front end in order to get there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How many sessions? How would you do it if I want to help somebody?\u2014or if I am a couple that is going to go through it, what\u2019s it going to look like? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Well, there are ten working chapters to the book. When I say, \u201cworking chapters,\u201d there are ten content chapters that have a growing activity attached to them. The activity is: \u201cAlright; we\u2019re not just going to talk about this conversation needs to take place between stepbrothers. We\u2019re going to actually do it.\u201d There is a guided process in each chapter. It\u2019s very much a working pre-blended family counseling program for couples. Again, they can do it in conjunction with a pastor, a mentor, or somebody who is giving some additional guidance to the process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Ideally, it\u2019s ten sessions\u2014however you want to spread those out\u2014I do talk about in the Leader\u2019s Guide: \u201cSometimes, you don\u2019t get that. Somebody comes to see you; and you\u2019ve got three weeks, and they are getting married. What do you do? Here is some guidance on how to choose what you\u2019re going to do with your time.\u201d I think you can just jump in and do what you can do in the amount of time you have. I actually think couples can just keep doing the activities after the wedding as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was going to say, \u201cDo it after\u201d; yes?\u2014why not? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It\u2019s still\/it\u2019s still intentionality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Can you give us an example of these growth activities for a family? Like what would be one of those? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; so the one we sort of just were talking about was: \u201cLet\u2019s have a conversation around what names or terms we\u2019re going to use for one another.\u201d The growth activity is: first of all, kind of asking the couple to have a conversation with just the two of them around the parameters of this: \u201cWhat are you comfortable with?\u201d \u201cWhat am I comfortable with?\u201d \u201cNow, let\u2019s go to the kids and see what they are thinking.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt gives the couple a little lead-in\/a little script to say something like: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHey, look, you know, we\u2019re all getting to know each other really well; and the wedding is coming up in a few months. At that point, we\u2019re going to be a family. Someday, I may, as your stepparent, take you to school; and you may introduce me to your teacher. You\u2019re going to sit there and kind of go, \u2018Wow; who is this guy to me? Is it Mom\u2019s new husband? Is that my stepdad? Is that my bonus dad? Is that Dave? What do I call this person?\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m going to have to introduce <em>you<\/em>, at some point, as my stepson or daughter. You know what? I just think it would be good for us to figure out what we are comfortable with and what we call each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>\u201cNow, here is the deal: whatever you are comfortable with, I\u2019m going to be good with as long as it has some basic respect to it; but I want you to know I don\u2019t need you to use any particular term.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, notice what we are doing there. We are giving the child permission to have their own feelings and their own opinion about this relationship; and they get to decide the term they are comfortable with, which by the way, tells you a lot about how they are feeling about this parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they are like, \u201cWell, you\u2019re my dad,\u201d that just told you something; right? By the way, a <em>very<\/em> small percentage of children <em>ever<\/em> use the term, \u201cDad\u201d or \u201cMom\u201d for their stepparent. But if they say, \u201cI\u2019m comfortable with that,\u201d you go:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, okay; if you\u2019re good with that, I\u2019m good with that. I\u2019d love to introduce you as my son. Would that be okay with you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOh, by the way, is there ever a time that would <em>not<\/em> be okay?\u2014like a little awkward? If your dad were standing next to me\u2014we\u2019re at your soccer game\u2014and another friend comes up. I say, \u2018This is my son\u2019; and you know, your dad is listening to me say this about you. That might be a little awkward. How would you feel about that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe child says, \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t want you saying that when my dad is around.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGot it; I\u2019m good with that. What would you like me to say in that moment?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat a conversation! The child is empowered. The child\u2014listen to what is happening\u2014they are seeing you as somebody approachable\/loving: \u201cI can trust you with this stuff; you <em>care<\/em> about my feelings. You are not this ogre, who is just telling me, \u2018What\u2019s what,\u2019 and \u2018We\u2019re going to do this,\u2019 \u2018You\u2019re going to call me that...\u2019 You\u2019re not dictating anything. You\u2019re actually connecting with me; you actually <em>care<\/em> about me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you do <em>that<\/em>, you\u2019re gaining trust and emotional safety, and you just took a <em>huge<\/em> leap forward to be a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, it brings tears to my eyes; because I have so many friends, whose parents were divorced, and felt like they were never seen or heard. What you are doing is you are giving the kids a voice; and they feel like, \u201cWhat I say and what I feel matters.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is so smart for couples to think, in advance, about the issues that may be ahead\u2014not to be caught up in the emotional swirl of an engagement, and the infatuation and the love that is there, that is beginning to grow and blossom\u2014but to think practically about how to build healthy, strong relationships. One of the things I love about Ron Deal\u2019s new book, <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>, is the number of exercises he has included in the book\/projects that you do together, as a couple and as a family with your children, to help you get ready for the blending that is coming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, there are going to be challenges ahead. We\u2019ve got to know that, going in; but you can help reduce some of the severity of the speed bumps you are facing by going through Ron\u2019s book, <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em>. We\u2019ve got the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can request your copy online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to get a copy; the number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the title of the book is <em>Preparing to Blend<\/em> by Ron Deal. Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t forget there is an event happening two weeks from now on Thursday, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOctober 14; Friday, October 15, in suburban Atlanta, Georgia. It\u2019s a national conference, <em>The<\/em> <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>. The focus this year is helping couples prepare; in fact, that\u2019s the title: \u201cPrepare.\u201d If you are involved in organizing the premarital counseling in your local church; if you are involved in doing premarital counseling; and if you have started doing a lot more premarital counseling with couples, who are blending a family, or couples who are bringing kids into a first marriage, to come to this two-day event in Atlanta will do a great job of equipping you to help others prepare to blend. You can find out more about <em>The<\/em> <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em> when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; there is more information available there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, David Robbins, the president of FamilyLife, is here with me. David, we\u2019ve been hosting these summit events for many years now, and it\u2019s <em>always<\/em> exciting to us to see how God is working in and through the couples who attend to help strengthen blended families and marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; the thing I love most about <em>The<\/em> <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em> is that\u2014I\u2019ve been to several now\u2014and the people you meet there are like-minded. They care about others in a deep, passionate way\u2014that\u2019s why they are there\u2014to learn. I\u2019ve met some people at the summit that have become dear friends over the last few years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason we are committed to this is that our vision says: \u201cEvery home a godly home.\u201d Every home means <em>every<\/em> home\u2014whether that is a blended family, whether that\u2019s a family in a US suburb or the inner city, whether you live in a mega city in China, or a village in Africa\u2014we are committed to bringing the gospel, and the principles of marriage and family, and what God offers up in His Word to as many homes as possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a rising group of families that are blended families, and we want to speak to the felt needs and the pain points that meet them where they are at and help their marriages last. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know this vision of every home being a godly home resonates with many of our listeners. We know that because many of you make this vision possible through your financial support of the ministry\u2014either as occasional financial supporters or as monthly Legacy Partners\u2014thank you for providing the fuel necessary for this kind of ministry to occur. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are a regular listener, and you\u2019ve never made a donation to support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, this is a good day to do that. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, donate online; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. Thanks, in advance, for partnering with us to help every home become a godly home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when our friend, Janel Breitenstein, is going to be here to talk about how we can mark, and mold, and shape our children, pointing them in a positive direction, and marking their lives permanently. We\u2019ll have that conversation with Janel on Monday. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307246","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307246"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307246"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307246"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307246"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307246"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307246"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307246"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}