{"id":307242,"date":"2021-09-28T07:00:21","date_gmt":"2021-09-28T11:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/seeing-my-husband-as-my-hero\/"},"modified":"2021-09-28T07:00:21","modified_gmt":"2021-09-28T11:00:21","slug":"seeing-my-husband-as-my-hero","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/seeing-my-husband-as-my-hero\/","title":{"rendered":"Seeing My Husband As My Hero"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Women want to see their husbands as their heroes, and men want their wives to see them that way, too. So why is it so hard? Juli Slattery helps couples understand the balance between seeing flaws and speaking life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-09-28.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:26","filesize":"26.04M","filesize_raw":"27300652","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2082,2831],"tags":[2877,4022],"podcast_series":[8477],"cwp_profile":[3388],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307242","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-wives","tag-marriage","tag-wives","podcast_series-finding-the-hero-in-your-husband","cwp_profile-juli-slattery","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307242\/seeing-my-husband-as-my-hero","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307242\/seeing-my-husband-as-my-hero","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"zGVBcgLcwp\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/seeing-my-husband-as-my-hero\/\">Seeing My Husband As My Hero<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/seeing-my-husband-as-my-hero\/embed\/#?secret=zGVBcgLcwp\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Seeing My Husband As My Hero&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"zGVBcgLcwp\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Women want to see their husbands as their heroes, and men want their wives to see them that way, too. So why is it so hard? Juli Slattery helps couples understand the balance between seeing flaws and speaking life.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-09-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019d been married about 15 years, and struggling, when you went to all of your guy friends. You asked them a question about their wives. [Laughter] Do you remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; you\u2019re going to bring that up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Really?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014<em>Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese are guys I\u2019ve been doing life with\u2014they\u2019re all married and have kids\u2014we\u2019re raising our kids together; we\u2019re in our mid-40s. Literally, on a trip to a funeral of one of our guys\u2019 dads\u2014and Ann and I struggling\u2014and I\u2019m thinking all of these things. I say to the guys in the car: \u201cHey, let me ask you a question. Do you guys feel like your wife loves you?\u201d Every guy immediately said, \u201cYes,\u201d\u2014no question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know their wives; I know their kids; I know their families. You know, they\u2019re all like, \u201cWhy are you asking us that?\u201d I go, \u201cWell, I\u2019ve got another question. Do you feel like your wife <em>likes<\/em> you?\u201d I\u2019m thinking there were nine guys; all nine said, \u201cNope.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s scary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was like, \u201cWow.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I know all their wives! I would have said: \u201cI like you,\u201d \u201cI love you, too; I just need you to tweak a few things.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I found it <em>fascinating<\/em> that it was, immediately, \u201cYes, they love me. We\u2019re not getting a divorce,\u201d\u2014they\u2019re\u2014\u201c\u2026\u2019til death do us part.\u201d I mean, there are struggles; but \u201cThey don\u2019t really <em>like<\/em> me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>I<\/em> was feeling that; so, you know, they were like, \u201cWhy\u2019d you ask us that?!\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t really feel like Ann likes <em>me<\/em> either, so let\u2019s talk about that.\u201d But I was <em>shocked<\/em> that it was that universal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019m excited today; because we have Juli Slattery back with us today, talking about her book, <em>Finding the Hero in Your Husband. <\/em>Juli, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be back with you again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m glad you\u2019re here, too; because you\u2019re going to help us answer this question; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> By the way, we\u2019ve just got to say: \u201cThis isn\u2019t your <em>only<\/em> book. You\u2019ve written\u2014ten books\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> <em>Authentic Intimacy <\/em>is your website\/podcast,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which is unbelievable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, we didn\u2019t mention your podcast, <em>Java with Juli<\/em>. Tell us: \u201cWhat\u2019s that about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Real casual kind of coffee conversation around difficult issues, a lot of them involving sexuality and intimacy. That\u2019s kind of the place to talk about things that we don\u2019t always know how to talk about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And you know a little bit about men, because you\u2019ve been married 21?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> \u201426.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201426 years; 3 sons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You talk about finding the hero: it\u2019s in your husband; it\u2019s in your sons. What we just described, is that <em>common<\/em>?\u2014that many men feel, what I heard in my car that day, that their wife loves them, but maybe doesn\u2019t quite like them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes, I would say that\u2019s <em>very<\/em> true. I think to even get more to the heart of the issue is asking the question: \u201cDoes your wife respect you?\u201d I know that, for some people, respect is a trigger word\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> \u2014because of the way it\u2019s been used. I think we have to understand that respect is really not just this\u2014\u201cOh, I agree with everything you say,\u201d\u2014but it\u2019s understanding the heart of a man, who needs to feel like his wife believes in him; that he\u2019s a competent person worth trusting. I think guys <em>want<\/em> to be believed in even more than they want to be liked. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> But that\u2019s just a hunch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s sort of what they were getting at.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, even my question was using the word \u201clike\u201d compared to \u201clove,\u201d but man, when you say that, Juli, as a man, I\u2019m like, \u201cYes! That\u2019s what we <em>long<\/em> for\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cto be believed in,\u201d and \u201cIf we\u2019re believed in, we\u2019re trusted;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014affirmed; encouraged rather than discouraged.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA man will <em>run<\/em> to wherever he\u2019s finding that; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And the reason I didn\u2019t do that\u2014probably for our first 15 years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I want to know: \u201cYes, why?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014I <em>seldom<\/em> complimented you; I seldom thanked you; because I thought, \u201cWho thanks me? I do everything around here, and no one thanks me!\u201d I was stingy with my words of praise; because I thought, \u201c<em>Everybody\u2019s<\/em> giving him applause.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201c<em>Everybody\u2019s<\/em> telling him he\u2019s so wonderful,\u201d\u2014and he is!\u2014he\u2019s good at everything he does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI don\u2019t need to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cIf I compliment him, or tell him I\u2019m satisfied, or find a hero in him, he\u2019ll think, \u2018Oh, Ann\u2019s good,\u2019 and that will <em>enable<\/em> him to stay the same.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes, <em>a lot<\/em> of women feel that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do they?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes, they do. It\u2019s like, actually, they feel like it\u2019s their job to knock him down a few notches.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes! Because we think it will <em>motivate<\/em> them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes! And it has the absolute <em>opposite<\/em> effect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; talk about that, because it <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> motivate us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> No, [it doesn\u2019t motivate]. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, there\u2019s this element\u2014and you talked about this a little bit last time\u2014there\u2019s an element of a man, who wants to become the person his wife sees. If I see and reflect to my husband, \u201cYou\u2019re never going to get it right. Even if everybody else in the world respects you, I don\u2019t. You\u2019re just <em>never<\/em> quite there,\u201d then my husband, even emotionally, is going to <em>stay<\/em> in that place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhereas, if I <em>see<\/em> him and project to him, \u201cThis is who I see God created you to be. These are the <em>good<\/em> things I\u2019m going to speak life into and believe,\u201d\u2014even though I\u2019ve seen the negative too\u2014he wants to become that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s mysterious; but I think, when we really peel it back, like, \u201cWhy did God create men that way?\u201d This is kind of a crazy concept, but Scripture talks about how marriage is this reflection of Christ and the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> And essentially, you\u2019re supposed to be a reflection of Christ, the ultimate Hero!\u2014which, as a guy, that has to just feel like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, talk about weighty!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s overwhelming, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> But how are you going to get there? One of the main ways that you get there is the life-giving words and <em>vision<\/em> that your wife is speaking into you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it begins with your father and the words he speaks, and then the power kind of transfers to your wife. We don\u2019t understand this <em>amazing <\/em>power God has given women. Proverbs 14:1 says, \u201cThe wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish woman tears hers down.\u201d I <em>never <\/em>would want to tear my house down\u2014or my husband or my marriage down\u2014but there\u2019ve been times when I haven\u2019t been wise with my power, and I\u2019ve found myself doing just that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; me too. I\u2019ve had a lot of women come up to me, and they\u2019ve said\u2014as I\u2019ve spoken about this\u2014they\u2019ve said: \u201cYou don\u2019t understand; there is <em>nothing <\/em>great in him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Like, \u201cI can\u2019t see <em>anything<\/em> good.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cThere is no hero.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t see the hero.\u201d They will say, \u201cSo you want me to <em>lie<\/em>? You want me to <em>fake<\/em> it?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do you respond to that, Juli?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; I think, first of all, every man has this potential of hero within him. To a certain extent, it\u2019s his choice whether he\u2019s going to step into that or not. Our wounds play a part in that. Men are coming into marriage with their own fears and wounds that may or may not have been addressed; so it\u2019s not all on a woman to say, \u201cI\u2019m going to make you who you\u2019re going to become.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> I don\u2019t want women to hear that; but she can provide a nurturing place, where that hero can be encouraged and called forth. He still might say, \u201cNo\u201d; he still may not grow. He still may not soften his heart towards her, but every man has that potential. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m saying is that, without realizing it, a lot of us set our husbands up for not growing, and really staying withdrawn, or chasing other things that make them <em>feel<\/em> more like a hero. I think modern-day today, video games are a way guys can feel like heroes virtually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> They can conquer new levels and \u201cI\u2019m going after this status.\u201d It\u2019s <em>fake<\/em>; but it\u2019s playing into that <em>need<\/em> of being competent, and being capable, and achieving, and accomplishing something that they\u2019re called to do in real life. That real life requires risk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When you say that, as a man\u2014you know, I\u2019m the only guy sitting in here today [Laughter]\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cIt is <em>so <\/em>true,\u201d in terms of not just my own life\u2014obviously, I\u2019m thinking of my own life\u2014but as I\u2019ve watched other husbands and men as well. It\u2019s like, if somebody asked me, \u201cOkay, what has changed you to become a better man in your life?\u201d Obviously, I would say, \u201cJesus.\u201d There\u2019s <em>no<\/em> transformation without the power of God, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in my life; but I would also put, right up there, \u201cMy wife\u2019s words; my wife\u2019s belief in me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, again, we already said earlier that, for a long time, I didn\u2019t hear that. I felt criticized, and I sort of withdrew; I didn\u2019t rise up. You [Ann] were thinking, \u201cI\u2019m motivating him by saying this\u201d; and never getting the results you wanted. It was like, \u201cThat\u2019s not working!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, I can\u2019t tell you what year, but there was a <em>shift <\/em>in her words\u2014Proverbs 18:21: \u201cThe tongue has the power of life and death,\u201d\u2014her words felt more like death before. She started speaking life. I don\u2019t think I was that much of a better man. She started speaking like I <em>was <\/em>a better man. All I can tell you, from experience\u2014is what, Juli, you just said\u2014I started becoming the man she said I was, that I wasn\u2019t yet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe wasn\u2019t going, \u201cNow, I see things; I\u2019m going to speak it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She just started seeing things that maybe were already there, but she was critiquing. She started speaking life\/finding the hero in me. All I know is I was <em>motivated<\/em> now, as a man, like: \u201cWow! She believes in me. She really thinks I\u2019m a good husband! I don\u2019t really think I\u2019m much better than I was a year ago.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSeveral things happened. One is: \u201cI don\u2019t want to be at work as long.\u201d You know, it\u2019s like, \u201cI want to go <em>there<\/em> to that place where that woman believes in me.\u201d I <em>became<\/em> a better husband; I <em>became <\/em>a better dad. I started doing all the things that she was critiquing me for, but now saying\u2014again, you just sort of put a handle on that\u2019s what happens\u2014a man becomes what he hears. If it\u2019s negative, he sort of stays there; if it\u2019s positive, he rises\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs that a common thing?\u2014because it definitely was true of my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes, I think it\u2019s a really common thing. It\u2019s something that I had to learn as a young wife. Even the way I phrased something was either kind of a shut-down for my husband, or an invitation for him to rise up and be the hero. For example, being overwhelmed with the kids and not being able to manage things, I could say, \u201cMike, why don\u2019t you help out more? I mean, I feel like I\u2019m doing <em>everything!<\/em>\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave, that right there, says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re failing as a father and a husband.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Or I can say, \u201cYou know, honey, I\u2019m just feeling really overwhelmed. I don\u2019t know if I can <em>handle<\/em> all of this; I need help.\u201d That\u2019s saying, \u201cI\u2019m inviting you to step in with your strength and save me,\u201d in some ways, which is really what we want; and it\u2019s what <em>they<\/em> want.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we <em>love <\/em>to be the savior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes! So every time I do that, my husband\u2019s like, \u201cOf course, I want to help you. I want to be there for you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if I just tweak it\u2014where it\u2019s critical; it\u2019s demanding; it\u2019s controlling\u2014it just shuts him down. It just <em>destroys <\/em>intimacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let\u2019s do this: let\u2019s talk about some of the things are listeners are probably thinking: \u201cOkay; but what about\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWhat about my husband, who comes home every night, sits in front of the TV; I do everything after <em>my<\/em> job?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cmaking dinner, putting the kids to bed, doing homework; and he does nothing! How do I cheer and see the hero in <em>that<\/em>?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Or<\/em> you have some young wives, and their husbands are playing video games all night long until 2:00 in the morning. They\u2019re trying to get his attention; they\u2019re trying to talk; but there\u2019s like, \u201cHey! I need to finish this level!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How do we find <em>those<\/em> heroes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> You know, the first thing I would say to a woman in that perspective is\u2014and I know it sounds clich\u00e9, but it\u2019s so key\u2014\u201cGet on your knees before the Lord,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand ask for His help; ask for His wisdom.\u201d Because the type of change that we\u2019re talking about\u2014this is not just a psychological principle or a gimmicky thing you do in your marriage\u2014it\u2019s really saying, \u201cGod, I\u2019m lonely, and I\u2019m hurting, and I don\u2019t know how to reach my husband. Would You help me? Would You help change <em>my<\/em> heart first?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And this is an everyday prayer. It\u2019s not a one-time, that you think, \u201cOkay, it didn\u2019t work!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is a <em>continual<\/em> prayer: \u201cLord, help me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> That\u2019s where it starts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> I mean, that\u2019s what the Scriptures says: \u201cBefore I confront my brother,\u201d\u2014which I will do\u2014I need to first say, \u201cGod, examine my heart.\u201d Because what so often happens is, when we are disappointed in marriage, over and over again like that, we become resentful; we become hard-hearted. Without realizing it, we now are using our power to punish our husband\u2014to withhold affection; withhold words of affirmation\u2014it\u2019s just what we naturally do. We go into self-protective mode.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUntil I know that God\u2019s going to protect my heart, I can\u2019t reach out to my husband. A woman that tries to have these hard conversations\u2014still with that attitude of: \u201cI\u2019ve got to protect <em>myself<\/em>,\u201d\u2014 not: \u201cGod has given me strength,\u201d \u201cGod is helping me through this; He\u2019s bringing wise women, and mentors, and friends into my life to encourage me,\u201d you\u2019re not going to have the strength to make the changes that need to be made. It\u2019s <em>such <\/em>a critical step.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Are you saying, \u201cLet\u2019s just get on our knees\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Well, I think that\u2019s where it starts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> But we also have to understand that marriage was never meant to be done alone. I think, in today\u2019s culture, it\u2019s like me and you go out on this island; and no one is knowing what\u2019s happening between us. We don\u2019t talk about the real things with friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMarriage was meant to be done in community. It doesn\u2019t mean that there\u2019s not a sacred place for marriage between a husband and wife, but there need to be eyes on your marriage. Women need other women in their lives, who are encouraging them, helping them focus on the Lord, and just even vet: \u201cIs this normal?: :Does this happen in your marriage or not?\u201d They need wiser, older women, the Scriptures say, to encourage them and teach them\u2014like we\u2019re doing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> \u2014the things that we\u2019ve learned over all these years\/the mistakes we\u2019ve made. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the same is true of men. He needs other men in his life, challenging him, helping him, discipling him. That prayer of: \u201cGod, help us,\u201d\u2014is not, \u201cI\u2019m going to go in there and fix my husband,\u201d\u2014but I need to have some honest conversations with him about the kind of help we need to get out of this cycle we\u2019ve been in for many years now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, we\u2019re talking about speaking words of life and believing in [him]. Ann did that\u2014the power she has\/you have\u2014women have\u2014is crazy! But there are moments when a wife needs to speak hard truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes, for sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, that needs to be said\u2014that may not sound very affirming or respectful\u2014but it\u2019s also something a man needs from his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t want to be the guy, who\u2019s so wimpy\u2014that anytime she says something that is hurtful to hear, I\u2019m just like, \u201cOh, you\u2019re not respecting me!\u201d\u2014you know, I need to hear <em>both<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So how do you balance that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; I love the visual of building a bridge. My words of encouragement to my husband lay down planks on that bridge. I can only walk as far as I\u2019ve built. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s good; that\u2019s really good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> When I\u2019ve built this sense of him trusting me\u2014he knows that my heart is for him\u2014it gives me, now, permission for me to say hard things in a way that he can receive them. There does come a place where, in relationship, a woman has to say: \u201cHoney, this is bothering me,\u201d or \u201cI see this, and it\u2019s concerning me,\u201d or \u201cI think we need to get some help on this.\u201d But even as I say those, they\u2019re not critical statements.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> It\u2019s not like, \u201cYou need to stop doing this! If you don\u2019t stop doing this, then I\u2019m leaving\u201d; but it\u2019s: \u201cI\u2019m concerned about <em>us<\/em>, and I feel a lack of connection between us. I don\u2019t know if you\u2019re sensing that, too; but my heart is just hurting, because I <em>know<\/em> that we can be more.\u201d Again, it\u2019s this invitation to a larger vision than where we are today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome guys are going to respond to that really well; sometimes, they\u2019re not. And then the next step is: \u201cI get that; that\u2019s your choice, but I\u2019m going to go get some help.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> And \u201cI want to grow as a wife, because I know what I\u2019m doing with my words, and where I\u2019m going with my heart, is not a healthy place.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I remember\u2014and we\u2019ve said a little bit about this\u2014but even <em>how<\/em> Ann said words that could have been critique, but she phrased them in a way that was totally\/landed differently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember one time, I was walking out of the bedroom with our three little boys, after putting them to bed\u2014praying with them; doing a little devo\u2014I mean, they were 10 years or 12 years old and younger. She was in the hallway, and I walk out. She was just sitting there, and she says this: \u201cMan, the power you have with our boys. They <em>hang<\/em> on every word. It\u2019s amazing! Just what you\u2019re doing in there\/you\u2019re literally changing their life.\u201d That\u2019s all she said. Next night, I\u2019m <em>running<\/em> into that bedroom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Five years earlier, here\u2019s how Ann would have said it: \u201cYou know what?! If you would get in there and do that every night with them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re supposed to!\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like, \u201cIt\u2019s biblical.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, she would have said it more negative, like, \u201cThat\u2019s your <em>job. <\/em>You should do that more; I don\u2019t know why you don\u2019t.\u201d I don\u2019t know if I would have <em>ever <\/em>gone back up there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the way she phrased it\u2014I didn\u2019t know it in the moment; I don\u2019t even know if <em>you<\/em> did!\u2014but it was like, \u201cWow! She spoke something that could have been critical in a positive way.\u201d It said many things: \u201cI believe in you,\u201d \u201cI trust you,\u201d and \u201cWow! Way to go!\u201d It was like [applause] rather than, \u201cBoo!\u201d You know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So I thought, \u201cThere\u2019s what you\u2019ve been saying.\u201d You know, there\u2019s this <em>power <\/em>that can motivate your man; but in the same way, it could have been spoken critically. And again, as a man, I should step up; I should be able to take it. Come on!\u2014you know, I did that my whole life; coaches yell at you, and you get better\u2014but man!\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I like the bridge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I like laying those planks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014when the planks\u2014here\u2019s one last question, though: \u201cHow many planks before you can walk on that thing?\u201d [Laughter] What\u2019s the ratio; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Oh, I\/maybe, 5:1, at least? But I think it depends on what the momentum has been in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> You know, if you\u2019ve spent ten years just being critical, manipulative, and controlling with your husband, it\u2019s going to take time to rebuild that trust.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> And again, that has to begin with a change in <em>your<\/em> heart. Ann, it\u2019s obvious that that happened in your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, and it really only happened through me being on my knees. It was a surrender moment of, \u201cLord, I give up.\u201d My intent was good. I could see the greatness, and I wanted him to be great of who God had made him to be; and I thought I would motivate him by my critique.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And it had no effect! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was also a humble: \u201cLord, I\u2019ve been failing, and I don\u2019t know how to do this!\u201d I also had friends come alongside me. We would listen to podcasts together, or we would read a book\u2014<em>Finding the Hero in Your <\/em>Husband\u2014and we would pray: \u201cLord, we are failing!\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cWe are <em>failing <\/em>so desperately!\u201d But we would also be real, saying, \u201cI feel like my husband doesn\u2019t even get it or get <em>me<\/em>.\u201d Those conversations were so helpful. And then, at the end, we just didn\u2019t completely dog our husbands the whole time. We would pray for each other and for each other\u2019s husbands. It felt like, \u201cOh, I\u2019ve got an army with me, of people who are doing it with me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of you older women listening, maybe you have failed at this, but you have learned so much. There are so many younger women, who are longing for a mentor; longing for an older woman\u2014a mom-type of person\u2014to come into their lives. Maybe it\u2019s one person; maybe it\u2019s two\u2014but gather them; and encourage them; and say, \u201cThis is what I didn\u2019t do,\u201d and \u201cThis is what I did do well,\u201d\u2014and pray for them. That really helps. Because we women\u2014man!\u2014we are powerful together, more than alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we bring Jesus in, and we submit and surrender our lives to Him, and we call out to Him\u2014every time I see in the Bible, when it says, \u201cAnd they called out to the Lord,\u201d\u2014it always says, \u201cAnd He heard them.\u201d He may not have acted immediately the way they wanted Him to;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014but it always says, \u201cAnd He heard them.\u201d There is a God who hears every prayer; every cry; every time you\u2019re alone, weeping in your bed. He\u2019s there, and He wants to meet you right where you are and help you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; thank you, Juli. It\u2019s good stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Thanks so much for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Being the wife that God has called you to be in marriage\u2014or being the husband God\u2019s called you to be, for that matter\u2014both of these require that we are doing life in community with others, who can help point us in the right direction, who can remind us of what\u2019s true, who can point us back to Jesus when our eyes drop. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, Dr. Juli Slattery has been talking with Dave and Ann Wilson about how a wife can find the hero in her husband. Dr. Slattery\u2019s written a book called <em>Finding the Hero in Your Husband. <\/em>It\u2019s been revised and updated, and we\u2019ve got copies of her book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can request your copy when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call to order. Our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY; that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd don\u2019t forget! Juli is going to be joining us, again, this February on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. This is a seven-night cruise in the Caribbean, back on the water. We\u2019re excited to be setting sail again from Port Canaveral with a great line-up of speakers like Juli Slattery, and Alex and Stephen Kendrick, Ron Deal, Dave and Ann Wilson, others who are going to be speaking; artists; musicians\u2014really going to be a great time together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are starting to see the ship fill up, so we wanted to come to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners, and say, \u201cIf you would like to join us and get away for a week together,\u201d\u2014and who couldn\u2019t use a week together after what has been going on for the last couple of years; right?\u2014\u201cIf you want to join us, now is the time to sign up. You can save a little money if you register before Monday, October 4.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com right now for more information, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you\u2019d like to register by phone or if you have any questions. Again, the number is1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Or again, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com; and join us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise in February 2022.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear from John and Debra Fileta about steps couples can take to protect their marriage relationship. Marriages are fragile and need protection. We\u2019re going to hear some of the things John and Debra have done to build a wall around their marriage to keep it safe. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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