{"id":307240,"date":"2021-09-25T07:02:04","date_gmt":"2021-09-25T11:02:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/hard-to-love-2\/"},"modified":"2025-05-21T13:21:35","modified_gmt":"2025-05-21T17:21:35","slug":"hard-to-love-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/hard-to-love-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Hard to Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Lou Priolo, Bill and Vicki Rose, and Tommy and Teresa Nelson tell about the people in their lives who were difficult to love, and how God helped them extend love anyway.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lou Priolo, Bill and Vicki Rose, and Tommy and Teresa Nelson tell about the people in their lives who were difficult to love, and how God helped them extend love anyway.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294950,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-09-25.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:59","filesize":"25.62M","filesize_raw":"26866967","date_recorded":"2021-09-25 07:02:04","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2840,2841,2846,2860],"tags":[4213],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9150,3226,9083],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307240","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-depression","category-hardship-and-suffering","tag-love","cwp_profile-bill-and-vicki-rose","cwp_profile-lou-priolo","cwp_profile-tommy-and-teresa-nelson","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg?w=300","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307240\/hard-to-love-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307240\/hard-to-love-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"9LbsCpJTbZ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/hard-to-love-2\/\">Hard to Love<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/hard-to-love-2\/embed\/#?secret=9LbsCpJTbZ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Hard to Love&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"9LbsCpJTbZ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-09-25.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-09-25.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> As well-known pastor and author, Tommy Nelson, slipped into clinical depression, things got difficult for Tommy and for his wife, Teresa.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa:<\/strong> One Sunday evening, I went to prayer; and I left him at home. He got the guy to take him to a doctor\u2019s office to get medication. I felt like he was going <em>around<\/em> me\u2014he was taking stuff that this doctor didn\u2019t know\u2014he\u2019s talking to this doctor. I was beginning to be very irritated with him, to be honest.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What do you do when loving the one you love gets hard? We\u2019re going to talk about that today on <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Welcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. When I say the words, \u201cmoney pit,\u201d what comes to mind for you? Was it your first house?\u2014or maybe, it\u2019s your <em>current<\/em> house!\u2014the one you thought would be just the <em>perfect<\/em> fit for you and your family. But the more work that you did, the more you found you <em>had to do. <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Renovating a house is an ongoing project, and it can take a lot of time. You\u2019ve heard the saying before\u2014\u201cIf something is hard to do, it\u2019s worth it in the end,\u201d\u2014like a house renovation, or restoring that 1969 Dodge Charger, or relationships. We\u2019re going to talk about <em>difficult<\/em> relationships or hard-to-love people.<\/p>\n<p>Is there someone who\u2019s hard to love in <em>your<\/em> life? You know, it takes patience, and forbearance, perseverance; it takes humility, whether it\u2019s an angry child, or a spouse that\u2019s antagonistic toward your newfound faith, or maybe it\u2019s a family member who\u2019s walking through a difficult season of depression or sickness.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s talk about that angry child. That\u2019s hard on the whole family. There\u2019s the slamming of doors, and the fist through the wall, or maybe they\u2019re just being argumentative and have spiteful attitudes; your compliant child has morphed into somebody that you don\u2019t recognize. It\u2019s hard, not only to know what to do, but also to hold onto your sanity.<\/p>\n<p>Lou Priolo is the founder of Competent to Counsel International<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. He\u2019s written several books, including <em>The Heart of Anger<\/em>. In a FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> interview with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine, Bob asked Lou about a 13-year-old, who loses her temper, and mouths-off to her parents, and maybe is even starting to use profanity. Just what should the parent do? Here\u2019s Lou\u2019s answer.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, I think the first thing you have to do is realize that most teenagers understand that they're angry\u2014maybe not the degree to which they're angry\u2014but they understand that they've got an issue with anger, even though, as I said, it might be somewhat minimized in their lives. But more importantly, most of them know that they are already suffering the consequences of their anger.<\/p>\n<p>What I'm trying to say is that, in many of them\u2014I daresay, in most of them\u2014there is a part of them that really wants to learn how to get it under control, because they <em>know<\/em> that they're suffering consequences.\u00a0Maybe it's just in the home right now, or maybe it's started to bleed over into their other relationships.<\/p>\n<p>I think the <em>first<\/em> thing to do is to try to help them understand that there is a problem with anger and that there are <em>consequences<\/em> for that anger.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0But don't you think that a teenager is thinking: \"Well, I know what the problem is;\u00a0I know why I'm angry.\u00a0It's my mom,\u201d \u201cIt's my dad,\u201d \u201cIt's the unreasonable stuff.\u00a0If I was living outside the house\u2026\u201d \u201cIf I was living at Sally's house\u2026\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\"If I had freedom\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes, \"\u2026I wouldn't be angry.\"<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0And that's why it's so important for parents to teach their teens and their younger children the difference between righteous anger and sinful anger.\u00a0It could very well be that mom and dad <em>are<\/em> provoking them to anger by their sinful behavior. Or it could very well be that the parents are not sinning\/they are not doing anything wrong, and the reason they're [child\u2019s] angry is because there is something they want. They want it so much that they are willing to sin, because mom and dad kept them from having what they wanted.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0So you're saying the teenager may be inappropriately expressing what is legitimate or righteous anger, because mom and dad are messing up as parents?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0I'm saying, before the teenager decides what he's going to do\/how he's going to express his anger, he's got to make sure that it's the right kind of anger, not the wrong kind of anger; in other words, he's got to be sure that he's angry because someone has sinned against him, not because someone has not given him what he wants. I mean, that's really the difference between righteous anger and sinful anger.\u00a0Sinful anger is the result of our not getting what we want.\u00a0Righteous anger is the result of God not getting what He wants. In other words, when somebody sins, and we become angry, then chances are that's the right kind of anger. But when we get angry simply because no one has sinned, but we're not getting what we want, then chances are that is a sinful kind of anger.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Anger in kids is hard. If you\u2019re a parent of a child, who\u2019s angry, that\u2019s tough stuff. But here\u2019s the thing: you have a chance to come alongside of them to guide them and to teach them through this. Lou suggests that, if you or your child are dealing with anger, you might want to keep an anger journal. It will help you keep track of the outbursts and also help you track just how, maybe, you can learn more biblically-appropriate ways to respond. We have a link for a downloadable printout at our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. We\u2019ll also have a link to the Lou Priolo shows on teens and anger there too.<\/p>\n<p>You know, for some kids, this anger thing can get out of control. Please use discernment\u2014if you need to call the authorities to help control your child, if there is something illegal happening, or if somebody is in danger\u2014don\u2019t be afraid to get help.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s another complex relationship that\u2019s hard to navigate; and that is, the spouse, who doesn\u2019t share your faith. Bill and Vicki Rose were not Christians when they got married. They lived a party lifestyle in New York City. They had money, and they had fame. They had it all, except they didn\u2019t know Christ. Not surprisingly, after about ten years, their marriage blew up. They were separated, with the young kids living with Vicki while Bill continued to party and do drugs.<\/p>\n<p>It was during their separation that someone reached out to Vicki. Through a series of dinner events and conversations, Vicki gave her life to the Lord. Vicki invited Bill to these evangelistic dinner parties. This was the time when Bill was spending <em>hundreds<\/em> of dollars a day on cocaine. At first, he resisted; but he loved baseball. So one day, he gave in and attended one of these dinner parties. Here\u2019s Bill.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> The first one, she called me and said there\u2019s a\/she thought she had heard that my baseball hero, growing up\u2014was a guy named Bobby Richardson, wasn\u2019t quite sure, but she thought she had\u2014there was a baseball chapel luncheon, down at the downtown athletic club, which is where the Heisman trophy used to be given. And wanted to know\/said the guest speaker was Bobby Richardson, and would I be interested in going? I thought, \u201cYes, that would be kind of cool. I\u2019d get to meet Bobby.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I went down there for the luncheon. Bobby shared his faith and his testimony; he was very eloquent. Someone introduced me to Bobby, and he came back with me to the restaurant\/the sporting club that I owned and spent a good two hours with me and prayed for me in my office. I was not ready to do anything further than let him pray for me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Was he sharing his faith with you?\u2014his faith in Christ?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> Yes, he did. He also shared it at the luncheon. We just talked about the Yankees and our past second-base history. [Laughter] He wore number \u201c1\u201d; I wore number \u201c1.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> He went a little farther than you did; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> He did; thank you for bringing that up. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0So you just swapped baseball stories. He said, \"Can I pray for you?\"\u00a0 You said, \"Yes, that's okay\"?<\/p>\n<p>Bill:\u00a0Yes, I mean, what was I going to say, \"No\"?\u00a0 That was my boyhood hero.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And he took off; and you said: \"Well, that was neat. I got to spend the afternoon with Bobby Richardson.\"<\/p>\n<p>Bill:\u00a0He did; but he said he would stay in touch, and he did. That was where I started\u2014and then, what happened was\u2014I started to get really tired of feeling hopeless: \u201cIs this all there is?\u201d And on Sunday mornings\u2014Sundays were my biggest day at The Sporting Club because it was football. We showed every single game, live, simultaneously\u2014the only place that was doing that at the time.<\/p>\n<p>I remember just being in tears on a Sunday morning\u2014praying out to God, not really knowing who I was praying to\u2014but I was praying out to God, crying out: \"This can't be all there is!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Bill was at the bottom of the barrel, and that\u2019s where he met God. God answered years of prayer from Vicki and from her children, and Bill surrendered his life to Christ.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t want to paint a Pollyanna picture of what all transpired in the Rose family; because it took <em>years<\/em> for their marriage to be restored, but Vicki was faithful. It wasn\u2019t easy; it was hard. Bill was a very hard man; but Vicki remained faithful, first to God, and then also to her husband. God restored a marriage that was completely in shambles.<\/p>\n<p>A quick word of caution here: if you are in an abusive marriage\u2014that could be verbal; that could be physical; that could be emotional\u2014get some help, and put some space between you and your spouse. Enabling sin is <em>never<\/em> love. Remember that help could be legal authorities as well as your church.<\/p>\n<p>We need to take a quick break. We\u2019re going to be back in two minutes; we\u2019re going to discuss some more about hard-to-love people. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I\u2019m Michelle Hill. You\u2019re in it for the long haul, and persistence can pay off. But that does not mean that it\u2019s going to be easy. We\u2019re talking about hard-to-love people on the broadcast this week.<\/p>\n<p>Take, for instance, loving someone through a health crisis. We all think: \u201cThose health crises\u2014they happen to other people\u2014they don\u2019t happen to us.\u201d So what happens when it is us?\u2014and it\u2019s not over like within a week or two? That\u2019s what happened to Tommy and Teresa Nelson. We all know Tommy; he\u2019s a well-known author and also pastor. There was something that has marked his life when he was hit, unexpectedly, with depression\/with clinical depression. He had basically worked himself into emotional exhaustion.<\/p>\n<p>What happens when you have this needy, non-functional, housebound husband, who starts leaning very hard\u2014in fact, not just hard\u2014but totally leaning on his wife? That\u2019s when Teresa Nelson hit her crisis point. Here\u2019s Teresa.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Well, it turned it upside down\u2014because I became the strong person; I became the safe person; I became the decision-maker\u2014Tommy, totally depended upon me, almost to a stranglehold on me, where he needed me right there beside him. By the time he was well, I mean, I really felt like [sounding weary], \u201cI don\u2019t know if I can go on; [Laughter] there\u2019s such a stranglehold on me.\u201d I mean, he was <em>so<\/em> dependent.<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0I\u2019m like the world\u2019s biggest tick\u2014big, massive 600-pound tick. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0I don\u2019t mean that!<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Tommy\/Tommy does not weigh 600 pounds, lest people take that imagery here.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0No; I mean totally dependent upon me.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Was it different than if he was convalescing after surgery for four months?<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Oh, that would have been a piece of cake.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Because, mentally, he was struggling. I didn\u2019t feel like he could make\/well, he <em>couldn\u2019t<\/em> make decisions.<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0I could barely <em>drive<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0He <em>couldn\u2019t<\/em> drive; I drove him. Even then, that was difficult; because he wanted to be in the house. Yes, it was just total dependence upon me.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You\u2019re helping somebody, who is, again, recovering from something physical\u2014but you had somebody, who had both a physical and an emotional thing going on\u2014how do you keep that from being personal? Do you know what I mean?\u00a0 I mean, there had to be times when\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0And she did keep it from getting personal.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2014when his attitude, when his anger, when his frustration\u2014how did you keep from feeling like, \u201cYou just need to talk nicer to me\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Well, to be honest, it was just getting kind of annoying; because it was so: \u201cHelp me,\u201d \u201cHelp me,\u201d \u201cHelp me,\u201d \u201cDo this for me.\u201d This was before they said \u201cClinical depression.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>One Sunday evening, I was at prayer. I went to prayer; and I left him at home. He called the church and got the guy in charge of sound to take him to Lewisville, which is about 20 miles from Denton, to a doctor\u2019s office to get medication.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tommy: <\/strong>\u2014to help me sleep.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa: <\/strong>I felt like he was going <em>around<\/em> me, because that\u2019s what I started feeling. I felt immediate anger; I really did. I felt it up to here; I thought, \u201cTommy\u2019s lost his mind.\u201d But I wasn\u2019t thinking, \u201cclinical depression.\u201d I was just thinking, \u201cHe is self-centered.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tommy: \u201c<\/strong>You\u2019re not the only person!\u201d [Screaming; laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa:<\/strong> I went home, and I mean, it was like I\u2014I really <em>did<\/em>\u2014to my shame, I blew, just like that. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tommy:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re not the only person!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa:<\/strong> I said, \u201cI\u2019m going to start calling you COTU: the \u2018Center of the Universe.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 I mean, I was really angry.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tommy:<\/strong> Now, did you catch what she said? Center of the Universe is C-O-T-U.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa:<\/strong> \u2014not \u201csinner.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tommy:<\/strong> So it\u2019s \u201ccenter\u201d; C-E-N-T-E-R. That got to be the shortened version: \u201cHey, COTU!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa:<\/strong> I did. [Laughter] I mean, because I was feeling angry at him; because I felt like he was going <em>around<\/em> me. He was being <em>deceptive<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Here is the question I want to ask you at this point: \u201cTommy Nelson\u2014synonymous with teaching Song of Solomon conferences across the country about romance, caring for your spouse\u2014how does the Center of the Universe live out the Song of Solomon in the midst of depression?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Let\u2019s break to a commercial right here. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Tommy, quit it! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Yes, the truth must come out, my friend.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Well, he didn\u2019t\u00a0stay\u00a0the Center of the Universe. I mean, it was just\u2014he was trying to fix everything, and he was trying to make it right\u2014and then, he went into a true clinical depression.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Would it be fair to say that, from the middle of May\u2014maybe even before that\u2014until the middle of November, you had a romance-less marriage?<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Oh, yes. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Oh, yes; it was a\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Oh, yes; well, I\u2019d say from the middle of May to, at least, October.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And I know there are a lot of folks, who are listening, who are going, \u201cI know that sounds like a long time, but I\u2019ve been at it for two years,\u201d or \u201c\u2026three years,\u201d or \u201c\u2026five years in a romance-less marriage.\u201d Did it cause you to begin to go: \u201cI don\u2019t know that there\u2019s hope. This may be <em>worse<\/em> until he dies or I die\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0There were a couple of times I thought\u2014hopeless\u2014but\u00a0not\u00a0really. I mean, there were a couple of times I just thought, \u201cI hope it\u2019s not this way forever,\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2014\u201c\u2026forever,\u201d yes.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0\u2014because to touch him was painful <em>to him<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0\u2014to just rub his arm or anything like that was just <em>painful<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0I couldn\u2019t wear a watch; I couldn\u2019t wear a wedding ring; it hurt.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0I mean, he had real, true pain that they had to give him medication that they give diabetics a lot of time for neuropathy to help their arm and leg pain. But it was not odd; it was like, \u201cThis is, not just my duty, but I love this man.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u201cThis is your assignment.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Yes; \u201cBut this is what has been dealt to you right now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, how hard! You know, just like Vicki Rose, Teresa Nelson had the courage to faithfully love her husband during this very painful episode\/very painful health episode. God took Tommy and Teresa through some of the most intense suffering of their lives in order to refine them and to refine their ministry. It\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> reminder that, not only is love hard at times, but God <em>uses<\/em> those hard things to refine us and to make us into the people that He wants us to be.<\/p>\n<p>One of the mistakes that Christians make is that we get irritable at the slow process. I\u2019m sure there were times Teresa was irritable\u2014maybe even Vicki Rose\u2014irritable at this slow process: \u201cWhy wasn\u2019t God moving faster?\u201d It got me to thinking of some verses that Lou Priolo has put to memory to help him through the days of that slow process.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong> There are two passages of Scripture that I committed to memory. Both of them, when I find myself becoming impatient or even angry, if I can recall them to mind\u2014I don\u2019t do it 100 percent of the time\u2014but when I can call these things to mind, it helps me tremendously.<\/p>\n<p>The first one is 2 Timothy 2:24-26: \u201cThe Lord\u2019s bondservant must not be quarrelsome or argumentative, but kind to all, patient when wronged; in gentleness, instructing those who are in opposition.\u201d Then, two chapters over, 2 Timothy 4:2: \u201cPreach the Word,\u201d\u2014or in the case of a husband and father, I say to myself, \u201cTeach the Word\u201d; because it\u2019s my responsibility to teach my wife\/to teach my kids God\u2019s Word; right?\u2014\u201cBe ready in season and out of season; rebuke, exhort, convict\u201d\u2014now, catch this\u2014\u201cwith great patience and careful instruction.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In both of these verses, you have this idea of\u00a0patient\u00a0instruction\u2014patience and instruction\u2014instruct with patience. A lot of times, when I\u2019m having a conflict with my wife or my girls, it\u2019s sort of like we\u2019re on the same level: \u201cNya, nya, nya, nya,\u201d\u2014me versus her\/me versus them. When I can remember these verses\u2014I don\u2019t know how I\u2019m going to illustrate this on the radio\u2014it\u00a0changes\u00a0the paradigm. Instead of me being on the same level with them, I remember these verses and I tell myself, \u201cLou, you are the <em>shepherd<\/em>. It goes this way\u2026you are supposed to shepherd\u00a0them.\u201d Somehow, by bringing that to mind, it enables me to be more patient; more so, just like I\u2019m patient with my counselees. I\u2019m the shepherd of the family\u2014it\u2019s my job to train them; it\u2019s my job to help them\u2014I must be patient with them, because that\u2019s what shepherds do.<\/p>\n<p>And oh, by the way, they have to be patient\u2014and have been, generally-speaking\u2014patient with <em>me<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0That\u2019s where I find I often am able to cultivate patience in the midst of conflict\u2014it\u2019s by stopping and remembering\u2014\u201cHow longsuffering has God been with me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Lou:\u00a0Romans, Chapter 2: \u201cDo you despise the goodness of His forbearance and longsuffering with you, not knowing that the goodness of God leads <em>you<\/em> to repentance?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0If I am grateful to God for His patience\/His longsuffering\u2014if I have been a recipient of that grace in my own life\u2014that helps me pour it out into the lives of others. I want to be as patient with others as I want God to be with me. He has been <em>exceedingly<\/em> patient with me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong> And stop and think about 1 Corinthians 13; what\u2019s the first thing on the list?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLove is patient.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong> And what\u2019s the last thing on the list?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLove endures all things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong> Exactly; \u201cLove bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.\u201d At the beginning and the end, you have this description of love. It\u2019s flanked, on both sides, with the two words we\u2019re talking about: patience and endurance\u2014and even forbearing\u2014I mean, bearing <em>with<\/em> one another.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Patience and endurance. We live in a culture where everything is disposable, where people and things get thrown in the trash as soon as we\u2019re done with them. We don\u2019t tend to practice 1 Corinthians 13 very well, and the skill of patience, and endurance, and forbearance. Maybe it\u2019s time we really take that to heart. It\u2019s about giving <em>grace<\/em>; and it\u2019s about counting to seven instead of three when you get irritable. It\u2019s about asking God to help <em>us<\/em> see things from <em>His<\/em> perspective.<\/p>\n<p>As we close the show, I want to share some sweet words with you from Tommy Nelson, who had struggled with clinical depression. Tommy gave a tribute to his wife Teresa. Here\u2019s what he had to say.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Give me your finger.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0No!<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Yes, you\u2019ve got to touch my finger right here. I would say:<\/p>\n<p>TJ\/Teresa Jo, \u201c\u2026where sin increases, grace abounds...\u201d The way we know of God\u2019s love is through struggle and pain; we find the depth of who He is. That\u2019s what I\u2019ve found in you\u2014that you said, \u201c\u2026\u2019til death do us part,\u201d and you said, \u201c\u2026for better, for worse, and for richer, for poorer\u2026\u201d\u2014I had about a year of just the poorer and the worst, and my strength through all of it was you. You never moved; you never faltered; you never stopped loving me.<\/p>\n<p>You told me things that I didn\u2019t want to hear. You took me to the Word. You let me follow you around, buying at Kroger\u2019s, just like your idiot accomplice\u2014[Laughter]\u2014and you\u00a0never, you <em>never<\/em> faltered\u2014that you always loved me. And when I doubted my health and I even doubted, at times\u2014I said, \u201cGod, like David, You take\u00a0no\u00a0pleasure\u00a0in me anymore,\u201d\u2014but one thing I never doubted was you.<\/p>\n<p>So\u00a0thank\u00a0you\u00a0for sounding the depths of your love. And now, I have more to love, more to praise you for, and a greater sermon for a greater day. Thank you, Babe.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the co-founder of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and our president, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, who forebears much with me, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our patient producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff; they keep me humble. Justin Adams is our merciful mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our gracious production coordinator.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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Priolo, Bill and Vicki Rose, and Tommy and Teresa Nelson tell about the people in their lives who were difficult to love, and how God helped them extend love anyway.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-09-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> As well-known pastor and author, Tommy Nelson, slipped into clinical depression, things got difficult for Tommy and for his wife, Teresa.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa:<\/strong> One Sunday evening, I went to prayer; and I left him at home. He got the guy to take him to a doctor\u2019s office to get medication. I felt like he was going <em>around<\/em> me\u2014he was taking stuff that this doctor didn\u2019t know\u2014he\u2019s talking to this doctor. I was beginning to be very irritated with him, to be honest.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What do you do when loving the one you love gets hard? We\u2019re going to talk about that today on <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Welcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. When I say the words, \u201cmoney pit,\u201d what comes to mind for you? Was it your first house?\u2014or maybe, it\u2019s your <em>current<\/em> house!\u2014the one you thought would be just the <em>perfect<\/em> fit for you and your family. But the more work that you did, the more you found you <em>had to do. <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Renovating a house is an ongoing project, and it can take a lot of time. You\u2019ve heard the saying before\u2014\u201cIf something is hard to do, it\u2019s worth it in the end,\u201d\u2014like a house renovation, or restoring that 1969 Dodge Charger, or relationships. We\u2019re going to talk about <em>difficult<\/em> relationships or hard-to-love people.<\/p>\n<p>Is there someone who\u2019s hard to love in <em>your<\/em> life? You know, it takes patience, and forbearance, perseverance; it takes humility, whether it\u2019s an angry child, or a spouse that\u2019s antagonistic toward your newfound faith, or maybe it\u2019s a family member who\u2019s walking through a difficult season of depression or sickness.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s talk about that angry child. That\u2019s hard on the whole family. There\u2019s the slamming of doors, and the fist through the wall, or maybe they\u2019re just being argumentative and have spiteful attitudes; your compliant child has morphed into somebody that you don\u2019t recognize. It\u2019s hard, not only to know what to do, but also to hold onto your sanity.<\/p>\n<p>Lou Priolo is the founder of Competent to Counsel International<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. He\u2019s written several books, including <em>The Heart of Anger<\/em>. In a FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> interview with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine, Bob asked Lou about a 13-year-old, who loses her temper, and mouths-off to her parents, and maybe is even starting to use profanity. Just what should the parent do? Here\u2019s Lou\u2019s answer.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, I think the first thing you have to do is realize that most teenagers understand that they're angry\u2014maybe not the degree to which they're angry\u2014but they understand that they've got an issue with anger, even though, as I said, it might be somewhat minimized in their lives. But more importantly, most of them know that they are already suffering the consequences of their anger.<\/p>\n<p>What I'm trying to say is that, in many of them\u2014I daresay, in most of them\u2014there is a part of them that really wants to learn how to get it under control, because they <em>know<\/em> that they're suffering consequences.\u00a0Maybe it's just in the home right now, or maybe it's started to bleed over into their other relationships.<\/p>\n<p>I think the <em>first<\/em> thing to do is to try to help them understand that there is a problem with anger and that there are <em>consequences<\/em> for that anger.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0But don't you think that a teenager is thinking: \"Well, I know what the problem is;\u00a0I know why I'm angry.\u00a0It's my mom,\u201d \u201cIt's my dad,\u201d \u201cIt's the unreasonable stuff.\u00a0If I was living outside the house\u2026\u201d \u201cIf I was living at Sally's house\u2026\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\"If I had freedom\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes, \"\u2026I wouldn't be angry.\"<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0And that's why it's so important for parents to teach their teens and their younger children the difference between righteous anger and sinful anger.\u00a0It could very well be that mom and dad <em>are<\/em> provoking them to anger by their sinful behavior. Or it could very well be that the parents are not sinning\/they are not doing anything wrong, and the reason they're [child\u2019s] angry is because there is something they want. They want it so much that they are willing to sin, because mom and dad kept them from having what they wanted.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0So you're saying the teenager may be inappropriately expressing what is legitimate or righteous anger, because mom and dad are messing up as parents?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0I'm saying, before the teenager decides what he's going to do\/how he's going to express his anger, he's got to make sure that it's the right kind of anger, not the wrong kind of anger; in other words, he's got to be sure that he's angry because someone has sinned against him, not because someone has not given him what he wants. I mean, that's really the difference between righteous anger and sinful anger.\u00a0Sinful anger is the result of our not getting what we want.\u00a0Righteous anger is the result of God not getting what He wants. In other words, when somebody sins, and we become angry, then chances are that's the right kind of anger. But when we get angry simply because no one has sinned, but we're not getting what we want, then chances are that is a sinful kind of anger.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Anger in kids is hard. If you\u2019re a parent of a child, who\u2019s angry, that\u2019s tough stuff. But here\u2019s the thing: you have a chance to come alongside of them to guide them and to teach them through this. Lou suggests that, if you or your child are dealing with anger, you might want to keep an anger journal. It will help you keep track of the outbursts and also help you track just how, maybe, you can learn more biblically-appropriate ways to respond. We have a link for a downloadable printout at our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. We\u2019ll also have a link to the Lou Priolo shows on teens and anger there too.<\/p>\n<p>You know, for some kids, this anger thing can get out of control. Please use discernment\u2014if you need to call the authorities to help control your child, if there is something illegal happening, or if somebody is in danger\u2014don\u2019t be afraid to get help.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s another complex relationship that\u2019s hard to navigate; and that is, the spouse, who doesn\u2019t share your faith. Bill and Vicki Rose were not Christians when they got married. They lived a party lifestyle in New York City. They had money, and they had fame. They had it all, except they didn\u2019t know Christ. Not surprisingly, after about ten years, their marriage blew up. They were separated, with the young kids living with Vicki while Bill continued to party and do drugs.<\/p>\n<p>It was during their separation that someone reached out to Vicki. Through a series of dinner events and conversations, Vicki gave her life to the Lord. Vicki invited Bill to these evangelistic dinner parties. This was the time when Bill was spending <em>hundreds<\/em> of dollars a day on cocaine. At first, he resisted; but he loved baseball. So one day, he gave in and attended one of these dinner parties. Here\u2019s Bill.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> The first one, she called me and said there\u2019s a\/she thought she had heard that my baseball hero, growing up\u2014was a guy named Bobby Richardson, wasn\u2019t quite sure, but she thought she had\u2014there was a baseball chapel luncheon, down at the downtown athletic club, which is where the Heisman trophy used to be given. And wanted to know\/said the guest speaker was Bobby Richardson, and would I be interested in going? I thought, \u201cYes, that would be kind of cool. I\u2019d get to meet Bobby.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I went down there for the luncheon. Bobby shared his faith and his testimony; he was very eloquent. Someone introduced me to Bobby, and he came back with me to the restaurant\/the sporting club that I owned and spent a good two hours with me and prayed for me in my office. I was not ready to do anything further than let him pray for me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Was he sharing his faith with you?\u2014his faith in Christ?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> Yes, he did. He also shared it at the luncheon. We just talked about the Yankees and our past second-base history. [Laughter] He wore number \u201c1\u201d; I wore number \u201c1.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> He went a little farther than you did; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> He did; thank you for bringing that up. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0So you just swapped baseball stories. He said, \"Can I pray for you?\"\u00a0 You said, \"Yes, that's okay\"?<\/p>\n<p>Bill:\u00a0Yes, I mean, what was I going to say, \"No\"?\u00a0 That was my boyhood hero.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And he took off; and you said: \"Well, that was neat. I got to spend the afternoon with Bobby Richardson.\"<\/p>\n<p>Bill:\u00a0He did; but he said he would stay in touch, and he did. That was where I started\u2014and then, what happened was\u2014I started to get really tired of feeling hopeless: \u201cIs this all there is?\u201d And on Sunday mornings\u2014Sundays were my biggest day at The Sporting Club because it was football. We showed every single game, live, simultaneously\u2014the only place that was doing that at the time.<\/p>\n<p>I remember just being in tears on a Sunday morning\u2014praying out to God, not really knowing who I was praying to\u2014but I was praying out to God, crying out: \"This can't be all there is!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Bill was at the bottom of the barrel, and that\u2019s where he met God. God answered years of prayer from Vicki and from her children, and Bill surrendered his life to Christ.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t want to paint a Pollyanna picture of what all transpired in the Rose family; because it took <em>years<\/em> for their marriage to be restored, but Vicki was faithful. It wasn\u2019t easy; it was hard. Bill was a very hard man; but Vicki remained faithful, first to God, and then also to her husband. God restored a marriage that was completely in shambles.<\/p>\n<p>A quick word of caution here: if you are in an abusive marriage\u2014that could be verbal; that could be physical; that could be emotional\u2014get some help, and put some space between you and your spouse. Enabling sin is <em>never<\/em> love. Remember that help could be legal authorities as well as your church.<\/p>\n<p>We need to take a quick break. We\u2019re going to be back in two minutes; we\u2019re going to discuss some more about hard-to-love people. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I\u2019m Michelle Hill. You\u2019re in it for the long haul, and persistence can pay off. But that does not mean that it\u2019s going to be easy. We\u2019re talking about hard-to-love people on the broadcast this week.<\/p>\n<p>Take, for instance, loving someone through a health crisis. We all think: \u201cThose health crises\u2014they happen to other people\u2014they don\u2019t happen to us.\u201d So what happens when it is us?\u2014and it\u2019s not over like within a week or two? That\u2019s what happened to Tommy and Teresa Nelson. We all know Tommy; he\u2019s a well-known author and also pastor. There was something that has marked his life when he was hit, unexpectedly, with depression\/with clinical depression. He had basically worked himself into emotional exhaustion.<\/p>\n<p>What happens when you have this needy, non-functional, housebound husband, who starts leaning very hard\u2014in fact, not just hard\u2014but totally leaning on his wife? That\u2019s when Teresa Nelson hit her crisis point. Here\u2019s Teresa.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Well, it turned it upside down\u2014because I became the strong person; I became the safe person; I became the decision-maker\u2014Tommy, totally depended upon me, almost to a stranglehold on me, where he needed me right there beside him. By the time he was well, I mean, I really felt like [sounding weary], \u201cI don\u2019t know if I can go on; [Laughter] there\u2019s such a stranglehold on me.\u201d I mean, he was <em>so<\/em> dependent.<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0I\u2019m like the world\u2019s biggest tick\u2014big, massive 600-pound tick. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0I don\u2019t mean that!<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Tommy\/Tommy does not weigh 600 pounds, lest people take that imagery here.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0No; I mean totally dependent upon me.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Was it different than if he was convalescing after surgery for four months?<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Oh, that would have been a piece of cake.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Because, mentally, he was struggling. I didn\u2019t feel like he could make\/well, he <em>couldn\u2019t<\/em> make decisions.<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0I could barely <em>drive<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0He <em>couldn\u2019t<\/em> drive; I drove him. Even then, that was difficult; because he wanted to be in the house. Yes, it was just total dependence upon me.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You\u2019re helping somebody, who is, again, recovering from something physical\u2014but you had somebody, who had both a physical and an emotional thing going on\u2014how do you keep that from being personal? Do you know what I mean?\u00a0 I mean, there had to be times when\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0And she did keep it from getting personal.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2014when his attitude, when his anger, when his frustration\u2014how did you keep from feeling like, \u201cYou just need to talk nicer to me\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Well, to be honest, it was just getting kind of annoying; because it was so: \u201cHelp me,\u201d \u201cHelp me,\u201d \u201cHelp me,\u201d \u201cDo this for me.\u201d This was before they said \u201cClinical depression.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>One Sunday evening, I was at prayer. I went to prayer; and I left him at home. He called the church and got the guy in charge of sound to take him to Lewisville, which is about 20 miles from Denton, to a doctor\u2019s office to get medication.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tommy: <\/strong>\u2014to help me sleep.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa: <\/strong>I felt like he was going <em>around<\/em> me, because that\u2019s what I started feeling. I felt immediate anger; I really did. I felt it up to here; I thought, \u201cTommy\u2019s lost his mind.\u201d But I wasn\u2019t thinking, \u201cclinical depression.\u201d I was just thinking, \u201cHe is self-centered.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tommy: \u201c<\/strong>You\u2019re not the only person!\u201d [Screaming; laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa:<\/strong> I went home, and I mean, it was like I\u2014I really <em>did<\/em>\u2014to my shame, I blew, just like that. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tommy:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re not the only person!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa:<\/strong> I said, \u201cI\u2019m going to start calling you COTU: the \u2018Center of the Universe.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 I mean, I was really angry.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tommy:<\/strong> Now, did you catch what she said? Center of the Universe is C-O-T-U.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa:<\/strong> \u2014not \u201csinner.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tommy:<\/strong> So it\u2019s \u201ccenter\u201d; C-E-N-T-E-R. That got to be the shortened version: \u201cHey, COTU!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Teresa:<\/strong> I did. [Laughter] I mean, because I was feeling angry at him; because I felt like he was going <em>around<\/em> me. He was being <em>deceptive<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Here is the question I want to ask you at this point: \u201cTommy Nelson\u2014synonymous with teaching Song of Solomon conferences across the country about romance, caring for your spouse\u2014how does the Center of the Universe live out the Song of Solomon in the midst of depression?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Let\u2019s break to a commercial right here. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Tommy, quit it! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Yes, the truth must come out, my friend.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Well, he didn\u2019t\u00a0stay\u00a0the Center of the Universe. I mean, it was just\u2014he was trying to fix everything, and he was trying to make it right\u2014and then, he went into a true clinical depression.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Would it be fair to say that, from the middle of May\u2014maybe even before that\u2014until the middle of November, you had a romance-less marriage?<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Oh, yes. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Oh, yes; it was a\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Oh, yes; well, I\u2019d say from the middle of May to, at least, October.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And I know there are a lot of folks, who are listening, who are going, \u201cI know that sounds like a long time, but I\u2019ve been at it for two years,\u201d or \u201c\u2026three years,\u201d or \u201c\u2026five years in a romance-less marriage.\u201d Did it cause you to begin to go: \u201cI don\u2019t know that there\u2019s hope. This may be <em>worse<\/em> until he dies or I die\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0There were a couple of times I thought\u2014hopeless\u2014but\u00a0not\u00a0really. I mean, there were a couple of times I just thought, \u201cI hope it\u2019s not this way forever,\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2014\u201c\u2026forever,\u201d yes.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0\u2014because to touch him was painful <em>to him<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0\u2014to just rub his arm or anything like that was just <em>painful<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0I couldn\u2019t wear a watch; I couldn\u2019t wear a wedding ring; it hurt.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0I mean, he had real, true pain that they had to give him medication that they give diabetics a lot of time for neuropathy to help their arm and leg pain. But it was not odd; it was like, \u201cThis is, not just my duty, but I love this man.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u201cThis is your assignment.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0Yes; \u201cBut this is what has been dealt to you right now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, how hard! You know, just like Vicki Rose, Teresa Nelson had the courage to faithfully love her husband during this very painful episode\/very painful health episode. God took Tommy and Teresa through some of the most intense suffering of their lives in order to refine them and to refine their ministry. It\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> reminder that, not only is love hard at times, but God <em>uses<\/em> those hard things to refine us and to make us into the people that He wants us to be.<\/p>\n<p>One of the mistakes that Christians make is that we get irritable at the slow process. I\u2019m sure there were times Teresa was irritable\u2014maybe even Vicki Rose\u2014irritable at this slow process: \u201cWhy wasn\u2019t God moving faster?\u201d It got me to thinking of some verses that Lou Priolo has put to memory to help him through the days of that slow process.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong> There are two passages of Scripture that I committed to memory. Both of them, when I find myself becoming impatient or even angry, if I can recall them to mind\u2014I don\u2019t do it 100 percent of the time\u2014but when I can call these things to mind, it helps me tremendously.<\/p>\n<p>The first one is 2 Timothy 2:24-26: \u201cThe Lord\u2019s bondservant must not be quarrelsome or argumentative, but kind to all, patient when wronged; in gentleness, instructing those who are in opposition.\u201d Then, two chapters over, 2 Timothy 4:2: \u201cPreach the Word,\u201d\u2014or in the case of a husband and father, I say to myself, \u201cTeach the Word\u201d; because it\u2019s my responsibility to teach my wife\/to teach my kids God\u2019s Word; right?\u2014\u201cBe ready in season and out of season; rebuke, exhort, convict\u201d\u2014now, catch this\u2014\u201cwith great patience and careful instruction.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In both of these verses, you have this idea of\u00a0patient\u00a0instruction\u2014patience and instruction\u2014instruct with patience. A lot of times, when I\u2019m having a conflict with my wife or my girls, it\u2019s sort of like we\u2019re on the same level: \u201cNya, nya, nya, nya,\u201d\u2014me versus her\/me versus them. When I can remember these verses\u2014I don\u2019t know how I\u2019m going to illustrate this on the radio\u2014it\u00a0changes\u00a0the paradigm. Instead of me being on the same level with them, I remember these verses and I tell myself, \u201cLou, you are the <em>shepherd<\/em>. It goes this way\u2026you are supposed to shepherd\u00a0them.\u201d Somehow, by bringing that to mind, it enables me to be more patient; more so, just like I\u2019m patient with my counselees. I\u2019m the shepherd of the family\u2014it\u2019s my job to train them; it\u2019s my job to help them\u2014I must be patient with them, because that\u2019s what shepherds do.<\/p>\n<p>And oh, by the way, they have to be patient\u2014and have been, generally-speaking\u2014patient with <em>me<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0That\u2019s where I find I often am able to cultivate patience in the midst of conflict\u2014it\u2019s by stopping and remembering\u2014\u201cHow longsuffering has God been with me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Lou:\u00a0Romans, Chapter 2: \u201cDo you despise the goodness of His forbearance and longsuffering with you, not knowing that the goodness of God leads <em>you<\/em> to repentance?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0If I am grateful to God for His patience\/His longsuffering\u2014if I have been a recipient of that grace in my own life\u2014that helps me pour it out into the lives of others. I want to be as patient with others as I want God to be with me. He has been <em>exceedingly<\/em> patient with me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong> And stop and think about 1 Corinthians 13; what\u2019s the first thing on the list?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLove is patient.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong> And what\u2019s the last thing on the list?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLove endures all things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lou:<\/strong> Exactly; \u201cLove bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.\u201d At the beginning and the end, you have this description of love. It\u2019s flanked, on both sides, with the two words we\u2019re talking about: patience and endurance\u2014and even forbearing\u2014I mean, bearing <em>with<\/em> one another.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Patience and endurance. We live in a culture where everything is disposable, where people and things get thrown in the trash as soon as we\u2019re done with them. We don\u2019t tend to practice 1 Corinthians 13 very well, and the skill of patience, and endurance, and forbearance. Maybe it\u2019s time we really take that to heart. It\u2019s about giving <em>grace<\/em>; and it\u2019s about counting to seven instead of three when you get irritable. It\u2019s about asking God to help <em>us<\/em> see things from <em>His<\/em> perspective.<\/p>\n<p>As we close the show, I want to share some sweet words with you from Tommy Nelson, who had struggled with clinical depression. Tommy gave a tribute to his wife Teresa. Here\u2019s what he had to say.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Give me your finger.<\/p>\n<p>Teresa:\u00a0No!<\/p>\n<p>Tommy:\u00a0Yes, you\u2019ve got to touch my finger right here. I would say:<\/p>\n<p>TJ\/Teresa Jo, \u201c\u2026where sin increases, grace abounds...\u201d The way we know of God\u2019s love is through struggle and pain; we find the depth of who He is. That\u2019s what I\u2019ve found in you\u2014that you said, \u201c\u2026\u2019til death do us part,\u201d and you said, \u201c\u2026for better, for worse, and for richer, for poorer\u2026\u201d\u2014I had about a year of just the poorer and the worst, and my strength through all of it was you. You never moved; you never faltered; you never stopped loving me.<\/p>\n<p>You told me things that I didn\u2019t want to hear. You took me to the Word. You let me follow you around, buying at Kroger\u2019s, just like your idiot accomplice\u2014[Laughter]\u2014and you\u00a0never, you <em>never<\/em> faltered\u2014that you always loved me. And when I doubted my health and I even doubted, at times\u2014I said, \u201cGod, like David, You take\u00a0no\u00a0pleasure\u00a0in me anymore,\u201d\u2014but one thing I never doubted was you.<\/p>\n<p>So\u00a0thank\u00a0you\u00a0for sounding the depths of your love. And now, I have more to love, more to praise you for, and a greater sermon for a greater day. Thank you, Babe.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the co-founder of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and our president, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, who forebears much with me, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our patient producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff; they keep me humble. Justin Adams is our merciful mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our gracious production coordinator.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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