{"id":307233,"date":"2021-09-17T07:02:19","date_gmt":"2021-09-17T11:02:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/anns-parenting-mistakes\/"},"modified":"2021-09-17T07:02:19","modified_gmt":"2021-09-17T11:02:19","slug":"anns-parenting-mistakes","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/anns-parenting-mistakes\/","title":{"rendered":"Ann&#8217;s Parenting Mistakes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Ann Wilson, co-host of FamilyLife Today, gets real about some of her greatest parenting mistakes, sharing advice from what God has taught her.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130.<br \/>\n \tDownload FamilyLife&#8217;s new app! https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ann Wilson, co-host of FamilyLife Today, gets real about some of her greatest parenting mistakes, sharing advice from what God has taught her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-09-17.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:57","filesize":"25.59M","filesize_raw":"26834931","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806],"tags":[7002],"podcast_series":[8474],"cwp_profile":[3647],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307233","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","tag-parening","podcast_series-no-perfect-parents-daves-and-anns-mistakes","cwp_profile-dave-and-ann-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307233\/anns-parenting-mistakes","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307233\/anns-parenting-mistakes","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ofbtNNABXC\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/anns-parenting-mistakes\/\">Ann&#8217;s Parenting Mistakes<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/anns-parenting-mistakes\/embed\/#?secret=ofbtNNABXC\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Ann&#8217;s Parenting Mistakes&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ofbtNNABXC\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Ann Wilson, co-host of FamilyLife Today, gets real about some of her greatest parenting mistakes, sharing advice from what God has taught her.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-09-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Alright; I\u2019m sort of excited today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Why? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Because we get to talk about Ann Wilson\u2019s top parenting <em>mistakes<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh! That\u2019s not exciting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It is for me, because we\u2019ve already\/we\u2019ve talked about mine. It\u2019s always <em>my<\/em> mistakes; it\u2019s like, \u201c<em>Never<\/em> did Ann Wilson make a mom mistake.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I made so many, and I shared them in our book. I could go on for <em>days<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No, I shared them in our book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, yes! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>There is a chapter in <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em> that we wrote\u2014<em>I<\/em> wrote\u2014you didn\u2019t write this chapter\u2014it was the top parenting mistakes that <em>I<\/em> made; you didn\u2019t write any. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s because we were out of words by that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe publisher said we could only have so many words. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s why I\u2019m excited. People are going to hear that\u2014actually, Ann, as a mom\u2014you made some mistakes as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I sure did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to dive into that. Actually, before we do though, I want to tell you about something that\u2019s <em>real<\/em> exciting\u2014because I know you, like us, as parents\u2014you\u2019re making mistakes; you have questions. We always have questions, and we have something to help you with your questions. It\u2019s called <em>You Asked It: The No Perfect Parents Edition<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, you\u2019ve got terrible twos\u2014you\u2019re dealing with that\u2014or trying to figure out if your son or daughter should have a cell phone; or \u201cHow about dating?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; or \u201cShould we allow sleepovers?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; you\u2019ve got it. Here is where you go\u2014go to FamilyLife.com\/ParentsAsk\u2014and there is a free printable download there of answers to those kinds of questions that really help you, because we want to help you; that\u2019s what we are about. You can go there\u2014even right now\u2014and get some answers to your questions. I\u2019ll tell you again: FamilyLife.com\/ParentsAsk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, let\u2019s talk about some mistakes that you feel like you made as a mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, let me first say that I think that we can kick ourselves, and we can have a lot of regrets in parenting. Let\u2019s just start by saying, \u201cThank You, Jesus, that You give us do-overs: that the cross gives us grace in that we can be forgiven for the mistakes that we\u2019ve made.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I do have some mistakes and regrets that I want to share; because I want to <em>help<\/em> other moms, maybe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Hey, let me ask you this as you start: \u201cDo you feel like the mistakes you made are things that really messed up our kids for life?\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m surprised you have to think about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No; I mean, I can think that\u2014like: \u201cMan, that\u2019s my fault,\u201d\u2014when I see my adult kids struggling. I can actually think, like, \u201cDid I do that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s one of our biggest fears, as a parent,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014is they are going to end up derailed; because of some of the mistakes we made as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But we have also prayed, like, \u201cOh, Lord, don\u2019t let them remember these mistakes,\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cHelp them to forget the things that I\u2019ve failed.\u201d The <em>good<\/em> news is Jesus is enough, and God is enough. We\u2019ve asked forgiveness from our kids, and they have forgiven us <em>multiple<\/em> times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; in other words, we\u2019ve had to apologize\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and say, \u201cWe made some mistakes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Some of them really are in their adult years\u2014things that they still are struggling with\u2014and it wasn\u2019t easy for them always to forgive us; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; alright, so let\u2019s talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Here is the first one that\u2014I really regret this\u2014and I didn\u2019t know that I was doing it. I felt like I yelled at my kids when they were little, and that didn\u2019t seem like it was a part of me. I think some parents\u2014you are listening to that, and you think\u2014\u201cWhat?!\u2014you yelled? I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> yelled at my kids.\u201d Others of you are thinking, \u201cOf course, you yell. That\u2019s what we <em>do<\/em>, because they can drive us crazy at times.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just that I yelled; but the thing that I <em>regret<\/em> is the reason I think I yelled, when they were really little, was it was displaced anger and frustration about our marriage. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, somehow, this comes back to <em>me<\/em>. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying the reason you yelled at our kids is because of <em>me<\/em>; that\u2019s what I just heard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that I let\u2014and we let\u2014our marriage slip. I did; I\u2019m going to take full responsibility. I really feel like all these regrets go together: I feel like I put our kids first\u2014and I didn\u2019t mean to\u2014it\u2019s just hard, as a mom, to not put your kids first; because they are so <em>demanding<\/em>. Their needs are so <em>great<\/em>, especially, when they are little. I found myself resentful that you weren\u2019t helping more, or resentful that you were gone; and I felt like, \u201cI am doing everything around here!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know if any of you moms have done this\u2014that are married\u2014but I would find myself, in my head a lot, really degrading you\/complaining about you in my head. Did you ever do that about me? I don\u2019t think men do this much. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know if I did it as much, but I know I did it. I do know\u2014we\u2019ve talked about this\u2014I <em>did<\/em> feel <em>second<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, like the boys were <em>first<\/em>; and I know it took a lot of time and energy. You were exhausted, especially, when they were babies and toddlers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Sometimes, I liked them more than I liked you; because I was <em>resentful<\/em> that you were gone a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, I just wonder how many husbands <em>feel<\/em> that way. I know I felt it; I don\u2019t feel it now\u2014there are times I can feel it now, even with the grandkids\u2014they are pretty important. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I do remember\u2014I mean, I don\u2019t know if you remember this\u2014I remember your dad being up at our house, and he sort of said that to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh no! You\u2019re going to bring this up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> His name is Dick Baron, and Dick and I had never talked about this; but we\u2019re sitting at the dinner table. He just makes this comment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; we are eating. I had made a nice meal for everybody. My dad said, \u201cWow! I feel sorry for <em>Dave<\/em>.\u201d I said, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d He said, \u201cYou treat your kids <em>way<\/em> better than you treat Dave.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOh! I was <em>so<\/em> defensive; and I said, \u201cOh my goodness, Dad! That is because Mom <em>spoiled<\/em> you rotten, and you were like the <em>king<\/em>. She was like the doormat.\u201d I said that to him; I was <em>so<\/em> mad. I said, \u201cI\u2019m not treating Dave poorly.\u201d He just said, \u201cOkay.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> All I know is I <em>loved<\/em> that man at that moment. [Laughter] I was like, \u201cI can\u2019t believe he is saying that,\u201d\u2014because, like I said, we had never talked about it\u2014but he obviously noticed something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I remember going to bed that night and praying. This is the <em>great<\/em> part of God: He such a <em>good<\/em> Father; and He is a <em>gentle<\/em> Father, but He is <em>truthful<\/em> Father. I prayed that night; I said, \u201cLord, if that is true\u2014I know that Dave and my marriage is supposed to come first\u2014so if that is true, I pray that You would reveal that to me. I don\u2019t know\u2014give me a sign\u2014let somebody say something; show me in the Word.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Somebody already did say something; it was your dad. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I needed confirmation; so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes; I remember this too. This is sort of fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Just a few days later, this letter came in the mail <em>from my dad<\/em>. I had never, at that point, received a letter in my life from my dad. I thought, \u201cThis is crazy! Why would my dad be writing me?\u201d I opened this letter, and it\u2019s one of those old Ann Landers newspaper clippings. In this newspaper clipping, a man writes into Ann Landers, not knowing what to do, because his wife treats his kids so much better than him. Then Ann Landers goes on\u2014and I\u2019m not saying she is the end-all\u2014she\u2019s not like\/I don\u2019t know where she is spiritually\u2014but she says, \u201cThis is a real temptation to so many women\u2014to treat your kids better than your husband\u2014but we need to put our marriages first.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI put that clipping down; and I just kind of said, \u201cLord, is this really from You?\u201d [Laughter] I really think it was. It was a real eye-opening experience for me, that I felt like God was really speaking to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so you\u2019re saying that part of your frustration with the kids was really an extension of your frustration with me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I was frustrated with you\u2014I was frustrated that we didn\u2019t have enough time together, frustrated that I didn\u2019t think you were helping as much\u2014so I would just yell. I would be frustrated with the boys more. It\u2019s really <em>easy<\/em> to be in our heads and complaining in our heads. We might not be <em>verbally<\/em> speaking it out loud, but it starts in our heads. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProverbs 23:7 says, \u201cFor as a man thinks in his heart so is he.\u201d Matthew 15:18 says, \u201cThe words you speak come from the heart.\u201d I was thinking about that this one day as I was folding clothes. I did this a lot\u2014I\u2019m folding clothes, and I\u2019m complaining about my marriage\u2014\u201cDave\u2019s not home enough,\u201d and \u201cHe should be doing this\u2026\u201d and \u201cI wish he was with the boys more.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI felt this nudge, and I had this thought in my spirit: \u201cI wonder what would happen if you would pray for Dave as much as you complain about him?\u201d That stopped me. I stopped folding clothes, and I just sat there and thought: \u201cIs that from God? Is that\u2026\u201d I really thought, \u201cMy marriage would probably be a lot different,\u201d because what I was thinking in my head, it eventually came out of my mouth with our kids and with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So what happened? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know; do you think I got better? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know you got better; I don\u2019t know <em>when<\/em>\u2014I can\u2019t remember\u2014it was a long time ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it was a process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you see?\u2014I feel like there is an enemy of our soul, who is continually whispering these thoughts into my head, complaining. Then it\u2019s like this little seed; and \u201cWill I water it and let it germinate to sprout?\u201d God is saying, \u201cTake your thoughts captive\u201d; because what we think, we will say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What would you say to the mom and the wife, who is struggling right now\u2014same thing you [were]\u2014they are complaining about their husband: \u201cHe doesn\u2019t do enough,\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s not home,\u201d\u2014whatever. It could be similar to ours, and she is really taking it out on the kids as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say: \u201cTo start listening to your thoughts,\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cWhat are you thinking about in terms of your marriage\/your relationship? What\u2019s going into your mind?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would also say, \u201cPut on praise music. Start your day by saying, \u2018God, I give You my day. Help me to see my husband and my kids the way You do, and help me say the things that You would say to my husband and my kids.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s really helped me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>The other thing I would do is my next regret: I wish that I would have had older women in my life that could speak into me and mentor me\u2014I did have older women\u2014but I didn\u2019t have any in close proximity to me. I had peers alongside of me; but honestly, what happened is we would get together, and we would be like, \u201cSo how are you doing?\u201d Then we would have this <em>complaining<\/em> session about how our lives are so hard, our work is so hard, our husbands aren\u2019t helping as much. We tried to be accountable; but there is something about going to an older woman, who can really speak truth to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would save that up\u2014and I can remember going to our speaker retreats for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> conferences, where all the speakers would gather\u2014we would kind of do training and kind of catch up with everyone. Barbara Rainey was always there and so was Susan Yates\u2014older moms in the stage ahead of me\u2014I would sit down at the table with them, and like: \u201cOkay, here are my questions\u2026\u201d \u201cHere is what is going on\u2026\u201d I would just <em>dump<\/em> a lot of stuff and get <em>phenomenal<\/em> answers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I wish I would have had somebody\u2014maybe that I would meet with once a week or <em>call<\/em> once a week\u2014somebody who could say, \u201cI hear you,\u201d and maybe, speak some truth to me, like: \u201cAnn, this isn\u2019t about Dave. This is about your walk with God,\u201d or just some simple truths. And somebody [to] say, \u201cI hear what you are saying; I know you are venting. Now, let\u2019s really pray and ask God to give you direction.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How would you encourage a mom to <em>find<\/em> that woman? Obviously, I agree; I can remember doing the FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> in Hershey, Pennsylvania, with Bob Lepine and Dennis Rainey and us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We had adult kids, and they were married. Saturday night, when the couples went out on a date, we went back to the hotel room with Bob and Dennis; and we started talking about being parents of married children. They shared wisdom,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014struggles, highs, lows. It was like, \u201cWe are talking to somebody, who is a little farther ahead of us.\u201d We\u2019ve always said: \u201cIn discipleship, you need somebody in front of you, and somebody beside you, and somebody behind you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Every disciple needs a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tSomebody that can help them; they are a little farther down the track, and they can mentor and guide.\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tSomebody <em>beside<\/em> you, who sharpens.\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tAnd then somebody behind you, who you are pouring into. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re saying that about a mom; how do you find that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, we didn\u2019t have that. One of the reasons\u2014and this shouldn\u2019t be an excuse; I should have gone and <em>found<\/em> a person\u2014but we started our church, and we were some of the oldest people. I think we had one couple, who was older, and that was it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the way to do it is\u2014one, your church\u2014I think there are older moms\/older women, who have been through it. Maybe, they are not perfect\u2014none of them are, actually\u2014but they have a lot of wisdom. I would be so bold as just to ask for that; if you find a mom, and you think: \u201cMan, she\u2019s been through it,\u201d or \u201cShe\u2019s just a stage ahead of me,\u201d\u2014call her, text her, ask her\u2014\u201cHey, can I text you? Or can we get together, once in a while, for coffee?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember, when our boys were really, really little,\u2014again, we were starting our church\u2014I didn\u2019t know how to be a dad; I never really had an example. I would literally look for teenagers, who I hoped our kids would be like when they were teenagers,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and find their dad, and say, \u201cCan I buy you lunch?\u201d Every guy said, \u201cSure,\u201d because everybody wants a free lunch. I\u2019d take them out, and I\u2019d ask them questions; and they mentored me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Some of them stayed in my life for <em>years<\/em> as a mentor. I mean, in some ways, it\u2019s on us to go ask. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember asking Barbara one summer\u2014I said, \u201cOur kids are in this stage, where they are just <em>hitting<\/em> each other\/these three boys. I feel like it\u2019s <em>insane<\/em> at our house.\u201d She kind of shook her head; and she goes, \u201cOh, yes, that\u2019s just a stage. It\u2019ll get better.\u201d That just took off all this pressure that I was doing something wrong. I can also remember asking her: \u201cHey, so our boys are going to get married soon; any advice?\u201d I\u2019ll <em>never<\/em> forget this, she said: \u201cOh, you have daughters-in-law coming in. It\u2019s going to take several years\u2014<em>years<\/em>\u2014until that adjustment period feels a little more comfortable.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We mentioned it earlier in the broadcast, but this would be a great chance to go to FamilyLife.com\/ParentsAsk and let <em>us<\/em> be a mentor to you. Let FamilyLife\u2014I mean, that\u2019s what we are here to do is to help you\u2014so you can do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, we are talking about the mistakes that Ann Wilson made as a mom. [Laughter] You\u2019ve already covered a couple. We\u2019ve got time, maybe, for one more. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; our son was going to a Bible school, and he called me. He said, \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve really been struggling; and I\u2019ve really been getting into my past junk.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay; yes?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cMom, I feel like you so often cared more about what I was doing right or wrong in high school and in middle school\u2014like, you didn\u2019t care about my heart as much as if I was getting in trouble or not, which then made me think, \u2018Do you care more about your image, or do you care about my heart?\u2019 You were so scared.\u201d He goes, \u201cWhy were you so scared?\u201d I said, \u201cI thought it was because I didn\u2019t want you to suffer consequences; and maybe, it was because I cared what people thought of us and our family and, honestly, just my parenting.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked him, \u201cWhat do you <em>wish<\/em> I would have done?\u201d [Emotion in voice] \u201cI wish you would have asked me what was going on in my heart more instead of [intensity in voice]: \u2018What are you doing?\u2019 \u2018What did you do last night?\u2019 \u2018Are you struggling with porn?\u2019 \u2018Are you doing stuff with your girlfriend?\u2019\u201d I didn\u2019t ask it like that, but I think that is how they <em>heard<\/em> it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know if he would have\u2014or they would have had\u2014the capacity to say what was going on in their hearts, but I wish I would have dug down a little deeper and asked that. Even after that, I think I was a little bit defensive, in like, \u201cWell, you know, as a mom, it is scary.\u201d I stopped; and I just said [emotion in voice], \u201cOkay, I just need to say, \u2018I\u2019m really sorry. You\u2019re right. I was <em>petrified<\/em> of hearing stories of kids that have done things that had really wrecked their lives, and I was really scared that you guys could fall into that; but Jesus is bigger than that. <em>Please<\/em> forgive me.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Emotion in voice] They were great; they\u2019ve all been really great with forgiving us and me. I thank God that they are dealing with that and that they have come to me and said those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I tell you what: we\u2019ve had several conversations like that with our sons over the dinner table or on the phone. Recently, we sat down with our youngest son, Cody. He shared some of his thoughts on parenting and some of the things he\u2019s actually said to us. You get to hear some of the things that we did that were hard for him. He was honest with us, and we recorded our conversation. I think it would be really, really helpful for parents to listen from a perspective of a son; and that\u2019s only found on our FamilyLife app. You can go there and listen to that conversation; I think it will be life-changing. Maybe, it\u2019s something you want to listen to with one of your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would really encourage you, as parents: \u201cSit down with your kids and, as they are sharing, really listen.\u201d I think about our middle schoolers\/our high schoolers\u2014the temptations, the struggles, the pressure they feel\u2014they feel <em>incredible<\/em> pressure to perform, to have friends, to know, \u201cHow do I live the Christian life when it feels like it\u2019s going the opposite way of culture?\u201d They have so much that they are feeling and dealing with. I think that we need to really dig down and ask them some great questions and then try not to parent out of fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would just say to the moms and dads\u2014it\u2019s hard to do\u2014but every decision your son or daughter is making is based on a <em>reason<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There is something <em>behind<\/em> that behavior that is driving that. What we learned is we sort of missed going for the <em>heart<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> By the way, every decision <em>we make<\/em>\u2014same thing\u2014there is a <em>reason<\/em>. As a parent, man, do the extra work to lean in and say, \u201c<em>Why<\/em> are you making that decision?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I love what our producer, Jim Mitchell, says to his kids; he usually says, \u201cTell me how your heart is.\u201d I love that; I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, I wish I had done that!\u201d That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> question: \u201cHow is your heart doing?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That could be homework\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014for some parent today\/tonight. Sit down\u2014go out to lunch, take your son or daughter to dinner\u2014and really listen for their heart. It could be life-changing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and let\u2019s thank God for the <em>grace<\/em> of the cross\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that Jesus offers us forgiveness; and He offers us do-overs; and He loves us, regardless of what we\u2019ve done, or said, or what we\u2019ve missed. He is there for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is so easy for us, as parents, to be focused on our children\u2019s behavior. I mean, we want them to act right; we want them to behave. Yet, as Dave and Ann Wilson were saying, it\u2019s really the heart that matters; and <em>that\u2019s<\/em> where our focus needs to be as we\u2019re raising our children. Then we need to remind ourselves of the grace of God for the mistakes that all of us will make. There are <em>no<\/em> perfect parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, that is the title of Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s new book, <em>No Perfect Parents: Ditch Expectations, Embrace Reality, and Discover the One Secret that Will Change Your Parenting<\/em>. We have copies of their book available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. We also have a small group series for moms and dads to go through with other moms and dads. It\u2019s called the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and it\u2019s a six-part series that helps you get to the <em>core<\/em> of the key issues we all face as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more about the book, <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>, and the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series for small groups; go to FamilyLifeToday.com. If you buy both of those together today, they are available for a special price. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information. Order from us online, or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number; that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got David Robbins, who is the president of FamilyLife here with us. David, I know you and Meg are raising your four kids right now; and I know, as parents, you are <em>always<\/em> looking for resources, things like the book that Dave and Ann Wilson have just written, <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Oh, yes; we are in the thick of it. The great thing about Dave and Ann, and the book that they have written, is that they <em>always<\/em> come from a really honest place. There is no posturing; there is no prescriptive ways that it all goes about. There is honesty, and honesty that is met with the truth found in the Word of God, and how those two things meet in real life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>What I say about the Wilsons often is: \u201cThey are like Sherpas, who have been there before, but then they journey with you again. They take you to a place that you haven\u2019t been yet, and they are not just talking down from the mountaintop at you. They are actually with you\u2014still in the trenches\u2014yet, taking you to a place that they have seen before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just so grateful for them in our own lives, and I\u2019m really thankful that they are part of the team. I\u2019m thankful that <em>you<\/em> get to hear from them every day\u2014who they are, when it comes to bringing biblical truth and how that meets in everyday life, and helping you pursue the relationships that matter most\u2014is one of the biggest reasons why I am so grateful they are a part of the team and you get to hear from them every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think this is the first time I\u2019ve heard them referred to as Sherpas\u2014but I like that\u2014that may stick. [Laughter] Thank you, David. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks to those of you, who make the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible by supporting us financially. You are the ones who are providing the help and the hope for so many people\/so many couples all around the world through your financial support. We\u2019re grateful for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve got to wrap things up this week. Thanks for joining us. Hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when Dave and Ann Wilson are going to talk about what we do to strengthen our marriage in the middle of challenging times\u2014I mean, whether it is personal challenges or the kind of challenges we\u2019ve all faced, as a country, over the last couple of years\u2014\u201cHow do we build a stronger marriage in the midst of that environment?\u201d That comes up Monday. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307233","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307233"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307233"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307233"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307233"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}