{"id":307228,"date":"2021-09-11T07:00:06","date_gmt":"2021-09-11T11:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/how-to-blend-a-stepfamily-2\/"},"modified":"2025-01-09T13:14:37","modified_gmt":"2025-01-09T18:14:37","slug":"how-to-blend-a-stepfamily-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/how-to-blend-a-stepfamily-2\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Blend a Stepfamily"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ron Deal, Director of FamilyLife Blended, explains the benefits of &#8220;cooking&#8221; your stepfamily with a crock pot and not a blender. He stresses the value of being patient as your blended family blends at its own pace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ron Deal, Director of FamilyLife Blended, explains the benefits of &#8220;cooking&#8221; your stepfamily with a crock pot and not a blender. He stresses the value of being patient as your blended family blends at its own pace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-09-11.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26883503","date_recorded":"2021-09-11 07:00:06","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2894],"tags":[2585,2586],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307228","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-stepfamily-living","tag-blended-family","tag-step-family","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307228\/how-to-blend-a-stepfamily-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307228\/how-to-blend-a-stepfamily-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Imzvp6EKLE\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/how-to-blend-a-stepfamily-2\/\">How to Blend a Stepfamily<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/how-to-blend-a-stepfamily-2\/embed\/#?secret=Imzvp6EKLE\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;How to Blend a Stepfamily&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Imzvp6EKLE\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-09-11.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-09-11.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Do you know anyone who doesn\u2019t like change?\u2014well, they might be a carrot; because it takes them a little longer to adjust and soften up, kind of like carrots in a crockpot. Ron Deal says it\u2019s kind of similar when you\u2019re blending a family. Here\u2019s Ron.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ron: <\/strong>Lots of stepfamilies have a carrot. Everything else is softening very nicely\u2014everything else is beginning to come together\u2014but you\u2019ve got a carrot, who says, \u201cHmm, I don\u2019t think so.\u201d It is what it is\u2014and you <em>can\u2019t<\/em> fool food: you can\u2019t rush it; you can\u2019t force it; you can\u2019t demand it\u2014because as soon as you go back to blender-ing\/high heat, it tends to work against you. Trust the crockpot. Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender; cook it with a crockpot.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Some things just take time. If you\u2019re part of a stepfamily, you probably know that to be true. Ron Deal\u2019s going to share some secret <em>ingredients<\/em> in blending stepfamilies on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Welcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. I <em>love<\/em> to cook now that I <em>know<\/em> how to cook\u2014and how the spices work together\u2014just like a little bit of lemon juice, a little bit of honey, and some oregano bring out the flavors in your pizza sauce or in your spaghetti sauce. And I always keep some Worcestershire sauce\u2014can you say that three times fast?\u2014because that\u2019s\/where did they come up with that word?\u2014but I always keep some Worcestershire sauce and some soy sauce on hand to bring out the <em>flavors<\/em> in my meat.<\/p>\n<p>The other night, my recipe called for turkey sausage. All I had in the refrigerator was some <em>ground<\/em> turkey, and I didn\u2019t want to run out to the store again. I used some extra sauce, and a little bit of this and a little bit more of that, and voil\u00e0, I had the <em>best<\/em> dish ever!\u2014okay, maybe not ever\u2014but Ron Deal uses the example of cooking <em>many<\/em> times when he talks about blended or stepfamilies. He says there are some flavors and situations that just take time, just like there are some recipes that you wouldn\u2019t want to use your microwave for, no matter how wonderful those little contraptions are.<\/p>\n<p>Ron Deal is Director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. He has over 25 years of experience in counseling families through difficult transitions, and he knows how to help us grasp and apply all that he shares. Here\u2019s Ron, setting up the complexity of stepfamilies.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let me tell you about Susie and John; they lived in one part of the universe. They got married and they had three kids: Mary, Mike, and John, Jr. But as life would have it, Susie and John divorced.<\/p>\n<p>In another part of the universe is Bob and Betty. They, too, got married. They, too, had two kids, Ted and Carrie; and they, too, divorced.<\/p>\n<p>Since that time, Betty has remarried Frank. Bob has remarried Susie. When Susie married Bob, she knew she was getting a mother-in-law and a father-in-law\u2014that\u2019s what you get when you get married to somebody\u2014but she had no clue that she was also getting an ex-wife-in-law. \u201cAn ex-wife-in-law? What do you mean by that?\u201d\u2014you know, Bob\u2019s ex-wife, Betty. \u201cWait a minute,\u201d\u2014Susie says\u2014\u201cRon, are you telling me Betty is a part of our family?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Well, I know she doesn\u2019t come over and help clean up after dinner; or she doesn\u2019t donate any of her money to paying your bills\u2014I get that\u2014but, oh yes, she\u2019s a part of your family. All she has to do is pick up the phone and call Bob, and the weekend schedule changes. Susie has to now deal with the fact that her life is being controlled\u2014her schedule and so on\u2014by another woman.<\/p>\n<p>But here\u2019s a little of the backstory I need to tell you about Susie. You see, she\u2019s one of those large-and-in-charge moms, who gets it all done: she\u2019s got the schedules; she\u2019s got the kids\u2019 routines; she\u2019s got this going and that going; she\u2019s aware what\u2019s going on with kids, emotionally; and she\u2019s on top of all of it. When she married Bob, one of the things she liked about him was he\u2019s pretty amenable. I mean, he kind of goes along and gets along\u2014right? \u2014especially as it relates to the children\u2014he\u2019s flexible that way; it\u2019s all good with him. What she didn\u2019t realize is that her ex-wife-in-law, Betty, is also a large-and-in-charge mom.<\/p>\n<p>Now, what you can see in this new situation\/this new stepfamily\u2014with three houses in it and five different people trying to parent the five kids\u2014is that Susie and Betty are <em>constantly<\/em> in competition for Bob\u2019s affirmation\u2014and Bob going along and Bob saying\u2014\u201cYes, that\u2019s good with me.\u201d Betty can pick up the phone, call her ex-husband and ask him to change the schedule, and he\u2019s all good with that. But now that he\u2019s married to Susie\u2014who says, \u201cWhoa, whoa, whoa; wait a minute. How is it that she gets to dictate our schedule?\u201d\u2014Bob finds himself <em>stuck<\/em> between two women, who are warring over his time and his saying, \u201cYes, honey, I\u2019ll go along with that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Susie has primary custody of her three kids\u2014they live with their mother and their stepdad\u2014and every other weekend, and six weeks in the summer, their spending time with their dad, John. Betty has primary custody of her two kids\u2014they live with their mom and their stepdad\u2014and on occasion, Bob and Susie have all five.<\/p>\n<p>Can anybody spell the word, \u201c complexity\u201d? Whatever your story is, you\u2019ve got to figure out complexity; and you\u2019ve got to just step back from it, every once in a while, and go, \u201cOkay, honey, it\u2019s you and me against <em>that<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Complexity brings stress\u2014but here\u2019s the real kicker\u2014stress thickens blood. What I mean by that is: functionally, you\u2019re all kind of here. As the stress goes up on the Susie\u2019s and the Bob\u2019s, what they tend to do is to kind of\u2014Susie begins to look after her cubbies a little bit more\u2014so she begins to kind of divide lines, like, \u201cMy kids and me over here,\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t want them to hurt any more than they\u2019ve already hurt. It\u2019s already been hard enough as it is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I get that; you don\u2019t want the kids to hurt any more. But when you begin to resort to protectiveness, then that means you\u2019re unwilling to connect, and do some agreement, and find some willingness to risk on behalf of the marriage. Then sometimes, you\u2019re more protecting the kids than you are your relationship\/your marriage. That thickens the blood line: it thickens it over here, but weakens it over there.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s talk about how you cook a stepfamily. This is kind of an attitude and an approach to building relationships within your home\u2014but it\u2019s really a long-term attitude\u2014it really says: \u201cOkay, what does it take for us to <em>become<\/em> family?\u201d You didn\u2019t realize you were asking that question; but that\u2019s the question that really gets asked; because your kid, or their kid, or both kids, or ex-spouses, or grandparents are all, now going, \u201cOkay, so how do I relate to you?\u201d Really, the question is: \u201cHow are we going to <em>fit<\/em>?\u201d \u201cIn what way are we going to be family?\u201d \u201cTo what degree are we going to be family with one another?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You probably didn\u2019t realize it, but <em>you<\/em> went about\/you\u2019ve got a philosophy about how to cook this family with all these different parts. When you say, \u201cHoney, why don\u2019t you take Johnny out and throw the football?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a cooking strategy\u2014what you\u2019re saying is: \u201cGo spend time together, enjoy something together, and you guys will bond and create relationship and you\u2019ll become family.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, that makes sense: that\u2019s what you want\u2014that\u2019s your heart\u2019s desire; that\u2019s what we\u2019re after\u2014there\u2019s nothing wrong with that <em>goal<\/em>. Please hear me: \u201cThere\u2019s <em>nothing<\/em> <em>wrong<\/em> with the <em>goal<\/em>.\u201d But on occasion, the strategies\/the cooking strategies that we can use, sometimes, do more harm than they do good; for example, saying to kids, \u201cI know he\u2019s not your dad, but why don\u2019t you just call him dad anyway?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a cooking strategy. I\u2019m going to lump that into the blender category; right?\u2014you\u2019re going to be a blended family\u2014\u201cWe\u2019re going to use a blender to make this thing work.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What happens when you put all the ingredients in a blender and you turn it on?\u2014you force them into relationship with one another. You take a whole lot of different ingredients\u2014[smacking sound] and you cram them together with friction, and high heat, and stress\u2014and all of a sudden, they\u2019re one fluid mixture. As the joke goes: \u201cSomebody had to get <em>creamed<\/em> in the process,\u201d\u2014usually that\u2019s a child.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s go back and talk a little bit about Susie and Bob for a minute. You see, Susie grew up in a family\u2014they do a whole lot of stuff together all the time\/every holiday, all the traditions\u2014there\u2019s a togetherness in everything that they do. Bob grew up in a family that, on this continuum, is about right here; they really value their independent time.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s their different styles; right? Then they get married, and what happens in their blender-ing; right? They make these assumptions about how they\u2019re going to become family to one another. Susie, large and in charge, really has a high, high need for that to happen <em>fast<\/em>. Of course, she would; because being together is a <em>sign<\/em> that things are okay, and that\u2019s what you want.<\/p>\n<p>Saturday morning comes, and it goes like this: Susie walks into Bob, and he\u2019s shaving. She says, \u201cListen, Honey, I just looked at the family calendar. You\u2019re not going to believe what I just saw.\u201d She says, \u201cIt\u2019s Saturday\u2014all five kids are here with us\u2014and we have <em>nothing<\/em> to do today.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bob says, \u201cReally?! No soccer games, no church function, no\u2026we don\u2019t even have to mow the yard?\u201d She says, \u201cNo, it\u2019s done; it\u2019s taken care of! Can you believe we have nothing to do all afternoon? I\u2019ve got an idea!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bob goes, \u201cOh, no,\u201d\u2014[tentatively]\u2014\u201c<em>Okay<\/em>, what\u2019s your idea?\u201d She says, \u201cWell, I\u2019m thinking we ought to do something together today.\u201d Bob goes [sounding reluctant], \u201cOh, okay, Honey,\u201d\u2014remember [his personality lends to]\u2014\u201cGo along, flexible,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201ckeep the peace.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ll go tell my kids; I\u2019ll go break the news,\u201d\u2014[flat sounding] \u201cHey, guys, listen. Two o\u2019clock today, we\u2019re going to climb in the car. We\u2019re all going to go bowling.\u201d Ted goes, \u201cWhoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on, Dad. I can\u2019t go, Dad. Not me.\u201d \u201cNo, son; I\u2019m sorry. We\u2019re all going to go; so be ready, two o\u2019clock.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Susie goes and tells her kids [excited voice]: \u201cGuess what we\u2019re going to do today? We\u2019re all going to go <em>bowling<\/em>!\u201d \u201cYay!\u201d\u2014everybody\u2019s excited, thrilled, happy.<\/p>\n<p>Two o\u2019clock comes; they pile into the minivan. They don\u2019t even get out of the driveway\u2014and you know what happens; right?\u2014Ted starts picking on the youngest; they\u2019re: \u201cYah, yah, yah,\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s touching me! He\u2019s touching me!\u201d\u2014in the back seat of the car. Bob spins around, \u201cI don\u2019t want anybody touching anybody! We\u2019re having fun today! You\u2019re going to have fun, whether you like it or not!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what <em>blenders<\/em> do.<\/p>\n<p>They go to the bowling alley. The whole day it\u2019s just kind of <em>seething<\/em> below the surface\u2014right?\u2014and it\u2019s bubbling up, and it\u2019s just brewing and brewing. Most of it centers around Bob\u2019s oldest son, Ted, who just kind of is the antagonist in the home at that point in time. He\u2019s a teenager, and he\u2019s got the attitude thing going on.<\/p>\n<p>Susie\u2019s over there, going, \u201cIf my husband would just take care of business with that boy, we\u2019d be having fun; and we\u2019d be happy right now. But <em>no<\/em>, he\u2019s just <em>talking<\/em> to him.\u201d Susie, who\u2019s <em>never<\/em> had a 17-year-old son, is now knowing <em>exactly<\/em> what Bob ought to be doing to fix this situation. It\u2019s been <em>seething<\/em> below the surface until it breaks through the emotional ceiling, which is that place where Susie can\u2019t stand it [Southern accent] <em>no more<\/em>. She runs over to her husband and says, \u201cThat\u2019s it. I\u2019m sick and tired of this. You need to settle him.\u201d \u201cI am trying to settle him.\u201d \u201cNo you\u2019re not settle\u2014because if you were taking care of this, [whimpering voice] we\u2019d be happy right now; and I\u2019m not happy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then, she turns <em>on<\/em> <em>Ted<\/em>. Teds going, \u201cWhatever made you\u2026Get out of my face! You\u2019re not my mom!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What I would suggest\u2014there\u2019s a whole lot going on in this scenario\u2014but what\u2019s <em>pushing<\/em> it\/what\u2019s <em>driving<\/em> it\u2014the fuel that\u2019s in the tank\u2014is this blender assumption that says: \u201cWe have to make it happen now,\u201d \u201cWe got to cook this thing; we\u2019ve got to get these people to like each other,\u201d \u201cWe\u2019ve got to be family to one another,\u201d\u2014so we\u2019ll orchestrate, in our timing as adults, when the kids are going be happy. That\u2019s really funny when you say it out loud; isn\u2019t it? [Laughter] It goes into push and demand, and shove and orchestrate; and it\u2019s all about <em>our need<\/em> to not feel guilty anymore.<\/p>\n<p>I know what you\u2019re after\u2014the goal is not the issue; the goal is fine: family-ness is the goal; that\u2019s <em>great<\/em>\u2014but the strategy might not get you there. [Whimpering voice] \u201cBut, Ron, that means we\u2019re not a family, and if we\u2019re not a family then I\u2019m feeling guilty.\u201d Yes, you can wrestle with that guilt\u2014just don\u2019t let it control you\u2014because if it controls you, then it\u2019s going to push you back into blender-ing and then you\u2019re blundering. You\u2019re with me?<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender. Cook it with a crockpot.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ron Deal talking about the importance of blending a stepfamily in the slow process. Just think about all the complex situations that stepfamilies need to work through in order to take people from being individuals to being a complete family.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, we need to take a break. But we\u2019re going to hear more from Ron when we come back in two minutes. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Every day, Ron Deal is helping people understand and navigate <em>tough<\/em> relationships. He does that a number of different ways: through his resources and also through events. There\u2019s an event coming up next month in October called <em>The Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>. If you\u2019re part of a stepfamily, or in a church that wants to help equip stepfamilies, check out the link in our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.<\/p>\n<p>Now, back to more from Ron. He\u2019s talking about the recipe for successful stepfamilies. Here\u2019s Ron again.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ron:<\/strong> Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender. Cook it with a crockpot. What\u2019s different about crockpots?\u2014they\u2019re <em>slow<\/em>. You ever come home at the end of a work day, and go, \u201cLet\u2019s make something in a crockpot!\u201d No, you don\u2019t! [Laughter] If you didn\u2019t do it before you left for work, you ain\u2019t having crockpot that night\u2014you know what I\u2019m saying?\u2014it\u2019s slow, and it works on low heat\u2014very different cooking method than anything else\u2014very different from a blender for sure, than an oven\/than a microwave, that are all fast and high heat.<\/p>\n<p>This is slow and low heat. Low heat is: \u201cBe intentional about building togetherness about becoming family.\u201d Be intentional about it\u2014that\u2019s low heat\u2014you\u2019ve got to have <em>some<\/em> heat or it doesn\u2019t cook; right? But the difference is it\u2019s low\u2014as opposed to high pressure heat that\u2019s on my time, in my way\u2014that\u2019s low heat.<\/p>\n<p>Time is just time. Patricia Papernow, in her research on stepfamilies, suggests that it takes the average stepfamily between five and seven years to begin to answer the question: \u201cWho are we to one another?\u201d\u2014to find their family-ness, to find that sense of identity, and define their relationships. That\u2019s <em>normal<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>If you just heard that, some of you just went [tearfully], \u201cDear God, what does that mean?!\u201d At the same time, there\u2019s some hope in that. Because for some of you, you\u2019re going: \u201cMan, I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not going faster. I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not working. Why are we still struggling with some of this stuff? Why do we still have this stress?\u201d \u201cWhy does that kid not like whatever we do?\u201d \u201cHow come you and I\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Part of it is you\u2019re still cooking, for crying out loud\u2014you\u2019re <em>not<\/em> supposed to be there yet\u2014you\u2019re more <em>normal<\/em> than you thought! That\u2019s the good news; but it does mean you have to continue to be intentional, and be intentional in a <em>smart<\/em> way\u2014not necessarily in this chaotic push-it-all-together way\u2014trust the clock, because you can\u2019t rush the clock.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s think about it: let\u2019s cook some stew. What kind of ingredients do you throw in your stew?\u2014\u201cOnions, and carrots, and potatoes, and beef, and broth, and pepper.\u201d We\u2019ve got to kick it up a notch; yes, okay. You\u2019re with me; right? We\u2019re going to take these ingredients and put them in our crockpot. When you cook with a crockpot, you just dump it in; right?\u2014it\u2019s called a wedding. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Then what you\u2019ve done is you\u2019ve dropped them. As they happen to fall into the crockpot, on the day of the wedding, the beef, and the broth, and the carrots are all on one side\u2014because they\u2019re all biologically connected to one another: they\u2019re all insiders; they\u2019re all tight\u2014they\u2019ve got the same last name, same blood line, same DNA!<\/p>\n<p>Then over here, on this side of the crockpot, we\u2019ve got celery and we\u2019ve got\u2014what did I miss?\u2014the pepper and the potatoes over here. They\u2019ve got same DNA, same last name; and they have the same blood line, and history, and loss story, and everything that ties them together.<\/p>\n<p>And they just kind of\u2014\u201cPfft\u201d\u2014there they are. You put the lid on; you turn it on, and you walk away\u2014it\u2019s called a wedding. Here, we begin to cook. As it would be, those ingredients begin to soften over time. It usually takes a whole lot of time for that to even to get some heat going, and then you get a little momentum, and then the ingredients begin to soften. Here\u2019s the really strange thing about this: they soften on their <em>own time<\/em>. I mean, carrots soften at a different pace than the potatoes. Everything is on its own time.<\/p>\n<p>I was doing a seminar one time, and a couple came up to me at the break. She said, \u201cYou know what? I was talking to my husband; he\u2019s a chef. He was saying, \u2018Ron\u2019s exactly right about that crockpot thing; you can\u2019t <em>fool<\/em> food.\u2019\u201d And she said, \u201cYou can\u2019t make something cook faster than it\u2019s going to cook.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Well, as I like to call it, lots of stepfamilies have a carrot. Everything else is softening very nicely. Everything else\u2014the couple has started this thing\u2014and everything else is beginning to come together; but you\u2019ve got a carrot, who says, \u201c\u201cHmm, I don\u2019t think so.\u201d That carrot, sometimes, is an ex-spouse, who is just a thorn in your family flesh. Sometimes, that carrot is a teenager, \u201cJust because.\u201d Sometimes that carrot is a part-time child, who you get very little time they\u2019re with\u2014they\u2019re in for a weekend and then they\u2019re gone\u2014it\u2019s just time doesn\u2019t really accumulate; you kind of start and stop, and start and stop, and start over\u2014it\u2019s a functional carrot; it\u2019s not an attitude\u2014it\u2019s just time; it\u2019s not working.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve got a carrot; maybe two or three different ingredients might be softening at a different pace\u2014that could be frustrating\u2014because you\u2019re going, \u201cBoy, we\u2019ve got lots going here; but we\u2019ve just got that thing <em>there<\/em>.\u201d Yes, and it is what it is; and you <em>can\u2019t<\/em> fool food\u2014you can\u2019t rush it; you can\u2019t force it; you can\u2019t demand it\u2014because as soon as you go back into blender-ing\/high heat, it tends to work against you\u2014trust the crockpot.<\/p>\n<p>In that environment of crockpot-ting, there\u2019s still some barriers. If we were to just kind of chart this\/let\u2019s talk about bonding in a stepfamily. In a first-marriage situation, you have an individual, who marries another individual, and they become a couple. Then they have kids, and they become parents. They develop a relationship with those children.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s just push pause for a minute\u2014because this little equation here\u2014number one, it\u2019s God\u2019s design; and there\u2019s a reason why it works best for adults and for kids. The first thing is the individuals come together, and they form the foundation to the home; that is, their couple-ness. That couple-ness <em>precedes<\/em> the children. So the whole time the kids are growing up, there\u2019s this natural order to things that kids just know mom and dad came first. That does a whole lot to orient their world, as kids need.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Number one, it says to them: \u201cThe world doesn\u2019t revolve around you.\u201d Every kid in the world need to know that. Because if they don\u2019t know that, then they feel like they should be the center; and they should be able to make demands and everybody should be able to follow them.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>The other thing this does for kids is it teaches them their place in the world: \u201cYou\u2019re not the center,\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re the authority.\u201d It sets up parenting to be successful; it\u2019s just the natural order.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>The other thing I would point out about this is that, naturally, kids are just as invested in their parents\u2019 marriage as the parents are. I mean, if you split up in this situation, the kids are fighting to get it back together again: that\u2019s their world. Their security and safety is tied to that unity, so they\u2019re equally invested in the success of the marriage.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>What happens after death or divorce is that we\u2019ve essentially lost couple-ness, so the foundation has been pulled away. I think the first thing we have to do is just be honest and admit that there\u2019s been a trauma to the family system\/to the stability of the home. The foundation it gone\u2014it\u2019s not cracked\u2014it\u2019s <em>gone<\/em>. Now, the whole unit has to reorganize around <em>something<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m thinking of the guy, who was sitting in a conference just like this\u2014raised his hand about now\u2014and said, \u201cBoy, I really don\u2019t like what you\u2019re saying.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cOkay, talk to me.\u201d He said, \u201cNo, no, no; I <em>like<\/em> what you\u2019re saying. It\u2019s just not my life, but I wish it was.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d He said, \u201cOkay, I\u2019d never been married before; didn\u2019t have any kids when I met my wife. She was one of those large-and-in-charge moms like you\u2019ve been talking about.\u201d He said:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe had three children. Boy, she had it going on\u2014schedules\/routines\u2014she just kept it all going all the way through the single-parent years. She handled it <em>masterfully<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHere we come together. Man, I just knew not to mess with mom\u2019s routine\u2014right?\u2014the style\/the way she ran things.\u201d He said, \u201cAs a matter of fact, when they would get in the car, when she was a single parent, she had this very elaborate system of determining who gets to ride in the front seat with mom when they get in the car. It depended on whose turn it was, how far they were going, and when it was going to be the next go round.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cMan, I was smart enough to know not to mess with that; so I got in the backseat, and we went on with life.\u201d [Laughter] Then he looks at me and he says, \u201cWe\u2019ve been married two-and-a-half years, and I still ride in the backseat of the car.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Alright, so let\u2019s talk through that for a minute; right? Something\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em> in this scenario. We got to try to figure out how to elevate his status to a place of priority; right? Let\u2019s just play it out a little bit. It\u2019s Monday morning; they\u2019re all riding in one car. They\u2019re going to drop off at school, and work, and on, and on, and on. They walk out into the driveway.<\/p>\n<p>Stepdad\u2014he\u2019s sick and tired of getting slapped in the face\u2014stepdad says, \u201cHey, dude, back seat.\u201d \u201cWhat do you mean? It\u2019s my turn, front seat.\u201d I mean, let\u2019s just play it out a little bit. What is Johnny going to do when he says, \u201cGet in the back seat\u201d? Little Johnny\u2019s going to look at stepdad, and go, \u201cMOMMY!\u201d He\u2019s going to come up with some GASS; right?\u2014G-A-S-S\u2014Guilt trip, Anger, Silent treatment, or Sadness. These are the tools that kids use <em>against<\/em> us. His GASS is going to be about a 3 or a 4 [Complaining occurs]. About that time, he spots Mom walking out the front door; and immediately, \u201c<em>Mom!<\/em>\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cHere\u2019s my <em>savior<\/em>; <em>she\u2019ll<\/em> look after me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, if mom just happens to be one of those paralyzed biological parents, who is easily overcome by the guilt, then she\u2019s probably going to walk up, \u201cWhat?\u2014back seat?\u201d [Whimpering voice] \u201cOh, my baby!\u201d and look at her husband and say, \u201cOkay, you\u2019re the adult. It is his turn; just one more time?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Okay; but let\u2019s play it out\u2014what if she\u2019s not paralyzed?\u2014what if she\u2019s going to embolden herself, as mom, knowing that, in this scenario, this is going to be a heartbreak for little Johnny. And it\u2019s not just a heartbreak for Johnny; we\u2019re changing the rules, for crying out loud. This is all they\u2019ve ever known. This is a rule change\u2014this is a shifting of authority in the family\u2014<em>this is significant<\/em>. What\u2019s going to happen if she finds the courage to go, \u201cOh, dude, I\u2019m sorry; it is your turn. Get in the back\u201d? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s going to happen? The GASS scale\u2014the 3 just went to a 9.9\u2014and he\u2019s going to pull out his little trump card [sarcastically], \u201cDad wouldn\u2019t make me do this.\u201d The GASS goes up\u2014he throws a <em>fit<\/em>\u2014stomping, [inaudible complaining], gets in the car, <em>slams<\/em> the door, [inaudible complaining] all the way to school. He gets out at school; he <em>slams<\/em> the door, and he stomps in.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s mom\u2019s heart feeling?\u2014guilt, and sadness, and sorrow for this kid; because she realizes this is another change he didn\u2019t ask for\u2014\u201cHe didn\u2019t ask for this!\u201d and \u201cHe didn\u2019t ask for all those other changes<em>.<\/em>\u201dIf we back up\u2014down the loss story\u2014there\u2019s been a whole lot of stuff he didn\u2019t ask for; it\u2019s <em>another thing<\/em>. She can feel sorry for him, but she cannot afford to be <em>paralyzed<\/em> by that sorrow.<\/p>\n<p>But functionally, what it does is\u2014it moves your relationship to the right place\/to a powerful place\u2014that systematically, in the crockpot, then puts the stepparent into a place, where they can actually be part of the parenting team; and your marriage strengthens the whole family. If you <em>don\u2019t<\/em> do this\u2014biological parents, if you don\u2019t find that courage in those moments, it is the equivalent of unplugging the crockpot: no more heat; no more cooking\u2014it\u2019s hard; it\u2019s <em>risky<\/em>, but there\u2019s rewards there.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Blending families is <em>hard<\/em>; and many times, it\u2019s a slow and painful process. But as Ron said, there are rewards there. I\u2019m so glad we have Ron Deal and his team to help families <em>blend successfully<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>If you are part of a blended or stepfamily, and would like some resources\u2014because you might need help, maybe you want to help others, maybe you\u2019re just curious\u2014we have a link on our website to FamilyLife Blended, where you can find articles, and other resources and help\u2014FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s at FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, coming up next week, we\u2019re going to hear from Dave and Ann Wilson. They\u2019re going to talk to us about our true purpose here on earth. I hope you can join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, and our cofounder, Dennis Rainey, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Bruce Goff; our producer, Marques Holt, and Justin Adams is our mastering engineer. Megan Martin is our production coordinator, and Raven Simmons is our production intern.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n"],"duration":["00:28:00"],"filesize":["25.64M"],"filesize_raw":["26883503"],"_edit_lock":["1736446489:47000"],"_edit_last":["47000"],"theme_header_position":["Sticky"],"post_header_is_sticky":["default"],"is_header_overlay":["0"],"episode_type":["audio"],"date_recorded":["2021-09-11 07:00:06"],"enclosure":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-09-11.mp3"],"_seopress_redirections_type":["301"],"_seopress_redirections_logged_status":["both"],"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":[""],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307228.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307228.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-e11dbe9f{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-e11dbe9f > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;padding-top: 3em;padding-bottom: 3em;padding-left: 1.5em;padding-right: 1.5em;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;background-color: #f8f8f8;;}@media only screen and (max-width: 976px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-e11dbe9f{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-e11dbe9f > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f{padding-top: 3px;padding-bottom: 3px;padding-left: 1.5px;padding-right: 1.5px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #f8f8f8;;}}@media only screen and (max-width: 767px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-e11dbe9f{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-e11dbe9f > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f{padding-top: 3px;padding-bottom: 3px;padding-left: 1.5px;padding-right: 1.5px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #f8f8f8;;}}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-85559158 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-85559158 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-85559158 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-85559158 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-85559158 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-85559158{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-85559158 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 960px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-85559158{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;padding-top: 0px;padding-bottom: 0px;padding-left: 10px;padding-right: 10px;margin-top: 60px !important;margin-bottom: 60px !important;margin-left: 0px;margin-right: 0px;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-ea16301a{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-ea16301a > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a.uagb-layout-grid > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{row-gap: 40px;column-gap: 40px;grid-template-columns: minmax( 1px, 1fr)  minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;grid-template-rows: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;align-items: start;justify-items: stretch;align-content: stretch;justify-content: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;padding-top: 0px;padding-bottom: 0px;padding-left: 0px;padding-right: 0px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a.wp-block-uagb-container > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not( .spectra-container-link-overlay ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox):not(.wp-block-uagb-lottie):not(.uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap){width: auto !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a.wp-block-uagb-container > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox){width: auto !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-26ccc5c9 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-26ccc5c9 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-26ccc5c9 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-26ccc5c9 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-26ccc5c9 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-26ccc5c9{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-26ccc5c9 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: flex-start;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-26ccc5c9{min-height: 710px;box-shadow: 3px 7px 7px -1px rgba(0,0,0,0.15) ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;background-color: #ffffff;;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: flex-start;flex-wrap: nowrap;align-self: start;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-84f50fa3 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-84f50fa3 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-84f50fa3 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-84f50fa3 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-84f50fa3 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;background: url(https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/07\/Grow-with-your-family_545x307.jpg) 50% 50%;;background-size: cover;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-84f50fa3{max-width: 100vw;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-84f50fa3 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-84f50fa3{min-height: 250px;box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;background-repeat: no-repeat;background-position: 50% 50%;background-size: cover;background-attachment: scroll;background-image: url(https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/03\/Grow-with-your-family_545x307.webp);background-clip: padding-box;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-271bf38d .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-271bf38d .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-271bf38d .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-271bf38d .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-271bf38d .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-271bf38d{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-271bf38d > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;row-gap: 40px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-271bf38d{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;padding-top: 20px;padding-bottom: 40px;padding-left: 40px;padding-right: 40px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;row-gap: 40px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-ab8d0982{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-ab8d0982 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982.uagb-layout-grid{row-gap: 8px;column-gap: 8px;grid-template-columns: auto  minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;grid-template-rows: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;align-items: stretch;justify-items: stretch;align-content: stretch;justify-content: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982.wp-block-uagb-container > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not( .spectra-container-link-overlay ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox):not(.wp-block-uagb-lottie):not(.uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap){width: auto !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982.wp-block-uagb-container > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox){width: auto !important;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d4c1a7e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-heading-text{color: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d4c1a7e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-desc-text{margin-bottom: 15px;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d4c1a7e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight{font-style: normal;font-weight: Default;background: #007cba;color: #fff;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d4c1a7e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight::-moz-selection{color: #fff;background: #007cba;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d4c1a7e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight::selection{color: #fff;background: #007cba;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d4c1a7e3 .uagb-heading-text{font-weight: 300;font-size: 16px;}.uagb-block-f9d54988.wp-block-uagb-separator{text-align: left;}.uagb-block-f9d54988.wp-block-uagb-separator--text .wp-block-uagb-separator-element .uagb-html-tag{font-style: normal;line-height: 1em;}.uagb-block-f9d54988 .uagb-separator-spacing-wrapper{padding-top: 4px;padding-bottom: 4px;}.uagb-block-f9d54988.wp-block-uagb-separator:not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--text):not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--icon) .wp-block-uagb-separator__inner{-webkit-mask-size: 5px 100%;border-top-width: 3px;width: 100%;border-top-color: #eabe5e;border-top-style: solid;margin-top: 5px;margin-bottom: 5px;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-3208cc36.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-heading-text{color: #006a5a;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-3208cc36.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-desc-text{margin-bottom: 15px;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-3208cc36.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight{font-style: normal;font-weight: Default;background: #007cba;color: #fff;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-3208cc36.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight::-moz-selection{color: #fff;background: #007cba;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-3208cc36.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight::selection{color: #fff;background: #007cba;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-3208cc36 .uagb-heading-text{font-weight: 400;font-size: 26px;line-height: 1.2em;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .uagb-icon-list__source-image{width: 18px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap svg{width: 18px;height: 18px;font-size: 18px;color: #1573a2;fill: #1573a2;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{padding: 0px;border-radius: 0px;border-width: 0px;align-self: center;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__label{font-size: 20px;text-decoration: !important;line-height: em;color: #1573a2;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .uagb-icon-list__wrap{display: flex;flex-direction: column;justify-content: center;-webkit-box-pack: center;-ms-flex-pack: center;-webkit-box-align: flex-start;-ms-flex-align: flex-start;align-items: flex-start;padding-top: 0px;padding-right: 0px;padding-bottom: 0px;padding-left: 0px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .uagb-icon-list__label{text-align: left;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child{text-decoration: !important;font-size: 20px;line-height: em;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd.wp-block-uagb-icon-list .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child{margin-left: 0;margin-right: 0;margin-bottom: 24px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{margin-left: 15px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child {flex-direction: row-reverse;}.uagb-block-fdd052c2.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-fdd052c2.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child:hover .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-679dc0da.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-679dc0da.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child:hover .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-fbb8dca6.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-fbb8dca6.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child:hover .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-b5e9a44d.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-b5e9a44d.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child:hover .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-10525170.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-10525170.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child:hover .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-48a597f8 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-48a597f8 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-48a597f8 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-48a597f8 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-48a597f8 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-48a597f8{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-48a597f8 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: flex-start;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-48a597f8{min-height: 710px;box-shadow: 3px 7px 7px -1px rgba(0,0,0,0.15) ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;background-color: #ffffff;;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: flex-start;flex-wrap: nowrap;align-self: start;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-22a41c70 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-22a41c70 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-22a41c70 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-22a41c70 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-22a41c70 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;background: url(https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/07\/Grow-with-your-family_545x307.jpg) 50% 50%;;background-size: cover;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-22a41c70{max-width: 100vw;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-22a41c70 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-22a41c70{min-height: 250px;box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;background-repeat: no-repeat;background-position: 50% 50%;background-size: cover;background-attachment: scroll;background-image: url(https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/03\/HelpFamiliesGrow2.webp);background-clip: padding-box;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-562935bf .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-562935bf .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-562935bf .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-562935bf .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-562935bf .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-562935bf{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-562935bf > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;row-gap: 40px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-562935bf{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;padding-top: 20px;padding-bottom: 40px;padding-left: 40px;padding-right: 40px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;row-gap: 40px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-5a1442f2{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-5a1442f2 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2.uagb-layout-grid{row-gap: 8px;column-gap: 8px;grid-template-columns: auto  minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;grid-template-rows: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;align-items: stretch;justify-items: stretch;align-content: stretch;justify-content: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2.wp-block-uagb-container > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not( .spectra-container-link-overlay ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox):not(.wp-block-uagb-lottie):not(.uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap){width: auto !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2.wp-block-uagb-container > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox){width: auto !important;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d9c0200f.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-heading-text{color: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d9c0200f.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-desc-text{margin-bottom: 15px;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d9c0200f.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight{font-style: normal;font-weight: Default;background: #007cba;color: #fff;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d9c0200f.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight::-moz-selection{color: #fff;background: #007cba;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d9c0200f.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight::selection{color: #fff;background: #007cba;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d9c0200f .uagb-heading-text{font-weight: 300;font-size: 16px;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e.wp-block-uagb-separator{text-align: left;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e.wp-block-uagb-separator--text .wp-block-uagb-separator-element .uagb-html-tag{font-style: normal;line-height: 1em;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e .uagb-separator-spacing-wrapper{padding-top: 4px;padding-bottom: 4px;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e.wp-block-uagb-separator:not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--text):not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--icon) .wp-block-uagb-separator__inner{-webkit-mask-size: 5px 100%;border-top-width: 3px;width: 100%;border-top-color: #eabe5e;border-top-style: solid;margin-top: 5px;margin-bottom: 5px;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-31f155e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-heading-text{color: #006a5a;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-31f155e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-desc-text{margin-bottom: 15px;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-31f155e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight{font-style: normal;font-weight: Default;background: #007cba;color: #fff;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-31f155e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight::-moz-selection{color: #fff;background: #007cba;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-31f155e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight::selection{color: #fff;background: #007cba;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-31f155e3 .uagb-heading-text{font-weight: 400;font-size: 26px;line-height: 1.2em;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .uagb-icon-list__source-image{width: 18px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap svg{width: 18px;height: 18px;font-size: 18px;color: #1573a2;fill: #1573a2;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{padding: 0px;border-radius: 0px;border-width: 0px;align-self: center;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__label{font-size: 20px;text-decoration: !important;line-height: em;color: #1573a2;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .uagb-icon-list__wrap{display: flex;flex-direction: column;justify-content: center;-webkit-box-pack: center;-ms-flex-pack: center;-webkit-box-align: flex-start;-ms-flex-align: flex-start;align-items: flex-start;padding-top: 0px;padding-right: 0px;padding-bottom: 0px;padding-left: 0px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .uagb-icon-list__label{text-align: left;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child{text-decoration: !important;font-size: 20px;line-height: em;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64.wp-block-uagb-icon-list .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child{margin-left: 0;margin-right: 0;margin-bottom: 24px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{margin-left: 15px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child {flex-direction: row-reverse;}.uagb-block-83befcbf.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-83befcbf.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child:hover .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-75d2f158.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-75d2f158.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child:hover .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-0d14af90.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-0d14af90.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child:hover .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-4dd6f9d3.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-4dd6f9d3.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child:hover .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-28c58e21.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}.uagb-block-28c58e21.wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child:hover .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{background:  !important;border-color:  !important;}@media only screen and (max-width: 976px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-85559158{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-85559158 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-85559158{padding-top: 0px;padding-bottom: 0px;padding-left: 10px;padding-right: 10px;margin-top: 60px !important;margin-bottom: 60px !important;margin-left: 0px;margin-right: 0px;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-ea16301a{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-ea16301a > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a.uagb-layout-grid > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{grid-template-columns: minmax( 1px, 1fr)  minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;grid-template-rows: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;align-items: stretch;justify-items: stretch;align-content: stretch;justify-content: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a{padding-top: 0px;padding-bottom: 0px;padding-left: 0px;padding-right: 0px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-26ccc5c9{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-26ccc5c9 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-26ccc5c9{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #ffffff;;grid-column: span 1;grid-row: span 1;align-self: stretch;justify-self: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-84f50fa3{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-84f50fa3 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-84f50fa3{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-position: 54% 48%;background-size: cover;background-image: url(https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/03\/Grow-with-your-family_545x307.webp);background-clip: padding-box;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-271bf38d{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-271bf38d > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-271bf38d{padding-top: 20px;padding-bottom: 40px;padding-left: 40px;padding-right: 40px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-ab8d0982{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-ab8d0982 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982.uagb-layout-grid{grid-template-columns: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;grid-template-rows: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;align-items: stretch;justify-items: stretch;align-content: stretch;justify-content: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982.wp-block-uagb-container > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not( .spectra-container-link-overlay ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox):not(.wp-block-uagb-lottie):not(.uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap){width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982.wp-block-uagb-container > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox){width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d4c1a7e3 .uagb-heading-text{font-size: 12px;letter-spacing: 1px;}.uagb-block-f9d54988.wp-block-uagb-separator{text-align: center;}.uagb-block-f9d54988.wp-block-uagb-separator--text .wp-block-uagb-separator-element .uagb-html-tag{font-style: normal;margin-bottom: initial;line-height: 1em;}.uagb-block-f9d54988 .uagb-separator-spacing-wrapper{padding-top: 10px;padding-bottom: 10px;}.uagb-block-f9d54988.wp-block-uagb-separator:not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--text):not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--icon) .wp-block-uagb-separator__inner{-webkit-mask-size: 5px 100%;width: 100%;border-top-color: #eabe5e;border-top-style: solid;margin-top: 5px;margin-bottom: 5px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .uagb-icon-list__source-image{width: 18px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap svg{width: 18px;height: 18px;font-size: 18px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap {padding: 0px;border-width: 0px;align-self: center;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .uagb-icon-list__wrap{display: flex;flex-direction: column;justify-content: center;-webkit-box-pack: center;-ms-flex-pack: center;-webkit-box-align: flex-start;-ms-flex-align: flex-start;align-items: flex-start;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd.wp-block-uagb-icon-list .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child{margin-left: 0;margin-right: 0;margin-bottom: 24px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-48a597f8{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-48a597f8 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-48a597f8{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #ffffff;;grid-column: span 1;grid-row: span 1;align-self: stretch;justify-self: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-22a41c70{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-22a41c70 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-22a41c70{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-position: 54% 48%;background-size: cover;background-image: url(https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/03\/HelpFamiliesGrow2.webp);background-clip: padding-box;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-562935bf{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-562935bf > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-562935bf{padding-top: 20px;padding-bottom: 40px;padding-left: 40px;padding-right: 40px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-5a1442f2{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-5a1442f2 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2.uagb-layout-grid{grid-template-columns: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;grid-template-rows: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;align-items: stretch;justify-items: stretch;align-content: stretch;justify-content: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2.wp-block-uagb-container > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not( .spectra-container-link-overlay ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox):not(.wp-block-uagb-lottie):not(.uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap){width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2.wp-block-uagb-container > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox){width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d9c0200f .uagb-heading-text{font-size: 12px;letter-spacing: 1px;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e.wp-block-uagb-separator{text-align: center;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e.wp-block-uagb-separator--text .wp-block-uagb-separator-element .uagb-html-tag{font-style: normal;margin-bottom: initial;line-height: 1em;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e .uagb-separator-spacing-wrapper{padding-top: 10px;padding-bottom: 10px;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e.wp-block-uagb-separator:not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--text):not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--icon) .wp-block-uagb-separator__inner{-webkit-mask-size: 5px 100%;width: 100%;border-top-color: #eabe5e;border-top-style: solid;margin-top: 5px;margin-bottom: 5px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .uagb-icon-list__source-image{width: 18px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap svg{width: 18px;height: 18px;font-size: 18px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap {padding: 0px;border-width: 0px;align-self: center;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .uagb-icon-list__wrap{display: flex;flex-direction: column;justify-content: center;-webkit-box-pack: center;-ms-flex-pack: center;-webkit-box-align: flex-start;-ms-flex-align: flex-start;align-items: flex-start;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64.wp-block-uagb-icon-list .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child{margin-left: 0;margin-right: 0;margin-bottom: 24px;}}@media only screen and (max-width: 767px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-85559158{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-85559158 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-85559158{padding-top: 0px;padding-bottom: 0px;padding-left: 10px;padding-right: 10px;margin-top: 60px !important;margin-bottom: 60px !important;margin-left: 0px;margin-right: 0px;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-ea16301a{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-ea16301a > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a.uagb-layout-grid > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{grid-template-columns: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;grid-template-rows: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;align-items: stretch;justify-items: stretch;align-content: stretch;justify-content: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ea16301a{padding-top: 0px;padding-bottom: 0px;padding-left: 0px;padding-right: 0px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-26ccc5c9{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-26ccc5c9 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-26ccc5c9{padding-top: 0px;padding-bottom: 0px;padding-left: 0px;padding-right: 0px;margin-top: 0px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;margin-left: 0px;margin-right: 0px;order: initial;background-color: #ffffff;;flex-wrap: wrap;grid-column: span 1;grid-row: span 1;align-self: stretch;justify-self: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-84f50fa3{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-84f50fa3 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-84f50fa3{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-image: url(https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/03\/Grow-with-your-family_545x307.webp);background-clip: padding-box;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-271bf38d{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-271bf38d > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-271bf38d{padding-top: 20px;padding-bottom: 40px;padding-left: 40px;padding-right: 40px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-ab8d0982{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-ab8d0982 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982.uagb-layout-grid{grid-template-columns: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;grid-template-rows: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;align-items: stretch;justify-items: stretch;align-content: stretch;justify-content: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982.wp-block-uagb-container > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not( .spectra-container-link-overlay ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox):not(.wp-block-uagb-lottie):not(.uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap){width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ab8d0982.wp-block-uagb-container > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox){width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d4c1a7e3.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading {padding-left: 40px;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d4c1a7e3 .uagb-heading-text{letter-spacing: 4px;}.uagb-block-f9d54988.wp-block-uagb-separator{text-align: center;}.uagb-block-f9d54988.wp-block-uagb-separator--text .wp-block-uagb-separator-element .uagb-html-tag{font-style: normal;margin-bottom: initial;line-height: 1em;}.uagb-block-f9d54988 .uagb-separator-spacing-wrapper{padding-top: 10px;padding-bottom: 10px;}.uagb-block-f9d54988.wp-block-uagb-separator:not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--text):not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--icon) .wp-block-uagb-separator__inner{-webkit-mask-size: 5px 100%;width: 100%;border-top-color: #eabe5e;border-top-style: solid;margin-top: 5px;margin-bottom: 5px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .uagb-icon-list__source-image{width: 18px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap svg{width: 18px;height: 18px;font-size: 18px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{padding: 0px;border-width: 0px;align-self: center;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd .uagb-icon-list__wrap{display: flex;flex-direction: column;justify-content: center;-webkit-box-pack: center;-ms-flex-pack: center;-webkit-box-align: flex-start;-ms-flex-align: flex-start;align-items: flex-start;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-cbb8c5bd.wp-block-uagb-icon-list .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child{margin-left: 0;margin-right: 0;margin-bottom: 24px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-48a597f8{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-48a597f8 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-48a597f8{padding-top: 0px;padding-bottom: 0px;padding-left: 0px;padding-right: 0px;margin-top: 0px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;margin-left: 0px;margin-right: 0px;order: initial;background-color: #ffffff;;flex-wrap: wrap;grid-column: span 1;grid-row: span 1;align-self: stretch;justify-self: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-22a41c70{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-22a41c70 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-22a41c70{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-image: url(https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/03\/HelpFamiliesGrow2.webp);background-clip: padding-box;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-562935bf{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-562935bf > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-562935bf{padding-top: 20px;padding-bottom: 40px;padding-left: 40px;padding-right: 40px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-5a1442f2{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-5a1442f2 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2.uagb-layout-grid{grid-template-columns: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;grid-template-rows: minmax( 1px, 1fr) ;align-items: stretch;justify-items: stretch;align-content: stretch;justify-content: stretch;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2.wp-block-uagb-container > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not( .spectra-container-link-overlay ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox):not(.wp-block-uagb-lottie):not(.uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap){width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5a1442f2.wp-block-uagb-container > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox){width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d9c0200f.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading {padding-left: 40px;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-d9c0200f .uagb-heading-text{letter-spacing: 4px;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e.wp-block-uagb-separator{text-align: center;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e.wp-block-uagb-separator--text .wp-block-uagb-separator-element .uagb-html-tag{font-style: normal;margin-bottom: initial;line-height: 1em;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e .uagb-separator-spacing-wrapper{padding-top: 10px;padding-bottom: 10px;}.uagb-block-aa17f10e.wp-block-uagb-separator:not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--text):not(.wp-block-uagb-separator--icon) .wp-block-uagb-separator__inner{-webkit-mask-size: 5px 100%;width: 100%;border-top-color: #eabe5e;border-top-style: solid;margin-top: 5px;margin-bottom: 5px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .uagb-icon-list__source-image{width: 18px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap svg{width: 18px;height: 18px;font-size: 18px;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child .uagb-icon-list__source-wrap{padding: 0px;border-width: 0px;align-self: center;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64 .uagb-icon-list__wrap{display: flex;flex-direction: column;justify-content: center;-webkit-box-pack: center;-ms-flex-pack: center;-webkit-box-align: flex-start;-ms-flex-align: flex-start;align-items: flex-start;}.wp-block-uagb-icon-list.uagb-block-ced20c64.wp-block-uagb-icon-list .wp-block-uagb-icon-list-child{margin-left: 0;margin-right: 0;margin-bottom: 24px;}}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ecebc267 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ecebc267 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ecebc267 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ecebc267 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ecebc267 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-ecebc267{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ecebc267{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;background: linear-gradient(130deg, #ffffff 60%, #f8f8f8 46%);;background-clip: padding-box;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}@media only screen and (max-width: 976px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-ecebc267{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ecebc267{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background: linear-gradient(130deg, #ffffff 60%, #f8f8f8 46%);;background-clip: padding-box;}}@media only screen and (max-width: 767px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-ecebc267{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-ecebc267{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background: linear-gradient(130deg, #ffffff 60%, #f8f8f8 46%);;background-clip: padding-box;flex-wrap: wrap;}}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-8d4ac8a0{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: row;align-items: flex-start;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;row-gap: 32px;column-gap: 32px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;padding-top: 80px;padding-bottom: 80px;padding-left: 12px;padding-right: 12px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;row-gap: 32px;column-gap: 32px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{max-width: 25%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;max-width: 25% !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{max-width: 25%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;max-width: 25% !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{max-width: 25%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;max-width: 25% !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{max-width: 25%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;max-width: 25% !important;}@media only screen and (max-width: 976px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-8d4ac8a0{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0{padding-top: 80px;padding-bottom: 80px;padding-left: 12px;padding-right: 12px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;max-width:  !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;max-width:  !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;max-width:  !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;max-width:  !important;}}@media only screen and (max-width: 767px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-8d4ac8a0{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-8d4ac8a0{padding-top: 80px;padding-bottom: 80px;padding-left: 12px;padding-right: 12px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;flex-wrap: wrap;max-width: 100% !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;flex-wrap: wrap;max-width: 100% !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;flex-wrap: wrap;max-width: 100% !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-047d9c4f{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-047d9c4f{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;flex-wrap: wrap;max-width: 100% !important;}}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-f064f662.wp-block-uagb-container{color: #ffffff;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-f064f662.wp-block-uagb-container *{color: #ffffff;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-f064f662 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-f064f662 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-f064f662 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-f064f662 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-f064f662 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-f064f662{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-f064f662 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;row-gap: 20px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-f064f662{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;padding-top: 20px;padding-bottom: 20px;padding-left: 12px;padding-right: 12px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;background-color: #25282a;;row-gap: 20px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-dbd5f6c0{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: row;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;row-gap: 20px;column-gap: 32px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;flex-direction: row;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;row-gap: 20px;column-gap: 32px;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0.wp-block-uagb-container > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not( .spectra-container-link-overlay ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox):not(.wp-block-uagb-lottie):not(.uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap){width: auto !important;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0.wp-block-uagb-container > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap > *:not( .wp-block-uagb-column ):not( .wp-block-uagb-section ):not( .uagb-container__shape ):not( .uagb-container__video-wrap ):not( .uagb-slider-container ):not(.spectra-image-gallery__control-lightbox){width: auto !important;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image--layout-default figure img{box-shadow: 0px 0px 0 #00000070;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image .wp-block-uagb-image__figure figcaption{font-style: normal;align-self: center;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay figure img{box-shadow: 0px 0px 0 #00000070;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay .wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay__color-wrapper{opacity: 0.2;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay .wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay__inner{left: 15px;right: 15px;top: 15px;bottom: 15px;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay .wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay__inner .uagb-image-heading{font-style: normal;color: #fff;opacity: 1;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay .wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay__inner .uagb-image-heading a{color: #fff;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay .wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay__inner .uagb-image-caption{opacity: 0;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay .wp-block-uagb-image__figure:hover .wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay__color-wrapper{opacity: 1;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image .wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay__inner .uagb-image-separator{width: 30%;border-top-width: 2px;border-top-color: #fff;opacity: 0;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image .wp-block-uagb-image__figure img{width: 292px;height: 48px;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image .wp-block-uagb-image__figure:hover .wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay__inner .uagb-image-caption{opacity: 1;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image .wp-block-uagb-image__figure:hover .wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay__inner .uagb-image-separator{opacity: 1;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image--layout-default figure:hover img{box-shadow: 0px 0px 0 #00000070;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image--layout-overlay figure:hover img{box-shadow: 0px 0px 0 #00000070;}@media only screen and (max-width: 976px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-f064f662{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-f064f662 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-f064f662{padding-top: 20px;padding-bottom: 20px;padding-left: 12px;padding-right: 12px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #25282a;;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-dbd5f6c0{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image .wp-block-uagb-image__figure img{width: 280px;height: 45px;}}@media only screen and (max-width: 767px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-f064f662{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-f064f662 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-f064f662{padding-top: 20px;padding-bottom: 20px;padding-left: 12px;padding-right: 12px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #25282a;;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-dbd5f6c0{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-dbd5f6c0{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;flex-wrap: wrap;}.uagb-block-644e4891.wp-block-uagb-image .wp-block-uagb-image__figure img{width: 280px;height: 45px;}}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-beb12949{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-beb12949 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;background-color: #006c5b;;}@media only screen and (max-width: 976px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-beb12949{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-beb12949 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #006c5b;;}}@media only screen and (max-width: 767px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-beb12949{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-beb12949 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #006c5b;;}}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-beb12949{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-beb12949 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;background-color: #006c5b;;}@media only screen and (max-width: 976px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-beb12949{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-beb12949 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #006c5b;;}}@media only screen and (max-width: 767px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-beb12949{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-beb12949 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-beb12949{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #006c5b;;}}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5096eaa1 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5096eaa1 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5096eaa1 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5096eaa1 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5096eaa1 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-5096eaa1{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-5096eaa1 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5096eaa1{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-color: inherit;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-89b3b7a8 .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-89b3b7a8 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-89b3b7a8 .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-89b3b7a8 .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-89b3b7a8 .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-89b3b7a8{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-89b3b7a8 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1320px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-direction: column;align-items: center;justify-content: center;flex-wrap: nowrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-89b3b7a8{box-shadow: 0px 0px   #00000070 ;padding-top: 2em;padding-bottom: 2em;padding-left: 2em;padding-right: 2em;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;overflow: visible;order: initial;border-top-left-radius: 30px;border-top-right-radius: 30px;border-bottom-left-radius: 30px;border-bottom-right-radius: 30px;border-color: inherit;background-color: #ebebeb;;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-97ee3d2f.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-desc-text{margin-bottom: 15px;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-97ee3d2f.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight{font-style: normal;font-weight: Default;background: #007cba;color: #fff;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-97ee3d2f.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight::-moz-selection{color: #fff;background: #007cba;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading.uagb-block-97ee3d2f.wp-block-uagb-advanced-heading .uagb-highlight::selection{color: #fff;background: #007cba;-webkit-text-fill-color: #fff;}.uagb-block-232092dc.wp-block-uagb-buttons.uagb-buttons__outer-wrap .uagb-buttons__wrap {gap: 10px;}.uagb-block-232092dc.uagb-buttons__outer-wrap .uagb-buttons__wrap {justify-content: left;align-items: center;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611.wp-block-uagb-buttons-child .uagb-buttons-repeater{background: #f3bd48;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .wp-block-button__link{background: #f3bd48;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .wp-block-button__link:hover{background: #f4deaa;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .wp-block-button__link:focus{background: #f4deaa;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-button__wrapper .uagb-buttons-repeater{color: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .wp-block-button__link.has-text-color:hover .uagb-button__link{color: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .wp-block-button__link.has-text-color:focus .uagb-button__link{color: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-button__wrapper  .uagb-buttons-repeater.wp-block-button__link{box-shadow: 0px 0px 0 #00000026;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-button__wrapper  .uagb-buttons-repeater.wp-block-button__link:hover{box-shadow: 0px 0px 0 #00000026;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater.wp-block-button__link{border-color: #333;border-style: none;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater.wp-block-button__link:hover{border-color: #333;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater.wp-block-button__link:focus{border-color: #333;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611.wp-block-button.is-style-outline .uagb-button__wrapper .wp-block-button__link.uagb-buttons-repeater{border-color: #333;border-style: none;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611.wp-block-button.is-style-outline .uagb-button__wrapper .wp-block-button__link.uagb-buttons-repeater:hover{border-color: #333;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater .uagb-button__link{color: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater:hover .uagb-button__link{color: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater:focus .uagb-button__link{color: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater .uagb-button__icon > svg{width: 15px;height: 15px;fill: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater:hover .uagb-button__icon > svg{fill: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater:focus .uagb-button__icon > svg{fill: #25282a;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater .uagb-button__icon-position-after{margin-left: 8px;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater .uagb-button__icon-position-before{margin-right: 8px;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-button__link{text-transform: normal;text-decoration: none;}@media only screen and (max-width: 976px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-5096eaa1{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-5096eaa1 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5096eaa1{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-89b3b7a8{width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-89b3b7a8 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 1024px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-89b3b7a8{padding-top: 2px;padding-bottom: 2px;padding-left: 2px;padding-right: 2px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #ebebeb;;}.uagb-block-232092dc.uagb-buttons__outer-wrap .uagb-buttons__wrap {justify-content: center;align-items: center;}.uagb-block-232092dc.uagb-buttons__outer-wrap .uagb-buttons__wrap .wp-block-button{width: auto;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611.wp-block-button.is-style-outline .uagb-button__wrapper .wp-block-button__link.uagb-buttons-repeater{border-style: none;border-color: #333;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater.wp-block-button__link{border-style: none;border-color: #333;}}@media only screen and (max-width: 767px) {.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-5096eaa1{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-5096eaa1 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-5096eaa1{margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-89b3b7a8{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-89b3b7a8 > .uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap{--inner-content-custom-width: min( 100%, 767px);max-width: var(--inner-content-custom-width);width: 100%;flex-wrap: wrap;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-89b3b7a8{padding-top: 2px;padding-bottom: 2px;padding-left: 2px;padding-right: 2px;margin-top:  !important;margin-bottom:  !important;order: initial;background-color: #ebebeb;;}.uagb-block-232092dc.uagb-buttons__outer-wrap .uagb-buttons__wrap {justify-content: center;align-items: center;}.uagb-block-232092dc.uagb-buttons__outer-wrap .uagb-buttons__wrap .wp-block-button{width: auto;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611.wp-block-button.is-style-outline .uagb-button__wrapper .wp-block-button__link.uagb-buttons-repeater{border-style: none;border-color: #333;}.wp-block-uagb-buttons .uagb-block-00708611 .uagb-buttons-repeater.wp-block-button__link{border-style: none;border-color: #333;}}\";s:2:\"js\";s:161:\"document.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\", function(){ window.addEventListener( 'load', function() {\n\tUAGBButtonChild.init( '.uagb-block-00708611' );\n});\n });\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:1;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:2;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:3;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:4;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:7;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:9;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:10;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:11;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:14;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:17;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:18;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:19;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776578615;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":false},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Ron Deal, Director of FamilyLife Blended, explains the benefits of \"cooking\" your stepfamily with a crock pot and not a blender. He stresses the value of being patient as your blended family blends at its own pace.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-09-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Do you know anyone who doesn\u2019t like change?\u2014well, they might be a carrot; because it takes them a little longer to adjust and soften up, kind of like carrots in a crockpot. Ron Deal says it\u2019s kind of similar when you\u2019re blending a family. Here\u2019s Ron.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ron: <\/strong>Lots of stepfamilies have a carrot. Everything else is softening very nicely\u2014everything else is beginning to come together\u2014but you\u2019ve got a carrot, who says, \u201cHmm, I don\u2019t think so.\u201d It is what it is\u2014and you <em>can\u2019t<\/em> fool food: you can\u2019t rush it; you can\u2019t force it; you can\u2019t demand it\u2014because as soon as you go back to blender-ing\/high heat, it tends to work against you. Trust the crockpot. Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender; cook it with a crockpot.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Some things just take time. If you\u2019re part of a stepfamily, you probably know that to be true. Ron Deal\u2019s going to share some secret <em>ingredients<\/em> in blending stepfamilies on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Welcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. I <em>love<\/em> to cook now that I <em>know<\/em> how to cook\u2014and how the spices work together\u2014just like a little bit of lemon juice, a little bit of honey, and some oregano bring out the flavors in your pizza sauce or in your spaghetti sauce. And I always keep some Worcestershire sauce\u2014can you say that three times fast?\u2014because that\u2019s\/where did they come up with that word?\u2014but I always keep some Worcestershire sauce and some soy sauce on hand to bring out the <em>flavors<\/em> in my meat.<\/p>\n<p>The other night, my recipe called for turkey sausage. All I had in the refrigerator was some <em>ground<\/em> turkey, and I didn\u2019t want to run out to the store again. I used some extra sauce, and a little bit of this and a little bit more of that, and voil\u00e0, I had the <em>best<\/em> dish ever!\u2014okay, maybe not ever\u2014but Ron Deal uses the example of cooking <em>many<\/em> times when he talks about blended or stepfamilies. He says there are some flavors and situations that just take time, just like there are some recipes that you wouldn\u2019t want to use your microwave for, no matter how wonderful those little contraptions are.<\/p>\n<p>Ron Deal is Director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. He has over 25 years of experience in counseling families through difficult transitions, and he knows how to help us grasp and apply all that he shares. Here\u2019s Ron, setting up the complexity of stepfamilies.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let me tell you about Susie and John; they lived in one part of the universe. They got married and they had three kids: Mary, Mike, and John, Jr. But as life would have it, Susie and John divorced.<\/p>\n<p>In another part of the universe is Bob and Betty. They, too, got married. They, too, had two kids, Ted and Carrie; and they, too, divorced.<\/p>\n<p>Since that time, Betty has remarried Frank. Bob has remarried Susie. When Susie married Bob, she knew she was getting a mother-in-law and a father-in-law\u2014that\u2019s what you get when you get married to somebody\u2014but she had no clue that she was also getting an ex-wife-in-law. \u201cAn ex-wife-in-law? What do you mean by that?\u201d\u2014you know, Bob\u2019s ex-wife, Betty. \u201cWait a minute,\u201d\u2014Susie says\u2014\u201cRon, are you telling me Betty is a part of our family?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Well, I know she doesn\u2019t come over and help clean up after dinner; or she doesn\u2019t donate any of her money to paying your bills\u2014I get that\u2014but, oh yes, she\u2019s a part of your family. All she has to do is pick up the phone and call Bob, and the weekend schedule changes. Susie has to now deal with the fact that her life is being controlled\u2014her schedule and so on\u2014by another woman.<\/p>\n<p>But here\u2019s a little of the backstory I need to tell you about Susie. You see, she\u2019s one of those large-and-in-charge moms, who gets it all done: she\u2019s got the schedules; she\u2019s got the kids\u2019 routines; she\u2019s got this going and that going; she\u2019s aware what\u2019s going on with kids, emotionally; and she\u2019s on top of all of it. When she married Bob, one of the things she liked about him was he\u2019s pretty amenable. I mean, he kind of goes along and gets along\u2014right? \u2014especially as it relates to the children\u2014he\u2019s flexible that way; it\u2019s all good with him. What she didn\u2019t realize is that her ex-wife-in-law, Betty, is also a large-and-in-charge mom.<\/p>\n<p>Now, what you can see in this new situation\/this new stepfamily\u2014with three houses in it and five different people trying to parent the five kids\u2014is that Susie and Betty are <em>constantly<\/em> in competition for Bob\u2019s affirmation\u2014and Bob going along and Bob saying\u2014\u201cYes, that\u2019s good with me.\u201d Betty can pick up the phone, call her ex-husband and ask him to change the schedule, and he\u2019s all good with that. But now that he\u2019s married to Susie\u2014who says, \u201cWhoa, whoa, whoa; wait a minute. How is it that she gets to dictate our schedule?\u201d\u2014Bob finds himself <em>stuck<\/em> between two women, who are warring over his time and his saying, \u201cYes, honey, I\u2019ll go along with that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Susie has primary custody of her three kids\u2014they live with their mother and their stepdad\u2014and every other weekend, and six weeks in the summer, their spending time with their dad, John. Betty has primary custody of her two kids\u2014they live with their mom and their stepdad\u2014and on occasion, Bob and Susie have all five.<\/p>\n<p>Can anybody spell the word, \u201c complexity\u201d? Whatever your story is, you\u2019ve got to figure out complexity; and you\u2019ve got to just step back from it, every once in a while, and go, \u201cOkay, honey, it\u2019s you and me against <em>that<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Complexity brings stress\u2014but here\u2019s the real kicker\u2014stress thickens blood. What I mean by that is: functionally, you\u2019re all kind of here. As the stress goes up on the Susie\u2019s and the Bob\u2019s, what they tend to do is to kind of\u2014Susie begins to look after her cubbies a little bit more\u2014so she begins to kind of divide lines, like, \u201cMy kids and me over here,\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t want them to hurt any more than they\u2019ve already hurt. It\u2019s already been hard enough as it is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I get that; you don\u2019t want the kids to hurt any more. But when you begin to resort to protectiveness, then that means you\u2019re unwilling to connect, and do some agreement, and find some willingness to risk on behalf of the marriage. Then sometimes, you\u2019re more protecting the kids than you are your relationship\/your marriage. That thickens the blood line: it thickens it over here, but weakens it over there.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s talk about how you cook a stepfamily. This is kind of an attitude and an approach to building relationships within your home\u2014but it\u2019s really a long-term attitude\u2014it really says: \u201cOkay, what does it take for us to <em>become<\/em> family?\u201d You didn\u2019t realize you were asking that question; but that\u2019s the question that really gets asked; because your kid, or their kid, or both kids, or ex-spouses, or grandparents are all, now going, \u201cOkay, so how do I relate to you?\u201d Really, the question is: \u201cHow are we going to <em>fit<\/em>?\u201d \u201cIn what way are we going to be family?\u201d \u201cTo what degree are we going to be family with one another?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You probably didn\u2019t realize it, but <em>you<\/em> went about\/you\u2019ve got a philosophy about how to cook this family with all these different parts. When you say, \u201cHoney, why don\u2019t you take Johnny out and throw the football?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a cooking strategy\u2014what you\u2019re saying is: \u201cGo spend time together, enjoy something together, and you guys will bond and create relationship and you\u2019ll become family.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, that makes sense: that\u2019s what you want\u2014that\u2019s your heart\u2019s desire; that\u2019s what we\u2019re after\u2014there\u2019s nothing wrong with that <em>goal<\/em>. Please hear me: \u201cThere\u2019s <em>nothing<\/em> <em>wrong<\/em> with the <em>goal<\/em>.\u201d But on occasion, the strategies\/the cooking strategies that we can use, sometimes, do more harm than they do good; for example, saying to kids, \u201cI know he\u2019s not your dad, but why don\u2019t you just call him dad anyway?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a cooking strategy. I\u2019m going to lump that into the blender category; right?\u2014you\u2019re going to be a blended family\u2014\u201cWe\u2019re going to use a blender to make this thing work.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What happens when you put all the ingredients in a blender and you turn it on?\u2014you force them into relationship with one another. You take a whole lot of different ingredients\u2014[smacking sound] and you cram them together with friction, and high heat, and stress\u2014and all of a sudden, they\u2019re one fluid mixture. As the joke goes: \u201cSomebody had to get <em>creamed<\/em> in the process,\u201d\u2014usually that\u2019s a child.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s go back and talk a little bit about Susie and Bob for a minute. You see, Susie grew up in a family\u2014they do a whole lot of stuff together all the time\/every holiday, all the traditions\u2014there\u2019s a togetherness in everything that they do. Bob grew up in a family that, on this continuum, is about right here; they really value their independent time.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s their different styles; right? Then they get married, and what happens in their blender-ing; right? They make these assumptions about how they\u2019re going to become family to one another. Susie, large and in charge, really has a high, high need for that to happen <em>fast<\/em>. Of course, she would; because being together is a <em>sign<\/em> that things are okay, and that\u2019s what you want.<\/p>\n<p>Saturday morning comes, and it goes like this: Susie walks into Bob, and he\u2019s shaving. She says, \u201cListen, Honey, I just looked at the family calendar. You\u2019re not going to believe what I just saw.\u201d She says, \u201cIt\u2019s Saturday\u2014all five kids are here with us\u2014and we have <em>nothing<\/em> to do today.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bob says, \u201cReally?! No soccer games, no church function, no\u2026we don\u2019t even have to mow the yard?\u201d She says, \u201cNo, it\u2019s done; it\u2019s taken care of! Can you believe we have nothing to do all afternoon? I\u2019ve got an idea!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bob goes, \u201cOh, no,\u201d\u2014[tentatively]\u2014\u201c<em>Okay<\/em>, what\u2019s your idea?\u201d She says, \u201cWell, I\u2019m thinking we ought to do something together today.\u201d Bob goes [sounding reluctant], \u201cOh, okay, Honey,\u201d\u2014remember [his personality lends to]\u2014\u201cGo along, flexible,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201ckeep the peace.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ll go tell my kids; I\u2019ll go break the news,\u201d\u2014[flat sounding] \u201cHey, guys, listen. Two o\u2019clock today, we\u2019re going to climb in the car. We\u2019re all going to go bowling.\u201d Ted goes, \u201cWhoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on, Dad. I can\u2019t go, Dad. Not me.\u201d \u201cNo, son; I\u2019m sorry. We\u2019re all going to go; so be ready, two o\u2019clock.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Susie goes and tells her kids [excited voice]: \u201cGuess what we\u2019re going to do today? We\u2019re all going to go <em>bowling<\/em>!\u201d \u201cYay!\u201d\u2014everybody\u2019s excited, thrilled, happy.<\/p>\n<p>Two o\u2019clock comes; they pile into the minivan. They don\u2019t even get out of the driveway\u2014and you know what happens; right?\u2014Ted starts picking on the youngest; they\u2019re: \u201cYah, yah, yah,\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s touching me! He\u2019s touching me!\u201d\u2014in the back seat of the car. Bob spins around, \u201cI don\u2019t want anybody touching anybody! We\u2019re having fun today! You\u2019re going to have fun, whether you like it or not!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what <em>blenders<\/em> do.<\/p>\n<p>They go to the bowling alley. The whole day it\u2019s just kind of <em>seething<\/em> below the surface\u2014right?\u2014and it\u2019s bubbling up, and it\u2019s just brewing and brewing. Most of it centers around Bob\u2019s oldest son, Ted, who just kind of is the antagonist in the home at that point in time. He\u2019s a teenager, and he\u2019s got the attitude thing going on.<\/p>\n<p>Susie\u2019s over there, going, \u201cIf my husband would just take care of business with that boy, we\u2019d be having fun; and we\u2019d be happy right now. But <em>no<\/em>, he\u2019s just <em>talking<\/em> to him.\u201d Susie, who\u2019s <em>never<\/em> had a 17-year-old son, is now knowing <em>exactly<\/em> what Bob ought to be doing to fix this situation. It\u2019s been <em>seething<\/em> below the surface until it breaks through the emotional ceiling, which is that place where Susie can\u2019t stand it [Southern accent] <em>no more<\/em>. She runs over to her husband and says, \u201cThat\u2019s it. I\u2019m sick and tired of this. You need to settle him.\u201d \u201cI am trying to settle him.\u201d \u201cNo you\u2019re not settle\u2014because if you were taking care of this, [whimpering voice] we\u2019d be happy right now; and I\u2019m not happy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then, she turns <em>on<\/em> <em>Ted<\/em>. Teds going, \u201cWhatever made you\u2026Get out of my face! You\u2019re not my mom!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What I would suggest\u2014there\u2019s a whole lot going on in this scenario\u2014but what\u2019s <em>pushing<\/em> it\/what\u2019s <em>driving<\/em> it\u2014the fuel that\u2019s in the tank\u2014is this blender assumption that says: \u201cWe have to make it happen now,\u201d \u201cWe got to cook this thing; we\u2019ve got to get these people to like each other,\u201d \u201cWe\u2019ve got to be family to one another,\u201d\u2014so we\u2019ll orchestrate, in our timing as adults, when the kids are going be happy. That\u2019s really funny when you say it out loud; isn\u2019t it? [Laughter] It goes into push and demand, and shove and orchestrate; and it\u2019s all about <em>our need<\/em> to not feel guilty anymore.<\/p>\n<p>I know what you\u2019re after\u2014the goal is not the issue; the goal is fine: family-ness is the goal; that\u2019s <em>great<\/em>\u2014but the strategy might not get you there. [Whimpering voice] \u201cBut, Ron, that means we\u2019re not a family, and if we\u2019re not a family then I\u2019m feeling guilty.\u201d Yes, you can wrestle with that guilt\u2014just don\u2019t let it control you\u2014because if it controls you, then it\u2019s going to push you back into blender-ing and then you\u2019re blundering. You\u2019re with me?<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender. Cook it with a crockpot.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ron Deal talking about the importance of blending a stepfamily in the slow process. Just think about all the complex situations that stepfamilies need to work through in order to take people from being individuals to being a complete family.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, we need to take a break. But we\u2019re going to hear more from Ron when we come back in two minutes. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Every day, Ron Deal is helping people understand and navigate <em>tough<\/em> relationships. He does that a number of different ways: through his resources and also through events. There\u2019s an event coming up next month in October called <em>The Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>. If you\u2019re part of a stepfamily, or in a church that wants to help equip stepfamilies, check out the link in our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.<\/p>\n<p>Now, back to more from Ron. He\u2019s talking about the recipe for successful stepfamilies. Here\u2019s Ron again.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ron:<\/strong> Don\u2019t cook a stepfamily with a blender. Cook it with a crockpot. What\u2019s different about crockpots?\u2014they\u2019re <em>slow<\/em>. You ever come home at the end of a work day, and go, \u201cLet\u2019s make something in a crockpot!\u201d No, you don\u2019t! [Laughter] If you didn\u2019t do it before you left for work, you ain\u2019t having crockpot that night\u2014you know what I\u2019m saying?\u2014it\u2019s slow, and it works on low heat\u2014very different cooking method than anything else\u2014very different from a blender for sure, than an oven\/than a microwave, that are all fast and high heat.<\/p>\n<p>This is slow and low heat. Low heat is: \u201cBe intentional about building togetherness about becoming family.\u201d Be intentional about it\u2014that\u2019s low heat\u2014you\u2019ve got to have <em>some<\/em> heat or it doesn\u2019t cook; right? But the difference is it\u2019s low\u2014as opposed to high pressure heat that\u2019s on my time, in my way\u2014that\u2019s low heat.<\/p>\n<p>Time is just time. Patricia Papernow, in her research on stepfamilies, suggests that it takes the average stepfamily between five and seven years to begin to answer the question: \u201cWho are we to one another?\u201d\u2014to find their family-ness, to find that sense of identity, and define their relationships. That\u2019s <em>normal<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>If you just heard that, some of you just went [tearfully], \u201cDear God, what does that mean?!\u201d At the same time, there\u2019s some hope in that. Because for some of you, you\u2019re going: \u201cMan, I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not going faster. I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not working. Why are we still struggling with some of this stuff? Why do we still have this stress?\u201d \u201cWhy does that kid not like whatever we do?\u201d \u201cHow come you and I\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Part of it is you\u2019re still cooking, for crying out loud\u2014you\u2019re <em>not<\/em> supposed to be there yet\u2014you\u2019re more <em>normal<\/em> than you thought! That\u2019s the good news; but it does mean you have to continue to be intentional, and be intentional in a <em>smart<\/em> way\u2014not necessarily in this chaotic push-it-all-together way\u2014trust the clock, because you can\u2019t rush the clock.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s think about it: let\u2019s cook some stew. What kind of ingredients do you throw in your stew?\u2014\u201cOnions, and carrots, and potatoes, and beef, and broth, and pepper.\u201d We\u2019ve got to kick it up a notch; yes, okay. You\u2019re with me; right? We\u2019re going to take these ingredients and put them in our crockpot. When you cook with a crockpot, you just dump it in; right?\u2014it\u2019s called a wedding. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Then what you\u2019ve done is you\u2019ve dropped them. As they happen to fall into the crockpot, on the day of the wedding, the beef, and the broth, and the carrots are all on one side\u2014because they\u2019re all biologically connected to one another: they\u2019re all insiders; they\u2019re all tight\u2014they\u2019ve got the same last name, same blood line, same DNA!<\/p>\n<p>Then over here, on this side of the crockpot, we\u2019ve got celery and we\u2019ve got\u2014what did I miss?\u2014the pepper and the potatoes over here. They\u2019ve got same DNA, same last name; and they have the same blood line, and history, and loss story, and everything that ties them together.<\/p>\n<p>And they just kind of\u2014\u201cPfft\u201d\u2014there they are. You put the lid on; you turn it on, and you walk away\u2014it\u2019s called a wedding. Here, we begin to cook. As it would be, those ingredients begin to soften over time. It usually takes a whole lot of time for that to even to get some heat going, and then you get a little momentum, and then the ingredients begin to soften. Here\u2019s the really strange thing about this: they soften on their <em>own time<\/em>. I mean, carrots soften at a different pace than the potatoes. Everything is on its own time.<\/p>\n<p>I was doing a seminar one time, and a couple came up to me at the break. She said, \u201cYou know what? I was talking to my husband; he\u2019s a chef. He was saying, \u2018Ron\u2019s exactly right about that crockpot thing; you can\u2019t <em>fool<\/em> food.\u2019\u201d And she said, \u201cYou can\u2019t make something cook faster than it\u2019s going to cook.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Well, as I like to call it, lots of stepfamilies have a carrot. Everything else is softening very nicely. Everything else\u2014the couple has started this thing\u2014and everything else is beginning to come together; but you\u2019ve got a carrot, who says, \u201c\u201cHmm, I don\u2019t think so.\u201d That carrot, sometimes, is an ex-spouse, who is just a thorn in your family flesh. Sometimes, that carrot is a teenager, \u201cJust because.\u201d Sometimes that carrot is a part-time child, who you get very little time they\u2019re with\u2014they\u2019re in for a weekend and then they\u2019re gone\u2014it\u2019s just time doesn\u2019t really accumulate; you kind of start and stop, and start and stop, and start over\u2014it\u2019s a functional carrot; it\u2019s not an attitude\u2014it\u2019s just time; it\u2019s not working.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve got a carrot; maybe two or three different ingredients might be softening at a different pace\u2014that could be frustrating\u2014because you\u2019re going, \u201cBoy, we\u2019ve got lots going here; but we\u2019ve just got that thing <em>there<\/em>.\u201d Yes, and it is what it is; and you <em>can\u2019t<\/em> fool food\u2014you can\u2019t rush it; you can\u2019t force it; you can\u2019t demand it\u2014because as soon as you go back into blender-ing\/high heat, it tends to work against you\u2014trust the crockpot.<\/p>\n<p>In that environment of crockpot-ting, there\u2019s still some barriers. If we were to just kind of chart this\/let\u2019s talk about bonding in a stepfamily. In a first-marriage situation, you have an individual, who marries another individual, and they become a couple. Then they have kids, and they become parents. They develop a relationship with those children.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s just push pause for a minute\u2014because this little equation here\u2014number one, it\u2019s God\u2019s design; and there\u2019s a reason why it works best for adults and for kids. The first thing is the individuals come together, and they form the foundation to the home; that is, their couple-ness. That couple-ness <em>precedes<\/em> the children. So the whole time the kids are growing up, there\u2019s this natural order to things that kids just know mom and dad came first. That does a whole lot to orient their world, as kids need.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Number one, it says to them: \u201cThe world doesn\u2019t revolve around you.\u201d Every kid in the world need to know that. Because if they don\u2019t know that, then they feel like they should be the center; and they should be able to make demands and everybody should be able to follow them.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>The other thing this does for kids is it teaches them their place in the world: \u201cYou\u2019re not the center,\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re the authority.\u201d It sets up parenting to be successful; it\u2019s just the natural order.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>The other thing I would point out about this is that, naturally, kids are just as invested in their parents\u2019 marriage as the parents are. I mean, if you split up in this situation, the kids are fighting to get it back together again: that\u2019s their world. Their security and safety is tied to that unity, so they\u2019re equally invested in the success of the marriage.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>What happens after death or divorce is that we\u2019ve essentially lost couple-ness, so the foundation has been pulled away. I think the first thing we have to do is just be honest and admit that there\u2019s been a trauma to the family system\/to the stability of the home. The foundation it gone\u2014it\u2019s not cracked\u2014it\u2019s <em>gone<\/em>. Now, the whole unit has to reorganize around <em>something<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m thinking of the guy, who was sitting in a conference just like this\u2014raised his hand about now\u2014and said, \u201cBoy, I really don\u2019t like what you\u2019re saying.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cOkay, talk to me.\u201d He said, \u201cNo, no, no; I <em>like<\/em> what you\u2019re saying. It\u2019s just not my life, but I wish it was.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d He said, \u201cOkay, I\u2019d never been married before; didn\u2019t have any kids when I met my wife. She was one of those large-and-in-charge moms like you\u2019ve been talking about.\u201d He said:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe had three children. Boy, she had it going on\u2014schedules\/routines\u2014she just kept it all going all the way through the single-parent years. She handled it <em>masterfully<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHere we come together. Man, I just knew not to mess with mom\u2019s routine\u2014right?\u2014the style\/the way she ran things.\u201d He said, \u201cAs a matter of fact, when they would get in the car, when she was a single parent, she had this very elaborate system of determining who gets to ride in the front seat with mom when they get in the car. It depended on whose turn it was, how far they were going, and when it was going to be the next go round.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cMan, I was smart enough to know not to mess with that; so I got in the backseat, and we went on with life.\u201d [Laughter] Then he looks at me and he says, \u201cWe\u2019ve been married two-and-a-half years, and I still ride in the backseat of the car.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Alright, so let\u2019s talk through that for a minute; right? Something\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em> in this scenario. We got to try to figure out how to elevate his status to a place of priority; right? Let\u2019s just play it out a little bit. It\u2019s Monday morning; they\u2019re all riding in one car. They\u2019re going to drop off at school, and work, and on, and on, and on. They walk out into the driveway.<\/p>\n<p>Stepdad\u2014he\u2019s sick and tired of getting slapped in the face\u2014stepdad says, \u201cHey, dude, back seat.\u201d \u201cWhat do you mean? It\u2019s my turn, front seat.\u201d I mean, let\u2019s just play it out a little bit. What is Johnny going to do when he says, \u201cGet in the back seat\u201d? Little Johnny\u2019s going to look at stepdad, and go, \u201cMOMMY!\u201d He\u2019s going to come up with some GASS; right?\u2014G-A-S-S\u2014Guilt trip, Anger, Silent treatment, or Sadness. These are the tools that kids use <em>against<\/em> us. His GASS is going to be about a 3 or a 4 [Complaining occurs]. About that time, he spots Mom walking out the front door; and immediately, \u201c<em>Mom!<\/em>\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cHere\u2019s my <em>savior<\/em>; <em>she\u2019ll<\/em> look after me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, if mom just happens to be one of those paralyzed biological parents, who is easily overcome by the guilt, then she\u2019s probably going to walk up, \u201cWhat?\u2014back seat?\u201d [Whimpering voice] \u201cOh, my baby!\u201d and look at her husband and say, \u201cOkay, you\u2019re the adult. It is his turn; just one more time?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Okay; but let\u2019s play it out\u2014what if she\u2019s not paralyzed?\u2014what if she\u2019s going to embolden herself, as mom, knowing that, in this scenario, this is going to be a heartbreak for little Johnny. And it\u2019s not just a heartbreak for Johnny; we\u2019re changing the rules, for crying out loud. This is all they\u2019ve ever known. This is a rule change\u2014this is a shifting of authority in the family\u2014<em>this is significant<\/em>. What\u2019s going to happen if she finds the courage to go, \u201cOh, dude, I\u2019m sorry; it is your turn. Get in the back\u201d? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s going to happen? The GASS scale\u2014the 3 just went to a 9.9\u2014and he\u2019s going to pull out his little trump card [sarcastically], \u201cDad wouldn\u2019t make me do this.\u201d The GASS goes up\u2014he throws a <em>fit<\/em>\u2014stomping, [inaudible complaining], gets in the car, <em>slams<\/em> the door, [inaudible complaining] all the way to school. He gets out at school; he <em>slams<\/em> the door, and he stomps in.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s mom\u2019s heart feeling?\u2014guilt, and sadness, and sorrow for this kid; because she realizes this is another change he didn\u2019t ask for\u2014\u201cHe didn\u2019t ask for this!\u201d and \u201cHe didn\u2019t ask for all those other changes<em>.<\/em>\u201dIf we back up\u2014down the loss story\u2014there\u2019s been a whole lot of stuff he didn\u2019t ask for; it\u2019s <em>another thing<\/em>. She can feel sorry for him, but she cannot afford to be <em>paralyzed<\/em> by that sorrow.<\/p>\n<p>But functionally, what it does is\u2014it moves your relationship to the right place\/to a powerful place\u2014that systematically, in the crockpot, then puts the stepparent into a place, where they can actually be part of the parenting team; and your marriage strengthens the whole family. If you <em>don\u2019t<\/em> do this\u2014biological parents, if you don\u2019t find that courage in those moments, it is the equivalent of unplugging the crockpot: no more heat; no more cooking\u2014it\u2019s hard; it\u2019s <em>risky<\/em>, but there\u2019s rewards there.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Blending families is <em>hard<\/em>; and many times, it\u2019s a slow and painful process. But as Ron said, there are rewards there. I\u2019m so glad we have Ron Deal and his team to help families <em>blend successfully<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>If you are part of a blended or stepfamily, and would like some resources\u2014because you might need help, maybe you want to help others, maybe you\u2019re just curious\u2014we have a link on our website to FamilyLife Blended, where you can find articles, and other resources and help\u2014FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s at FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, coming up next week, we\u2019re going to hear from Dave and Ann Wilson. They\u2019re going to talk to us about our true purpose here on earth. I hope you can join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, and our cofounder, Dennis Rainey, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Bruce Goff; our producer, Marques Holt, and Justin Adams is our mastering engineer. Megan Martin is our production coordinator, and Raven Simmons is our production intern.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307228","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307228"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307228"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307228"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307228"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307228"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307228"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307228"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}