{"id":307220,"date":"2021-09-02T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-09-02T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/husbands-love-your-wives\/"},"modified":"2021-09-02T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-09-02T11:00:05","slug":"husbands-love-your-wives","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/husbands-love-your-wives\/","title":{"rendered":"Husbands, Love Your Wives"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s true that &#8220;love&#8221; is an action word and not just a feeling. Dave Wilson directs men to apply the truth from Ephesians 5 to their marriages to experience a love that will grow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-09-02.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:41","filesize":"25.35M","filesize_raw":"26578742","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2810,2901,2831],"tags":[5215,4187,4213,2877],"podcast_series":[8471],"cwp_profile":[3295],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307220","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-growing-spiritually","category-husbands","category-wives","tag-ephesians","tag-husbands","tag-love","tag-marriage","podcast_series-dave-wilson-on-ephesians-5","cwp_profile-dave-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307220\/husbands-love-your-wives","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307220\/husbands-love-your-wives","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"1N9wj7wLcz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/husbands-love-your-wives\/\">Husbands, Love Your Wives<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/husbands-love-your-wives\/embed\/#?secret=1N9wj7wLcz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Husbands, Love Your Wives&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"1N9wj7wLcz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-09-02.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-09-02.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So here is the deal\u2014love is an action verb; it\u2019s not a <em>feeling<\/em>\u2014he\u2019s not saying, \u201c<em>Feel<\/em> this amount of love.\u201d There\u2019s\u2014I\u2019ve got to be honest\u2014there are many days I don\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> love for Ann. She\u2019s never felt that for me; she\u2019s <em>always<\/em> in love with me, but I\u2019ve\u2014no; we <em>both<\/em> don\u2019t always feel it\u2014it\u2019s not about a <em>feeling<\/em>; you don\u2019t <em>fall<\/em> in love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou go back to verse 1, where you started this series. In Chapter 5, it says: \u201cWalk in love.\u201d It doesn\u2019t say: \u201cFall in love.\u201d It says: \u201cWalk in love\u201d; so love is not a feeling; it\u2019s an <em>action<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is going to be a great day! [Laughter] Do you know why? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know why, but I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because Dave Wilson\u2019s, in the house, preaching. [Laughter] This is going to be fun. Dave, you gave a message at Discovery Church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, did I?! I gave a message? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014in Orlando on marriage on Ephesians 5. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019ve got to be honest: it was one of the first times, in years, I\u2019ve given a message <em>without you<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Was it sad? You were very sad; weren\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I wish you had been with me, but I tried to do the best I could. Yes, it was a joy to just walk through the passage\u2014one of the greatest passages in the New Testament about marriage\u2014Ephesians 5. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, these are the kinds of messages that are given at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, the FamilyLife marriage conference all around the country. Actually\u2014pretty exciting news\u2014you can go to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> half off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, that\u2019s a great deal\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014in any city that you want. You just go to FamilyLifeToday.com; sign up. You will hear messages like this, and a lot more than this [at the <em>Weekend to <\/em>Remember], that will literally change your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Now, we\u2019re going to get to your message. Should I score you since you weren\u2019t with me? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Go ahead; give me a score. Let\u2019s see how it goes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re my favorite preacher, so it\u2019s an A already. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Message] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I just want to make sure you don\u2019t think that I\u2019m up here, talking about marriage, because I\u2019m some marriage expert or that I have the greatest, most perfect marriage in the room\u2014which I probably do\u2014but here is the truth: [Laughter] I don\u2019t! If you\u2019ve read our book, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>, you know\u2014or if you\u2019ve ever listened to us as a podcast already\u2014you know that we are very raw and very real. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you something\u2014marriage is the hardest thing you\u2019ll ever do in your life\u2014am I right? Now, here is the thing: you can\u2019t go, \u201cYes!\u201d because she is sitting right there; or he\u2019s sitting right there. They\u2019ll be hitting you, like, \u201cWhat are you saying right now?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it is!\u2014it\u2019s <em>really<\/em> hard. And when Ann and I got married, I would have told you, on our wedding day, \u201cThis is going to be <em>awesome<\/em>. It\u2019s going to be <em>great<\/em>.\u201d In fact, we went to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage conference, which FamilyLife puts on, that now we speak for. We went to it, as an engaged couple, two weeks before our wedding. We literally sat there, and thought, \u201cIt can\u2019t be that hard. Why are people taking notes?\u201d; you know? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not kidding; we just thought, \u201cWe love each other\/more in love than anybody else that\u2019s ever lived. We love Jesus; we are going into ministry. It won\u2019t be hard.\u201d Six months later, we\u2019re driving to our first job; we are half way there, and we are fighting and screaming in the car. Anybody ever been there? Maybe you were there an hour ago\u2014on the way to church; right?\u2014no; I mean, we are yelling. And we\u2019ve been yelling for months; it is <em>not<\/em> going well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe says to me\u2014I\u2019ll never forget\u2014I\u2019m driving. By the way, I had hair back then; I had a bang; you know? [Laughter] I used to\u2014you don\u2019t believe me\u2014but I did. I\u2019m driving, and she\u2019s over here. She gets to this point\u2014she says this at the top of her lungs\u2014she says, \u201cMarrying you, Dave Wilson, was the <em>worst<\/em> mistake of my life!\u201d That\u2019s what she says! I\u2019m over here, the spiritual leader of this incredible, godly family. I said, \u201cYou\u2019re exactly right! What were we thinking?! Can we get an annulment?\u201d It was like six months; that\u2019s where we were. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe get to our job in Nebraska. One of the first things that the players\u2014we were working with the football team\u2014there were several married couples; and they said, \u201cHey, will you lead a marriage Bible study?\u201d [Laughter] We were like, \u201cYou want somebody else that\u2019s got a good marriage\u201d; but we did. By the way\u2014this isn\u2019t the point of the day\u2014but when you lead others, out of brokenness, your brokenness starts to get healed; it\u2019s a whole other thing. We had the worst marriage in the room, and we were the only people that learned anything. Do you know what I\u2019m saying? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<br>But we were there\u2014and I\u2019ll never forget one night\u2014and again, it was so bad. I got out of bed at two in the morning. We\u2019re not sleeping anyway; we\u2019re just in a fight. I go down. I literally open the Bible\u2014because if you want help, here it is; right?\u2014I\u2019m in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPhilippians 1, where Paul says, \u201c\u2026to live is Christ, to die is gain\u201d; right? I prayed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnn walks in the room; she goes, \u201cHey, what are you doing?\u201d She\u2019s all excited I\u2019m reading the Bible; because she\u2019s like, \u201cThis man needs help! And he is looking at the Bible.\u201d [Laughter] Here is what I say to her\u2014I\u2019m not kidding\u2014word for word. I look it; and I said, \u201cWell, I just read Paul\u2019s words, and I just prayed. She goes, \u201cWhat did you pray?\u201d I said, \u201cWell,\u201d\u2014literally, word for word, I say,\u2014\u201cGod, I\u2019d rather be dead than married to you.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s what I said! She\u2019s was like\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to tell you. We had a mentor before we got married that said, \u201cShare every little detail you ever think. Just share it in your marriage.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s <em>bad<\/em> advice; okay? [Laughter] <em>Don\u2019t do that<\/em>! That\u2019s why I said it to her\u2014I was like, \u201cWell, I was supposed to share everything\u201d\u2014so I said, \u201cI\u2019d rather die than be married to you.\u201d Here is the thing\u2014you are laughing; right?\u2014it\u2019s funny. If we had gotten divorced, it wouldn\u2019t be funny; but that\u2019s where I was, and it wasn\u2019t a joke at the moment. I was so\u2014no peace, no hope\u2014\u201cWe don\u2019t know what we\u2019re doing,\u201d \u201cWe shouldn\u2019t have done this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what I\u2019m going to tell you\u2014I am more in love with that woman, at year 41, than I was the day we got married\u2014I would have said, \u201cThat is impossible,\u201d I would have said, \u201cThat can\u2019t be true.\u201d [Applause] I\u2019m telling you\u2014here is why\u2014the truth in this Book. We\u2019re going to look at Ephesians 5, verses 25-33. The truth of this Word will literally change your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here is what I\u2019m saying: I\u2019m not saying copy the biblical marriages in this book\u2014if you\u2019ve looked at the marriages in the book, they are pretty dysfunctional\u2014don\u2019t do what they did. You go to the New Testament; you look at what Paul wrote, [for] today, about marriage. I\u2019m telling you it is <em>powerful<\/em> truth that, if you <em>apply<\/em> it\u2014because it\u2019s not one thing to hear the Word\u2014it\u2019s to <em>do<\/em> the Word. You go home and apply it, I\u2019m telling you\u2014you will have a different marriage in a week; an incredible marriage in a year or two\u2014again, it\u2019s on us\u2014not hearing the Word\u2014but <em>doing<\/em> the Word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not going to read the whole passage; but I am going to jump down to verse 25. If you\u2019ve been around the church world very long, many husbands have heard this; and many wives love this verse, because it\u2019s spoken right to the husband. It says this: \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.\u201d How many of you have heard this before? Yes, probably a lot of you. Here is the thing: \u201cWhat does it mean?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about. It\u2019s like, \u201cOkay, how do I go home and actually live this out?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to be honest\u2014part of this message today\u2014a big part of it is going to be to the men. Do you know why? Because when you read Ephesians 5\u2014which, by the way, is the longest discourse on marriage in the New Testament; we\u2019re looking at it\u2014Ephesians 5. It\u2019s the longest passage where God, through Paul, says, \u201cHere\u2019s what godly Christian marriage should look like.\u201d Most of it is written, not to the wife, but to the men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMost men stop at verse 22. Notice I didn\u2019t put verse 22 in there, where it says, \u201cWives, be submissive to your husbands.\u201d Most men I know, it\u2019s the only Bible verse they know: \u201cYes, I know what the Bible says; it says, \u2018Women, submit.\u2019 That\u2019s what it says.\u201d He doesn\u2019t even know what the rest says. I know we\u2019ve talked about that a little bit last week, so I\u2019m not going to get into that. Thank God I don\u2019t have to get into that! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, I\u2019m going to get into verse 25 and beyond, where he says, \u201cHusbands, love your wives.\u201d So here is the deal\u2014love is an action verb; it\u2019s not a <em>feeling<\/em>\u2014he\u2019s not saying, \u201c<em>Feel<\/em> this amount of love.\u201d There\u2019s\u2014I\u2019ve got to be honest\u2014there are many days I don\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> love for Ann. She\u2019s never felt that for me; she\u2019s <em>always<\/em> in love with me, but I\u2019ve\u2014no; we <em>both<\/em> don\u2019t always feel it\u2014it\u2019s not about a <em>feeling<\/em>; you don\u2019t <em>fall<\/em> in love. You go back to verse 1, where you started this series in Chapter 5; it says: \u201cWalk in love.\u201d It doesn\u2019t say: \u201cFall in love\u201d; it says: \u201cWalk in love.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if love is not a feeling, it\u2019s an <em>action<\/em> verb. Here is what we are going to do. I know you have notes and fill out little blanks in there, so I\u2019m going to give you what these are. I would say, \u201cHusbands equals men.\u201d Now, specifically, Paul is writing to husbands; okay?\u2014this isn\u2019t to all men; I am taking a little liberty with the text. I\u2019m saying, \u201cOkay, if husbands love their wives\u201d\u2014as we\u2019re going to look at what that means in a second\u2014\u201c\u2019like Christ loved the church,\u2019 let me tell you: every wife in here would be lit up because her man is loving her like Christ loved the church.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me say this: \u201cIf <em>men<\/em> in the church appreciated, and supported, and loved the women in the church, every woman in every church would be brought to life.\u201d Do you understand what I am saying? I mean, if the men of Discovery treated the women of Discovery like they were special\u2014if they <em>affirmed<\/em> them, and <em>empowered<\/em> them, and <em>protected<\/em> them, and came <em>alongside<\/em> them, and <em>celebrated<\/em> them as incredible women\u2014what do you think would happen to this church? Women from all over would be running to this church, like, \u201cI want to go to that church because, in that church, women are valued.\u201d That\u2019s the way it should be at this church and any church; am I right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul is saying, \u201cHusbands, love your wives\u201d\u2014and that is absolutely what we are talking about\u2014but he\u2019s also saying, \u201cMen, love the women in your church.\u201d I don\u2019t mean in an inappropriate way; I mean protect them\/cherish them. In fact, I wrote in your notes\/the next blank is: \u201cLove equals cherish.\u201d And down in verse 29 and 30, he actually says, \u201cThe husbands cherish and nourish her\u201d; they are very descriptive terms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the thing: I think we, as men, know what cherish means; we don\u2019t always understand what love means, because love is just this general term we use for all kinds of things. I heard you\u2019re a church that loves the Minnesota Vikings; I don\u2019t know why. Why would you love the Minnesota Vikings? But we say: \u201cI love the Minnesota Vikings,\u201d \u201cI love ice cream,\u201d \u201cI love Jesus.\u201d Seriously, what does that mean?\u2014\u201cWe don\u2019t know.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut cherish?\u2014in fact, if you look up the definition of cherish\u2014it says, \u201cTo cherish something is to care for it deeply; to treasure it; to hold dear.\u201d It even says this: \u201cThe verb, cherish, is related to the words that mean costly and beloved.\u201d Here is the thing: we cherish things that are costly\u2014things that cost a lot of money\u2014we sort of protect. We become experts of: golf clubs, cars, motorcycles. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got four or five guitars back home\u2014I\u2019m a guitar guy\u2014and I\u2019ve got a humidifier in that room; they are all humidified. I mean, I take care of them. If you want to play one of my guitars: \u201cUh-uh, not going to touch it. That\u2019s my baby\u201d; right? Some of you know you\u2019ve got a plasma TV or whatever\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cThat\u2019s my baby,\u201d\u2014we <em>cherish<\/em> it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat if your wife felt like she was your baby?\u2014like she was protected; and you studied her; and you humidified her\u2014do you know what I\u2019m saying? Whatever her needs are, you were like, \u201cShe is the most important\u2014you talk about costly\u2014she is the most costly thing in the world.\u201d I don\u2019t mean she costs a lot of money; I mean she\u2019s <em>precious<\/em>. A lot of wives <em>do not<\/em> feel that from their husbands. A lot of women in the church do not feel that from the men in the church. I think\u2014when Paul says, \u201cHusbands, love your wives,\u201d\u2014he is saying, \u201cCherish them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he says, \u201c\u2026as Christ loved the church.\u201d How did Christ love the church? I <em>love<\/em> what Paul does here. He doesn\u2019t give us\u2014he doesn\u2019t say, \u201cHey, love your wives,\u201d and just leaves it\u2014he goes, \u201cLet me give you a specific example.\u201d You know this: \u201cWhat did Christ do for the church?\u201d\u2014He died for her; He gave His life. I put\/you can write down in your notes: \u201cHer needs over your needs.\u201d Why did Christ die for the church?\u2014because our need was repentance; our need was forgiveness of sin\u2014we are sinners. The only way that we could be forgiven is for a sinless person to die, and Jesus died. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me [ask] you something: \u201cDo you think He <em>felt<\/em> love at that moment?\u201d I don\u2019t know\u2014but when He is hanging there in agony, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s about <em>feeling<\/em>\u2014I think it\u2019s about: \u201cTheir needs are more important than My needs, so I will put My needs aside to meet the needs of the world.\u201d He died for our sins. When Paul says, \u201cHusbands, love your wives like that,\u201d he is saying, \u201cHer needs over your needs.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here is what is really interesting. If you think about marriage, think about needs; okay, guys? I told you this is about the women today. We\u2019re going to talk about women\u2019s needs, not your needs. Your needs\u2014forget them\u2014so it\u2019s your woman\u2019s needs; right? Do you know what the top needs of your wife are? Do you know what they are? Have you ever asked her? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the thing\u2014there was a book that came out\u2014I don\u2019t know; 20\/30 years ago\u2014I got it. It was called <em>His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage<\/em> by Willard F. Harley. He was a counselor in Minnesota. Here\u2019s what he said; he said, \u201cI\u2019ve counseled 3,000 couples. I\u2019ve decided these are the five top needs of a man, five top needs of a woman.\u201d There are ten chapters in the book\u2014one on each one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI pick up this book\u2014I hadn\u2019t even read it yet\u2014and I\u2019m looking at the Table of Contents. I\u2019m looking; at first, I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, what\u2019s the number one need of a man?\u201d Do you know what Harley said? Does anybody want to take a guess on the number one need of a man? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Anything else? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Respect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Respect. I heard respect and sex\u2014same thing\u2014[Laughter]\u2014so anyway; here we go. [Laughter] Here is what Harley said\u2014I\u2019m kidding, but not really\u2014so Harley said, \u201cThe number one need of a man is sex.\u201d I don\u2019t know this guy\u2014I don\u2019t know this book\u2014but I\u2019m like, \u201cI agree with this guy; I like this author.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay; I want to see what the top five needs of a woman are.\u201d I look at the top five, and sex isn\u2019t mentioned. I\u2019ll never forget\u2014I went over to Ann with the book\u2014I go, \u201cHey, this is interesting. Number one need of a man is sex. Sex isn\u2019t in your top five. Do you agree with that?\u201d She looks down; and she goes, \u201cOh, sex is the top three.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d She goes, \u201cThe top three there\/that is sex for a woman.\u201d Here is the thing\u2014I <em>memorized<\/em> those top three\u2014[Laughter]\u2014not just because I wanted to get lucky. I <em>memorized<\/em> those top three. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, I\u2019m going to give it to you right now; alright? You need to write these down or put these away in your brain; and then on your drive home today, you need to turn to your wife and say, \u201cHoney, are these your top three?\u201d\u2014because they may be totally different. The thing about women\u2014you know this, guys; right?\u2014they change every hour or five minutes; you never really know\u2014\u201cIt was this, but\u2026\u201d\u2014I\u2019m just kidding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here is the deal: when I looked at that, these were Ann\u2019s top three. Here is what Harley said: number one for a woman is affection. Now, I remember saying to Ann, \u201cWhat is affection?\u201d She goes, \u201cOh, it\u2019s non-sexual touch.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cThere is touch that is non-sexual?! What is non-sexual touch?\u201d She\u2019s like, \u201cA hug, or holding my hand, or kissing me.\u201d She once said to me, \u201cI love it when we are at church,\u201d\u2014and I\u2019m usually going up to speak; but before, she is sitting beside me\u2014she goes, \u201cI love when your hand just sits there on my thigh, and it doesn\u2019t move; it just sits right there.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s affection.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the thing I\u2019ve found about a lot of marriages. They don\u2019t kiss anymore; there is a little peck here, peck there. The only time they kiss is in the bedroom. That is not what a woman longs for; am I right, ladies? Don\u2019t say anything\u2014okay?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but it is like they <em>long<\/em> for affection; that\u2019s number one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two was conversation; they want their man to talk with them. As we say in our <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> book, women don\u2019t want to talk; they want to taaalk about their relationship\u2014it\u2019s like there are three a\u2019s in there\u2014right? They love to communicate; so it\u2019s like conversation means, \u201cTalk with me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber three is, when we talk, they want honesty and openness. I should have put these on the slide because I see some of you write them: honesty and openness. In other words, they want us to open up our heart to them\u2014share with them our fears and our weaknesses\u2014the things we\u2019re struggling with. Man, when we go there, we call it Level 5 communication\u2014not Level 1, which is superficial\u2014but Level 5. When we really share our heart with our woman\u2014am I right, ladies?\u2014you feel <em>loved<\/em>. It\u2019s an amazing, amazing truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, I\u2019ll\u2014just a little footnote\u2014guys, you <em>never<\/em> share your heart with another woman. I can\u2019t tell you the number of times women at Kensington have said this to somebody besides me, \u201cDave Wilson is a little aloof when he comes off the stage with me.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cYes, I don\u2019t want any woman to get my heart; only Ann Wilson gets my heart.\u201d And only your wife gets your heart, but that makes her feel loved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m hoping this story will stick in your brain; and then when you are driving home, you can say, \u201cOkay, let\u2019s talk about the parking spot.\u201d Here is the parking spot; the story happened in our life 20-some years ago. I was teaching on a Sunday morning at one of our campuses\u2014and I came out after the second service\u2014we had three services that morning. I\u2019m saying, \u201cHi,\u201d to people as they are pulling in. It\u2019s like a minute before, or two minutes before the service, and I see my wife whip in late\/whip in our car. There is a parking spot right by the front door. She zips into that thing, jumps out of the car with two of our three sons. Austin, our middle son, was like 16; and Cody, our youngest, was 13. They come walking up. She\u2019s all smiling because she said, \u201cGod gave me that parking spot right by the front door.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs she said that, I said to her\/I go, \u201cMove the car,\u201d\u2014I say it under my breath\u2014because I\u2019m saying, \u201cHi,\u201d to people. I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, move the car.\u201d She goes, \u201cI\u2019m not moving the car!\u201d Now, here\u2019s the thing\u2014you don\u2019t know why we are fighting\u2014here\u2019s\/I\u2019ll tell you why we are fighting; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when you are one of the founders of a church, you get to create the values of that church. What are our values? One of our values of our church\u2014I\u2019m not saying it should be any other church\u2014it was just true for our church. We\u2019re trying to reach people far from God; so we always said, \u201cThe best parking spots by the front door are given to our guests, not our members\/not our staff.\u201d Our staff parks across the street. It\u2019s like, \u201cWe don\u2019t take those parking spots. We leave those for people, who are going to hell, if you take them\u201d; right? Do you understand what I\u2019m saying here? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>When I see my wife come in, and violate a core Kensington principle from God, it\u2019s like, \u201cWhat are you doing?!\u201d I was like, \u201cYou can\u2019t do this!\u201d; right? She knows better\u2014\u201cJesus gave me that spot,\u201d\u2014\u201cNo, He didn\u2019t! Jesus was saving that spot for somebody going to hell.\u201d Anyway, she took it. [Laughter] That\u2019s why I\u2019m so mad; right? So we\u2019re having this fight\u2014again, I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m right\u2014I\u2019m just saying that\u2019s the way it was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe goes upstairs, and I\u2019m sitting there alone with Cody. She comes down like ten minutes later. Cody and I are looking over, like, \u201cOkay?\u201d She goes, \u201c<em>I do everything around here<\/em>!\u201d Cody literally looked at me\u2014no words were spoken\u201413-year-old son\/he just looks at me, like, \u201cDad, you are toast,\u201d\u2014you know? It was <em>so obvious<\/em>; right? She does this little thing for like three or four minutes\u2014and I\u2019m not kidding\u2014she was intense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI look at her\u2014and I said this\u2014I go, \u201cLet me ask you a question. Do you feel like Kensington\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the name of our church\u2014\u201cDo you feel like Kensington is more important to me than you are?\u201d She didn\u2019t say anything. She just went\u2014and right then and there\u2014I was like, \u201cOh my goodness! This fight was never about a parking spot.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou probably knew that before I did; it was never about a parking spot. What was it about? Every woman knows: she wasn\u2019t feeling loved; she wasn\u2019t feeling cherished. You know what she said with this? She was saying, \u201cThe church is cherished; your job is costly to you. I\u2019m just your partner that does everything so that you can do what you cherish, but I\u2019m not cherished.\u201d In that moment, I remember thinking, \u201cOh my goodness!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the thing\u2014I\u2019m the guy that stands on the stage and says, \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church,\u201d\u2014and my wife just looked at me, and very sort of strongly said, \u201cYou\u2019re not doing it, dude.\u201d If there is anything we hate is preachers, who preach one thing, and you find out they are living it differently. My wife was saying: \u201cYes, we speak at marriage conferences,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m not feeling loved.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuess what? It doesn\u2019t matter what I say on this stage. If it\u2019s not happening in my home, it carries <em>no weight<\/em>\u2014am I right? If it\u2019s not happening in your home\u2014I\u2019m just saying to the men and the husbands\u2014\u201cGo home; cherish your wife.\u201d She should be the highest priority in your life, second to Christ. Your kids aren\u2019t\u2014they are important\u2014they are not number one; she is. You hear me, guys? I know it\u2019s a strong word to hear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just released our second book just last month, <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>, because we are not. One of the things we said in the book\u2014is like\u2014\u201cKids are important; they are not more important than your marriage.\u201d In the last chapter, I wrote my top five parenting mistakes; and one of them was: \u201cI didn\u2019t prioritize my marriage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m here, standing with you men, and saying, \u201cI\u2019m a fellow sufferer,\u201d because I missed this. I knew, from that moment on, I needed to do whatever it took to make sure my wife felt loved\u2014and still feels loved in year 41\u2014actually, more in love in 41 than before, because I can make her priority\u2014I\u2019m not saying more important than everything\u2014she\u2019s not more important than Jesus. Jesus is number one, but she\u2019s right underneath that. Whatever that looks like\u2014if it\u2019s affection, conversation, honesty and openness, or whatever it is\u2014I need to figure out a way to lay down my agenda, lay down my needs, lay down my life to serve her so that she feels loved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to a message from the host of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Dave Wilson, talking from Ephesians, Chapter 5, today about the priority that the marriage relationship should be in our lives. If we\u2019re married, our relationship with one another is a significant priority; and many of us just move it off to the side and hope it will thrive on its own. It takes work; it takes commitment; it takes prioritization, as Dave has been telling us today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>If you\u2019d like to hear the complete message from Dave Wilson on Ephesians, Chapter 5, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; it\u2019s available for download there. Dave and Ann, of course, have written a book on marriage called <em>Vertical Marriage,<\/em> where they address a number of these subjects. As Dave just mentioned, they\u2019ve recently come out with a book called <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em> that\u2019s all about parenting principles. Again, both of these books are available from us on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order the books by phone. The website, again: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d to get copies of the books by Dave and Ann Wilson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, what the Bible has to say about the marriage relationship is right at the heart of what we talk about at our FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. We\u2019re hosting about 30 of these getaways in cities all across the country this fall. The getaway is a great two-and-a-half day escape for couples, where you can relax, and refresh, and learn more about God\u2019s design for marriage. This week, we are making available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners a special offer on the fall getaways. You can register this week for an upcoming getaway, and you\u2019ll save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. Now, this is for a limited time. It is available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You need to register today to take advantage of this; the offer expires on September 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; find out when and where a getaway is happening near where you live; and then register so you can save 50 percent off the registration fee. You can do that online, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to register; and plan to spend a weekend with us at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. It\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> getaway for couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019ll hear Part Two of Dave Wilson\u2019s message from Ephesians, Chapter 5. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:41"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.35M"],"filesize_raw":["26578742"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307220.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307220.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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true that \"love\" is an action word and not just a feeling. Dave Wilson directs men to apply the truth from Ephesians 5 to their marriages to experience a love that will grow.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-09-02.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So here is the deal\u2014love is an action verb; it\u2019s not a <em>feeling<\/em>\u2014he\u2019s not saying, \u201c<em>Feel<\/em> this amount of love.\u201d There\u2019s\u2014I\u2019ve got to be honest\u2014there are many days I don\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> love for Ann. She\u2019s never felt that for me; she\u2019s <em>always<\/em> in love with me, but I\u2019ve\u2014no; we <em>both<\/em> don\u2019t always feel it\u2014it\u2019s not about a <em>feeling<\/em>; you don\u2019t <em>fall<\/em> in love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou go back to verse 1, where you started this series. In Chapter 5, it says: \u201cWalk in love.\u201d It doesn\u2019t say: \u201cFall in love.\u201d It says: \u201cWalk in love\u201d; so love is not a feeling; it\u2019s an <em>action<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is going to be a great day! [Laughter] Do you know why? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know why, but I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because Dave Wilson\u2019s, in the house, preaching. [Laughter] This is going to be fun. Dave, you gave a message at Discovery Church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, did I?! I gave a message? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014in Orlando on marriage on Ephesians 5. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019ve got to be honest: it was one of the first times, in years, I\u2019ve given a message <em>without you<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Was it sad? You were very sad; weren\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I wish you had been with me, but I tried to do the best I could. Yes, it was a joy to just walk through the passage\u2014one of the greatest passages in the New Testament about marriage\u2014Ephesians 5. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, these are the kinds of messages that are given at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, the FamilyLife marriage conference all around the country. Actually\u2014pretty exciting news\u2014you can go to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> half off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, that\u2019s a great deal\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014in any city that you want. You just go to FamilyLifeToday.com; sign up. You will hear messages like this, and a lot more than this [at the <em>Weekend to <\/em>Remember], that will literally change your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Now, we\u2019re going to get to your message. Should I score you since you weren\u2019t with me? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Go ahead; give me a score. Let\u2019s see how it goes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re my favorite preacher, so it\u2019s an A already. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Message] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I just want to make sure you don\u2019t think that I\u2019m up here, talking about marriage, because I\u2019m some marriage expert or that I have the greatest, most perfect marriage in the room\u2014which I probably do\u2014but here is the truth: [Laughter] I don\u2019t! If you\u2019ve read our book, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>, you know\u2014or if you\u2019ve ever listened to us as a podcast already\u2014you know that we are very raw and very real. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you something\u2014marriage is the hardest thing you\u2019ll ever do in your life\u2014am I right? Now, here is the thing: you can\u2019t go, \u201cYes!\u201d because she is sitting right there; or he\u2019s sitting right there. They\u2019ll be hitting you, like, \u201cWhat are you saying right now?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it is!\u2014it\u2019s <em>really<\/em> hard. And when Ann and I got married, I would have told you, on our wedding day, \u201cThis is going to be <em>awesome<\/em>. It\u2019s going to be <em>great<\/em>.\u201d In fact, we went to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage conference, which FamilyLife puts on, that now we speak for. We went to it, as an engaged couple, two weeks before our wedding. We literally sat there, and thought, \u201cIt can\u2019t be that hard. Why are people taking notes?\u201d; you know? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not kidding; we just thought, \u201cWe love each other\/more in love than anybody else that\u2019s ever lived. We love Jesus; we are going into ministry. It won\u2019t be hard.\u201d Six months later, we\u2019re driving to our first job; we are half way there, and we are fighting and screaming in the car. Anybody ever been there? Maybe you were there an hour ago\u2014on the way to church; right?\u2014no; I mean, we are yelling. And we\u2019ve been yelling for months; it is <em>not<\/em> going well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe says to me\u2014I\u2019ll never forget\u2014I\u2019m driving. By the way, I had hair back then; I had a bang; you know? [Laughter] I used to\u2014you don\u2019t believe me\u2014but I did. I\u2019m driving, and she\u2019s over here. She gets to this point\u2014she says this at the top of her lungs\u2014she says, \u201cMarrying you, Dave Wilson, was the <em>worst<\/em> mistake of my life!\u201d That\u2019s what she says! I\u2019m over here, the spiritual leader of this incredible, godly family. I said, \u201cYou\u2019re exactly right! What were we thinking?! Can we get an annulment?\u201d It was like six months; that\u2019s where we were. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe get to our job in Nebraska. One of the first things that the players\u2014we were working with the football team\u2014there were several married couples; and they said, \u201cHey, will you lead a marriage Bible study?\u201d [Laughter] We were like, \u201cYou want somebody else that\u2019s got a good marriage\u201d; but we did. By the way\u2014this isn\u2019t the point of the day\u2014but when you lead others, out of brokenness, your brokenness starts to get healed; it\u2019s a whole other thing. We had the worst marriage in the room, and we were the only people that learned anything. Do you know what I\u2019m saying? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<br>But we were there\u2014and I\u2019ll never forget one night\u2014and again, it was so bad. I got out of bed at two in the morning. We\u2019re not sleeping anyway; we\u2019re just in a fight. I go down. I literally open the Bible\u2014because if you want help, here it is; right?\u2014I\u2019m in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPhilippians 1, where Paul says, \u201c\u2026to live is Christ, to die is gain\u201d; right? I prayed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnn walks in the room; she goes, \u201cHey, what are you doing?\u201d She\u2019s all excited I\u2019m reading the Bible; because she\u2019s like, \u201cThis man needs help! And he is looking at the Bible.\u201d [Laughter] Here is what I say to her\u2014I\u2019m not kidding\u2014word for word. I look it; and I said, \u201cWell, I just read Paul\u2019s words, and I just prayed. She goes, \u201cWhat did you pray?\u201d I said, \u201cWell,\u201d\u2014literally, word for word, I say,\u2014\u201cGod, I\u2019d rather be dead than married to you.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s what I said! She\u2019s was like\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to tell you. We had a mentor before we got married that said, \u201cShare every little detail you ever think. Just share it in your marriage.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s <em>bad<\/em> advice; okay? [Laughter] <em>Don\u2019t do that<\/em>! That\u2019s why I said it to her\u2014I was like, \u201cWell, I was supposed to share everything\u201d\u2014so I said, \u201cI\u2019d rather die than be married to you.\u201d Here is the thing\u2014you are laughing; right?\u2014it\u2019s funny. If we had gotten divorced, it wouldn\u2019t be funny; but that\u2019s where I was, and it wasn\u2019t a joke at the moment. I was so\u2014no peace, no hope\u2014\u201cWe don\u2019t know what we\u2019re doing,\u201d \u201cWe shouldn\u2019t have done this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what I\u2019m going to tell you\u2014I am more in love with that woman, at year 41, than I was the day we got married\u2014I would have said, \u201cThat is impossible,\u201d I would have said, \u201cThat can\u2019t be true.\u201d [Applause] I\u2019m telling you\u2014here is why\u2014the truth in this Book. We\u2019re going to look at Ephesians 5, verses 25-33. The truth of this Word will literally change your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here is what I\u2019m saying: I\u2019m not saying copy the biblical marriages in this book\u2014if you\u2019ve looked at the marriages in the book, they are pretty dysfunctional\u2014don\u2019t do what they did. You go to the New Testament; you look at what Paul wrote, [for] today, about marriage. I\u2019m telling you it is <em>powerful<\/em> truth that, if you <em>apply<\/em> it\u2014because it\u2019s not one thing to hear the Word\u2014it\u2019s to <em>do<\/em> the Word. You go home and apply it, I\u2019m telling you\u2014you will have a different marriage in a week; an incredible marriage in a year or two\u2014again, it\u2019s on us\u2014not hearing the Word\u2014but <em>doing<\/em> the Word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not going to read the whole passage; but I am going to jump down to verse 25. If you\u2019ve been around the church world very long, many husbands have heard this; and many wives love this verse, because it\u2019s spoken right to the husband. It says this: \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.\u201d How many of you have heard this before? Yes, probably a lot of you. Here is the thing: \u201cWhat does it mean?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about. It\u2019s like, \u201cOkay, how do I go home and actually live this out?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to be honest\u2014part of this message today\u2014a big part of it is going to be to the men. Do you know why? Because when you read Ephesians 5\u2014which, by the way, is the longest discourse on marriage in the New Testament; we\u2019re looking at it\u2014Ephesians 5. It\u2019s the longest passage where God, through Paul, says, \u201cHere\u2019s what godly Christian marriage should look like.\u201d Most of it is written, not to the wife, but to the men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMost men stop at verse 22. Notice I didn\u2019t put verse 22 in there, where it says, \u201cWives, be submissive to your husbands.\u201d Most men I know, it\u2019s the only Bible verse they know: \u201cYes, I know what the Bible says; it says, \u2018Women, submit.\u2019 That\u2019s what it says.\u201d He doesn\u2019t even know what the rest says. I know we\u2019ve talked about that a little bit last week, so I\u2019m not going to get into that. Thank God I don\u2019t have to get into that! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, I\u2019m going to get into verse 25 and beyond, where he says, \u201cHusbands, love your wives.\u201d So here is the deal\u2014love is an action verb; it\u2019s not a <em>feeling<\/em>\u2014he\u2019s not saying, \u201c<em>Feel<\/em> this amount of love.\u201d There\u2019s\u2014I\u2019ve got to be honest\u2014there are many days I don\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> love for Ann. She\u2019s never felt that for me; she\u2019s <em>always<\/em> in love with me, but I\u2019ve\u2014no; we <em>both<\/em> don\u2019t always feel it\u2014it\u2019s not about a <em>feeling<\/em>; you don\u2019t <em>fall<\/em> in love. You go back to verse 1, where you started this series in Chapter 5; it says: \u201cWalk in love.\u201d It doesn\u2019t say: \u201cFall in love\u201d; it says: \u201cWalk in love.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if love is not a feeling, it\u2019s an <em>action<\/em> verb. Here is what we are going to do. I know you have notes and fill out little blanks in there, so I\u2019m going to give you what these are. I would say, \u201cHusbands equals men.\u201d Now, specifically, Paul is writing to husbands; okay?\u2014this isn\u2019t to all men; I am taking a little liberty with the text. I\u2019m saying, \u201cOkay, if husbands love their wives\u201d\u2014as we\u2019re going to look at what that means in a second\u2014\u201c\u2019like Christ loved the church,\u2019 let me tell you: every wife in here would be lit up because her man is loving her like Christ loved the church.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me say this: \u201cIf <em>men<\/em> in the church appreciated, and supported, and loved the women in the church, every woman in every church would be brought to life.\u201d Do you understand what I am saying? I mean, if the men of Discovery treated the women of Discovery like they were special\u2014if they <em>affirmed<\/em> them, and <em>empowered<\/em> them, and <em>protected<\/em> them, and came <em>alongside<\/em> them, and <em>celebrated<\/em> them as incredible women\u2014what do you think would happen to this church? Women from all over would be running to this church, like, \u201cI want to go to that church because, in that church, women are valued.\u201d That\u2019s the way it should be at this church and any church; am I right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul is saying, \u201cHusbands, love your wives\u201d\u2014and that is absolutely what we are talking about\u2014but he\u2019s also saying, \u201cMen, love the women in your church.\u201d I don\u2019t mean in an inappropriate way; I mean protect them\/cherish them. In fact, I wrote in your notes\/the next blank is: \u201cLove equals cherish.\u201d And down in verse 29 and 30, he actually says, \u201cThe husbands cherish and nourish her\u201d; they are very descriptive terms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the thing: I think we, as men, know what cherish means; we don\u2019t always understand what love means, because love is just this general term we use for all kinds of things. I heard you\u2019re a church that loves the Minnesota Vikings; I don\u2019t know why. Why would you love the Minnesota Vikings? But we say: \u201cI love the Minnesota Vikings,\u201d \u201cI love ice cream,\u201d \u201cI love Jesus.\u201d Seriously, what does that mean?\u2014\u201cWe don\u2019t know.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut cherish?\u2014in fact, if you look up the definition of cherish\u2014it says, \u201cTo cherish something is to care for it deeply; to treasure it; to hold dear.\u201d It even says this: \u201cThe verb, cherish, is related to the words that mean costly and beloved.\u201d Here is the thing: we cherish things that are costly\u2014things that cost a lot of money\u2014we sort of protect. We become experts of: golf clubs, cars, motorcycles. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got four or five guitars back home\u2014I\u2019m a guitar guy\u2014and I\u2019ve got a humidifier in that room; they are all humidified. I mean, I take care of them. If you want to play one of my guitars: \u201cUh-uh, not going to touch it. That\u2019s my baby\u201d; right? Some of you know you\u2019ve got a plasma TV or whatever\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cThat\u2019s my baby,\u201d\u2014we <em>cherish<\/em> it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat if your wife felt like she was your baby?\u2014like she was protected; and you studied her; and you humidified her\u2014do you know what I\u2019m saying? Whatever her needs are, you were like, \u201cShe is the most important\u2014you talk about costly\u2014she is the most costly thing in the world.\u201d I don\u2019t mean she costs a lot of money; I mean she\u2019s <em>precious<\/em>. A lot of wives <em>do not<\/em> feel that from their husbands. A lot of women in the church do not feel that from the men in the church. I think\u2014when Paul says, \u201cHusbands, love your wives,\u201d\u2014he is saying, \u201cCherish them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he says, \u201c\u2026as Christ loved the church.\u201d How did Christ love the church? I <em>love<\/em> what Paul does here. He doesn\u2019t give us\u2014he doesn\u2019t say, \u201cHey, love your wives,\u201d and just leaves it\u2014he goes, \u201cLet me give you a specific example.\u201d You know this: \u201cWhat did Christ do for the church?\u201d\u2014He died for her; He gave His life. I put\/you can write down in your notes: \u201cHer needs over your needs.\u201d Why did Christ die for the church?\u2014because our need was repentance; our need was forgiveness of sin\u2014we are sinners. The only way that we could be forgiven is for a sinless person to die, and Jesus died. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me [ask] you something: \u201cDo you think He <em>felt<\/em> love at that moment?\u201d I don\u2019t know\u2014but when He is hanging there in agony, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s about <em>feeling<\/em>\u2014I think it\u2019s about: \u201cTheir needs are more important than My needs, so I will put My needs aside to meet the needs of the world.\u201d He died for our sins. When Paul says, \u201cHusbands, love your wives like that,\u201d he is saying, \u201cHer needs over your needs.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here is what is really interesting. If you think about marriage, think about needs; okay, guys? I told you this is about the women today. We\u2019re going to talk about women\u2019s needs, not your needs. Your needs\u2014forget them\u2014so it\u2019s your woman\u2019s needs; right? Do you know what the top needs of your wife are? Do you know what they are? Have you ever asked her? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the thing\u2014there was a book that came out\u2014I don\u2019t know; 20\/30 years ago\u2014I got it. It was called <em>His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage<\/em> by Willard F. Harley. He was a counselor in Minnesota. Here\u2019s what he said; he said, \u201cI\u2019ve counseled 3,000 couples. I\u2019ve decided these are the five top needs of a man, five top needs of a woman.\u201d There are ten chapters in the book\u2014one on each one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI pick up this book\u2014I hadn\u2019t even read it yet\u2014and I\u2019m looking at the Table of Contents. I\u2019m looking; at first, I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, what\u2019s the number one need of a man?\u201d Do you know what Harley said? Does anybody want to take a guess on the number one need of a man? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Anything else? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Respect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Respect. I heard respect and sex\u2014same thing\u2014[Laughter]\u2014so anyway; here we go. [Laughter] Here is what Harley said\u2014I\u2019m kidding, but not really\u2014so Harley said, \u201cThe number one need of a man is sex.\u201d I don\u2019t know this guy\u2014I don\u2019t know this book\u2014but I\u2019m like, \u201cI agree with this guy; I like this author.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay; I want to see what the top five needs of a woman are.\u201d I look at the top five, and sex isn\u2019t mentioned. I\u2019ll never forget\u2014I went over to Ann with the book\u2014I go, \u201cHey, this is interesting. Number one need of a man is sex. Sex isn\u2019t in your top five. Do you agree with that?\u201d She looks down; and she goes, \u201cOh, sex is the top three.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d She goes, \u201cThe top three there\/that is sex for a woman.\u201d Here is the thing\u2014I <em>memorized<\/em> those top three\u2014[Laughter]\u2014not just because I wanted to get lucky. I <em>memorized<\/em> those top three. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, I\u2019m going to give it to you right now; alright? You need to write these down or put these away in your brain; and then on your drive home today, you need to turn to your wife and say, \u201cHoney, are these your top three?\u201d\u2014because they may be totally different. The thing about women\u2014you know this, guys; right?\u2014they change every hour or five minutes; you never really know\u2014\u201cIt was this, but\u2026\u201d\u2014I\u2019m just kidding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here is the deal: when I looked at that, these were Ann\u2019s top three. Here is what Harley said: number one for a woman is affection. Now, I remember saying to Ann, \u201cWhat is affection?\u201d She goes, \u201cOh, it\u2019s non-sexual touch.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cThere is touch that is non-sexual?! What is non-sexual touch?\u201d She\u2019s like, \u201cA hug, or holding my hand, or kissing me.\u201d She once said to me, \u201cI love it when we are at church,\u201d\u2014and I\u2019m usually going up to speak; but before, she is sitting beside me\u2014she goes, \u201cI love when your hand just sits there on my thigh, and it doesn\u2019t move; it just sits right there.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s affection.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the thing I\u2019ve found about a lot of marriages. They don\u2019t kiss anymore; there is a little peck here, peck there. The only time they kiss is in the bedroom. That is not what a woman longs for; am I right, ladies? Don\u2019t say anything\u2014okay?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but it is like they <em>long<\/em> for affection; that\u2019s number one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two was conversation; they want their man to talk with them. As we say in our <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> book, women don\u2019t want to talk; they want to taaalk about their relationship\u2014it\u2019s like there are three a\u2019s in there\u2014right? They love to communicate; so it\u2019s like conversation means, \u201cTalk with me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber three is, when we talk, they want honesty and openness. I should have put these on the slide because I see some of you write them: honesty and openness. In other words, they want us to open up our heart to them\u2014share with them our fears and our weaknesses\u2014the things we\u2019re struggling with. Man, when we go there, we call it Level 5 communication\u2014not Level 1, which is superficial\u2014but Level 5. When we really share our heart with our woman\u2014am I right, ladies?\u2014you feel <em>loved<\/em>. It\u2019s an amazing, amazing truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, I\u2019ll\u2014just a little footnote\u2014guys, you <em>never<\/em> share your heart with another woman. I can\u2019t tell you the number of times women at Kensington have said this to somebody besides me, \u201cDave Wilson is a little aloof when he comes off the stage with me.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cYes, I don\u2019t want any woman to get my heart; only Ann Wilson gets my heart.\u201d And only your wife gets your heart, but that makes her feel loved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m hoping this story will stick in your brain; and then when you are driving home, you can say, \u201cOkay, let\u2019s talk about the parking spot.\u201d Here is the parking spot; the story happened in our life 20-some years ago. I was teaching on a Sunday morning at one of our campuses\u2014and I came out after the second service\u2014we had three services that morning. I\u2019m saying, \u201cHi,\u201d to people as they are pulling in. It\u2019s like a minute before, or two minutes before the service, and I see my wife whip in late\/whip in our car. There is a parking spot right by the front door. She zips into that thing, jumps out of the car with two of our three sons. Austin, our middle son, was like 16; and Cody, our youngest, was 13. They come walking up. She\u2019s all smiling because she said, \u201cGod gave me that parking spot right by the front door.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs she said that, I said to her\/I go, \u201cMove the car,\u201d\u2014I say it under my breath\u2014because I\u2019m saying, \u201cHi,\u201d to people. I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, move the car.\u201d She goes, \u201cI\u2019m not moving the car!\u201d Now, here\u2019s the thing\u2014you don\u2019t know why we are fighting\u2014here\u2019s\/I\u2019ll tell you why we are fighting; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when you are one of the founders of a church, you get to create the values of that church. What are our values? One of our values of our church\u2014I\u2019m not saying it should be any other church\u2014it was just true for our church. We\u2019re trying to reach people far from God; so we always said, \u201cThe best parking spots by the front door are given to our guests, not our members\/not our staff.\u201d Our staff parks across the street. It\u2019s like, \u201cWe don\u2019t take those parking spots. We leave those for people, who are going to hell, if you take them\u201d; right? Do you understand what I\u2019m saying here? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>When I see my wife come in, and violate a core Kensington principle from God, it\u2019s like, \u201cWhat are you doing?!\u201d I was like, \u201cYou can\u2019t do this!\u201d; right? She knows better\u2014\u201cJesus gave me that spot,\u201d\u2014\u201cNo, He didn\u2019t! Jesus was saving that spot for somebody going to hell.\u201d Anyway, she took it. [Laughter] That\u2019s why I\u2019m so mad; right? So we\u2019re having this fight\u2014again, I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m right\u2014I\u2019m just saying that\u2019s the way it was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe goes upstairs, and I\u2019m sitting there alone with Cody. She comes down like ten minutes later. Cody and I are looking over, like, \u201cOkay?\u201d She goes, \u201c<em>I do everything around here<\/em>!\u201d Cody literally looked at me\u2014no words were spoken\u201413-year-old son\/he just looks at me, like, \u201cDad, you are toast,\u201d\u2014you know? It was <em>so obvious<\/em>; right? She does this little thing for like three or four minutes\u2014and I\u2019m not kidding\u2014she was intense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI look at her\u2014and I said this\u2014I go, \u201cLet me ask you a question. Do you feel like Kensington\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the name of our church\u2014\u201cDo you feel like Kensington is more important to me than you are?\u201d She didn\u2019t say anything. She just went\u2014and right then and there\u2014I was like, \u201cOh my goodness! This fight was never about a parking spot.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou probably knew that before I did; it was never about a parking spot. What was it about? Every woman knows: she wasn\u2019t feeling loved; she wasn\u2019t feeling cherished. You know what she said with this? She was saying, \u201cThe church is cherished; your job is costly to you. I\u2019m just your partner that does everything so that you can do what you cherish, but I\u2019m not cherished.\u201d In that moment, I remember thinking, \u201cOh my goodness!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the thing\u2014I\u2019m the guy that stands on the stage and says, \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church,\u201d\u2014and my wife just looked at me, and very sort of strongly said, \u201cYou\u2019re not doing it, dude.\u201d If there is anything we hate is preachers, who preach one thing, and you find out they are living it differently. My wife was saying: \u201cYes, we speak at marriage conferences,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m not feeling loved.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuess what? It doesn\u2019t matter what I say on this stage. If it\u2019s not happening in my home, it carries <em>no weight<\/em>\u2014am I right? If it\u2019s not happening in your home\u2014I\u2019m just saying to the men and the husbands\u2014\u201cGo home; cherish your wife.\u201d She should be the highest priority in your life, second to Christ. Your kids aren\u2019t\u2014they are important\u2014they are not number one; she is. You hear me, guys? I know it\u2019s a strong word to hear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just released our second book just last month, <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>, because we are not. One of the things we said in the book\u2014is like\u2014\u201cKids are important; they are not more important than your marriage.\u201d In the last chapter, I wrote my top five parenting mistakes; and one of them was: \u201cI didn\u2019t prioritize my marriage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m here, standing with you men, and saying, \u201cI\u2019m a fellow sufferer,\u201d because I missed this. I knew, from that moment on, I needed to do whatever it took to make sure my wife felt loved\u2014and still feels loved in year 41\u2014actually, more in love in 41 than before, because I can make her priority\u2014I\u2019m not saying more important than everything\u2014she\u2019s not more important than Jesus. Jesus is number one, but she\u2019s right underneath that. Whatever that looks like\u2014if it\u2019s affection, conversation, honesty and openness, or whatever it is\u2014I need to figure out a way to lay down my agenda, lay down my needs, lay down my life to serve her so that she feels loved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to a message from the host of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Dave Wilson, talking from Ephesians, Chapter 5, today about the priority that the marriage relationship should be in our lives. If we\u2019re married, our relationship with one another is a significant priority; and many of us just move it off to the side and hope it will thrive on its own. It takes work; it takes commitment; it takes prioritization, as Dave has been telling us today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>If you\u2019d like to hear the complete message from Dave Wilson on Ephesians, Chapter 5, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; it\u2019s available for download there. Dave and Ann, of course, have written a book on marriage called <em>Vertical Marriage,<\/em> where they address a number of these subjects. As Dave just mentioned, they\u2019ve recently come out with a book called <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em> that\u2019s all about parenting principles. Again, both of these books are available from us on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order the books by phone. The website, again: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d to get copies of the books by Dave and Ann Wilson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, what the Bible has to say about the marriage relationship is right at the heart of what we talk about at our FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. We\u2019re hosting about 30 of these getaways in cities all across the country this fall. The getaway is a great two-and-a-half day escape for couples, where you can relax, and refresh, and learn more about God\u2019s design for marriage. This week, we are making available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners a special offer on the fall getaways. You can register this week for an upcoming getaway, and you\u2019ll save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. Now, this is for a limited time. It is available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You need to register today to take advantage of this; the offer expires on September 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; find out when and where a getaway is happening near where you live; and then register so you can save 50 percent off the registration fee. You can do that online, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to register; and plan to spend a weekend with us at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. It\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> getaway for couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019ll hear Part Two of Dave Wilson\u2019s message from Ephesians, Chapter 5. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307220","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307220"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307220"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307220"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307220"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307220"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307220"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307220"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}