{"id":307213,"date":"2021-08-28T07:00:06","date_gmt":"2021-08-28T11:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-did-we-do-wrong-2\/"},"modified":"2024-10-25T12:02:35","modified_gmt":"2024-10-25T16:02:35","slug":"what-did-we-do-wrong-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/what-did-we-do-wrong-2\/","title":{"rendered":"What Did We Do Wrong?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If a child has strayed from the faith of his parents, it&#8217;s tempting for parents to question what they did wrong. Phil Waldrep, Bob Lepine, and Michelle Hill offer hope for families of prodigals.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294950,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-08-28.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:07","filesize":"25.75M","filesize_raw":"27000128","date_recorded":"2021-08-28 07:00:06","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2841,2855],"tags":[4292,4299,2209,4296],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3142,8858,3212],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307213","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-teens","tag-children","tag-faith","tag-parenting","tag-prodigals","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","cwp_profile-michelle-hill","cwp_profile-phil-waldrep","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg?w=300","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307213\/what-did-we-do-wrong-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307213\/what-did-we-do-wrong-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"D6CyVh5Qok\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/what-did-we-do-wrong-2\/\">What Did We Do Wrong?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/what-did-we-do-wrong-2\/embed\/#?secret=D6CyVh5Qok\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What Did We Do Wrong?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"D6CyVh5Qok\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-08-28.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-08-28.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you ever been tempted to think that there\u2019s a formula for raising perfect kids? So what if you did everything right, but your child is still rejecting the gospel?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil: <\/strong>I found prodigals come from every kind of family you can list. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any kind of correlation that I found between those who were strict and those who were not. Now, I will say this: I did see a little bit of a tendency in my research, that where there are rules without relationships, there often are more prodigals.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Do you have a family member, [who\u2019s] breaking your heart?\u2014someone you <em>long<\/em> to help? We\u2019re talking about prodigals, and we\u2019re going to offer you some hope today on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. There\u2019s a story in the Bible about a man who had two sons. The younger one asked for his inheritance early; he left home with all of his money. He went off to a far country, and there he blew all of his money. Is this story starting to sound a little familiar? It\u2019s the story that we all know as the Prodigal Son.<\/p>\n<p>That is an old story, but prodigals still happen today. We still hear theses stories. And maybe your story\u2014well, maybe it sounds something like this.<\/p>\n<p>[<em>Like Arrows <\/em>Excerpt]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> You know, your dad and I keep thinking that Dunwood is a mistake. You had your choice of a dozen schools; I don\u2019t see why you had to pick the most extreme.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> Mom, look. I know this is hard for you\u2014letting go\u2014but you\u2019ve done your job. You\u2019ve raised me; okay? I stayed out of trouble; I got the grades; I got the full scholarship\u2014tuition, room, and board\u2014you did good; okay?<\/p>\n<p>Are you looking through all my stuff?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> I\u2019m just looking at your baby picture, and\u2026<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> It\u2019s just a book; okay You can\u2019t really know what you believe until you\u2019ve read all the sides.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> And he teaches at Dunwood? [Traffic noises]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> I\u2019m not going to do this again with you!\u2014okay? The decision is made! Classes start on Thursday. Would you let it go?!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> Ronny! What are you\u2026<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> Mom, let it go!<\/p>\n<p>[Outside noises]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> Do you have your registration and everything in your glove compartment? [Compartment opening]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> That belongs to Matt. He put it there the other night; he asked me to keep it for a few days.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> And you were just going to drop it off by his house on your way out on Monday morning?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> Exactly, so\u2026.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> You are <em>not<\/em> leaving this driveway with drugs in your car! Do you have any more of this <em>stuff<\/em> in here? [Rummaging sounds]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> Are you done?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> When your father finds out about this\u2026<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> Yeah; okay; whatever. [Mom breathes deeply]<\/p>\n<p>Hey, you guys know where to find me; right? Look me up sometime\u2014Reed Hall,<\/p>\n<p>Room 517. [Car starting] Bye, Mom. Close the door! [Door slams]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> Ronny; Ronny! [Car pulling away]<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ugh. That was hard to hear; wasn\u2019t it? That\u2019s from FamilyLife\u2019s<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> recent movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>. We heard Ronny and his mom, Alice.<\/p>\n<p>Basically, it was the breaking point in their relationship. Can you imagine what\u2019s going through Alice\u2019s mind? She\u2019s probably sitting there, thinking, \u201cHow did we get this far? This is our sweet little Ronny! This is the child, who I raised and who I poured all my energy into! Will I see him again? Is he going to be okay?\u201d Or maybe it\u2019s the classic question, if you are the parent of a prodigal, the words that haunt your mind: \u201cWhat did I do wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re going to talk about prodigals today. That movie that we just heard a clip from is <em>Like Arrows.<\/em> And that film follows a story of a young couple. You see them get married, have children, walk through the daily struggles, and eventually celebrate their 50<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary. One of the themes is the story of Ronny. He\u2019s the oldest son: he\u2019s bright; he\u2019s talented; and he\u2019s a prodigal.<\/p>\n<p>Prodigals affect the <em>entire<\/em> family. Of course, the parent\u2019s heart is smashed and broken; but so is the grandparents\u2019, and other family members, and friends, and even siblings. Recently, I had a chance to sit down with the movie\u2019s producer, Bob Lepine; and we talked about how this film, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>, affected <em>me<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous Interview]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So seeing the film as a single person\u2014not married, without kids\u2014what was your takeaway?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> My takeaway, as I watched probably the first three-fourths, I sat and watched, and I was thinking, \u201cI wish I would\u2019ve had that. I wish I would\u2019ve had a family, a spouse, a family,\u201d\u2014that sort of thing. There was a little bit of the emotional build up.<\/p>\n<p>But also, at the end, with the prodigal, I remember a little bit of weepiness that was happening. The instant that one of the siblings called the prodigal, and left a message on his machine, that\u2019s where it broke for me. I have a prodigal in my life: I have a sibling, who\u2019s a prodigal, and has basically walked out on the family. We have <em>no<\/em> idea what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n<p>For me\u2014hearing that sibling calling and saying, \u201cYou know, we really want to see you; we really want to hear from you. Mom and Dad\u2019s anniversary\u2019s coming up,\u201d\u2014for me, it was almost like the Holy Spirit was convicting my heart and saying, \u201cYou\u2019ve stopped praying for him. You need to continue to pray; because even though there has been no contact, you don\u2019t know what God is doing. You don\u2019t know how He is going to continue writing this story; it\u2019s not done yet. Hearts may be hard now; but He will continue working, and they could soften in time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> When parents or siblings [of] prodigals go for years, or sometimes decades, praying with no visible response, it is easy to go, \u201cYou know, is this making any difference?\u201d But as long as a son or a daughter, or a brother or a sister, has life\u2014there\u2019s hope\u2014we can continue to pray, and reach out, and love them.<\/p>\n<p>I remember talking to John Piper. One of his kids had a season away from Christ\/a season in the desert. John said, \u201cI sent him an email every day.\u201d Often, didn\u2019t hear back for weeks or months from this child; but every day sent him an email, saying, \u201cThinking about you,\u201d \u201cLove you,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m praying for you,\u201d\u2014just wanted to be that dad, just saying, \u201cThis is what my heart is\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I know that sometimes families\u2014there\u2019s anger\u2014or things got sideways; and somebody says, \u201cI don\u2019t want to hear anything from you,\u201d and \u201cI just delete your emails.\u201d I understand how that can be the dynamic in a family. But I think to reach out with love\u2014that\u2019s the heart of the Father toward us; even when we kept rejecting Jesus, He kept reaching out to us\u2014so let\u2019s hope that this movie will inspire moms and dads, or brothers and sisters, who have prodigals, to say, \u201cWe need to keep praying.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I think, in our family, we\u2019ve gone through five years of no communication; or if we\u2019ve had communication, it has not been positive. It has continued to break my parents\u2019 heart. How they have consoled themselves is: \u201cWe have tried everything we can.\u201d Now, it\u2019s almost like there isn\u2019t any hope. I remember, at Christmas time, we stilly share stories; but it\u2019s almost as if there\u2019s no hope.<\/p>\n<p>That was what the Spirit was\u2014I just really felt impressed\u2014that there still is hope. There is <em>always<\/em> hope.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I have a friend of mine, who was watching his mother in her 80s\/watching her health fail. He had, for decades, tried to share his own faith with his mom, with no response. In the weeks before her death, my friend\u2019s daughter\/the grandchild went in and sat down with grandma, and said, \u201cYou know, Grandma, death is coming. I want to see you again,\u201d\u2014and had a time of prayer. The grandmother responded and came to faith in the weeks right before her death.<\/p>\n<p>I think the point is we don\u2019t know God\u2019s timing in all of this. But as long as there is life and breath, there\u2019s hope. We can still be reaching out with kindness, and love, and concern.<\/p>\n<p>I hope folks, who get a chance to see the movie, will remember that scene, where the voice mail\u2019s going off in the future, with a little futuristic device; remember?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Kate, the sister, who\u2019s talking to her brother Ronny, and saying, \u201cRonny, you don\u2019t want to hear someday that Mom and Dad are gone, and you never made it right with them.\u201d Hopefully, some of these scenes can help prompt change in families.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014and a reminder that God\u2019s timing is perfect.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. Thanks for sharing the memory from the movie.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p>As I talked with Bob and received encouragement in my own story, I want to remind you that\u2014if you are walking this prodigal journey, remember that the prodigal story\u2014it\u2019s a long game. As you hope and pray for your prodigal\u2014remember that everyone grieves: moms and dads, siblings, grandparents\u2014and you\u2019re not alone. The devil wants to isolate us, but share that lost hope; share that grief\u2014you know, the lost years\u2014share that together with your other family members. I can guarantee that it will strengthen your bond together. Whether you\u2019ve been praying for six months, or six years, or even <em>sixteen<\/em> years, don\u2019t give up praying and hoping for them and, especially, praying for their <em>heart<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, we\u2019re not done talking about prodigals. We\u2019re going to talk with Phil Waldrep. He\u2019s going to give some help and hope encouragement for those dealing with prodigals. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes. We need to take a break.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Today, we\u2019re talking about prodigals. If you\u2019re the parent of a prodigal, I\u2019m sure that there are many times you sit and say: \u201cWhat did I do wrong?\u201d \u201cCould I have done something better?\u201d \u201cShould I have been more of the disciplinarian? Did I give them too long of a leash?\u201d or \u201cWas I way too strict?\u201d Whatever question it is, I\u2019m sure that it\u2019s churning inside of you; and you\u2019re trying to figure out, \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m hoping our next guest can give some answers to you. He is Phil Waldrep. He\u2019s a speaker and author; but most importantly, Phil\u2019s life message is around the topic of prodigals. Here\u2019s Phil talking with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do parents bear some weight when a child becomes a prodigal?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> That\u2019s a very good question. I think there are two aspects to that question. One aspect is: \u201cYes, parenting does affect our children.\u201d However, you can be the perfect parent and still have a child, who walks away. When people look at me, and they say, \u201cI find that hard to believe. I think if you do it right, your kids <em>always<\/em> grow up right,\u201d\u2014which I find, by the way, I hear that more from people, who have no children, than I do from people, who do have children. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I look at them, and I say, \u201cLet me ask you this: \u2018What did God do wrong with Adam and Eve?\u2019 and \u2018What did Jesus do wrong with Judas?\u2019 \u2018What did God do wrong with the children of Israel?\u2019\u201d You can be a <em>perfect<\/em> parent and still have a child who walks away.<\/p>\n<p>But then we feel guilty, as parents, we feel shame. The very first thing I want parents to understand is, if they have that burden of shame and guilt, you must stop and ask the Lord, \u201cLord, what did I do wrong?\u201d And if the Lord says, \u201cYou did nothing wrong,\u201d then walk in victory; don\u2019t walk in guilt. Because if you feel guilty, your prodigal is going to manipulate you. I go so far as to say that the devil\u2019s going to manipulate you; he\u2019s going to destroy your joy and your effectiveness.<\/p>\n<p>Once you feel guilt\u2014especially when you have no idea what you did wrong\u2014the prodigal, especially if they\u2019re in addictive behavior, will begin to manipulate you. You will make decisions, as a parent, that is making the situation <em>worse<\/em> instead of better.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of us, as parents, when our kids were born, had somebody point us to the Proverb that says, \u201cTrain up a child in the way he should go, and when he\u2019s old, he\u2019ll not depart from it.\u201d We clung to that; so now we think we must have done something wrong, because he\u2019s departed from it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> One of the things that I find interesting about that particular verse is, when I began to research it, there are very few Bible scholars, especially Hebrew scholars, who told me that that was a reference to parenting in general. I\u2019m not taking away from that interpretation, because many people have it. But instead, it really referred to a child having an interest, and we train that child in that interest. For example, if a child loves music, you train them in music; and they will pursue it for the rest of their life.<\/p>\n<p>Even if we take it as a promise, I tell people: \u201cBack off for a minute and look at what the Scripture did say: \u2018Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it,\u2019\u2014could be rendered\u2014\u2018It will not depart from him,\u2019 which I believe means that, if a child becomes a prodigal, and if they walk away, there will be a constant conviction in their heart.<\/p>\n<p>Every prodigal, who had wonderful Christian parents, [whom] I\u2019ve ever interviewed, without exception, said to me, \u201cI know what I\u2019m doing wrong. My parents taught me different.\u201d I did not have one single prodigal that I interviewed blame their parents; not one.<\/p>\n<p>Now, others I have interviewed since have blamed parents. But the initial 30 I interviewed did not blame their parents at all. Their parents weren\u2019t perfect, but they didn\u2019t blame their parents.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There\u2019s a lot about parenting that appeals to a parent\u2019s pride, thinking he or she can do a better job than his or her parents did when he was a boy or when she was a girl. I can tell you this\u2014once you have a child\u2014who doesn\u2019t do well for a period of time; that pride gets <em>stripped<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> It certainly does. One of the things we forget, even as Christians, is that our kids are prone to sin. We all are; we\u2019re fallen. Because of our tendency to lean towards sin, the real miracle in a family of five kids\u2014and four are serving God\u2014is not: \u201cWhy is one a prodigal?\u201d The real question is: \u201cWhy are <em>four<\/em> of them serving God?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the real miracle.<\/p>\n<p>Certainly, God uses our parenting skills and what we teach. At the same time, we <em>must<\/em> remember, when we deal with our kids, that they\u2019re prone to sin; sometimes they wander. When you go to the story of the prodigal son\u2014which I like to call \u201cThe story of The Wonderful Father,\u201d in Luke\u2019s Gospel\u2014remember, there\u2019s nothing in that story that says the father did anything wrong. The son just, one day, decided, \u201cI want to go live in a far country. Give me my inheritance. Let me go.\u201d The father did nothing wrong in that story; and yet, the son walked away. You can be the world\u2019s <em>perfect<\/em> parent and still have a child that walks away.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> As you talked with prodigals, Phil\u2014I\u2019m just curious\u2014some parents tend to be strict and authoritarian; some tend to be a little more relational, permissive\/they let the boundaries out. Is a prodigal more likely to come from one or from the other?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> I found prodigals come from every kind of family you can list. I have prodigals I talk to, and people say, \u201cWell, they\u2019re a prodigal; because they come from a divorced family.\u201d No; I don\u2019t necessarily think it\u2019s any higher among single parents than I do among two parents. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any kind of correlation that I found between those who were strict and those who were not.<\/p>\n<p>I will say this: I did see a little bit of a tendency in my research, that where there are rules without relationships, there often are more prodigals; let\u2019s make that clear. Yet, at the same time, I don\u2019t know, if you can say: \u201cWell, this type of parenting produces prodigals, and this one does not.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think what I keep looking for here is what our listeners are looking for, which is: \u201cIs there a preventative. Is there something I could do to minimize the risk?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> Be who you are; be authentic. Don\u2019t try to be one thing to your kids that you are not in private. One of the things I discovered was, a lot of times, what does cause barriers to be erected in the lives of prodigals that keep them away\u2014I don\u2019t think it causes them to walk away, but it <em>keeps<\/em> them away\u2014is a parent, who cannot admit a wrong. Maybe we need to ask our prodigal: \u201cDid we do something that wounded them?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If they tell us, \u201cYes,\u201d\u2014and I\u2019m talking about a legitimate concern\u2014then we ask for their forgiveness. I\u2019ll give you an example. One of my friends has a son, who\u2019s a prodigal. He went to his son and he said, \u201cSon, I want to have this conversation as your father. Did I ever do anything to wound you?\u201d He was prepared for him to try to bring up this long list of sins. The young man looked at him and he said, \u201cDad, when I was younger, and played Little League baseball, you traveled with your job; and you never were at my games.\u201d Then he looked at him and said, \u201cDad, I don\u2019t know if I ever can forgive you for that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>At that moment, he wanted to justify and say: \u201cWe had bills to pay,\u201d and \u201cThis was a <em>great<\/em> job, and it was a time when the economy wasn\u2019t good.\u201d But instead, he looked at him and said, \u201cSon, you are right. If I had it to do over, and I knew how it was affecting you, I would\u2019ve taken another job.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said it was amazing in that moment. His son looked at him and said, \u201cYou admit that?\u201d He said, \u201cSure, I admit that. Because, when I look back now, if I knew it had that kind of effect on you, I would\u2019ve never taken that job\/certainly, wouldn\u2019t have kept that job.\u201d He said, at that moment, the relationship changed to the better; because his son realized the father was willing to acknowledge he made a mistake.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things I strongly suggest to parents, who have prodigal children\u2014it may not be a healthy conversation\u2014it <em>will<\/em> be healthy\u2014it may <em>not<\/em> be an easy conversation to have. They may bring up things you haven\u2019t even <em>thought<\/em> about. Some things maybe they misunderstood\u2014maybe there\u2019s a time for explanation\u2014but I think [authentic] is the one thing that we must be, as parents, with our prodigal children.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it may not end in a sweet story like you just shared.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> True.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a remarkable story that that son, in that moment, turned away from a hardened heart and was softened by his dad\u2019s response. There are some kids, who aren\u2019t going to forgive their parents; they\u2019re going to hold onto it, because it justifies their behavior.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you have to think that\u2014that humility and that acknowledgement that: \u201cWhat I messed up here, I\u2019d do that [change if I could].\u201d Even if the child is stubborn and stiff-necked in the moment, that doesn\u2019t go way; they\u2019re going to remember mom or dad saying, \u201cI was wrong. I\u2019m sorry. Will you forgive me?\u201d They might not do that instantly; because of bitterness, or anger, or pride of their own. But I don\u2019t think that moment goes away in a child\u2019s life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> All I was doing, Bob, is cautioning parents for one of those moments that it all works out. As you just said\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014adjust your expectations as a parent.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, they may hear you; and it may be months\/years before, ultimately, that relationship is reconciled. What I want the parents to know is, sometimes, the race is cross country.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. We don\u2019t get there overnight; and sometimes, we don\u2019t have the relationship restored overnight. What I do believe happens, when parents do go and sit down with prodigals\u2014and they\u2019re willing to be honest and not defensive\u2014it does remove excuses. They may not see it at that moment; but in the mind of that child\u2014up to that point, in their mind\u2014they\u2019ve been able to associate a parent, who refuses to acknowledge wrong with their spirituality.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil: <\/strong>When a parent is willing to say, \u201cI\u2019ve made a mistake, and I ask for your forgiveness,\u201d now the excuse for staying away from God is taken away. They may not forgive the parent; but I tell parents: \u201cGive them time, and be authentic,\u201d and \u201cDon\u2019t go back to being the way you were.\u201d It <em>has<\/em> to be a sincere conversation.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s Phil Waldrep.<\/p>\n<p>One thing that we all have in common with prodigals is that we <em>all<\/em> have rebellious hearts. We\u2019ve all sinned against God; and in order to be granted forgiveness from Him, we need to repent. That\u2019s what we need to do: is model repentance with our prodigals. Even if you got 90 percent of your job as a parent right, still go and repent of that<\/p>\n<p>10 percent that maybe you did wrong. Model that for them; and show them what it is to ask for forgiveness, and be willing to <em>grant<\/em> forgiveness.<\/p>\n<p>Your prodigal may be thinking of you as the enemy right now; but when you treat them with kindness and respect, it\u2019s like as Scripture says, you are heaping coals of conviction on their head, and ultimately, on their heart.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019re listening right now, and <em>you\u2019re<\/em> the prodigal. Just know that, no matter what has happened to push you away, there are people, who love you and are grieved by that lost relationship with you. I know it won\u2019t be easy to mend those fences\u2014and you\u2019ll never get back those years that were lost\u2014but God can, and will, restore what the locusts have stolen. And then the end of the story of the prodigal son in the Bible, the father was <em>waiting<\/em> expectantly for the return of his son. That\u2019s probably what your family is doing right now: waiting expectantly for you to return, <em>and<\/em> praying for you.<\/p>\n<p>Coming up next week on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>, we are going to talk about the gospel. Bob Lepine is going to join us. If Bob\u2019s in the chair, and he\u2019s sharing the gospel with us, it will be some good, gold stuff; so please join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the co-founder of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, the president, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch; to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator. And Raven Simmons is our production intern.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n"],"duration":["00:28:07"],"filesize":["25.75M"],"filesize_raw":["27000128"],"_edit_lock":["1729872276:47000"],"_thumbnail_id":["294950"],"_edit_last":["47000"],"theme_header_position":["Sticky"],"post_header_is_sticky":["default"],"is_header_overlay":["0"],"episode_type":["audio"],"date_recorded":["2021-08-28 07:00:06"],"enclosure":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-08-28.mp3"],"_seopress_redirections_type":["301"],"_seopress_redirections_logged_status":["both"],"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":[""],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307213.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307213.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top 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a child has strayed from the faith of his parents, it's tempting for parents to question what they did wrong. Phil Waldrep, Bob Lepine, and Michelle Hill offer hope for families of prodigals.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-08-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you ever been tempted to think that there\u2019s a formula for raising perfect kids? So what if you did everything right, but your child is still rejecting the gospel?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil: <\/strong>I found prodigals come from every kind of family you can list. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any kind of correlation that I found between those who were strict and those who were not. Now, I will say this: I did see a little bit of a tendency in my research, that where there are rules without relationships, there often are more prodigals.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Do you have a family member, [who\u2019s] breaking your heart?\u2014someone you <em>long<\/em> to help? We\u2019re talking about prodigals, and we\u2019re going to offer you some hope today on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. There\u2019s a story in the Bible about a man who had two sons. The younger one asked for his inheritance early; he left home with all of his money. He went off to a far country, and there he blew all of his money. Is this story starting to sound a little familiar? It\u2019s the story that we all know as the Prodigal Son.<\/p>\n<p>That is an old story, but prodigals still happen today. We still hear theses stories. And maybe your story\u2014well, maybe it sounds something like this.<\/p>\n<p>[<em>Like Arrows <\/em>Excerpt]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> You know, your dad and I keep thinking that Dunwood is a mistake. You had your choice of a dozen schools; I don\u2019t see why you had to pick the most extreme.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> Mom, look. I know this is hard for you\u2014letting go\u2014but you\u2019ve done your job. You\u2019ve raised me; okay? I stayed out of trouble; I got the grades; I got the full scholarship\u2014tuition, room, and board\u2014you did good; okay?<\/p>\n<p>Are you looking through all my stuff?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> I\u2019m just looking at your baby picture, and\u2026<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> It\u2019s just a book; okay You can\u2019t really know what you believe until you\u2019ve read all the sides.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> And he teaches at Dunwood? [Traffic noises]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> I\u2019m not going to do this again with you!\u2014okay? The decision is made! Classes start on Thursday. Would you let it go?!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> Ronny! What are you\u2026<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> Mom, let it go!<\/p>\n<p>[Outside noises]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> Do you have your registration and everything in your glove compartment? [Compartment opening]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> That belongs to Matt. He put it there the other night; he asked me to keep it for a few days.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> And you were just going to drop it off by his house on your way out on Monday morning?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> Exactly, so\u2026.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> You are <em>not<\/em> leaving this driveway with drugs in your car! Do you have any more of this <em>stuff<\/em> in here? [Rummaging sounds]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> Are you done?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> When your father finds out about this\u2026<\/p>\n<p><strong>Son:<\/strong> Yeah; okay; whatever. [Mom breathes deeply]<\/p>\n<p>Hey, you guys know where to find me; right? Look me up sometime\u2014Reed Hall,<\/p>\n<p>Room 517. [Car starting] Bye, Mom. Close the door! [Door slams]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom:<\/strong> Ronny; Ronny! [Car pulling away]<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ugh. That was hard to hear; wasn\u2019t it? That\u2019s from FamilyLife\u2019s<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> recent movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>. We heard Ronny and his mom, Alice.<\/p>\n<p>Basically, it was the breaking point in their relationship. Can you imagine what\u2019s going through Alice\u2019s mind? She\u2019s probably sitting there, thinking, \u201cHow did we get this far? This is our sweet little Ronny! This is the child, who I raised and who I poured all my energy into! Will I see him again? Is he going to be okay?\u201d Or maybe it\u2019s the classic question, if you are the parent of a prodigal, the words that haunt your mind: \u201cWhat did I do wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re going to talk about prodigals today. That movie that we just heard a clip from is <em>Like Arrows.<\/em> And that film follows a story of a young couple. You see them get married, have children, walk through the daily struggles, and eventually celebrate their 50<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary. One of the themes is the story of Ronny. He\u2019s the oldest son: he\u2019s bright; he\u2019s talented; and he\u2019s a prodigal.<\/p>\n<p>Prodigals affect the <em>entire<\/em> family. Of course, the parent\u2019s heart is smashed and broken; but so is the grandparents\u2019, and other family members, and friends, and even siblings. Recently, I had a chance to sit down with the movie\u2019s producer, Bob Lepine; and we talked about how this film, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>, affected <em>me<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous Interview]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So seeing the film as a single person\u2014not married, without kids\u2014what was your takeaway?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> My takeaway, as I watched probably the first three-fourths, I sat and watched, and I was thinking, \u201cI wish I would\u2019ve had that. I wish I would\u2019ve had a family, a spouse, a family,\u201d\u2014that sort of thing. There was a little bit of the emotional build up.<\/p>\n<p>But also, at the end, with the prodigal, I remember a little bit of weepiness that was happening. The instant that one of the siblings called the prodigal, and left a message on his machine, that\u2019s where it broke for me. I have a prodigal in my life: I have a sibling, who\u2019s a prodigal, and has basically walked out on the family. We have <em>no<\/em> idea what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n<p>For me\u2014hearing that sibling calling and saying, \u201cYou know, we really want to see you; we really want to hear from you. Mom and Dad\u2019s anniversary\u2019s coming up,\u201d\u2014for me, it was almost like the Holy Spirit was convicting my heart and saying, \u201cYou\u2019ve stopped praying for him. You need to continue to pray; because even though there has been no contact, you don\u2019t know what God is doing. You don\u2019t know how He is going to continue writing this story; it\u2019s not done yet. Hearts may be hard now; but He will continue working, and they could soften in time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> When parents or siblings [of] prodigals go for years, or sometimes decades, praying with no visible response, it is easy to go, \u201cYou know, is this making any difference?\u201d But as long as a son or a daughter, or a brother or a sister, has life\u2014there\u2019s hope\u2014we can continue to pray, and reach out, and love them.<\/p>\n<p>I remember talking to John Piper. One of his kids had a season away from Christ\/a season in the desert. John said, \u201cI sent him an email every day.\u201d Often, didn\u2019t hear back for weeks or months from this child; but every day sent him an email, saying, \u201cThinking about you,\u201d \u201cLove you,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m praying for you,\u201d\u2014just wanted to be that dad, just saying, \u201cThis is what my heart is\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I know that sometimes families\u2014there\u2019s anger\u2014or things got sideways; and somebody says, \u201cI don\u2019t want to hear anything from you,\u201d and \u201cI just delete your emails.\u201d I understand how that can be the dynamic in a family. But I think to reach out with love\u2014that\u2019s the heart of the Father toward us; even when we kept rejecting Jesus, He kept reaching out to us\u2014so let\u2019s hope that this movie will inspire moms and dads, or brothers and sisters, who have prodigals, to say, \u201cWe need to keep praying.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I think, in our family, we\u2019ve gone through five years of no communication; or if we\u2019ve had communication, it has not been positive. It has continued to break my parents\u2019 heart. How they have consoled themselves is: \u201cWe have tried everything we can.\u201d Now, it\u2019s almost like there isn\u2019t any hope. I remember, at Christmas time, we stilly share stories; but it\u2019s almost as if there\u2019s no hope.<\/p>\n<p>That was what the Spirit was\u2014I just really felt impressed\u2014that there still is hope. There is <em>always<\/em> hope.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I have a friend of mine, who was watching his mother in her 80s\/watching her health fail. He had, for decades, tried to share his own faith with his mom, with no response. In the weeks before her death, my friend\u2019s daughter\/the grandchild went in and sat down with grandma, and said, \u201cYou know, Grandma, death is coming. I want to see you again,\u201d\u2014and had a time of prayer. The grandmother responded and came to faith in the weeks right before her death.<\/p>\n<p>I think the point is we don\u2019t know God\u2019s timing in all of this. But as long as there is life and breath, there\u2019s hope. We can still be reaching out with kindness, and love, and concern.<\/p>\n<p>I hope folks, who get a chance to see the movie, will remember that scene, where the voice mail\u2019s going off in the future, with a little futuristic device; remember?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Kate, the sister, who\u2019s talking to her brother Ronny, and saying, \u201cRonny, you don\u2019t want to hear someday that Mom and Dad are gone, and you never made it right with them.\u201d Hopefully, some of these scenes can help prompt change in families.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014and a reminder that God\u2019s timing is perfect.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. Thanks for sharing the memory from the movie.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p>As I talked with Bob and received encouragement in my own story, I want to remind you that\u2014if you are walking this prodigal journey, remember that the prodigal story\u2014it\u2019s a long game. As you hope and pray for your prodigal\u2014remember that everyone grieves: moms and dads, siblings, grandparents\u2014and you\u2019re not alone. The devil wants to isolate us, but share that lost hope; share that grief\u2014you know, the lost years\u2014share that together with your other family members. I can guarantee that it will strengthen your bond together. Whether you\u2019ve been praying for six months, or six years, or even <em>sixteen<\/em> years, don\u2019t give up praying and hoping for them and, especially, praying for their <em>heart<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, we\u2019re not done talking about prodigals. We\u2019re going to talk with Phil Waldrep. He\u2019s going to give some help and hope encouragement for those dealing with prodigals. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes. We need to take a break.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Today, we\u2019re talking about prodigals. If you\u2019re the parent of a prodigal, I\u2019m sure that there are many times you sit and say: \u201cWhat did I do wrong?\u201d \u201cCould I have done something better?\u201d \u201cShould I have been more of the disciplinarian? Did I give them too long of a leash?\u201d or \u201cWas I way too strict?\u201d Whatever question it is, I\u2019m sure that it\u2019s churning inside of you; and you\u2019re trying to figure out, \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m hoping our next guest can give some answers to you. He is Phil Waldrep. He\u2019s a speaker and author; but most importantly, Phil\u2019s life message is around the topic of prodigals. Here\u2019s Phil talking with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do parents bear some weight when a child becomes a prodigal?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> That\u2019s a very good question. I think there are two aspects to that question. One aspect is: \u201cYes, parenting does affect our children.\u201d However, you can be the perfect parent and still have a child, who walks away. When people look at me, and they say, \u201cI find that hard to believe. I think if you do it right, your kids <em>always<\/em> grow up right,\u201d\u2014which I find, by the way, I hear that more from people, who have no children, than I do from people, who do have children. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I look at them, and I say, \u201cLet me ask you this: \u2018What did God do wrong with Adam and Eve?\u2019 and \u2018What did Jesus do wrong with Judas?\u2019 \u2018What did God do wrong with the children of Israel?\u2019\u201d You can be a <em>perfect<\/em> parent and still have a child who walks away.<\/p>\n<p>But then we feel guilty, as parents, we feel shame. The very first thing I want parents to understand is, if they have that burden of shame and guilt, you must stop and ask the Lord, \u201cLord, what did I do wrong?\u201d And if the Lord says, \u201cYou did nothing wrong,\u201d then walk in victory; don\u2019t walk in guilt. Because if you feel guilty, your prodigal is going to manipulate you. I go so far as to say that the devil\u2019s going to manipulate you; he\u2019s going to destroy your joy and your effectiveness.<\/p>\n<p>Once you feel guilt\u2014especially when you have no idea what you did wrong\u2014the prodigal, especially if they\u2019re in addictive behavior, will begin to manipulate you. You will make decisions, as a parent, that is making the situation <em>worse<\/em> instead of better.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of us, as parents, when our kids were born, had somebody point us to the Proverb that says, \u201cTrain up a child in the way he should go, and when he\u2019s old, he\u2019ll not depart from it.\u201d We clung to that; so now we think we must have done something wrong, because he\u2019s departed from it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> One of the things that I find interesting about that particular verse is, when I began to research it, there are very few Bible scholars, especially Hebrew scholars, who told me that that was a reference to parenting in general. I\u2019m not taking away from that interpretation, because many people have it. But instead, it really referred to a child having an interest, and we train that child in that interest. For example, if a child loves music, you train them in music; and they will pursue it for the rest of their life.<\/p>\n<p>Even if we take it as a promise, I tell people: \u201cBack off for a minute and look at what the Scripture did say: \u2018Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it,\u2019\u2014could be rendered\u2014\u2018It will not depart from him,\u2019 which I believe means that, if a child becomes a prodigal, and if they walk away, there will be a constant conviction in their heart.<\/p>\n<p>Every prodigal, who had wonderful Christian parents, [whom] I\u2019ve ever interviewed, without exception, said to me, \u201cI know what I\u2019m doing wrong. My parents taught me different.\u201d I did not have one single prodigal that I interviewed blame their parents; not one.<\/p>\n<p>Now, others I have interviewed since have blamed parents. But the initial 30 I interviewed did not blame their parents at all. Their parents weren\u2019t perfect, but they didn\u2019t blame their parents.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There\u2019s a lot about parenting that appeals to a parent\u2019s pride, thinking he or she can do a better job than his or her parents did when he was a boy or when she was a girl. I can tell you this\u2014once you have a child\u2014who doesn\u2019t do well for a period of time; that pride gets <em>stripped<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> It certainly does. One of the things we forget, even as Christians, is that our kids are prone to sin. We all are; we\u2019re fallen. Because of our tendency to lean towards sin, the real miracle in a family of five kids\u2014and four are serving God\u2014is not: \u201cWhy is one a prodigal?\u201d The real question is: \u201cWhy are <em>four<\/em> of them serving God?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the real miracle.<\/p>\n<p>Certainly, God uses our parenting skills and what we teach. At the same time, we <em>must<\/em> remember, when we deal with our kids, that they\u2019re prone to sin; sometimes they wander. When you go to the story of the prodigal son\u2014which I like to call \u201cThe story of The Wonderful Father,\u201d in Luke\u2019s Gospel\u2014remember, there\u2019s nothing in that story that says the father did anything wrong. The son just, one day, decided, \u201cI want to go live in a far country. Give me my inheritance. Let me go.\u201d The father did nothing wrong in that story; and yet, the son walked away. You can be the world\u2019s <em>perfect<\/em> parent and still have a child that walks away.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> As you talked with prodigals, Phil\u2014I\u2019m just curious\u2014some parents tend to be strict and authoritarian; some tend to be a little more relational, permissive\/they let the boundaries out. Is a prodigal more likely to come from one or from the other?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> I found prodigals come from every kind of family you can list. I have prodigals I talk to, and people say, \u201cWell, they\u2019re a prodigal; because they come from a divorced family.\u201d No; I don\u2019t necessarily think it\u2019s any higher among single parents than I do among two parents. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any kind of correlation that I found between those who were strict and those who were not.<\/p>\n<p>I will say this: I did see a little bit of a tendency in my research, that where there are rules without relationships, there often are more prodigals; let\u2019s make that clear. Yet, at the same time, I don\u2019t know, if you can say: \u201cWell, this type of parenting produces prodigals, and this one does not.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think what I keep looking for here is what our listeners are looking for, which is: \u201cIs there a preventative. Is there something I could do to minimize the risk?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> Be who you are; be authentic. Don\u2019t try to be one thing to your kids that you are not in private. One of the things I discovered was, a lot of times, what does cause barriers to be erected in the lives of prodigals that keep them away\u2014I don\u2019t think it causes them to walk away, but it <em>keeps<\/em> them away\u2014is a parent, who cannot admit a wrong. Maybe we need to ask our prodigal: \u201cDid we do something that wounded them?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If they tell us, \u201cYes,\u201d\u2014and I\u2019m talking about a legitimate concern\u2014then we ask for their forgiveness. I\u2019ll give you an example. One of my friends has a son, who\u2019s a prodigal. He went to his son and he said, \u201cSon, I want to have this conversation as your father. Did I ever do anything to wound you?\u201d He was prepared for him to try to bring up this long list of sins. The young man looked at him and he said, \u201cDad, when I was younger, and played Little League baseball, you traveled with your job; and you never were at my games.\u201d Then he looked at him and said, \u201cDad, I don\u2019t know if I ever can forgive you for that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>At that moment, he wanted to justify and say: \u201cWe had bills to pay,\u201d and \u201cThis was a <em>great<\/em> job, and it was a time when the economy wasn\u2019t good.\u201d But instead, he looked at him and said, \u201cSon, you are right. If I had it to do over, and I knew how it was affecting you, I would\u2019ve taken another job.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said it was amazing in that moment. His son looked at him and said, \u201cYou admit that?\u201d He said, \u201cSure, I admit that. Because, when I look back now, if I knew it had that kind of effect on you, I would\u2019ve never taken that job\/certainly, wouldn\u2019t have kept that job.\u201d He said, at that moment, the relationship changed to the better; because his son realized the father was willing to acknowledge he made a mistake.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things I strongly suggest to parents, who have prodigal children\u2014it may not be a healthy conversation\u2014it <em>will<\/em> be healthy\u2014it may <em>not<\/em> be an easy conversation to have. They may bring up things you haven\u2019t even <em>thought<\/em> about. Some things maybe they misunderstood\u2014maybe there\u2019s a time for explanation\u2014but I think [authentic] is the one thing that we must be, as parents, with our prodigal children.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it may not end in a sweet story like you just shared.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> True.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a remarkable story that that son, in that moment, turned away from a hardened heart and was softened by his dad\u2019s response. There are some kids, who aren\u2019t going to forgive their parents; they\u2019re going to hold onto it, because it justifies their behavior.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you have to think that\u2014that humility and that acknowledgement that: \u201cWhat I messed up here, I\u2019d do that [change if I could].\u201d Even if the child is stubborn and stiff-necked in the moment, that doesn\u2019t go way; they\u2019re going to remember mom or dad saying, \u201cI was wrong. I\u2019m sorry. Will you forgive me?\u201d They might not do that instantly; because of bitterness, or anger, or pride of their own. But I don\u2019t think that moment goes away in a child\u2019s life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> All I was doing, Bob, is cautioning parents for one of those moments that it all works out. As you just said\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014adjust your expectations as a parent.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, they may hear you; and it may be months\/years before, ultimately, that relationship is reconciled. What I want the parents to know is, sometimes, the race is cross country.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. We don\u2019t get there overnight; and sometimes, we don\u2019t have the relationship restored overnight. What I do believe happens, when parents do go and sit down with prodigals\u2014and they\u2019re willing to be honest and not defensive\u2014it does remove excuses. They may not see it at that moment; but in the mind of that child\u2014up to that point, in their mind\u2014they\u2019ve been able to associate a parent, who refuses to acknowledge wrong with their spirituality.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Phil: <\/strong>When a parent is willing to say, \u201cI\u2019ve made a mistake, and I ask for your forgiveness,\u201d now the excuse for staying away from God is taken away. They may not forgive the parent; but I tell parents: \u201cGive them time, and be authentic,\u201d and \u201cDon\u2019t go back to being the way you were.\u201d It <em>has<\/em> to be a sincere conversation.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s Phil Waldrep.<\/p>\n<p>One thing that we all have in common with prodigals is that we <em>all<\/em> have rebellious hearts. We\u2019ve all sinned against God; and in order to be granted forgiveness from Him, we need to repent. That\u2019s what we need to do: is model repentance with our prodigals. Even if you got 90 percent of your job as a parent right, still go and repent of that<\/p>\n<p>10 percent that maybe you did wrong. Model that for them; and show them what it is to ask for forgiveness, and be willing to <em>grant<\/em> forgiveness.<\/p>\n<p>Your prodigal may be thinking of you as the enemy right now; but when you treat them with kindness and respect, it\u2019s like as Scripture says, you are heaping coals of conviction on their head, and ultimately, on their heart.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019re listening right now, and <em>you\u2019re<\/em> the prodigal. Just know that, no matter what has happened to push you away, there are people, who love you and are grieved by that lost relationship with you. I know it won\u2019t be easy to mend those fences\u2014and you\u2019ll never get back those years that were lost\u2014but God can, and will, restore what the locusts have stolen. And then the end of the story of the prodigal son in the Bible, the father was <em>waiting<\/em> expectantly for the return of his son. That\u2019s probably what your family is doing right now: waiting expectantly for you to return, <em>and<\/em> praying for you.<\/p>\n<p>Coming up next week on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>, we are going to talk about the gospel. Bob Lepine is going to join us. If Bob\u2019s in the chair, and he\u2019s sharing the gospel with us, it will be some good, gold stuff; so please join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the co-founder of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, the president, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch; to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator. And Raven Simmons is our production intern.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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