{"id":307208,"date":"2021-08-25T07:00:06","date_gmt":"2021-08-25T11:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/parenting-kids-with-anxiety\/"},"modified":"2025-04-17T12:58:36","modified_gmt":"2025-04-17T16:58:36","slug":"parenting-kids-with-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-kids-with-anxiety\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting Kids With Anxiety"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We want to help our kids with their anxiety, but how? Sissy Goff talks about when our children might need counseling, the voices that speak into their lives, and the hope we have in the Lord.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We want to help our kids with their anxiety, but how? Sissy Goff talks about when our children might need counseling, the voices that speak into their lives, and the hope we have in the Lord.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-08-25.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:36","filesize":"29.85M","filesize_raw":"31302921","date_recorded":"2021-08-25 07:00:06","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853,2873,2836],"tags":[4008,4292,4798],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9158],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307208","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-frazzled-family","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","category-raising-girls","tag-anxiety","tag-children","tag-kids","cwp_profile-sissy-goff","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307208\/parenting-kids-with-anxiety","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307208\/parenting-kids-with-anxiety","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"r9F18CIK5e\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-kids-with-anxiety\/\">Parenting Kids With Anxiety<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-kids-with-anxiety\/embed\/#?secret=r9F18CIK5e\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Parenting Kids With Anxiety&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"r9F18CIK5e\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-08-25.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-08-25.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I feel like you have never been anxious. I feel like you\u2019re one of the most laid-back, easygoing people I know. Is that true?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s close in prayer, and we\u2019ll be done. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> We have Sissy Goff with us, again, back on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Glad you\u2019re with us again.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Me too! I could do ten of these! It\u2019s just so fun to talk to you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, don\u2019t tempt us! We totally could! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I like where we\u2019re going today. We\u2019re going to get into some real practical things. And we <em>have<\/em> been doing that, Sissy\u2014you\u2019ve given us some real tools; you\u2019ve given us help with our daughters, with our sons, and really with us as parents, of knowing what to do\u2014so we want to dive deeper into that today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; Sissy\u2019s a therapist, and she\u2019s been counseling us for the last\/for this whole week! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> If you haven\u2019t listened to our earlier podcasts this week, go back and listen to them; because they\u2019re <em>really<\/em> helpful.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Her latest book is called <em>Brave: A Teen Girl\u2019s Guide to Beating Worry and Anxiety<\/em>. We\u2019ve had a great time this week talking about all kinds of things.<\/p>\n<p>I thought it was just going to be adolescent girls or boys, but it\u2019s also <em>us<\/em>. I mean, we\u2019re talking about the places we <em>live<\/em>; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> That\u2019s been one of the most fun kinds of feedback I\u2019ve gotten from folks when they\u2019ve read the books, especially the parent book, <em>Raising Worry-Free Girls<\/em>. So many parents have said, \u201cI started reading, <em>for<\/em> my daughter, and realized that I have anxiety, and it\u2019s been so helpful for <em>me<\/em>.\u201d I <em>love<\/em> that; because anything\u2019s going to trickle down, any way we\u2019re learning and growing as grown-ups.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re learning more and more about anxiety now\u2014aren\u2019t we?\u2014than ever before.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Why didn\u2019t we know about it before? What happened?!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t know about so many things before.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, even how the brain functions, and what\u2019s happening neurologically has been really helpful and opened a lot of doors of understanding.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s been interesting; this past month, I\u2019ve had two friends sit with me, talking about their teenage daughters, who have been this joy to raise; they\u2019ve been <em>great<\/em> girls. But now, both moms have 16-year-old daughters\u2014and they are, the first time, struggling really horribly with anxiety and depression\u2014the one mom said, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to do,\u201d and the mom was in tears. As parents, if we\u2019ve walked through this, you know what is creating in your own life, the worry, the fear, and the anxiety in yourself.<\/p>\n<p>But she [mom] was saying she\u2019s [daughter] dropped out of all of her sports; she no longer wants to do <em>anything<\/em> as a family; she\u2019s holed up in her bedroom, won\u2019t come out. The mom was saying, \u201cAnd then the other night, she said, \u2018I don\u2019t see any purpose for me even being here anymore,\u2019\u201d which then, as a parent, that escalates <em>all<\/em> of our fear and anxiety.<\/p>\n<p>The other one said, \u201cMy daughter just found out that she has a learning disability. She\u2019s struggling being back in school now;\u201d\u2014after the pandemic\u2014\u201cand this anxiety has risen, and we don\u2019t know what to do,\u201d\u2014again\u2014\u201cShe doesn\u2019t want to do <em>anything<\/em>, and she doesn\u2019t talk to us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I have felt ill-equipped in the past, other than saying, \u201cMan, I\u2019m going to be praying; I\u2019m going to be <em>fasting<\/em> for your daughter.\u201d I\u2019ve heard of some resources, but I feel like today we can really give some great resources.<\/p>\n<p>As parents, I think we all have the question: \u201cWhen should we take our kids to a therapist? How do we know?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I think my answer today would be different than it would have been pre-pandemic.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> What we saw\u2014we talked about this a little bit before\u2014going <em>into<\/em> the pandemic, I was most worried about elementary-age girls, because they were the ones who were feeling <em>so much<\/em> anxiety. Then, as it started [pandemic]\u2014adolescents\u2014anxiety just skyrocketed in them; and then they ended up being isolated. As we all know, for teenagers, I think what brings them to <em>life<\/em> are their peers so much of the time. So all of this has done such a number on these kids. So many of the girls that I see have been through exactly the same process that you described.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes; it started as anxiety, and then it went on long enough that it\u2019s bled over into depression.<\/p>\n<p>I think, if you\u2019re listening today, and you\u2019re thinking, \u201cShould I take my child to counseling?\u201d\u2014honestly, I wrote all these anxiety books as kind of a first pass\u2014life if you\u2019re wondering, \u201cCould my child have anxiety?\u2014could this be what\u2019s going on?\u201d then buy the book. I jokingly talk about, in the books, that they\u2019re meant to work people, like me, out of a job. [Laughter] I mean, my hope\u2014it really is.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> It\u2019s like we\u2019ve talked about the first few months of counseling; it\u2019s what I do in my office.<\/p>\n<p>If your child has anxiety\u2014I would start there\u2014or you think they might. Then, if you\u2019re using these strategies\u2014because there are some real practical things\u2014if you\u2019re doing that for three months, and it feels like you\u2019re making no progress, that\u2019s when I would call somebody.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> <em>But<\/em> if it feels like it\u2019s spilling over into depression, especially\u2014the times I get most concerned about adolescents is when they\u2019re isolating\u2014let me give a caveat to that, because teenagers are tricky. You all know; you\u2019ve raised them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> They\u2019re pulling away.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> They\u2019re pulling away; and they want more privacy than they\u2019ve ever wanted, <em>and<\/em> they\u2019re less responsive at home than anywhere else.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> They <em>look<\/em> depressed when they\u2019re with you, just by nature of being teenagers. We have a book called <em>Raising Girls<\/em>. We call girls in those years \u201cthe narcissistic years\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I mean, they just <em>are<\/em>; they\u2019re difficult. A lot of that\u2019s happening inside of them\u2014and they <em>feel<\/em> it too\u2014it\u2019s not just on us.<\/p>\n<p>But when I get concerned about a teenager is when it\u2019s not just at home:\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> \u2014when their sadness\/when their sullenness exists among their friends; when the things that they have loved don\u2019t feel like they bring them pleasure anymore; when they\u2019re pulling out of activities; and especially, if they say anything like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be here anymore; life doesn\u2019t feel worth it\u201d; if they\u2019re hurting themselves in any way\u2014I would immediately pick up the phone and call a counselor.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; how do we know?\u2014what\u2019s the difference between anxiety and depression?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Depression often is more of that kind of lifelessness\u2014it\u2019s a <em>withdrawal<\/em> from a lot of things\u2014it\u2019s sadness that they just can\u2019t shake.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy: <\/strong>Whereas, anxiety will really kind of ramp them up more, typically, and they\u2019re more agitated; it\u2019s going to come out as anger. You\u2019re hearing them talk about certain themes over, and over, and over, like we talked about that loop. There are certain things that you can tell are making them more anxious.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> As you\u2019re sitting, either with a parent or with a\/let\u2019s go with an adolescent girl\u2014we\u2019re on teenage girls; so let\u2019s talk about a 13-, 14-, 15-year-old girl\u2014and it <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> seem to be getting through\u2014I mean, do you ever find like it\u2019s getting blocked?<\/p>\n<p>I know, as parents, sometimes we <em>feel<\/em> that: \u201cI\u2019m saying the right things,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m getting around the right people, and it just seems to be blocked.\u201d What do you do? At least, help us understand what\u2019s happening. Why can\u2019t we seem to make progress in the anxiety, and the worry, and the fear, and maybe even depression?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I think, often, it\u2019s simply because of development. Our voices get quieter and other voices get louder for them, particularly their peers. I think adolescence is when we want them to have other voices that we trust in their lives. It\u2019s such an important time to pull in\u2014which is where coaches have so much impact, teachers, youth group leaders\u2014any other grown-ups that you trust that can speak truth into their life.<\/p>\n<p>I think that\u2019s where a counselor\u2014I mean, it\u2019s in the <em>thousands<\/em> the amount of times, over the years, that I have said something to a child\u2014that their parent comes back to me and says: \u201cWell, they said you told them, \u2018Blah, blah, blah,\u2019\u201d and \u201cI have told them that<\/p>\n<p>400 times in the last year.\u201d But, because I\u2019m a new voice, they\u2019ll hear it differently.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019ve said that about our kids over and over again\u2014where they\u2019ll be teenagers and they have mentors in their life\u2014and they come home with this <em>profound<\/em> thing their mentor has said. [Laughter] We\u2019re like, \u201cAre you kidding me?\u201d\u2014we said this alone in our bedroom\u2014\u201cWe have said that a <em>million<\/em> times, and they never even heard it; but <em>this<\/em> person\u2026\u201d But we are <em>thrilled<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014because we don\u2019t care who it\u2019s coming from\u2014we just want them to get it and to hear it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I <em>love<\/em> that you would say that you\u2019re thrilled, because I think it\u2019s <em>painful<\/em> sometimes for parents.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; you feel rejected.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Right; developmentally, they\u2019re pulling away from you, as they are supposed to; they\u2019re individuating. And then, all of a sudden, they\u2019re coming home, talking about this teacher all the time; or their best friend\u2019s mom, who they think is the coolest mom that\u2019s ever been on the face of the earth! And you don\u2019t want to hear another word about her!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I actually had a mom say this to me one time\u2014I thought it was so fascinating\u2014because I think it\u2019s intuitively what I have felt, and I\u2019ve never heard anybody put words to.<\/p>\n<p>She sat down\u2014and her son was seeing David Thomas, who I\u2019ve talked about before, kind of my counterpart\u2014she said\/the first time I ever met her, she said, \u201cOkay, Sissy, I just need to tell you the deal.\u201d She said: \u201cMy son is seeing David Thomas and has seen him for a couple years,\u201d and \u201cI am so grateful for David in his life, because my ex-husband does <em>not<\/em> know how to talk about feelings. So he needs a man that can talk about feelings with him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She said, \u201cI am now bringing my 13-year-old daughter to you, because I know she needs other voices; but let me tell you that you <em>threaten<\/em> me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> She said, \u201cBecause right at the time in her life that she\u2019s going to stop talking to me, I\u2019m bringing her to you so she\u2019ll start talking to you; and I\u2019m paying you for it.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s so true! You\u2019re getting a bummer of a deal in a lot of ways!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> But that\u2019s a brave parent.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> It\u2019s a <em>brave<\/em> parent.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> You talk about two things that are required to break free of anxiety in your book\u2014you say persistence and determination\u2014talk about those. What does that mean?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Often, kids will come back, or parents will come back, and say, \u201cThe tools didn\u2019t work.\u201d It\u2019s because they tried it for a week or two weeks. Like we talked about before\u2014about how the amygdala becomes hyper-responsive\u2014also, our brains create these well-worn pathways\/neural pathways; so it takes a <em>long<\/em> time to change behavior and to change the way that our brains think. It is not an easy\/you don\u2019t just think, \u201cI\u2019m going to get over this anxiety. I\u2019m going to do this two times, and I\u2019m going to be better; it\u2019s over.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s good to hear, <em>parents<\/em>. Did you hear that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes, it takes a lot of determination, which is where I think\u2014when we can reward kids; when we can praise kids; when we can have other voices, who are helping echo\/cheering them on\u2014I think all of that is so important, because they\u2019re going to have to hang with it for a long enough period of time to start to see the difference.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Give us a number.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I usually will say\u2014I mean, when families will start in counseling, I will usually say to plan on, at least, three months\u2014if not six months\u2014before you can start to see a difference.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; that\u2019s good to hear.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It is interesting. One of our\u2014you maybe\/maybe don\u2019t know this\u2014one of our taglines for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is we offer: \u201cHelp for today, hope for tomorrow.\u201d Two of the three parts of your book are \u201cHelp\u201d and \u201cHope.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> That\u2019s so true!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I thought that, too, Dave.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I love that!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think we\u2019ve talked a lot about <em>help<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk a little bit about hope\u2014because after days, or weeks, or maybe even months, and you\u2019re not seeing progress with your child\/maybe your daughter or your son, and you sit in that chair with these kids\u2014you lose hope. How do you keep hope when you\u2019re not seeing what you\u2019re hoping to see?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I think, \u201cPray a lot. Pray that God would keep refreshing your vision for where they can be and who they can be.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think having\u2014we\u2019re talking about kids having other voices\u2014I think, as parents, <em>you<\/em> need other voices. You need other people\/friends you can sit with that are cheering you on along the way. I think that\u2019s a <em>huge<\/em> piece of it.<\/p>\n<p>And just being connected to God yourself. I mean, I think you have to\u2014I have always felt like self-care was important for parents\u2014I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> felt like it was as important [as] particularly spiritually. If we\u2019re not receiving, spiritually, we\u2019re not going to have anything to give; and we\u2019re going to run really short on hope. So being connected in that way, I think, is <em>really<\/em> important, that we just anchor to a lot of truth.<\/p>\n<p>I think that\u2019s where, too, circling back to the kids and saying: \u201cHey, I know you have to be frustrated. I can tell it doesn\u2019t feel like things are shifting. What can I do to help?\u201d \u201cWhat would that look like, for me to step in? Would it help for us to create some kind of incentive? Like, when you really feel like you\u2019re past this, differently than you are now\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t mean 100 percent free of it\u2014\u201cwhen you\u2019ve made some real progress, what can we do to celebrate that\u2019s something you can look forward to?\u201d I think kids need things to look forward to.<\/p>\n<p>In the book, I talk about John 16:33, about: \u201cIn this world you will have trouble; but take heart, I have overcome the world.\u201d When I wrote the first two books, one of the things I talked is how I felt like we were seeing this thing happen with kids, where their emotional life\u2014I felt like kids were <em>talking<\/em> about their emotions more; they understood their emotions more than in almost three decades that I\u2019ve been counseling kids\u2014I felt like they were better versed than I\u2019d ever seen them be.<\/p>\n<p>But I felt like their <em>faith<\/em>\u2014the two were running parallel\u2014their faith was <em>not<\/em> intersecting with their emotional lives at all. I didn\u2019t feel the sense of hope in kids\u2014or I felt less of a sense of hope\u2014than I\u2019d ever felt, which really concerned me. I think, when I went back to what might be at the root of it, I felt like part of it was partly because of the social media world that we live in. You know\u2014you think about pre-pandemic\u2014how many hashtags of \u201cLiving my best life\u201d; and how many \u201cBest day ever\u201d\u2014all that stuff. I don\u2019t see that anymore. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, you\u2019re right!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cBest year ever!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Right; yes, exactly. I think that was part of the problem. I think we had stopped\u2014I\u2019ll call myself out\u2014I don\u2019t think <em>I<\/em> was doing a very good job of teaching kids what it looks like to live in a fallen world. So I think, when their life felt fallen\/when they were feeling the effects of sin and pain, I think they felt like: \u201cSomething\u2019s wrong with <em>me<\/em>,\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s <em>only<\/em> me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because the rest of the world seems happy, and beautiful, and wonderful.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> The rest of the world\u2019s living their best life; right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cBut my life looks so dreary and normal.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> \u201cSomething is wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> The truth is: \u201cThe rest of the world <em>isn\u2019t<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> No!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> They\u2019re just pretending.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s just a fa\u00e7ade.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Right; but even the church, it\u2019s what we have been doing, I think, on social media, the way we present things.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll never forget\u2014at Daystar\u2014we have individual counseling; we have groups; and then we have a little summer program called Hopetown for the kids, who are coming to counseling; it\u2019s a little camp. Our director does most of the teaching and devotionals with the kids. She looked at this group of seventh and eighth graders, and said to them, \u201cI don\u2019t know who told you your life wasn\u2019t going to be hard, but they were wrong. It is; we want to <em>expect<\/em> trouble. That\u2019s part of that verse: \u2018In this world you\u2019re going to have <em>trouble<\/em>, but we have <em>hope<\/em>, because He overcame the world [emphasis added].\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think they just <em>weren\u2019t<\/em> grasping that. I really think, leading into it, I felt like it was the least resilient generation of kids I had ever seen. I want to say, very strongly, that I think these kids, [who] have lived through this pandemic, are going to be the most resilient kids we\u2019ve seen in decades.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I am with you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I think they\u2019re going to have more strength and more hope, because they have faced trouble.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> They have had to lean on Jesus. I think their faith will have been strengthened in really profound ways.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> The truth we all know\u2014and yet, it\u2019s hard to let your child go through it, as a parent\u2014is: \u201cAdversity builds character.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It just does!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> \u201cSuffering produces perseverance, perseverance character\u2026\u201d and then it ends with \u201chope\u201d!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Romans 5!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cConsider it joy, my brothers\u201d\u2014and sisters\u2014\u201cwhen you encounter various trials.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I want to echo that: one, God knows <em>exactly<\/em> when they were going to be born, why they were going to be born; He has a purpose and a plan. And our God wins!\u2014like we win! Ultimately, to speak into our kids, \u201cMan, I can\u2019t <em>wait<\/em> to see all that God has for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s hope\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, it is hope.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and help.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes, both.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would say this\u2014wrapping up a week with you, Sissy\u2014it\u2019s been awesome.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014a joy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Oh, for me, too, y\u2019all!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you haven\u2019t just helped us, you\u2019ve helped <em>thousands<\/em>; you really have.<\/p>\n<p>I was thinking, \u201cIf you\u2019re a parent, and you\u2019re really struggling\u2014maybe it\u2019s anxiety; maybe it\u2019s anxiety <em>about<\/em> your children, which we all\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014have.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014boy, we have it every night as a parent; you\u2019re just so gripped with anxiety\u2014I think of Matthew 11:28, which is one of my favorite passages, where Jesus says, \u2018Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden\u2019\u2014that\u2019s like anxiety, that\u2019s worry, that\u2019s carrying burdens for ourselves or for our children\u2014\u2018and I will give you rest.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s part of me that thinks the parent has to lead there <em>first<\/em>. You can\u2019t expect your child to go there if you\u2019ve never. So, man, if you\u2019re struggling, this is your moment to say, \u201cYou know what? I need to lay this down. I need to go to\u2014I am in a world that\u2019s going to be hard and troubled\u2014but there is a Victor, and there is One I can find rest in.\u201d Then I need to model that for my child. Lie in bed at night, put my head on the pillow, and go, \u201cGod, You have her,\u201d\/\u201dYou have him. In fact, You love them and care about them even more than I do; and that\u2019s how I\u2019m going to lead.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the last thing I\u2019ll say: as I was listening this week, I thought, \u201cOh, this is great for parents\u201d; but I thought, \u201cI think it\u2019d be really good for a parent to grab his adolescent daughter, or teenage son or daughter, and listen to these programs <em>together<\/em>; and then say, \u201cLet\u2019s talk.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I love that idea.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s a great idea, Dave.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Can you imagine what your teenage daughter may say? \u201cHey, could you hit pause there? Can we talk about that? Because I feel what Sissy said.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Or maybe if you are not listening together\u2014at least, you both listen\u2014and then come together over a meal, or over a walk, or whatever, and just talk about those things.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; or get the book and read it; or do both.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> As Dave and Ann Wilson just suggested, if you\u2019d like to re-listen to this series with Sissy Goff\u2014listening with your teenage son or daughter, and pausing from time to time to say, \u201cIs that something you\u2019re feeling?\u201d\u2014all of the programs that you hear on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> are available for download, or you can access them as podcasts. You can do that for any series you hear on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and the information\u2019s available there; or look for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> wherever you get podcasts, and subscribe to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. That way, if you\u2019re not able to hear us on air any day, you can always hear us whenever it\u2019s convenient for you. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you have any questions, or just look for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> wherever you go to find podcasts.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re interested in a copy of Sissy Goff\u2019s book, <em>Brave<\/em>, it\u2019s a book we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get your copy. Again, the book is titled <em>Brave: A Teen Girl\u2019s Guide to Beating Worry and Anxiety<\/em> by Sissy Goff. It\u2019s available to you online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to order: 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I know, for many of us, the rhythms of summer are starting to fade away; and the pace is picking up for us in life. That\u2019s happening, here, at FamilyLife. David Robbins, who\u2019s the president of FamilyLife, is here with me. David, we have a lot happening this fall that we\u2019re really excited about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>David: <\/strong>Yes, the summer has been a <em>great<\/em> time to really take space with the Lord, and really seek Him, and trust Him for what He wants us to do in this upcoming fall season and beyond.<\/p>\n<p>We are really in acceleration mode when it comes to new resources that we\u2019re developing. You may have picked up on that we are really trying to provide <em>great<\/em> resources, that are rooted in Scriptures, to help you grow in community as couples or as families. You know, Bob\u2019s recent resource, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, was a small group we did that couples are really enjoying growing together with and watching and processing together. Dave and Ann Wilson had a <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> small group, and there\u2019s one coming this fall called <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em> small group. I can\u2019t wait for you to get exposed to that.<\/p>\n<p>We have some other things cooking that we are <em>really<\/em> excited about when it comes to this year. All of these resources have one purpose in mind, and that is that homes\/people in homes\u2014moms and dads, fathers and sons, husbands and wives\u2014can be <em>anchored<\/em> in Jesus, and who He is, and what He offers.<\/p>\n<p>August ends our fiscal year. This is a very <em>important<\/em> week for us, because we want to end in the <em>black<\/em>. It\u2019s really important that we do that so we can go and accelerate into these new projects that we have, so we would <em>love<\/em> to hear from you this week.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what we\u2019ve been asking listeners to do to help support he ministry of FamilyLife. We\u2019re asking that, in every city where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard, that there would be two families, who would step forward and say, \u201cWe want to join with you as monthly supporters of the ministry\/monthly Legacy Partners.\u201d Legacy Partners pray for this ministry regularly; they make a monthly contribution to support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You really are the people who make sure that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is available in your community and in communities all around the world. You make it possible as a Legacy Partner.<\/p>\n<p>To say, \u201cThank you for your support of the ministry,\u201d we\u2019d like to send you a few thank-you gifts. One is a copy of Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s brand-new book, which is called <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>. In addition, we have a collection of messages from Dave and Ann that we\u2019re making available to you: some of these are messages we\u2019ve featured on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; others are messages listeners have never heard before. And we\u2019d like to send you a certificate so that either you and your spouse, or someone you know who you\u2019d like to gift this to, can be our guest at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. We\u2019re hosting about 30 of these events this fall in cities all across the country. You will be our guests as one of our new Legacy Partners; we\u2019ll send you the certificate for that as a way of saying, \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>To become a Legacy Partner, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We\u2019d just ask you to pray and ask the Lord, \u201cWould You want us to be one of the two new partners in this city?\u201d Then respond as the Lord leads you.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Now, we hope you can join us back tomorrow if you\u2019re a baseball fan\u2014or honestly, even if you\u2019re not\u2014we\u2019re going to hear from a guy, who was at the top of his game, playing baseball for the New York Yankees; but his life was at the bottom. His name is Darryl Strawberry. He and his wife Tracy join us tomorrow with a riveting story of God\u2019s intervention in their lives. I hope you can tune in for that.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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want to help our kids with their anxiety, but how? Sissy Goff talks about when our children might need counseling, the voices that speak into their lives, and the hope we have in the Lord.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-08-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I feel like you have never been anxious. I feel like you\u2019re one of the most laid-back, easygoing people I know. Is that true?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s close in prayer, and we\u2019ll be done. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> We have Sissy Goff with us, again, back on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Glad you\u2019re with us again.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Me too! I could do ten of these! It\u2019s just so fun to talk to you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, don\u2019t tempt us! We totally could! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I like where we\u2019re going today. We\u2019re going to get into some real practical things. And we <em>have<\/em> been doing that, Sissy\u2014you\u2019ve given us some real tools; you\u2019ve given us help with our daughters, with our sons, and really with us as parents, of knowing what to do\u2014so we want to dive deeper into that today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; Sissy\u2019s a therapist, and she\u2019s been counseling us for the last\/for this whole week! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> If you haven\u2019t listened to our earlier podcasts this week, go back and listen to them; because they\u2019re <em>really<\/em> helpful.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Her latest book is called <em>Brave: A Teen Girl\u2019s Guide to Beating Worry and Anxiety<\/em>. We\u2019ve had a great time this week talking about all kinds of things.<\/p>\n<p>I thought it was just going to be adolescent girls or boys, but it\u2019s also <em>us<\/em>. I mean, we\u2019re talking about the places we <em>live<\/em>; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> That\u2019s been one of the most fun kinds of feedback I\u2019ve gotten from folks when they\u2019ve read the books, especially the parent book, <em>Raising Worry-Free Girls<\/em>. So many parents have said, \u201cI started reading, <em>for<\/em> my daughter, and realized that I have anxiety, and it\u2019s been so helpful for <em>me<\/em>.\u201d I <em>love<\/em> that; because anything\u2019s going to trickle down, any way we\u2019re learning and growing as grown-ups.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re learning more and more about anxiety now\u2014aren\u2019t we?\u2014than ever before.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Why didn\u2019t we know about it before? What happened?!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t know about so many things before.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, even how the brain functions, and what\u2019s happening neurologically has been really helpful and opened a lot of doors of understanding.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s been interesting; this past month, I\u2019ve had two friends sit with me, talking about their teenage daughters, who have been this joy to raise; they\u2019ve been <em>great<\/em> girls. But now, both moms have 16-year-old daughters\u2014and they are, the first time, struggling really horribly with anxiety and depression\u2014the one mom said, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to do,\u201d and the mom was in tears. As parents, if we\u2019ve walked through this, you know what is creating in your own life, the worry, the fear, and the anxiety in yourself.<\/p>\n<p>But she [mom] was saying she\u2019s [daughter] dropped out of all of her sports; she no longer wants to do <em>anything<\/em> as a family; she\u2019s holed up in her bedroom, won\u2019t come out. The mom was saying, \u201cAnd then the other night, she said, \u2018I don\u2019t see any purpose for me even being here anymore,\u2019\u201d which then, as a parent, that escalates <em>all<\/em> of our fear and anxiety.<\/p>\n<p>The other one said, \u201cMy daughter just found out that she has a learning disability. She\u2019s struggling being back in school now;\u201d\u2014after the pandemic\u2014\u201cand this anxiety has risen, and we don\u2019t know what to do,\u201d\u2014again\u2014\u201cShe doesn\u2019t want to do <em>anything<\/em>, and she doesn\u2019t talk to us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I have felt ill-equipped in the past, other than saying, \u201cMan, I\u2019m going to be praying; I\u2019m going to be <em>fasting<\/em> for your daughter.\u201d I\u2019ve heard of some resources, but I feel like today we can really give some great resources.<\/p>\n<p>As parents, I think we all have the question: \u201cWhen should we take our kids to a therapist? How do we know?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I think my answer today would be different than it would have been pre-pandemic.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> What we saw\u2014we talked about this a little bit before\u2014going <em>into<\/em> the pandemic, I was most worried about elementary-age girls, because they were the ones who were feeling <em>so much<\/em> anxiety. Then, as it started [pandemic]\u2014adolescents\u2014anxiety just skyrocketed in them; and then they ended up being isolated. As we all know, for teenagers, I think what brings them to <em>life<\/em> are their peers so much of the time. So all of this has done such a number on these kids. So many of the girls that I see have been through exactly the same process that you described.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes; it started as anxiety, and then it went on long enough that it\u2019s bled over into depression.<\/p>\n<p>I think, if you\u2019re listening today, and you\u2019re thinking, \u201cShould I take my child to counseling?\u201d\u2014honestly, I wrote all these anxiety books as kind of a first pass\u2014life if you\u2019re wondering, \u201cCould my child have anxiety?\u2014could this be what\u2019s going on?\u201d then buy the book. I jokingly talk about, in the books, that they\u2019re meant to work people, like me, out of a job. [Laughter] I mean, my hope\u2014it really is.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> It\u2019s like we\u2019ve talked about the first few months of counseling; it\u2019s what I do in my office.<\/p>\n<p>If your child has anxiety\u2014I would start there\u2014or you think they might. Then, if you\u2019re using these strategies\u2014because there are some real practical things\u2014if you\u2019re doing that for three months, and it feels like you\u2019re making no progress, that\u2019s when I would call somebody.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> <em>But<\/em> if it feels like it\u2019s spilling over into depression, especially\u2014the times I get most concerned about adolescents is when they\u2019re isolating\u2014let me give a caveat to that, because teenagers are tricky. You all know; you\u2019ve raised them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> They\u2019re pulling away.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> They\u2019re pulling away; and they want more privacy than they\u2019ve ever wanted, <em>and<\/em> they\u2019re less responsive at home than anywhere else.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> They <em>look<\/em> depressed when they\u2019re with you, just by nature of being teenagers. We have a book called <em>Raising Girls<\/em>. We call girls in those years \u201cthe narcissistic years\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I mean, they just <em>are<\/em>; they\u2019re difficult. A lot of that\u2019s happening inside of them\u2014and they <em>feel<\/em> it too\u2014it\u2019s not just on us.<\/p>\n<p>But when I get concerned about a teenager is when it\u2019s not just at home:\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> \u2014when their sadness\/when their sullenness exists among their friends; when the things that they have loved don\u2019t feel like they bring them pleasure anymore; when they\u2019re pulling out of activities; and especially, if they say anything like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be here anymore; life doesn\u2019t feel worth it\u201d; if they\u2019re hurting themselves in any way\u2014I would immediately pick up the phone and call a counselor.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; how do we know?\u2014what\u2019s the difference between anxiety and depression?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Depression often is more of that kind of lifelessness\u2014it\u2019s a <em>withdrawal<\/em> from a lot of things\u2014it\u2019s sadness that they just can\u2019t shake.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy: <\/strong>Whereas, anxiety will really kind of ramp them up more, typically, and they\u2019re more agitated; it\u2019s going to come out as anger. You\u2019re hearing them talk about certain themes over, and over, and over, like we talked about that loop. There are certain things that you can tell are making them more anxious.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> As you\u2019re sitting, either with a parent or with a\/let\u2019s go with an adolescent girl\u2014we\u2019re on teenage girls; so let\u2019s talk about a 13-, 14-, 15-year-old girl\u2014and it <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> seem to be getting through\u2014I mean, do you ever find like it\u2019s getting blocked?<\/p>\n<p>I know, as parents, sometimes we <em>feel<\/em> that: \u201cI\u2019m saying the right things,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m getting around the right people, and it just seems to be blocked.\u201d What do you do? At least, help us understand what\u2019s happening. Why can\u2019t we seem to make progress in the anxiety, and the worry, and the fear, and maybe even depression?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I think, often, it\u2019s simply because of development. Our voices get quieter and other voices get louder for them, particularly their peers. I think adolescence is when we want them to have other voices that we trust in their lives. It\u2019s such an important time to pull in\u2014which is where coaches have so much impact, teachers, youth group leaders\u2014any other grown-ups that you trust that can speak truth into their life.<\/p>\n<p>I think that\u2019s where a counselor\u2014I mean, it\u2019s in the <em>thousands<\/em> the amount of times, over the years, that I have said something to a child\u2014that their parent comes back to me and says: \u201cWell, they said you told them, \u2018Blah, blah, blah,\u2019\u201d and \u201cI have told them that<\/p>\n<p>400 times in the last year.\u201d But, because I\u2019m a new voice, they\u2019ll hear it differently.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019ve said that about our kids over and over again\u2014where they\u2019ll be teenagers and they have mentors in their life\u2014and they come home with this <em>profound<\/em> thing their mentor has said. [Laughter] We\u2019re like, \u201cAre you kidding me?\u201d\u2014we said this alone in our bedroom\u2014\u201cWe have said that a <em>million<\/em> times, and they never even heard it; but <em>this<\/em> person\u2026\u201d But we are <em>thrilled<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014because we don\u2019t care who it\u2019s coming from\u2014we just want them to get it and to hear it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I <em>love<\/em> that you would say that you\u2019re thrilled, because I think it\u2019s <em>painful<\/em> sometimes for parents.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; you feel rejected.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Right; developmentally, they\u2019re pulling away from you, as they are supposed to; they\u2019re individuating. And then, all of a sudden, they\u2019re coming home, talking about this teacher all the time; or their best friend\u2019s mom, who they think is the coolest mom that\u2019s ever been on the face of the earth! And you don\u2019t want to hear another word about her!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I actually had a mom say this to me one time\u2014I thought it was so fascinating\u2014because I think it\u2019s intuitively what I have felt, and I\u2019ve never heard anybody put words to.<\/p>\n<p>She sat down\u2014and her son was seeing David Thomas, who I\u2019ve talked about before, kind of my counterpart\u2014she said\/the first time I ever met her, she said, \u201cOkay, Sissy, I just need to tell you the deal.\u201d She said: \u201cMy son is seeing David Thomas and has seen him for a couple years,\u201d and \u201cI am so grateful for David in his life, because my ex-husband does <em>not<\/em> know how to talk about feelings. So he needs a man that can talk about feelings with him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She said, \u201cI am now bringing my 13-year-old daughter to you, because I know she needs other voices; but let me tell you that you <em>threaten<\/em> me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> She said, \u201cBecause right at the time in her life that she\u2019s going to stop talking to me, I\u2019m bringing her to you so she\u2019ll start talking to you; and I\u2019m paying you for it.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s so true! You\u2019re getting a bummer of a deal in a lot of ways!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> But that\u2019s a brave parent.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> It\u2019s a <em>brave<\/em> parent.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> You talk about two things that are required to break free of anxiety in your book\u2014you say persistence and determination\u2014talk about those. What does that mean?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Often, kids will come back, or parents will come back, and say, \u201cThe tools didn\u2019t work.\u201d It\u2019s because they tried it for a week or two weeks. Like we talked about before\u2014about how the amygdala becomes hyper-responsive\u2014also, our brains create these well-worn pathways\/neural pathways; so it takes a <em>long<\/em> time to change behavior and to change the way that our brains think. It is not an easy\/you don\u2019t just think, \u201cI\u2019m going to get over this anxiety. I\u2019m going to do this two times, and I\u2019m going to be better; it\u2019s over.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s good to hear, <em>parents<\/em>. Did you hear that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes, it takes a lot of determination, which is where I think\u2014when we can reward kids; when we can praise kids; when we can have other voices, who are helping echo\/cheering them on\u2014I think all of that is so important, because they\u2019re going to have to hang with it for a long enough period of time to start to see the difference.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Give us a number.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I usually will say\u2014I mean, when families will start in counseling, I will usually say to plan on, at least, three months\u2014if not six months\u2014before you can start to see a difference.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; that\u2019s good to hear.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It is interesting. One of our\u2014you maybe\/maybe don\u2019t know this\u2014one of our taglines for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is we offer: \u201cHelp for today, hope for tomorrow.\u201d Two of the three parts of your book are \u201cHelp\u201d and \u201cHope.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> That\u2019s so true!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I thought that, too, Dave.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I love that!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think we\u2019ve talked a lot about <em>help<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk a little bit about hope\u2014because after days, or weeks, or maybe even months, and you\u2019re not seeing progress with your child\/maybe your daughter or your son, and you sit in that chair with these kids\u2014you lose hope. How do you keep hope when you\u2019re not seeing what you\u2019re hoping to see?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I think, \u201cPray a lot. Pray that God would keep refreshing your vision for where they can be and who they can be.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think having\u2014we\u2019re talking about kids having other voices\u2014I think, as parents, <em>you<\/em> need other voices. You need other people\/friends you can sit with that are cheering you on along the way. I think that\u2019s a <em>huge<\/em> piece of it.<\/p>\n<p>And just being connected to God yourself. I mean, I think you have to\u2014I have always felt like self-care was important for parents\u2014I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> felt like it was as important [as] particularly spiritually. If we\u2019re not receiving, spiritually, we\u2019re not going to have anything to give; and we\u2019re going to run really short on hope. So being connected in that way, I think, is <em>really<\/em> important, that we just anchor to a lot of truth.<\/p>\n<p>I think that\u2019s where, too, circling back to the kids and saying: \u201cHey, I know you have to be frustrated. I can tell it doesn\u2019t feel like things are shifting. What can I do to help?\u201d \u201cWhat would that look like, for me to step in? Would it help for us to create some kind of incentive? Like, when you really feel like you\u2019re past this, differently than you are now\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t mean 100 percent free of it\u2014\u201cwhen you\u2019ve made some real progress, what can we do to celebrate that\u2019s something you can look forward to?\u201d I think kids need things to look forward to.<\/p>\n<p>In the book, I talk about John 16:33, about: \u201cIn this world you will have trouble; but take heart, I have overcome the world.\u201d When I wrote the first two books, one of the things I talked is how I felt like we were seeing this thing happen with kids, where their emotional life\u2014I felt like kids were <em>talking<\/em> about their emotions more; they understood their emotions more than in almost three decades that I\u2019ve been counseling kids\u2014I felt like they were better versed than I\u2019d ever seen them be.<\/p>\n<p>But I felt like their <em>faith<\/em>\u2014the two were running parallel\u2014their faith was <em>not<\/em> intersecting with their emotional lives at all. I didn\u2019t feel the sense of hope in kids\u2014or I felt less of a sense of hope\u2014than I\u2019d ever felt, which really concerned me. I think, when I went back to what might be at the root of it, I felt like part of it was partly because of the social media world that we live in. You know\u2014you think about pre-pandemic\u2014how many hashtags of \u201cLiving my best life\u201d; and how many \u201cBest day ever\u201d\u2014all that stuff. I don\u2019t see that anymore. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, you\u2019re right!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cBest year ever!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Right; yes, exactly. I think that was part of the problem. I think we had stopped\u2014I\u2019ll call myself out\u2014I don\u2019t think <em>I<\/em> was doing a very good job of teaching kids what it looks like to live in a fallen world. So I think, when their life felt fallen\/when they were feeling the effects of sin and pain, I think they felt like: \u201cSomething\u2019s wrong with <em>me<\/em>,\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s <em>only<\/em> me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because the rest of the world seems happy, and beautiful, and wonderful.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> The rest of the world\u2019s living their best life; right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cBut my life looks so dreary and normal.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> \u201cSomething is wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> The truth is: \u201cThe rest of the world <em>isn\u2019t<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> No!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> They\u2019re just pretending.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s just a fa\u00e7ade.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Right; but even the church, it\u2019s what we have been doing, I think, on social media, the way we present things.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll never forget\u2014at Daystar\u2014we have individual counseling; we have groups; and then we have a little summer program called Hopetown for the kids, who are coming to counseling; it\u2019s a little camp. Our director does most of the teaching and devotionals with the kids. She looked at this group of seventh and eighth graders, and said to them, \u201cI don\u2019t know who told you your life wasn\u2019t going to be hard, but they were wrong. It is; we want to <em>expect<\/em> trouble. That\u2019s part of that verse: \u2018In this world you\u2019re going to have <em>trouble<\/em>, but we have <em>hope<\/em>, because He overcame the world [emphasis added].\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think they just <em>weren\u2019t<\/em> grasping that. I really think, leading into it, I felt like it was the least resilient generation of kids I had ever seen. I want to say, very strongly, that I think these kids, [who] have lived through this pandemic, are going to be the most resilient kids we\u2019ve seen in decades.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I am with you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I think they\u2019re going to have more strength and more hope, because they have faced trouble.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> They have had to lean on Jesus. I think their faith will have been strengthened in really profound ways.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> The truth we all know\u2014and yet, it\u2019s hard to let your child go through it, as a parent\u2014is: \u201cAdversity builds character.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It just does!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> \u201cSuffering produces perseverance, perseverance character\u2026\u201d and then it ends with \u201chope\u201d!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Romans 5!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cConsider it joy, my brothers\u201d\u2014and sisters\u2014\u201cwhen you encounter various trials.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I want to echo that: one, God knows <em>exactly<\/em> when they were going to be born, why they were going to be born; He has a purpose and a plan. And our God wins!\u2014like we win! Ultimately, to speak into our kids, \u201cMan, I can\u2019t <em>wait<\/em> to see all that God has for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s hope\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, it is hope.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and help.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Yes, both.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would say this\u2014wrapping up a week with you, Sissy\u2014it\u2019s been awesome.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014a joy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> Oh, for me, too, y\u2019all!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you haven\u2019t just helped us, you\u2019ve helped <em>thousands<\/em>; you really have.<\/p>\n<p>I was thinking, \u201cIf you\u2019re a parent, and you\u2019re really struggling\u2014maybe it\u2019s anxiety; maybe it\u2019s anxiety <em>about<\/em> your children, which we all\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014have.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014boy, we have it every night as a parent; you\u2019re just so gripped with anxiety\u2014I think of Matthew 11:28, which is one of my favorite passages, where Jesus says, \u2018Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden\u2019\u2014that\u2019s like anxiety, that\u2019s worry, that\u2019s carrying burdens for ourselves or for our children\u2014\u2018and I will give you rest.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s part of me that thinks the parent has to lead there <em>first<\/em>. You can\u2019t expect your child to go there if you\u2019ve never. So, man, if you\u2019re struggling, this is your moment to say, \u201cYou know what? I need to lay this down. I need to go to\u2014I am in a world that\u2019s going to be hard and troubled\u2014but there is a Victor, and there is One I can find rest in.\u201d Then I need to model that for my child. Lie in bed at night, put my head on the pillow, and go, \u201cGod, You have her,\u201d\/\u201dYou have him. In fact, You love them and care about them even more than I do; and that\u2019s how I\u2019m going to lead.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the last thing I\u2019ll say: as I was listening this week, I thought, \u201cOh, this is great for parents\u201d; but I thought, \u201cI think it\u2019d be really good for a parent to grab his adolescent daughter, or teenage son or daughter, and listen to these programs <em>together<\/em>; and then say, \u201cLet\u2019s talk.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sissy:<\/strong> I love that idea.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s a great idea, Dave.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Can you imagine what your teenage daughter may say? \u201cHey, could you hit pause there? Can we talk about that? Because I feel what Sissy said.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Or maybe if you are not listening together\u2014at least, you both listen\u2014and then come together over a meal, or over a walk, or whatever, and just talk about those things.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; or get the book and read it; or do both.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> As Dave and Ann Wilson just suggested, if you\u2019d like to re-listen to this series with Sissy Goff\u2014listening with your teenage son or daughter, and pausing from time to time to say, \u201cIs that something you\u2019re feeling?\u201d\u2014all of the programs that you hear on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> are available for download, or you can access them as podcasts. You can do that for any series you hear on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and the information\u2019s available there; or look for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> wherever you get podcasts, and subscribe to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. That way, if you\u2019re not able to hear us on air any day, you can always hear us whenever it\u2019s convenient for you. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you have any questions, or just look for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> wherever you go to find podcasts.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re interested in a copy of Sissy Goff\u2019s book, <em>Brave<\/em>, it\u2019s a book we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get your copy. Again, the book is titled <em>Brave: A Teen Girl\u2019s Guide to Beating Worry and Anxiety<\/em> by Sissy Goff. It\u2019s available to you online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to order: 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I know, for many of us, the rhythms of summer are starting to fade away; and the pace is picking up for us in life. That\u2019s happening, here, at FamilyLife. David Robbins, who\u2019s the president of FamilyLife, is here with me. David, we have a lot happening this fall that we\u2019re really excited about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>David: <\/strong>Yes, the summer has been a <em>great<\/em> time to really take space with the Lord, and really seek Him, and trust Him for what He wants us to do in this upcoming fall season and beyond.<\/p>\n<p>We are really in acceleration mode when it comes to new resources that we\u2019re developing. You may have picked up on that we are really trying to provide <em>great<\/em> resources, that are rooted in Scriptures, to help you grow in community as couples or as families. You know, Bob\u2019s recent resource, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, was a small group we did that couples are really enjoying growing together with and watching and processing together. Dave and Ann Wilson had a <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> small group, and there\u2019s one coming this fall called <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em> small group. I can\u2019t wait for you to get exposed to that.<\/p>\n<p>We have some other things cooking that we are <em>really<\/em> excited about when it comes to this year. All of these resources have one purpose in mind, and that is that homes\/people in homes\u2014moms and dads, fathers and sons, husbands and wives\u2014can be <em>anchored<\/em> in Jesus, and who He is, and what He offers.<\/p>\n<p>August ends our fiscal year. This is a very <em>important<\/em> week for us, because we want to end in the <em>black<\/em>. It\u2019s really important that we do that so we can go and accelerate into these new projects that we have, so we would <em>love<\/em> to hear from you this week.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what we\u2019ve been asking listeners to do to help support he ministry of FamilyLife. We\u2019re asking that, in every city where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard, that there would be two families, who would step forward and say, \u201cWe want to join with you as monthly supporters of the ministry\/monthly Legacy Partners.\u201d Legacy Partners pray for this ministry regularly; they make a monthly contribution to support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You really are the people who make sure that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is available in your community and in communities all around the world. You make it possible as a Legacy Partner.<\/p>\n<p>To say, \u201cThank you for your support of the ministry,\u201d we\u2019d like to send you a few thank-you gifts. One is a copy of Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s brand-new book, which is called <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>. In addition, we have a collection of messages from Dave and Ann that we\u2019re making available to you: some of these are messages we\u2019ve featured on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; others are messages listeners have never heard before. And we\u2019d like to send you a certificate so that either you and your spouse, or someone you know who you\u2019d like to gift this to, can be our guest at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. We\u2019re hosting about 30 of these events this fall in cities all across the country. You will be our guests as one of our new Legacy Partners; we\u2019ll send you the certificate for that as a way of saying, \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>To become a Legacy Partner, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We\u2019d just ask you to pray and ask the Lord, \u201cWould You want us to be one of the two new partners in this city?\u201d Then respond as the Lord leads you.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Now, we hope you can join us back tomorrow if you\u2019re a baseball fan\u2014or honestly, even if you\u2019re not\u2014we\u2019re going to hear from a guy, who was at the top of his game, playing baseball for the New York Yankees; but his life was at the bottom. His name is Darryl Strawberry. He and his wife Tracy join us tomorrow with a riveting story of God\u2019s intervention in their lives. I hope you can tune in for that.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307208","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307208"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307208"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307208"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307208"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307208"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307208"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307208"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}