{"id":307193,"date":"2021-08-09T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2021-08-09T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/loving-your-sons\/"},"modified":"2021-08-09T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2021-08-09T11:00:04","slug":"loving-your-sons","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loving-your-sons\/","title":{"rendered":"Loving Your Sons"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It can be easy to love our boys when they are really little. Matt and Lisa Jacobson give us practical ideas for loving them throughout their whole lives.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-08-09.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:52","filesize":"30.09M","filesize_raw":"31551591","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2835],"tags":[4798,2209],"podcast_series":[8464],"cwp_profile":[9630],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307193","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-raising-boys","tag-kids","tag-parenting","podcast_series-100-ways-to-love-your-son-or-daughter","cwp_profile-matt-and-lisa-jacobson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307193\/loving-your-sons","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307193\/loving-your-sons","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"JoRvpOudew\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loving-your-sons\/\">Loving Your Sons<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loving-your-sons\/embed\/#?secret=JoRvpOudew\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Loving Your Sons&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"JoRvpOudew\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"It can be easy to love our boys when they are really little. Matt and Lisa Jacobson give us practical ideas for loving them throughout their whole lives.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-08-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay, honey, as you think about my job as a dad with our sons\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh good! This is a good topic. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014don\u2019t critique me\u2014I just want to, on a scale of 1 to 10\u2014yes, I guess this is an invitation to critique me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Scale of 1 to 10, how did I do, loving our sons? Oh boy, the pause means not good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think you were good at that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Then why did you pause?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Eight; is that bad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; 8; I\u2019d take an 8 any day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, as I was thinking about it, I thought\u2014and I\u2019ve said this\u2014it was easier I feel like for me to love them when they were little boys. As they became <em>men<\/em>, it should have been the same; but if <em>felt harder<\/em> to love them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Was it awkward? What do you think that was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know exactly what it was; because today, we get help with this. That\u2019s why I\u2019m bringing it up; because I felt like it was man to man, and it felt different. It shouldn\u2019t have, but it felt different to me. Again, I\u2019m not making an excuse; I\u2019m introducing a topic, because we\u2019ve got two experts on this\u2014you guys\u2014Matt and Lisa Jacobson. Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Thank you so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> It\u2019s great to be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, we\u2019re really glad to have you back here. You know, you were the gurus of 100 ways\u2014[Laughter]\u2014you have <em>100 Ways to Love Your Husband<\/em>; <em>100 Ways to Love Your Wife<\/em>\u2014those were previous books; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And now, you\u2019ve come out with: <em>100 Ways to Love Your Son<\/em>; <em>100 Ways to Love Your Daughter<\/em>. We get to talk about sons for this time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust to introduce you a little bit: you\u2019re not just authors; you\u2019re speakers. You planted a church; involved in that. You\u2019ve got eight kids. You\u2019ve got Faithful Man.com, and you do a podcast. Tell us about your podcast; because I started listening to it, and I thought it was <em>fantastic<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Awesome; thanks so much. Yes; it\u2019s called <em>Faithful Life<\/em> podcast. It is essentially about living a faithful life in your personal life with God, in your life with your spouse, and how you\u2019re walking together. It\u2019s really just practical Christian living; that\u2019s really what it is. I like how you describe it in terms of talking, Dave, about: \u201cHey, I know this intellectually,\u201d or \u201cI understand, but what does it mean on Monday morning when normal life has taken over?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014real life hits you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Lisa\u2019s the founder and host of Club31Women.com. What is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> It\u2019s a resource\u2014it\u2019s a blog\u2014but it also has lots of other ministries and books that go with it. It\u2019s encouraging women in their biblical walk just as\u2014if they\u2019re a mother, if they\u2019re a wife, if they\u2019re a daughter\u2014it\u2019s to all ages. And again, the idea is very practical biblical encouragement; because sometimes, we\u2019ll know a verse, or we\u2019ll know we\u2019re supposed to be this way: \u201cBut how does that look like?\u201d and \u201cWhat are some ways that I can be more truthful, more kind\u201d\u2014all those kinds of things\u2014\u201cinto your home\/into your daily life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did you two end up with the 100 ways? Actually, I think\u2014and obviously, you do, too\u2014it\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> way to write a book, because there are little nuggets; they\u2019re almost like a devo. But again, I would be like: \u201cI can write five\u201d; I don\u2019t know if I can write a hundred. [Laughter] You come up with 100 on many different topics; and they\u2019re very easy to read, and they\u2019re so practical. So how did you end up on 100 ways?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of <em>great<\/em> books out there that talk about the <em>big<\/em> concepts\u2014the kinds of parents you want to be; or maybe the kind of\u2014in the case of our marriage books\u2014the kind of marriage you want to have. Let\u2019s just say it\u2019s communication; you\u2019re like: \u201cOkay, I know I need to communicate better. I need to communicate more lovingly.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then you\u2014you know, you read this great book; you put the book down\u2014and you go out there to your kids, in this case, and then you go: \u201cAhh! I don\u2019t know what to say,\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t know what this looks like. I just need a little bite of something that I can start, today, making a difference in my home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> That\u2019s basically how we broke it down into these little bite-size pieces.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> The thing is: a great relationship is built with a lot of every-day moments. So when you get into the <em>100 Ways to Love Your Son<\/em> book, you find that it isn\u2019t this deep tone that you\u2019ve got to just commit to getting through, it\u2019s really just bite-sized instruction on <em>very<\/em> practical things. You can read a page or two at a time, and then you can think about that\/you can apply it. The book will give you, maybe, a way to change your thinking. It\u2019ll give you something specific\/something concrete to do, and you can just employ that in your relationship with your son. It\u2019s very practical\/very doable; it\u2019s bite-sized.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s little, and there\u2019s simple things you can do. Today, we\u2019re going to look at: \u201cHow do we communicate to our sons that we love them and that they are loved?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, when I started this book, I found it easy\u2014maybe not easy\u2014but I found it easier for me, when they were little boys, to hug them; to lay in bed with them; to say, \u201cI love you.\u201d I didn\u2019t have a dad, so I never had a dad say that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was trying to create a new legacy, and it was <em>awesome<\/em> from what I remember. You\u2019d have to ask our sons how awesome it was. [Laughter] When we wrote our parenting book, we literally said, \u201cWrite in the book,\u201d so they did. They said: \u201cHere\u2019s what worked and what didn\u2019t work\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I struggled, I feel like, as they became teenagers. I don\u2019t think I did a bad job of it, but it was <em>awkward<\/em>. It felt a little awkward to even say those kinds of things. Let\u2019s dive into that a little bit; because when I picked up your book, I\u2019m like, \u201cYes; this is very, very practical.\u201d I mean, you could pick almost any one of these 100; and you\u2019ve got an assignment for the day. \u201cI\u2019m a guy, just tell me what to do\u201d; and there it was, you know, walking into it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut did you find that, at all, in terms of loving your sons? Was it different when they got older?\u2014same?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Oh, I think it was definitely different for me; absolutely. One of the things that is just a natural part of a son getting older is that he gets into that 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 range there\u2014and it can start early or a little later\u2014but he goes through this process of becoming independent from you. It can feel, to the parent in the moment, as, \u201cHey, you\u2019re pushing back against me; you\u2019re rebelling against me.\u201d That can, certainly, be a part of it; but the truth is there\u2019s a <em>natural<\/em> process that\u2019s taking place there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, obviously, <em>want<\/em> our sons to grow independently, and to become independent of us, in so far as they\u2019re getting ready to lead their life and step out wherever God may be leading them. What I had to do is I had to recognize that, and I won\u2019t say that I recognized it perfectly overall. Lisa and I are a good team and she\u2019s spoken so much into my heart and life on these things. I just really appreciate the perspective that a wife\/my wife\u2014and anybody that you\u2019re married\u2014God gave you your wife for the purpose of blessing you with that added perspective. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I had to get to the place, where I changed how I was thinking about that process. I told myself: \u201cI need to <em>embrace<\/em> this process of them becoming independent.\u201d But before doing that, yes, it was tougher for me; because it did feel like there was this big push-back against Dad\u2019s instruction and suggestions\u2014and not all the time\u2014but it became, I think, naturally that underlying process of them becoming independent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s much easier to love your little kids. They have a lot less life direction, where you see your teenagers making choices. But you get to a place, where you recognize that: \u201cNo, this is a natural process of what is happening\/is they\u2019re growing into manhood and embracing that. The thing about loving your sons that are older is they need just as much love as your kids when they\u2019re younger; it\u2019s just different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; one of the things I love about the book\u2014it isn\u2019t just a father writing\u2014it\u2019s a father <em>and<\/em> mom. Lisa, you wrote this sort of story about how it\u2019s <em>good<\/em> to hug your kids. Talk about that a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> I think that the kids\/they long for it, most of them. I\u2019ve got one kid, who\u2019s not as much of a touchy guy; but I still think he needs it, so he gets his hugs nevertheless. But they do long for that. Sometimes, we\u2019re so quick with words; like we\u2019re a fountain of wisdom, and we can\u2019t wait to just give them that lecture and correct them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany times, I have found just that gentle touch\u2014even just a hand on the shoulder, a gentle pat on the back\u2014says so much; it says, \u201cI love you.\u201d It says, \u201cI\u2019m there with you; I\u2019m standing with you.\u201d It\u2019s very powerful; and we could under-use it unless we use it coyly. I think it\u2019s a\/if you\u2019re a mother, who has a son who\u2019s getting up into his teens, just be really respectful of him as well. Don\u2019t keep doing the little boy thing; they tend to not like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and especially in front of their friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u2014especially in front of their friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Well, just one of the things that also we\u2019ve really tried to do is to recognize that each one of our kids\u2014they\u2019re, literally, a different person\u2014now, that doesn\u2019t exactly need to be a profound statement; [Laughter] but they have a different personality than you. They see things differently; they approach things differently. And a lot of times, I think as parents, we can think of different as wrong because it\u2019s not our way\/it\u2019s not our way of thinking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEspecially as the boys have gotten older, I absolutely have had to grow in that understanding that they see things and do things differently because of the differences in their personalities. We\u2019ve gotten into the habit of just telling them: \u201cYou know what? I love your personality. You\u2019re so different than me. I love how you think; I love how your thought leads you to doing something a different way completely than what I would do.\u201d But we really try to tell them that on a regular basis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s so good to hear; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u201cWe just <em>like<\/em> you as a person.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And that\u2019s really one of the first things you open the book with is that: \u201cSay to them how much you love to be with them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You tell the story\u2014tell that story\u2014because I had a similar experience of <em>her<\/em> [Ann\u2019s] dad, who\u2019s awesome, never saying to me he thought I was awesome; and then one day, I overheard him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, welcome to my life! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I know! [Laughter]\u00a0 I mean, that\u2019s what she grew up with. He\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> guy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He is a great guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and he sort of became <em>my<\/em> father\u2014and he\u2019s my high school coach; but I always sort of wondered, even after we were married, \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t know if Dick really celebrates me.\u201d I heard him one day talking to somebody <em>about<\/em> me, and he was talking like I\u2019m the greatest guy ever! I remember I called him out, like, \u201cYou\u2019ve never even said that to me!\u201d He almost backpedaled, like, \u201cWell, he didn\u2019t think that was something he should do.\u201d He should say it about me to somebody else but not to my face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> That is the irony of being a parent. I don\u2019t know why; but parents so often are ready to celebrate you to a third party\u2014right?\u2014but not directly to you. I grew up in a home, where I just didn\u2019t have a lot of accolated affirmation. I always felt like I was in the way, and felt like I was, maybe, even not wanted, which was not remotely the truth in terms of how my parents felt and, certainly, not later in life. That\u2019s kind of what I grew up with\u2014is that sense\u2014so we really wanted our kids to know: \u201cWe <em>like<\/em> you,\u201d \u201cWe like being <em>with<\/em> you,\u201d \u201cWe love spending time with you,\u201d and that\u2019s a repeat theme in our home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> There\u2019s two things; I know quite a few people that never heard their parents say, \u201cI love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t, growing up; my parents <em>never<\/em> said that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s just <em>assumed<\/em>. It\u2019s not that they didn\u2019t love you, they just didn\u2019t say it. How often we actually need to hear that and repeatedly. But another powerful statement in its own way is that even: \u201cI like you\u201d; because sometimes, we can actually throw out \u201cI love yous\u201d; like our families, I think we over compensate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> We probably do. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But you\u2019re right, Lisa. What about the parent [who\u2019s] thinking, \u201cI really don\u2019t like my kid right now\u201d?\u2014you know, a teenager that feels like they\u2019re rebelling\/they\u2019re pulling away. I\u2019ve heard parents say, \u201cI love you, but I don\u2019t like you right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Maybe she has said that; [Laughter] that\u2019s what she\u2019s really saying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think I have said it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think she\u2019s said it that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Because we all want to be <em>liked<\/em>, which is to say\u2014not just \u201cYou <em>have<\/em> to love me,\u201d\u2014but \u201cDo you really <em>like<\/em> me?\u201d It\u2019s also a very powerful statement to communicate to your child that: \u201cI like you. You\u2019re different; sometimes you make me tear my hair out a little bit, but I like you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was interesting\u2014I think our oldest son was nine\u2014and we put the boys to bed, pray for them, talk to them every night. This one night, I was about to turn off the light; and I said to our oldest, CJ, \u201cI love you so much.\u201d He stops me\u2014I\u2019m walking out\u2014he goes, \u201cMom, Mom.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat?\u201d He said, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to tell me that <em>all<\/em> the time! I know it. You say it <em>over<\/em> and <em>over<\/em>.\u201d And here\u2019s what he says, \u201cYou can just tell me one time, and I know it the rest of my life.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy first thought was, \u201cHis poor wife! Oh, no!\u201d I remember coming back in the room and saying, \u201cOh, thanks for sharing that; but here\u2019s the truth\u2014like I\u2019m going to say it over and over\u2014because I just do. It flows out of me.\u201d I remember saying, \u201cAnd I like you too.\u201d I then said, \u201cAnd the truth is your wife is going to need to hear that over and over, and your kids will need to hear that over and over.\u201d Because, even as a mom, I get insecure; and as people, we get insecure; and we need to be <em>reminded<\/em> of the truth of that [love].\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> One of the things that I like to say\u2014and Lisa and I, in talking with parents, like to remind them\u2014is: \u201cDon\u2019t take the bait\u201d; okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ah, so good; explain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u201cJust don\u2019t take the bait.\u201d Growing up\u2014it\u2019s tough\u2014there\u2019s so many transitions; there\u2019s so many things going on <em>all<\/em> at the same time. If you can\u2014not take the bait and respond from your place of personal hurt, because kids are good at hurting their parents; they really are\u2014if you can choose not to respond that way, and respond in a loving manner, even though they were acting that way, it can really lower the tension in the moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So Lisa, let me ask <em>you<\/em> that question: \u201cWhen I\u2019m talking to moms or dads\u2014and I especially say to moms: \u2018Don\u2019t take it personally,\u2019\u2014how?! Like how do we not take it personally when it <em>really<\/em> hurts\/what they\u2019re saying?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> I think you can take your hurt, and just take it aside, and work through it another time with maybe another person. Matt and I talked to each other quite a bit about this. Actually, we\u2019ve been able to encourage each other: \u201cRemember, this is not about you, even though it <em>feels<\/em> like it\u2019s about you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you don\u2019t have a spouse that\u2019s supportive that way, you can even go to a friend and just say: \u201cMy child said this,\u201d or \u201c\u2026did this; and it just feels like it is a direct attack.\u201d Just encourage each other: \u201cNo, this is not what this is. This is a spiritual battle,\u201d\u2014some cases. And sometimes, the child didn\u2019t even mean that or even think that you might be hurt by that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s always eye-opening to go\u2014later, we might have this conversation, especially if it\u2019s a teen\u2014and just say\/okay, we worked through the situation\u2014but later, we\u2019ll say, \u201cDo you realize, when you said this\u201d or \u201c\u2026did this that feels personal? That feels like\u2026\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you\u2019ll come back to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Yes, we talk about it <em>carefully<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> We will come back to it. We like to say: \u201cNever try to deal with a correction in the moment of emotional intensity\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s so wise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019ve got to get away from that; and two or three days later, when the playing field is level and all the emotions are calmed down, then you can go back and talk about it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know that, as a parent, I\u2019ve been there\u2014I think we all have\u2014where you\u2019re hurt; or something\u2019s done, and you\u2019re thinking, \u201cI need to be the adult here, and I don\u2019t want to be.\u201d [Laughter] It\u2019s like I\u2019m going to respond immaturely, just like my son or daughter did; and yet, it\u2019s like you said, Lisa, it\u2019s one of those moments, where you go: \u201cI\u2019ve got to ask God for help.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, I find it so practical in your book\u2014one of them that just hit me; it\u2019s number eight out of a hundred\u2014\u201cAlways be glad to see your son.\u201d What does that look like?\u2014\u201cAlways be glad\u2026\u201d; because there\u2019s moments\u2014when you\u2019re working, or you\u2019re doing\/you\u2019re in a project, and they walk in\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and they need you, and you\u2019re not really glad in that moment. It\u2019s like I am, but I\u2019m not; I have things going on. How do I be glad when maybe I\u2019m not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Well, one example of this wasn\u2019t even too long ago. I was on a tight deadline, and I had to quickly get some dinner going before I went back to finish up my deadline. Stress was just beaming out of my body. I\u2019m over the stove; and my son came behind me\u2014and he was just kind of wrapping his arms around me\u2014he was about 15. He\u2019s taller than I am; and honestly, every\/like I just bristle; because I\u2019m just like, \u201cGo away! I\u2019m just trying to get this thing done.\u201d But the other part of me goes, \u201cLisa, don\u2019t! You\u2019ll <em>want<\/em> this someday. You\u2019ll <em>miss<\/em> this, so don\u2019t communicate to him, \u2018Go away.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI did my best; and he turned to me, and he said, \u201cYou know, Mom, something I like\u201d\u2014so I\u2019m all ears\u2014right?\u2014\u201cWhat?!\u201d I\u2019ll take anything positive here\u2014he said, \u201cI like that you\u2019re always glad to see me, even when you\u2019re not.\u201d [Laughter] I said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry that you read through me, but I\u2019m glad that it does mean something to you.\u201d I was glad he was able to articulate that to just say, \u201cIt\u2019s important to me that you\u2019re happy to see me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were just talking about all these <em>hard<\/em> things that you end up working through with your kids; but there\u2019s so much <em>building<\/em> you can do in between that makes those hard things easier to work through when you have communicated: \u201cI\u2019m happy to see you,\u201d or \u201cI like you.\u201d Those are really positive building things that make those harder moments not so hard to work through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> My thought, as you share that is: \u201cThat\u2019s what the heavenly Father does every time we approach Him.\u201d Like I used to have this shame-filled view of God that, when I would come before Him, and maybe it had been a couple of days, He was tapping His foot, like, \u201cAbout time!\u201d And the Father <em>never<\/em> does that; He\u2019s <em>always<\/em> <em>anticipating<\/em> our return. He <em>loves<\/em> seeing us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy thought was: \u201cOh, we\u2019re just doing what the Father would do.\u201d He\u2019s so excited to see His kids. I think of the prodigal; and the father <em>running<\/em> to the prodigal, welcoming him back home. I love that idea of making sure, even in the morning, that we love them, see them, notice them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Absolutely. And if you\u2019re the parent, [who] has the kid that goes, \u201cMeh,\u201d when you do say \u201cHi,\u201d or when you do greet them, again, persevere. Just keep at it\/persevere; because you never know, later in life\u2014in fact, one of our kids, in talking about this certain aspect of the way he was interacting with me, he says \u201cI don\u2019t even know why I did that,\u201d\u2014like looking back on that\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t even know why.\u201d But love the fact that we persevered and that we were single-minded and focused on: \u201cWe love you,\u201d \u201cWe like you\u201d; so if you\u2019ve got that son, that kind of shrugs it off, that\u2019s okay. You just stay in the game\u2014don\u2019t take the bait; don\u2019t take it personally\u2014just stay in the game. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo many times we found, also\u2014when we\u2019re tempted to take something personally\u2014we found out there was just some big thing that happened in their life; and that\u2019s where their head was. They weren\u2019t really trying to directly hurt our feelings by not responding that way. It\u2019s just that their heart was at a different place, and maybe hurting or maybe focused on something else. So just keep that in mind: \u201cPersevere if you\u2019re the parent with a kid that doesn\u2019t really respond directly to that kind of an overture.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Obviously, we know the truth is nobody rebels or walks away from love. People walk <em>toward<\/em> love. When they\u2019re feeling loved, it\u2019s almost <em>impossible<\/em> to run away from that; you are <em>drawn<\/em> to it. So I mean, as you talk about <em>100 Ways to Love Your Son,<\/em> that <em>draws<\/em> a family together. I mean, it\u2019s what God does to us; it <em>draws<\/em> us. I think it would be interesting for our listeners to go online and even post on FamilyLife social media ways their parents loved them or, as parents, ways they do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Absolutely; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> These books really are the ways that we genuinely tried to love our kids. We asked our kids: \u201cWhat are some ways it felt\/made you feel loved?\u201d It was a big kind of group effort that way. But even as you\u2019re reading the book, you might go, \u201cWell, I wouldn\u2019t do that,\u201d or \u201cMy son wouldn\u2019t appreciate that; but it does give me an idea that they would like this\u2026\u201d At the very least, it\u2019s a conversation starter; it\u2019s a way of <em>thinking<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we started writing the books, Matt and I were talking about\u2014actually, we were talking about ourselves: how we know our parents loved us, but we didn\u2019t always <em>feel<\/em> loved\u2014and how many adults we know that said \u201cThat\u2019s exactly\/that would be our case.\u201d It\u2019s not that our parents didn\u2019t love us; it\u2019s just they didn\u2019t spend time with us; or they didn\u2019t actually say, \u201cI love you.\u201d How kind of tragic that is, really, that there\u2019s all this love that didn\u2019t get communicated. We have to be intentional about that. That\u2019s another thing with the books is just a way of being <em>intentional<\/em> about the love you\u2019re already feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> And you know, you said at the beginning\u2014I hope your tongue was in your cheek when you said \u201cexperts\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because the fact of the matter is we\u2019re not experts. We\u2019re just people that are on a journey and have tried to learn some things. We\u2019ve made mistakes\u2014we absolutely have\u2014and we\u2019ve learned to do some of these things that are in these books too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m one of these guys that\u2014all of our kids\u2014everybody knows our kids are really hard workers. We\u2019ll get out, and we\u2019ll <em>do<\/em> the job: \u201cYou stay and you do the job until the job\u2019s done,\u201d and \u201cJacobsons <em>never<\/em> give up.\u201d The kids are really great at that. I wish I was better at <em>fun<\/em>. There are some suggestions in the book\u2014just ways to have fun with the kids, because I was all about getting done what needed doing\u2014but then that fun part of: \u201cHey, let\u2019s go; let\u2019s just do something fun,\u201d\u2014even looking back, I wish I was more like that, you know, when the kids were really young. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of the reasons why there are many suggestions in the book that are in that category; because it\u2019s something that I really had to grow in, and to let go of the next responsibility and the next duty, and just enter into the moment. Just practical suggestions is what you\u2019ll find in here, but it isn\u2019t because we have it all dialed in and we\u2019re perfect; it\u2019s because we, ourselves, learned a lot of these things along the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of us <em>know<\/em>, but it\u2019s easy to forget, how important it is for our kids to understand that we love them\/for them to <em>know<\/em> that. As parents, we have to be wise in how we express that in a way that they\u2019re going to understand it and receive it. That\u2019s why I think the help we\u2019ve been getting from Matt and Lisa Jacobson today is so vital; because it reminds us: \u201cThis is a part of our responsibility, as parents, to communicate our love for our children.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re making available this week Matt and Lisa\u2019s books: <em>100 Ways to Love Your Son<\/em>; <em>100 Ways to Love Your Daughter<\/em>. We\u2019ll send you both books as a thank-you gift if you\u2019re able to help support the ministry of FamilyLife this week with a donation. As most of you know, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is here because listeners, like you, have made today\u2019s program possible. We\u2019re entirely dependent on our listeners to keep <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on the air on this station, on our network of stations across the country, online all around the world. <em>You<\/em> make that happen anytime you make a donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of you who have donated in the past, thank you for your support. Those of you who are regular listeners, if you\u2019ve never made a financial gift to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> let me challenge you to do that today. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; it\u2019s easy to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, when you donate today, we\u2019d love to send you Matt and Lisa Jacobson\u2019s books: <em>100 Ways to Love Your Son<\/em> and <em>100 Ways to Love Your Daughter<\/em>, practical ways for you to be communicating to your children just how much you love them. By the way, this is for young children, for teenagers; we even need to continue to communicate to our <em>adult<\/em> children that we love them, and that we\u2019re proud of them. Again, you can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation and request your copy of the books from Matt and Lisa Jacobson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019re going to continue to talk about this with Matt and Lisa Jacobson tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307193","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307193"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307193"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307193"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307193"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}