{"id":307191,"date":"2021-08-06T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2021-08-06T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/being-a-man-in-your-marriage\/"},"modified":"2021-08-06T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2021-08-06T11:00:04","slug":"being-a-man-in-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-a-man-in-your-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Being a Man in Your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What does it mean to be a man in your marriage? Dave Wilson shares not only what it means to be a godly husband, but also what wives need in a husband.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-08-06.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:16","filesize":"25.88M","filesize_raw":"27134140","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2082,2901,2862,2831],"tags":[4698,6996],"podcast_series":[8463],"cwp_profile":[3295],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307191","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-husbands","category-understanding-differences","category-wives","tag-manhood","tag-maturity","podcast_series-vertical-husband","cwp_profile-dave-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307191\/being-a-man-in-your-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307191\/being-a-man-in-your-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"klhSQIxPlG\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-a-man-in-your-marriage\/\">Being a Man in Your Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-a-man-in-your-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=klhSQIxPlG\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Being a Man in Your Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"klhSQIxPlG\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What does it mean to be a man in your marriage? Dave Wilson shares not only what it means to be a godly husband, but also what wives need in a husband.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-08-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Sometimes, you get a little amped up when you preach. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019ve been known to represent a Gallagher concert, where people put bags over the front row, because spit gets all over them. [Laughter] Yes, sometimes, I get a little amped up. I\u2019ve been known to actually jump <em>off<\/em> the stage, especially when I\u2019m talking about being a man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Have you ever listened to yourself preach\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and you convict <em>yourself<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I do not like listening to myself preach; I just don\u2019t want to do it. But I know there are times, I get so amped up, I <em>am<\/em> convicted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well then, \u201cBuckle up\u201d; because I think that might happen today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Alright; I\u2019ve preached about a lot of things in 30 years, but the topic I could preach on every day is boys becoming men\/men becoming godly men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It is your passion for sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and we get to listen today to a message I gave in 2015. I am a little scared, because I remember getting pretty fired up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; you were <em>in it<\/em> as we listened previously to the first part of this message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, in which we listened that a vertical man\u2014in other words, I defined that as a man who finds his life, vertically, in Christ\u2014a vertical husband, who finds his life [in Christ]: \u201cWhat does he look like?\u201d \u201cWhat does he do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy first point was he is sexy. It was a play on words; because it\u2019s like: \u201cWhat do you mean he is sexy?\u201d Well, you have told me, for decades, that the sexiest thing I ever do is walk with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It makes you want to follow me. It\u2019s romantic; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s so attractive when a man walks with God: we can trust you; we want to follow you; we can depend on you; we know that you\u2019ll serve our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so that was the first part of the message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen it was fun for me; because the second part we are going to hear today is: \u201cA vertical man is sensitive to his wife\u2019s needs.\u201d The question for most of us men is: \u201cWhat are her needs?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWhy would I tell men what a woman\u2019s need is?\u201d You are there: \u201cCome on stage!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You had me come up; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I am excited for our listeners today. They get to hear Ann Wilson come up and say: \u201cThis is what a woman really wants.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would add this, too: \u201cMen, every woman is different; so you need to become an expert of what meets <em>your<\/em> wife\u2019s needs.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message from Kensington Church in Michigan] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When I think about a man being a vertical man and being a sexy\u2014in fact, if you wrote down \u201csexy\u201d guys, write this down\u2014cross that out or put beside it\/slash this one: \u201c<em>submitted<\/em>\/submitted to the authority of God and His Word.\u201d That\u2019s what a vertical [man] really means. That\u2019s what your woman longs for; she <em>longs<\/em> that you would <em>submit<\/em> to the authority of God and the authority of His Word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSee, guys, we are really good at this submit word for women. You hear somebody tell your wife to submit to God and to you; and you\u2019re like [demanding voice], \u201cYes, man. Yes, you hear that!\u201d Do you know how many guys, even in this church, probably know one verse in the Bible and know <em>nothing<\/em> else? \u201cYes, there is that verse in the Bible\u201d\u2014that you don\u2019t know where it is or who wrote it\u2014\u201cbut it says wives are supposed to submit to\u201d\u2014you; that\u2019s the one you know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, guess what? The <em>rest<\/em> of the Bible says: \u201cMen submit, vertically, to Me [God] first and live under the authority of My Word.\u201d \u201cYes, but I don\u2019t know if I agree with everything in His Word.\u201d It doesn\u2019t <em>matter<\/em>! Do you agree with the One who wrote it?\u2014then, you submit to it, whether it is comfortable or not\/whether it makes you feel good or not! There is a lot in His Word that makes us feel good; and there is a lot in the Word that\u2019s like: \u201cReally? I can\u2019t do that!\u201d\u2014\u201cNO!\u201d\u2014\u201cWhy not?\u201d\u2014because He is protecting you and everybody else in society for something <em>greater<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe started last week; we said vertical marriage\u2014and vertical husband; and even vertical wife; and vertical mission, as we finish this thing [series]\u2014is all about this amazing passage in the Old Testament that has nothing to do with marriage, or men, or women; it has to do with <em>idols<\/em>. Jeremiah, the prophet, spoke the words of God to the people of God, the nation of Israel. He said this\u2014I\u2019ll review it\u2014this is what it means to go vertical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201c\u2019Has a nation ever changed its gods? Yet, they are not gods at all\u2019\u2014that\u2019s what they\u2019re doing; they are worshipping false gods; but he says\u2014\u2018but My people\u2019\u2014God is saying this to the nation of Israel\u2014\u2018My people have exchanged their glorious God for worthless idols. Be appalled at this, you heavens, and shudder with great horror,\u2019\u2014He can\u2019t believe this\u2014\u201cdeclares the LORD. \u2018My people have committed two sins; they have forsaken Me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSee, guys, we\u2019ve done that! I\u2019m telling you today\/I\u2019m <em>calling<\/em> you today: \u201cBecome a submitted, vertical man\/husband.\u201d Do you hear me, guys? A vertical man is sexy; a vertical man is submitted to God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the second one: \u201cA vertical husband or man is <em>sensitive<\/em> to the needs of his wife, his daughters, his sons. He is sensitive to the needs that God has called him to lead and care for.\u201d You know, in Ephesians 5\u2014I\u2019ve read this many times to men here\u2014Paul speaks to men about being husbands. He says, \u201cYou want to be a vertical man? Here is what a vertical man does\u2014what a vertical husband does, just in the area of marriage\u2014he says this: \u201cHusbands\u201d\u2014I love this in The Message, because it\u2019s very descriptive\u2014\u201cHusbands, go all out in your love for your wives.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me stop right there. Guys, we know about going all out: we talk about it in sports; we talk about it in business. What would it look like to take that energy and put it toward your family and toward your wife? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGo all out in your love for your wife exactly as Christ did for the church. A love marked by giving not getting\u201d\u2014remember I said, \u201cBoys take; men give,\u201d\u2014he\u2019s saying it right here; and by the way, he is going to use Christ and the church as an image that is saying: \u201cWhat Christ did for the church, and how it affects the church, is what a husband should do for his wife; and it will affect the wife in the same way.\u201d He says, \u201cNow giving, not getting, Christ\u2019s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything He does and says is designed to bring the best out of her.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Let me ask you guys something: \u201cIs your wife <em>better<\/em> because she married you?\u201d She should be! She should be <em>blooming<\/em>, as a woman, because of the man that you are and the way you are sensitive to her needs. It says: \u201cAnd that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They are really doing themselves a favor since they are already one in marriage. No one abuses his own body; does he? No; he feeds and pampers it. That\u2019s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of His body. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become one flesh.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo let\u2019s talk now. Let\u2019s talk about: \u201cWhat does a woman really need?\u201d \u201cHow can a man be sensitive to a woman\u2019s needs?\u201d I thought, \u201cWhat do I know?! I\u2019m a guy.\u201d So here is what I say: Ann is going to talk. She is going to take a couple of minutes to talk to the men, really, about what a woman needs. This isn\u2019t every woman, but this is generally true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Guys, let me first of all say, \u201cI feel a little bit sorry for you, because we are very complicated, as women. Every woman is so different, and all of our needs are different; so you need to be an expert at what makes <em>your<\/em> wife feel loved.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to tell you this, too; it changes all the time because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014like every five minutes. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014when we first got married, I was like\/I would tell Dave, \u201cWhy can\u2019t you be more romantic?\u201d But then, when we had kids, it\u2019s like, \u201cWho cares about romance? Just help me around the house and help me with the kids\u201d; you know? So I think you really need to be an expert at your woman; but one of the things we need as women, honestly, is affection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know the way you were when you dated us? You noticed us; you paid attention to us; you asked us questions and talked to us; you held our hands; you looked us in the eye. We still long for that very same thing; and we, as women, want you still to notice us. We want you to regard us. That\u2019s why I say affection: for me, it is when Dave holds my hand; when I feel like he says, \u201cHow are you doing? What\u2019s going on?\u201d; when he is affectionate with me; when he notices\/when he says, \u201cHey, you want to hang out with me?\u201d We <em>want<\/em> you to <em>want<\/em> to be with us. Like, honestly\u2014and you might not feel like it\u2014but I would say, as an act of your will, just do it; because that is a <em>godly<\/em> man that is vertical, and that communicates so much to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would even add this\u2014I\u2019ve heard Ann say this to me many times\u2014\u201cPursue.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Guys, write it down. I\u2019m not kidding; put it in your notes\/whatever: \u201cPursue.\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cYou pursued me with a passion when we were dating; and now, you get married, it\u2019s like you\u2019re pursuing your job and other things,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s good; there is nothing wrong with that\u2014but it\u2019s like, \u201cWhat happened to <em>this<\/em>?\u201d\u2014and just pursuing, and being romantic, and like you said, touching. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because you guys do pursue things\u2014like I\u2019m watching Dave\u2014he knows what\u2019s happening in the football world. He\u2019s doing Fantasy Football this year, where he is spending\/I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d He\u2019s like, \u201cOh, my team!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Alright; alright. Enough of that; enough of that\u2014just a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI broke my leg today. Did you notice?\u201d [Laughter] You know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> :Can you play?\u201d [Laughter] But yes; she is right. Do we do that? Women, don\u2019t hit them: don\u2019t do it; don\u2019t do it! We do that. It\u2019s really interesting\u2014we\u2019ll do this really quick\u2014we read a book early in our marriage called <em>His Needs, Her Needs<\/em> by Willard Harley, a counselor in Minnesota. He said, \u201cI\u2019ve counseled thousands of couples, and here is what I have learned: here are the top five needs of a man; here are the top five needs of a woman.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe had a chapter on each one; and he basically said, \u201cIf you don\u2019t know\u201d\u2014guys, listen\u2014\u201cIf you don\u2019t know what her needs are, and you\u2019re not meeting them,\u201d guess what? This subtitle to the book is: <em>How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage<\/em>. If you\u2019re not meeting those needs, and some dude comes along and does, she\u2019s <em>pulled<\/em>. It doesn\u2019t mean an affair is going to happen; but she\u2019s drawn. I mean, if you are driving in your car, and the tank is full\u2014and you go by a gas station\u2014do you even look? \u201cWho cares? I\u2019m full; I don\u2019t need any gas station\u201d; but when you\u2019re empty, you\u2019re looking at every gas station. That\u2019s what happens! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was like\u2014man, when I read this book, I went to Ann\u2014literally, I went to her and said, \u201cOkay, he says the top five are this; are they?\u201d She goes, \u201cYes.\u201d That may not be true for every woman; but I\u2019m going to tell you guys, here are the top three. Are you ready? You better write this down. And then here is what you do after the service. Get in the car today; go, \u201cHoney, are these your needs?\u201d If she says, \u201cNo, they are a little different,\u201d say, \u201cWhat are they?\u201d It will promote a great discussion; because Ann said, \u201cThose are pretty much me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Guys, if I were you, I would say, \u201cWhat do you need from me?\u201d Women, don\u2019t do more than two things; because if you keep going and going, they are done. Honestly, just give two things: \u201cThis would be really helpful.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So here they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAffection\u201d was number one\u2014non-sexual touch; whatever that is\u2014[Laughter] non-sexual touch. Again, it is holding hands. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <em>Yes<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, Ann has said, \u201cMan, it just feels great when you put your hand on my knee, when we are sitting at church, and just keep it right there. That is just: \u201cYou notice me,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re with me,\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re together.\u201d That was number one\u2014affection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two is: \u201cConversation\u201d: taaalk\u2014not talk\u2014taaalk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber three is: \u201cHonesty and openness\u201d: being vulnerable\/being authentic; share your heart with your woman. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll three of those can happen, really, in the same conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That was what I was going to say. We, as women, long to know you: we want to know your hearts; we want to know your passions; we want to know what makes you tick. Sometimes, you guys shut down on us; and we\u2019re like, \u201c<em>Please<\/em>, let me in. I want to be a part of your life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the other is true: we want you to know <em>us<\/em>. The best way women bond\u2014this is the way we bond, gentlemen, sorry\u2014but it is through conversation. We bond through conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Face to face\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014is one way to describe it; women connect this way. Men connect shoulder to shoulder. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We like to do things together: you go play golf; you don\u2019t want to talk; come on! [Laughter]: \u201cNew driver?\u201d \u201cGreat,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s it\u2014\u201cNice shot,\u201d\u2014boom; four hours. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat\u2019s going on in his marriage?\u201d \u201cWho cares? I mean, we play golf. I shot a 70. I mean, it\u2019s awesome.\u201d But women can\u2019t even <em>imagine<\/em> doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Most\u2014again, it could be flipped in your home\u2014in fact, in our home, I tend to be more wordy and share more details than Ann does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave tells me all about his day; it\u2019s one of the greatest things that he does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She absolutely loves it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I know what\u2019s going on in his world at work in the meetings. He tells me everything. I\u2019m not like that as much; <em>but<\/em> when it comes to our relationship, I\u2019m all about that, like: \u201cOkay, that\u2019s good, what\u2019s happening at work. How do you think we\u2019re doing?\u201d Suddenly, it\u2019s like this haze comes over his face, of dread and fear. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It is; I\u2019m like, \u201cOh no, we\u2019ve got to go <em>there<\/em>\u201d; I\u2019m not kidding. It\u2019s like I <em>change<\/em>; because here is what I think\u2014maybe guys can relate to this; maybe, it\u2019s not true in your home; but in my home\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cOkay, I know she thinks we are doing worse than I think we\u2019re doing; so now, she wants to talk about that.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to go there. I just like to live in fairy tale land; we\u2019re all good.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you remember last week here?\u2014I said in that video\u2014\u201cI think our marriage is a 9.8.\u201d She thought it was a .5. [Laughter]Well, that often\u2014we go on a date, and we\u2019ll talk. She\u2019ll say, \u201cSo let\u2019s talk about our relationship,\u201d\u2014I just sort of shut down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because he feels like he is in trouble. He feels like he has already failed, and he will continue to fail; and I\u2019ll never be happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This area is super important for us\/of us being able to talk about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here is what I have learned\u201435 years, I\u2019ve learned, at least, this\u2014okay?\u2014whatever she thinks is going on in our relationship; in other words, how she thinks we are doing\u2014if she says it\u2019s a 4, and I think it\u2019s an 8; guess what? Guys, you ready?\u2014she\u2019s right. Now, I don\u2019t mean that\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Say it again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014don\u2019t you be jumping around. [Laughter] She\u2019s right. I don\u2019t mean that your woman is <em>always<\/em> right\u2014I\u2019m not saying that\u2014\u201cI just give in and condescend,\u201d \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter what you think,\u201d\u2014no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what I mean\u2014and I\u2019ve learned this\u2014I really believe this is true; I can\u2019t prove it biblically, but I think it\u2019s true. God designed women\u2014and it could be a little flipped in your relationship\u2014but generally, God designed women to really know how to do relationships well. It\u2019s like He made them a personal marriage manual. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>When she says we are a 4, and I think we\u2019re a 7, here is what I now know: she\u2019s right! We\u2019re not a 7; we\u2019re a 4. Here is what else I know\u2014are you ready for this?\u2014she knows how to get us from a 4 to a 7, and I don\u2019t! I\u2019m like, \u201cUm, what do you want me to do? Have more sex?\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cNo!\u201d [Laughter] She knows <em>exactly<\/em> what needs to happen in our relationship, so I need to lean in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen, are you listening?\u2014I need to lean in and to be sensitive. You hear me?\u2014a vertical man\/husband is sensitive. I need to lean in and say: \u201cOkay, what is going on? What are you feeling? Why are you feeling that? What am I contributing to that? What can I do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you understand? It <em>changes<\/em> everything because now\/because I\u2019m filled up with Jesus, vertical, first, I don\u2019t need her to think\u2014I am now able to <em>give<\/em> out of my overflow of Jesus. If I don\u2019t have that, then I am hurt desperately by her number; it crushes me as a man\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Not only would you be hurt\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014but because I know my identity, I can give back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You would be hurt. He also\u2014in one of our biggest fights, he is like, \u201cNo! I am doing great!\u201d\u2014that was what you\u2019d say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would tell her she is wrong\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cThat\u2019s not true!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cWe\u2019re not a 4; we\u2019re a 12! That\u2019s what we are. You\u2019re wrong, and I\u2019m right.\u201d That\u2019s a real good conversation\u2014now, we\u2019re fighting\u2014it\u2019s just stupid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve learned to be sensitive to God, submitted to God\u2014and then sensitive to your wife, or your woman, or your kids, or anybody\u2014is to lean in and learn; and out of the overflow, give. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Man, Dave Wilson, as you gave that message back in 2015, I\u2019m inspired; I\u2019m excited. I think every woman is clapping right now, like, \u201cYes, yes! This is what we want!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s because you came on stage and told the men what women really, really long for; but I tell you what. At the end of that message, we got into something, I think, is so critical to understand. We call it vertical marriage\u2014call it whatever you want\u2014but most marriages\u2014and ours was this way\u2014we\u2019re trying to get from each other what we think the other is in our life for: like I want you to respect me, and you want me to cherish you. When that doesn\u2019t happen, we get disappointed. We actually tend to think, \u201cI married the wrong person, because I\u2019m not getting what I thought I\u2019d get from my marriage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I know that I\u2019ve done this for years. I put my eyes on you, hoping that you will meet all of my needs. When you don\u2019t, I\u2019m so disappointed. When I have those thoughts now\/that inkling\u2014when I start looking at you, and I\u2019m disappointed in your actions or you haven\u2019t met my expectations\u2014one of the things, as I\u2019ve gotten older, that I\u2019ve done is I go to God first. I\u2019m saying, \u201cLord, are You number one in my life, or has my marriage or my husband become my idol?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s really big because, when I\u2019m surrendered\u2014when I\u2019m submitted to God\/when I\u2019m in communion with Him, and He is my everything\u2014my expectations of you aren\u2019t as high. That\u2019s one of the first steps I think we need to take, as both men and women, of surrendering our lives, our passions, our desires; and we submit them to God first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think\u2014I know I never understood this; I think a lot of us just miss this\u2014is when we go vertical\/when we find our life from and in Christ\u2014again, it\u2019s so easy to <em>say<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014those words; but I mean really find life, power, happiness, joy from my living relationship with the Creator of the universe\u2014Jesus said in John, Chapter 7, \u201cOut of your innermost being will flow water. Living water will overflow.\u201d That\u2019s a reality of a dynamic relationship with Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about what that means for your marriage. Now, I come back to my marriage; and instead of demanding or longing for my spouse to fill me, I\u2019m filled! I mean, not that I don\u2019t want to have a great marriage; but I am <em>filled<\/em>. I don\u2019t need or demand you to fill me up; I am filled by Christ. I go from being a taker, which most marriages are\u2014I want to take from you what I\u2019m longing for, and you\u2019re in my life because I chose you to be the one to fill me\u2014no; I\u2019m filled; so now, I\u2019m a giver. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, as men\u2014and we\u2019ve been talking to men about being a vertical husband\u2014I\u2019m going to be able to love my wife as Christ loved the church, Ephesians 5. Why?\u2014He has given me the power to do it. I have power\/actually, living water\u2014Jesus\u2014overflowing. It goes from a selfish marriage to a selfless and \u201cI want to serve you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, the verse that came to my mind was John 10:10b, where Jesus said, \u201cI came that you might have life and have it to the full.\u201d He didn\u2019t say, \u201cDave came that you might have life, Ann.\u201d Jesus said, \u201cI came; I\u2019m the fulfiller of life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think that all of us\u2014it could be today; it could be right now\u2014that we just take a moment, and we say, \u201cLord, Jesus, are You Lord of my life? Have I given You everything?\u201d\u2014because if you want to have a great marriage, it begins with a surrendered heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to say this\u2014because I <em>know<\/em> what some listeners are thinking right now\u2014they are thinking, \u201cIf my spouse did that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthen we\u2019d be okay.\u201d This <em>isn\u2019t<\/em> about your spouse. I mean, I\u2019m not saying disregard your spouse. This is about <em>you<\/em>; are <em>you<\/em> surrendered? If not, I\u2019d say right now: \u201cMen, get on your knees\/women, get on your knees. If your spouse doesn\u2019t, it\u2019s not about them; it\u2019s about you. Go vertical; surrender completely. He will meet you in that moment; He will fill you in that moment. Then you\u2019ll be able to come back to your marriage, and you\u2019ll be able to serve an overflow of what He has given you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just add this: you are going to have to do it about every five minutes\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014or every ten minutes, because you are going to go back to putting yourself in control. You\u2019re going to be disappointed, because she or he is going to let you down; and you\u2019ve got to go back and say, \u201cJesus, I need You desperately to be the man\/to be the woman You called me to be; because I can\u2019t, but You can in me.\u201d That happens through surrender. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope <em>today<\/em> is your moment to change your life, your marriage, your legacy, your future by going vertical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember hearing someone say once, \u201cYou can have a state-of-the-art appliance\u201d\u2014the newest, best air fryer there is\u2014\u201cand if it\u2019s not plugged in, it doesn\u2019t work.\u201d Well, in the same way, we can be good people; but if our lives are not plugged into God\u2014if we\u2019re not living for Him\/if He is not giving us the power for living\u2014then our lives are not going to count for much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave and Ann Wilson talking here today about how important it is for both husband and wife to live surrendered, vertical-looking lives. In fact, they\u2019ve written a book called <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> that\u2019s really a classic on this subject. It shows us how our walk with Jesus affects every aspect of our marriage relationship. We\u2019ve got copies of Dave and Ann\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. We\u2019d love to send you a copy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to get your copy: the number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the book is titled <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> by Dave and Ann Wilson. Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d to get your copy of the book, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Dave and Ann have talked about today is what\u2019s at the heart of this ministry. It\u2019s our conviction that, for marriage and family to be all that we want it to be, it needs to begin by living surrendered lives\/for us to live with God\u2019s agenda ahead of our own agenda. We need to be men and women, who live surrendered lives to God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> exists to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe godly marriages and families can change the world one home at a time. We\u2019re joined in this mission by some of you, who have listened for a long time and have said, \u201cThis program has made a difference in our marriage\/in my life.\u201d You have supported this ministry financially, either from time to time or some of you are monthly Legacy Partners. Thank you for your ongoing participation with us in this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd those of you, who are regular listeners and have never made a donation, we\u2019d like to invite you to join the team. Help us reach more people, more often, with practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and their family. When you donate today, we want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a book we\u2019ve talked about this week from Trevin Wax. It\u2019s a book called <em>Rethink Your Self<\/em>, all about understanding the source of our identity: where we find that\/how we cultivate that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a great book for parents to go through with their teenagers or for a young adult to read. Any of us will benefit from reading Trevin\u2019s book. It\u2019s our gift to you when you make a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You can do that online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. We\u2019d <em>love<\/em> to have you join the team, and we look forward to hearing from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>And we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. Then join us on Monday when Matt and Lisa Jacobson are going to be here again to talk about how we, as parents, can do a better job of effectively communicating to our children our love for them. That all happens Monday. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Have a great weekend. We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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