{"id":307188,"date":"2021-08-05T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-08-05T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-difference-between-boys-and-men\/"},"modified":"2021-08-05T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-08-05T11:00:05","slug":"the-difference-between-boys-and-men","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-difference-between-boys-and-men\/","title":{"rendered":"The Difference Between Boys and Men"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you define manhood? What source do you use? Dave Wilson clearly defines the difference between a boy and a man and why that distinction is important.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-08-05.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:25","filesize":"23.28M","filesize_raw":"24411578","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2082,2901,2862,2831],"tags":[4698,6996],"podcast_series":[8463],"cwp_profile":[3295],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307188","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-husbands","category-understanding-differences","category-wives","tag-manhood","tag-maturity","podcast_series-vertical-husband","cwp_profile-dave-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307188\/the-difference-between-boys-and-men","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307188\/the-difference-between-boys-and-men","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"HsjXGoLLTI\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-difference-between-boys-and-men\/\">The Difference Between Boys and Men<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-difference-between-boys-and-men\/embed\/#?secret=HsjXGoLLTI\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Difference Between Boys and Men&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"HsjXGoLLTI\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"How do you define manhood? What source do you use? Dave Wilson clearly defines the difference between a boy and a man and why that distinction is important.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-08-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m really excited about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You are? You\u2019ve got a big smile on your face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m excited for our listeners, because they are going to hear you talking about one of your <em>favorite<\/em> topics. You are pretty passionate about this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know a lot of people are thinking it\u2019s football, [Laughter] but it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> football. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s not football. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What\u2019s one of your great passions? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Speaking to men about being a godly man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to tell you, like secretly, this is one of <em>my<\/em> favorite topics that you speak about; because I think every woman <em>longs<\/em> for her man to get this and to understand it, because we <em>long<\/em> for our men to really know what a godly man is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I remember when I gave this message; it was on a Sunday morning at church. I wanted to say to the women\u2014the wives, and the moms, and the daughters sitting in the congregation\u2014they are probably thinking, \u201cOh, he\u2019s talking to the men today. I\u2019m going to check out.\u201d I was like, \u201cNO! This is what you <em>long<\/em> for. This is a moment to cheer your man\u2014your husband, your son, your father\u2014to rise up to become that man.\u201d I think it\u2019s a really important message for women to hear as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, let me ask you: \u201c<em>Why<\/em> is this important to you in our culture today?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Because I think the world is longing for men to be men. Boys, I think\u2014and I say this in the message\u2014don\u2019t know what a man is; and there is no vision for manhood. I didn\u2019t know what a man was until I went to the Word of God and discovered God has a game plan. He has a template saying: \u201cThis is what a man looks like,\u201d \u201cThis is what a man does.\u201d I\u2019m not just saying it\u2019s this masculine, toxic\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014dominating thing; it\u2019s not that at all. It\u2019s a very tender, loving, spiritual\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014servant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014but strong\/firm, where a man knows who he is and what he is called to do; and he lives that out. I tell you\u2014when a man does that\u2014it makes an <em>impact<\/em> on a family, on a church, on a school, on a locker room, on a city. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean\u2014and it\u2019s true for women too\u2014when women know who they are and what they are called to be, it has an incredible impact. Obviously, I\u2019m a man; and there is nothing more I love than just locking in with boys and men and saying, \u201cLet\u2019s talk about godly manhood and how to rise up to become these kinds of men.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What about the single moms? They don\u2019t have a husband; they don\u2019t have a man pouring into their child in their home necessarily. What would you say to them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, I was raised by one. She taught me, as well as anybody, what a man was. I appreciate single moms. I mean, I love my mom; and my mom also had a vision to help me become a man. She knew she couldn\u2019t complete that, so she brought other men in my life\u2014coaches. Literally\u2014I didn\u2019t even know this\u2014but she spoke to them, behind closed doors; and she said, \u201cWould you pour into my son? He does not have a dad. Could you be his dad in this season?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, even for moms with sons\/I know for me, I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, this is what it looks like. This is what I can cast vision for. This is a template and a goal that I want for my sons to reach.\u201d I think it\u2019s beneficial to everyone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I would say, \u201cFasten your seatbelts; I get a little riled up at times in this message.\u201d I want to invite you to be as impassioned about it, as well, as I call boys and men to be men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message from Kensington Church in Michigan] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Most men feel: \u201cI walk alone, trying to figure out this manhood thing: trying to figure out what a man is, what a husband is, what a dad is.\u201d Most of us men sort of walk alone. It\u2019s tough these days to be a man\u2014to even know what a man is\u2014we don\u2019t even know; there is so much confusion! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a boy, you\u2019re like, \u201cMan, I just want to be able to look at a man and say: \u2018That\u2019s what a man is,\u2019 \u2018That\u2019s what a dad is,\u2019 \u2018That\u2019s what a husband is.\u2019\u201d Our culture doesn\u2019t even know. Isn\u2019t that crazy? You go out and ask people; and they are like, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d Hopefully, as a boy, you have a dad you can look at; and you can go: \u201cThat\u2019s what a man is,\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s a man that I can trust,\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s a man that\u2019s a good man,\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s a man that you feel safe with,\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s a man I want to follow.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuess what I find out: most of us didn\u2019t have that kind of dad. If you had that kind of dad, or you\u2019ve got that kind of dad, you should tell him. You should look him in the eye and say, \u201cYou are a good man; thank you\u201d; and thank God for that man, because you are in the minority. Do you understand that? In fact, you are in a minority right now pretty much if you have the biological father in your home. Thirty-three percent of our homes: the biological dad has left; they are not even there. It\u2019s just <em>crazy<\/em> how our culture <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> know what a man is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany of you know my story. I grew up, and my dad left. He was seven\u2014when I was\u2014he was seven [Laughter]. <em>I<\/em> was seven when he left; he was a little older than that. He walked out with another woman\/actually, <em>women<\/em>. I don\u2019t remember a whole lot, even though he is in my life the rest of my life; but as I reflect back on what I remember as my dad\/my role model\u2014what I looked to [in order] to say, \u201cThis is what a man is,\u201d\u2014here is what I grew up with until I was seven, and I saw it even after I was seven. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad was a womanizer. Some of you have heard this, but he actually took my brother and I\u2014he was five; I was seven\/even when we were six and four years old\u2014on <em>vacations<\/em> with his girlfriends while he was <em>married<\/em> to my mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad was an alcoholic. I do <em>not<\/em> remember a single night of my life in that home that he wasn\u2019t drunk. He wasn\u2019t a happy drunk; he was a <em>mean<\/em> drunk. When he got drunk, he got angry and abusive. My sister and I\u2014she was eight years older\u2014she would grab me; we would run into my bedroom, shut the door, and cover our ears; because we didn\u2019t want to hear what was going on between [him] and my mom. He was a loud, angry, hot-tempered man when he drank. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was <em>obsessed<\/em> with money: big houses, fast cars, the next deal. He was an airline pilot [who] rarely came home, because he was always trying to find the next deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was my role model for what a man was. What do you think I thought a man was, growing up? Trust me\u2014our culture sort of promotes this\u2014\u201cA real man\/a real man, who you can look at and say, \u2018Now, that\u2019s a man!\u2019 is a man who is all about three things: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSuccess: you know, when a guy gets it\u2014gets the house, and gets the paycheck, and gets it\u2014then \u201cHe is a man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of people say he is a sports athlete. He\u2019s got\u2014you know, he looks good, and he can perform on the field\u2014\u201cThat\u2019s a man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr women\u2014\u201cA guy that doesn\u2019t get women; he is not a man. But a guy that does\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI put it in three C\u2019s: \u201cWhen he has cash, championships, and conquests, then you\u2019re a man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs that what a man is?\u2014NO! We are absolutely <em>bankrupt<\/em> in this culture to know what a man is. By the way, I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve noticed, but this culture is failing as men. There are more men in prison today than ever. If you are a man, you have an \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t11 percent chance of ending up in prison compared to women, who have a 1 percent chance. What\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em> with our culture? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I don\u2019t know if you can tell; but I\u2019m fired up. [Laughter] This is manhood stuff today; and I\u2019m just telling you right now: \u201cFasten your seatbelts.\u201d Now, don\u2019t [just] fasten your seatbelt; get the harness thing over too. We\u2019re strapping it in, and we\u2019re going there. Are you ready? I\u2019m going to talk to the men today, and we\u2019re going to have <em>the talk<\/em>. I want to talk to men about a biblical vision and definition of manhood which, obviously, applies to women, as well, as husbands. It doesn\u2019t mean this day is just for husbands and men; it\u2019s for <em>everybody<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, you know, we live in this culture; we don\u2019t even know what a man is. You talk about manning up\u2014I got a text from my secretary, Debbie, in between the last service\u2014she knows what we are talking about today. She said, \u201cHey, sitting here at Panera<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> next to two guys: one advising the other how to break up with someone. The one guy wasn\u2019t going to do anything; just stop calling her. His buddy said to \u201cBe a man; send her a text.\u201d [Laughter] No lie; unbelievable. <em>That\u2019s<\/em> the culture we live in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, guys, I\u2019m telling you: \u201cAre you ready?\u201d Daniel Boone\u2019s mom\u2014legend has it that she said\u2014and this is so true\u2014\u201cA boy remains a boy until a man is required.\u201d You know why we don\u2019t have <em>men<\/em> today in our culture?\u2014because nobody has called them out to manhood. \u201cToday is the day, fellas,\u201d\u2014I\u2019m telling you right now\u2014\u201cToday is the day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to say this: some of the women are like, \u201cWhoa; whoa; whoa; wait. What am I supposed to do? Do I have to wait until next week?\u201d\u2014no, no, no. Let me tell you something, ladies\u2014and you know this\u2014when a guy talks to men about a biblical vision for manhood, guess who the beneficiaries are?\u2014women and children. You\u2019re going to benefit from your man\u2014or your dad, or your boyfriend, or your husband, or your son\u2014hearing what\u2019s going on today; because if they decide\u2014and they are going to have to make a decision today to become a vertical man\/to connect with Jesus and become a man of God\u2014it\u2019s going to change everything. See, the problem with our society is there is\/there is stuff going down here, downstream. Well, where do you go to fix that?\u2014you go upstream. Guess who is upstream?\u2014failing men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell you\u2014there are a lot of good men here; there are a lot of good men in our society\u2014there are. There are really good men\u2014men that you can trust, men that you feel protected with\/you feel safe with\u2014there are some of them sitting right beside you. I tell you something: \u201cYou better do this today\u2014tell them they are a good man\u2014tell them. Tell your dad he\u2019s a good dad; tell your husband he\u2019s a good man. He doesn\u2019t even know if he believes it; he needs to hear that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there are a lot of us [who] are failing our women and failing our kids; we really are. We need to be called today to step up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me read you some things I wrote, along with some things that I borrowed from a pastor in Colorado named Jim Burgen, at a church called Flatirons. He said this\u2014and I have found the same thing that so many women have asked me and are asking even in this church\u2014they are asking this question: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men who actually do what they promise?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men who don\u2019t leave when times get hard?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men that, when they get angry, the family feels safer; because they know his anger is directed at protecting them, not hurting them?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men who want to love me, not just get in bed with me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men who really walk with God, not just <em>say<\/em> they walk with God?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men who are not just childlike, pouting boys, who want to get their way?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men who <em>obey<\/em> God\u2019s Word rather than pick and choose verses of the Bible that they think apply to them?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the warriors, who will protect me and my children? Because all I\u2019ve seen are men, who are bullies or wusses, that don\u2019t make me feel safe.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men who will actually lead me spiritually?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men who make me feel safe?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men that I can trust when I\u2019m alone with him?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the men that I can trust when he is alone by himself?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere are the good men?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you what\u2014there is a lot at stake here today, fellas\u2014there is a lot at stake; because how we go, men, is how the culture goes, how our family goes, how this church goes. Let me say this, ladies: \u201cAs you are sitting beside your guy\u2014or your boyfriend, or your husband, or your dad, or your son\u2014please don\u2019t be doing this whole thing [demanding voice]: \u2018Yes, do you hear that? You listen!\u2019\u2014[Laughter]\u2014don\u2019t do that!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may have already figured this out; but when a woman pushes a man, it doesn\u2019t work. We rebel against that; we hate that, when a woman tries to tell us how to be a man. In fact, you may already know this, ladies; but only a man can help a boy become a man. A woman can\u2019t. There is nothing against women; I had a single mom. She was incredible; but she knew that she could only raise me from fetus to boyhood. It took a <em>man<\/em> to take me from boyhood to manhood. She got men in my life. She literally asked coaches\u2014I never knew this\u2014to become my dad for that season. She asked music directors and other men to pour into me; because she knew that: \u201cThis young boy won\u2019t become a man in the presence of just women; it takes men to do it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore I jump in\u2014what I\u2019m going to do today is\u2014I\u2019m going to talk about two characteristics of a vertical husband or a vertical wife. But let me make one last comment. The comment would be this\/I need to say this to the single ladies: \u201cIf you are dating, or even thinking about dating a guy that doesn\u2019t exhibit the characteristics I\u2019m going to talk about here in a second\u2014so as you listen to these, if you are thinking, \u2018Man, that\u2019s the guy I\u2019m with,\u2019 you stay with that guy. If he doesn\u2019t have these characteristics, I\u2019ve got one word for you: \u2018RUN!\u2019 and \u2018Run fast.\u2019 Do you hear me?\u2014I\u2019m not kidding. You\u2019re dating this guy, and he\u2019s not living this stuff out\u2014I mean, he may say, \u2018That\u2019s who I am,\u2019 but he\u2019s not doing it\u2014I\u2019m telling you: \u2018Don\u2019t trust what a man says; trust what a man <em>does<\/em>,\u2019\u2014that\u2019s the one thing you can trust. You run, and you run quickly.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know what you\u2019re thinking, \u201cYes, yes; but if I do that, I\u2019ll never have a date.\u201d You lower the bar so low, it\u2019s like, \u201cYes, but this guy makes me feel good; and he is so cute\u201d; that\u2019s a really low bar. You want to know the definition of a painful life?\u2014I\u2019ll tell you what it is\u2014\u201cMarrying a boy.\u201d There are women right there, going, \u201cYes.\u201d I would just\/some of you moms, just grab your daughter, and you say, \u201cYou listen to this bald guy! He\u2019s speaking the truth.\u201d It\u2019s true; you run, and you run fast until that boy becomes a man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I wrote this real quickly yesterday afternoon: \u201cHere is the difference between boys and men\u201d\u2014you ready?\u2014it\u2019s going to come up on a slide. \u201cBoys take\u201d\u2014and by the way, single ladies, are you listening?\u2014all ladies, are you listening?\u2014men, are you listening? \u201cBoys take; men give,\u201d\u2014is that true?\u2014\u201cBoys take; men give.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoys ask, \u201cDoes it feel good? Then I\u2019m going to do it.\u201d Men ask, \u201cIs it right?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoys are all-in as long as it goes the way they want. Men are all-in until they <em>finish<\/em> what they started. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoys are about self-indulgence; men are about sacrificial love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoys are passive; men show up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoys expect others to provide what they lack; men look around to see where something is lacking and provide. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoys consume; men produce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoys are born; men are made. They are actually trained. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoys cheat; men honor their promises. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoys don\u2019t control their lust; men choose to control their temptations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoys choose anger fits. I chose the word, \u201cchoose\u201d\u2014because it doesn\u2019t just happen\u2014you choose anger. Boys choose anger fits; men choose paths to peace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA boy thinks his life is all about him; a man knows his life has been given to him to <em>serve<\/em> others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLadies, find a man, not a boy. If you are married to someone\u2014you are sitting here, going, \u201cMan, he is a boy,\u201d\u2014let me talk to your husband: \u201cToday is your day, fella. You don\u2019t have to stay a boy. It\u2019s a <em>decision<\/em> that you make right here today to say, \u2018I\u2019m taking the first step to manhood.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know what the first step is?\u2014you go vertical. It\u2019s the strongest move you\u2019ll ever make as a real man\u2014is on your knees\u2014it\u2019s a move of surrender. Victory, as crazy as it sounds, for all of us\u2014especially for men today\u2014comes when you surrender to Jesus. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I\u2019m going to give you two characteristics\u2014and I\u2019ll just say it this way\u2014the first one doesn\u2019t sound like it\u2019s the characteristic; but I\u2019m saying the same thing. Here is the first characteristic of a vertical man. A vertical husband or a vertical man is sexy. I\u2019m going to redefine sexy for you\u2014okay?\u2014because when we hear \u201csexy\u201d we think: \u201cOh, man, that\u2019s a body,\u201d and \u201cThat\u2019s perfect abs, and perfect shoulders, and a chest like\u201d\u2014mine; you\u2019re looking at it right here\u2014\u201chere it is.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s <em>not<\/em> what a woman is looking for\u2014well, I mean, some of the ladies are like, \u201cI am!\u201d\u2014well, that\u2019s not <em>all<\/em> you\u2019re looking for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what I\u2019ve discovered\u2014my wife will come up here in a minute\u2014she has told me this. Other ladies that you hear from, and that Ann has talked to from around the country as we speak about this\u2014you find out that Christian women really want a man\u2014right, ladies?\u2014[who] walks with God\u2014because a man, who connects vertically with God, who goes to God first, who finds life in Jesus\u2014is a man you can trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s like: \u201cWell, wait. I know a lot of guys that say that, and you can\u2019t trust them.\u201d Well, guess what? They\u2019re not really going vertical first. There are a lot of guys, who say they are Christians; there are a lot of guys who say they are men of God. A man of God <em>walks<\/em> it\u2014not in our own power\u2014in His power; but they are men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wrote in my notes: \u201cOkay, when I go vertical\/when I\u2019m walking with God, what happens in my life? How does this affect my home?\u201d I\u2019ll tell you what happens: I win over sin. Do I struggle?\u2014yes! Sin struggle doesn\u2019t go away. I have victory; why?\u2014because the power of God, vertically, coming through my life, I win over sin. Do you think that affects my wife?\u2014it sure does. Do I win over lust?\u2014yes. Does that affect her?\u2014yes. Am I looking at porn?\u2014no. Does that affect her?\u2014yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know my true identity, and I walk with freedom and confidence. Think about <em>that<\/em>. Most men\u2014even men here\u2014don\u2019t know who they are and are trying to get their identity from their wife or from their job. When I connect vertically first\u2014and I <em>know<\/em> who God is and I know who I am\u2014I walk in <em>confidence<\/em> and freedom. You think a woman wants a confident man? She doesn\u2019t want a <em>proud<\/em> man; she wants a weak man, who finds his confidence in Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I walk with God, I\u2019m other-centered. I step into situations where a man is needed. Did you hear what I said earlier? Boys are passive; men show up. Here is the thing about boyhood and manhood; it has <em>nothing<\/em> to do with age. Does a boy become a man at 13?\u201416?\u2014no! In our culture, they have no idea. There are guys in their 40s and 50s that aren\u2019t men; they are boys that are really hairy. It\u2019s just crazy\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because boyhood and manhood has nothing to do with an age. It has to do with when you start <em>acting<\/em> like a man, and connecting vertically with God, and not being passive but showing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I connect with God, I <em>lead<\/em> in my home. I\u2019m\u2014look at this\u2014I\u2019m tender; I\u2019m not harsh and impatient like I\u2019m often will be when I\u2019m not connecting with God. When I find strength in God, I\u2019m tender; I have a deep sense of contentment and joy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, we should be <em>discontented<\/em> in our walk with God\u2014we should want more and push for more\u2014we should be contented in our life and find joy. But in our society, it\u2019s <em>flipped<\/em>\u2014most men are content with their walk with God\u2014\u201cYes, I\u2019ll show up to church once a week; no big deal. I don\u2019t want too much of Jesus, because that will really affect my life.\u201d The wife is like, \u201cNo! I want a lot of Jesus in you; because when you walk with God, you\u2019re the man that is appealing to me.\u201d I want to become so irresistible to my wife, as a man of God, that she starts chasing me around the house, tonight! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. That\u2019s a message that Dave, my husband, gave in 2015 in a sermon at our church. Dave, did it work? [Laughter] Did that happen that night? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I wish I could remember. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I don\u2019t remember. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to remember good things. Yes, you were chasing me around the house [Laughter]; I don\u2019t know if you caught me or not. It was a good Sunday night; but I mean, the idea\u2014because you\u2019ve told me this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014so many times\u2014when I walk with God, it\u2019s like I am irresistible. Obviously, I was making fun that it\u2019s like a physical thing; but you\u2019re talking\/what is it about a man, walking with God, that draws others?\u2014including his wife and kids to him? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The first thing that comes to my mind is you display the fruit of the Spirit: love, and joy, and peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. That fruit is irresistible. What it does is it makes us, as women\u2014me, as your wife\u2014I think, \u201cI want to follow you: you\u2019re serving; you\u2019re patient; you\u2019re kind.\u201d That\u2019s attractive to any person and, especially, to your wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think we\u2019ve lived in a culture that says, if a man is overly spiritual, he\u2019s weak;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and he\u2019s not like a manly man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He\u2019s wimpy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The <em>opposite<\/em> is the truth. The stronger a man is in Christ\u2014like I said\u2014he\u2019s sexy. In other words, a woman is drawn to that; and I think everyone is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to just be truthful. I think women are tired of feeling like they are the ones that are upholding the spiritual dynamic of the home or even setting the spiritual temperature for the home. We want to partner with our husbands and not feel like we\u2019re <em>dragging<\/em> them with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so it really is a call for men to be men and to step out and watch what God does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have to believe that most of the guys, who are listening today, are guys who want to be good husbands\/good dads; we want to be effective and successful at home. What Dave Wilson is saying is: \u201cIf that is true, the place to start is in our relationship with God: pursuing Him\/becoming a godly man. To try to be a good husband and a good dad without going to God first\u2014well, that\u2019s like trying to patch up a tire that\u2019s got leaks in it instead of replacing it with a brand-new tire\u2014we need to start with new hearts\/new lives, and then let God work in and through us to serve our wives and our families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave and Ann have written about this in a book on marriage called <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> that points us upward. If we want our marriages to be what God wants them to be, we have to start by going vertical. We\u2019ve got copies of the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> book; and there is a <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> small group series available as well. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order the book or to get the small group series to go through with other couples. Again, the title of Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s book is <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal, here at FamilyLife, is to do everything we can do to help effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe that godly marriages and families can change the world one home at a time. So everything we do is designed to bring practical biblical help and hope to you for your marriage and for your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a long-time listener\u2014if you\u2019ve benefitted from what you hear on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014can I challenge you to join the team and make this program available for other listeners in your community and all around the world? Make a donation today online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Help us reach your neighbors and people all around the world with the same kind of practical biblical help and hope for <em>their<\/em> marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you do, we\u2019d love to send you a book by Trevin Wax called <em>Rethink Your Self<\/em>. It\u2019s all about understanding our identity in Christ. Really, it\u2019s central to what Dave has been talking about today: going vertical in our relationship with God in order to be effective in our relationships with one another. Again, Trevin Wax\u2019 book is our thank-you gift to you when you make a donation today; and we look forward to hearing from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us, again, tomorrow when we are going to further explore the impact it can have on a marriage and a family when a husband\/a father goes vertical, when he commits himself to being a godly man. We\u2019ll hear more from Dave Wilson tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/307188","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=307188"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=307188"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=307188"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=307188"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=307188"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=307188"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=307188"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}