{"id":307182,"date":"2021-07-31T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-07-31T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/grace-filled-living-2\/"},"modified":"2025-04-22T12:58:38","modified_gmt":"2025-04-22T16:58:38","slug":"grace-filled-living-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/grace-filled-living-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Grace-Filled Living"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What is the difference between giving grace and giving in? Paul David Tripp, Tim Kimmel, Ron Deal, and Caleb Kaltenbach explain what grace is: in parenting, marriage, or relationships with a watching world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is the difference between giving grace and giving in? Paul David Tripp, Tim Kimmel, Ron Deal, and Caleb Kaltenbach explain what grace is: in parenting, marriage, or relationships with a watching world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294950,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-07-31.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26883573","date_recorded":"2021-07-31 07:00:05","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2852,2908,2806],"tags":[4299,4798,2877,2209],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3449,3097,3300,3058],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307182","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-discipline","category-forgiveness","category-spiritual-development","tag-faith","tag-kids","tag-marriage","tag-parenting","cwp_profile-caleb-kaltenbach","cwp_profile-paul-david-tripp","cwp_profile-ron-deal","cwp_profile-tim-kimmel","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg?w=300","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307182\/grace-filled-living-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307182\/grace-filled-living-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"8iMk1JZGln\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/grace-filled-living-2\/\">Grace-Filled Living<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/grace-filled-living-2\/embed\/#?secret=8iMk1JZGln\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Grace-Filled Living&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"8iMk1JZGln\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-07-31.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-07-31.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Do you remember that verse, \u201cBe shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves\u201d [Matthew 10:16b]? We live in a time where, for Christians, it seems to be getting harder and harder to walk that line between acceptance and approval. Here\u2019s Caleb Kaltenbach.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> We are moving into a culture where people go with whatever they want to do. There are going to be new things that come out that really scare Christians, and we don\u2019t know how to handle it; we think: \u201cOkay, do I keep my relationship with this person?\u201d \u201cDo I not?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There are so many other issues that are going to come down the pipeline. We have to understand that we are missionaries; and there is a difference between acceptance and approval, and there\u2019s a tension between grace and truth.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk grace: how to live out grace during <em>difficult<\/em> times in marriage, in family, and in all of our relationships\u2014with a watching world\u2014on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. Okay, I have to talk to you today about something\u2014that towel\u2014that wet towel that gets left in the bathroom, obviously by someone else; not you\u2014of course, not you\u2014because it\u2019s not me either. But there\u2019s that wet towel that gets left in the bathroom [drawn out for emphasis] <em>every single day<\/em>; ohh! Drives me insane. Did you hear that other sigh? Drives my sound engineer insane too. We have this wet towel; what do we do with it? Do we pick it up, or do we leave it there? Do we go about our day, going, \u201cOh, if only they would have picked up their towel!\u201d? You pick up the towel, and you put it on the rack [drawn out for emphasis] <em>every single day<\/em>. Are you enabling, or are you exhibiting common grace?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about today; because, if you\u2019ve listened to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or even the weekend show at all, you understand that grace is one of our core messages. A couple of men that we\u2019ve leaned into for this message are Tim Kimmel and Paul Tripp. Of course, Tim Kimmel is known for his life message on grace; he and his wife Darcy are known for their books, <em>Grace-Based Parenting<\/em> and also <em>Grace-Filled Marriage. <\/em><\/p>\n<p>Paul, of course, is an author and conference speaker. He\u2019s a counsellor, and he <em>lives<\/em> this grace-filled message. Here\u2019s Paul describing the difference between grace and the law.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> Our tendency is just to come armed with the law: \u201cThis is what you did. How dare you! And this is what you\u2019re going to get\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now let me say something about that: \u201cDo our children need the law?\u201d\u2014yes, they do; because the law does a beautiful job of <em>exposing<\/em> sin. \u201cDo our children need the law?\u201d\u2014yes, they do; because it\u2019s a wonderful guide for life. But here\u2019s what you need to understand: \u201cThe law has no power whatsoever to change the heart of your child\u2014none.\u201d If the law could change your child, Jesus would have never had to come.<\/p>\n<p>I want to respond to my child with grace. Now, parents, don\u2019t misunderstand me. Grace is not about calling wrong right. If wrong were right, there\u2019d be no need for grace. The assumption of grace is that wrong is wrong; but now, I\u2019m moving toward this child and I\u2019m saying, \u201cWhat is it that God wants for this young person, right now; and how can I be part of what God alone is able to do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I <em>can\u2019t<\/em> change him; I\u2019ve no ability to do that at all, but God can: \u201cWhat does it look like, in this moment, to be God\u2019s tool in the life of this young person?\u201d That\u2019s a whole different set of questions rather than: \u201cHow can I make him <em>feel the weight<\/em> of what he\u2019s done to me?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s just judgement. If God responded to <em>us<\/em> that way\/if the wise heavenly Father responded to me that way, I\u2019d have no hope as one of His children.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Grace is what draws us all to Christ; that\u2019s what we all <em>resonate<\/em> with as Christians. The problem is that, many times, you can get inside a Christian home and it does not reflect the grace relationship that we have with Christ.<\/p>\n<p>The reason it\u2019s so important, Dennis, is because, if we don\u2019t make grace the theme of our home, we are <em>contradicting<\/em>, in the way we raise our kids, the very message we want them to embrace in their heart.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> That contradiction may ultimately spiritually sabotage what we are trying to do with our kids; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Absolutely; it can bring the <em>worst<\/em> out of them unwittingly.<\/p>\n<p>We have some great Christian\/conscientious Christian parents listening to us right now; they <em>want<\/em> to do the <em>best<\/em> for their kids. Let me define this in one statement: \u201cGrace-based parenting is treating your children the way God treats <em>His<\/em> children.\u201d Now, that didn\u2019t give you your definition\u2014it just gave you your template\u2014in that we should treat our children the way God treats His. He\u2019s dealing with us in grace; that means that we don\u2019t make arbitrary standards that are not backed up, biblically, and make them moral issues. If we do that, we incite our kids to rebellion.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Did you catch what Tim Kimmel was talking about, parents\/mom and dad?<\/p>\n<p>Grace-based parenting means that we are treating our kids the way that God treats <em>us<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not someone, who likes formulas or anything; but here\u2019s one formula that does come true is: \u201cRules, without relationship, usually does equal rebellion.\u201d But here\u2019s also the point that he\u2019s making: is that grace-filled parents\/they\u2019re not pushovers. Grace-filled parents\u2014they do discipline, and they do give consequences\u2014but grace-filled people aren\u2019t going to jump to conclusions.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s break this down: let\u2019s figure out how to act in grace, not only in our homes with our children, but also outside in our relationships at church and in the marketplace. One of my friends and coworkers, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is Ron Deal. One of the things I really appreciate about Ron is his grace-filled attitude. A while back, I heard him give a message on grace. I was kind of surprised as he started going from grace to humility. It\u2019s almost like humility is that secret in the sauce. Here\u2019s Ron, talking about grace and humility from 1 Peter 5:5.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ron:<\/strong> First Peter 5:5 is you verse of change; alright? Let me walk through this with you: \u201cClothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because\u2026\u201d Now let\u2019s just pause there for a minute because\u2014if I\u2019m listening to this and I\u2019m going, \u201cOkay, now wait a minute; you\u2019re telling me you\u2019re about to give me the secret to having a good relationship, horizontally, with other people on earth: \u2018Clothe yourself with humility toward one another because\u2026\u2019\u2014but his answer\/his explanation\u2014the \u2019because,\u2019 goes vertical.\u201d Watch this: \u201cClothe yourselves with humility\u2026because, \u2018God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s this principle, where it lays out\u2014by the way, that\u2019s repeated a number of times in the Old Testament, number of times in the New Testament; it\u2019s repeated in a different form and fashion by Jesus in a lot of different ways\u2014\u201cGod opposes the proud.\u201d You come before God, say, \u201cI got this; I\u2019ve got it all figured out. Don\u2019t need you, God; I\u2019m fine all on my own,\u201d God will <em>oppose<\/em> you; He\u2019ll break you down.<\/p>\n<p>But God gives grace to the humble\u2014God moves towards us in our humility\u2014and that fosters His grace then to lift us up. That\u2019s the other way that this is repeated in the New Testament\u2014this principle\u2014Jesus said, \u201cHe who exalts himself will be humbled,\u201d\u2014\u201cYou come to Me in pride; I\u2019m going to break you down,\u201d\u2014\u201che who humbles himself will be exalted\u201d [Matthew 23:12].<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s even said about Jesus in Philippians, Chapter 2: \u201cHe humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross; therefore, God has exalted Him to the highest name above all names\u201d [Philippians 2:8-9]. See, the process even works in that relationship; with one another in human relationships: in parent\/child relationships; in work relationships; and especially, in marriage relationships\u2014especially, in marriage relationships, here\u2019s the principle: \u201cGod opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble,\u201d\u2014and so do spouses, and so do children, and so do coworkers, and so do employees; they respond well to humility.<\/p>\n<p>Their heart softens when you soften you\/when you deal with <em>you<\/em>. You worry about the plank and you start dealing with how you deal with your fears and your concerns, and you start acting godly and humble in that moment, then all of a sudden, they will soften as they deal with you\u2014as they care about you\/ as they reach toward you\u2014because when you\u2019re in pride, you\u2019re just trying to make them change; and now, they\u2019re going to oppose you. It just doesn\u2019t work!<\/p>\n<p>The anecdote to the fear factor is a shift in your heart to being humble about who you are. \u201cNow, how do you make <em>that<\/em> work? How do you get humble about yourself?\u201d I want to share with you just one strategy. These four things that you say, \u201cWhat I know about me\u2026\u201d\u2014say your fear; say your typical action; say the truth; say what you\u2019ll do differently,\u201d\u2014comes from the work of a good friend of mine, Terry Hargrave, who\u2019s a therapist at Fuller Theological Seminary; I want to give him credit for these ideas.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s really fascinating that there\u2019s actually some brain science\/that you change how your brain works when you do this humility stuff; it remaps your mind. From the time you were a baby, to the time you were a teenager, to the time you were a married adult, you may have done the <em>same<\/em> patterns over and over again. That creates a little rut in your brain\u2014that\u2019s a simplistic way of saying it\u2014but the neuropathways in your brain, from stimulus to response, gets to be pretty ingrained.<\/p>\n<p>You can actually <em>change<\/em> that pattern by doing this [moving to humility] over, and over, and over, and over. That\u2019s fascinating; right? In other words, God knows how cool humility is when we implement it; it goes <em>way<\/em> deep in fostering a change in who we are.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s think about that old fear dance a little bit: \u201cWhat I know about me\u2026\u201d\u2014say your fear: \u201cWhat I usually typically fear is control right now,\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cWhat I usually do with that is I get defensive,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cThis is where I usually start arguing with you about what you just said.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The truth is: \u201cI\u2019m learning that you really care about me. Even though I feel controlled, you\u2019re not trying to control me. I get that. You\u2019re just trying to reach me. So what I\u2019m going to do differently right now is, instead of arguing with you like I usually do, I\u2019m going to try to listen\/I\u2019m going to try to just slow down and not say much and just pause. I\u2019m going to just try to hear you and I\u2019m going to try to understand what that means for you, and I\u2019m going to try not to get all defensive about me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Does that magically <em>fix<\/em> everything? Does that just magically mean everything is <em>wonderful<\/em> and everybody\u2019s happy all of a sudden?\u2014no; but in that little tiny moment, we have just stopped that horrible crazy fear thing. We\u2019ve just taken a little bit of a detour; we\u2019ve taken a detour <em>out<\/em> of that, where now we have a chance or an opportunity to go somewhere different.<\/p>\n<p>By the way, if I go through all that: imagine ladies, your husband walking in; you sit down at the table. You say <em>one<\/em> sentence; and he goes, \u201cWhoa, what I know about me is I\u2019m feeling controlled right now.\u201d [Laughter] Just imagine yourself\u2014you\u2019re sitting at the table\u2014this has happened a <em>million<\/em> times. He just said, \u201cI\u2019m feeling controlled right now, but what I know about me is that it\u2019s more about me than it is about you. I used to blame you for that, and I used to accuse you of trying to be my momma. Now, I understand that you\u2019re really <em>not<\/em> trying to do it; because the truth is you really don\u2019t want to do that. You just want to figure out how we\u2019re going to deal with this kid situation, so you\u2019re not controlling me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019s saying all of this out loud. He\u2019s talking like crazy; and you\u2019re just sitting there, listening to that. Then he ends up by saying, \u201cWhat I\u2019m going to do is I\u2019m going take a deep breath. [Loud deep breath] I just fired off a little bullet prayer, saying, \u2018God, please help me calm down\u2019; and I\u2019m going to try to listen without being reactive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Okay, ladies, if you\u2019re used to him being highly reactive\u2014being\/running off: \u201cYou\u2019re trying to be my mama\u2026dah, dah, dah,\u201d\u2014and he did <em>that<\/em> [talking through what\u2019s true], what might you feel? [Audience participation] \u201cShocked\u201d; right. [Laughter] We\u2019d have to pick you up off the floor; give you CPR. \u201cStunned.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What else comes along with it? What does that represent: \u201cShocked\u201d and \u201cStunned\u201d?\u2014like\u2014\u201cRelieved,\u201d \u201cGrateful.\u201d I think I\u2019m hearing, \u201cGrace.\u201d I think her heart just calmed a little bit. He\u2019s shifted down; she\u2019s shifting down. Is this leading to something better?\u2014\u201cYes.\u201d Do we know exactly what?\u2014\u201cNo.\u201d But it has a better <em>chance<\/em> of being grace-driven.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Did you catch that? We need to take on humility: waiting\/hearing the other person out has a better chance of being grace-driven. That\u2019s not just according to Ron Deal; that\u2019s according to God.<\/p>\n<p>We need to take a quick break; but when we come back, we\u2019re going to hear how grace plays out. Now, that we understand what grace is and we understand about humility, we\u2019re going to hear how it plays out and maybe how it can start changing some of our relationships. I\u2019ll be back in two minutes.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. We\u2019re talking about grace today. I have a great example; because yesterday, I was stuck in traffic. It was bumper to bumper; we were going <em>nowhere<\/em>\/absolutely nowhere. But there was this black BMW sedan\u2014you know the guy: he was not only creeping up that middle lane\/that lane that\u2019s saved for merging only\u2014but going <em>fast<\/em>. When he got where he wanted, he just cut back into our lane. I\u2019m sitting there, thinking, \u201cSeriously, Dude, we <em>all<\/em> have places to go.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Traffic is one thing; but how do you live out grace with that family member, who has the political views that you, of course, don\u2019t agree with?\u2014or the coworker who is always talking about these conspiracy theories that drive you <em>nuts<\/em>? These relationships you can\u2019t escape: \u201cHow do you make something of these relationships and actually <em>strengthen<\/em> your relationships?\u201d It\u2019s called <em>grace<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve got a <em>great<\/em> example of this: Pastor Caleb Kaltenbach. As a young boy, his mom and dad divorced. Not long after that, his mom moved in with her same-sex partner. He didn\u2019t think much of Christians, as in he didn\u2019t like them, until the day that he wound up at a Bible study at high school. This Bible study changed his life when he was introduced to Jesus Christ. For Caleb, it was the <em>best<\/em> news. But for his mom, it was the <em>worst<\/em> possible news. Here\u2019s Caleb.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> I got in [the car], and I told my mom. She just started crying: just crying, crying, crying. My mom, when we got home, went in. I stayed in the car, because I didn\u2019t want to go in yet; and waited about 15 minutes. She had told Vera by then. As I said, Vera didn\u2019t get along with me; I didn\u2019t get along with her. She was a PhD psychologist, who had a very liberal view, not only on psychology, but on everything.<\/p>\n<p>I sat down; and I remember she asked me, \u201cSo you\u2019re a Christian now, Caleb.\u201d I said, \u201cYes.\u201d It was just very contentious again to the point, where my mom said, \u201cHey, you\u2019re not going to come back for a while\u201d; basically kicked me out. My dad had told me the same thing at his house. It was very <em>difficult<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you called friends and said, \u201cCan I crash at your house?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You were 16?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Not long after that, someone invited you to a Youth for Christ<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> conference?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> Youth for Christ, also known as CIY, Christ in Youth. It was a great conference, but I had never been to a Christian conference. It was so great being with other high schoolers that were my own age and getting to know them.<\/p>\n<p>I remember, again, one morning I woke up; and I just couldn\u2019t imagine myself doing anything else other than telling other people about this Jesus, who I had learned about. I mean, I figure I had lived 16 years of my life <em>away<\/em> from Jesus. I wanted to spend the rest of my life telling other people about Jesus and saying that He\u2019s\u2014again\u2014He\u2019s not like the people on the street corners. A week to the day that I was baptized, I said, \u201cI want to give my life to fulltime Christian vocational ministry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014a week after you\u2019re baptized.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here you are: you\u2019re this on-fire 16-year-old, who now has been baptized; you\u2019ve been to a conference and surrendered to God\u2019s call on your life to move into fulltime Christian ministry. I can only imagine, when you went back to Columbia\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014yes, how that news went over; yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and back to where your two moms lived in Kansas City. How did those conversations go down?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> Well, it went down just about like a lead balloon would. You ever rode in a lead balloon before?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014just crashed.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> It crashed; it wouldn\u2019t get up [in] the air. I mean, I had committed the unpardonable sin; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Becoming a Christian\u2019s one thing; now, saying, \u201cI want to be a pastor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m all in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> And throw on top of that: \u201cHey, I\u2019ve changed my view of sexuality.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob<\/strong>: Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> Now, I\u2019m one of <em>them<\/em> in their eyes. The people that were supposed to show me tolerance; they were showing me anything but tolerance.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How did you do, loving your mom, in that situation?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> It was difficult at first. But I got encouragement from my friends, saying, \u201cCaleb, you <em>need<\/em> to love her no matter what.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I started reading the New Testament. Whenever I had free time, I was reading, reading, reading\u2014reading, especially, the words of Jesus\u2014and then moving on to Romans, so on and so forth. I really latched onto what Jesus said there\u2014and the mercy that He said, and even in The Beatitudes\u2014when Jesus said, \u201cBlessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy\u201d [Matthew 5:7].<\/p>\n<p>I cannot own how my mother treats me; I cannot own how somebody else reacts to me. What I can own is my own reactions\u2014how I respond and what I do\u2014<em>that<\/em> is what God holds me accountable to. I can own how I\u2019m going to love people, no matter what; follow the example of Jesus, when He was hanging on the cross and He said, \u201cFather forgive them; they don\u2019t <em>know<\/em> what they\u2019re doing\u201d [Luke 23:34]. Now, if the Son of God, who was innocent, could say that, after everything He went through, I\u2019m pretty sure I could look at my mom and say, \u201cI forgive you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Caleb Kaltenbach: he wasn\u2019t treated with love and respect, but he offered love and respect; he offered grace.<\/p>\n<p>Caleb\u2019s an author and conference speaker. He and his wife, Amy, and their two kids live in Southern California. The cool part of that story is that, when he was pastoring a church in Texas, his mom and his dad, independent from each other, moved to Texas to be with Caleb\u2019s family. They went to church to Caleb\u2019s church and, independent of each other, they became Christians. They got to <em>know<\/em> the Jesus Christ, [whom] Caleb had been telling them about since he was 16 years old.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s a lot of Caleb\u2019s story that I wasn\u2019t able to share today because of our short time. It\u2019s an <em>incredible story<\/em> of how God used a young man to win his family for Christ. I encourage you to go to our website and listen to the entire story: FamilyLifethisWeek.com.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve been talking about grace today. We\u2019ve been talking about how it plays out in our relationships: in our marriage relationships, and our parenting, and in our friendships. I just want to leave you with this thought from Tim Kimmel on grace.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Grace is giving somebody something they desperately need but don\u2019t necessarily deserve. That\u2019s what happened at the cross when Jesus intervened in time\/space for all of us. He gave us grace.<\/p>\n<p>But when I look at our marriages, I think we tend to lead with the word, \u201clove.\u201d Love is an intrinsic part of just about anybody\u2019s life\u2014that\u2019s what we share\u2014our vows of love. But I think the missing ingredient in most people\u2019s marriage is not love; I believe it\u2019s grace. When they bring God\u2019s grace to center stage, now, that love can endure and get stronger.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> If God\u2019s grace is giving me what I need but don\u2019t deserve, then grace in a marriage is when we give one another things we need but don\u2019t deserve?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes; I think the problem with us, human beings\/even us Christian human beings, is that, when we get married, like it or not, we tend to keep a tally sheet in our hand. We\u2019re keeping score as we go. We feel that that\u2019s completely legitimate, even though we would, to our dying breath, we\u2019d say we love each other incredibly. But because we\u2019re keeping score, it\u2019s easy to start thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t think they\u2019re pulling their part of the deal on this.\u201d We start a quid pro quo arrangement, and this is the antithesis of the way God deals with us.<\/p>\n<p>All we\u2019re saying in this book is: \u201cWhy don\u2019t we treat our spouse the way God treats His spouse with grace?\u201d When we realize that the God who made us: realize that there\u2019s no way we could have a relationship with Him, because of the sin in our own life; that He loved us enough to intervene in time\/space, take on human flesh, and climb up on a cross and ask us to marry Him on a cross. He gave His life as a substitute for our sin. When you simply put your faith in what He did on the cross for you and say, \u201cJesus, I need You. Please forgive me. Set me free from my sin.\u201d Just like that, He enters our life; and He does set us free. But in the process, we get all of God, too; and we get all of His grace. He says, \u201cNow let Me grow My grace in your heart. Let me transplant My heart into you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>First few decades or two of our\u2014you know it was a lot of autumn season and winter season in our relationship\u2014but it was just we let God continue to grow in our life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> To that person, who wants to do that right now, take his hand or her hand in yours, and put it in the hands of God. Explain\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do what you did with Darcy\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014back in the car\/back when you were kids because you\u2014our listeners don\u2019t know this: but you were the one who led your wife to Christ prior to you guys getting married; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. She was 15, and I was 16 and [was] just on the front-side of my own faith.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re here, and you\u2019re listening to us right now, and you realize: \u201cThe missing ingredient in my life is this grace; but even bigger, it\u2019s Jesus,\u201d you can invite Him into your life right now simply by faith. Just repeat this prayer after me in your heart. Just say: \u201cDear Jesus, I need You. I know that I\u2019m a sinner; and because of my sin, I\u2019m lost. I know now that You love me and You gave Your life for me, so please forgive me and make my life new. Amen.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Tim Kimmel helping us pray the most important prayer we could ever pray. It reminds me of Romans 10, verse 9, because: \u201cIf you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If that was a prayer of your heart today, just let me say, there are angels that are celebrating and rejoicing in heaven right now. If you prayed that prayer, I am so excited for you; you are on your way to a grace-filled life. We have resources at our website to help you in this new faith\/to help you understand and help you grow. That\u2019s at FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.<\/p>\n<p>Coming up next week we are going to talk with a mom, who admits that it\u2019s hard being a mom. If you can resonate with that, I think you\u2019ll want to tune in to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em> next weekend. Hope you can join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening! I want to the cofounder of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and our president, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our team who makes this all possible\u2014they are beyond grace-filled towards me; that is for sure\u2014to Keith Lynch; our producers, Phil Kraus, Marques Holt, Justin Adams, and Megan Martin.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us, again, next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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is the difference between giving grace and giving in? Paul David Tripp, Tim Kimmel, Ron Deal, and Caleb Kaltenbach explain what grace is: in parenting, marriage, or relationships with a watching world.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-07-31.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Do you remember that verse, \u201cBe shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves\u201d [Matthew 10:16b]? We live in a time where, for Christians, it seems to be getting harder and harder to walk that line between acceptance and approval. Here\u2019s Caleb Kaltenbach.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> We are moving into a culture where people go with whatever they want to do. There are going to be new things that come out that really scare Christians, and we don\u2019t know how to handle it; we think: \u201cOkay, do I keep my relationship with this person?\u201d \u201cDo I not?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There are so many other issues that are going to come down the pipeline. We have to understand that we are missionaries; and there is a difference between acceptance and approval, and there\u2019s a tension between grace and truth.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk grace: how to live out grace during <em>difficult<\/em> times in marriage, in family, and in all of our relationships\u2014with a watching world\u2014on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. Okay, I have to talk to you today about something\u2014that towel\u2014that wet towel that gets left in the bathroom, obviously by someone else; not you\u2014of course, not you\u2014because it\u2019s not me either. But there\u2019s that wet towel that gets left in the bathroom [drawn out for emphasis] <em>every single day<\/em>; ohh! Drives me insane. Did you hear that other sigh? Drives my sound engineer insane too. We have this wet towel; what do we do with it? Do we pick it up, or do we leave it there? Do we go about our day, going, \u201cOh, if only they would have picked up their towel!\u201d? You pick up the towel, and you put it on the rack [drawn out for emphasis] <em>every single day<\/em>. Are you enabling, or are you exhibiting common grace?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about today; because, if you\u2019ve listened to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or even the weekend show at all, you understand that grace is one of our core messages. A couple of men that we\u2019ve leaned into for this message are Tim Kimmel and Paul Tripp. Of course, Tim Kimmel is known for his life message on grace; he and his wife Darcy are known for their books, <em>Grace-Based Parenting<\/em> and also <em>Grace-Filled Marriage. <\/em><\/p>\n<p>Paul, of course, is an author and conference speaker. He\u2019s a counsellor, and he <em>lives<\/em> this grace-filled message. Here\u2019s Paul describing the difference between grace and the law.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> Our tendency is just to come armed with the law: \u201cThis is what you did. How dare you! And this is what you\u2019re going to get\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now let me say something about that: \u201cDo our children need the law?\u201d\u2014yes, they do; because the law does a beautiful job of <em>exposing<\/em> sin. \u201cDo our children need the law?\u201d\u2014yes, they do; because it\u2019s a wonderful guide for life. But here\u2019s what you need to understand: \u201cThe law has no power whatsoever to change the heart of your child\u2014none.\u201d If the law could change your child, Jesus would have never had to come.<\/p>\n<p>I want to respond to my child with grace. Now, parents, don\u2019t misunderstand me. Grace is not about calling wrong right. If wrong were right, there\u2019d be no need for grace. The assumption of grace is that wrong is wrong; but now, I\u2019m moving toward this child and I\u2019m saying, \u201cWhat is it that God wants for this young person, right now; and how can I be part of what God alone is able to do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I <em>can\u2019t<\/em> change him; I\u2019ve no ability to do that at all, but God can: \u201cWhat does it look like, in this moment, to be God\u2019s tool in the life of this young person?\u201d That\u2019s a whole different set of questions rather than: \u201cHow can I make him <em>feel the weight<\/em> of what he\u2019s done to me?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s just judgement. If God responded to <em>us<\/em> that way\/if the wise heavenly Father responded to me that way, I\u2019d have no hope as one of His children.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Grace is what draws us all to Christ; that\u2019s what we all <em>resonate<\/em> with as Christians. The problem is that, many times, you can get inside a Christian home and it does not reflect the grace relationship that we have with Christ.<\/p>\n<p>The reason it\u2019s so important, Dennis, is because, if we don\u2019t make grace the theme of our home, we are <em>contradicting<\/em>, in the way we raise our kids, the very message we want them to embrace in their heart.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> That contradiction may ultimately spiritually sabotage what we are trying to do with our kids; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Absolutely; it can bring the <em>worst<\/em> out of them unwittingly.<\/p>\n<p>We have some great Christian\/conscientious Christian parents listening to us right now; they <em>want<\/em> to do the <em>best<\/em> for their kids. Let me define this in one statement: \u201cGrace-based parenting is treating your children the way God treats <em>His<\/em> children.\u201d Now, that didn\u2019t give you your definition\u2014it just gave you your template\u2014in that we should treat our children the way God treats His. He\u2019s dealing with us in grace; that means that we don\u2019t make arbitrary standards that are not backed up, biblically, and make them moral issues. If we do that, we incite our kids to rebellion.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Did you catch what Tim Kimmel was talking about, parents\/mom and dad?<\/p>\n<p>Grace-based parenting means that we are treating our kids the way that God treats <em>us<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not someone, who likes formulas or anything; but here\u2019s one formula that does come true is: \u201cRules, without relationship, usually does equal rebellion.\u201d But here\u2019s also the point that he\u2019s making: is that grace-filled parents\/they\u2019re not pushovers. Grace-filled parents\u2014they do discipline, and they do give consequences\u2014but grace-filled people aren\u2019t going to jump to conclusions.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s break this down: let\u2019s figure out how to act in grace, not only in our homes with our children, but also outside in our relationships at church and in the marketplace. One of my friends and coworkers, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is Ron Deal. One of the things I really appreciate about Ron is his grace-filled attitude. A while back, I heard him give a message on grace. I was kind of surprised as he started going from grace to humility. It\u2019s almost like humility is that secret in the sauce. Here\u2019s Ron, talking about grace and humility from 1 Peter 5:5.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ron:<\/strong> First Peter 5:5 is you verse of change; alright? Let me walk through this with you: \u201cClothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because\u2026\u201d Now let\u2019s just pause there for a minute because\u2014if I\u2019m listening to this and I\u2019m going, \u201cOkay, now wait a minute; you\u2019re telling me you\u2019re about to give me the secret to having a good relationship, horizontally, with other people on earth: \u2018Clothe yourself with humility toward one another because\u2026\u2019\u2014but his answer\/his explanation\u2014the \u2019because,\u2019 goes vertical.\u201d Watch this: \u201cClothe yourselves with humility\u2026because, \u2018God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s this principle, where it lays out\u2014by the way, that\u2019s repeated a number of times in the Old Testament, number of times in the New Testament; it\u2019s repeated in a different form and fashion by Jesus in a lot of different ways\u2014\u201cGod opposes the proud.\u201d You come before God, say, \u201cI got this; I\u2019ve got it all figured out. Don\u2019t need you, God; I\u2019m fine all on my own,\u201d God will <em>oppose<\/em> you; He\u2019ll break you down.<\/p>\n<p>But God gives grace to the humble\u2014God moves towards us in our humility\u2014and that fosters His grace then to lift us up. That\u2019s the other way that this is repeated in the New Testament\u2014this principle\u2014Jesus said, \u201cHe who exalts himself will be humbled,\u201d\u2014\u201cYou come to Me in pride; I\u2019m going to break you down,\u201d\u2014\u201che who humbles himself will be exalted\u201d [Matthew 23:12].<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s even said about Jesus in Philippians, Chapter 2: \u201cHe humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross; therefore, God has exalted Him to the highest name above all names\u201d [Philippians 2:8-9]. See, the process even works in that relationship; with one another in human relationships: in parent\/child relationships; in work relationships; and especially, in marriage relationships\u2014especially, in marriage relationships, here\u2019s the principle: \u201cGod opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble,\u201d\u2014and so do spouses, and so do children, and so do coworkers, and so do employees; they respond well to humility.<\/p>\n<p>Their heart softens when you soften you\/when you deal with <em>you<\/em>. You worry about the plank and you start dealing with how you deal with your fears and your concerns, and you start acting godly and humble in that moment, then all of a sudden, they will soften as they deal with you\u2014as they care about you\/ as they reach toward you\u2014because when you\u2019re in pride, you\u2019re just trying to make them change; and now, they\u2019re going to oppose you. It just doesn\u2019t work!<\/p>\n<p>The anecdote to the fear factor is a shift in your heart to being humble about who you are. \u201cNow, how do you make <em>that<\/em> work? How do you get humble about yourself?\u201d I want to share with you just one strategy. These four things that you say, \u201cWhat I know about me\u2026\u201d\u2014say your fear; say your typical action; say the truth; say what you\u2019ll do differently,\u201d\u2014comes from the work of a good friend of mine, Terry Hargrave, who\u2019s a therapist at Fuller Theological Seminary; I want to give him credit for these ideas.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s really fascinating that there\u2019s actually some brain science\/that you change how your brain works when you do this humility stuff; it remaps your mind. From the time you were a baby, to the time you were a teenager, to the time you were a married adult, you may have done the <em>same<\/em> patterns over and over again. That creates a little rut in your brain\u2014that\u2019s a simplistic way of saying it\u2014but the neuropathways in your brain, from stimulus to response, gets to be pretty ingrained.<\/p>\n<p>You can actually <em>change<\/em> that pattern by doing this [moving to humility] over, and over, and over, and over. That\u2019s fascinating; right? In other words, God knows how cool humility is when we implement it; it goes <em>way<\/em> deep in fostering a change in who we are.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s think about that old fear dance a little bit: \u201cWhat I know about me\u2026\u201d\u2014say your fear: \u201cWhat I usually typically fear is control right now,\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cWhat I usually do with that is I get defensive,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cThis is where I usually start arguing with you about what you just said.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The truth is: \u201cI\u2019m learning that you really care about me. Even though I feel controlled, you\u2019re not trying to control me. I get that. You\u2019re just trying to reach me. So what I\u2019m going to do differently right now is, instead of arguing with you like I usually do, I\u2019m going to try to listen\/I\u2019m going to try to just slow down and not say much and just pause. I\u2019m going to just try to hear you and I\u2019m going to try to understand what that means for you, and I\u2019m going to try not to get all defensive about me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Does that magically <em>fix<\/em> everything? Does that just magically mean everything is <em>wonderful<\/em> and everybody\u2019s happy all of a sudden?\u2014no; but in that little tiny moment, we have just stopped that horrible crazy fear thing. We\u2019ve just taken a little bit of a detour; we\u2019ve taken a detour <em>out<\/em> of that, where now we have a chance or an opportunity to go somewhere different.<\/p>\n<p>By the way, if I go through all that: imagine ladies, your husband walking in; you sit down at the table. You say <em>one<\/em> sentence; and he goes, \u201cWhoa, what I know about me is I\u2019m feeling controlled right now.\u201d [Laughter] Just imagine yourself\u2014you\u2019re sitting at the table\u2014this has happened a <em>million<\/em> times. He just said, \u201cI\u2019m feeling controlled right now, but what I know about me is that it\u2019s more about me than it is about you. I used to blame you for that, and I used to accuse you of trying to be my momma. Now, I understand that you\u2019re really <em>not<\/em> trying to do it; because the truth is you really don\u2019t want to do that. You just want to figure out how we\u2019re going to deal with this kid situation, so you\u2019re not controlling me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019s saying all of this out loud. He\u2019s talking like crazy; and you\u2019re just sitting there, listening to that. Then he ends up by saying, \u201cWhat I\u2019m going to do is I\u2019m going take a deep breath. [Loud deep breath] I just fired off a little bullet prayer, saying, \u2018God, please help me calm down\u2019; and I\u2019m going to try to listen without being reactive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Okay, ladies, if you\u2019re used to him being highly reactive\u2014being\/running off: \u201cYou\u2019re trying to be my mama\u2026dah, dah, dah,\u201d\u2014and he did <em>that<\/em> [talking through what\u2019s true], what might you feel? [Audience participation] \u201cShocked\u201d; right. [Laughter] We\u2019d have to pick you up off the floor; give you CPR. \u201cStunned.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What else comes along with it? What does that represent: \u201cShocked\u201d and \u201cStunned\u201d?\u2014like\u2014\u201cRelieved,\u201d \u201cGrateful.\u201d I think I\u2019m hearing, \u201cGrace.\u201d I think her heart just calmed a little bit. He\u2019s shifted down; she\u2019s shifting down. Is this leading to something better?\u2014\u201cYes.\u201d Do we know exactly what?\u2014\u201cNo.\u201d But it has a better <em>chance<\/em> of being grace-driven.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Did you catch that? We need to take on humility: waiting\/hearing the other person out has a better chance of being grace-driven. That\u2019s not just according to Ron Deal; that\u2019s according to God.<\/p>\n<p>We need to take a quick break; but when we come back, we\u2019re going to hear how grace plays out. Now, that we understand what grace is and we understand about humility, we\u2019re going to hear how it plays out and maybe how it can start changing some of our relationships. I\u2019ll be back in two minutes.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. We\u2019re talking about grace today. I have a great example; because yesterday, I was stuck in traffic. It was bumper to bumper; we were going <em>nowhere<\/em>\/absolutely nowhere. But there was this black BMW sedan\u2014you know the guy: he was not only creeping up that middle lane\/that lane that\u2019s saved for merging only\u2014but going <em>fast<\/em>. When he got where he wanted, he just cut back into our lane. I\u2019m sitting there, thinking, \u201cSeriously, Dude, we <em>all<\/em> have places to go.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Traffic is one thing; but how do you live out grace with that family member, who has the political views that you, of course, don\u2019t agree with?\u2014or the coworker who is always talking about these conspiracy theories that drive you <em>nuts<\/em>? These relationships you can\u2019t escape: \u201cHow do you make something of these relationships and actually <em>strengthen<\/em> your relationships?\u201d It\u2019s called <em>grace<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve got a <em>great<\/em> example of this: Pastor Caleb Kaltenbach. As a young boy, his mom and dad divorced. Not long after that, his mom moved in with her same-sex partner. He didn\u2019t think much of Christians, as in he didn\u2019t like them, until the day that he wound up at a Bible study at high school. This Bible study changed his life when he was introduced to Jesus Christ. For Caleb, it was the <em>best<\/em> news. But for his mom, it was the <em>worst<\/em> possible news. Here\u2019s Caleb.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> I got in [the car], and I told my mom. She just started crying: just crying, crying, crying. My mom, when we got home, went in. I stayed in the car, because I didn\u2019t want to go in yet; and waited about 15 minutes. She had told Vera by then. As I said, Vera didn\u2019t get along with me; I didn\u2019t get along with her. She was a PhD psychologist, who had a very liberal view, not only on psychology, but on everything.<\/p>\n<p>I sat down; and I remember she asked me, \u201cSo you\u2019re a Christian now, Caleb.\u201d I said, \u201cYes.\u201d It was just very contentious again to the point, where my mom said, \u201cHey, you\u2019re not going to come back for a while\u201d; basically kicked me out. My dad had told me the same thing at his house. It was very <em>difficult<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you called friends and said, \u201cCan I crash at your house?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You were 16?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Not long after that, someone invited you to a Youth for Christ<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> conference?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> Youth for Christ, also known as CIY, Christ in Youth. It was a great conference, but I had never been to a Christian conference. It was so great being with other high schoolers that were my own age and getting to know them.<\/p>\n<p>I remember, again, one morning I woke up; and I just couldn\u2019t imagine myself doing anything else other than telling other people about this Jesus, who I had learned about. I mean, I figure I had lived 16 years of my life <em>away<\/em> from Jesus. I wanted to spend the rest of my life telling other people about Jesus and saying that He\u2019s\u2014again\u2014He\u2019s not like the people on the street corners. A week to the day that I was baptized, I said, \u201cI want to give my life to fulltime Christian vocational ministry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014a week after you\u2019re baptized.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here you are: you\u2019re this on-fire 16-year-old, who now has been baptized; you\u2019ve been to a conference and surrendered to God\u2019s call on your life to move into fulltime Christian ministry. I can only imagine, when you went back to Columbia\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014yes, how that news went over; yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and back to where your two moms lived in Kansas City. How did those conversations go down?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> Well, it went down just about like a lead balloon would. You ever rode in a lead balloon before?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014just crashed.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> It crashed; it wouldn\u2019t get up [in] the air. I mean, I had committed the unpardonable sin; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Becoming a Christian\u2019s one thing; now, saying, \u201cI want to be a pastor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m all in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> And throw on top of that: \u201cHey, I\u2019ve changed my view of sexuality.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob<\/strong>: Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> Now, I\u2019m one of <em>them<\/em> in their eyes. The people that were supposed to show me tolerance; they were showing me anything but tolerance.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How did you do, loving your mom, in that situation?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Caleb:<\/strong> It was difficult at first. But I got encouragement from my friends, saying, \u201cCaleb, you <em>need<\/em> to love her no matter what.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I started reading the New Testament. Whenever I had free time, I was reading, reading, reading\u2014reading, especially, the words of Jesus\u2014and then moving on to Romans, so on and so forth. I really latched onto what Jesus said there\u2014and the mercy that He said, and even in The Beatitudes\u2014when Jesus said, \u201cBlessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy\u201d [Matthew 5:7].<\/p>\n<p>I cannot own how my mother treats me; I cannot own how somebody else reacts to me. What I can own is my own reactions\u2014how I respond and what I do\u2014<em>that<\/em> is what God holds me accountable to. I can own how I\u2019m going to love people, no matter what; follow the example of Jesus, when He was hanging on the cross and He said, \u201cFather forgive them; they don\u2019t <em>know<\/em> what they\u2019re doing\u201d [Luke 23:34]. Now, if the Son of God, who was innocent, could say that, after everything He went through, I\u2019m pretty sure I could look at my mom and say, \u201cI forgive you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Caleb Kaltenbach: he wasn\u2019t treated with love and respect, but he offered love and respect; he offered grace.<\/p>\n<p>Caleb\u2019s an author and conference speaker. He and his wife, Amy, and their two kids live in Southern California. The cool part of that story is that, when he was pastoring a church in Texas, his mom and his dad, independent from each other, moved to Texas to be with Caleb\u2019s family. They went to church to Caleb\u2019s church and, independent of each other, they became Christians. They got to <em>know<\/em> the Jesus Christ, [whom] Caleb had been telling them about since he was 16 years old.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s a lot of Caleb\u2019s story that I wasn\u2019t able to share today because of our short time. It\u2019s an <em>incredible story<\/em> of how God used a young man to win his family for Christ. I encourage you to go to our website and listen to the entire story: FamilyLifethisWeek.com.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve been talking about grace today. We\u2019ve been talking about how it plays out in our relationships: in our marriage relationships, and our parenting, and in our friendships. I just want to leave you with this thought from Tim Kimmel on grace.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Grace is giving somebody something they desperately need but don\u2019t necessarily deserve. That\u2019s what happened at the cross when Jesus intervened in time\/space for all of us. He gave us grace.<\/p>\n<p>But when I look at our marriages, I think we tend to lead with the word, \u201clove.\u201d Love is an intrinsic part of just about anybody\u2019s life\u2014that\u2019s what we share\u2014our vows of love. But I think the missing ingredient in most people\u2019s marriage is not love; I believe it\u2019s grace. When they bring God\u2019s grace to center stage, now, that love can endure and get stronger.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> If God\u2019s grace is giving me what I need but don\u2019t deserve, then grace in a marriage is when we give one another things we need but don\u2019t deserve?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes; I think the problem with us, human beings\/even us Christian human beings, is that, when we get married, like it or not, we tend to keep a tally sheet in our hand. We\u2019re keeping score as we go. We feel that that\u2019s completely legitimate, even though we would, to our dying breath, we\u2019d say we love each other incredibly. But because we\u2019re keeping score, it\u2019s easy to start thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t think they\u2019re pulling their part of the deal on this.\u201d We start a quid pro quo arrangement, and this is the antithesis of the way God deals with us.<\/p>\n<p>All we\u2019re saying in this book is: \u201cWhy don\u2019t we treat our spouse the way God treats His spouse with grace?\u201d When we realize that the God who made us: realize that there\u2019s no way we could have a relationship with Him, because of the sin in our own life; that He loved us enough to intervene in time\/space, take on human flesh, and climb up on a cross and ask us to marry Him on a cross. He gave His life as a substitute for our sin. When you simply put your faith in what He did on the cross for you and say, \u201cJesus, I need You. Please forgive me. Set me free from my sin.\u201d Just like that, He enters our life; and He does set us free. But in the process, we get all of God, too; and we get all of His grace. He says, \u201cNow let Me grow My grace in your heart. Let me transplant My heart into you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>First few decades or two of our\u2014you know it was a lot of autumn season and winter season in our relationship\u2014but it was just we let God continue to grow in our life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> To that person, who wants to do that right now, take his hand or her hand in yours, and put it in the hands of God. Explain\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do what you did with Darcy\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014back in the car\/back when you were kids because you\u2014our listeners don\u2019t know this: but you were the one who led your wife to Christ prior to you guys getting married; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. She was 15, and I was 16 and [was] just on the front-side of my own faith.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re here, and you\u2019re listening to us right now, and you realize: \u201cThe missing ingredient in my life is this grace; but even bigger, it\u2019s Jesus,\u201d you can invite Him into your life right now simply by faith. Just repeat this prayer after me in your heart. Just say: \u201cDear Jesus, I need You. I know that I\u2019m a sinner; and because of my sin, I\u2019m lost. I know now that You love me and You gave Your life for me, so please forgive me and make my life new. Amen.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Tim Kimmel helping us pray the most important prayer we could ever pray. It reminds me of Romans 10, verse 9, because: \u201cIf you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If that was a prayer of your heart today, just let me say, there are angels that are celebrating and rejoicing in heaven right now. If you prayed that prayer, I am so excited for you; you are on your way to a grace-filled life. We have resources at our website to help you in this new faith\/to help you understand and help you grow. That\u2019s at FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.<\/p>\n<p>Coming up next week we are going to talk with a mom, who admits that it\u2019s hard being a mom. If you can resonate with that, I think you\u2019ll want to tune in to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em> next weekend. Hope you can join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening! I want to the cofounder of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and our president, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our team who makes this all possible\u2014they are beyond grace-filled towards me; that is for sure\u2014to Keith Lynch; our producers, Phil Kraus, Marques Holt, Justin Adams, and Megan Martin.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us, again, next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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