{"id":306955,"date":"2021-07-22T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-07-22T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/screens-and-family\/"},"modified":"2021-07-22T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-07-22T11:00:05","slug":"screens-and-family","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/screens-and-family\/","title":{"rendered":"Screens and Family"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is technology bringing your home together or pulling it apart? Arlene Pellicane shares five skills every kid should have and how you can build them into their lives.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-22.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:33","filesize":"25.23M","filesize_raw":"26459574","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,10350,2806],"tags":[4798,4237],"podcast_series":[8458],"cwp_profile":[3382],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306955","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-digital-and-media-choices","category-spiritual-development","tag-kids","tag-technology","podcast_series-kids-and-screens","cwp_profile-arlene-pellicane","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306955\/screens-and-family","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306955\/screens-and-family","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"bhVg9GLacL\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/screens-and-family\/\">Screens and Family<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/screens-and-family\/embed\/#?secret=bhVg9GLacL\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Screens and Family&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"bhVg9GLacL\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Is technology bringing your home together or pulling it apart? Arlene Pellicane shares five skills every kid should have and how you can build them into their lives.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What do you think our home would have been like had our kids had 24\/7 access to the internet? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The days, when they were little and didn\u2019t have any of that, was <em>exhausting<\/em> and awesome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about the hours we spent\u2014and you spent, too\u2014outside, playing with our kids. No other parents were outside. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I mean, there would be 12 kids in our yard, playing. It\u2019s something you don\u2019t see as often anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, the neighbor kids would come to the front door and say [sounding like a young boy], \u201cCan Mr. Wilson come out to play?\u201d Of course, people don\u2019t know what I\u2019m talking about: <em>Dennis the Menace<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014<em>Dennis the Menace<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking about digital world screen time today. We\u2019ve got a pretty cool guest; don\u2019t we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; we do, and I\u2019m really excited. We have Arlene Pellicane with us today, and she wrote a book called <em>Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World<\/em>. Arlene, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> So great to be here. Thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And she isn\u2019t just an author; she is a mom, a wife\u2014got three kids\u2014so you are <em>living<\/em> this stuff out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She has a great podcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, <em>Happy Home<\/em> podcast. By the way, you also have a <em>Grandparenting Screen Kids: How to Help, What to Say, and Where to Begin<\/em>\u2014so this isn\u2019t just parents; this is grandparents as well. Maybe, we\u2019ll talk a little bit about both because we are parents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014grandparents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014<em>and<\/em> grandparents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFive skills\u2014so review what those five are\u2014and then I want to jump into \u201cattention\u201d;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014I think that\u2019s a big one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> That\u2019s a big one! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Review what they are first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t hear what you said; I wasn\u2019t paying attention. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> The A-plus skills in the book are:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAffection: Can your child give and receive love? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAppreciation: Are they grateful, or are they entitled? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnger management: We all get mad, but what do we do with that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tApology: Can they own up for what they did and say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d in real life? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAttention: Can they pay attention in school, to you as a parent, to a sermon, to rules\u2014to any of those things? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, these A-plus skills are <em>so<\/em> foundational for life; but right now, everyone\u2019s the A-plus skill of <em>Amusement<\/em>. That\u2019s what kids are <em>really<\/em> good at; and to be frank, adults as well. We\u2019ve got to get back to these character skills to help our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When you think of those character skills, as a parent and as an author of parenting,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, yes; no question; those are definitely five of the skills\u201d; but I don\u2019t always connect the dots, like, \u201cOkay, how does screen time\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201caffect it?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201caffect those skills?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t seem like it would be that big of a deal. So talk about: \u201cHow does it help or hurt?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes, let\u2019s think\/let\u2019s think of appreciation\u2014so gratitude\u2014being a foundational character trait; right? If a child is on screens a lot, they are used to <em>choice<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s not just like one program they could watch\u2014they could watch <em>400<\/em> programs; you know? Then they don\u2019t have to wait; they get things <em>instantly<\/em>. They have this sense of entitlement of: \u201cI want it now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when life happens\u2014regular life\u2014and you have to <em>wait<\/em> for something, they are like: \u201cWhat am I waiting for?\u201d \u201cYou mean I <em>have<\/em> to do my chores? I don\u2019t have a <em>choice<\/em> in the matter?\u201d They are <em>not<\/em> grateful; they are <em>entitled<\/em>: \u201cI have a <em>right<\/em> to this,\u201d \u201cI have a <em>right<\/em> to that,\u201d because my screen time tells me: \u201cI am the king of the world; my screen does what I tell it to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead of\u2014perhaps, a child saving money for a device and then taking good care of it, being grateful for it\u2014maybe, we buy it for them for Christmas or birthday. They don\u2019t have to wait, so they <em>think<\/em> it\u2019s coming to them. This fights against gratitude\u2014which gratitude says\u2014\u201cHey, I\u2019m thankful for what I have. I\u2019m content with what I have. I recognize that someone had to pay a price for what I have, and I\u2019m grateful.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScreen time is just: \u201cMe, me, me, me\u201d; but gratitude is recognizing: \u201cWow, you did something for me?: and \u201cI\u2019m really grateful.\u201d That [screen time] undermines\u2014and just think of it\u2014it used to be very normal for a kid to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d\u2014so just the pleasantries of \u201cplease\u201d and \u201cthank you\u201d\u2014you know, kids just think it\u2019s coming to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How did you get your kids to be grateful? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I\u2019ll have to be like: \u201cMy husband.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s pretty much the long and short of it: my husband! When Noelle was two, she would want milk; and she would be like, \u201cMILK!\u201d\u2014like a dictator\u2014\u201cMILK! MILK!\u201d I looked at her; I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWho is this child?\u201d\u2014who was so sweet a second ago; you know? \u201cOh, Noelle, I\u2019m sorry. That\u2019s not how you ask for milk. You say, \u2018Milk, <em>please<\/em>.\u2019 You don\u2019t refer to: \u2018MILK, PLEASE!\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEventually, it became, \u201cMilk, please\u201d; but it\u2019s training <em>early<\/em>. It\u2019s saying, \u201cNo, no, no; you\u2019re not going to get that <em>until<\/em> you say, \u2018Please\u2019 and \u2018Thank you,\u2019\u201d and then just continue that. I think, too, when <em>you<\/em> say it to <em>them<\/em>\u2014right? When they are young, you\u2019re <em>insisting<\/em> on it:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cIf you want something, you may use the magic words of \u2018please\u2019 and \u2018thank you.\u2019\u201d So don\u2019t forget that; it used to be something that we said all the time. Go ahead and continue that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen as they get older, let them see <em>you<\/em>, when you get your cup of coffee [at a coffee shop]: \u201cOh, thank you so much.\u201d I like to use their name just to freak them out; they\u2019ve got their name [on the nametag]\u2014you say, \u201cOh, thank you so much, Barbara,\u201d\u2014and they are like, \u201cOoh, she used my name.\u201d Show them [your kids] courtesy to other people\/to them; and then I think your kids will be much more apt to do that as they grow up. But I would <em>insist<\/em> on it, and look for it, and ask for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and in some ways, you just modeled a little bit of what <em>attention<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014looks like, even eye contact\/noticing. Talk about how attention is\/screens can be <em>hurtful<\/em> to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Attention is a <em>big<\/em> issue; because you have so many more kids, who are dealing with attention problems in school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How have screens affected kids\u2019 ability to pay attention? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Think about the old show, <em>Mister Rogers<\/em>\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014right? When you are watching Fred Rogers, what is he doing? He is talking very slowly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t like that about him:\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> There is just one\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cCome on! Let\u2019s go; let\u2019s go.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s go!\u201d\u2014[with Mr. Roger\u2019s] it\u2019s just one shot; that\u2019s it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Simple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Simple; but today, when kids watch things, it changes very fast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Dimitri Christakis\u2014who is a professor of pediatrics and a specialist\u2014he talks about the concern is the pacing of the program, whether it is video games\/TV. It\u2019s over-stimulating, and it contributes to attention problems. What they are finding is\u2014because when kids watch that, it\u2019s like things change every few seconds\u2014so they expect that. Then, when you are sitting in the classroom\u2014and your teacher is talking to you and things\u2014like ten seconds went by, and she is <em>still talking to you<\/em>; right? It\u2019s like, \u201cThis is very hard to pay attention to.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They are not used to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> They are not used to it; so it\u2019s what a <em>mind<\/em> is used to. Because video games move so quickly, and it\u2019s so immersive and so visually-stimulating\u2014so when a child doesn\u2019t have that visual stimulation, and the rewards coming every few seconds, and they are unpredictable\u2014all these things that they are <em>used<\/em> to, even in social media: \u201cWho is going to like my photo?\u201d\u2014it\u2019s bottomless; there is attention. As you scroll through, there are <em>videos<\/em>, and there are <em>advertisements<\/em>; it\u2019s all very stimulating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo then, when they get to class, or they read the Bible, or they sit to pray\u2014and it\u2019s not this visually-stimulating thing\u2014and they are like, \u201cHow do I pay <em>attention<\/em> in this?\u201d Screen time really does impact how you and your children can pay attention and how well you do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you\u2019re saying that\u2019s really impacting them in school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> It is; I think all you have to do is ask a teacher. Ask a teacher, who has been teaching, maybe, more than ten years; and ask them, \u201cWhat is it like <em>today<\/em> versus what it was ten years ago?\u201d Of course, if you get an older teacher, who can know what the classroom was like 30 years ago, they will tell you <em>for sure<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It even sounds like\u2014I mean, I don\u2019t know if you wrote about this\u2014but it sounds like, \u201cOkay; if I am going to go out on a date with my wife, or if I am going to take my son or daughter out, be intentional and say, \u2018We\u2019re not doing a phone between us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201c\u2019Neither one of us are going to have one to look at. We\u2019re going to look at each other.\u2019\u201d Again, your child may go, \u201cDad! No! That would be the worst thing ever!\u201d Yet, I think, at the end of the day, it would be a beautiful thing; wouldn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Absolutely; because it\u2019s <em>different<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> It\u2019s different. And you know, for boys, I think, doing things with them side by side. You know, my son probably doesn\u2019t want to go out with me and stare at me for an hour; but he will certainly go out with me\u2014and if we\u2019re doing something\/if we have an activity\u2014whether we\u2019re rowing, whether we are playing ultimate Frisbee. He likes to run; I don\u2019t like to run\u2014so I would not be next to him doing that\u2014but finding activities together that you don\u2019t have your phones. That actually still has to with attention because now, your brain is having that <em>healthy<\/em> time to rest and be rejuvenated. That\u2019s going to help you pay attention when you have to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your kids are sitting all day\u2014let\u2019s say they are doing online school\u2014and then they are sitting more for more video games, and more YouTube, and more Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Then, of course, it\u2019s hard for them to pay attention; they\u2019ve been sitting in the same position for the last 15 <em>hours<\/em>. Our kids do need to go out and get exercise as much as possible, even inside, if the weather doesn\u2019t permit. All those things are really important to help them pay attention when they need to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I can still remember\u2014this has got to be 20 or more years ago\u2014driving home, seeing a father and a son walking together on a sidewalk, and it might have even been jogging\u2014but I remember looking over, thinking, \u201cOh, what a beautiful scene!\u201d I had little boys at the time, and this was like a teenage boy with his dad. I thought, \u201cOh, someday, I\u2019ll be walking with my son like that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I looked closer, I realized they both had headphones on; I remember literally, going, \u201cOh, that\u2019s so sad! There is no communication going on.\u201d I mean, I get it\u2014I like music or whatever\u2014but I thought, \u201cOh, there was a <em>moment<\/em> that was <em>lost<\/em> because of technology.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Again, we\u2019re not saying technology is bad\u2014it is a <em>beautiful<\/em>\u2014it is a gift from God in many ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> But man, when it <em>separates<\/em> you from attention to one another in isolation, which it can do\u2014that\u2019s something you\u2019ve got to be intentional about and say\u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to have technology in my life, but I\u2019m going to manage it; I\u2019m not going to let it manage me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cAnd I\u2019m not going to let it manage our <em>family<\/em> and hurt us in a tough way.\u201d Obviously, I\u2019m preaching <em>your<\/em> book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, that\u2019s what you said the whole time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Amen; let\u2019s go! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We have three sons, so their interests have all been very different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I can remember one of those sons was a sports guy. We\u2019d be out; he would just be shooting baskets continually, and I\u2019m just rebounding them for him. But in that time, the conversation was great: we\u2019re talking about the day; we\u2019re talking about what\u2019s going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have another son, who works in IT now; so he, from the time he was born, has been <em>fascinated<\/em> with anything that has to do with screens. That was a little trickier; but he, too\u2014we\u2019d have him outside\u2014he would love playing games if we\u2019re all together. Your kids <em>want<\/em> to be with you, as a parent; they <em>want<\/em> to hang out with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave, you\u2019re just fun\u2014[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m just fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like our boys wanted to hang out with you. I was thinking, \u201cMan, we could have lost so much,\u201d\u2014especially when you have someone so\/like that could be their vocation in the future; you don\u2019t want to just <em>squelch<\/em> everything\u2014but you\u2019re helping them to learn how to <em>manage<\/em> it for <em>their<\/em> future. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> A good question to ask is: \u201cIs technology bringing your home together, or is it tearing it apart?\u201d Because there are ways that technology can bring your home together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How would you <em>know<\/em> if it\u2019s bringing it together? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You would know because there is no friction or tension around it. You\u2019re not going to bed, thinking [frustration in voice]: \u201cOh, man, we didn\u2019t know; how did we do that?\u201d or \u201cShe is watching this; he is watching that.\u201d You have <em>peace<\/em>\u2014you have <em>peace<\/em> about it\u2014and there is not a lot of arguing around it. The limits are there, and people are abiding by it for the most part\u2014things like that. That you know: \u201cHey, we have a healthy family groove,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s laughing together\/so if you are laughing together; are you doing something together? Do you serve together once in a while?\u2014things like that that let you know: \u201cThis technology isn\u2019t in the way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Even seems like\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right or wrong\u2014that if you\u2019re bonding together around technology, as a family,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s not that bad. Like you said earlier, back in the day, I can remember Sunday night, sitting with my mom, watching <em>Ed Sullivan<\/em> and <em>Walt Disney<\/em>. By the way, there were only three channels;\u2014[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014so what else are you going to do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But that was a bonding moment; because then, we would talk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what we have now is five kids, all looking at different things; and we\u2019re not bonding at all. But if we decide: \u201cHey, let\u2019s watch this show,\u201d or \u201cLet\u2019s listen to this head talk or this sermon,\u201d I mean that\u2019s a <em>good<\/em> thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> It is. So if you are watching <em>together<\/em>, that\u2019s a technology-bringing-my-family-together moment. That\u2019s a good thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; talk about\/because I would never have thought an A-plus skill that would be hindered by screens would be anger management. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How is <em>that<\/em> affected? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; so what happens in the restaurant when brother and sister start to fight? I had a restaurant owner tell me that it used to be that they\u2019d just have to work it out; you know?\u2014they\u2019d have to talk about it\u2014\u201cYou did this, and he did this. Well, you apologize to your sister,\u201d or \u201cYou apologize to your brother.\u201d He said, \u201cThey don\u2019t do that anymore. They just whip out the iPad<sup> \u00ae <\/sup>s; the conversation goes away, and they <em>never<\/em> talk about it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You see, instead of the anger coming out and having to deal with it, a lot of times, the child is <em>pacified<\/em>\u2014like, \u201cOkay, you\u2019re getting really mad right now. You are about to throw a fit; so let\u2019s give you want you want, which is your video game,\u201d\u2014so they don\u2019t know: \u201cWhat do I <em>do<\/em> with that anger?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou think of it, later in life\u2014a husband and a wife\u2014they get mad at each other; they are arguing about the finances. It\u2019s getting heated. He\u2019s going to storm off; he\u2019s going to play a video game. She\u2019s going to storm off; she\u2019s going to tweet [frustrated voice]: \u201cMy husband doesn\u2019t understand me,\u201d\u2014you know, whatever they are doing at that time. So how do you deal with that anger? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>A lot of times, we\u2019re having that mismatch of not having to deal with anger; because we just <em>distract<\/em> with screens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s <em>avoidance<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014so avoidance; that would be one way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen another way would just be so many violent video games. If people are exposed to so many violent video games, what is the effect of that? Now, it doesn\u2019t mean that, if your child plays a violent video game, they are going to go out and do this; okay?\u2014that\u2019s not what we are trying to say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the idea is: if you are exposed to violence\u2014if you are <em>watching<\/em> a lot of violence; if you\u2019re in a first-person shooter game, and you are doing that\u2014it\u2019s much more likely that behavior kind of becomes a little bit more okay in your mind. You can become more contagious\u2014it is more contagious to <em>you<\/em> to catch that anger than to someone else, who is watching little butterflies or something\u2014[Laughter]\u2014you know what I\u2019m saying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is also that idea: if you are getting pumped <em>full<\/em> of angry things, whether it is\u2014really, social media is <em>very<\/em> angry\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014very polarized\u2014very angry. In fact, I remember hearing Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> saying that it wasn\u2019t the happy feeling that got engagement. It was the <em>angry<\/em> feeling that got engagement. So they want to put stuff out there that makes you <em>mad<\/em>; because when you are mad, you engage. That\u2019s what they <em>want<\/em>. To realize: \u201cOkay, my child is on social media; they are trying to make her or him <em>mad<\/em> about something.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey are playing a video game\u2014they\u2019re shooting people, and they are doing stuff; and that\u2019s making them more aggressive\u2014think of it that way. \u201cOkay, how can we help our child?\u201d\u2014if we see that they are getting in trouble with the principal; they are talking smack to their parents\u2014\u201cHow can we help them?\u201d Maybe, it <em>is<\/em> related to what they are doing on screens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let\u2019s go into an area that I know that, especially moms\u2014and I\u2019m sure dads feel this too\u2014of the fear that we have is pornography. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How do we battle that? What do we do? I think, so often, as parents, we <em>feel<\/em> like we have no control of this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Help us with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s actual a big reason why our son, who is 16, does not have a phone. A lot of people had said, \u201cHow crazy?! He bikes to school, and don\u2019t you feel like that\u2019s unsafe for him to go without a phone?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we have taken the stance that we think it\u2019s more unsafe to put something in his pocket that could so easily become a hub for him\u2014because the thing is\u2014as a boy or a girl gravitates towards that, there is so much shame that\u2019s involved in it. Yet, that desire to be curious about that person of the opposite sex is a God-given desire and curiosity that someday will be very beautiful and fulfilled in a marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo from a very young age, you can talk to kids about how\u2014Dr. Chapman, the coauthor of <em>Screen Kids<\/em>, likes to say to people\u2014\u201cYou know, whenever you see people of any culture, they have certain body parts covered up. That\u2019s because God gave those certain body parts, so those body parts are private and should be covered up.\u201d You talk to little kids this way: \u201cIf you ever see something that comes onto your screen that <em>looks<\/em> like, \u2018Oh, that\u2019s wrong!\u201d\u2014like it wasn\u2019t covered up\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s not covered up!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cIt\u2019s not covered up!\u201d [Laughter] \u201cYou can come and talk to me about that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s very important, when your kids do talk to you, that you\u2019re just <em>quiet<\/em> instead of \u201cOh my word!\u201d\u2014whether it is a lecture, or a freak-out, or whatever\u2014but just <em>quiet<\/em> and listen, and make sure <em>you<\/em> are a safe place to talk to. Again, that\u2019s why I say to be quiet; because it\u2019s too tempting to say the wrong thing in that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What do you mean by a safe place? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Because if <em>you<\/em> say: \u201cHow could you do that?! Don\u2019t you know the Bible says to keep pure? Don\u2019t you know it says <em>flee<\/em> lust? Don\u2019t you know those things?!\u201d \u201cOkay, we\u2019re going to take this\/we\u2019re going to take this away,\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re going to do this\u2026\u201d\u2014they are going to be like, \u201cOkay, the next time I have something to say, I am not telling my mom or dad\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecause they are going to freak out, make me feel really guilty, and it\u2019s going to be terrible.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead, if you can, say, \u201cWow, it took a lot of courage for you to come talk to me about this. This is not a you-problem, son, in the sense of\u201d\u2014or daughter\u2014\u201c<em>a lot<\/em> of people are struggling with this. This is something we really want to help you with, so let\u2019s get help if we need to. Let\u2019s get a youth pastor involved if we need to. Let\u2019s get other people\u2026\u201d\u2014because sometimes, the parent isn\u2019t the best person to talk to\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cLet\u2019s get another loving, caring adult in here; and let\u2019s talk about this. We\u2019re here for you.\u201d I think that is so important for them to feel like they can talk to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really is a war cry for parents to say, \u201cI don\u2019t want my kids to get exposed to that, because then it sets up all these false expectations of what this supposed to be; it sets up just a system of shame for my child; it\u2019s going to hinder their future marriage and relationship.\u201d It\u2019s so <em>harmful<\/em>. Then it\u2019s like, \u201cWhat can the real thing\/how can that compete with this thing you are watching that\u2019s just this fantasy world?\u201d\u2014so just for kids\u2014to protect them, because they can\u2019t un-see things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> That\u2019s why you don\u2019t want to hand a smartphone to an elementary-school child. Then you want to really pause before handing one to a middle schooler or a high schooler. For me, I think the answer really is teaching your kids other skills so that they don\u2019t have that smartphone in their hand when they are young. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Would you encourage parents to not let their kids have their phones in their room\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014especially at night or their computers? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; just say it from a sleep perspective\u2014just say: \u201cHey, I remember when you were a baby, and you cried all night long\u201d; it was <em>really<\/em> hard for me to go to sleep. When your phone goes <em>beep<\/em>: and you wonder, \u2018Oh, what does my friend have to say?\u2019\u2014<em>beep<\/em>: \u2018You want to wake up and play video games?\u2019\u2014<em>beep<\/em>\u2026\u2019\u201d [Laughter] Just from a sleep perspective, tell them, \u201cI don\u2019t want you to get interrupted all the time. I want you to have a good night sleep. You may think I\u2019m the <em>worst<\/em> parent ever. I\u2019m really sorry if this is ruining your life, but I\u2019m going to take your phone overnight.\u201d I think that is a <em>really<\/em> good step. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Obviously, you\u2019re saying, \u201cPut the home computer in the middle of the home,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cright there where everybody can see.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t do that at first. Our computer was in the basement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014terrible; it was <em>dumb<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014just a really bad idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Even as you\u2019re saying\u2014and I\u2019ve shared this here on FamilyLife before\u2014but our oldest was, maybe, middle school? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He was 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> First, Ann comes to me and says, \u201cIs this <em>you<\/em>?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cNo.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because I was checking the history. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, checking the history, which every parent should do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it wasn\u2019t me. We sat down our oldest and asked him; and he said, \u201cYes, it\u2019s me.\u201d Just as you said, I remember I was thinking, \u201cHow will I respond when that day comes?\u201d It wasn\u2019t <em>if<\/em>\u2014it was sort of like: \u201cIt\u2019s probably going to come someday, and if we discover that\u2026\u201d\u2014and I thought I\u2019d be mad. I started to cry; I said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We both did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014I said, \u201cYou don\u2019t realize the Pandora\u2019s box you just opened. I <em>know<\/em>; I\u2019ve gone down this road, and it\u2019s a <em>battle<\/em>. I will do everything I can to walk <em>with<\/em> you.\u201d He was <em>great<\/em>; he was like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, we even said, like, \u201cWhat do you think the consequence should be?\u201d\u2014we didn\u2019t set the consequence\u2014we were just saying: \u201cBecause this could affect your future, your marriage\u2026\u201d\u2014all the things that you already talked about, Arlene. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s so funny; he is like, \u201cI don\u2019t think I should be on the computer for a <em>month<\/em>.\u201d We were thinking, \u201cA <em>month<\/em>\u2014whoa! That\u2019s longer than we thought!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t it funny that they will often do a <em>harsher<\/em> thing than we would even do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, yes; we moved that computer right in the <em>center<\/em> of the family room. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Parents, have a conversation with your kids\u2014not just about this thing we\u2019ve been talking about the last few minutes\u2014but <em>about<\/em> this digital screen world they are living in. It shouldn\u2019t be: \u201cIt\u2019s their world,\u201d\/\u201cIt\u2019s your world.\u201d It should be: \u201cWe need to talk.\u201d Maybe, you need to apologize; but what would it be like to open up the thing and say, \u201cHow are you doing with this, and how can we help you?\u201d and \u201cMaybe, we need to set some new parameters and start a new way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Listening to Dave and Ann Wilson today talk with Arlene Pellicane about kids and screen time. I\u2019ve been thinking about how our screens are kind of like pacifiers for older people, whether it is teenagers or grownups. When your child is restless, it\u2019s easy to default to screen time\u2014to let them spend too much time online or with their screen\u2014 just because it brings some peace and quiet into the home. We\u2019ve got to be careful about this as we seek to raise the next generation to be healthy and to know how to relate to other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>This is really what\u2019s at the heart of Arlene Pellicane\u2019s book, which is called <em>Screen Kids<\/em>. It\u2019s about <em>5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World<\/em>. We\u2019re making this book available this week to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, those of you who can support this ministry and help extend the reach of FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal every day is to provide you and others with solid practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family. There are hundreds of thousands of people, who connect with us every day, looking for this kind of help and hope. Listeners, like you, have made today\u2019s program possible. We want to ask <em>you<\/em> to make tomorrow\u2019s program possible\u2014to make a donation\u2014so that FamilyLife can continue to reach more people, more often, and effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe godly marriages and families can change the world one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to make an online donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. When you do, ask for your copy of Arlene Pellicane\u2019s book, <em>Screen Kids<\/em>. It\u2019s our thank-you gift for your donation. Again, the website to donate is FamilyLifeToday.com; or donate by calling 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk, among other things, about what grandparents can do or shouldn\u2019t do as we interact with our grandkids, and their devices, and their screens. Arlene Pellicane will be back with us to talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can be here as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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