{"id":306944,"date":"2021-07-13T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-07-13T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/raising-kids-in-the-tech-world\/"},"modified":"2021-07-13T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-07-13T11:00:05","slug":"raising-kids-in-the-tech-world","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/raising-kids-in-the-tech-world\/","title":{"rendered":"Raising Kids in the Tech World"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How can parents raise kids well in today&#8217;s tech-driven world? Arlene Pellicane addresses when a kid needs a phone, what skills they need, digital Sabbaths and more.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-13.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:31:00","filesize":"28.39M","filesize_raw":"29764817","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,10350,2806],"tags":[4798,2209,4838,4237],"podcast_series":[8458],"cwp_profile":[3382],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306944","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-digital-and-media-choices","category-spiritual-development","tag-kids","tag-parenting","tag-screentime","tag-technology","podcast_series-kids-and-screens","cwp_profile-arlene-pellicane","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306944\/raising-kids-in-the-tech-world","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306944\/raising-kids-in-the-tech-world","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"kELf2uAIPs\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/raising-kids-in-the-tech-world\/\">Raising Kids in the Tech World<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/raising-kids-in-the-tech-world\/embed\/#?secret=kELf2uAIPs\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Raising Kids in the Tech World&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"kELf2uAIPs\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"How can parents raise kids well in today's tech-driven world? Arlene Pellicane addresses when a kid needs a phone, what skills they need, digital Sabbaths and more.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So my question to you today is: \u201cHow do you think my phone and your phone have changed your marriage?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think we talk as much; because I\u2019ve always said, when your phone is in your hand, I feel like you\u2019re talking to someone else; and I don\u2019t want to be rude.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we\u2019ve had fights\u2014many fights\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014over: \u201cOkay; so I\u2019ll put my phone on my leg.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Then I can tell\u2014I can hear it buzz\u2014and then I can tell that you\u2019re just <em>dying <\/em>to look at it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And if I glance down, I\u2019m in trouble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014<em>Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So we need help. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we have help!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And we have help in the studio! Arlene Pellicane is with us today. She has written a book called <em>Screen Kids, <\/em>which is not just about kids. Although it is a lot about kids, it affects marriages as well. Here\u2019s her subtitle, which I love: <em>5 Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World. <\/em>We need to talk about those skills.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you\u2019re also a mom\/a wife\u2014three kids\u2014so you\u2019re living this out in your home. You\u2019ve got a podcast called <em>The Happy Home<\/em> and a wonderful book called <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband. <\/em>Is that what it was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s it! You got it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we\u2019ve already been talking about just the effects of our screen time on our brains, on our homes\u2014what that looks like\u2014that was super helpful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it\u2019s helpful; because I didn\u2019t want to know it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, like I\u2019m doing this\u2014and I don\u2019t want to know\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was clapping and cheering when Arlene came; but then I was also super convicted, because I\u2019m guilty, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it is <em>fascinating <\/em>to think how it affects our brain. One of the things I want to ask you about that is: \u201cCan we become addicted?\u201d Because my wife has said maybe I am. And is it like a drug?\u2014screen time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And Arlene, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> It\u2019s so great to be with you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, you can become addicted. The idea\u2014you know, of course, there are so many ways that we could talk about addiction\u2014like, \u201cWhat does that really mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, in a marriage, it\u2019s the kind of thing, where it\u2019s taking more time than you want it to take. Let\u2019s say you wanted to just be on it for an hour; and then you realize, at the end of the day: \u201cOh, my goodness! I spent three hours on YouTube and watching videos I didn\u2019t even mean to.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You see that it\u2019s causing problems inside a relationship; someone is saying, \u201cHey, you\u2019re on that too much.\u201d And then, you can always try the good old detox of saying, \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to take a digital Sabbath,\u201d\u2014 like a test\u2014to say: \u201cOn Sunday, we know where we\u2019re driving to, so we don\u2019t need it for directions. You\u2019ve got your watch on; so if there\u2019s an emergency, someone could reach you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re just going to do a test. Can we do 24 hours without technology?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Have you done that with your family? You have three kids;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014how old are they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> They are 16, 14, and 11. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Whoa!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So they\u2019re in it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> They are in it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have not, technically, done this test, which is making me think, \u201cWe should try it.\u201d [Laughter] We have hybrids of this test. Our kids are very strange, because they don\u2019t have phones; and they\u2019re not allowed to have social media accounts; and they don\u2019t play video games. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> What?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How are these kids existing?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I know! And they still live and breathe. They\u2019re not on oxygen; they\u2019re okay! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut of course, we do have a lot of technology. So when they need a phone, they use mine or my husband\u2019s. There\u2019s a family iPad<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, so they can grab that for school or for whatever. There are desktop computers; there are Chromebooks from school. I mean, we have a lot of technology in the house; but they don\u2019t have a personal phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; what does your 16-year-old think about this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes, so this is really funny; because my 16-year-old is frugal!\u2014like he is good with money. He knows, if he had a phone, he\u2019d have to pay for it. I have actually even asked, \u201cIf we <em>let<\/em> you have a phone, would you get one?\u201d And he\u2019s like, \u201cProbably not\u201d;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014because of the financial, which is funny; but that\u2019s also part of learning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, if they want a phone\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Because for kids\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014let them buy it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014for most kids, it\u2019s a freebie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You know, it\u2019s like no risk on them: \u201cYes, mom; I want a phone! I\u2019m ten years old, and I want the <em>best<\/em> phone that\u2019s out there; because you\u2019re going to buy it for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo even teaching your child: \u201cIf you want that phone, you can <em>earn<\/em> that phone.\u201d That\u2019s even a good lesson in how this works. So for him, he would say, \u201cYou know what? If there\u2019s a problem, because I don\u2019t have my phone, I can find a work-around.\u201d All he has to do is say, \u201cBuddy!\u201d\u2014like two feet away from him\u2014\u201cLet me use your phone to text my mom.\u201d And he does it; it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> a big deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, what do you say to a parent about when to let their kids have a phone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> This is a <em>huge<\/em> thing. It\u2019s going to be different for each kid; because some kids might be able to handle it, where other kids couldn\u2019t. See, are they, first of all, responsible with normal things: \u201cDo they walk the dog when they\u2019re supposed to?\u201d \u201cDo they do their laundry?\u201d \u201cDo they pack their lunch?\u201d \u201cDo they clean the house?\u201d \u201cDo they keep up on their grades?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause if you\u2019re having trouble with these basic responsibilities\u2014but they <em>promise<\/em>:\u201cIf you give me a phone, I will do <em>everything you want me to do<\/em>, and I\u2019ll follow <em>every<\/em> rule you give me about the phone!\u201d You\u2019re going to be like, \u201cNo; your actions do not show me that.\u201d So are they responsible enough? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, I would really say, for sure, it\u2019s not needed in elementary school. If they need one to communicate\u2014maybe you are in two different homes, and you need to communicate who\u2019s picking her up\/what\u2019s happening\u2014then just a simple phone that can text only; that will work, but <em>not<\/em> a smartphone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I would really caution in middle school; because a lot of times, we feel like, \u201cOkay, it\u2019s middle school. Now we\u2019re going to let up; we\u2019re going to give the phone.\u201d But in middle school\u2014think of it!\u2014this is\/this <em>huge <\/em>time, where they\u2019re so unsure of themselves. They\u2019re wondering\/they\u2019re asking the question: \u201cDo people like me?\u201d Girls are asking, \u201cAm I pretty?\u201d You know, guys are [asking], \u201cAm I competent?\u201d They\u2019re asking these questions. You give them a phone and social media during that time, and they will find the <em>wrong<\/em> answers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> So I would really caution, even [with] a middle schooler. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember one of my neighbors\u2014we were talking to her\u2014and then her daughter was standing there, too, who is 13.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we were talking about phones. She said, \u201cIf I didn\u2019t have a phone, it would be social death to me! I would have no friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI would not know what\u2019s going on. I would not\u2026\u201d And I was thinking, \u201cOh, but you\u2019re getting your <em>identity<\/em> from what other people are saying and doing.\u201d That\u2019s the danger of it, especially in middle school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> As our values and everything are being shaped, and we\u2019re pulling away from our parents more, and we\u2019re really tuning in to what society is saying and our peers are saying; it can be a dangerous time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes, yes; and just, as a parent, scroll through TikTok\/just scroll through Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014and see what\u2019s popular\u2014and then you\u2019ll wonder, \u201cIs this what I want my child to be feeding on?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is not a popular thing [not getting a phone]; you know? No middle school child is going to be like, \u201cOh, great!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cYou don\u2019t get a phone!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t get a phone, so I can be healthy! Yippee!!\u201d\u2014you know? Nobody\u2019s going to say that. They\u2019re going to be like, \u201cYou are ruining my life!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u201cThis is death to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And that\u2019s why I think it\u2019s so important, in those elementary school years\u2014if you are listening to us, and you still have those younger kids\u2014that they\u2019re building other activities; so that, when you get to that point in their life, they have relationships; they have real-life friends, who they don\u2019t have to count on connecting on Instagram to be with that friend. They <em>have <\/em>a friend in real life, that they\u2019re going to see normally. It\u2019s not social death when they don\u2019t have that phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s talk about your subtitle: <em>5 Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World.<\/em> And by the way, I\u2019m still stuck on this <em>amazing<\/em> concept: \u201cMake your kids <em>pay <\/em>for their phone.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> He\u2019s still thinking about this phone! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What a novel idea! It\u2019s like, \u201cI don\u2019t know a parent that does that!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or even the monthly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That is a\u2014yes, the monthly bill\/whatever\u2014it\u2019s like that won\u2019t change everything, but let\u2019s talk about these five skills. [Laughter] What are they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I love that! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What are the five skills?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You know about the A-plusses of school\u2014academic skills\u2014those are great; but even more than the academic A\u2019s is: \u201cWhat kind of person is your child becoming?\u201d These are A-plus skills of:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAffection: \u201cCan your child give and receive love?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAppreciation: \u201cAre they the child that says, \u2018Thank you,\u2019?\u2014or the child, who\u2019s like, \u2018Is this all that I get?\u2019\u201d\u2014you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnger management: \u201cAnger\u2019s a part of life, but how are you going to deal with it? How are you going to talk to people when you\u2019re angry?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tApology: \u201cHow do you own up for things when you do things that are wrong?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, lastly, Attention: \u201cHow can you take that wandering mind and say, \u2018Wait right here; I\u2019ve got to pay attention\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese are skills that are really in danger of extinction, because we have the A-plus skill of amusement\u2014is, basically, what we have all the time now\u2014\u201cMy kid needs to be amused, because that keeps them safe and out of my hair.\u201d But in reality, is it helping them be these things: affectionate, appreciative, etc.?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, I found it <em>fascinating <\/em>reading your section about affection. I was thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s affection have to do with a screen?\u201d And you draw out that we are less affectionate in life, or in our homes, and very affectionate with our devices. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m like, \u201cOooh, busted!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so talk about that a little bit. I mean, obviously that\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So how do we build that <em>skill<\/em> of affection, and how does a device hurt that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> This book, <em>Screen Kids, <\/em>is co-authored with Gary Chapman of <em>The 5 Love Languages.<\/em> If you\u2019re familiar with the five love languages, think of: if your child feels love through physical touch, they love being hugged; they like to wrestle; the girl wants to have her hair braided. That\u2019s how they feel loved and secure, by physical touch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you introduce technology into that, and how many times are we like, \u201cOh, you\u2019re playing a video game? Let me sit right next to you so you can feel my\u2026\u201d\u2014no! You see your kid playing a video game, and you run the other direction. You know, it\u2019s bedtime; this is a time to take that younger child, and put them on your lap, and read a book. You have this really precious window to do that; but \u201cYou know what? Ah, it\u2019s been a long day! Take the iPad; read yourself; fall asleep.\u201d These times that would be usually reserved for some physical touch\u2014all of a sudden, if we\u2019re not careful\u2014we\u2019re touching the screens instead of our kids. Our kids aren\u2019t <em>feeling<\/em> that love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe your kid\u2019s language is words of affirmation. They want to <em>hear <\/em>you speak to them! But when a screen is introduced\u2014whether it\u2019s a tablet, a phone, a TV, or whatever\u2014what happens? Conversation goes down, because you\u2019re looking at the screen. Even if you have a TV on in the background, you\u2019re kind of doing your own thing; you\u2019re not really <em>talking<\/em> to your child; you might talk a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut let\u2019s say it was quiet in the house; then, you\u2019re like: \u201cHey, what\u2019s going on? What are you working on?\u201d \u201cOh, that\u2019s good!\u201d \u201cOh, who\u2019s that?\u201d\u2014you know? And now, you\u2019re talking; and you\u2019re having this conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou want more opportunities like that to speak words of affirmation. A lot of times, what works really well is <em>specific <\/em>words of affirmation\u2014so not just, \u201cGood job!\u201d\u2014but [whispering], \u201cHey, I noticed your sister was kind of being especially annoying today; but you didn\u2019t yell at her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u201cYou didn\u2019t go crazy, and I noticed that; that was really good! You\u2019re growing more loving. That was very good!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s causing us to be more intentional. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014and we notice! Let\u2019s say we\u2019re on our screens all day; we don\u2019t even <em>notice\u2014<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014that she did that. It\u2019s having those words come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, whether it\u2019s acts of service\/of doing things for your child\u2014now, maybe you don\u2019t have time; because you\u2019re checking other things: you\u2019re checking email\u2014you\u2019re getting ahead at work\u2014but you\u2019re getting behind at home. So how can you show affection and make sure the screens, you know, are at a minimum so you can show affection?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, there are times\u2014and I wonder your opinion on this\u2014where I\u2019ve sat down beside my son and <em>played<\/em> a video game with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s actually a cool bonding moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m so glad you said that, because now the other husbands are like, \u201cYes! I do that with my son; is that okay?\u201d I think video games <em>can be<\/em> something that brings people together. If you\u2019re playing together, like that works! If you find that you\u2019re playing together with your children, and that\u2019s something good; then the questions to ask would be: \u201cJust be careful that it doesn\u2019t turn into an addictive thing for either of you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way you can look at that is just, as a gamer: if you\u2019re casual, at risk, or addicted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe casual gamer can be like, \u201cHey, let\u2019s pick up a game.\u201d They can play for 20 minutes\/30 minutes, walk away, and go ride a bike. It\u2019s just like one thing; it\u2019s not a big deal! If you pick it up on a Friday night, and play with your dad, you do it. If you don\u2019t do it Saturday night, it\u2019s not a big deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe at-risk gamer is the one, who\u2019s asking, \u201cOh, we didn\u2019t play today! Can we play today?\u201d You know, so they\u2019re asking each day: \u201cCan we play? We didn\u2019t play.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd of course, the addicted is like, \u201cI didn\u2019t play for my few hours today, and I\u2019m not happy!\u201d Then you know, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d So you can look at the frequency\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014of when you\u2019re playing, and if it\u2019s really easy to not do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And you mention\u2014and I\u2019d never heard this concept before\u2014veggies and candy?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes! That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014with your digital devices. Explain that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; so you can think about: if I were carrying around a bag of M&amp;Ms<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014a big, king-sized bag of M&amp;Ms\u2014and I was told, \u201cOh, just eat ten today!\u201d I am going to fail; [Laughter] I am going to <em>fail<\/em>! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Me, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I am going to sneak around the house, and I\u2019m going to eat that thing until it\u2019s empty. Because I\u2019m holding it, it\u2019s tempting\u2014it\u2019s candy; I love it; it tastes good\u2014I\u2019m going to eat it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it\u2019s the same thing for kids if you give them a device: an iPad, a phone, whatever. It\u2019s like giving a bag of M&amp;Ms and saying, \u201cGood luck\u201d; because there\u2019s so much digital candy out there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014whether it\u2019s Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014and of course, if they watch one program, what\u2019s going to happen?\u2014the next program that is interesting to them\/that\u2019s been chosen for them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014is going to cue up. They\u2019re going to have to have the power to go: [sarcastic tone] \u201cOh, I don\u2019t want to find out how that ends. I guess I should turn the TV off!\u201d No one can do that; there\u2019s your bag of M&amp;Ms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo for kids, you have to understand that it\u2019s very tempting. It\u2019s kind of unreasonable, to be like, \u201cOh, just watch a little bit,\u201d if you give them sway. So whether it\u2019s video games, YouTube videos, Netflix\u2014anything that is purely entertaining\u2014is candy. Candy is <em>fine<\/em> in small doses; it kind of makes you happy; that\u2019s fine. But you can\u2019t build your body on candy. And in the same way, you can\u2019t\/they can\u2019t build their brain\/their spirit on candy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what are the digital vegetables? Those are things like listening to a lecture; they\u2019re listening to a sermon; they\u2019re learning a Bible verse; they\u2019re working on their math. It\u2019s something that\u2019s obviously good for their brain\/for their spirit. There\u2019s really no risk of addiction there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it\u2019s a vegetable; it\u2019s something that parents have to serve to their children. The children are not gravitating toward: \u201cOh, let me watch ten <em>Ted Talks<\/em> today.\u201d You know, they\u2019re not gravitating toward this; it\u2019s something parents\u2014it\u2019s the same thing with vegetables.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDigital vegetables\u2014all screen time is not equal; so truly, if your child is on screens\u2014and they\u2019re learning how to play the guitar, and they\u2019re skyping grandma, and they watch a sermon\u2014that\u2019s a lot different than them watching the latest Instagram star, and watching things blow up on YouTube; it\u2019s different!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Can you imagine saying that to your teen? \u201cYou can watch the sermon.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They\u2019re going to be like, \u201cAre you <em>kidding, <\/em>Mom?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u201cAre you crazy?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; but I think I like that you\u2019re talking about these discussions can start when they\u2019re young. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat if we feel like it\u2019s too late?\u2014\u201cMy household is just bombarded with screens! We\u2019re not really talking.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cWe haven\u2019t been intentional for years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re now listening to this, going, \u2018Oh, boy! I\u2019ve got to start over,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201c\u2019and my teenager is going to rebel.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right! They\u2019re going to be <em>so<\/em> mad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What do you say? What do they do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s best to start with an apology. Instead of saying, \u201cOkay, you guys! You guys have been doing this all wrong! We\u2019re going to do it right now!\u201d just say, \u201cYou know what? I <em>want<\/em> to be a good parent. I love you guys very much. I\u2019ve learned some new things, and I\u2019m seeing that we\u2019re probably not doing this in a healthy way; and I want to help you guys as much as I can.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs long as your children are under your roof\u2014even if they\u2019re 18, 19, 20\u2014there\u2019s time! You can make an impact. I think your passion for them and enthusiasm\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tapproach it like: \u201cWe can do this!\u201d\u2014don\u2019t approach it like [droning voice]: \u201cOkay; this is going to be impossible! [Laughter] It\u2019s never going to work; I know; but let\u2019s just give it lip service, and let\u2019s try.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, they know that they\u2019ve already got you beat before you even open your mouth. [Laughter] You\u2019ve got to come in, confident. And if that means being coached up and mentored by an older person\u2014having coffee with that person before you have this talk\u2014go do that! But you come in strong; and you say, \u201cI\u2019m really sorry. I\u2019ve messed up. I\u2019ve let you sleep with your phone in your room. I know you\u2019re not getting much sleep; I know your grades are shot. I want to help you. We\u2019re going to take your phone; we\u2019re going to charge it in my room overnight. We\u2019re going to do that for a month; and then, let\u2019s talk again and see how you\u2019re doing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou come in\u2014it\u2019s simple; it\u2019s a game plan\u2014it\u2019s specific. Maybe for you, it\u2019s just that you\u2019re going to do no screens at mealtimes; so you have an action step. Just think\u2014whether it\u2019s taking a phone away at bedtime, whether it\u2019s a limit of three hours a day, or fewer video games\/whatever it is\u2014you\u2019re going to come up with this; you\u2019re going to say, \u201cThis is what we\u2019re going to do, and we\u2019re doing this because we love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t be afraid to try it, and don\u2019t expect that they\u2019re going to thank you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you <em>can<\/em> expect, perhaps in years ahead, they will thank you. Let that hope carry you through this tough day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> One of my best friends used to have all of these kids, who would come to her house. She had three daughters\u2014teenagers\u2014and when they wo goes, \u201cOh, that\u2019s the basket for our phones, because we want to know you. We want to love you; we want to have a time that we can really talk.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And her home became a magnet; because Michelle would sit and look at them, eye to eye. She would pray for them; she would communicate to them. I thought, \u201cOh, are these kids going to be so mad?\u201d No! It became this haven\/a safe place for them to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt reminds me a little bit of Romans 12:2\u2014think about this; I\u2019ve never thought of it in the context of screen time\u2014when it says, \u201cDo not copy of the behavior and customs of this world\u201d\u2014I mean, just that alone! Let\u2019s not copy that,\u2014\u201cbut let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think,\u201d\u2014What we\u2019ve done over the years\/I think it\u2019s so subtle; and we all have done it; we have allowed screen time to transform our minds\u2014\u201cThen you will learn to know God\u2019s will for you, which is good, and pleasing, and perfect.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I would say, \u201cBoy, that apology\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cArlene, that was gold! I mean, to think about sitting on your son or daughter\u2019s bed at night, or the kitchen table,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and saying, \u201cI\u2019ve done a bad job in this area,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m guilty.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand I want to do better.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cI want <em>us <\/em>to do better.\u201d I just thought, if I\u2019m that dad, and I\u2019m looking at him now\u2014or that mom\u2014I\u2019d say, \u201cAnd I have to model it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I can\u2019t apologize and then just be\u2014you know, I\u2019ve got to show it. When I walk into my son\u2019s house with little Bryce, who\u2019s two years old, and little Autumn, who\u2019s just a couple months\u2014he has told me: \u201cYou\u2019re with my son, and you\u2019re looking at your phone,\u201d\u2014I need to put the phone in the coat pocket and leave it there. Rather than just say, \u201cHey, you know, you guys should be careful with your\u2026\u201d; I need to model that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would challenge our listener to model that, as a husband\/wife, and as a mom and dad. <em>And<\/em> pick up [Arlene\u2019s] book!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; Arlene, thank you for being with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> It\u2019s been an honor to be with you. Thank you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think all of us need to be asking the question: \u201cWho\u2019s in charge of us? Are we in charge of our phones, or are our phones in charge of us? Who\u2019s in control?\u201d I know the easy, reflexive answer is: \u201cWell, of course I\u2019m in charge!\u201d But maybe we\u2019re not as in charge as we think. And for our kids, that\u2019s an even more crucial question, as they just instinctively, these days, are drawn to their devices.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArlene Pellicane has been talking today to Dave and Ann Wilson about how, as parents, we need to help build specific relational skills in our children so that they are <em>not<\/em> controlled by their devices. Arlene has written a book called <em>Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World. <\/em>We\u2019re making her book available this week to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners, any of you who can help advance the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Our goal is to reach more people, more often, with practical biblical help and hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to come alongside and be a trusted friend as you seek to move your marriage and family in the right direction\/the direction that God has mapped out for us in His Word. You can donate to support <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to support <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>The number is 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Be sure to ask for your copy of Arlene Pellicane\u2019s book, <em>Screen Kids, <\/em>when you make a donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd let me say a quick word of thanks to our monthly Legacy Partners. Conversations like we\u2019ve heard today really happen because of the investment that Legacy Partners make. David Robbins, the president of FamilyLife, is here with me today. David, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> would not exist if it weren\u2019t for these faithful friends of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes, I just want to take a moment and thank our Legacy Partners; because those are the partners, who join with us monthly, and lay the foundation for us to be able to create resources like <em>FamilyLife <\/em>Today, and so many other resources, to provide biblical help and hope to marriages and families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe heard from a Legacy Partner yesterday\u2014the FamilyLife team forwarded me this email that was <em>so <\/em>encouraging\u2014he said, \u201cMy wife Linda and I have been married for over 28 years and involved in some way with FamilyLife for many years. We attended the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> during a very difficult time of our marriage, and it was so refreshing and gave us a lot of tools to use.\u201d Then he went on and said, \u201cI receive the daily emails, reminding me of so many important parts of maintaining a strong marriage. We love everything about FamilyLife and are happy to be a Legacy Partner.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just gives me great joy to find others having joy in their giving, because we certainly have the joy of getting to bring this gospel truth and the biblical principles of marriage to people because of Legacy Partners like this couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and let me just say, if you are a long-time listener to <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>maybe it\u2019s time for you to join the Legacy Partner team to make a monthly investment in the lives of marriages and families in your community, and all around the world, by supporting the work of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>every month. You can sign on to become a Legacy Partner. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to sign up, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s a little extra incentive for you: when you become a Legacy Partner for the first time, we want to send you a certificate so you and your spouse can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway as our guests. That\u2019s our thank-you gift for all new Legacy Partners. Again, sign on at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to join us and become a Legacy Partner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Dr. Gary Chapman is going to join us. You know him; he wrote the book, <em>The 5 Love Languages<\/em>. Dave and Ann Wilson have just finished their book, <em>No Perfect Parents. <\/em>They\u2019re going to talk about parenting and love languages, and how all of that fits together. It will be a great conversation; I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306944","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306944"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306944"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306944"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306944"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306944"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306944"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306944"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}