{"id":306931,"date":"2021-07-06T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-07-06T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/buoyant-confidence\/"},"modified":"2021-07-06T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-07-06T11:00:05","slug":"buoyant-confidence","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/buoyant-confidence\/","title":{"rendered":"Buoyant Confidence"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When life&#8217;s circumstances knock us down, we can become hurt and disoriented, but Ron Hutchcraft reminds us that the confidence we have in Christ is what lifts us up over and over again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-06.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:20","filesize":"24.11M","filesize_raw":"25277233","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2847,10442,2822],"tags":[2343,5099,5096,6988,4125,6987],"podcast_series":[8457],"cwp_profile":[9718],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306931","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-death-and-dying","category-death-of-a-spouse","category-growing-in-your-faith","tag-grief","tag-grieving","tag-hope","tag-hope-in-jesus","tag-loss","tag-loss-of-loved-one","podcast_series-hope-when-your-heart-is-breaking","cwp_profile-ron-hutchcraft","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306931\/buoyant-confidence","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306931\/buoyant-confidence","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"fmDmMdYcXK\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/buoyant-confidence\/\">Buoyant Confidence<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/buoyant-confidence\/embed\/#?secret=fmDmMdYcXK\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Buoyant Confidence&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"fmDmMdYcXK\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-06.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-06.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The prayer that I have prayed for more couples that were struggling is \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEzekiel 36:26, where God says, \u201cI <em>will<\/em> take a stony heart and turn it into a heart of flesh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cAnd I will put a new heart and a new spirit in you.\u201d You pray for a heart transplant, now, desperate with Jesus,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014who did, by the way, chose a wedding as the sight of His first miracle. He still <em>does<\/em> marriage miracles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014<em>Today<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnn and I were getting ready to do a Vertical Marriage conference\u2014I think in Mississippi\u2014a couple of years ago and 4sat down with this couple beforehand. We thought they were from this local area and this church. Find out\u2014long story short\u2014this guy and his wife had driven eight or ten hours\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to get to this conference for their marriage. Of course, we were like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014I just said, \u201c<em>What <\/em>in the world?! Why are you <em>here<\/em>?!\u201d And he said, \u201cOh, we watched you and Dave talking about your book on the <em>Today <\/em>show.\u201d He said, \u201cI turned to my wife; and I say, \u2018Hey, hon, our marriage is a 10 out of 10; right?\u2019\u201d He said she turned to him and said, \u201cNo! We\u2019re a 1.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cSo here we are! We drove ten hours to get here to find out how we get hope and help for our marriage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got Ron Hutchcraft here, who is the master of hope. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Oh, boy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, in some ways, you [are]. Obviously, you wrote a book called <em>Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking<\/em> by Ron Hutchcraft, the founder of Ron Hutchcraft Ministries. You\u2019re on the radio all around the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re an author.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re a little older than we are, so you\u2019ve got all kinds of wisdom. But seriously, I mean, we\u2019re taking this whole idea of\u2014as we\u2019ve talked about previously about\u2014I <em>love<\/em> your term, \u201cdefiant hope,\u201d when your heart is breaking. You did such a good job helping us walk through the choices that we make when we\u2019ve lost hope or we\u2019ve been hurt: we can choose to wallow in that; we can choose to be healed and walk out of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You did such a good job helping us with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And you shared about losing the love of your life, Karen. You guys had been married 50 years. You have really been living out: \u201cHow do I find hope when my heart is so broken?\u201d If you haven\u2019t heard and listened to Ron\u2019s story, and what we talked about previously, I\u2019d really recommend that you listen in on that one too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so today, we would love to take your idea of hope and apply it to marriages and families. I know you talk quite often in the book about four words: loss, grief, choices, hope. Walk us through that a little bit; and maybe, as you do, think about marriages that have lost hope: \u201cHow would you apply that to that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let me give my definition of hope. I wanted to come up with something\u2014you know, four words\u2014you can make a campaign motto out of it or something. [Laughter] But it\u2019s a little more words than I wanted to get it all done. But here\u2019s what we mean by hope, because it really is sort of a floaty word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cHope: Ahhh!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> A lot of people have hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s have hope!\u201d But to me, it\u2019s pretty gritty: \u201cIt\u2019s a buoyant confidence.\u201d Okay, let\u2019s stop for just a minute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Buoyant\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Buoyant means it may go under briefly, but it comes back up\u2014it\u2019s not a happy\/happy: \u201cI\u2019m happy all the time, hey!\u201d\u2014but it\u2019s a <em>confidence<\/em> that: \u201cThings are okay; they\u2019re in bigger hands than my hands.\u201d It\u2019s a buoyant confidence that allows you to make some choices that you wouldn\u2019t otherwise make, acknowledging the hurt. It\u2019s not a confidence that\u2019s just whistling along, going: \u201cYou know, it\u2019s not that bad,\u201d or \u201cShe\u2019s in heaven, and everything\u2019s fine.\u201d She <em>is <\/em>in heaven; everything <em>is <\/em>beyond fine for her;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014for <em>her!<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014we\u2019re here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So it isn\u2019t a denial\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014because often, you just sort of live in denial\u2014but it\u2019s acknowledging, feeling, experiencing the hurt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think sometimes, as believers, we\u2019re afraid to acknowledge the pain\/the hurt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> One of the things I had to realize\u2014as kind of a radio guy, and a Christian leader guy, and so on\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cPeople will be wondering how I\u2019m handling this\u201d; because anybody who knew us, knew that \u201cRonandKaren\u201d was one word. Suddenly, it was just \u201cRon.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cWell, what do I do?\u201d I decided that I wasn\u2019t going to just give the Christian talking points: \u201cOh, Karen\u2019s in heaven; and I\u2019m fine.\u201d No! I wasn\u2019t fine; it\u2019s not fine without her! I\u2019ve probably become more transparent and more vulnerable than I\u2019ve ever been in my whole life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, when I started to write that grief journal that I began after her home-going, I just said, \u201cI\u2019m going to be honest about this. This is Ron in the raw. This hurts. And who is going to believe the hope that Jesus is if I\u2019m not honest about the hurt?\u2014just to say, \u2018The hurt\u2019s not bad, but Jesus is great.\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cNo; Jesus is big enough; His love is powerful enough that it is even\u2014the hurt has to be real\u2014for the hope to seem real.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t finish the definition: \u201cA buoyant confidence, acknowledging the hurt, but anchored in an unseen but certain reality.\u201d It\u2019s anchored to something; it\u2019s based on the fact that I have a reality I cannot see. I know this Jesus walked out of His grave, under His own power; and it\u2019s an unseen, but it is an unmoving, anchor. I will tell you, like that gospel song says: \u201cThe anchor holds, though the ship is battered; the anchor holds, though the sails are torn; I will fall down on my knees as I face life\u2019s raging seas; the anchor holds in spite of the storm.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou asked about marriage. We enter into marriage with our greatest hopes\/our greatest expectations: \u201cThis is our answer. This is the end of our search.\u201d And for many people, they feel like their dream is turning into a nightmare. Now, we are dealing with loss\u2014because not only do loved ones die, but marriages die\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014and our dreams go down with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe principles are not all that different in terms of: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m at choice junction now,\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cHope, this way; hurt, that way. What do I do?\u201d I like the picture\u2014and it applies to the marriage situation as well\u2014of what happened on September 11 about 5:00 in the afternoon. Now, most hope of finding many survivors was dying. <em>USA Today <\/em>said that it was \u201cthe darkest hour on the darkest day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho will forget the photo?\u2014three firefighters go find a flag\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014raise it over the rubble. <em>USA Today <\/em>went on to say something like: \u201cThis was hope on a day when it seemed like all hope was gone.\u201d They raised the flag; all there was\/was rubble around them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHope is your flag over the rubble. Now, if you will, first of all, face into it and say: \u201cOkay, grieve your grief. Realize you are grieving over a loss. You\u2019re losing your marriage; you\u2019re losing the love that you were counting on. \u2018What are some of the hope choices?\u2019\u2014because the hurt choices are really easy to figure out!\u2014\u2018Be bitter; give up; get a divorce.\u2019\u201d Or you can say, \u201cJesus, my heart is broken,\u201d\u2014here we go again\u2014\u201cMy heart is broken; it is wide open.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd now, I think step one is the prayer that I have prayed for more couples that were struggling\u2014Ezekiel 36:26, where God says, \u201cI will take a stony heart and turn it into a heart of flesh,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand I will put a new heart and a new spirit in you.\u201d You pray for a heart transplant, now, desperate with Jesus,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014who did, by the way, chose a wedding as the sight of His first miracle. He still <em>does<\/em> marriage miracles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, I like that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Ask Him if He would keep that promise; because by now, both of you\/your hearts are turning hard toward each other: you\u2019re bitter; you\u2019re resentful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You have a list of things they\u2019ve done wrong or disappointments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You can only see\u2014yes, you forget what you fell in love with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Again, \u201cLet\u2019s see; why did I marry this guy?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> But if you will say, \u201cI need a heart transplant I\u2019m asking You to do. I don\u2019t even know if I really <em>want <\/em>it, but I\u2019m choosing hope. I need a heart transplant; I really do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tForget winning! The hope choice is to forget trying to win; because when you\u2019re trying to win the arguments and win this\u2014you know, \u201cI\u2019m going to come out on top in this thing,\u201d\u2014you\u2019re only wounding more. James 5:16 says: \u201cConfess your faults to one another,\u201d\u2014not blame each other\u2014it says: \u201cConfess your faults to one another that you may be healed.\u201d Now, that\u2019s a road to hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> At ten years, I told Dave, \u201cI have nothing left, like I have no feelings; I don\u2019t have hope.\u201d We had just started this church, and I had <em>nothing<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Wow; wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I remember being on my knees. I said that to Jesus: \u201cI have nothing, like I have no hope. My only hope is in You, Lord. You have to give me a new heart. You have to give me new eyes to see; because right now, I\u2019ve been going down this bitter path; and all I see is the negative.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I remember, both of us got on our knees in our car and repented, because I was trying to find my life through Dave,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014thinking that he would make me happy. He was trying to find his life through his career\u2014starting this church\u2014doing what God had called him to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember when Dave repented; he prayed in front of me: \u201cLord, I confess! I have put this in front of You! I have put this in front of Ann.\u201d If someone would have asked me what my response to that prayer would have been, I would have said, \u201cAmen! That\u2019s what you\u2019ve been doing!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what I\u2019d been hoping for. But when he prayed that, my eyes and the Spirit of God who lives in me, automatically said to me, \u201cAnd you, Ann Wilson, you have been trying to find <em>your<\/em> life through Dave.\u201d I had that heart of: \u201cOhhh. Yes, that\u2019s true.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere comes a point when all of us have to get on our knees and say, \u201cI surrender. God, I need that new heart; I need those new eyes. I need to put my hope in You and not this person or thing to fill me up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Even if the desire is not there\u2014even if you say\/if you\u2019ve given up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019ve already kind of crossed a bridge in your mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and checked out!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, as soon as you start to think that way, you\u2019ve guaranteed it will probably end; because you\u2019ve allowed that option. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo in a sense, you were grieving your loss; you were very honest about it. Giving Jesus the open door to come in and change your heart\u2014but to do something else, and this is part of the miracle\u2014is to help you see your spouse through His eyes:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cWhat does He see when He sees Dave?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, I\u2019ll tell you what I see! I see this guy, who\u2019s driven by his career. He doesn\u2019t care about me; he loves that more.\u201d\u2014no, no, no, no, no\u2014\u201cLord, when You look at Dave, what do You see?\u201d He sees the needs behind Dave\u2019s deeds; He sees the wounds; He sees the scars; He sees a man created in His image; He sees a man who was worth dying for, as the Son of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can begin to say, \u201cLord, help me see\u2026\u201d\u2014this is where the heart transplant comes along\u2014you see them through God\u2019s eyes; you start to see yourself through God\u2019s eyes. You\u2019re willing to start to say those three hard words: \u201cI was wrong.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s say your spouse is 90 percent wrong; would you agree with that?\u2014\u201cYes, yes; at least!\u201d Okay, let\u2019s say you\u2019re just 10 percent wrong\/unlikely. Would you deal with your 10 percent?\u2014would you be willing to say, \u201cI need you to forgive me. I was wrong about the way I haven\u2019t been\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026I have been...\u201d Take care of your part; see what God does. He says, \u201cConfess your faults to one another that you may be healed.\u201d So would you do your part of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo things I would say to forget\u2014these are the hope choices in marriage are\u2014\u201cForget winning,\u201d and \u201cForget fixing.\u201d Quit trying to fix your mate. I think Ruth Graham, Billy Graham\u2019s wife, said it very well\u2014you guys have heard this quote\u2014she said, \u201cIt is my job to love Billy; it is God\u2019s job to change him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great quote. I think that\u2019s where we get stuck; because it\u2019s like, \u201cNo! I\u2019m bleeding, and it\u2019s your fault. I wouldn\u2019t be bleeding if it weren\u2019t for <em>you<\/em>.\u201d It\u2019s hard for me, because it\u2019s almost like I\u2019m the one repenting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve had couples come up to us and say, you know, \u201cYour story is so beautiful. Both of you repented and God showed up and saved your marriage. My husband won\u2019t repent,\u201d\/\u201cMy wife won\u2019t repent. What do I do? I want to repent\/I am repenting, but they\u2019re not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Well, first of all, don\u2019t expect a sudden response.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> These wounds have accumulated over a long time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> A disease or a wound, that has been a long time coming, doesn\u2019t necessarily get cured overnight. It\u2019s going to take some patience, which you\u2019ll have to get from God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is an interesting prayer to pray: \u201cLord, I\u2019m really having a hard time loving her. There\u2019s not much I\u2019m getting back that would make me feel those love feelings. But I know You love her, and I know that You love her enough to die for her; so I\u2019m going to take a risk and offer this to You, Lord. If You would give me Your love for her, I will deliver it. I have none or very little left to give; but I know that whatever happens to us, You still love her. You\u2019re going to keep loving her, so I\u2019d be willing to be Your UPS guy to deliver love from You. Would you put some of Your love for her in my heart? That\u2019s the least I can do for You for the way You\u2019ve loved me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese are prayers that, again, are not, \u201cLord, if it be Your will\u201d things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> He says, \u201cI\u2019ve been waiting for that green light,\u201d\u2014He doesn\u2019t force Himself into our situation; He waits for the invitation\u2014again, these are the choices. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you know, Dave, let\u2019s go to the worst-case scenario: he never repents; she does. She is, at least, bless-able by God and has made her situation\/put it into His hands. She is\u2014rather than making choices that will make her a harder person, a bitter person, a more angry person, a more frustrated person, a more controlling person\u2014she\u2019s making choices that will, at least, leave her with a soft heart instead of a hard heart\/a closeness to God instead of a distance from God, from not cooperating with what He wants to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomething happens when you see yourself as an instrument of God in your spouse\u2019s life to deliver what you don\u2019t feel like; but because you love God, you\u2019re, \u201cOkay, alright; You love him, and I\u2019ll deliver. I\u2019ll try to pass on what You put in my heart. I\u2019ll pass that on to him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you think it\u2019s possible to have defiant hope\u2014and again, I love that term\u2014if your spouse never does repent? Can you hold onto that\u2014even though you\u2019re the UPS deliverer of God\u2019s love:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you keep doing that and you\u2019re consistent with that; you know, you\u2019re just faithful in that\u2014and it just never turns his or her heart\u2014can you still have defiant hope?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Well, first of all, I think I would add a word to what you said. It has never <em>yet <\/em>happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You say, \u201cWell, it\u2019s been ten years\u201d; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cYes; ye<em>t, <\/em>it could still happen.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It depends on where your hope is anchored. If it\u2019s anchored to that unseen, but certain reality\u2014to say, \u201cJesus, I\u2019ve made this Your marriage, not my marriage, to fix. I\u2019m going to stop trying to fix him, and I\u2019m trying to have a forgiving heart,\u201d\u2014at least, you will be a free person inside. He will <em>not <\/em>be until he reaches the same point, if he does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut now, your hope is not contingent upon a happy ending\u2014it may or may not have a happy ending\u2014but for you, you will be a whole, healthy, close-to-God, liberated person inside; because you will know that you have done all you can do\u2014better yet, you\u2019re allowing Jesus to do; you\u2019re not in His way anymore; you\u2019ve gotten out of His way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, does that mean that your husband is going to change?\u2014definitely no! Your husband has choices to make, too; Jesus doesn\u2019t make the choices for us. He creates the environment, where we\u2019ll make the right choice. So again, raise the flag\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014over the rubble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I would say, too: \u201cI can attest to that and would give testimony to that. When I repented myself\u2014when I raised the flag over the rubble of our marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She\u2019s saying the rubble was me. [Laughter] I think that\u2019s what you\u2019re saying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI felt so lost; I was <em>miserable. <\/em>And all I did in my head was think, \u2018If Dave would only\u2026\u2019\u2014it was just this mantra\u2014\u2018If Dave would only\u2026\u2019 \u2018If Dave\u2026\u2019\u201d And I\u2019ve talked to so many women, [who] have that same verbiage and that same dialogue in their head. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur marriage wasn\u2019t fixed overnight\u2014but because of putting up the flag of: \u201cI can\u2019t do it! It\u2019s not my job to change my husband, Lord. But I\u2019m going to keep my eyes on You, and I\u2019m going to follow You,\u201d\u2014I found myself so needy I had to pray that prayer <em>continually<\/em>: \u201cLord, I can\u2019t do it apart from You. Give me Your eyes; show me the way You love Dave. And I pray that You would change my heart.\u201d There was a freedom! Our marriage wasn\u2019t fixed yet; it wasn\u2019t great yet; but there was this new hope, not in Dave, but it was in Jesus!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You had just shifted your dependency\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014from your husband to your Savior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Your husband might disappoint you;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014your Savior isn\u2019t going to. And that\u2019s why hope has won at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We have this hope: Jesus! \u201cWe have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.\u201d Hope is a matter of choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomeone is listening right now; I would say that your choices right now to open up your heart\u2014which is probably already open through the loss you\u2019ve been through\u2014to this Jesus, who loved you enough to die for every wrong thing you\u2019ve ever done, who\u2019s powerful enough to conquer what only one person out of the billions who have lived on this planet ever conquered\/that\u2019s death. If He\u2019s bigger than death, He\u2019s bigger than what you\u2019re facing right now. And He can speak peace to your storm. It is possible to go through a storm with His peace, with His protection, and with a sense of being loved and okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy prayer for Ron, for Dave, for Ann\u2014for someone listening\u2014is Romans 15:13: \u201cMay the God of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chope\u201d!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014\"hope fill you with all joy\u201d\u2014really?\u2014\u201cand peace, so that you may overflow with hope\u201d\u2014go figure! I barely have enough for me! [Laughter] You\u2019re going to have enough to give away\u2014\u201c\u2026may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit,\u201d\u2014divine power from the One, who spoke billions of galaxies into existence, to make you a hope-deliverer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you start to say: \u201cIt\u2019s not about me. It\u2019s about Jesus, and it\u2019s about turning my hurt into hope for other people,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019ll listen to me because of what I\u2019ve been through; I\u2019ve got the credentials now,\u201d believe me, you will not be starved for hope anymore. You will have hope, even though your heart it breaking. You\u2019ll have a hope that is stronger than the hurt; that\u2019s my Jesus!\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014the <em>living<\/em> hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have been hearing, ringing in my head, the words to the hymn: \u201cMy hope is built on nothing less than Jesus\u2019 blood and righteousness.\u201d If our hope is in our circumstances, or in how someone else is going to behave or perform today, we will be disappointed. But when our hope is in Jesus and in the gospel, well, that\u2019s a different story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave and Ann Wilson have been talking today to Ron Hutchcraft, who has written a book on hope. It\u2019s called <em>Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking. <\/em>As Ron has shared with us this week, a lot of this comes out of the story of losing his wife five years ago and learning how to live with hope in a season of profound grief and profound transition in his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe you know someone you\u2019d like to pass this book along to, or maybe this is a book you need for yourself. We\u2019re making Ron\u2019s book available this week to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners who can help advance the work of FamilyLife\u2014help us reach more couples, more moms and dads, husbands and wives with practical biblical help and hope through this daily radio program, this podcast, online at FamilyLifeToday.com, through the events we host and the resources we create.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>exists to effectively develop godly marriages and families. When you help to advance that cause with a donation today, you\u2019re invited to request your copy of Ron Hutchcraft\u2019s book, <em>Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking: Finding God\u2019s Presence in Your Pain. <\/em>You can make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate: 1-800-FLTODAY is the number. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate: 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Be sure to ask for your copy of the book, <em>Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking, <\/em>when you contact us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to talk with Ron Hutchcraft about how shame, and regret, and past failures can rob us of the hope that we need in our current situation\/our current circumstance. I hope you can join us, again, for that tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Join us, again, tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:20"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.11M"],"filesize_raw":["25277233"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306931.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306931.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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life's circumstances knock us down, we can become hurt and disoriented, but Ron Hutchcraft reminds us that the confidence we have in Christ is what lifts us up over and over again.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The prayer that I have prayed for more couples that were struggling is \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEzekiel 36:26, where God says, \u201cI <em>will<\/em> take a stony heart and turn it into a heart of flesh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cAnd I will put a new heart and a new spirit in you.\u201d You pray for a heart transplant, now, desperate with Jesus,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014who did, by the way, chose a wedding as the sight of His first miracle. He still <em>does<\/em> marriage miracles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014<em>Today<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnn and I were getting ready to do a Vertical Marriage conference\u2014I think in Mississippi\u2014a couple of years ago and 4sat down with this couple beforehand. We thought they were from this local area and this church. Find out\u2014long story short\u2014this guy and his wife had driven eight or ten hours\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to get to this conference for their marriage. Of course, we were like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014I just said, \u201c<em>What <\/em>in the world?! Why are you <em>here<\/em>?!\u201d And he said, \u201cOh, we watched you and Dave talking about your book on the <em>Today <\/em>show.\u201d He said, \u201cI turned to my wife; and I say, \u2018Hey, hon, our marriage is a 10 out of 10; right?\u2019\u201d He said she turned to him and said, \u201cNo! We\u2019re a 1.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cSo here we are! We drove ten hours to get here to find out how we get hope and help for our marriage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got Ron Hutchcraft here, who is the master of hope. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Oh, boy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, in some ways, you [are]. Obviously, you wrote a book called <em>Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking<\/em> by Ron Hutchcraft, the founder of Ron Hutchcraft Ministries. You\u2019re on the radio all around the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re an author.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re a little older than we are, so you\u2019ve got all kinds of wisdom. But seriously, I mean, we\u2019re taking this whole idea of\u2014as we\u2019ve talked about previously about\u2014I <em>love<\/em> your term, \u201cdefiant hope,\u201d when your heart is breaking. You did such a good job helping us walk through the choices that we make when we\u2019ve lost hope or we\u2019ve been hurt: we can choose to wallow in that; we can choose to be healed and walk out of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You did such a good job helping us with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And you shared about losing the love of your life, Karen. You guys had been married 50 years. You have really been living out: \u201cHow do I find hope when my heart is so broken?\u201d If you haven\u2019t heard and listened to Ron\u2019s story, and what we talked about previously, I\u2019d really recommend that you listen in on that one too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so today, we would love to take your idea of hope and apply it to marriages and families. I know you talk quite often in the book about four words: loss, grief, choices, hope. Walk us through that a little bit; and maybe, as you do, think about marriages that have lost hope: \u201cHow would you apply that to that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let me give my definition of hope. I wanted to come up with something\u2014you know, four words\u2014you can make a campaign motto out of it or something. [Laughter] But it\u2019s a little more words than I wanted to get it all done. But here\u2019s what we mean by hope, because it really is sort of a floaty word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cHope: Ahhh!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> A lot of people have hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s have hope!\u201d But to me, it\u2019s pretty gritty: \u201cIt\u2019s a buoyant confidence.\u201d Okay, let\u2019s stop for just a minute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Buoyant\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Buoyant means it may go under briefly, but it comes back up\u2014it\u2019s not a happy\/happy: \u201cI\u2019m happy all the time, hey!\u201d\u2014but it\u2019s a <em>confidence<\/em> that: \u201cThings are okay; they\u2019re in bigger hands than my hands.\u201d It\u2019s a buoyant confidence that allows you to make some choices that you wouldn\u2019t otherwise make, acknowledging the hurt. It\u2019s not a confidence that\u2019s just whistling along, going: \u201cYou know, it\u2019s not that bad,\u201d or \u201cShe\u2019s in heaven, and everything\u2019s fine.\u201d She <em>is <\/em>in heaven; everything <em>is <\/em>beyond fine for her;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014for <em>her!<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014we\u2019re here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So it isn\u2019t a denial\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014because often, you just sort of live in denial\u2014but it\u2019s acknowledging, feeling, experiencing the hurt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think sometimes, as believers, we\u2019re afraid to acknowledge the pain\/the hurt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> One of the things I had to realize\u2014as kind of a radio guy, and a Christian leader guy, and so on\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cPeople will be wondering how I\u2019m handling this\u201d; because anybody who knew us, knew that \u201cRonandKaren\u201d was one word. Suddenly, it was just \u201cRon.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cWell, what do I do?\u201d I decided that I wasn\u2019t going to just give the Christian talking points: \u201cOh, Karen\u2019s in heaven; and I\u2019m fine.\u201d No! I wasn\u2019t fine; it\u2019s not fine without her! I\u2019ve probably become more transparent and more vulnerable than I\u2019ve ever been in my whole life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, when I started to write that grief journal that I began after her home-going, I just said, \u201cI\u2019m going to be honest about this. This is Ron in the raw. This hurts. And who is going to believe the hope that Jesus is if I\u2019m not honest about the hurt?\u2014just to say, \u2018The hurt\u2019s not bad, but Jesus is great.\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cNo; Jesus is big enough; His love is powerful enough that it is even\u2014the hurt has to be real\u2014for the hope to seem real.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t finish the definition: \u201cA buoyant confidence, acknowledging the hurt, but anchored in an unseen but certain reality.\u201d It\u2019s anchored to something; it\u2019s based on the fact that I have a reality I cannot see. I know this Jesus walked out of His grave, under His own power; and it\u2019s an unseen, but it is an unmoving, anchor. I will tell you, like that gospel song says: \u201cThe anchor holds, though the ship is battered; the anchor holds, though the sails are torn; I will fall down on my knees as I face life\u2019s raging seas; the anchor holds in spite of the storm.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou asked about marriage. We enter into marriage with our greatest hopes\/our greatest expectations: \u201cThis is our answer. This is the end of our search.\u201d And for many people, they feel like their dream is turning into a nightmare. Now, we are dealing with loss\u2014because not only do loved ones die, but marriages die\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014and our dreams go down with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe principles are not all that different in terms of: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m at choice junction now,\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cHope, this way; hurt, that way. What do I do?\u201d I like the picture\u2014and it applies to the marriage situation as well\u2014of what happened on September 11 about 5:00 in the afternoon. Now, most hope of finding many survivors was dying. <em>USA Today <\/em>said that it was \u201cthe darkest hour on the darkest day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho will forget the photo?\u2014three firefighters go find a flag\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014raise it over the rubble. <em>USA Today <\/em>went on to say something like: \u201cThis was hope on a day when it seemed like all hope was gone.\u201d They raised the flag; all there was\/was rubble around them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHope is your flag over the rubble. Now, if you will, first of all, face into it and say: \u201cOkay, grieve your grief. Realize you are grieving over a loss. You\u2019re losing your marriage; you\u2019re losing the love that you were counting on. \u2018What are some of the hope choices?\u2019\u2014because the hurt choices are really easy to figure out!\u2014\u2018Be bitter; give up; get a divorce.\u2019\u201d Or you can say, \u201cJesus, my heart is broken,\u201d\u2014here we go again\u2014\u201cMy heart is broken; it is wide open.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd now, I think step one is the prayer that I have prayed for more couples that were struggling\u2014Ezekiel 36:26, where God says, \u201cI will take a stony heart and turn it into a heart of flesh,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand I will put a new heart and a new spirit in you.\u201d You pray for a heart transplant, now, desperate with Jesus,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014who did, by the way, chose a wedding as the sight of His first miracle. He still <em>does<\/em> marriage miracles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, I like that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Ask Him if He would keep that promise; because by now, both of you\/your hearts are turning hard toward each other: you\u2019re bitter; you\u2019re resentful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You have a list of things they\u2019ve done wrong or disappointments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You can only see\u2014yes, you forget what you fell in love with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Again, \u201cLet\u2019s see; why did I marry this guy?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> But if you will say, \u201cI need a heart transplant I\u2019m asking You to do. I don\u2019t even know if I really <em>want <\/em>it, but I\u2019m choosing hope. I need a heart transplant; I really do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tForget winning! The hope choice is to forget trying to win; because when you\u2019re trying to win the arguments and win this\u2014you know, \u201cI\u2019m going to come out on top in this thing,\u201d\u2014you\u2019re only wounding more. James 5:16 says: \u201cConfess your faults to one another,\u201d\u2014not blame each other\u2014it says: \u201cConfess your faults to one another that you may be healed.\u201d Now, that\u2019s a road to hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> At ten years, I told Dave, \u201cI have nothing left, like I have no feelings; I don\u2019t have hope.\u201d We had just started this church, and I had <em>nothing<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Wow; wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I remember being on my knees. I said that to Jesus: \u201cI have nothing, like I have no hope. My only hope is in You, Lord. You have to give me a new heart. You have to give me new eyes to see; because right now, I\u2019ve been going down this bitter path; and all I see is the negative.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I remember, both of us got on our knees in our car and repented, because I was trying to find my life through Dave,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014thinking that he would make me happy. He was trying to find his life through his career\u2014starting this church\u2014doing what God had called him to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember when Dave repented; he prayed in front of me: \u201cLord, I confess! I have put this in front of You! I have put this in front of Ann.\u201d If someone would have asked me what my response to that prayer would have been, I would have said, \u201cAmen! That\u2019s what you\u2019ve been doing!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what I\u2019d been hoping for. But when he prayed that, my eyes and the Spirit of God who lives in me, automatically said to me, \u201cAnd you, Ann Wilson, you have been trying to find <em>your<\/em> life through Dave.\u201d I had that heart of: \u201cOhhh. Yes, that\u2019s true.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere comes a point when all of us have to get on our knees and say, \u201cI surrender. God, I need that new heart; I need those new eyes. I need to put my hope in You and not this person or thing to fill me up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Even if the desire is not there\u2014even if you say\/if you\u2019ve given up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019ve already kind of crossed a bridge in your mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and checked out!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, as soon as you start to think that way, you\u2019ve guaranteed it will probably end; because you\u2019ve allowed that option. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo in a sense, you were grieving your loss; you were very honest about it. Giving Jesus the open door to come in and change your heart\u2014but to do something else, and this is part of the miracle\u2014is to help you see your spouse through His eyes:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cWhat does He see when He sees Dave?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, I\u2019ll tell you what I see! I see this guy, who\u2019s driven by his career. He doesn\u2019t care about me; he loves that more.\u201d\u2014no, no, no, no, no\u2014\u201cLord, when You look at Dave, what do You see?\u201d He sees the needs behind Dave\u2019s deeds; He sees the wounds; He sees the scars; He sees a man created in His image; He sees a man who was worth dying for, as the Son of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can begin to say, \u201cLord, help me see\u2026\u201d\u2014this is where the heart transplant comes along\u2014you see them through God\u2019s eyes; you start to see yourself through God\u2019s eyes. You\u2019re willing to start to say those three hard words: \u201cI was wrong.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s say your spouse is 90 percent wrong; would you agree with that?\u2014\u201cYes, yes; at least!\u201d Okay, let\u2019s say you\u2019re just 10 percent wrong\/unlikely. Would you deal with your 10 percent?\u2014would you be willing to say, \u201cI need you to forgive me. I was wrong about the way I haven\u2019t been\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026I have been...\u201d Take care of your part; see what God does. He says, \u201cConfess your faults to one another that you may be healed.\u201d So would you do your part of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo things I would say to forget\u2014these are the hope choices in marriage are\u2014\u201cForget winning,\u201d and \u201cForget fixing.\u201d Quit trying to fix your mate. I think Ruth Graham, Billy Graham\u2019s wife, said it very well\u2014you guys have heard this quote\u2014she said, \u201cIt is my job to love Billy; it is God\u2019s job to change him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great quote. I think that\u2019s where we get stuck; because it\u2019s like, \u201cNo! I\u2019m bleeding, and it\u2019s your fault. I wouldn\u2019t be bleeding if it weren\u2019t for <em>you<\/em>.\u201d It\u2019s hard for me, because it\u2019s almost like I\u2019m the one repenting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve had couples come up to us and say, you know, \u201cYour story is so beautiful. Both of you repented and God showed up and saved your marriage. My husband won\u2019t repent,\u201d\/\u201cMy wife won\u2019t repent. What do I do? I want to repent\/I am repenting, but they\u2019re not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Well, first of all, don\u2019t expect a sudden response.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> These wounds have accumulated over a long time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> A disease or a wound, that has been a long time coming, doesn\u2019t necessarily get cured overnight. It\u2019s going to take some patience, which you\u2019ll have to get from God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is an interesting prayer to pray: \u201cLord, I\u2019m really having a hard time loving her. There\u2019s not much I\u2019m getting back that would make me feel those love feelings. But I know You love her, and I know that You love her enough to die for her; so I\u2019m going to take a risk and offer this to You, Lord. If You would give me Your love for her, I will deliver it. I have none or very little left to give; but I know that whatever happens to us, You still love her. You\u2019re going to keep loving her, so I\u2019d be willing to be Your UPS guy to deliver love from You. Would you put some of Your love for her in my heart? That\u2019s the least I can do for You for the way You\u2019ve loved me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese are prayers that, again, are not, \u201cLord, if it be Your will\u201d things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> He says, \u201cI\u2019ve been waiting for that green light,\u201d\u2014He doesn\u2019t force Himself into our situation; He waits for the invitation\u2014again, these are the choices. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you know, Dave, let\u2019s go to the worst-case scenario: he never repents; she does. She is, at least, bless-able by God and has made her situation\/put it into His hands. She is\u2014rather than making choices that will make her a harder person, a bitter person, a more angry person, a more frustrated person, a more controlling person\u2014she\u2019s making choices that will, at least, leave her with a soft heart instead of a hard heart\/a closeness to God instead of a distance from God, from not cooperating with what He wants to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomething happens when you see yourself as an instrument of God in your spouse\u2019s life to deliver what you don\u2019t feel like; but because you love God, you\u2019re, \u201cOkay, alright; You love him, and I\u2019ll deliver. I\u2019ll try to pass on what You put in my heart. I\u2019ll pass that on to him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you think it\u2019s possible to have defiant hope\u2014and again, I love that term\u2014if your spouse never does repent? Can you hold onto that\u2014even though you\u2019re the UPS deliverer of God\u2019s love:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you keep doing that and you\u2019re consistent with that; you know, you\u2019re just faithful in that\u2014and it just never turns his or her heart\u2014can you still have defiant hope?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Well, first of all, I think I would add a word to what you said. It has never <em>yet <\/em>happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You say, \u201cWell, it\u2019s been ten years\u201d; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cYes; ye<em>t, <\/em>it could still happen.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It depends on where your hope is anchored. If it\u2019s anchored to that unseen, but certain reality\u2014to say, \u201cJesus, I\u2019ve made this Your marriage, not my marriage, to fix. I\u2019m going to stop trying to fix him, and I\u2019m trying to have a forgiving heart,\u201d\u2014at least, you will be a free person inside. He will <em>not <\/em>be until he reaches the same point, if he does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut now, your hope is not contingent upon a happy ending\u2014it may or may not have a happy ending\u2014but for you, you will be a whole, healthy, close-to-God, liberated person inside; because you will know that you have done all you can do\u2014better yet, you\u2019re allowing Jesus to do; you\u2019re not in His way anymore; you\u2019ve gotten out of His way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, does that mean that your husband is going to change?\u2014definitely no! Your husband has choices to make, too; Jesus doesn\u2019t make the choices for us. He creates the environment, where we\u2019ll make the right choice. So again, raise the flag\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014over the rubble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I would say, too: \u201cI can attest to that and would give testimony to that. When I repented myself\u2014when I raised the flag over the rubble of our marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She\u2019s saying the rubble was me. [Laughter] I think that\u2019s what you\u2019re saying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI felt so lost; I was <em>miserable. <\/em>And all I did in my head was think, \u2018If Dave would only\u2026\u2019\u2014it was just this mantra\u2014\u2018If Dave would only\u2026\u2019 \u2018If Dave\u2026\u2019\u201d And I\u2019ve talked to so many women, [who] have that same verbiage and that same dialogue in their head. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur marriage wasn\u2019t fixed overnight\u2014but because of putting up the flag of: \u201cI can\u2019t do it! It\u2019s not my job to change my husband, Lord. But I\u2019m going to keep my eyes on You, and I\u2019m going to follow You,\u201d\u2014I found myself so needy I had to pray that prayer <em>continually<\/em>: \u201cLord, I can\u2019t do it apart from You. Give me Your eyes; show me the way You love Dave. And I pray that You would change my heart.\u201d There was a freedom! Our marriage wasn\u2019t fixed yet; it wasn\u2019t great yet; but there was this new hope, not in Dave, but it was in Jesus!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You had just shifted your dependency\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014from your husband to your Savior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Your husband might disappoint you;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014your Savior isn\u2019t going to. And that\u2019s why hope has won at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We have this hope: Jesus! \u201cWe have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.\u201d Hope is a matter of choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomeone is listening right now; I would say that your choices right now to open up your heart\u2014which is probably already open through the loss you\u2019ve been through\u2014to this Jesus, who loved you enough to die for every wrong thing you\u2019ve ever done, who\u2019s powerful enough to conquer what only one person out of the billions who have lived on this planet ever conquered\/that\u2019s death. If He\u2019s bigger than death, He\u2019s bigger than what you\u2019re facing right now. And He can speak peace to your storm. It is possible to go through a storm with His peace, with His protection, and with a sense of being loved and okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy prayer for Ron, for Dave, for Ann\u2014for someone listening\u2014is Romans 15:13: \u201cMay the God of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chope\u201d!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014\"hope fill you with all joy\u201d\u2014really?\u2014\u201cand peace, so that you may overflow with hope\u201d\u2014go figure! I barely have enough for me! [Laughter] You\u2019re going to have enough to give away\u2014\u201c\u2026may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit,\u201d\u2014divine power from the One, who spoke billions of galaxies into existence, to make you a hope-deliverer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you start to say: \u201cIt\u2019s not about me. It\u2019s about Jesus, and it\u2019s about turning my hurt into hope for other people,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019ll listen to me because of what I\u2019ve been through; I\u2019ve got the credentials now,\u201d believe me, you will not be starved for hope anymore. You will have hope, even though your heart it breaking. You\u2019ll have a hope that is stronger than the hurt; that\u2019s my Jesus!\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014the <em>living<\/em> hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have been hearing, ringing in my head, the words to the hymn: \u201cMy hope is built on nothing less than Jesus\u2019 blood and righteousness.\u201d If our hope is in our circumstances, or in how someone else is going to behave or perform today, we will be disappointed. But when our hope is in Jesus and in the gospel, well, that\u2019s a different story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave and Ann Wilson have been talking today to Ron Hutchcraft, who has written a book on hope. It\u2019s called <em>Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking. <\/em>As Ron has shared with us this week, a lot of this comes out of the story of losing his wife five years ago and learning how to live with hope in a season of profound grief and profound transition in his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe you know someone you\u2019d like to pass this book along to, or maybe this is a book you need for yourself. We\u2019re making Ron\u2019s book available this week to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners who can help advance the work of FamilyLife\u2014help us reach more couples, more moms and dads, husbands and wives with practical biblical help and hope through this daily radio program, this podcast, online at FamilyLifeToday.com, through the events we host and the resources we create.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>exists to effectively develop godly marriages and families. When you help to advance that cause with a donation today, you\u2019re invited to request your copy of Ron Hutchcraft\u2019s book, <em>Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking: Finding God\u2019s Presence in Your Pain. <\/em>You can make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate: 1-800-FLTODAY is the number. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate: 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Be sure to ask for your copy of the book, <em>Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking, <\/em>when you contact us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to talk with Ron Hutchcraft about how shame, and regret, and past failures can rob us of the hope that we need in our current situation\/our current circumstance. I hope you can join us, again, for that tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Join us, again, tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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