{"id":306926,"date":"2021-07-02T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2021-07-02T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-gift-of-singleness\/"},"modified":"2021-07-02T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2021-07-02T11:00:04","slug":"the-gift-of-singleness","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-gift-of-singleness\/","title":{"rendered":"The Gift of Singleness"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Using our God-given gifts is important, and on today&#8217;s program, JP Pokluda encourages us to not take the gift of singleness and put it on a shelf.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-02.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:36","filesize":"23.44M","filesize_raw":"24580053","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2848],"tags":[6986,4018,6985],"podcast_series":[8456],"cwp_profile":[9594],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306926","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-cultural-issues","tag-current-trends","tag-dating","tag-not-dating","podcast_series-outdated","cwp_profile-jp-pokluda","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306926\/the-gift-of-singleness","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306926\/the-gift-of-singleness","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"mpVKjreDmj\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-gift-of-singleness\/\">The Gift of Singleness<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-gift-of-singleness\/embed\/#?secret=mpVKjreDmj\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Gift of Singleness&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"mpVKjreDmj\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-02.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-02.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay, honey, here is a question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m ready. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> See if you remember;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014I know you do. When I wanted to ask you out\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Uh-huh? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014what did your dad say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cNo; absolutely not. You will never date Dave Wilson.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Why is that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because you had a horrible reputation\u2014terrible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; but guess what? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You married me. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; he lost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, I\u2019ll never forget that. Her dad <em>barred<\/em> me from the house. He was my baseball coach, and he knew\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He knew too much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014a little too much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> You got the girl, though. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I got the girl, and we dated not long enough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, today, we\u2019re going to talk about dating with JP Pokluda. He wrote a <em>great<\/em> book called <em>Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed<\/em>. JP, great to have you with you us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Thanks for having me. This is so much fun to be with you two. I\u2019m just glad that we can do this, man; I have fun when we are together, truly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We do, too; I feel like we\u2019re <em>learning<\/em> from JP a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I\u2019m glad we\u2019re not <em>dating<\/em> anymore. I mean, we are dating as a married couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, we still date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We have some <em>hot<\/em> dates. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, we <em>do<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She didn\u2019t respond very good to that; that means they are not that hot. She looked at me like, \u201cYou think those are hot?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> No; she said, \u201cYes, we <em>do<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Was it not enthusiastic enough? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, <em>YES<\/em>, we do! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, whatever\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How is that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, you\u2019re lying on radio. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJP, now, you\u2019re a pastor of Harris Creek Baptist in Waco. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What\u2019s that like? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> It\u2019s awesome; man, it\u2019s great. God is doing a work in Waco. There is a unique\u2014I would tell you\u2014a unique spiritual battle being fought there. It\u2019s fun to get to preach the gospel, to preach the Word, and to watch lives being changed every week. It\u2019s incredible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. We\u2019ve already talked about a little bit about your book, as you\u2019ve just said. For years, you were at The Porch at the Watermark Church in Dallas and thousands of singles. You watched dating sort of go wrong,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014or you have so many questions, that you said, \u201cI\u2019ve got to write something to help couples\/singles.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> So much of ministry is pattern recognition. So yes; you are sitting on the front row, watching <em>disaster<\/em> happen in the way that people date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, being a pastor, I\u2019ve done dozens of marriages and people, who come together. You genuinely\/you stand before their family and friends; and you\u2019re like, \u201cI think God brought these two together. This is awesome; this is going to be great. If marriages were stock, I\u2019m going long here. This is an amazing\u2026\u201d But then you see <em>so<\/em> many tragedies as well. You just start recognizing the patterns. What it does is it gives legitimacy to the Word of God. You see how brilliant He is and how <em>much<\/em> He loves us to give us the instruction that He has given us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, as you know, the Bible isn\u2019t a dating book. It\u2019s not really even mentioned because dating wasn\u2019t something that was taking place at the time of biblical times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But it does talk about singleness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So before we even get into this topic, talk to us a little bit about single; because I know, often in churches, being a pastor\u2014you\u2019re a pastor\u2014you look out there. Here is what I think is going on: you see single people sitting there; and they are looking at the married couples, going,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI wish I could\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cOh, if I could just be married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Then you have the married people, looking at the single people, thinking, \u201cMan, I wish I had that freedom.\u201d <br><br><strong>JP:<\/strong> We can\u2019t learn; yes. The greatest marriage verse and singleness verse is: \u201cGodliness with contentment is great gain,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014which has nothing to do with marriage or singleness\u2014but <em>everything<\/em> to do with finding contentment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the church has missed it here, friends. I think we\u2019ve elevated marriage to be the varsity to the JV singleness, which is an unbiblical idea that\u2019s just <em>not<\/em> what the Scripture teaches. In 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7, verse 7, the Holy Spirit, through the Apostle Paul, says that, \u201cSingleness is a gift.\u201d Paul says, \u201cI wish you were as I am, but some have that gift; others have this one.\u201d He calls it a <em>gift<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talk about\u2014in church\/if you\u2019ve been in church long, you heard of the gift of singleness\u2014this is important for you parents; okay?\u2014so lean in, because some of you\/you\u2019re praying parents. You\u2019ve prayed for your children\u2019s spouse since they were born, but have you ever prayed for their singleness? Have you ever prayed they\u2019d be faithful in their singleness?\u2014like if God doesn\u2019t have a spouse for them in this fallen world that we live in, even if they desire one\u2014right?\u2014that they would honor Him in their singleness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and to be okay with that and not to feel like that\u2019s <em>less than<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes, every Thanksgiving and Christmas: \u201cOh, you\u2019re alone again; huh?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s not helpful, parents\/not helpful. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul calls it a gift, so we should look at it like it is a gift. Paul\u2019s really just expounding on the teachings of Jesus; in a lesser-known verse in Matthew 19, Jesus says, \u201cThere are some who are celibate for the sake of the kingdom.\u201d He says, \u201cNot everyone can accept this, but those who can should.\u201d Jesus, Himself, puts singleness on this pedestal as something that\u2019s really awesome to be sought after. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say this: both Paul and Jesus were single; Jesus, the most complete human being who has ever walked the planet earth. They say, \u201cWell, marriage\u2026you complete me,\u201d\u2014Jerry Maguire or whatever. Jesus was the most complete human being that has ever lived. He was a 33-year-old man, who had never been on a date; okay? That\u2019s who we follow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which in that culture was unusual too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Absolutely; so I think that that\u2019s the part that we haven\u2019t taught on very well. It\u2019s like: \u201cHey, singleness is good; it\u2019s a gift.\u201d I think the single listeners\u2014they are like, \u201cWhat if I have the gift? What do I do?\u201d I know how to tell you if you have the gift. It\u2019s a one-survey question; I can ask you one question, and I\u2019ve never been wrong\u2014I have 100 percent accuracy on this\u2014if you answer this question affirmative, you have the gift of singleness. Here it is\/here is the question: \u201cDid you wake up this morning single? [Laughter] If you did, you have the gift of singleness.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we think about that gift as like chronic or terminal, or it\u2019s going to be there forever; we don\u2019t know that! He just says it\u2019s a gift. When you have it, it\u2019s a gift; so we should <em>see<\/em> it as a gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But why <em>don\u2019t<\/em> people see it as a gift? Like I think somebody just listened to that\u2014especially a woman heard that\u2014and thought, \u201cOh, I <em>hope<\/em> that\u2019s not my gift.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Why is that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Well, several reasons. I do think\/there is nothing wrong with the desire to be married. The Scripture does say, \u201cWhoever finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor of the Lord.\u201d It\u2019s good; marriage is a <em>good<\/em> thing. It teaches us about God: it teaches us about the Trinity; it teaches us about how the Father, and the Son, the Holy Spirit complement one another; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut singleness teaches us about the supremacy and <em>sufficiency<\/em> of Jesus. Singleness teaches us that He is enough. The reason that we don\u2019t believe that is, for some of us, He\u2019s not enough; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to know, single friends, none of you\/not one of you are going to get to heaven and say, \u201cHey, God, what\u2019s up? How come You withheld that from me?\u201d\u2014right? Nobody does that; that\u2019s the conversation that has never happened: \u201cGod, why did You keep me single?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe truth is, for most of you, if you desire marriage, you\u2019ll find it; but as my friend said earlier, most married people want to be single; and most single people want to be married. We just can\u2019t ever find contentment. I think we have to learn contentment\/gratitude, knowing that God gives us good gifts: \u201cEvery good and perfect gift comes from the Father of heavenly lights.\u201d So appreciate it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way that you appreciate a gift: you don\u2019t keep it wrapped; you don\u2019t put it on the shelf. You <em>use<\/em> the gift. The Apostle Paul used his gift of singleness very well: he wrote most of the New Testament; he built the kingdom. Jesus used His gift of singleness very well: He laid His life down for our sins. So you should think, \u201cHow can I use this gift in an uninhibited way?\u201d as 1 Corinthians 7 says. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and it really is interesting\u2014what you said\u2014\u201cIs Jesus enough?\u201d That question has to be answered by single people <em>and<\/em> married people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, we sort of joke about it; but singles are thinking, \u201cMarried people don\u2019t need to answer that; they have <em>found<\/em> contentment in a spouse. So certainly, Jesus is enough.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re all sitting here\u2014we\u2019re all married\u2014we\u2019re like, \u201cOh, no, that is a big question for us, married.\u201d It\u2019s the same thing for a single person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So it really is the question of <em>life<\/em>: \u201cAm I content in Christ alone?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I have found myself, as a married woman lying in bed beside Dave, thinking,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cThe most amazing man in the universe.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014thinking, \u201cI am so lonely.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think a lot of married people can feel a real sense of loneliness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you have to be that honest? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> That went somewhere different; that went somewhere different than you thought, [Laughter] like, \u201cWow!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t think that was what it was going to be. [Instead, I thought she\u2019d say]: \u201cMan, I am so <em>fulfilled<\/em> with this man beside me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And that is the point; you really are <em>amazing<\/em>,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, she\u2019s trying to bail herself out. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Back pedal, back pedal, back pedal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014but Jesus\u2014it used to make me think, \u201cDave is not enough; he is not doing his part. He\u2019s not living up to his role or expectations that I have of him\u201d; but now, I think, \u201cHave I taken my eyes off of Jesus and put them on Dave, wanting <em>him<\/em> to fill my needs?\u201d I think married people can do that, <em>and<\/em> single people can do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I love how you broke the book up\u2014because you got lies\/lies we sort of believe\u2014and then what the truth is. One of your lies is written this way: \u201cThe Lie: Being single is a waiting period for something better,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014that\u2019s the lie\u2014\u201cThe truth: That better is available now.\u201d How is singleness better now? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes, let me <em>start<\/em> speaking experientially; and then I\u2019ll wrap up with what the Scripture says. Before I was a Christian, as a single person\u2014because I was a non-Christian single person and then a Christian single person\u2014and you are always talking about doing something great: \u201cMan, one day, we are going to backpack through Europe,\u201d \u201cOne day, we\u2019re going to go do this\u2026\u201d What you end up doing, as a pagan, like I was, is the same things over, and over, and over. Sin really robs you of creativity; you just kind of get stuck in these ruts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I became a Christian\u2014uninhibited by marriage; right?\u2014I found myself on a trip to Africa, where we were training the government on conflict resolution; and then went on this safari. I\u2019m overseas\u2014went on a boat for six days in Brazil\u2014and got off in the jungle and telling people about Jesus and did that trip like four times. Then, I went to Haiti, and then went to rural Haiti, and then kind of tribal Haiti in the mountains\u2014and with all of these different people\u2014getting to talk about Jesus. I was like, \u201cMan, this is a full life. I am really, really living; and I\u2019ve experienced the full life that Christ offers.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7\/he talks about the married man is concerned for the affairs of his household or his wife and that the single person is uninhibited in that way\u2014they are concerned about the things of the kingdom\u2014that I was concerned about the things of the kingdom. I got married, and then I didn\u2019t go on any of those trips; alright? We had kids shortly thereafter, and I went on one trip to Haiti; but I had to cut it short, because I had to come back for a soccer tournament. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn that short little story is that example of what I have experienced firsthand. You see how that shifted. So for my single friends out there, I would just say, \u201cWhat it looks like to live in singleness, as a gift as God has described it in the Scriptures, is to live it for the kingdom of heaven,\u201d\u2014that is what Jesus says in Matthew 19\u2014that you would focus on building the kingdom. He says it in Matthew 6:33: \u201cSeek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat does it look like to wake up on mission? Now, I\u2019m not saying\u2014because don\u2019t write me off as some unaware pastor that you just have nothing but time because you are single\u2014I know you are busy; right? But be busy doing the <em>right<\/em> things, watching the right things, hanging out with the right people, living on mission. I hope you have the friend group that\u2014if you look around; and you\u2019re like,\u2014\u201cWow, the five of us\/if we just picked anything; we said, \u2018Hey, we want to do away with pornography,\u2019\u201d like you could do it; you know, you could make that happen. \u201c\u2018We want to end sex trafficking,\u2019\u201d\u2014like you could do it\u2014give your life to that. Find a cause, and then give your life to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not to say that you won\u2019t be married; you probably will be. If you want to be, you probably will be; but don\u2019t think that marriage is more ultimate than singleness. That is a mistake; it\u2019s an unbiblical\/it\u2019s an anti-biblical idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So if you are single, and you really <em>don\u2019t<\/em> want to be, what are our steps? What do we do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes; this is the beauty of being a part of Jesus\u2019s body; that is, the church. If you have all these people around you\u2014to single friends, who desire marriage and feel like they have no prospects\u2014I would go to your married friends and tell them, like, \u201cHey, I really want to be married. Do you know of anybody?\u201d Begin\/that\u2019s this whole concept of arranged marriage, if you will. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So that doesn\u2019t feel needy or desperate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> No; we love it! I mean, you guys know. I would be <em>encouraged<\/em> if single friends came and sat down at the table with Monica and me and said, \u201cHey, guys, I just want you to know I know that I\u2019m single\u2014I don\u2019t want to be\u2014 want to be married. Do you know of anybody? Is there anyone out there that you think that I would be a good wife for?\u201d or \u201c\u2026a good husband for?\u201d Begin to think that way. I would say, \u201cGo where those people are.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve been in church long, as a single person, you\u2019ve probably heard this: \u201cJust like go to the well, if you will, where the servants are,\u201d\u2014like people who serve Christ. Go be\/make sure you are hanging out where they are, and not as a desperate person or anything, but just like: \u201cHey, this\u2026we\u2019re looking. You\u2019re looking; I\u2019m looking.\u201d This isn\u2019t a meat market, as the world wants to say. No; we\u2019re just: \u201cThis is God\u2019s people, who desire to be married; and we\u2019re hanging out in this place.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Have you connected some people? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Oh, yes, for sure\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me too! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> \u2014for sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It feels good; I <em>love<\/em> doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Absolutely; like that\u2019s fun. That is fun for your married friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I would say, \u201cInitiate.\u201d Sometimes, different people are at different places on that spectrum. If you look at your life and you realize, \u201cMan, I\u2019ve just been really passive here,\u201d I would just say, \u201cInitiate.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think love must be sincere, and we\u2019ve really complicated this with playing games. Right now, they feel like guys aren\u2019t asking girls out. Guys feel like girls are always saying, \u201cNo\u201d; because their standards are so high; and then they are playing games\u2014there is ghosting [ignoring texts]; sliding into DM\u2019s [doesn\u2019t matter\/don\u2019t mind]\u2014you\u2019re hiding behind technology. Romans 12 says: \u201cLove must be sincere\u201d; so just communicate how you feel. You don\u2019t have to complicate it, like: \u201cOh, well, can I\u2026\u201d \u201cWhat do the rules say about this?\u201d and \u201cWhat do I do?\u201d and \u201cHow do I\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cIf I say this, will it scare him away?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> It\u2019s just okay to say, \u201cMan, I\u2019ve been thinking a lot about you lately; and I would love to spend more time together. Let me know if you\u2019re ever interested in something like that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; should a <em>woman<\/em> say that to a man, and should she ask a guy <em>out<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes; so that is the thing I was talking about that\u2019s a little bit controversial. I just look at the Scripture, and I don\u2019t see anything forbidden in there. I like that language; I will give it to you again: \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking a lot about you lately, and I really enjoy when we spend time together. If that\u2019s something that you are ever interested in, let me know.\u201d That\u2019s not asking a guy out; that\u2019s just communicating clearly how you feel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the deal with asking guys out. I don\u2019t see it forbidden in the Scripture, but you are choosing your problems. A big issue today in marriages is male passivity and apathy. You just want to be aware that\u2014if he likes you, but he is afraid to <em>initiate<\/em>\u2014you may be choosing passivity. That is something\/that would be a red flag; that\u2019s something that I would be watching out for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I do remember, on one of our early dates\u2014talking about being honest, and authentic, and vulnerable\u2014I said to Ann, in your driveway at your parents\u2019 house; do you remember? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I said, \u201cBoy, I\u2019m really starting to fall for you. I feel like I\u2019m falling in love with you, and I do not want to. I just came out of a four-year relationship; I don\u2019t want to\/I don\u2019t want to get married. I don\u2019t want to date anybody, really; I just want to be friends. But I\u2019ve got to be honest; I\u2019m really liking you, and I want to take this farther. I don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember looking at her\u2014again, she is 18\u2014I should be the mature one here. She just looks at me and goes, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we just trust Jesus with this?\u201d I go, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d She goes, \u201cWe don\u2019t know what He wants to do. Let\u2019s just give it to Him and see where He takes it. Let\u2019s get all the\u2014\u2018I feel this\u2026\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m thinking this...\u2019 \u2018What do you think?\u2019\u2014let\u2019s throw all that out the window and trust Him. In fact, I think we should date other people. You want to date other people?\u2014go for it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cWhy are we trying to confine this thing? Let\u2019s see what God does.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cYes, that\u2019s a good answer. Let\u2019s pray!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> I would have been like, \u201cDate other people?! How did we get there? How did that happen? [Laughter] That\u2019s not where that was going!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I think there was a freedom in feeling like, \u201cWe just want to do what Jesus wants us to do\u201d; and we prayed that prayer every time we were together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because we were fearful. We didn\u2019t know what the future looked like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and we didn\u2019t date anybody else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> I just think the prayer is so important. That\u2019s the way we started this time together, right now. This idea that Jesus is driving\u2014I know that\u2019s really ethereal for a lot of the listeners right now, like, \u201cOh gosh! How do I make that abstract idea real?\u201d\u2014first and foremost, He needs to be the biggest thing in your life; right? He needs to be where you draw contentment from\u2014that no person\/no other person than Christ is going to complete you or fulfill you\u2014and so you want to be fulfilled in your relationship with Jesus Christ, pursuing Him. Then, really, you are inviting someone into that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way that I look at marriages\/the weddings that I\u2019ve done is\/I\u2019m like, \u201cThis is a ministry strengthening enforce, because it\u2019s two ministries coming together. Both of these people are individually involved in ministry, and now they are coming together to partner in ministry for the rest of their lives.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEverybody is looking for this person that they\u2019re compatible with. There is really no compatibility between two sinners\u2014if you think about it\u2014like we just repel each other, so I wouldn\u2019t look for someone that I\u2019m compatible with. I would look for someone I\u2019m <em>complementary to<\/em>\u2014that if we come together\u2014like I wanted\/I thought Monica and my common interests were going to carry us through marriage; but really, those common interests faded fast. She\u2019s very, very different than me; and I\u2019ve learned to absolutely love that. I love the way that she is nurturing, and soft, and kind with our kids; right? I tend to be stronger and more direct and, sometimes, a jerk. She balances that in our parenting and in our ministry. That\u2019s really what you are looking for is a <em>partner<\/em>\u2014you know?\u2014you are looking for a <em>partner<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you desire marriage\u2014and it\u2019s good to desire marriage; marriage is a good thing\u2014but if you\u2019re single, that\u2019s <em>also<\/em> a good thing; so just <em>know<\/em> that; <em>believe<\/em> that; <em>realize<\/em> that. People say: \u201cWell, how do I?\u201d \u201cWhat if I don\u2019t?\u201d Start with prayer: \u201cLord, would You <em>help<\/em> me see this as a good thing? Help me to live in my singleness in a way that honors You.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> JP, thanks. Your wisdom is <em>astounding<\/em>; it really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> It\u2019s God\u2019s wisdom. I\u2019m plagiarizing the greatest book ever written. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, it is; and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014I can see a lot of us sending this book, <em>Outdated<\/em>, to our friends\/to our kids. I think that this will really benefit so many people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Pray with me that it changes the landscape\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> \u2014because there is so much division in our world today; and so much of that, the problems go to the family unit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> I think that, if we can change the family unit at its genesis, which is really when a boy meets a girl, that it could change the greatest challenges in our land today. So just join me in that prayer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Will you pray? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes, I would love to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Will you pray for the listeners? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Absolutely, absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, thank You for the gift of relationships. Thank You that You said that it is not good for us to be alone, and that doesn\u2019t mean that we have to be married. When You walked this earth, You weren\u2019t married. You have said that singleness is good, and You said that marriage is good. So for anyone, who is listening to this\/hears this right now\u2014and they are single, and they feel discontent, and just despairing\u2014Lord, would You fill their heart with hope, and peace, and joy?\u2014and remind them that You have a plan for them and, even, a plan for them to use their gift today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd for anyone, who is married, listening, Lord, I pray You would bless their marriage. I pray that they would help their single friends\/that they would have hearts to help them find someone if they desire marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLord, I do ask that You would heal our land; heal the division that exists in our land. Would You start at the genesis?\u2014when someone meets that they would honor You in the way that they pursue each other\u2014that You would be at the foundation of any love that is born there\u2014that they would, first and foremost, love You\u2014and that they would have a relationship with Jesus. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf anyone is listening right now, and doesn\u2019t know You, Lord, I pray You would release the hounds of heaven after their heart; and they would trust in the death and the resurrection of Your Son as a payment for their sins, Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe love You; and we trust You. In Jesus\u2019s name, amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Amen; thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think we just have to acknowledge that being single, in this culture in the \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t21<sup>st<\/sup> century, there are challenges; it is hard. Knowing how to navigate life, as a single in a way that honors God, is particularly challenging. That\u2019s why Jonathan Pokluda has written the book, <em>Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed<\/em>. It\u2019s really a book to help people think more carefully\/more biblically when it comes to the issues of singleness and dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. We\u2019d love to send you a copy. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get your copy of the book. Again, it is called <em>Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed<\/em> by Jonathan Pokluda. Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, think with me for just a minute, is there someone you know\u2014maybe, in your office or in your neighborhood; maybe, somebody at church\u2014who is a single mom, raising her kids and experiencing the challenges that come with being a single mom? Earlier this week, we talked with PeggySue Wells and Pam Farrel about the challenges that single moms face. They\u2019ve written a book called <em>The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make<\/em>, and we want to make that book available to <em>you<\/em> so that you can give it to someone you know, who would benefit from reading it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>In fact, we\u2019re making the book available this week to anyone who can support the ministry of FamilyLife with a donation. Your donation will help extend the reach of this program. And when you get the book, you can write a note to a friend, give them the book\u2014and who knows?\u2014that could open the door for ongoing conversations about your faith, about their life, about how you can help one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of the book, <em>The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. When you do, request your copy of the book; and we\u2019re happy to send it out to you. We are so grateful for your investment, not just in this ministry, but your investment in the lives of other couples\/other families, helping us effectively develop godly marriages and families. That\u2019s what <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is all about, and we appreciate your partnership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend; and I hope you can join us on Monday when our friend, Ron Hutchcraft, is going to be here. Ron lost his wife recently and has been through a season of trying to process the grief and the pain that comes with that. He\u2019s written a book called <em>Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking<\/em>. We\u2019ll talk about that with him on Monday. I hope you can join us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I am Bob Lepine. We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:36"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.44M"],"filesize_raw":["24580053"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306926.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306926.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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our God-given gifts is important, and on today's program, JP Pokluda encourages us to not take the gift of singleness and put it on a shelf.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-07-02.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay, honey, here is a question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m ready. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> See if you remember;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014I know you do. When I wanted to ask you out\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Uh-huh? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014what did your dad say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cNo; absolutely not. You will never date Dave Wilson.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Why is that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because you had a horrible reputation\u2014terrible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; but guess what? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You married me. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; he lost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, I\u2019ll never forget that. Her dad <em>barred<\/em> me from the house. He was my baseball coach, and he knew\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He knew too much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014a little too much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> You got the girl, though. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I got the girl, and we dated not long enough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, today, we\u2019re going to talk about dating with JP Pokluda. He wrote a <em>great<\/em> book called <em>Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed<\/em>. JP, great to have you with you us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Thanks for having me. This is so much fun to be with you two. I\u2019m just glad that we can do this, man; I have fun when we are together, truly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We do, too; I feel like we\u2019re <em>learning<\/em> from JP a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I\u2019m glad we\u2019re not <em>dating<\/em> anymore. I mean, we are dating as a married couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, we still date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We have some <em>hot<\/em> dates. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, we <em>do<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She didn\u2019t respond very good to that; that means they are not that hot. She looked at me like, \u201cYou think those are hot?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> No; she said, \u201cYes, we <em>do<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Was it not enthusiastic enough? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, <em>YES<\/em>, we do! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, whatever\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How is that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, you\u2019re lying on radio. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJP, now, you\u2019re a pastor of Harris Creek Baptist in Waco. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What\u2019s that like? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> It\u2019s awesome; man, it\u2019s great. God is doing a work in Waco. There is a unique\u2014I would tell you\u2014a unique spiritual battle being fought there. It\u2019s fun to get to preach the gospel, to preach the Word, and to watch lives being changed every week. It\u2019s incredible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. We\u2019ve already talked about a little bit about your book, as you\u2019ve just said. For years, you were at The Porch at the Watermark Church in Dallas and thousands of singles. You watched dating sort of go wrong,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014or you have so many questions, that you said, \u201cI\u2019ve got to write something to help couples\/singles.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> So much of ministry is pattern recognition. So yes; you are sitting on the front row, watching <em>disaster<\/em> happen in the way that people date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, being a pastor, I\u2019ve done dozens of marriages and people, who come together. You genuinely\/you stand before their family and friends; and you\u2019re like, \u201cI think God brought these two together. This is awesome; this is going to be great. If marriages were stock, I\u2019m going long here. This is an amazing\u2026\u201d But then you see <em>so<\/em> many tragedies as well. You just start recognizing the patterns. What it does is it gives legitimacy to the Word of God. You see how brilliant He is and how <em>much<\/em> He loves us to give us the instruction that He has given us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, as you know, the Bible isn\u2019t a dating book. It\u2019s not really even mentioned because dating wasn\u2019t something that was taking place at the time of biblical times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But it does talk about singleness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So before we even get into this topic, talk to us a little bit about single; because I know, often in churches, being a pastor\u2014you\u2019re a pastor\u2014you look out there. Here is what I think is going on: you see single people sitting there; and they are looking at the married couples, going,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI wish I could\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cOh, if I could just be married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Then you have the married people, looking at the single people, thinking, \u201cMan, I wish I had that freedom.\u201d <br><br><strong>JP:<\/strong> We can\u2019t learn; yes. The greatest marriage verse and singleness verse is: \u201cGodliness with contentment is great gain,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014which has nothing to do with marriage or singleness\u2014but <em>everything<\/em> to do with finding contentment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the church has missed it here, friends. I think we\u2019ve elevated marriage to be the varsity to the JV singleness, which is an unbiblical idea that\u2019s just <em>not<\/em> what the Scripture teaches. In 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7, verse 7, the Holy Spirit, through the Apostle Paul, says that, \u201cSingleness is a gift.\u201d Paul says, \u201cI wish you were as I am, but some have that gift; others have this one.\u201d He calls it a <em>gift<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talk about\u2014in church\/if you\u2019ve been in church long, you heard of the gift of singleness\u2014this is important for you parents; okay?\u2014so lean in, because some of you\/you\u2019re praying parents. You\u2019ve prayed for your children\u2019s spouse since they were born, but have you ever prayed for their singleness? Have you ever prayed they\u2019d be faithful in their singleness?\u2014like if God doesn\u2019t have a spouse for them in this fallen world that we live in, even if they desire one\u2014right?\u2014that they would honor Him in their singleness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and to be okay with that and not to feel like that\u2019s <em>less than<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes, every Thanksgiving and Christmas: \u201cOh, you\u2019re alone again; huh?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s not helpful, parents\/not helpful. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul calls it a gift, so we should look at it like it is a gift. Paul\u2019s really just expounding on the teachings of Jesus; in a lesser-known verse in Matthew 19, Jesus says, \u201cThere are some who are celibate for the sake of the kingdom.\u201d He says, \u201cNot everyone can accept this, but those who can should.\u201d Jesus, Himself, puts singleness on this pedestal as something that\u2019s really awesome to be sought after. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say this: both Paul and Jesus were single; Jesus, the most complete human being who has ever walked the planet earth. They say, \u201cWell, marriage\u2026you complete me,\u201d\u2014Jerry Maguire or whatever. Jesus was the most complete human being that has ever lived. He was a 33-year-old man, who had never been on a date; okay? That\u2019s who we follow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which in that culture was unusual too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Absolutely; so I think that that\u2019s the part that we haven\u2019t taught on very well. It\u2019s like: \u201cHey, singleness is good; it\u2019s a gift.\u201d I think the single listeners\u2014they are like, \u201cWhat if I have the gift? What do I do?\u201d I know how to tell you if you have the gift. It\u2019s a one-survey question; I can ask you one question, and I\u2019ve never been wrong\u2014I have 100 percent accuracy on this\u2014if you answer this question affirmative, you have the gift of singleness. Here it is\/here is the question: \u201cDid you wake up this morning single? [Laughter] If you did, you have the gift of singleness.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we think about that gift as like chronic or terminal, or it\u2019s going to be there forever; we don\u2019t know that! He just says it\u2019s a gift. When you have it, it\u2019s a gift; so we should <em>see<\/em> it as a gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But why <em>don\u2019t<\/em> people see it as a gift? Like I think somebody just listened to that\u2014especially a woman heard that\u2014and thought, \u201cOh, I <em>hope<\/em> that\u2019s not my gift.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Why is that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Well, several reasons. I do think\/there is nothing wrong with the desire to be married. The Scripture does say, \u201cWhoever finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor of the Lord.\u201d It\u2019s good; marriage is a <em>good<\/em> thing. It teaches us about God: it teaches us about the Trinity; it teaches us about how the Father, and the Son, the Holy Spirit complement one another; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut singleness teaches us about the supremacy and <em>sufficiency<\/em> of Jesus. Singleness teaches us that He is enough. The reason that we don\u2019t believe that is, for some of us, He\u2019s not enough; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to know, single friends, none of you\/not one of you are going to get to heaven and say, \u201cHey, God, what\u2019s up? How come You withheld that from me?\u201d\u2014right? Nobody does that; that\u2019s the conversation that has never happened: \u201cGod, why did You keep me single?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe truth is, for most of you, if you desire marriage, you\u2019ll find it; but as my friend said earlier, most married people want to be single; and most single people want to be married. We just can\u2019t ever find contentment. I think we have to learn contentment\/gratitude, knowing that God gives us good gifts: \u201cEvery good and perfect gift comes from the Father of heavenly lights.\u201d So appreciate it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way that you appreciate a gift: you don\u2019t keep it wrapped; you don\u2019t put it on the shelf. You <em>use<\/em> the gift. The Apostle Paul used his gift of singleness very well: he wrote most of the New Testament; he built the kingdom. Jesus used His gift of singleness very well: He laid His life down for our sins. So you should think, \u201cHow can I use this gift in an uninhibited way?\u201d as 1 Corinthians 7 says. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and it really is interesting\u2014what you said\u2014\u201cIs Jesus enough?\u201d That question has to be answered by single people <em>and<\/em> married people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, we sort of joke about it; but singles are thinking, \u201cMarried people don\u2019t need to answer that; they have <em>found<\/em> contentment in a spouse. So certainly, Jesus is enough.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re all sitting here\u2014we\u2019re all married\u2014we\u2019re like, \u201cOh, no, that is a big question for us, married.\u201d It\u2019s the same thing for a single person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So it really is the question of <em>life<\/em>: \u201cAm I content in Christ alone?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I have found myself, as a married woman lying in bed beside Dave, thinking,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cThe most amazing man in the universe.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014thinking, \u201cI am so lonely.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think a lot of married people can feel a real sense of loneliness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you have to be that honest? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> That went somewhere different; that went somewhere different than you thought, [Laughter] like, \u201cWow!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t think that was what it was going to be. [Instead, I thought she\u2019d say]: \u201cMan, I am so <em>fulfilled<\/em> with this man beside me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And that is the point; you really are <em>amazing<\/em>,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, she\u2019s trying to bail herself out. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Back pedal, back pedal, back pedal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014but Jesus\u2014it used to make me think, \u201cDave is not enough; he is not doing his part. He\u2019s not living up to his role or expectations that I have of him\u201d; but now, I think, \u201cHave I taken my eyes off of Jesus and put them on Dave, wanting <em>him<\/em> to fill my needs?\u201d I think married people can do that, <em>and<\/em> single people can do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I love how you broke the book up\u2014because you got lies\/lies we sort of believe\u2014and then what the truth is. One of your lies is written this way: \u201cThe Lie: Being single is a waiting period for something better,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014that\u2019s the lie\u2014\u201cThe truth: That better is available now.\u201d How is singleness better now? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes, let me <em>start<\/em> speaking experientially; and then I\u2019ll wrap up with what the Scripture says. Before I was a Christian, as a single person\u2014because I was a non-Christian single person and then a Christian single person\u2014and you are always talking about doing something great: \u201cMan, one day, we are going to backpack through Europe,\u201d \u201cOne day, we\u2019re going to go do this\u2026\u201d What you end up doing, as a pagan, like I was, is the same things over, and over, and over. Sin really robs you of creativity; you just kind of get stuck in these ruts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I became a Christian\u2014uninhibited by marriage; right?\u2014I found myself on a trip to Africa, where we were training the government on conflict resolution; and then went on this safari. I\u2019m overseas\u2014went on a boat for six days in Brazil\u2014and got off in the jungle and telling people about Jesus and did that trip like four times. Then, I went to Haiti, and then went to rural Haiti, and then kind of tribal Haiti in the mountains\u2014and with all of these different people\u2014getting to talk about Jesus. I was like, \u201cMan, this is a full life. I am really, really living; and I\u2019ve experienced the full life that Christ offers.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7\/he talks about the married man is concerned for the affairs of his household or his wife and that the single person is uninhibited in that way\u2014they are concerned about the things of the kingdom\u2014that I was concerned about the things of the kingdom. I got married, and then I didn\u2019t go on any of those trips; alright? We had kids shortly thereafter, and I went on one trip to Haiti; but I had to cut it short, because I had to come back for a soccer tournament. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn that short little story is that example of what I have experienced firsthand. You see how that shifted. So for my single friends out there, I would just say, \u201cWhat it looks like to live in singleness, as a gift as God has described it in the Scriptures, is to live it for the kingdom of heaven,\u201d\u2014that is what Jesus says in Matthew 19\u2014that you would focus on building the kingdom. He says it in Matthew 6:33: \u201cSeek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat does it look like to wake up on mission? Now, I\u2019m not saying\u2014because don\u2019t write me off as some unaware pastor that you just have nothing but time because you are single\u2014I know you are busy; right? But be busy doing the <em>right<\/em> things, watching the right things, hanging out with the right people, living on mission. I hope you have the friend group that\u2014if you look around; and you\u2019re like,\u2014\u201cWow, the five of us\/if we just picked anything; we said, \u2018Hey, we want to do away with pornography,\u2019\u201d like you could do it; you know, you could make that happen. \u201c\u2018We want to end sex trafficking,\u2019\u201d\u2014like you could do it\u2014give your life to that. Find a cause, and then give your life to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not to say that you won\u2019t be married; you probably will be. If you want to be, you probably will be; but don\u2019t think that marriage is more ultimate than singleness. That is a mistake; it\u2019s an unbiblical\/it\u2019s an anti-biblical idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So if you are single, and you really <em>don\u2019t<\/em> want to be, what are our steps? What do we do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes; this is the beauty of being a part of Jesus\u2019s body; that is, the church. If you have all these people around you\u2014to single friends, who desire marriage and feel like they have no prospects\u2014I would go to your married friends and tell them, like, \u201cHey, I really want to be married. Do you know of anybody?\u201d Begin\/that\u2019s this whole concept of arranged marriage, if you will. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So that doesn\u2019t feel needy or desperate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> No; we love it! I mean, you guys know. I would be <em>encouraged<\/em> if single friends came and sat down at the table with Monica and me and said, \u201cHey, guys, I just want you to know I know that I\u2019m single\u2014I don\u2019t want to be\u2014 want to be married. Do you know of anybody? Is there anyone out there that you think that I would be a good wife for?\u201d or \u201c\u2026a good husband for?\u201d Begin to think that way. I would say, \u201cGo where those people are.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve been in church long, as a single person, you\u2019ve probably heard this: \u201cJust like go to the well, if you will, where the servants are,\u201d\u2014like people who serve Christ. Go be\/make sure you are hanging out where they are, and not as a desperate person or anything, but just like: \u201cHey, this\u2026we\u2019re looking. You\u2019re looking; I\u2019m looking.\u201d This isn\u2019t a meat market, as the world wants to say. No; we\u2019re just: \u201cThis is God\u2019s people, who desire to be married; and we\u2019re hanging out in this place.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Have you connected some people? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Oh, yes, for sure\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me too! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> \u2014for sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It feels good; I <em>love<\/em> doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Absolutely; like that\u2019s fun. That is fun for your married friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I would say, \u201cInitiate.\u201d Sometimes, different people are at different places on that spectrum. If you look at your life and you realize, \u201cMan, I\u2019ve just been really passive here,\u201d I would just say, \u201cInitiate.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think love must be sincere, and we\u2019ve really complicated this with playing games. Right now, they feel like guys aren\u2019t asking girls out. Guys feel like girls are always saying, \u201cNo\u201d; because their standards are so high; and then they are playing games\u2014there is ghosting [ignoring texts]; sliding into DM\u2019s [doesn\u2019t matter\/don\u2019t mind]\u2014you\u2019re hiding behind technology. Romans 12 says: \u201cLove must be sincere\u201d; so just communicate how you feel. You don\u2019t have to complicate it, like: \u201cOh, well, can I\u2026\u201d \u201cWhat do the rules say about this?\u201d and \u201cWhat do I do?\u201d and \u201cHow do I\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cIf I say this, will it scare him away?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> It\u2019s just okay to say, \u201cMan, I\u2019ve been thinking a lot about you lately; and I would love to spend more time together. Let me know if you\u2019re ever interested in something like that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; should a <em>woman<\/em> say that to a man, and should she ask a guy <em>out<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes; so that is the thing I was talking about that\u2019s a little bit controversial. I just look at the Scripture, and I don\u2019t see anything forbidden in there. I like that language; I will give it to you again: \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking a lot about you lately, and I really enjoy when we spend time together. If that\u2019s something that you are ever interested in, let me know.\u201d That\u2019s not asking a guy out; that\u2019s just communicating clearly how you feel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the deal with asking guys out. I don\u2019t see it forbidden in the Scripture, but you are choosing your problems. A big issue today in marriages is male passivity and apathy. You just want to be aware that\u2014if he likes you, but he is afraid to <em>initiate<\/em>\u2014you may be choosing passivity. That is something\/that would be a red flag; that\u2019s something that I would be watching out for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I do remember, on one of our early dates\u2014talking about being honest, and authentic, and vulnerable\u2014I said to Ann, in your driveway at your parents\u2019 house; do you remember? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I said, \u201cBoy, I\u2019m really starting to fall for you. I feel like I\u2019m falling in love with you, and I do not want to. I just came out of a four-year relationship; I don\u2019t want to\/I don\u2019t want to get married. I don\u2019t want to date anybody, really; I just want to be friends. But I\u2019ve got to be honest; I\u2019m really liking you, and I want to take this farther. I don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember looking at her\u2014again, she is 18\u2014I should be the mature one here. She just looks at me and goes, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we just trust Jesus with this?\u201d I go, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d She goes, \u201cWe don\u2019t know what He wants to do. Let\u2019s just give it to Him and see where He takes it. Let\u2019s get all the\u2014\u2018I feel this\u2026\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m thinking this...\u2019 \u2018What do you think?\u2019\u2014let\u2019s throw all that out the window and trust Him. In fact, I think we should date other people. You want to date other people?\u2014go for it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cWhy are we trying to confine this thing? Let\u2019s see what God does.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cYes, that\u2019s a good answer. Let\u2019s pray!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> I would have been like, \u201cDate other people?! How did we get there? How did that happen? [Laughter] That\u2019s not where that was going!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I think there was a freedom in feeling like, \u201cWe just want to do what Jesus wants us to do\u201d; and we prayed that prayer every time we were together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because we were fearful. We didn\u2019t know what the future looked like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and we didn\u2019t date anybody else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> I just think the prayer is so important. That\u2019s the way we started this time together, right now. This idea that Jesus is driving\u2014I know that\u2019s really ethereal for a lot of the listeners right now, like, \u201cOh gosh! How do I make that abstract idea real?\u201d\u2014first and foremost, He needs to be the biggest thing in your life; right? He needs to be where you draw contentment from\u2014that no person\/no other person than Christ is going to complete you or fulfill you\u2014and so you want to be fulfilled in your relationship with Jesus Christ, pursuing Him. Then, really, you are inviting someone into that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way that I look at marriages\/the weddings that I\u2019ve done is\/I\u2019m like, \u201cThis is a ministry strengthening enforce, because it\u2019s two ministries coming together. Both of these people are individually involved in ministry, and now they are coming together to partner in ministry for the rest of their lives.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEverybody is looking for this person that they\u2019re compatible with. There is really no compatibility between two sinners\u2014if you think about it\u2014like we just repel each other, so I wouldn\u2019t look for someone that I\u2019m compatible with. I would look for someone I\u2019m <em>complementary to<\/em>\u2014that if we come together\u2014like I wanted\/I thought Monica and my common interests were going to carry us through marriage; but really, those common interests faded fast. She\u2019s very, very different than me; and I\u2019ve learned to absolutely love that. I love the way that she is nurturing, and soft, and kind with our kids; right? I tend to be stronger and more direct and, sometimes, a jerk. She balances that in our parenting and in our ministry. That\u2019s really what you are looking for is a <em>partner<\/em>\u2014you know?\u2014you are looking for a <em>partner<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you desire marriage\u2014and it\u2019s good to desire marriage; marriage is a good thing\u2014but if you\u2019re single, that\u2019s <em>also<\/em> a good thing; so just <em>know<\/em> that; <em>believe<\/em> that; <em>realize<\/em> that. People say: \u201cWell, how do I?\u201d \u201cWhat if I don\u2019t?\u201d Start with prayer: \u201cLord, would You <em>help<\/em> me see this as a good thing? Help me to live in my singleness in a way that honors You.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> JP, thanks. Your wisdom is <em>astounding<\/em>; it really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> It\u2019s God\u2019s wisdom. I\u2019m plagiarizing the greatest book ever written. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, it is; and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014I can see a lot of us sending this book, <em>Outdated<\/em>, to our friends\/to our kids. I think that this will really benefit so many people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Pray with me that it changes the landscape\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> \u2014because there is so much division in our world today; and so much of that, the problems go to the family unit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> I think that, if we can change the family unit at its genesis, which is really when a boy meets a girl, that it could change the greatest challenges in our land today. So just join me in that prayer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Will you pray? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Yes, I would love to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Will you pray for the listeners? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP:<\/strong> Absolutely, absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, thank You for the gift of relationships. Thank You that You said that it is not good for us to be alone, and that doesn\u2019t mean that we have to be married. When You walked this earth, You weren\u2019t married. You have said that singleness is good, and You said that marriage is good. So for anyone, who is listening to this\/hears this right now\u2014and they are single, and they feel discontent, and just despairing\u2014Lord, would You fill their heart with hope, and peace, and joy?\u2014and remind them that You have a plan for them and, even, a plan for them to use their gift today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd for anyone, who is married, listening, Lord, I pray You would bless their marriage. I pray that they would help their single friends\/that they would have hearts to help them find someone if they desire marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLord, I do ask that You would heal our land; heal the division that exists in our land. Would You start at the genesis?\u2014when someone meets that they would honor You in the way that they pursue each other\u2014that You would be at the foundation of any love that is born there\u2014that they would, first and foremost, love You\u2014and that they would have a relationship with Jesus. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf anyone is listening right now, and doesn\u2019t know You, Lord, I pray You would release the hounds of heaven after their heart; and they would trust in the death and the resurrection of Your Son as a payment for their sins, Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe love You; and we trust You. In Jesus\u2019s name, amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Amen; thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think we just have to acknowledge that being single, in this culture in the \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t21<sup>st<\/sup> century, there are challenges; it is hard. Knowing how to navigate life, as a single in a way that honors God, is particularly challenging. That\u2019s why Jonathan Pokluda has written the book, <em>Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed<\/em>. It\u2019s really a book to help people think more carefully\/more biblically when it comes to the issues of singleness and dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. We\u2019d love to send you a copy. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get your copy of the book. Again, it is called <em>Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed<\/em> by Jonathan Pokluda. Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, think with me for just a minute, is there someone you know\u2014maybe, in your office or in your neighborhood; maybe, somebody at church\u2014who is a single mom, raising her kids and experiencing the challenges that come with being a single mom? Earlier this week, we talked with PeggySue Wells and Pam Farrel about the challenges that single moms face. They\u2019ve written a book called <em>The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make<\/em>, and we want to make that book available to <em>you<\/em> so that you can give it to someone you know, who would benefit from reading it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>In fact, we\u2019re making the book available this week to anyone who can support the ministry of FamilyLife with a donation. Your donation will help extend the reach of this program. And when you get the book, you can write a note to a friend, give them the book\u2014and who knows?\u2014that could open the door for ongoing conversations about your faith, about their life, about how you can help one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of the book, <em>The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. When you do, request your copy of the book; and we\u2019re happy to send it out to you. We are so grateful for your investment, not just in this ministry, but your investment in the lives of other couples\/other families, helping us effectively develop godly marriages and families. That\u2019s what <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is all about, and we appreciate your partnership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend; and I hope you can join us on Monday when our friend, Ron Hutchcraft, is going to be here. Ron lost his wife recently and has been through a season of trying to process the grief and the pain that comes with that. He\u2019s written a book called <em>Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking<\/em>. We\u2019ll talk about that with him on Monday. I hope you can join us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I am Bob Lepine. We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306926","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306926"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306926"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306926"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306926"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306926"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306926"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306926"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}