{"id":306910,"date":"2021-06-24T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-06-24T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/physical-intimacy-puzzled\/"},"modified":"2021-06-24T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-06-24T11:00:05","slug":"physical-intimacy-puzzled","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/physical-intimacy-puzzled\/","title":{"rendered":"Physical Intimacy &#8211; Puzzled"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Our perspective on physical intimacy can be compared to working a jigsaw puzzle. And according to Juli Slattery, it&#8217;s important to put it together using the right picture.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tRegister for the drawing to win a spot on our Love Like You Mean It Cruise https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/loveyoubetter\u00a0<br \/>\n \tLove Like You Mean it Cruise sale: https:\/\/www.lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com\/<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130.<br \/>\n \tDownload FamilyLife&#8217;s new app! https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Our perspective on physical intimacy can be compared to working a jigsaw puzzle. And according to Juli Slattery, it&#8217;s important to put it together using the right picture.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-06-24.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:49","filesize":"23.64M","filesize_raw":"24786109","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2810,2088],"tags":[4066,2877],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3388],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306910","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-spiritually","category-romance-and-sex","tag-intimacy","tag-marriage","cwp_profile-juli-slattery","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306910\/physical-intimacy-puzzled","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306910\/physical-intimacy-puzzled","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Hu2O50BzJR\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/physical-intimacy-puzzled\/\">Physical Intimacy &#8211; Puzzled<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/physical-intimacy-puzzled\/embed\/#?secret=Hu2O50BzJR\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Physical Intimacy &#8211; Puzzled&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Hu2O50BzJR\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Our perspective on physical intimacy can be compared to working a jigsaw puzzle. And according to Juli Slattery, it's important to put it together using the right picture.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-06-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Juli:<\/strong> The Bible\u2019s puzzle of sexual intimacy, actually, highlights\u2014not just roles\/not just pleasure; those are part of it\u2014but more importantly, the broader picture is that it highlights covenant love.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So we get to hear a message today from the FamilyLife <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> virtual cruise.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Didn\u2019t you wonder what it would be like when you heard it was virtual, like, \u201cWhat is that?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean it actually ended up being a <em>great<\/em> idea; you know?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> There were thousands.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We couldn\u2019t get on a boat because of COVID; so we decided: \u201cLet\u2019s do a virtual cruise.\u201d Couples all around the world zoomed in online and experienced talks, workshops, music. I mean, there were couples doing ballroom dancing in their family room. I\u2019ve heard couples had their beach towels out, sitting at home.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was really fun, but let\u2019s admit the real cruise will be better.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; the great news is, in February next year, 2022, February 6<sup>th<\/sup>-13<sup>th<\/sup>, we are back on the water. Actually, if you want to get on that boat, you can sign up right now; before June 28, you\u2019ll get a better deal. I\u2019d go to FamilyLifeToday.com right now and sign up for the <em>real<\/em> cruise\u2014not the virtual\u2014a real cruise next year.\n\nWe get to listen to a message that Juli Slattery gave on the virtual cruise on a pretty hot topic.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; she called it, \u201cGod, Sex, and Your Marriage.\u201d We both know Dr. Juli Slattery; she is a great friend. She\u2019s a known clinical psychologist; she is an author, speaker, broadcast professional; but she is also the president and cofounder of Authentic Intimacy; and she has her own podcast called <em>Java with Juli<\/em>, and she just answers tough questions about sex.\n\nI love Juli because\u2014not only is she brilliant\/she has a brilliant mind\u2014but she, also, is an expert in this area. She just brings it down to earth and talks about the things we all struggle with and we need help with.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She <em>always<\/em> comes from a biblical\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014perspective. This message was <em>dynamite<\/em> because she walks us through different perspectives that we have, especially we in the church, have about sex. It\u2019s honest, and it\u2019s real. I\u2019m telling you: it\u2019s life changing.\n\n[Previous <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>Message]\n\n<strong>Juli:<\/strong> As often is the case, I\u2019ve been asked to speak on sexual intimacy in marriage; that\u2019s what I kind of do for a living now. I will tell you, in the course of the ministry that I run, that I have literally been asked thousands of questions about sex. If you can think about it, I\u2019ve been asked it. I think, as I look at those questions, all of them boil down to one central question that I think most of us don\u2019t know how to answer. That question is: \u201cWhat should our sex life look like? What\u2019s normal? What\u2019s healthy?\u201d\u2014and most importantly\u2014\u201cWhat is God honoring? Why did God give us this gift of sex in the first place? As we navigate the challenges of a sexual relationship, what are we actually supposed to be working towards?\u201d\n\nI think a lot of Christians don\u2019t know how to answer that question. It\u2019s even possible that you guys disagree, as a couple, on how to answer that question. One person thinks it should look this way, and the other person thinks it should look that way. I think the best encouragement that I can give you in the time that we have together is to help answer that question, as you are working through challenges, and asking yourselves questions about: \u201cHow do we overcome issues we have in our marriage, as we overcome differences in our opinions?\u2014what should we actually be striving for?\u201d\n\nYou know, one of the things that I\u2019ve been doing during quarantine\u2014and I\u2019m asking you not to judge me, because some of you will think this is really nerdy\u2014is I like jigsaw puzzles. At one point, I got my husband to agree to do a jigsaw puzzle with me. The first day we did it, he is like, \u201cThis is awful; how could you enjoy this?\u201d\n\nBut I think it\u2019s relaxing; so on a weekend, I might put on some headphones, go downstairs, listen to an audio book, and just work on a 2,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. Now, the way I do my jigsaw puzzles\u2014actually, if you go down to my basement right now, you\u2019re going to see a jigsaw puzzle there. I\u2019ve got the box propped up so I can see it; because when I do the puzzle, I\u2019m looking at the context and what the front of the box is telling me that I should be creating.\n\nI really can\u2019t imagine doing a puzzle without having that frame of reference to show me what I should be creating. I really can\u2019t imagine doing a jigsaw puzzle if I were looking at the wrong box. If I thought I was creating this picture\u2014when in reality, I was supposed to be creating another\u2014none of the pieces would make sense.\n\nThat\u2019s an analogy I would like you to think about as we consider the question: \u201cWhat are you supposed to be creating with sexual intimacy within your marriage?\u201d\u2014because if you are working from the wrong picture, then you\u2019re going to be very confused about how to overcome some of the common challenges that we face when it comes to sexual intimacy in marriage.\n\nBefore we get into the right picture, I want to talk about two pictures that a lot of couples will be working from that are actually the <em>wrong<\/em> pictures and can create confusion in your sex life. Let\u2019s take a look at those two first.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nThe first one I want to look at is a puzzle that is based on really the world\u2019s perspective. The world\u2019s puzzle really highlights the idea that sex is about self-fulfillment\/about <em>your<\/em> pleasure. It highlights the fact that: \u201cYou guys have to experience great sex all the time,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s always going to be pleasurable,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s always going to be fun,\u201d \u201cYou are always going to agree on the fundamentals of sexuality.\u201d If you are looking at this puzzle\/at this picture as you are trying to navigate the issues of sexuality in your marriage, here is what you are going to believe:\n\nFirst of all, you are going to believe your sex life is broken if it\u2019s not always pleasurable\/if you go through a season where it is not fun. You also think that sexual compatibility is the most important thing in your marriage. You believe that: \u201cHey, if my spouse\u2019s desires are different from mine, we\u2019re forever broken; that\u2019s just <em>never<\/em> going to work.\u201d You\u2019ll probably believe that you are sexually healthy as long as the physical experience of sex is good.\n\nYou know, I think all of these statements come from the wrong perspective; because this is really not how the Bible teaches us to view sexual intimacy within marriage. Now, is there a place for self-fulfillment and for pleasure?\u2014for sure, there is; and a healthy sex life should include aspects of pleasure; and we\u2019ll talk about that a little bit later.\n\nBut when your whole perspective says: \u201cIt always has to be pleasurable,\u201d \u201cWe always have to be compatible, sexually\u201d; you\u2019re going to get very frustrated when you run into situations and seasons in your marriage, where that\u2019s not the case. I think this is why some Christians think things like: \u201cPorn is good in our marriage, because porn helps the physical experience be good; and that, therefore, must be healthy.\u201d Scripture would say, \u201cNo, actually, that\u2019s not health. That\u2019s not the way you want to navigate sexual challenges in your marriage.\u201d\n\nIt might also be why someone might be thinking about <em>leaving<\/em> their marriage, because sex in the marriage isn\u2019t pleasurable or good. I\u2019ve talked to both men and women\/Christian men and women, who feel like, \u201cGod would not want me to have to struggle this much in this area. Maybe, He wants me to leave my marriage.\u201d Again, that\u2019s the wrong perspective.\n\nOr it\u2019s the reason why I hear so many single Christians, who say: \u201cWhy in the world wouldn\u2019t I have sex with somebody before I get married? Don\u2019t I want to know that we are sexually compatible?\u201d Again, that\u2019s the wrong perspective; because the most important aspect of the puzzle you are putting together is not compatibility; it\u2019s something else. Again, we will get to that in a minute. That\u2019s the first picture that I think a lot of couples are <em>trying<\/em> to create; and again, it\u2019s a wrong perspective.\n\nNow, the second picture that I think a lot of couples are trying to create\u2014and this might surprise you a little bit when I talk about it as the wrong picture\u2014but I\u2019m going to call this the traditional church\u2019s puzzle of sex. It\u2019s kind of the teaching that a lot of us got, growing up. It\u2019s the emphasis that sometimes we hear in a lot of Christian teaching about sex, and it highlights the rules and the duty.\n\nSo when you go to church, or you read your Bible, you read these lists of things that God says are wrong\u2014that are defined as sexual immorality\u2014and you hear that over, and over, and over again. You learn that sexual immorality is wrong; but you may also have begun to believe that sex, itself, is wrong or sexual pleasure is wrong; and that the most important thing is following these rules. Or you may have heard that sex in marriage is all about an obligation or a duty.\n\nNow, I want to say that, when I bring up that traditional church puzzle on sex\u2014and I talk about obedience, or rules, or duty\u2014there <em>definitely<\/em> is truth in this puzzle. There is definitely truth when we look at that picture of God\u2019s design for sex. God has really clearly said, \u201cSexual intimacy is supposed to be reserved for a man and woman within the covenant of marriage,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s true. There is also a truth in the fact that, when we get married, there is this sense of: \u201cThis is part of our love for each other; we shouldn\u2019t withhold it.\u201d But the problem with the traditional church\u2019s picture of what we\u2019re building in our sex life is it emphasizes those two aspects and neglects the broader picture of what sex is supposed to look like in your marriage.\n\nAs I\u2019ve worked with couples, who really are rooted in trying to create this picture of sex all around rules and duty, here are some of the things they might believe.\n\nFirst of all, you might believe that your sex life is broken if you have any sexual sin in your past. You carry around this sense of shame and unforgiveness.\n\nI remember talking to one lady, who had been married for probably close to 30 years. She, honestly, told me that sex in her marriage had never been good. It\u2019d been okay for her husband, but she never really enjoyed it. She couldn\u2019t figure out why. She went through a Bible study through our ministry; and in that Bible study, she discovered that she had believing a lie for 30 years of her marriage. The lie said, essentially, because she and her husband had sex before they got married, she felt like God could never bless their sexual intimacy within marriage. She didn\u2019t realize that, essentially, she had kind of been punishing herself for the last 30 years of her marriage because she really didn\u2019t believe that God could give her forgiveness and freedom. When she learned that, it was like this light bulb just going off: \u201cYou mean I don\u2019t have to live in that shame?\u201d\n\nI think, when we over emphasize the rules\u2014without also bringing in the redemption and freedom that Jesus offers, and the complete picture of what sexual intimacy is supposed to be\u2014we can really feel like we can\u2019t move past something even as difficult as an infidelity\/that God can\u2019t bring healing and redemption. We start to believe that God doesn\u2019t even want us to be free, but the Scripture tells us that Jesus died for our freedom. He died to set us free; and that\u2019s in every area, including any kind of past sexual shame or guilt that we are carrying around.\n\nIf you believe this puzzle, this is what you are creating\u2014and it\u2019s all about obedience and duty\u2014you might also think that your spouse owes sex because you got married. Now, again, let me say that there is a passage in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7, that communicates that we have a sense of meeting each other\u2019s sexual needs within marriage; that\u2019s one of the things we are called to do.\n\nBut we\u2019re never to use the Scripture to have the kind of attitude, where I\u2019m demanding something from my spouse, where: \u201cYou have to give this to me.\u201d That\u2019s a very unloving attitude, and it\u2019s not at all representative of the heart that God calls us to have within marriage towards one another. That would be an attitude that, again, that if you are creating this puzzle and you\u2019re looking at that picture, you might get that a little bit skewed there.\n\nOr you might feel like: \u201cHey, I am resentful toward my spouse,\u201d or even \u201c\u2026resentful toward God, because I\u2019m not enjoying this part of our marriage.\u201d\n\nAnother thing you might believe is you might believe that we are sexual healthy as long as we avoid sin.\n\nI think of a young couple\/Christian couple, going off to their honeymoon. Essentially, the advice we give this young couple often\u2014we might not say it out loud\u2014but we pretty much like say, \u201cAlright; you are free now. Go have fun, just don\u2019t break the rules.\u201d But we don\u2019t give them any context for the kinds of things that they are going to encounter, not just on their honeymoon, but they are going to encounter early in marriage.\n\nI want you to think back to your honeymoon\/to your first year of marriage. Did you run into challenges in your sexual relationship? Were you prepared for those? Did anyone tell you that you would encounter those?\n\nMy husband and I ran into very serious disappointments on our honeymoon. It actually led to conflict, because we didn\u2019t know to expect that. We followed the rules, but we still experienced pain; we still experienced some disagreement. Things weren\u2019t working right for us. We were really confused, like, \u201cHey, if we follow the rules, why is this so difficult?\u201d\n\nYou know, what I\u2019ve learned now, over 26 years of marriage, is that God\u2014not only calls us to be sexually moral\u2014but He also calls us to become sexually mature; to grow in our understanding of this gift within marriage and to grow within our love for one another. This picture of your puzzle\u2014again, if you\u2019re just looking at the rules\u2014doesn\u2019t give you a glimpse of what that maturity even looks like. That\u2019s why it is so important that I think that you understand that God presents this <em>beautiful<\/em> picture that we\u2019re supposed to be creating of sexual intimacy from the Scriptures that is so far beyond just following rules.\n\nThe Bible\u2019s puzzle of sexual intimacy actually highlights\u2014not just rules\/not just pleasure; those are a part of it\u2014but more importantly, the broader picture is that it highlights covenant love. Now, what do I mean by that? Why does the Bible highlight covenant love as an aspect\/as the key aspect of our sexuality? Well, let me put it this way. The Bible begins with a wedding. If you go to the book of Genesis\u2014the first book of the Bible\u2014and you read just two chapters in\u2014Chapter 2, before sin enters the world, God has created a man and a woman; and they are stark naked in the garden. It says: \u201cThey are not ashamed.\u201d Then, as you read through the Scripture, all the way to the end\u2014the last book of the Bible, Revelation\u2014we see there is another wedding. This wedding is between Christ [and His bride, the church]\/who comes for His bride [as] the bridegroom. There is a wedding ceremony, and we\u2019re united; and we\u2019re taken to His new home.\n\nThe Bible begins with this wedding [Adam and Eve in Genesis], and the Bible ends with this wedding [in Revelation]. This very common verse that we often talk about when we talk about marriage\u2014but sometimes, don\u2019t unpack\u2014is in Ephesians, Chapter 5, where Paul essentially combines these two weddings; he makes the connection between them. He says the purpose for marriage and the purpose for sexual oneness\u2014he is actually referring to one-flesh union there\u2014is a <em>mystery<\/em> that helps us understand God\u2019s love for His people.\n\nWhat Paul is saying here, essentially, is that the whole Bible is the story of a wedding. That wedding of Adam and Eve in Genesis\u2014and every wedding since: your wedding, my wedding, our marriages\u2014they foreshadow the ultimate wedding of Christ and His bride. I really love how author and teacher Christopher West explains it; he says, \u201cThe Bible can be summed up in five words: \u2018God wants to marry us.\u2019\u201d In the very beginning of Genesis to the very end of creation, we see that God\u2014has created male and female, the covenant of marriage, and the sexual union of a husband and wife, not only to be something that is sacred; but it is symbolic of the wedding that\u2019s to come.\n\nNow, I know that that kind of blows your mind. It\u2019s like, \u201cAlright; that sounds very theological, Juli, but how is that going to help me?\u201d Here is what I want you to think about:\n\nThat is the front of the puzzle box. That\u2019s what you use to make sense of all the different pieces of sex within your marriage. It\u2019s what you use to get perspective when you\u2019re going through things like conflict around your needs versus your spouse\u2019s needs. It\u2019s what you use to work through disappointment when your bodies aren\u2019t working the way you wish they would, or where you\u2019re just exhausted all the time.\n\nWhen we look at the puzzle box of God\u2019s love for us\/of His covenant for us: \u201cHow does that inform?\u201d \u201cHow does that help me make sense of how I should be stewarding sexual intimacy within my marriage?\u201d\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to Dr. Juli Slattery as she gave a message on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> virtual cruise this past February. Boy, oh boy! Not only is she talking about a hot topic, but she is giving a perspective that is so helpful and life changing.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I think that we\u2019ve all been there. I liked that she just kind of broke it down into the world\u2019s puzzle, traditional church puzzle, and then the Bible\u2019s puzzle. I don\u2019t think most of us really have an idea of what God\u2019s blueprint looks like for sexual intimacy in a marriage.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know that we didn\u2019t.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t\u2014we knew the world\u2019s plan\u2014that\u2019s all that we had really heard. We went to a conference two weeks before our wedding\u2014the FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014and that was the first time, in all my years,\u2014and yours, too; right?\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014that we had ever even considered God\u2019s perspective. To think that we\u2019re just going to snap right into that, as we got married a couple weeks later, is what Juli is talking about. It was a <em>real<\/em> struggle\u2014I mean, this was the biggest struggle of our first year of our marriage\u2014is understanding God\u2019s heart in this.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019d say the first <em>ten<\/em> years because, not only did\u2014[Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wasn\u2019t <em>ten<\/em> years.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No\u2014because not only did we struggle in the beginning\u2014because we, in our relationship, when we dated, we really tried to do it God\u2019s way; so that was good\u2014but then we carried so much <em>shame<\/em> from our past.\n\nThen I would say the thing that really was hard, too, was having kids because now, we\u2019re like, \u201cOh, this is really hard.\u201d I felt like it became a <em>duty<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about that; why\u2019d you say that?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, it felt like I was a mom; I was raising kids. We didn\u2019t have much romance in our relationship, and I felt like the only time you were affectionate with me was when you wanted to have any kind of physical intimacy. We stopped holding hands; we stopped really kissing; and I felt like, \u201cOh, great, that\u2019s all you want from me.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let\u2019s just tell the world\u2014[Laughter]\u2014our struggle. I mean, we can laugh now; but yes, I obviously had <em>no concept<\/em> of what real intimacy was. It\u2019s much more than physical\u2014especially, for you\u2014it\u2019s affection, and conversation, and sharing our hearts together, and it is non-sexual touch\/holding hands and just a hug. I had <em>no idea<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, at that point, we knew God\u2019s Word\u2014we were studying it; we were teaching it\u2014but I\u2019m telling you\u2014to really apply it\/for all of us, it can be difficult.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes\u2014not only is it difficult in the bedroom\u2014it\u2019s difficult in your marriage.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and in life.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so you need someone to come alongside and say, \u201cLet me help you.\u201d That\u2019s what Juli did.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting; because a lot of us think, \u201cWe don\u2019t need help!\u201d Do you remember, when we first got married, and my dad came to visit us?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You know, Dave and I have all these books on the bookshelf on marriage, on sex, on intimacy. He\u2019s kind of going through all of our books. He pulls out\u2014I can\u2019t even remember the book\u2014maybe, <em>Intended for Pleasure<\/em>. He pulls it out; and my dad\u2014he wasn\u2019t walking with Jesus at that time\u2014he looks at the title; and he goes, \u201cIs this book about sex?!\u201d We\u2019re like, \u201cYes.\u201d He goes, \u201cWow! You guys must be bad if you have to actually read about it to know how to do it.\u201d [Laughter] You were so offended.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I think I made some quirk comment like, \u201cWell, your wife would like you to read a book or two about it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; you totally said that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, the truth is I am so glad we did; and we\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we <em>all<\/em> need that help.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it\u2019s\/that\u2019s why we have Dr. Juli Slattery helping us. I mean, it\u2019s like: \u201cThis is not something you just figure out on your own. You need God\u2019s perspective, God\u2019s Word, God\u2019s truth.\u201d That\u2019s what she\u2019s given us today.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; she\u2019s also helping us to be super practical: \u201cHere is what God\u2019s Word says, and this is how we can live it out.\u201d That\u2019s what we all need.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As it is with everything in life, when we can align our thinking with God\u2019s thinking on any subject\/when we renew our minds about what is true, it changes everything. We\u2019ve been hearing today from Juli Slattery about how this applies in the area of intimacy and romance in a marriage. Honestly, this is a subject that, regularly, I hear from couples, who say, \u201cWe are challenged in this area.\u201d That\u2019s why I\u2019m so glad we are able to address this appropriately on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\nShe presented this message on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> virtual cruise in 2021. We weren\u2019t able to be on board a big cruise ship because of COVID this year; but the good news is, next year, we\u2019re going to be together again, back on the boat, sailing the seas in the Caribbean. The cruise is starting to fill up. All of our <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruises have sold out in past years; we expect that to be the case, again, this year.\n\nThis week, we\u2019re making special pricing available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. It\u2019s our Back to Cruising event. You can get all the information on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; or this is even simpler\u2014just call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014we can answer any questions you have. We can reserve your cabin over the phone. Again, the number is 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d I know the last year-plus has been tough for a lot of marriages. Make the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise in 2022 your opportunity to get away, to reconnect, to realign with God and with each other. Again, call us to reserve your cabin. The number is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear more from Dr. Juli Slattery about how thinking biblically when it comes to romance, passion, and intimacy in marriage\u2014how that can be a game changer for our relationship. I hope you can join us for that.\n\nOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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