{"id":306890,"date":"2021-06-14T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-06-14T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/de-cluttering-our-homes\/"},"modified":"2021-06-14T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-06-14T11:00:05","slug":"de-cluttering-our-homes","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/de-cluttering-our-homes\/","title":{"rendered":"De-Cluttering Our Homes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>God values making someone feel at home, and on today&#8217;s program, Kathi Lipp gives insight on how we can better prepare a place for our families and those who enter our homes.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tGet the book The Clutter-Free Home The Clutter-Free Home.<br \/>\n \tRegister for the Love Like You Mean It Cruise drawing https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/loveyoubetter<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>God values making someone feel at home, and on today&#8217;s program, Kathi Lipp gives insight on how we can better prepare a place for our families and those who enter our homes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-06-14.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:19","filesize":"23.18M","filesize_raw":"24306829","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853,2838,2894,2881],"tags":[6823,4717,2209],"podcast_series":[8449],"cwp_profile":[3627],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306890","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-frazzled-family","category-mothers","category-stepfamily-living","category-young-children","tag-clutter-free","tag-homemaking","tag-parenting","podcast_series-clutter-free-home-and-family","cwp_profile-kathi-lipp","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306890\/de-cluttering-our-homes","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306890\/de-cluttering-our-homes","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"iDAJKYknHt\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/de-cluttering-our-homes\/\">De-Cluttering Our Homes<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/de-cluttering-our-homes\/embed\/#?secret=iDAJKYknHt\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;De-Cluttering Our Homes&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"iDAJKYknHt\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-06-14.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-06-14.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Alright; do you know what one of the best days of the pandemic were for me?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I have no idea.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I walked in my closet; and I said, \u201cToday\u2019s the day. I\u2019m clearing out all of the stuff I don\u2019t need.\u201d Because I was wearing the same sweatpants every day anyway so\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I am <em>so<\/em> happy you did that.\n\nWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is <a id=\"_Hlk71638305\"><\/a><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><em>.<\/em>\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You remember\u2014I came downstairs with <em>bags<\/em> of clothes\u2014and then the argument was: \u201cDo we give them to Salvation Army, or do we throw them in the trash?\u201d But it was just such a <em>freeing<\/em> moment; it\u2019s like: \u201cI have time to do this, and I\u2019m going to do this.\u201d\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I like it when you do it, because you have a tendency to hold onto things\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> [Laughter] I\u2019m not a hoarder.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because of memories. No; you\u2019re not a hoarder, but you like to collect things.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\nToday, we\u2019ve got Ron Deal from FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with us.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you; it\u2019s always good to be with you guys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re always one of our favorites\u2014you\u2019re a hero; you\u2019re wise\u2014and we love that you lead the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast. I think we have so many people that have benefited from listening to you and your wisdom over the years.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you; I appreciate that.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And you talk to somebody on this episode that\u2019s a de-clutterer.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let me tell you\u2014Kathi Lipp is a <em>riot<\/em>. [Laughter] She is a speaker\/an author\u201417books\u2014she writes <em>prolifically<\/em> about decluttering your life, just dealing with life.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So Ron, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cYou\u2019re talking to blended families; you\u2019re helping us; why this book?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; well, because it\u2019s also a metaphor; right? It\u2019s: \u201cWe don\u2019t just declutter our physical space, we declutter our heart.\u201d We try to declutter spiritually what\u2019s going on with us and get that stuff out of the way so we can function well and live beautifully.\n\nI went into this conversation, thinking, \u201cNo, there\u2019s nothing here for me.\u201d [Laughter] I was wrong! She had so much to say that I needed to hear\u2014everything from \u201cWhere do I put my books from graduate school that my wife hates?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, Ron.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> As you listen, be thinking about your own life, and your own physical spaces, and how you steward that well. And then, we\u2019re going to enter into that spiritual realm and apply the same principles to the rest of our lives.\n\n[Previous <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>Podcast]\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Kathi, in your book, <em>The Clutter-Free Home<\/em>, you say that your home should be beautiful; because you live in it, not because someone else might see it. [Laughter] I thought, \u201cThat is so practical, and direct, and helpful.\u201d But let\u2019s unpack that for a minute: \u201cWhat\u2019s behind that?\u201d\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Well, I think that\u2014for many of us, and I know I lived this way for years and years\u2014is that my house got really cute when I knew somebody was coming. I wanted people to feel comfortable in my home, but I realized I wasn\u2019t making myself or my family necessarily a priority in our own home. It was always about if somebody else is coming.\n\nLet\u2019s just talk about when the in-laws were coming: that\u2019s when the stash-and-dash happened; right? [Laughter] We went from a clutter castle to home beautiful in an hour-and-a-half. The problem was you had to live with the aftermath of that: what a burden to put on your family; what a burden to put on yourself.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> And it kind of sends a message to the family, too, like, \u201cYou\u2019re not worth cleanliness,\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014something like that.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Right; right. You know, everybody has a certain amount of chaos in their house. If you\/you know, especially if you\u2019re a blended family, can we just all get an extra little pass? [Laughter] When you\u2019re trying to blend two different family styles\u2014and trying to blend all these people, who are not necessarily always having a <em>Kum ba yah<\/em> moment\u2014let\u2019s just say: \u201cYou know, when you pull in a blended family, that\u2019s going to cause even more chaos.\u201d\n\nBut I also know this: \u201cThe more intentional we are about, not having a perfect house, but having a house that functions and serves the people who are living there, it makes all the difference in setting the tone for the family and how they operate.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Now I like that part that you just said, \u201c\u2026serves the people living there.\u201d How are we serving them by decluttering?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> I was just speaking at a big conference a week ago. When I ask people, \u201cWhat is the heart reason behind decluttering?\u201d I spoke [at] several different sessions; at each session, one woman said, \u201cI have a child, who struggles with\u2026\u201d\u2014either they are on the [autistic] spectrum or they have some kind of emotional need or physical challenge. By decluttering the home, they\u2019re able to make life just a little less chaotic\/just a little bit more purposeful for that child, who just needs a little bit more order in their lives.\n\nThe other thing is: \u201cLet\u2019s not discount what we, as parents, need.\u201d When we come home, at the end of a long day, or we\u2019ve been in our homes for a long day, to be able to put our eyes on some peace or a clear spot; it makes all the difference in the world.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; with all of those great reasons why decluttering is helpful, let\u2019s back up a step.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Why do we clutter ourselves? [Laughter] What\u2019s that about?!\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> I have finally figured out <em>exactly<\/em> what clutter is: \u201cClutter is just decisions.\u201d We are so tired, at the end of the day especially, about making one more decision. Let\u2019s think about all of the decisions we have to make during a day. If you\u2019re a blended family, you are doubling those decisions; and not all of the people you\u2019re making decisions for are rising up and calling you blessed all the time.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So it\u2019s decisions\u2014like maybe you\u2019re tired\/your exhausted\u2014whatever it is, you have to make a decision about this thing and you get <em>stuck<\/em>. I know, in your book, you pointed out\/you said \u201cFear, guilt, and shame\u2014\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Oh.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014how does that get in the way of decisions?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Okay; fear is the idea of: \u201cWhat if I need it someday? I\u2019m going to keep it just in case.\u201d We have a house that\u2019s filled with things for a potential life that we\u2019re not living. I probably hung onto my scrapbooking stuff for ten years longer than I needed to when I made the decision: \u201cI\u2019m not scrapbooking anymore; that\u2019s just not who my family is.\u201d Fear is: \u201c\u2026just in case,\u201d or \u201cWhat if I need it someday?\u201d The paralysis of: \u201cI can\u2019t spend money on it again,\u201d will keep us spending thousands of dollars in storage units and storage boxes to store things that we don\u2019t even care about. That\u2019s fear.\n\nGuilt is: \u201cSo-and-so gave it to me.\u201d Because my kid made something for me in third grade, I\u2019ve got to keep it for the rest of my life to prove my love, which is ridiculous!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You do know that kid\u2019s going to grow up. When they\u2019re 35, and they\u2019re going to ask you if you have that thing they made for you in third grade; right? [Laughter] Because all of our kids\/we all\u2014I did that to my\u2014wait! I <em>never<\/em> did that to my parents.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> \u2014<em>never<\/em> did that!\u2014never did that! You know what?\u2014our kids\/our adult kids don\u2019t want stuff.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> When you carefully curated their lives into little folders\u2014and you kept the handprint, and you kept the \u201cA\u201d that they got on that test they really studied for\u2014and when they move out of the house, [you] say, \u201cI have all your things.\u201d They\u2019re like, \u201cYeah, I don\u2019t want that.\u201d You\u2019re thinking, \u201cSomebody has to take it\u201d; so you keep it. But if they don\u2019t care enough about it to take it, why do you care more than they do about their own lives?\n\nThen finally\u2014there\u2019s fear; there\u2019s guilt\u2014and then there\u2019s shame: \u201cI spent so much money on it.\u201d We think that\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014by keeping that pair of shoes that is killing our feet every time we wear them\u2014so we\u2019ve worn them exactly once\u2014we think by keeping them, somehow, we\u2019re earning back the value. Whereas I would much rather see those be donated; so somebody, who doesn\u2019t feel like they\u2019re being tortured every time they wear those shoes, can actually enjoy them.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; let me ask you another question; it\u2019s kind of a two-parter. Have you always been a clutter-free person?\u2014and if not, how did you start making the decisions you needed to make in order to become a clutter-free person?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> My dad was really and truly a hoarder\u2014he [his habit] was controlled by my mom\u2014but his mom was very creative and kept everything. He never learned how to make those decisions. I\u2019ll never say I was as bad as my dad. But when I started my own family, a lot of those fear things that he had were passed down to me. Because I\u2019d never thought of another way to live, I embraced them.\n\nI had this poverty mentality: \u201cIf I buy this once, I never have to buy it again; so I\u2019m going to keep it for the rest of my life.\u201d The problem was: I couldn\u2019t find that thing when I needed it: so there may have been seven can openers in my house at one time; there may have been six hole punches in my house at one time. The more stuff you bring in, it lowers the chances of you ever being able to find it and actually use it.\n\nWhat really started to change things for me was actually when we became a blended family. We could go one way or another: we could either just give up all control and live in chaos, or we could start to make decisions: \u201cWe\u2019re putting two stepbrothers in the same room,\u201d\u2014decisions had to be made\u2014\u201c We were putting two stepsisters in the same room.\u201d My husband and I were combining lives.\n\nI would love to say it all rained down on me\u2014I got a revelation\u2014and everything was great from there. But really, it was a process of years, of saying: \u201cI\u2019m going to ask myself, \u2018Why am I holding onto this?\u2019 when there\u2019s not a rational reason to do it.\u201d When I could figure out\u2014\u201cOkay, I\u2019m afraid that we are not going to have money again; and I can never buy this item again,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m afraid that my mom\u2019s going to come and see that I didn\u2019t put out this knick-knack that she gave me,\u201d or \u201cWe spent money on this when we are struggling to save money; I have to keep it for the rest of my life,\u201d\u2014when I could start to identify them, I could start to see my own faulty thinking\u2014and not only help myself make decisions\u2014but help my kids and my husband make decisions.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019re listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. I\u2019ve got to tell you: Kathi\u2019s getting a little too close to home right there.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was thinking, \u201cI\u2019ve never put together\/associating fear, guilt, and shame to the objects in my home and why I\u2019m saving them; but as she\u2019s speaking, I\u2019m thinking, \u2018Yes, that\u2019s exactly why I\u2019m holding on to those things!\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ann, we need to declutter.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I told you this stuff will really get to you fast.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It does.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so what were you thinking when you were hearing this, Ron?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Well, again, I\u2019m thinking about my own possessions\u2014and how I manage things in my life, and whether I prioritize them or not, and whether I need to\u2014it seems to me the bigger reflection here is how we think about our possessions and how much faith we put in our possessions.\n\nYou know, Jesus said\u2014in Luke, Chapter 12, verse 15\u2014\u201cTake care, and be on guard against covetousness, for one\u2019s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.\u201d We need to understand the motive behind our possessions. Sometimes that motive is fear, guilt, and what other people are going to think of us. And sometimes, it\u2019s about: \u201cNo, I just really want that; because it somehow makes my life better,\u201d\u2014and now, that\u2019s my idol.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or becomes my security; yes, an idol.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right! So we\u2019ve got to reflect on this. We\u2019ve got to ask these questions, and wonder what we do with our possessions, so we steward <em>them<\/em>; they <em>don\u2019t<\/em> steward us.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh! Boom! So you\u2019re telling me I shouldn\u2019t hang five guitars on my wall?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> [Laughter] I think we need to go back to Kathi; maybe she\u2019ll tell you that.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She will.\n\n[Previous <em>FamilyLife Blended <\/em>Interview]\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay, so I want to wrap back around to decisions just for a minute. Let\u2019s dial down. One of the things you say in <em>The Clutter-Free Home<\/em> is you need to ask yourself three questions about your stuff: \u201cDo you love it?\u201d \u201cDo you use it?\u201d \u201cWould you buy it again?\u201d Does that help you make a decision about whether you get rid of something?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> It really, really does; because here\u2019s what I think most of us do. We go through, and we start to declutter; but what we don\u2019t do is actually declutter\u2014we just move clutter\u2014we buy a storage box, and we put it in there. What it is: is just a delayed decision. All storage is, for the most part, is delayed decisions.\n\nIf I\u2019m able to go in there and say, \u201cDo I love it?\u201d\u2014if I love it, I get to keep it. Here\u2019s the thing: if it\u2019s in a box in your garage, I question your love; I don\u2019t think you probably love it. Maybe it has some sentimental attachment\u2014great\u2014take a picture of it and upload that to your computer so you can look at it. But if you don\u2019t love it\u2014if you don\u2019t have it out in your house every single day\u2014then it\u2019s probably not worth keeping.\n\nWhen my brother and I were little, my parents had got a coffee grinder for a wedding gift. Now, my parents didn\u2019t drink coffee. My brother and I would sneak it off the shelf; and we would grind up dry dog food in it, which was fine until my parents had company come over. [Laughter] They got to sit down to some Alpo<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>-flavored coffee at one point.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> [Laughing] Oh, no; that has not made it into Starbucks yet.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> It has not. That has not been a featured flavor. I love that coffee grinder; because it reminds me of the best part of my brother, where we were kids; and we loved to have fun. I love that coffee grinder. There are other things that I have in my house that I use that I don\u2019t love. I think about the technology and stuff like that\u2014I don\u2019t necessarily love my microphone\/my headphone\u2014but I <em>use<\/em> them.\n\nThen: \u201cWould I buy it again?\u201d I think about emergency preparedness supplies: flashlights\u2014\u201cDo I love it?\u201d\u2014no. \u201cDo I use it?\u201d\u2014not really. \u201cBut I would buy it again, if it wasn\u2019t there, because I need to be prepared.\u201d Those are the questions I ask; it can sort a lot. If you ask yourself: \u201cDo I love it?\u201d \u201cDo I use it?\u201d \u201cWould I buy it again?\u201d\u2014and you\u2019re not answering, \u201cYes,\u201d\u2014but you <em>still<\/em> can\u2019t get rid of it\u2014there are a couple of thoughts: one, it may be the fear, guilt, or shame that you\u2019re really dealing with; so you have to go down a different level.\n\n<em>Or<\/em> you may just be stuck and need some help; you may need to have a good friend come over, somebody who is not judgmental. If you\u2019re in a blended family, I wouldn\u2019t necessarily have steps involved in this; because it can bring up stuff that you don\u2019t really need to bring up with them. Have somebody come, lovingly, along and help you out.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Those are all really good suggestions. I\u2019m going to do something dangerous here.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Go for it.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to ask you a question I think my wife would ask you if she was talking to you about <em>me<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Nice; I love it!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think she would say, \u201cDoes my husband, Ron, really need to keep all his books from graduate school?\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Okay, I have an answer for that!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Oh, no.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> No; and you\u2019re going to think the answer is \u201cNo,\u201d and that\u2019s not necessarily true.\n\n<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> My best solution for: \u201cDo you really need to keep that?\u201d\u2014and here\u2019s the thing\u2014I lost my best example; because my husband\/when he was leading a youth group, played guitar. We\u2019d been married for 15 years; I\u2019d <em>never<\/em> seen that thing come out. Then one day, somebody asked, \u201cWhose guitar is that?\u201d I said, \u201cThat\u2019s Roger\u2019s.\u201d They said, \u201cCan he play us something?\u201d I rolled my eyes, and there he goes; he\u2019s pulling out the John Denver. I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay; fine. [Laughter] I can never win a clutter argument again.\u201d\n\nHere\u2019s what I would say: \u201cIs that\u201d\u2014what\u2019s your wife\u2019s name?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Nan.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Nan, okay. I feel like Nan gets a space in your house, where you don\u2019t get to comment on any of the crazy she\u2019s keeping.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s fair.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Yes; you also get a space. But here\u2019s the thing\u2014it\u2019s not unlimited space\u2014it\u2019s a gorilla rack in the garage, or it\u2019s a couple of shelves in a closet that you get to decide on. If you want to keep all your books from graduate school, go crazy. But if it\u2019s more than that space, then you need to start making decisions.\n\nIf you have graduate school books, and you have golf clubs that you\u2019ve never used, and you have at-home archery set that has never seen the light of day\u2014and all these things that you\u2019re like, \u201cBut maybe someday\u2026.\u201d\u2014no; it has to be contained to the agreed-upon space.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> But you\u2019re not allowed to comment on Nan\u2019s craziness. We all get a little bit of crazy, where we don\u2019t have to justify.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I love that we give each other grace with the crazy, because we\u2019ve all got a little bit of that.\n\nHere\u2019s what I want to do now. Now, we\u2019re going to continue to talk about clutter-free homes; but we\u2019re also going to draw some parallels to clutter-free blended families; alright?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what I want to do; I\u2019m going to stretch you a little bit.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to pull out some of the principles from your book, <em>The Clutter-Free Home. <\/em>Then I want us to just wonder, out loud together: \u201cHow might that apply in terms of the relationships going on with a blended family?\u201d One of the principles you have in the book\u2014ten principles for a <em>Clutter-Free Home<\/em>\u2014we don\u2019t have time to go through all of them, but let me just hit a couple of them. The first one is: \u201cMake clutter management a daily habit.\u201d Alright; so talk about that one for a second.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Okay; as it applies to clutter, clutter is not one and done. You don\u2019t spend a weekend decluttering and, then, you don\u2019t have to do it again for a year. Clutter is a <em>daily<\/em> habit. In the book, I really suggest\u2014Monday through Saturday\u2014each day, you take one of six areas; and you just do fifteen minutes of decluttering in it every day. At first, it doesn\u2019t look like it\u2019s making a difference. But over time, you can start to see where that daily habit is making a huge difference in your home.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I could see how that would apply. You make a choice, minute to minute, in the kitchen with this thing, right here right now.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I make a decision; \u201cAnd if: \u2018I don\u2019t need it,\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t love it,\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m not going to use it,\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m not going to buy it again,\u2019 then I\u2019m just going to toss it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Right; every day, you are working on it. It becomes a part of your day, and you start to feel freedom in that.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; so I can hear the metaphor, already, for a blended family and relationships:\u2014\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cYou work on it every day. You don\u2019t just go on one family vacation, and you\u2019ve kind of fixed everything going on in life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> No; you know, one of the things that this really brings up for me is: we decide to do a big, huge family vacation for my husband\u2019s 50th birthday. We told the kids: \u201cWe\u2019re not just shelling out money for you guys to come. This is something that we\u2019re going to all work towards and save towards together.\u201d\n\nWe had regular meetings about this vacation, which sounds so over-the-top; but some of the things we talked about\u2014we\u2019re saving money for this vacation\u2014and we talked about it every day. They would tell me: \u201cI\u2019m packing my lunch so that I can put more money towards our Disney World vacation.\u201d\n\nBut then the other thing we said is: \u201cYou need to be responsible for whether you have a good time or not. You guys are young adults at this point\/you\u2019re teenagers and young adults, and you can decide whether it\u2019s going to be a good day at Disney; or you\u2019re going to <em>annoy<\/em> everybody around you, and you may need to take a day off.\u201d\n\nBut we have these conversations, not necessarily daily, but several times a week. Can I just tell you?\u2014it\u2019s the best family vacation we\u2019ve ever been on, because people were <em>invested<\/em>. They\u2019ve been invested over a long time, daily and weekly, to make this a great time together.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think that is wonderful; what a great idea. Conversation\u2014but helping to put them in charge\u2014empowering them to be part of the solution. You don\u2019t just have to sit back. Of course, that has to be age-appropriate for children\/developmental considerations there. But the older they are, the more of a voice they need. Teenagers, in particular\u2014young adults\u2014they need to be able to have some say and influence over what happens; right?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Yes, and this is why we had Excel spreadsheets for our very fun trip to Disney World. They wanted to go to certain places at certain times, so we got everybody\u2019s input. The further in advance you can have those conversations, the more leeway you have to really get to a place, where not necessarily everybody\u2019s happy, but everybody\u2019s <em>heard<\/em>.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The Bible has a lot to say about how we deal with stuff and where we think meaning and value is. That\u2019s been the focus of the conversation we listened to today as Dave and Ann Wilson, together with Ron Deal, have been interacting with Kathi Lipp.\n\nKathi has written a helpful book on this subject called <em>The Clutter-Free Home: Making Room for Your Life<\/em>. We\u2019ve got copies of Kathi\u2019s book available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, that\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy. The website, again, for Kathi Lipp\u2019s book, <em>The Clutter-Free Home<\/em>, is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to request your copy. The number is 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, I think for a lot of us, over the last year, we\u2019ve seen some of the gaps get exposed in our marriage relationship. We\u2019ve thought, \u201cYes, there are some things that could use some adjustment\/some tweaking\u201d; but we think, \u201cIs that really possible? Is that something we can actually do?\u201d\n\nHere, at FamilyLife, we have put together a resource that is designed to help you love each other better. It\u2019s the \u201cLove You Better Plan: 30 Days to Love Your Spouse Better.\u201d It\u2019s simple to use; there are daily tips, concepts, resources available in this plan. Again, it\u2019s a free download; you can get it when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\nThis is exciting: when you download the \u201cLove You Better Plan,\u201d you are automatically registered for an opportunity to win a cabin for two on the 2022 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. Somebody is going to be going with us on the cruise in February of 2022. All you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com, download the \u201cLove You Better Plan,\u201d and you\u2019re automatically eligible to go on the cruise. There\u2019s no purchase necessary. Find out more; again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and start using the \u201cLove You Better 30-Day Plan\u201d in your marriage and see if there\u2019s not some improvement made along the way.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to spend some time thinking about how getting rid of things that have sentimental value can be sometimes traumatic, especially in a child\u2019s life in a blended family. Kathi Lipp is with us, again, to talk about that, along with Ron Deal. I hope you can tune in to that as well.\n\nOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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values making someone feel at home, and on today's program, Kathi Lipp gives insight on how we can better prepare a place for our families and those who enter our homes.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-06-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Alright; do you know what one of the best days of the pandemic were for me?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I have no idea.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I walked in my closet; and I said, \u201cToday\u2019s the day. I\u2019m clearing out all of the stuff I don\u2019t need.\u201d Because I was wearing the same sweatpants every day anyway so\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I am <em>so<\/em> happy you did that.\n\nWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is <a id=\"_Hlk71638305\"><\/a><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><em>.<\/em>\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You remember\u2014I came downstairs with <em>bags<\/em> of clothes\u2014and then the argument was: \u201cDo we give them to Salvation Army, or do we throw them in the trash?\u201d But it was just such a <em>freeing<\/em> moment; it\u2019s like: \u201cI have time to do this, and I\u2019m going to do this.\u201d\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I like it when you do it, because you have a tendency to hold onto things\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> [Laughter] I\u2019m not a hoarder.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because of memories. No; you\u2019re not a hoarder, but you like to collect things.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\nToday, we\u2019ve got Ron Deal from FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with us.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you; it\u2019s always good to be with you guys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re always one of our favorites\u2014you\u2019re a hero; you\u2019re wise\u2014and we love that you lead the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast. I think we have so many people that have benefited from listening to you and your wisdom over the years.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you; I appreciate that.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And you talk to somebody on this episode that\u2019s a de-clutterer.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let me tell you\u2014Kathi Lipp is a <em>riot<\/em>. [Laughter] She is a speaker\/an author\u201417books\u2014she writes <em>prolifically<\/em> about decluttering your life, just dealing with life.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So Ron, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cYou\u2019re talking to blended families; you\u2019re helping us; why this book?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; well, because it\u2019s also a metaphor; right? It\u2019s: \u201cWe don\u2019t just declutter our physical space, we declutter our heart.\u201d We try to declutter spiritually what\u2019s going on with us and get that stuff out of the way so we can function well and live beautifully.\n\nI went into this conversation, thinking, \u201cNo, there\u2019s nothing here for me.\u201d [Laughter] I was wrong! She had so much to say that I needed to hear\u2014everything from \u201cWhere do I put my books from graduate school that my wife hates?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, Ron.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> As you listen, be thinking about your own life, and your own physical spaces, and how you steward that well. And then, we\u2019re going to enter into that spiritual realm and apply the same principles to the rest of our lives.\n\n[Previous <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>Podcast]\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Kathi, in your book, <em>The Clutter-Free Home<\/em>, you say that your home should be beautiful; because you live in it, not because someone else might see it. [Laughter] I thought, \u201cThat is so practical, and direct, and helpful.\u201d But let\u2019s unpack that for a minute: \u201cWhat\u2019s behind that?\u201d\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Well, I think that\u2014for many of us, and I know I lived this way for years and years\u2014is that my house got really cute when I knew somebody was coming. I wanted people to feel comfortable in my home, but I realized I wasn\u2019t making myself or my family necessarily a priority in our own home. It was always about if somebody else is coming.\n\nLet\u2019s just talk about when the in-laws were coming: that\u2019s when the stash-and-dash happened; right? [Laughter] We went from a clutter castle to home beautiful in an hour-and-a-half. The problem was you had to live with the aftermath of that: what a burden to put on your family; what a burden to put on yourself.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> And it kind of sends a message to the family, too, like, \u201cYou\u2019re not worth cleanliness,\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014something like that.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Right; right. You know, everybody has a certain amount of chaos in their house. If you\/you know, especially if you\u2019re a blended family, can we just all get an extra little pass? [Laughter] When you\u2019re trying to blend two different family styles\u2014and trying to blend all these people, who are not necessarily always having a <em>Kum ba yah<\/em> moment\u2014let\u2019s just say: \u201cYou know, when you pull in a blended family, that\u2019s going to cause even more chaos.\u201d\n\nBut I also know this: \u201cThe more intentional we are about, not having a perfect house, but having a house that functions and serves the people who are living there, it makes all the difference in setting the tone for the family and how they operate.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Now I like that part that you just said, \u201c\u2026serves the people living there.\u201d How are we serving them by decluttering?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> I was just speaking at a big conference a week ago. When I ask people, \u201cWhat is the heart reason behind decluttering?\u201d I spoke [at] several different sessions; at each session, one woman said, \u201cI have a child, who struggles with\u2026\u201d\u2014either they are on the [autistic] spectrum or they have some kind of emotional need or physical challenge. By decluttering the home, they\u2019re able to make life just a little less chaotic\/just a little bit more purposeful for that child, who just needs a little bit more order in their lives.\n\nThe other thing is: \u201cLet\u2019s not discount what we, as parents, need.\u201d When we come home, at the end of a long day, or we\u2019ve been in our homes for a long day, to be able to put our eyes on some peace or a clear spot; it makes all the difference in the world.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; with all of those great reasons why decluttering is helpful, let\u2019s back up a step.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Why do we clutter ourselves? [Laughter] What\u2019s that about?!\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> I have finally figured out <em>exactly<\/em> what clutter is: \u201cClutter is just decisions.\u201d We are so tired, at the end of the day especially, about making one more decision. Let\u2019s think about all of the decisions we have to make during a day. If you\u2019re a blended family, you are doubling those decisions; and not all of the people you\u2019re making decisions for are rising up and calling you blessed all the time.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So it\u2019s decisions\u2014like maybe you\u2019re tired\/your exhausted\u2014whatever it is, you have to make a decision about this thing and you get <em>stuck<\/em>. I know, in your book, you pointed out\/you said \u201cFear, guilt, and shame\u2014\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Oh.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014how does that get in the way of decisions?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Okay; fear is the idea of: \u201cWhat if I need it someday? I\u2019m going to keep it just in case.\u201d We have a house that\u2019s filled with things for a potential life that we\u2019re not living. I probably hung onto my scrapbooking stuff for ten years longer than I needed to when I made the decision: \u201cI\u2019m not scrapbooking anymore; that\u2019s just not who my family is.\u201d Fear is: \u201c\u2026just in case,\u201d or \u201cWhat if I need it someday?\u201d The paralysis of: \u201cI can\u2019t spend money on it again,\u201d will keep us spending thousands of dollars in storage units and storage boxes to store things that we don\u2019t even care about. That\u2019s fear.\n\nGuilt is: \u201cSo-and-so gave it to me.\u201d Because my kid made something for me in third grade, I\u2019ve got to keep it for the rest of my life to prove my love, which is ridiculous!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You do know that kid\u2019s going to grow up. When they\u2019re 35, and they\u2019re going to ask you if you have that thing they made for you in third grade; right? [Laughter] Because all of our kids\/we all\u2014I did that to my\u2014wait! I <em>never<\/em> did that to my parents.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> \u2014<em>never<\/em> did that!\u2014never did that! You know what?\u2014our kids\/our adult kids don\u2019t want stuff.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> When you carefully curated their lives into little folders\u2014and you kept the handprint, and you kept the \u201cA\u201d that they got on that test they really studied for\u2014and when they move out of the house, [you] say, \u201cI have all your things.\u201d They\u2019re like, \u201cYeah, I don\u2019t want that.\u201d You\u2019re thinking, \u201cSomebody has to take it\u201d; so you keep it. But if they don\u2019t care enough about it to take it, why do you care more than they do about their own lives?\n\nThen finally\u2014there\u2019s fear; there\u2019s guilt\u2014and then there\u2019s shame: \u201cI spent so much money on it.\u201d We think that\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014by keeping that pair of shoes that is killing our feet every time we wear them\u2014so we\u2019ve worn them exactly once\u2014we think by keeping them, somehow, we\u2019re earning back the value. Whereas I would much rather see those be donated; so somebody, who doesn\u2019t feel like they\u2019re being tortured every time they wear those shoes, can actually enjoy them.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; let me ask you another question; it\u2019s kind of a two-parter. Have you always been a clutter-free person?\u2014and if not, how did you start making the decisions you needed to make in order to become a clutter-free person?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> My dad was really and truly a hoarder\u2014he [his habit] was controlled by my mom\u2014but his mom was very creative and kept everything. He never learned how to make those decisions. I\u2019ll never say I was as bad as my dad. But when I started my own family, a lot of those fear things that he had were passed down to me. Because I\u2019d never thought of another way to live, I embraced them.\n\nI had this poverty mentality: \u201cIf I buy this once, I never have to buy it again; so I\u2019m going to keep it for the rest of my life.\u201d The problem was: I couldn\u2019t find that thing when I needed it: so there may have been seven can openers in my house at one time; there may have been six hole punches in my house at one time. The more stuff you bring in, it lowers the chances of you ever being able to find it and actually use it.\n\nWhat really started to change things for me was actually when we became a blended family. We could go one way or another: we could either just give up all control and live in chaos, or we could start to make decisions: \u201cWe\u2019re putting two stepbrothers in the same room,\u201d\u2014decisions had to be made\u2014\u201c We were putting two stepsisters in the same room.\u201d My husband and I were combining lives.\n\nI would love to say it all rained down on me\u2014I got a revelation\u2014and everything was great from there. But really, it was a process of years, of saying: \u201cI\u2019m going to ask myself, \u2018Why am I holding onto this?\u2019 when there\u2019s not a rational reason to do it.\u201d When I could figure out\u2014\u201cOkay, I\u2019m afraid that we are not going to have money again; and I can never buy this item again,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m afraid that my mom\u2019s going to come and see that I didn\u2019t put out this knick-knack that she gave me,\u201d or \u201cWe spent money on this when we are struggling to save money; I have to keep it for the rest of my life,\u201d\u2014when I could start to identify them, I could start to see my own faulty thinking\u2014and not only help myself make decisions\u2014but help my kids and my husband make decisions.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019re listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. I\u2019ve got to tell you: Kathi\u2019s getting a little too close to home right there.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was thinking, \u201cI\u2019ve never put together\/associating fear, guilt, and shame to the objects in my home and why I\u2019m saving them; but as she\u2019s speaking, I\u2019m thinking, \u2018Yes, that\u2019s exactly why I\u2019m holding on to those things!\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ann, we need to declutter.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I told you this stuff will really get to you fast.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It does.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so what were you thinking when you were hearing this, Ron?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Well, again, I\u2019m thinking about my own possessions\u2014and how I manage things in my life, and whether I prioritize them or not, and whether I need to\u2014it seems to me the bigger reflection here is how we think about our possessions and how much faith we put in our possessions.\n\nYou know, Jesus said\u2014in Luke, Chapter 12, verse 15\u2014\u201cTake care, and be on guard against covetousness, for one\u2019s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.\u201d We need to understand the motive behind our possessions. Sometimes that motive is fear, guilt, and what other people are going to think of us. And sometimes, it\u2019s about: \u201cNo, I just really want that; because it somehow makes my life better,\u201d\u2014and now, that\u2019s my idol.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or becomes my security; yes, an idol.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right! So we\u2019ve got to reflect on this. We\u2019ve got to ask these questions, and wonder what we do with our possessions, so we steward <em>them<\/em>; they <em>don\u2019t<\/em> steward us.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh! Boom! So you\u2019re telling me I shouldn\u2019t hang five guitars on my wall?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> [Laughter] I think we need to go back to Kathi; maybe she\u2019ll tell you that.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She will.\n\n[Previous <em>FamilyLife Blended <\/em>Interview]\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay, so I want to wrap back around to decisions just for a minute. Let\u2019s dial down. One of the things you say in <em>The Clutter-Free Home<\/em> is you need to ask yourself three questions about your stuff: \u201cDo you love it?\u201d \u201cDo you use it?\u201d \u201cWould you buy it again?\u201d Does that help you make a decision about whether you get rid of something?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> It really, really does; because here\u2019s what I think most of us do. We go through, and we start to declutter; but what we don\u2019t do is actually declutter\u2014we just move clutter\u2014we buy a storage box, and we put it in there. What it is: is just a delayed decision. All storage is, for the most part, is delayed decisions.\n\nIf I\u2019m able to go in there and say, \u201cDo I love it?\u201d\u2014if I love it, I get to keep it. Here\u2019s the thing: if it\u2019s in a box in your garage, I question your love; I don\u2019t think you probably love it. Maybe it has some sentimental attachment\u2014great\u2014take a picture of it and upload that to your computer so you can look at it. But if you don\u2019t love it\u2014if you don\u2019t have it out in your house every single day\u2014then it\u2019s probably not worth keeping.\n\nWhen my brother and I were little, my parents had got a coffee grinder for a wedding gift. Now, my parents didn\u2019t drink coffee. My brother and I would sneak it off the shelf; and we would grind up dry dog food in it, which was fine until my parents had company come over. [Laughter] They got to sit down to some Alpo<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>-flavored coffee at one point.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> [Laughing] Oh, no; that has not made it into Starbucks yet.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> It has not. That has not been a featured flavor. I love that coffee grinder; because it reminds me of the best part of my brother, where we were kids; and we loved to have fun. I love that coffee grinder. There are other things that I have in my house that I use that I don\u2019t love. I think about the technology and stuff like that\u2014I don\u2019t necessarily love my microphone\/my headphone\u2014but I <em>use<\/em> them.\n\nThen: \u201cWould I buy it again?\u201d I think about emergency preparedness supplies: flashlights\u2014\u201cDo I love it?\u201d\u2014no. \u201cDo I use it?\u201d\u2014not really. \u201cBut I would buy it again, if it wasn\u2019t there, because I need to be prepared.\u201d Those are the questions I ask; it can sort a lot. If you ask yourself: \u201cDo I love it?\u201d \u201cDo I use it?\u201d \u201cWould I buy it again?\u201d\u2014and you\u2019re not answering, \u201cYes,\u201d\u2014but you <em>still<\/em> can\u2019t get rid of it\u2014there are a couple of thoughts: one, it may be the fear, guilt, or shame that you\u2019re really dealing with; so you have to go down a different level.\n\n<em>Or<\/em> you may just be stuck and need some help; you may need to have a good friend come over, somebody who is not judgmental. If you\u2019re in a blended family, I wouldn\u2019t necessarily have steps involved in this; because it can bring up stuff that you don\u2019t really need to bring up with them. Have somebody come, lovingly, along and help you out.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Those are all really good suggestions. I\u2019m going to do something dangerous here.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Go for it.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to ask you a question I think my wife would ask you if she was talking to you about <em>me<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Nice; I love it!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think she would say, \u201cDoes my husband, Ron, really need to keep all his books from graduate school?\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Okay, I have an answer for that!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Oh, no.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> No; and you\u2019re going to think the answer is \u201cNo,\u201d and that\u2019s not necessarily true.\n\n<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> My best solution for: \u201cDo you really need to keep that?\u201d\u2014and here\u2019s the thing\u2014I lost my best example; because my husband\/when he was leading a youth group, played guitar. We\u2019d been married for 15 years; I\u2019d <em>never<\/em> seen that thing come out. Then one day, somebody asked, \u201cWhose guitar is that?\u201d I said, \u201cThat\u2019s Roger\u2019s.\u201d They said, \u201cCan he play us something?\u201d I rolled my eyes, and there he goes; he\u2019s pulling out the John Denver. I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay; fine. [Laughter] I can never win a clutter argument again.\u201d\n\nHere\u2019s what I would say: \u201cIs that\u201d\u2014what\u2019s your wife\u2019s name?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Nan.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Nan, okay. I feel like Nan gets a space in your house, where you don\u2019t get to comment on any of the crazy she\u2019s keeping.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s fair.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Yes; you also get a space. But here\u2019s the thing\u2014it\u2019s not unlimited space\u2014it\u2019s a gorilla rack in the garage, or it\u2019s a couple of shelves in a closet that you get to decide on. If you want to keep all your books from graduate school, go crazy. But if it\u2019s more than that space, then you need to start making decisions.\n\nIf you have graduate school books, and you have golf clubs that you\u2019ve never used, and you have at-home archery set that has never seen the light of day\u2014and all these things that you\u2019re like, \u201cBut maybe someday\u2026.\u201d\u2014no; it has to be contained to the agreed-upon space.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> But you\u2019re not allowed to comment on Nan\u2019s craziness. We all get a little bit of crazy, where we don\u2019t have to justify.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I love that we give each other grace with the crazy, because we\u2019ve all got a little bit of that.\n\nHere\u2019s what I want to do now. Now, we\u2019re going to continue to talk about clutter-free homes; but we\u2019re also going to draw some parallels to clutter-free blended families; alright?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what I want to do; I\u2019m going to stretch you a little bit.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to pull out some of the principles from your book, <em>The Clutter-Free Home. <\/em>Then I want us to just wonder, out loud together: \u201cHow might that apply in terms of the relationships going on with a blended family?\u201d One of the principles you have in the book\u2014ten principles for a <em>Clutter-Free Home<\/em>\u2014we don\u2019t have time to go through all of them, but let me just hit a couple of them. The first one is: \u201cMake clutter management a daily habit.\u201d Alright; so talk about that one for a second.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Okay; as it applies to clutter, clutter is not one and done. You don\u2019t spend a weekend decluttering and, then, you don\u2019t have to do it again for a year. Clutter is a <em>daily<\/em> habit. In the book, I really suggest\u2014Monday through Saturday\u2014each day, you take one of six areas; and you just do fifteen minutes of decluttering in it every day. At first, it doesn\u2019t look like it\u2019s making a difference. But over time, you can start to see where that daily habit is making a huge difference in your home.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I could see how that would apply. You make a choice, minute to minute, in the kitchen with this thing, right here right now.\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I make a decision; \u201cAnd if: \u2018I don\u2019t need it,\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t love it,\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m not going to use it,\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m not going to buy it again,\u2019 then I\u2019m just going to toss it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Right; every day, you are working on it. It becomes a part of your day, and you start to feel freedom in that.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; so I can hear the metaphor, already, for a blended family and relationships:\u2014\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cYou work on it every day. You don\u2019t just go on one family vacation, and you\u2019ve kind of fixed everything going on in life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> No; you know, one of the things that this really brings up for me is: we decide to do a big, huge family vacation for my husband\u2019s 50th birthday. We told the kids: \u201cWe\u2019re not just shelling out money for you guys to come. This is something that we\u2019re going to all work towards and save towards together.\u201d\n\nWe had regular meetings about this vacation, which sounds so over-the-top; but some of the things we talked about\u2014we\u2019re saving money for this vacation\u2014and we talked about it every day. They would tell me: \u201cI\u2019m packing my lunch so that I can put more money towards our Disney World vacation.\u201d\n\nBut then the other thing we said is: \u201cYou need to be responsible for whether you have a good time or not. You guys are young adults at this point\/you\u2019re teenagers and young adults, and you can decide whether it\u2019s going to be a good day at Disney; or you\u2019re going to <em>annoy<\/em> everybody around you, and you may need to take a day off.\u201d\n\nBut we have these conversations, not necessarily daily, but several times a week. Can I just tell you?\u2014it\u2019s the best family vacation we\u2019ve ever been on, because people were <em>invested<\/em>. They\u2019ve been invested over a long time, daily and weekly, to make this a great time together.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think that is wonderful; what a great idea. Conversation\u2014but helping to put them in charge\u2014empowering them to be part of the solution. You don\u2019t just have to sit back. Of course, that has to be age-appropriate for children\/developmental considerations there. But the older they are, the more of a voice they need. Teenagers, in particular\u2014young adults\u2014they need to be able to have some say and influence over what happens; right?\n\n<strong>Kathi:<\/strong> Yes, and this is why we had Excel spreadsheets for our very fun trip to Disney World. They wanted to go to certain places at certain times, so we got everybody\u2019s input. The further in advance you can have those conversations, the more leeway you have to really get to a place, where not necessarily everybody\u2019s happy, but everybody\u2019s <em>heard<\/em>.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The Bible has a lot to say about how we deal with stuff and where we think meaning and value is. That\u2019s been the focus of the conversation we listened to today as Dave and Ann Wilson, together with Ron Deal, have been interacting with Kathi Lipp.\n\nKathi has written a helpful book on this subject called <em>The Clutter-Free Home: Making Room for Your Life<\/em>. We\u2019ve got copies of Kathi\u2019s book available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, that\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy. The website, again, for Kathi Lipp\u2019s book, <em>The Clutter-Free Home<\/em>, is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to request your copy. The number is 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, I think for a lot of us, over the last year, we\u2019ve seen some of the gaps get exposed in our marriage relationship. We\u2019ve thought, \u201cYes, there are some things that could use some adjustment\/some tweaking\u201d; but we think, \u201cIs that really possible? Is that something we can actually do?\u201d\n\nHere, at FamilyLife, we have put together a resource that is designed to help you love each other better. It\u2019s the \u201cLove You Better Plan: 30 Days to Love Your Spouse Better.\u201d It\u2019s simple to use; there are daily tips, concepts, resources available in this plan. Again, it\u2019s a free download; you can get it when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\nThis is exciting: when you download the \u201cLove You Better Plan,\u201d you are automatically registered for an opportunity to win a cabin for two on the 2022 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. Somebody is going to be going with us on the cruise in February of 2022. All you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com, download the \u201cLove You Better Plan,\u201d and you\u2019re automatically eligible to go on the cruise. There\u2019s no purchase necessary. Find out more; again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and start using the \u201cLove You Better 30-Day Plan\u201d in your marriage and see if there\u2019s not some improvement made along the way.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to spend some time thinking about how getting rid of things that have sentimental value can be sometimes traumatic, especially in a child\u2019s life in a blended family. Kathi Lipp is with us, again, to talk about that, along with Ron Deal. I hope you can tune in to that as well.\n\nOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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