{"id":306882,"date":"2021-06-10T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2021-06-10T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/ridiculous-things-said-to-moms\/"},"modified":"2021-06-10T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2021-06-10T11:00:04","slug":"ridiculous-things-said-to-moms","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/ridiculous-things-said-to-moms\/","title":{"rendered":"Ridiculous Things Said to Moms"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Because &#8220;words of wisdom&#8221; to moms can sometimes lack real wisdom, Becky Baudouin breaks down the truth and error we hear in everyday statements.<\/p>\n<p> \tRead the first 3 chapters of Becky&#8217;s book, Enjoy Every Minutehttps:\/\/www.beckybaudouin.com\/books.html<br \/>\n\tFollow Becky online at https:\/\/www.beckybaudouin.com\/ , on Instagram \u2013 https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/beckybaudouin, and on Facebook \u2013 https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Becky.Baudouin.Author.Speaker<br \/>\nDownload FamilyLife&#8217;s new app! https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Because &#8220;words of wisdom&#8221; to moms can sometimes lack real wisdom, Becky Baudouin breaks down the truth and error we hear in everyday statements.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-06-10.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.24M","filesize_raw":"24371974","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838],"tags":[4087,2209,5292],"podcast_series":[8448],"cwp_profile":[9714],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306882","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","tag-mothers","tag-parenting","tag-young-children","podcast_series-enjoy-every-minute","cwp_profile-becky-baudouin","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306882\/ridiculous-things-said-to-moms","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306882\/ridiculous-things-said-to-moms","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"CCg9AWIAgY\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/ridiculous-things-said-to-moms\/\">Ridiculous Things Said to Moms<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/ridiculous-things-said-to-moms\/embed\/#?secret=CCg9AWIAgY\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Ridiculous Things Said to Moms&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"CCg9AWIAgY\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Because \"words of wisdom\" to moms can sometimes lack real wisdom, Becky Baudouin breaks down the truth and error we hear in everyday statements.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-06-10.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Think back to when our kids were just really little toddlers\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Okay.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014maybe even in high chairs and car seats.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I would sometimes say, \u201cWe need to prioritize our marriage, and we need a plan\u201d; and you would say\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is embarrassing! I would say, \u201cAre you kidding?! I can\u2019t even go to the bathroom by myself. I have no time to even think; I am <em>surviving<\/em> here.\u201d That\u2019s what I would say to you.\n\nWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I mean, it was so true. It\u2019s like: \u201cHow do you get a plan when the whirlwind is just swarming around us?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But I also knew how important that was; I agreed with everything you were saying. I think I just felt so overwhelmed, as we\u2019ve been previously talking about; I didn\u2019t know how to do that. \u201cI\u2019m just surviving,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what I would always say\u2014\u201cI\u2019m just surviving.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>The funny thing is I had no idea what the plan would look like either; I just thought I\u2019d say it, [Laughter] because we were both just surviving.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We have help today!\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We\u2019re excited today, because we have Becky Baudouin back with us today. She wrote a book called <em>Enjoy Every Minute: And Other Ridiculous Things We Say to Moms<\/em>. Becky, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Thank you!\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Becky is, not only an author, but a speaker. You used to write for the <em>Chicago Daily Herald<\/em>?\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes; the column was called \u201cA Mom\u2019s Point of View.\u201d It was so much fun, and I got to write about pretty much anything I wanted.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s fun.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>A lot of the ideas for this book actually came out of some of my columns.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You also have a degree in practical theology.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s interesting. That has to be the best degree to get, practical theology! What\u2019s that?\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>The degree is\u2014probably you could go on and get other degrees\u2014but being able to take Scripture and then apply it, practically, to Christian living and\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s what we all need.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>One of your ridiculous things people say to moms\u2014which I\u2019ve said, and I actually think it\u2019s true; so I want to hear why this isn\u2019t true\u2014is number four. You have 12 of them; but number 4 is: \u201cIf Mama ain\u2019t happy, ain\u2019t nobody happy.\u201d\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, I\u2019ve actually thought, \u201cWell, that\u2019s sort of true\u201d; isn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That is kind of true, actually.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I mean, mama sort of creates the climate in the home; and if she isn\u2019t happy, it\u2019s sort of\u2014so it\u2019s not true? Let\u2019s talk about it.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Well, I think there\u2019s a nugget of truth in a lot of these. What I say about that is it\u2019s a half-truth, because to put all of that on the mom I think is a lot of pressure. I think the truth is that everyone contributes to the climate in the home. A dad coming home from work in a really bad mood can kind of set things going a certain way, you know. A child having a tantrum, or a teenager with a terrible attitude at dinner, just makes everybody want to finish up their food and leave the table.\n\nI think the part that I focus in on\u2014that\u2019s the chapter where I talk about mom guilt\u2014and I talk about anxiety and depression. I share a lot of stories that moms have shared; and it\u2019s this pressure that: \u201cI have to hold it all together; because if I fall apart,\u201d or \u201c\u2026if I don\u2019t, then what will happen?\u201d\n\nI think we have a lot of moms who are feeling like they can\u2019t be honest about how they\u2019re struggling, and they have to put on a happy face. They have to smile; they have to pretend like they\u2019re okay when they\u2019re really not. That\u2019s kind of what I get into\u2014it\u2019s kind of like the: \u201cHappy wife, happy life,\u201d\u2014I feel like that\u2019s another saying that\u2019s kind of similar.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>In some ways, you feel that way\u2014that if my wife, or even my kids, aren\u2019t happy\u2014then I\u2019m not going to be happy. Of course, that\u2019s not true; but I\u2019m sure you feel the same way about your husband. That\u2019s going to create an aroma in the home.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\n<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Yes; I think it\u2019s not so specific to the woman, but the woman has to be happy or it\u2019s going to be <em>miserable<\/em> if she\u2019s not happy.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We feel the pressure of that as a woman.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Earlier, we talked about how we\u2019ve been told to enjoy every minute.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been talking about mom guilt. This can kind of run into that mom guilt or that shame\u2014the heaviness and the burden of\u2014 \u201cIt\u2019s my responsibility to make our home happy and everyone in it happy.\u201d\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019re saying that, if we don\u2019t allow women to voice that, you\u2019re talking to women, who then goes into depression.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes; or women, who struggle with depression, automatically feeling like, \u201cI\u2019m not a good mom, because I\u2019m depressed.\u201d\n\n<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\nSeveral moms shared their stories with me. I have two nieces, who shared about their anxiety and depression, Rachel and Emily; they\u2019re sisters. Emily was sharing about one afternoon, when she was curled up on the couch, still in her pajamas from the day before, really struggling with depression. Her son, Spencer, who was almost three, wanted to play hide and seek. She could not muster the energy or the desire to get up and play; she just was on the couch, didn\u2019t feel like she could do it.\n\nShe stayed on the couch, and she counted to ten as Spencer ran away and hid somewhere off camera. She was recording this at a certain point and sent the video to her sister, Rachel. When she got to ten, she yelled, \u201cReady or not, come on out!\u201d\u2014 instead of \u201cReady or not, here I come,\u201d\u2014\u201cReady or not, come on out.\u201d Spencer came running back, giggling, with a giant smile on his face. They did that over and over for\n\n15 minutes; he thought it was the greatest thing in the world.\n\nEmily sent this video to her sister with the caption: \u201cJust because I\u2019m depressed doesn\u2019t make me a bad mom.\u201d It was a perfect example of adjusting expectations to help mitigate the effects of depression and mom guilt. It was: \u201cWhat can I do with where I\u2019m at, and be honest about where I\u2019m at, and still interact in the way that I can?\u201d\n\nI think it\u2019s really important for our kids to be able to see that, sometimes, we go through hard times; it could be a grief or a loss that we have. I remember, when my mom died, I went through a period of deep grief. My youngest\u2014she was probably seven or eight at the time\u2014came up and handed me a note one morning. I had been in the living room; I had taken some time to write in my journal, and I was crying. Not that I wouldn\u2019t have cried in front of her, but I didn\u2019t know she was watching me. She came up and handed me a note that said: \u201cYour tears are beautiful,\u201d or \u201cYou are beautiful when you cry, because it shows me your heart,\u201d or something like that.\n\nI remember thinking: \u201cWhy do we think we have to hide the stuff that\u2019s not very pretty?\u201d and \u201cWhat are we doing to our kids, then, or what are we doing <em>for<\/em> our kids, to hide that?\u201d They\u2019re going to go into real life, and they\u2019re going to struggle in ways; and they\u2019re going to be married to people, who struggle. It\u2019s just: \u201cHow are we equipping them?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We\u2019re teaching them how to grieve. We\u2019re teaching them\u2014it\u2019s Deuteronomy 6\u2014as we\u2019re walking along the way, as we\u2019re lying down, as we get up.\n\nI went through that same thing. My best friend and older sister died when I was 39. I remember driving the boys to school, and I was crying. I was praying: \u201cLord, I\u2019m so sad. I\u2019m sad because I miss my sister; I\u2019m sad that her four boys don\u2019t have their mom. Lord, help us to understand. I need You so much, but my heart is so sad. Help me to see You in this.\u201d I think that\u2019s good for our kids to see that we cry out to God, to see that we may not understand what happened, but we\u2019re still reaching out to Him.\n\nI love Matthew 11:28-30 when we talk about these things\u2014even for us, as moms and dads\u2014\u201cAre you tired, worn out, burned out on religion? Come to Me, get away with Me, and you\u2019ll recover your life. I\u2019ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me; watch how I do it. Learn from the unforced rhythms of grace; I won\u2019t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you\u2019ll learn to live freely and lightly.\u201d I love that, because it\u2019s from the Message version; but it just really gives us a picture of God saying, \u201cCome to Me, all you who are weary and heavy laden,\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014which, in some ways, describes a parent\u2019s life; you feel heavy.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Even your second one in the book is: \u201cGod won\u2019t give you more than you can handle.\u201d [Laughter] Is that true? Because as we\u2019re listening here, it\u2019s like, \u201cWow, this is a lot to handle.\u201d\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know it\u2019s true, but it\u2019s not always true.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, we say it all the time.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>I think we say it in a couple of ways. When someone\u2019s going through something really difficult, we want to give them encouragement that they\u2019re going to make it; so we might even say, \u201cThe Bible says God will never give you more than you can handle,\u201d\u2014but it\u2019s really not in the Bible.\n\nThere\u2019s another verse that talks about not being tempted beyond what you can bear; but in terms of the burdens that we sometimes carry, there\u2019s nothing that says that God dishes them out in proportion to how strong we are to bear them. My sister has heard this; she has five children. She\u2019s had people say some version of this, when they see her at the grocery store, \u201cGod must have known that you could handle all those kids; that\u2019s why He gave them to you.\u201d She wants to say, \u201cNo, I actually can\u2019t handle all these children! [Laughter] They would be better off with someone else.\u201d She has shared that she has thought that, too.\n\nI think the thing I\u2019m trying to do with that one is just\u2014if it leads us to self-dependence, or self-sufficiency, or this idea that: \u201cI can do this; I am strong enough, in and of myself, to be able,\u201d and \u201cGod wouldn\u2019t have given this to me if He knew that I couldn\u2019t do it,\u201d\u2014I think if we can flip that around and think: \u201cI\u2019m not strong enough on my own to do this. This is more than I can handle, but God will help me. He will give me the strength. In my weakness, His strength is made perfect.\u201d It\u2019s a shift in your thinking; but I think it makes a huge difference in those moments, when you really do feel like, \u201cThis is too much for me,\u201d whether it\u2019s the chaos of everyday living or whether it\u2019s a really difficult season.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I remember, I think Dave was out of town, and our boys were five, three, and a newborn. The five- and three-year-old were in the bathtub, and I was in the other room, nursing our baby, and thinking, \u201cOkay; I have a breath just for a second.\u201d\n\nThe older son says, \u201cMom, I have to poop!\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, just get out of the tub. You\u2019re right there; you can go.\u201d He goes, \u201cNo! I don\u2019t want Austin to see!\u201d I can hear him get out of the tub, and now he\u2019s running to another bathroom; and he yells, \u201cI pooped!\u201d [Laughter]Then his brother runs out into the hallway, and he\u2019s laughing his head off. Now they\u2019re in a fistfight. I\u2019m nursing the baby; I have to stop, and the baby\u2019s crying and screaming. And somebody rings the doorbell!\n\nI\u2019m thinking, \u201cOkay, this is way too much right now!\u201d My thought then goes to: \u201cWhere is my husband? Why is he traveling right now? Why am I doing <em>everything<\/em>?\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m glad I missed that one! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s that feeling of: \u201cOkay, this is more than I can handle right now. I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing.\u201d You feel out of control at times.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So I like that you\u2019re saying, \u201cSometimes, it does feel a little more than we can handle.\u201d I remember thinking, later, \u201cSomeday, I\u2019m going to laugh at this day.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s interesting\u2014because when I hear Ann share stories like that, I remember those\u2014but I also remember she\/you were able to bring joy and laughter, even in the middle of some of the chaos\u2014not all the time; I mean, there were moments, where it was just beyond control\u2014but somehow, is this something moms do? I often didn\u2019t see any humor in those moments; and yet there you were, smiling and laughing, even in the midst of the chaos.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think every mom hearing this would say there are such highlights. You can\u2019t even explain the joy and the love you feel;\u2014\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and yet, it can be really hard, at times, too.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes; really, to your point, I think one of the ways that I\u2019m able to find joy is with my friends.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, yes!\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know if guys necessarily would think to do this\u2014but something crazy happens, like what Ann just described\u2014to call your friend, and tell somebody, and have them laugh with you\u2014that\u2019s just like my lifeline all throughout raising my kids\u2014has been having\/or having even a situation that might be hard, but to be able to call a friend and have her find the humor for me if I can\u2019t find it right away.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That is so funny; I would never think: \u201cI\u2019m going to call Rob,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m going to call John.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, a guy wouldn\u2019t? That\u2019s the first thing I would do, too.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think so [in response to Dave]; I think that\u2019s kind of maybe more\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I mean, it might come up later. I wouldn\u2019t\u2014I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m right\u2014I would just never think, \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to call somebody and tell him this crazy moment.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think moms listening, that have friends, they\u2019re like, \u201cAmen; yes, I need that.\u201d How would you encourage moms that don\u2019t have that right now?\u2014maybe they\u2019ve moved into a new place; they don\u2019t have that connection\u2014what would you encourage them with?\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Well, I think to try to develop those friendships, even if it seems kind of\n\nsurface-y at first. You meet somebody: I think to be able to gradually begin to take a risk, and pick up the phone and call her; shoot somebody a text and say, \u201cI have a story to tell you,\u201d or something. I think, as we begin to be vulnerable, whether it\u2019s with just the crazy moments that we can laugh at ourselves, or even with the hard stuff, that\u2019s how we build those friendships.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s really good. I know that with our church\u2014to find a church sometimes, and they\u2019ll have mom groups, or mom Bible studies, or small groups\u2014that can be a great way. You\u2019re probably, even if you\u2019ve got kids in school, I made a lot of friends through our kids in school or homeschooling through that co-op situation. Seek it out, because we need each other as women.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes; I think being part of a moms\u2019 group is something that is so life-giving.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Me, too.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>I did that when my kids were younger. Most of the speaking that I still do is at moms\u2019 groups\u2014MOPS, Moms of Preschoolers\u2014these are women who gather together; and they, oftentimes, will hear from a speaker, and then sit around the table and talk about what they just heard; and then hopefully, they\u2019re able to do some measure of life together outside of the group. I\u2019ve learned a lot from sitting in on those discussions. When I speak, I\u2019ll often ask the leader, \u201cIs it okay if I sit at a table?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Me, too.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>That\u2019s where I can really get a feel for where these moms are at.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>There\u2019s some great mentoring that goes on there, too; because you have older moms that are saying, \u201cThis is a phase. I know that it seems overwhelming, but that phase will change.\u201d That\u2019s so helpful; yes.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>How about number five?\u2014is \u201cThe Teenage Years\u201d\u2014ridiculous things people say are: \u201cJust wait till they become teenagers.\u201d\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>They\u2019ll often say this one right after they\u2019ve seen you in the grocery store\u2014and they tell you to enjoy every minute, because the time goes so fast\u2014and then they\u2019ll say, \u201cJust wait till they become teenagers,\u201d especially if you\u2019re overwhelmed with the young kids. That fills moms with this sense of dread, that, \u201cIf you think it\u2019s hard now, just wait.\u201d That\u2019s kind of the thing; right?\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>It does; it just fills you with fear. My sister, when I was writing this, she has three teenagers right now. She said, \u201cOh, please write something that gives us hope that it\u2019s not going to be all terrible when they become teenagers.\u201d I wrote about some of my favorites things about the teenage years. It\u2019s challenging\u2014it\u2019s like any season of parenting, it has its own challenges\u2014but I really feel like the teen years is when you really get to see who your kid is becoming: their personality, their humor. My daughters are very funny, but the three of them together are <em>hysterical<\/em>. That\u2019s something that\u2019s been so fun to see as they\u2019ve gotten older.\n\nI had help from a friend, who was a youth pastor at our church. I emailed him and said, \u201cCould you maybe send me a couple of things of what you love about working with teens?\u201d He\u2019s been working with teens for <em>decades<\/em>, and he\u2019s raised his own. I thought he would send me back a couple of little things; but when he sent the email back, the subject said: \u201cSo Many Things.\u201d\n\nHe just said: \u201cThey have passion,\u201d \u201cThey ask probing questions,\u201d and \u201cIf they know you\u2019re truly taking them seriously, they\u2019ll share their thoughts and opinions. Sometimes they may even ask for yours,\u201d \u201cThey have half a century or more of life in front of them; so anything they discover as a teenager, literally, has decades to grow and bear fruit.\u201d That goes back to the pilgrimage\u2014you know, the long view\u2014we\u2019re not going to see everything that is growing and taking root in our child\u2019s life right now; it\u2019s going to grow fruit over the years.\n\n\u201cThey believe they can change the world because they\u2019ve usually not been beaten down by life yet,\u201d \u201cThey can simultaneously be both na\u00efve and wise beyond their years,\u201d\u2014and I have seen that; they kind of flip and flop back and forth between: \u201cYou\u2019re acting like a child,\u201d and \u201cI can\u2019t believe you just said that; can you say that again?\u201d I\u2019ve said that; I\u2019m like, \u201cLet me write this down\u201d; because sometimes, they say things that are so profound. Yes, he shared so many things that he loves about working with teens.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s so good. When our oldest was 13\u2014I can tend to get pretty passionate; so something had gone on before school that I was like, \u201cOh, man! You are not doing anything this weekend!\u201d\u2014then we got in the car. I was driving him to school, and he was in the passenger seat\u2014this can be pretty typical\u2014I say, \u201cOkay, I was a little out of control; and I went a little overboard. I\u2019m sorry; I shouldn\u2019t have gotten mad like that.\u201d I said, \u201cWhat did you feel this morning when all that happened?\u201d\n\nHe\u2019s sitting in the passenger seat, with his arms crossed, and he\u2019s just looking ahead, and he says nothing. I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, seriously, let\u2019s just talk this out before we get to school; because I want to get this settled, and I want to get it resolved before you get out of the car.\u201d He says nothing, and he just keeps looking forward.\n\nWe get to the school, and I said, \u201cDon\u2019t get out of the car,\u201d\u2014I\u2019m in the line\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t get out of the car until we, at least, say something.\u201d He looks at me; he opens the car door, and he walks into the school. Now, I\u2019m like, \u201cHow could he do this?!\u201d I don\u2019t know what to do. The cars behind me start honking; because I\u2019m trying to think: \u201cDo I go get him?! Should I take him out for breakfast?!\u201d\n\nYou know, I don\u2019t know what to do; so I just keep driving. Then, as I\u2019m trying to figure it out, this is what comes to my head: \u201cOh, pray!\u201d Why is that sometimes the <em>last<\/em> thing we do? I love James 1, that says, \u201cIf any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives generously\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m like, \u201cLord, I don\u2019t know what to do. I have a teenager. Is this the beginning?\u201d I\u2019m feeling this panic in my mind\/in my heart. This picture comes into my head. I go home, and I get a piece of paper, and I draw a stick figure of a woman and a guy, and then I put this brick\/I draw this brick in between them. I put it on the desk where CJ studied every night.\n\nHe comes home, he goes up to study like he usually does, and he comes downstairs with this paper in his hand. He goes, \u201cMom, are you trying to be artist? What is this?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, yes; that\u2019s me, and that\u2019s you. We had a fight this morning that we didn\u2019t resolve. It\u2019s like this formed brick that we created between us, and it\u2019s just sitting there.\u201d\n\nHe says, \u201cI\u2019m not even mad, Mom.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019m not either; I\u2019m not mad, but that doesn\u2019t mean that brick is gone. We\u2019re just not mad that it\u2019s there; we don\u2019t have <em>feelings<\/em> about it.\u201d Then I said this; I said, \u201cCJ, Dad and I travel around the country. We see marriages that have a fight, and they create a brick; and they have another fight, and they form a brick.\u201d And then I made this wall of bricks.\n\nI said, \u201cI see parents, all the time, with teenagers; they have a fight, and they don\u2019t talk about it; they have a fight; they don\u2019t talk about it\u2014it\u2019s never resolved, and so they have these walls\u2014and now, as adults, they can\u2019t even have a discussion with their grown kids.\u201d I said, \u201cI don\u2019t want that with Dad, and I don\u2019t want that with any of you.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s so funny\u2014as a 13-year-old can only do\u2014he says, \u201cUhhhh, so how do we get rid of the brick?\u201d [Laughter] Then we just talked; we prayed. I apologized; he apologized. I took the eraser, and I erased it; I just said, \u201cLet\u2019s just never have any of those between us.\u201d\n\nWe prayed later that night, before we went to bed, about a couple that was getting a divorce. He said, \u201cMom, did those people never figure out how to get rid of the bricks?\u201d\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Wow.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It was one of those parenting times, Becky, that I\u2019m like, \u201cYes! Yes!\u201d\u2014like: \u201cThey got it.\u201d Now, the next night, it could have been a catastrophe; but you just relish\/it felt like a miracle in the mundane. Every day feels so mundane at times, but it felt like this miracle happened in the midst of it.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s the beauty of the teenagers\u2014and parents, too\u2014it can be really up and down, and like a rollercoaster; but it\u2019s sweet when you get there with them. They\u2019re amazing.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes; and that idea came to you after you prayed and asked God.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. I prayed and asked God for wisdom.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>That\u2019s so creative!\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And He does that! That\u2019s not me; I don\u2019t have that in me, but God does.\n\n<strong>Becky: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It is easy for us to forget\u2014in the moment\/in the challenges of parenting\u2014the lifeline that is available to us in prayer. I think of the old hymn that says:\n\nO what peace we often forfeit,\n\nO what needless pain we bear,\n\nAll because we do not carry\n\nEverything to God in prayer.\n\nDave and Ann Wilson have been talking today to Becky Baudouin about some of the crazy things that moms hear\u2014well-intentioned\u2014but they still sound a little crazy in the moment. Becky has written a book called <em>Enjoy Every Minute: And Other Ridiculous Things We Say to Moms<\/em>. We\u2019re making her book available today to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, those of you who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife with a donation.\n\nYour donations are the lifeline for us to be able to continue to connect with hundreds of thousands of moms and dads every day. You are providing ongoing discipleship for parents, for married couples, for people all around the world, who are coming to FamilyLife, looking for practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and for their family. Every donation helps us reach more people, more often, with the timeless truth of Scripture. Thanks to those of you who have supported us in the past.\n\nIf you can make a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, Becky Baudouin\u2019s book, <em>Enjoy Every Minute: And Other Ridiculous Things We Say to Moms<\/em>. You can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or the number to call is 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nNow, are the child-raising years [ones] that you set your marriage on the back burner so you can pour yourself into raising your kids? That\u2019s what Dave and Ann Wilson will talk with Becky Baudouin about tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\nOn behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306882","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306882"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306882"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306882"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306882"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306882"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306882"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306882"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}