{"id":306862,"date":"2021-06-01T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-06-01T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/turning-off-the-dark\/"},"modified":"2025-05-13T17:01:17","modified_gmt":"2025-05-13T21:01:17","slug":"turning-off-the-dark","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/turning-off-the-dark\/","title":{"rendered":"Turning Off the Dark"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>In the midst of Christmas preparations for church and wrapping presents, Levi and Jennie Lusko tragically lost their five-year-old daughter. They share with Dave and Ann Wilson how God graciously lit their path to healing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In the midst of Christmas preparations for church and wrapping presents, Levi and Jennie Lusko tragically lost their five-year-old daughter.  They share how God graciously lit their path to healing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-06-01.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:58","filesize":"24.69M","filesize_raw":"25890951","date_recorded":"2021-06-01 07:00:05","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2860,2879,2845],"tags":[4125,2877,2209],"podcast_series":[8445],"cwp_profile":[9712],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306862","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-loss-of-a-child","category-loss-of-a-child-life-issues","tag-loss","tag-marriage","tag-parenting","podcast_series-through-the-eyes-of-a-lion","cwp_profile-levi-and-jennie-lusko","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306862\/turning-off-the-dark","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306862\/turning-off-the-dark","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"3VtqLnmZXF\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/turning-off-the-dark\/\">Turning Off the Dark<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/turning-off-the-dark\/embed\/#?secret=3VtqLnmZXF\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Turning Off the Dark&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"3VtqLnmZXF\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-06-01.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Alright; I want to find out if you ever listened to my sermons.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Of course, I did!<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Thirty years of sermons.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Yes, I have them all memorized!<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> There\u2019s one I used\u2014okay; let\u2019s see if you can finish this line\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> \u201cTrials can make you\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014\u201c\u2026better or bitter.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> There you go; there\u2019s another part to it.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Oh!<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> \u201cTrials can make you better or bitter\u201d\u2014see, look at that! [Laughter] You got half of it\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Um\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> \u2014\u201cThe choice\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014\u201cThe choice is yours\u201d; that\u2019s it!<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Welcome to <i>FamilyLife Today, <\/i>where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> This is <i>FamilyLife Today!<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> So yes, when pain or adversity enters your life, you have a choice.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> And all of us will have pain and adversity.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Dave: <\/b>Yes; and being the Detroit Lions Chaplain for 33 seasons, I knew a lot about pain and loss. [Laughter]<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Anyway, we\u2019ve got a couple with us today\u2014Levi and Jennie Lusko\u2014who\u2019ve written a book.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014several books.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Yes, several books; you\u2019re pastors of Fresh Life Church in Montana; you taught in Wyoming. And who knows?\u2014there are probably other states\u2014because God has really blessed this thing.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>You wrote a book about a painful, excruciating moment in your life as you were starting Fresh Life Church. I guess you were about four or five years old in the church.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014and it\u2019s called <i>Through the Eyes of a Lion.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p>Welcome back to <i>FamilyLife Today, <\/i>you guys.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Thank you!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Thank you so much for having us.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Thank you so much.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> My family grew up in Detroit, actually; both my mom and my dad are from Lansing.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Really?!<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Wow!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes; he moved to Colorado later on in life, which is where I was born. He told me my whole life, \u201cI\u2019m raising you as a Broncos fan, because I don\u2019t want you to have the pain and agony that I did cheering for the Detroit Lions.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Woo!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> So I relate to that.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> That\u2019s a smart man.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> But he still did cheer on Isaiah Thomas and the Pistons.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> There you go!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> I definitely got some Detroit love there. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Yes; that\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Well, take us back to 2012. You were leading Fresh Life Church, and it\u2019s December.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Your church is growing.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Just take us there.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> You have four kids; things are going really well.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> \u20142012.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes; what we like to say is: \u201cIt was the best and the worst of times, at the same time\u201d; because that year was a year of growth for our church. People were getting saved, and we were taking our ministry on the road with tours\u2014you know, evangelistic tours\u2014around the country.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> And even in our own lives, too, I remember specifically\u2014just in my own life\/my own soul\u2014I felt like God was just growing me and growing us in our marriage.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> It was just a year of growth.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> How old were your kids then?<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Alivia was\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> \u2014seven\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie: <\/b>\u2014seven.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi: <\/b>\u2014Lenya was five.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> And then Daisy was two-and-a-half.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi: <\/b>Daisy was 2, and Clover\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Clover was one.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> \u2014was one\/almost one. They were bunched in right there at the bottom.<\/p>\n<p>Yes; beautiful! I mean, lots of fun. We have always had a really fun family life\u2014not to shout out your show\u2014beyond church, we always\/family days. I\u2019ve always loved being a daddy to little girls: daddy-daughter date nights, and fun family days, and all of that.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> You would take the girls, as they got older\u2014you would take them on trips, preaching trips.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes, I had just taken my second-born daughter, Lenya\/our daughter, on her first daddy-daughter trip; we went to Disneyland.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>And then we started our tradition, that we\u2019ve continued every year except for 2020; and that is we would always taking our family vacation on Easter Sunday. We\u2019d finish preaching our last service, and then get on a plane and go somewhere. I\u2019d turn off my phone and my email and not work the whole trip, so all of that. It was the best; we were establishing all of these great rhythms.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Then at Christmas of 2012, Lenya, who was our second-born, had an asthma attack\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> It was five days before Christmas.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> \u2014five days before Christmas. She just stopped breathing\u2014it was inexplicable\u2014out of the normal. She\u2019d had a lot of asthma attacks; but normally, takes medicine, breathes better, and is fine.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Levi has asthma, and our oldest has asthma, too; so it\u2019s kind of a normal part of our life.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> She just stops breathing and starts turning blue. I did CPR; Jennie called 911. We were praying, obviously; and in just a matter of moments, she went from being here to not being here.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Pause right there for a second. This is the most traumatic thing\u2014and the greatest fear every parent has\u2014and you\u2019re living it. As she\u2019s turning blue, Jennie, are you so fearful? Do you think, \u201cShe could die,\u201d\u2014are you thinking that?\u2014or are you thinking, \u201cOh, it will be okay\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Well, I thought she would be okay. We had just finished a date night. Our date nights were on Thursdays\u2014that was kind of our rhythm\u2014and then family days were on Fridays. We had just finished our date night. We came to my mom\u2019s house, pulled up; and literally, in that moment, we were just saying how we were so excited for family day.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>You know, the week before Christmas for church is just crazy! For anyone, it\u2019s crazy; but we just had our schedules <i>packed<\/i> that week. All week, we were like, \u201cOkay, you guys, it\u2019s crazy now; but we\u2019re going to have Friday family day, and we\u2019re going to go ice skating, and we\u2019re going to have a fancy family dinner. Levi was going to take Lenya to go Christmas shopping for her sisters.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>We went into date night, like, \u201cOkay, we just need this\u2014we need time together\u2014and then we\u2019re going to be with our kids.\u201d We rolled up to my mom\u2019s house; literally, Levi was like, \u201cI just feel so relaxed right now.\u201d That\u2019s how we felt.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, I had finished my sermon that day.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Yes, so we were ready for a Fresh Life Christmas; we were ready for Christmas as a family.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I walk in; and my mom is trying to give Lenya her treatment, but she wasn\u2019t taking it. She is sitting on the counter; and then, she just passes out on the kitchen counter. Levi had parked the car; he ran in\u2014he immediately started doing CPR\u2014and we call the paramedics. That whole time\/in that moment, I\u2019m just praying; and I\u2019m crying out to God, and saying, \u201cLenya, it\u2019s okay. It\u2019s going to be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The paramedics come in, and Levi goes with her; they take her away. I\u2019m with the other girls in the other room, and I\u2019m just holding them. I\u2019m not thinking that she has died; I\u2019m not thinking that I just said, \u201cGoodbye,\u201d to her\u2014I\u2019m not thinking those things\u2014I\u2019m literally thinking, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay. It\u2019s going to be okay. It <i>has<\/i> to be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then my brother drives me to the hospital, where Levi and I are sitting in that little waiting room. The doctor comes in; and then, all of a sudden, we\u2019re hearing what no parent wants to hear\u2014what no one wants to hear\u2014or is in their nightmares; he says, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Lusko. There\u2019s nothing more that we can do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re like, \u201cWhat?!\u201d We were just in shock. They bring us in, and it\u2019s just the hardest thing ever.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> It was terrible.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Our automatic response\u2014obviously, we were just in shock and crying\u2014we each hold one of her hands. It was almost immediate; I don\u2019t even think we knew what we were doing\u2014but we just raised our other hands\u2014and we were saying, \u201cGod, You gave us Lenya; and we give her back to You.\u201d There was just that moment of like worshiping in the weeping; and acknowledging God in the heartache, and the heartbreak, and the shock, and the terror, and the horrors.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, even just looking back, it\u2019s like, \u201cI don\u2019t even know\/I don\u2019t even know how we did it. I don\u2019t know; but God was there with us in our deepest pain.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> I mean, that image of you\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Ohh!<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> \u2014with your arms up is not what you would expect a parent to be able to do in that darkness. Like you just said, \u201cHow in the world was that your response?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> A lot of what came to my mind in that moment was Lenya\u2019s baby dedication. You know, we had dedicated her to God, as parents, early on. In our church, we bring parents up, and they stand on the stage, and they hold the baby. With the pastor there, they say, \u201cWe\u2019re going to recognize God in this child\u2019s life as long as they\u2019re here. Babies are on loan; they\u2019re gifts from God. We\u2019re here to be stewards, not owners.\u201d You\u2019re essentially saying, \u201cThis isn\u2019t my child; this is God\u2019s child, and I want to raise this child to know Jesus.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I remember seeing her in the hospital\u2014that was one of the first images that popped into my head\u2014I remember, when we were praying, we said, \u201cGod, we dedicated her to You when you gave her to us, and now we give her back to You as You\u2019ve taken her home.\u201d We weren\u2019t like super-human in our faith\u2014we were broken, and we were devastated, and we were suffering, and we were in agony\u2014<i>but<\/i> I can also say that God gave us peace that passes understanding. In the midst of that agony, we truly felt a sense of: \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay,\u201d\u2014and God\u2014\u201cI\u2019m here with you through this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> So how do you walk out to your car?<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> The worst!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes, it was hard. We looked at the empty car seat. We looked at\u2014you know, it was all\/the timing of it was all so capricious\u2014I mean, there\u2019s no <i>good <\/i>day to lose a child; but to have gifts under the Christmas tree with her name on them\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Oh!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> \u2014her stocking was on the fireplace. There were a million things about it that were just so <i>cruel<\/i>. To have a child die is like having memories taken from you\u2014that you\u2019ve already thought about and enjoyed so you almost feel like they\u2019re already yours\u2014but then having them snatched from you. You know, you fantasize about your child\u2019s high school graduation, walking them down the aisle; you know, there are so many benchmarks. To this day, in our pantry, there are\/all of our kids have little tick marks with the date by them, and Lenya\u2019s stopped; everyone\u2019s getting older but her.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>All of that\u2019s in your mind when you look in the rearview mirror and you see an empty car seat. We looked at that; and we just thought, \u201cThis is not happening!\u201d But at the same time\u2014and again, it\u2019s like a split screen\u2014because then Jennie reminded me that we should go back and invite the people in the hospital to church.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Yes, Jennie! How does <i>that<\/i> happen?<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> This is right outside the hospital?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes, in the parking lot.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Yes; this is you walk outside; you had just left the hospital, and Jennie said, \u201cLevi, you have to go back in\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, I had already shifted to reverse.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Ann: <\/b>Really?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi: <\/b>She goes, \u201cHold on; you need to go back in and invite those people to church.\u201d It was just natural; it\u2019s just part of our rhythms. You know, you don\u2019t build a church by telling people to invite their friends. You build a church by inviting everybody that you meet to come to church. It\u2019s not weird or icky evangelism; it\u2019s just a natural overflow of: \u201cWe\u2019ve seen Jesus, and we want to tell people about Jesus.\u201d We always had little cards or invites we could use to invite people. Now, it\u2019s through our website or Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; right? But we would say, \u201cHey, come to church on Sunday!\u201d\u2014you know?<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> And even, both Alivia and Lenya had little purses that they would always put little treasures in. After she went to heaven, we found Lenya\u2019s purse. She had her little mini-Bible, and she had invitations to Fresh Life Christmas and bracelets.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know exactly what came over me. All I know\u2014we had spent\/I don\u2019t even know how long in the room with Lenya\u2014but I know that it was the hardest thing to leave. We were walking out, and we should have been carrying her with us; she was supposed to come with us. Leaving the room, and leaving the hospital\u2014[emotion in voice]\u2014our daughters were all asleep; they were in the car.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Just looking back, and seeing Lenya\u2019s empty\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014I had invitations in the car; because even going through the drive-thru or whatever, we would just always\u2014I was like, \u201cThose people just were there for us on our worst day; we just need to invite them to come to church.\u201d So Levi went in and invited them.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, I was crying, and I was, you know, a hot mess. But I said, \u201cThank you for everything.\u201d I said, \u201cWe\u2019re having Christmas services, and we would love to invite you to come.\u201d I said, \u201cI spent all day working on my message, and this all happened; but if you\u2019ll come, I\u2019m still going to be there. If you guys would come in my daughter\u2019s honor, we would love to have you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Several of them did end up coming, which is beautiful. We heard afterwards that some of them made faith decisions.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Wow.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> It\u2019s just fantastic; it\u2019s how God does. God takes the hard things we go through, and He uses them for good\u2014right?\u2014if you don\u2019t get bitter, you get better. You know, none of us get to choose what we face; but we <i>all<\/i> get to choose how we\u2019re going to respond to it.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Well, as I listen to you guys, what I think is: \u201cThose things happened because it was a natural overflow of how God had already filled you. You were <i>filled<\/i> with Him; you\u2019re filled with His Spirit. Even though you\u2019re in the most devastating experience that you could ever walk through, you\u2019re still filled with Him. Jesus always has His eyes on His people; He\u2019s always loving them. Even your response of worship in the midst of suffering and pain is just\u2014you know who your Father is, and you trust Him. That says a lot about your walk with God and your perspective of how much He loves you and He loves your girls.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>It reminds me of hearing Tony Evans, years ago, when I was in my 20s, I think. He talked about building our foundation. You say something like this in your book; but he says, \u201cYou don\u2019t see people pouring the foundation in the middle of the storm. They\u2019re building the foundation when the skies are clear because, when the storm comes later, the foundation will last.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, you know, you\u2019ve got to train for the trial you\u2019re not yet in\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Yes!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> \u2014that\u2019s the thing.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> I <i>love<\/i> how you said that.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> But I don\u2019t think you ever know when you\u2019re in that season, and when you\u2019re potentially doing what\u2019s foolish or wise. Jesus said, \u201cWhen the storms come, you find out if it\u2019s sand or rock.\u201d We\u2019re all, right now, determining how we\u2019re going to respond to our darkest day.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Right.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> You know, I\u2019m a dad; I\u2019m a pastor. I\u2019m not sure I could preach after that, that Christmas. You know, I think it would be very easy to say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to take this year off.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> And people would understand.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> How were you able to preach, and did you write a new message?\u2014or was it the message you already wrote?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, you\u2019ll recall I spent that <i>day<\/i> writing that sermon.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> And you know, I always say this: \u201cI want to be really careful, because I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any value in playing hurt or faking fine,\u201d as my friend, Esther Allen, likes to say. She wrote that book, <i>No More Faking Fine.<\/i> There\u2019s definitely nothing noble about: \u201cI pulled my hamstring, but I\u2019m going to keep playing.\u201d You can do severe injury if you do that.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Right.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> So that\u2019s the disclaimer.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I did take time off; I took a month off preaching <i>after <\/i>that weekend. But I felt like I didn\u2019t know any other way through it than that. I wrote the sermon. It was my way to honor her. I promised those people in the hospital, so there was really never any question that I was going to. I tweaked the ending of the message and worked, of course, the conquering of death into the story. Getting up and doing that, I think, was my gift.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, most kids have the obligation of stewarding their parents\u2019 legacy. God gave us the backwards responsibility of honoring and stewarding our daughter\u2019s legacy. We just have kind of, from the beginning, intended not to miss a moment in that journey.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Well, I know the title; I don\u2019t know the content of your message. I think it was \u201cTurn Off the Dark\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> What did that mean?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Jesus, in John, Chapter 1, is the Light of the world. I had always thought about you turn <i>on <\/i>a light. If you turn on light, you\u2019re turning off dark. The action of turning off the dark, which was inspired by the <i>Spiderman<\/i> Broadway play, was this epiphany that, when Jesus came at Christmas, it was God\u2019s attempt to turn off darkness. That was what I had spent the whole day kind of writing. You know how it is\u2014when you get a good idea, and it kind of works, you reek a moment of Archimedes in the bathtub, where you\u2019re almost ready to run through the streets naked\u2014you\u2019re so excited about your sermon that you wrote. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t always happen; but when it does come in that bolt of inspiration, it\u2019s wonderful! That was how that sermon was given to me. It was all kind of full circle. There were 3,000 people in the church at that point, but I think 6,000 people came to that Christmas Eve service. You know, it was amazing to get to honor Jesus and my daughter in that moment.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Finally, I\u2019d love to know your perspective on\u2014you know, we said at the beginning, \u201cTrials can make you better or make you bitter,\u201d\u2014in some ways, this sounds so trite in this situation. Yes\u2014when you have a flat tire or the meeting gets canceled\u2014yes, they can make you better; but when you\u2019re going through the devastation that you have\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014the valley.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> \u2014there are families listening, who have lost a loved one\u2014maybe a son, or a daughter, or a spouse\u2014how is it that God can meet you in that moment? How does He do that?\u2014because you\u2019ve experienced it.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, we just want to be really careful to not, you know, come in with our experience. People hearing this, it could feel so insensitive to say, \u201cYou know what? You\u2019re going to be fine. God\u2019s making you better,\u201d\u2014and you know, like you said, give some kind of pat answer.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Our experience, though, is that everything Jesus said in Matthew, Chapter 5, has been proved in the fire: \u201cBlessed are the broken-hearted\u2026\u201d \u201cBlessed are those who mourn\u2026\u201d \u201cBlessed are those who hunger; they will be filled.\u201d \u201c\u2026. they will be comforted,\u201d \u201c\u2026theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d There is a reward in suffering. That reward is: God does come near; He is near to the broken-hearted in a unique way. I really believe, if you don\u2019t harden your heart\u2014if you open up your heart to God being there\u2014there is a unique treasure that\u2019s available to you in the midst of suffering that is, honestly, an honor.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know how to say this any other way than this\u2014so I\u2019ll just say it\u2014\u201cIf I could have what God has given to us in this suffering without going through it, I would still want it. I would want every good thing that He has given to us in this, because it is so good. There is such a nearness of His Spirit and a depth that you can\u2019t get outside of being put into a crucible. It\u2019s why Paul said to the Philippians: \u201cTo you it\u2019s been entrusted with the grace of, not only believing in Jesus, but to suffer for His name.\u201d That could sound so cruel!\u2014\u201cMan, you guys are given the great gift of suffering!\u201d But they would say, \u201cYou\u2019re right, Paul; it is a gift to suffer for Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Yes, it\u2019s hard though; because we wish that she was still with us. We don\u2019t want to say, \u201cOh, people gave their lives to Christ! Since Lenya went to heaven, all these people know God\u2019s love!\u201d\u2014yes, that is true; and that\u2019s amazing\u2014but we miss her! It has hurt so much. It has been, especially in those early days, and then kind of randomly and sporadically after, where it\u2019s just that weight heavy on your chest. It\u2019s hard to breathe; you almost have to just trust God for the next breath.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, we believe that God has entrusted us with this pain; but reciprocating it is us trusting Him in the little moments and trusting Him when it hurts so much, and trusting Him that He\u2019s at work. He Himself said: \u201cMy ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. My ways are higher than yours.\u201d So trusting Him that He is good and that He loves us. Even His Word\/the Bible says, \u201cTo be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.\u201d Our worst day was actually Lenya\u2019s glorious day.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014best day; yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> The tension, even with that, of the suffering and the pain that we have experienced\u2014but not for her\u2014that tension of knowing that hope that we have in Christ, that one day\u2014Lenya will not come back to us; and we won\u2019t get to experience her as a 13-year-old and as a senior in high school; our daughters are growing up with the void of their sister\u2014however, we have our <i>hope <\/i>in Christ\u2014we have the hope that, because we\u2019ve placed our faith in Christ, and because to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, there\u2019s going to be a day, where all of this\/we won\u2019t even remember it because of the <i>joy <\/i>that we\u2019ll have when we\u2019re with Jesus together, face to face.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s just always that tension of the heartache, and the pain, and the anger; but also the joy, and the privilege, and the honor to get to serve God in this way, and to love God in this way, and to steward this.<\/p>\n<p><b>Bob: <\/b>Anyone who has experienced the kind of pain and suffering that Levi and Jennie talked about today with Dave and Ann Wilson knows that\u2019s a wound that takes time to heal. Apart from God\u2019s grace, that wound can become infected. Levi has written about the loss of their daughter in a book called <i>Through the Eyes of a Lion: Facing Impossible Pain, Finding Incredible Power.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve got that book in our <i>FamilyLife Today <\/i>Resource Center. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Again, the title of the book is <i>Through the Eyes of a Lion: Facing Impossible Pain, Finding Incredible Power. <\/i>Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We want to take a minute today to say a great big \u201cThank you,\u201d to so many of you who, over the last month, have gotten in touch with us, either online or by phone, and made a generous donation to help support the ongoing ministry of <i>FamilyLife Today. <\/i>As many of you know, there was a matching-gift opportunity made available to us during the month of May. So many of you responded; we are so grateful for that!<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>We are still tabulating everything\u2014still have some donations coming in through the mail\u2014so I don\u2019t have the final results on that at this point; but we do want to say, \u201cThank you.\u201d Your support is what makes, not only <i>FamilyLife Today <\/i>possible, but it makes all that we do here, at FamilyLife, possible: the events, the resources, our website, the global outreach of this ministry. Your donations fuel the work of effectively developing godly marriages and families, so thank you for your support during the month of May. Thank you to our Legacy Partners, who support us, month in and month out, and make this daily radio program possible for all of us. Please continue to pray for the ministry of FamilyLife, going forward. We appreciate your support, and we appreciate you joining us for this program each day.<\/p>\n<p>And we hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow. Dave and Ann Wilson will continue a conversation with Levi and Jennie Lusko, talking about how God met them in the midst of the pain they were experiencing when their daughter died unexpectedly. I hope you can tune in for that.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs? <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a> <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:58"],"show_notes":["<ul>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. 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the midst of Christmas preparations for church and wrapping presents, Levi and Jennie Lusko tragically lost their five-year-old daughter. They share how God graciously lit their path to healing.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"","transcript_content":"<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Alright; I want to find out if you ever listened to my sermons.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Of course, I did!<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Thirty years of sermons.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Yes, I have them all memorized!<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> There\u2019s one I used\u2014okay; let\u2019s see if you can finish this line\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> \u201cTrials can make you\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014\u201c\u2026better or bitter.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> There you go; there\u2019s another part to it.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Oh!<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> \u201cTrials can make you better or bitter\u201d\u2014see, look at that! [Laughter] You got half of it\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Um\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> \u2014\u201cThe choice\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014\u201cThe choice is yours\u201d; that\u2019s it!<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Welcome to <i>FamilyLife Today, <\/i>where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> This is <i>FamilyLife Today!<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> So yes, when pain or adversity enters your life, you have a choice.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> And all of us will have pain and adversity.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Dave: <\/b>Yes; and being the Detroit Lions Chaplain for 33 seasons, I knew a lot about pain and loss. [Laughter]<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Anyway, we\u2019ve got a couple with us today\u2014Levi and Jennie Lusko\u2014who\u2019ve written a book.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014several books.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Yes, several books; you\u2019re pastors of Fresh Life Church in Montana; you taught in Wyoming. And who knows?\u2014there are probably other states\u2014because God has really blessed this thing.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>You wrote a book about a painful, excruciating moment in your life as you were starting Fresh Life Church. I guess you were about four or five years old in the church.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014and it\u2019s called <i>Through the Eyes of a Lion.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p>Welcome back to <i>FamilyLife Today, <\/i>you guys.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Thank you!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Thank you so much for having us.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Thank you so much.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> My family grew up in Detroit, actually; both my mom and my dad are from Lansing.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Really?!<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Wow!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes; he moved to Colorado later on in life, which is where I was born. He told me my whole life, \u201cI\u2019m raising you as a Broncos fan, because I don\u2019t want you to have the pain and agony that I did cheering for the Detroit Lions.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Woo!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> So I relate to that.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> That\u2019s a smart man.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> But he still did cheer on Isaiah Thomas and the Pistons.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> There you go!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> I definitely got some Detroit love there. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Yes; that\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Well, take us back to 2012. You were leading Fresh Life Church, and it\u2019s December.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Your church is growing.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Just take us there.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> You have four kids; things are going really well.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> \u20142012.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes; what we like to say is: \u201cIt was the best and the worst of times, at the same time\u201d; because that year was a year of growth for our church. People were getting saved, and we were taking our ministry on the road with tours\u2014you know, evangelistic tours\u2014around the country.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> And even in our own lives, too, I remember specifically\u2014just in my own life\/my own soul\u2014I felt like God was just growing me and growing us in our marriage.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> It was just a year of growth.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> How old were your kids then?<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Alivia was\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> \u2014seven\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie: <\/b>\u2014seven.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi: <\/b>\u2014Lenya was five.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> And then Daisy was two-and-a-half.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi: <\/b>Daisy was 2, and Clover\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Clover was one.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> \u2014was one\/almost one. They were bunched in right there at the bottom.<\/p>\n<p>Yes; beautiful! I mean, lots of fun. We have always had a really fun family life\u2014not to shout out your show\u2014beyond church, we always\/family days. I\u2019ve always loved being a daddy to little girls: daddy-daughter date nights, and fun family days, and all of that.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> You would take the girls, as they got older\u2014you would take them on trips, preaching trips.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes, I had just taken my second-born daughter, Lenya\/our daughter, on her first daddy-daughter trip; we went to Disneyland.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>And then we started our tradition, that we\u2019ve continued every year except for 2020; and that is we would always taking our family vacation on Easter Sunday. We\u2019d finish preaching our last service, and then get on a plane and go somewhere. I\u2019d turn off my phone and my email and not work the whole trip, so all of that. It was the best; we were establishing all of these great rhythms.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Then at Christmas of 2012, Lenya, who was our second-born, had an asthma attack\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> It was five days before Christmas.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> \u2014five days before Christmas. She just stopped breathing\u2014it was inexplicable\u2014out of the normal. She\u2019d had a lot of asthma attacks; but normally, takes medicine, breathes better, and is fine.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Levi has asthma, and our oldest has asthma, too; so it\u2019s kind of a normal part of our life.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> She just stops breathing and starts turning blue. I did CPR; Jennie called 911. We were praying, obviously; and in just a matter of moments, she went from being here to not being here.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Pause right there for a second. This is the most traumatic thing\u2014and the greatest fear every parent has\u2014and you\u2019re living it. As she\u2019s turning blue, Jennie, are you so fearful? Do you think, \u201cShe could die,\u201d\u2014are you thinking that?\u2014or are you thinking, \u201cOh, it will be okay\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Well, I thought she would be okay. We had just finished a date night. Our date nights were on Thursdays\u2014that was kind of our rhythm\u2014and then family days were on Fridays. We had just finished our date night. We came to my mom\u2019s house, pulled up; and literally, in that moment, we were just saying how we were so excited for family day.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>You know, the week before Christmas for church is just crazy! For anyone, it\u2019s crazy; but we just had our schedules <i>packed<\/i> that week. All week, we were like, \u201cOkay, you guys, it\u2019s crazy now; but we\u2019re going to have Friday family day, and we\u2019re going to go ice skating, and we\u2019re going to have a fancy family dinner. Levi was going to take Lenya to go Christmas shopping for her sisters.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>We went into date night, like, \u201cOkay, we just need this\u2014we need time together\u2014and then we\u2019re going to be with our kids.\u201d We rolled up to my mom\u2019s house; literally, Levi was like, \u201cI just feel so relaxed right now.\u201d That\u2019s how we felt.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, I had finished my sermon that day.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Yes, so we were ready for a Fresh Life Christmas; we were ready for Christmas as a family.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I walk in; and my mom is trying to give Lenya her treatment, but she wasn\u2019t taking it. She is sitting on the counter; and then, she just passes out on the kitchen counter. Levi had parked the car; he ran in\u2014he immediately started doing CPR\u2014and we call the paramedics. That whole time\/in that moment, I\u2019m just praying; and I\u2019m crying out to God, and saying, \u201cLenya, it\u2019s okay. It\u2019s going to be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The paramedics come in, and Levi goes with her; they take her away. I\u2019m with the other girls in the other room, and I\u2019m just holding them. I\u2019m not thinking that she has died; I\u2019m not thinking that I just said, \u201cGoodbye,\u201d to her\u2014I\u2019m not thinking those things\u2014I\u2019m literally thinking, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay. It\u2019s going to be okay. It <i>has<\/i> to be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then my brother drives me to the hospital, where Levi and I are sitting in that little waiting room. The doctor comes in; and then, all of a sudden, we\u2019re hearing what no parent wants to hear\u2014what no one wants to hear\u2014or is in their nightmares; he says, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Lusko. There\u2019s nothing more that we can do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re like, \u201cWhat?!\u201d We were just in shock. They bring us in, and it\u2019s just the hardest thing ever.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> It was terrible.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Our automatic response\u2014obviously, we were just in shock and crying\u2014we each hold one of her hands. It was almost immediate; I don\u2019t even think we knew what we were doing\u2014but we just raised our other hands\u2014and we were saying, \u201cGod, You gave us Lenya; and we give her back to You.\u201d There was just that moment of like worshiping in the weeping; and acknowledging God in the heartache, and the heartbreak, and the shock, and the terror, and the horrors.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, even just looking back, it\u2019s like, \u201cI don\u2019t even know\/I don\u2019t even know how we did it. I don\u2019t know; but God was there with us in our deepest pain.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> I mean, that image of you\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Ohh!<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> \u2014with your arms up is not what you would expect a parent to be able to do in that darkness. Like you just said, \u201cHow in the world was that your response?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> A lot of what came to my mind in that moment was Lenya\u2019s baby dedication. You know, we had dedicated her to God, as parents, early on. In our church, we bring parents up, and they stand on the stage, and they hold the baby. With the pastor there, they say, \u201cWe\u2019re going to recognize God in this child\u2019s life as long as they\u2019re here. Babies are on loan; they\u2019re gifts from God. We\u2019re here to be stewards, not owners.\u201d You\u2019re essentially saying, \u201cThis isn\u2019t my child; this is God\u2019s child, and I want to raise this child to know Jesus.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I remember seeing her in the hospital\u2014that was one of the first images that popped into my head\u2014I remember, when we were praying, we said, \u201cGod, we dedicated her to You when you gave her to us, and now we give her back to You as You\u2019ve taken her home.\u201d We weren\u2019t like super-human in our faith\u2014we were broken, and we were devastated, and we were suffering, and we were in agony\u2014<i>but<\/i> I can also say that God gave us peace that passes understanding. In the midst of that agony, we truly felt a sense of: \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay,\u201d\u2014and God\u2014\u201cI\u2019m here with you through this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> So how do you walk out to your car?<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> The worst!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes, it was hard. We looked at the empty car seat. We looked at\u2014you know, it was all\/the timing of it was all so capricious\u2014I mean, there\u2019s no <i>good <\/i>day to lose a child; but to have gifts under the Christmas tree with her name on them\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Oh!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> \u2014her stocking was on the fireplace. There were a million things about it that were just so <i>cruel<\/i>. To have a child die is like having memories taken from you\u2014that you\u2019ve already thought about and enjoyed so you almost feel like they\u2019re already yours\u2014but then having them snatched from you. You know, you fantasize about your child\u2019s high school graduation, walking them down the aisle; you know, there are so many benchmarks. To this day, in our pantry, there are\/all of our kids have little tick marks with the date by them, and Lenya\u2019s stopped; everyone\u2019s getting older but her.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>All of that\u2019s in your mind when you look in the rearview mirror and you see an empty car seat. We looked at that; and we just thought, \u201cThis is not happening!\u201d But at the same time\u2014and again, it\u2019s like a split screen\u2014because then Jennie reminded me that we should go back and invite the people in the hospital to church.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Yes, Jennie! How does <i>that<\/i> happen?<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> This is right outside the hospital?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes, in the parking lot.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Yes; this is you walk outside; you had just left the hospital, and Jennie said, \u201cLevi, you have to go back in\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, I had already shifted to reverse.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Ann: <\/b>Really?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi: <\/b>She goes, \u201cHold on; you need to go back in and invite those people to church.\u201d It was just natural; it\u2019s just part of our rhythms. You know, you don\u2019t build a church by telling people to invite their friends. You build a church by inviting everybody that you meet to come to church. It\u2019s not weird or icky evangelism; it\u2019s just a natural overflow of: \u201cWe\u2019ve seen Jesus, and we want to tell people about Jesus.\u201d We always had little cards or invites we could use to invite people. Now, it\u2019s through our website or Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; right? But we would say, \u201cHey, come to church on Sunday!\u201d\u2014you know?<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> And even, both Alivia and Lenya had little purses that they would always put little treasures in. After she went to heaven, we found Lenya\u2019s purse. She had her little mini-Bible, and she had invitations to Fresh Life Christmas and bracelets.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know exactly what came over me. All I know\u2014we had spent\/I don\u2019t even know how long in the room with Lenya\u2014but I know that it was the hardest thing to leave. We were walking out, and we should have been carrying her with us; she was supposed to come with us. Leaving the room, and leaving the hospital\u2014[emotion in voice]\u2014our daughters were all asleep; they were in the car.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Just looking back, and seeing Lenya\u2019s empty\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014I had invitations in the car; because even going through the drive-thru or whatever, we would just always\u2014I was like, \u201cThose people just were there for us on our worst day; we just need to invite them to come to church.\u201d So Levi went in and invited them.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, I was crying, and I was, you know, a hot mess. But I said, \u201cThank you for everything.\u201d I said, \u201cWe\u2019re having Christmas services, and we would love to invite you to come.\u201d I said, \u201cI spent all day working on my message, and this all happened; but if you\u2019ll come, I\u2019m still going to be there. If you guys would come in my daughter\u2019s honor, we would love to have you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Several of them did end up coming, which is beautiful. We heard afterwards that some of them made faith decisions.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Wow.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> It\u2019s just fantastic; it\u2019s how God does. God takes the hard things we go through, and He uses them for good\u2014right?\u2014if you don\u2019t get bitter, you get better. You know, none of us get to choose what we face; but we <i>all<\/i> get to choose how we\u2019re going to respond to it.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Well, as I listen to you guys, what I think is: \u201cThose things happened because it was a natural overflow of how God had already filled you. You were <i>filled<\/i> with Him; you\u2019re filled with His Spirit. Even though you\u2019re in the most devastating experience that you could ever walk through, you\u2019re still filled with Him. Jesus always has His eyes on His people; He\u2019s always loving them. Even your response of worship in the midst of suffering and pain is just\u2014you know who your Father is, and you trust Him. That says a lot about your walk with God and your perspective of how much He loves you and He loves your girls.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>It reminds me of hearing Tony Evans, years ago, when I was in my 20s, I think. He talked about building our foundation. You say something like this in your book; but he says, \u201cYou don\u2019t see people pouring the foundation in the middle of the storm. They\u2019re building the foundation when the skies are clear because, when the storm comes later, the foundation will last.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, you know, you\u2019ve got to train for the trial you\u2019re not yet in\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> Yes!<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> \u2014that\u2019s the thing.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> I <i>love<\/i> how you said that.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> But I don\u2019t think you ever know when you\u2019re in that season, and when you\u2019re potentially doing what\u2019s foolish or wise. Jesus said, \u201cWhen the storms come, you find out if it\u2019s sand or rock.\u201d We\u2019re all, right now, determining how we\u2019re going to respond to our darkest day.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Right.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> You know, I\u2019m a dad; I\u2019m a pastor. I\u2019m not sure I could preach after that, that Christmas. You know, I think it would be very easy to say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to take this year off.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> And people would understand.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> How were you able to preach, and did you write a new message?\u2014or was it the message you already wrote?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, you\u2019ll recall I spent that <i>day<\/i> writing that sermon.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> And you know, I always say this: \u201cI want to be really careful, because I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any value in playing hurt or faking fine,\u201d as my friend, Esther Allen, likes to say. She wrote that book, <i>No More Faking Fine.<\/i> There\u2019s definitely nothing noble about: \u201cI pulled my hamstring, but I\u2019m going to keep playing.\u201d You can do severe injury if you do that.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Right.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> So that\u2019s the disclaimer.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I did take time off; I took a month off preaching <i>after <\/i>that weekend. But I felt like I didn\u2019t know any other way through it than that. I wrote the sermon. It was my way to honor her. I promised those people in the hospital, so there was really never any question that I was going to. I tweaked the ending of the message and worked, of course, the conquering of death into the story. Getting up and doing that, I think, was my gift.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, most kids have the obligation of stewarding their parents\u2019 legacy. God gave us the backwards responsibility of honoring and stewarding our daughter\u2019s legacy. We just have kind of, from the beginning, intended not to miss a moment in that journey.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Well, I know the title; I don\u2019t know the content of your message. I think it was \u201cTurn Off the Dark\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> What did that mean?<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Jesus, in John, Chapter 1, is the Light of the world. I had always thought about you turn <i>on <\/i>a light. If you turn on light, you\u2019re turning off dark. The action of turning off the dark, which was inspired by the <i>Spiderman<\/i> Broadway play, was this epiphany that, when Jesus came at Christmas, it was God\u2019s attempt to turn off darkness. That was what I had spent the whole day kind of writing. You know how it is\u2014when you get a good idea, and it kind of works, you reek a moment of Archimedes in the bathtub, where you\u2019re almost ready to run through the streets naked\u2014you\u2019re so excited about your sermon that you wrote. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t always happen; but when it does come in that bolt of inspiration, it\u2019s wonderful! That was how that sermon was given to me. It was all kind of full circle. There were 3,000 people in the church at that point, but I think 6,000 people came to that Christmas Eve service. You know, it was amazing to get to honor Jesus and my daughter in that moment.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> Finally, I\u2019d love to know your perspective on\u2014you know, we said at the beginning, \u201cTrials can make you better or make you bitter,\u201d\u2014in some ways, this sounds so trite in this situation. Yes\u2014when you have a flat tire or the meeting gets canceled\u2014yes, they can make you better; but when you\u2019re going through the devastation that you have\u2014<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014the valley.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dave:<\/b> \u2014there are families listening, who have lost a loved one\u2014maybe a son, or a daughter, or a spouse\u2014how is it that God can meet you in that moment? How does He do that?\u2014because you\u2019ve experienced it.<\/p>\n<p><b>Levi:<\/b> Well, we just want to be really careful to not, you know, come in with our experience. People hearing this, it could feel so insensitive to say, \u201cYou know what? You\u2019re going to be fine. God\u2019s making you better,\u201d\u2014and you know, like you said, give some kind of pat answer.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Our experience, though, is that everything Jesus said in Matthew, Chapter 5, has been proved in the fire: \u201cBlessed are the broken-hearted\u2026\u201d \u201cBlessed are those who mourn\u2026\u201d \u201cBlessed are those who hunger; they will be filled.\u201d \u201c\u2026. they will be comforted,\u201d \u201c\u2026theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d There is a reward in suffering. That reward is: God does come near; He is near to the broken-hearted in a unique way. I really believe, if you don\u2019t harden your heart\u2014if you open up your heart to God being there\u2014there is a unique treasure that\u2019s available to you in the midst of suffering that is, honestly, an honor.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know how to say this any other way than this\u2014so I\u2019ll just say it\u2014\u201cIf I could have what God has given to us in this suffering without going through it, I would still want it. I would want every good thing that He has given to us in this, because it is so good. There is such a nearness of His Spirit and a depth that you can\u2019t get outside of being put into a crucible. It\u2019s why Paul said to the Philippians: \u201cTo you it\u2019s been entrusted with the grace of, not only believing in Jesus, but to suffer for His name.\u201d That could sound so cruel!\u2014\u201cMan, you guys are given the great gift of suffering!\u201d But they would say, \u201cYou\u2019re right, Paul; it is a gift to suffer for Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> Yes, it\u2019s hard though; because we wish that she was still with us. We don\u2019t want to say, \u201cOh, people gave their lives to Christ! Since Lenya went to heaven, all these people know God\u2019s love!\u201d\u2014yes, that is true; and that\u2019s amazing\u2014but we miss her! It has hurt so much. It has been, especially in those early days, and then kind of randomly and sporadically after, where it\u2019s just that weight heavy on your chest. It\u2019s hard to breathe; you almost have to just trust God for the next breath.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, we believe that God has entrusted us with this pain; but reciprocating it is us trusting Him in the little moments and trusting Him when it hurts so much, and trusting Him that He\u2019s at work. He Himself said: \u201cMy ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. My ways are higher than yours.\u201d So trusting Him that He is good and that He loves us. Even His Word\/the Bible says, \u201cTo be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.\u201d Our worst day was actually Lenya\u2019s glorious day.<\/p>\n<p><b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014best day; yes.<\/p>\n<p><b>Jennie:<\/b> The tension, even with that, of the suffering and the pain that we have experienced\u2014but not for her\u2014that tension of knowing that hope that we have in Christ, that one day\u2014Lenya will not come back to us; and we won\u2019t get to experience her as a 13-year-old and as a senior in high school; our daughters are growing up with the void of their sister\u2014however, we have our <i>hope <\/i>in Christ\u2014we have the hope that, because we\u2019ve placed our faith in Christ, and because to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, there\u2019s going to be a day, where all of this\/we won\u2019t even remember it because of the <i>joy <\/i>that we\u2019ll have when we\u2019re with Jesus together, face to face.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s just always that tension of the heartache, and the pain, and the anger; but also the joy, and the privilege, and the honor to get to serve God in this way, and to love God in this way, and to steward this.<\/p>\n<p><b>Bob: <\/b>Anyone who has experienced the kind of pain and suffering that Levi and Jennie talked about today with Dave and Ann Wilson knows that\u2019s a wound that takes time to heal. Apart from God\u2019s grace, that wound can become infected. Levi has written about the loss of their daughter in a book called <i>Through the Eyes of a Lion: Facing Impossible Pain, Finding Incredible Power.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve got that book in our <i>FamilyLife Today <\/i>Resource Center. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Again, the title of the book is <i>Through the Eyes of a Lion: Facing Impossible Pain, Finding Incredible Power. <\/i>Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We want to take a minute today to say a great big \u201cThank you,\u201d to so many of you who, over the last month, have gotten in touch with us, either online or by phone, and made a generous donation to help support the ongoing ministry of <i>FamilyLife Today. <\/i>As many of you know, there was a matching-gift opportunity made available to us during the month of May. So many of you responded; we are so grateful for that!<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>We are still tabulating everything\u2014still have some donations coming in through the mail\u2014so I don\u2019t have the final results on that at this point; but we do want to say, \u201cThank you.\u201d Your support is what makes, not only <i>FamilyLife Today <\/i>possible, but it makes all that we do here, at FamilyLife, possible: the events, the resources, our website, the global outreach of this ministry. Your donations fuel the work of effectively developing godly marriages and families, so thank you for your support during the month of May. Thank you to our Legacy Partners, who support us, month in and month out, and make this daily radio program possible for all of us. Please continue to pray for the ministry of FamilyLife, going forward. We appreciate your support, and we appreciate you joining us for this program each day.<\/p>\n<p>And we hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow. Dave and Ann Wilson will continue a conversation with Levi and Jennie Lusko, talking about how God met them in the midst of the pain they were experiencing when their daughter died unexpectedly. I hope you can tune in for that.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> is a production of FamilyLife; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs? <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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