{"id":306851,"date":"2021-05-25T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-05-25T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/lessons-about-parenting\/"},"modified":"2021-05-25T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-05-25T11:00:05","slug":"lessons-about-parenting","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lessons-about-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"Lessons About Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Today is Day 2 of Bob Lepine&#8217;s farewell week as co-host for FamilyLife Today.  In this program, Bob shares with Dave and Ann Wilson some of the greatest memories he has from the show on the topic of parenting.<\/p>\n<p>\t\tShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tLearn more about the Single Mom Circle https:\/\/singlemomcircle.com\/<br \/>\n \tDownload FamilyLife&#8217;s new app! https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today is Day 2 of Bob Lepine&#8217;s farewell week as co-host for FamilyLife Today.  In this program, Bob shares with Dave and Ann Wilson some of the greatest memories he has from the show on the topic of parenting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-05-25.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:31:15","filesize":"28.61M","filesize_raw":"29995311","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806],"tags":[5442,2209],"podcast_series":[8444],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306851","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","tag-memories","tag-parenting","podcast_series-28-lessons-from-28-years","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306851\/lessons-about-parenting","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306851\/lessons-about-parenting","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"TS49tDGI1Y\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lessons-about-parenting\/\">Lessons About Parenting<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lessons-about-parenting\/embed\/#?secret=TS49tDGI1Y\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Lessons About Parenting&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"TS49tDGI1Y\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":[""],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-05-25.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Tuesday, May 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys remember Casey Kasem; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Casey Kasem and the Top Forty!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I always wanted to be Casey Kasem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You would be really good at that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You could have been Casey Kasem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I would love to countdown the hits\u2014you know, the Top Forty\u2014and sharing the little insights into songs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Come on! Just give us your radio voice of what you think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThis is Casey Kasem, and we\u2019re counting down the hits on America\u2019s Top Forty\u201d; right? I always wanted to do something like that! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, this is my week. This week, we\u2019re counting down the top 28\u2014not the top 40\u2014the top 28. We\u2019re counting down the 28 things I\u2019ve learned from <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>over 28 years from the guests we\u2019ve had\/from the conversations that have gone on. We\u2019re wrapping things up here this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, why are you doing this, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is the last week that I\u2019ll be on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>as a co-host with you guys. You guys will take it from here. And we thought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You are irreplaceable!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, you are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So we will not try to replace you, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014we will honor your legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I know you will. I mean, there\u2019s a confidence that, what has been begun here, you guys are just going to carry it in the same direction; so that\u2019s what we\u2019re all excited about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe thought, here in this last week, let\u2019s just kind of run through some of the things that have been highlights: some of the things that have marked my life, my marriage, my family as I\u2019ve been\/I\u2019ve listened to every <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>program. There aren\u2019t many people who can say that; but because I was here, I listened to all of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve already talked about the marriage ideas that have marked us. I thought we ought to focus in now on parenting. So here are the top truths about parenting from the last 28 years for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one came in a conversation we had with our mutual friend, Tim Kimmel, who had just written his book, <em>Grace-Based Parenting. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> One of my favorite parenting books!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a great book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tim was talking about the fact that most of us, as parents\u2014you guys talk about this in your book, <em>No Perfect Parents; <\/em>you talk about the fact that a lot of parents\u2014are focused on the wrong priorities as they raise their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s how Tim talked about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> It is real easy to fall into the success trap when it comes to raising our kids. We are Western people; we\u2019re running everything around us through Western filters. As Americans, in a capitalistic society, we have a bad habit of measuring success by things that can be quantified in ways that are beneficial to us:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014like financial?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u2014financial,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014education.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u2014education, where we live.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying those are the harbors that parents are headed toward today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes; I can make this really simple. When you pin down a typical Christian parent\u2014and I\u2019ve pinned a lot of them down; talked with thousands of them over the years and you just have this real heart to heart\u2014\u201cOkay, now, you\u2019re spending 18-20 years\u2014a ton of sweat labor, a bunch of money; putting some serious miles on your body, losing a lot of sleep, crying a lot of tears\u2014that\u2019s a lot of effort! What do you hope happens as a result of all your efforts?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, they might say something nice like, \u201cWell, I hope they have a heart for God.\u201d That\u2019s nice; I\u2019m sure they mean that; but what you go by is\u2014not what they\u2019re saying at that moment\u2014but what they\u2019re doing on a day-to-day basis as far as emphasizing the values of that child in their future.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> When you really, actually play that one out, you hear something like this: \u201cWell, I hope they get a good job.\u201d Now, we\u2019ve got the word, \u201cgood\u201d in front of job. How would I know it\u2019s a <em>good<\/em> job?\u2014usually, that\u2019s defined by one that pays well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u201cWhy do they need all this money?\u201d \u201cWell, life is expensive; and I want them to have opportunities and live in a good, safe neighborhood.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, that\u2019s why I think education is so sovereign now in parents\u2019 minds. They think that the most important thing you do is give your kid a good education, because that is the pipeline to a good job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember that day. I remember walking out of the studio that day and thinking, \u201cI\u2019m doing that as a parent. I\u2019m focused on: \u2018How are my kids\u2019 grades?\u2019 \u2018I want them to be happy,\u2019 \u2018I want them to do well in relationships.\u2019\u201d These are not unimportant things; but I thought, \u201cHow much time and effort am I spending on their spiritual development, which is really what\u2019s going to matter more than any of the rest of this stuff?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The first time I heard this, too, it stopped me in my tracks. I realized the same thing, Bob: \u201cWe\u2019re doing this all wrong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWe need to shift our mindset.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We want our kids to thrive; we want them to have friends; we want them to do well in school\u2014again, those aren\u2019t unimportant things\u2014but that\u2019s what was <em>driving<\/em> me, as a parent, rather than saying,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cLet\u2019s make sure that they\u2019re going to thrive, spiritually, when it\u2019s time for them to launch.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that brings to mind another message we featured on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>I had a colleague, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> who brought me a cassette tape; and he said, \u201cYou need to listen to this guy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which tells you how long ago that was!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was years ago! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was on a drive up into north central Arkansas\u2014a couple-hour drive\u2014and I took that cassette along. I popped it in. I remember driving at night, listening to this, and going, \u201c<em>This <\/em>is so good!\u201d It was a message\/the first message I\u2019d ever heard from Voddie Baucham, who later became a guest, and has been with us at a number of events. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVoddie was talking about the fact that, according to Ephesians 6\u2014where it talks about: \u201cFathers, don\u2019t exasperate your children,\u201d \u201cChildren, obey your parents,\u201d\u2014he was making the point that discipleship is our number-one priority as parents. It\u2019s similar to the point Tim Kimmel was making; but he was just driving it home that, biblically, we\u2019re the ones, at the end of the day, that God is going to come and say, \u201cHow did you disciple your kids?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we say: \u201cWell, I subbed that out to the youth group,\u201d or \u201cI subbed that out to the Christian school,\u201d He will say, \u201cBut I put you in charge of that.\u201d Here\u2019s how Voddie talked about that in that message that we wound up featuring on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Voddie:<\/strong> How about a plain, black-and-white, straightforward word?\u2014verse 4: \u201cAnd fathers\/and fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.\u201d It doesn\u2019t get clearer than that, folks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience:<\/strong> Amen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Voddie:<\/strong> The context of this passage says the home is central in the evangelism and discipleship of the next generation. The fact that he points to the Fifth Commandment <em>screams<\/em> that the home is <em>central <\/em>in the evangelism and discipleship of the next generation! And then, in case we didn\u2019t get those two hints, he says it in black-and-white: \u201cFathers, disciple your children,\u201d\u2014fathers!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we believe this, then why is it that we\u2019ve done everything in our power <em>not <\/em>to allow that to happen? I hear you\u2014we go back to this whole thing; I understand that\u2014\u201cThey\u2019re just not equipped!\u201d \u201cThey just don\u2019t know!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what\u2019s interesting: if the people in your church are not tithing, you don\u2019t start a ministry to tithe for them; do you? [Laughter] No; you simply teach them and expect them to do what the Bible says is <em>their <\/em>job! If it works for tithing, why don\u2019t we think it will work for the discipleship of the next generation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That will preach; don\u2019t you think?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, boy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I get riled up just listening to him. He\u2019s such a good preacher.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and it\u2019s such a great reminder for me, as I\u2019m listening to that, to go: \u201cThis is my job! I can subcontract some parts of this job, but I\u2019m the general contractor.\u201d When I stand before the Lord, and He says, \u201cOkay, tell me about your kids and what you did with your kids?\u201d I can\u2019t say, \u201cWell, I subbed that out, Lord.\u201d He\u2019s going to say, \u201cBut that was on you!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat message was, again, a part of that wake-up call for me: \u201cI have a responsibility here, before God, to bring my kids up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it\u2019s <em>so <\/em>critical, because the research\u2014even decades later from Voddie talking about that\u2014says that a lot of teenagers and college kids are going to walk away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They grew up in a church\u2014they were in the youth group; they were sub-contracted out for the spiritual development in their lives\u2014and they walk away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe ones, that don\u2019t walk away, come home from church to a family that\u2019s doing what Voddie said;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and that helps it stick! It\u2019s that critical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I paid my children five dollars to memorize the Lord\u2019s Prayer. [Laughter] I paid them five dollars to memorize the Apostles\u2019 Creed. I mean\u2014things that I looked at and said, \u201cMy kids need to know this stuff,\u201d\u2014I would pay them money to read a book and write a book report on it. This was their spiritual development, and I was responsible for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So you\u2019re saying bribery is okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Absolutely! [Laughter] I was: \u201cThe laborer is worthy of his hire.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s what I was doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s another principle\u2014and we don\u2019t have a clip for this one\u2014but Ted Tripp, who wrote the book, <em>Shepherding a Child\u2019s Heart<\/em>: the big idea of that book was something that, again, was a wake-up call for me. Ted Tripp says most parents are focused on behavior modification when it comes to your kids. You want your kids to stop doing these things; and start doing these other things; and just, \u201cAct right! [Laughter] If they will just act right!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said we\u2019ve got to be more concerned about their heart than we are about their behavior, because behavior will eventually flow out of the heart. Kids can put on the fake behavior that\u2019s going to skate through for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014especially church kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re not addressing heart motivation and heart attitude, you\u2019re going to wind up with little hypocrites. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s another principle; this came from an early interview we did with Josh McDowell. In fact, I think it was the first time I met Josh. Dennis had known Josh for years; because Josh is a part of Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; Dennis is a part of Cru. Well, he\u2019d written a book on parenting, and we sat down with him. He said two things in the interview on parenting that I\u2019ve quoted dozens of times over the years. We\u2019re going to hear him say both of those right now. Here we are with Josh McDowell, years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh:<\/strong> Well, I am convinced that rules without relationship lead to rebellion. One of the best ways to give rules to our kids is when there\u2019s a foundation of love: they know they\u2019re accepted, appreciated, they\u2019re lovable; [there\u2019s] affection, and [you\u2019re] available to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a statement that I learned about 12 years ago is that I used to make the statement\u2014when people asked me about my family\u2014and I said, \u201cLook, my family comes before my ministry.\u201d About 12 years ago, I realized that is one of the most ungodly statements I could ever make! If I truly believed that statement, I was headed for trouble; and I would lose my family. When I got older, I wouldn\u2019t have my children coming to me or my wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod humbled me. About 12 years ago, I realized my family\u2014I must <em>never <\/em>let my family come before my ministry; because the moment I do, then I should l leave the ministry\u2014my family <em>does not <\/em>come before my ministry; my family <em>is<\/em> my first ministry!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Two big ideas there: rules without relationship will lead to rebellion, and I could see that in my kids. I was always just aware: \u201cI\u2019ve got to make sure I\u2019m focused on the relationship, and not just focused on the rules,\u201d\u2014and then secondly\u2014\u201cMy number-one ministry is to my family, and I can\u2019t let my job\/I can\u2019t let anything get in front of that in the priority structure.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That is so good! Those are two of our main principles, too. We\u2019ve probably quoted [them] several times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dennis used to say all the time: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to make sure that the bridge of the relationship with your kids is intact. You can carry a truckload of truth across that bridge. But if the bridge is out, everything goes down.\u201d If that relationship is not intact, everything goes south. You keep that relationship intact, and you can carry all kinds of things across that bridge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember an interview we did with Michael and Hayley DiMarco, maybe a decade ago. Michael said something in this interview that stopped me in my tracks. He said that most of us, as parents, are teaching our children how to be sin-avoiders and sin-concealers. He said, \u201cWe\u2019re teaching them: \u2018Don\u2019t do this; and if I find out you did it, you\u2019re going to be in real trouble,\u201d\u2014so: \u201cAvoid it; and when you stumble, don\u2019t tell me, or you\u2019ll get in trouble.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cInstead, we need to be teaching our kids how to be sin-confessors and sin-repenters.\u201d I thought, \u201cI\u2019ve been teaching my kids how to be sin-avoiders and sin-concealers rather than modeling for them and showing them what confession and repentance looks like.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s how Michael said it in that interview.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>Family Life Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> We\u2019re kind of crazy. We want our home\u2014and we want our relationship with our daughter\u2014to be one, where we create a culture in our home, where the whole culture of our home is centered around learning how to rebound from sin instead of having a relationship\u2014a parent\/child relationship\u2014where it\u2019s all about sin avoidance and sin concealment because we\u2019re afraid of the consequences. We want to be the first place that she comes when she messes up. We want to help her learn how to rebound from sin, because we all have sinned: we all do sin; we\u2019re all going to sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhere\u2019s it safer for your child to confess? Is it safer for your child to confess: at school or at home?\u2014in their living room or their first dorm room?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with a peer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or with Mom and Dad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And \u201csin rebound\u201d\u2014you\u2019re talking about learning how to confess, learning what repentance looks like, learning what\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> \u2014forgiveness looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014forgiveness looks like, and learning what the \u201cdeeds in keeping with repentance\u201d\/what walking in grace looks like, moving forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> And I just want to add that\u2014part of that, and I think it\u2019s a part that a lot of us miss, is that we are very confessional ourselves\u2014we\u2019re not just talking about our kids telling us; but we\u2019re actively saying, \u201cYou know, I have to confess to you, I got angry at that instant, and I shouldn\u2019t have. I should have treated you better in that situation.\u201d We\u2019re continually trying to confess. It\u2019s important for the parents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re modeling sin rebounding\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014in front of your daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> And that way, we\u2019re going to be better prepared, we hope and we pray, to cast her off into her big independence day, knowing that she does have a safety net to come back to. She\u2019s not alone; that when she does mess up on her own, there\u2019s nothing so shameful that she could do that she can\u2019t come back to us and talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that good?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just walked away from that going, again, \u201cI\u2019ve been pressing my kids toward obedience without this modeling of what repentance looks like and, then, helping create a culture where it\u2019s safe to do it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think Michael goes on to tell the story\u2014again, Michael and Hayley DiMarco in that interview; Michael goes on to tell a story\u2014about his daughter coming to him and saying, \u201cDaddy, I messed up. I put a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the VCR.\u201d [Laughter] Okay?\u2014just completely destroyed the VCR. He said, \u201cI took her out for ice cream after that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because she confessed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because she confessed. \u201cI wanted to celebrate her confession rather than flip out over the VCR.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s because he knew VCRs would be obsolete in a couple years! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right! But they\u2019re replaceable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right; exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Reinforcing the idea that your child\u2014that you teach them, \u201cThere are consequences to your behavior,\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; here\u2019s the last parenting principle for today. Again, these have been so helpful for me; I hope our listeners are finding these helpful today as well. Todd Friel was a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>He was talking about having a perspective on discipline\/a perspective on correction, where your goal in correction is for your child to love Jesus more at the end of being corrected than at the beginning. And I thought,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s a lofty goal!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d Well, listen to how he describes it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> When your child sins\u2014because your child is never going to be naughty in the future; right? Your child is never naughty again,\u2014your child is a <em>sinner<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> That\u2019s different; because if I just see a \u201cnaughty\u201d child, I\u2019m going to correct the behavior; but if I see a <em>sinner<\/em>, I\u2019m on a rescue mission. If your engagement with your child does not end with your child loving Jesus more, than you\u2019ve biffed it as a Christian parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Now, let\u2019s apply that\u2014and I suspect this scenario will resonate\u2014you come home; it\u2019s complete chaos. The first person who greets you is your wife. She doesn\u2019t look happy; she\u2019s got the look. She informs you that: \u201cThat son of yours has been disrespectful all day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019m not remembering the gospel\/that I\u2019m the chief of sinners: \u201cI want this to stop, because I want peace in my home! I want this to be the way that I imagined it to be; because I\u2019m tired, and I work hard for a living, and I pay for this roof over your head!\u201d Now, I\u2019m charging up the stairs, and I\u2019m maybe taking off my belt on the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStop!\u2014freeze frame. I want this interaction to result with my son loving Jesus more. Now, walk up the stairs, and I think the scene is going to be different. It could look like this\u2014and this can be reality\u2014now I can walk <em>calmly<\/em> into my son\u2019s room, and sit him down on the bed, and say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHoney, I want to tell you a story about when your dad was in fifth grade. Your grandmother was raising three boys by herself, no help\/one-bedroom apartment. She slept on the couch; it was tough. You can imagine her nerves were pretty shot, and it showed. I determined, in fifth grade, that my mom was kind of being a nag; so one day, when she was talking to me, I told your grandmother to \u201cShut up!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, honey, I\u2019m telling you that story; because I understand that\u2019s how you were talking to your mom today, too. I\u2019m telling you that, because I want you to know I get it. I understand you; I\u2019ve done it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you\u2019ve got now is two sinners, sitting on a bed, who need a Savior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u201cSo why don\u2019t we pray to that Savior?\u201d and \u201cThen, when we\u2019re done, you go talk to your mom; huh?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Whew! That\u2019s good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that good?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I heard that story, and I thought about the day that I found pornography on our home computer. I could figure out which of my children had been looking at it. I took that son out for lunch to see if he would confess: \u201cSo anything going on you want to talk to Dad about?\u201d \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014there was nothing there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, I brought up what I knew. He was ashamed; he was caught. And I wish, at that moment, I had said, \u201cI\u2019ve been right where you are. I\u2019ve had those temptations. I know what you\u2019re going through.\u201d But instead, I said, \u201cOkay, you\u2019re off the computer for 60 days. You\u2019re going to have to memorize these Bible verses.\u201d I mean, I went straight to the correction; and I <em>never<\/em> said, \u201cI struggle with this, too.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJessica Thompson, in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series, says, \u201cAt our house, it\u2019s kind of on repeat to say: \u2018I\u2019m a sinner just like you,\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m a sinner just like you.\u2019 We don\u2019t present this picture to our kids: \u2018We\u2019re the righteous ones; you\u2019re the bad ones,\u2019 \u2018We have to fix you, but we don\u2019t have to fix ourselves.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoy, that\u2019s a gospel-centered approach to parenting. I hope parents, who are hearing it today, can be proactive and start pointing in that direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I would just add\u2014because wow; I have never heard that\u2014just this thought of when you\u2019re going in to have the conversation or discipline your child: \u201cStop! Hit the pause button and go, \u2018Okay; how do I want to do this?\u2019; because often, we just do it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And pray; ask God for wisdom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, you guys, as most of our listeners know, have just released a new book called <em>No Perfect Parents. <\/em>It\u2019s available here at <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>The <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>, which we talked about earlier, is also available. For information about resources we have on parenting, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor those of you, who would like to have a permanent record of some of these lessons we\u2019re talking about this week\u2014some of the top things I\u2019ve learned over 28 years on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014we\u2019re making these conversations, and the original programs from which the lessons were taken, all of that\u2019s available on a flash drive that we\u2019re making available to anyone who makes a donation this month to help support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had some friends of the ministry come to us earlier this month. They have agreed they will match every donation we receive this month, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $350,000. This is the last week of May; we want to take full advantage of that matching-gift opportunity. We\u2019re not there yet; we hope to be there by the end of the week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can make a donation today to help us take advantage of the matching gift, you\u2019ll receive the flash drive with these programs and other programs on it. We\u2019ll also send you two books from Aaron and Jamie Ivey. Both books have the same title and the same chapters\u2014but one is for husbands; the other is for wives\u2014the book is called <em>Complement,<\/em> and it\u2019s about how we blend together in marriage. We\u2019ll send you those books, along with the flash drive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of you, who are regular <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners, and have heard us talking about the monthly Legacy Partner team that is really the key core team that makes FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> available for so many of us every day. If you sign on this week as a new Legacy Partner, two things will happen: you\u2019ll get everything we just talked about; your donations for the next 12 <em>months<\/em> are going to be matched, dollar for dollar; so every donation you make for the next year will be matched, dollar for dollar, as long as there\u2019s money in that matching-gift fund.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ll send you a certificate so you and your spouse can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. We\u2019re glad the getaways are back! We\u2019ve got a full schedule of them scheduled for the fall. This certificate is transferrable; if you want to pass it on to somebody else, you can do that. If you\u2019re a long-time listener\/if you\u2019ve ever thought about becoming a monthly Legacy Partner, today\u2019s the day to do that. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhether it\u2019s a one-time donation or signing on as a Legacy Partner, join us and help extend the reach of this ministry to more people, more often. Again, you can donate at FamilyLifeToday.com; or if it\u2019s easier, call 1-800-FL-TODAY. And pray for us that we\u2019ll receive enough funding this week to be able to take full advantage of the matching gift that is available to us here during the month of May. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about some of the lessons I learned about how men and women are different. I mean, I always knew men and women were different; right? But there were some things I learned about those differences over the years that have been transformative in our marriage and in how we relate to one another. We\u2019ll explore some of those principles tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch; we got some extra help from Bruce Goff this week, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:31:15"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["28.61M"],"filesize_raw":["29995311"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306851.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306851.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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is Day 2 of Bob Lepine's farewell week as co-host for FamilyLife Today. In this program, Bob shares with Dave and Ann Wilson some of the greatest memories he has from the show on the topic of parenting.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Tuesday, May 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys remember Casey Kasem; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Casey Kasem and the Top Forty!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I always wanted to be Casey Kasem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You would be really good at that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You could have been Casey Kasem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I would love to countdown the hits\u2014you know, the Top Forty\u2014and sharing the little insights into songs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Come on! Just give us your radio voice of what you think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThis is Casey Kasem, and we\u2019re counting down the hits on America\u2019s Top Forty\u201d; right? I always wanted to do something like that! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, this is my week. This week, we\u2019re counting down the top 28\u2014not the top 40\u2014the top 28. We\u2019re counting down the 28 things I\u2019ve learned from <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>over 28 years from the guests we\u2019ve had\/from the conversations that have gone on. We\u2019re wrapping things up here this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, why are you doing this, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is the last week that I\u2019ll be on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>as a co-host with you guys. You guys will take it from here. And we thought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You are irreplaceable!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, you are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So we will not try to replace you, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014we will honor your legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I know you will. I mean, there\u2019s a confidence that, what has been begun here, you guys are just going to carry it in the same direction; so that\u2019s what we\u2019re all excited about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe thought, here in this last week, let\u2019s just kind of run through some of the things that have been highlights: some of the things that have marked my life, my marriage, my family as I\u2019ve been\/I\u2019ve listened to every <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>program. There aren\u2019t many people who can say that; but because I was here, I listened to all of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve already talked about the marriage ideas that have marked us. I thought we ought to focus in now on parenting. So here are the top truths about parenting from the last 28 years for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one came in a conversation we had with our mutual friend, Tim Kimmel, who had just written his book, <em>Grace-Based Parenting. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> One of my favorite parenting books!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a great book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tim was talking about the fact that most of us, as parents\u2014you guys talk about this in your book, <em>No Perfect Parents; <\/em>you talk about the fact that a lot of parents\u2014are focused on the wrong priorities as they raise their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s how Tim talked about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> It is real easy to fall into the success trap when it comes to raising our kids. We are Western people; we\u2019re running everything around us through Western filters. As Americans, in a capitalistic society, we have a bad habit of measuring success by things that can be quantified in ways that are beneficial to us:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014like financial?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u2014financial,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014education.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u2014education, where we live.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying those are the harbors that parents are headed toward today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes; I can make this really simple. When you pin down a typical Christian parent\u2014and I\u2019ve pinned a lot of them down; talked with thousands of them over the years and you just have this real heart to heart\u2014\u201cOkay, now, you\u2019re spending 18-20 years\u2014a ton of sweat labor, a bunch of money; putting some serious miles on your body, losing a lot of sleep, crying a lot of tears\u2014that\u2019s a lot of effort! What do you hope happens as a result of all your efforts?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, they might say something nice like, \u201cWell, I hope they have a heart for God.\u201d That\u2019s nice; I\u2019m sure they mean that; but what you go by is\u2014not what they\u2019re saying at that moment\u2014but what they\u2019re doing on a day-to-day basis as far as emphasizing the values of that child in their future.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> When you really, actually play that one out, you hear something like this: \u201cWell, I hope they get a good job.\u201d Now, we\u2019ve got the word, \u201cgood\u201d in front of job. How would I know it\u2019s a <em>good<\/em> job?\u2014usually, that\u2019s defined by one that pays well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u201cWhy do they need all this money?\u201d \u201cWell, life is expensive; and I want them to have opportunities and live in a good, safe neighborhood.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, that\u2019s why I think education is so sovereign now in parents\u2019 minds. They think that the most important thing you do is give your kid a good education, because that is the pipeline to a good job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember that day. I remember walking out of the studio that day and thinking, \u201cI\u2019m doing that as a parent. I\u2019m focused on: \u2018How are my kids\u2019 grades?\u2019 \u2018I want them to be happy,\u2019 \u2018I want them to do well in relationships.\u2019\u201d These are not unimportant things; but I thought, \u201cHow much time and effort am I spending on their spiritual development, which is really what\u2019s going to matter more than any of the rest of this stuff?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The first time I heard this, too, it stopped me in my tracks. I realized the same thing, Bob: \u201cWe\u2019re doing this all wrong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWe need to shift our mindset.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We want our kids to thrive; we want them to have friends; we want them to do well in school\u2014again, those aren\u2019t unimportant things\u2014but that\u2019s what was <em>driving<\/em> me, as a parent, rather than saying,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cLet\u2019s make sure that they\u2019re going to thrive, spiritually, when it\u2019s time for them to launch.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that brings to mind another message we featured on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>I had a colleague, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> who brought me a cassette tape; and he said, \u201cYou need to listen to this guy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which tells you how long ago that was!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was years ago! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was on a drive up into north central Arkansas\u2014a couple-hour drive\u2014and I took that cassette along. I popped it in. I remember driving at night, listening to this, and going, \u201c<em>This <\/em>is so good!\u201d It was a message\/the first message I\u2019d ever heard from Voddie Baucham, who later became a guest, and has been with us at a number of events. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVoddie was talking about the fact that, according to Ephesians 6\u2014where it talks about: \u201cFathers, don\u2019t exasperate your children,\u201d \u201cChildren, obey your parents,\u201d\u2014he was making the point that discipleship is our number-one priority as parents. It\u2019s similar to the point Tim Kimmel was making; but he was just driving it home that, biblically, we\u2019re the ones, at the end of the day, that God is going to come and say, \u201cHow did you disciple your kids?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we say: \u201cWell, I subbed that out to the youth group,\u201d or \u201cI subbed that out to the Christian school,\u201d He will say, \u201cBut I put you in charge of that.\u201d Here\u2019s how Voddie talked about that in that message that we wound up featuring on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Voddie:<\/strong> How about a plain, black-and-white, straightforward word?\u2014verse 4: \u201cAnd fathers\/and fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.\u201d It doesn\u2019t get clearer than that, folks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience:<\/strong> Amen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Voddie:<\/strong> The context of this passage says the home is central in the evangelism and discipleship of the next generation. The fact that he points to the Fifth Commandment <em>screams<\/em> that the home is <em>central <\/em>in the evangelism and discipleship of the next generation! And then, in case we didn\u2019t get those two hints, he says it in black-and-white: \u201cFathers, disciple your children,\u201d\u2014fathers!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we believe this, then why is it that we\u2019ve done everything in our power <em>not <\/em>to allow that to happen? I hear you\u2014we go back to this whole thing; I understand that\u2014\u201cThey\u2019re just not equipped!\u201d \u201cThey just don\u2019t know!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what\u2019s interesting: if the people in your church are not tithing, you don\u2019t start a ministry to tithe for them; do you? [Laughter] No; you simply teach them and expect them to do what the Bible says is <em>their <\/em>job! If it works for tithing, why don\u2019t we think it will work for the discipleship of the next generation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That will preach; don\u2019t you think?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, boy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I get riled up just listening to him. He\u2019s such a good preacher.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and it\u2019s such a great reminder for me, as I\u2019m listening to that, to go: \u201cThis is my job! I can subcontract some parts of this job, but I\u2019m the general contractor.\u201d When I stand before the Lord, and He says, \u201cOkay, tell me about your kids and what you did with your kids?\u201d I can\u2019t say, \u201cWell, I subbed that out, Lord.\u201d He\u2019s going to say, \u201cBut that was on you!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat message was, again, a part of that wake-up call for me: \u201cI have a responsibility here, before God, to bring my kids up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it\u2019s <em>so <\/em>critical, because the research\u2014even decades later from Voddie talking about that\u2014says that a lot of teenagers and college kids are going to walk away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They grew up in a church\u2014they were in the youth group; they were sub-contracted out for the spiritual development in their lives\u2014and they walk away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe ones, that don\u2019t walk away, come home from church to a family that\u2019s doing what Voddie said;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and that helps it stick! It\u2019s that critical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I paid my children five dollars to memorize the Lord\u2019s Prayer. [Laughter] I paid them five dollars to memorize the Apostles\u2019 Creed. I mean\u2014things that I looked at and said, \u201cMy kids need to know this stuff,\u201d\u2014I would pay them money to read a book and write a book report on it. This was their spiritual development, and I was responsible for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So you\u2019re saying bribery is okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Absolutely! [Laughter] I was: \u201cThe laborer is worthy of his hire.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s what I was doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s another principle\u2014and we don\u2019t have a clip for this one\u2014but Ted Tripp, who wrote the book, <em>Shepherding a Child\u2019s Heart<\/em>: the big idea of that book was something that, again, was a wake-up call for me. Ted Tripp says most parents are focused on behavior modification when it comes to your kids. You want your kids to stop doing these things; and start doing these other things; and just, \u201cAct right! [Laughter] If they will just act right!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said we\u2019ve got to be more concerned about their heart than we are about their behavior, because behavior will eventually flow out of the heart. Kids can put on the fake behavior that\u2019s going to skate through for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014especially church kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re not addressing heart motivation and heart attitude, you\u2019re going to wind up with little hypocrites. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s another principle; this came from an early interview we did with Josh McDowell. In fact, I think it was the first time I met Josh. Dennis had known Josh for years; because Josh is a part of Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; Dennis is a part of Cru. Well, he\u2019d written a book on parenting, and we sat down with him. He said two things in the interview on parenting that I\u2019ve quoted dozens of times over the years. We\u2019re going to hear him say both of those right now. Here we are with Josh McDowell, years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh:<\/strong> Well, I am convinced that rules without relationship lead to rebellion. One of the best ways to give rules to our kids is when there\u2019s a foundation of love: they know they\u2019re accepted, appreciated, they\u2019re lovable; [there\u2019s] affection, and [you\u2019re] available to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a statement that I learned about 12 years ago is that I used to make the statement\u2014when people asked me about my family\u2014and I said, \u201cLook, my family comes before my ministry.\u201d About 12 years ago, I realized that is one of the most ungodly statements I could ever make! If I truly believed that statement, I was headed for trouble; and I would lose my family. When I got older, I wouldn\u2019t have my children coming to me or my wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod humbled me. About 12 years ago, I realized my family\u2014I must <em>never <\/em>let my family come before my ministry; because the moment I do, then I should l leave the ministry\u2014my family <em>does not <\/em>come before my ministry; my family <em>is<\/em> my first ministry!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Two big ideas there: rules without relationship will lead to rebellion, and I could see that in my kids. I was always just aware: \u201cI\u2019ve got to make sure I\u2019m focused on the relationship, and not just focused on the rules,\u201d\u2014and then secondly\u2014\u201cMy number-one ministry is to my family, and I can\u2019t let my job\/I can\u2019t let anything get in front of that in the priority structure.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That is so good! Those are two of our main principles, too. We\u2019ve probably quoted [them] several times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dennis used to say all the time: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to make sure that the bridge of the relationship with your kids is intact. You can carry a truckload of truth across that bridge. But if the bridge is out, everything goes down.\u201d If that relationship is not intact, everything goes south. You keep that relationship intact, and you can carry all kinds of things across that bridge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember an interview we did with Michael and Hayley DiMarco, maybe a decade ago. Michael said something in this interview that stopped me in my tracks. He said that most of us, as parents, are teaching our children how to be sin-avoiders and sin-concealers. He said, \u201cWe\u2019re teaching them: \u2018Don\u2019t do this; and if I find out you did it, you\u2019re going to be in real trouble,\u201d\u2014so: \u201cAvoid it; and when you stumble, don\u2019t tell me, or you\u2019ll get in trouble.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cInstead, we need to be teaching our kids how to be sin-confessors and sin-repenters.\u201d I thought, \u201cI\u2019ve been teaching my kids how to be sin-avoiders and sin-concealers rather than modeling for them and showing them what confession and repentance looks like.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s how Michael said it in that interview.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>Family Life Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> We\u2019re kind of crazy. We want our home\u2014and we want our relationship with our daughter\u2014to be one, where we create a culture in our home, where the whole culture of our home is centered around learning how to rebound from sin instead of having a relationship\u2014a parent\/child relationship\u2014where it\u2019s all about sin avoidance and sin concealment because we\u2019re afraid of the consequences. We want to be the first place that she comes when she messes up. We want to help her learn how to rebound from sin, because we all have sinned: we all do sin; we\u2019re all going to sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhere\u2019s it safer for your child to confess? Is it safer for your child to confess: at school or at home?\u2014in their living room or their first dorm room?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with a peer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or with Mom and Dad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And \u201csin rebound\u201d\u2014you\u2019re talking about learning how to confess, learning what repentance looks like, learning what\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> \u2014forgiveness looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014forgiveness looks like, and learning what the \u201cdeeds in keeping with repentance\u201d\/what walking in grace looks like, moving forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> And I just want to add that\u2014part of that, and I think it\u2019s a part that a lot of us miss, is that we are very confessional ourselves\u2014we\u2019re not just talking about our kids telling us; but we\u2019re actively saying, \u201cYou know, I have to confess to you, I got angry at that instant, and I shouldn\u2019t have. I should have treated you better in that situation.\u201d We\u2019re continually trying to confess. It\u2019s important for the parents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re modeling sin rebounding\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014in front of your daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hayley:<\/strong> Right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> And that way, we\u2019re going to be better prepared, we hope and we pray, to cast her off into her big independence day, knowing that she does have a safety net to come back to. She\u2019s not alone; that when she does mess up on her own, there\u2019s nothing so shameful that she could do that she can\u2019t come back to us and talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that good?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just walked away from that going, again, \u201cI\u2019ve been pressing my kids toward obedience without this modeling of what repentance looks like and, then, helping create a culture where it\u2019s safe to do it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think Michael goes on to tell the story\u2014again, Michael and Hayley DiMarco in that interview; Michael goes on to tell a story\u2014about his daughter coming to him and saying, \u201cDaddy, I messed up. I put a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the VCR.\u201d [Laughter] Okay?\u2014just completely destroyed the VCR. He said, \u201cI took her out for ice cream after that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because she confessed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because she confessed. \u201cI wanted to celebrate her confession rather than flip out over the VCR.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s because he knew VCRs would be obsolete in a couple years! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right! But they\u2019re replaceable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right; exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Reinforcing the idea that your child\u2014that you teach them, \u201cThere are consequences to your behavior,\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; here\u2019s the last parenting principle for today. Again, these have been so helpful for me; I hope our listeners are finding these helpful today as well. Todd Friel was a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>He was talking about having a perspective on discipline\/a perspective on correction, where your goal in correction is for your child to love Jesus more at the end of being corrected than at the beginning. And I thought,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s a lofty goal!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d Well, listen to how he describes it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> When your child sins\u2014because your child is never going to be naughty in the future; right? Your child is never naughty again,\u2014your child is a <em>sinner<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> That\u2019s different; because if I just see a \u201cnaughty\u201d child, I\u2019m going to correct the behavior; but if I see a <em>sinner<\/em>, I\u2019m on a rescue mission. If your engagement with your child does not end with your child loving Jesus more, than you\u2019ve biffed it as a Christian parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Now, let\u2019s apply that\u2014and I suspect this scenario will resonate\u2014you come home; it\u2019s complete chaos. The first person who greets you is your wife. She doesn\u2019t look happy; she\u2019s got the look. She informs you that: \u201cThat son of yours has been disrespectful all day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019m not remembering the gospel\/that I\u2019m the chief of sinners: \u201cI want this to stop, because I want peace in my home! I want this to be the way that I imagined it to be; because I\u2019m tired, and I work hard for a living, and I pay for this roof over your head!\u201d Now, I\u2019m charging up the stairs, and I\u2019m maybe taking off my belt on the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStop!\u2014freeze frame. I want this interaction to result with my son loving Jesus more. Now, walk up the stairs, and I think the scene is going to be different. It could look like this\u2014and this can be reality\u2014now I can walk <em>calmly<\/em> into my son\u2019s room, and sit him down on the bed, and say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHoney, I want to tell you a story about when your dad was in fifth grade. Your grandmother was raising three boys by herself, no help\/one-bedroom apartment. She slept on the couch; it was tough. You can imagine her nerves were pretty shot, and it showed. I determined, in fifth grade, that my mom was kind of being a nag; so one day, when she was talking to me, I told your grandmother to \u201cShut up!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, honey, I\u2019m telling you that story; because I understand that\u2019s how you were talking to your mom today, too. I\u2019m telling you that, because I want you to know I get it. I understand you; I\u2019ve done it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you\u2019ve got now is two sinners, sitting on a bed, who need a Savior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u201cSo why don\u2019t we pray to that Savior?\u201d and \u201cThen, when we\u2019re done, you go talk to your mom; huh?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Whew! That\u2019s good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that good?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I heard that story, and I thought about the day that I found pornography on our home computer. I could figure out which of my children had been looking at it. I took that son out for lunch to see if he would confess: \u201cSo anything going on you want to talk to Dad about?\u201d \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014there was nothing there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, I brought up what I knew. He was ashamed; he was caught. And I wish, at that moment, I had said, \u201cI\u2019ve been right where you are. I\u2019ve had those temptations. I know what you\u2019re going through.\u201d But instead, I said, \u201cOkay, you\u2019re off the computer for 60 days. You\u2019re going to have to memorize these Bible verses.\u201d I mean, I went straight to the correction; and I <em>never<\/em> said, \u201cI struggle with this, too.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJessica Thompson, in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series, says, \u201cAt our house, it\u2019s kind of on repeat to say: \u2018I\u2019m a sinner just like you,\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m a sinner just like you.\u2019 We don\u2019t present this picture to our kids: \u2018We\u2019re the righteous ones; you\u2019re the bad ones,\u2019 \u2018We have to fix you, but we don\u2019t have to fix ourselves.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoy, that\u2019s a gospel-centered approach to parenting. I hope parents, who are hearing it today, can be proactive and start pointing in that direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I would just add\u2014because wow; I have never heard that\u2014just this thought of when you\u2019re going in to have the conversation or discipline your child: \u201cStop! Hit the pause button and go, \u2018Okay; how do I want to do this?\u2019; because often, we just do it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And pray; ask God for wisdom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, you guys, as most of our listeners know, have just released a new book called <em>No Perfect Parents. <\/em>It\u2019s available here at <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>The <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>, which we talked about earlier, is also available. For information about resources we have on parenting, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor those of you, who would like to have a permanent record of some of these lessons we\u2019re talking about this week\u2014some of the top things I\u2019ve learned over 28 years on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014we\u2019re making these conversations, and the original programs from which the lessons were taken, all of that\u2019s available on a flash drive that we\u2019re making available to anyone who makes a donation this month to help support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had some friends of the ministry come to us earlier this month. They have agreed they will match every donation we receive this month, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $350,000. This is the last week of May; we want to take full advantage of that matching-gift opportunity. We\u2019re not there yet; we hope to be there by the end of the week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can make a donation today to help us take advantage of the matching gift, you\u2019ll receive the flash drive with these programs and other programs on it. We\u2019ll also send you two books from Aaron and Jamie Ivey. Both books have the same title and the same chapters\u2014but one is for husbands; the other is for wives\u2014the book is called <em>Complement,<\/em> and it\u2019s about how we blend together in marriage. We\u2019ll send you those books, along with the flash drive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of you, who are regular <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners, and have heard us talking about the monthly Legacy Partner team that is really the key core team that makes FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> available for so many of us every day. If you sign on this week as a new Legacy Partner, two things will happen: you\u2019ll get everything we just talked about; your donations for the next 12 <em>months<\/em> are going to be matched, dollar for dollar; so every donation you make for the next year will be matched, dollar for dollar, as long as there\u2019s money in that matching-gift fund.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ll send you a certificate so you and your spouse can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. We\u2019re glad the getaways are back! We\u2019ve got a full schedule of them scheduled for the fall. This certificate is transferrable; if you want to pass it on to somebody else, you can do that. If you\u2019re a long-time listener\/if you\u2019ve ever thought about becoming a monthly Legacy Partner, today\u2019s the day to do that. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhether it\u2019s a one-time donation or signing on as a Legacy Partner, join us and help extend the reach of this ministry to more people, more often. Again, you can donate at FamilyLifeToday.com; or if it\u2019s easier, call 1-800-FL-TODAY. And pray for us that we\u2019ll receive enough funding this week to be able to take full advantage of the matching gift that is available to us here during the month of May. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about some of the lessons I learned about how men and women are different. I mean, I always knew men and women were different; right? But there were some things I learned about those differences over the years that have been transformative in our marriage and in how we relate to one another. We\u2019ll explore some of those principles tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch; we got some extra help from Bruce Goff this week, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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