{"id":306849,"date":"2021-05-24T16:47:54","date_gmt":"2021-05-24T20:47:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/lessons-about-marriage\/"},"modified":"2021-05-24T16:47:54","modified_gmt":"2021-05-24T20:47:54","slug":"lessons-about-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lessons-about-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Lessons About Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Bob Lepine has co-hosted FamilyLife Today for 28 years, and today, he begins his farewell week, relating to Dave and Ann Wilson some of the top takeaways on marriage from his years with FamilyLife.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tLearn more about the Single Mom Circle https:\/\/singlemomcircle.com\/<br \/>\n \tDownload FamilyLife&#8217;s new app! https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bob Lepine has co-hosted FamilyLife Today for 28 years, and today, he begins his farewell week, relating to Dave and Ann Wilson some of the top takeaways on marriage from his years with FamilyLife.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-05-24.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:58","filesize":"28.36M","filesize_raw":"29736163","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2863],"tags":[2877,5442,4885],"podcast_series":[8444],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306849","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-saving-a-marriage","tag-marriage","tag-memories","tag-tribute","podcast_series-28-lessons-from-28-years","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306849\/lessons-about-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306849\/lessons-about-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"WehDOPQ7WA\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lessons-about-marriage\/\">Lessons About Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lessons-about-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=WehDOPQ7WA\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Lessons About Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"WehDOPQ7WA\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":[""],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-05-24.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<b>Bob: <\/b>And welcome to <i>FamilyLife Today.<\/i> Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition\/Monday, May 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI\u2019ve got a verse of the year. Do you have a verse you get locked in on during the year? This is mine: it\u2019s Ecclesiastes 3. I didn\u2019t learn this in a Bible study; I learned this in the \u201860s, listening to the radio.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Is this your verse <i>this<\/i> year?\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> This is my verse for this year, yes.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Okay.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> I learned it listening to The Birds and it\u2019s: \u201cTo everything there is a season.\u201d Everything this year you have to recognize God\u2019s in control of things. There\u2019s a season for everything: some seasons are hard seasons; some seasons are seasons of joy; some seasons are melancholy.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThis is a season of transition for us at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. This week, we\u2019re marking that transition because this will be the last week that I\u2019ll be doing <i>this<\/i>. Starting next week, we\u2019re handing things over to you guys, full on.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I wish you could see our faces right now.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> You are going to do <i>great<\/i>!\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> I can\u2019t imagine what the listeners faces are doing right now, because this is news to <i>them<\/i>.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> It is news. I know any transition, it\u2019s kind of like: \u201cOh, it\u2019s not going to be the same.\u201d It\u2019s going to be <i>great<\/i>!<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe\u2019re marking this week: we thought I\u2019ve been here 28 years, doing <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>; and over 28 years, I think I\u2019ve got the equivalent of a masters; maybe, I\u2019m into my PhD work\u2014\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I think you\u2019re into your doctorate.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u2014when it comes to marriage and family. It\u2019s just been the daily discipline of sitting down with some of the smartest people on the planet about what the Bible has to say about marriage and family; I\u2019ve learned <i>so<\/i> much.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI came up with 28 things\u2014and I could have come up with 280 things\u2014\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes; right, right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u2014but 28 things I\u2019ve learned in 28 years. This week, we\u2019ll walk through my top 28.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> That\u2019ll be easy.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Today, we\u2019ll focus on 28 things about marriage. Then tomorrow, we\u2019ll look at parenting; and then we\u2019re going to look at the differences between men and women. We\u2019ll look at things that all of us have learned from Dennis Rainey, and then I\u2019ve got a bunch of miscellaneous stuff we\u2019ll throw in on the last day.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Just don\u2019t mind if I cry half the time; okay? [Laughter]\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> The marriage stuff we\u2019re going to talk about really is connected to our experience, teaching at the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways that we\u2019ve done together. You\u2019ve done it for more than 30 years; I\u2019ve done it for the 28 years that I\u2019ve been here.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe first night at the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>, we have kind of the principle that sets up the whole weekend. It\u2019s one of those profound things that you go: \u201cThat\u2019s really true, and understanding that helps me understand everything that\u2019s going on in my marriage.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe principle is that the natural drift in every marriage relationship is a drift toward isolation, and to pursue oneness takes intentionality and pursuit\/you\u2019ve got to go for it. If you don\u2019t go for it, you\u2019ll drift apart. Here\u2019s how Dennis explained it on a <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> radio program, talking about this drift in a relationship. Listen to this.\n\n<b>Dennis:<\/b> God created marriage for a noble purpose\u2014for a husband and wife, who are very different, to become one\u2014and that, all your marriage, you\u2019re going to battle isolation versus oneness. And the question is: \u201cWhere you going to end up?\u201d Are you going to end up isolated from one another?\u2014or are you going to battle it through, using God\u2019s plan\/God\u2019s blueprints. and submit to Jesus Christ and end up, as a couple, one with one another?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nAnd you know what, Bob? Today, as never before, couples need someone from the outside to just explain to them what happens in a marriage relationship, where two people who started out with such high expectations\u2014high hope and great love for one another\u2014can, within a matter of hours, days, weeks, months, or years\u2014be at war with one another and be isolated from one another in marriage. And instead of experiencing intimacy, be alone in a marriage relationship.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> I mean, isn\u2019t that just an \u201cAha,\u201d where you go: \u201cThat\u2019s true.\u201d No marriage is static\u2014not standing still\u2014you\u2019re either drifting away, or you\u2019re moving toward one another in oneness. If you neglect your marriage, you\u2019ll go toward isolation. If you work together, you can get to oneness.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes, and it is pretty much the opposite of what a couple thinks before marriage; they think: \u201cOh, we\u2019re just going to drift <i>together<\/i>.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> \u201cYou know, the longer we\u2019re together, the more in love\u2014that\u2019s the natural drift\u2014is going to be toward each other.\u201d Then you get married, and you realize it really is the opposite. You are going to drift away. The current is going in opposite directions; and you\u2019ve got to <i>paddle,<\/i> and it is a ton of work.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI remember one time in Detroit\u2014I don\u2019t know if Ann will remember this\u2014but it was a Lions home game weekend. We convinced a couple, maybe three or four Lions couples, to go to the FamilyLife <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i> in Detroit on Friday night; but they couldn\u2019t go Saturday.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> So all they heard was <i>that<\/i> talk. I remember they looked at us afterwards, like: \u201cWell, that was discouraging.\u201d [Laughter] We\u2019re like \u201cNo, no, you have to come back and find out God\u2019s plan.\u201d But they only heard the first talk\u2014<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u2014the drift.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> \u2014which was the threats to oneness. Dennis did a great job; it\u2019s so true.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I\u2019m telling you: if you go to the marriage conference though, and that\u2019s the only thing you get, that should put an alarm in your mind\/in your head, like, \u201cUh oh!\u201d because I always thought the same thing: \u201cWe\u2019re drifting together. Our love just <i>pulls<\/i> us together and will continue to.\u201d\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> The Beach Boys told us that\u2019s how it would be. [Laughter] Brian Wilson [songwriter] said it\u2019s only going to make it that much better when we can say goodnight and stay together. [Laughter]\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> There you go.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> [Singing] \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be nice if we\u2026\u201d\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> So the idea was: if dating is good, marriage is just going to be <i>great<\/i>!\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And then we get married and go, \u201c<i>Why<\/i> is this not working out?\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nOn Friday night at the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>, to hear the natural drift is toward isolation, you go, \u201cOh, this is not just <i>us<\/i>! Everybody experiences this. We\u2019re not alone in this. The fact that we\u2019re in isolation is because we haven\u2019t been\u2014<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014working on it.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u2014\u201cpaying attention.\u201d Yes; I just think that\u2019s genius.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nEverybody listening: your marriage is not staying static. If you\u2019re not working on it, you\u2019re drifting toward isolation. You have to work at it. You have to know how to work at it to pursue the kind of oneness that God intends for a marriage relationship.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> And if you\u2019re sitting there, thinking, \u201cOkay, now what do I do?\u201d Go to the <i>Weekend to Remember.<\/i> Go to FamilyLife.com right now, and there\u2019s all kinds of resources that will help you combat that natural drift.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Download the app; listen to this program every day.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Do the things that are going to prompt you to move toward one another in marriage.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nAlright, here\u2019s the second thing about marriage that got implanted on my brain, early on. It\u2019s probably the most-often quoted line from the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>. [Laughter] If you go up to a couple, who\u2019s been to a <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>, and you say, \u201cWhat do you remember? Was there a big takeaway?\u201d, I mean, at least, 50 percent of the time\u2014\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I would say so, too.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u2014what they will say is: \u201cI learned my spouse is not my enemy.\u201d\n\n<b>Dave and Ann:<\/b> \u2014\u201cis not my enemy.\u201d\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> I have couples say it out loud.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> We do, too.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> I\u2019d say, \u201cHere it is: your spouse is not your enemy. Everybody say it with me: \u2018My spouse is not my enemy.\u2019\u201d Then I say, \u201cLook at each other and say, \u2018You are not my enemy.\u2019\u201d Some of them feel like they\u2019re <i>lying<\/i> when they say that.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Exactly.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Well, have you looked out there, and some of them will <i>not<\/i> do it?\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> They\u2019re looking at their spouse; and they want to tell us if they could: \u201cYou got us wrong. She <i>is<\/i> my enemy; she\u2019s the one in my marriage.\u201d\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Exactly.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Here\u2019s Dennis Rainey, again, explaining this principle that your spouse is not your enemy.\n\n[Previous <i>FamilyLife Today <\/i>Broadcast]\n\n<b>Dennis:<\/b> Well, if you see your marriage from a spiritual perspective, you\u2019re going to understand that your marriage is under attack. There is a spiritual battle that is swirling around every marriage that is listening today to this broadcast. Satan is seeking to divide and to destroy Christian marriages. And that\u2019s why it is so important for every Christian marriage to realize your marriage today is under attack. Do not be deceived. There is a destroyer that is seeking to deceive us, to cause us to think that the battle is inside our home, that the real enemy is your spouse.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nAnd if I read Ephesians, Chapter 6, correctly, it tells me that our battle is not against flesh and blood. Your enemy is <i>never<\/i> your spouse; your enemy is <i>never<\/i> your mate; you are not at war against your husband. Your real battle is against the prince of darkness. And what he is trying to get Christians to do today is to deceive them into thinking that their real battle is internally, within their marriage, instead of realizing that the real battle is the devil. The only way we\u2019re going to defeat him is to know the Scripture, and cling to God, and be dependent upon the truth that is found in God\u2019s Word.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> I mean, again, that\u2019s such a foundational principle when a couple can look at each other and say, \u201cYou\u2019re not my enemy. We have an enemy; there\u2019s somebody who is trying to destroy our marriage. Rather than focusing on one another as the source of the issue, let\u2019s recognize where the issue is. Let\u2019s turn together and let\u2019s do battle against Satan, who wants to destroy us.\u201d That\u2019s a turning point in so many marriages.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Oh, it is. I remember the first year we went to the conference, which was two weeks before we got married. Dave and I ended up really struggling that first year in our marriage. But that point stuck out to me. We were in this big fight; and I remember walking out of the room, saying, \u201cYou\u2019re not my enemy! [Laughter] Remember that?\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> I actually remember it, differently.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Oh!\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes, it was the same thing; but here\u2019s what I remember. I got up and left the bedroom and was storming down the hall. She was in the bedroom. You yelled out into the hallway, so we weren\u2019t even in the same room. She yelled the words that we heard at the <i>Weekend to Remember:\u2014<\/i>\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u201cYou\u2019re not my enemy.\u201d\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> \u2014\u201cYou\u2019re not my enemy. What are we fighting each other for? Let\u2019s turn and fight the enemy.\u201d All I remember, at that moment, is thinking, \u201cI can\u2019t believe she\u2019s right again.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Oh, <i>now<\/i> you\u2019re admitting it.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> I remember it, because we weren\u2019t looking at each other. I was like, \u201cOh, she\u2019s always right!\u201d She\u2019s bringing back this point, from the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>, which was a couple of months before that. But think about it\u2014we\u2019re newlyweds\u2014and we have a foundation that was very important to understand at that moment.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And MaryAnn and I have been married 41 years; and there are still days, where we have to look at each other and say, \u201cOkay; you\u2019re not the enemy.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Exactly.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u201cI\u2019m not the enemy.\u201d We just acknowledge that, and it helps us recalibrate and go: \u201cWhat we\u2019re feeling right now, it\u2019s real\u2014but let\u2019s recognize what\u2019s also real and that is\u2014that God\u2019s on our side on this and that we can turn to Him, and let\u2019s fight the real enemy in all of this.\u201d\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> That recognition is really important.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> There\u2019s a third point that\u2019s probably\u2014I\u2019m kind of\u2014these are the <i>Weekend<\/i>s<i> to Remember<\/i> greatest hits that we\u2019re doing here; right?\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Right; yes.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes; right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> So there\u2019s a third point that comes during the course of the weekend, where we help couples understand that there\u2019s a decision every person has to make. You make it when you get married, but you have to remake it over and over again. It\u2019s the decision that you\u2019re going to do more than simply accept your spouse; you\u2019re going to <i>receive<\/i> your spouse as the gift God has given you. Again, Dennis explained this in a series we did on <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> very early after the program got started. So here\u2019s Dennis again.\n\n[Previous <i>FamilyLife Today <\/i>Broadcast]\n\n<b>Dennis:<\/b> When you made a covenant to your spouse, it wasn\u2019t just to stay married. It was a covenant to care for and to nourish them, and meet their needs, and to receive them\/accept them, embrace them as God\u2019s personal provision for your needs. And what we\u2019ve got to do today is not reject our spouse; we have to receive them. We have to receive them in their personality, their habits, the mistakes they make, even their selfishness and how they hurt us. We somehow, in the middle of a real relationship with a real person, must embrace that person; because that is God\u2019s assignment for us.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> That\u2019s a tough assignment for a lot of folks, who have a lot of baggage that they brought with them into the marriage relationship, or a lot of issues that have developed since they got married, where they\u2019ve been wounded.\n\n<b>Dennis:<\/b> Yes; and what makes it even more difficult is some Christians end up feeling like they married the wrong person, and this will really undermine your commitment. I believe the devil really uses seeds of doubt in Christian\u2019s lives, early in their marriage, to perhaps convince them that they made a mistake. The bottom line is we need to accept and receive our spouse. If we\u2019re married today to them, we need to accept them as God\u2019s personal provision for us. Because you know what? You don\u2019t have an option at this point.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Again, such a great principle that, if we will just change perspective and say, \u201cGod\u2019s given me a gift\u2014it feels some days like I got a gag gift. [Laughter] It feels some days like this is no gift; this is a millstone\u2014but no, God knows what He\u2019s doing. He\u2019s given you <i>exactly<\/i> what you need and then you can accept this as the good gift from His hand. When we talk about this at the marriage conference, we talk about God presenting Eve to Adam.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> And our big point at the weekend is he doesn\u2019t just accept her.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> This is now \u201cbone of my bone.\u201d He\u2019s excited; he receives her <i>because<\/i> of who is bringing her to him. It\u2019s somebody he knows well, God; and he can trust Him. And we have a beautiful picture of what marriage can be. I can choose to reject this gift from my Father, or I can receive her\/receive him as an amazing gift.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI know we all have moments; we\u2019re like, \u201cUh, this is not what I thought.\u201d But at the end of the day, there is a beautiful gift in your wife\/in your husband that we often miss.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I\u2019m realizing that these are foundational truths for Dave and me; because we have built our marriage on these truths, and they\u2019re biblical truths.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And I\u2019m telling you\u2014these three things we\u2019ve talked about: your marriage drifts toward isolation, your spouse is not your enemy, receive your spouse as God\u2019s gift for you\u2014when you can build a marriage on that kind of a foundation, it\u2019s amazing what God can do.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWhen we talk about receiving your spouse, the very next thing we talk about is the fact that there are obstacles to receiving your spouse, like everybody has weaknesses; and those weaknesses in your spouse are an obstacle. You don\u2019t want to receive somebody who\u2019s got weaknesses. I remember teaching through this one Saturday morning at the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>. I\u2019m looking through this list of possible obstacles\u2014things like: \u201cYour spouse is critical\/has a critical spirit,\u201d or \u201cYour spouse is lazy,\u201d or \u201cYour spouse is disorganized,\u201d\u2014and it dawned on me that, each one of those weaknesses, there is a corresponding strength behind that weakness.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI\u2019m thinking, \u201cOkay; sometimes, Mary Ann can have a critical spirit.\u201d But I thought, \u201cThat\u2019s because she has high standards, and those high standards are a good thing. It\u2019s just when you overuse that it becomes a critical spirit.\u201d Sometimes, I can be lazy. Well, I can be a laidback person. The laidback can be a good thing; lazy is not.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWhen you see whatever you would identify as your spouse\u2019s weakness, you\u2019d say, \u201cThis person just nags all the time.\u201d Well, a person, who nags all the time, really cares about things going right.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> See, this is so good. If we would all do this\u2014think: \u201cWhat are my husband\u2019s weaknesses?\u201d or \u201c\u2026my wife\u2019s\u2026\u201d\u2014and we went through that: \u201cWhat\u2019s the opposite?\u201d\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u201cWhat\u2019s the corresponding strength with it?\u201d\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I remember our professor in seminary asked me: \u201cTell me what Dave\u2019s greatest weakness is.\u201d I\u2019m surprised that he asked me. I was like, \u201cOh, I cannot <i>stand<\/i> how laidback he is. I think it\u2019s not just laidback\u2014I used to think it was laidback\u2014but now I\u2019m realizing he\u2019s just passive. He doesn\u2019t have any umption and get up and go.\u201d I would go on and on.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Of course, she never told me that. [Laughter] It was like, every day, we would talk about this.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> So ten years later, that same prof came and visited us. And now, he asked me: \u201cTell me what Dave\u2019s greatest strength is.\u201d Because\/maybe it\u2019s because of these principles that I had learned, I said, \u201cI love how laidback he is, because I am so intense; I need that in my life.\u201d\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And I think we can have a conversation with one another in marriage and say, \u201cYou know, one of the things I love about you is that you really care about things being done right in our family. Now, sometimes, it does drive me crazy when that turns into nagging.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes; right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u201cBut I really do appreciate\/I\u2019m grateful for what\u2019s behind that.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u201cIs there a way we can celebrate what\u2019s good?\u2014and kind of work on when that gets overused.\u201d\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes; and maybe even an assignment, as you listen today, is make a list of the great qualities in your spouse. I bet you it\u2019s been awhile since you identified those, because it\u2019s so easy to see the negative; but there\u2019s a positive side to that. Write it and tell her\/tell him you appreciate that about them.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Here\u2019s the last thing about marriage that we\u2019ll talk about today. This came out during an interview that we had with our friend, Dan Allender, who had written a book called <i>Intimate Allies.<\/i> Dan was helping me understand why leaving father and mother and forming a new union\u2014why that\u2019s so important.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI think in literal terms, so leaving means I don\u2019t live with them anymore. But Dan was explaining: your parents\u2014and their influence, and their approval, and all of that\u2014still kind of comes with you into marriage. And when it does, when you don\u2019t leave father and mother and form that new union, you\u2019re sowing seeds of discord in a marriage. Here\u2019s Dan talking about this.\n\n[Previous <i>FamilyLife Today <\/i>Broadcast]\n\n<b>Dan:<\/b> Well, there are three parts in that passage in Genesis 2. It says that we are to leave our fathers and mothers; we are to cleave to our wives; that we are to become one flesh. There\u2019s a sequence that\u2019s required for every man and for every woman.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThey must leave their family of origin\u2014and not just geographically\u2014we\u2019re to move together uniquely and not under the sway and power of our families of origin. Now, what happens, for example, with a husband, who does not leave his father?\u2014and <i>lives<\/i> for his father\u2019s approval. In one sense, his wife <i>knows<\/i> he is not trustworthy; and in that sense, a wife is often going to feel anger at her husband for not being willing to separate from the family of origin. So leaving is core; there has to be a leaving.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Isn\u2019t that good?\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Really good.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> His voice just sounds so smart.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I know; I actually thought the same thing.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And you can see, as you work with couples, how a failure to leave\u2014how emotional dependence on mom\u2019s approval\/dad\u2019s approval: \u201cThis was how I was raised; I have to do it this way,\u201d\u2014in fact, somewhere in this conversation, I think Dan said he could trace 90 percent of a couple\u2019s problems in marriage back to a failure to leave. When he\u2019s working with couples, and he starts digging into what is going on, they didn\u2019t leave mom and dad; they didn\u2019t leave and form a whole new union.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> You know what I\u2019m amazed at?\u2014is that Bob Lepine can remember who said what on this broadcast\u2014\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> It\u2019s so true.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> \u201420-something years ago.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> These things marked me; that\u2019s the point as we\u2019re going through this. I\u2019m looking back at the things, over the last 28 years as I\u2019ve done this, that have shaped my life; shaped my marriage; helped me understand for me, for my family, for Mary Ann and me\/helped us understand: \u201cHow do you form a marriage that\u2019s going to go the distance?\u201d\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> And the neat thing is there [are] thousands\/maybe hundreds of thousands that will say, \u201cI remember Bob Lepine saying on <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> and that marked me.\u201d That\u2019s a beautiful thing; think about it.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> You and Mary Ann are <i>living<\/i> out those principles. That\u2019s why they are forefront in your mind, is because you\u2019re living them every day.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And it\u2019s because I got catechized\/I got trained, here, on <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>. We thought our listeners might like to have these kind of core principles in a consumable format. We put together a flash drive that includes all that we\u2019re going to be talking about this week: the 28 lessons I\u2019ve learned in 28 years of being on <i>FamilyLife Today.<\/i> And we\u2019ve actually taken the original programs from which each of these principles came. When you get the flash drive, you not only get our conversations, but you get to go back and listen to the programs, from years ago, where I first heard some of these core principles.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe\u2019re making that flash drive available to <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> listeners, who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, going forward. <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> is listener- supported. Your contributions keep this program in your community, keep it on the web, keep it reaching hundreds of thousands of people every day. You make that possible as you support the ongoing work of <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry come to us recently; and they have agreed that, during the month of May, they would match every donation we receive from <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> listeners\u2014match it dollar for dollar\u2014up to a total of $350,000. This is the last week for that, so we need to hear from you this week. Be as generous as you can possibly be so that we can take full advantage of this matching gift.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWhen you do, in addition to sending you the flash drive that I just talked about, we\u2019ll send you a couple of books by Aaron and Jamie Ivey\u2014both books have the same title and the same chapters\u2014but one is for husbands; the other is for wives. The book is called <i>Complement<\/i>, and it\u2019s about how we blend together in marriage.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nAnd then, those of you who would like to align with us, as monthly Legacy Partners this month\u2014we\u2019re hoping that many of you would step in and say, \u201c<i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> means a lot to me. I want to make sure that this program does continue. We can be monthly donors to the ministry of FamilyLife,\u201d\u2014when you make that first monthly gift, we\u2019re going to send you a certificate so you and your spouse can attend an upcoming <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i> marriage getaway as new Legacy Partners. And that\u2019s transferrable; if you want to pass that on to somebody else, you can do that as well.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe really appreciate all of you who support the ministry. Legacy Partners, we particularly appreciate your faithfulness through the years. If you\u2019d like the flash drive and the books\/if you\u2019d like to become a Legacy Partner, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. All of the information is available there for how you can help support the ongoing work of <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or if it\u2019s easier, just call 1-800-FL-TODAY; we can get you all set up. Our number, again, 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about parenting; because I learned a lot as we were raising our kids. There were a lot of times when I would sit down and have a conversation with a guest and go home and talk to Mary Ann and say, \u201cGuess what I learned today? Here\u2019s what we need to start doing.\u201d So tomorrow, lessons on parenting from the last 28 years. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We got some extra help today from Bruce Goff and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:30:58"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["28.36M"],"filesize_raw":["29736163"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306849.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306849.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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Lepine has co-hosted FamilyLife Today for 28 years, and today, he begins his farewell week, relating to Dave and Ann Wilson some of the top takeaways on marriage from his years with FamilyLife.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"","transcript_content":"<b>Bob: <\/b>And welcome to <i>FamilyLife Today.<\/i> Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition\/Monday, May 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI\u2019ve got a verse of the year. Do you have a verse you get locked in on during the year? This is mine: it\u2019s Ecclesiastes 3. I didn\u2019t learn this in a Bible study; I learned this in the \u201860s, listening to the radio.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Is this your verse <i>this<\/i> year?\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> This is my verse for this year, yes.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Okay.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> I learned it listening to The Birds and it\u2019s: \u201cTo everything there is a season.\u201d Everything this year you have to recognize God\u2019s in control of things. There\u2019s a season for everything: some seasons are hard seasons; some seasons are seasons of joy; some seasons are melancholy.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThis is a season of transition for us at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. This week, we\u2019re marking that transition because this will be the last week that I\u2019ll be doing <i>this<\/i>. Starting next week, we\u2019re handing things over to you guys, full on.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I wish you could see our faces right now.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> You are going to do <i>great<\/i>!\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> I can\u2019t imagine what the listeners faces are doing right now, because this is news to <i>them<\/i>.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> It is news. I know any transition, it\u2019s kind of like: \u201cOh, it\u2019s not going to be the same.\u201d It\u2019s going to be <i>great<\/i>!<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe\u2019re marking this week: we thought I\u2019ve been here 28 years, doing <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>; and over 28 years, I think I\u2019ve got the equivalent of a masters; maybe, I\u2019m into my PhD work\u2014\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I think you\u2019re into your doctorate.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u2014when it comes to marriage and family. It\u2019s just been the daily discipline of sitting down with some of the smartest people on the planet about what the Bible has to say about marriage and family; I\u2019ve learned <i>so<\/i> much.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI came up with 28 things\u2014and I could have come up with 280 things\u2014\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes; right, right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u2014but 28 things I\u2019ve learned in 28 years. This week, we\u2019ll walk through my top 28.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> That\u2019ll be easy.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Today, we\u2019ll focus on 28 things about marriage. Then tomorrow, we\u2019ll look at parenting; and then we\u2019re going to look at the differences between men and women. We\u2019ll look at things that all of us have learned from Dennis Rainey, and then I\u2019ve got a bunch of miscellaneous stuff we\u2019ll throw in on the last day.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Just don\u2019t mind if I cry half the time; okay? [Laughter]\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> The marriage stuff we\u2019re going to talk about really is connected to our experience, teaching at the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways that we\u2019ve done together. You\u2019ve done it for more than 30 years; I\u2019ve done it for the 28 years that I\u2019ve been here.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe first night at the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>, we have kind of the principle that sets up the whole weekend. It\u2019s one of those profound things that you go: \u201cThat\u2019s really true, and understanding that helps me understand everything that\u2019s going on in my marriage.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe principle is that the natural drift in every marriage relationship is a drift toward isolation, and to pursue oneness takes intentionality and pursuit\/you\u2019ve got to go for it. If you don\u2019t go for it, you\u2019ll drift apart. Here\u2019s how Dennis explained it on a <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> radio program, talking about this drift in a relationship. Listen to this.\n\n<b>Dennis:<\/b> God created marriage for a noble purpose\u2014for a husband and wife, who are very different, to become one\u2014and that, all your marriage, you\u2019re going to battle isolation versus oneness. And the question is: \u201cWhere you going to end up?\u201d Are you going to end up isolated from one another?\u2014or are you going to battle it through, using God\u2019s plan\/God\u2019s blueprints. and submit to Jesus Christ and end up, as a couple, one with one another?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nAnd you know what, Bob? Today, as never before, couples need someone from the outside to just explain to them what happens in a marriage relationship, where two people who started out with such high expectations\u2014high hope and great love for one another\u2014can, within a matter of hours, days, weeks, months, or years\u2014be at war with one another and be isolated from one another in marriage. And instead of experiencing intimacy, be alone in a marriage relationship.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> I mean, isn\u2019t that just an \u201cAha,\u201d where you go: \u201cThat\u2019s true.\u201d No marriage is static\u2014not standing still\u2014you\u2019re either drifting away, or you\u2019re moving toward one another in oneness. If you neglect your marriage, you\u2019ll go toward isolation. If you work together, you can get to oneness.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes, and it is pretty much the opposite of what a couple thinks before marriage; they think: \u201cOh, we\u2019re just going to drift <i>together<\/i>.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> \u201cYou know, the longer we\u2019re together, the more in love\u2014that\u2019s the natural drift\u2014is going to be toward each other.\u201d Then you get married, and you realize it really is the opposite. You are going to drift away. The current is going in opposite directions; and you\u2019ve got to <i>paddle,<\/i> and it is a ton of work.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI remember one time in Detroit\u2014I don\u2019t know if Ann will remember this\u2014but it was a Lions home game weekend. We convinced a couple, maybe three or four Lions couples, to go to the FamilyLife <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i> in Detroit on Friday night; but they couldn\u2019t go Saturday.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> So all they heard was <i>that<\/i> talk. I remember they looked at us afterwards, like: \u201cWell, that was discouraging.\u201d [Laughter] We\u2019re like \u201cNo, no, you have to come back and find out God\u2019s plan.\u201d But they only heard the first talk\u2014<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u2014the drift.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> \u2014which was the threats to oneness. Dennis did a great job; it\u2019s so true.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I\u2019m telling you: if you go to the marriage conference though, and that\u2019s the only thing you get, that should put an alarm in your mind\/in your head, like, \u201cUh oh!\u201d because I always thought the same thing: \u201cWe\u2019re drifting together. Our love just <i>pulls<\/i> us together and will continue to.\u201d\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> The Beach Boys told us that\u2019s how it would be. [Laughter] Brian Wilson [songwriter] said it\u2019s only going to make it that much better when we can say goodnight and stay together. [Laughter]\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> There you go.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> [Singing] \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be nice if we\u2026\u201d\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> So the idea was: if dating is good, marriage is just going to be <i>great<\/i>!\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And then we get married and go, \u201c<i>Why<\/i> is this not working out?\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nOn Friday night at the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>, to hear the natural drift is toward isolation, you go, \u201cOh, this is not just <i>us<\/i>! Everybody experiences this. We\u2019re not alone in this. The fact that we\u2019re in isolation is because we haven\u2019t been\u2014<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> \u2014working on it.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u2014\u201cpaying attention.\u201d Yes; I just think that\u2019s genius.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nEverybody listening: your marriage is not staying static. If you\u2019re not working on it, you\u2019re drifting toward isolation. You have to work at it. You have to know how to work at it to pursue the kind of oneness that God intends for a marriage relationship.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> And if you\u2019re sitting there, thinking, \u201cOkay, now what do I do?\u201d Go to the <i>Weekend to Remember.<\/i> Go to FamilyLife.com right now, and there\u2019s all kinds of resources that will help you combat that natural drift.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Download the app; listen to this program every day.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Do the things that are going to prompt you to move toward one another in marriage.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nAlright, here\u2019s the second thing about marriage that got implanted on my brain, early on. It\u2019s probably the most-often quoted line from the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>. [Laughter] If you go up to a couple, who\u2019s been to a <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>, and you say, \u201cWhat do you remember? Was there a big takeaway?\u201d, I mean, at least, 50 percent of the time\u2014\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I would say so, too.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u2014what they will say is: \u201cI learned my spouse is not my enemy.\u201d\n\n<b>Dave and Ann:<\/b> \u2014\u201cis not my enemy.\u201d\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> I have couples say it out loud.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> We do, too.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> I\u2019d say, \u201cHere it is: your spouse is not your enemy. Everybody say it with me: \u2018My spouse is not my enemy.\u2019\u201d Then I say, \u201cLook at each other and say, \u2018You are not my enemy.\u2019\u201d Some of them feel like they\u2019re <i>lying<\/i> when they say that.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Exactly.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Well, have you looked out there, and some of them will <i>not<\/i> do it?\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> They\u2019re looking at their spouse; and they want to tell us if they could: \u201cYou got us wrong. She <i>is<\/i> my enemy; she\u2019s the one in my marriage.\u201d\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Exactly.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Here\u2019s Dennis Rainey, again, explaining this principle that your spouse is not your enemy.\n\n[Previous <i>FamilyLife Today <\/i>Broadcast]\n\n<b>Dennis:<\/b> Well, if you see your marriage from a spiritual perspective, you\u2019re going to understand that your marriage is under attack. There is a spiritual battle that is swirling around every marriage that is listening today to this broadcast. Satan is seeking to divide and to destroy Christian marriages. And that\u2019s why it is so important for every Christian marriage to realize your marriage today is under attack. Do not be deceived. There is a destroyer that is seeking to deceive us, to cause us to think that the battle is inside our home, that the real enemy is your spouse.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nAnd if I read Ephesians, Chapter 6, correctly, it tells me that our battle is not against flesh and blood. Your enemy is <i>never<\/i> your spouse; your enemy is <i>never<\/i> your mate; you are not at war against your husband. Your real battle is against the prince of darkness. And what he is trying to get Christians to do today is to deceive them into thinking that their real battle is internally, within their marriage, instead of realizing that the real battle is the devil. The only way we\u2019re going to defeat him is to know the Scripture, and cling to God, and be dependent upon the truth that is found in God\u2019s Word.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> I mean, again, that\u2019s such a foundational principle when a couple can look at each other and say, \u201cYou\u2019re not my enemy. We have an enemy; there\u2019s somebody who is trying to destroy our marriage. Rather than focusing on one another as the source of the issue, let\u2019s recognize where the issue is. Let\u2019s turn together and let\u2019s do battle against Satan, who wants to destroy us.\u201d That\u2019s a turning point in so many marriages.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Oh, it is. I remember the first year we went to the conference, which was two weeks before we got married. Dave and I ended up really struggling that first year in our marriage. But that point stuck out to me. We were in this big fight; and I remember walking out of the room, saying, \u201cYou\u2019re not my enemy! [Laughter] Remember that?\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> I actually remember it, differently.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Oh!\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes, it was the same thing; but here\u2019s what I remember. I got up and left the bedroom and was storming down the hall. She was in the bedroom. You yelled out into the hallway, so we weren\u2019t even in the same room. She yelled the words that we heard at the <i>Weekend to Remember:\u2014<\/i>\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u201cYou\u2019re not my enemy.\u201d\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> \u2014\u201cYou\u2019re not my enemy. What are we fighting each other for? Let\u2019s turn and fight the enemy.\u201d All I remember, at that moment, is thinking, \u201cI can\u2019t believe she\u2019s right again.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Oh, <i>now<\/i> you\u2019re admitting it.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> I remember it, because we weren\u2019t looking at each other. I was like, \u201cOh, she\u2019s always right!\u201d She\u2019s bringing back this point, from the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>, which was a couple of months before that. But think about it\u2014we\u2019re newlyweds\u2014and we have a foundation that was very important to understand at that moment.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And MaryAnn and I have been married 41 years; and there are still days, where we have to look at each other and say, \u201cOkay; you\u2019re not the enemy.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Exactly.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u201cI\u2019m not the enemy.\u201d We just acknowledge that, and it helps us recalibrate and go: \u201cWhat we\u2019re feeling right now, it\u2019s real\u2014but let\u2019s recognize what\u2019s also real and that is\u2014that God\u2019s on our side on this and that we can turn to Him, and let\u2019s fight the real enemy in all of this.\u201d\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> That recognition is really important.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> There\u2019s a third point that\u2019s probably\u2014I\u2019m kind of\u2014these are the <i>Weekend<\/i>s<i> to Remember<\/i> greatest hits that we\u2019re doing here; right?\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Right; yes.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes; right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> So there\u2019s a third point that comes during the course of the weekend, where we help couples understand that there\u2019s a decision every person has to make. You make it when you get married, but you have to remake it over and over again. It\u2019s the decision that you\u2019re going to do more than simply accept your spouse; you\u2019re going to <i>receive<\/i> your spouse as the gift God has given you. Again, Dennis explained this in a series we did on <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> very early after the program got started. So here\u2019s Dennis again.\n\n[Previous <i>FamilyLife Today <\/i>Broadcast]\n\n<b>Dennis:<\/b> When you made a covenant to your spouse, it wasn\u2019t just to stay married. It was a covenant to care for and to nourish them, and meet their needs, and to receive them\/accept them, embrace them as God\u2019s personal provision for your needs. And what we\u2019ve got to do today is not reject our spouse; we have to receive them. We have to receive them in their personality, their habits, the mistakes they make, even their selfishness and how they hurt us. We somehow, in the middle of a real relationship with a real person, must embrace that person; because that is God\u2019s assignment for us.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> That\u2019s a tough assignment for a lot of folks, who have a lot of baggage that they brought with them into the marriage relationship, or a lot of issues that have developed since they got married, where they\u2019ve been wounded.\n\n<b>Dennis:<\/b> Yes; and what makes it even more difficult is some Christians end up feeling like they married the wrong person, and this will really undermine your commitment. I believe the devil really uses seeds of doubt in Christian\u2019s lives, early in their marriage, to perhaps convince them that they made a mistake. The bottom line is we need to accept and receive our spouse. If we\u2019re married today to them, we need to accept them as God\u2019s personal provision for us. Because you know what? You don\u2019t have an option at this point.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Again, such a great principle that, if we will just change perspective and say, \u201cGod\u2019s given me a gift\u2014it feels some days like I got a gag gift. [Laughter] It feels some days like this is no gift; this is a millstone\u2014but no, God knows what He\u2019s doing. He\u2019s given you <i>exactly<\/i> what you need and then you can accept this as the good gift from His hand. When we talk about this at the marriage conference, we talk about God presenting Eve to Adam.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> And our big point at the weekend is he doesn\u2019t just accept her.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> This is now \u201cbone of my bone.\u201d He\u2019s excited; he receives her <i>because<\/i> of who is bringing her to him. It\u2019s somebody he knows well, God; and he can trust Him. And we have a beautiful picture of what marriage can be. I can choose to reject this gift from my Father, or I can receive her\/receive him as an amazing gift.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI know we all have moments; we\u2019re like, \u201cUh, this is not what I thought.\u201d But at the end of the day, there is a beautiful gift in your wife\/in your husband that we often miss.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I\u2019m realizing that these are foundational truths for Dave and me; because we have built our marriage on these truths, and they\u2019re biblical truths.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And I\u2019m telling you\u2014these three things we\u2019ve talked about: your marriage drifts toward isolation, your spouse is not your enemy, receive your spouse as God\u2019s gift for you\u2014when you can build a marriage on that kind of a foundation, it\u2019s amazing what God can do.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWhen we talk about receiving your spouse, the very next thing we talk about is the fact that there are obstacles to receiving your spouse, like everybody has weaknesses; and those weaknesses in your spouse are an obstacle. You don\u2019t want to receive somebody who\u2019s got weaknesses. I remember teaching through this one Saturday morning at the <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i>. I\u2019m looking through this list of possible obstacles\u2014things like: \u201cYour spouse is critical\/has a critical spirit,\u201d or \u201cYour spouse is lazy,\u201d or \u201cYour spouse is disorganized,\u201d\u2014and it dawned on me that, each one of those weaknesses, there is a corresponding strength behind that weakness.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI\u2019m thinking, \u201cOkay; sometimes, Mary Ann can have a critical spirit.\u201d But I thought, \u201cThat\u2019s because she has high standards, and those high standards are a good thing. It\u2019s just when you overuse that it becomes a critical spirit.\u201d Sometimes, I can be lazy. Well, I can be a laidback person. The laidback can be a good thing; lazy is not.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWhen you see whatever you would identify as your spouse\u2019s weakness, you\u2019d say, \u201cThis person just nags all the time.\u201d Well, a person, who nags all the time, really cares about things going right.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> See, this is so good. If we would all do this\u2014think: \u201cWhat are my husband\u2019s weaknesses?\u201d or \u201c\u2026my wife\u2019s\u2026\u201d\u2014and we went through that: \u201cWhat\u2019s the opposite?\u201d\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u201cWhat\u2019s the corresponding strength with it?\u201d\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I remember our professor in seminary asked me: \u201cTell me what Dave\u2019s greatest weakness is.\u201d I\u2019m surprised that he asked me. I was like, \u201cOh, I cannot <i>stand<\/i> how laidback he is. I think it\u2019s not just laidback\u2014I used to think it was laidback\u2014but now I\u2019m realizing he\u2019s just passive. He doesn\u2019t have any umption and get up and go.\u201d I would go on and on.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Of course, she never told me that. [Laughter] It was like, every day, we would talk about this.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> So ten years later, that same prof came and visited us. And now, he asked me: \u201cTell me what Dave\u2019s greatest strength is.\u201d Because\/maybe it\u2019s because of these principles that I had learned, I said, \u201cI love how laidback he is, because I am so intense; I need that in my life.\u201d\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And I think we can have a conversation with one another in marriage and say, \u201cYou know, one of the things I love about you is that you really care about things being done right in our family. Now, sometimes, it does drive me crazy when that turns into nagging.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes; right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u201cBut I really do appreciate\/I\u2019m grateful for what\u2019s behind that.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> \u201cIs there a way we can celebrate what\u2019s good?\u2014and kind of work on when that gets overused.\u201d\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> Yes; and maybe even an assignment, as you listen today, is make a list of the great qualities in your spouse. I bet you it\u2019s been awhile since you identified those, because it\u2019s so easy to see the negative; but there\u2019s a positive side to that. Write it and tell her\/tell him you appreciate that about them.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Here\u2019s the last thing about marriage that we\u2019ll talk about today. This came out during an interview that we had with our friend, Dan Allender, who had written a book called <i>Intimate Allies.<\/i> Dan was helping me understand why leaving father and mother and forming a new union\u2014why that\u2019s so important.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI think in literal terms, so leaving means I don\u2019t live with them anymore. But Dan was explaining: your parents\u2014and their influence, and their approval, and all of that\u2014still kind of comes with you into marriage. And when it does, when you don\u2019t leave father and mother and form that new union, you\u2019re sowing seeds of discord in a marriage. Here\u2019s Dan talking about this.\n\n[Previous <i>FamilyLife Today <\/i>Broadcast]\n\n<b>Dan:<\/b> Well, there are three parts in that passage in Genesis 2. It says that we are to leave our fathers and mothers; we are to cleave to our wives; that we are to become one flesh. There\u2019s a sequence that\u2019s required for every man and for every woman.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThey must leave their family of origin\u2014and not just geographically\u2014we\u2019re to move together uniquely and not under the sway and power of our families of origin. Now, what happens, for example, with a husband, who does not leave his father?\u2014and <i>lives<\/i> for his father\u2019s approval. In one sense, his wife <i>knows<\/i> he is not trustworthy; and in that sense, a wife is often going to feel anger at her husband for not being willing to separate from the family of origin. So leaving is core; there has to be a leaving.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> Isn\u2019t that good?\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> Really good.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> His voice just sounds so smart.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> I know; I actually thought the same thing.\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And you can see, as you work with couples, how a failure to leave\u2014how emotional dependence on mom\u2019s approval\/dad\u2019s approval: \u201cThis was how I was raised; I have to do it this way,\u201d\u2014in fact, somewhere in this conversation, I think Dan said he could trace 90 percent of a couple\u2019s problems in marriage back to a failure to leave. When he\u2019s working with couples, and he starts digging into what is going on, they didn\u2019t leave mom and dad; they didn\u2019t leave and form a whole new union.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> You know what I\u2019m amazed at?\u2014is that Bob Lepine can remember who said what on this broadcast\u2014\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> It\u2019s so true.\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> \u201420-something years ago.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> These things marked me; that\u2019s the point as we\u2019re going through this. I\u2019m looking back at the things, over the last 28 years as I\u2019ve done this, that have shaped my life; shaped my marriage; helped me understand for me, for my family, for Mary Ann and me\/helped us understand: \u201cHow do you form a marriage that\u2019s going to go the distance?\u201d\n\n<b>Dave:<\/b> And the neat thing is there [are] thousands\/maybe hundreds of thousands that will say, \u201cI remember Bob Lepine saying on <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> and that marked me.\u201d That\u2019s a beautiful thing; think about it.\n\n<b>Ann:<\/b> You and Mary Ann are <i>living<\/i> out those principles. That\u2019s why they are forefront in your mind, is because you\u2019re living them every day.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<b>Bob:<\/b> And it\u2019s because I got catechized\/I got trained, here, on <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>. We thought our listeners might like to have these kind of core principles in a consumable format. We put together a flash drive that includes all that we\u2019re going to be talking about this week: the 28 lessons I\u2019ve learned in 28 years of being on <i>FamilyLife Today.<\/i> And we\u2019ve actually taken the original programs from which each of these principles came. When you get the flash drive, you not only get our conversations, but you get to go back and listen to the programs, from years ago, where I first heard some of these core principles.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe\u2019re making that flash drive available to <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> listeners, who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, going forward. <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> is listener- supported. Your contributions keep this program in your community, keep it on the web, keep it reaching hundreds of thousands of people every day. You make that possible as you support the ongoing work of <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry come to us recently; and they have agreed that, during the month of May, they would match every donation we receive from <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> listeners\u2014match it dollar for dollar\u2014up to a total of $350,000. This is the last week for that, so we need to hear from you this week. Be as generous as you can possibly be so that we can take full advantage of this matching gift.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWhen you do, in addition to sending you the flash drive that I just talked about, we\u2019ll send you a couple of books by Aaron and Jamie Ivey\u2014both books have the same title and the same chapters\u2014but one is for husbands; the other is for wives. The book is called <i>Complement<\/i>, and it\u2019s about how we blend together in marriage.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nAnd then, those of you who would like to align with us, as monthly Legacy Partners this month\u2014we\u2019re hoping that many of you would step in and say, \u201c<i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> means a lot to me. I want to make sure that this program does continue. We can be monthly donors to the ministry of FamilyLife,\u201d\u2014when you make that first monthly gift, we\u2019re going to send you a certificate so you and your spouse can attend an upcoming <i>Weekend to Remember<\/i> marriage getaway as new Legacy Partners. And that\u2019s transferrable; if you want to pass that on to somebody else, you can do that as well.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe really appreciate all of you who support the ministry. Legacy Partners, we particularly appreciate your faithfulness through the years. If you\u2019d like the flash drive and the books\/if you\u2019d like to become a Legacy Partner, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. All of the information is available there for how you can help support the ongoing work of <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or if it\u2019s easier, just call 1-800-FL-TODAY; we can get you all set up. Our number, again, 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about parenting; because I learned a lot as we were raising our kids. There were a lot of times when I would sit down and have a conversation with a guest and go home and talk to Mary Ann and say, \u201cGuess what I learned today? Here\u2019s what we need to start doing.\u201d So tomorrow, lessons on parenting from the last 28 years. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We got some extra help today from Bruce Goff and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<i>FamilyLife Today<\/i> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306849","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306849"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306849"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306849"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306849"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306849"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306849"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306849"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}