{"id":306848,"date":"2021-05-22T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-05-22T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-fathers-influence\/"},"modified":"2025-01-31T13:30:45","modified_gmt":"2025-01-31T18:30:45","slug":"a-fathers-influence","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/a-fathers-influence\/","title":{"rendered":"A Father&#8217;s Influence"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>As a dad, what can you do to make the most of the limited time your kids are at home? Jeff Kemp shares what was important to his dad, which Jeff passed along to his own kids. Bill Bennett\u2014a colleague and good friend of Jeff&#8217;s late father, Jack Kemp\u2014shares his own observations.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As a dad, what can you do to make the most of the limited time your kids are at home? Jeff Kemp shares what was important to his dad. Bill Bennett shares his own observations.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294950,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/familylifethisweek.s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com\/flw2021-05-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26883144","date_recorded":"2021-05-22 07:00:05","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837],"tags":[4946,6976,2209],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3166,9259],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-306848","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","tag-fatherhood","tag-fathering","tag-parenting","cwp_profile-jeff-kemp","cwp_profile-william-bennett","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg?w=300","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306848\/a-fathers-influence","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306848\/a-fathers-influence","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"OqYmL1VyFF\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/a-fathers-influence\/\">A Father&#8217;s Influence<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/a-fathers-influence\/embed\/#?secret=OqYmL1VyFF\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Father&#8217;s Influence&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"OqYmL1VyFF\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-05-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/familylifethisweek.s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com\/flw2021-05-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> There\u2019s a critical step that every dad needs to do: name your son. But according to former NFL quarterback, turned coach for the family, Jeff Kemp, there\u2019s more in a name than you might think.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> In a society, where dads aren\u2019t spending enough time and a lot of dads aren\u2019t around, many times sons don\u2019t get named by their dads. \u201cNamed\u201d means: \u201cYou\u2019re a good son,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re my son,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re God\u2019s son,\u201d \u201cYou have a purpose and a plan. These are your strengths\u2026I\u2019ve seen these strengths in you, and they exist for a purpose.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about the challenges and rewards of being a dad on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. The president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is David Robbins. For the past few weeks, we have been talking on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em> about parenting, from helping our kids through difficult circumstances to how to be a better role model for them. We\u2019ve talked with many of our FamilyLife team members: Meg Robbins, and Bob Lepine, Ron Deal, and also Tracy Lane.<\/p>\n<p>Today, we\u2019re going to talk with Jeff Kemp. Jeff Kemp is a former football quarterback. He\u2019s played for the Rams, and the 49\u2019ers, and the Seahawks, and Eagles.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yay, Eagles! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Go, Eagles! Woo hoo!<\/p>\n<p>You are now a champion for marriage and family. You\u2019re a speaker and author. Many would know you as a catalyst for making things work and making things go. Also, you\u2019re married to Stacy and have four grown sons.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That can\u2019t be an \u201calso\u201d; that\u2019s like the start. I\u2019ve been married to Stacy for 35 years.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay; I should\u2019ve started off with that one. Yes, married to Stacy for 35 years. Congratulations!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> We just had an anniversary, and we have four sons. The fourth one is about to get married, so that\u2019s exciting.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Very cool. Great to have you here today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Thanks.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Many know who your father is\u2014Jack Kemp\u2014he was a powerful man; he also played football. He was in the NFL for\u201413 years?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes, most of them with the Buffalo Bills.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay; he spent nine terms in the House of Representatives, and he served in the Cabinet with George H. W. Bush. What did he do then?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> He was the Secretary of Housing and Urban development, focused on housing and building up urban communities.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> He was this powerful, busy man; but I have it under good authority that he never missed a game of yours while you were in high school or college. Is that true?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. He made some corporations and groups he was speaking to jump through some hoops to make sure they would get him back on time for games. [Laughter] My sisters might complain he didn\u2019t make it to as many of their ballet recitals as our games and he was biased towards football. [Laughter] He loved my sisters dearly, but I think he did go a little bit bonkers for football and being at my brother and my games.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What did that say to <em>you<\/em> as the value of family?\u2014for him to show up and encourage you at all your games.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That was one fascinating thing. Dad was very competitive in football, very driven to make the country better in politics, and became very successful in business. When he died, he said, \u201cJeff, I do not want a big, fancy service; and I do not want to be remembered for football, or politics, or business. I want to be remembered for our family: for how much God loved us and the blessing of our family.<\/p>\n<p>That was clear during the days we were raised: family vacations, playing catch in the backyard, being at our games, family dinner time. We\u2019d wait until 8:00 to have dinner because Dad would come home from Congress late\u2014all his meetings\u2014but he wanted to have dinner with us. He\u2019d bring home world leaders; and we\u2019d sit at the dinner table, and he\u2019d open up conversations. Jean Kirkpatrick, Ambassador to the UN: \u201cExplain d\u00e9tente to Jeff.\u201d I\u2019m 14; I don\u2019t care about d\u00e9tente. [Laughter] He brought us into <em>his<\/em> world, and he made sure he was in <em>our<\/em> world.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Why did you not choose politics?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I saw the price that you pay on time with your family: more, and more, and more travel, and all the fundraising. I wanted to coach Little League sports; I wanted to be home for dinner every night at 5:00; I want to play in the backyard with my kids.<\/p>\n<p>I knew I wanted to make a difference\u2014\u201cbe a leader\u201d\u2014but God\u2019s kingdom, relationships, shaping culture, strengthening fathers, strengthening men, strengthening marriage and families ended up being the pathway where I could lead. It wasn\u2019t on such a big scale as my dad, but I\u2019m thankful that I\u2019ve been able to help people and have a career that has made a difference.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You\u2019re an author. Was there ever a time where you thought it would be fun to write with your dad?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Indeed. When he was, I think, in his last year with cancer, I had been kicking around the idea of doing a book together called <em>The Handoff: Passing on a Legacy of Leadership and Love<\/em>\u2014because he had done that for me\u2014he had passed on a legacy of leadership and love. \u201cHow do you hand that off to the next generation?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I did some interviews with him, and got my little recorder and asked him a bunch of questions, and was thinking about that idea. I had a friend\u2014Gary Thomas, an author\u2014and I thought he might help me write it. Then, when Dad was sick\u2014and it just didn\u2019t seem the right thing\u2014I decided to write a book about facing blitzes, and trials, and tribulations and turning them to positive, which is the nature of what Jesus did and what He calls us to do. In this world, \u201cYou\u2019re going to get blitzed,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s quoting Jesus out of the NFL version. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014the NFL version of the Bible.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> NIV says: \u201c\u2026you\u2019ll have trouble\u201d; but the NFL version says: \u201cIn this world you\u2019ll be blitzed.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You talk about legacy and how your dad built a <em>solid<\/em> legacy for you. As you\u2019re looking on into the furthering generations of the Kemps, what are some of the differences that you see now in how <em>you<\/em> were fathered and how you father?\u2014or grandfather?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I\u2019m spending more time with my kids than my dad was able to because of his career. Now, my kids are grown; and I\u2019m looking forward to time when we set up special opportunities\u2014mountain biking, skiing, playing tennis\u2014when we can. Family togetherness means a lot; my dad did that same thing. The main difference is, other than a lot more time, that I\u2019m trying to cast vision for their character, not just their performance.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s three big things I want to pass on:<\/p>\n<p>\u2014the faith, which I have to pass on by living and praying, not lecturing. Yes, you can do some devotions, and you make real-life conversations out of things; but the faith by modeling it.<\/p>\n<p>Number two\u2014their identity. You need to help them know their identity as an amazing, valuable creation of God\/someone who God loves. Many people can grasp that, but they can\u2019t grasp that God likes them. A lot of men don\u2019t know that God <em>likes<\/em> them because they mess up\/they bumble. They have temptations; they have compromises; they feel bad. Today, especially, there\u2019s pornography and a lot of counterfeit sexuality. Many times, a lack of confidence in education, or performance, or not having a job early.<\/p>\n<p>Your identity isn\u2019t all that stuff. Your identity is not that you\u2019re a sinner. Your identity is that you\u2019re a person [whom] Christ has saved\/that God has loved. He has put His righteousness in you, and He calls you to be an ambassador for God. God likes you!<\/p>\n<p>Finally, the blueprints for relationships. My wife has been a champion; Stacy has helped so much\u2014and so did our Christian school and church; they did a good job of assisting us\u2014in painting the picture of: how to relate to the opposite sex, how to have good friendships, how to apologize and how to forgive, and \u201cWhat is marriage, and why is it so beautiful?\u201d and \u201cHow do you aim towards marriage and not settle for the counterfeits and the shortcuts along the way?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That is so good; that\u2019s so important. I want to go back to identity for just a second. Practically, help a father understand or walk through some of those steps in instilling a strong identity of God in their child.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to draw upon a single mom\u2019s experience to tell us dads how to father; okay?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that\u2019s just my bizarre way. My former dental hygienist, named Rita, faced a blitz. Her husband, who she wanted to be committed to for life, left her. Then, her little son, ten years old, broke his arm. Arm\u2019s in a cast, the beginning of baseball season, and he wants to quit.<\/p>\n<p>Mom\/she says, \u201cNo, honey; I don\u2019t think you should quit. I\u2019ve seen the characteristic of commitment in you. I think, if you stick with the team, and go to all the practices and games\u2014even though you can\u2019t play\u2014you\u2019re the biggest encourager to all the other kids on the days when maybe the coaches or other people are saying negative things. You\u2019ll be demonstrating that great characteristic of commitment that, someday, is going to make you a wonderful husband and an awesome daddy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That mom used a tough circumstance to draw upon that child\u2019s character and then magnify it, like the Angel of the Lord did to Gideon. Before he was some courageous leader, he called him a great and valiant warrior. She spoke this little boy\u2019s future into him and called him up into his characteristic of commitment. That is how you build the identity of your kids: whenever you see something good, praise it; hold onto it and bring it up some other time when they\u2019re not confident.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014which is so huge because we forget that. Either we say, \u201cNo, no; don\u2019t do that,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t do that\u201d; or we are praising their performance. We\u2019re forgetting to praise the character.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I think we\u2019re talking about having a mindset, as a dad or as a parent, of thinking about the big picture\/the long term: \u201cWhat am I going to do that makes sure that this young person knows that God made them, God loves them, and He has a purpose and a plan for them?\u201d But practically speaking, they need their identity; they need confidence. Be looking for the good things: write it in your phone on the note section; put it on your iPad<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014find a way\u2014have a journal and write down some things about your kids that you\u2019ve seen that are positive or some of the character traits.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t just say: \u201cYou whine too much,\u201d or \u201cI think you give up on things too much,\u201d\u2014do not say that\u2014that just reinforces it. Put that item in your prayer journal and keep it secret. Start praying that God would put some positive characteristic in there that would transcend that present weakness.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Those are some excellent points\/great reminders. Can you stick around through the break?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m enjoying this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay; me, too. We need to take a break. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Today, I am talking with Jeff Kemp. We\u2019ve been talking about parenting; specifically, how he was parented and how he has parented his sons. Jeff, thanks for joining me again. I appreciate it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> It\u2019s my pleasure.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You mentioned earlier that you grew up in a political household. There were people who would come in and out your doors: dignitaries, representatives, congressmen. Did William Bennett happen to be one of them?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes, he did. William Bennett and Dad were really close friends; and there\u2019s been a lot of banter, and joking, and competitiveness between those wonderful men. In fact, they started and ran a group called Empower America together. We know Bill really well; I\u2019ve been friends with him for many years, and he and Dad were super close friends.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s so great to hear that you guys were such close friends.<\/p>\n<p>I have a clip of Bill from a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> segment from a few years back. I want you to listen to it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> When the structures that we have in the Judeo-Christian civilization put together for the preservation of the best in us\u2014when they get weak\u2014it is the boys who fall apart before the girls. It may be because the girls\/the women end up with the kids most of the time, so they have responsibilities they cannot avoid. But the men try to avoid the responsibilities, having not been taught anything else.<\/p>\n<p>I remember I used to say, when I was Secretary of Education, Dennis: \u201cIf there was a bad idea, broad in the land, the first place you\u2019d put it into practice was in the American public school. If our kids couldn\u2019t do math, well then, let\u2019s just change it; and let\u2019s just estimate what we\u2019re doing. If culture was teaching bad lessons, lets just start teaching moral relativism as a doctrine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We went wrong, whether you look at out-of-wedlock birth, whether you look at religious affiliation, belief in God, belief in objective truth, belief in norms and standards. The fact that there has been a serious and ongoing effort, for 30 or 40 years now, to say that the differences between men and women are cultural constructs. This has had disastrous consequences, <em>mostly<\/em> on the men.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s a lot of lingering\/there\u2019s a lot of loitering going on. There\u2019s too much hanging out in your parents\u2019 basement. There\u2019s a lot of maturity deficits going on. There\u2019s too much video game playing going on of men in their mid-20s. Men in their mid-20s play more video games than boys, 12-18\u2014an average of 3 hours a day\u2014I don\u2019t care if a guy plays a little video game, but 3 hours a day when you\u2019re 23, 24, 25 years old? It\u2019s crazy! It\u2019s crazy! Where\u2019s your\u2014what\u2019s your job?\u2014where\u2019s your work at?\u2014where\u2019s everything else?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And why is he doing that? Why is a 23-year-old spending 3 hours a day in front of a video game?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> No one has taught him the value of, for example, work. A man who has missed the pleasure of work has missed one of the great pleasures life has to offer. I tell my audience when I sign off radio, \u201cThank goodness it\u2019s Friday.\u201d I\u2019m one of those guys that loves the weekend. I was doing a sports interview the other day; the guy said, \u201cWhat did you thank God for around your table?\u201d I said, \u201cI thanked God for my country and my family, and the SEC\u201d; you know? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Where would we be?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> Right; anyway, but I also thank God it\u2019s Monday. You guys <em>love<\/em> to do this [interviewing]; it\u2019s so obvious. For a boy to see a man taking joy in his work: my wife has said, \u201cGet the boys up. Have them go to your radio station.\u201d It\u2019s 5\/5:00 in the morning\/4:30 in the morning, but they\u2019ve done it; because I want them to see what it\u2019s like, and the exuberance, and how much we like it and enjoy it. They need to know that.<\/p>\n<p>Where came this notion that you live for the weekend?\u2014what is that? \u201cYou live so that then you can play on the weekend\u201d; that\u2019s crazy! To sustain a life of meaning and of <em>real<\/em> joy, a man has to have <em>work<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Bill Bennett talking with Dennis and Bob about what he sees is lacking in our society. Jeff, just hearing him, what were some of the thoughts going through your head?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I agree with him. I think before a man figures out work, he needs to figure out who he is from his dad. In a society\u2014where dads aren\u2019t spending enough time, and a lot of dads aren\u2019t around the son, and a lot of dads didn\u2019t get treated well by their dad\u2014many times, sons don\u2019t get named by their dads. \u201cNamed\u201d means: \u201cYou\u2019re a good son,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re my son,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re God\u2019s son,\u201d \u201cYou have a purpose and a plan. These are your strengths\u2026I\u2019ve seen these strengths in you, and they exist for a purpose: to make the world better, to make a contribution.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then, you start training that kid to do errands, to do chores, to do a job. If you let your child have a car, then they\u2019ve got to pay for gas and insurance, and stuff like that; so they need a job. You help them go figure out how to get a job at a car dealership\u2014or just assign it to them\u2014or construction, mowing lawns. Those things are second steps to having someone say who you are\/name you and, then, challenge.<\/p>\n<p>I do agree that you build character by doing esteem-able things. Self-esteem is built by doing esteem-able things, and work is something to esteem. Bill\u2019s right on; he would say the same thing: he would say fathering is the starting point, because fathers <em>name<\/em> their kids. If a dad isn\u2019t there, a group of men need to pass on manhood in the company of men.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> One thing that I have noticed, and also Bill said it, he said that, when men fail, women do, too. I\u2019m seeing that, when you have a passive man, in some sense the women are left with: \u201cWell, what do I do? Do I take control? Do I stand back? What do I do?\u201d Is public policy or government, is that going to change what we\u2019re seeing in our society at all?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Public policy can break down norms and do more damage to family than it can to rebuild family. Obviously, some welfare laws\/some tax laws support families; they can be helpful. But the culture is the ideas, and the values, and the beliefs, entertainment, and the religion, and the things that families do; people talk around the watercooler on social media. Culture is what drives us to make good choices, not some public policy, per se.<\/p>\n<p>We need a lot more mentoring of men, and husbands, and fathers so they can raise their sons the right way. When many, many kids are lacking their dads, we need for married families to come alongside those single-parent families and help raise those kids:<\/p>\n<p>\u2014give that daughter a picture of how valuable she is and what to look for in a relationship;<\/p>\n<p>\u2014give that young man a picture of his identity and that: \u201cHere\u2019s what manhood is: responsibility, and rejecting passivity, treating others with compassion; using your strength to defend others, not to advance yourself\u2014that\u2019s manhood.\u201d Jesus used all His strength to serve and protect others. That type of masculinity\u2014a man for others\u2014would be very winsome in the world.<\/p>\n<p>But right now, women are kind of afraid of men; because they were passive sometimes and not worth anything. And other times, we\u2019re little boy consumers that are playing games, consuming sex, consuming alcohol, consuming video games, and some get violent. There\u2019s still a masculine character, but it goes awry without training.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> When you are mentoring young men, and you are talking to them about manhood and how to reject passivity, how are you teaching them about rejecting passivity?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I use the metaphor of the contrast between being a consumer and an investor. A consumer spends all their money and buys food, and music, and clothing, and experiences. Then, the asset value\/their bank account, goes down. There\u2019s nothing left at the end of the day.<\/p>\n<p>An investor is taking their assets and putting it into something that will grow. If they invest it in a home, they\u2019re going to go mow the lawn; they\u2019re going to fix the broken things; they\u2019re going to add on a room; they\u2019re going to make it worth more. Someday the equity value grows.<\/p>\n<p>The same applies in relationships: a man invests in relationships; he\u2019s a relationship investor. He makes things better; he adds value\/he makes them worth more afterwards. When you treat the girls at school in a certain way, does your sarcasm add value to them?\u2014does your negative talk add value to them?\u2014in the way you date a girl and what you\u2019re looking for, physically versus relationally, add value to them?<\/p>\n<p>Once you get into a marriage, are you waiting for your wife to do nice things for you; or are you thinking, \u201cWhat can I do to meet her needs, build her up, make her the best woman possible; and put her at peace so she can enjoy responding to me?\u201d\u2014which will lead to some of the things you wanted in the first place.<\/p>\n<p>An investor does those things out of initiative. A consumer is just looking to take, and they drain the asset value. That\u2019s a great way to explain to young men, and any man, how to not be passive, but make the world better and be a good man.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What was the best piece\/or I should say, \u201cWhat was one of the best pieces of advice that you passed on to your sons?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> [Pause] You stumped me there. [Laughter] We\u2019ve always told our sons to: \u201cPray about it, and look for God\u2019s perspective.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s important.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That\u2019s probably <em>the<\/em> most important. There\u2019s a lot of good principles and ideas in the world. If you put them into practice in your own strength\u2014(A) you may fall short or (B) if you succeed, you\u2019ve got a problem with pride\u2014humility is really the greatest characteristic. \u201cPray about it,\u201d would probably the best advice we\u2019ve given our kids.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Great advice. What was some of the best advice that your dad gave you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> My dad used to always say that: \u201cYou\u2019re in your right place,\u201d which meant God has a plan; He\u2019s in control. Don\u2019t panic; don\u2019t worry, and don\u2019t get pessimistic. Then, he\u2019d say, \u201cCommit your way to the Lord. Trust also in Him, and He\u2019ll do it,\u201d\u2014so\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re in your right place; trust God.\u201d Then, Dad would say, \u201cNever, never give in. Never!\u201d That really was helpful to me in my football career and it\u2019s, obviously, worked in his career as well.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you ever given in?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think I <em>have<\/em> given in. You\u2019re supposed to give in when you\u2019re barking up the wrong tree; or when you\u2019re operating out of selfishness; or you discover the goal that you\u2019re seeking is <em>not<\/em> something that truly is going to be edifying and helpful, both for you and for others. That\u2019s called <em>changing<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>But giving in\u2014when you\u2019re on a quest to achieve something good\u2014I haven\u2019t given up before. But I have been humbled and found out: \u201cHey, this isn\u2019t the right thing to keep seeking; I\u2019m going to switch gears.\u201d That\u2019s called an audible, and you need to do that in football and in life.<\/p>\n<p>It just occurs to me that one of the most important things we can do, as a dad, is step off of our pedestal with our sons and daughters. They automatically look up to us. The biggest challenge is to make sure we keep the lines of communication open and that we bring ourselves down to a level, where they can talk to us. Humility does that.<\/p>\n<p>We make mistakes. One of the <em>greatest<\/em> lessons a dad can teach his kids is to apologize to them. I was trying to discipline Kyle one time, and he wouldn\u2019t confess the thing I was trying to hammer him into confessing. My wife calmed me down and said, \u201cStop hammering it. Just pull away.\u201d And I did. A week later, after apologizing for being so intense, we were in a creek. I was picking up rocks trying to help him find crawdads, and he confessed the whole thing voluntarily because I had come down to his level as his buddy. I\u2019d apologized earlier for being so intense.<\/p>\n<p>There are more things to apologize for; but when you apologize, you express humility. When you express humility, you\u2019re modeling God; and you make them more accessible to you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Jeff, our time has run out. I thank you so much for your time and enlightening us on dads and their responsibility. Also, breathing in vision for our next generation of men. Thank you for what you have done and your words.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Thanks, Michelle. Good to be with you. Good topic.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Coming up next week, we\u2019re going to take a road trip for Memorial Day. We\u2019re going to hear from Ed Harrell, who is a World War II veteran. His story is <em>incredible<\/em>; I hope you can join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the co-founder of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and the president, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country, and our team today\u2014Keith, Phil, Marques, Justin, and Megan\u2014thank, you guys, for all that you do.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n"],"duration":["00:28:00"],"filesize":["25.64M"],"filesize_raw":["26883144"],"_edit_lock":["1738349589:47000"],"_thumbnail_id":["294950"],"_edit_last":["47000"],"theme_header_position":["Sticky"],"post_header_is_sticky":["default"],"is_header_overlay":["0"],"episode_type":["audio"],"date_recorded":["2021-05-22 07:00:05"],"enclosure":["https:\/\/familylifethisweek.s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com\/flw2021-05-22.mp3"],"_seopress_redirections_type":["301"],"_seopress_redirections_logged_status":["both"],"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":[""],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306848.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306848.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top 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a dad, what can you do to make the most of the limited time your kids are at home? Jeff Kemp shares what was important to his dad. Bill Bennett shares his own observations.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-05-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> There\u2019s a critical step that every dad needs to do: name your son. But according to former NFL quarterback, turned coach for the family, Jeff Kemp, there\u2019s more in a name than you might think.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> In a society, where dads aren\u2019t spending enough time and a lot of dads aren\u2019t around, many times sons don\u2019t get named by their dads. \u201cNamed\u201d means: \u201cYou\u2019re a good son,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re my son,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re God\u2019s son,\u201d \u201cYou have a purpose and a plan. These are your strengths\u2026I\u2019ve seen these strengths in you, and they exist for a purpose.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about the challenges and rewards of being a dad on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. The president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is David Robbins. For the past few weeks, we have been talking on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em> about parenting, from helping our kids through difficult circumstances to how to be a better role model for them. We\u2019ve talked with many of our FamilyLife team members: Meg Robbins, and Bob Lepine, Ron Deal, and also Tracy Lane.<\/p>\n<p>Today, we\u2019re going to talk with Jeff Kemp. Jeff Kemp is a former football quarterback. He\u2019s played for the Rams, and the 49\u2019ers, and the Seahawks, and Eagles.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yay, Eagles! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Go, Eagles! Woo hoo!<\/p>\n<p>You are now a champion for marriage and family. You\u2019re a speaker and author. Many would know you as a catalyst for making things work and making things go. Also, you\u2019re married to Stacy and have four grown sons.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That can\u2019t be an \u201calso\u201d; that\u2019s like the start. I\u2019ve been married to Stacy for 35 years.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay; I should\u2019ve started off with that one. Yes, married to Stacy for 35 years. Congratulations!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> We just had an anniversary, and we have four sons. The fourth one is about to get married, so that\u2019s exciting.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Very cool. Great to have you here today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Thanks.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Many know who your father is\u2014Jack Kemp\u2014he was a powerful man; he also played football. He was in the NFL for\u201413 years?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes, most of them with the Buffalo Bills.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay; he spent nine terms in the House of Representatives, and he served in the Cabinet with George H. W. Bush. What did he do then?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> He was the Secretary of Housing and Urban development, focused on housing and building up urban communities.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> He was this powerful, busy man; but I have it under good authority that he never missed a game of yours while you were in high school or college. Is that true?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. He made some corporations and groups he was speaking to jump through some hoops to make sure they would get him back on time for games. [Laughter] My sisters might complain he didn\u2019t make it to as many of their ballet recitals as our games and he was biased towards football. [Laughter] He loved my sisters dearly, but I think he did go a little bit bonkers for football and being at my brother and my games.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What did that say to <em>you<\/em> as the value of family?\u2014for him to show up and encourage you at all your games.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That was one fascinating thing. Dad was very competitive in football, very driven to make the country better in politics, and became very successful in business. When he died, he said, \u201cJeff, I do not want a big, fancy service; and I do not want to be remembered for football, or politics, or business. I want to be remembered for our family: for how much God loved us and the blessing of our family.<\/p>\n<p>That was clear during the days we were raised: family vacations, playing catch in the backyard, being at our games, family dinner time. We\u2019d wait until 8:00 to have dinner because Dad would come home from Congress late\u2014all his meetings\u2014but he wanted to have dinner with us. He\u2019d bring home world leaders; and we\u2019d sit at the dinner table, and he\u2019d open up conversations. Jean Kirkpatrick, Ambassador to the UN: \u201cExplain d\u00e9tente to Jeff.\u201d I\u2019m 14; I don\u2019t care about d\u00e9tente. [Laughter] He brought us into <em>his<\/em> world, and he made sure he was in <em>our<\/em> world.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Why did you not choose politics?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I saw the price that you pay on time with your family: more, and more, and more travel, and all the fundraising. I wanted to coach Little League sports; I wanted to be home for dinner every night at 5:00; I want to play in the backyard with my kids.<\/p>\n<p>I knew I wanted to make a difference\u2014\u201cbe a leader\u201d\u2014but God\u2019s kingdom, relationships, shaping culture, strengthening fathers, strengthening men, strengthening marriage and families ended up being the pathway where I could lead. It wasn\u2019t on such a big scale as my dad, but I\u2019m thankful that I\u2019ve been able to help people and have a career that has made a difference.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You\u2019re an author. Was there ever a time where you thought it would be fun to write with your dad?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Indeed. When he was, I think, in his last year with cancer, I had been kicking around the idea of doing a book together called <em>The Handoff: Passing on a Legacy of Leadership and Love<\/em>\u2014because he had done that for me\u2014he had passed on a legacy of leadership and love. \u201cHow do you hand that off to the next generation?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I did some interviews with him, and got my little recorder and asked him a bunch of questions, and was thinking about that idea. I had a friend\u2014Gary Thomas, an author\u2014and I thought he might help me write it. Then, when Dad was sick\u2014and it just didn\u2019t seem the right thing\u2014I decided to write a book about facing blitzes, and trials, and tribulations and turning them to positive, which is the nature of what Jesus did and what He calls us to do. In this world, \u201cYou\u2019re going to get blitzed,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s quoting Jesus out of the NFL version. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014the NFL version of the Bible.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> NIV says: \u201c\u2026you\u2019ll have trouble\u201d; but the NFL version says: \u201cIn this world you\u2019ll be blitzed.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You talk about legacy and how your dad built a <em>solid<\/em> legacy for you. As you\u2019re looking on into the furthering generations of the Kemps, what are some of the differences that you see now in how <em>you<\/em> were fathered and how you father?\u2014or grandfather?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I\u2019m spending more time with my kids than my dad was able to because of his career. Now, my kids are grown; and I\u2019m looking forward to time when we set up special opportunities\u2014mountain biking, skiing, playing tennis\u2014when we can. Family togetherness means a lot; my dad did that same thing. The main difference is, other than a lot more time, that I\u2019m trying to cast vision for their character, not just their performance.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s three big things I want to pass on:<\/p>\n<p>\u2014the faith, which I have to pass on by living and praying, not lecturing. Yes, you can do some devotions, and you make real-life conversations out of things; but the faith by modeling it.<\/p>\n<p>Number two\u2014their identity. You need to help them know their identity as an amazing, valuable creation of God\/someone who God loves. Many people can grasp that, but they can\u2019t grasp that God likes them. A lot of men don\u2019t know that God <em>likes<\/em> them because they mess up\/they bumble. They have temptations; they have compromises; they feel bad. Today, especially, there\u2019s pornography and a lot of counterfeit sexuality. Many times, a lack of confidence in education, or performance, or not having a job early.<\/p>\n<p>Your identity isn\u2019t all that stuff. Your identity is not that you\u2019re a sinner. Your identity is that you\u2019re a person [whom] Christ has saved\/that God has loved. He has put His righteousness in you, and He calls you to be an ambassador for God. God likes you!<\/p>\n<p>Finally, the blueprints for relationships. My wife has been a champion; Stacy has helped so much\u2014and so did our Christian school and church; they did a good job of assisting us\u2014in painting the picture of: how to relate to the opposite sex, how to have good friendships, how to apologize and how to forgive, and \u201cWhat is marriage, and why is it so beautiful?\u201d and \u201cHow do you aim towards marriage and not settle for the counterfeits and the shortcuts along the way?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That is so good; that\u2019s so important. I want to go back to identity for just a second. Practically, help a father understand or walk through some of those steps in instilling a strong identity of God in their child.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to draw upon a single mom\u2019s experience to tell us dads how to father; okay?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that\u2019s just my bizarre way. My former dental hygienist, named Rita, faced a blitz. Her husband, who she wanted to be committed to for life, left her. Then, her little son, ten years old, broke his arm. Arm\u2019s in a cast, the beginning of baseball season, and he wants to quit.<\/p>\n<p>Mom\/she says, \u201cNo, honey; I don\u2019t think you should quit. I\u2019ve seen the characteristic of commitment in you. I think, if you stick with the team, and go to all the practices and games\u2014even though you can\u2019t play\u2014you\u2019re the biggest encourager to all the other kids on the days when maybe the coaches or other people are saying negative things. You\u2019ll be demonstrating that great characteristic of commitment that, someday, is going to make you a wonderful husband and an awesome daddy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That mom used a tough circumstance to draw upon that child\u2019s character and then magnify it, like the Angel of the Lord did to Gideon. Before he was some courageous leader, he called him a great and valiant warrior. She spoke this little boy\u2019s future into him and called him up into his characteristic of commitment. That is how you build the identity of your kids: whenever you see something good, praise it; hold onto it and bring it up some other time when they\u2019re not confident.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014which is so huge because we forget that. Either we say, \u201cNo, no; don\u2019t do that,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t do that\u201d; or we are praising their performance. We\u2019re forgetting to praise the character.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I think we\u2019re talking about having a mindset, as a dad or as a parent, of thinking about the big picture\/the long term: \u201cWhat am I going to do that makes sure that this young person knows that God made them, God loves them, and He has a purpose and a plan for them?\u201d But practically speaking, they need their identity; they need confidence. Be looking for the good things: write it in your phone on the note section; put it on your iPad<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014find a way\u2014have a journal and write down some things about your kids that you\u2019ve seen that are positive or some of the character traits.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t just say: \u201cYou whine too much,\u201d or \u201cI think you give up on things too much,\u201d\u2014do not say that\u2014that just reinforces it. Put that item in your prayer journal and keep it secret. Start praying that God would put some positive characteristic in there that would transcend that present weakness.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Those are some excellent points\/great reminders. Can you stick around through the break?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m enjoying this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay; me, too. We need to take a break. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Today, I am talking with Jeff Kemp. We\u2019ve been talking about parenting; specifically, how he was parented and how he has parented his sons. Jeff, thanks for joining me again. I appreciate it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> It\u2019s my pleasure.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You mentioned earlier that you grew up in a political household. There were people who would come in and out your doors: dignitaries, representatives, congressmen. Did William Bennett happen to be one of them?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes, he did. William Bennett and Dad were really close friends; and there\u2019s been a lot of banter, and joking, and competitiveness between those wonderful men. In fact, they started and ran a group called Empower America together. We know Bill really well; I\u2019ve been friends with him for many years, and he and Dad were super close friends.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s so great to hear that you guys were such close friends.<\/p>\n<p>I have a clip of Bill from a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> segment from a few years back. I want you to listen to it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> When the structures that we have in the Judeo-Christian civilization put together for the preservation of the best in us\u2014when they get weak\u2014it is the boys who fall apart before the girls. It may be because the girls\/the women end up with the kids most of the time, so they have responsibilities they cannot avoid. But the men try to avoid the responsibilities, having not been taught anything else.<\/p>\n<p>I remember I used to say, when I was Secretary of Education, Dennis: \u201cIf there was a bad idea, broad in the land, the first place you\u2019d put it into practice was in the American public school. If our kids couldn\u2019t do math, well then, let\u2019s just change it; and let\u2019s just estimate what we\u2019re doing. If culture was teaching bad lessons, lets just start teaching moral relativism as a doctrine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We went wrong, whether you look at out-of-wedlock birth, whether you look at religious affiliation, belief in God, belief in objective truth, belief in norms and standards. The fact that there has been a serious and ongoing effort, for 30 or 40 years now, to say that the differences between men and women are cultural constructs. This has had disastrous consequences, <em>mostly<\/em> on the men.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s a lot of lingering\/there\u2019s a lot of loitering going on. There\u2019s too much hanging out in your parents\u2019 basement. There\u2019s a lot of maturity deficits going on. There\u2019s too much video game playing going on of men in their mid-20s. Men in their mid-20s play more video games than boys, 12-18\u2014an average of 3 hours a day\u2014I don\u2019t care if a guy plays a little video game, but 3 hours a day when you\u2019re 23, 24, 25 years old? It\u2019s crazy! It\u2019s crazy! Where\u2019s your\u2014what\u2019s your job?\u2014where\u2019s your work at?\u2014where\u2019s everything else?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And why is he doing that? Why is a 23-year-old spending 3 hours a day in front of a video game?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> No one has taught him the value of, for example, work. A man who has missed the pleasure of work has missed one of the great pleasures life has to offer. I tell my audience when I sign off radio, \u201cThank goodness it\u2019s Friday.\u201d I\u2019m one of those guys that loves the weekend. I was doing a sports interview the other day; the guy said, \u201cWhat did you thank God for around your table?\u201d I said, \u201cI thanked God for my country and my family, and the SEC\u201d; you know? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Where would we be?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bill:<\/strong> Right; anyway, but I also thank God it\u2019s Monday. You guys <em>love<\/em> to do this [interviewing]; it\u2019s so obvious. For a boy to see a man taking joy in his work: my wife has said, \u201cGet the boys up. Have them go to your radio station.\u201d It\u2019s 5\/5:00 in the morning\/4:30 in the morning, but they\u2019ve done it; because I want them to see what it\u2019s like, and the exuberance, and how much we like it and enjoy it. They need to know that.<\/p>\n<p>Where came this notion that you live for the weekend?\u2014what is that? \u201cYou live so that then you can play on the weekend\u201d; that\u2019s crazy! To sustain a life of meaning and of <em>real<\/em> joy, a man has to have <em>work<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Bill Bennett talking with Dennis and Bob about what he sees is lacking in our society. Jeff, just hearing him, what were some of the thoughts going through your head?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I agree with him. I think before a man figures out work, he needs to figure out who he is from his dad. In a society\u2014where dads aren\u2019t spending enough time, and a lot of dads aren\u2019t around the son, and a lot of dads didn\u2019t get treated well by their dad\u2014many times, sons don\u2019t get named by their dads. \u201cNamed\u201d means: \u201cYou\u2019re a good son,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re my son,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re God\u2019s son,\u201d \u201cYou have a purpose and a plan. These are your strengths\u2026I\u2019ve seen these strengths in you, and they exist for a purpose: to make the world better, to make a contribution.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then, you start training that kid to do errands, to do chores, to do a job. If you let your child have a car, then they\u2019ve got to pay for gas and insurance, and stuff like that; so they need a job. You help them go figure out how to get a job at a car dealership\u2014or just assign it to them\u2014or construction, mowing lawns. Those things are second steps to having someone say who you are\/name you and, then, challenge.<\/p>\n<p>I do agree that you build character by doing esteem-able things. Self-esteem is built by doing esteem-able things, and work is something to esteem. Bill\u2019s right on; he would say the same thing: he would say fathering is the starting point, because fathers <em>name<\/em> their kids. If a dad isn\u2019t there, a group of men need to pass on manhood in the company of men.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> One thing that I have noticed, and also Bill said it, he said that, when men fail, women do, too. I\u2019m seeing that, when you have a passive man, in some sense the women are left with: \u201cWell, what do I do? Do I take control? Do I stand back? What do I do?\u201d Is public policy or government, is that going to change what we\u2019re seeing in our society at all?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Public policy can break down norms and do more damage to family than it can to rebuild family. Obviously, some welfare laws\/some tax laws support families; they can be helpful. But the culture is the ideas, and the values, and the beliefs, entertainment, and the religion, and the things that families do; people talk around the watercooler on social media. Culture is what drives us to make good choices, not some public policy, per se.<\/p>\n<p>We need a lot more mentoring of men, and husbands, and fathers so they can raise their sons the right way. When many, many kids are lacking their dads, we need for married families to come alongside those single-parent families and help raise those kids:<\/p>\n<p>\u2014give that daughter a picture of how valuable she is and what to look for in a relationship;<\/p>\n<p>\u2014give that young man a picture of his identity and that: \u201cHere\u2019s what manhood is: responsibility, and rejecting passivity, treating others with compassion; using your strength to defend others, not to advance yourself\u2014that\u2019s manhood.\u201d Jesus used all His strength to serve and protect others. That type of masculinity\u2014a man for others\u2014would be very winsome in the world.<\/p>\n<p>But right now, women are kind of afraid of men; because they were passive sometimes and not worth anything. And other times, we\u2019re little boy consumers that are playing games, consuming sex, consuming alcohol, consuming video games, and some get violent. There\u2019s still a masculine character, but it goes awry without training.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> When you are mentoring young men, and you are talking to them about manhood and how to reject passivity, how are you teaching them about rejecting passivity?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> I use the metaphor of the contrast between being a consumer and an investor. A consumer spends all their money and buys food, and music, and clothing, and experiences. Then, the asset value\/their bank account, goes down. There\u2019s nothing left at the end of the day.<\/p>\n<p>An investor is taking their assets and putting it into something that will grow. If they invest it in a home, they\u2019re going to go mow the lawn; they\u2019re going to fix the broken things; they\u2019re going to add on a room; they\u2019re going to make it worth more. Someday the equity value grows.<\/p>\n<p>The same applies in relationships: a man invests in relationships; he\u2019s a relationship investor. He makes things better; he adds value\/he makes them worth more afterwards. When you treat the girls at school in a certain way, does your sarcasm add value to them?\u2014does your negative talk add value to them?\u2014in the way you date a girl and what you\u2019re looking for, physically versus relationally, add value to them?<\/p>\n<p>Once you get into a marriage, are you waiting for your wife to do nice things for you; or are you thinking, \u201cWhat can I do to meet her needs, build her up, make her the best woman possible; and put her at peace so she can enjoy responding to me?\u201d\u2014which will lead to some of the things you wanted in the first place.<\/p>\n<p>An investor does those things out of initiative. A consumer is just looking to take, and they drain the asset value. That\u2019s a great way to explain to young men, and any man, how to not be passive, but make the world better and be a good man.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What was the best piece\/or I should say, \u201cWhat was one of the best pieces of advice that you passed on to your sons?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> [Pause] You stumped me there. [Laughter] We\u2019ve always told our sons to: \u201cPray about it, and look for God\u2019s perspective.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s important.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That\u2019s probably <em>the<\/em> most important. There\u2019s a lot of good principles and ideas in the world. If you put them into practice in your own strength\u2014(A) you may fall short or (B) if you succeed, you\u2019ve got a problem with pride\u2014humility is really the greatest characteristic. \u201cPray about it,\u201d would probably the best advice we\u2019ve given our kids.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Great advice. What was some of the best advice that your dad gave you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> My dad used to always say that: \u201cYou\u2019re in your right place,\u201d which meant God has a plan; He\u2019s in control. Don\u2019t panic; don\u2019t worry, and don\u2019t get pessimistic. Then, he\u2019d say, \u201cCommit your way to the Lord. Trust also in Him, and He\u2019ll do it,\u201d\u2014so\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re in your right place; trust God.\u201d Then, Dad would say, \u201cNever, never give in. Never!\u201d That really was helpful to me in my football career and it\u2019s, obviously, worked in his career as well.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you ever given in?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think I <em>have<\/em> given in. You\u2019re supposed to give in when you\u2019re barking up the wrong tree; or when you\u2019re operating out of selfishness; or you discover the goal that you\u2019re seeking is <em>not<\/em> something that truly is going to be edifying and helpful, both for you and for others. That\u2019s called <em>changing<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>But giving in\u2014when you\u2019re on a quest to achieve something good\u2014I haven\u2019t given up before. But I have been humbled and found out: \u201cHey, this isn\u2019t the right thing to keep seeking; I\u2019m going to switch gears.\u201d That\u2019s called an audible, and you need to do that in football and in life.<\/p>\n<p>It just occurs to me that one of the most important things we can do, as a dad, is step off of our pedestal with our sons and daughters. They automatically look up to us. The biggest challenge is to make sure we keep the lines of communication open and that we bring ourselves down to a level, where they can talk to us. Humility does that.<\/p>\n<p>We make mistakes. One of the <em>greatest<\/em> lessons a dad can teach his kids is to apologize to them. I was trying to discipline Kyle one time, and he wouldn\u2019t confess the thing I was trying to hammer him into confessing. My wife calmed me down and said, \u201cStop hammering it. Just pull away.\u201d And I did. A week later, after apologizing for being so intense, we were in a creek. I was picking up rocks trying to help him find crawdads, and he confessed the whole thing voluntarily because I had come down to his level as his buddy. I\u2019d apologized earlier for being so intense.<\/p>\n<p>There are more things to apologize for; but when you apologize, you express humility. When you express humility, you\u2019re modeling God; and you make them more accessible to you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Jeff, our time has run out. I thank you so much for your time and enlightening us on dads and their responsibility. Also, breathing in vision for our next generation of men. Thank you for what you have done and your words.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Thanks, Michelle. Good to be with you. Good topic.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Coming up next week, we\u2019re going to take a road trip for Memorial Day. We\u2019re going to hear from Ed Harrell, who is a World War II veteran. His story is <em>incredible<\/em>; I hope you can join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the co-founder of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and the president, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country, and our team today\u2014Keith, Phil, Marques, Justin, and Megan\u2014thank, you guys, for all that you do.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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