{"id":306842,"date":"2021-05-08T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-05-08T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/moms-in-the-middle-2\/"},"modified":"2021-05-08T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-05-08T11:00:05","slug":"moms-in-the-middle-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/moms-in-the-middle-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Moms in the Middle"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Whether a mom works outside the home by choice or necessity, it is difficult to find a good balance between work and home. Nancy Wolgemuth, Dr. Meg Meeker and Tracy Lane offer insights and tips.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-05-08.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26883190","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853,2838],"tags":[4087],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3187,3196,3259],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-306842","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-frazzled-family","category-mothers","tag-mothers","cwp_profile-meg-meeker","cwp_profile-nancy-demoss-wolgemuth","cwp_profile-tracy-lane","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306842\/moms-in-the-middle-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306842\/moms-in-the-middle-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"rz7pRtwBKe\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/moms-in-the-middle-2\/\">Moms in the Middle<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/moms-in-the-middle-2\/embed\/#?secret=rz7pRtwBKe\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Moms in the Middle&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"rz7pRtwBKe\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-05-08.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-05-08.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> There seems to be a debate today among Christian moms: \u201cTo work or not to work?\u201d\u2014well, we all know that moms work; but working <em>inside<\/em> the home or <em>outside<\/em> the home. That debate can get rather heated. For Tracy Lane, there\u2019s a deeper question at play. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> The Christian culture doesn\u2019t really give us liberty to talk about how to do that well. It\u2019s either: \u201cYou\u2019re <em>not<\/em> supposed to do it,\u201d\u2014or you\u2019re so far over on the other side\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re not supposed to worry about it anymore.\u201d What about us moms in the middle?\u2014who still feel called to do it, and we still feel a little bit nervous if we\u2019re going to pull it off and honor God with prioritizing our home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to give some help to moms in the middle today. We\u2019ll talk about Christian moms working outside the home on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. I think we can all agree that <em>all<\/em> work matters to God\u2014work in the home and work in the marketplace\u2014it\u2019s in Genesis 2 that Adam is called to work in the Garden, and that\u2019s a <em>good<\/em> thing. It\u2019s this weekend our minds go to all of the work that moms do because, after all, it\u2019s Mother\u2019s Day weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAwhile back, I got together with several of my friends, one of which was young; and she was pregnant. She was being asked about whether or not she was going to be staying home after she had the baby. She <em>softly<\/em> replied, \u201cWell, I\u2019m going back to work; I\u2019m needed there.\u201d An older lady made the comment to her, \u201cOh, you just take your time. I think that you\u2019ll find that you\u2019re needed more at home.\u201d The discussion kind of turned sour after that. I think we can all agree that that discussion can be polarizing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo help us look at this discussion, I\u2019m turning to my friend and colleague, Tracy Lane. Tracy is wife to Matt and mom to Audrey and Annie. She\u2019s also a working mom; she is a writer, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Welcome, Tracy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Thank you; I\u2019m glad to be here with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I am, too; because I so appreciate your viewpoint, especially of this topic, being a working mom. When did you become a working mom?\u2014was it right after you had your first little girl?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; I went to college and got an English degree, so I always expected to have a professional career. I also always expected to have children. I used to describe it to Matt, when we were engaged, that being a mom isn\u2019t the only thing that I wanted to do when I grew up. I wanted to be a mom, and I also wanted to be a professional writer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was working, of course; we\u2019d been married for a few years, and I had a career. We got pregnant, just like we planned to. We were overjoyed that we were expecting a baby, and then God started working on my heart. At that time, I was working at a job that required about 80 hours a week, and I loved what I did. But I was exhausted when I got home. I didn\u2019t even have a lot of capacity when I got home to be a wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs this little baby was just barely starting to grow inside of me, the Lord started to say, \u201cHow are you going to have this capacity to mother?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Eighty hours a week?\u2014that\u2019s a lot! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Right; \u201cThis is going to change your life, probably more than you are expecting right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> When you\u2019re talking about \u201cworking mom,\u201d how are you defining that term?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> I think I\u2019m using it here as a mom who also works outside of her home. Any mom listening to this knows that a mom\u2019s job inside her home is very hard work. It\u2019s also full-time, overtime, all the time\u2014[Laughter]\u2014no insurance or benefits. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s every day, 24\/7, no matter what.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Do you feel like you chose working outside the home over nurturing children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> It\u2019s so hard; because a lot of times, in the Christian community, that\u2019s how those ideas are juxtaposed. I really don\u2019t think that\u2019s a fair assessment; I don\u2019t think it\u2019s one or the other. I do know that, in our family, we made a change. When I was pregnant, working 80 hours a week, we started pursuing what God wanted us to do about parenting and my motherhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe [God] specifically called me to a career change that was hard for me to obey. He had me leave my job [of] 80 hours a week. I had accepted a promotion; I was about to double my income. At that same time, He\u2019s working in my heart about prioritizing my motherhood. So we did; we followed God. We chose something that seemed hard to us, that seemed not like we would have planned it; but we felt like God was calling us to prioritize our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI stepped away from that; I didn\u2019t know what I was going to. Of course, like He always does\u2014like I said, I went to college to be a writer\u2014that current job I had, when I got pregnant, I was not writing. God called me away from that to what I didn\u2019t know, and He provided me a writing career. The reason that\u2019s important is because He provided me a position that would allow me to pursue, professionally, what He created me to do; and also pursue, personally, what He was creating me to do with a little baby growing inside of me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s so important to hear all of our different journeys and all of our different stories, because life isn\u2019t a formula. Sometimes your life looks a little different than someone else\u2019s. You got married; you were working; you had a baby. You stayed working, but it looked different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Do you feel that you are a better mom <em>because<\/em> you are working outside the home?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> \u201cAm I better mom because I work outside the home?\u201d I think I\u2019m the mom who I\u2019m supposed to be, even though I work outside the home\u2014or <em>because<\/em> I work outside the home\u2014some days, it\u2019s both. Some days, I need that time in the office. We have a very challenging situation with our second daughter, who has an illness that will never go away. Some days, at home, I feel discouraged by that: I can\u2019t get her to take her medicine; I can\u2019t change her diagnosis; I can\u2019t really have what feels like a positive effect to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the next day, when it\u2019s my day in the office: I can start a blog post; I can finish a blog post; I can get feedback on a blogpost. It reminds me, in some ways, that I can still accomplish some of the things that God created me to do. I know, on those days at home, when I don\u2019t feel like I am, that\u2019s just a <em>feeling<\/em>; but it\u2019s also nice to have an effective ministry <em>outside<\/em> of my home as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, most definitely. It sounds like God provided you with the perfect outlet and the perfect way to refocus your energies and [you are able] to realize that He has you in the life He has you in, and that\u2019s exciting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to talk about <em>competition<\/em> in mothering. Dr. Meg Meeker has been watching the trends among women for quite awhile; she\u2019s been a pediatrician for 25 years. She says that women right now are pressed on every front, from social media presence to kids in multiple activities. Tracy, I want you to listen to what she has to say; and then we\u2019ll have a discussion afterwards. Here\u2019s Meg Meeker.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Many young moms now\u2014and many older moms\u2014really have lost their joy in being mothers. They don\u2019t feel valued; they don\u2019t feel that they\u2019re doing a good enough job. It makes me very sad, because being a mother is such an incredible <em>joy<\/em>. A lot of the joy has been robbed from us. I think it\u2019s because, honestly, of peer pressure. A lot of mothers feel so much peer pressure to be perfect moms\/to produce perfect kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMothers are a fiercely competitive lot. If you go into a new school, and you meet another mother in a class, the first thing you do is sort of size her up: \u201cWhat neighborhood is she living in?\u201d And of course, we look at her weight; [Laughter] we <em>always<\/em> do that! Once we get through that\u2014and figure out, \u201cOkay; are we in the same kind of shape?\u201d\u2014then, we move on to the kids: \u201cWhat is <em>her<\/em> child like compared to my child? Is her child in the fast reading group? My child\u2019s in the slow reading group.\u201d We go on, and we go on, and we go on. That\u2019s <em>not<\/em> what motherhood is all about. We do that because all our <em>friends<\/em> are doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMothers now, if they are at-home moms, they feel because they\u2019re not out earning money that they need to be super-duper uber moms. They need to have perfect kids; their kids need to be in three extracurricular activities after school, not just one or two. We\u2019ve gotten ourselves to a place that, no matter where we are in life\u2014whether we\u2019re full-time at-home moms, part-time moms, or working\u00a0 full-time outside the home\u2014no matter what we\u2019re doing, it\u2019s <em>never<\/em> good enough. We\u2019re never reaching the mark; we\u2019re always falling short. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re not happy\u2014and guess what?\u2014if momma ain\u2019t happy in the home, you\u2019ve got a dad who isn\u2019t happy, and a whole lot of kids, who aren\u2019t happy. I see that all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, ouch! Dr. Meg Meeker talking about the performance and the competition that\u2019s going around with moms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRecently, I was at a trade show for the radio industry. As a working woman, I was noticing the competition among the women. I don\u2019t have a child that I can bring with me and [others] say: \u201cLook at her hair! It\u2019s so cute!\u201d and \u201cHer clothes look so nice!\u201d \u201cOh, she does gymnastics!\u201d That just hit me about the competition that is among moms these days. Do you feel that, Tracy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> For sure; I think that is everywhere. It\u2019s something that I\u2019ve really been processing lately, too. Actually, just yesterday, I had this realization that: \u201dWhat if I\u2019m the one, as the mom\/as the woman of our house, who\u2019s really inviting and self-imposing all this craziness? What if I\u2019m the one?!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s kind of scary, so where did your thoughts go with that one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> I think I\u2019m the one! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> I was able to really look at: \u201cWhat is it that\u2019s causing this?\u201d The Lord showed me the answer yesterday. It\u2019s that this whole mother competition\u2014this whole \u201cMom having to be the best\u2026\u201d \u201c\u2026the best\u2026\u201d \u201c\u2026the best\u2026\u201d\u2014and provide perfection for her children. I feel that way, as a mom, when I think: \u201cI\u2019m the one in control of their lives,\u201d\u2014when \u201cI\u2019m the one who can create that perfection for them,\u201d\u2014when \u201cI\u2019m the one who can give them these three extracurricular activities, and <em>that\u2019s<\/em> going to determine who they are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em>; I\u2019m not the one: I didn\u2019t think of them; I didn\u2019t create them; I\u2019m not the one who designed the long term and eternal purposes for them. Their perfection and their performance is <em>not<\/em> on my shoulders. That is something that God wants to work out. We put so much pressure on ourselves, as mom, so that our kids are more perfect than the neighbors\u2019 kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod is actually working something out in our children\u2014that He does use us as a tool\u2014but it is not all on me. Thank goodness, because I can really make our home crazy when I feel like this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Just coming to that realization is almost <em>freeing<\/em>; it lifts the burden off of you. We are called to train our children; but it\u2019s ultimately God, who takes it from there and does what He does with them, working in their hearts. It\u2019s not that we have to sit there and create perfect little \u201cus\u2019s\u201d\/\u201dmini me\u2019s.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy: <\/strong>Yes; I realized that I\u2019m not a very kind, and warm, and nurturing, attentive mother when I\u2019m on this crazy perfection cycle. They need <em>me<\/em>\u2014they don\u2019t need the perfect set of school grades, reading group, after-school activities; they don\u2019t need all that\u2014but they do need an engaged mom, who\u2019s not completely exhausted from trying to create this perfect little world for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We need to take a break. Will you stick around through the break so that we can have a little more discussion about home, and working, and what that looks like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Sure; I look forward to talking more about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Thanks. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes with more discussion with Tracy Lane. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Tracy Lane joins me in the studio today. We are talking about working moms: working in the home and working outside the home. There\u2019s a passage in the Bible that many women have a problem with; it\u2019s connected with Titus 2. There\u2019s a verse in Titus 2 that goes like this: \u201cLikewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way that they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home.\u201d I\u2019m going to stop right there; because those words, \u201cbusy at home,\u201d can sound a little harsh. Again, it can cause some controversy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNancy Wolgemuth recently spoke at a FamilyLife event. After her talk, a question came up about Titus 2 and, specifically, what we should be teaching our daughters about their future, about working, and keeping a home. Here\u2019s Nancy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Excerpt from Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> First of all, my understanding of this passage has grown over the years. I probably would\u2019ve taught it a little differently 20 years ago\u2014not probably\u2014I would have. But as I\u2019ve studied this, one of the things I came to realize is that, often, we were looking at this passage with our lens of 21<sup>st<\/sup> century culture. The culture in which this was written was totally different. This was not a matter of whether women can do this or that, inside or outside the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are many different seasons of life. One of the things we talk about in this book is being alert to what the season is. I think what Paul was saying is\u2014the timeless truth here is\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t fumble the ball when it comes to your home. Don\u2019t <em>neglect<\/em> your home to be doing whatever else you\u2019re doing.\u201d Some of you are in a season of life\u2014I\u2019m in a season of life\u2014we don\u2019t have children in our home. There are things\/somebody was asking this yesterday, because I have this ministry\u2014<em>Revive Our Hearts<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>\u2014\u201cHow do you do that, and live out this message?\u201d Well, it looks different than if we had married in our 20s and been raising a family at this season\u2014be tuned to what the season is\u2014but even at this season, our home matters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe reflect Christ through our home: it matters to my husband; it matters to our relationship. This isn\u2019t a matter of who scrubs the countertops, who washes\/cleans the bathrooms, who cooks the meals\u2014those are practical applications; you can work those things out in your marriage\u2014but it is saying, \u201cWomen, God has given us a unique and distinctive calling and privilege to care for our home.\u201d [Applause] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat that looks like for you may look different for the woman sitting next to you. He\u2019s saying, \u201cDon\u2019t neglect it, because so much of the gospel can be modeled.\u201d It all goes back to the gospel: \u201cHow do we showcase the gospel in our homes?\u201d Again, that doesn\u2019t say who does what role, exactly, in terms of the chores; but he says, \u201cMake sure you\u2019re not neglecting to care for your home.\u201d He\u2019s also saying: \u201cBe diligent; don\u2019t be lazy,\u201d\u2014because, through the means of hard work, we\u2019re able to redeem and beautify this world\u2014which, again, makes the gospel believable and beautiful to others. [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Nancy Wolgemuth; I just love her perspective on Titus 2. She was single for many years, and now she\u2019s married. Her perspective leaves space for singles, for marrieds, for moms who work in the home, for moms who work <em>outside<\/em> the home. It\u2019s all about, as she says, it\u2019s about the gospel being on display in our home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTracy, how do you see the gospel on display in your home?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> The first thing that made me laugh about the Titus passage is: \u201cBusy at home.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWho\u2019s not busy at home?! [Laughter] If you\u2019re a mom, you\u2019re busy at home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat <em>is <\/em>a way the gospel\u2019s lived out\u2014because, especially as a mom, who works hard in the home and who has professional responsibilities outside the home\u2014it takes me living out the gospel and living in the Holy Spirit\u2019s strength every single day. I\u2019m thankful that my kids get to see that, even when it means I don\u2019t have it together that day, and I was yelling at them because they were going to make me late to that meeting, and I couldn\u2019t get to the babysitter on time, or I forgot to wash something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re seeing me come back to them and say, \u201cI can\u2019t do this today. Let\u2019s all stop yelling at each other; let\u2019s all stop crying. Let\u2019s ask the Lord to give us the endurance and the energy to do what He is calling us to today.\u201d That\u2019s how we live out the gospel in our home. We make that first and foremost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy husband and I both really put on display\u2014I mean, we can\u2019t hide it\u2014when you have young kids, and you have a busy schedule, you can\u2019t hide that things are messing up. You can\u2019t hide when it\u2019s not working; they know! For us to be able to say: \u201cWe can\u2019t pull this off; and you\u2019re not going to be able to pull life off on your own, either. Here\u2019s what Mommy needs, and it\u2019s the same thing that you need.\u201d If we\u2019re pursuing that together, our home is going to be centered on the gospel; and we\u2019re going to live that out every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And that\u2019s so true. I love what you say about being centered in the gospel. That\u2019s what I\u2019m trying to have in <em>my<\/em> home. I\u2019m single, so I have more time in the day\/in the evenings when I\u2019m not preparing for Bible study, or when I\u2019m not volunteering someplace. I have more time than probably you do. Yet, I\u2019ve walked into your home several times; and it\u2019s clean and picked up! And the girls are happy. I\u2019m like, \u201cHow do you balance all that when you\u2019re working outside the home?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> To be very practical, each person has their own responsibilities, which I think is good. The girls have to clean up their own space. We started that when they were very young. Each person has to help out; because they\u2019re seeing their contribution, too. Our family, even our kids, don\u2019t view <em>my<\/em> work outside the home as detrimental to our family. We view it as one of the ways mommy, as a person of this family, contributes to our family. We also view Audrey putting her clothes away as one of the ways that a person in our family contributes to this family. We have this common language: we each contribute in different ways, but its all for the <em>growth<\/em> of our family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Was there someone in your life, who mentored you and helped you understand how to be a mom, who\u2019s working in the marketplace, and yet taking care of their home, and taking care of their children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> It\u2019s really neat because, like I said, that wasn\u2019t the way my home was when I was raised. I knew that\u2019s what God was calling me to\u2014was to work outside the home\u2014but I wasn\u2019t sure how to make that work, because I hadn\u2019t seen that modeled. But it\u2019s really neat how it worked; because in the workplace, my boss\u2014she is a working mom\u2014she has been very transparent with me. She has four daughters, so we can totally connected over girl\/mom life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy: <\/strong>She\u2019s also much farther ahead than me; she\u2019s an empty nester at this point. She\u2019s been very open about the challenges that she\u2019s faced as a working mom but, also, being very certain of the fact that God called her to continue her professional career, even after He gave her children. I\u2019ve been able to watch her walk that out in some ways. I\u2019ve also been able to listen to her. I think it was two years ago, on Mother\u2019s Day, I texted her and told her \u201cHappy Mother\u2019s Day.\u201d I added, \u201cYou\u2019re the first mom I\u2019ve seen do work excellently and home with excellence as well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m sure there are hundreds of other moms out there doing it. I think we don\u2019t feel like we can talk about it. The Christian culture doesn\u2019t really give us liberty to talk about how to do that well; it\u2019s either: \u201cYou\u2019re not supposed to do it,\u201d\u2014or you\u2019re so far the other side\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re not supposed to worry about it anymore.\u201d What about us moms in the middle?\u2014who feel called to do it, and we still feel a little bit nervous if we\u2019re going to pull it off and honor God with prioritizing our home. She was brave enough to say, \u201cI\u2019ve been there, and this is what I\u2019ve done.\u201d I think we need to be more open, as moms, who are doing that\u2014wanting to honor God in both places\u2014be willing to talk about, really, the practical pieces of pulling it off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Your leader\/your boss at work has helped you\/has mentored you. How can you encourage some of those moms, who are just starting out, and working in the marketplace, and are feeling totally overwhelmed with: \u201cI can\u2019t keep up with this\u201d? Encourage them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; I agree. It\u2019s really hard to keep up with some days, but I think it\u2019s worth it. Doing what God calls us to is always worth it. When we rely on Him to help us pull it off, it\u2019s going to work. It doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s always going to feel great; it doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s always going to be easy, but it\u2019s the right thing when we know we\u2019re following Him and prioritizing well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI will say, \u201cCrock pot dinners save a working mom\u2019s life.\u201d [Laughter] If I\u2019m not cooking a crock pot dinner, my family is eating a sandwich or something. I think that\u2019s the other part of practical encouragement is: \u201cGive yourself a little space.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> It\u2019s very important. It\u2019s hard for me to not compare myself to a friend, who brews her own kombucha at home. I don\u2019t have the capacity to do that, and my family will be okay if they\u2019re drinking store-bought apple juice or something in place of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>True.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy: <\/strong>Be realistic with your expectations: prioritize the right things. Perfection is not the goal\u2014honoring God and prioritizing your family is the goal\u2014and those are very different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> They <em>are<\/em> very different. God has called one of your friends to brew kombucha; but He\u2019s called you to work outside the home, and also to raise these little girls, and then be a wife. Those are <em>good<\/em> things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; I think that\u2019s a key, too\u2014is having the courage to follow what God is calling <em>you<\/em> to do\u2014and not worrying what He\u2019s called someone next to you, or your friend, or the mom down the road. We know God\u2019s voice as believers. If we hear His voice, He\u2019s the one to follow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Tracy, thank you so much for taking the time today to chat with me and to help us understand that we need to be following God, not what society is telling us, but where God is calling us. If that means into the marketplace, even when you have young children, that\u2019s where we need to be. We need to be in His will, following Him. Thank you for joining me today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Thank you for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I just want to say, \u201cHappy Mother\u2019s Day\u201d to all the moms and all the women out there, who influence the people around them. If you haven\u2019t gotten your mom a card yet, I\u2019d say give her a call and <em>thank<\/em> her for all that she has done for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, next week, we\u2019re going to talk with Jeff Kemp about some football and about being a dad. I hope you can join us for that. It should be a good conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the co-founder of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and the president, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Phil Kraus and Marques Holt. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:00"],"show_notes":[""],"filesize":["25.64M"],"filesize_raw":["26883190"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306842.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306842.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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a mom works outside the home by choice or necessity, it is difficult to find a good balance between work and home. Nancy Wolgemuth, Dr. Meg Meeker and Tracy Lane offer insights and tips.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-05-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> There seems to be a debate today among Christian moms: \u201cTo work or not to work?\u201d\u2014well, we all know that moms work; but working <em>inside<\/em> the home or <em>outside<\/em> the home. That debate can get rather heated. For Tracy Lane, there\u2019s a deeper question at play. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> The Christian culture doesn\u2019t really give us liberty to talk about how to do that well. It\u2019s either: \u201cYou\u2019re <em>not<\/em> supposed to do it,\u201d\u2014or you\u2019re so far over on the other side\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re not supposed to worry about it anymore.\u201d What about us moms in the middle?\u2014who still feel called to do it, and we still feel a little bit nervous if we\u2019re going to pull it off and honor God with prioritizing our home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to give some help to moms in the middle today. We\u2019ll talk about Christian moms working outside the home on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. I think we can all agree that <em>all<\/em> work matters to God\u2014work in the home and work in the marketplace\u2014it\u2019s in Genesis 2 that Adam is called to work in the Garden, and that\u2019s a <em>good<\/em> thing. It\u2019s this weekend our minds go to all of the work that moms do because, after all, it\u2019s Mother\u2019s Day weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAwhile back, I got together with several of my friends, one of which was young; and she was pregnant. She was being asked about whether or not she was going to be staying home after she had the baby. She <em>softly<\/em> replied, \u201cWell, I\u2019m going back to work; I\u2019m needed there.\u201d An older lady made the comment to her, \u201cOh, you just take your time. I think that you\u2019ll find that you\u2019re needed more at home.\u201d The discussion kind of turned sour after that. I think we can all agree that that discussion can be polarizing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo help us look at this discussion, I\u2019m turning to my friend and colleague, Tracy Lane. Tracy is wife to Matt and mom to Audrey and Annie. She\u2019s also a working mom; she is a writer, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Welcome, Tracy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Thank you; I\u2019m glad to be here with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I am, too; because I so appreciate your viewpoint, especially of this topic, being a working mom. When did you become a working mom?\u2014was it right after you had your first little girl?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; I went to college and got an English degree, so I always expected to have a professional career. I also always expected to have children. I used to describe it to Matt, when we were engaged, that being a mom isn\u2019t the only thing that I wanted to do when I grew up. I wanted to be a mom, and I also wanted to be a professional writer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was working, of course; we\u2019d been married for a few years, and I had a career. We got pregnant, just like we planned to. We were overjoyed that we were expecting a baby, and then God started working on my heart. At that time, I was working at a job that required about 80 hours a week, and I loved what I did. But I was exhausted when I got home. I didn\u2019t even have a lot of capacity when I got home to be a wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs this little baby was just barely starting to grow inside of me, the Lord started to say, \u201cHow are you going to have this capacity to mother?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Eighty hours a week?\u2014that\u2019s a lot! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Right; \u201cThis is going to change your life, probably more than you are expecting right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> When you\u2019re talking about \u201cworking mom,\u201d how are you defining that term?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> I think I\u2019m using it here as a mom who also works outside of her home. Any mom listening to this knows that a mom\u2019s job inside her home is very hard work. It\u2019s also full-time, overtime, all the time\u2014[Laughter]\u2014no insurance or benefits. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s every day, 24\/7, no matter what.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Do you feel like you chose working outside the home over nurturing children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> It\u2019s so hard; because a lot of times, in the Christian community, that\u2019s how those ideas are juxtaposed. I really don\u2019t think that\u2019s a fair assessment; I don\u2019t think it\u2019s one or the other. I do know that, in our family, we made a change. When I was pregnant, working 80 hours a week, we started pursuing what God wanted us to do about parenting and my motherhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe [God] specifically called me to a career change that was hard for me to obey. He had me leave my job [of] 80 hours a week. I had accepted a promotion; I was about to double my income. At that same time, He\u2019s working in my heart about prioritizing my motherhood. So we did; we followed God. We chose something that seemed hard to us, that seemed not like we would have planned it; but we felt like God was calling us to prioritize our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI stepped away from that; I didn\u2019t know what I was going to. Of course, like He always does\u2014like I said, I went to college to be a writer\u2014that current job I had, when I got pregnant, I was not writing. God called me away from that to what I didn\u2019t know, and He provided me a writing career. The reason that\u2019s important is because He provided me a position that would allow me to pursue, professionally, what He created me to do; and also pursue, personally, what He was creating me to do with a little baby growing inside of me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s so important to hear all of our different journeys and all of our different stories, because life isn\u2019t a formula. Sometimes your life looks a little different than someone else\u2019s. You got married; you were working; you had a baby. You stayed working, but it looked different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Do you feel that you are a better mom <em>because<\/em> you are working outside the home?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> \u201cAm I better mom because I work outside the home?\u201d I think I\u2019m the mom who I\u2019m supposed to be, even though I work outside the home\u2014or <em>because<\/em> I work outside the home\u2014some days, it\u2019s both. Some days, I need that time in the office. We have a very challenging situation with our second daughter, who has an illness that will never go away. Some days, at home, I feel discouraged by that: I can\u2019t get her to take her medicine; I can\u2019t change her diagnosis; I can\u2019t really have what feels like a positive effect to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the next day, when it\u2019s my day in the office: I can start a blog post; I can finish a blog post; I can get feedback on a blogpost. It reminds me, in some ways, that I can still accomplish some of the things that God created me to do. I know, on those days at home, when I don\u2019t feel like I am, that\u2019s just a <em>feeling<\/em>; but it\u2019s also nice to have an effective ministry <em>outside<\/em> of my home as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, most definitely. It sounds like God provided you with the perfect outlet and the perfect way to refocus your energies and [you are able] to realize that He has you in the life He has you in, and that\u2019s exciting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to talk about <em>competition<\/em> in mothering. Dr. Meg Meeker has been watching the trends among women for quite awhile; she\u2019s been a pediatrician for 25 years. She says that women right now are pressed on every front, from social media presence to kids in multiple activities. Tracy, I want you to listen to what she has to say; and then we\u2019ll have a discussion afterwards. Here\u2019s Meg Meeker.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Many young moms now\u2014and many older moms\u2014really have lost their joy in being mothers. They don\u2019t feel valued; they don\u2019t feel that they\u2019re doing a good enough job. It makes me very sad, because being a mother is such an incredible <em>joy<\/em>. A lot of the joy has been robbed from us. I think it\u2019s because, honestly, of peer pressure. A lot of mothers feel so much peer pressure to be perfect moms\/to produce perfect kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMothers are a fiercely competitive lot. If you go into a new school, and you meet another mother in a class, the first thing you do is sort of size her up: \u201cWhat neighborhood is she living in?\u201d And of course, we look at her weight; [Laughter] we <em>always<\/em> do that! Once we get through that\u2014and figure out, \u201cOkay; are we in the same kind of shape?\u201d\u2014then, we move on to the kids: \u201cWhat is <em>her<\/em> child like compared to my child? Is her child in the fast reading group? My child\u2019s in the slow reading group.\u201d We go on, and we go on, and we go on. That\u2019s <em>not<\/em> what motherhood is all about. We do that because all our <em>friends<\/em> are doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMothers now, if they are at-home moms, they feel because they\u2019re not out earning money that they need to be super-duper uber moms. They need to have perfect kids; their kids need to be in three extracurricular activities after school, not just one or two. We\u2019ve gotten ourselves to a place that, no matter where we are in life\u2014whether we\u2019re full-time at-home moms, part-time moms, or working\u00a0 full-time outside the home\u2014no matter what we\u2019re doing, it\u2019s <em>never<\/em> good enough. We\u2019re never reaching the mark; we\u2019re always falling short. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re not happy\u2014and guess what?\u2014if momma ain\u2019t happy in the home, you\u2019ve got a dad who isn\u2019t happy, and a whole lot of kids, who aren\u2019t happy. I see that all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, ouch! Dr. Meg Meeker talking about the performance and the competition that\u2019s going around with moms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRecently, I was at a trade show for the radio industry. As a working woman, I was noticing the competition among the women. I don\u2019t have a child that I can bring with me and [others] say: \u201cLook at her hair! It\u2019s so cute!\u201d and \u201cHer clothes look so nice!\u201d \u201cOh, she does gymnastics!\u201d That just hit me about the competition that is among moms these days. Do you feel that, Tracy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> For sure; I think that is everywhere. It\u2019s something that I\u2019ve really been processing lately, too. Actually, just yesterday, I had this realization that: \u201dWhat if I\u2019m the one, as the mom\/as the woman of our house, who\u2019s really inviting and self-imposing all this craziness? What if I\u2019m the one?!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s kind of scary, so where did your thoughts go with that one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> I think I\u2019m the one! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> I was able to really look at: \u201cWhat is it that\u2019s causing this?\u201d The Lord showed me the answer yesterday. It\u2019s that this whole mother competition\u2014this whole \u201cMom having to be the best\u2026\u201d \u201c\u2026the best\u2026\u201d \u201c\u2026the best\u2026\u201d\u2014and provide perfection for her children. I feel that way, as a mom, when I think: \u201cI\u2019m the one in control of their lives,\u201d\u2014when \u201cI\u2019m the one who can create that perfection for them,\u201d\u2014when \u201cI\u2019m the one who can give them these three extracurricular activities, and <em>that\u2019s<\/em> going to determine who they are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em>; I\u2019m not the one: I didn\u2019t think of them; I didn\u2019t create them; I\u2019m not the one who designed the long term and eternal purposes for them. Their perfection and their performance is <em>not<\/em> on my shoulders. That is something that God wants to work out. We put so much pressure on ourselves, as mom, so that our kids are more perfect than the neighbors\u2019 kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod is actually working something out in our children\u2014that He does use us as a tool\u2014but it is not all on me. Thank goodness, because I can really make our home crazy when I feel like this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Just coming to that realization is almost <em>freeing<\/em>; it lifts the burden off of you. We are called to train our children; but it\u2019s ultimately God, who takes it from there and does what He does with them, working in their hearts. It\u2019s not that we have to sit there and create perfect little \u201cus\u2019s\u201d\/\u201dmini me\u2019s.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy: <\/strong>Yes; I realized that I\u2019m not a very kind, and warm, and nurturing, attentive mother when I\u2019m on this crazy perfection cycle. They need <em>me<\/em>\u2014they don\u2019t need the perfect set of school grades, reading group, after-school activities; they don\u2019t need all that\u2014but they do need an engaged mom, who\u2019s not completely exhausted from trying to create this perfect little world for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We need to take a break. Will you stick around through the break so that we can have a little more discussion about home, and working, and what that looks like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Sure; I look forward to talking more about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Thanks. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes with more discussion with Tracy Lane. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Tracy Lane joins me in the studio today. We are talking about working moms: working in the home and working outside the home. There\u2019s a passage in the Bible that many women have a problem with; it\u2019s connected with Titus 2. There\u2019s a verse in Titus 2 that goes like this: \u201cLikewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way that they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home.\u201d I\u2019m going to stop right there; because those words, \u201cbusy at home,\u201d can sound a little harsh. Again, it can cause some controversy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNancy Wolgemuth recently spoke at a FamilyLife event. After her talk, a question came up about Titus 2 and, specifically, what we should be teaching our daughters about their future, about working, and keeping a home. Here\u2019s Nancy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Excerpt from Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> First of all, my understanding of this passage has grown over the years. I probably would\u2019ve taught it a little differently 20 years ago\u2014not probably\u2014I would have. But as I\u2019ve studied this, one of the things I came to realize is that, often, we were looking at this passage with our lens of 21<sup>st<\/sup> century culture. The culture in which this was written was totally different. This was not a matter of whether women can do this or that, inside or outside the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are many different seasons of life. One of the things we talk about in this book is being alert to what the season is. I think what Paul was saying is\u2014the timeless truth here is\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t fumble the ball when it comes to your home. Don\u2019t <em>neglect<\/em> your home to be doing whatever else you\u2019re doing.\u201d Some of you are in a season of life\u2014I\u2019m in a season of life\u2014we don\u2019t have children in our home. There are things\/somebody was asking this yesterday, because I have this ministry\u2014<em>Revive Our Hearts<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>\u2014\u201cHow do you do that, and live out this message?\u201d Well, it looks different than if we had married in our 20s and been raising a family at this season\u2014be tuned to what the season is\u2014but even at this season, our home matters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe reflect Christ through our home: it matters to my husband; it matters to our relationship. This isn\u2019t a matter of who scrubs the countertops, who washes\/cleans the bathrooms, who cooks the meals\u2014those are practical applications; you can work those things out in your marriage\u2014but it is saying, \u201cWomen, God has given us a unique and distinctive calling and privilege to care for our home.\u201d [Applause] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat that looks like for you may look different for the woman sitting next to you. He\u2019s saying, \u201cDon\u2019t neglect it, because so much of the gospel can be modeled.\u201d It all goes back to the gospel: \u201cHow do we showcase the gospel in our homes?\u201d Again, that doesn\u2019t say who does what role, exactly, in terms of the chores; but he says, \u201cMake sure you\u2019re not neglecting to care for your home.\u201d He\u2019s also saying: \u201cBe diligent; don\u2019t be lazy,\u201d\u2014because, through the means of hard work, we\u2019re able to redeem and beautify this world\u2014which, again, makes the gospel believable and beautiful to others. [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Nancy Wolgemuth; I just love her perspective on Titus 2. She was single for many years, and now she\u2019s married. Her perspective leaves space for singles, for marrieds, for moms who work in the home, for moms who work <em>outside<\/em> the home. It\u2019s all about, as she says, it\u2019s about the gospel being on display in our home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTracy, how do you see the gospel on display in your home?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> The first thing that made me laugh about the Titus passage is: \u201cBusy at home.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWho\u2019s not busy at home?! [Laughter] If you\u2019re a mom, you\u2019re busy at home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat <em>is <\/em>a way the gospel\u2019s lived out\u2014because, especially as a mom, who works hard in the home and who has professional responsibilities outside the home\u2014it takes me living out the gospel and living in the Holy Spirit\u2019s strength every single day. I\u2019m thankful that my kids get to see that, even when it means I don\u2019t have it together that day, and I was yelling at them because they were going to make me late to that meeting, and I couldn\u2019t get to the babysitter on time, or I forgot to wash something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re seeing me come back to them and say, \u201cI can\u2019t do this today. Let\u2019s all stop yelling at each other; let\u2019s all stop crying. Let\u2019s ask the Lord to give us the endurance and the energy to do what He is calling us to today.\u201d That\u2019s how we live out the gospel in our home. We make that first and foremost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy husband and I both really put on display\u2014I mean, we can\u2019t hide it\u2014when you have young kids, and you have a busy schedule, you can\u2019t hide that things are messing up. You can\u2019t hide when it\u2019s not working; they know! For us to be able to say: \u201cWe can\u2019t pull this off; and you\u2019re not going to be able to pull life off on your own, either. Here\u2019s what Mommy needs, and it\u2019s the same thing that you need.\u201d If we\u2019re pursuing that together, our home is going to be centered on the gospel; and we\u2019re going to live that out every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And that\u2019s so true. I love what you say about being centered in the gospel. That\u2019s what I\u2019m trying to have in <em>my<\/em> home. I\u2019m single, so I have more time in the day\/in the evenings when I\u2019m not preparing for Bible study, or when I\u2019m not volunteering someplace. I have more time than probably you do. Yet, I\u2019ve walked into your home several times; and it\u2019s clean and picked up! And the girls are happy. I\u2019m like, \u201cHow do you balance all that when you\u2019re working outside the home?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> To be very practical, each person has their own responsibilities, which I think is good. The girls have to clean up their own space. We started that when they were very young. Each person has to help out; because they\u2019re seeing their contribution, too. Our family, even our kids, don\u2019t view <em>my<\/em> work outside the home as detrimental to our family. We view it as one of the ways mommy, as a person of this family, contributes to our family. We also view Audrey putting her clothes away as one of the ways that a person in our family contributes to this family. We have this common language: we each contribute in different ways, but its all for the <em>growth<\/em> of our family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Was there someone in your life, who mentored you and helped you understand how to be a mom, who\u2019s working in the marketplace, and yet taking care of their home, and taking care of their children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> It\u2019s really neat because, like I said, that wasn\u2019t the way my home was when I was raised. I knew that\u2019s what God was calling me to\u2014was to work outside the home\u2014but I wasn\u2019t sure how to make that work, because I hadn\u2019t seen that modeled. But it\u2019s really neat how it worked; because in the workplace, my boss\u2014she is a working mom\u2014she has been very transparent with me. She has four daughters, so we can totally connected over girl\/mom life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy: <\/strong>She\u2019s also much farther ahead than me; she\u2019s an empty nester at this point. She\u2019s been very open about the challenges that she\u2019s faced as a working mom but, also, being very certain of the fact that God called her to continue her professional career, even after He gave her children. I\u2019ve been able to watch her walk that out in some ways. I\u2019ve also been able to listen to her. I think it was two years ago, on Mother\u2019s Day, I texted her and told her \u201cHappy Mother\u2019s Day.\u201d I added, \u201cYou\u2019re the first mom I\u2019ve seen do work excellently and home with excellence as well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m sure there are hundreds of other moms out there doing it. I think we don\u2019t feel like we can talk about it. The Christian culture doesn\u2019t really give us liberty to talk about how to do that well; it\u2019s either: \u201cYou\u2019re not supposed to do it,\u201d\u2014or you\u2019re so far the other side\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re not supposed to worry about it anymore.\u201d What about us moms in the middle?\u2014who feel called to do it, and we still feel a little bit nervous if we\u2019re going to pull it off and honor God with prioritizing our home. She was brave enough to say, \u201cI\u2019ve been there, and this is what I\u2019ve done.\u201d I think we need to be more open, as moms, who are doing that\u2014wanting to honor God in both places\u2014be willing to talk about, really, the practical pieces of pulling it off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Your leader\/your boss at work has helped you\/has mentored you. How can you encourage some of those moms, who are just starting out, and working in the marketplace, and are feeling totally overwhelmed with: \u201cI can\u2019t keep up with this\u201d? Encourage them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; I agree. It\u2019s really hard to keep up with some days, but I think it\u2019s worth it. Doing what God calls us to is always worth it. When we rely on Him to help us pull it off, it\u2019s going to work. It doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s always going to feel great; it doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s always going to be easy, but it\u2019s the right thing when we know we\u2019re following Him and prioritizing well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI will say, \u201cCrock pot dinners save a working mom\u2019s life.\u201d [Laughter] If I\u2019m not cooking a crock pot dinner, my family is eating a sandwich or something. I think that\u2019s the other part of practical encouragement is: \u201cGive yourself a little space.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> It\u2019s very important. It\u2019s hard for me to not compare myself to a friend, who brews her own kombucha at home. I don\u2019t have the capacity to do that, and my family will be okay if they\u2019re drinking store-bought apple juice or something in place of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>True.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy: <\/strong>Be realistic with your expectations: prioritize the right things. Perfection is not the goal\u2014honoring God and prioritizing your family is the goal\u2014and those are very different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> They <em>are<\/em> very different. God has called one of your friends to brew kombucha; but He\u2019s called you to work outside the home, and also to raise these little girls, and then be a wife. Those are <em>good<\/em> things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; I think that\u2019s a key, too\u2014is having the courage to follow what God is calling <em>you<\/em> to do\u2014and not worrying what He\u2019s called someone next to you, or your friend, or the mom down the road. We know God\u2019s voice as believers. If we hear His voice, He\u2019s the one to follow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Tracy, thank you so much for taking the time today to chat with me and to help us understand that we need to be following God, not what society is telling us, but where God is calling us. If that means into the marketplace, even when you have young children, that\u2019s where we need to be. We need to be in His will, following Him. Thank you for joining me today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Thank you for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I just want to say, \u201cHappy Mother\u2019s Day\u201d to all the moms and all the women out there, who influence the people around them. If you haven\u2019t gotten your mom a card yet, I\u2019d say give her a call and <em>thank<\/em> her for all that she has done for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, next week, we\u2019re going to talk with Jeff Kemp about some football and about being a dad. I hope you can join us for that. It should be a good conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the co-founder of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and the president, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Phil Kraus and Marques Holt. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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