{"id":306829,"date":"2021-04-26T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-04-26T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/how-to-love-your-wife\/"},"modified":"2021-04-26T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-04-26T11:00:05","slug":"how-to-love-your-wife","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-love-your-wife\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Love Your Wife"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What does it mean to love your wife like Christ loves the church? Today on the broadcast, authors Matt and Lisa Jacobson share practical tips for loving your wife in a way that honors her and the Lord.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-26.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:05","filesize":"25.72M","filesize_raw":"26970734","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2082,2901,2831],"tags":[2877],"podcast_series":[8368],"cwp_profile":[9630],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306829","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-husbands","category-wives","tag-marriage","podcast_series-100-ways-to-love-your-spouse","cwp_profile-matt-and-lisa-jacobson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306829\/how-to-love-your-wife","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306829\/how-to-love-your-wife","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"5eVhxyLPEJ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-love-your-wife\/\">How to Love Your Wife<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-love-your-wife\/embed\/#?secret=5eVhxyLPEJ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;How to Love Your Wife&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"5eVhxyLPEJ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What does it mean to love your wife like Christ loves the church? Today on the broadcast, authors Matt and Lisa Jacobson share practical tips for loving your wife in a way that honors her and the Lord.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you\u2019re a husband and a Christian, do you know what job one for you is? Matt Jacobson does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>God has already stipulated what our first priority is, and our first priority is that little phrase, \u201cLove your wife like Christ loved the church.\u201d The reason that we have to get that right, as Christian men: if you don\u2019t love your wife as Christ loved the church, you\u2019re actually disqualified for leadership in the local assembly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSee, it\u2019s not optional to have a wife who [is] cherished. If you show me a church that is full of godly men, I can show you a church that\u2019s full of cherished wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. What does it look like for a husband to really cherish his wife? Matt and Lisa Jacobson give us some help with that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. I have been thinking about this subject a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Boy, oh boy! What subject is this, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ve been thinking about love. Part of the reason is because, as you guys know, I just recently wrote a book that came out called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have a cruise by that name. So now we\u2019ve got a book by that name, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I did in the book was go back to 1 Corinthians 13 and looked at all of the characteristics of what love is according to the Scriptures. The conclusion I came to is that most of us have a very superficial idea of what love is. When we get married, we\u2019re in love with the romantic comedy idea of love, not with the biblical idea of love. I think we set out pursuing a <em>You\u2019ve Got Mail<\/em>-approach to love rather than a \u201cYou\u2019ve got Jesus\u201d-approach to love, and that\u2019s a very different approach.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think our culture sets us up for failure in those regards, because we really don\u2019t know what love is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI bet Mary Ann is a recipient of all your learnings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As soon as I start applying it, she will be; yes. [Laughter] All I\u2019m doing is writing about it right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we\u2019ve some friends, who are joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, who have been thinking very wisely and practically on this subject. We\u2019re glad to have them. Matt and Lisa Jacobson are our guests. Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Thank you so much!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Thank you.It\u2019s really great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Matt and Lisa live in central Oregon, in the Bend\/Sun River area there. They\u2019ve been involved in the publishing world for years. Matt is pastor of a local church in the area. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid you decide to do this as a book first, or were you just starting to brainstorm together: \u201cHow can we do a better job of loving one another?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Actually, it grew out of us sitting around in a caf\u00e9 one day, which we often would do; we\u2019d go and write together at one of the local coffee shops. As we were sitting there, we were kind of holding hands, and I had my latte in my hand. We were just enjoying one of those moments in marriage, where you go, \u201cYou know what? This is good\u201d; and we\u2019re just thankful for enjoying the fruit of all we\u2019ve been investing and growing in over several decades.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>As we were talking about it, we started thinking about how much of our marriage that we\u2019re enjoying today is a result of little choices that we\u2019ve made over time\u2014and how, oftentimes, we look at marriage, and we think of those big topics\/those big, hard things\u2014that is a part of marriage; I\u2019m not minimizing that\u2014but how much of just the happiness\/the closeness is a consequence of daily choices of doing things or saying things that communicate love to the other person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was kind of a casual thing, where we said, \u201cYou know, let\u2019s just write down all the little things you can think of that you\u2019ve done that you feel contributed to what we\u2019re enjoying today.\u201d He said, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ll write down my list, and you write down your list. We won\u2019t look at each other\u2019s lists,\u201d so we weren\u2019t going to cheat. We came up with a hundred, literally, of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes, and we thought, \u201cYou know what? Other people might even benefit from those little things that make a huge difference.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Those lists are what became the books you\u2019ve written: <em>100 Ways to Love Your Wife<\/em> and <em>100 Ways to Love Your Husband<\/em>, which are books that give you those bullets\/those nuggets that are all about practical things we can do that are just little adjustments we can make that have a <em>huge<\/em> impact on a marriage over time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Lisa, did you come up with <em>your<\/em> list of things <em>you<\/em> had done to make Matt feel loved; or did he say, \u201cThis is what you have done that has made me feel loved\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>That\u2019s a good question. Yes, I wrote down the things that I have tried to do to communicate and express love to him. When he looked at my list, he said, \u201cYes, this is absolutely right on,\u201d because I didn\u2019t know; that\u2019s just what I thought. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing\u2014when I looked at his list\u2014I thought: \u201cOh, that\u2019s funny. I didn\u2019t know you were even mindful that you were doing that. But now that I think about it, that did make me feel loved,\u201d or \u201cThose are the kinds of things that help carry us through, even the hard times.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>If you have a beautiful marriage, a lot of people look at that and they go, \u201cWow, they\u2019re just lucky. They won the marriage lottery! They just get along so well together; it just worked out for them. They kind of fell in a hole backwards and \u2018Wow, look, a beautiful marriage.\u2019\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut everybody knows, who has a great marriage and who enjoys the best that God intended for them, they know that that\u2019s something that you actually built together. It\u2019s not something that happened because you got lucky. That\u2019s really what the book is about. It\u2019s about those simple little things that you do every day\u2014see, having a big, beautiful marriage isn\u2019t about that one big thing you did to get there; it\u2019s not that destination you arrived at\u2014it\u2019s built on a lifestyle and a lifetime of making choices every day\/simple little choices in the normal days of marriage, that say, \u201cI love you,\u201d rather than choices that say, \u201cI love me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s in your opening page: \u201cI love you,\u201d rather than \u201cI love me.\u201d Talk about that, because it\u2019s easy to be selfish\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014at least, for me it is\u2014I don\u2019t know about everybody else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I mean, that\u2019s a choice to not be selfish and to consider somebody else more important than yourself\u2014your spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. You know, there\u2019s that little phrase in the Bible that gets passed over\u2014well, I think in application, it gets passed over\u2014we bandy it about. It says, \u201cLove your wife like Christ loved the church,\u201d and we\u2019re going, \u201cOh, yes, yes, yes, that verse\/that phrase in Ephesians.\" That is something that we need, as men, to spend some time meditating on. Because it\u2019s the big job that God has given us to do as husbands: \u201cLove your wife like Christ loved the church.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re right; it\u2019s very easy to be selfish. It\u2019s very easy to think about me and the thing that I don\u2019t want to do in that moment. Often, in marriage, they\u2019re such little decisions\/they\u2019re little moments in your marriage and in your day, choosing for yourself or choosing for your spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, I like that you said that it\u2019s a <em>choice<\/em>, too; because we\u2019re all faced with that. It has to be, I believe, an <em>intentional<\/em> choice. It\u2019s not always based on how we feel about our spouse at the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Sometimes, you\u2019re doing it because God has told us, or commanded us, or has encouraged us. But that\u2019s not easy either. Have you felt that at times, Lisa?\u2014like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to love him or respect him. I don\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> like it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Well, not really in our case; because it\u2019s so <em>easy<\/em> for her. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, you\u2019re that guy! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Yes, I make it really, really easy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, honey, I\u2019m that guy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh yes, you are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You are that guy! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014in case you were wondering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>There\u2019s a few of us around. I mean, there\u2019s just a few of us. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>No, I think that is so true. I think that, as far as that choice and the difficulty of that choice is, oftentimes, as a believer, we look at verses in the Bible that talk about the kinds of ways we\u2019re supposed to treat other people with kindness\/with patience\u2014you know, those verses in 1 Corinthians 13, for instance\u2014and we think about it for \u201cthose other people out there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, I\u2019m at the grocery store. I go through the line at the cashier, and she is clearly having a bad day. She\u2019s kind of grumping at everybody. I\u2019m a little irritated myself, because I\u2019m trying to get through and she\u2019s going really slow. I get up to the line, and she\u2019s [grumbling murmurings]. I have this kind word for her: \u201cHow was your day?\u201d and \u201cThank you so much!\u201d I kind of feel good about myself, because I have just made her day, even though she was having a hard one; and \u201cWhat a testimony of God\u2019s love that was.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI go home, and I get in the door. Maybe Matt\u2019s having a hard day, and he\u2019s feeling a little bit edgy; right? Now, my response to him is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, let me take you to a part in the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Oh, okay! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>One of the points is: \u201cHe needs a warm, welcoming wife.\u201d You begin by saying, \u201cI hear his footsteps\u2014unmistakable, firm, solid-feet man steps\u2014quite different from the quick pattering of all the little feet I\u2019ve heard throughout the day. Madly chopping and slicing, I never even looked up when he entered.\u201d Take us into the rest of what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>On that particular day, he came behind me and he kind of did the little love thing\/the little husband love thing. My first response was, \u201cI don\u2019t have time for this.\u201d Literally, that\u2019s just all I\u2019m thinking: \u201cI\u2019m trying to make dinner. I\u2019ve had a big day. I don\u2019t want this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI caught myself, thinking: \u201cWhat in the world am I thinking? Why would I not have time for love and to just enjoy this moment of affection?\u201d I could see him pull away; he kind of feels my rejection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re tensing up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Yes; which, now I think about it, probably wasn\u2019t that great. [Laughter] I thought, \u201cOkay, wait a second.\u201d I turned around; and I thought, \u201cWhat would happen if I turned around and leaned right back into him?\u201d It worked; it was very effective!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>I thought, \u201cWhat a difference the whole rest of the evening would be, just by that exchange of love and just being a little playful right there in the kitchen in front of the kids.\u201d The rest of the evening was <em>fun<\/em>. It was warm. The kids\u2014they pick up on that, too, so they also\u2014the bickering, that had preceded this evening, was somehow better and lighter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve talked about this as \u201cadjusting the thermostat\u201d; because you can cause the room to go cold or you can cause the room to be warm, based on how you respond to one another. When it\u2019s warm, everybody\u2019s comfortable and happy; and when it\u2019s cold, everybody\u2019s kind of tensed up. You don\u2019t want to drive the temperature lower in your house; you want to keep it warm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>The irony is that, if we\u2019re not careful, that we can just be very mindful of giving our best to all the people that don\u2019t really know us\/all the people that we bump into in life. What we really should remember is: \u201cNo, we need to give the best to <em>each other<\/em>.\u201d We need to give the best to each other\u2014that\u2019s really what you\u2019re talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I tell you\u2014when you see your spouse give the best to somebody else, you get resentful,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014even if it\u2019s your kids!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know Ann\u2019s felt this from me with the church\/with my job\u2014that it\u2019s more important and the people there are more important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd yet, there are times\u2014and I\u2019m sure, Matt, you\u2019ve felt the same thing; because you\u2019re a pastor as well\u2014there are times I have to remind myself: \u201cWait, wait, wait. I\u2019m called to love;\u201d\u2014not that I don\u2019t love the people in my church\u2014but \u201cI am <em>commanded<\/em> by God to love my wife and my children and lay down my life for them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014at a different level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014totally different level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>This is such a <em>critical<\/em> point, because ministry can be <em>very<\/em> deceiving; because after all, it\u2019s ministry <em>for God<\/em>. You know, we don\u2019t want to let other things get in the way of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the fact is: God has already stipulated what our first priority is; and our first priority is that little phrase we talked about a moment ago: \u201cLove your life like Christ loved the church.\u201d It\u2019s not optional to have a wife who [is] cherished. If you show me a church that is full of godly men, I can show you a church that\u2019s full of cherished wives. There\u2019s no such thing as being a godly Christian man and not having a cherished wife. All of the ministry, all of the endeavor, all of the effort poured into other things does not negate the responsibility that we have to cherish and love our wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSatan is <em>so good<\/em> at making us think that these other priorities are equally as legitimate; so that our wives are then competing with the church, competing with the children, and competing with all of the other\u2014our jobs\u2014and all of the other things we have going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason it is so critical is because everything else, relative to the Great Commission, grows out of that relationship. Now, I know that that might be overstating the case for some; but hang with me for a minute. The Great Commission is the job that the Lord gave the church to do; right? It\u2019s not just evangelism; it\u2019s discipleship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cGo therefore, make disciples of all nations,\u201d\u2014right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Right, so discipleship\u2014Jesus says, \u201cTeaching them everything I taught you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere we have a man, who doesn\u2019t love his wife; and he\u2019s supposed to be discipling his children; alright?\u2014so failure right there. You\u2019ve taught your children something <em>wrong<\/em> about marriage; you\u2019re discipling them <em>away<\/em> <em>from<\/em> what God wants you to disciple them toward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two, if you don\u2019t love your wife as Christ loved the church, you\u2019re actually disqualified for leadership in the local assembly; you\u2019re disqualified. Pastors out there\u2014if you don\u2019t have a marriage, where you can say, \u201cFollow my example in marriage,\u201d\u2014if you can\u2019t say that from the pulpit, without embarrassment, you\u2019re disqualified for the role you\u2019re in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s so critical, as men in the church, to love our wives\/to do what God has called us to do; because all of these other things, and really, the Great Commission itself, is affected by how we are living examples of what God has called us to do and what He\u2019s called us to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Talk about this: What does it mean, \u201c\u2026as Christ loved the church,\u201d\u2014\u201cLove your wife as Christ loved the church\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Okay, one of the ways Christ loved the church is He <em>sought<\/em> the church. Remember that parable of seeking out the one lamb that was straying?\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> He\u2019s a pursuer. He is seeking out; He is pursuing His bride. So that is one thing that we, as men, need to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLisa likes being kissed. Every wife likes being kissed the way she was kissed on her wedding day. She never <em>stopped<\/em> desiring to be kissed that way; she never stopped desiring to be desirable to you. She never stopped desiring to be pursued by you. So number one: pursuing our wife\u2014she is a priority; we care about how she feels; we care about her day; we care about her heart\u2014that\u2019s one thing: pursue\u2014loving your wife as Christ loved the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, it means you get to sacrifice, big guy; alright? It means that all of those things that you want to do that are a priority\u2014<em>everything<\/em> about your world and the things that you want to pursue as a person; it doesn\u2019t mean they don\u2019t matter\u2014it just means that they get to be prioritized in relationship to this number-one priority that God gave you. You get to lay down your life for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that looks different in every marriage. But one thing for sure, no matter what marriage you\u2019re in, your wife knows whether she\u2019s a priority with you. As I say, it\u2019s different in every marriage. But you\u2019re a godly Christian man, so how about spending some time really thinking about this and saying, \u201cWhat would it mean for <em>me<\/em> to lay down my life for my wife? What would that look like in <em>my<\/em> marriage?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve got that spelled out\u2014I mean, the general sense\u2014\u201cHusbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.\u201d There\u2019s not a parallel I\u2019m familiar with\u2014wives\/it says, \u201cWives, respect your husbands,\u201d\u2014but is there a specific spelling out of how a wife is supposed to love her husband, and is it different than the sacrificial expectations that Matt has just talked about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>That\u2019s a good question. Yes, it is different; because it doesn\u2019t say the same thing to wives, that we are to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You wrote two different books; right?\u2014so there is how to love your wife and how to love your husband. There are differences in how we\u2019re to approach this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa: <\/strong>Right; and I think, generally speaking, that wives are pretty good about loving. We have a better sense, probably, of what love looks like\/what love means. That\u2019s why we watch all those little romantic comedies you were talking about. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut communicating respect and submitting to your husband, that\u2019s the part that we probably struggle with\u2014that we have to spend more time considering on what that looks like\u2014\u201cHow I can communicate respect and honor to my husband.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>You know, I\u2019d like to speak to that issue for a bit. Because when we come to the Word of God and what it says to the husband or wife, we like to read our wife\u2019s mail: \u201cHey; you know, God said to <em>you<\/em> that <em>you\u2019re<\/em> supposed to do these things!\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>\u2014right? I think we need to focus on our own mail; we need to focus on what God sent to us to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s <em>amazing<\/em> how beautiful a relationship can be when a husband truly loves his wife, truly cherishes her, truly lays down his life, pursues her\u2014right?\u2014isn\u2019t selfish; but says, \u201cI love you,\u201d instead of \u201cI love me\u201d in the choices that he makes. It\u2019s amazing how <em>easy<\/em> it becomes for a wife to submit to that guy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the Bible does say that it\u2019s your responsibility to walk that way before your [wife]. If you\u2019re not a believer, and you\u2019re listening to this, this is just nutty; okay?\u2014we get that. But for the person who claims to be a biblical Christian, this <em>is<\/em> how we\u2019re supposed to walk; we\u2019re supposed to make submission a beautiful and <em>safe<\/em> thing for our wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, Matt, as women are listening, they\u2019re resonating with you; like, \u201cI <em>long<\/em> for this. I <em>want<\/em> his. My husband really hasn\u2019t ever done that. What\u2019s the best way for me to approach him? Do I say, \u2018This is what I\u2019m not getting from you\u2019?\u201d What do you think, you guys?\u2014you\u2019re the experts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Well, I don\u2019t know if we\u2019re experts; but what we like to say is: we have to decide whether or not we want to be biblical Christians, for starters. We just have to decide that, because if we are, what that means is the Bible gets to define how we\u2019re going to go forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSee, if you\u2019re not willing to make that commitment on the frontend, then cobble it together and figure it out as you want. But if you\u2019re a biblical Christian, you\u2019re somebody who is involved in the church and you say, \u201cNo, I\u2019m following the Word of God. It\u2019s authoritative for every area of my life,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a starting point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt <em>that<\/em> point, you have a situation, where a guy is literally going to do what the Word says or, at least, when he becomes aware of it. But for the wife, who\u2019s feeling like, \u201cYou know, I\u2019d really like this.\u201d First of all, what I would say is: \u201cOkay, we\u2019re biblical,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cWe\u2019re biblical Christians; so that means you get to do what God calls you to do, regardless of whether he\u2019s walking in holiness or not\u201d; okay? Our personal holiness is not dependent on whether someone <em>else<\/em> is holy. It\u2019s <em>easier<\/em> in marriage if we\u2019re both walking in holiness. But if I\u2019m not walking according to the Word of God, Lisa <em>still<\/em> can be yielded and submitted to what the Word says.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I would say is: \u201cIf you\u2019ve got a good relationship with your spouse, then this is time for conversation; this is time to get together.\u201d Never try to deal with these things in the moment of emotional intensity. If you\u2019re mad that your spouse hasn\u2019t done these things and you want\u2014and there\u2019s a moment right there, where it\u2019s brought all of this anger and frustration to the fore\u2014that\u2019s not the time to talk about it; let the day pass. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut come together and say, \u201cCould we talk about something?\u201d We need to get a place, where if we\u2019re loving each other, I need to ask Lisa, \u201cWhat are the things that I can do that make you <em>feel<\/em> loved?\u201d Then conversely, she should be able to ask me about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is something where we can <em>all<\/em> continue to grow and get better. The thing I love about the books the two of you have written is that this is not a sit down and get out your highlighter and study and read. You can read four of these ideas a day; you can read one day!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, one a day; and if you <em>applied<\/em> it, you would have a different marriage in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t100 days.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>You know what? I can say that we have had people say, \u201cI\u2019ve got a different marriage this week.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the ways to love your wife is to respect your wife. Now, a lot of people\u2014it\u2019s kind of funny\u2014I wrote a blog post; put it up about the business of a man respecting his wife. Somebody came back [deep voice], \u201cHey, hey, the Bible doesn\u2019t tell men they\u2019re supposed to respect their wives. It says the wives are supposed to respect their husbands.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I like to remind men is: \u201cIf you don\u2019t respect your wife, you are in the process of destroying your marriage.\u201d See, a lot of people say, \u201cWell, this is what the wife\u2019s supposed to do for the husband.\u201d But I\u2019ve looked deeply into this particular verse at the end of Ephesians 5\u2014that people kind of highlight as: \u201cWell, the wives are supposed to respect the husbands,\u201d\u2014and it is a <em>huge<\/em> <em>misunderstanding<\/em> to focus on that word, just \u201crespect.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe fact of the matter is, there is a definition in the Bible for that word; and it <em>isn\u2019t<\/em> the typical word we use for respect. That\u2019s why, in the King James, they actually have it right. You\u2019re supposed to reverence your husband; okay? The word, respect, goes both ways in a marriage; and if you\u2019re not respecting your wife, you\u2019re in the process of destroying your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat word [respect] has a definition. The definition of that word is to defer in a reverential manner. He\u2019s tying it right back into what happens at the beginning of that passage on the subject of submission. A wife is to <em>yield<\/em> to her husband in his role of leadership in the home and in the marriage. So at the end, it isn\u2019t <em>really<\/em> talking about the specific subject of respect; it\u2019s talking about to defer in a reverential manner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou <em>absolutely<\/em> <em>must<\/em> respect your wife. It\u2019s one of the ways in the book, <em>100 Ways to Love Your Wife<\/em>, that you can love her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, let me just give an example. You say in the book: \u201cOne way you can love your wife is to seek her counsel.\u201d Somebody could say, \u201cI can do that today. I can ask my wife, \u2018What do you think we should do here?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt: <\/strong>Absolutely!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Then you say, on the next day, \u201cListen to her wisdom after you\u2019ve sought her counsel.\u201d [Laughter] I thought, \u201cOkay, that\u2019s a good follow-up to add there.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese are just some of the practical things that Matt and Lisa talk about in their books, <em>A Hundred Ways to Love Your Wife<\/em>;<em> A Hundred Ways to Love Your Husband.<\/em> You know, given what the past year has been like for all of us, the stress and the strain and the uncertainty, this has been a hard season for a lot of marriages. It\u2019s hard to carve out time to invest well in our marriage\/in one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we thought: \u201cLet\u2019s make these books available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. Anyone, who can support the ministry with a donation, let\u2019s send them a copy of both books: <em>A Hundred Ways to Love Your Husband<\/em>;<em> A Hundred Ways to Love Your Wife.<\/em>\u201d All you have to do is go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, make a donation, and request your copy of these books; and we\u2019re happy to send them to you. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can donate, online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone. Again, that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou should know we are grateful to those of you who join with us to make this ministry possible for so many others. When you invest in <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, you\u2019re really investing in the lives, and marriages, and families of hundreds of thousands of people, who come to us every day for practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and for their family. That\u2019s where your investments go; you\u2019re building stronger marriages and families. Again, if you can make a donation today, request your copy of two books: <em>A Hundred Ways to Love Your Husband<\/em>;<em> A Hundred Ways to Love Your Wife <\/em>by Matt and Lisa Jacobson. Donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, I mentioned earlier the book I had written called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. In addition to the book, we have a ten-part small group series that you can go through with other couples or go through on you own as husband and wife. Find out more about the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series, and how you can use that, when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking about how we can do a better job of expressing our love for one another in marriage. Matt and Lisa Jacobson will here with us again. I hope you can join us, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch; extra help today from Bruce Goff and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ta Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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