{"id":306822,"date":"2021-04-17T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-04-17T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/helping-your-kids-transition\/"},"modified":"2021-04-17T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-04-17T11:00:05","slug":"helping-your-kids-transition","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/helping-your-kids-transition\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping Your Kids Transition"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In seasons of change, parents need to help their kids process. Meg Robbins talks about walking with her kids through a major move. Sabrina McDonald tells how she coached her kids through becoming a blended family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-04-17.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:17","filesize":"24.98M","filesize_raw":"26197312","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2841,2853,2838],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9494,3300,3059],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-306822","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-frazzled-family","category-mothers","cwp_profile-meg-robbins","cwp_profile-ron-deal","cwp_profile-sabrina-beasley-mcdonald","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306822\/helping-your-kids-transition","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306822\/helping-your-kids-transition","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"UCrLSw8H66\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/helping-your-kids-transition\/\">Helping Your Kids Transition<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/helping-your-kids-transition\/embed\/#?secret=UCrLSw8H66\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Helping Your Kids Transition&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"UCrLSw8H66\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-04-17.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-04-17.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> When it comes to your kids, Ron Deal compares blending a family to changing countries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Not only is a piece of you back in the old country, but a piece of the children is back in the old country. They\u2019re having to learn new rituals, and customs, and language, and norms. And there\u2019s a part of them that\u2019s grieving; there\u2019s some challenges there. Typically, what happens with children is that they let us know that through behavior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Whether your kids are changing countries, or just changing cities, we\u2019re going to talk about how to help your kids move through transitions on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. If you\u2019ve ever moved from one home to another, you probably know the stressors involved: the packing, and the unpacking, the leaving behind old memories, and the trying to make some new ones. A friend of mine recently moved several hours away. For her kids, there was this <em>excitement<\/em> at first. Then, quickly came the fears of the unknown, and the loss of friends, and the wondering if there were going to be new friends that were waiting for them in this new place. I watched her and her husband have conversations with their kids as they walked them through the process, and it\u2019s still hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHave you helped your kids process through a move and the loss of all that they know? Meg Robbins joins me today to help us navigate that question and offer some advice on what she\u2019s done to help her kids through their latest transition. She has two big jobs: she is the wife of the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins; she\u2019s also a mom to four very cute kids. [Laughter] Welcome, Meg.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Thanks so much; it\u2019s good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s great to have you on. I\u2019m curious, because I don\u2019t know you that well; and I know our listeners are [curious], too. We already know that you have two big jobs that you do, but \u201cWho is Meg Robbins?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I grew up in the South; I\u2019m from Memphis. I\u2019m the youngest of five kids, so I grew up in a big family myself. I loved it; it was a blast. My family pointed me to the Lord, and I had a great background\u2014just had a walk with the Lord and knew Jesus\u2014I\u2019m thankful for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I went to college at the University of Mississippi, that\u2019s where I met David. We got to know each other through Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, actually. He was a Bible study leader. They had tried out co-ed Bible studies; and lucky for me, I landed in his Bible study. [Laughter] I was thankful co-ed Bible studies started up! I started walking with the Lord more in college, and we were both growing a lot. We got married after I graduated. Our journey\u2019s taken us a lot of different places. We\u2019ve been on staff with Cru since we graduated and lived in several different places. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here I am, the mom of four kids. It\u2019s funny how easily, as a mom, your identity can begin to be wrapped around your children. It\u2019s a challenge to continue to establish yourself: it\u2019s who you are. It\u2019s a good question you asked; it\u2019s like, \u201cHuh! That\u2019s a challenging question to answer.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Tell me about your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Ford is 11\u2014wants to do things right and make sure everyone else is falling in line and doing things right. He\u2019s also, though, tender-hearted toward people and their needs. Even in our family, I feel like he\u2019s on the lookout for what people need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMim is our daughter, who\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014Mim.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>\u2014yes; she just turned 10. She\u2019s our only girl, so there\u2019s much delight in that for us. She naturally wants to serve, so that\u2019s such a gift in our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, Roe is our eight-year-old, who is full of joy and constantly making us laugh. He\u2019s probably the one who\u2019s most like David when I hear stories of what David was like as a kid. We always laugh. He\u2019s a sweetheart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, Mac; he\u2019s only one-and-a-half. He makes us all laugh, and he loves to make us laugh. I think he\u2019s learning, \u201cOh! If I do this, it\u2019s funny.\u201d It can be anything silly, from burping to making a silly face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Your family has gone through a couple transitions in the last few years. You went from Atlanta\/suburban Atlanta, all of a sudden, to New York City. How long were you in New York City?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> We were in New York for five years; we moved there in 2012, and then we just moved here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> How did you break the news to your kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> We, actually, took them out for dessert\u2014just sat down with everybody and started out by talking about our family, who live\/we have family who live here in Little Rock\u2014we talked about it from that angle: \u201cHow would you like to live in the same town as your cousins? What if we move here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey were really excited at first. The first question Mim asked was, \u201cDo we get to have a dog?\u201d; because in our apartment in New York, we couldn\u2019t have dogs. We had had a dog before in Atlanta. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, after it started sinking in, within about a minute, the first tears started to come; because they really loved life in New York and had really good friends there. That was what they knew; because when we moved to New York, Ford was six, and Mim was almost five, and Roe was turning three. For them, life in New York was their total memory. I think Ford could certainly remember back to Atlanta. Other than that, that was their friends\/their livelihood. It was a big conversation, for sure, when we first broke the news to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You mentioned, at first, there was excitement; then, slowly, some of the sadness or some of the grief started settling in. How did you help them process through that as they\u2019re going through their last: \u201cThis is the last time I\u2019m going to go to [this] school.\u201d Or they\u2019re heading through their last\u2026how did you help them process? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> One of the things that someone told us to do was to make sure you have good good-byes with people, and places, and things that are special to you there. We made a bucket list with the kids of all the things we wanted to make sure we did before we left, and checked those off. When we\u2019d go and do that thing, we\u2019d not try to make it too or really emotional\u2014but just take a moment and say: \u201cThis is so fun! Aren\u2019t we so thankful that we got to do this?\u201d\u2014being grateful for the experiences we had and the places we got to see. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMost of all the friends\u2014when you get right down to it, the places are fun\/the things of daily life are kind of what you know, so it was important to say goodbye to those things\u2014I think, really, in the end, it was getting really good time with people who are special in our lives. They each had a different want they wanted to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Of course, with baby Mac\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Actually, our next-door neighbor in New York\u2014the apartment right next door to us\u2014was his best little buddy. She was one of my best friends, and we had babies a week apart. They were super close; so we, actually, did spend a lot of time with them. It\u2019s hard, because he didn\u2019t even know what that means; but we tried to get some time with James, our little friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It sounds like your kids have processed this really healthy. Were there times that one or two of them, you were like, \u201cOh, man; what do I do? How do I help them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> It was definitely a roller coaster. They knew that they\u2019d be moving for a few months: there were days, where they\u2019d be excited, and days, where they would be sad. Probably the hardest thing was helping them to realize: \u201cIf you were feeling really sad about something, or someone in particular, that you\u2019d be leaving, and you weren\u2019t really talking about that or crying about that, it\u2019s like you were stuffing down.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis really\/we talked to them about it as if it was a building or a tall block\u2014it might be really tall; it might be two-feet tall of emotions\u2014if you\u2019re stuffing that down, then when something happens that upsets you\u2014it\u2019s like even though it might be a tiny, little thing, like not having what you wanted for breakfast or something; and you put that on top of all these other emotions\u2014it might only be an inch big, but it\u2019s carrying with it those two feet of emotions that you\u2019re hiding or you\u2019re putting down. That\u2019s where the breakdowns were coming from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere were definitely days where we could see our whole family felt like we were all a mess. At the end of the day, we were like, \u201cI think this is the grief coming out very sideways.\u201d You just, \u201cOkay, let\u2019s pray over this,\u201d and hope that tomorrow we can keep that in the forefront of our minds, and love each other through it, and be patient. It\u2019s easy to forget that that\u2019s where it\u2019s coming from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> In a mom\u2019s heart, this stuff weighs heavy on you\u2014not that it wouldn\u2019t on David\u2014but it weighs heavier on a woman, especially as we were just talking about the emotions. David was actually moved ahead of you for a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> He did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That left some of that weightiness on <em>your<\/em> shoulders. How was <em>that<\/em> during that time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Honestly, I think I didn\u2019t really realize, probably, the weight that I was carrying; because it was just kind of survival. When he was gone five days of the week, and would come home on weekends\u2014it was just a few weeks or about a month, I guess\u2014it was tough, being in New York and still trying to manage packing. I actually had a kidney stone in the middle of all that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, no!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> There were lots of crazy things happening. I think I probably was, without realizing it, in survival mode, like, \u201cLet\u2019s all try to survive and get through it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think, though, that there were nights, where we were putting the kids to bed\u2014I feel like that\u2019s sometimes where that can be the most challenging time of day\u2014but can also surface some of the real emotions. I tried to take those bedtimes, at the end of the day, and ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d Sometimes, [they would respond] in a tender way, where they could pinpoint what they\u2019re feeling\/who they\u2019re going to miss. Sometimes, they would be angry and not know what\u2019s bothering them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat can be hard, as parents, when you\u2019re trying to help your kids process; but they don\u2019t process the same way adults do. You have to wait, and ask\u2014more than just, \u201cWhat are you feeling?\u201d\u2014just trying to ask more pinpointed questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You are helping your kids work through this transition; you\u2019re also processing yourself. How are you investing in your marriage at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> The biggest thing for us is commitment, and continuing to talk and communicate\u2014whatever feelings are there\/whatever emotions\u2014loss, whatever it is. I think it\u2019s easy, just like you said\u2014when you\u2019re trying to help the kids process, and I see their emotions, and it\u2019s easy to take those emotions on\u2014it\u2019s easy for our conversation to become about them and how they\u2019re doing, which is important, for sure, for us to keep a pulse on them\u2014but I think to step back and say: \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d and \u201cHow are we doing?\u201d and just being honest about that and not moving on too quickly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> As you\u2019re a mom, helping your kids\u2014and obviously, as a wife, helping David\u2014have you had a chance to grieve the loss of moving from a place that you had made a home?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I have certainly shed lots of tears through this process. I had very dear friends\u2014still have them; they\u2019re not gone\u2014it\u2019s different when they\u2019re not your neighbors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You don\u2019t see them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes, exactly. I have definitely had lots of emotions, and journaling, and sad times, and talking things out. I think, at the same time, there are moments where I realize I\u2019m probably shelving my emotions, and trying to help the kids process or be present for David. But David is really great about pulling things out of me and helping me realize where I am, too. I really appreciate that about him. I have some dear friends, who continue to call, and reach out to me, and ask the hard questions. I think that\u2019s really helped me in the grief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGrief is so important. I think, a lot of times, we think of grief as a bad thing\u2014and it\u2019s hard and messy\u2014but in order to move through a transition well, and to come out of it with a grateful heart\u2014truly, grief is important, I think. I probably tend to push it aside a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; move on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s just, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re here now. Let\u2019s be here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens for me, when I do that, is that it just bubbles up in other ways. I realize later, down the road, \u201cOh, this is coming from that I\u2019m still sad that I don\u2019t have this friend in my life on a regular basis.\u201d Just trying to take that to the Lord, and pray about it, and be grateful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s that quote in Winnie the Pooh that says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I love Winnie!!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>I know; the quote is, \u201cHow lucky I am to have something so great that makes saying goodbye so hard,\u201d\u2014something close to that. It\u2019s so true. When I remember to look at it that way, and help our kids to process it that way: that God has given us such great things in New York that it <em>is<\/em> hard to say goodbye, and such wonderful friends and relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt also has challenged us and encouraged us, as a family, to look back and say: \u201cRemember when we moved to New York?\u2014and we had left behind our friends, and we had to start over. The Lord built all these things that were so sad to leave. Now, here we are\u2014we\u2019re moving again\u2014and let\u2019s trust that the Lord will do that again. It may look different, and the timing might be different; but let\u2019s trust that God has brought us here, and He has already hand-picked dear friends and things that you\u2019re going to love about Little Rock that, one day, if you have to leave, it\u2019ll be hard to say goodbye again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s all brought us to a place of depending on the Lord in each thing that we\u2019re missing or hoping for, and just knowing: \u201cThe Lord is worth trusting, of course! He\u2019s faithful and He\u2019s good.\u201d That doesn\u2019t mean it won\u2019t be hard, and it is hard a lot of days. But we can keep our eyes fixed on Him, and know that He sees us, and He loves us, and He\u2019s with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Thank you for sharing about hard stuff today. I really appreciate this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Sure; thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You\u2019re welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> We\u2019re still in the middle of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019ll probably have to have you on again in maybe six months and say, \u201cOkay; so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> We can do a check in!\u2014see how it\u2019s going. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwho\u2019s handling this well?\u201d and \u201cWho\u2019s, maybe, not so well?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Thanks for having me on. You can be praying for all of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, most definitely we will. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We will definitely be praying, especially as they continue to transition to Little Rock from Manhattan. That\u2019s quite a hard transition to make. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to take a break; but when we come back, we\u2019re going to hear from Ron Deal and, also, Sabrina McDonald. Sabrina has recently made a transition of her own, actually, into a blended family. She\u2019s going to talk about how she navigated those waters with her two children. That\u2019s coming up after this break. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. As Christians, we are charged to walk alongside others, who are suffering. Right now, I have a friend, who\u2019s going through a divorce; and she needs someone just to sit with her, and hold her hand, and remind her who God is. That\u2019s true for our friends and family members, but it\u2019s also true for our children. When our children are in pain, they need us to walk with them through that pain. It\u2019s hard, if you\u2019re a parent; you probably know this well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSabrina McDonald also knows this well as she had to walk a child through a very hard transition. Sabrina has two children, and she remarried after her first husband died in a tragic car accident. There\u2019s always that fine dance in blending a family. As Ron Deal puts it, it\u2019s almost like you\u2019ve moved to a new country, and a piece of your child is still in the old country. They\u2019re having to replace rituals, and customs, and language, and all the norms that they trusted. Ron, of course, is an expert on stepfamilies; and he gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRecently, Ron sat down with Sabrina and discussed what it was like to lose her first husband and then, in particular, what it was like for Sabrina to walk through this trauma with her oldest son, Benjamin. Here\u2019s Sabrina. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Blended <\/em>Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I think he seriously had a post-traumatic stress disorder experience with the whole transition. Within four years, he lost a father that revolved the world around him, and had a baby sister, and then the father died. Then, he had a <em>crazy<\/em> single mother; I mean, when you\u2019re grieving, you just aren\u2019t yourself. A very peaceful household went to a very chaotic household; and then, we moved to a new house. There was just so much going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, all of a sudden, I bring a man into his life. As much as my intentions were good to get Robby into our home, I think I rushed it too much. It went from, \u201cWho is this stranger?\u201d to \u201cNow, this is a person you call Daddy.\u201d He really had a lot of behavioral problems\u2014it showed up at school and home\u2014major fits and things like that. He was very, very disturbed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> How did you move forward and help Benjamin?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong> A lot of it\u2014you have to take time with your kids\u2014even though Benjamin was very, very young, I still took the time to talk with him. I spend time with the children before bed every night and pray with them. I said to Ben, \u201cWhat is it that you want me to pray for?\u201d He said, \u201cWell, I want you to pray that my old daddy would come back.\u201d He said that to me several times. I would say, \u201cWhy do you say that to me? It hurts my feelings that you say that.\u201d He\u2019d say, \u201cWell, I miss him,\u201d or whatever. I\u2019d say, \u201cWell, he\u2019s in heaven; he can\u2019t come back.\u201d He really couldn\u2019t express to me <em>why<\/em> he was saying this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust a few months ago, he said it again: \u201cI wish my old daddy would come back.\u201d I was thinking, \u201cWow; I thought we had finally gotten to a place where he was happy.\u201d I said, \u201cBen, are you not happy with your daddy?\u201d \u201cNo, I like Daddy.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy do you say this?\u201d He said, \u201cWell, because sometimes I will ask you if I can do something; and you\u2019ll say, \u2018Yes.\u2019 And Daddy will turn around and say, \u2018No.\u2019 And then you say, \u2018Well, no, you can\u2019t do it; because Daddy said.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happened in my mind was\u2014I was doing the same thing my mother did\u2014which, when we were kids, she was establishing my father as the authority of the household. We would ask her, \u201cCan we do such-and-such?\u201d She said, \u201cWell, let me ask your father.\u201d If he said, \u201cYes,\u201d or \u201cNo,\u201d we knew that that was black and white\u2014whatever Dad said\u2014he was the authority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was trying to do the same thing with <em>my<\/em> kids, teaching them about Robby\u2019s authority. The problem is that a blended family is not the same as a first-time family. I was trying to parent my son the way you do with his biological father and not with a stepfather. He was translating that in a different way\u2014taking it to mean: \u201cWell, it used to be that you were the boss, and now you\u2019re not anymore; now, he\u2019s the boss,\u201d\u2014he had this first grade\/kindergarten mindset of how he was trying to logically figure that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is that he knew Robby wasn\u2019t his dad, and that David was his real dad. He was trying to figure out how that authority figure worked. If I hadn\u2019t taken the time with him to explain: \u201cThis is why it is the way it is,\u201d he wouldn\u2019t have understood. He was using his little mind to figure it out. I was taking it for granted that he understood: \u201cDad is the authority figure in the home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s how I think you have to do it. I think you have to take time with the kids, even if they\u2019re little\u2014and you don\u2019t think they really know what\u2019s going on\u2014they really, really do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There\u2019s so many takeaways from that. One simply is that children experience the blended family, oftentimes, differently than the adults do. The adults have an agenda, always, and that is bringing people together and letting everyone feel like it\u2019s family. But sometimes kids, because they\u2019re holding on to previous relationships\u2014and those are appropriate for them to hold onto those relationships\u2014don\u2019t have the same motivation to be happy with the way things go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour Benjamin is now six. The beautiful thing, which you just shared with us, I think, is that you engaged him in a conversation: you opened the door; you asked; you listened. It created an opportunity then for you to help explain some things to him. But I think the big thing there is just comforting him in his sadness, and knowing that he feels differently about it, and he misses his dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s Ron Deal talking with Sabrina McDonald about how she helped walk her son, Benjamin, through the loss of his father and then accepting a new father. Just listening to Sabrina tell her story, my heart broke for Benjamin\u2014I mean, to have so many changes in his young life\u2014it\u2019s got to be hard for that little guy. I haven\u2019t walked in Ben\u2019s shoes, but I\u2019m sure it would be hard to know just who to trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a parent, I know it\u2019s hard to draw out your child. As Ron said: \u201cListen to them; communicate what\u2019s happening; help them understand.\u201d They\u2019re young, and they need your help\u2014not just your discipline\u2014but your help and your understanding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was reading an article this week on helping the hurting ones in our life. The points were so good I just wanted to share them with you, especially as we help our kids through these tough times: \u201cBe there; enter their suffering, like Job\u2019s friends.\u201d I know\u2014Job\u2019s friends\u2014they get a bad rap most of the time. But if you remember, at the beginning of Job\u2019s suffering, they sat with him; they were there to listen to him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother great point from this article was: \u201cSpeak the truth in love, and show love through your actions.\u201d It can be as simple as\u2014remember I talked about a friend of mine, who\u2019s walking through a divorce?\u2014she just wants somebody to sit with her. Just something to think about as you walk this journey with your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for joining me today. Next week, I\u2019m going to sit down and talk with Bob Lepine. I\u2019m going to put him in the hot seat and grill him about parenting and how he raised his kids. We\u2019ll find out if he did it right. That\u2019s next week on <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch; and our producers, Phil Krauss and Marques Holt. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:17"],"show_notes":[""],"filesize":["24.98M"],"filesize_raw":["26197312"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306822.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306822.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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seasons of change, parents need to help their kids process. Meg Robbins talks about walking with her kids through a major move. Sabrina McDonald tells how she coached her kids through becoming a blended family.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2021-04-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> When it comes to your kids, Ron Deal compares blending a family to changing countries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Not only is a piece of you back in the old country, but a piece of the children is back in the old country. They\u2019re having to learn new rituals, and customs, and language, and norms. And there\u2019s a part of them that\u2019s grieving; there\u2019s some challenges there. Typically, what happens with children is that they let us know that through behavior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Whether your kids are changing countries, or just changing cities, we\u2019re going to talk about how to help your kids move through transitions on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. If you\u2019ve ever moved from one home to another, you probably know the stressors involved: the packing, and the unpacking, the leaving behind old memories, and the trying to make some new ones. A friend of mine recently moved several hours away. For her kids, there was this <em>excitement<\/em> at first. Then, quickly came the fears of the unknown, and the loss of friends, and the wondering if there were going to be new friends that were waiting for them in this new place. I watched her and her husband have conversations with their kids as they walked them through the process, and it\u2019s still hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHave you helped your kids process through a move and the loss of all that they know? Meg Robbins joins me today to help us navigate that question and offer some advice on what she\u2019s done to help her kids through their latest transition. She has two big jobs: she is the wife of the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins; she\u2019s also a mom to four very cute kids. [Laughter] Welcome, Meg.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Thanks so much; it\u2019s good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s great to have you on. I\u2019m curious, because I don\u2019t know you that well; and I know our listeners are [curious], too. We already know that you have two big jobs that you do, but \u201cWho is Meg Robbins?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I grew up in the South; I\u2019m from Memphis. I\u2019m the youngest of five kids, so I grew up in a big family myself. I loved it; it was a blast. My family pointed me to the Lord, and I had a great background\u2014just had a walk with the Lord and knew Jesus\u2014I\u2019m thankful for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I went to college at the University of Mississippi, that\u2019s where I met David. We got to know each other through Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, actually. He was a Bible study leader. They had tried out co-ed Bible studies; and lucky for me, I landed in his Bible study. [Laughter] I was thankful co-ed Bible studies started up! I started walking with the Lord more in college, and we were both growing a lot. We got married after I graduated. Our journey\u2019s taken us a lot of different places. We\u2019ve been on staff with Cru since we graduated and lived in several different places. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here I am, the mom of four kids. It\u2019s funny how easily, as a mom, your identity can begin to be wrapped around your children. It\u2019s a challenge to continue to establish yourself: it\u2019s who you are. It\u2019s a good question you asked; it\u2019s like, \u201cHuh! That\u2019s a challenging question to answer.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Tell me about your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Ford is 11\u2014wants to do things right and make sure everyone else is falling in line and doing things right. He\u2019s also, though, tender-hearted toward people and their needs. Even in our family, I feel like he\u2019s on the lookout for what people need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMim is our daughter, who\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014Mim.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>\u2014yes; she just turned 10. She\u2019s our only girl, so there\u2019s much delight in that for us. She naturally wants to serve, so that\u2019s such a gift in our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, Roe is our eight-year-old, who is full of joy and constantly making us laugh. He\u2019s probably the one who\u2019s most like David when I hear stories of what David was like as a kid. We always laugh. He\u2019s a sweetheart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, Mac; he\u2019s only one-and-a-half. He makes us all laugh, and he loves to make us laugh. I think he\u2019s learning, \u201cOh! If I do this, it\u2019s funny.\u201d It can be anything silly, from burping to making a silly face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Your family has gone through a couple transitions in the last few years. You went from Atlanta\/suburban Atlanta, all of a sudden, to New York City. How long were you in New York City?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> We were in New York for five years; we moved there in 2012, and then we just moved here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> How did you break the news to your kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> We, actually, took them out for dessert\u2014just sat down with everybody and started out by talking about our family, who live\/we have family who live here in Little Rock\u2014we talked about it from that angle: \u201cHow would you like to live in the same town as your cousins? What if we move here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey were really excited at first. The first question Mim asked was, \u201cDo we get to have a dog?\u201d; because in our apartment in New York, we couldn\u2019t have dogs. We had had a dog before in Atlanta. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, after it started sinking in, within about a minute, the first tears started to come; because they really loved life in New York and had really good friends there. That was what they knew; because when we moved to New York, Ford was six, and Mim was almost five, and Roe was turning three. For them, life in New York was their total memory. I think Ford could certainly remember back to Atlanta. Other than that, that was their friends\/their livelihood. It was a big conversation, for sure, when we first broke the news to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You mentioned, at first, there was excitement; then, slowly, some of the sadness or some of the grief started settling in. How did you help them process through that as they\u2019re going through their last: \u201cThis is the last time I\u2019m going to go to [this] school.\u201d Or they\u2019re heading through their last\u2026how did you help them process? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> One of the things that someone told us to do was to make sure you have good good-byes with people, and places, and things that are special to you there. We made a bucket list with the kids of all the things we wanted to make sure we did before we left, and checked those off. When we\u2019d go and do that thing, we\u2019d not try to make it too or really emotional\u2014but just take a moment and say: \u201cThis is so fun! Aren\u2019t we so thankful that we got to do this?\u201d\u2014being grateful for the experiences we had and the places we got to see. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMost of all the friends\u2014when you get right down to it, the places are fun\/the things of daily life are kind of what you know, so it was important to say goodbye to those things\u2014I think, really, in the end, it was getting really good time with people who are special in our lives. They each had a different want they wanted to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Of course, with baby Mac\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Actually, our next-door neighbor in New York\u2014the apartment right next door to us\u2014was his best little buddy. She was one of my best friends, and we had babies a week apart. They were super close; so we, actually, did spend a lot of time with them. It\u2019s hard, because he didn\u2019t even know what that means; but we tried to get some time with James, our little friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It sounds like your kids have processed this really healthy. Were there times that one or two of them, you were like, \u201cOh, man; what do I do? How do I help them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> It was definitely a roller coaster. They knew that they\u2019d be moving for a few months: there were days, where they\u2019d be excited, and days, where they would be sad. Probably the hardest thing was helping them to realize: \u201cIf you were feeling really sad about something, or someone in particular, that you\u2019d be leaving, and you weren\u2019t really talking about that or crying about that, it\u2019s like you were stuffing down.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis really\/we talked to them about it as if it was a building or a tall block\u2014it might be really tall; it might be two-feet tall of emotions\u2014if you\u2019re stuffing that down, then when something happens that upsets you\u2014it\u2019s like even though it might be a tiny, little thing, like not having what you wanted for breakfast or something; and you put that on top of all these other emotions\u2014it might only be an inch big, but it\u2019s carrying with it those two feet of emotions that you\u2019re hiding or you\u2019re putting down. That\u2019s where the breakdowns were coming from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere were definitely days where we could see our whole family felt like we were all a mess. At the end of the day, we were like, \u201cI think this is the grief coming out very sideways.\u201d You just, \u201cOkay, let\u2019s pray over this,\u201d and hope that tomorrow we can keep that in the forefront of our minds, and love each other through it, and be patient. It\u2019s easy to forget that that\u2019s where it\u2019s coming from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> In a mom\u2019s heart, this stuff weighs heavy on you\u2014not that it wouldn\u2019t on David\u2014but it weighs heavier on a woman, especially as we were just talking about the emotions. David was actually moved ahead of you for a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> He did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That left some of that weightiness on <em>your<\/em> shoulders. How was <em>that<\/em> during that time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Honestly, I think I didn\u2019t really realize, probably, the weight that I was carrying; because it was just kind of survival. When he was gone five days of the week, and would come home on weekends\u2014it was just a few weeks or about a month, I guess\u2014it was tough, being in New York and still trying to manage packing. I actually had a kidney stone in the middle of all that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, no!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> There were lots of crazy things happening. I think I probably was, without realizing it, in survival mode, like, \u201cLet\u2019s all try to survive and get through it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think, though, that there were nights, where we were putting the kids to bed\u2014I feel like that\u2019s sometimes where that can be the most challenging time of day\u2014but can also surface some of the real emotions. I tried to take those bedtimes, at the end of the day, and ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d Sometimes, [they would respond] in a tender way, where they could pinpoint what they\u2019re feeling\/who they\u2019re going to miss. Sometimes, they would be angry and not know what\u2019s bothering them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat can be hard, as parents, when you\u2019re trying to help your kids process; but they don\u2019t process the same way adults do. You have to wait, and ask\u2014more than just, \u201cWhat are you feeling?\u201d\u2014just trying to ask more pinpointed questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You are helping your kids work through this transition; you\u2019re also processing yourself. How are you investing in your marriage at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> The biggest thing for us is commitment, and continuing to talk and communicate\u2014whatever feelings are there\/whatever emotions\u2014loss, whatever it is. I think it\u2019s easy, just like you said\u2014when you\u2019re trying to help the kids process, and I see their emotions, and it\u2019s easy to take those emotions on\u2014it\u2019s easy for our conversation to become about them and how they\u2019re doing, which is important, for sure, for us to keep a pulse on them\u2014but I think to step back and say: \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d and \u201cHow are we doing?\u201d and just being honest about that and not moving on too quickly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> As you\u2019re a mom, helping your kids\u2014and obviously, as a wife, helping David\u2014have you had a chance to grieve the loss of moving from a place that you had made a home?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I have certainly shed lots of tears through this process. I had very dear friends\u2014still have them; they\u2019re not gone\u2014it\u2019s different when they\u2019re not your neighbors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You don\u2019t see them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes, exactly. I have definitely had lots of emotions, and journaling, and sad times, and talking things out. I think, at the same time, there are moments where I realize I\u2019m probably shelving my emotions, and trying to help the kids process or be present for David. But David is really great about pulling things out of me and helping me realize where I am, too. I really appreciate that about him. I have some dear friends, who continue to call, and reach out to me, and ask the hard questions. I think that\u2019s really helped me in the grief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGrief is so important. I think, a lot of times, we think of grief as a bad thing\u2014and it\u2019s hard and messy\u2014but in order to move through a transition well, and to come out of it with a grateful heart\u2014truly, grief is important, I think. I probably tend to push it aside a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; move on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s just, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re here now. Let\u2019s be here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens for me, when I do that, is that it just bubbles up in other ways. I realize later, down the road, \u201cOh, this is coming from that I\u2019m still sad that I don\u2019t have this friend in my life on a regular basis.\u201d Just trying to take that to the Lord, and pray about it, and be grateful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s that quote in Winnie the Pooh that says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I love Winnie!!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>I know; the quote is, \u201cHow lucky I am to have something so great that makes saying goodbye so hard,\u201d\u2014something close to that. It\u2019s so true. When I remember to look at it that way, and help our kids to process it that way: that God has given us such great things in New York that it <em>is<\/em> hard to say goodbye, and such wonderful friends and relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt also has challenged us and encouraged us, as a family, to look back and say: \u201cRemember when we moved to New York?\u2014and we had left behind our friends, and we had to start over. The Lord built all these things that were so sad to leave. Now, here we are\u2014we\u2019re moving again\u2014and let\u2019s trust that the Lord will do that again. It may look different, and the timing might be different; but let\u2019s trust that God has brought us here, and He has already hand-picked dear friends and things that you\u2019re going to love about Little Rock that, one day, if you have to leave, it\u2019ll be hard to say goodbye again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s all brought us to a place of depending on the Lord in each thing that we\u2019re missing or hoping for, and just knowing: \u201cThe Lord is worth trusting, of course! He\u2019s faithful and He\u2019s good.\u201d That doesn\u2019t mean it won\u2019t be hard, and it is hard a lot of days. But we can keep our eyes fixed on Him, and know that He sees us, and He loves us, and He\u2019s with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Thank you for sharing about hard stuff today. I really appreciate this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Sure; thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You\u2019re welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> We\u2019re still in the middle of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019ll probably have to have you on again in maybe six months and say, \u201cOkay; so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> We can do a check in!\u2014see how it\u2019s going. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwho\u2019s handling this well?\u201d and \u201cWho\u2019s, maybe, not so well?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Thanks for having me on. You can be praying for all of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, most definitely we will. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We will definitely be praying, especially as they continue to transition to Little Rock from Manhattan. That\u2019s quite a hard transition to make. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to take a break; but when we come back, we\u2019re going to hear from Ron Deal and, also, Sabrina McDonald. Sabrina has recently made a transition of her own, actually, into a blended family. She\u2019s going to talk about how she navigated those waters with her two children. That\u2019s coming up after this break. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. As Christians, we are charged to walk alongside others, who are suffering. Right now, I have a friend, who\u2019s going through a divorce; and she needs someone just to sit with her, and hold her hand, and remind her who God is. That\u2019s true for our friends and family members, but it\u2019s also true for our children. When our children are in pain, they need us to walk with them through that pain. It\u2019s hard, if you\u2019re a parent; you probably know this well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSabrina McDonald also knows this well as she had to walk a child through a very hard transition. Sabrina has two children, and she remarried after her first husband died in a tragic car accident. There\u2019s always that fine dance in blending a family. As Ron Deal puts it, it\u2019s almost like you\u2019ve moved to a new country, and a piece of your child is still in the old country. They\u2019re having to replace rituals, and customs, and language, and all the norms that they trusted. Ron, of course, is an expert on stepfamilies; and he gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRecently, Ron sat down with Sabrina and discussed what it was like to lose her first husband and then, in particular, what it was like for Sabrina to walk through this trauma with her oldest son, Benjamin. Here\u2019s Sabrina. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Blended <\/em>Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I think he seriously had a post-traumatic stress disorder experience with the whole transition. Within four years, he lost a father that revolved the world around him, and had a baby sister, and then the father died. Then, he had a <em>crazy<\/em> single mother; I mean, when you\u2019re grieving, you just aren\u2019t yourself. A very peaceful household went to a very chaotic household; and then, we moved to a new house. There was just so much going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, all of a sudden, I bring a man into his life. As much as my intentions were good to get Robby into our home, I think I rushed it too much. It went from, \u201cWho is this stranger?\u201d to \u201cNow, this is a person you call Daddy.\u201d He really had a lot of behavioral problems\u2014it showed up at school and home\u2014major fits and things like that. He was very, very disturbed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> How did you move forward and help Benjamin?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong> A lot of it\u2014you have to take time with your kids\u2014even though Benjamin was very, very young, I still took the time to talk with him. I spend time with the children before bed every night and pray with them. I said to Ben, \u201cWhat is it that you want me to pray for?\u201d He said, \u201cWell, I want you to pray that my old daddy would come back.\u201d He said that to me several times. I would say, \u201cWhy do you say that to me? It hurts my feelings that you say that.\u201d He\u2019d say, \u201cWell, I miss him,\u201d or whatever. I\u2019d say, \u201cWell, he\u2019s in heaven; he can\u2019t come back.\u201d He really couldn\u2019t express to me <em>why<\/em> he was saying this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust a few months ago, he said it again: \u201cI wish my old daddy would come back.\u201d I was thinking, \u201cWow; I thought we had finally gotten to a place where he was happy.\u201d I said, \u201cBen, are you not happy with your daddy?\u201d \u201cNo, I like Daddy.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy do you say this?\u201d He said, \u201cWell, because sometimes I will ask you if I can do something; and you\u2019ll say, \u2018Yes.\u2019 And Daddy will turn around and say, \u2018No.\u2019 And then you say, \u2018Well, no, you can\u2019t do it; because Daddy said.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happened in my mind was\u2014I was doing the same thing my mother did\u2014which, when we were kids, she was establishing my father as the authority of the household. We would ask her, \u201cCan we do such-and-such?\u201d She said, \u201cWell, let me ask your father.\u201d If he said, \u201cYes,\u201d or \u201cNo,\u201d we knew that that was black and white\u2014whatever Dad said\u2014he was the authority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was trying to do the same thing with <em>my<\/em> kids, teaching them about Robby\u2019s authority. The problem is that a blended family is not the same as a first-time family. I was trying to parent my son the way you do with his biological father and not with a stepfather. He was translating that in a different way\u2014taking it to mean: \u201cWell, it used to be that you were the boss, and now you\u2019re not anymore; now, he\u2019s the boss,\u201d\u2014he had this first grade\/kindergarten mindset of how he was trying to logically figure that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is that he knew Robby wasn\u2019t his dad, and that David was his real dad. He was trying to figure out how that authority figure worked. If I hadn\u2019t taken the time with him to explain: \u201cThis is why it is the way it is,\u201d he wouldn\u2019t have understood. He was using his little mind to figure it out. I was taking it for granted that he understood: \u201cDad is the authority figure in the home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s how I think you have to do it. I think you have to take time with the kids, even if they\u2019re little\u2014and you don\u2019t think they really know what\u2019s going on\u2014they really, really do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There\u2019s so many takeaways from that. One simply is that children experience the blended family, oftentimes, differently than the adults do. The adults have an agenda, always, and that is bringing people together and letting everyone feel like it\u2019s family. But sometimes kids, because they\u2019re holding on to previous relationships\u2014and those are appropriate for them to hold onto those relationships\u2014don\u2019t have the same motivation to be happy with the way things go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour Benjamin is now six. The beautiful thing, which you just shared with us, I think, is that you engaged him in a conversation: you opened the door; you asked; you listened. It created an opportunity then for you to help explain some things to him. But I think the big thing there is just comforting him in his sadness, and knowing that he feels differently about it, and he misses his dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s Ron Deal talking with Sabrina McDonald about how she helped walk her son, Benjamin, through the loss of his father and then accepting a new father. Just listening to Sabrina tell her story, my heart broke for Benjamin\u2014I mean, to have so many changes in his young life\u2014it\u2019s got to be hard for that little guy. I haven\u2019t walked in Ben\u2019s shoes, but I\u2019m sure it would be hard to know just who to trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a parent, I know it\u2019s hard to draw out your child. As Ron said: \u201cListen to them; communicate what\u2019s happening; help them understand.\u201d They\u2019re young, and they need your help\u2014not just your discipline\u2014but your help and your understanding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was reading an article this week on helping the hurting ones in our life. The points were so good I just wanted to share them with you, especially as we help our kids through these tough times: \u201cBe there; enter their suffering, like Job\u2019s friends.\u201d I know\u2014Job\u2019s friends\u2014they get a bad rap most of the time. But if you remember, at the beginning of Job\u2019s suffering, they sat with him; they were there to listen to him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother great point from this article was: \u201cSpeak the truth in love, and show love through your actions.\u201d It can be as simple as\u2014remember I talked about a friend of mine, who\u2019s walking through a divorce?\u2014she just wants somebody to sit with her. Just something to think about as you walk this journey with your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for joining me today. Next week, I\u2019m going to sit down and talk with Bob Lepine. I\u2019m going to put him in the hot seat and grill him about parenting and how he raised his kids. We\u2019ll find out if he did it right. That\u2019s next week on <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch; and our producers, Phil Krauss and Marques Holt. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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