{"id":306820,"date":"2021-04-15T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2021-04-15T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/evaluating-our-anger-as-a-parent\/"},"modified":"2021-04-15T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2021-04-15T11:00:04","slug":"evaluating-our-anger-as-a-parent","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/evaluating-our-anger-as-a-parent\/","title":{"rendered":"Evaluating Our Anger As a Parent"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Chap Bettis explains how to evaluate our anger toward our children. He talks about having good desires for our kids and expressing those desires in constructive ways.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:59","filesize":"24.7M","filesize_raw":"25901529","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806],"tags":[2209],"podcast_series":[8440],"cwp_profile":[9685],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306820","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","tag-parenting","podcast_series-parenting-with-patience","cwp_profile-chap-bettis","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306820\/evaluating-our-anger-as-a-parent","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306820\/evaluating-our-anger-as-a-parent","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"kXRRteFgsH\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/evaluating-our-anger-as-a-parent\/\">Evaluating Our Anger As a Parent<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/evaluating-our-anger-as-a-parent\/embed\/#?secret=kXRRteFgsH\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Evaluating Our Anger As a Parent&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"kXRRteFgsH\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Chap Bettis is a Bible teacher, who teaches a lot on marriage and on parenting. He admits, when it came time to teach about parenting with patience, he was approaching the subject, not just to try to help other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>This was my sin; and I\u2019d done a lot of thinking for my own heart, that I need to change. The home is the hardest place to live out the gospel: people know how to push your buttons; and you\u2019re tired, and you just want to be left alone. Then comes a toddler, or a teenager, or something like that; and they see the worst side of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, April 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. I think all of us could use a refresher on how to be a little more kind and patient with our kids. We\u2019ll get some help today from Chap Bettis. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. There was a song our kids learned\u2014you remember, back in the day, when there was Psalty, the Singing Songbook;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014that\u2019s a long time ago!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014The Donut Man; Antshillvania. Back when our kids were growing up, there were all of these musicals for kids; and our kids listened to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was one song that our kids learned and sang, and we sang to each other from time to time. It was a song that went: \u201cHave patience; have patience; Don\u2019t be in such a hurry,\u201d Have you heard this one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, at our home, it came in handy to look at our kids and say, \u201cKids, \u2018Have patience; have patience\u2026\u2019\u201d and just get them to slow down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen Mary Ann and I realized, \u201cThey\u2019re not the only ones who need to have patience.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Were you singing it to yourself?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sometimes, we had to look at each other and go, \u201cSweetheart, \u2018Have patience; have patience\u2026\u2018\u201d; because we can get exasperated as parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, it happens almost daily. I can remember\u2014I mean, we live in such a fast-paced culture that we don\u2019t slow down and have patience. Have you ever stood in front of your microwave and been like, \u201cHurry up! Hurry up\u201d? [Laughter] It\u2019s a microwave! And yet, you know, some of us are old enough to remember you had to put that in the oven or on the stove, and it\u2019s the world we live in. We want an instant download now, and we want that in character as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s especially hard when you\u2019re a fast-paced person anyway; and then you have three toddlers, and everything takes forever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have a friend, who is back with us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; Chap Bettis is here. Chap, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Chap is a dad; he is also a church-planting pastor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA couple years ago, you started something called The Apollos Project. Where\u2019d you pick that name? How\u2019d that come about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, Apollos in Acts, Chapter 18,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014is articulate; he is zealous; he\u2019s mighty in the Scriptures; and then he\u2019s courageous. I just felt like, as parents, we want to raise our children to be like Apollos. We know Daniel\/Daniel of the Old Testament;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014we know Timothy; Timothy seems to be somewhat fearful. I just think, as our culture becomes more and more anti-Christian, that we need young people, who are going to be able to be articulate, be mighty in the Scriptures, and courageous as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There came a point in your pastoral ministry, where you felt God pressing on your heart to make parenting your focus and to help moms and dads raise the next generation. You\u2019ve been with us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, talking about your book, <em>The Disciple-Making Parent<\/em>. When it came time to write a second book, you zeroed in on the subject of patience in parenting. Why that subject?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, can you see my smile? [Laughter] It\u2019s a problem for some people out there; it\u2019s not a problem for me. [Laughter] No, this was my sin; and I\u2019d done a lot of thinking for my own heart, that I need to change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, kids say one of the reasons they walk away from the faith is because of hypocrisy. The home is the hardest place to live out the gospel: people know how to push your buttons; and you\u2019re tired, and you just want to be left alone. Then comes a toddler or a teenager, or something like that, and they see the worst side of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is my sinful area. I had studied\/had thought about it; and I think, by God\u2019s grace, had seen some growth. Then, as I would talk with people, find out, \u201cOh yes, this is an issue as well,\u201d so felt led to put it in a video series.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>A lot of what you wrote in <em>Parenting with Patience<\/em> is about anger. Now, is anger the opposite of patience? What is anger? I\u2019ve never been mad, so I just need somebody to tell me. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, I think the definition by Dr. David Powlison has really helped me: \u201cIt\u2019s an active stance you take to oppose something that you assess as important and wrong.\u201d \u201cAn active stance you take to oppose something that you\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s what anger is?\u2014\u201can active stance you take to oppose something that is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cyou believe is important and wrong.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just found that very helpful; because on the one hand, it helped understand why not all anger is sinful. We know Jesus was angry, and He obviously didn\u2019t sin\u2014Mark, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 3\u2014and Ephesians 4:26 says, \u201cIn your anger, don\u2019t sin [paraphrase].\u201d So there are times that things are important and wrong, and we need to address that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the other hand, of course, there are huge warnings in Scripture about the destructiveness of anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The problem is when you have an active stance opposing something that you assess that is important or wrong\u2014and it\u2019s really something that\u2019s just trivial and something that is inconveniencing <em>you<\/em>\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>That\u2019s, I think, the heart: is you have to be able to look and say: \u201cYes; Jesus was angry in Mark 3 when people\/the Pharisees were sinning against this man, and God\u2019s glory was at stake. When they sinned against Him on the cross: \u201cWhen He was reviled, He reviled not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Most of the time\/99 percent of the time, my anger is not righteous anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Talk about that. What\u2019s the difference between righteous anger and sinful anger?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, I think it\u2019s what we talked about before, which is that there is something important and wrong; and am I involved in it? In other words, I can see something in the church and say, \u201cWe have to deal with this,\u201d\u2014and have a little emotion behind it\u2014\u201cThis is not right,\u201d as opposed to, if it\u2019s attacking me, it\u2019s often, my self-interest is at stake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cIs God\u2019s glory at stake?\u201d or \u201cIs my comfort at stake\/my desires at stake?\u201d I think that\u2019s really the heart of it; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Right; James 4 says: \u201cWhat causes the fights and quarrels? It\u2019s the desires that battle within you.\u201d To me, what was hard for me to assess, though, as a parent, is that I have bad desires, and then I have neutral desires or good desires that become demands. In the moment\u2014watching the game on Saturday afternoon or Sunday afternoon, and not being interrupted\u2014that\u2019s a neutral desire\/maybe a good desire; but if I\u2019m interrupted, and I erupt, that was a good desire that became a demand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You talk about two major ways that we express anger. You just talked about one: we blow up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What\u2019s the other?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, we can clam up; right? Every couple knows the silent treatment; right?\u2014which is: \u201cI\u2019m not going to talk to you until you apologize,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m going to punish you by withholding affection.\u201d Just going inward as well\u2014you know, just mulling over in our minds resentment\u2014rather than saying, \u201cThis is actually something we should talk about. I should bring this up, and I should talk about with this person.\u201d I just bury it, and it becomes\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014toxic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014it becomes bitter; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did impatience or anger manifest itself in your life when you were raising your kids? Bring this to the parenting. You\u2019re smiling again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Bring us into your home! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>How big is your listenership? Do I have to confess my sins? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It sounds like this happened on more than one occasion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Yes; raising my voice, yelling, being short with the kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you remember a time that was kind of a defining moment, where you said, \u201cI really got out of hand here,\u201d and had to go back and make things right with the kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, okay; true confession; man, this is humbling\/this is humbling. It goes back to expectations. As a church-planting pastor, we were not growing the way I thought we should grow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Been there; done that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Yes; you know why?\u2014pride on my part: \u201cThese people won\u2019t do what they\u2019re supposed to do,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014horrible, wicked pride; just wicked; terrible. But can you explode at the congregation?\u2014no; so you bring it home on Sunday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; so my wife\u2014like Nathan, plotted\u2014she took me out; we went out on a picnic. She said, \u201cWe\u2019re starting to call these black Sundays. This is not acceptable.\u201d I heard that, and I said, \u201cYou\u2019re right. You\u2019re right; this is\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the things with anger is you underestimate how much you\u2019re hurting people; you\u2019re saying: \u201cI just raised my voice a little bit,\u201d or \u201cI just yelled a little bit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You were coming home from a frustrating time at church, where it wasn\u2019t going the way you wanted, and you were displacing; you were taking that frustration out on your wife and on your kids. They knew they better walk on eggshells with Dad on Sunday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Yes, yes; that was very helpful; that was eye-opening. I think\u2014I mean, sin is deceptive that way\u2014where you just think: \u201cIt\u2019s no big deal,\u201d or \u201cMy anger is righteous,\u201d or \u201cI just raised my voice a little bit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It is interesting that the anger that your family was getting was not about them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was thinking, you come home from church\u2014I\u2019ve been a pastor\u2014and yes, you can take out what you\u2019re feeling about church. I had it even worse; I had to go from church to the Detroit Lions sideline and then come home. I lost twice that day. [Laughter] I\u2019m just kidding!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I want to get at something, because you talk about this\/you get into it in the book. I experienced the same thing in my life, when my wife said to me, early in our marriage, after a conflict in the kitchen, she just looked at me one day and said, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m not going to bring stuff up anymore; because every time I do, that\u2019s what you do\u2014you blow up.\u201d I just looked at her. She walked away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not kidding; I didn\u2019t even realize\u2014I do this\/I go, \u201cWhat are you talking about?! I don\u2019t blow up!\u201d\u2014she just turns and goes, \u201cExhibit A\u201d; you know. I\u2019ll never forget that moment\u2014again, it was decades ago\u2014because I went to the three guys that I met with every week, and I said to them, \u201cHey, of all the emotions that you experience, as a man, which one do you think you experience the most?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey all looked at me, like, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u2014what emotions?\u2014what are those?\u201d I listed, you know: \u201cJoy, or happiness, or tenderness, or anger, or sadness\u201d; and I just said, \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d Every guy sitting there said, \u201cOh, yes; definitely anger.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d They go, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d I said, \u201cWell, here\u2019s what Ann said to me this week. I have to find out where this is coming from.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLong story short, I discovered what you talked about in <em>Parenting with Patience<\/em>, that anger is a second emotion; in other words, when the emotion that you should be feeling in this situation is uncomfortable, we often skip right past it; and we\u2019re angry. I was like, \u201cWhat in the world is going on?\u201d Emotional hurt\u2014you feel hurt\u2014what do guys do often? We don\u2019t cry\u2014not saying we don\u2019t, but we should\u2014we often don\u2019t even realize we go right to anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou come home from church; you\u2019re feeling frustrated, and there\u2019s an emotion attached to the church thing; but all your family gets is anger. Talk about that a little bit, because I think you identified something that most of us don\u2019t even understand. Often, our anger isn\u2019t about the situation we\u2019re sitting in\u2014sometimes it is\u2014but often, we don\u2019t even realize it\u2019s plugged into something else, and we\u2019ve never even looked at that. Talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>I think, going back to that passage in James 4, it\u2019s coming from a desire that is within me. It can be a desire to have obedient children\/to parent on cruise control; to have, in this case, a church that\u2019s just growing\/just blossoming\u2014and all these other expectations or rights that I feel like I have\u2014\u201cI have a right to obedient children,\u201d \u201cI have a right to this. I\u2019ve worked hard all day; I have a right to this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo to me, to be able to drill down\u2014I think for me what was clarifying\u2014in my head, to stop justifying the anger was to say that: \u201cSome of these desires are good, but I can\u2019t express them this way,\u201d and \u201cI need to figure out: \u2018Lord, how can this desire to see our church grow,\u2019 or \u2018\u2026to have obedient children,\u2019\u2014or whatever those things are\u2014\u2018how would You have me, at this moment, progress?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Did you end up apologizing to your kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Oh, yes. Oh, yes; more than once; many times. But yes; absolutely; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think also part of that\u2014we get into a sin\/confess; sin\/confess cycle. There needs to be: \u201cWhat\u2019s the restitution?\u201d \u201cWhat is part of the restitution?\u201d\u2014my restitution, in my heart, was journaling: \u201cWhat just happened? What was going on in my heart? What were the desires going on? What am I going to do differently next time?\u201d To me, anything\u2014but especially, in this sin area\u2014we can get into a sin\/confess; sin\/confess cycle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think this is really typical, at least for me, as a young mom\u2014with three boys, that were super active and really going crazy\u2014I thought, \u201cI\u2019ve never been angry in my life! These children have brought this out of me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, because I would blow up at times during the day\u2014and some of it was just frustration\u2014then I would go to bed at night, feeling so guilty\/full of shame. It was like the enemy just <em>pounced<\/em> on me at night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What do we do with that? I think that can be very typical, especially for moms with young kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You could do what Ann did. She got up at two in the morning, went and tapped each boy on the shoulder, and say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m really sorry.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014or I\u2019d write letters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>She did that sometimes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This was ongoing, sometimes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Yes, yes; well, to me, part of this\u2014Ephesians 4 talks about that we\u2019re to put off, put in, and put on: we\u2019re to put off the sin; we\u2019re to renew our minds; and then we\u2019re to put on the positive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo me, part of the reason I wrote this is because I, at least my judgment of some of the literature out there\/what I see young moms talking about today, is exactly what you\u2019re saying, which is, \u201cI confess it as sin: \u2018This is wrong.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHaving said that, along with that comes a resolve\u20142 Corinthians talks about what repentance brings; it brings a resolve: \u201cI\u2019m going to repent; I\u2019m going to change,\u201d\u2014and then the positive\u2014seeing anger as a \u201cfriend,\u201d saying: \u201cWhat was the issue? It\u2019s going to happen tomorrow;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cwhat am I going to do differently tomorrow?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhatever happened today, it\u2019s going to happen tomorrow. Am I going to be surprised? \u201cOh, they got out of bed 15 times for water last night. Oh, they\u2019re going to do it, again, tomorrow night. What is the \u2018put on\u2019?\u2014what is the consequence?\u201d I\u2019m going to think hard, because my own sin is so destructive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the one hand, taking it very seriously\u2014not just getting caught in a sin\/confess cycle\u2014but to say, \u201cOkay, I need to see how ugly this sin really is,\u201d as a foe to fight. And it\u2019s an emotion that says something is important or wrong, maybe\/maybe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod has given us, as parents, we get this little realm to rule over; you know? Think about it: a family\u2019s really cool. You make your own culture: you have different foods you like, different traditions, different music or sports\u2014whatever is emphasized\u2014that\u2019s really cool that God gives us, as part of being made in His image, we\u2019re ruling over this realm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what this anger reveals is: \u201cThere\u2019s a problem in this little realm, and I need to think about, \u201cWhat am I going to do about it?\u2014because it\u2019s going to come up again.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the things you\u2019re going to have to do about it is: you\u2019re going to have to guard your, not just your heart, but your tongue; because: \u201cOut of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.\u201d One of the ways we can tell if somebody\u2019s angry is the words that are coming out of their mouth; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How does a parent, who recognizes, \u201cMy speech has become explosive; the words I\u2019m using are toxic words,\u201d how do they <em>begin<\/em> the process of moving from sinful speech to godly speech?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>We talk about, in the <em>Parenting with Patience<\/em>, there\u2019s an anger journal, where basically you walk through and you say, \u201cOkay, let me replay what just happened.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of it, we are choosing to live life very quickly; and we don\u2019t slow down and replay the video. For your example there, and to say, \u201cOkay, what did the kids do that caused me to get upset?\u201d and to slow down the video. Then, \u201cWhat did I say?\u201d\u2014writing that out is very\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014convicting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014convicting! It is; but that\u2019s part of the repentance\u2014is to say, \u201cYes, those words came out of my mouth.\u201d Proverbs talks about: \u201cReckless words pierce like a sword,\u201d\u2014and to say\u2014\u201cYes, this pierced my child.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, as you\u2019re describing that, I\u2019m thinking\u2014and Dave\u2019s going to relate to this\u2014any time the team fumbles in a football game, the first thing that we want to do, as fans, is: \u201cShow me the replay,\u201d and \u201cShow me the replay from about six different angles, so that I can see what happened. What knocked the ball loose?\u2014was his knee down before he lost the ball?\u201d We want to evaluate this so, we can see what happened here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yet, we fumble as parents, and we move on; and don\u2019t stop and go, \u201cWhat happened here? Let\u2019s look at this from six different angles.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Look at Bob using a football analogy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019re rubbing off on him! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I love it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But it\u2019s true; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s exactly true. That\u2019s why that anger journal is such a great idea, because we don\u2019t replay it. Actually, we don\u2019t even\/sometimes, we don\u2019t even admit it; we just walk on by. Our kids are telling us; our wife may be telling us\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, we think it\u2019s our kids\u2019 fault.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Or sometimes, it actually works\u2014and that\u2019s the scary thing\u2014is when your kids are running around like crazy, and you yell, and suddenly they\u2019re quiet; or they didn\u2019t do their homework, and you yell, and they get motivated; and you think, \u201cOh, this actually <em>does<\/em> work. I need to pull that card out every so often\/the yelling card.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut James 1:20 says, \u201cThe anger of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God.\u201d In that moment, you\u2019re getting the homework done; but you\u2019re destroying your relationship with your kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>The atmosphere of your home changes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, I just wondered if Black Sundays changed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>They did; they did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014by God\u2019s grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Over how long a period of time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, I think it was the rebuke\u2014the Nathan-type rebuke\u2014and then I\u2019m injuring people that I love. I believe it\u2019s Paul Tripp who said\/he has a statement, where he says, \u201cMy view of myself is about as accurate as a funhouse mirror.\u201d So if I will, in humility, accept that\u2014\u201cHere\u2019s what people are saying, and that\u2019s true,\u201d\u2014not what I\u2019m perceiving is true, but what they are saying is true in that moment\u2014then I have to change, because I love these people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m guessing some of our listeners are going, \u201cWhy did I have to listen to this program?\u201d [Laughter] This has been convicting. Maybe they\u2019re recognizing some of these patterns in themselves. Here\u2019s the good news: it can change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>By God\u2019s grace, it can change. It may take some work and some time; but trust me, this is work and time you want to do. You want to invest; because you don\u2019t want, ten years from now, your kids to be saying, \u201cMom was always angry.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes. I love what you said, Chap: \u201cWhen you start to get angry, start praying.\u201d That could be the first step besides journaling. I remember doing that, like, \u201cJesus, I need You right now!\u201d\u2014of just calming myself down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control; so to pray, to take a breath, and to have Jesus\u2014that conversation going on continually\u2014has really helped.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You are making available for our listeners a 12-part video series that you\u2019ve done on this subject of <em>Parenting with Patience<\/em> that is really great material. In fact, you can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and the information is available there on how you can access the 12-part video series that Chap Bettis has done on <em>Parenting with Patience.<\/em> You\u2019re making the videos available for free for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; there\u2019s information there about, not only the video series, but there\u2019s an accompanying workbook that people can purchase if they want to. All the information is available at FamilyLifeToday.com. Of course, we have copies of your book, <em>The Disciple-Making Parent,<\/em> available as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile we\u2019re talking about parenting, Dave and Ann, your new book, <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>, has just come out. Again, resources for parents\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014you\u2019ll find information you need there. You can access the video series from Chap Bettis when you go to our website. Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com. If you\u2019d like to order any of the resources we\u2019ve talked about, call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to take a minute and say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are, not just listeners, but those of you who have made today\u2019s program possible for all of us. That would be those of you, who are either monthly Legacy Partners, or those of you who will, from time to time, donate to support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We so appreciate our partnership together with you. You are helping provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families all around the world. Hundreds of thousands of people, every day, are getting help because of your support; and we are grateful for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a copy of the book, <em>Marriage Triggers<\/em>, by Guy and Amber Lia. Guy and Amber talk about the things we do in marriage that provoke each other\/that cause us to respond wrongly in a marriage relationship: \u201cHow can we correct that? How can we respond in a biblical manner rather than just venting?\u201d The book is our thank-you gift when you help with a donation today. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, thanks for your support; we look forward to sending the book, <em>Marriage Triggers<\/em>, your way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how we respond rightly when our kids provoke us. Chap Bettis will be with us again. We hope you\u2019ll be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, with some special help from Bruce Goff and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ta Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:59"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.7M"],"filesize_raw":["25901529"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306820.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306820.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Bettis explains how to evaluate our anger toward our children. He talks about having good desires for our kids and expressing those desires in constructive ways.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Chap Bettis is a Bible teacher, who teaches a lot on marriage and on parenting. He admits, when it came time to teach about parenting with patience, he was approaching the subject, not just to try to help other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>This was my sin; and I\u2019d done a lot of thinking for my own heart, that I need to change. The home is the hardest place to live out the gospel: people know how to push your buttons; and you\u2019re tired, and you just want to be left alone. Then comes a toddler, or a teenager, or something like that; and they see the worst side of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, April 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. I think all of us could use a refresher on how to be a little more kind and patient with our kids. We\u2019ll get some help today from Chap Bettis. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. There was a song our kids learned\u2014you remember, back in the day, when there was Psalty, the Singing Songbook;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014that\u2019s a long time ago!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014The Donut Man; Antshillvania. Back when our kids were growing up, there were all of these musicals for kids; and our kids listened to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was one song that our kids learned and sang, and we sang to each other from time to time. It was a song that went: \u201cHave patience; have patience; Don\u2019t be in such a hurry,\u201d Have you heard this one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, at our home, it came in handy to look at our kids and say, \u201cKids, \u2018Have patience; have patience\u2026\u2019\u201d and just get them to slow down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen Mary Ann and I realized, \u201cThey\u2019re not the only ones who need to have patience.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Were you singing it to yourself?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sometimes, we had to look at each other and go, \u201cSweetheart, \u2018Have patience; have patience\u2026\u2018\u201d; because we can get exasperated as parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, it happens almost daily. I can remember\u2014I mean, we live in such a fast-paced culture that we don\u2019t slow down and have patience. Have you ever stood in front of your microwave and been like, \u201cHurry up! Hurry up\u201d? [Laughter] It\u2019s a microwave! And yet, you know, some of us are old enough to remember you had to put that in the oven or on the stove, and it\u2019s the world we live in. We want an instant download now, and we want that in character as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s especially hard when you\u2019re a fast-paced person anyway; and then you have three toddlers, and everything takes forever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have a friend, who is back with us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; Chap Bettis is here. Chap, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Chap is a dad; he is also a church-planting pastor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA couple years ago, you started something called The Apollos Project. Where\u2019d you pick that name? How\u2019d that come about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, Apollos in Acts, Chapter 18,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014is articulate; he is zealous; he\u2019s mighty in the Scriptures; and then he\u2019s courageous. I just felt like, as parents, we want to raise our children to be like Apollos. We know Daniel\/Daniel of the Old Testament;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014we know Timothy; Timothy seems to be somewhat fearful. I just think, as our culture becomes more and more anti-Christian, that we need young people, who are going to be able to be articulate, be mighty in the Scriptures, and courageous as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There came a point in your pastoral ministry, where you felt God pressing on your heart to make parenting your focus and to help moms and dads raise the next generation. You\u2019ve been with us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, talking about your book, <em>The Disciple-Making Parent<\/em>. When it came time to write a second book, you zeroed in on the subject of patience in parenting. Why that subject?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, can you see my smile? [Laughter] It\u2019s a problem for some people out there; it\u2019s not a problem for me. [Laughter] No, this was my sin; and I\u2019d done a lot of thinking for my own heart, that I need to change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, kids say one of the reasons they walk away from the faith is because of hypocrisy. The home is the hardest place to live out the gospel: people know how to push your buttons; and you\u2019re tired, and you just want to be left alone. Then comes a toddler or a teenager, or something like that, and they see the worst side of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is my sinful area. I had studied\/had thought about it; and I think, by God\u2019s grace, had seen some growth. Then, as I would talk with people, find out, \u201cOh yes, this is an issue as well,\u201d so felt led to put it in a video series.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>A lot of what you wrote in <em>Parenting with Patience<\/em> is about anger. Now, is anger the opposite of patience? What is anger? I\u2019ve never been mad, so I just need somebody to tell me. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, I think the definition by Dr. David Powlison has really helped me: \u201cIt\u2019s an active stance you take to oppose something that you assess as important and wrong.\u201d \u201cAn active stance you take to oppose something that you\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s what anger is?\u2014\u201can active stance you take to oppose something that is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cyou believe is important and wrong.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just found that very helpful; because on the one hand, it helped understand why not all anger is sinful. We know Jesus was angry, and He obviously didn\u2019t sin\u2014Mark, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 3\u2014and Ephesians 4:26 says, \u201cIn your anger, don\u2019t sin [paraphrase].\u201d So there are times that things are important and wrong, and we need to address that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the other hand, of course, there are huge warnings in Scripture about the destructiveness of anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The problem is when you have an active stance opposing something that you assess that is important or wrong\u2014and it\u2019s really something that\u2019s just trivial and something that is inconveniencing <em>you<\/em>\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>That\u2019s, I think, the heart: is you have to be able to look and say: \u201cYes; Jesus was angry in Mark 3 when people\/the Pharisees were sinning against this man, and God\u2019s glory was at stake. When they sinned against Him on the cross: \u201cWhen He was reviled, He reviled not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Most of the time\/99 percent of the time, my anger is not righteous anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Talk about that. What\u2019s the difference between righteous anger and sinful anger?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, I think it\u2019s what we talked about before, which is that there is something important and wrong; and am I involved in it? In other words, I can see something in the church and say, \u201cWe have to deal with this,\u201d\u2014and have a little emotion behind it\u2014\u201cThis is not right,\u201d as opposed to, if it\u2019s attacking me, it\u2019s often, my self-interest is at stake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cIs God\u2019s glory at stake?\u201d or \u201cIs my comfort at stake\/my desires at stake?\u201d I think that\u2019s really the heart of it; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Right; James 4 says: \u201cWhat causes the fights and quarrels? It\u2019s the desires that battle within you.\u201d To me, what was hard for me to assess, though, as a parent, is that I have bad desires, and then I have neutral desires or good desires that become demands. In the moment\u2014watching the game on Saturday afternoon or Sunday afternoon, and not being interrupted\u2014that\u2019s a neutral desire\/maybe a good desire; but if I\u2019m interrupted, and I erupt, that was a good desire that became a demand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You talk about two major ways that we express anger. You just talked about one: we blow up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What\u2019s the other?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, we can clam up; right? Every couple knows the silent treatment; right?\u2014which is: \u201cI\u2019m not going to talk to you until you apologize,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m going to punish you by withholding affection.\u201d Just going inward as well\u2014you know, just mulling over in our minds resentment\u2014rather than saying, \u201cThis is actually something we should talk about. I should bring this up, and I should talk about with this person.\u201d I just bury it, and it becomes\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014toxic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014it becomes bitter; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did impatience or anger manifest itself in your life when you were raising your kids? Bring this to the parenting. You\u2019re smiling again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Bring us into your home! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>How big is your listenership? Do I have to confess my sins? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It sounds like this happened on more than one occasion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Yes; raising my voice, yelling, being short with the kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you remember a time that was kind of a defining moment, where you said, \u201cI really got out of hand here,\u201d and had to go back and make things right with the kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, okay; true confession; man, this is humbling\/this is humbling. It goes back to expectations. As a church-planting pastor, we were not growing the way I thought we should grow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Been there; done that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Yes; you know why?\u2014pride on my part: \u201cThese people won\u2019t do what they\u2019re supposed to do,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014horrible, wicked pride; just wicked; terrible. But can you explode at the congregation?\u2014no; so you bring it home on Sunday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; so my wife\u2014like Nathan, plotted\u2014she took me out; we went out on a picnic. She said, \u201cWe\u2019re starting to call these black Sundays. This is not acceptable.\u201d I heard that, and I said, \u201cYou\u2019re right. You\u2019re right; this is\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the things with anger is you underestimate how much you\u2019re hurting people; you\u2019re saying: \u201cI just raised my voice a little bit,\u201d or \u201cI just yelled a little bit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You were coming home from a frustrating time at church, where it wasn\u2019t going the way you wanted, and you were displacing; you were taking that frustration out on your wife and on your kids. They knew they better walk on eggshells with Dad on Sunday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Yes, yes; that was very helpful; that was eye-opening. I think\u2014I mean, sin is deceptive that way\u2014where you just think: \u201cIt\u2019s no big deal,\u201d or \u201cMy anger is righteous,\u201d or \u201cI just raised my voice a little bit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It is interesting that the anger that your family was getting was not about them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was thinking, you come home from church\u2014I\u2019ve been a pastor\u2014and yes, you can take out what you\u2019re feeling about church. I had it even worse; I had to go from church to the Detroit Lions sideline and then come home. I lost twice that day. [Laughter] I\u2019m just kidding!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I want to get at something, because you talk about this\/you get into it in the book. I experienced the same thing in my life, when my wife said to me, early in our marriage, after a conflict in the kitchen, she just looked at me one day and said, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m not going to bring stuff up anymore; because every time I do, that\u2019s what you do\u2014you blow up.\u201d I just looked at her. She walked away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not kidding; I didn\u2019t even realize\u2014I do this\/I go, \u201cWhat are you talking about?! I don\u2019t blow up!\u201d\u2014she just turns and goes, \u201cExhibit A\u201d; you know. I\u2019ll never forget that moment\u2014again, it was decades ago\u2014because I went to the three guys that I met with every week, and I said to them, \u201cHey, of all the emotions that you experience, as a man, which one do you think you experience the most?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey all looked at me, like, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u2014what emotions?\u2014what are those?\u201d I listed, you know: \u201cJoy, or happiness, or tenderness, or anger, or sadness\u201d; and I just said, \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d Every guy sitting there said, \u201cOh, yes; definitely anger.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d They go, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d I said, \u201cWell, here\u2019s what Ann said to me this week. I have to find out where this is coming from.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLong story short, I discovered what you talked about in <em>Parenting with Patience<\/em>, that anger is a second emotion; in other words, when the emotion that you should be feeling in this situation is uncomfortable, we often skip right past it; and we\u2019re angry. I was like, \u201cWhat in the world is going on?\u201d Emotional hurt\u2014you feel hurt\u2014what do guys do often? We don\u2019t cry\u2014not saying we don\u2019t, but we should\u2014we often don\u2019t even realize we go right to anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou come home from church; you\u2019re feeling frustrated, and there\u2019s an emotion attached to the church thing; but all your family gets is anger. Talk about that a little bit, because I think you identified something that most of us don\u2019t even understand. Often, our anger isn\u2019t about the situation we\u2019re sitting in\u2014sometimes it is\u2014but often, we don\u2019t even realize it\u2019s plugged into something else, and we\u2019ve never even looked at that. Talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>I think, going back to that passage in James 4, it\u2019s coming from a desire that is within me. It can be a desire to have obedient children\/to parent on cruise control; to have, in this case, a church that\u2019s just growing\/just blossoming\u2014and all these other expectations or rights that I feel like I have\u2014\u201cI have a right to obedient children,\u201d \u201cI have a right to this. I\u2019ve worked hard all day; I have a right to this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo to me, to be able to drill down\u2014I think for me what was clarifying\u2014in my head, to stop justifying the anger was to say that: \u201cSome of these desires are good, but I can\u2019t express them this way,\u201d and \u201cI need to figure out: \u2018Lord, how can this desire to see our church grow,\u2019 or \u2018\u2026to have obedient children,\u2019\u2014or whatever those things are\u2014\u2018how would You have me, at this moment, progress?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Did you end up apologizing to your kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Oh, yes. Oh, yes; more than once; many times. But yes; absolutely; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think also part of that\u2014we get into a sin\/confess; sin\/confess cycle. There needs to be: \u201cWhat\u2019s the restitution?\u201d \u201cWhat is part of the restitution?\u201d\u2014my restitution, in my heart, was journaling: \u201cWhat just happened? What was going on in my heart? What were the desires going on? What am I going to do differently next time?\u201d To me, anything\u2014but especially, in this sin area\u2014we can get into a sin\/confess; sin\/confess cycle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think this is really typical, at least for me, as a young mom\u2014with three boys, that were super active and really going crazy\u2014I thought, \u201cI\u2019ve never been angry in my life! These children have brought this out of me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, because I would blow up at times during the day\u2014and some of it was just frustration\u2014then I would go to bed at night, feeling so guilty\/full of shame. It was like the enemy just <em>pounced<\/em> on me at night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What do we do with that? I think that can be very typical, especially for moms with young kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You could do what Ann did. She got up at two in the morning, went and tapped each boy on the shoulder, and say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m really sorry.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014or I\u2019d write letters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>She did that sometimes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This was ongoing, sometimes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Yes, yes; well, to me, part of this\u2014Ephesians 4 talks about that we\u2019re to put off, put in, and put on: we\u2019re to put off the sin; we\u2019re to renew our minds; and then we\u2019re to put on the positive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo me, part of the reason I wrote this is because I, at least my judgment of some of the literature out there\/what I see young moms talking about today, is exactly what you\u2019re saying, which is, \u201cI confess it as sin: \u2018This is wrong.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHaving said that, along with that comes a resolve\u20142 Corinthians talks about what repentance brings; it brings a resolve: \u201cI\u2019m going to repent; I\u2019m going to change,\u201d\u2014and then the positive\u2014seeing anger as a \u201cfriend,\u201d saying: \u201cWhat was the issue? It\u2019s going to happen tomorrow;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cwhat am I going to do differently tomorrow?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhatever happened today, it\u2019s going to happen tomorrow. Am I going to be surprised? \u201cOh, they got out of bed 15 times for water last night. Oh, they\u2019re going to do it, again, tomorrow night. What is the \u2018put on\u2019?\u2014what is the consequence?\u201d I\u2019m going to think hard, because my own sin is so destructive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the one hand, taking it very seriously\u2014not just getting caught in a sin\/confess cycle\u2014but to say, \u201cOkay, I need to see how ugly this sin really is,\u201d as a foe to fight. And it\u2019s an emotion that says something is important or wrong, maybe\/maybe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod has given us, as parents, we get this little realm to rule over; you know? Think about it: a family\u2019s really cool. You make your own culture: you have different foods you like, different traditions, different music or sports\u2014whatever is emphasized\u2014that\u2019s really cool that God gives us, as part of being made in His image, we\u2019re ruling over this realm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what this anger reveals is: \u201cThere\u2019s a problem in this little realm, and I need to think about, \u201cWhat am I going to do about it?\u2014because it\u2019s going to come up again.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the things you\u2019re going to have to do about it is: you\u2019re going to have to guard your, not just your heart, but your tongue; because: \u201cOut of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.\u201d One of the ways we can tell if somebody\u2019s angry is the words that are coming out of their mouth; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How does a parent, who recognizes, \u201cMy speech has become explosive; the words I\u2019m using are toxic words,\u201d how do they <em>begin<\/em> the process of moving from sinful speech to godly speech?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>We talk about, in the <em>Parenting with Patience<\/em>, there\u2019s an anger journal, where basically you walk through and you say, \u201cOkay, let me replay what just happened.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of it, we are choosing to live life very quickly; and we don\u2019t slow down and replay the video. For your example there, and to say, \u201cOkay, what did the kids do that caused me to get upset?\u201d and to slow down the video. Then, \u201cWhat did I say?\u201d\u2014writing that out is very\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014convicting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014convicting! It is; but that\u2019s part of the repentance\u2014is to say, \u201cYes, those words came out of my mouth.\u201d Proverbs talks about: \u201cReckless words pierce like a sword,\u201d\u2014and to say\u2014\u201cYes, this pierced my child.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, as you\u2019re describing that, I\u2019m thinking\u2014and Dave\u2019s going to relate to this\u2014any time the team fumbles in a football game, the first thing that we want to do, as fans, is: \u201cShow me the replay,\u201d and \u201cShow me the replay from about six different angles, so that I can see what happened. What knocked the ball loose?\u2014was his knee down before he lost the ball?\u201d We want to evaluate this so, we can see what happened here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yet, we fumble as parents, and we move on; and don\u2019t stop and go, \u201cWhat happened here? Let\u2019s look at this from six different angles.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Look at Bob using a football analogy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019re rubbing off on him! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I love it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But it\u2019s true; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s exactly true. That\u2019s why that anger journal is such a great idea, because we don\u2019t replay it. Actually, we don\u2019t even\/sometimes, we don\u2019t even admit it; we just walk on by. Our kids are telling us; our wife may be telling us\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, we think it\u2019s our kids\u2019 fault.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Or sometimes, it actually works\u2014and that\u2019s the scary thing\u2014is when your kids are running around like crazy, and you yell, and suddenly they\u2019re quiet; or they didn\u2019t do their homework, and you yell, and they get motivated; and you think, \u201cOh, this actually <em>does<\/em> work. I need to pull that card out every so often\/the yelling card.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut James 1:20 says, \u201cThe anger of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God.\u201d In that moment, you\u2019re getting the homework done; but you\u2019re destroying your relationship with your kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>The atmosphere of your home changes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, I just wondered if Black Sundays changed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>They did; they did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>\u2014by God\u2019s grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Over how long a period of time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chap: <\/strong>Well, I think it was the rebuke\u2014the Nathan-type rebuke\u2014and then I\u2019m injuring people that I love. I believe it\u2019s Paul Tripp who said\/he has a statement, where he says, \u201cMy view of myself is about as accurate as a funhouse mirror.\u201d So if I will, in humility, accept that\u2014\u201cHere\u2019s what people are saying, and that\u2019s true,\u201d\u2014not what I\u2019m perceiving is true, but what they are saying is true in that moment\u2014then I have to change, because I love these people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m guessing some of our listeners are going, \u201cWhy did I have to listen to this program?\u201d [Laughter] This has been convicting. Maybe they\u2019re recognizing some of these patterns in themselves. Here\u2019s the good news: it can change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>By God\u2019s grace, it can change. It may take some work and some time; but trust me, this is work and time you want to do. You want to invest; because you don\u2019t want, ten years from now, your kids to be saying, \u201cMom was always angry.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes. I love what you said, Chap: \u201cWhen you start to get angry, start praying.\u201d That could be the first step besides journaling. I remember doing that, like, \u201cJesus, I need You right now!\u201d\u2014of just calming myself down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control; so to pray, to take a breath, and to have Jesus\u2014that conversation going on continually\u2014has really helped.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You are making available for our listeners a 12-part video series that you\u2019ve done on this subject of <em>Parenting with Patience<\/em> that is really great material. In fact, you can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and the information is available there on how you can access the 12-part video series that Chap Bettis has done on <em>Parenting with Patience.<\/em> You\u2019re making the videos available for free for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; there\u2019s information there about, not only the video series, but there\u2019s an accompanying workbook that people can purchase if they want to. All the information is available at FamilyLifeToday.com. Of course, we have copies of your book, <em>The Disciple-Making Parent,<\/em> available as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile we\u2019re talking about parenting, Dave and Ann, your new book, <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>, has just come out. Again, resources for parents\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014you\u2019ll find information you need there. You can access the video series from Chap Bettis when you go to our website. Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com. If you\u2019d like to order any of the resources we\u2019ve talked about, call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to take a minute and say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are, not just listeners, but those of you who have made today\u2019s program possible for all of us. That would be those of you, who are either monthly Legacy Partners, or those of you who will, from time to time, donate to support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We so appreciate our partnership together with you. You are helping provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families all around the world. Hundreds of thousands of people, every day, are getting help because of your support; and we are grateful for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a copy of the book, <em>Marriage Triggers<\/em>, by Guy and Amber Lia. Guy and Amber talk about the things we do in marriage that provoke each other\/that cause us to respond wrongly in a marriage relationship: \u201cHow can we correct that? How can we respond in a biblical manner rather than just venting?\u201d The book is our thank-you gift when you help with a donation today. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, thanks for your support; we look forward to sending the book, <em>Marriage Triggers<\/em>, your way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how we respond rightly when our kids provoke us. Chap Bettis will be with us again. We hope you\u2019ll be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, with some special help from Bruce Goff and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ta Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. 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