{"id":306811,"date":"2021-04-07T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2021-04-07T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/receiving-gods-forgiveness-in-parenting\/"},"modified":"2021-04-07T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2021-04-07T11:00:04","slug":"receiving-gods-forgiveness-in-parenting","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/receiving-gods-forgiveness-in-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"Receiving God&#8217;s Forgiveness In Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>We may never have award-winning memories of being the greatest of parents, but often the guilt and shame of our parenting mistakes can haunt us. How can we keep from being sidelined? Dave and Ann Wilson share wisdom about recognizing Satan&#8217;s schemes and embracing God&#8217;s forgiveness.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Links<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife&#8217;s Art of Parenting&reg; Small Group Kit. https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/p-5094-familylifes-art-of-parenting-small-group-series-kit.aspx<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The guilt and shame of our parenting mistakes can haunt us. Dave and Ann Wilson share wisdom about recognizing Satan&#8217;s schemes and embracing God&#8217;s forgiveness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-07.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:36","filesize":"26.18M","filesize_raw":"27452232","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853,2806],"tags":[2209],"podcast_series":[8437],"cwp_profile":[3647],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306811","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-frazzled-family","category-spiritual-development","tag-parenting","podcast_series-no-perfect-parents","cwp_profile-dave-and-ann-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306811\/receiving-gods-forgiveness-in-parenting","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306811\/receiving-gods-forgiveness-in-parenting","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"lea3JiOBMP\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/receiving-gods-forgiveness-in-parenting\/\">Receiving God&#8217;s Forgiveness In Parenting<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/receiving-gods-forgiveness-in-parenting\/embed\/#?secret=lea3JiOBMP\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Receiving God&#8217;s Forgiveness In Parenting&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"lea3JiOBMP\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-07.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-07.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When she was in the middle of raising her family, Ann Wilson remembers being loaded down\/being burdened with mom guilt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk67477290\">At night, especially in the silence, I would hear things like: \u201cOh, you failed today,\u201d \u201cOh, you messed up. You shouldn\u2019t have said this\u2026\u201d Then I would start to worry and project into the future: \u201cThey\u2019re going to do this, and they\u2019re going to hate our home,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019re not going to like me.\u201d Dave is over there <em>fast<\/em> asleep, thinking, \u201cMan, I nailed it today\u201d; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI was the ultimate failure today.\u201d<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, April 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Can you relate? Have you felt that mom guilt\/that sense that you\u2019re failing; and as a result, your kids are going to wind up as juvenile delinquents? Ann Wilson understands that; we\u2019re going to talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We are <em>all<\/em> celebrating this week because it\u2019s always exciting when a new book comes out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Are you celebrating <em>with<\/em> us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I am celebrating with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yay!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is really a <em>great<\/em> resource you guys have provided that, I think, gives moms and dads a jumpstart on the process and helps them think a little more realistically, a little more clearly, a little more purposefully on what parenting is all about and helps set the right expectations for what\u2019s ahead in the parenting journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just, though, for new parents. This is a book\u2014you had this in mind\u2014parenting is a journey that kind of goes up mountains and down valleys, and it\u2019s over and over again. You\u2019re thinking that this is a book that parents of teens can benefit from, even though they\/as a parent of a teenager, I kind of felt like, \u201cWell, if I\u2019ve messed up, at this point; I can\u2019t fix it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cNow, it\u2019s too late\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; but we can <em>always<\/em> make the course corrections and adjustments. We can always be growing in this area; can\u2019t we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I think that this, especially in teens\u2014I feel like we have these two points a lot of times\u2014one, when we\u2019re about to have a family; and we\u2019re kind of bombarded with these toddlers. Then we kind of get in this groove\u2014at least, this was true for us\u2014we got in this groove, like, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re kind of getting it down.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then we get into teen years; and we were asking again: \u201cWhat are we doing? What\u2019s our bullseye? What are we trying to do together?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m wondering, if in your marriage, was one of the two of you more intently focused on the parenting responsibilities than the other one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; her name is Ann. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you think that\u2019s\u2014same thing in our marriage\u2014Mary Ann was much more focused on what we need to be doing as parents. She was the one, who is saying: \u201cYou need to listen to this,\u201d \u201cYou need to read this,\u201d \u201cYou need to think about this.\u201d She was kind of bringing me along in the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, I felt like I kept pulling Dave in\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because it is a hard thing. A lot of times, at this age with teenagers, we\u2019re at the peak of our careers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It takes a lot of time\/a lot of energy. I think for both husband and wife, if both are working, to pour that energy back into our kids and our family is really important; and then, to not lose the goal of making Jesus the center.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you think there is something about maternal instinct here that causes most moms to gravitate in that direction?\u2014to look more inside the family, while the dad is looking outside at the world around them? Do you think that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I do. We would lay in bed at night; and I would say, \u201cHey, have you noticed this about one of our kids? I\u2019m really kind of thinking this, and I feel like they\u2019re going off a little bit.\u201d He goes, \u201cWhat?! I don\u2019t\/what are you talking about?\u201d I think women, generally speaking, are a little more dialed in, emotionally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know about you, Bob; but every time I said, \u201cNo, I don\u2019t think that\u2019s even happening,\u201d I was wrong [Laughter] every time. I mean, 100 percent, she was right; and it would come around. I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, she saw that before I did.\u201d You have to learn\/like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to tune into that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing, if there are a husband and wife, listening to our conversation right now together, the wife is thinking, \u201cWe absolutely have got to get a copy of Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s book, <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>. The husband is going, \u201cOkay, fine. If you want to get that and read it, I\u2019ll\u2014underline some parts and I\u2019ll\u2026\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Get the audio book if you don\u2019t want to read it, dude; just do it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But I do think, because moms are so dialed in on that, I think the other side of that can be that, when things are not going well in parenting, that can cause a mom to feel the wake of that more profoundly than dad does. You talk in the book about the day when you secured the title of: \u201cThe ultimate failure as a mom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said the trademark is pending on that title. [Laughter] You think\u2014what was the day that caused you to go, \u201cI\u2019m failing as a mom\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting, as a mom\u2014as our kids got a little bit older and when you get into that training stage\u2014I found that I felt like I was continually failing. I have three little boys that had a ton of energy, and they\u2019re running around, and I\u2019m doing the best that I can; but I felt like I was continually failing and that I would lose my temper\u2014that I wasn\u2019t training the way I should. I had this bombardment, like: \u201cOh, Barbara Rainey probably wouldn\u2019t do that,\u201d and \u201cThe other pastor\u2019s wife wouldn\u2019t do that.\u201d I was in this real comparison thing\u2014and goodness, social media wasn\u2019t even going on\u2014I can\u2019t imagine what it\u2019s like today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery night I went to bed, I had this backpack and this burden of shame and guilt. I felt like it followed me <em>everywhere<\/em>. At night, especially in the <em>silence<\/em>, I would hear things like: \u201cOh, you failed today,\u201d \u201cOh, you messed up; you shouldn\u2019t have said this\u2026\u201d Then I would start to worry and project into the future: \u201cThey\u2019re going to do this,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019re going to hate our home,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019re not going to like me.\u201d Dave is over there, <em>fast<\/em> asleep, thinking, \u201cMan, I nailed it today\u201d; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI was the ultimate failure today.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis really came to a head when our kids were younger. I think CJ was nine; and they were seven and four. Dave had a really long day, but I started the day off really well. I thought, \u201cOkay, this is going to be a great day.\u201d I always started really positive, like, \u201cOkay, this is a good day.\u201d I made breakfast for them, and I packed lunches. I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, I am winning today.\u201d We pray on the way to school. They get out\u2014the two were in school\u2014Cody was in preschool. I was working part-time, so I had to do some things; but ultimately, it was a great day. As a mom, you are kind of checking the list: \u201cOh, good job.\u201d I\u2019m patting myself on the back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That burden and backpack of guilt\u2014it\u2019s nowhere to be seen\u2014so things are really good. And then, Dave still wasn\u2019t home. We were in a phase, then, of I\u2019m thinking: \u201cWhy isn\u2019t my husband home more?\u201d \u201cWhy isn\u2019t he more engaged with me?\u201d \u201cWhy isn\u2019t he participating with the kids?\u201d This kept running through my head as he had missed dinner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo younger boys were playing in the family room. Like really, now, it\u2019s escalating; and they\u2019re throwing balls, and it\u2019s crazy. I\u2019m thinking I need to get these spelling words done with our oldest. I\u2019m at the table with CJ; and the teacher had mentioned, \u201cI think that he could have ADHD.\u201d Which it\u2019s so funny, as a teacher mentions that, as a mom, all you\u2019re doing is carrying that around: \u201cIs that true? What does that mean? What will the future look like?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s going through my head. The kids are carousing; Dave\u2019s late, and it\u2019s just chaos\/utter chaos. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCJ\u2019s playing at the table, and he keeps knocking things over. I\u2019m like\/we\u2019ve been on the same spelling word for 15 minutes, and he can\u2019t lock in. The kitchen\u2019s a mess. Somebody knocked something over in the family room, and I\u2019m so frustrated. It comes to a head; I just kind of do this grunt, like, \u201c<em>Oh, my goodness!<\/em> I do that; and as I do it, I kick the wall. My foot goes into the drywall with this eight-inch hole, and my foot is stuck in the drywall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s complete pandemonium going on in the house until that moment; then there\u2019s complete silence, and all the boys rush to the kitchen. They look at this hole, and they are <em>astonished<\/em>. Austin\u2014I look at the middle son\u2014and he looks at me like he\u2019s worried.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He\u2019s worried for me. Then Cody\u2014our youngest, who\u2019s only four\u2014he has this look of admiration, like I am the coolest person that walks the earth. [Laughter] I didn\u2019t even look at CJ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cMom kicked a <em>hole<\/em> in the <em>wall<\/em>!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes! I didn\u2019t even look at CJ, because I was humiliated. I\u2019m automatically, as a mom, thinking, \u201cWhat does this communicate to my son? What will he remember? He\u2019s going to be on a therapist\u2019s couch talking about this moment for the rest of his life. It will mess up his marriage.\u201d That\u2019s what we do, as moms; we now are jumping forward, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t50 years into the future. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys, I\u2019m so humiliated; and the boys are like, \u201cMom!\u201d Cody says to me, \u201cMom, I had no idea that you were this <em>strong<\/em>.\u201d I feel so much guilt, shame, remorse; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cOh no, the pastor is going to be home in five minutes. How am I going to tell my husband that his wife just kicked a major hole in the wall?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have this brilliant idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; tell them what you did, honey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I run upstairs. I\u2019m going through our closet, looking for the wallpaper that\u2019s on that wall; and I find it. I run downstairs. I\u2019m frantic, because Dave\u2019s going to be home any minute. I cut the wallpaper, and I wet it. I put it up there, and it\u2019s perfect. No one would ever know there is a hole in the wall until somebody, someday, removes that wallpaper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys, I\u2019m embarrassed to say that I almost told the boys, \u201cHey, let\u2019s not tell Dad.\u201d I almost said that; but I thought, \u201cNo, that\u2019s really going overboard.\u201d Soon as I get it done, Dave walks in the door. All the boys rush to him; they\u2019re like, \u201cDad!\u201d And you thought they were super excited to see you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking, \u201cMaybe they won\u2019t even mention it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, do you think that they mentioned it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Laughter] They\u2019re boys! Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; they\u2019re like: \u201cDad, you won\u2019t believe what happened tonight! Mom kicked a <em>hole<\/em> in the wall.\u201d Cody is like, \u201cDad, we had no idea Mom was this <em>strong<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter] I am <em>so<\/em> embarrassed. What did you think, Dave?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I mean, I\u2019m like\u2014I walk over; and I\u2019m like, \u201cThere\u2019s no hole.\u201d I mean, she had it <em>perfect<\/em>; the wallpaper was lined right up. I was like, \u201cThere\u2019s no hole.\u201d They are like poking at it\u2014like boomph\u2014there\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m like, \u201cDon\u2019t touch the wallpaper.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There\u2019s a big hole in the drywall. I just thought it was hilarious; but I look over at Ann, and I can tell she is really feeling really bad\/like this mom guilt is all over her face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, you\u2019ve got to get the kids down to bed, and you\u2019ve got to do what you\u2019ve got to do; but I knew she\u2019s carrying\/she feels really bad; because I knew she\u2019s carrying, \u201cI think I shamed CJ\u201d; because CJ knows her frustration with him and, maybe, his inability to have\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014to lock in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014the attention to lock in, forced her to sort of lose her cool. I knew this was like a big deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So that night, as the boys were going to bed, I apologized to each of them. I told them this wasn\u2019t about them. I was frustrated, and I shouldn\u2019t have done that; it was sin. I actually prayed and confessed my sin in front of the boys to God. Yet, I went to bed that night\u2014and here\u2019s Dave\u2014he\u2019s sound asleep again, and I\u2019m wide awake; I can\u2019t sleep for hours. I\u2019m so embarrassed to say this, even though I had apologized to CJ, I get up\u2014I don\u2019t know if any other moms have done this\u2014I go down the hall; I wake CJ up; and I shake him, and say, \u201cCJ, I\u2019m so, so sorry. I shouldn\u2019t have done that. Will you forgive me?\u201d He\u2019s like \u201cMom, it\u2019s fine\u201d; he\u2019s irritated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was a pattern for me; I would wake my kids up. Then, as they got older, I would get up; and I would write them apology letters. They each have <em>stacks<\/em> of apology letters that I wrote! I think that that can be common place\u2014for moms, at least\u2014I\u2019m not talking for dads. But there\u2019s this sense of guilt, and failure, and shame. It\u2019s funny\u2014guilt is you feel remorse, and you feel bad about it or guilty\u2014but shame is: \u201cI\u2019m broken,\u201d and that\u2019s where it turned: \u201cI\u2019m broken.\u201d I\u2019m telling you: \u201cWe have an enemy of our soul.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn John 10:10, when Jesus says, \u201cThe thief\u201d\u2014or Satan, our enemy\u2014\u201ccomes only to steal, kill, and destroy,\u201d that\u2019s for real. He wants to come into every household and kill, steal, and destroy; and who is a target?\u2014not just our kids\u2014but moms and dads. That, for me, to feel remorse and guilt, that\u2019s crippling as a mom. I love that Jesus, right after that, says, \u201cbut I have come to give life and give life to the full.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is mom guilt and mom shame\u2014you said there are lots of letters of apology that you wrote.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did this cycle through your motherhood? Or was it a theme that was kind of always the undercurrent of being a mom, that you were feeling: \u201cI\u2019m failing at this,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m no good at this\u201d? Or did you go\/did you have some days, where [you] go: \u201cI\u2019m winning; we\u2019re doing great,\u201d and then another day comes along, and you go, \u201cI guess I\u2019m not winning.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; no, I had days that I thought, \u201cI\u2019m getting this done; I\u2019m doing a good job.\u201d But other days that I was just bombarded with that shame again. Guilt is like: \u201cI did this wrong.\u201d Shame is: \u201cI am wrong; there\u2019s something wrong with me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the days when you feel like, \u201cThis is working well,\u201d for whatever reason, those days don\u2019t stick with us as profoundly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They don\u2019t mark us. Well, like we don\u2019t walk away, going, \u201cOkay, I really am doing well.\u201d But the days we have the shame and the guilt, that takes us under sometimes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It really takes us under. As I\u2019ve talked to moms, it\u2019s interesting, too; because as you\u2019re with moms, I remember telling this one mom, like, \u201cI yell at my kids sometimes.\u201d I don\u2019t call them names\u2014I don\u2019t go over to <em>that<\/em> area\u2014but I would yell at them in frustration. This mom said, \u201cI have never yelled at my child in my life,\u201d\u2014where I\u2019m like, \u201cSee! What does that do?\u201d\u2014it just\/now, it\u2019s even <em>heavier<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what I didn\u2019t realize was that shame and that guilt\u2014I wish that I would have remembered what God says about me\u2014\u201cThis is who I am: I am a child of God; I\u2019m forgiven; we all sin and fall short of the glory of God, but we are also forgiven; Jesus doesn\u2019t hold it against me; why am I still holding it against myself?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Shame and guilt are gospel moments; these are the moments, where we have to remember what\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I always come back to\u2014and I think I\u2019ve quoted this on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a couple dozen times over the years\u2014but a hymn that we sing at church, <em>Before the Throne of God Above<\/em>; the second verse says: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Satan tempts me to despair \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd tells me of the guilt within, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUpward I look, and see Him there, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho made an end to all my sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause the sinless Savior died, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy sinful soul is counted free \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor God the just is satisfied \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo look on Him and pardon me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t mean that, in those moments of failure, that we should just go, \u201cOh well, everybody messes up; no big deal\u201d; but it does mean that, in those moments of failure, what the enemy wants you to do\/he wants to sideline you. He wants you to get under the pile from that and never recover. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we have to come back and say, \u201cI did mess up; and by God\u2019s grace, I\u2019m going to live to find another day. I\u2019m going to do better next time. I\u2019m not going to let the shame and the guilt of the experience that I\u2019ve gone through take me out of the game,\u201d\u2014because that\u2019s what the enemy wants.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly; in Romans 8: \u201cThere is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d So instead of going to bed, and going back over my day of failures, I wish I would have repeated that: \u201cThere is now no condemnation for me. Jesus has died; He\u2019s taken care of that.\u201d I\u2019ve already confessed to Him\/to the kids; I wish then I would have taken my thoughts captive and not let the enemy take me on this carousel; it\u2019s really a roller coaster of emotions. Because Jesus is good, I\u2019m good. He sees me as good, and I\u2019ve done my best.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I had something happen a number of years ago that was\u2014it\u2019s always been a great illustration for me\u2014we were driving from Little Rock to Indianapolis. We were just outside Louisville; we were south of Indianapolis. We had about an hour-and-a-half left to go on the trip. It was late at night; we\u2019d been in the car all day. It was a long day; everybody was tired. I had to pull off the interstate to go to the bathroom, and so we stopped. I went to the bathroom, and then I got back on the highway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was one of these\u2014it wasn\u2019t one of those easy-off\/easy-on intersections\u2014I picked. When we got back on the highway, I\u2019d driven a couple of miles before I go, \u201cI got on the wrong highway. I am not on the road to Indianapolis anymore. I\u2019m on the road to Paducah, [Laughter] and we\u2019re not going to Paducah.\u201d I\u2019m thinking, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ve got to turn this car around and get back on the right road.\u201d Well, the next turnaround was \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t13 miles down the road.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, no!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s nowhere to turn. I now have to drive 13 miles in the wrong direction and, then, 15 miles back in the other direction. It\u2019s late at night; the kids are in the car. I\u2019m going, \u201cDo I even tell them we\u2019re on the wrong road, or do I just\u2026\u201d\u2014but here\u2019s the thought I had\u2014my temptation, at that moment, was just to wallow in the fact: \u201cHow stupid was I that I got us on the wrong highway, and we\u2019re going in the wrong direction?\u201d I wanted to pull the car over to the side of the road, and just bang my head against the steering wheel, and go, \u201cYou idiot! Why?\u201d That would have done <em>nothing<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It would have hurt more than anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; I didn\u2019t need to pull over to the side of the road and bang my head. I needed to turn it around and get on the right road. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the difference between shame\u2014that leads us to condemnation\u2014and the kind of awareness of guilt that says, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve got to turn it around and get back in the right direction.\u201d Jesus is not standing there, saying, \u201cPull over and live in shame for a while.\u201d He\u2019s saying, \u201cJust get on the right road.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We don\u2019t have to do penitence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; so a mom, who\u2019s had a bad day\/a dad, who\u2019s had a bad day\u2014those, who are caught up in the shame and wallowing of this\u2014the message from Jesus is: \u201cOkay, I know\/I know you messed up. Turn it around; get back on the right road. You\u2019re still My child; I still love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; well, it\u2019s interesting, Bob, as I was writing this\u2014and I rewrote this whole story, and I\u2019ve never written it out before\u2014and as I was writing it, all of a sudden, I asked Jesus this question as I was writing; I said, \u201cLord, what did You see in that young 34-year-old that day?\u201d I had this list of things; here\u2019s what I wrote, that I felt like it\u2019s from the Holy Spirit: \u201cLook at these things, Ann; because Satan will never remind you of the good that happened that day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I said: \u201cOne, you were present with your kids today. Two, you prayed before you got up out of bed that God would help you be a good wife and mom,\u201d\u2014just a quick prayer. \u201cThree, you fed your kids and you fed yourself,\u201d\u2014so let\u2019s count the little things. \u201cFour, you got yourself and everyone dressed,\u201d\u2014woo hoo! [Laughter] \u201cFive, you put on makeup,\u201d\u2014and this is for Dave\u2019s benefit\u2014and to not\u2014you know, just to help; and I\u2019m going to celebrate that. \u201cSix, you packed lunches. Seven, you drove your kids to school, and you prayed out loud with them,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s discipleship. \u201cEight, you got a ton of work done, and you played with Cody. Nine, you made dinner and played fun music as the boys played. Ten, you helped with homework.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is where the bad part sneaks in; but: \u201cEleven, you apologized to your kids. You asked for forgiveness,\u201d\u2014which is teaching conflict resolution skills. \u201cTwelve, you prayed and asked forgiveness from God, out loud, in front of your kids and asked Him to help you display self-control as a fruit of the Spirit,\u201d\u2014which is discipleship. \u201cThirteen, you kissed them goodnight. You laid your hand on them; you prayed for them. Fourteen, you cleaned up the house before going to bed. Fifteen, you read your Bible,\u201d\u2014well, maybe only a few verses; because you couldn\u2019t concentrate\u2014but still\u2026 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I wrote that, I have never thought of the good things that happened that day. I feel like Jesus was complimenting; He was clapping for me, like, \u201cGood job, Ann.\u201d He sees those little blips\/our mistakes. It\u2019s like you confess them\u2014you\u2019re going to make those; you\u2019ll continue to make those\u2014but go to sleep and take those thoughts captive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things I love about your book is that you invited your sons to read the book and offer their analysis of the principles in here. CJ, and Austin, and Cody all chime in and say, \u201cHere\u2019s what we remember about growing up in the home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> At the end of that chapter, \u201cThe Mom Guilt,\u201d CJ makes a comment about the letters. It\u2019s really cute what he says.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what he says; he says, \u201cIt was never obvious, when we were kids, that Mom was feeling guilt about her parenting at all.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that amazing?! That\u2019s a miracle, people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because you were feeling it, like it\u2019s the dominant theme. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He says: \u201cI have much more vivid memories of her being fun and happy than her ever being sad and frustrated. There was a difference between when she was mad at us for being bad and when she was mad from just being frustrated. During the times when she was frustrated, like when she kicked the hole in the wall, it didn\u2019t feel like she was taking anything out on us. That just seemed like a crazy story we could tell Dad and our friends. She was back to normal and fun the next day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then he says, \u201cMom\u2019s letters, which she would often write after waking up at two in the morning, usually felt unneeded to me. She always just reiterated things that were obvious from interacting with her every day. She was just saying what I already knew.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that miraculous?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and so, what we think is going to send our kids to the therapist, some of them go, \u201cI don\u2019t even remember that story\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it\u2019s a reminder: \u201cGod\u2019s got your kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He really does; you can trust Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I hope a lot of our listeners have already preordered your book, <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>. It releases next week, and we\u2019re taking preorders now on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to preorder: 1-800-FL-TODAY. I am really excited about this book and about the impact it\u2019s going to have in the lives of families and, really, generations to come. This is a great investment in the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book is called <em>No Perfect Parents: Ditch Expectations, Embrace Reality, and Discover the One Secret That Will Change Your Parenting<\/em>. You can preorder your copy by going to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to preorder: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Get a copy of <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em> by Dave and Ann Wilson. We\u2019ll send it to you as soon as it\u2019s available to release.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about hospitality, which is a priority. We\u2019re all told in the Bible to practice hospitality; but I know some of us think, \u201cYes, but that\u2019s just not who I am; that\u2019s not my gift.\u201d Well, Morgan Tyree is going to join us tomorrow to say each one of us has a different hospitality personality. We\u2019ll try to figure out what yours is and how you can follow the biblical command to be hospitable. We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We got some extra help today from Bruce Goff and, of course, our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ta Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:36"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.18M"],"filesize_raw":["27452232"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306811.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306811.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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guilt and shame of our parenting mistakes can haunt us. Dave and Ann Wilson share wisdom about recognizing Satan's schemes and embracing God's forgiveness.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When she was in the middle of raising her family, Ann Wilson remembers being loaded down\/being burdened with mom guilt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk67477290\">At night, especially in the silence, I would hear things like: \u201cOh, you failed today,\u201d \u201cOh, you messed up. You shouldn\u2019t have said this\u2026\u201d Then I would start to worry and project into the future: \u201cThey\u2019re going to do this, and they\u2019re going to hate our home,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019re not going to like me.\u201d Dave is over there <em>fast<\/em> asleep, thinking, \u201cMan, I nailed it today\u201d; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI was the ultimate failure today.\u201d<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, April 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Can you relate? Have you felt that mom guilt\/that sense that you\u2019re failing; and as a result, your kids are going to wind up as juvenile delinquents? Ann Wilson understands that; we\u2019re going to talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We are <em>all<\/em> celebrating this week because it\u2019s always exciting when a new book comes out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Are you celebrating <em>with<\/em> us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I am celebrating with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yay!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is really a <em>great<\/em> resource you guys have provided that, I think, gives moms and dads a jumpstart on the process and helps them think a little more realistically, a little more clearly, a little more purposefully on what parenting is all about and helps set the right expectations for what\u2019s ahead in the parenting journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just, though, for new parents. This is a book\u2014you had this in mind\u2014parenting is a journey that kind of goes up mountains and down valleys, and it\u2019s over and over again. You\u2019re thinking that this is a book that parents of teens can benefit from, even though they\/as a parent of a teenager, I kind of felt like, \u201cWell, if I\u2019ve messed up, at this point; I can\u2019t fix it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cNow, it\u2019s too late\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; but we can <em>always<\/em> make the course corrections and adjustments. We can always be growing in this area; can\u2019t we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I think that this, especially in teens\u2014I feel like we have these two points a lot of times\u2014one, when we\u2019re about to have a family; and we\u2019re kind of bombarded with these toddlers. Then we kind of get in this groove\u2014at least, this was true for us\u2014we got in this groove, like, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re kind of getting it down.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then we get into teen years; and we were asking again: \u201cWhat are we doing? What\u2019s our bullseye? What are we trying to do together?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m wondering, if in your marriage, was one of the two of you more intently focused on the parenting responsibilities than the other one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; her name is Ann. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you think that\u2019s\u2014same thing in our marriage\u2014Mary Ann was much more focused on what we need to be doing as parents. She was the one, who is saying: \u201cYou need to listen to this,\u201d \u201cYou need to read this,\u201d \u201cYou need to think about this.\u201d She was kind of bringing me along in the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, I felt like I kept pulling Dave in\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because it is a hard thing. A lot of times, at this age with teenagers, we\u2019re at the peak of our careers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It takes a lot of time\/a lot of energy. I think for both husband and wife, if both are working, to pour that energy back into our kids and our family is really important; and then, to not lose the goal of making Jesus the center.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you think there is something about maternal instinct here that causes most moms to gravitate in that direction?\u2014to look more inside the family, while the dad is looking outside at the world around them? Do you think that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I do. We would lay in bed at night; and I would say, \u201cHey, have you noticed this about one of our kids? I\u2019m really kind of thinking this, and I feel like they\u2019re going off a little bit.\u201d He goes, \u201cWhat?! I don\u2019t\/what are you talking about?\u201d I think women, generally speaking, are a little more dialed in, emotionally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know about you, Bob; but every time I said, \u201cNo, I don\u2019t think that\u2019s even happening,\u201d I was wrong [Laughter] every time. I mean, 100 percent, she was right; and it would come around. I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, she saw that before I did.\u201d You have to learn\/like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to tune into that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing, if there are a husband and wife, listening to our conversation right now together, the wife is thinking, \u201cWe absolutely have got to get a copy of Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s book, <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>. The husband is going, \u201cOkay, fine. If you want to get that and read it, I\u2019ll\u2014underline some parts and I\u2019ll\u2026\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Get the audio book if you don\u2019t want to read it, dude; just do it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But I do think, because moms are so dialed in on that, I think the other side of that can be that, when things are not going well in parenting, that can cause a mom to feel the wake of that more profoundly than dad does. You talk in the book about the day when you secured the title of: \u201cThe ultimate failure as a mom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said the trademark is pending on that title. [Laughter] You think\u2014what was the day that caused you to go, \u201cI\u2019m failing as a mom\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting, as a mom\u2014as our kids got a little bit older and when you get into that training stage\u2014I found that I felt like I was continually failing. I have three little boys that had a ton of energy, and they\u2019re running around, and I\u2019m doing the best that I can; but I felt like I was continually failing and that I would lose my temper\u2014that I wasn\u2019t training the way I should. I had this bombardment, like: \u201cOh, Barbara Rainey probably wouldn\u2019t do that,\u201d and \u201cThe other pastor\u2019s wife wouldn\u2019t do that.\u201d I was in this real comparison thing\u2014and goodness, social media wasn\u2019t even going on\u2014I can\u2019t imagine what it\u2019s like today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery night I went to bed, I had this backpack and this burden of shame and guilt. I felt like it followed me <em>everywhere<\/em>. At night, especially in the <em>silence<\/em>, I would hear things like: \u201cOh, you failed today,\u201d \u201cOh, you messed up; you shouldn\u2019t have said this\u2026\u201d Then I would start to worry and project into the future: \u201cThey\u2019re going to do this,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019re going to hate our home,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019re not going to like me.\u201d Dave is over there, <em>fast<\/em> asleep, thinking, \u201cMan, I nailed it today\u201d; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI was the ultimate failure today.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis really came to a head when our kids were younger. I think CJ was nine; and they were seven and four. Dave had a really long day, but I started the day off really well. I thought, \u201cOkay, this is going to be a great day.\u201d I always started really positive, like, \u201cOkay, this is a good day.\u201d I made breakfast for them, and I packed lunches. I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, I am winning today.\u201d We pray on the way to school. They get out\u2014the two were in school\u2014Cody was in preschool. I was working part-time, so I had to do some things; but ultimately, it was a great day. As a mom, you are kind of checking the list: \u201cOh, good job.\u201d I\u2019m patting myself on the back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That burden and backpack of guilt\u2014it\u2019s nowhere to be seen\u2014so things are really good. And then, Dave still wasn\u2019t home. We were in a phase, then, of I\u2019m thinking: \u201cWhy isn\u2019t my husband home more?\u201d \u201cWhy isn\u2019t he more engaged with me?\u201d \u201cWhy isn\u2019t he participating with the kids?\u201d This kept running through my head as he had missed dinner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo younger boys were playing in the family room. Like really, now, it\u2019s escalating; and they\u2019re throwing balls, and it\u2019s crazy. I\u2019m thinking I need to get these spelling words done with our oldest. I\u2019m at the table with CJ; and the teacher had mentioned, \u201cI think that he could have ADHD.\u201d Which it\u2019s so funny, as a teacher mentions that, as a mom, all you\u2019re doing is carrying that around: \u201cIs that true? What does that mean? What will the future look like?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s going through my head. The kids are carousing; Dave\u2019s late, and it\u2019s just chaos\/utter chaos. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCJ\u2019s playing at the table, and he keeps knocking things over. I\u2019m like\/we\u2019ve been on the same spelling word for 15 minutes, and he can\u2019t lock in. The kitchen\u2019s a mess. Somebody knocked something over in the family room, and I\u2019m so frustrated. It comes to a head; I just kind of do this grunt, like, \u201c<em>Oh, my goodness!<\/em> I do that; and as I do it, I kick the wall. My foot goes into the drywall with this eight-inch hole, and my foot is stuck in the drywall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s complete pandemonium going on in the house until that moment; then there\u2019s complete silence, and all the boys rush to the kitchen. They look at this hole, and they are <em>astonished<\/em>. Austin\u2014I look at the middle son\u2014and he looks at me like he\u2019s worried.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He\u2019s worried for me. Then Cody\u2014our youngest, who\u2019s only four\u2014he has this look of admiration, like I am the coolest person that walks the earth. [Laughter] I didn\u2019t even look at CJ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cMom kicked a <em>hole<\/em> in the <em>wall<\/em>!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes! I didn\u2019t even look at CJ, because I was humiliated. I\u2019m automatically, as a mom, thinking, \u201cWhat does this communicate to my son? What will he remember? He\u2019s going to be on a therapist\u2019s couch talking about this moment for the rest of his life. It will mess up his marriage.\u201d That\u2019s what we do, as moms; we now are jumping forward, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t50 years into the future. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys, I\u2019m so humiliated; and the boys are like, \u201cMom!\u201d Cody says to me, \u201cMom, I had no idea that you were this <em>strong<\/em>.\u201d I feel so much guilt, shame, remorse; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cOh no, the pastor is going to be home in five minutes. How am I going to tell my husband that his wife just kicked a major hole in the wall?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have this brilliant idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; tell them what you did, honey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I run upstairs. I\u2019m going through our closet, looking for the wallpaper that\u2019s on that wall; and I find it. I run downstairs. I\u2019m frantic, because Dave\u2019s going to be home any minute. I cut the wallpaper, and I wet it. I put it up there, and it\u2019s perfect. No one would ever know there is a hole in the wall until somebody, someday, removes that wallpaper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys, I\u2019m embarrassed to say that I almost told the boys, \u201cHey, let\u2019s not tell Dad.\u201d I almost said that; but I thought, \u201cNo, that\u2019s really going overboard.\u201d Soon as I get it done, Dave walks in the door. All the boys rush to him; they\u2019re like, \u201cDad!\u201d And you thought they were super excited to see you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking, \u201cMaybe they won\u2019t even mention it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, do you think that they mentioned it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Laughter] They\u2019re boys! Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; they\u2019re like: \u201cDad, you won\u2019t believe what happened tonight! Mom kicked a <em>hole<\/em> in the wall.\u201d Cody is like, \u201cDad, we had no idea Mom was this <em>strong<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter] I am <em>so<\/em> embarrassed. What did you think, Dave?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I mean, I\u2019m like\u2014I walk over; and I\u2019m like, \u201cThere\u2019s no hole.\u201d I mean, she had it <em>perfect<\/em>; the wallpaper was lined right up. I was like, \u201cThere\u2019s no hole.\u201d They are like poking at it\u2014like boomph\u2014there\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m like, \u201cDon\u2019t touch the wallpaper.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There\u2019s a big hole in the drywall. I just thought it was hilarious; but I look over at Ann, and I can tell she is really feeling really bad\/like this mom guilt is all over her face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, you\u2019ve got to get the kids down to bed, and you\u2019ve got to do what you\u2019ve got to do; but I knew she\u2019s carrying\/she feels really bad; because I knew she\u2019s carrying, \u201cI think I shamed CJ\u201d; because CJ knows her frustration with him and, maybe, his inability to have\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014to lock in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014the attention to lock in, forced her to sort of lose her cool. I knew this was like a big deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So that night, as the boys were going to bed, I apologized to each of them. I told them this wasn\u2019t about them. I was frustrated, and I shouldn\u2019t have done that; it was sin. I actually prayed and confessed my sin in front of the boys to God. Yet, I went to bed that night\u2014and here\u2019s Dave\u2014he\u2019s sound asleep again, and I\u2019m wide awake; I can\u2019t sleep for hours. I\u2019m so embarrassed to say this, even though I had apologized to CJ, I get up\u2014I don\u2019t know if any other moms have done this\u2014I go down the hall; I wake CJ up; and I shake him, and say, \u201cCJ, I\u2019m so, so sorry. I shouldn\u2019t have done that. Will you forgive me?\u201d He\u2019s like \u201cMom, it\u2019s fine\u201d; he\u2019s irritated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was a pattern for me; I would wake my kids up. Then, as they got older, I would get up; and I would write them apology letters. They each have <em>stacks<\/em> of apology letters that I wrote! I think that that can be common place\u2014for moms, at least\u2014I\u2019m not talking for dads. But there\u2019s this sense of guilt, and failure, and shame. It\u2019s funny\u2014guilt is you feel remorse, and you feel bad about it or guilty\u2014but shame is: \u201cI\u2019m broken,\u201d and that\u2019s where it turned: \u201cI\u2019m broken.\u201d I\u2019m telling you: \u201cWe have an enemy of our soul.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn John 10:10, when Jesus says, \u201cThe thief\u201d\u2014or Satan, our enemy\u2014\u201ccomes only to steal, kill, and destroy,\u201d that\u2019s for real. He wants to come into every household and kill, steal, and destroy; and who is a target?\u2014not just our kids\u2014but moms and dads. That, for me, to feel remorse and guilt, that\u2019s crippling as a mom. I love that Jesus, right after that, says, \u201cbut I have come to give life and give life to the full.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is mom guilt and mom shame\u2014you said there are lots of letters of apology that you wrote.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did this cycle through your motherhood? Or was it a theme that was kind of always the undercurrent of being a mom, that you were feeling: \u201cI\u2019m failing at this,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m no good at this\u201d? Or did you go\/did you have some days, where [you] go: \u201cI\u2019m winning; we\u2019re doing great,\u201d and then another day comes along, and you go, \u201cI guess I\u2019m not winning.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; no, I had days that I thought, \u201cI\u2019m getting this done; I\u2019m doing a good job.\u201d But other days that I was just bombarded with that shame again. Guilt is like: \u201cI did this wrong.\u201d Shame is: \u201cI am wrong; there\u2019s something wrong with me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the days when you feel like, \u201cThis is working well,\u201d for whatever reason, those days don\u2019t stick with us as profoundly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They don\u2019t mark us. Well, like we don\u2019t walk away, going, \u201cOkay, I really am doing well.\u201d But the days we have the shame and the guilt, that takes us under sometimes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It really takes us under. As I\u2019ve talked to moms, it\u2019s interesting, too; because as you\u2019re with moms, I remember telling this one mom, like, \u201cI yell at my kids sometimes.\u201d I don\u2019t call them names\u2014I don\u2019t go over to <em>that<\/em> area\u2014but I would yell at them in frustration. This mom said, \u201cI have never yelled at my child in my life,\u201d\u2014where I\u2019m like, \u201cSee! What does that do?\u201d\u2014it just\/now, it\u2019s even <em>heavier<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what I didn\u2019t realize was that shame and that guilt\u2014I wish that I would have remembered what God says about me\u2014\u201cThis is who I am: I am a child of God; I\u2019m forgiven; we all sin and fall short of the glory of God, but we are also forgiven; Jesus doesn\u2019t hold it against me; why am I still holding it against myself?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Shame and guilt are gospel moments; these are the moments, where we have to remember what\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I always come back to\u2014and I think I\u2019ve quoted this on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a couple dozen times over the years\u2014but a hymn that we sing at church, <em>Before the Throne of God Above<\/em>; the second verse says: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Satan tempts me to despair \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd tells me of the guilt within, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUpward I look, and see Him there, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho made an end to all my sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause the sinless Savior died, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy sinful soul is counted free \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor God the just is satisfied \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo look on Him and pardon me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t mean that, in those moments of failure, that we should just go, \u201cOh well, everybody messes up; no big deal\u201d; but it does mean that, in those moments of failure, what the enemy wants you to do\/he wants to sideline you. He wants you to get under the pile from that and never recover. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we have to come back and say, \u201cI did mess up; and by God\u2019s grace, I\u2019m going to live to find another day. I\u2019m going to do better next time. I\u2019m not going to let the shame and the guilt of the experience that I\u2019ve gone through take me out of the game,\u201d\u2014because that\u2019s what the enemy wants.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly; in Romans 8: \u201cThere is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d So instead of going to bed, and going back over my day of failures, I wish I would have repeated that: \u201cThere is now no condemnation for me. Jesus has died; He\u2019s taken care of that.\u201d I\u2019ve already confessed to Him\/to the kids; I wish then I would have taken my thoughts captive and not let the enemy take me on this carousel; it\u2019s really a roller coaster of emotions. Because Jesus is good, I\u2019m good. He sees me as good, and I\u2019ve done my best.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I had something happen a number of years ago that was\u2014it\u2019s always been a great illustration for me\u2014we were driving from Little Rock to Indianapolis. We were just outside Louisville; we were south of Indianapolis. We had about an hour-and-a-half left to go on the trip. It was late at night; we\u2019d been in the car all day. It was a long day; everybody was tired. I had to pull off the interstate to go to the bathroom, and so we stopped. I went to the bathroom, and then I got back on the highway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was one of these\u2014it wasn\u2019t one of those easy-off\/easy-on intersections\u2014I picked. When we got back on the highway, I\u2019d driven a couple of miles before I go, \u201cI got on the wrong highway. I am not on the road to Indianapolis anymore. I\u2019m on the road to Paducah, [Laughter] and we\u2019re not going to Paducah.\u201d I\u2019m thinking, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ve got to turn this car around and get back on the right road.\u201d Well, the next turnaround was \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t13 miles down the road.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, no!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s nowhere to turn. I now have to drive 13 miles in the wrong direction and, then, 15 miles back in the other direction. It\u2019s late at night; the kids are in the car. I\u2019m going, \u201cDo I even tell them we\u2019re on the wrong road, or do I just\u2026\u201d\u2014but here\u2019s the thought I had\u2014my temptation, at that moment, was just to wallow in the fact: \u201cHow stupid was I that I got us on the wrong highway, and we\u2019re going in the wrong direction?\u201d I wanted to pull the car over to the side of the road, and just bang my head against the steering wheel, and go, \u201cYou idiot! Why?\u201d That would have done <em>nothing<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It would have hurt more than anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; I didn\u2019t need to pull over to the side of the road and bang my head. I needed to turn it around and get on the right road. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the difference between shame\u2014that leads us to condemnation\u2014and the kind of awareness of guilt that says, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve got to turn it around and get back in the right direction.\u201d Jesus is not standing there, saying, \u201cPull over and live in shame for a while.\u201d He\u2019s saying, \u201cJust get on the right road.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We don\u2019t have to do penitence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; so a mom, who\u2019s had a bad day\/a dad, who\u2019s had a bad day\u2014those, who are caught up in the shame and wallowing of this\u2014the message from Jesus is: \u201cOkay, I know\/I know you messed up. Turn it around; get back on the right road. You\u2019re still My child; I still love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; well, it\u2019s interesting, Bob, as I was writing this\u2014and I rewrote this whole story, and I\u2019ve never written it out before\u2014and as I was writing it, all of a sudden, I asked Jesus this question as I was writing; I said, \u201cLord, what did You see in that young 34-year-old that day?\u201d I had this list of things; here\u2019s what I wrote, that I felt like it\u2019s from the Holy Spirit: \u201cLook at these things, Ann; because Satan will never remind you of the good that happened that day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I said: \u201cOne, you were present with your kids today. Two, you prayed before you got up out of bed that God would help you be a good wife and mom,\u201d\u2014just a quick prayer. \u201cThree, you fed your kids and you fed yourself,\u201d\u2014so let\u2019s count the little things. \u201cFour, you got yourself and everyone dressed,\u201d\u2014woo hoo! [Laughter] \u201cFive, you put on makeup,\u201d\u2014and this is for Dave\u2019s benefit\u2014and to not\u2014you know, just to help; and I\u2019m going to celebrate that. \u201cSix, you packed lunches. Seven, you drove your kids to school, and you prayed out loud with them,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s discipleship. \u201cEight, you got a ton of work done, and you played with Cody. Nine, you made dinner and played fun music as the boys played. Ten, you helped with homework.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is where the bad part sneaks in; but: \u201cEleven, you apologized to your kids. You asked for forgiveness,\u201d\u2014which is teaching conflict resolution skills. \u201cTwelve, you prayed and asked forgiveness from God, out loud, in front of your kids and asked Him to help you display self-control as a fruit of the Spirit,\u201d\u2014which is discipleship. \u201cThirteen, you kissed them goodnight. You laid your hand on them; you prayed for them. Fourteen, you cleaned up the house before going to bed. Fifteen, you read your Bible,\u201d\u2014well, maybe only a few verses; because you couldn\u2019t concentrate\u2014but still\u2026 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I wrote that, I have never thought of the good things that happened that day. I feel like Jesus was complimenting; He was clapping for me, like, \u201cGood job, Ann.\u201d He sees those little blips\/our mistakes. It\u2019s like you confess them\u2014you\u2019re going to make those; you\u2019ll continue to make those\u2014but go to sleep and take those thoughts captive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things I love about your book is that you invited your sons to read the book and offer their analysis of the principles in here. CJ, and Austin, and Cody all chime in and say, \u201cHere\u2019s what we remember about growing up in the home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> At the end of that chapter, \u201cThe Mom Guilt,\u201d CJ makes a comment about the letters. It\u2019s really cute what he says.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what he says; he says, \u201cIt was never obvious, when we were kids, that Mom was feeling guilt about her parenting at all.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that amazing?! That\u2019s a miracle, people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because you were feeling it, like it\u2019s the dominant theme. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He says: \u201cI have much more vivid memories of her being fun and happy than her ever being sad and frustrated. There was a difference between when she was mad at us for being bad and when she was mad from just being frustrated. During the times when she was frustrated, like when she kicked the hole in the wall, it didn\u2019t feel like she was taking anything out on us. That just seemed like a crazy story we could tell Dad and our friends. She was back to normal and fun the next day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then he says, \u201cMom\u2019s letters, which she would often write after waking up at two in the morning, usually felt unneeded to me. She always just reiterated things that were obvious from interacting with her every day. She was just saying what I already knew.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that miraculous?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and so, what we think is going to send our kids to the therapist, some of them go, \u201cI don\u2019t even remember that story\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it\u2019s a reminder: \u201cGod\u2019s got your kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He really does; you can trust Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I hope a lot of our listeners have already preordered your book, <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>. It releases next week, and we\u2019re taking preorders now on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to preorder: 1-800-FL-TODAY. I am really excited about this book and about the impact it\u2019s going to have in the lives of families and, really, generations to come. This is a great investment in the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book is called <em>No Perfect Parents: Ditch Expectations, Embrace Reality, and Discover the One Secret That Will Change Your Parenting<\/em>. You can preorder your copy by going to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to preorder: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Get a copy of <em>No Perfect Parents<\/em> by Dave and Ann Wilson. We\u2019ll send it to you as soon as it\u2019s available to release.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about hospitality, which is a priority. We\u2019re all told in the Bible to practice hospitality; but I know some of us think, \u201cYes, but that\u2019s just not who I am; that\u2019s not my gift.\u201d Well, Morgan Tyree is going to join us tomorrow to say each one of us has a different hospitality personality. We\u2019ll try to figure out what yours is and how you can follow the biblical command to be hospitable. We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We got some extra help today from Bruce Goff and, of course, our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ta Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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