{"id":306809,"date":"2021-04-06T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2021-04-06T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-aim-of-our-legacy\/"},"modified":"2021-04-06T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2021-04-06T11:00:04","slug":"the-aim-of-our-legacy","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-aim-of-our-legacy\/","title":{"rendered":"The Aim of Our Legacy"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In the Bible, children are referred to as &#8220;arrows in the hand of a warrior,&#8221; and arrows are meant to be pointed at something and released. Dave and Ann Wilson discuss building a legacy with a strategic aim.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-06.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:16","filesize":"26.8M","filesize_raw":"28096670","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806],"tags":[2209],"podcast_series":[8437],"cwp_profile":[3647],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306809","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","tag-parenting","podcast_series-no-perfect-parents","cwp_profile-dave-and-ann-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306809\/the-aim-of-our-legacy","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306809\/the-aim-of-our-legacy","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"vYpulMZ6f1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-aim-of-our-legacy\/\">The Aim of Our Legacy<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-aim-of-our-legacy\/embed\/#?secret=vYpulMZ6f1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Aim of Our Legacy&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"vYpulMZ6f1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-06.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-06.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Parenting is to be done on purpose; you should have a mission or a goal in mind. Dave Wilson says you need to know what it is you\u2019re aiming for with your kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re going to launch your children. They are meant to be sent out: \u201cToward what?\u201d\u2014that was a question we actually had to sit down and decide: \u201cOkay, what is our bullseye? What target are we shooting for?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. There\u2019s a word for parenting without a goal in mind\/without a purpose; the word is \u201cfloundering.\u201d [Laughter] We\u2019re going to talk about how to <em>not <\/em>flounder as your raise your kids today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think a lot of people back, ten or fifteen years ago, read a business book that came out that was a big, popular business book on <em>The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.<\/em> You remember that book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Steven Covey, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the principles in that book was that you\u2019ve got to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cBegin with the end in mind.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did I know you were going to go there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking today about parenting and, really, when we think about parenting, that\u2019s a principle that ought to mark how we do what we do. I\u2019m thinking back to when we became parents. I think I had the next week in mind\/maybe the next day in mind. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I had the next hour in mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I wasn\u2019t really thinking, \u201cOkay, 20 years from now, what do I want the outcome to be?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Although, I did think, \u201cI won\u2019t sleep in for 20 more years.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201ca lot has just changed!\u201d; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys have just written a book called <em>No Perfect Parents. <\/em>You talk about, in this book, the realization that you do need to begin the journey with some objectives\/some goals in mind. Dave, some of this came to you because you started off your parenting journey with a deficit to draw from\/from your own experience. You knew, \u201cI want to make sure my kids have more in the tank when they get to adulthood than I had in my tank.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know how often I thought about being a dad, as a young man growing up; but obviously, after Ann and I were married, and then realized we want to have kids, I knew that I had a chance to do something I never saw. It\u2019s interesting\u2014I write about this story in the book of talking to a woman\u2014who was 60\/maybe closer to 70 years old\u2014this conversation\u2014her name was Jennice [spelling uncertain]\u2014and I asked her: \u201cTell me about your family.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe had this great husband\/airline pilot. She said, \u201cWe had four sons and a daughter.\u201d They lived in a gated community outside of New York because her husband flew out of Newark. Anyway, it was your All-American family in the \u201850s, really. I\u2019m loving this story, and then it turned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe says, \u201cAnd then around year 25, I started to suspect that my husband\u201d\u2014who\u2019s now a Captain with the airlines\u2014\u201cwas having an affair.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d She says, \u201cThere were just signs that he was seeing someone, and I knew it was on his trips.\u201d You know, back in those days, there weren\u2019t cell phones, and you couldn\u2019t call up a private; so she just thought, \u201cI\u2019m going to call the hotel, where I know he\u2019s staying\/where he lays over, and see if I can find out anything.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiterally, she calls the front desk; the receptionist answers. All she said was, \u201cHas Captain Ralph checked in yet?\u201d Because they all knew him as Captain Ralph. This woman didn\u2019t realize she was talking to Captain Ralph\u2019s wife, Jennice; and the lady at the desk said, \u201cOh, yes; he just went to his room with his girlfriend.\u201d Jennice tells me, \u201cI realized, \u2018I\u2019ve caught him; he\u2019s having an affair.\u2019\u201d I\u2018m like, \u201cWhat happened?\u201d She said, \u201cWhen he came home from that trip, I confronted him, to find out this was one of several. He admitted it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe long version of the story is they ended up divorced. Jennice ends up moving to where her parents live in another state with her two little boys. She had a seven-year-old and a five-year-old. Then she tells me that, when she got to the new state and started her new life as a single mom, the five-year-old dies of leukemia like two months later. By this point, obviously, she\u2019s tearing up; and I\u2019m tearing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just a sad story; the reason I\u2019m tearing up is\u2014Jennice is my mom\u2014I was the seven-year-old; and Craigie was the five-year-old, my little brother. Captain Ralph was my dad. He\u2019s really Dave Wilson\u2014but it\u2019s Ralph David Wilson\u2014so at the airlines, he went by \u201cCaptain Ralph.\u201d That\u2019s my legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I become a dad, I had the opportunity to continue that, which, honestly, many do\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you know, whatever you\u2019re sort of handed, unless you intentionally decide\u2014if it\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> legacy, you still have to decide, \u201cI\u2019m going to continue this,\u201d\u2014but if it\u2019s a legacy like mine: of alcohol\/both of my parents were alcoholics; my dad was having multiple affairs, if I don\u2019t decide, I\u2019m <em>probably <\/em>going to continue the sins of the father. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I knew that, \u201cI get to <em>change <\/em>the Wilson legacy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I was on my knees: \u201cGod, could you use Ann and [me] to create a different path?\u2014that our three sons would be raised by a dad who broke the cycle.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Talk to me about that sense of intentionality, as a parent, and aiming for a different legacy; because I think that\u2019s the exception and not the rule. I think most moms and dads\u2014I\u2019m thinking of Mary Ann and me!\u2014I think, when we got married, I knew there were certain things I didn\u2019t want to replicate as a parent; I didn\u2019t want to replicate certain things in my marriage, so I knew a few things <em>not <\/em>to do. I don\u2019t think I knew <em>what <\/em>to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I don\u2019t think I was pulling back and thinking, \u201cNow here\u2019s what I want the outcome to be\u2026\u201d I think I was thinking really short-term. I think most people are thinking short-term, and just thinking, \u201cWe\u2019ll bump along, and I hope it all works out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhere did you get a vision for intentionality in terms of parenting and a legacy? Do you remember where that came from?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think Ann and I would have the same answer; but initially, all I knew is what you just said; it was like: \u201cOkay; I don\u2019t want to do what my dad did, so here are some simple things: no alcohol in the home.\u201d We didn\u2019t have alcohol anywhere in our house; you couldn\u2019t find a bottle of whiskey, or gin, or beer. It was just not there; because it was like, \u201cI have two alcoholic parents. I\u2019ve got to be very careful, because I don\u2019t want to pass that on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI put <em>extreme <\/em>barriers around women, you know, and any relationship\/just boundaries. That was, in some sense, the easy short-term.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But it wasn\u2019t until CJ was four or five years old, I think\u2014and now we had, probably, number two\u2014that we sort of stepped back and said: \u201cOkay, what <em>is<\/em> the long-term vision? What are we hoping to raise? When they\u2019re 25\/30 years old, what kind of men are we envisioning they become?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And to be honest, I have <em>great <\/em>parents, who were married 70 years; but what I didn\u2019t have, even though I had this great family, there was no spiritual component. Neither one of us had any idea: \u201cWhat does it look like to raise a family centered on Christ, where the foundation of the gospel is what we\u2019re aiming for?\u201d We had never even seen it, until Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> was <em>critical<\/em>\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014<em>critical<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014in our lives, from the very beginning, with a vision for what a godly marriage looks like: at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and all the resources in our early years of marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it was the first time we heard the word, \u201clegacy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, literally, the last talk\u2014as we all know, we\u2019ve been speaking at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> for 30 years\u2014is a talk on legacy. And sitting there, as an engaged couple, hearing that talk from Dennis in Chicago, two weeks before our wedding,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014was one of the first times we thought, \u201cWe can change the legacy.\u201d Again, can\u2019t do it perfectly;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014we can\u2019t <em>control<\/em> it, but we can set a goal to say, \u201cWe want to change.\u201d I knew for me, \u201clegacy\u201d was a visceral word; it had emotion! It\u2019s like, \u201cI get the opportunity to possibly, when you hear the Wilson name, it\u2019s not connected to adultery; it\u2019s not connected to alcohol; it\u2019s connected to Jesus and a new way forward.\u201d And again, never was the thought, \u201cperfect.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, like: \u201cWe\u2019re going to do it perfectly,\u201d \u201cOur kids are going to be perfect.\u201d But even in the subtitle of our book, it was: <em>No Perfect Parents: Ditch Expectations. <\/em>It\u2019s like: \u201cYou know, the expectations you have of how it\u2019s going to go? [Laughter] Just put those aside, because it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> going to go that way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second phrase was <em>Embrace Reality<\/em>, because it\u2019s going to be really hard. You\u2019ve got to embrace it. But then, the third one was <em>Discover the Secret That Will Change Your Parenting.<\/em> Of course, when you hear the word, \u201csecret,\u201d you\u2019re like, \u201cOkay, what\u2019s the secret?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave\u2019s marketing strategy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Of course! We have the same subtitle for <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>; you know: \u201cThe secret of marriage is to go vertical.\u201d Well, it\u2019s the same thing with parenting; the secret is\u2014I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve found this as well, Bob\u2014but when you ask most parents\u2014and I think it\u2019s <em>most<\/em>\/maybe 75 percent of parents\u2014\u201cWhat are you trying to raise?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Most parents have never answered that question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What do you think they would say, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, I think you\u2019re right. I\u2019ve talked to enough parents, who will say, \u201cThe goal that I\u2019m looking for is: \u2018I want my kids to be\u2019\u2014first thing\u2014\u2018<em>happy.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chappy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201c\u2019I want them to get a good job. I want them to find a good spouse and get married and have a happy marriage and family.\u2019 If they can be successful\/happy, in marriage and in their jobs, then touchdown! I\u2019ve won\u2014right?\u2014that\u2019s the score!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And what do you think of that, when you hear it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think those are all good things, and I certainly want those things for my kids as well; but I remember Tim Kimmel being on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>He had written a book called <em>Grace-Based Parenting. <\/em>He said, \u201cMost parents, on a practical level, that\u2019s what they\u2019re emphasizing as they raise their kids.\u201d They\u2019re worried about their academics, because they want them to get a good job; they\u2019re worried about their socialization\/how they\u2019re fitting in with other kids, so that they can be happy and so they can have good relationships and find a good husband.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cBut they\u2019re not spending equal amounts of time thinking about how their kids are developing spiritually\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cor what the spiritual goals are.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, Jesus says, \u201cSeek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, then all these other things will be added unto you.\u201d That\u2019s what you\u2019re saying in this book, when you think about legacy; it\u2019s: \u201cLet\u2019s make sure we\u2019re propping the ladder against the right wall before we start to climb the ladder\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we call it a bullseye in the book\u2014or a target\u2014like, \u201cWhat are you <em>aiming<\/em> for?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you think we stole that from <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We stole it from Dennis Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and Bob Lepine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and Bob Lepine! [Laughter] And really the same passage, that is mentioned in <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>,is the passage, Psalm 127, where is says, \u201cUnless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Children are a heritage, a gift from the Lord. Offspring are a reward from Him,\u201d\u2014and then he [the psalmist] writes\u2014\u201cLike arrows in the hands of a warrior\u201d\u2014so there\u2019s the visual of you\u2019re shooting at something\u2014\u201cLike arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one\u2019s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tObviously, he\u2019s alluding to: you\u2019re going to launch your children. By the way, parents, you\u2019re going to launch them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Don\u2019t hold them there forever! They are meant to be sent out: \u201cToward what?\u201d\u2014that was the question we actually had to sit down and decide: \u201cOkay, what is our bullseye? What target are we shooting for?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, Dave, even verse 1: \u201cUnless <em>the Lord <\/em>builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.\u201d I remember reading that the first time, thinking, \u201c<em>Who<\/em> is building my house? I say that it\u2019s Jesus, but \u2018How is that happening?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> See, I think that\u2019s a difference between the way you guys tackled this and the way Mary Ann and I tackled this\u2014and the way, I think, a lot of Christian parents tackle this\u2014I thought, \u201cWell, yes, the Lord\u2019s building our house; we\u2019re Christians. We love Jesus.\u201d We came from a church-going\u2014but not a Christ-centered home\u2014\u201cSo we\u2019re going to have Jesus at the center of our home; Jesus is building our house. The legacy will take care of itself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a hope for\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014a godly legacy, but I don\u2019t know that I had the level of intentionality. Here\u2019s what I didn\u2019t have that you guys had: I didn\u2019t have a mission statement for our family. I didn\u2019t have the intentional goals of saying: \u201cTo get the legacy that we want, these are the inputs that need to be happening during those years.\u201d I just thought, \u201cThat\u2019ll take care of itself if we go to church, and love Jesus, and do all of that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say to parents today, \u201cNo; it needs to go a little deeper. You need to be a little more purposeful and intentional.\u201d Honestly, that\u2019s something I came to realize as I\u2019m hosting <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and talking to all of the guests, and taking notes, and going: \u201cI need to go home and do that differently,\u201d and \u201cYes, that\u2019s a good adjustment I need to make.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That was your mentoring process right there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Exactly what it was; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I love\/I remember someone saying, \u201cIf you aim at nothing, you\u2019ll hit it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I think that\u2019s what we do as parents. We get caught up in the day-to-day demands of life, and we\u2019re not really <em>aiming<\/em> at anything. Why are we surprised that the outcome isn\u2019t the biblical outcome that we were hoping?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mentioned a mission statement. You guys actually have a family mission statement; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we called it sort of our target or bullseye.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Our kids never knew it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we don\u2019t want to sit here and act like, \u201cOh, we recited it every night! [Laughter] Everybody put on their halo and had the Wilson mission-statement moment.\u201d Ann and I didn\u2019t talk about it daily. I look back; I wish we would have; but it was something we sort of crafted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We knew what it was; our kids didn\u2019t. And I don\u2019t think, for parents, your kids need to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Because even if they do, your kids might feel pressure: \u201cOh, this is what they\u2019re trying to do.\u201d But as a parent, you really do need to know, \u201cWhat are we shooting at?\u201d Because if it is: \u201cI want my kid to be the most popular,\u201d or \u201c\u2026happy,\u201d or \u201c\u2026successful,\u201d\u2014there\u2019s nothing wrong with those goals\u2014but in my opinion, they\u2019re not high enough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s a <em>low<\/em> bar. You know, it\u2019s like, really, \u201cHow do you even define success?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chappiness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand popularity.\u201d And even as our kids got into high school, we thought, \u201cYou know, being the most popular is <em>not <\/em>a good goal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s actually not a goal you want! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen they were really little\u2014and we put this in the book, not in a way to say, \u201cThis should be your mission statement,\u201d\u2014but we said: \u201cHere\u2019s ours; it\u2019s an example. But the Lepines need to sit down, and the Joneses need to sit down, and say, \u2018What would it look like for us, as parents, to say, \u201cThis is what we\u2019re shooting at\u201d?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s like any mission statement for a business, or a church, or a corporation; every word matters! You take your time to say, \u201cNo, not that word; this word\u2026\u201d It simply became\u2014and it doesn\u2019t sound profound\u2014but it was: \u201cTrain and launch L3 warriors, who make a dent where they\u2019re sent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cL3 warriors\u201d; okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and again, it\u2019s a personal thing; so you\u2019re like, \u201cWhat does that even mean?!\u201d In the book, we actually go through: \u201cOkay, what does training look like? And what does launch look like?\u201d Of course, launch comes from Psalm 127; you\u2019re going to launch these arrows. Warriors is a key word, because it isn\u2019t like we\u2019re just raising kids; they\u2019re actually kingdom-of-God warriors! They\u2019re in a war\u2014there\u2019s a battle going on\u2014that is something you never want to forget as a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and it\u2019s not about their personality, like, \u201cOh, they\u2019re strong!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s more: \u201cThey\u2019re in a battle; so in a battle, we want to have warriors.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and again, it isn\u2019t like we raised these <em>incredible<\/em> men\u2014who are wearing the breastplate of righteousness around\u2014but there was a sense that this is epic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And then the L3 was actually something that we had crafted at our church, as a staff on our leadership team, years before, to say: \u201cOkay, what are we trying to raise as disciples of Christ at Kensington?\u201d Lot of meetings and discussions about: \u201cWell, at the end of the day, if you look at what Jesus said a disciple was, it sort of had these three values\u2026\u201d We called it L3: love, lock, live.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLove was: \u201cLove God and others,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014the Great Commandment; Matthew 22, where Jesus said, \u201cRabbi, what\u2019s the most important?\u201d \u201cThat you love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself,\u201d\u2014that was our first \u201cL.\u201d If our sons, when they\u2019re 25, 30, or 35 years old, <em>love <\/em>God with all their heart, soul, and mind, and they actually have a heart for their neighbor and others, that\u2019s a good thing!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, that would be like, \u201cThat\u2019s a worthy goal!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLock\u201d was lock arms. That\u2019s the whole idea that God made us not to do life alone, but in community. Hebrews 10: \u201cDon\u2019t forsake the meeting together,\u201d\u2014in community\/fellowship. We thought, \u201cMan, if they understand, as men, they need other men in their life to sharpen them and keep them accountable to their walk with God, as husbands and dads\/if they\u2019re doing life <em>with <\/em>other followers-of-Christ men\u2014that\u2019s a good thing\u201d; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And then, the last one was just simply: \u201cLive open-handedly,\u201d\u2014so love, lock, live\u2014\u201cLive open-handedly,\u201d was: if our young men, when they become men, realize their time, talent, and treasure are a gift from God, not just for themselves, but to give away\u2014you know, you can live with your fists closed, holding onto everything\u2014or you can live open-handedly, which just means, \u201cMan, I\u2019m supposed to serve others with my time; serve God with my time; I\u2019m supposed to give my money away; and I\u2019m supposed to give my talents to the kingdom of God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, there are so many other things you could think about; but we just thought those three \u201cL\u201ds\u2014love, lock, live\u2014capture [the goal of discipleship]. Man, oh man, if we looked at our kids in their 20s and 30s, and they were living that and, hopefully, passing that onto their kids\/our grandkids, that would be a dream.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And then, the \u201cdent where they\u2019re sent.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, the \u201cdent where they\u2019re sent.\u201d FamilyLife listeners have heard me say this many times, but it\u2019s simply the idea of you\u2019re on mission. God wants to use you, where He\u2019s put you. It\u2019s really from Jesus\u2019 words, \u201cYou are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.\u201d So wherever you are is where you\u2019re sent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf our sons knew, when they were 20\u2014again, 30\/35 years old\u2014that God has placed them in this business, in this neighborhood, in this church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014in this school\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to make a difference for the kingdom of God, because you\u2019re in a war and you\u2019re a warrior\u2014and again, I\u2019m saying this, thinking, \u201cDid that actually happen? Do they wake up every day thinking that?\u201d I doubt it! But there is a sense that God has honored that. You know, it gives you something to shoot at, and then you can work toward that goal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that\u2019s the point. I mean, the title of the book\u2014<em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>\u2014tells us that, even when you\u2019ve got a goal like this, you\u2019re not going to execute flawlessly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s no guarantee that, if you\u2019ll do this, your kids will grab onto it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s no recipe or formula.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or that they won\u2019t rebel; there\u2019s no guarantee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; but to have a North Star, as parents, to say, \u201cHere\u2019s what we want to be intentional about\u2026\u201d\u2014that shapes the daily decisions you make, as a parent\u2014to say, \u201cDoes this align with the mission that we\u2019re on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cAnd will this produce the legacy that we\u2019re aiming for?\u201d Again, that\u2019s in God\u2019s hands. We talked already about expectations and surrender\u2014a big theme in your book\u2014you can\u2019t force it to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you can be intentional about aiming in that direction and asking God for favor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Once you know what the bullseye is that you\u2019re aiming at, then you can develop a strategy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which the rest of the book is like: \u201cOkay; once you know what you\u2019re aiming at, you\u2019ve got to step back: \u2018So how would we get there?\u2019\u201d Every church does that\/every corporation does that. Most families never do that; that\u2019s why it\u2019s so critical to say, \u201cThere\u2019s a secret that you\u2019ve got to understand, and it\u2019s this!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we talked about legacy earlier. I\u2019ll never forget, when I turned 50, I told Ann before that birthday\u2014because she had thrown a surprise 40<sup>th<\/sup> birthday\u2014and I\u2019m like, \u201c<em>Please, please <\/em>don\u2019t throw a party! You know, I just want to slip into the 50s; and nobody will know.\u201d She was like, \u201cOkay, I won\u2019t.\u201d She was so good; she didn\u2019t throw a party. I turned 50, and <em>nobody<\/em> even knew. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAbout a month later, I\u2019m sitting at home on a Tuesday night, and one of the Detroit Lion players that I had mentored, was still on our ministry calls. He said, \u201cHey! You know, I\u2019ve been trying to get you and Ann over here. Rebekah and I are <em>really<\/em> struggling, and you never have time. Is there any way? It\u2019s an emergency; can you get over here right now?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe rush over there. We get to the front door; nobody\u2019s there. I\u2019m like\u2014you know, it was open\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cLuther! Where are you?\u201d And he was like, \u201cWe\u2019re in the basement! Get down here.\u201d I go, walking down to the basement. I don\u2019t know where Ann is\u2014she\u2019s behind me somewhere\u2014I stepped into the basement; \u201c<em>Surprise!!\u201d <\/em>The whole basement is full of all of these people!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014of men!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which was different from other birthdays that I had for him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ann says, \u201cHoney, I had these guys come; and I instructed them to bring a gag gift and a tribute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014a little bit of a roast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cAnd I\u2019m out; see you later!\u201d She went upstairs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, at the very end, Ann walks back down the stairs. She says, \u201cHey, I need to read you three letters from your three sons, who couldn\u2019t be here.\u201d Two of them were in college at the time. She reads a letter from CJ, and Austin, and Cody, who are now men. It was so emotional!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When she read those letters, I think it hit me so hard; it was like, \u201cLegacy! I\u2019m hearing from three warriors.\u201d Again, they\u2019re not perfect sons at this point; none of us are. But it was so powerful to hear their words. I\u2019m like, \u201cGod did it! God has changed the Wilson name.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say, maybe, the best night of my life; you know? Because it was like: \u201cWhat you live for is: \u2018God, I want to leave a legacy that honors You.\u2019\u201d Again, we are <em>not<\/em> saying our kids are perfect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No kids will be!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014ever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I got a chance to see that God is good, and He can do things you can\u2019t even imagine with your legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking every listener knows somebody, who is pregnant for the first time right now. What a gift you could give them if you could help them, at the front of their journey: to think intentionally; to have a legacy focus; to give up expectations; to surrender, like we\u2019ve talked about; to have that goal in mind; and to say, \u201cThis is what we\u2019re aiming for,\u201d and start that from day one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they could get a copy of your book, and pass it on to parents that they know need this kind of focus\/need this kind of help, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and pre-order Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s book, <em>No Perfect Parents. <\/em>It comes out next week. Go ahead and sign up to get your copy now. Again, you can pre-order at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d The title of the book, again, <em>No Perfect Parents <\/em>by Dave and Ann Wilson. The subtitle is <em>Ditch Expectations, Embrace Reality, and Discover the One Secret That Will Change Your Parenting.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about something that, Ann, you experienced a lot of when you were raising your kids; and that\u2019s the whole subject of mom-guilt: \u201cWhat do you do with that? How do you process that?\u201d We\u2019re talking about parenting this week with Dave and Ann Wilson. We\u2019ll continue the conversation tomorrow. I hope you can join us again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We got some extra help today from Bruce Goff and, of course, our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:29:16"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.8M"],"filesize_raw":["28096670"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306809.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306809.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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the Bible, children are referred to as \"arrows in the hand of a warrior,\" and arrows are meant to be pointed at something and released. Dave and Ann Wilson discuss building a legacy with a strategic aim.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-04-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Parenting is to be done on purpose; you should have a mission or a goal in mind. Dave Wilson says you need to know what it is you\u2019re aiming for with your kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re going to launch your children. They are meant to be sent out: \u201cToward what?\u201d\u2014that was a question we actually had to sit down and decide: \u201cOkay, what is our bullseye? What target are we shooting for?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. There\u2019s a word for parenting without a goal in mind\/without a purpose; the word is \u201cfloundering.\u201d [Laughter] We\u2019re going to talk about how to <em>not <\/em>flounder as your raise your kids today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think a lot of people back, ten or fifteen years ago, read a business book that came out that was a big, popular business book on <em>The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.<\/em> You remember that book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Steven Covey, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the principles in that book was that you\u2019ve got to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cBegin with the end in mind.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did I know you were going to go there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking today about parenting and, really, when we think about parenting, that\u2019s a principle that ought to mark how we do what we do. I\u2019m thinking back to when we became parents. I think I had the next week in mind\/maybe the next day in mind. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I had the next hour in mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I wasn\u2019t really thinking, \u201cOkay, 20 years from now, what do I want the outcome to be?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Although, I did think, \u201cI won\u2019t sleep in for 20 more years.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201ca lot has just changed!\u201d; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys have just written a book called <em>No Perfect Parents. <\/em>You talk about, in this book, the realization that you do need to begin the journey with some objectives\/some goals in mind. Dave, some of this came to you because you started off your parenting journey with a deficit to draw from\/from your own experience. You knew, \u201cI want to make sure my kids have more in the tank when they get to adulthood than I had in my tank.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know how often I thought about being a dad, as a young man growing up; but obviously, after Ann and I were married, and then realized we want to have kids, I knew that I had a chance to do something I never saw. It\u2019s interesting\u2014I write about this story in the book of talking to a woman\u2014who was 60\/maybe closer to 70 years old\u2014this conversation\u2014her name was Jennice [spelling uncertain]\u2014and I asked her: \u201cTell me about your family.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe had this great husband\/airline pilot. She said, \u201cWe had four sons and a daughter.\u201d They lived in a gated community outside of New York because her husband flew out of Newark. Anyway, it was your All-American family in the \u201850s, really. I\u2019m loving this story, and then it turned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe says, \u201cAnd then around year 25, I started to suspect that my husband\u201d\u2014who\u2019s now a Captain with the airlines\u2014\u201cwas having an affair.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d She says, \u201cThere were just signs that he was seeing someone, and I knew it was on his trips.\u201d You know, back in those days, there weren\u2019t cell phones, and you couldn\u2019t call up a private; so she just thought, \u201cI\u2019m going to call the hotel, where I know he\u2019s staying\/where he lays over, and see if I can find out anything.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiterally, she calls the front desk; the receptionist answers. All she said was, \u201cHas Captain Ralph checked in yet?\u201d Because they all knew him as Captain Ralph. This woman didn\u2019t realize she was talking to Captain Ralph\u2019s wife, Jennice; and the lady at the desk said, \u201cOh, yes; he just went to his room with his girlfriend.\u201d Jennice tells me, \u201cI realized, \u2018I\u2019ve caught him; he\u2019s having an affair.\u2019\u201d I\u2018m like, \u201cWhat happened?\u201d She said, \u201cWhen he came home from that trip, I confronted him, to find out this was one of several. He admitted it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe long version of the story is they ended up divorced. Jennice ends up moving to where her parents live in another state with her two little boys. She had a seven-year-old and a five-year-old. Then she tells me that, when she got to the new state and started her new life as a single mom, the five-year-old dies of leukemia like two months later. By this point, obviously, she\u2019s tearing up; and I\u2019m tearing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just a sad story; the reason I\u2019m tearing up is\u2014Jennice is my mom\u2014I was the seven-year-old; and Craigie was the five-year-old, my little brother. Captain Ralph was my dad. He\u2019s really Dave Wilson\u2014but it\u2019s Ralph David Wilson\u2014so at the airlines, he went by \u201cCaptain Ralph.\u201d That\u2019s my legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I become a dad, I had the opportunity to continue that, which, honestly, many do\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you know, whatever you\u2019re sort of handed, unless you intentionally decide\u2014if it\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> legacy, you still have to decide, \u201cI\u2019m going to continue this,\u201d\u2014but if it\u2019s a legacy like mine: of alcohol\/both of my parents were alcoholics; my dad was having multiple affairs, if I don\u2019t decide, I\u2019m <em>probably <\/em>going to continue the sins of the father. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I knew that, \u201cI get to <em>change <\/em>the Wilson legacy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I was on my knees: \u201cGod, could you use Ann and [me] to create a different path?\u2014that our three sons would be raised by a dad who broke the cycle.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Talk to me about that sense of intentionality, as a parent, and aiming for a different legacy; because I think that\u2019s the exception and not the rule. I think most moms and dads\u2014I\u2019m thinking of Mary Ann and me!\u2014I think, when we got married, I knew there were certain things I didn\u2019t want to replicate as a parent; I didn\u2019t want to replicate certain things in my marriage, so I knew a few things <em>not <\/em>to do. I don\u2019t think I knew <em>what <\/em>to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I don\u2019t think I was pulling back and thinking, \u201cNow here\u2019s what I want the outcome to be\u2026\u201d I think I was thinking really short-term. I think most people are thinking short-term, and just thinking, \u201cWe\u2019ll bump along, and I hope it all works out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhere did you get a vision for intentionality in terms of parenting and a legacy? Do you remember where that came from?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think Ann and I would have the same answer; but initially, all I knew is what you just said; it was like: \u201cOkay; I don\u2019t want to do what my dad did, so here are some simple things: no alcohol in the home.\u201d We didn\u2019t have alcohol anywhere in our house; you couldn\u2019t find a bottle of whiskey, or gin, or beer. It was just not there; because it was like, \u201cI have two alcoholic parents. I\u2019ve got to be very careful, because I don\u2019t want to pass that on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI put <em>extreme <\/em>barriers around women, you know, and any relationship\/just boundaries. That was, in some sense, the easy short-term.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But it wasn\u2019t until CJ was four or five years old, I think\u2014and now we had, probably, number two\u2014that we sort of stepped back and said: \u201cOkay, what <em>is<\/em> the long-term vision? What are we hoping to raise? When they\u2019re 25\/30 years old, what kind of men are we envisioning they become?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And to be honest, I have <em>great <\/em>parents, who were married 70 years; but what I didn\u2019t have, even though I had this great family, there was no spiritual component. Neither one of us had any idea: \u201cWhat does it look like to raise a family centered on Christ, where the foundation of the gospel is what we\u2019re aiming for?\u201d We had never even seen it, until Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> was <em>critical<\/em>\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014<em>critical<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014in our lives, from the very beginning, with a vision for what a godly marriage looks like: at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and all the resources in our early years of marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it was the first time we heard the word, \u201clegacy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, literally, the last talk\u2014as we all know, we\u2019ve been speaking at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> for 30 years\u2014is a talk on legacy. And sitting there, as an engaged couple, hearing that talk from Dennis in Chicago, two weeks before our wedding,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014was one of the first times we thought, \u201cWe can change the legacy.\u201d Again, can\u2019t do it perfectly;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014we can\u2019t <em>control<\/em> it, but we can set a goal to say, \u201cWe want to change.\u201d I knew for me, \u201clegacy\u201d was a visceral word; it had emotion! It\u2019s like, \u201cI get the opportunity to possibly, when you hear the Wilson name, it\u2019s not connected to adultery; it\u2019s not connected to alcohol; it\u2019s connected to Jesus and a new way forward.\u201d And again, never was the thought, \u201cperfect.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, like: \u201cWe\u2019re going to do it perfectly,\u201d \u201cOur kids are going to be perfect.\u201d But even in the subtitle of our book, it was: <em>No Perfect Parents: Ditch Expectations. <\/em>It\u2019s like: \u201cYou know, the expectations you have of how it\u2019s going to go? [Laughter] Just put those aside, because it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> going to go that way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second phrase was <em>Embrace Reality<\/em>, because it\u2019s going to be really hard. You\u2019ve got to embrace it. But then, the third one was <em>Discover the Secret That Will Change Your Parenting.<\/em> Of course, when you hear the word, \u201csecret,\u201d you\u2019re like, \u201cOkay, what\u2019s the secret?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave\u2019s marketing strategy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Of course! We have the same subtitle for <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>; you know: \u201cThe secret of marriage is to go vertical.\u201d Well, it\u2019s the same thing with parenting; the secret is\u2014I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve found this as well, Bob\u2014but when you ask most parents\u2014and I think it\u2019s <em>most<\/em>\/maybe 75 percent of parents\u2014\u201cWhat are you trying to raise?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Most parents have never answered that question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What do you think they would say, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, I think you\u2019re right. I\u2019ve talked to enough parents, who will say, \u201cThe goal that I\u2019m looking for is: \u2018I want my kids to be\u2019\u2014first thing\u2014\u2018<em>happy.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chappy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201c\u2019I want them to get a good job. I want them to find a good spouse and get married and have a happy marriage and family.\u2019 If they can be successful\/happy, in marriage and in their jobs, then touchdown! I\u2019ve won\u2014right?\u2014that\u2019s the score!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And what do you think of that, when you hear it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think those are all good things, and I certainly want those things for my kids as well; but I remember Tim Kimmel being on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>He had written a book called <em>Grace-Based Parenting. <\/em>He said, \u201cMost parents, on a practical level, that\u2019s what they\u2019re emphasizing as they raise their kids.\u201d They\u2019re worried about their academics, because they want them to get a good job; they\u2019re worried about their socialization\/how they\u2019re fitting in with other kids, so that they can be happy and so they can have good relationships and find a good husband.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cBut they\u2019re not spending equal amounts of time thinking about how their kids are developing spiritually\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cor what the spiritual goals are.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, Jesus says, \u201cSeek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, then all these other things will be added unto you.\u201d That\u2019s what you\u2019re saying in this book, when you think about legacy; it\u2019s: \u201cLet\u2019s make sure we\u2019re propping the ladder against the right wall before we start to climb the ladder\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we call it a bullseye in the book\u2014or a target\u2014like, \u201cWhat are you <em>aiming<\/em> for?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you think we stole that from <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We stole it from Dennis Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and Bob Lepine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and Bob Lepine! [Laughter] And really the same passage, that is mentioned in <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>,is the passage, Psalm 127, where is says, \u201cUnless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Children are a heritage, a gift from the Lord. Offspring are a reward from Him,\u201d\u2014and then he [the psalmist] writes\u2014\u201cLike arrows in the hands of a warrior\u201d\u2014so there\u2019s the visual of you\u2019re shooting at something\u2014\u201cLike arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one\u2019s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tObviously, he\u2019s alluding to: you\u2019re going to launch your children. By the way, parents, you\u2019re going to launch them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Don\u2019t hold them there forever! They are meant to be sent out: \u201cToward what?\u201d\u2014that was the question we actually had to sit down and decide: \u201cOkay, what is our bullseye? What target are we shooting for?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, Dave, even verse 1: \u201cUnless <em>the Lord <\/em>builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.\u201d I remember reading that the first time, thinking, \u201c<em>Who<\/em> is building my house? I say that it\u2019s Jesus, but \u2018How is that happening?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> See, I think that\u2019s a difference between the way you guys tackled this and the way Mary Ann and I tackled this\u2014and the way, I think, a lot of Christian parents tackle this\u2014I thought, \u201cWell, yes, the Lord\u2019s building our house; we\u2019re Christians. We love Jesus.\u201d We came from a church-going\u2014but not a Christ-centered home\u2014\u201cSo we\u2019re going to have Jesus at the center of our home; Jesus is building our house. The legacy will take care of itself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a hope for\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014a godly legacy, but I don\u2019t know that I had the level of intentionality. Here\u2019s what I didn\u2019t have that you guys had: I didn\u2019t have a mission statement for our family. I didn\u2019t have the intentional goals of saying: \u201cTo get the legacy that we want, these are the inputs that need to be happening during those years.\u201d I just thought, \u201cThat\u2019ll take care of itself if we go to church, and love Jesus, and do all of that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say to parents today, \u201cNo; it needs to go a little deeper. You need to be a little more purposeful and intentional.\u201d Honestly, that\u2019s something I came to realize as I\u2019m hosting <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and talking to all of the guests, and taking notes, and going: \u201cI need to go home and do that differently,\u201d and \u201cYes, that\u2019s a good adjustment I need to make.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That was your mentoring process right there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Exactly what it was; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I love\/I remember someone saying, \u201cIf you aim at nothing, you\u2019ll hit it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I think that\u2019s what we do as parents. We get caught up in the day-to-day demands of life, and we\u2019re not really <em>aiming<\/em> at anything. Why are we surprised that the outcome isn\u2019t the biblical outcome that we were hoping?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mentioned a mission statement. You guys actually have a family mission statement; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we called it sort of our target or bullseye.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Our kids never knew it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we don\u2019t want to sit here and act like, \u201cOh, we recited it every night! [Laughter] Everybody put on their halo and had the Wilson mission-statement moment.\u201d Ann and I didn\u2019t talk about it daily. I look back; I wish we would have; but it was something we sort of crafted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We knew what it was; our kids didn\u2019t. And I don\u2019t think, for parents, your kids need to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Because even if they do, your kids might feel pressure: \u201cOh, this is what they\u2019re trying to do.\u201d But as a parent, you really do need to know, \u201cWhat are we shooting at?\u201d Because if it is: \u201cI want my kid to be the most popular,\u201d or \u201c\u2026happy,\u201d or \u201c\u2026successful,\u201d\u2014there\u2019s nothing wrong with those goals\u2014but in my opinion, they\u2019re not high enough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s a <em>low<\/em> bar. You know, it\u2019s like, really, \u201cHow do you even define success?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chappiness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand popularity.\u201d And even as our kids got into high school, we thought, \u201cYou know, being the most popular is <em>not <\/em>a good goal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s actually not a goal you want! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen they were really little\u2014and we put this in the book, not in a way to say, \u201cThis should be your mission statement,\u201d\u2014but we said: \u201cHere\u2019s ours; it\u2019s an example. But the Lepines need to sit down, and the Joneses need to sit down, and say, \u2018What would it look like for us, as parents, to say, \u201cThis is what we\u2019re shooting at\u201d?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s like any mission statement for a business, or a church, or a corporation; every word matters! You take your time to say, \u201cNo, not that word; this word\u2026\u201d It simply became\u2014and it doesn\u2019t sound profound\u2014but it was: \u201cTrain and launch L3 warriors, who make a dent where they\u2019re sent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cL3 warriors\u201d; okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and again, it\u2019s a personal thing; so you\u2019re like, \u201cWhat does that even mean?!\u201d In the book, we actually go through: \u201cOkay, what does training look like? And what does launch look like?\u201d Of course, launch comes from Psalm 127; you\u2019re going to launch these arrows. Warriors is a key word, because it isn\u2019t like we\u2019re just raising kids; they\u2019re actually kingdom-of-God warriors! They\u2019re in a war\u2014there\u2019s a battle going on\u2014that is something you never want to forget as a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and it\u2019s not about their personality, like, \u201cOh, they\u2019re strong!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s more: \u201cThey\u2019re in a battle; so in a battle, we want to have warriors.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and again, it isn\u2019t like we raised these <em>incredible<\/em> men\u2014who are wearing the breastplate of righteousness around\u2014but there was a sense that this is epic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And then the L3 was actually something that we had crafted at our church, as a staff on our leadership team, years before, to say: \u201cOkay, what are we trying to raise as disciples of Christ at Kensington?\u201d Lot of meetings and discussions about: \u201cWell, at the end of the day, if you look at what Jesus said a disciple was, it sort of had these three values\u2026\u201d We called it L3: love, lock, live.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLove was: \u201cLove God and others,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014the Great Commandment; Matthew 22, where Jesus said, \u201cRabbi, what\u2019s the most important?\u201d \u201cThat you love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself,\u201d\u2014that was our first \u201cL.\u201d If our sons, when they\u2019re 25, 30, or 35 years old, <em>love <\/em>God with all their heart, soul, and mind, and they actually have a heart for their neighbor and others, that\u2019s a good thing!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, that would be like, \u201cThat\u2019s a worthy goal!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLock\u201d was lock arms. That\u2019s the whole idea that God made us not to do life alone, but in community. Hebrews 10: \u201cDon\u2019t forsake the meeting together,\u201d\u2014in community\/fellowship. We thought, \u201cMan, if they understand, as men, they need other men in their life to sharpen them and keep them accountable to their walk with God, as husbands and dads\/if they\u2019re doing life <em>with <\/em>other followers-of-Christ men\u2014that\u2019s a good thing\u201d; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And then, the last one was just simply: \u201cLive open-handedly,\u201d\u2014so love, lock, live\u2014\u201cLive open-handedly,\u201d was: if our young men, when they become men, realize their time, talent, and treasure are a gift from God, not just for themselves, but to give away\u2014you know, you can live with your fists closed, holding onto everything\u2014or you can live open-handedly, which just means, \u201cMan, I\u2019m supposed to serve others with my time; serve God with my time; I\u2019m supposed to give my money away; and I\u2019m supposed to give my talents to the kingdom of God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, there are so many other things you could think about; but we just thought those three \u201cL\u201ds\u2014love, lock, live\u2014capture [the goal of discipleship]. Man, oh man, if we looked at our kids in their 20s and 30s, and they were living that and, hopefully, passing that onto their kids\/our grandkids, that would be a dream.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And then, the \u201cdent where they\u2019re sent.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, the \u201cdent where they\u2019re sent.\u201d FamilyLife listeners have heard me say this many times, but it\u2019s simply the idea of you\u2019re on mission. God wants to use you, where He\u2019s put you. It\u2019s really from Jesus\u2019 words, \u201cYou are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.\u201d So wherever you are is where you\u2019re sent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf our sons knew, when they were 20\u2014again, 30\/35 years old\u2014that God has placed them in this business, in this neighborhood, in this church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014in this school\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to make a difference for the kingdom of God, because you\u2019re in a war and you\u2019re a warrior\u2014and again, I\u2019m saying this, thinking, \u201cDid that actually happen? Do they wake up every day thinking that?\u201d I doubt it! But there is a sense that God has honored that. You know, it gives you something to shoot at, and then you can work toward that goal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that\u2019s the point. I mean, the title of the book\u2014<em>No Perfect Parents<\/em>\u2014tells us that, even when you\u2019ve got a goal like this, you\u2019re not going to execute flawlessly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s no guarantee that, if you\u2019ll do this, your kids will grab onto it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s no recipe or formula.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or that they won\u2019t rebel; there\u2019s no guarantee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; but to have a North Star, as parents, to say, \u201cHere\u2019s what we want to be intentional about\u2026\u201d\u2014that shapes the daily decisions you make, as a parent\u2014to say, \u201cDoes this align with the mission that we\u2019re on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cAnd will this produce the legacy that we\u2019re aiming for?\u201d Again, that\u2019s in God\u2019s hands. We talked already about expectations and surrender\u2014a big theme in your book\u2014you can\u2019t force it to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you can be intentional about aiming in that direction and asking God for favor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Once you know what the bullseye is that you\u2019re aiming at, then you can develop a strategy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which the rest of the book is like: \u201cOkay; once you know what you\u2019re aiming at, you\u2019ve got to step back: \u2018So how would we get there?\u2019\u201d Every church does that\/every corporation does that. Most families never do that; that\u2019s why it\u2019s so critical to say, \u201cThere\u2019s a secret that you\u2019ve got to understand, and it\u2019s this!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we talked about legacy earlier. I\u2019ll never forget, when I turned 50, I told Ann before that birthday\u2014because she had thrown a surprise 40<sup>th<\/sup> birthday\u2014and I\u2019m like, \u201c<em>Please, please <\/em>don\u2019t throw a party! You know, I just want to slip into the 50s; and nobody will know.\u201d She was like, \u201cOkay, I won\u2019t.\u201d She was so good; she didn\u2019t throw a party. I turned 50, and <em>nobody<\/em> even knew. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAbout a month later, I\u2019m sitting at home on a Tuesday night, and one of the Detroit Lion players that I had mentored, was still on our ministry calls. He said, \u201cHey! You know, I\u2019ve been trying to get you and Ann over here. Rebekah and I are <em>really<\/em> struggling, and you never have time. Is there any way? It\u2019s an emergency; can you get over here right now?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe rush over there. We get to the front door; nobody\u2019s there. I\u2019m like\u2014you know, it was open\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cLuther! Where are you?\u201d And he was like, \u201cWe\u2019re in the basement! Get down here.\u201d I go, walking down to the basement. I don\u2019t know where Ann is\u2014she\u2019s behind me somewhere\u2014I stepped into the basement; \u201c<em>Surprise!!\u201d <\/em>The whole basement is full of all of these people!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014of men!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which was different from other birthdays that I had for him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ann says, \u201cHoney, I had these guys come; and I instructed them to bring a gag gift and a tribute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014a little bit of a roast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cAnd I\u2019m out; see you later!\u201d She went upstairs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, at the very end, Ann walks back down the stairs. She says, \u201cHey, I need to read you three letters from your three sons, who couldn\u2019t be here.\u201d Two of them were in college at the time. She reads a letter from CJ, and Austin, and Cody, who are now men. It was so emotional!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When she read those letters, I think it hit me so hard; it was like, \u201cLegacy! I\u2019m hearing from three warriors.\u201d Again, they\u2019re not perfect sons at this point; none of us are. But it was so powerful to hear their words. I\u2019m like, \u201cGod did it! God has changed the Wilson name.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say, maybe, the best night of my life; you know? Because it was like: \u201cWhat you live for is: \u2018God, I want to leave a legacy that honors You.\u2019\u201d Again, we are <em>not<\/em> saying our kids are perfect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No kids will be!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014ever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I got a chance to see that God is good, and He can do things you can\u2019t even imagine with your legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking every listener knows somebody, who is pregnant for the first time right now. What a gift you could give them if you could help them, at the front of their journey: to think intentionally; to have a legacy focus; to give up expectations; to surrender, like we\u2019ve talked about; to have that goal in mind; and to say, \u201cThis is what we\u2019re aiming for,\u201d and start that from day one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they could get a copy of your book, and pass it on to parents that they know need this kind of focus\/need this kind of help, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and pre-order Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s book, <em>No Perfect Parents. <\/em>It comes out next week. Go ahead and sign up to get your copy now. Again, you can pre-order at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d The title of the book, again, <em>No Perfect Parents <\/em>by Dave and Ann Wilson. The subtitle is <em>Ditch Expectations, Embrace Reality, and Discover the One Secret That Will Change Your Parenting.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about something that, Ann, you experienced a lot of when you were raising your kids; and that\u2019s the whole subject of mom-guilt: \u201cWhat do you do with that? How do you process that?\u201d We\u2019re talking about parenting this week with Dave and Ann Wilson. We\u2019ll continue the conversation tomorrow. I hope you can join us again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We got some extra help today from Bruce Goff and, of course, our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306809","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306809"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306809"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306809"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306809"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306809"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306809"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306809"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}