{"id":306803,"date":"2021-03-31T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-03-31T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/for-everything-there-is-a-season\/"},"modified":"2021-03-31T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-03-31T11:00:05","slug":"for-everything-there-is-a-season","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/for-everything-there-is-a-season\/","title":{"rendered":"For Everything There Is a Season"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Did you know that there are different seasons common to all marriages? Jackie and Stephana Bledsoe talk about the patterns all couples face, the ups and downs, and how it&#8217;s all worth fighting for.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-03-31.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:12","filesize":"25.82M","filesize_raw":"27079418","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2820,2862],"tags":[2877],"podcast_series":[8435],"cwp_profile":[9702],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306803","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifelong-marriages","category-understanding-differences","tag-marriage","podcast_series-the-7-rings-of-marriage","cwp_profile-jackie-and-stephana-bledsoe","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306803\/for-everything-there-is-a-season","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306803\/for-everything-there-is-a-season","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"3E25TMX5wm\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/for-everything-there-is-a-season\/\">For Everything There Is a Season<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/for-everything-there-is-a-season\/embed\/#?secret=3E25TMX5wm\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;For Everything There Is a Season&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"3E25TMX5wm\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-03-31.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-03-31.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have you found that trying to schedule a date night with your spouse just seems to fall flat? Jackie Bledsoe understands that feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk66958082\">When we recommitted to dating, those first few dates were kind of like staring at each other, like, \u201cOkay; what are we doing, Babe? What are some things we can talk about that are not just family business?\u201d And by family business: kids, work, money, schedules, and all that. We\u2019re like, \u201cOkay, how can we start sparking other conversations that will allow us to dig deeper than stuff that we talk about all the time and makes our date nights boring?\u201d<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, March 31<sup>st<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. We all know how important regular marriage maintenance is, but it can be hard to implement at times. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking this week about how marriage is not a three-ring circus; it\u2019s a seven-ring circus; isn\u2019t it? [Laughter] That\u2019s what it is. We\u2019ve got Jackie and Stephana Bledsoe joining us. Guys, welcome back to the program.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve written a book called <em>The <\/em>7<em> Rings of Marriage<\/em>. What we\u2019ve been talking about this week is the fact that every marriage does go through seasons. It\u2019s not like it\u2019s a straight path; we can circle back around like some of the seasons we\u2019ve been talking about\/some of the rings we\u2019ve been talking about. DiscoveRING doesn\u2019t just happen in the early years of marriage; it continues to happen throughout marriage. PerseveRING has to happen, because trials come along later. So all of these rings of marriage we have to revisit over and over again; don\u2019t we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We do, and I think that\/I don\u2019t think we expect that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s kind of like parenting: \u201cOnce we have this phase down, we\u2019ll never enter that phase again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But it seems like we do continue to circle back. Hopefully, we\u2019ve learned enough in the first ring that we can get better to move on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jackie and Stephana live in Indianapolis. They are the parents to three children. They speak with us at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways. The seven rings that you lay out: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthe first one is the Engagement RING, understanding where you\u2019re going; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthe Wedding RING, understanding commitment\/foundation; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthe DiscoveRING, where you\u2019re learning about one another and learning, \u201cOh, there are some things here I didn\u2019t know were there\u201d;\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthe PerseveRING, where you\u2019re sticking with it even when times get tough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s the next ring?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Yes; after you go through that, you have some broken pieces in your marriage. PerseveRING is the fourth ring, which is kind of like the fork in the road. Some couples choose to go and get out of the marriage; some choose to stay in the marriage; and some choose to just kind of stay and \u201cOur marriage is just where it is.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we come to the restoRING. That\u2019s where we have to allow God to go to work and to restore the broken pieces\/broken hearts, all the things that we brought about or that we went through during the PerseveRING in our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Yes, there\u2019s a lot of forgiveness that happens in the restoRING.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You talk in that chapter about \u201cdrawing a line in the sand.\u201d What does that mean? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Basically: \u201cWe\u2019re not going back. This is where we are.\u201d We talked about PerseveRING\u2014how people go to the fork in the road\u2014well, now, we\u2019re moving forward; so we\u2019re not going back to where we were. We have to continue to lean on that commitment in the Wedding RING\/also, our foundation and our relationship with Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s something that without\u2014like Stephana said\u2014that forgiveness, you\u2019re going to continue to deal with the suffering that happens in the PerseveRING. We want to say: \u201cGod, we want to give this to You. We can\u2019t heal our marriage on our own. We can\u2019t heal our own hearts.\u201d We can\u2019t even change our hearts without His grace; so we\u2019re leaning heavily back on those early rings, especially the Engagement RING.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How would you guys say\u2014if somebody is saying, \u201cThe flame has gone out in our marriage. We\u2019re really struggling. I don\u2019t even have any feelings,\u201d\u2014how do you rekindle when that love\/that feeling to come back, and is it even necessary?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s important. Jackie and I went through a phase, where we weren\u2019t dating for years\u2014in the early part of our marriage when our kids were young\u2014that we had allowed just the routine of life to take over. I think if you start there, just spending some intentional time with each other\u2014even if it\u2019s 15 minutes a day\u2014spending that time together so that you work on your friendship in your marriage again. That\u2019s a good place to begin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So just talking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Yes, just talking. We try to have, at least, 15 minutes per day that we\u2019re sitting alone\u2014no phones, away from kids, TVs, and all that\u2014consistently. When we do that, that flame\/that spark is still there. But when we don\u2019t, we feel disconnected; we don\u2019t know who the other person is, and it\u2019s like a stranger that we\u2019re living with. Just basic things like that is what we look to do. They\u2019re really common sense things, but we just let life get in the way\u2014like that season when we weren\u2019t dating\u2014we didn\u2019t even realize it; we\u2019re like, \u201cWhen is the last time we went on a date?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; your kids are little\u2014the demands of life\u2014but you noticed it later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> We noticed it in the disconnect between us. At that point, we got desperate for date night; because we were hungry to spend that time together\u2014and continue to grow closer, and get to know where Stephana\u2019s at mentally, emotionally, right now\u2014and vice versa.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What was the best questions? What were two of the best questions that Jackie asked you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I think the first one would be to get something prepared to wear. I knew he wanted to take me somewhere; I knew that he wanted to spend time with me. It was like: \u201cI\u2019m not just coming home, and expecting you to have dinner ready, and we\u2019re going to go through the normal routine,\u201d\u2014but\u2014\u201cCan you prepare something? We\u2019re going to go out tonight.\u201d That was probably the first question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He\u2019s saying, \u201cGet ready, because we\u2019re going out!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> I would say the worst question I\u2019ve ever asked is: \u201cWhat do you want to do tonight?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You don\u2019t like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> No; I feel like he\u2019s a planner. Everything in his world, he plans; but if you can\u2019t think about a plan for date night, it\u2019s like that wasn\u2019t very important to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Laughter] She\u2019s throwing down on you right there, brother\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cYou can plan everything else; you can plan a little time for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Right, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So now you have a plan almost every time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Not every time; at one point, we kind of traded off; because I got overwhelmed with the planning. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Felt a little pressure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> What was appealing\u2014the planning to me\u2014became appalling when I had to do it every single time. [Laughter] So I did. We actually came up\/I created a little thing, where, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re going to plan how much: \u2018Here\u2019s a high-end date night,\u2019 \u2018\u2026a medium range\u2026\u2019 and \u2018\u2026a low end\u2026\u2019 as far as cost\/as far as time to prepare\u201d; so we came up with some plans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWhat you\u2019re wearing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Right. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> We did it. We got really, really consistent; and that was a very strong season in our growth and our connection. We\u2019ve ebbed and flowed since then. There have been seasons, where we kind of missed; but we\u2019ll notice that, when we\u2019re dating and we\u2019re intentional about it\u2014one, when we make up our mind to do that\u2014nothing gets in the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a time: \u201cIt\u2019s in the calendar\u201d;\u00a0 but it\u2019s like those calendar appointments you just kind of gloss over. Then there\u2019s another time, where: \u201cWhether it\u2019s in the calendar or not, we\u2019re doing it.\u201d There\u2019s been times, where we\u2019re like, \u201cOkay; we had a date day, making a Sam\u2019s Club<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> run,\u201d\u2014a Sam\u2019s Club run, because we just needed that time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo like: \u201cHow do we make this time?\u201d That\u2019s a perception that we had early\u2014that date night has to be this big thing\u2014we\u2019re like, \u201cNo.\u201d One of our marriage mentor couples said, \u201cHave more dates, where you don\u2019t do anything; so you have more time to just talk to each other versus being distracted by the things. Those are fun\u2014you need those new experiences\u2014but just be together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What if it\u2019s like broken? Because you\u2019re talking, in the RestoRING phase, about the fixing stage, which means something is broken. You mentioned, earlier, there\u2019s forgiveness in this stage; so what if\u2014you know, you\u2019re at a point, where, \u201cI don\u2019t really want to go on a date with her,\u201d\/\u201cI don\u2019t want to go on a date with him, because they\u2019ve hurt me.\u201d Maybe there\u2019s been adultery; maybe there\u2019s been an affair; maybe there\u2019s been something that really broke our spirit or even the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do we get to a place of forgiveness? I know that\u2019s a big part of this ring, which never really ends; it\u2019s always going to be part of your marriage. But talk to the couple that\u2019s really hurting\/that\u2019s like: \u201cI don\u2019t even want to\/I can\u2019t date right now. I don\u2019t want to be with them. I want to make this marriage work, but I don\u2019t have anything for them. I\u2019m hurt; I\u2019m broken; I need fixed.\u201d What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> You have to make that choice to show up. It\u2019s not going to be easy every time. We used to joke that sometimes date night will become fight night. We\u2019d go in\u2014what we thought was going\/even if we can get excited about it\u2014it may end up in an argument that night. Or for Stephana\u2014it would be to get ready, and all the effort, and things she did to prepare, like, \u201cHey, get something together; let\u2019s go out,\u201d\u2014then it wouldn\u2019t live up to those expectations. We went through many of those; but we still had to show up and just trust God that, as we show up, and be intentional about our marriage, and connecting in that area, that we will eventually get over. I think we did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause those\u2014when we recommitted to dating\u2014those first few dates were kind of like staring at each other, like, \u201cOkay; what are we doing, Babe?\u201d Then we started learning, and we got some conversation starters. I\u2019d get\u2014you know, I\u2019m the planner\u2014so I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, what are some things we can talk about that are not just family business?\u201d And by family business: kids, work, money, schedules, and all that. We\u2019re like, \u201cOkay, how can we start sparking other conversations that will allow us to dig deeper than stuff that we talk about all the time and makes our date nights boring?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I think you said something key. It\u2019s kind of making that decision: \u201cI want this marriage\u201d; so being willing to do what it takes to foster healing. I think you have to make that decision for yourself before you can move forward with any area of trying to fix it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Have you had a time in your marriage, where you had to forgive one another?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Oh, for sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Oh, yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t want to pry, but tell us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> We came into marriage the wrong way. One of the things was that, when we were dating, I was unfaithful to Stephana. That lingered in our marriage for the first few years; there was always this seed of doubt or distrust. Even to what she alluded to about: \u201c\u2026not sure if I made the right decision\u201d; like, \u201cDid I rush into this decision, because we had a baby when we came into marriage?\u201d Then there\u2019s been\u2014you can share any more\u2014I\u2019m sure there\u2019s a lot more forgiveness stories from you for me [Laughter] than the other way around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I think just everyday things\u2014being short with one another\u2014I think you have to recognize Jackie is very much one that has to eat, so he\u2019s going to be short; he\u2019s going to be quick with words if he\u2019s not well nourished. I have had to forgive him many times over just being hangry. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> If you look that up in the dictionary, you\u2019ll see my picture. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you know, somebody told me years ago\/they said, \u201cYou are most vulnerable to sin when you are hungry, or angry, or lonely, or tired.\u201d That\u2019s been true in my own life; I\u2019m weak in those moments. I think we can all understand that\u2014the HALT idea: hungry, angry, lonely, tired\u2014when somebody is empty, we\u2019re not at our best. In those moments, I think it was Ruth Graham\/Billy Graham\u2019s wife, who said that: \u201cA great marriage is the union of two great forgivers.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is going to be a discipline that we\u2019re going to have to practice throughout our marriage: learning how to seek and grant forgiveness, how to restore what gets broken, how to take the fractures and reset the bone, and let some things heal over time. There may be some soreness there for a while; it may be tender for a while; but if we don\u2019t do that, then we\u2019re in real trouble. Learning how to forgive, as a part of the RestoRING phase of a marriage, this is essential for every couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie and Stephana:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let\u2019s go to the next ring about ProspeRING. What\u2019s that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s what we all come into marriage hoping for\u2014kind of the vision\u2014the happily-ever-after is kind of what you envision; but it really is a perspective change. Once you\u2019ve gone through these other rings, and you recognize some of the areas that have been hurtful or have challenged you, your perspective has changed on it. It\u2019s not just the end of the world because for whatever thing that tripped you up, early on in marriage, so you\u2019re in a stage, where you\u2019re healthy and you\u2019re more mature.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> And that doesn\u2019t mean your marriage is perfect when you have to ProspeRING. You\u2019re still going through maybe some of the similar challenges that you\u2019ve gone through before; but you\u2019re more mature, and you handle it so much different. Early on in our marriage, a minor thing may have sent us in a tailspin, where two, three, four days a week that we\u2019re not communicating at all. Now, we\u2019re like\u2014that thing\u2014we can get over it much quicker. That\u2019s one of the biggest things, and it\u2019s a ring or season of celebration; it\u2019s like: \u201cMan, look what God has done in our marriage. Look what we\u2019ve gone through and that we\u2019re still here standing. Let\u2019s celebrate!\u201d Everything becomes a celebration.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Is there some story about diapers that has something to do with ProspeRING after suffering? [Laughter] I don\u2019t know exactly what this all means; I think we need to hear the story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> I just got nervous; I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I was talking about the season when we had Joshua. Josh was our third-born. You reach this point in your pregnancy, where you just want things in order; you\u2019re nesting. I had this diaper genie that had been given to us at our baby shower, months earlier. I had just reached a point in the pregnancy, where I wanted things to be in order. I wanted the diaper genie put together, and Jackie agreed he\u2019d be the one to put the genie together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just was really bent out of shape about it not being put together at some point. I think, in his mind, he was going to do it; but in my mind, I was ready for it to have been done. There was just this big blow-up argument that we can laugh about today; but in the moment, it was <em>not<\/em> a fun feeling; it was very frustrating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> I probably\u2014you were still pregnant\u2014so I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ll get to it right before he\u2019s here.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWhy do we need it until then?\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re not changing diapers right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I thought this was the guy that was organized and liked things a certain way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She thought so, too. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> She discovered something new that day. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave and I had this conversation, so many times, where I\u2019ll ask him to do something\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and then he doesn\u2019t do it. He says, \u201cYou didn\u2019t say <em>when<\/em> you wanted it done.\u201d I said, \u201cIf I ask you, it means right now. That\u2019s what it means\u2014right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> \u201cThat\u2019s what it means.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But he didn\u2019t know that, and I\u2019ve never communicated it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s funny. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me ask you this: \u201cCan joy and suffering co-exist in a marriage?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> I think some of the\u2014one thing with the ProspeRING is\u2014we noticed that some of our <em>greatest<\/em> times in our marriage were some of our hardest times. Some of the times that we were suffering\u2014there was a period of time, where we were homeless as a family\u2014and not only were we homeless, but it was the second time; there were two periods of that. One time was just when we had our daughter, who is our oldest; she was by herself [no siblings]. The last time was\/the second time was when we were all five of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDuring that time period, it was so hard and so unknown. We didn\u2019t know what\/but God brought us closer together. We were a homeschooling family. Stephana was directing a homeschool community. We\u2019d have to go to a church once a week to set everything up. I was kind of like the building maintenance guy, so I\u2019d set up all the classrooms at the church that we were borrowing from. We\u2019d pack up and go back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we were homeless; so we had no place for all that stuff. We had a storage that we were renting; and literally, our kids, every time we\u2019d go to storage, it was like playtime for them. They\u2019re having the greatest time ever; they remember that season as a great time. At that same season, we were sleeping on the basement floor of some of our friends. To them [children], that was a week-long play date: we were having meals together; we were always going somewhere together; everything brought us closer together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we look back, a lot of the foundational things that we do in our marriage, now, were solidified during that season. But it was hard; I was scared. We didn\u2019t know what was going to happen. I felt like a failure, and here we are. We talk about it amongst our kids. It\u2019s like this thing that God was\u2014it\u2019s like He had this shield or this covering over us\u2014where yes, it\u2019s hard; and you\u2019re going through stuff\u2014but there\u2019s still joy in it. But we could have chosen to handle it a different way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Sometimes God does His best work during those times. When I was pregnant with our first son, we\u2019d been married six years. We just finished seminary. We bought a fixer-upper to make some money when we were in seminary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Who does that? [Laughter] We did! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We had moved back to Michigan. That house hadn\u2019t closed yet; it had sold, and we had no money. We were on staff with Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, so we\u2019re raising our financial support. We didn\u2019t just have a lot of money coming in. I was seven months pregnant; and we were eating oatmeal for dinner\u2014and <em>crying<\/em> out to God\u2014like: \u201cGod, we can\u2019t do this.\u201d I remember Dave saying, \u201cIt seems to me like God isn\u2019t bringing in the money.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you trust God as a missionary to provide your financial support, which with Cru, was our paycheck. Long story short: as I was starting to feel like, \u201cOkay, God\u2019s leading us out of ministry; He\u2019s leading us to a business job,\u201d\u2014I had a marketing degree; and I just thought, \u201cOkay,\u201d\u2014I made sort of a fleece with God; it\u2019s like, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m going to give you a month. I\u2019m going to call everybody, and ask, and do what I need to do; and if You provide, then I\u2019ll know You want us in ministry; and if you don\u2019t, then I think it\u2019s one of Your ways You\u2019re showing us to move on.\u201d Long story short\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was a <em>substantial<\/em> amount of money.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We needed $25,000 in 1985.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Wow; wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I go to this Bible study. I meet this woman at this\u2014and I\u2019ve never been to this study\u2014she\u2019s asking me why we\u2019re here\/why we moved to Michigan\u2014all these questions. I said, \u201cWe\u2019re on staff with Cru. Dave\u2019s the new chaplain for the Detroit Lions.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which everybody thinks you\u2019re making all this money, because you work with an NFL team. I\u2019m making nothing; they don\u2019t pay you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Right, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She said, \u201cTell me more about his money thing.\u201d I said, \u201cOh, well, we just raise support from financial donors, who are really feeling like, \u2018Oh, that\u2019s a cool investment of my money.\u2019\u201d I just told her about it; she said, \u201cHmm,\u00a0 that\u2019s interesting. I\u2019d like my husband to talk to your husband.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, okay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I actually, while she was at that study, was at a church and asking people to consider supporting our ministry. Back then, there was no digital; it was a 3x5 card, and they write their name and a phone number if they\u2019re interested, and they hand it in right at the church. I\u2019m looking through these cards, and I think we got $5 a month out of maybe 50 cards. I was so discouraged; I\u2019m like\u2014we\u2019re like a week from the month deadline\u2014so I\u2019m like, \u201cI think God\u2019s leading us away.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get home; and Ann goes, \u201cHey, I met this lady named Ruth at this thing; and she says to call her husband, Ivan.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat?! You what?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I had his card.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m supposed to call some guy that doesn\u2019t even know <em>me<\/em> or <em>you<\/em>. His wife\u2014I dial this number\u2014right?\u2014and I\u2019m not making this up: [gruff voice] \u201cHello,\u201d\u2014I mean, it\u2019s the most gruff guy ever\u2014[gruff voice] \u201cHello.\u201d \u201cHey, Ivan; my name is Dave Wilson. We haven\u2019t met, but my wife met your wife Ruth today at a Bible study or something.\u201d [Gruff voice]\u00a0 \u201cYeah?!\u201d\u2014it was just like that. [Laughter] I\u2019m like, \u201cWell, Ruth mentioned to my wife that I should give you a call.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Gruff voice] \u201cWhat for? She didn\u2019t say anything to me about it,\u201d\u2014I mean, it was just like that; I\u2019m not exaggerating. I\u2019m like, \u201cWell, here\u2019s our situation. We\u2019re on staff with Athletes in Action, a branch of Cru. We\u2019re missionaries, and we raise financial support to do our ministry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Gruff voice] \u201cSo why are you calling me?\u201d He goes, \u201cTell me what you\u2019re doing.\u201d I say \u201cWell, you know, we have this ministry with pro athletes. They have a platform, and they have an influence; so we try to lead them to Christ.\u201d I went through this whole little pitch; and he goes, \u201cWell, how much money do you need?\u201d I go, \u201cWell, could we get together?\u2014 I could share our thing.\u201d He goes, \u201cJust give me a number Dave.\u201d I go, \u201cWell it\u2019s\u201d\u2014[stuttering] I just barely said\/I said\u2014\u201cWell, it\u2019s significant; it\u2019s $25,000 by like next week.\u201d He goes, \u201cWe gotcha; come to the office tomorrow and get the check.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana and Jackie:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ivan became one of our closest friends. You think back about that moment, and we almost left ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we\u2019d say it\u2019s one of the hardest\u2014as you were saying, as homeless\u2014it\u2019s <em>horrible<\/em>; and yet, in the midst of it, God came through\u2014this miraculous story\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and provided and said, \u201cI\u2019m right here.\u201d I say all of that to say: \u201cIf you\u2019re struggling, there is a God. He\u2019s got an Ivan that\u2019s waiting to help you. Just get on your knees, and ask and trust Him like never before.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maybe God, who\u2019s going to provide, not financial support, but the emotional support you need\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the relational support you need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last ring you talk about in the book is the MentorRING. Maybe that\u2019s what you need more than anything else\u2014is somebody, who can help walk you through the hard challenges\u2014can be the mentor you need in your marriage. Or maybe God\u2019s calling you to be that in somebody else\u2019s life\/somebody else\u2019s marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys, thank you for this time. Thank you for the book. Thanks for coaching us on all of this. I hope listeners will get a copy of this book and go through it with other couples and do some diagnostic of: \u201cWhere are we?\u201d and \u201cWhat does God have for us in this?\u201d I hope couples will come out and see you when we\u2019re able to have more <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em> in that moment. Thanks for being with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Thank you guys for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Thank you so much for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And by the way, if folks want information about when and where we are hosting <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em>\u2014because we have a few of those that have started back up this spring\u2014you can go to the website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and find out more about the limited locations, where these events are taking place. Of course, in the fall, we hope to be back up to full strength. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we do want our listeners to know that we\u2019re making your book available this week to listeners who can help support the ministry with a donation. The book the Bledsoes have written is called <em>The 7 Rings of Marriage: <\/em><a id=\"_Hlk66964232\"><em>Your Model for a Lasting and Fulfilling Marriage<\/em><\/a>. The book is our thank-you gift to you when you support the ongoing work of this ministry. When you partner with us to reach hundreds of thousands of marriages and families every day with practical biblical help and hope for their relationships, you make that possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, what you\u2019re really donating to is to strengthen those marriages and those families. It\u2019s other couples and other families that are benefiting from the donations you make. So thank you for thinking about a donation. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. And again, when you do, we will send you, as a thank-you gift, Jackie and Stephana Bledsoe\u2019s book, <em>The 7 Rings of Marriage: Your Model for a Lasting and Fulfilling Marriage<\/em>. I know the book is going to help a lot of couples; so I hope our listeners will call in, and make a donation, and get a copy of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, in the studio with us today. David, we always like having guests like the Bledsoes join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You know, one of my favorite things that happens on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is when some of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> speakers, that serve with us on weekends and pour their heart out into families on the front lines through <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em>, get to be guests on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and that crossover and connection happens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>I love it<\/em> because these are people who share our heart. You can hear their passion for marriages bleed out of them, and that\u2019s certainly what we\u2019ve experienced with the Bledsoes. We know that time together, around timeless truth, transforms marriages. We see it happen weekend after weekend with the <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em> getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re so glad to be able to bring them back. Even though there\u2019s not as many as there normally are, and that there\u2019s less people that are going to be there than normally, we\u2019re excited to get them back up, going again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, we really are. Again, there\u2019s information about when and where we are hosting <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> events. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about where God has placed you and why He has placed you where He has placed you. Dave Wilson likes to say, \u201cWe\u2019re to make a dent where we\u2019re sent.\u201d We\u2019re going to talk to a couple tomorrow that are going to share with us what they\u2019ve learned about the art of neighboring. I hope you can tune in to hear from Chris and Elizabeth McKinney tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. We got some extra help today from Bruce Goff. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a CruMinistry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:12"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.82M"],"filesize_raw":["27079418"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306803.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306803.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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you know that there are different seasons common to all marriages? Jackie and Stephana Bledsoe talk about the patterns all couples face, the ups and downs, and how it's all worth fighting for.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-03-31.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have you found that trying to schedule a date night with your spouse just seems to fall flat? Jackie Bledsoe understands that feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk66958082\">When we recommitted to dating, those first few dates were kind of like staring at each other, like, \u201cOkay; what are we doing, Babe? What are some things we can talk about that are not just family business?\u201d And by family business: kids, work, money, schedules, and all that. We\u2019re like, \u201cOkay, how can we start sparking other conversations that will allow us to dig deeper than stuff that we talk about all the time and makes our date nights boring?\u201d<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, March 31<sup>st<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. We all know how important regular marriage maintenance is, but it can be hard to implement at times. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking this week about how marriage is not a three-ring circus; it\u2019s a seven-ring circus; isn\u2019t it? [Laughter] That\u2019s what it is. We\u2019ve got Jackie and Stephana Bledsoe joining us. Guys, welcome back to the program.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve written a book called <em>The <\/em>7<em> Rings of Marriage<\/em>. What we\u2019ve been talking about this week is the fact that every marriage does go through seasons. It\u2019s not like it\u2019s a straight path; we can circle back around like some of the seasons we\u2019ve been talking about\/some of the rings we\u2019ve been talking about. DiscoveRING doesn\u2019t just happen in the early years of marriage; it continues to happen throughout marriage. PerseveRING has to happen, because trials come along later. So all of these rings of marriage we have to revisit over and over again; don\u2019t we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We do, and I think that\/I don\u2019t think we expect that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s kind of like parenting: \u201cOnce we have this phase down, we\u2019ll never enter that phase again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But it seems like we do continue to circle back. Hopefully, we\u2019ve learned enough in the first ring that we can get better to move on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jackie and Stephana live in Indianapolis. They are the parents to three children. They speak with us at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways. The seven rings that you lay out: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthe first one is the Engagement RING, understanding where you\u2019re going; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthe Wedding RING, understanding commitment\/foundation; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthe DiscoveRING, where you\u2019re learning about one another and learning, \u201cOh, there are some things here I didn\u2019t know were there\u201d;\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthe PerseveRING, where you\u2019re sticking with it even when times get tough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s the next ring?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Yes; after you go through that, you have some broken pieces in your marriage. PerseveRING is the fourth ring, which is kind of like the fork in the road. Some couples choose to go and get out of the marriage; some choose to stay in the marriage; and some choose to just kind of stay and \u201cOur marriage is just where it is.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we come to the restoRING. That\u2019s where we have to allow God to go to work and to restore the broken pieces\/broken hearts, all the things that we brought about or that we went through during the PerseveRING in our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Yes, there\u2019s a lot of forgiveness that happens in the restoRING.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You talk in that chapter about \u201cdrawing a line in the sand.\u201d What does that mean? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Basically: \u201cWe\u2019re not going back. This is where we are.\u201d We talked about PerseveRING\u2014how people go to the fork in the road\u2014well, now, we\u2019re moving forward; so we\u2019re not going back to where we were. We have to continue to lean on that commitment in the Wedding RING\/also, our foundation and our relationship with Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s something that without\u2014like Stephana said\u2014that forgiveness, you\u2019re going to continue to deal with the suffering that happens in the PerseveRING. We want to say: \u201cGod, we want to give this to You. We can\u2019t heal our marriage on our own. We can\u2019t heal our own hearts.\u201d We can\u2019t even change our hearts without His grace; so we\u2019re leaning heavily back on those early rings, especially the Engagement RING.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How would you guys say\u2014if somebody is saying, \u201cThe flame has gone out in our marriage. We\u2019re really struggling. I don\u2019t even have any feelings,\u201d\u2014how do you rekindle when that love\/that feeling to come back, and is it even necessary?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s important. Jackie and I went through a phase, where we weren\u2019t dating for years\u2014in the early part of our marriage when our kids were young\u2014that we had allowed just the routine of life to take over. I think if you start there, just spending some intentional time with each other\u2014even if it\u2019s 15 minutes a day\u2014spending that time together so that you work on your friendship in your marriage again. That\u2019s a good place to begin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So just talking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Yes, just talking. We try to have, at least, 15 minutes per day that we\u2019re sitting alone\u2014no phones, away from kids, TVs, and all that\u2014consistently. When we do that, that flame\/that spark is still there. But when we don\u2019t, we feel disconnected; we don\u2019t know who the other person is, and it\u2019s like a stranger that we\u2019re living with. Just basic things like that is what we look to do. They\u2019re really common sense things, but we just let life get in the way\u2014like that season when we weren\u2019t dating\u2014we didn\u2019t even realize it; we\u2019re like, \u201cWhen is the last time we went on a date?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; your kids are little\u2014the demands of life\u2014but you noticed it later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> We noticed it in the disconnect between us. At that point, we got desperate for date night; because we were hungry to spend that time together\u2014and continue to grow closer, and get to know where Stephana\u2019s at mentally, emotionally, right now\u2014and vice versa.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What was the best questions? What were two of the best questions that Jackie asked you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I think the first one would be to get something prepared to wear. I knew he wanted to take me somewhere; I knew that he wanted to spend time with me. It was like: \u201cI\u2019m not just coming home, and expecting you to have dinner ready, and we\u2019re going to go through the normal routine,\u201d\u2014but\u2014\u201cCan you prepare something? We\u2019re going to go out tonight.\u201d That was probably the first question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He\u2019s saying, \u201cGet ready, because we\u2019re going out!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> I would say the worst question I\u2019ve ever asked is: \u201cWhat do you want to do tonight?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You don\u2019t like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> No; I feel like he\u2019s a planner. Everything in his world, he plans; but if you can\u2019t think about a plan for date night, it\u2019s like that wasn\u2019t very important to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Laughter] She\u2019s throwing down on you right there, brother\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cYou can plan everything else; you can plan a little time for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Right, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So now you have a plan almost every time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Not every time; at one point, we kind of traded off; because I got overwhelmed with the planning. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Felt a little pressure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> What was appealing\u2014the planning to me\u2014became appalling when I had to do it every single time. [Laughter] So I did. We actually came up\/I created a little thing, where, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re going to plan how much: \u2018Here\u2019s a high-end date night,\u2019 \u2018\u2026a medium range\u2026\u2019 and \u2018\u2026a low end\u2026\u2019 as far as cost\/as far as time to prepare\u201d; so we came up with some plans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWhat you\u2019re wearing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Right. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> We did it. We got really, really consistent; and that was a very strong season in our growth and our connection. We\u2019ve ebbed and flowed since then. There have been seasons, where we kind of missed; but we\u2019ll notice that, when we\u2019re dating and we\u2019re intentional about it\u2014one, when we make up our mind to do that\u2014nothing gets in the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a time: \u201cIt\u2019s in the calendar\u201d;\u00a0 but it\u2019s like those calendar appointments you just kind of gloss over. Then there\u2019s another time, where: \u201cWhether it\u2019s in the calendar or not, we\u2019re doing it.\u201d There\u2019s been times, where we\u2019re like, \u201cOkay; we had a date day, making a Sam\u2019s Club<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> run,\u201d\u2014a Sam\u2019s Club run, because we just needed that time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo like: \u201cHow do we make this time?\u201d That\u2019s a perception that we had early\u2014that date night has to be this big thing\u2014we\u2019re like, \u201cNo.\u201d One of our marriage mentor couples said, \u201cHave more dates, where you don\u2019t do anything; so you have more time to just talk to each other versus being distracted by the things. Those are fun\u2014you need those new experiences\u2014but just be together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What if it\u2019s like broken? Because you\u2019re talking, in the RestoRING phase, about the fixing stage, which means something is broken. You mentioned, earlier, there\u2019s forgiveness in this stage; so what if\u2014you know, you\u2019re at a point, where, \u201cI don\u2019t really want to go on a date with her,\u201d\/\u201cI don\u2019t want to go on a date with him, because they\u2019ve hurt me.\u201d Maybe there\u2019s been adultery; maybe there\u2019s been an affair; maybe there\u2019s been something that really broke our spirit or even the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do we get to a place of forgiveness? I know that\u2019s a big part of this ring, which never really ends; it\u2019s always going to be part of your marriage. But talk to the couple that\u2019s really hurting\/that\u2019s like: \u201cI don\u2019t even want to\/I can\u2019t date right now. I don\u2019t want to be with them. I want to make this marriage work, but I don\u2019t have anything for them. I\u2019m hurt; I\u2019m broken; I need fixed.\u201d What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> You have to make that choice to show up. It\u2019s not going to be easy every time. We used to joke that sometimes date night will become fight night. We\u2019d go in\u2014what we thought was going\/even if we can get excited about it\u2014it may end up in an argument that night. Or for Stephana\u2014it would be to get ready, and all the effort, and things she did to prepare, like, \u201cHey, get something together; let\u2019s go out,\u201d\u2014then it wouldn\u2019t live up to those expectations. We went through many of those; but we still had to show up and just trust God that, as we show up, and be intentional about our marriage, and connecting in that area, that we will eventually get over. I think we did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause those\u2014when we recommitted to dating\u2014those first few dates were kind of like staring at each other, like, \u201cOkay; what are we doing, Babe?\u201d Then we started learning, and we got some conversation starters. I\u2019d get\u2014you know, I\u2019m the planner\u2014so I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, what are some things we can talk about that are not just family business?\u201d And by family business: kids, work, money, schedules, and all that. We\u2019re like, \u201cOkay, how can we start sparking other conversations that will allow us to dig deeper than stuff that we talk about all the time and makes our date nights boring?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I think you said something key. It\u2019s kind of making that decision: \u201cI want this marriage\u201d; so being willing to do what it takes to foster healing. I think you have to make that decision for yourself before you can move forward with any area of trying to fix it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Have you had a time in your marriage, where you had to forgive one another?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Oh, for sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Oh, yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t want to pry, but tell us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> We came into marriage the wrong way. One of the things was that, when we were dating, I was unfaithful to Stephana. That lingered in our marriage for the first few years; there was always this seed of doubt or distrust. Even to what she alluded to about: \u201c\u2026not sure if I made the right decision\u201d; like, \u201cDid I rush into this decision, because we had a baby when we came into marriage?\u201d Then there\u2019s been\u2014you can share any more\u2014I\u2019m sure there\u2019s a lot more forgiveness stories from you for me [Laughter] than the other way around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I think just everyday things\u2014being short with one another\u2014I think you have to recognize Jackie is very much one that has to eat, so he\u2019s going to be short; he\u2019s going to be quick with words if he\u2019s not well nourished. I have had to forgive him many times over just being hangry. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> If you look that up in the dictionary, you\u2019ll see my picture. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you know, somebody told me years ago\/they said, \u201cYou are most vulnerable to sin when you are hungry, or angry, or lonely, or tired.\u201d That\u2019s been true in my own life; I\u2019m weak in those moments. I think we can all understand that\u2014the HALT idea: hungry, angry, lonely, tired\u2014when somebody is empty, we\u2019re not at our best. In those moments, I think it was Ruth Graham\/Billy Graham\u2019s wife, who said that: \u201cA great marriage is the union of two great forgivers.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is going to be a discipline that we\u2019re going to have to practice throughout our marriage: learning how to seek and grant forgiveness, how to restore what gets broken, how to take the fractures and reset the bone, and let some things heal over time. There may be some soreness there for a while; it may be tender for a while; but if we don\u2019t do that, then we\u2019re in real trouble. Learning how to forgive, as a part of the RestoRING phase of a marriage, this is essential for every couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie and Stephana:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let\u2019s go to the next ring about ProspeRING. What\u2019s that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s what we all come into marriage hoping for\u2014kind of the vision\u2014the happily-ever-after is kind of what you envision; but it really is a perspective change. Once you\u2019ve gone through these other rings, and you recognize some of the areas that have been hurtful or have challenged you, your perspective has changed on it. It\u2019s not just the end of the world because for whatever thing that tripped you up, early on in marriage, so you\u2019re in a stage, where you\u2019re healthy and you\u2019re more mature.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> And that doesn\u2019t mean your marriage is perfect when you have to ProspeRING. You\u2019re still going through maybe some of the similar challenges that you\u2019ve gone through before; but you\u2019re more mature, and you handle it so much different. Early on in our marriage, a minor thing may have sent us in a tailspin, where two, three, four days a week that we\u2019re not communicating at all. Now, we\u2019re like\u2014that thing\u2014we can get over it much quicker. That\u2019s one of the biggest things, and it\u2019s a ring or season of celebration; it\u2019s like: \u201cMan, look what God has done in our marriage. Look what we\u2019ve gone through and that we\u2019re still here standing. Let\u2019s celebrate!\u201d Everything becomes a celebration.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Is there some story about diapers that has something to do with ProspeRING after suffering? [Laughter] I don\u2019t know exactly what this all means; I think we need to hear the story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> I just got nervous; I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> I was talking about the season when we had Joshua. Josh was our third-born. You reach this point in your pregnancy, where you just want things in order; you\u2019re nesting. I had this diaper genie that had been given to us at our baby shower, months earlier. I had just reached a point in the pregnancy, where I wanted things to be in order. I wanted the diaper genie put together, and Jackie agreed he\u2019d be the one to put the genie together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just was really bent out of shape about it not being put together at some point. I think, in his mind, he was going to do it; but in my mind, I was ready for it to have been done. There was just this big blow-up argument that we can laugh about today; but in the moment, it was <em>not<\/em> a fun feeling; it was very frustrating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> I probably\u2014you were still pregnant\u2014so I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ll get to it right before he\u2019s here.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWhy do we need it until then?\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re not changing diapers right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I thought this was the guy that was organized and liked things a certain way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She thought so, too. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> She discovered something new that day. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave and I had this conversation, so many times, where I\u2019ll ask him to do something\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and then he doesn\u2019t do it. He says, \u201cYou didn\u2019t say <em>when<\/em> you wanted it done.\u201d I said, \u201cIf I ask you, it means right now. That\u2019s what it means\u2014right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> \u201cThat\u2019s what it means.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But he didn\u2019t know that, and I\u2019ve never communicated it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s funny. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me ask you this: \u201cCan joy and suffering co-exist in a marriage?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> I think some of the\u2014one thing with the ProspeRING is\u2014we noticed that some of our <em>greatest<\/em> times in our marriage were some of our hardest times. Some of the times that we were suffering\u2014there was a period of time, where we were homeless as a family\u2014and not only were we homeless, but it was the second time; there were two periods of that. One time was just when we had our daughter, who is our oldest; she was by herself [no siblings]. The last time was\/the second time was when we were all five of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDuring that time period, it was so hard and so unknown. We didn\u2019t know what\/but God brought us closer together. We were a homeschooling family. Stephana was directing a homeschool community. We\u2019d have to go to a church once a week to set everything up. I was kind of like the building maintenance guy, so I\u2019d set up all the classrooms at the church that we were borrowing from. We\u2019d pack up and go back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we were homeless; so we had no place for all that stuff. We had a storage that we were renting; and literally, our kids, every time we\u2019d go to storage, it was like playtime for them. They\u2019re having the greatest time ever; they remember that season as a great time. At that same season, we were sleeping on the basement floor of some of our friends. To them [children], that was a week-long play date: we were having meals together; we were always going somewhere together; everything brought us closer together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we look back, a lot of the foundational things that we do in our marriage, now, were solidified during that season. But it was hard; I was scared. We didn\u2019t know what was going to happen. I felt like a failure, and here we are. We talk about it amongst our kids. It\u2019s like this thing that God was\u2014it\u2019s like He had this shield or this covering over us\u2014where yes, it\u2019s hard; and you\u2019re going through stuff\u2014but there\u2019s still joy in it. But we could have chosen to handle it a different way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Sometimes God does His best work during those times. When I was pregnant with our first son, we\u2019d been married six years. We just finished seminary. We bought a fixer-upper to make some money when we were in seminary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Who does that? [Laughter] We did! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We had moved back to Michigan. That house hadn\u2019t closed yet; it had sold, and we had no money. We were on staff with Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, so we\u2019re raising our financial support. We didn\u2019t just have a lot of money coming in. I was seven months pregnant; and we were eating oatmeal for dinner\u2014and <em>crying<\/em> out to God\u2014like: \u201cGod, we can\u2019t do this.\u201d I remember Dave saying, \u201cIt seems to me like God isn\u2019t bringing in the money.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you trust God as a missionary to provide your financial support, which with Cru, was our paycheck. Long story short: as I was starting to feel like, \u201cOkay, God\u2019s leading us out of ministry; He\u2019s leading us to a business job,\u201d\u2014I had a marketing degree; and I just thought, \u201cOkay,\u201d\u2014I made sort of a fleece with God; it\u2019s like, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m going to give you a month. I\u2019m going to call everybody, and ask, and do what I need to do; and if You provide, then I\u2019ll know You want us in ministry; and if you don\u2019t, then I think it\u2019s one of Your ways You\u2019re showing us to move on.\u201d Long story short\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was a <em>substantial<\/em> amount of money.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We needed $25,000 in 1985.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Wow; wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I go to this Bible study. I meet this woman at this\u2014and I\u2019ve never been to this study\u2014she\u2019s asking me why we\u2019re here\/why we moved to Michigan\u2014all these questions. I said, \u201cWe\u2019re on staff with Cru. Dave\u2019s the new chaplain for the Detroit Lions.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which everybody thinks you\u2019re making all this money, because you work with an NFL team. I\u2019m making nothing; they don\u2019t pay you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Right, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She said, \u201cTell me more about his money thing.\u201d I said, \u201cOh, well, we just raise support from financial donors, who are really feeling like, \u2018Oh, that\u2019s a cool investment of my money.\u2019\u201d I just told her about it; she said, \u201cHmm,\u00a0 that\u2019s interesting. I\u2019d like my husband to talk to your husband.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, okay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I actually, while she was at that study, was at a church and asking people to consider supporting our ministry. Back then, there was no digital; it was a 3x5 card, and they write their name and a phone number if they\u2019re interested, and they hand it in right at the church. I\u2019m looking through these cards, and I think we got $5 a month out of maybe 50 cards. I was so discouraged; I\u2019m like\u2014we\u2019re like a week from the month deadline\u2014so I\u2019m like, \u201cI think God\u2019s leading us away.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get home; and Ann goes, \u201cHey, I met this lady named Ruth at this thing; and she says to call her husband, Ivan.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat?! You what?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I had his card.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m supposed to call some guy that doesn\u2019t even know <em>me<\/em> or <em>you<\/em>. His wife\u2014I dial this number\u2014right?\u2014and I\u2019m not making this up: [gruff voice] \u201cHello,\u201d\u2014I mean, it\u2019s the most gruff guy ever\u2014[gruff voice] \u201cHello.\u201d \u201cHey, Ivan; my name is Dave Wilson. We haven\u2019t met, but my wife met your wife Ruth today at a Bible study or something.\u201d [Gruff voice]\u00a0 \u201cYeah?!\u201d\u2014it was just like that. [Laughter] I\u2019m like, \u201cWell, Ruth mentioned to my wife that I should give you a call.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Gruff voice] \u201cWhat for? She didn\u2019t say anything to me about it,\u201d\u2014I mean, it was just like that; I\u2019m not exaggerating. I\u2019m like, \u201cWell, here\u2019s our situation. We\u2019re on staff with Athletes in Action, a branch of Cru. We\u2019re missionaries, and we raise financial support to do our ministry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Gruff voice] \u201cSo why are you calling me?\u201d He goes, \u201cTell me what you\u2019re doing.\u201d I say \u201cWell, you know, we have this ministry with pro athletes. They have a platform, and they have an influence; so we try to lead them to Christ.\u201d I went through this whole little pitch; and he goes, \u201cWell, how much money do you need?\u201d I go, \u201cWell, could we get together?\u2014 I could share our thing.\u201d He goes, \u201cJust give me a number Dave.\u201d I go, \u201cWell it\u2019s\u201d\u2014[stuttering] I just barely said\/I said\u2014\u201cWell, it\u2019s significant; it\u2019s $25,000 by like next week.\u201d He goes, \u201cWe gotcha; come to the office tomorrow and get the check.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana and Jackie:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ivan became one of our closest friends. You think back about that moment, and we almost left ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we\u2019d say it\u2019s one of the hardest\u2014as you were saying, as homeless\u2014it\u2019s <em>horrible<\/em>; and yet, in the midst of it, God came through\u2014this miraculous story\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and provided and said, \u201cI\u2019m right here.\u201d I say all of that to say: \u201cIf you\u2019re struggling, there is a God. He\u2019s got an Ivan that\u2019s waiting to help you. Just get on your knees, and ask and trust Him like never before.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maybe God, who\u2019s going to provide, not financial support, but the emotional support you need\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the relational support you need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last ring you talk about in the book is the MentorRING. Maybe that\u2019s what you need more than anything else\u2014is somebody, who can help walk you through the hard challenges\u2014can be the mentor you need in your marriage. Or maybe God\u2019s calling you to be that in somebody else\u2019s life\/somebody else\u2019s marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys, thank you for this time. Thank you for the book. Thanks for coaching us on all of this. I hope listeners will get a copy of this book and go through it with other couples and do some diagnostic of: \u201cWhere are we?\u201d and \u201cWhat does God have for us in this?\u201d I hope couples will come out and see you when we\u2019re able to have more <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em> in that moment. Thanks for being with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jackie:<\/strong> Thank you guys for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephana:<\/strong> Thank you so much for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And by the way, if folks want information about when and where we are hosting <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em>\u2014because we have a few of those that have started back up this spring\u2014you can go to the website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and find out more about the limited locations, where these events are taking place. Of course, in the fall, we hope to be back up to full strength. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we do want our listeners to know that we\u2019re making your book available this week to listeners who can help support the ministry with a donation. The book the Bledsoes have written is called <em>The 7 Rings of Marriage: <\/em><a id=\"_Hlk66964232\"><em>Your Model for a Lasting and Fulfilling Marriage<\/em><\/a>. The book is our thank-you gift to you when you support the ongoing work of this ministry. When you partner with us to reach hundreds of thousands of marriages and families every day with practical biblical help and hope for their relationships, you make that possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, what you\u2019re really donating to is to strengthen those marriages and those families. It\u2019s other couples and other families that are benefiting from the donations you make. So thank you for thinking about a donation. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. And again, when you do, we will send you, as a thank-you gift, Jackie and Stephana Bledsoe\u2019s book, <em>The 7 Rings of Marriage: Your Model for a Lasting and Fulfilling Marriage<\/em>. I know the book is going to help a lot of couples; so I hope our listeners will call in, and make a donation, and get a copy of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, in the studio with us today. David, we always like having guests like the Bledsoes join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You know, one of my favorite things that happens on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is when some of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> speakers, that serve with us on weekends and pour their heart out into families on the front lines through <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em>, get to be guests on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and that crossover and connection happens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>I love it<\/em> because these are people who share our heart. You can hear their passion for marriages bleed out of them, and that\u2019s certainly what we\u2019ve experienced with the Bledsoes. We know that time together, around timeless truth, transforms marriages. We see it happen weekend after weekend with the <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em> getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re so glad to be able to bring them back. Even though there\u2019s not as many as there normally are, and that there\u2019s less people that are going to be there than normally, we\u2019re excited to get them back up, going again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, we really are. Again, there\u2019s information about when and where we are hosting <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> events. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about where God has placed you and why He has placed you where He has placed you. Dave Wilson likes to say, \u201cWe\u2019re to make a dent where we\u2019re sent.\u201d We\u2019re going to talk to a couple tomorrow that are going to share with us what they\u2019ve learned about the art of neighboring. I hope you can tune in to hear from Chris and Elizabeth McKinney tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. We got some extra help today from Bruce Goff. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a CruMinistry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306803","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306803"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306803"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306803"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306803"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306803"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306803"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306803"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}