{"id":306789,"date":"2021-03-24T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2021-03-24T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-best-way-to-fix-a-bad-mood\/"},"modified":"2021-03-24T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2021-03-24T11:00:04","slug":"the-best-way-to-fix-a-bad-mood","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-best-way-to-fix-a-bad-mood\/","title":{"rendered":"The Best Way to Fix a Bad Mood"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When a bad mood starts creeps into your mind, consider doing an act of kindness. Author Nicole Phillips talks about the secret to chasing the clouds away!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-03-24.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:55","filesize":"30.13M","filesize_raw":"31596221","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2821],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[8434],"cwp_profile":[9701],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306789","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-reaching-out","podcast_series-the-negativity-remedy","cwp_profile-nicole-phillips","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306789\/the-best-way-to-fix-a-bad-mood","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306789\/the-best-way-to-fix-a-bad-mood","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"K29pbXDiaj\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-best-way-to-fix-a-bad-mood\/\">The Best Way to Fix a Bad Mood<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-best-way-to-fix-a-bad-mood\/embed\/#?secret=K29pbXDiaj\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Best Way to Fix a Bad Mood&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"K29pbXDiaj\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"When a bad mood starts creeps into your mind, consider doing an act of kindness. Author Nicole Phillips talks about the secret to chasing the clouds away!","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-03-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Nicole Phillips remembers having a conversation with a friend, and Nicole was venting about her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I was <em>just<\/em> letting my husband have it. He wasn\u2019t there, but I was saying to her, \u201cI can\u2019t believe it. He came home, and he expected me to have the kids all bathed.\u201d I just went on\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014all of these things. \u201cHe travels for work all the time, and he never even acknowledges that I put a note in his suitcase every week.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndrea sits there and she lets me go, and then she says, \u201cAnd he cheats on you.\u201d I looked at her and said, \u201cNo, he does not!\u201d She said, \u201cYes, but he gambles all of your money away and when he has any free time at all, he likes to spend it with his buddies.\u201d Then all of a sudden, the light went on and I said, \u201cI get it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, March 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s a choice for us\u2014the things we decide to allow our minds and hearts to focus on\u2014to dwell on. Nicole Phillips says we should choose kindness. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I had something happen to me when I was a junior in high school that really marked me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You can remember that long ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember\u2014[speaking in a mature voice]: \u201cBack in my day, son,\u201d\u2014I\u2019ll tell you the truth. I was standing by my locker, and I was talking to Becky Voss. Becky was a senior, and I was a junior. The fact that I was talking to a senior girl was pretty cool; right? We\u2019re just chatting about stuff. Somebody\u2014there was a group of three girls, who walked down the hall, and saw Becky, and said something about her\u2014not to her but about her\u2014loud enough so that she could hear it. I don\u2019t remember what it was, but it was something obnoxious, something\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014mean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Girls never do that in high school, do they? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I heard it and I looked, first of all, to see, who are those girls and what are they saying? Then the next thought was, \u201cHow\u2019s Becky going to respond? She had to have heard this.\u201d I looked at her and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIs this going to be like roller derby going to break out?\u201d [Laughter] A good fight between girls in the high school hall is something you all look forward to during the school day. I thought maybe they\u2019ll get into it, and they\u2019ll fight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked at Becky and at first, there was this look on her face that was kind of like shock\u2014she\u2019d just gotten slapped verbally\u2014then she took a breath, she looked at me and she said, \u201cYou know, she\u2019s probably having a really bad day.\u201d I thought, \u201cYou\u2019re not for real\u2014\u201d Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How gracious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201c\u2014that that would be your response to this act of unkindness.\u201d I\u2019ve never forgotten that because she modeled kindness in the face of adversity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re talking about kindness this week. It\u2019s such a powerful quality in relationships\u2014in our own lives. When we become intentionally focused on being kind people, God does a transforming work in the midst of that. We\u2019re talking about that with our friend, Nicole Phillips, who is joining us. Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I love all of you! [Laughter] Bob, Dave, Ann, good luck getting me out of here because I just love being with you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just really tempted to say something mean about you right now and just see\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Go for it. Let\u2019s do it; let\u2019s do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Go for it; let\u2019s see what happens, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m not. I\u2019m going to put her in my pocket and take her home. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You and Nicole just kind of merged together instantly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> We\u2019re twins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And part of it is because you\u2019ve had the experience of going from inner meanie, which she talks about in her book\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I love that term, \u201cinner meanie,\u201d which is a chapter title, \u201cThe Inner Meanie\u201d; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> It was going to be the title of the whole book\u2014until the publisher got ahold of it\u2014like, <em>How Do You Deal with Your Inner Meanie?<\/em> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that we both used to be inner meanies, and we\u2019ve learned that doesn\u2019t get you anywhere.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; you\u2019ve had this experience now\u2014for ten years\u2014of looking for and proactively seeking to be kind\u2014not just to your husband and to your kids\u2014but to <em>strangers<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Absolutely. I\u2019d love to say that it\u2019s because I want to spread light to everyone in the world; but there are days when I have to do an act of kindness to get out of my life\u2014out of my own mind. Because I have struggled with depression in the past, I can feel when that dark cloud wants to come rolling in now. I know, instantly, that I have to be proactive about rerouting that day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Doing an act of kindness or being kind to somebody gets <em>you out<\/em> of that darkness?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes! It\u2019s based on God\u2019s great works, but it\u2019s also based on physiological principles. For instance, there was one day, when I woke up and I was feeling terrible, and just really crabby, and upset about a few things. I went to the gas station, and I bought a two liter of Mountain Dew<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014big ole bottle of Mountain Dew.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019ll do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes; I took it\u2014I didn\u2019t drink it\u2014I took it to my neighbor, who lived down the hill. She lived in a very shabby chic\u2014only there was no chic about this little cabin\u2014she\u2019s a grandmother, and she\u2019s raising four kids. All of the grandkids\u2019 parents are in prison. The only thing I really knew about this woman was that she would stand on her front porch and drink a two-liter Mountain Dew. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI stopped at the gas station, bought the two-liter of Mountain Dew, parked in front of this woman\u2019s house, walked up, knocked on her door. When she answered the door, I was like, \u201cHi! I\u2019m Nicole.\u201d I handed her the Mountain Dew\u2014[Laughter]\u2014just kind of shoved it at her. She looked at me and she was like, \u201cUmmm.\u201d I said, \u201cI just want you to have this.\u201d I was still grumpy at that moment but I turned around, and I got back in my car. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I was driving home, I couldn\u2019t help but giggle at myself, like, \u201cThat was kind of fun. I wonder what she\u2019s thinking right now.\u201d In that moment\u2014like the rest of the day\u2014I was just thinking about me being so obnoxious with this Mountain Dew. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That brought a little bit of joy to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> It brought joy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you ever follow back up on her? Did you ever\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes; she and I became very good friends after that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were her Mountain Dew supplier.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I was her Mountain Dew supplier, yes! Her grandkids became friends with my kids. I actually had the privilege of taking one of her grandsons to the women\u2019s prison, an hour-and-a-half away, where his mom was incarcerated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was a really big deal because when I was a young child, my mom fell in love with a prison inmate and I spent every other weekend at the prison with my mom\u2019s husband, because she ended up marrying him. So, being able to go back into the prison, as an adult\u2014and being able to get over any shame, or fear, or judgment I might have had about that time in my life and instead, know that I was allowing this mother this great privilege of being able to see her son\u2014only God can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll add this\u2014my youngest son\u2019s senior year\u2014instead of saying, \u201cYou\u2019re going on a senior trip with all your friends,\u201d\u2014\u201cWe\u2019re going to go on something together, so grab your best buddy.\u201d We end up in Florida on a little vacation. That\u2019s a big deal when you\u2019re from Michigan; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I can\u2019t tell you one thing about that trip except this moment. We\u2019re driving around in our rental car, we\u2019re late to something, and I\u2019m grumpy. There in the back, Cody and Matt\u2014and they\u2019re just being ornery\u2014I\u2019m negative. I\u2019m not having a good time, and we\u2019re on vacation! It\u2019s my son\u2019s senior year\u2014my last son\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cI should be making this good.\u201d I\u2019m just in a bad mood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI turn in this cul-de-sac, we\u2019re just about to turn around and go the other way and we see this car stuck, not a Michigan snow, in Florida <em>sand<\/em>. We look over there and we\u2019re like, \u201cHey, we should stop and help them.\u201d I\u2019ll never forget it, this older woman was just\u2014she couldn\u2019t get out\u2014she was almost in tears\u2014it was like a real deal\u2014you can\u2019t get out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe got behind there and we pushed, and we pushed, and we pushed. Finally, that thing came out. When we got back in the car, my whole negative attitude was <em>gone<\/em>. That\u2019s what you\u2019ve said throughout this whole book, this really does do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You give some helps like, \u201cOkay, here\u2019s where we can go.\u201d You say, \u201cHow do we say, \u2018No,\u2019 to the negatives?\u201d You have six things that I think are <em>super<\/em> helpful. One is \u201cMake a decision to stop saying negative words.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Stop with the first one! How do you stop saying negative words?\u2014because I want to stop them, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes, you make a decision.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Or back in 1 Peter 3 here, where it says: \u201cKeep your tongue from evil.\u201d If you have to grab your tongue,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014grab it, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014grab it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we\u2019re discipling our kids by our words. If we\u2019re always negative, we\u2019re just breeding that in our homes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two: Get an accountability partner. Sometimes, we can\u2019t hear ourselves. Appoint someone to point it out. Now that\u2019s tricky.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> That is tricky. You have to find somebody, who is very gentle with you but also, very truthful with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you have that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I did have that. It\u2019s my very best friend, Andrea, who lives in Fargo, North Dakota. I will remember always the day I was sitting on her couch, and I was <em>just<\/em> letting my husband have it. He wasn\u2019t there but I was saying to her, \u201cI can\u2019t believe it. He came home, and he expected me to have the kids all bathed.\u201d I just went on\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014all of these things, \u201cHe travels for work all the time and he\u2019s never home. I even do his laundry for him. I put notes in his suitcase every week. He never even acknowledges that I put a note in his suitcase every week.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndrea sits there, and she lets me go. Then she says, \u201cAnd he cheats on you.\u201d I looked at her and said \u201cNo, he does not!\u201d She said, \u201cYes, but he gambles all of your money away.\u201d I said, \u201cAndrea, stop it!\u201d She goes, \u201cYes, and when he has any free time at all, he always likes to spend it with his buddies.\u201d Then all of a sudden, the light went on and I said, \u201cI get it.\u201d She said, \u201cNic, your husband, is a good man.\u201d Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI needed her to say that to me because in that moment, I knew my words mattered. Even if my husband was nowhere to hear them, I was hearing them and again, that changes my focus on things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good friend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber three: \u201cSnap that rubber band.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes. If you want to wear a rubber band around your wrist\u2014and these are things I would say, \u201cDo all of them simultaneously, and you\u2019re going to see a drastic change in the way that you look at the world within a month,\u201d\u2014but you wear a rubber band. When you can feel yourself thinking a negative thought\u2014before words even come out of your mouth\u2014when you feel that negative thought, pull that rubber band and let go. It\u2019ll pinch; right\u2014it\u2019ll snap. That is a physical reminder to your mind that, \u201cWe\u2019re not going to do that anymore; we\u2019re going to move away from that behavior.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I read a book and did a Bible study with the Lions\u2019 wives called <em>What\u2019s It Like to Be Married to Me<\/em>. It was a great book. That was an exercise in her book, too, \u201cWear a rubber band. When you start thinking negative about your husband, you snap it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Woo!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> These women came to the Bible study the next week, and their wrists were all red: [Laughter] \u201cWe need to get rid of this rubber band.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber four: \u201cUse a predetermined exit plan when someone starts complaining about someone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes, for everyone who\u2019s listening to this, you have decided; right? You made that decision\u2014I\u2019m not going to say negative words. I\u2019m not even going to entertain negative thoughts in my head. Well, the problem is no one else around you knows that this is how you have decided to change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s say you\u2019re a teacher. You go into the teacher\u2019s lounge, and all of the gossip starts up that always starts up. You need to know what you\u2019re going to do, <em>in that moment<\/em>\u2014when that happens\u2014to maintain the integrity of the decision you\u2019ve made. That might mean saying to somebody\u2014who asks your opinion or wants to gossip\u2014like, \u201cYou know what? I have decided I\u2019m going to work on having a more positive mindset, so I\u2019m trying to keep my opinions to myself today.\u201d You can be honest that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr if you feel like this isn\u2019t an area in which you want to be so blatantly honest, get up\u2014if you\u2019re sitting in a restaurant, if you\u2019re sitting in a teachers\u2019 lounge, or a nurses\u2019 station\u2014get up, go to the bathroom, take a moment to regroup or go find some napkins, or whatever you need to do to be able to step away from that conversation. Allow it to wind down, and then rejoin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know where this\u2014it doesn\u2019t just happen in a teachers\u2019 lounge obviously. It often happens at the Bible study.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was going to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s how we do it at the Bible study. We don\u2019t act like we\u2019re complaining or speaking negative, we offer it as a prayer request\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI need to pray for my wife.\u201d \u201cReally? Aww\u2014\u201d Then somebody else chimes in about their wife. I\u2019m doing it nice, but it\u2019s usually\u2014it could be the other way\u2014the wife talking about her husband. It can become a thing that actually feels spiritual, but we\u2019re really gossiping and speaking negative.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Well, I was in a Bible study and they made a rule that you weren\u2019t allowed to pray for other people. I was put off by it [Laughter] like, \u201cWhy are we here?\u201d And they said \u201cNo, it has to be a prayer for you,\u201d\u2014so\u2014\u201cGod, help me to see differently,\u201d \u201cHelp me to love differently,\u201d \u201cHelp me to be a support to this person, who\u2019s having a hard time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have a friend\u2014to your point, Dave\u2014who quit her job because every day at work, the other women in the office were having toxic conversations about their spouse. She began to recognize the impact that was having on how she viewed her spouse. She said, \u201cMy marriage is more important than this job. I\u2019ll find another job.\u201d That was a big step for her to take\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014but she was fighting for her marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. Nicole, I want to hear your favorite random act of kindness that you experienced.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> It ended up being random, because I didn\u2019t know that it was going to happen this way. Five years ago, I had breast cancer. I really had learned how to renew my mind,; I really learned how to stick close to God. I really learned that I knew I needed to act with kindness when I was fearful or had worries about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn one particular day, I woke up at 4:30 in the morning. It was raining and storming outside. It was also raining and storming in my mind on this particular day\u2014it was too early in the morning, I didn\u2019t have time to renew my mind yet; right? I\u2019m laying there, and I\u2019m thinking about this breast cancer and what else it\u2019s going to take from us. As I\u2019m laying there, looking out the window at this storm, I think about my neighbor down the street. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, this is the same woman that we\u2019ve talked about earlier that I gave the two-liter of Mountain Dew to\u2014the grandmother, who is taking care of her grandkids. On her lawn was a tent. There was a woman living in that tent, who had just got out of the drug treatment program. She woke up, and every morning at 4:30 in the morning, she would walk to her job across town at the dry cleaners. She was saving up to be able to find housing but she had to be able to prove\u2014through the treatment program\u2014that she was able to sustain an income. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s 4:30 in the morning; it\u2019s raining. I know that this woman is getting up and walking in this. I\u2019m laying in bed, and I think to myself, \u201cYou should really go help her. You should give her a ride, or call her a taxi or an uber, or something. There\u2019s something that you need to do.\u201d I felt the Holy Spirit say that to me\u2014and I said, \u201cNo.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s 4:30 in the morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> It\u2019s 4:30 in the morning, and now, I\u2019m getting mad. I\u2019m having like an angry conversation with the Holy Spirit at this point. I\u2019m like, \u201cNo! This cancer is trying to deplete us financially, physically, mentally, emotionally\u2014everything\u2014like I\u2019ve got nothing left to give.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI need to wallow in my own pain.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Yes! \u201cI\u2019m going to sit here, at 4:30 in the morning, and wallow in my own pain.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I had this heated conversation with the Holy Spirit and then, I rolled over and went back to sleep. Ooohh, yes; right. So then, of course, when I woke up later in the day, I didn\u2019t feel any better about myself\u2014I didn\u2019t feel any better about my battle with breast cancer. But about 2:00 that afternoon I was driving downtown. I saw this woman walking on the side of the road, her name was Dawn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDawn\u2019s walking down the side of the road. I pull over in my minivan, and I say, \u201cHey, Dawn! How are you doing?\u201d She said, \u201cGood.\u201d I said, \u201cDo you want a ride home?\u201d \u201cNo, it\u2019s a beautiful day. I\u2019ll walk.\u201d I said \u201cDawn, did you walk to work this morning in the rain?\u201d She said \u201cYes, I did.\u201d She said \u201cNo problem. I\u2019m going to be able to save up for a bike. By the time I get my next paycheck, I\u2019ll be able to buy the bike.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just stopped in that moment\u2014because I knew it\u2014I knew what came next. The Holy Spirit was never asking me to get up at 4:30 in the morning and drive this woman. The Holy Spirit was asking me to give her a bike.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> I looked at Dawn and said, \u201cDawn, you need a bike? I have a bike in my garage, come and take a look at it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe came, and she walked up my driveway. I walked down my driveway and I pull out the bike and said, \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d She said, \u201cYes, this is really great. That will be great. I\u2019ll be sure and get it back to you right away when I can save up for a bike.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cNo, no, no, no, no, no\u2014I want you to have it. This is a gift. Please keep it.\u201d She looked at me really kind of skeptically and she said, \u201cWhy would you do that for me?\u201d I thought, \u201cHow little kindness have you been shown? How few breaks have you gotten in your life that this would seem so foreign to you?\u201d I just said, \u201cYou know Dawn, I see you. I see how hard you\u2019re working to make the decision to stay clean every day, and I bet it\u2019s not easy. Even bigger than me seeing you, God sees you, and I just want you to have this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the big thing that that taught me, through this random act of kindness, is that kindness will never ask for more than you have to give. God is not going to ask for more than you have to give. You can trust Him! You can trust that even when it looks like He\u2019s going to ask you to go out on a limb and do something that really feels uncomfortable He knows what\u2019s on the other side of that cliff. He <em>knows<\/em>. He <em>knew<\/em> that I could not get up at 4:30 in the morning, but He knew that Dawn needed that bike, so He allowed me to be the connector there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I just thought, you say kindness is about the giver, the receiver, and the witness. I\u2019m a witness. We\u2019re witnesses right now to you, being the giver, and Dawn, being the receiver, and I\u2019m tearing up. Simple kindness is powerful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cBoy, oh boy, if the church was known as <em>kind<\/em> people, you wouldn\u2019t have enough seats, people would be running in our doors. If our neighbors saw us as kind neighbors, you wouldn\u2019t have to lead them to Christ, they\u2019d be coming to you, saying, \u201cWhat do you have\u2014because I don\u2019t see that.\u201d If our spouse felt that we were that kind to them when they didn\u2019t deserve it\u2014I think they\u2019d be interested in why\u2014and the why is Jesus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Well, Dave, I\u2019ll take it a step farther. You don\u2019t have to give somebody a bike, just <em>watch your words<\/em>, because everyone around us is listening. They can sense whether we\u2019re complaining about someone or something\u2014like, your chicken tenders are burnt\u2014are you really going to throw a fit in the middle and make somebody, who\u2019s earning minimum wage, feel bad? Are you going to do that\u2014or are you going to walk in the Holy Spirit and allow the Holy Spirit to say, \u201cHey, this time, let it go.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good\u2014our words have so much power. Then if you can\u2019t think of any acts of kindness, you can get your book. You have 365 kindness ideas in the back that we can follow. Great job, Nicole!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thank you for being here and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nicole:<\/strong> Oh, I\u2019m not leaving. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay! Well, we\u2019ll see you back tomorrow then; okay? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are making your book, Nicole, available to our listeners this week\u2014any of our listeners\u2014who can help support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation. We are a listener-supported ministry. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is on the air today because listeners, like you, said, \u201cThis is important for me; it\u2019s important for our community; it\u2019s important in our world. We want to see this kind of thing grow and expand,\u201d so you went online, or you called and made a donation. Thank you to those of you who made today\u2019s program possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me encourage the rest of you, who are regular listeners, make tomorrow\u2019s program possible by making a donation today. You\u2019re helping to effectively develop godly marriages and families when you do that. We\u2019ll say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of <em>The Negativity Remedy: Unlocking More Joy, Less Stress, and Better Relationships Through Kindness<\/em> by Nicole Phillips. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to make your online donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate by phone. Again, the website to donate is FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to donate: 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, what we\u2019ve talked about today I think is vital, really\u2014for every marriage, for every family\u2014to have a mindset shift where we\u2019re focused on positivity\u2014where we\u2019re focused on kindness. David Robbins, who is the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is here with us. You agree that this is foundational.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019ve loved listening today because it really lifts my eyes above my current realities into having hope and joy beyond current situations. It reminds me of a friend, who went skydiving and as she was facing the ground, going through the air, the person that she was in tandem with forced her head up and looked to the west where he was <em>making<\/em> her see the sunset. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s what we desire to do at FamilyLife is lifting our eyes to the eternal perspective\u2014lifting our eyes to the hope we have in Christ, lifting our eyes to what\u2019s possible in our relationships and the grander horizon that God has called us to and the joy that He\u2019s offered us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope that\u2019s what you encounter when you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. That\u2019s why I\u2019m so grateful for Legacy Partners\u2014generous partners, who give monthly, to FamilyLife in order for us to keep bringing that hope, to keep lifting people\u2019s heads, to keep pointing people to Jesus in the grander narrative that He\u2019s invited us into. Thank you so much, Legacy Partners, for being a part of what we do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, we are grateful for your ongoing support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope all of you can join us, again, tomorrow. We\u2019re going to hear a conversation about what it\u2019s like to be a second wife\u2014to have the shadow of a first marriage and a first wife hanging over your current marriage\u2014it\u2019s a fascinating conversation. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We got some extra help today from Bruce Goff and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306789","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306789"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306789"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306789"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306789"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306789"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306789"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306789"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}