{"id":306779,"date":"2021-03-19T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2021-03-19T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/fulfilling-the-longing-for-belonging\/"},"modified":"2025-04-17T12:55:51","modified_gmt":"2025-04-17T16:55:51","slug":"fulfilling-the-longing-for-belonging","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/fulfilling-the-longing-for-belonging\/","title":{"rendered":"Fulfilling the Longing for Belonging"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Do you struggle with being honest about your weaknesses? Sharon Hersh talks about the freedom of walking in the identity God has for us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you struggle with being honest about your weaknesses? Sharon Hersh talks about the freedom of walking in the identity God has for us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-03-19.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:16","filesize":"29.55M","filesize_raw":"30987236","date_recorded":"2021-03-19 07:00:04","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2840,2873],"tags":[6806],"podcast_series":[8433],"cwp_profile":[8940],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306779","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-toxic-people","podcast_series-belonging","cwp_profile-sharon-hersh","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306779\/fulfilling-the-longing-for-belonging","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306779\/fulfilling-the-longing-for-belonging","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"tTFZx2MceL\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/fulfilling-the-longing-for-belonging\/\">Fulfilling the Longing for Belonging<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/fulfilling-the-longing-for-belonging\/embed\/#?secret=tTFZx2MceL\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Fulfilling the Longing for Belonging&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"tTFZx2MceL\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-03-19.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-03-19.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How can we have the confidence and the courage to live authentic, transparent, honest lives? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today. Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking about how\u00a0 messed up all of us are. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say we\u2019re going deep today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We are; this week we are exploring this reality that all of us are flawed.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and have unprocessed wounds.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and damage and trauma. I\u2019m not trying to get into a whole bunch of psychological jargon here; but it\u2019s the reality of our lives that all of us have dysfunctions.<\/p>\n<p>I remember my mom, years ago\u2014she was watching afternoon talk shows; she was in her 80s at the time\u2014she goes, \u201cWhat\u2019s all this talk about dysfunctional families?\u201d [Laughter] She said, \u201cIsn\u2019t every family a dysfunctional family?\u201d I said, \u201cI think you know more than you\u2019re letting on to there, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you would say <em>you<\/em> have dysfunction; like, people can look at you [and] Dennis Rainey, and think, \u201cOh, those guys are perfect. They\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014all of us!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201ccan\u2019t relate to my mess.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; all of us have dysfunction.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it is not easy to talk about; it\u2019s easy to try and cover it. Who wants to talk about it?\u2014I\u2019d like to talk about <em>your<\/em> dysfunction. [Laughter] <em>Never<\/em> turn it and talk about mine, because we want to sort of cover it up. It comes out of this whole root of selfishness; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> It does. We\u2019re talking with our friend, Sharon Hersh, about this, this week. Sharon, welcome back.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Thank you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sharon is an author; she is a speaker; she is a counselor. She is a longtime friend. She has been a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of times. She has just written a book called <em>Belonging<\/em>, and we\u2019ve been talking this week about how all of us long to belong.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m thinking about people, who are listening, who are going\u2014well, like a friend said to me; this was six\/seven years ago. We were talking about his life, and his life was in crisis; he had made a lot of bad decisions. We were kind of probing at some of this; and he looked at me, and he said\u2014\u201cThere is stuff in my life you and <em>nobody<\/em> will ever know anything about.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I let it go at the time; but what that said to me is: \u201cThere is such a deep sense of shame; and he thinks, \u2018The only way I can cope with this shame is by making sure I manage it and nobody ever knows.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s not a winning strategy for the shame that you are trying to manage\u2014is just to say, \u201cI will bear this alone, and not let anybody know. Then, I\u2019ll make it,\u201d\u2014it\u2019ll eat you alive from the inside; won\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> It will; yet, Bob, most of us believe that:\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cIf you really knew me, Sharon Hersh\u2026\u201d I think this book, <em>Belonging<\/em>, has been a great risk for me; because I have told stories\u2014that I\u2019ve never told publicly\u2014and that have carried me to this place that I don\u2019t want to live in anymore; it\u2019s not a place of freedom.<\/p>\n<p>I love what Henri Nouwen said; he said that: \u201cThe hardness of God\u201d\u2014which is something we kind of feel when we tell the truth about our lives\u2014\u201cThe hardness of God is <em>kinder<\/em> than the softness of men, because <em>His<\/em> compulsion is our liberation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I know I have been <em>compelled<\/em> to tell the truth about my life, because I want to be <em>free<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So the person, who is listening to you say that\u2014and saying, like my friend\u2014\u201cThere is stuff about my life that nobody will ever know. I\u2019m not telling my husband; I\u2019m not telling my kids. If I knew\/if this came out, I would be <em>destroyed<\/em>. I could <em>not<\/em> go out the next day into the sunlight for fear everyone would be looking at me and going, \u2018Oh, you\u2019re <em>that<\/em> person.\u2019 It would so become a part of my identity that I could not\/I couldn\u2019t be in public anymore.\u201d What do you say to <em>that<\/em> person?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Well, the last time I did treatment\u2014and I\u2019ve done it a few times for my alcoholism\u2014was in 2009. I woke up in the hospital with the elders and my pastor surrounding my bed. If you want to experience\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Was that your lowest point?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> No; it was not my lowest point, but it was a come-to-Jesus moment. [Laughter] They escorted me, when I was released from the hospital, to treatment. I thought my life was over; I thought my ministry was over; no one would believe me. Then, over the<\/p>\n<p>30 days there\u2014first of all, they had to put a limit on my visitors\u2014because <em>everyone<\/em> from my church came to visit me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Were they coming to help?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes; they were.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Were they kind?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a lie the enemy tells us that: \u201cIf people knew about you, they would <em>hate<\/em> you.\u201d When, really, what I have discovered is: \u201cAs people know the truth about my life, they want me <em>more<\/em>,\u201d which is so surprising to me. My dear pastor came to visit me; and I said to him, \u201cYou know, I just don\u2019t know why I am this way: why I am the vulnerable, afraid, relapsing sinner.\u201d [Laughter] He said, \u201cSharon, that\u2019s what we <em>love<\/em> about you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I did not believe him; but since that time, I have come to believe\u2014not only is that what people <em>want<\/em> in relationship\u2014now, we don\u2019t just stay in the muck\u2014because that\u2019s not hopeful to anyone; but it is saying, \u201cYou know what? I need help. I need people in my life.\u201d The pastor of my church has a key to my house! I need people that can come in at any moment, and wherever they find me, believe that they want to be there to help me\/to support me.<\/p>\n<p>I know this program is about marriage and family, and I want to say that <em>nothing<\/em> will harm your marriage and your parenting <em>more<\/em> than living the secret life. It is, as we are open about our struggles\u2014appropriately at times in our children\u2019s life\u2014I mean, my children will <em>never<\/em> write a book saying: \u201cMy mom was perfect\u201d; but I pray <em>daily<\/em> that they will write a book that says: \u201cMy mom needed Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting, as you tell your story\u2014and again, when I read your book, I\u2019m like, \u201cNot too many books I read about a DUI by the author in Chapter 1,\u201d\u2014you talk about honesty.<\/p>\n<p>It reminded me\u2014and I wonder if you resemble the same thing\u2014a man I knew, as an acquaintance, worked in the organization that I worked with\u2014the Detroit Lions as their chaplain\u2014[he] had a secret drinking problem. He was very high up in the organization; he had controlled it for years.<\/p>\n<p>I read one day in the paper he got pulled over the night before\u2014DUI\/drunk; spent the night in jail\u2014front page of the Detroit newspaper. He\u2019s a guy who never came to my Bible study or my chapel service for the team, but we knew each other. I got his number; I didn\u2019t even have his phone number. I got it and just texted him, and said, \u201cRead what happened last night. If you ever need to talk, you know what I do. I\u2019d love to be available.\u201d Five minutes later, I get a text: \u201cHow about right now at Starbucks<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>?\u201d Boom, boom, boom; I meet him; gives his life to Christ.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Wow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, part of his story is: \u201cWorst\/best night of my life. Worst night because I spent the night in jail; my wife and kids are at home, reading and hearing about this,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s a public deal\u2014\u201cBest moment because\u201d\u2014what you said\u2014\u201cnow, my secret is no longer a secret.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cPeople know the truth, and I don\u2019t have to hide anymore.\u201d He\u2019s totally turned his whole life around. There were consequences, obviously; but it was, finally, he was able to realize: \u201cI <em>belong<\/em> in a community of people, who are not going to wear masks anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Right; and because you reached out to him in his <em>worst<\/em> moment\u2014and weren\u2019t concerned about his stats on the field but about his <em>real<\/em> life\u2014as a therapist, I work with many families. I know parents are <em>longing<\/em> for their children to tell the truth about their social media use, and what they see on social media, and the temptations they face around every corner at school, <em>and<\/em> what they are believing about <em>faith<\/em>. Yet, if we are <em>living<\/em> a story of: \u201cDo better,\u201d \u201cTry harder,\u201d \u201cProve that you belong,\u201d\u2014I mean, what you were saying to this guy was: \u201cYou belong, and you don\u2019t have to prove anything,\u201d which probably was the most refreshing news to a professional athlete that he could get.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> So, Sharon, what does that look like? As parents are listening, they are thinking: \u201cHow do I communicate that? Yet, I don\u2019t want my kids to be on these social media sites,\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t want my kids to do these certain things.\u201d How do we talk to them in a way that they will be honest; and yet, we are trying to be their parents too?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I wish I had the answer to that. [Laughter] Yet, what I will say is that kids <em>absorb<\/em> what\u2019s going on at home. If the energy of your home\u2014which it was for way too many years in my life\u2014is performance, they will either jump on board and perform their way into loneliness, disconnection, and distance from God; or they will say, \u201cForget it! I can\u2019t make it; I can\u2019t perform; I can\u2019t keep the standard. So I\u2019m going to do everything to <em>react<\/em> against my parents.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>All I can say is that I have learned, the <em>hard<\/em> way, that being honest about my <em>inability<\/em> to sometimes cope with life\/to know the answers\u2014I especially say this to parents of adult children, which I hate to give you the bad news\u2014but that is the <em>hardest<\/em> season of parenting.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> To show up, to be seen, and to not have an agenda opens the door to the gospel, which is what we want to offer as parents.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is like\/this is some heavy stuff of allowing people to really <em>see<\/em> us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> There are people, who are listening to this, and they are going, \u201cI don\u2019t know what universe you people are living in,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I know.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbut I tried to get honest. I mean, I took a step\/kind of a half step and said, \u2018I\u2019m going to be open about <em>this<\/em>.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s say porn: \u201cI shared this porn problem,\u201d\u2014or what if you had an affair, and it\u2019s a secret\u2014\u201cAnd now I\u2019m going to dump this. And it will be worse for my spouse?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cI tried; I shared a little bit, and everybody moved away from me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThey didn\u2019t move toward, and they all started talking about me. Pretty soon, I was out of the church.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>People are going, \u201cSharon, I hear you. I\u2019d like to be honest and live in that world, but it\u2019s not my world. What do I do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Well, I think that is a reality\u2014whether it is with our children, who are experts at using whatever we say against us\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but unfortunately, sometimes, the church is too.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> All I can say to you is\u2014with regard to the church, or people at large, who sometimes do point fingers and judge, that is painful. I\u2019m not denying that; it does happen. But what I have learned\u2014and this sounds ironic to say\u2014is that what Jesus said is true: \u201cThe truth will set you <em>free<\/em>.\u201d The question is: \u201cDo I want to be in the inner circle,\u201d\u2014which, quite honestly, I have wanted a great deal of my life\u2014\u201cor do I want to be <em>free<\/em>?\u2014nothing to prove\/nothing to protect, knowing that Jesus loves me, not for what I do, but because of who He <em>is<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The more that I fail and confess my flaws\u2014and as my kids say, \u201cAdmit that I am totally uncool,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014the <em>more<\/em> I draw close to <em>Him<\/em>. Now, I realize that is kind of an esoteric reality: that we want to feel close to the people in our church, and we want everyone to like us; and we want our kids to respect us; and we want our spouses to think that we are the best thing on earth; and yet, that is <em>fleeting<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> There is one reality that I have learned, at this stage in my life, that is <em>solid<\/em>; and that is, who I am in Christ. When I live out of that, I belong. I can be with anyone, even my kids, who are not necessarily walking with God. We can talk about things, because I am rooted in something that is not <em>me<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting, when you say that, because that means your belonging is not dependent on something out here.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s actually dependent on something vertical and understood inside; it\u2019s an identity in Christ. That\u2019s the secret we don\u2019t get, because we try to find our belonging here\u2014certain groups\/certain acceptance from the right people at the right time\u2014that never seems to satisfy. It\u2019s like: \u201cWell, I\u2019ve got it,\u201d or \u201cI didn\u2019t get it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It isn\u2019t external\u2014it\u2019s actually spiritually and internal; is that what you\u2019re saying?\u2014it\u2019s <em>identity<\/em> in Christ: \u201cI\u2019m a son\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026a daughter of the King.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> It is. I think we <em>all<\/em> love the truth; it\u2019s why we are drawn to the gospel\u2014that God loves us no matter what state we are in\u2014but the <em>hardest<\/em> part of the gospel to live out is that: \u201cWe love\u201d\u2014and I hate this next little word\u2014\u201c<em>as<\/em> He has loved us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I can say I am just a beginner there; I am really learning to interiorize that: \u201cHe loves me on my worst day and my best day,\u201d \u201cHe loves me when I lie and when I tell the truth,\u201d \u201cHe loves me when I am caught in addiction and when I am living in freedom,\u201d \u201cHe loves me when my kids sit in the front row of the church, and He loves me when they tell me they don\u2019t believe in God.\u201d He wants me to love <em>as<\/em> He has loved me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019ve inspired me to be the person\u2014that your son or daughter calls, or somebody gets pulled over and DUI, and your church calls\u2014I want them to think, \u201cI want to call Dave.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because you love well.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecause they sense in me: \u201cHe\u2019s honest,\u201d and \u201cHe\u2019s authentic,\u201d and \u201cI know he\u2019s got weaknesses just like I do;\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cHe\u2019s safe.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201che hasn\u2019t hidden those. And yet, there is also a power and a forgiveness that I\u2019ve seen in his life that is supernatural; they are both there. I know, that if I call him, I\u2019ll be accepted and loved; but I will also be held to the gospel.\u201d Do you know what I\u2019m saying? I want Ann to call me; I want my sons to call me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Exactly.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cAre they thinking of me?\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t think so! [Laughter] It inspires me to say, \u201cI want to be that man.\u201d I want our listeners to say, \u201cI want to be that man,\u201d\/\u201dI want to be that woman.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Don\u2019t you think that is the goal in marriage? I mean, my marriage fell apart<\/p>\n<p>20 years ago; but I think that is where marriage is often wasted in these days. Don\u2019t you want to be the spouse that your husband or wife could call you, no matter what?\u2014not because they are going to love everything you did, but because they want to love <em>as<\/em> they have been loved.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I would say our ability to love others is wrapped up in our ability to receive God\u2019s love for us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you are having a hard time loving others, the way you address that is you go back to meditating on and believing God\u2019s love for you, and bathing in that, and drinking it in; so you can pour it out to others.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You don\u2019t try to conjure up in yourself: \u201cWell, I need to be more this way or that way.\u201d No; you go back, and you experience God\u2019s love for <em>you<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014through the <em>power<\/em> of the Spirit\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that lives in us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then let it just kind of pour out of you; it will pour out of you. At our church, we say\/I say, \u201cHere is the cycle: \u2018Drink in, pour out; drink in, pour out. You can\u2019t pour out what you don\u2019t drink in at first, so you\u2019ve got to start by drinking in; but then, it should just gush out. You don\u2019t have to turn on any spigot; it should just overflow over the top because it\u2019s there.\u201d That\u2019s what <em>Belonging<\/em> is all about; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thank you for your honesty\/your transparency. Thanks for the book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it is going to help a lot of people. Good to see you again.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Good to be with you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Thank you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thanks.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have copies of Sharon\u2019s book, <em>Belonging<\/em>, available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Again, the subtitle of the book: <em>Finding the Way Back to One Another<\/em>. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Again, the title of Sharon\u2019s book is <em>Belonging<\/em>. Order it, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You know, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we are proponents of extended community; we think there is real value in married couples being connected to other married couples. David Robbins, the president of FamilyLife, is here with us to talk a bit about that. David\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>David:<\/strong> Thanks, Bob. Growth so often happens in the context of community; and over the past few years, we have two small group resources that we\u2019ve developed from people that you trust, if you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. There is the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> small group that features Dave and Ann Wilson, and there is our most recent <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> small group, where Bob Lepine walks us through 1 Corinthians 13. Of course, we have mainstays that truly hundreds of thousands of people have gone through like, <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.<\/p>\n<p>I heard from Sean in Pennsylvania, who has listened to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and gone to several <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>. He recently sent me an email just how much getting that close community to grow with matters to him. He shared, \u201cWe have recently taught the<em> Art of Marriage<\/em> curriculum to a couple of churches, and we most recently taught the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> curriculum this past fall with nearly 40 couples. It was an <em>amazing<\/em> response.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sean went on to say, \u201cI want to share this to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to use your gifts to strengthen and build up the church. The enemy is attacking from many directions.\u201d Sean says, \u201cOur time is short on this earth to serve and worship our Lord and King.\u201d Sean, I could not agree with you more; thank you for the challenge.<\/p>\n<p>Each one of us continues to grow in Christ; and as we grow, we get the opportunity to bring others into that growth also. Take a step of faith. Someone is out there looking for someone to invite them into a community. Maybe, you are the person that gathers some neighbors or gathers a few couples that are in your sphere of influence and walk through a marriage study today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, we\u2019ve got information on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com about those studies that you mentioned. Go to the website to find out more and connect with some other couples. It\u2019s been a while since we\u2019ve had good meaningful connections; and maybe, we\u2019re starting to feel like we can do some of that more safely now. Thank you, David.<\/p>\n<p>We hope you have a <em>great<\/em> weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. I hope you can join us back on Monday, especially if you\u2019re a grumpy person; okay? If you\u2019re grouchy, if you are negative, Monday, tune in because we want to talk about how you deal with negativity. If you are that person, you probably know who you are; and you should listen. If you wonder if you are that person, just ask your spouse; they will tell you; okay? [Laughter] But join us Monday when Nichole Phillips joins us to talk about <em>The Negativity Remedy<\/em>. I hope you can be here for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We got some extra help this week from Bruce Goff; and of course, our entire broadcast production team was involved in this program. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Have a <em>great<\/em> weekend, and we will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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you struggle with being honest about your weaknesses? Sharon Hersh talks about the freedom of walking in the identity God has for us.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-03-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How can we have the confidence and the courage to live authentic, transparent, honest lives? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today. Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking about how\u00a0 messed up all of us are. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say we\u2019re going deep today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We are; this week we are exploring this reality that all of us are flawed.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and have unprocessed wounds.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and damage and trauma. I\u2019m not trying to get into a whole bunch of psychological jargon here; but it\u2019s the reality of our lives that all of us have dysfunctions.<\/p>\n<p>I remember my mom, years ago\u2014she was watching afternoon talk shows; she was in her 80s at the time\u2014she goes, \u201cWhat\u2019s all this talk about dysfunctional families?\u201d [Laughter] She said, \u201cIsn\u2019t every family a dysfunctional family?\u201d I said, \u201cI think you know more than you\u2019re letting on to there, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you would say <em>you<\/em> have dysfunction; like, people can look at you [and] Dennis Rainey, and think, \u201cOh, those guys are perfect. They\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014all of us!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201ccan\u2019t relate to my mess.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; all of us have dysfunction.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it is not easy to talk about; it\u2019s easy to try and cover it. Who wants to talk about it?\u2014I\u2019d like to talk about <em>your<\/em> dysfunction. [Laughter] <em>Never<\/em> turn it and talk about mine, because we want to sort of cover it up. It comes out of this whole root of selfishness; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> It does. We\u2019re talking with our friend, Sharon Hersh, about this, this week. Sharon, welcome back.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Thank you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sharon is an author; she is a speaker; she is a counselor. She is a longtime friend. She has been a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of times. She has just written a book called <em>Belonging<\/em>, and we\u2019ve been talking this week about how all of us long to belong.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m thinking about people, who are listening, who are going\u2014well, like a friend said to me; this was six\/seven years ago. We were talking about his life, and his life was in crisis; he had made a lot of bad decisions. We were kind of probing at some of this; and he looked at me, and he said\u2014\u201cThere is stuff in my life you and <em>nobody<\/em> will ever know anything about.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I let it go at the time; but what that said to me is: \u201cThere is such a deep sense of shame; and he thinks, \u2018The only way I can cope with this shame is by making sure I manage it and nobody ever knows.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s not a winning strategy for the shame that you are trying to manage\u2014is just to say, \u201cI will bear this alone, and not let anybody know. Then, I\u2019ll make it,\u201d\u2014it\u2019ll eat you alive from the inside; won\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> It will; yet, Bob, most of us believe that:\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cIf you really knew me, Sharon Hersh\u2026\u201d I think this book, <em>Belonging<\/em>, has been a great risk for me; because I have told stories\u2014that I\u2019ve never told publicly\u2014and that have carried me to this place that I don\u2019t want to live in anymore; it\u2019s not a place of freedom.<\/p>\n<p>I love what Henri Nouwen said; he said that: \u201cThe hardness of God\u201d\u2014which is something we kind of feel when we tell the truth about our lives\u2014\u201cThe hardness of God is <em>kinder<\/em> than the softness of men, because <em>His<\/em> compulsion is our liberation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I know I have been <em>compelled<\/em> to tell the truth about my life, because I want to be <em>free<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So the person, who is listening to you say that\u2014and saying, like my friend\u2014\u201cThere is stuff about my life that nobody will ever know. I\u2019m not telling my husband; I\u2019m not telling my kids. If I knew\/if this came out, I would be <em>destroyed<\/em>. I could <em>not<\/em> go out the next day into the sunlight for fear everyone would be looking at me and going, \u2018Oh, you\u2019re <em>that<\/em> person.\u2019 It would so become a part of my identity that I could not\/I couldn\u2019t be in public anymore.\u201d What do you say to <em>that<\/em> person?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Well, the last time I did treatment\u2014and I\u2019ve done it a few times for my alcoholism\u2014was in 2009. I woke up in the hospital with the elders and my pastor surrounding my bed. If you want to experience\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Was that your lowest point?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> No; it was not my lowest point, but it was a come-to-Jesus moment. [Laughter] They escorted me, when I was released from the hospital, to treatment. I thought my life was over; I thought my ministry was over; no one would believe me. Then, over the<\/p>\n<p>30 days there\u2014first of all, they had to put a limit on my visitors\u2014because <em>everyone<\/em> from my church came to visit me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Were they coming to help?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes; they were.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Were they kind?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a lie the enemy tells us that: \u201cIf people knew about you, they would <em>hate<\/em> you.\u201d When, really, what I have discovered is: \u201cAs people know the truth about my life, they want me <em>more<\/em>,\u201d which is so surprising to me. My dear pastor came to visit me; and I said to him, \u201cYou know, I just don\u2019t know why I am this way: why I am the vulnerable, afraid, relapsing sinner.\u201d [Laughter] He said, \u201cSharon, that\u2019s what we <em>love<\/em> about you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I did not believe him; but since that time, I have come to believe\u2014not only is that what people <em>want<\/em> in relationship\u2014now, we don\u2019t just stay in the muck\u2014because that\u2019s not hopeful to anyone; but it is saying, \u201cYou know what? I need help. I need people in my life.\u201d The pastor of my church has a key to my house! I need people that can come in at any moment, and wherever they find me, believe that they want to be there to help me\/to support me.<\/p>\n<p>I know this program is about marriage and family, and I want to say that <em>nothing<\/em> will harm your marriage and your parenting <em>more<\/em> than living the secret life. It is, as we are open about our struggles\u2014appropriately at times in our children\u2019s life\u2014I mean, my children will <em>never<\/em> write a book saying: \u201cMy mom was perfect\u201d; but I pray <em>daily<\/em> that they will write a book that says: \u201cMy mom needed Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting, as you tell your story\u2014and again, when I read your book, I\u2019m like, \u201cNot too many books I read about a DUI by the author in Chapter 1,\u201d\u2014you talk about honesty.<\/p>\n<p>It reminded me\u2014and I wonder if you resemble the same thing\u2014a man I knew, as an acquaintance, worked in the organization that I worked with\u2014the Detroit Lions as their chaplain\u2014[he] had a secret drinking problem. He was very high up in the organization; he had controlled it for years.<\/p>\n<p>I read one day in the paper he got pulled over the night before\u2014DUI\/drunk; spent the night in jail\u2014front page of the Detroit newspaper. He\u2019s a guy who never came to my Bible study or my chapel service for the team, but we knew each other. I got his number; I didn\u2019t even have his phone number. I got it and just texted him, and said, \u201cRead what happened last night. If you ever need to talk, you know what I do. I\u2019d love to be available.\u201d Five minutes later, I get a text: \u201cHow about right now at Starbucks<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>?\u201d Boom, boom, boom; I meet him; gives his life to Christ.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Wow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, part of his story is: \u201cWorst\/best night of my life. Worst night because I spent the night in jail; my wife and kids are at home, reading and hearing about this,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s a public deal\u2014\u201cBest moment because\u201d\u2014what you said\u2014\u201cnow, my secret is no longer a secret.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cPeople know the truth, and I don\u2019t have to hide anymore.\u201d He\u2019s totally turned his whole life around. There were consequences, obviously; but it was, finally, he was able to realize: \u201cI <em>belong<\/em> in a community of people, who are not going to wear masks anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Right; and because you reached out to him in his <em>worst<\/em> moment\u2014and weren\u2019t concerned about his stats on the field but about his <em>real<\/em> life\u2014as a therapist, I work with many families. I know parents are <em>longing<\/em> for their children to tell the truth about their social media use, and what they see on social media, and the temptations they face around every corner at school, <em>and<\/em> what they are believing about <em>faith<\/em>. Yet, if we are <em>living<\/em> a story of: \u201cDo better,\u201d \u201cTry harder,\u201d \u201cProve that you belong,\u201d\u2014I mean, what you were saying to this guy was: \u201cYou belong, and you don\u2019t have to prove anything,\u201d which probably was the most refreshing news to a professional athlete that he could get.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> So, Sharon, what does that look like? As parents are listening, they are thinking: \u201cHow do I communicate that? Yet, I don\u2019t want my kids to be on these social media sites,\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t want my kids to do these certain things.\u201d How do we talk to them in a way that they will be honest; and yet, we are trying to be their parents too?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I wish I had the answer to that. [Laughter] Yet, what I will say is that kids <em>absorb<\/em> what\u2019s going on at home. If the energy of your home\u2014which it was for way too many years in my life\u2014is performance, they will either jump on board and perform their way into loneliness, disconnection, and distance from God; or they will say, \u201cForget it! I can\u2019t make it; I can\u2019t perform; I can\u2019t keep the standard. So I\u2019m going to do everything to <em>react<\/em> against my parents.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>All I can say is that I have learned, the <em>hard<\/em> way, that being honest about my <em>inability<\/em> to sometimes cope with life\/to know the answers\u2014I especially say this to parents of adult children, which I hate to give you the bad news\u2014but that is the <em>hardest<\/em> season of parenting.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> To show up, to be seen, and to not have an agenda opens the door to the gospel, which is what we want to offer as parents.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is like\/this is some heavy stuff of allowing people to really <em>see<\/em> us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> There are people, who are listening to this, and they are going, \u201cI don\u2019t know what universe you people are living in,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I know.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbut I tried to get honest. I mean, I took a step\/kind of a half step and said, \u2018I\u2019m going to be open about <em>this<\/em>.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s say porn: \u201cI shared this porn problem,\u201d\u2014or what if you had an affair, and it\u2019s a secret\u2014\u201cAnd now I\u2019m going to dump this. And it will be worse for my spouse?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cI tried; I shared a little bit, and everybody moved away from me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThey didn\u2019t move toward, and they all started talking about me. Pretty soon, I was out of the church.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>People are going, \u201cSharon, I hear you. I\u2019d like to be honest and live in that world, but it\u2019s not my world. What do I do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Well, I think that is a reality\u2014whether it is with our children, who are experts at using whatever we say against us\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but unfortunately, sometimes, the church is too.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> All I can say to you is\u2014with regard to the church, or people at large, who sometimes do point fingers and judge, that is painful. I\u2019m not denying that; it does happen. But what I have learned\u2014and this sounds ironic to say\u2014is that what Jesus said is true: \u201cThe truth will set you <em>free<\/em>.\u201d The question is: \u201cDo I want to be in the inner circle,\u201d\u2014which, quite honestly, I have wanted a great deal of my life\u2014\u201cor do I want to be <em>free<\/em>?\u2014nothing to prove\/nothing to protect, knowing that Jesus loves me, not for what I do, but because of who He <em>is<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The more that I fail and confess my flaws\u2014and as my kids say, \u201cAdmit that I am totally uncool,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014the <em>more<\/em> I draw close to <em>Him<\/em>. Now, I realize that is kind of an esoteric reality: that we want to feel close to the people in our church, and we want everyone to like us; and we want our kids to respect us; and we want our spouses to think that we are the best thing on earth; and yet, that is <em>fleeting<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> There is one reality that I have learned, at this stage in my life, that is <em>solid<\/em>; and that is, who I am in Christ. When I live out of that, I belong. I can be with anyone, even my kids, who are not necessarily walking with God. We can talk about things, because I am rooted in something that is not <em>me<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting, when you say that, because that means your belonging is not dependent on something out here.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s actually dependent on something vertical and understood inside; it\u2019s an identity in Christ. That\u2019s the secret we don\u2019t get, because we try to find our belonging here\u2014certain groups\/certain acceptance from the right people at the right time\u2014that never seems to satisfy. It\u2019s like: \u201cWell, I\u2019ve got it,\u201d or \u201cI didn\u2019t get it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It isn\u2019t external\u2014it\u2019s actually spiritually and internal; is that what you\u2019re saying?\u2014it\u2019s <em>identity<\/em> in Christ: \u201cI\u2019m a son\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026a daughter of the King.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> It is. I think we <em>all<\/em> love the truth; it\u2019s why we are drawn to the gospel\u2014that God loves us no matter what state we are in\u2014but the <em>hardest<\/em> part of the gospel to live out is that: \u201cWe love\u201d\u2014and I hate this next little word\u2014\u201c<em>as<\/em> He has loved us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I can say I am just a beginner there; I am really learning to interiorize that: \u201cHe loves me on my worst day and my best day,\u201d \u201cHe loves me when I lie and when I tell the truth,\u201d \u201cHe loves me when I am caught in addiction and when I am living in freedom,\u201d \u201cHe loves me when my kids sit in the front row of the church, and He loves me when they tell me they don\u2019t believe in God.\u201d He wants me to love <em>as<\/em> He has loved me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019ve inspired me to be the person\u2014that your son or daughter calls, or somebody gets pulled over and DUI, and your church calls\u2014I want them to think, \u201cI want to call Dave.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because you love well.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecause they sense in me: \u201cHe\u2019s honest,\u201d and \u201cHe\u2019s authentic,\u201d and \u201cI know he\u2019s got weaknesses just like I do;\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cHe\u2019s safe.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201che hasn\u2019t hidden those. And yet, there is also a power and a forgiveness that I\u2019ve seen in his life that is supernatural; they are both there. I know, that if I call him, I\u2019ll be accepted and loved; but I will also be held to the gospel.\u201d Do you know what I\u2019m saying? I want Ann to call me; I want my sons to call me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Exactly.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cAre they thinking of me?\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t think so! [Laughter] It inspires me to say, \u201cI want to be that man.\u201d I want our listeners to say, \u201cI want to be that man,\u201d\/\u201dI want to be that woman.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Don\u2019t you think that is the goal in marriage? I mean, my marriage fell apart<\/p>\n<p>20 years ago; but I think that is where marriage is often wasted in these days. Don\u2019t you want to be the spouse that your husband or wife could call you, no matter what?\u2014not because they are going to love everything you did, but because they want to love <em>as<\/em> they have been loved.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I would say our ability to love others is wrapped up in our ability to receive God\u2019s love for us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you are having a hard time loving others, the way you address that is you go back to meditating on and believing God\u2019s love for you, and bathing in that, and drinking it in; so you can pour it out to others.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You don\u2019t try to conjure up in yourself: \u201cWell, I need to be more this way or that way.\u201d No; you go back, and you experience God\u2019s love for <em>you<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014through the <em>power<\/em> of the Spirit\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that lives in us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then let it just kind of pour out of you; it will pour out of you. At our church, we say\/I say, \u201cHere is the cycle: \u2018Drink in, pour out; drink in, pour out. You can\u2019t pour out what you don\u2019t drink in at first, so you\u2019ve got to start by drinking in; but then, it should just gush out. You don\u2019t have to turn on any spigot; it should just overflow over the top because it\u2019s there.\u201d That\u2019s what <em>Belonging<\/em> is all about; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thank you for your honesty\/your transparency. Thanks for the book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it is going to help a lot of people. Good to see you again.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Good to be with you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Thank you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thanks.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have copies of Sharon\u2019s book, <em>Belonging<\/em>, available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Again, the subtitle of the book: <em>Finding the Way Back to One Another<\/em>. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Again, the title of Sharon\u2019s book is <em>Belonging<\/em>. Order it, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You know, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we are proponents of extended community; we think there is real value in married couples being connected to other married couples. David Robbins, the president of FamilyLife, is here with us to talk a bit about that. David\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>David:<\/strong> Thanks, Bob. Growth so often happens in the context of community; and over the past few years, we have two small group resources that we\u2019ve developed from people that you trust, if you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. There is the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> small group that features Dave and Ann Wilson, and there is our most recent <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> small group, where Bob Lepine walks us through 1 Corinthians 13. Of course, we have mainstays that truly hundreds of thousands of people have gone through like, <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.<\/p>\n<p>I heard from Sean in Pennsylvania, who has listened to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and gone to several <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>. He recently sent me an email just how much getting that close community to grow with matters to him. He shared, \u201cWe have recently taught the<em> Art of Marriage<\/em> curriculum to a couple of churches, and we most recently taught the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> curriculum this past fall with nearly 40 couples. It was an <em>amazing<\/em> response.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sean went on to say, \u201cI want to share this to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to use your gifts to strengthen and build up the church. The enemy is attacking from many directions.\u201d Sean says, \u201cOur time is short on this earth to serve and worship our Lord and King.\u201d Sean, I could not agree with you more; thank you for the challenge.<\/p>\n<p>Each one of us continues to grow in Christ; and as we grow, we get the opportunity to bring others into that growth also. Take a step of faith. Someone is out there looking for someone to invite them into a community. Maybe, you are the person that gathers some neighbors or gathers a few couples that are in your sphere of influence and walk through a marriage study today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, we\u2019ve got information on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com about those studies that you mentioned. Go to the website to find out more and connect with some other couples. It\u2019s been a while since we\u2019ve had good meaningful connections; and maybe, we\u2019re starting to feel like we can do some of that more safely now. Thank you, David.<\/p>\n<p>We hope you have a <em>great<\/em> weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. I hope you can join us back on Monday, especially if you\u2019re a grumpy person; okay? If you\u2019re grouchy, if you are negative, Monday, tune in because we want to talk about how you deal with negativity. If you are that person, you probably know who you are; and you should listen. If you wonder if you are that person, just ask your spouse; they will tell you; okay? [Laughter] But join us Monday when Nichole Phillips joins us to talk about <em>The Negativity Remedy<\/em>. I hope you can be here for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We got some extra help this week from Bruce Goff; and of course, our entire broadcast production team was involved in this program. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Have a <em>great<\/em> weekend, and we will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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