{"id":306721,"date":"2021-02-10T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-02-10T12:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/real-love-making-a-fresh-start\/"},"modified":"2021-02-10T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-02-10T12:00:05","slug":"real-love-making-a-fresh-start","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/real-love-making-a-fresh-start\/","title":{"rendered":"Real Love: Making A Fresh Start"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you catch yourself being rude, irritable, or resentful with your spouse? Bob Lepine, along with hosts Dave and Ann Wilson, share about share about how to make a fresh start, on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-02-10.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:28","filesize":"25.14M","filesize_raw":"26364882","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2908,2810,2860,2827],"tags":[2877],"podcast_series":[8407],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306721","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-forgiveness","category-growing-spiritually","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-repentance","tag-marriage","podcast_series-the-qualities-of-biblical-love","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306721\/real-love-making-a-fresh-start","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306721\/real-love-making-a-fresh-start","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"hIYDtcgGup\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/real-love-making-a-fresh-start\/\">Real Love: Making A Fresh Start<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/real-love-making-a-fresh-start\/embed\/#?secret=hIYDtcgGup\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Real Love: Making A Fresh Start&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"hIYDtcgGup\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-02-10.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-02-10.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There are a lot of attitudes\/a lot of actions that can be real love killers in a marriage. The Bible identifies many things; like rudeness, irritability, resentment. Are any of those things true about <em>you<\/em>? <strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 10<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How can we identify whether rudeness, and irritability, and resentment are a part of our marriage relationship? And what can we do to rid ourselves of those kinds of toxic attitudes? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m guessing, in some states\/some parts of the country, it\u2019s going to be a very different Valentine\u2019s Day than it has been before for others; right?\u2014I mean, probably some folks not going out for dinner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s going to be <em>very<\/em> different; it\u2019s kind of depressing, actually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We both love going out for dinner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We haven\u2019t been able to do it in Michigan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What do you do, if it\u2019s Valentine\u2019s Day, and you can\u2019t go out for dinner? Help a couple here, who\u2019s thinking, \u201cWe want this to be special. We\u2019ve got kids at home. We can\u2019t go anywhere. What do we do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <em>Dave<\/em> is going to cook. He\u2019s never cooked, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Not going to happen. [Laughter] <em>Not <\/em>going to happen. That would not be a good Valentine\u2019s Day for <em>anybody<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You know what would be fun though? We should cook <em>together<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019d be fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019d be fun; I can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m totally taking you up on this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would say we do that in 2022; but this Valentine\u2019s, we order in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re going to get take out? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, we\u2019re going to go get something. But I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What are you going to do, Bob? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Remember the Mother\u2019s Day when\u2014I think it was Mother\u2019s Day\u2014but I mean, Austin and I created this table with the cloth and roses\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You were in on <em>that<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and you came home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Anyway, my middle son, Austin, did it with me. They\u2019re married and gone and they have kids. Now it\u2019s me and you, and I\u2019m going to do that. I\u2019m telling you right now\u2014[Gasping sound]\u2014I\u2019m telling you right now: \u201cI\u2019m making it,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014broadcasting it to the world. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is accountability. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I am going to make the most romantic Valentine\u2019s Day you\u2019ve ever experienced in your <em>entire<\/em> life\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You all heard it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014from P.F. Changs or something. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We thought, that with Valentine\u2019s Day coming, we ought to recalibrate our thinking when it comes to love; because Valentine\u2019s Day is all about romance; it\u2019s all about passion. It\u2019s all about what Dr. Gary Chapman calls \u201cthe tingles.\u201d We all like the tingles, but there\u2019s more to love than just the tingles; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The tingles actually don\u2019t last very long. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s the thing we found out, so you\u2019re right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Speak for yourselves. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She\u2019s still got the tingles for me; that\u2019s good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I spent time last year working on a book called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, you did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We created a video series from <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. The whole purpose of this book was to say: \u201cWe need to be thinking more biblically about love rather than just letting\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201crather than the tingles\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I like the tingles; I\u2019m a fan of the tingles, but you can\u2019t build a marriage that lasts off the tingles. You\u2019ve got to have a stronger foundation underneath that. We looked at 1 Corinthians 13 and what the Bible has to say about love. The description includes a number of things that love is and then other things that love is <em>not<\/em>. Among that list\u2014three things that love is not\u2014\u201cIt\u2019s not rude, it\u2019s not irritable, and it\u2019s not resentful. It does not keep a record of wrongs.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can\u2019t have a thriving love relationship if you\u2019re rude to one another, if you\u2019re irritable with one another, and if you\u2019re always holding onto resentment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oooh! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a list right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re getting ready for Valentine\u2019s Day\u2014and rudeness, and irritability, and resentment are around\u2014it\u2019s not going to be a good Valentine\u2019s Day. We thought, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we just help folks today with a little recalibration?\u201d We\u2019ll listen to an excerpt from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series. You\u2019re going to hear couples interacting, because we invited couples in to share some of their stories with us. Then you\u2019ll hear as I unpack this passage from 1 Corinthians 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let\u2019s do it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s listen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Excerpt from <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> Video Series]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s assume for just a minute that all of us are still single. I know most of us are married; some of you are single, headed toward marriage. But let\u2019s just assume we\u2019re still single. Think back to when you were single. What qualities did you find most attractive in members of the opposite sex? Or think about your spouse: \u201cWhat was it that first attracted you to them?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #1:<\/strong> I thought he was cute. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> She was very attractive, and she <em>always<\/em> had a really nice smile.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #2:<\/strong> Just dimples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #2:<\/strong> There we go! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We think about this\u2014most of the things that we found attractive, when we first noticed somebody\u2014those things were pretty superficial, because we didn\u2019t know very much about that person. We just know what we saw or what we first heard when we first got to know them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor some of you, you were friends for a long time before you started to become attractive to one another. Maybe you were attracted by deeper, more substantive things. But that\u2019s not my story. My story was, when I first met Mary Ann, I was attracted on more of a surface level. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were at a retreat together. We were standing in line for dinner the first night of the retreat. She was a few people back behind me. I was in conversation with somebody else in the line. The girl I was in conversation with said\u2014I think she was a junior or a senior\u2014she was talking to me and found out I was a freshman. She said, \u201cYou\u2019re just a freshman?\u201d I said, \u201cYes.\u201d She said, \u201cOh, I thought you were a junior or a senior.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMary Ann apparently overheard it; because a few minutes later, she said, \u201cYou\u2019re a freshman; huh?\u201d I said, \u201cYes, what did you think I was?\u201d I\u2019m fishing here, thinking is she going to say, \u201cOh, I thought you were a graduate student\u201d; you know? But she said, \u201cOh, I thought maybe you\u2019re a sophomore.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember two things: first of all, I liked her smile; I liked her spunkiness. Then I liked the way she looked in that red t-shirt she was wearing\/that Arkansas Razorback red t-shirt she had on\u2014so smile, spunkiness, and style\/t-shirt style\u2014she looked good in that t-shirt. Pretty superficial reasons for being attracted to another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know what\u2019s on <em>your<\/em> list, what you would say first attracted you to your spouse or what you find attractive in people of the opposite sex, but I can pretty much guarantee there are three things that are on <em>nobody\u2019s<\/em> list. There are three things that are mentioned in the Bible as being the opposite of love. The Bible says: \u201cLove is <em>not rude<\/em>, it\u2019s <em>not irritable<\/em>, and it\u2019s <em>not resentful<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about it: nobody\u2019s ever said: \u201cBoy, what really attracted me to that other person was just how rude they are,\u201d or \u201cI love how irritable this person was,\u201d or \u201cI just loved how full of resentment this person was.\u201d Those are unattractive features for <em>any<\/em> of us; those are love killers in a relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s define our terms here: Rudeness\u2014\u201cWhat is rudeness?\u201d\u2014it\u2019s more than just a lack of politeness. Rudeness is when we treat another person as though we are more important than they are. It\u2019s when we demonstrate, through our actions and our words, that we think we\u2019re <em>superior<\/em> to someone else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne Bible teacher I know put together a list of what qualifies as rude behavior; he said: \u201cIt\u2019s inconsiderate talk, or <em>disregard<\/em> of other people\u2019s time, taking advantage of others, a lack of tact or empathy, ignoring the contributions or ideas of other people, running rough shod over other people\u2019s plans or their interests, inappropriately behaving with members of the opposite sex, basic discourtesy, or a general disregard for proper social conduct.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRude people are often focused on how the behavior of others affects <em>them<\/em>, but they pay virtually no attention to how their behavior affects other people. It\u2019s not possible to be rude and loving simultaneously; the two cancel one another out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s talk about irritability. My mom used to talk about people who were touchy. She didn\u2019t mean people who were touchy\/feely or who put their hands on other people; she meant people who were easily provoked. You had to be <em>careful<\/em> how you acted around them or what you said; they would become quickly irritated. You\u2019ve heard the expression, \u201cwalking on eggshells,\u201d where you have to be really careful that you\u2019re <em>not<\/em> going to annoy another person; because they are easily triggered or set off. That\u2019s a person who\u2019s irritable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen somebody, who has resentment, is somebody who holds onto an offense\/who won\u2019t let it go. The Bible has an interesting way of expressing it. The word that is translated \u201cresentment\u201d in some versions of the Bible literally means to count up wrongs against another person\/to keep a <em>record<\/em> of wrongs. That\u2019s what it means to hold onto resentment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> One of the biggest issues I would say in our marriage is finances. She was used to buying what she wanted. If she saw something she liked, she got it. Whereas, I came from an area of I\u2019m very conscious about what I\u2019m buying, and looking at what I\u2019m buying, and researching. Recently, we just made a very larger purchase; we bought a camper. She went and bought some $25 stickers to put on the back wall of the back splash. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #3:<\/strong> This is a used camper. It was in really, really good condition; it looks like they <em>never<\/em> used it. I love everything except that fabric, and I don\u2019t like that little wallpaper strip that they have in the back of the back splash. I did buy $25 stickers to stick on the back splash. The thing is there were only four of them; and I needed <em>six packs<\/em>, because it was only four stickers for $25. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #3:<\/strong> But I took it back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> She did take it back, because she saw my face when I opened the door and she told me how much those cost. [Laughter]\u00a0 It\u2019s one of those things that it took a long time for that understanding; right? I mean, in the beginning\/I would say, if this happened six years ago, we would have had an all-out argument over those stickers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #3:<\/strong> I would have thought to put the stickers <em>up<\/em> before he saw them. That way, I wouldn\u2019t have been able to take them back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> Right. But one of the things that always happens is that, in the beginning of our relationship in our marriage, that one action turned into <em>a thousand actions<\/em>. We never got through the issue that was at hand, because we were too busy talking about everything else and trying to one-up each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #3:<\/strong> Instead of discussing what was at hand, which is the finances, we used to be focused so much on: \u201cAre you right?\u201d \u201cAm I right?\u201d and \u201cIf I can\u2019t say that you\u2019re wrong on finances, I\u2019m going to find 16 other things that you did 17 Tuesdays ago.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> She was really, really good at time stamping. As a male, I\u2019m really, really, really bad at time stamping. It made me even angry, because she had all these time stamps. I had to start keeping a calendar of all the stuff that she did. It became this tit for tat. It just caused <em>so much<\/em> issues that it came to a point to where we got some great advice from our pastor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe told us that we need to pray for each other every night; we need to learn how to put God first in our relationship. That\u2019s the one thing that we have kept to this day is that, when we feel things are starting to get off balance in our relationship and things are not going the way they\u2019re supposed to,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman<\/strong> <strong>#3:<\/strong> It\u2019s like a quick reality check\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s a quick reality check. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #3: <\/strong>\u2014because only God can do those changes and mold those things that we need to do to each other for <em>anything<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> Definitely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Eugene Peterson, in his paraphrase of the Bible, <em>The Message<\/em>, says love \u201cPuts up with anything.\u201d It doesn\u2019t keep a record of wrongs; it puts up with anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRudeness, irritability and resentment: these are love killers. These are things we need to focus on if we want love to thrive in a marriage relationship. Good diagnostic questions here: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAre you a rude person? Would your spouse say you can be a rude person? Would your kids say that? Would friends say that about you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAre you easily provoked? Are you an irritable person? Are you somebody, who stores up resentment\/who has a hard time letting go when somebody has offended you? Do you keep a record of wrongs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the end of the day, if we\u2019re going to deal with these issues, we can\u2019t just deal with the behavior. We have to get to the root of the issue. We\u2019re not just trying to correct how you act; we\u2019re trying to get to what <em>motivates<\/em> your actions\/to your heart. Rudeness, and irritability, and resentment are just manifestations of a <em>deeper<\/em> heart issue. Let me give you a roadmap of how we deal with some of these stubborn behaviors\/these deep-seated heart issues that manifest themselves as habits over time: rudeness, and irritability, and resentment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing you have to do to address these is you have to call them what they are. Don\u2019t try to sugar coat them; don\u2019t try to minimize them; but put the Bible names to these behaviors. You have to be able to say: \u201cThat was rude,\u201d \u201cWhen I do that, I\u2019m being irritable,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m being easily provoked,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m being resentful; I\u2019m keeping a record of wrongs.\u201d <em>Name<\/em> the behavior for what it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen secondly, you have to acknowledge that these attitudes\/these behaviors are more than just some unpleasant part of your personality. It\u2019s not: \u201cWell, this is just the way I am.\u201d No; these are sin patterns in your life, and we have to call them what they are. We have to call them out\/say, \u201cThis is not just a part of my personality; this is an offense before God.\u201d We have to name these things as a sin against <em>Him<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhich leads to the third thing: anytime you identify a sinful pattern in your life, we have to confess that. We have to agree with God that that sinful pattern is wrong\/that we are offending His goodness and His holiness when we manifest those behaviors or when we harbor those attitudes in our heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tName them; identify them as sin; agree with God that it\u2019s sin that needs to be rooted out; and then develop a game plan for how you\u2019re going to address these issues: \u201cHow are you going to <em>break<\/em> some of these habits of the heart?\u201d You have to do some introspection here: \u201cWhat triggers me?\u201d \u201cWhat prompts me to be rude?\u201d \u201cWhat causes me to be irritable?\u201d \u201cWhy do I hang onto resentment?\u201d You\u2019ve got to dig around in there and say, \u201cWhat\u2019s really going on in my heart that causes these things to happen?\u201d If there are things that trigger you, can you avoid some of those things so that you\u2019re not triggered until you learn how to exercise some self-control in these areas?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a final step, and this is really a key. If we\u2019re really going to get where we want to go and get rid of rudeness, and irritability, and resentment, we can\u2019t just try to chase them away. We have to <em>replace<\/em> them with godly characteristics like kindness, compassion, humility, gentleness, meekness, patience. Colossians, Chapter 3, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tverse 12 says, after we put off wrong behavior, we\u2019re to put on these kinds of godly characteristics. We should cultivate in our own heart: \u201cInstead of being rude, how can I be kind?\u201d \u201cInstead of being irritable, how can I be compassionate?\u201d and \u201cInstead of being resentful, how can I be forgiving?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t just try to put off the bad; we have to learn how to <em>put on<\/em> new behaviors that are ultimately Spirit-generated in our lives. We have to ask God to grow in us fruit of the Spirit that will replace these habits of the heart that destroy love in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #4:<\/strong> There\u2019s been two times in our marriage, where we lived with Bobby\u2019s dad. The first one was whenever we first got married. Then the second time is whenever we were starting to raise missionary support about a year ago. It was really exciting for me to see that my kids were going to get to grow up around Papa. But whenever we moved in there, I would be in certain places in the house, having bad memories of the beginning of our marriage. As I remembered those things in the past, it would stir up resentment in my heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went to Bobby one night; and I said, \u201cThis is something I\u2019m struggling with. I don\u2019t know what to do about it, but I need to talk to you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #3:<\/strong> Knowing that that was lingering in the past, every little space that she remembers, I felt that it was important to give her some new memories before we move out of there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #4:<\/strong> He had promised me one night that we were going to dance together. He\u2019s not necessarily a dancer, but I\u2019m a dancer. We got to our bedroom, and he put some music on his phone. He took me in his arms and started to dance with me. Then he said something that meant a whole lot to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #3:<\/strong> I just backed up and I said, \u201cNow, we\u2019re going to start making new memories here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When rudeness, and irritability, and resentment are present in your marriage, love cannot flourish. But when you begin to replace those attitudes and behaviors with new attitudes\/new habits of the heart, you can see love begin to grow and flourish in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLove is not rude, it\u2019s not irritable, it\u2019s not resentful.\u201d Are <em>you<\/em> rude, or irritable, or resentful? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to an excerpt from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you say \u201can excerpt\u201d or \u201cthe expert\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cexcerpt\u201d [Laughter]\u2014\u201can excerpt.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ve been listening to\u2014actually, I was getting my toes re-stepped on\u2014you guys have got to understand: when I went through this passage and wrote the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, and then worked on the video series, people will say, \u201cOh, this is convicting.\u201d I go, \u201cI was there <em>first<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI was the one getting convicted first; because you can\u2019t go to this passage without going, \u201cI come up short in a lot of these areas.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, it is such a beautiful, beautiful picture of love. But as you read it, you\u2019re like, \u201cWow, who can do it?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You sort of said, \u201c<em>Nobody<\/em>; God has to do it in you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, even the term, \u201cirritable,\u201d\u2014okay, like that\u2019s super <em>convicting<\/em>\u2014not that I am\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I <em>wish<\/em> I wasn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, for me, the turning point in our marriage was when I started to recognize that you can\u2019t just put <em>off<\/em> the bad stuff; you got to learn how to put on the <em>right<\/em> stuff. It\u2019s not just \u201cStop being rude\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cNow, be kind,\u201d \u201cNow, be polite,\u201d \u201cNow, be <em>gracious<\/em> to somebody else.\u201d It\u2019s not just: \u201cStop being irritable\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cNow, be sensitive to another person and caring about the other person.\u201d That\u2019s what we have to learn how to cultivate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s learning how not to let someone else determine your <em>own<\/em> mood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s really, really hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As you think about other things that Paul wrote in the New Testament, he said, put off the old and put on the new. I mean, I can get rid of irritability for about three minutes; [Laughter] then it\u2019s <em>right back<\/em>, unless I replace it with who I am in Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There\u2019s a power in the Holy Spirit of God that I\u2019ve got to allow to <em>transform me<\/em> or I\u2019ll slip right back quickly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You try to have a romantic moment or a romantic evening, a Valentine\u2019s Day\u2014where you come together with some expectation and you\u2019re trying to express your love for one another\u2014if there is this ongoing undercurrent of rudeness, or irritability, or resentment, that\u2019s going to show up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about your tenth wedding anniversary and how you\u2019re trying to have a romantic evening, but there were issues there that just got in the way of trying to connect as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was thinking, Bob, when you were talking that it\u2019s not just having a good <em>day<\/em> or a great Valentine\u2019s Day. I don\u2019t know what men are like; but I\u2019m still thinking about two days ago or a month ago; or I\u2019m thinking, \u201cThis year has been really hard, and our relationship has been really difficult.\u201d One day doesn\u2019t necessarily fix it just like our ten-year anniversary date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, if you get to Valentine\u2019s Day and you think, \u201cOkay, we have been in a tough place,\u201d I don\u2019t think you just throw in the towel and say, \u201cWell, we can\u2019t do Valentine\u2019s Day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But I think you can go into it, saying, \u201cYou know what? It\u2019s been a tough year. We\u2019ve not been where we want to be, but let\u2019s make this the day\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, if Dave hadn\u2019t put in that effort for our Valentine\u2019s Day [on our tenth anniversary], I don\u2019t know if the conversations would have taken place that really transformed our entire marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I think Valentine\u2019s can be, in some ways, like New Year\u2019s for a couple. It\u2019s like a new starting point: \u201cLet\u2019s make this day a day we start over.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014some romance resolutions? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oooh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good idea; huh? I hope one of those resolutions for couples might be that they would get together with other couples and, all of them together, go through the new <em>Love Like You Mean<\/em> <em>It<\/em> video series that you\u2019ve heard a portion of today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are ten sessions in this series, but it\u2019s really designed so that you can pick the sessions you need to focus on. We think everybody ought to go through Session 1 and Session 10. But the ones in between, you can focus in on the ones you need to concentrate on. If you don\u2019t have time for all ten, just ask the question: \u201cHow about patience?\u201d or \u201c\u2026kindness?\u201d or \u201c\u2026tenacity?\u201d or \u201c\u2026honesty?\u201d\u2014all of the different aspects of real love that come from 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe <em>Love Like You Mean<\/em> <em>It<\/em> video series is now available. We\u2019ve got couples, who are doing this online together\/couples who are meeting in small groups to go through this content. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have not yet gotten a copy of the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, that\u2019s available as well at FamilyLifeToday.com. In fact, if you\u2019ve read it, and you haven\u2019t gone to Amazon and left a review, do that. Help us out; help other people find out about the book. Again, it\u2019s called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>\u2014the video series by the same name. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more about all of these resources when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or call if you have any questions; 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. If you\u2019d like to order by phone, again, it\u2019s 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Or again, you can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about what the Bible means when it say that \u201cLove bears all things,\u201d and \u201cbelieves all things\u2026endures all things.\u201d Does that mean we put up with anything? Does that mean that we should be <em>gullible<\/em> in marriage? We\u2019re going to talk more about <em>real<\/em> love tomorrow. I hope you can tune in and be part of that with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, with some help this week from Justin Adams. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ta Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:28"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.14M"],"filesize_raw":["26364882"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306721.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306721.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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you catch yourself being rude, irritable, or resentful with your spouse? Bob Lepine, along with hosts Dave and Ann Wilson, share about share about how to make a fresh start, on FamilyLife Today.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-02-10.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There are a lot of attitudes\/a lot of actions that can be real love killers in a marriage. The Bible identifies many things; like rudeness, irritability, resentment. Are any of those things true about <em>you<\/em>? <strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 10<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How can we identify whether rudeness, and irritability, and resentment are a part of our marriage relationship? And what can we do to rid ourselves of those kinds of toxic attitudes? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m guessing, in some states\/some parts of the country, it\u2019s going to be a very different Valentine\u2019s Day than it has been before for others; right?\u2014I mean, probably some folks not going out for dinner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s going to be <em>very<\/em> different; it\u2019s kind of depressing, actually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We both love going out for dinner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We haven\u2019t been able to do it in Michigan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What do you do, if it\u2019s Valentine\u2019s Day, and you can\u2019t go out for dinner? Help a couple here, who\u2019s thinking, \u201cWe want this to be special. We\u2019ve got kids at home. We can\u2019t go anywhere. What do we do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <em>Dave<\/em> is going to cook. He\u2019s never cooked, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Not going to happen. [Laughter] <em>Not <\/em>going to happen. That would not be a good Valentine\u2019s Day for <em>anybody<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You know what would be fun though? We should cook <em>together<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019d be fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019d be fun; I can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m totally taking you up on this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would say we do that in 2022; but this Valentine\u2019s, we order in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re going to get take out? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, we\u2019re going to go get something. But I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What are you going to do, Bob? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Remember the Mother\u2019s Day when\u2014I think it was Mother\u2019s Day\u2014but I mean, Austin and I created this table with the cloth and roses\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You were in on <em>that<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and you came home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Anyway, my middle son, Austin, did it with me. They\u2019re married and gone and they have kids. Now it\u2019s me and you, and I\u2019m going to do that. I\u2019m telling you right now\u2014[Gasping sound]\u2014I\u2019m telling you right now: \u201cI\u2019m making it,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014broadcasting it to the world. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is accountability. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I am going to make the most romantic Valentine\u2019s Day you\u2019ve ever experienced in your <em>entire<\/em> life\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You all heard it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014from P.F. Changs or something. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We thought, that with Valentine\u2019s Day coming, we ought to recalibrate our thinking when it comes to love; because Valentine\u2019s Day is all about romance; it\u2019s all about passion. It\u2019s all about what Dr. Gary Chapman calls \u201cthe tingles.\u201d We all like the tingles, but there\u2019s more to love than just the tingles; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The tingles actually don\u2019t last very long. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s the thing we found out, so you\u2019re right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Speak for yourselves. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She\u2019s still got the tingles for me; that\u2019s good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I spent time last year working on a book called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, you did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We created a video series from <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. The whole purpose of this book was to say: \u201cWe need to be thinking more biblically about love rather than just letting\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201crather than the tingles\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I like the tingles; I\u2019m a fan of the tingles, but you can\u2019t build a marriage that lasts off the tingles. You\u2019ve got to have a stronger foundation underneath that. We looked at 1 Corinthians 13 and what the Bible has to say about love. The description includes a number of things that love is and then other things that love is <em>not<\/em>. Among that list\u2014three things that love is not\u2014\u201cIt\u2019s not rude, it\u2019s not irritable, and it\u2019s not resentful. It does not keep a record of wrongs.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can\u2019t have a thriving love relationship if you\u2019re rude to one another, if you\u2019re irritable with one another, and if you\u2019re always holding onto resentment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oooh! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a list right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re getting ready for Valentine\u2019s Day\u2014and rudeness, and irritability, and resentment are around\u2014it\u2019s not going to be a good Valentine\u2019s Day. We thought, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we just help folks today with a little recalibration?\u201d We\u2019ll listen to an excerpt from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series. You\u2019re going to hear couples interacting, because we invited couples in to share some of their stories with us. Then you\u2019ll hear as I unpack this passage from 1 Corinthians 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let\u2019s do it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s listen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Excerpt from <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> Video Series]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s assume for just a minute that all of us are still single. I know most of us are married; some of you are single, headed toward marriage. But let\u2019s just assume we\u2019re still single. Think back to when you were single. What qualities did you find most attractive in members of the opposite sex? Or think about your spouse: \u201cWhat was it that first attracted you to them?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #1:<\/strong> I thought he was cute. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> She was very attractive, and she <em>always<\/em> had a really nice smile.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #2:<\/strong> Just dimples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #2:<\/strong> There we go! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We think about this\u2014most of the things that we found attractive, when we first noticed somebody\u2014those things were pretty superficial, because we didn\u2019t know very much about that person. We just know what we saw or what we first heard when we first got to know them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor some of you, you were friends for a long time before you started to become attractive to one another. Maybe you were attracted by deeper, more substantive things. But that\u2019s not my story. My story was, when I first met Mary Ann, I was attracted on more of a surface level. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were at a retreat together. We were standing in line for dinner the first night of the retreat. She was a few people back behind me. I was in conversation with somebody else in the line. The girl I was in conversation with said\u2014I think she was a junior or a senior\u2014she was talking to me and found out I was a freshman. She said, \u201cYou\u2019re just a freshman?\u201d I said, \u201cYes.\u201d She said, \u201cOh, I thought you were a junior or a senior.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMary Ann apparently overheard it; because a few minutes later, she said, \u201cYou\u2019re a freshman; huh?\u201d I said, \u201cYes, what did you think I was?\u201d I\u2019m fishing here, thinking is she going to say, \u201cOh, I thought you were a graduate student\u201d; you know? But she said, \u201cOh, I thought maybe you\u2019re a sophomore.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember two things: first of all, I liked her smile; I liked her spunkiness. Then I liked the way she looked in that red t-shirt she was wearing\/that Arkansas Razorback red t-shirt she had on\u2014so smile, spunkiness, and style\/t-shirt style\u2014she looked good in that t-shirt. Pretty superficial reasons for being attracted to another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know what\u2019s on <em>your<\/em> list, what you would say first attracted you to your spouse or what you find attractive in people of the opposite sex, but I can pretty much guarantee there are three things that are on <em>nobody\u2019s<\/em> list. There are three things that are mentioned in the Bible as being the opposite of love. The Bible says: \u201cLove is <em>not rude<\/em>, it\u2019s <em>not irritable<\/em>, and it\u2019s <em>not resentful<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about it: nobody\u2019s ever said: \u201cBoy, what really attracted me to that other person was just how rude they are,\u201d or \u201cI love how irritable this person was,\u201d or \u201cI just loved how full of resentment this person was.\u201d Those are unattractive features for <em>any<\/em> of us; those are love killers in a relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s define our terms here: Rudeness\u2014\u201cWhat is rudeness?\u201d\u2014it\u2019s more than just a lack of politeness. Rudeness is when we treat another person as though we are more important than they are. It\u2019s when we demonstrate, through our actions and our words, that we think we\u2019re <em>superior<\/em> to someone else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne Bible teacher I know put together a list of what qualifies as rude behavior; he said: \u201cIt\u2019s inconsiderate talk, or <em>disregard<\/em> of other people\u2019s time, taking advantage of others, a lack of tact or empathy, ignoring the contributions or ideas of other people, running rough shod over other people\u2019s plans or their interests, inappropriately behaving with members of the opposite sex, basic discourtesy, or a general disregard for proper social conduct.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRude people are often focused on how the behavior of others affects <em>them<\/em>, but they pay virtually no attention to how their behavior affects other people. It\u2019s not possible to be rude and loving simultaneously; the two cancel one another out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s talk about irritability. My mom used to talk about people who were touchy. She didn\u2019t mean people who were touchy\/feely or who put their hands on other people; she meant people who were easily provoked. You had to be <em>careful<\/em> how you acted around them or what you said; they would become quickly irritated. You\u2019ve heard the expression, \u201cwalking on eggshells,\u201d where you have to be really careful that you\u2019re <em>not<\/em> going to annoy another person; because they are easily triggered or set off. That\u2019s a person who\u2019s irritable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen somebody, who has resentment, is somebody who holds onto an offense\/who won\u2019t let it go. The Bible has an interesting way of expressing it. The word that is translated \u201cresentment\u201d in some versions of the Bible literally means to count up wrongs against another person\/to keep a <em>record<\/em> of wrongs. That\u2019s what it means to hold onto resentment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> One of the biggest issues I would say in our marriage is finances. She was used to buying what she wanted. If she saw something she liked, she got it. Whereas, I came from an area of I\u2019m very conscious about what I\u2019m buying, and looking at what I\u2019m buying, and researching. Recently, we just made a very larger purchase; we bought a camper. She went and bought some $25 stickers to put on the back wall of the back splash. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #3:<\/strong> This is a used camper. It was in really, really good condition; it looks like they <em>never<\/em> used it. I love everything except that fabric, and I don\u2019t like that little wallpaper strip that they have in the back of the back splash. I did buy $25 stickers to stick on the back splash. The thing is there were only four of them; and I needed <em>six packs<\/em>, because it was only four stickers for $25. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #3:<\/strong> But I took it back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> She did take it back, because she saw my face when I opened the door and she told me how much those cost. [Laughter]\u00a0 It\u2019s one of those things that it took a long time for that understanding; right? I mean, in the beginning\/I would say, if this happened six years ago, we would have had an all-out argument over those stickers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #3:<\/strong> I would have thought to put the stickers <em>up<\/em> before he saw them. That way, I wouldn\u2019t have been able to take them back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> Right. But one of the things that always happens is that, in the beginning of our relationship in our marriage, that one action turned into <em>a thousand actions<\/em>. We never got through the issue that was at hand, because we were too busy talking about everything else and trying to one-up each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #3:<\/strong> Instead of discussing what was at hand, which is the finances, we used to be focused so much on: \u201cAre you right?\u201d \u201cAm I right?\u201d and \u201cIf I can\u2019t say that you\u2019re wrong on finances, I\u2019m going to find 16 other things that you did 17 Tuesdays ago.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> She was really, really good at time stamping. As a male, I\u2019m really, really, really bad at time stamping. It made me even angry, because she had all these time stamps. I had to start keeping a calendar of all the stuff that she did. It became this tit for tat. It just caused <em>so much<\/em> issues that it came to a point to where we got some great advice from our pastor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe told us that we need to pray for each other every night; we need to learn how to put God first in our relationship. That\u2019s the one thing that we have kept to this day is that, when we feel things are starting to get off balance in our relationship and things are not going the way they\u2019re supposed to,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman<\/strong> <strong>#3:<\/strong> It\u2019s like a quick reality check\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s a quick reality check. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #3: <\/strong>\u2014because only God can do those changes and mold those things that we need to do to each other for <em>anything<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #1:<\/strong> Definitely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Eugene Peterson, in his paraphrase of the Bible, <em>The Message<\/em>, says love \u201cPuts up with anything.\u201d It doesn\u2019t keep a record of wrongs; it puts up with anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRudeness, irritability and resentment: these are love killers. These are things we need to focus on if we want love to thrive in a marriage relationship. Good diagnostic questions here: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAre you a rude person? Would your spouse say you can be a rude person? Would your kids say that? Would friends say that about you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAre you easily provoked? Are you an irritable person? Are you somebody, who stores up resentment\/who has a hard time letting go when somebody has offended you? Do you keep a record of wrongs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the end of the day, if we\u2019re going to deal with these issues, we can\u2019t just deal with the behavior. We have to get to the root of the issue. We\u2019re not just trying to correct how you act; we\u2019re trying to get to what <em>motivates<\/em> your actions\/to your heart. Rudeness, and irritability, and resentment are just manifestations of a <em>deeper<\/em> heart issue. Let me give you a roadmap of how we deal with some of these stubborn behaviors\/these deep-seated heart issues that manifest themselves as habits over time: rudeness, and irritability, and resentment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing you have to do to address these is you have to call them what they are. Don\u2019t try to sugar coat them; don\u2019t try to minimize them; but put the Bible names to these behaviors. You have to be able to say: \u201cThat was rude,\u201d \u201cWhen I do that, I\u2019m being irritable,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m being easily provoked,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m being resentful; I\u2019m keeping a record of wrongs.\u201d <em>Name<\/em> the behavior for what it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen secondly, you have to acknowledge that these attitudes\/these behaviors are more than just some unpleasant part of your personality. It\u2019s not: \u201cWell, this is just the way I am.\u201d No; these are sin patterns in your life, and we have to call them what they are. We have to call them out\/say, \u201cThis is not just a part of my personality; this is an offense before God.\u201d We have to name these things as a sin against <em>Him<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhich leads to the third thing: anytime you identify a sinful pattern in your life, we have to confess that. We have to agree with God that that sinful pattern is wrong\/that we are offending His goodness and His holiness when we manifest those behaviors or when we harbor those attitudes in our heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tName them; identify them as sin; agree with God that it\u2019s sin that needs to be rooted out; and then develop a game plan for how you\u2019re going to address these issues: \u201cHow are you going to <em>break<\/em> some of these habits of the heart?\u201d You have to do some introspection here: \u201cWhat triggers me?\u201d \u201cWhat prompts me to be rude?\u201d \u201cWhat causes me to be irritable?\u201d \u201cWhy do I hang onto resentment?\u201d You\u2019ve got to dig around in there and say, \u201cWhat\u2019s really going on in my heart that causes these things to happen?\u201d If there are things that trigger you, can you avoid some of those things so that you\u2019re not triggered until you learn how to exercise some self-control in these areas?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a final step, and this is really a key. If we\u2019re really going to get where we want to go and get rid of rudeness, and irritability, and resentment, we can\u2019t just try to chase them away. We have to <em>replace<\/em> them with godly characteristics like kindness, compassion, humility, gentleness, meekness, patience. Colossians, Chapter 3, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tverse 12 says, after we put off wrong behavior, we\u2019re to put on these kinds of godly characteristics. We should cultivate in our own heart: \u201cInstead of being rude, how can I be kind?\u201d \u201cInstead of being irritable, how can I be compassionate?\u201d and \u201cInstead of being resentful, how can I be forgiving?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t just try to put off the bad; we have to learn how to <em>put on<\/em> new behaviors that are ultimately Spirit-generated in our lives. We have to ask God to grow in us fruit of the Spirit that will replace these habits of the heart that destroy love in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #4:<\/strong> There\u2019s been two times in our marriage, where we lived with Bobby\u2019s dad. The first one was whenever we first got married. Then the second time is whenever we were starting to raise missionary support about a year ago. It was really exciting for me to see that my kids were going to get to grow up around Papa. But whenever we moved in there, I would be in certain places in the house, having bad memories of the beginning of our marriage. As I remembered those things in the past, it would stir up resentment in my heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went to Bobby one night; and I said, \u201cThis is something I\u2019m struggling with. I don\u2019t know what to do about it, but I need to talk to you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #3:<\/strong> Knowing that that was lingering in the past, every little space that she remembers, I felt that it was important to give her some new memories before we move out of there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman #4:<\/strong> He had promised me one night that we were going to dance together. He\u2019s not necessarily a dancer, but I\u2019m a dancer. We got to our bedroom, and he put some music on his phone. He took me in his arms and started to dance with me. Then he said something that meant a whole lot to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man #3:<\/strong> I just backed up and I said, \u201cNow, we\u2019re going to start making new memories here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When rudeness, and irritability, and resentment are present in your marriage, love cannot flourish. But when you begin to replace those attitudes and behaviors with new attitudes\/new habits of the heart, you can see love begin to grow and flourish in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLove is not rude, it\u2019s not irritable, it\u2019s not resentful.\u201d Are <em>you<\/em> rude, or irritable, or resentful? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to an excerpt from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you say \u201can excerpt\u201d or \u201cthe expert\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cexcerpt\u201d [Laughter]\u2014\u201can excerpt.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ve been listening to\u2014actually, I was getting my toes re-stepped on\u2014you guys have got to understand: when I went through this passage and wrote the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, and then worked on the video series, people will say, \u201cOh, this is convicting.\u201d I go, \u201cI was there <em>first<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI was the one getting convicted first; because you can\u2019t go to this passage without going, \u201cI come up short in a lot of these areas.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, it is such a beautiful, beautiful picture of love. But as you read it, you\u2019re like, \u201cWow, who can do it?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You sort of said, \u201c<em>Nobody<\/em>; God has to do it in you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, even the term, \u201cirritable,\u201d\u2014okay, like that\u2019s super <em>convicting<\/em>\u2014not that I am\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I <em>wish<\/em> I wasn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, for me, the turning point in our marriage was when I started to recognize that you can\u2019t just put <em>off<\/em> the bad stuff; you got to learn how to put on the <em>right<\/em> stuff. It\u2019s not just \u201cStop being rude\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cNow, be kind,\u201d \u201cNow, be polite,\u201d \u201cNow, be <em>gracious<\/em> to somebody else.\u201d It\u2019s not just: \u201cStop being irritable\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cNow, be sensitive to another person and caring about the other person.\u201d That\u2019s what we have to learn how to cultivate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s learning how not to let someone else determine your <em>own<\/em> mood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s really, really hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As you think about other things that Paul wrote in the New Testament, he said, put off the old and put on the new. I mean, I can get rid of irritability for about three minutes; [Laughter] then it\u2019s <em>right back<\/em>, unless I replace it with who I am in Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There\u2019s a power in the Holy Spirit of God that I\u2019ve got to allow to <em>transform me<\/em> or I\u2019ll slip right back quickly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You try to have a romantic moment or a romantic evening, a Valentine\u2019s Day\u2014where you come together with some expectation and you\u2019re trying to express your love for one another\u2014if there is this ongoing undercurrent of rudeness, or irritability, or resentment, that\u2019s going to show up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about your tenth wedding anniversary and how you\u2019re trying to have a romantic evening, but there were issues there that just got in the way of trying to connect as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was thinking, Bob, when you were talking that it\u2019s not just having a good <em>day<\/em> or a great Valentine\u2019s Day. I don\u2019t know what men are like; but I\u2019m still thinking about two days ago or a month ago; or I\u2019m thinking, \u201cThis year has been really hard, and our relationship has been really difficult.\u201d One day doesn\u2019t necessarily fix it just like our ten-year anniversary date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, if you get to Valentine\u2019s Day and you think, \u201cOkay, we have been in a tough place,\u201d I don\u2019t think you just throw in the towel and say, \u201cWell, we can\u2019t do Valentine\u2019s Day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But I think you can go into it, saying, \u201cYou know what? It\u2019s been a tough year. We\u2019ve not been where we want to be, but let\u2019s make this the day\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, if Dave hadn\u2019t put in that effort for our Valentine\u2019s Day [on our tenth anniversary], I don\u2019t know if the conversations would have taken place that really transformed our entire marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I think Valentine\u2019s can be, in some ways, like New Year\u2019s for a couple. It\u2019s like a new starting point: \u201cLet\u2019s make this day a day we start over.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014some romance resolutions? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oooh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good idea; huh? I hope one of those resolutions for couples might be that they would get together with other couples and, all of them together, go through the new <em>Love Like You Mean<\/em> <em>It<\/em> video series that you\u2019ve heard a portion of today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are ten sessions in this series, but it\u2019s really designed so that you can pick the sessions you need to focus on. We think everybody ought to go through Session 1 and Session 10. But the ones in between, you can focus in on the ones you need to concentrate on. If you don\u2019t have time for all ten, just ask the question: \u201cHow about patience?\u201d or \u201c\u2026kindness?\u201d or \u201c\u2026tenacity?\u201d or \u201c\u2026honesty?\u201d\u2014all of the different aspects of real love that come from 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe <em>Love Like You Mean<\/em> <em>It<\/em> video series is now available. We\u2019ve got couples, who are doing this online together\/couples who are meeting in small groups to go through this content. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have not yet gotten a copy of the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, that\u2019s available as well at FamilyLifeToday.com. In fact, if you\u2019ve read it, and you haven\u2019t gone to Amazon and left a review, do that. Help us out; help other people find out about the book. Again, it\u2019s called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>\u2014the video series by the same name. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more about all of these resources when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or call if you have any questions; 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. If you\u2019d like to order by phone, again, it\u2019s 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Or again, you can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about what the Bible means when it say that \u201cLove bears all things,\u201d and \u201cbelieves all things\u2026endures all things.\u201d Does that mean we put up with anything? Does that mean that we should be <em>gullible<\/em> in marriage? We\u2019re going to talk more about <em>real<\/em> love tomorrow. I hope you can tune in and be part of that with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, with some help this week from Justin Adams. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ta Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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