{"id":306715,"date":"2021-02-06T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2021-02-06T12:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/parents-and-their-adult-children\/"},"modified":"2021-02-06T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2021-02-06T12:00:05","slug":"parents-and-their-adult-children","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/parents-and-their-adult-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Parents and their Adult Children"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When children become adults, a parent&#8217;s job gets trickier. Especially when parents and their adult children disagree. Jeff Kemp talks with Michelle HIll about how to navigate this tricky dynamic, and emphasizes the importance of maintaining good relationships between parents and adult kids, on FamilyLife This Week.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130.<br \/>\n \tLearn more about the Dates to Remember\u2122 box. https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/dates-to-remember\/<br \/>\n \tDownload FamilyLife&#8217;s new app! https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When children become adults, a parent&#8217;s job gets trickier.  Jeff Kemp talks with Michelle HIll about thr importance of maintaining good relationships between parents and adult kids.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2021-02-06.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:45:37","filesize":"41.76M","filesize_raw":"43793565","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856],"tags":[2288],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3166],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-306715","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-adult-children","tag-adult-children","cwp_profile-jeff-kemp","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306715\/parents-and-their-adult-children","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306715\/parents-and-their-adult-children","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"4HOCNYonQj\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/parents-and-their-adult-children\/\">Parents and their Adult Children<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/parents-and-their-adult-children\/embed\/#?secret=4HOCNYonQj\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Parents and their Adult Children&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"4HOCNYonQj\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":false},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"When children become adults, a parent's job gets trickier. Jeff Kemp talks with Michelle HIll about thr importance of maintaining good relationships between parents and adult kids.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/familylifetodaypdfs.s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com\/flw\/flw2021-02-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<b>Michelle:<\/b> I know you understand when I say we live in a divisive culture. I\u2019ve heard from parents that it\u2019s hard to have a conversation with their adult children. I\u2019ve also heard from adult children that they\u2019re having a hard time sharing their feelings with their parents. Jeff Kemp says there\u2019s a reason for this.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> There is spiritual warfare to divide human beings; that\u2019s Satan\u2019s goal: divide human beings from each other and divide human beings from God. There\u2019re real issues in all this, but the way it\u2019s being handled has spiritual overtones; and the social media world\u2019s making it worse.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> We\u2019re going to talk about the generational gap that keeps us from seeing each other\u2019s viewpoints. Jeff Kemp\/he\u2019s going to give us some <i>great<\/i> practical advice on having conversations with our adult children and our parents on this edition of <i>FamilyLife This Week<\/i>.\n\n<b>Michelle: <\/b>Welcome to <i>FamilyLife This Week<\/i>. I'm Michelle Hill. You know, we live in a land of unrest right now; and it\u2019s not just outside the walls of your house. Somehow, it\u2019s begun to creep in without your knowing it. I\u2019ve heard from parents; they\u2019re saying things like this: \u201cWe\u2019ve had a lot of discussions on election, COVID, and BLM. What we\u2019re finding challenging is being between two generations that think differently: parents, who have their thoughts, opinions, beliefs and our adult children, who have their own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThen I\u2019ve heard from adult children, with their own beliefs and feelings of how to raise children, and they say \u201cWell, my mom and dad\/they verbally disagree with me on how I\u2019m raising my kid <i>all the time<\/i>.\u201d Both sides, whether you\u2019re a parent or an adult child, you\u2019re having a hard time bridging that generational gap.\n\nJeff Kemp is dad to four adult sons, and he\u2019s had to learn <i>the hard way<\/i> how to communicate with his sons. If you don\u2019t know Jeff, he is a <i>great<\/i> guy to know. He was an NFL quarterback. He is an author and a speaker, and he fights hard for the family. Jeff begins our conversation today talking about his relationship with his sons.\n\n[Previous Interview]\n\n<b>Michelle: <\/b>Okay, Jeff, I want to go back to this place\/this identity that you were talking about when you said: \u201cPart of my identity\/part of this place that I am is being a dad.\u201d You have four sons\/four adult sons. How is your relationship with them?\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Our relationship with our kids is pretty darn good; I mean, we\u2019re very grateful. I know the realities around us that tons of people, who\u2019ve really loved their kids well, and walked with God, and focused on parenting and stuff are facing a lot of challenges. So it\u2019s not like a formula that I could sit here in any way and say, \u201cHey, our kids are doing pretty well; we must have done pretty well,\u201d or \u201cWe deserve it.\u201d No, I don\u2019t deserve a relationship with God; I have that through grace. I didn\u2019t even deserve to have children; that was a gift of God\u2019s.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nBut I will say I\u2019m learning that my relationship with them is not as beneficial, and enjoyable, and healthy with them and for them as it should be. Yes, I\u2019m a dad; I\u2019m a husband to Stacy; and I\u2019m a grandpa. My identity is wrapped around relationships, but it\u2019s anchored in the fact that I\u2019m a son of a perfect heavenly Father. That\u2019s one of the most important things we need to get, as parents, and pray for and transfer to our kids.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> One thing I\u2019ve seen bubbling up over the last year\u2014two years\/three years really\u2014but a lot during COVID, was the fact that parents and adult children are having a hard time having a conversation without making one or the other upset.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Yes.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> One of the reasons why I talked to you and said, \u201cCan you come on this show?\u201d is because you have decent relationships with your sons, as you just mentioned. I\u2019m wondering, \u201cHow did that come about? How did you make the switch from being the disciplinarian, and the mentor, and the teacher\u2014and the: \u2018You will do it this way,\u2019\u2014\u2018No,\u2019\/\u2019Yes\u2019; all of that: \u2018Yes sir,\u2019\/\u2019Yes ma\u2019am,\u2019\u2014whatever to, I don\u2019t know, player\/coach?\u201d Is that how you would describe it?\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Well, yes. I heard from someone the other day that four words, starting with the letter \u201cC,\u201d which shows the transition of parenting from the early stages, where you\u2019re the one protecting them and you\u2019re totally in charge: so you\u2019re the <i>cop<\/i>; and then you\u2019re the <i>coach<\/i>\u2014you\u2019re teaching and training\u2014and then you\u2019re the <i>consultant<\/i>, only on call when they ask for the help.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> Okay.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> And then finally, if you really want to let them know they are an adult, and you respect them, you step back and just become the <i>cheerleader, or the compadre<\/i>, or something. You\u2019re a friend, who\u2019s on their side, but you\u2019re not putting yourself above them anymore, even as the consultant, as if I know more. Now, a wise kid realizes: \u201cMan, my mom has so much wisdom; I\u2019m going to ask for some consulting,\u201d and that can happen; but that\u2019s not how the mom views herself anymore\u2014or the dad.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nIn this answer to this question: \u201cHow have we traveled that?\u201d my wife Stacy had the right view that we were raising eaglets that were going to get kicked out of the nest, and they were going to be their own eagles. We need to make that nest a little bit rougher eventually\u2014get all the soft feathers out of there\u2014let them make their mistakes in the home, and then get them out of the home and let them be their own adults, and let go. They belong to God; release them. She was really good on that.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI was never all that tight and clingy to begin with. I was always the fun dad, playing with my kids. Yes, I gave them some inspirational talks and stuff; but I never really changed my style very easily. I kept on inspiring, motivating, wanting to be the mentor: \u201cHey, did you think about this?\u201d \u201cHow \u2018bout this?\u201d \u201cHow \u2018bout that?\u201d \u201cWhat do you think about this?\u201d \u201cHey, I saw this\u2026\u201d That wasn\u2019t treating them like men, and that\u2019s what I\u2019m learning.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI\u2019ll say Stacy was a couple of decades ahead of me in this process. [Laughter] I\u2019m, in the last couple of years, really waking up to it. But I don\u2019t mind listening and learning from my kids. That\u2019s what I\u2019ve learned is one of the greatest relationship <i>improvers<\/i> versus trying to get them to think the right way, vote the right way, take the right biblical position on this, fit into our family schedule\/our vacation schedule, our family traditions. You can fight a lot of little battles and lose the war of the heart. If you lose the war of the heart, then you\u2019re losing the relationship\/friendship that\u2019s really what you\u2019re dreaming of\u2014a family that gets along in the future, without expectations of each other\u2014but who is magnetized to each other, not obligated to each other.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> What do you think drives a parent, who says: \u201cI want you to vote this way,\u201d \u201cI want you to think this way,\u201d or trying to prove that they are right to their adult child?\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Probably good motives from an imperfect, flawed human. The good motive is: \u201cHey, God gave me these kids; and I\u2019m really responsible to help them become the best version of themselves they can be. We\u2019re a family of faith, and I want them to have strong faith. I want them to know the Word of God; I want them to be able to apply it\/enjoy its benefits.\u201d Maybe you\u2019re a citizen, and you really care a whole bunch about America and certain issues, and you feel strongly about that. You want your kids to support that, because it\u2019s going to make a difference for great-great-grandkids and others.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nYour motives are pretty good: \u201cI want to leave the world a better place,\u201d and \u201cInfluencing my kids is the way to do that\u201d; but it makes you take too much ownership of their life instead of leaving it with God. Then it makes you more pressure-oriented than free and comfortable to let them believe what they believe at the pace at which they\u2019ll believe it, and trust God in prayer. Frankly, work on yourself; because every one of us have things to learn.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> I was talking with a friend of mine this weekend. I had put a post on social media about having conversations with adult children and parents and what that looks like. I received droves of messages from children and, also, from parents. I had this one lady call me; and she said, \u201cWhat I have to say I don\u2019t want in a message; I want you to hear it.\u201d She says, \u201cI had to come to the realization that my children\u2019s voice is important and that I need to be listening. I listen to voices all day long. Why can\u2019t I listen to my adult child\u2019s voice?\u201d That\u2019s a really hard realization to come to.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Yes, it is. But you can fall into that trap real easily, and it\u2019s been happening for <i>decades<\/i>; but it\u2019s intensified, aggressively, over this last four years per se.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> Why is that?\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> The social media world is allowing for a <i>virtual<\/i> approach to life, where you continually\u2014if you watched the documentary on Netflix called <i>Social Dilemma<\/i>\u2014all the algorithms continue to feed you the same type of material and messaging that you\u2019ve already shown interest in. You start hearing only one perspective; and the other side\u2019s perspective is presented as really dumb, really wrong, really ignorant. Everyone just gets louder when that\u2019s the case; their style ends up being criticism. Now, it\u2019s even moved to personal character attack; and we don\u2019t mind if we lie and destroy things\u2014the greater cause of our ideology is worth it\u2014social media is a part of it; political division is a part of it.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI hope parents listening\u2014anyone: young people listening, children listening, sons and daughters\u2014there is spiritual warfare to divide human beings, who should be related well and loving each other, even if they\u2019re different. That\u2019s Satan\u2019s goal: divide human beings from each other and divide human beings from God. That\u2019s what this political Black Lives Matter\/racial stuff\u2014there\u2019s real issues in all of this\u2014but the way it\u2019s being <i>handled<\/i> has spiritual overtones, and the social media world\u2019s making it worse.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe\u2019re not just talking about folks, who can\u2019t talk well to their kids or vice versa. I have friends\u2014so do you and some of the listeners out there\u2014literally relationship has been cut off; the kids won\u2019t <i>talk<\/i> to the parents anymore.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> Right.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> They\u2019re attacking them on social media\u2014it\u2019s warfare\u2014some of the situations are that intense.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe real understanding here is that we have let ideology; ideas; positions; and morality; and my version of how I think I need to help my kid figure it out, and do it right, and think the right thing\u2014we\u2019ve let that get in front of loving, validating, listening to them, and as you said, listening to their voice and treating it like it\u2019s an equal voice of an infinitely valuable child of God\u2014same as your voice matters.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nJesus will say, \u201cDon\u2019t look out for your own interest; look out for the interest of others.\u201d If you really want to make things better, <i>invest<\/i> in the relationship; don\u2019t consume from it. Parents end up consuming from their kids\u2014wanting them to live the life, think the things, vote the way they want, take the biblical positions at the time in life they want them to\u2014rather than giving them time to get there if that\u2019s God\u2019s game plan. That\u2019s a consumer parent\u2014just like the one that wants his kid to get into Harvard so he can brag about it, or take the lead in the Christian play at the Christian school, and be the leader of the discipleship group\u2014you\u2019re consuming what you want from your kid to feel good about you; and that is the opposite of Jesus.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nBut you\u2019re not alone; I have the same problem. We need to become investors; and the way we can be that is to surrender to Christ, and start having His love make us love our kids to win their heart, not win some argument.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> Jeff Kemp is <i>so passionate<\/i>: he\u2019s so passionate about life, and so passionate about God, and so passionate about his kids. I just <i>love<\/i> sitting across the table and talking with him. We do need to take a break, but we will come back and we will continue our conversation on how to <i>invest<\/i> in the next generation. Stay tuned. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes.\n\n[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\n[Previous Interview]\n\n<b>Michelle: <\/b>Welcome back to <i>FamilyLife This Week<\/i>. I'm Michelle Hill. We are talking about adult children and parents of adult children and how to bridge that communication gap. We\u2019re talking today with Jeff Kemp.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nJeff, so being an investor means that you\u2019ve got to have a relationship: \u201cHow do you have a relationship?\u201d Or let\u2019s talk about rebuilding a relationship\u2014\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Oh, that\u2019s a good idea.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> \u2014with a child who does not want to talk to you except bash you on social media. How do you do that?\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Well, there are parents who have waited many, many years for prodigals to return, and they never quit praying and they never quit sending messages of love. John Piper had a child in this situation, and we heard this on <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. He just kept sending a short, succinct, loving, and true message: \u201cI\u2019m here for you. I love you. We believe in you, and we\u2019re ready when you want to connect again,\u201d\u2014years\/decade.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nNumber one is prayer. Number two is little messages that: \u201cI\u2019m still here,\u201d but not tweaking messages, like trying to get your point in.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> It\u2019s almost a manipulative message.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> And if it isn\u2019t, it\u2019s going to be received that way.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> Yes.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Then after that basic prayer\u2014and not giving up on the basic appropriate texts, or note cards, or calls from time to time\u2014as long as they\u2019re just not so mad at you when you call: \u201cHey, I just want to let you know I love you.\u201d After that, the main strategy is examine yourself: go on a learning lesson\u2014realize anything you can about your personality, your behavior, and your past that hasn\u2019t been ideal towards them\u2014and if God guides you to, with His help, find the right avenue to apologize. Don\u2019t make it about what they\u2019ll apologize to you for or what you\u2019re drumming up energy to forgive them for; make it about <i>you<\/i> apologizing.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI think the mixture of apologizing for anything specific you\u2019ve done and going on a learning quest: \u201cWhat can I learn about myself? What am I learning about myself? Is there anything <i>you\u2019d<\/i> like to share with me that I could learn, not just about you, but about our relationship or even about my character?\u201d\u2014Wow! That\u2019s humble; that\u2019s powerful\u2014people don\u2019t get back in your face and say, \u201cYou\u2019re an absolute idiot. I hate you and your generation,\u201d when you say that; because it\u2019s the <i>opposite<\/i> of what the stereotype is of the elder generation: the moralist\/the political stuck-in the-mud conservative.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> Let\u2019s talk about a parent, who is a moralist. What about an adult child, who\u2019s been taught to think for themselves; and at every chance, it seems like the parent is telling them what to do\/how to raise their kids; and really exasperating. In fact, I have a friend, who\u2019s like, \u201cMy dad\u2019s exasperating me. For the sake of our relationship, I have to continually bite my tongue; but it\u2019s getting harder, and harder, and harder to do.\u201d How would you challenge that adult child?\u2014or what would you say to them?\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> The adult child\u2014who\u2019s experiencing their parent kind of continuing the parenting your child: \u201cLet me tell you how to do it,\u201d and with it, moralizing and coaching\u2014well, it sounds like that person was choosing grace, and patience, and tolerance, which is a virtue that this new generation has championed. Josh McDowell says we\u2019ve redefined it [tolerance]\u2014to not just let people be who they want to be\u2014but feeling obligated that I\u2019ve got to buy into every idea they have, which that\u2019s just not tenable.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI think that the grace, and patience, and graciousness that that person is extending towards their parent is good; and that earns the right to be heard, at the right time, where you then\u2014whether a letter works best; or intentionally over a cup of coffee; or in a car ride with your parent\u2014where it\u2019s not face to face, and they feel awkward the way when you\u2019re talking with your teenager about sex; you do it in the car, going forward\/on a trail or something\u2014in the right moment, you say, \u201cDo I have permission to share something with you? I\u2019d like to share something that would help our relationship.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nPut the motive out there that it\u2019s to their benefit, not just your own; and then dialogue with them about what you\u2019re experiencing: \u201cI don\u2019t know if you intend this, but here\u2019s what I\u2019m experiencing. I feel like you\u2019re saying I don\u2019t think correctly; I\u2019m not Christian enough; I\u2019m not a sound parent, and I need help from someone else like you to tell me how to live. I\u2019d much rather you love and support me; and when I feel comfortable, I\u2019ll come and ask you for help. I\u2019m way less inclined to ask you for help because, frankly, you\u2019re getting on my nerves. You\u2019re bugging me; it\u2019s not coming across well. It\u2019s not working mom,\u201d\u2014that conversation.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> So what I\u2019m hearing from you\u2014on both sides: on the parent, who is struggling\/on the child, who\u2019s struggling\u2014is: \u201cThis is the long game. This is looking out over and going, \u2018Okay, I need a relationship to work; and it might not happen, instant gratification, right now; but little steps\/little steps\u2014humbling, forgiving, asking, \u201cWhat can we do better? How can we work on this to get us that long game?\u201d\u2019\u201d\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Yes. Michelle; I totally agree: the long game, the long term, the big picture. Francis Chan, he\u2019s got this amazing YouTube video, where he\u2019s standing on a stage, and he\u2019s trying to make the point to us\u2014I think American Christians in particular\u2014that we\u2019re only seeing the short term of our life on earth and not seeing the whole picture of eternity. He\u2019s got this 100-foot rope\u2014it\u2019s white, and it goes all the way across the stage\u2014he\u2019s standing on one side of the stage, goes all the way across the stage, out the curtains; and he\u2019s holding just the end of it with three inches of red tape on one part of the white rope.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe long white rope represents the next trillion billion infinite years\u2014eternity with God in His kingdom; it doesn\u2019t stop. The red three inches represents our 80-year life. We\u2019re focused on the next two weeks, and our impatience and short-term temporal selfish nature is missing the <i>amazing<\/i> power of the gospel to bring people into the kingdom and give them time for God to transform them to be kingdom-shapers. That long-term view of getting our eyes off the three inches alone, and onto eternity, would make us more patient; more loving; more self-reflective parents, or grandparents, or young people, or children. I think that\u2019s a really cool word picture. We need a long-term view that God has, and God gives us, and get out of that red three inches.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nBut what I also say that helps us make change in an area like this is we change through teamwork.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> Yes; that\u2019s true.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> We aren\u2019t solo agents; God made us in the body of Christ. It says, in<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nEphesians 2:10, we\u2019re a masterpiece\/a <i>poiema<\/i>. We\u2019re God\u2019s creation\u2014<i>plural<\/i>. Therefore, a dude like me needs to have some other dudes, who he meets with every week. He tells about the issues he\u2019s facing with his kids; or his wife; or his struggle with lust, or his ego, or his pride, or his career.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThis one really needs help, and I\u2019ve had help from my small group; I call it my huddle. When I was thinking about doing something\u2014and my friend said, \u201cDo you have really strong credibility in his mind?\u2014or are you lacking a little bit of credibility in this area, and whatever you say isn\u2019t going to come off too well?\u201d I said, \u201cI\u2019m lacking some credibility.\u201d \u201cDo you really want to take that move and have it backfire?\u201d I thought, \u201cNo.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThat self-disclosure is where you get <i>real<\/i> help. I would recommend any grandpa; grandma; mom; or dad; elder person; or the younger generation, trying to figure out: \u201cWhy is our relationship so messed up with our parents?\u201d or \u201c\u2026our kids?\u201d get in a team relationship; and process it there. Purify your motives\u2014confess your sin and mistakes to them, which is a better confession than just saying it to God\u2014because we all know we confess things to God; then we go mess up again, and again, and again. If we don\u2019t tell anyone else, we\u2019re not accountable; we don\u2019t change.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> When we are working in community, we help others with working out their verbal processing. Sometimes, God uses that other person in our life to mirror something that maybe we\u2019re not seeing clearly from Him. He\u2019s using somebody else in our life to change our perspective.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Right; I mean, when a friend says \u201cHey, talk me through what you\u2019re thinking about doing there and what your reasoning is,\u201d they\u2019re helping you process what you really wouldn\u2019t have processed too well. They may say something like, \u201cHow do you think that will be received?\u201d; and you might not have even thought about that.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> That\u2019s true.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Now, a good friend isn\u2019t going to say: :\u201dYou should do this\u2026\u201d or \u201cYou should do this\u2026\u201d\u2014those are the same mistakes you\u2019re making as a parent. They\u2019re just going to ask you really good questions and say, \u201cI\u2019ll pray for you.\u201d But that trust, that openness, that confidentiality, that safe place\u2014to process your real stuff\u2014if you share some embarrassing stupid stuff you\u2019ve done\u2014you\u2019re so afraid of what they\u2019re going to think of you\u2014they end up saying, \u201cThank you for sharing that; that means so much to me\u201d; then they\u2019re going to come around and share something dumb that they\u2019ve been doing lately, and you\u2019ll be closer friends and more mature for it.\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> Yes; thank you, Jeff, for helping us work through some of these generational gap issues.\n\n<b>Jeff:<\/b> Oh, you\u2019re welcome. I\u2019m in the journey, learning this stuff. Don\u2019t think that I have it mastered. I hope, if my kids are listening, they\u2019re not thinking that I think I have it mastered. [Laughter] They\u2019re going to say, \u201cOh my gosh, Dad! You just missed a couple of things.\u201d\n\n[Studio]\n\n<b>Michelle:<\/b> Such a <i>great<\/i> conversation with Jeff Kemp; I hope you were encouraged.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nYou know, one thing that I kept thinking about, while I was talking to him, was the words of 1 Corinthians 13. In verse 4, you hear these words: \u201cLove is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.\u201d Going on to verse 5: \u201cIt does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nSo the next time\u2014parents and your adult children\u2014you all get together, keep those words in mind when maybe things will get a little heated in a conversation: \u201cLove is patient, love is kind.\u201d Just something to think about as you head into this next week.\n\nHey, next weekend is <i>Valentine\u2019s<\/i> weekend\u2014so chocolate\/roses\u2014all of that kind of stuff. Well we\u2019re going to talk about love next weekend. We\u2019re going to hear from Voddie Baucham; also, Paul David Tripp. Maybe just have some fun with Valentine\u2019s Day. I hope you can join us for that.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThanks for listening. I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Justin Adams. Thank you to our producer, Marques Holt. Justin Adams, pulling double duty, is also our mastering engineer; and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\nOur program is a production of <i>FamilyLife Today<\/i>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\nI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <i>FamilyLife This Week.<\/i>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs? <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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