{"id":306701,"date":"2021-01-29T07:01:05","date_gmt":"2021-01-29T12:01:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/being-intentional-in-your-marriage\/"},"modified":"2021-01-29T07:01:05","modified_gmt":"2021-01-29T12:01:05","slug":"being-intentional-in-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-intentional-in-your-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Being Intentional in Your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>What do we do when we find ourselves drifting apart in marriage? Join hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today as they talk with author and Director of FamilyLife Blended, Ron Deal, about being intentional with our spouses.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tLearn more about the Dates to Remember\u2122 box. https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/dates-to-remember\/<br \/>\n \tDownload FamilyLife&#8217;s new app! https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What do we do when we find ourselves drifting apart in marriage? Dave and Ann Wilson talk with author and Director of FamilyLife Blended, Ron Deal, about being intentional with our spouses.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-01-29.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:54","filesize":"24.63M","filesize_raw":"25822987","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2849,2885],"tags":[2877],"podcast_series":[8425],"cwp_profile":[3647,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306701","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drifting-apart","category-good-marriages-made-better","tag-marriage","podcast_series-maintaining-a-healthy-marriage","cwp_profile-dave-and-ann-wilson","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306701\/being-intentional-in-your-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306701\/being-intentional-in-your-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"o0goLsiV22\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-intentional-in-your-marriage\/\">Being Intentional in Your Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-intentional-in-your-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=o0goLsiV22\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Being Intentional in Your Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"o0goLsiV22\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-01-29.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-01-29.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you have a date night planned as a couple\/husband and wife, are there any rules you should follow for your date night? Ron Deal thinks there are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>One of my rules right now is: \u201cPut the phone down.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Amen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Nan and I have had big conversations around phones being in our hand\/on the table: \u201cHow much does it divert away?\u201d \u201cIf it dings, do we look?\u201d We try to really discipline ourselves\u2014and put it on silent, and put it away\u2014and not let that interrupt our conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>During your whole date?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s hard; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, January 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Sometimes a date, as a couple, can go <em>great<\/em>\u2014right?\u2014and sometimes not so great. How can you improve the odds? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, if I had to come up with a list of some of the cardinal ideas\/the big ideas that have defined what it is we talk about here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, probably at the top of that list would be the idea that the natural drift in every marriage is toward isolation; and that unless we\u2019re intentional, that\u2019s where we\u2019re headed; but we need to be moving, intentionally, toward oneness in marriage rather than the drift towards isolation. That was an \u201cAha!\u201d principle the first time I heard it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>The first time Ann and I heard it was at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> two weeks before we got married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I was just in an inner tube on a river in Steamboat, Colorado; and you talk about drift\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the natural drift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014you\u2019re drifting wherever that river takes you. If you don\u2019t paddle a different way, you\u2019re <em>going<\/em> there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is something we don\u2019t understand in marriage\u2014you\u2019re headed toward isolation; it\u2019s the natural drift\u2014you have to <em>work<\/em> to stop that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, we think that our feelings and love for one another will just <em>naturally<\/em> bring us together down the right path.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We\u2019re not thinking about the drift that\u2019s pulling us backwards.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>To recognize that it <em>is<\/em> natural for you to drift apart rather than for you to drift together, all of a sudden, when you start drifting apart, you go: \u201cOh, this is natural,\u201d and \u201cOh, we better get intentional to start paddling back toward one another,\u201d which is what we want to spend time talking about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon Deal is joining us again; welcome back, Ron.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ron gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; he\u2019s an author and a speaker. You guys all know Ron; I don\u2019t need to explain to you who Ron Deal is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut this idea of intentionality in marriage\u2014couples, who fail at intentionality, wind up looking at each other and going, \u201cHow did we get so far apart from one another?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Nan and I woke up one day, and we were in the drift. Let me tell you\u2014it was an ugly, ugly story. Let me just say this: intentionality\u2014you can think you\u2019re being intentional\u2014and still, somehow, kind of miss it or miss each other. I think, even with the best of intentions\u2014we live our lives, and we do the best we can, and we can be serving the Lord, and doing a lot of great stuff\u2014and then not recognize that we\u2019ve lost touch with each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How long into marriage, when you guys woke up and said, \u201cWe\u2019ve drifted\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, I want to know what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I would say about 15 years in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>At this point you have three sons; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; we have three kids. I\u2019m a family ministry leader; I am teaching and talking, day in and day out, and doing therapy with families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019re an <em>expert<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I\u2019m an expert, and I\u2019m doing the ministry <em>thing<\/em>. In the process, I end up coming into pride and starting to build Ron\u2019s kingdom\u2014shifted away from God\u2019s kingdom\u2014started to build Ron\u2019s kingdom. Nan\u2019s taking care of three kids, under the age of five, somewhere in those early years. We\u2019re going, and blowing, and doing life; and wake up one day, and we have really drifted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did you realize you had drifted? Did your wife say, \u201cWe\u2019ve drifted\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>No; it was more like, \u201cIf something doesn\u2019t change, I\u2019m leaving you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It was a <em>big<\/em> wakeup call.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, of course, I saw all of the little messages that had been coming along, where she was saying: \u201cHey, I\u2019m feeling disconnected,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m feeling disconnected,\u201d \u201cWhere are we?\u201d \u201cHow are we not\u2026\u201d I heard all of that, but didn\u2019t respond to that; or I sort of did, but then sort of didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s so similar to <em>our<\/em> story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It sounds like your ten-year anniversary, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIs this fairly typical?\u201d\u2014where, as wives, we feel like, \u201cOh, he started <em>dating<\/em> his career, and I\u2019ve been left in the dust.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Or a husband\u2019s like, \u201cOh, she started dating the kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, why do you have to say that? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>There you go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>Because<\/em> it\u2019s true for wives, who can\/they\u2019re so focused on what\u2019s going on with the kids that they don\u2019t have any emotional energy left.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Husbands feel left out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There are a <em>million<\/em> things in the world that end becoming the third thing in the midst of our marriages. I think a lot of people today\u2014it\u2019s their phone\u2014I\u2019m not kidding. I think their phone are more important than their us-ness sometimes. The point is\u2014I\u2019ve been there\u2014I think, even with intentionality, and some awareness, and some biblical roots, and being embedded in a Christian community\u2014we can still find ourselves in the drift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t fault people, at this point, in my life. I think, early on, in my pride especially, I was judgmental about folks. But now, I realize, \u201cLook; good-hearted, innocent, loving, God-fearing people can end up, going, \u201cWow, what happened to us?\u201d That is a moment, where you wake up; but it\u2019s also a moment, where you go, \u201cAlright; let\u2019s figure this out and rediscover our \u2018us-ness.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When that happens, you have to diagnose: \u201cDo we just need an adjustment here?\u201d or \u201cDo we need to take this marriage into the shop?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthe car into the shop.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because some couples may look at things and go, \u201cOh, we\u2019ll just make a few adjustments\u201d; and no, they have deeper issues. They need to see a pastor or a counselor\/get something to take care of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know about you, Ron or Bob; I thought that\u2019s all I needed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cJust tweak it a little bit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, I\u2019m like, \u201cIf I don\u2019t go to work and excel there, we don\u2019t have a house,\u201d \u201c\u2026we don\u2019t get a paycheck.\u201d But my marriage: \u201cMy wife loves me; so if I put that just on the back burner, she\u2019s good. But my job is not going to give me that kind of grace.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realized the same thing you did, Ron; it was like, \u201cShe\u2019s been saying things, and I\u2019ve been missing the cues.\u201d All of a sudden, she just said, \u201cI\u2019m done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There really is a third thing in all of our relationships. I mean, your marriage, your us-ness\u2014whatever term you want to use\u2014is the third thing. It\u2019s one thing for Ron to be healthy; it\u2019s another thing for Nan to be healthy. It is a totally different thing to say, \u201cIs our relationship healthy?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think sometimes we oversimplify: \u201cShe loves me,\u201d\u2014kind of like you just said, you know\u2014\u201cI love her; we\u2019re going to be able to figure this thing out.\u201d But I didn\u2019t quite\u2014I remember, in <em>my<\/em> wake-up moment, I had no understanding of how far we had drifted; and therefore, how much work it was going to take to begin to restore that\/to repair that. It was a <em>long<\/em> process, and we needed support and help to get there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThirty-four years in, we are still working on our marriage. There is not a day that doesn\u2019t go by, where there\u2019s not an opportunity to explore something, or reflect back on that hard season and \u201cWhat we can learn from it?\u201d We\u2019re always working on our marriage, because God\u2019s always using our marriage to work on us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re a few laps ahead of you, and you\u2019ll still be working on it when you get to where we are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I was going to say, \u201cWon\u2019t we always be working on our marriages?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cBecause we\u2019ve been talking about it: we all need maintenance.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If a couple is at a point, where they\u2019re starting to sense that drift towards isolation, how can they diagnose: \u201cCan we fix things just by kind of getting back to basics and starting to do some of those things we used to do?\u201d or \u201cWe need to see somebody and get some help.\u201d How can a couple know whether this is big or this is just needing some tweaks?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The analogy I use a lot of times is\u2014it\u2019s kind of like when you get the sniffles and runny nose; and you\u2019re like: \u201cIs this the flu?\u201d \u201cIs it\u2026I don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cCould be a cold; I don\u2019t know.\u201d \u201cOkay; let\u2019s address it, and deal with the symptoms; and after about five days, if it goes away, yes, it was a cold. If it doesn\u2019t go away, then you might need to go see a doctor.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell people all the time: \u201cOkay, let\u2019s re-energize your relationship. Let\u2019s get back to doing some of the things you used to do. Is there some stuff you need to talk through? Okay, right; let\u2019s do that as a part of this.\u201d Just, you know, assume it\u2019s a cold; but if that doesn\u2019t seem to help, well, then you might need to consult a pastor, a counselor, somebody who can really help you look at it more deeply than you can do on your own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This might be where a couple would say, \u201cWe ought to go to one of those <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and do something that\u2019s big and catalytic.\u201d By the way, we just have a handful of those happening this spring, but there may still be a seat available at one or two of them. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, for more information about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That conference has changed <em>thousands<\/em> of marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014tens of thousands over the years; absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt may be that you need one on one with a pastor, or a counselor, or someone in your community who can give you some focused attention and help; or it may be that you just say, \u201cOkay, let\u2019s read a book together\u201d; or our team has just come up with this new date-box kit called <em>Dates to Remember<\/em>. So many couples were saying to us, \u201cThe <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em>, limited seating\u2014we need one of those\u2014but we can\u2019t get to one of those now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe said, \u201cWell, let\u2019s take the date nights from a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, and let\u2019s make that something you can do on your own, in your home, that\u2019s fun and engaging.\u201d Each date has a game that you play together as a couple, a video that you watch, some discussion that happens afterwards, and then there\u2019s an opportunity to pray together. It\u2019s designed to be simple and easy to execute but to get you having conversations you would not otherwise have to get you to start making some of the adjustments in your relationship that can patch up some of the problem spots that may have occurred. Now, all of a sudden, you\u2019re working intentionally to pursue us-ness\/oneness rather than just accepting the natural drift toward isolation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know you, Ron, work with blended couples regularly. Are date nights\u2014or these times of engagement\u2014is this <em>tougher<\/em> in a blended marriage than it is in an intact marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; sometimes you\u2019re dating in a crowd with a blended family, so there are considerations that go along with that. I also think, for some couples, dating can actually be problematic a little bit for blended couples, early on in their marriage. In a biological family, when a couple goes out, it gives a great sense of security to the kids that: \u201cMom and Dad love each other,\u201d and \u201cLook at them smile.\u201d Life is as it should be when that\u2019s the case.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a blended couple goes out, sometimes the children are envious of that and jealous of that: \u201cHey, he\u2019s spending time with Mom; and we\u2019re not. It used to be us that got to be with her.\u201d That can sometimes create this competition between stepchildren and a step-parent, for example; but it\u2019s still the right thing for a blended couple to do. They do need to be mindful of the kids\u2019 feelings about it, and not throw it in their face, for example; but yes, going out still nurtures their us-ness. That\u2019s so important, because they have to lead the blended family <em>from<\/em> their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI recently had a conversation with Mike and Jana Haney for the FamilyLife Blended podcast. We were talking about habits of healthy couples in blended families, and they were talking a little bit about their challenges in doing dates.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jana: <\/strong>We dated for several years without involving our children, and we had some reasons for doing that. Then, when we got married, we would have these plans for the weekends with our children; and we would have trouble. Things wouldn\u2019t go right; we would have issues come up. We would come to the end of the weekend, and we would be disappointed. We would be like, \u201cOh, that didn\u2019t go right. I just wanted to have a perfect weekend.\u201d Then we started realizing that that was just totally wrong to think that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You were building it up into something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jana: <\/strong>We were building it up!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; into: \u201cBoy, we\u2019re going to have this fabulous weekend. The kids are here: we\u2019re going to do this; we\u2019re going to do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jana: <\/strong>It was <em>never<\/em> going to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You couldn\u2019t achieve that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mike: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And then you felt like you were a failure?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jana: <\/strong>Well, we just felt like it was never going to happen. This is when we were dating. We started doing things together with our kids: we would make a plan, and it wouldn\u2019t work out. Then we stopped trying to make those times with our children perfect when we were dating, and we started focusing on what went right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe started <em>counting<\/em> all the things that went right. We discovered that we could come up with a whole lot of moments that went right, and so then that\u2019s what we started focusing on. We would still look at what didn\u2019t go well, and we would talk about what small changes we could make; but then we just started focusing on <em>all<\/em> the good moments. That was how we started counting everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What I love about that is the idea of focusing on what goes right, because how many of us have had date nights that did not go right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Oh, yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m just going to say, \u201cI\u2019m really <em>famous<\/em> for going on a date night and pointing out all the reasons we\u2019ve had a bad week, relationally.\u201d No wonder Dave didn\u2019t want to go on a date with me anymore!\u2014[Laughter]\u2014like, \u201cOh, this is going to be fun; Ann\u2019s going to critique how I was the entire week.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI <em>love<\/em> this: they focused on the positives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; what I really like about what she was saying is\u2014I mean, I was listening to it, as a husband, just now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIt\u2019s sometimes intimidating to go on dates. There\u2019s so much pressure; and now, I\u2019m not having any fun. I\u2019m uptight!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWe could have a fight before this is all over\u201d; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The date can be ruined by my anxiety, all of a sudden. But if you relax and go, \u201cWait a minute; wait a minute. There has to be some nice moments. Quit judging it on: \u2018Was it 100 percent <em>awesome<\/em>?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Great point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, we\u2019re just too hard on ourselves that way. \u201cNo, wait a minute; there has to be some nice elements to this. It\u2019s going to contribute to our us-ness, and that\u2019s okay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; so if you\u2019re coaching couples about dating\/going out together\u2014having a night, where you\u2019re going to focus, \u201cIt\u2019s just the relationship,\u201d\u2014maybe you\u2019ve done it before, and you run out of things to talk about or it hasn\u2019t gone well\u2014are there any rules you would say, \u201cKeep this in mind as you have your date night\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I want Ron to talk about the rules. [Laughter] Let\u2019s talk about the dating rules!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Well, I just want to mention\u2014Ann just gave a great one\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t go on a date and talk about the bad things going on in your relationship.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cDon\u2019t make it a toxic waste-dump of a date\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I will say that, in the grand scheme of life, sometimes on dates, that\u2019s the only time you have to talk about things going on; but in general, we want to try to avoid that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my rules right now is: \u201cPut the phone down.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Amen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Nan and I have had big conversations around phones being in our hand\/on the table: \u201cHow much does it divert away?\u201d \u201cIf it dings, do we look?\u201d We try to really discipline ourselves\u2014and put it on silent, and put it away\u2014and not let that interrupt our conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014during your whole date?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s hard; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; after eight o\u2019 clock at night, we\u2019re doing that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You are?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong><em>Yes<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here\u2019s what\u2019s hard for me in those\u2014and Mary Ann and I\/we have negotiated this\u2014there are times when I can put the phone down, and I can try to give her my undivided attention; but I\u2019m still wondering: \u201cWhat was that about?\u201d \u201cWhat?\u2014it just buzzed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Turn the ding off or put it in the other room, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; still I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on in that other room?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve found this rhythm, where it\u2019s like we\u2019ll have a conversation; and we\u2019ll say, \u201cOkay, time out; check your phone.\u201d We\u2019ll go through that, then we\u2019re back together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Is that <em>enabling<\/em> you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She\u2019s okay with this! She checks her phone too. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay; so here\u2019s the takeaway for the audience listening right now; and that is, you and your wife co-created the rules around when and how we access our phones. Every couple may have a little bit of a different answer; but if you negotiate it, and talk it through, and you can decide together\u2014\u201cAlright, this is acceptable for us,\u201d\u2014then it\u2019s probably a pretty good plan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What matters in that moment on the date is focused attention. We don\u2019t get a lot of focused attention, because we have busy lives. It\u2019s not a bad thing\u2014kids running around\/toddlers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, especially with kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014you\u2019re busy moms\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter\u2014but at some point, you have to say, \u201cThis relationship matters so much I need to be not distracted,\u201d\u2014whether it\u2019s a phone, or a TV in the background, a sports game going on; I\u2019m bouncing a ball while I\u2019m talking to you\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cNo; focus in here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m guilty too\u2014I\u2019m teasing\u2014but when the phone is going off and it\u2019s my kids, I feel like, \u201cOh, this is a priority,\u201d\u2014you can\u2019t get on the phone\u2014\u201cbut this is the kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have also had seasons in our marriage, where something is going on, and I know our regular routine is going to be disrupted. I think back to when I was overseeing <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video project. I was traveling a lot to get video for that, and I was working extra hours to put this whole project together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGoing into the project, I remember Mary Ann and I sitting down and looking at what the next three months were going to look like: how much travel I was going to be doing\/when I was going to be home. \u201cWe both agree this is the right thing to do,\u201d and \u201cYes; it\u2019s going to be hard, so let\u2019s just covenant here that we\u2019re going to get through these months, and then we\u2019re going to build on the other side of that an extended period of time, where we\u2019re shutting everything out, and we\u2019re purposing to come back together.\u201d At the end of a long season, where we know we\u2019re going to be apart, \u201cLet\u2019s build in to get back together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And yet, at the same time, during that season, you still can\u2019t completely check out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You can\u2019t; no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I used to look at Ann, at the beginning of the football season as a chaplain, and say, \u201cHey, is there anything you want to say to me for the next four months?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cbefore January\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m kidding, of course; but it is a busy, busy time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou were doing that [video]; yet still, somehow, you have to be checking in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I was going to say, \u201cThe key to what you and Mary Ann have done is you\u2019ve talked about it together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014a head of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u2018This is going to be happening,\u2019\u2014even\u2014\u2018Let\u2019s touch base, even as this is going on, to make sure we\u2019re doing okay.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I have to add this\u2014because this is <em>our<\/em> life\u2014we\u2019ve had that discussion many times; at least, I have: \u201cHoney, it\u2019s going to be really crazy for the next couple months; but when that\u2019s over, we\u2019ll have a season.\u201d Then we get to the rest season,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and you don\u2019t have the season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and you just keep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m guilty of that. She starts to think, \u201cYou\u2019re <em>never<\/em> going to really make our marriage a priority, because you keep saying that\u201d; but at some point, you have to put up or shut up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Ron, are there any other dating rules you think are important?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, I just think it\u2019s the discipline of doing something constructive. This date box is a great example of it gives you something constructive to talk about. There was a series of books a number of years ago\u2014my friends Dave and Claudia Arp wrote books, <em>10 Great Dates<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s essentially what they did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve learned that, if I go on a date with my wife, and I have one thought-filled, probing question\/just one question I\u2019m going to toss out at some point in the evening\u2014and it\u2019s a little bit about us-ness, or it\u2019s a little bit about our future together, or something that\u2019s really constructive about our relationship\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Give us an example.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>One example was: \u201cWhat are we going to do on vacation?\u201d and \u201cHow can you and I get some extra time, after the kids have joined us on vacation?\u201d\u2014right? That\u2019s <em>months<\/em>, in advance, thinking through that a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA recent one was sort of similar to that. Annually, you should get away as a couple\u2014and retreat and spend time together\u2014it was simply, \u201cWhen and how can we do that?\u2014\u201ccircumstances of our life,\u201d and \u201cWe have things coming,\u201d and \u201cThere\u2019s this we have to work around; and there\u2019s your schedule and my schedule,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s not an easy conversation to have, but it\u2019s an investment. What I\u2019m saying to her is, \u201cYou matter to me, and I really want us to get this on the calendar.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Even something as simple as this: If Ann and I are sitting down at dinner or whatever\u2014it could be sitting on the couch\u2014if you don\u2019t have the money to go out, sit on the couch, put a blanket on; you get the popcorn out. If I would say, \u201cOkay, honey, of these five options, which two would you pick for me to be romantic with you? Hold your hand, kiss you, rub your back, talk to you, write you a love note\u2014top two.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cor vacuum the house.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Okay, six; she\u2019d add one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, that right there, says to her you thought about this\/you planned this; you really do want to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is so good, guys. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Years ago, I remember having dinner with our mutual friend, Dan Allender. He told me about an anniversary date with his wife Becky. He said, at the date, he reached into his jacket pocket; and he pulled out a letter that he handed to her. In that letter he said, \u201cI have been thinking about the gifts I see in you,\u201d\u2014the skills\/the abilities\u2014\u201cwhat you\u2019re really good at.\u201d He had three things: \u201cThese are three things where I see you really shine.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he said, \u201cI\u2019d like to help you grow in these areas.\u201d He said, for example, \u201cHave you thought about taking an art class? I\u2019d be happy to watch the kids on Tuesday night; there\u2019s one at the community college if that\u2019s something you\u2019d like to do.\u201d He had a few other suggestions of things; \u201cIs this something that you\u2019d like to do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point was: \u201cI want to help you thrive and flourish,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about this, and here\u2019s what I\u2019m observing. Let\u2019s talk about that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Everything in that says, \u201cYou matter to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s the meaning\u2014that\u2019s the important point there\u2014but what a creative way of getting there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Again, we\u2019re back to having some intentionality going in; so you don\u2019t just schedule an evening and go, \u201cOkay, now what do we do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s one of the reasons the team put together this date box is to give husbands and wives a simple\/follow the easy instructions, have some fun\u2014something that will jog your conversation a little bit\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We\u2019ve done the work for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right! With Valentine\u2019s Day coming up, this is a <em>win<\/em> for a couple to be able to have some purposeful, meaningful conversation together to draw you closer to one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid Robbins, who\u2019s the president of FamilyLife, has stepped in here. David, as a ministry, we recognize just how essential it is for couples to have these islands\/these moments of time, where they\u2019re focusing on one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, Bob, I know that in my head, and we <em>believe<\/em> that in our hearts; but I actually <em>experienced<\/em> this just a month ago, when I received the prototype of this <em>Dates to Remember<\/em> box. Meg and I went through it. I\u2019m here to tell you\u2014we <em>laughed<\/em> till we cried\u2014and then we talked about this serious place and really unlocked an area that needed to be unlocked. It was a great marriage maintenance tool for us, and I am confident it will be for you as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, again, we hope our listeners will go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about how they can get the <em>Dates to Remember<\/em> date box sent to them. It\u2019s available now; go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information or to order online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014we can answer any questions\u2014you can order by phone: 800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the <em>Dates to Remember<\/em> date box when you give us a call.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend; hope you and your family are able, in some form or fashion, to worship together with your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to start talking about what is maybe one of the biggest challenges we face, as men, and \u201cHow do we deal with that challenge strategically?\u201d We\u2019re going to talk about lust and about pornography; Joe Rigby will be here to help with that. I hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:54"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.63M"],"filesize_raw":["25822987"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306701.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306701.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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do we do when we find ourselves drifting apart in marriage? Dave and Ann Wilson talk with author and Director of FamilyLife Blended, Ron Deal, about being intentional with our spouses.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-01-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you have a date night planned as a couple\/husband and wife, are there any rules you should follow for your date night? Ron Deal thinks there are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>One of my rules right now is: \u201cPut the phone down.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Amen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Nan and I have had big conversations around phones being in our hand\/on the table: \u201cHow much does it divert away?\u201d \u201cIf it dings, do we look?\u201d We try to really discipline ourselves\u2014and put it on silent, and put it away\u2014and not let that interrupt our conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>During your whole date?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s hard; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, January 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Sometimes a date, as a couple, can go <em>great<\/em>\u2014right?\u2014and sometimes not so great. How can you improve the odds? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, if I had to come up with a list of some of the cardinal ideas\/the big ideas that have defined what it is we talk about here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, probably at the top of that list would be the idea that the natural drift in every marriage is toward isolation; and that unless we\u2019re intentional, that\u2019s where we\u2019re headed; but we need to be moving, intentionally, toward oneness in marriage rather than the drift towards isolation. That was an \u201cAha!\u201d principle the first time I heard it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>The first time Ann and I heard it was at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> two weeks before we got married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I was just in an inner tube on a river in Steamboat, Colorado; and you talk about drift\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the natural drift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014you\u2019re drifting wherever that river takes you. If you don\u2019t paddle a different way, you\u2019re <em>going<\/em> there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is something we don\u2019t understand in marriage\u2014you\u2019re headed toward isolation; it\u2019s the natural drift\u2014you have to <em>work<\/em> to stop that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, we think that our feelings and love for one another will just <em>naturally<\/em> bring us together down the right path.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We\u2019re not thinking about the drift that\u2019s pulling us backwards.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>To recognize that it <em>is<\/em> natural for you to drift apart rather than for you to drift together, all of a sudden, when you start drifting apart, you go: \u201cOh, this is natural,\u201d and \u201cOh, we better get intentional to start paddling back toward one another,\u201d which is what we want to spend time talking about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon Deal is joining us again; welcome back, Ron.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ron gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; he\u2019s an author and a speaker. You guys all know Ron; I don\u2019t need to explain to you who Ron Deal is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut this idea of intentionality in marriage\u2014couples, who fail at intentionality, wind up looking at each other and going, \u201cHow did we get so far apart from one another?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Nan and I woke up one day, and we were in the drift. Let me tell you\u2014it was an ugly, ugly story. Let me just say this: intentionality\u2014you can think you\u2019re being intentional\u2014and still, somehow, kind of miss it or miss each other. I think, even with the best of intentions\u2014we live our lives, and we do the best we can, and we can be serving the Lord, and doing a lot of great stuff\u2014and then not recognize that we\u2019ve lost touch with each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How long into marriage, when you guys woke up and said, \u201cWe\u2019ve drifted\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, I want to know what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I would say about 15 years in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>At this point you have three sons; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; we have three kids. I\u2019m a family ministry leader; I am teaching and talking, day in and day out, and doing therapy with families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019re an <em>expert<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I\u2019m an expert, and I\u2019m doing the ministry <em>thing<\/em>. In the process, I end up coming into pride and starting to build Ron\u2019s kingdom\u2014shifted away from God\u2019s kingdom\u2014started to build Ron\u2019s kingdom. Nan\u2019s taking care of three kids, under the age of five, somewhere in those early years. We\u2019re going, and blowing, and doing life; and wake up one day, and we have really drifted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did you realize you had drifted? Did your wife say, \u201cWe\u2019ve drifted\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>No; it was more like, \u201cIf something doesn\u2019t change, I\u2019m leaving you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It was a <em>big<\/em> wakeup call.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, of course, I saw all of the little messages that had been coming along, where she was saying: \u201cHey, I\u2019m feeling disconnected,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m feeling disconnected,\u201d \u201cWhere are we?\u201d \u201cHow are we not\u2026\u201d I heard all of that, but didn\u2019t respond to that; or I sort of did, but then sort of didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s so similar to <em>our<\/em> story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It sounds like your ten-year anniversary, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIs this fairly typical?\u201d\u2014where, as wives, we feel like, \u201cOh, he started <em>dating<\/em> his career, and I\u2019ve been left in the dust.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Or a husband\u2019s like, \u201cOh, she started dating the kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, why do you have to say that? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>There you go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>Because<\/em> it\u2019s true for wives, who can\/they\u2019re so focused on what\u2019s going on with the kids that they don\u2019t have any emotional energy left.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Husbands feel left out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There are a <em>million<\/em> things in the world that end becoming the third thing in the midst of our marriages. I think a lot of people today\u2014it\u2019s their phone\u2014I\u2019m not kidding. I think their phone are more important than their us-ness sometimes. The point is\u2014I\u2019ve been there\u2014I think, even with intentionality, and some awareness, and some biblical roots, and being embedded in a Christian community\u2014we can still find ourselves in the drift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t fault people, at this point, in my life. I think, early on, in my pride especially, I was judgmental about folks. But now, I realize, \u201cLook; good-hearted, innocent, loving, God-fearing people can end up, going, \u201cWow, what happened to us?\u201d That is a moment, where you wake up; but it\u2019s also a moment, where you go, \u201cAlright; let\u2019s figure this out and rediscover our \u2018us-ness.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When that happens, you have to diagnose: \u201cDo we just need an adjustment here?\u201d or \u201cDo we need to take this marriage into the shop?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthe car into the shop.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because some couples may look at things and go, \u201cOh, we\u2019ll just make a few adjustments\u201d; and no, they have deeper issues. They need to see a pastor or a counselor\/get something to take care of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know about you, Ron or Bob; I thought that\u2019s all I needed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cJust tweak it a little bit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, I\u2019m like, \u201cIf I don\u2019t go to work and excel there, we don\u2019t have a house,\u201d \u201c\u2026we don\u2019t get a paycheck.\u201d But my marriage: \u201cMy wife loves me; so if I put that just on the back burner, she\u2019s good. But my job is not going to give me that kind of grace.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realized the same thing you did, Ron; it was like, \u201cShe\u2019s been saying things, and I\u2019ve been missing the cues.\u201d All of a sudden, she just said, \u201cI\u2019m done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There really is a third thing in all of our relationships. I mean, your marriage, your us-ness\u2014whatever term you want to use\u2014is the third thing. It\u2019s one thing for Ron to be healthy; it\u2019s another thing for Nan to be healthy. It is a totally different thing to say, \u201cIs our relationship healthy?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think sometimes we oversimplify: \u201cShe loves me,\u201d\u2014kind of like you just said, you know\u2014\u201cI love her; we\u2019re going to be able to figure this thing out.\u201d But I didn\u2019t quite\u2014I remember, in <em>my<\/em> wake-up moment, I had no understanding of how far we had drifted; and therefore, how much work it was going to take to begin to restore that\/to repair that. It was a <em>long<\/em> process, and we needed support and help to get there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThirty-four years in, we are still working on our marriage. There is not a day that doesn\u2019t go by, where there\u2019s not an opportunity to explore something, or reflect back on that hard season and \u201cWhat we can learn from it?\u201d We\u2019re always working on our marriage, because God\u2019s always using our marriage to work on us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re a few laps ahead of you, and you\u2019ll still be working on it when you get to where we are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I was going to say, \u201cWon\u2019t we always be working on our marriages?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cBecause we\u2019ve been talking about it: we all need maintenance.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If a couple is at a point, where they\u2019re starting to sense that drift towards isolation, how can they diagnose: \u201cCan we fix things just by kind of getting back to basics and starting to do some of those things we used to do?\u201d or \u201cWe need to see somebody and get some help.\u201d How can a couple know whether this is big or this is just needing some tweaks?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The analogy I use a lot of times is\u2014it\u2019s kind of like when you get the sniffles and runny nose; and you\u2019re like: \u201cIs this the flu?\u201d \u201cIs it\u2026I don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cCould be a cold; I don\u2019t know.\u201d \u201cOkay; let\u2019s address it, and deal with the symptoms; and after about five days, if it goes away, yes, it was a cold. If it doesn\u2019t go away, then you might need to go see a doctor.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell people all the time: \u201cOkay, let\u2019s re-energize your relationship. Let\u2019s get back to doing some of the things you used to do. Is there some stuff you need to talk through? Okay, right; let\u2019s do that as a part of this.\u201d Just, you know, assume it\u2019s a cold; but if that doesn\u2019t seem to help, well, then you might need to consult a pastor, a counselor, somebody who can really help you look at it more deeply than you can do on your own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This might be where a couple would say, \u201cWe ought to go to one of those <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and do something that\u2019s big and catalytic.\u201d By the way, we just have a handful of those happening this spring, but there may still be a seat available at one or two of them. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, for more information about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That conference has changed <em>thousands<\/em> of marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014tens of thousands over the years; absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt may be that you need one on one with a pastor, or a counselor, or someone in your community who can give you some focused attention and help; or it may be that you just say, \u201cOkay, let\u2019s read a book together\u201d; or our team has just come up with this new date-box kit called <em>Dates to Remember<\/em>. So many couples were saying to us, \u201cThe <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em>, limited seating\u2014we need one of those\u2014but we can\u2019t get to one of those now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe said, \u201cWell, let\u2019s take the date nights from a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, and let\u2019s make that something you can do on your own, in your home, that\u2019s fun and engaging.\u201d Each date has a game that you play together as a couple, a video that you watch, some discussion that happens afterwards, and then there\u2019s an opportunity to pray together. It\u2019s designed to be simple and easy to execute but to get you having conversations you would not otherwise have to get you to start making some of the adjustments in your relationship that can patch up some of the problem spots that may have occurred. Now, all of a sudden, you\u2019re working intentionally to pursue us-ness\/oneness rather than just accepting the natural drift toward isolation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know you, Ron, work with blended couples regularly. Are date nights\u2014or these times of engagement\u2014is this <em>tougher<\/em> in a blended marriage than it is in an intact marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; sometimes you\u2019re dating in a crowd with a blended family, so there are considerations that go along with that. I also think, for some couples, dating can actually be problematic a little bit for blended couples, early on in their marriage. In a biological family, when a couple goes out, it gives a great sense of security to the kids that: \u201cMom and Dad love each other,\u201d and \u201cLook at them smile.\u201d Life is as it should be when that\u2019s the case.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a blended couple goes out, sometimes the children are envious of that and jealous of that: \u201cHey, he\u2019s spending time with Mom; and we\u2019re not. It used to be us that got to be with her.\u201d That can sometimes create this competition between stepchildren and a step-parent, for example; but it\u2019s still the right thing for a blended couple to do. They do need to be mindful of the kids\u2019 feelings about it, and not throw it in their face, for example; but yes, going out still nurtures their us-ness. That\u2019s so important, because they have to lead the blended family <em>from<\/em> their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI recently had a conversation with Mike and Jana Haney for the FamilyLife Blended podcast. We were talking about habits of healthy couples in blended families, and they were talking a little bit about their challenges in doing dates.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jana: <\/strong>We dated for several years without involving our children, and we had some reasons for doing that. Then, when we got married, we would have these plans for the weekends with our children; and we would have trouble. Things wouldn\u2019t go right; we would have issues come up. We would come to the end of the weekend, and we would be disappointed. We would be like, \u201cOh, that didn\u2019t go right. I just wanted to have a perfect weekend.\u201d Then we started realizing that that was just totally wrong to think that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You were building it up into something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jana: <\/strong>We were building it up!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; into: \u201cBoy, we\u2019re going to have this fabulous weekend. The kids are here: we\u2019re going to do this; we\u2019re going to do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jana: <\/strong>It was <em>never<\/em> going to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You couldn\u2019t achieve that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mike: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And then you felt like you were a failure?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jana: <\/strong>Well, we just felt like it was never going to happen. This is when we were dating. We started doing things together with our kids: we would make a plan, and it wouldn\u2019t work out. Then we stopped trying to make those times with our children perfect when we were dating, and we started focusing on what went right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe started <em>counting<\/em> all the things that went right. We discovered that we could come up with a whole lot of moments that went right, and so then that\u2019s what we started focusing on. We would still look at what didn\u2019t go well, and we would talk about what small changes we could make; but then we just started focusing on <em>all<\/em> the good moments. That was how we started counting everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What I love about that is the idea of focusing on what goes right, because how many of us have had date nights that did not go right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Oh, yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m just going to say, \u201cI\u2019m really <em>famous<\/em> for going on a date night and pointing out all the reasons we\u2019ve had a bad week, relationally.\u201d No wonder Dave didn\u2019t want to go on a date with me anymore!\u2014[Laughter]\u2014like, \u201cOh, this is going to be fun; Ann\u2019s going to critique how I was the entire week.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI <em>love<\/em> this: they focused on the positives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; what I really like about what she was saying is\u2014I mean, I was listening to it, as a husband, just now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIt\u2019s sometimes intimidating to go on dates. There\u2019s so much pressure; and now, I\u2019m not having any fun. I\u2019m uptight!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWe could have a fight before this is all over\u201d; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The date can be ruined by my anxiety, all of a sudden. But if you relax and go, \u201cWait a minute; wait a minute. There has to be some nice moments. Quit judging it on: \u2018Was it 100 percent <em>awesome<\/em>?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Great point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, we\u2019re just too hard on ourselves that way. \u201cNo, wait a minute; there has to be some nice elements to this. It\u2019s going to contribute to our us-ness, and that\u2019s okay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; so if you\u2019re coaching couples about dating\/going out together\u2014having a night, where you\u2019re going to focus, \u201cIt\u2019s just the relationship,\u201d\u2014maybe you\u2019ve done it before, and you run out of things to talk about or it hasn\u2019t gone well\u2014are there any rules you would say, \u201cKeep this in mind as you have your date night\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I want Ron to talk about the rules. [Laughter] Let\u2019s talk about the dating rules!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Well, I just want to mention\u2014Ann just gave a great one\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t go on a date and talk about the bad things going on in your relationship.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cDon\u2019t make it a toxic waste-dump of a date\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I will say that, in the grand scheme of life, sometimes on dates, that\u2019s the only time you have to talk about things going on; but in general, we want to try to avoid that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my rules right now is: \u201cPut the phone down.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Amen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Nan and I have had big conversations around phones being in our hand\/on the table: \u201cHow much does it divert away?\u201d \u201cIf it dings, do we look?\u201d We try to really discipline ourselves\u2014and put it on silent, and put it away\u2014and not let that interrupt our conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014during your whole date?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s hard; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; after eight o\u2019 clock at night, we\u2019re doing that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You are?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong><em>Yes<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here\u2019s what\u2019s hard for me in those\u2014and Mary Ann and I\/we have negotiated this\u2014there are times when I can put the phone down, and I can try to give her my undivided attention; but I\u2019m still wondering: \u201cWhat was that about?\u201d \u201cWhat?\u2014it just buzzed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Turn the ding off or put it in the other room, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; still I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on in that other room?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve found this rhythm, where it\u2019s like we\u2019ll have a conversation; and we\u2019ll say, \u201cOkay, time out; check your phone.\u201d We\u2019ll go through that, then we\u2019re back together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Is that <em>enabling<\/em> you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She\u2019s okay with this! She checks her phone too. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay; so here\u2019s the takeaway for the audience listening right now; and that is, you and your wife co-created the rules around when and how we access our phones. Every couple may have a little bit of a different answer; but if you negotiate it, and talk it through, and you can decide together\u2014\u201cAlright, this is acceptable for us,\u201d\u2014then it\u2019s probably a pretty good plan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What matters in that moment on the date is focused attention. We don\u2019t get a lot of focused attention, because we have busy lives. It\u2019s not a bad thing\u2014kids running around\/toddlers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, especially with kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014you\u2019re busy moms\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter\u2014but at some point, you have to say, \u201cThis relationship matters so much I need to be not distracted,\u201d\u2014whether it\u2019s a phone, or a TV in the background, a sports game going on; I\u2019m bouncing a ball while I\u2019m talking to you\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cNo; focus in here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m guilty too\u2014I\u2019m teasing\u2014but when the phone is going off and it\u2019s my kids, I feel like, \u201cOh, this is a priority,\u201d\u2014you can\u2019t get on the phone\u2014\u201cbut this is the kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have also had seasons in our marriage, where something is going on, and I know our regular routine is going to be disrupted. I think back to when I was overseeing <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video project. I was traveling a lot to get video for that, and I was working extra hours to put this whole project together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGoing into the project, I remember Mary Ann and I sitting down and looking at what the next three months were going to look like: how much travel I was going to be doing\/when I was going to be home. \u201cWe both agree this is the right thing to do,\u201d and \u201cYes; it\u2019s going to be hard, so let\u2019s just covenant here that we\u2019re going to get through these months, and then we\u2019re going to build on the other side of that an extended period of time, where we\u2019re shutting everything out, and we\u2019re purposing to come back together.\u201d At the end of a long season, where we know we\u2019re going to be apart, \u201cLet\u2019s build in to get back together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And yet, at the same time, during that season, you still can\u2019t completely check out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You can\u2019t; no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I used to look at Ann, at the beginning of the football season as a chaplain, and say, \u201cHey, is there anything you want to say to me for the next four months?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cbefore January\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m kidding, of course; but it is a busy, busy time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou were doing that [video]; yet still, somehow, you have to be checking in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I was going to say, \u201cThe key to what you and Mary Ann have done is you\u2019ve talked about it together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014a head of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u2018This is going to be happening,\u2019\u2014even\u2014\u2018Let\u2019s touch base, even as this is going on, to make sure we\u2019re doing okay.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I have to add this\u2014because this is <em>our<\/em> life\u2014we\u2019ve had that discussion many times; at least, I have: \u201cHoney, it\u2019s going to be really crazy for the next couple months; but when that\u2019s over, we\u2019ll have a season.\u201d Then we get to the rest season,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and you don\u2019t have the season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and you just keep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m guilty of that. She starts to think, \u201cYou\u2019re <em>never<\/em> going to really make our marriage a priority, because you keep saying that\u201d; but at some point, you have to put up or shut up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Ron, are there any other dating rules you think are important?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, I just think it\u2019s the discipline of doing something constructive. This date box is a great example of it gives you something constructive to talk about. There was a series of books a number of years ago\u2014my friends Dave and Claudia Arp wrote books, <em>10 Great Dates<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s essentially what they did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve learned that, if I go on a date with my wife, and I have one thought-filled, probing question\/just one question I\u2019m going to toss out at some point in the evening\u2014and it\u2019s a little bit about us-ness, or it\u2019s a little bit about our future together, or something that\u2019s really constructive about our relationship\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Give us an example.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>One example was: \u201cWhat are we going to do on vacation?\u201d and \u201cHow can you and I get some extra time, after the kids have joined us on vacation?\u201d\u2014right? That\u2019s <em>months<\/em>, in advance, thinking through that a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA recent one was sort of similar to that. Annually, you should get away as a couple\u2014and retreat and spend time together\u2014it was simply, \u201cWhen and how can we do that?\u2014\u201ccircumstances of our life,\u201d and \u201cWe have things coming,\u201d and \u201cThere\u2019s this we have to work around; and there\u2019s your schedule and my schedule,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s not an easy conversation to have, but it\u2019s an investment. What I\u2019m saying to her is, \u201cYou matter to me, and I really want us to get this on the calendar.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Even something as simple as this: If Ann and I are sitting down at dinner or whatever\u2014it could be sitting on the couch\u2014if you don\u2019t have the money to go out, sit on the couch, put a blanket on; you get the popcorn out. If I would say, \u201cOkay, honey, of these five options, which two would you pick for me to be romantic with you? Hold your hand, kiss you, rub your back, talk to you, write you a love note\u2014top two.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cor vacuum the house.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Okay, six; she\u2019d add one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, that right there, says to her you thought about this\/you planned this; you really do want to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is so good, guys. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Years ago, I remember having dinner with our mutual friend, Dan Allender. He told me about an anniversary date with his wife Becky. He said, at the date, he reached into his jacket pocket; and he pulled out a letter that he handed to her. In that letter he said, \u201cI have been thinking about the gifts I see in you,\u201d\u2014the skills\/the abilities\u2014\u201cwhat you\u2019re really good at.\u201d He had three things: \u201cThese are three things where I see you really shine.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he said, \u201cI\u2019d like to help you grow in these areas.\u201d He said, for example, \u201cHave you thought about taking an art class? I\u2019d be happy to watch the kids on Tuesday night; there\u2019s one at the community college if that\u2019s something you\u2019d like to do.\u201d He had a few other suggestions of things; \u201cIs this something that you\u2019d like to do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point was: \u201cI want to help you thrive and flourish,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about this, and here\u2019s what I\u2019m observing. Let\u2019s talk about that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Everything in that says, \u201cYou matter to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s the meaning\u2014that\u2019s the important point there\u2014but what a creative way of getting there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Again, we\u2019re back to having some intentionality going in; so you don\u2019t just schedule an evening and go, \u201cOkay, now what do we do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s one of the reasons the team put together this date box is to give husbands and wives a simple\/follow the easy instructions, have some fun\u2014something that will jog your conversation a little bit\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We\u2019ve done the work for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right! With Valentine\u2019s Day coming up, this is a <em>win<\/em> for a couple to be able to have some purposeful, meaningful conversation together to draw you closer to one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid Robbins, who\u2019s the president of FamilyLife, has stepped in here. David, as a ministry, we recognize just how essential it is for couples to have these islands\/these moments of time, where they\u2019re focusing on one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, Bob, I know that in my head, and we <em>believe<\/em> that in our hearts; but I actually <em>experienced<\/em> this just a month ago, when I received the prototype of this <em>Dates to Remember<\/em> box. Meg and I went through it. I\u2019m here to tell you\u2014we <em>laughed<\/em> till we cried\u2014and then we talked about this serious place and really unlocked an area that needed to be unlocked. It was a great marriage maintenance tool for us, and I am confident it will be for you as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, again, we hope our listeners will go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about how they can get the <em>Dates to Remember<\/em> date box sent to them. It\u2019s available now; go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information or to order online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014we can answer any questions\u2014you can order by phone: 800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the <em>Dates to Remember<\/em> date box when you give us a call.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend; hope you and your family are able, in some form or fashion, to worship together with your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to start talking about what is maybe one of the biggest challenges we face, as men, and \u201cHow do we deal with that challenge strategically?\u201d We\u2019re going to talk about lust and about pornography; Joe Rigby will be here to help with that. I hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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