{"id":306679,"date":"2021-01-14T07:01:05","date_gmt":"2021-01-14T12:01:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/introverts-and-relationships\/"},"modified":"2021-01-14T07:01:05","modified_gmt":"2021-01-14T12:01:05","slug":"introverts-and-relationships","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/introverts-and-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Introverts and Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Are you or your spouse introverted? Join hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today as they talk with author Holley Gerth about celebrating the spouse God has given us.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind more from Holley Gerth and take the &#8220;What % Introvert are YOU?&#8221; quiz.\u00a0 https:\/\/holleygerth.com\/<br \/>\n \tFind out more from Chap Bettis&#8217;s book The Disciple-Making Parent. \u00a0http:\/\/thedisciplemakingparent.com<br \/>\n \tDownload FamilyLife&#8217;s new app! https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you or your spouse introverted? Join hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today as they talk with author Holley Gerth about celebrating the spouse God has given us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-01-14.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:17","filesize":"24.98M","filesize_raw":"26198657","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2848,2873,2862],"tags":[6966],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9686],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306679","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultural-issues","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","category-understanding-differences","tag-introverts","cwp_profile-holley-gerth","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306679\/introverts-and-relationships","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306679\/introverts-and-relationships","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"WzLm78JZ5D\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/introverts-and-relationships\/\">Introverts and Relationships<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/introverts-and-relationships\/embed\/#?secret=WzLm78JZ5D\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Introverts and Relationships&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"WzLm78JZ5D\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-01-14.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2021-01-14.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Most often in marriage, one spouse will lean more in the direction of being an extrovert; the other will lean in the direction of being an introvert. Can that cause problems in a marriage? Holley Gerth says it can, but it doesn\u2019t have to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Say you know this, going into marriage\u2014you\u2019re engaged maybe\u2014you say, \u201cWhat\u2019s your ideal weekend?\u201d and listen to that person\u2019s answer. If it\u2019s different than yours, then it\u2019s figuring out: \u201cWhat does that look like?\u201d Maybe, \u201cOkay, every Friday night we are going out with our friends; every Saturday morning, we are sleeping in,\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s our strategy. You try it; and if it works, you continue. If it doesn\u2019t, you try something else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s better to have those conversations, upfront, instead of it being Friday night and one saying, \u201cI\u2019m out\u201d; the other saying, \u201cLet\u2019s go\u201d; or Saturday morning, and the other way around. I think any two people God calls together can absolutely make a relationship work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. What are strategies we can employ, as couples, to help introverts and extroverts get along with one another better? We\u2019ll talk about some of those ideas today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m trying to wrap my head this week around this whole idea of introversion\/extroversion\u2014what it is. Part of the reason for this is I\u2019ve told people, over the years, that if we walk into a room, and there\u2019s a microphone there, I am drawn immediately to it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So is Dave; what is this with you two?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIs this on?\u201d \u201cCan I get up? Can I perform?\u201d\u2014right? MaryAnn wants to leave the room immediately if she sees a microphone, because it might pick her up from the far corner. Her aversion to speaking is matched only by my delight in it. And yet our guest, who is joining us again today, Holley Gerth\u2014Holley, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014who is behind a microphone at this very moment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes, at this very moment; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014an introvert behind a microphone. She\u2019s written a book called <em>The Powerful Purpose of Introverts: Why the World Needs You to be You<\/em>. We\u2019re talking about that this week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou said, as we talked earlier, that you had given a keynote at some event; and I thought, \u201cIntroverts don\u2019t give keynotes.\u201d I mean, introverts stay away from that kind of thing; so I\u2019m still trying to wrap my head around what it is. Can an introvert be a public speaker, who likes a microphone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Absolutely, yes; many of the top public speakers, actually, according to the Speakers Bureau, are introverts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So its <em>not<\/em> a fear of being in front of the crowd that makes you an introvert; it\u2019s not that you just want to be alone all the time; it\u2019s not that you don\u2019t like people; it\u2019s that you don\u2019t get energy from what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> It\u2019s that we have a preference for minimally-stimulating environments. When there\u2019s a lot going on outside for an extended amount of time, it\u2019s eventually exhausting to us. We need to pull back and process, and then we\u2019re ready for more. That\u2019s really the difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When you walk off the stage after a keynote, is your inclination like, \u201cI\u2019d like to go to my room now\u201d; or are you thinking, \u201cI\u2019d really enjoy talking to the people I just talked to\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I usually take a nap.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Literally, like my tank is at zero. The talk before and after the microphone is, actually, much harder for me. Because, often, introverts can speak well because we\u2019re good at preparing. We are thoughtful and reflective; we have a message, often, we want to share\u2014ideas we\u2019ve spent time coming up with. We care about getting that out to people; we can speak and share that. That\u2019s more comfortable, a lot of times,44 than doing an hour of mingling at the cocktail party after.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But it\u2019s not because you don\u2019t love people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> No, we equally love people; introverts and extroverts equally love people. Just the settings we likely prefer to engage with them are different. I would rather have coffee with one person and talk to them for two hours; where I\u2019m thinking, extroverts, you might prefer to have more than one person that you get to have a conversation with in that amount of time. Or you\u2019d like to have a dinner party at your house, where you get to have a lot of people that you love around the table. If you think about that\u2014not in terms of people\u2014but in terms of how much is going on that your nervous system has to process, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> the big difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m hearing this and thinking part of me feels introverted and part of me feels extroverted. I mean, I would rather have a one-on-one conversation with somebody, but I also can multitask and like a lot going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re bio-verted. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Or there\u2019s this phrase\u2014you\u2019ve heard it; right?\u2014where people say, \u201cI\u2019m an ambi-vert\u201d; but you go, \u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s a real thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes, for the most part, I don\u2019t think we\u2019re ambi-verts. There\u2019s been studies that follow people from infanthood through adulthood; and these characteristics show up, starting when they\u2019re little bitty\u2014like you talked about your son, his entire life, has showed introverted characteristics. For that reason, and it is based on brain and nervous system wiring like we talked about, I think we are usually one or the other. That being said, it\u2019s like being right- or left-handed. We use both of our hands, all day every day; but there\u2019s one that is usually stronger than the other and that we rely on more, especially in certain situations or for particular tasks. Again, we\u2019re all on a continuum. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, you could definitely have parts of you that look a little more introverted. It\u2019s just: \u201cAt the end of the day, which one is a little more dominant for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019ve had our counselor describe it to us as \u201cOh, you\u2019ve matured in your extroversion.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Which was an interesting way of saying it in terms of we kind of know what we are\/what we need, but we\u2019re okay with going to the other side with introverts, knowing how to treat them, how to get along with them, and how to appreciate them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about when MaryAnn and I met. I don\u2019t know that I stopped to even think: \u201cIs she an introvert or an extrovert?\u201d I was attracted to who she was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You just thought \u201cOh she\u2019s pretty.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, \u201cShe\u2019s pretty, and she\u2019s smart, and I like talking to her.\u201d Of course, when you meet somebody like this, what you lock onto is all of the things you have in common rather than stopping to think about all of the things that are different about you; right? So it was only later that I recognized: \u201cOh, there\u2019s a lot that is different about her,\u201d and \u201cShe is more introverted than I am.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow important do you think it is, Holley, for people who are dating\u2014getting to know one another, thinking about marriage\u2014to stop and ask the question: \u201cFirst of all, what am I? What are you?\u201d and \u201cIs this thing going to work?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s very important; because it does impact all different areas of our lives\u2014from relationships, to work, to daily life, what we do on the weekends\u2014and so having that self-awareness, I think, is important. I think that we all go through life with one of three perspectives: either self-critical, where we\u2019re really hard on ourselves\u2014leads to insecurity\/self-focus, which is more pride and that end of the spectrum\u2014or self-awareness, which is what David was expressing in Psalm 139, which was: \u201cI praise You because I\u2019m fearfully and wonderfully made.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we understand ourselves, it leads to praise not to pride. It also helps us understand others. The most self-aware people I know are also the most other-aware. Because, when you understand who you are, you recognize when someone is different than you; and you can appreciate it rather than it feeling like a threat. I would say, for couples who are dating, absolutely, there\u2019s lots of great assessments out there that tell you if you\u2019re an introvert or extrovert. I have a one-minute quiz on my site, where you can find out what percent introvert you are; because we all have a little introvert in us. You can do that, but I think it\u2019s a piece to understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat being said, the most common pairing in marriages is introvert and extrovert. Again, I think it goes back to that we see in creation; God did a lot of complementary pairings: day and night, land and sea, masculine\/feminine. I <em>really<\/em> believe introvert and extrovert is another one of those pairings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We do have a link on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com to the quiz you\u2019re talking about. If listeners want to do that one-minute quiz and figure out, \u201cWhere am I here?\u201d you can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Can kids do that? Can you do that with your kids on the site?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes, yes4.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But you\u2019re not saying, if a couple\u2019s dating, and they realize by taking your quiz or another way\u2014\u201cI\u2019m an extreme extrovert; I\u2019m all the way on the far end of the continuum,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m dating a woman, who\u2019s an extreme introvert,\u201d are you saying, \u201cDon\u2019t continue\u201d? Everything else lines up, but this one\u2019s way apart; what do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I would say educate yourself about yourselves and each other so that you can make strategic decisions together about what life is going to look like and so you don\u2019t take it personally when that person acts out who they are. For example, when an introvert is taking time to process or needs solitude, it can feel like holding back or rejection; but it\u2019s actually not. That introvert is actually giving their full mental strength to what you have just said, and that means they have to be quiet for a moment. Where it can feel like dismissal, it\u2019s actually they\u2019re expressing how much they value you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> When you\u2019re in the midst of a conflict, what would be a good thing for the extrovert to say to the introvert, who\u2019s pulling back\u2014or the introvert to say, \u201cHere\u2019s what\u2019s happening,\u201d\u2014because we make a lot of assumptions in conflict or in relationships. What would that look like for the extrovert to say what?\u2014as you sense your spouse pulling back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think saying, \u201cIt feels like you\u2019re getting a little overwhelmed; do you need some time to process? Can we circle back to this?\u201d Then pick a time because, when it comes to fight or flight, extraverts are more likely to fight and introverts are more likely to flight. You don\u2019t want to let them just run off forever; set a time to come back together and discuss it again. I think it\u2019s really about being intentional and strategic. I think any two people\u2014who say, \u201cWe are going to practice self-awareness so that we can also practice other-awareness. We\u2019re going to be intentional, and we\u2019re going to be strategic,\u201d\u2014can make the relationship work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s having conversations like: \u201cOkay, what\u2019s your ideal weekend?\u201d when you\u2019re dating. Say you know this going into marriage\u2014you\u2019re engaged maybe\u2014you say, \u201cWhat\u2019s your ideal weekend?\u201d and listen to that person\u2019s answer. If it\u2019s different than yours, then it\u2019s figuring out: \u201cWhat does that look like?\u201d\u2014so maybe\u2014\u201cOkay; every Friday night, we are going out with our friends; every Saturday morning, we are sleeping in\u201d; and that\u2019s our strategy. You try it; and if it works, you continue. If it doesn\u2019t, you try something else. It\u2019s better to have those conversations, upfront, instead of it being Friday night, and one saying, \u201cI\u2019m out\u201d; the other saying, \u201cLet\u2019s go\u201d; or Saturday morning, and the other way around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think any two people God calls together can absolutely make a relationship work; but I think it starts with understanding and a lack of shaming, or guilt, or judgment to just say, \u201cHelp me be curious about you.\u201d Choosing curiosity over condemnation, I think, is so essential.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And even getting\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right\u2014even getting to the place of: \u201cI\u2019m not just going to <em>tolerate<\/em> it; I want to get to a <em>celebration<\/em> of her introversion,\u201d or \u201c\u2026his introversion or extroversion\u201d; because you get to a place where it\u2019s like, \u201cOh, okay; we\u2019re not going to go out again, because <em>she<\/em> doesn\u2019t want to,\u201d\u2014rather than\u2014\u201cThis is awesome; she\u2019s actually balancing me by saying, \u2018Let\u2019s stay home tonight.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about receiving your mate as God\u2019s perfect provision for you. One of the things we talk about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You ever heard that phrase?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014we talk about this all the time at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae <\/sup>marriage getaway\u2014that we can\u2019t just accept our spouse\u2014we have to receive our spouse and receive the good gift God has given us. That good gift is going to include differences that may seem like sandpaper at the time but are actually designed by God to be good for us and good for our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s another question: \u201cIs it okay for an extrovert, who is married to an introvert, to go out with the guys? Or she goes out with the girls; because she wants energy and her husband or spouse is saying, \u2018I\u2019d rather stay home.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s good, and I\u2019m celebrating that; but every once and a while, I just\u2014and sometimes you think, \u201cI should never go out with the guys.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I say that to Dave, \u201cYou need way more friends; you need like <em>hundreds<\/em> of them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and \u201cWould you please get out of the house and leave me alone for a little bit?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes; I think that\u2019s actually a great strategy\u2014is to say, if one spouse has a higher social need than the other\u2014to say, \u201cYou have permission to go out with your friends when you need that.\u201d That usually works well because then the introvert gets their solitude, and then everybody comes back together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, that\u2019s another strategy of just saying: \u201cWhat are some other ways we can get this need met in your life?\u201d\u2014whether it\u2019s\/I hear that a lot\u2014permission to go out with your friends; or maybe, it\u2019s an introvert momma, who\u2019s home with kiddos all day, and she needs a partner, who\u2019s going to say, \u201cI\u2019ll take the kids; you go to a coffee shop and be quiet for an hour.\u201d Then she comes back home as a better momma, because that need is met in her life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s, again, just understanding: \u201cWhat is the capacity that we have for social and solitude? Then, how do we work together to get everybody\u2019s needs met?\u201d I think there\u2019s a way if you just negotiate through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> One of the things that you said earlier that I wanted to mention\u2014I was assuming that introverts are more lonely\u2014and yet, you said the <em>opposite<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You said that extroverts tend to feel more loneliness; talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> It was fascinating. I did a study with my blog subscribers; I asked them: \u201cAre you an introvert or an extrovert?\u201d and \u201cWhat\u2019s your biggest struggle as an introvert or extrovert?\u201d I got over 2,000 responses the first week. When I looked, the extrovert said their biggest challenge was loneliness, which I would not have guessed at all. Because I tend to look at extroverts and say, \u201cY\u2019all have people around you all the time; you\u2019re always with your friends; you\u2019re always doing something; you never get lonely.\u201d That was just a huge surprise to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I had this \u201cAha\u201d moment about 15 years ago. I was in Orlando, Florida, on a business trip. At the end of our meetings down there, things ended early; and I thought, \u201cI\u2019m going to Disney World.\u201d [Laughter] I remember riding this ride\u2014I don\u2019t remember what it was\u2014but at the end of the ride, I got off and it was like, \u201cThat was great!\u201d I looked around, and there was no one to share that with. It was the most depressing moment to think, \u201cNo; things like this\u2014the joy of them is not the ride\u2014it\u2019s the shared experience. It\u2019s the joy that comes from being together.\u201d Yes; you can get lonely, even in the midst of activities that you like, no matter whether you are an introvert or an extrovert; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes; and I think that is a great story for extrovert spouses to tell introverts, because we don\u2019t experience the world that way. Exactly what you said\u2014it\u2019s not about this activity I\u2019m asking you to do\u2014it\u2019s about your presence in it, because it\u2019s about the joy of shared experience. That\u2019s really helpful for even me to hear in those terms. I think that\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> conversation to have too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said you were in college when you first heard the term, \u201cintrovert.\u201d You went, \u201cThis is me. They\u2019re talking about me,\u201d and that was a great moment for you. Then you met Mark later; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes; well, we met in college but after\/about two years after I found out I was an introvert.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So were you thinking, \u201cIs he an introvert? Is he an extrovert?\u201d Was this a part of your calculus as you\u2019re getting to know him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think we had that conversation pretty early on\u2014just I love all the personality type stuff. I probably made him take a test; I remember exactly. [Laughter] But yes, we\u2019re an interesting pairing; because we\u2019re introvert-introvert, which is unusual in marriage. Like I said, usually, you get one introvert, one extrovert. We have our own challenges in making sure we spend intentional time together. We have a breakfast date every Saturday morning, and we know that\u2019s our face-to-face time to connect\/to make sure we\u2019re having those conversations. I think any pairing\/any two people, there are things to figure out; and there are ways to make each other better.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were you attracted to his introversion?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I was; I remember just his calm presence was really comforting to me, as an introvert, and his care for me\/his thoughtfulness. A big rain storm blew in during class one day, and I didn\u2019t know it was coming. I didn\u2019t have an umbrella, and I walked out the door of my class; and there was Mark with an umbrella. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Nice, Mark.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think that is a pretty good picture of how we do life together. But he\u2019s a gift for caring for whatever\u2019s entrusted to him. I\u2019m grateful to be one of the things that has been entrusted to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is one of the areas where, for MaryAnn and me, as we were growing in our marriage, it came to a point, where we began to recognize what has been a principle that has helped us over and over again. It\u2019s the principle that: \u201cDifferent isn\u2019t wrong; it\u2019s different.\u201d I think we thought it was wrong for a long time: \u201cThe way you think, the way you act, your preferences are the wrong way to do life. My way of thinking, acting, and doing life, that\u2019s the right way,\u201d and \u201cIf you\u2019d just be more like me, everything would get better.\u201d To recognize\/I think it was after taking some personality test that I went, \u201cOh, this is who she is; and there\u2019s <em>nothing<\/em> wrong with that; it\u2019s just different than how I do things.\u201d Now, MaryAnn is always quick to point out: \u201cSometimes, different is wrong\u201d; right? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, here, we also have to be aware, Holley, because sometimes people can say, \u201cI\u2019m just an introvert\u201d; and they\u2019ll use that label as a way to excuse sinful behavior or a lack of spiritual engagement. I mean, you can use this as a crutch and kind of hide behind it; and that\u2019s not what you are trying to do by providing this definition for people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes; not at all. I think you ask: \u201cWhat is the fruit? Is this person choosing time alone, and then coming back out, refueled to do what God has called them to?\u201d Then that is fruitful and helpful. If they are making bombs in their basement forever by themselves, that\u2019s not helpful. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley: <\/strong>It\u2019s like: \u201cWhat comes out of this?\u201d\u2014because I think the reverse can be true\u2014that extroverts can use being extroverts as a way to avoid self-reflection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think any part of who we are, taken to an extreme, is unhelpful. It\u2019s just asking: \u201cWhat\u2019s my tendency? Is my tendency to withdraw too much\/to give myself a pass on the entire people thing, or is it the other end for maybe I need a little bit of time?\u201d\u2014and just understanding which one we are naturally more vulnerable to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said extroverts can avoid self-reflection; and Dave said, \u201cOh, yes.\u201d Ann looked like: \u201cTell me more, honey; I want to know more about why you said that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He said it kind of loud, too; did you hear him? [Laughter] Did you relate to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; not at all. [Laughter] I need to go into the closet and think. No; I mean, when you said that, yes, I\u2019ve done that. It\u2019s like you can use that almost like as an excuse: \u201cThis is who I am; this is what I do\u2014I\u2019m around people.\u201d But often, you can use that to not reflect; I don\u2019t want to look at what\u2019s really going on in my heart; I\u2019ll just live in the party. That\u2019s an excuse, because there needs to be time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you were talking about pulling away, and reenergize and come back, here\u2019s what I thought: \u201cJesus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So is Jesus an introvert?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think He\u2019s a perfect blend of both, [Laughter] which I love that He models both. He models ministry to the crowds, and then he models praying alone on a mountain. I love that\u2014that He is the hybrid\u2014so I say Jesus is an ambi-vert.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He\u2019s the <em>true<\/em> only one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Jesus gets to be an ambi-vert. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the idea of pulling away and needing time for yourself, I think some people can feel guilty. Ann, you talked about this earlier. I need some me time; well, just the idea of me time sounds narcissistic. It sounds\u2014it\u2019s not other-centered; it\u2019s not God-centered\u2014it\u2019s me-centered. How do we get the balance there between: \u201cThis is appropriate recharging,\u201d and \u201cThis is just me doing what I want and not caring what anybody else thinks?\u201d Is it the fruit that you\u2019re talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes; I think you ask, \u201cWhy?\u201d if you\u2019re saying, \u201cI need me time,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s one word our culture uses for it. If you ask someone, \u201cWhy?\u201d and they say, \u201cBecause I\u2019m exhausted; and I know, if I get 30 minutes to myself, then I\u2019m going to be a better wife, momma, spouse, friend, daughter of God,\u201d then to me that is the opposite of selfishness. It\u2019s saying, \u201cI\u2019m doing this as an act of service.\u201d Where if the answer is: \u201cI hate the world and everyone in it, so I\u2019m done with humans; I\u2019m out,\u201d that\u2014which we can have those moments\u2014that\u2019s a different thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think for people, who feel guilty, just follow that to the end: \u201cWhy do I need this?\u201d Usually it ends up that there is a good intention underneath it; it\u2019s not about self. It\u2019s about being able to have sustainable service for a lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s awesome, as I listen to you, Holley\u2014think you have become you\u2014and you\u2019re impacting the world by writing, and you do that as an introvert. You pull away everyday, and you impact a lot of people; but you do it in a quiet calm. It\u2019s beautiful to say: \u201cThere\u2019s the powerful purpose of your life.\u201d If we could all be able to grasp that\u2014who God made me to be and celebrate: \u201cI\u2019m going to be that person,\u201d\u2014we could change the world. You\u2019re changing the world; it\u2019s beautiful!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just thinking about the introverts who are cheering, hearing us talk about this and going, \u201cI\u2019ve got to get this book, because I\u2019ve been longing for someone to help me understand <em>me<\/em> better.\u201d That\u2019s what Holley does in the book, <em>The Powerful Purpose of Introverts<\/em>. You can order a copy of the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention\u2014Holley\u2019s got on her website; I appreciate this\u2014there\u2019s a ten-question kind of a little diagnostic quiz to help you determine: \u201cHow introverted are you?\u201d or \u201cHow extroverted are you?\u201d because everybody\u2019s on a scale somewhere. It\u2019s not really, you\u2019re an introvert or an extrovert; it\u2019s you\u2019re somewhere on that scale. The quiz on your website helps everybody figure that out. We\u2019ve got a link at FamilyLifeToday.com to that quiz if our listeners would like to take it. Again, you can order your copy of Holley\u2019s book <em>The Powerful Purpose of Introverts<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about the fact that all of us, who are raising kids, our kids are going to be somewhere on this continuum as introverts or extroverts. Part of our responsibility, as we raise them, is to understand how God has made them and to know how to raise them no matter who they are. Earlier this week, we talked with Chap Bettis about our assignment as disciple-making parents. He\u2019s written a book by that title. The audio book that he\u2019s developed is available for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners this week for free. We\u2019d love for you to be able to download this audio book, <em>The Disciple-Making Parent<\/em> by Chap Bettis; it\u2019s completely free. You can go our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, for information on how you can get a copy. Again, the title of Chap\u2019s book is <em>The Disciple-Making Parent<\/em>; the audio book is free. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get your copy; or if you have any questions, call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. We hope you enjoy the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about kids\u2014kids who are introverts and kids who are extroverts\u2014and what we do, as parents, raising those children. Holley Gerth will be here again. We hope you can be here as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:17"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.98M"],"filesize_raw":["26198657"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306679.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306679.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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you or your spouse introverted? Join hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today as they talk with author Holley Gerth about celebrating the spouse God has given us.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2021-01-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Most often in marriage, one spouse will lean more in the direction of being an extrovert; the other will lean in the direction of being an introvert. Can that cause problems in a marriage? Holley Gerth says it can, but it doesn\u2019t have to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Say you know this, going into marriage\u2014you\u2019re engaged maybe\u2014you say, \u201cWhat\u2019s your ideal weekend?\u201d and listen to that person\u2019s answer. If it\u2019s different than yours, then it\u2019s figuring out: \u201cWhat does that look like?\u201d Maybe, \u201cOkay, every Friday night we are going out with our friends; every Saturday morning, we are sleeping in,\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s our strategy. You try it; and if it works, you continue. If it doesn\u2019t, you try something else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s better to have those conversations, upfront, instead of it being Friday night and one saying, \u201cI\u2019m out\u201d; the other saying, \u201cLet\u2019s go\u201d; or Saturday morning, and the other way around. I think any two people God calls together can absolutely make a relationship work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. What are strategies we can employ, as couples, to help introverts and extroverts get along with one another better? We\u2019ll talk about some of those ideas today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m trying to wrap my head this week around this whole idea of introversion\/extroversion\u2014what it is. Part of the reason for this is I\u2019ve told people, over the years, that if we walk into a room, and there\u2019s a microphone there, I am drawn immediately to it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So is Dave; what is this with you two?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIs this on?\u201d \u201cCan I get up? Can I perform?\u201d\u2014right? MaryAnn wants to leave the room immediately if she sees a microphone, because it might pick her up from the far corner. Her aversion to speaking is matched only by my delight in it. And yet our guest, who is joining us again today, Holley Gerth\u2014Holley, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014who is behind a microphone at this very moment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes, at this very moment; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014an introvert behind a microphone. She\u2019s written a book called <em>The Powerful Purpose of Introverts: Why the World Needs You to be You<\/em>. We\u2019re talking about that this week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou said, as we talked earlier, that you had given a keynote at some event; and I thought, \u201cIntroverts don\u2019t give keynotes.\u201d I mean, introverts stay away from that kind of thing; so I\u2019m still trying to wrap my head around what it is. Can an introvert be a public speaker, who likes a microphone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Absolutely, yes; many of the top public speakers, actually, according to the Speakers Bureau, are introverts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So its <em>not<\/em> a fear of being in front of the crowd that makes you an introvert; it\u2019s not that you just want to be alone all the time; it\u2019s not that you don\u2019t like people; it\u2019s that you don\u2019t get energy from what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> It\u2019s that we have a preference for minimally-stimulating environments. When there\u2019s a lot going on outside for an extended amount of time, it\u2019s eventually exhausting to us. We need to pull back and process, and then we\u2019re ready for more. That\u2019s really the difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When you walk off the stage after a keynote, is your inclination like, \u201cI\u2019d like to go to my room now\u201d; or are you thinking, \u201cI\u2019d really enjoy talking to the people I just talked to\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I usually take a nap.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Literally, like my tank is at zero. The talk before and after the microphone is, actually, much harder for me. Because, often, introverts can speak well because we\u2019re good at preparing. We are thoughtful and reflective; we have a message, often, we want to share\u2014ideas we\u2019ve spent time coming up with. We care about getting that out to people; we can speak and share that. That\u2019s more comfortable, a lot of times,44 than doing an hour of mingling at the cocktail party after.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But it\u2019s not because you don\u2019t love people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> No, we equally love people; introverts and extroverts equally love people. Just the settings we likely prefer to engage with them are different. I would rather have coffee with one person and talk to them for two hours; where I\u2019m thinking, extroverts, you might prefer to have more than one person that you get to have a conversation with in that amount of time. Or you\u2019d like to have a dinner party at your house, where you get to have a lot of people that you love around the table. If you think about that\u2014not in terms of people\u2014but in terms of how much is going on that your nervous system has to process, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> the big difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m hearing this and thinking part of me feels introverted and part of me feels extroverted. I mean, I would rather have a one-on-one conversation with somebody, but I also can multitask and like a lot going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re bio-verted. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Or there\u2019s this phrase\u2014you\u2019ve heard it; right?\u2014where people say, \u201cI\u2019m an ambi-vert\u201d; but you go, \u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s a real thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes, for the most part, I don\u2019t think we\u2019re ambi-verts. There\u2019s been studies that follow people from infanthood through adulthood; and these characteristics show up, starting when they\u2019re little bitty\u2014like you talked about your son, his entire life, has showed introverted characteristics. For that reason, and it is based on brain and nervous system wiring like we talked about, I think we are usually one or the other. That being said, it\u2019s like being right- or left-handed. We use both of our hands, all day every day; but there\u2019s one that is usually stronger than the other and that we rely on more, especially in certain situations or for particular tasks. Again, we\u2019re all on a continuum. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, you could definitely have parts of you that look a little more introverted. It\u2019s just: \u201cAt the end of the day, which one is a little more dominant for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019ve had our counselor describe it to us as \u201cOh, you\u2019ve matured in your extroversion.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Which was an interesting way of saying it in terms of we kind of know what we are\/what we need, but we\u2019re okay with going to the other side with introverts, knowing how to treat them, how to get along with them, and how to appreciate them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about when MaryAnn and I met. I don\u2019t know that I stopped to even think: \u201cIs she an introvert or an extrovert?\u201d I was attracted to who she was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You just thought \u201cOh she\u2019s pretty.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, \u201cShe\u2019s pretty, and she\u2019s smart, and I like talking to her.\u201d Of course, when you meet somebody like this, what you lock onto is all of the things you have in common rather than stopping to think about all of the things that are different about you; right? So it was only later that I recognized: \u201cOh, there\u2019s a lot that is different about her,\u201d and \u201cShe is more introverted than I am.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow important do you think it is, Holley, for people who are dating\u2014getting to know one another, thinking about marriage\u2014to stop and ask the question: \u201cFirst of all, what am I? What are you?\u201d and \u201cIs this thing going to work?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s very important; because it does impact all different areas of our lives\u2014from relationships, to work, to daily life, what we do on the weekends\u2014and so having that self-awareness, I think, is important. I think that we all go through life with one of three perspectives: either self-critical, where we\u2019re really hard on ourselves\u2014leads to insecurity\/self-focus, which is more pride and that end of the spectrum\u2014or self-awareness, which is what David was expressing in Psalm 139, which was: \u201cI praise You because I\u2019m fearfully and wonderfully made.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we understand ourselves, it leads to praise not to pride. It also helps us understand others. The most self-aware people I know are also the most other-aware. Because, when you understand who you are, you recognize when someone is different than you; and you can appreciate it rather than it feeling like a threat. I would say, for couples who are dating, absolutely, there\u2019s lots of great assessments out there that tell you if you\u2019re an introvert or extrovert. I have a one-minute quiz on my site, where you can find out what percent introvert you are; because we all have a little introvert in us. You can do that, but I think it\u2019s a piece to understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat being said, the most common pairing in marriages is introvert and extrovert. Again, I think it goes back to that we see in creation; God did a lot of complementary pairings: day and night, land and sea, masculine\/feminine. I <em>really<\/em> believe introvert and extrovert is another one of those pairings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We do have a link on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com to the quiz you\u2019re talking about. If listeners want to do that one-minute quiz and figure out, \u201cWhere am I here?\u201d you can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Can kids do that? Can you do that with your kids on the site?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes, yes4.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But you\u2019re not saying, if a couple\u2019s dating, and they realize by taking your quiz or another way\u2014\u201cI\u2019m an extreme extrovert; I\u2019m all the way on the far end of the continuum,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m dating a woman, who\u2019s an extreme introvert,\u201d are you saying, \u201cDon\u2019t continue\u201d? Everything else lines up, but this one\u2019s way apart; what do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I would say educate yourself about yourselves and each other so that you can make strategic decisions together about what life is going to look like and so you don\u2019t take it personally when that person acts out who they are. For example, when an introvert is taking time to process or needs solitude, it can feel like holding back or rejection; but it\u2019s actually not. That introvert is actually giving their full mental strength to what you have just said, and that means they have to be quiet for a moment. Where it can feel like dismissal, it\u2019s actually they\u2019re expressing how much they value you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> When you\u2019re in the midst of a conflict, what would be a good thing for the extrovert to say to the introvert, who\u2019s pulling back\u2014or the introvert to say, \u201cHere\u2019s what\u2019s happening,\u201d\u2014because we make a lot of assumptions in conflict or in relationships. What would that look like for the extrovert to say what?\u2014as you sense your spouse pulling back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think saying, \u201cIt feels like you\u2019re getting a little overwhelmed; do you need some time to process? Can we circle back to this?\u201d Then pick a time because, when it comes to fight or flight, extraverts are more likely to fight and introverts are more likely to flight. You don\u2019t want to let them just run off forever; set a time to come back together and discuss it again. I think it\u2019s really about being intentional and strategic. I think any two people\u2014who say, \u201cWe are going to practice self-awareness so that we can also practice other-awareness. We\u2019re going to be intentional, and we\u2019re going to be strategic,\u201d\u2014can make the relationship work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s having conversations like: \u201cOkay, what\u2019s your ideal weekend?\u201d when you\u2019re dating. Say you know this going into marriage\u2014you\u2019re engaged maybe\u2014you say, \u201cWhat\u2019s your ideal weekend?\u201d and listen to that person\u2019s answer. If it\u2019s different than yours, then it\u2019s figuring out: \u201cWhat does that look like?\u201d\u2014so maybe\u2014\u201cOkay; every Friday night, we are going out with our friends; every Saturday morning, we are sleeping in\u201d; and that\u2019s our strategy. You try it; and if it works, you continue. If it doesn\u2019t, you try something else. It\u2019s better to have those conversations, upfront, instead of it being Friday night, and one saying, \u201cI\u2019m out\u201d; the other saying, \u201cLet\u2019s go\u201d; or Saturday morning, and the other way around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think any two people God calls together can absolutely make a relationship work; but I think it starts with understanding and a lack of shaming, or guilt, or judgment to just say, \u201cHelp me be curious about you.\u201d Choosing curiosity over condemnation, I think, is so essential.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And even getting\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right\u2014even getting to the place of: \u201cI\u2019m not just going to <em>tolerate<\/em> it; I want to get to a <em>celebration<\/em> of her introversion,\u201d or \u201c\u2026his introversion or extroversion\u201d; because you get to a place where it\u2019s like, \u201cOh, okay; we\u2019re not going to go out again, because <em>she<\/em> doesn\u2019t want to,\u201d\u2014rather than\u2014\u201cThis is awesome; she\u2019s actually balancing me by saying, \u2018Let\u2019s stay home tonight.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about receiving your mate as God\u2019s perfect provision for you. One of the things we talk about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You ever heard that phrase?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014we talk about this all the time at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae <\/sup>marriage getaway\u2014that we can\u2019t just accept our spouse\u2014we have to receive our spouse and receive the good gift God has given us. That good gift is going to include differences that may seem like sandpaper at the time but are actually designed by God to be good for us and good for our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s another question: \u201cIs it okay for an extrovert, who is married to an introvert, to go out with the guys? Or she goes out with the girls; because she wants energy and her husband or spouse is saying, \u2018I\u2019d rather stay home.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s good, and I\u2019m celebrating that; but every once and a while, I just\u2014and sometimes you think, \u201cI should never go out with the guys.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I say that to Dave, \u201cYou need way more friends; you need like <em>hundreds<\/em> of them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and \u201cWould you please get out of the house and leave me alone for a little bit?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes; I think that\u2019s actually a great strategy\u2014is to say, if one spouse has a higher social need than the other\u2014to say, \u201cYou have permission to go out with your friends when you need that.\u201d That usually works well because then the introvert gets their solitude, and then everybody comes back together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, that\u2019s another strategy of just saying: \u201cWhat are some other ways we can get this need met in your life?\u201d\u2014whether it\u2019s\/I hear that a lot\u2014permission to go out with your friends; or maybe, it\u2019s an introvert momma, who\u2019s home with kiddos all day, and she needs a partner, who\u2019s going to say, \u201cI\u2019ll take the kids; you go to a coffee shop and be quiet for an hour.\u201d Then she comes back home as a better momma, because that need is met in her life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s, again, just understanding: \u201cWhat is the capacity that we have for social and solitude? Then, how do we work together to get everybody\u2019s needs met?\u201d I think there\u2019s a way if you just negotiate through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> One of the things that you said earlier that I wanted to mention\u2014I was assuming that introverts are more lonely\u2014and yet, you said the <em>opposite<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You said that extroverts tend to feel more loneliness; talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> It was fascinating. I did a study with my blog subscribers; I asked them: \u201cAre you an introvert or an extrovert?\u201d and \u201cWhat\u2019s your biggest struggle as an introvert or extrovert?\u201d I got over 2,000 responses the first week. When I looked, the extrovert said their biggest challenge was loneliness, which I would not have guessed at all. Because I tend to look at extroverts and say, \u201cY\u2019all have people around you all the time; you\u2019re always with your friends; you\u2019re always doing something; you never get lonely.\u201d That was just a huge surprise to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I had this \u201cAha\u201d moment about 15 years ago. I was in Orlando, Florida, on a business trip. At the end of our meetings down there, things ended early; and I thought, \u201cI\u2019m going to Disney World.\u201d [Laughter] I remember riding this ride\u2014I don\u2019t remember what it was\u2014but at the end of the ride, I got off and it was like, \u201cThat was great!\u201d I looked around, and there was no one to share that with. It was the most depressing moment to think, \u201cNo; things like this\u2014the joy of them is not the ride\u2014it\u2019s the shared experience. It\u2019s the joy that comes from being together.\u201d Yes; you can get lonely, even in the midst of activities that you like, no matter whether you are an introvert or an extrovert; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes; and I think that is a great story for extrovert spouses to tell introverts, because we don\u2019t experience the world that way. Exactly what you said\u2014it\u2019s not about this activity I\u2019m asking you to do\u2014it\u2019s about your presence in it, because it\u2019s about the joy of shared experience. That\u2019s really helpful for even me to hear in those terms. I think that\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> conversation to have too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said you were in college when you first heard the term, \u201cintrovert.\u201d You went, \u201cThis is me. They\u2019re talking about me,\u201d and that was a great moment for you. Then you met Mark later; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes; well, we met in college but after\/about two years after I found out I was an introvert.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So were you thinking, \u201cIs he an introvert? Is he an extrovert?\u201d Was this a part of your calculus as you\u2019re getting to know him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think we had that conversation pretty early on\u2014just I love all the personality type stuff. I probably made him take a test; I remember exactly. [Laughter] But yes, we\u2019re an interesting pairing; because we\u2019re introvert-introvert, which is unusual in marriage. Like I said, usually, you get one introvert, one extrovert. We have our own challenges in making sure we spend intentional time together. We have a breakfast date every Saturday morning, and we know that\u2019s our face-to-face time to connect\/to make sure we\u2019re having those conversations. I think any pairing\/any two people, there are things to figure out; and there are ways to make each other better.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were you attracted to his introversion?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I was; I remember just his calm presence was really comforting to me, as an introvert, and his care for me\/his thoughtfulness. A big rain storm blew in during class one day, and I didn\u2019t know it was coming. I didn\u2019t have an umbrella, and I walked out the door of my class; and there was Mark with an umbrella. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Nice, Mark.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think that is a pretty good picture of how we do life together. But he\u2019s a gift for caring for whatever\u2019s entrusted to him. I\u2019m grateful to be one of the things that has been entrusted to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is one of the areas where, for MaryAnn and me, as we were growing in our marriage, it came to a point, where we began to recognize what has been a principle that has helped us over and over again. It\u2019s the principle that: \u201cDifferent isn\u2019t wrong; it\u2019s different.\u201d I think we thought it was wrong for a long time: \u201cThe way you think, the way you act, your preferences are the wrong way to do life. My way of thinking, acting, and doing life, that\u2019s the right way,\u201d and \u201cIf you\u2019d just be more like me, everything would get better.\u201d To recognize\/I think it was after taking some personality test that I went, \u201cOh, this is who she is; and there\u2019s <em>nothing<\/em> wrong with that; it\u2019s just different than how I do things.\u201d Now, MaryAnn is always quick to point out: \u201cSometimes, different is wrong\u201d; right? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, here, we also have to be aware, Holley, because sometimes people can say, \u201cI\u2019m just an introvert\u201d; and they\u2019ll use that label as a way to excuse sinful behavior or a lack of spiritual engagement. I mean, you can use this as a crutch and kind of hide behind it; and that\u2019s not what you are trying to do by providing this definition for people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes; not at all. I think you ask: \u201cWhat is the fruit? Is this person choosing time alone, and then coming back out, refueled to do what God has called them to?\u201d Then that is fruitful and helpful. If they are making bombs in their basement forever by themselves, that\u2019s not helpful. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley: <\/strong>It\u2019s like: \u201cWhat comes out of this?\u201d\u2014because I think the reverse can be true\u2014that extroverts can use being extroverts as a way to avoid self-reflection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think any part of who we are, taken to an extreme, is unhelpful. It\u2019s just asking: \u201cWhat\u2019s my tendency? Is my tendency to withdraw too much\/to give myself a pass on the entire people thing, or is it the other end for maybe I need a little bit of time?\u201d\u2014and just understanding which one we are naturally more vulnerable to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said extroverts can avoid self-reflection; and Dave said, \u201cOh, yes.\u201d Ann looked like: \u201cTell me more, honey; I want to know more about why you said that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He said it kind of loud, too; did you hear him? [Laughter] Did you relate to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; not at all. [Laughter] I need to go into the closet and think. No; I mean, when you said that, yes, I\u2019ve done that. It\u2019s like you can use that almost like as an excuse: \u201cThis is who I am; this is what I do\u2014I\u2019m around people.\u201d But often, you can use that to not reflect; I don\u2019t want to look at what\u2019s really going on in my heart; I\u2019ll just live in the party. That\u2019s an excuse, because there needs to be time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you were talking about pulling away, and reenergize and come back, here\u2019s what I thought: \u201cJesus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So is Jesus an introvert?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> I think He\u2019s a perfect blend of both, [Laughter] which I love that He models both. He models ministry to the crowds, and then he models praying alone on a mountain. I love that\u2014that He is the hybrid\u2014so I say Jesus is an ambi-vert.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He\u2019s the <em>true<\/em> only one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Jesus gets to be an ambi-vert. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the idea of pulling away and needing time for yourself, I think some people can feel guilty. Ann, you talked about this earlier. I need some me time; well, just the idea of me time sounds narcissistic. It sounds\u2014it\u2019s not other-centered; it\u2019s not God-centered\u2014it\u2019s me-centered. How do we get the balance there between: \u201cThis is appropriate recharging,\u201d and \u201cThis is just me doing what I want and not caring what anybody else thinks?\u201d Is it the fruit that you\u2019re talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Holley:<\/strong> Yes; I think you ask, \u201cWhy?\u201d if you\u2019re saying, \u201cI need me time,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s one word our culture uses for it. If you ask someone, \u201cWhy?\u201d and they say, \u201cBecause I\u2019m exhausted; and I know, if I get 30 minutes to myself, then I\u2019m going to be a better wife, momma, spouse, friend, daughter of God,\u201d then to me that is the opposite of selfishness. It\u2019s saying, \u201cI\u2019m doing this as an act of service.\u201d Where if the answer is: \u201cI hate the world and everyone in it, so I\u2019m done with humans; I\u2019m out,\u201d that\u2014which we can have those moments\u2014that\u2019s a different thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think for people, who feel guilty, just follow that to the end: \u201cWhy do I need this?\u201d Usually it ends up that there is a good intention underneath it; it\u2019s not about self. It\u2019s about being able to have sustainable service for a lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s awesome, as I listen to you, Holley\u2014think you have become you\u2014and you\u2019re impacting the world by writing, and you do that as an introvert. You pull away everyday, and you impact a lot of people; but you do it in a quiet calm. It\u2019s beautiful to say: \u201cThere\u2019s the powerful purpose of your life.\u201d If we could all be able to grasp that\u2014who God made me to be and celebrate: \u201cI\u2019m going to be that person,\u201d\u2014we could change the world. You\u2019re changing the world; it\u2019s beautiful!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just thinking about the introverts who are cheering, hearing us talk about this and going, \u201cI\u2019ve got to get this book, because I\u2019ve been longing for someone to help me understand <em>me<\/em> better.\u201d That\u2019s what Holley does in the book, <em>The Powerful Purpose of Introverts<\/em>. You can order a copy of the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention\u2014Holley\u2019s got on her website; I appreciate this\u2014there\u2019s a ten-question kind of a little diagnostic quiz to help you determine: \u201cHow introverted are you?\u201d or \u201cHow extroverted are you?\u201d because everybody\u2019s on a scale somewhere. It\u2019s not really, you\u2019re an introvert or an extrovert; it\u2019s you\u2019re somewhere on that scale. The quiz on your website helps everybody figure that out. We\u2019ve got a link at FamilyLifeToday.com to that quiz if our listeners would like to take it. Again, you can order your copy of Holley\u2019s book <em>The Powerful Purpose of Introverts<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about the fact that all of us, who are raising kids, our kids are going to be somewhere on this continuum as introverts or extroverts. Part of our responsibility, as we raise them, is to understand how God has made them and to know how to raise them no matter who they are. Earlier this week, we talked with Chap Bettis about our assignment as disciple-making parents. He\u2019s written a book by that title. The audio book that he\u2019s developed is available for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners this week for free. We\u2019d love for you to be able to download this audio book, <em>The Disciple-Making Parent<\/em> by Chap Bettis; it\u2019s completely free. You can go our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, for information on how you can get a copy. Again, the title of Chap\u2019s book is <em>The Disciple-Making Parent<\/em>; the audio book is free. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get your copy; or if you have any questions, call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. We hope you enjoy the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about kids\u2014kids who are introverts and kids who are extroverts\u2014and what we do, as parents, raising those children. Holley Gerth will be here again. We hope you can be here as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2021 FamilyLife. 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